#why am i willing choosing to interact with media i know will make me sad but also why is this making me

[dykeyeonjun]

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[evakuality]

Matteo - Episode three

Social Media - There’s so much of it this week!  At the time, I only followed a couple of accounts and then only saw the rest when it was posted to the tag.  I think I’m grateful for that.  This is absolutely overwhelming, the sheer volume of things the characters were putting out.  But it’s also really nice that we get all this normal teenage life stuff.  It really does allow an immersive ‘this is real people doing real stuff’ feeling to everything.  Particularly people like Kiki and Sam who have little to do with the plot.  It keeps them real and alive through a season where they were a bit more sidelined (and I love that Matteo and David’s little trip later on keeps them alive in a way that doesn’t overpower Amira’s season - this is a really clever way for the producers to keep fan favourites active without having to shoehorn them into places where they don’t belong).  I am also a bit concerned about some of this though - how on earth did the boys not get in trouble for filming the dancing girls and posting it to social media?  At most schools I know that would have resulted in some serious discipline action.  However, the most fascinating thing about the social media is the party at the end of the episode.  Sara didn’t start posting much on her stuff until much later in the evening (the reason this post is so late is because I was waiting to watch through all the social media before I worked with it - and there was so much for so long that I was able to notice the patterns in it in a way I didn’t at the time) and then Leonie took over and it was interesting what she chose to show and how non-perfect it all was compared to what Sara was trying to do before she got really incapacitated.  I know it’s not technically part of this episode but the text string between the two of them the next day where Sara panics over how Matteo might take seeing her in such a sloppy drunken state is very telling.  She really really wants to put on a show to make sure he’s not turned off by her not being ‘perfect’ - again, this is all very subtly done but there’s a really strong push to show how much of what is put onto social media isn’t a real and true depiction of who we really are.  And of course that’s most important for Matteo himself.  He’s still very actively putting on a front and it’s only partly to try to cover for the fact that he’s interested in boys not girls.  He’s really not happy or at ease with pretty much any aspect of himself, but he’s also not really willing to show it to anyone.  Except David.  Which we’ll see as we go through the clips.

Clip one - Matteo’s shelf in the fridge is so sad!  Someone (a parent maybe?) should really be making sure he has food and is looking after himself.  We touched a bit last episode on food and nurturing and what we see here is Matteo very much not nurturing himself.  Even more so than Sara, he has no care for his own wellbeing.  Also he’s relying heavily on other people (Hans in this case) to do the heavy lifting for him.  It’s also a major contrast to the playful, if disgusting, sandwich he made with David.  Here it’s really just about putting something in to his body and there’s no thought for anything other than basic survival.  Which is, tbh, a good metaphor for Matteo’s approach to his life at this time.  The chat with Mia again veers close to things that are difficult for Matteo - he’s wearing David’s beanie, trying to get that bit of closeness to him, but then Mia starts asking awkward questions about why the kitchen was so terrible and what Matteo was up to and it’s all a bit tough.  Matteo tries again to deflect and lie to cover his tracks.  Which... is he ever going to learn?  This lying is forever getting him in hot water when he’s caught out.  Jonas even calls him out on it, basically saying ‘if you’re going to use me as an excuse then give me a heads up first’ showing that he has Matteo’s back, but is incapable of helping him if he won’t help himself.  At this point, of course, Matteo has closed off because there’s a lot he finds too hard to talk about but Jonas is already giving those hints that he’d be there for Matteo if only Matteo would let him be.  But at least Mia’s pushing serves one purpose - Matteo makes contact with David again and they manage to connect and get over the little hitch that David’s ditching caused.  Both are still hiding bits of themselves from each other (David more so obviously), but both are quite happy to make these connections and are comfortable with each other.  That David responds is so nice; it sets up the dynamic so different to the original and Matteo is much more secure in David’s friendship than Isak was with Even at this point just because of this.  Then of course Matteo does the gay test, and it’s clear he already knows but he’s just sort of trying to work through some things.  It leads to some of the things he says later that are quite unfortunate (both to the boys about the dance teacher in this episode and to Hans later about the ways to be gay), but I think there’s a genuine desire to figure out what gay might look like rather than any truly homophobic stuff.  societal expectations and stereotypes and our own internal biases mess with us big time!!

Clip two - There’s not a lot of difference with the dancing girls clip, but it’s nice to see David again and the interactions between him and Matteo are a lot more natural than with Isak and Even.  I guess because these two are in the same year, it’s much easier to pass off knowing each other and so Matteo really is a lot more casual than Isak ever was.  The tone of the ‘why does he have to be so gay’ is different here too - Matteo’s much more low key and subdued when he’s called out on ‘why do we insult gays’ and he’s apologising fairly quickly.  It really is much more obvious that he’s trying to work out what ‘gay’ is than trying to distance himself from the idea of being gay.  He has a lot of issues and a lot of stuff to work through but it’s entrenched in an entirely different way to the og even though the words are almost exactly the same.  The power of acting and body language!!  Of course, this makes sense for both characters too - Isak and Matteo have different experiences and different lives and so they each act in a way that makes sense for them.  I’m super impressed that the same conversation can look so different - both actors are very very good.

Clip three - This scene with Matteo and Sara works much better for me than the one with Isak and Emma.  But perhaps that’s because Sara is allowed to be much more of a rounded character rather than a plot device.  We can say all we like (and Leonie is so clearly right there with us) that Sara needs to wake up and see how badly Matteo is treating her, but the way this is developing makes it clear why she thinks and acts the way she does and we can have a lot of sympathy for her even while rolling our eyes at how obviously this is not working out.  This right here is the moment where Matteo really should have said ‘yeah sorry, this isn’t working for me’ but he chooses not to because he still wants that security of having ‘someone’ if the thing with David turns out the way he expects it to (eg, David and Leonie being a thing).  He wants the ability to hide and say ‘see, there was nothing there, I have a girlfriend so I’m not at all upset that David has one too’ and it’s shitty behaviour and it’s totally unfair to Sara, but at this point Matteo can’t see beyond his own needs.  Sara is very clearly not happy with the situation and she rightly feels sidelined and unappreciated but she is still willing to accept his word when she puts those words into his mouth.  She’s still invested in this fantasy in her head and she is carefully scripting it so that it goes the way she wants it to.  Like last week when she was talking over Matteo to avoid hearing anything he’s saying, here she’s literally telling him what to say to get the outcome she wants.  Leonie has quite obviously got a better handle on the situation, but Sara doesn’t want to hear it.  Sara, again bless her, is very open about what she wants and needs from a relationship and how she’s feeling.  She refuses to take Matteo’s very half-hearted attempt at sweet talking her at face value and demands some accountability.  But it’s the very nature of those demands that sets her doom.  She tells him what she needs and he gives it to her - only it’s a very pale and weak imitation of what she would really like.  He uses her communication skills to play her.

Clip four - I loathe how no-one takes Matteo’s wants and needs into account, pretty much ever.  He’s in such a rut of being used to just going with the flow that even when he tries to assert his own wants people straight up ignore him.  It’s sad that he allows Kiki etc to basically commandeer his home for their party but it’s very much in keeping with how everything else is going.  Last week, Kiki was super irritated because she had a picture of how things were going to go (they would have their event and Matteo would host it) and she couldn’t deal with things not being under her control.  I suspect that if Sara hadn’t been with them and hadn’t done the speaking for Matteo, he would have been bullied into doing what she wanted then too.  He clearly doesn't want to do this , but at least he uses it as a way to get closer to David.  ‘Well, this party idea sucks, but maybe I can get this guy I like there’ and so he goes right up to him and invites him.  While he’s quite checked out of significant parts of his life, when Matteo really wants something he’s not scared of going after it.  Of course, as we see in later events, this gets him in trouble at times.  But for right now it’s nice to see him taking some small control of his life.  This is only possible, of course, because he was able to connect with David fairly quickly after he left last week.  The fact that they are able to do this is testament to how easily they do understand each other and even while its awkward, this relationship doesn’t have the underlying tensions that the one with Sara does.  It’s awkward in a positive way.

Clip five - there’s lots going on in this one.  The studying and how little interest and engagement Matteo has with it.  The consequent stalking of David on Sara’s account, the flow over into looking for David’s favourite movie, and of course Hans and his intrusion into Matteo’s quiet space again and then his attempt at using grindr.  It’s a slow, fairly quiet clip and yet Matteo ends up doing a lot in it.  It shows again, I think, just how much he values his time by himself and how much it works for him to be allowed to do things at his own pace.  I’ve said before I really enjoy seeing the characters in their own environments being chill and just hanging with themselves.  It shows us a lot of how they are.  In this case, Matteo moves very quickly from the boredom of the studying to things he has more interest in.  Like David.  He’s restless and disengaged, using all of his tricks to try to distract himself (playing with plants etc) and then very quickly giving up on what he should do.  I like that we get these sorts of smaller, lower key indications of how much David means to him as well.  It’s not big grandiose expressions of interest, but he watches the movie because David likes it.  He can’t even let himself stare at the picture for too long because it feels like a huge admission (he literally breaks eye contact with it and looks away the way he often does with David himself).  It’s in these unguarded moments in his own space that we really see Matteo and he’s a mess, but he’s a mess who really does want connection and to find meaning with someone.  

Clip six - We all love this one, right?  It’s such a nice moment with David and their almost-kissing is very intense.  But there’s a lot going on before that that I also want to look at.  First, the way the boys call Matteo a ‘player’?????? how???? That’s his girlfriend?????  He is playing her and stringing her along when he shouldn’t, but he’s not playing the field which is generally what we mean when we say this sort of thing.  He has one girl and that one girl has made it pretty clear that he is hers.  In many ways Matteo would be better off if he was playing the field - then there’s no expectations and he gets a rep as a ladies man.  But this works better for him - he can sort of fall into it and follow along with it without having to put any effort in at all.  She literally speaks for him, even.  I have always found it fascinating how much Matteo keeps to himself in this clip.  He hugs the walls like they’re his home and Sara is out there in the middle and there’s such a disconnect between the way they’re both acting.  How would Matteo have coped with the expectations Sara outlines about sex had she not got so blind drunk she had to be taken home?  It seems like it would have led to something very awkward and maybe she’d have finally got the picture.

Laura's little visit to see Matteo is cute too.  Obviously she knows that David is interested and so she checks him out.  It’s a shame it’s interrupted by Hans who then monopolises Matteo, but she was quite deliberate in finding him and speaking with him and I love the sibling support.  David’s shirt he chooses to appeal to Matteo is hilarious too.  The thought process (and the discussions with Laura at home beforehand) must have been brilliant.  ‘I always wear black and am mysterious and aloof and cool, but to attract this boy I will wear a white shirt with a stupid picture on it’ - that it does attract Matteo just shows how attuned David is to his future boyfriend.  Maybe he’s stalking the instagrams too - the Matteo Monday and Florenzi Friday do suggest that this is something that might appeal to Matteo.  

Hans and Andi bother me too.  In much the same way that I dislike that Sara assumes that Matteo not wanting sex with her means he’s gay (like?  It’s okay not to want sex!!  It doesn’t say anything about your sexuality), I don’t like that Hans has talked about Matteo to Andi and allows him to be so forward and aggressively sexual with someone who is very obviously not willing to be out.  I know Hans is trying to be there for Matteo and to encourage him to accept himself (I think it’s pretty clear that he knows or thinks Matteo likes guys).  But this is a party with all of Matteo’s friends.  What did they think would happen?  Why did they think he’d react in any way other than the one he does?  Hans looks confused when Matteo pushes away and leaves, but why?  This behaviour is entirely consistent with everything we know of his character. That it ends in an actual panic attack makes it all much more sad and difficult to watch.  Honestly, outing people when they’re not ready is not cool and Hans should know this.

The panic attack itself is so well done.  There’s no dialogue and yet we can see very obviously how Matteo is feeling and just how ‘normal’ this is to him.  He has a set of behaviours that he follows to try to take the edge off.  He throws things (this is his go-to when he’s stressed and he does it a LOT), he tries weed and he finally tries music and sitting by himself, cuddling a cushion for comfort.  I know a million people have discussed this at length, but I don’t think we can speak about this clip without at least touching on it.  Everything about it is done so well and it all combines to allow Matteo’s feelings to shine through.  I love that it’s allowed to happen at a party and that we see very clearly how these things can be overwhelming for characters.  I won’t go on anymore, but it’s just great and the acting is so perfect.  I genuinely think this small part of this clip is probably my favourite acting out of everything in this show.

And then of course we have the stuff after everyone else has left.  Again, a million people have discussed this in a million ways, but I love how this scene again shows how easily they get each other, how good they are at communicating with each other and how quickly they get on the same page.  Matteo has no trouble at all saying what he thinks and pressing for information.  This parallels Sara in some ways - she is like this with Matteo, making her wants and needs clear and putting herself on the line.  Again, this is all very good set up for later on when Matteo finally finds himself in her position and realises just how much his behaviour hurt her because he’s living her side.  However, unlike Matteo, David is quite clear and honest back.  And that’s why they can so quickly move into a potential kiss.  As with Matteo and Sara, there are close ups as they lean into each other, but somehow it feels like there’s more space for them to breathe here.  The camera allows them both to be in the frame naturally, whether Sara is often invading into Matteo’s shots.  Here, they’re both on board and both want it.  I like that Matteo gets a moment to be open and himself after his experience with Andi.  It must take a lot of courage to do this after he was so badly affected earlier.  Testament to David’s calming presence which reassures rather than pushes, and how honest they are with each other - there’s no way David could miss how relieved Matteo is when he finds out that Laura is David’s sister not his girlfriend.  They’re both very brave here - David for telling Matteo he looks good and Matteo for trying to take that next step even after his panic attack.   And I think that’s a nice place to leave this.  Because that’s already such a lot and this has all already been said before.  

[chaoticfriendship]

This is not hate but how can you support someone like pewdiepie after all hes done? I feel like it's wrong to put him with Jack because sometimes i feel like jacks his friend only because he feels he needs to because of the shoutout. Don't stan him with Jack or associate him with him please. Pewdiepie is a bad influence and a white supremacist

Ok. Let’s talk. I was going to ignore this but you’re really persistent. This is the fifth ask you have sent me telling me the same thing but in different ways. Sad thing is that I just started this blog, I can’t believe this keeps happening to me in every fandom I go to. Some of you need to understand something about Felix.

Yes, I’m aware he did a lot of questionable things. And no, he’s not a white supremacist. He’s not racist. And he’s not homophobic or whatever Twitter/the media is saying about him these days. I might not know him personally but I’ve been watching Felix since the very beginning and even with this little info about his life I can tell the difference between some things people choose to ignore about him. He’s a very honest person and he always tells everyone the information they need to know about him, whether it is about his personal life or his pewdiepie persona. His real actual friends (Jack, Ken, Mark -also good people, and whether you like it or not, Jack is one of them) held him accountable for the things he did and also made sure to assure everyone that the ‘Pewdiepie’ personality is totally different than his real-self. They confirmed he’s not any of his mistakes. Meaning the ‘Pewdiepie’ personality got too far and the facade/entertainment mask fell off of him when he made those mistakes. This was not only a lesson for him but it showed him places that needed real improvement in his life, something we all need sometimes. We all fall short in understanding the potential harm we can do to others and we easily face the temptation to define ourselves by ignoring those crucial parts. What Felix needed to learn was self-awareness. And he’s now constantly working on it so he can objectively evaluate himself when it comes to those things. Some people face this alone and privately but, him, as an internet sensation had to do it on camera.  

Pay attention to what his actual friends say about him. Jack himself said it:

‘It is strange, all the stuff that gets said about him, it’s kind of weird to see that being said about a friend of yours. To hear his actual thoughts on it…people like to take things every which way and twist things all over the place. I don’t know how he does it, with that many people on you and that much scrutiny on you constantly. I think I would have lost my mind by now.’

I’m also aware he’s a white rich guy and that he’s a step up on the scale from me and other people but I’m sure that if I dig long enough, I’m going to find something about certain actors/actresses/musicians (that most likely you and other people love) as well. Meaning they’re human at the end of the day and they might make mistakes too. Felix is the same case here.

It was dumb to say certain things and do certain things? YES. I held him accountable when he did those things. He didn’t need to say or do the things he did. It was irresponsible, harmful and immature from his part. However, he’s willing to make a change and work on it so this is something I can appreciate. 

He did the fivver video. This is his statement:

‘I make videos for my audience. I think of the content that I create as entertainment, and not a place for any serious political commentary. I know my audience understand that and that is why they come to my channel. Though this was not my intention, I understand that these jokes were ultimately offensive. I think it’s important to say something and I want to make one thing clear: I am in no way supporting any kind of hateful attitudes.’

his response.

He said the ‘n’ word. He sincerely apologized. This is his statement:

‘I hate how I personally fed into that part of gaming. It was something that was said in the heat of the moment. I said the worst word I could possibly think of and it slipped out. I’m not going to make excuses to why I did it because there are not excuses for it. I’m dissappointed in myself because it seems like I learned nothing from controversies. And it’s not like I think I can do or say whatever I want and get away with it. I’m just an idiot but that doesn’t make what I said or how I said it okay. It was not okay. I’m really sorry If I offended, hurt or disappointed anyone with all of this. Being in the position I am, I should know better. I know I can’t keep messing up like this and I owe it to my audience and to myself to do better than this. I really want to improve and better myself, not just for me but for anyone that looks up to me or anyone that is influenced by me and that’s how I wanna move forward. Away from this.’

source: my response. 

He:

Held himself accountable.

Made no excuses for his behaviour.

Recognized he did something wrong and stupid.

Sincerely apologized for it without making a fake act or fake crying for sympathy.

Never asked for sympathy or support because he's willing to make a real change in behavior. 

Realized some people are influenced by him and worked to be better for them and himself.

Chose to be himself and stand his ground on an important matter to make his audience understand he was taking this as serious as it is. 

Understood he gave ammunition that feeds some people the wrong idea and didn’t try to rationalize it because he knows he should take accountability for it. 

Saw that he had no need for jokes or words like that in his vocabulary in the first place and worked on self-control.

Rightfully feels ashamed for his actions. 

Here you can see Felix takes this seriously. He’s not messing around with what happened. He takes it with the responsibility it should be taken. 

And this is enough for me. I’m sorry if you think Felix needs to do a blood sacrifice to prove himself but that’s just not how it works. 

We all have said or done things we are not proud of. He did many of them and trust me, he was held accountable for them. How? Here’s a list of the consequences:

He was part of the original content network YouTube Red, and was affiliated with Disney’s MakerStudios brand where he had his own network. Disney cut all ties with him.

They cancelled his YouTube Red show, where a lot of people put big effort (not only the participants but the crew members). You can see that this was important for him. It was not just some random ass show.

Was held accountable for his actions and it was made known every mistake he did. Every single one.  

Received the proper criticism from the media, his fans and his own friends.

He also received harsh backlash and hate from the situation.

Lost support from followers, celebrities, friends and companies. 

He’s constantly attacked by people and media outlets on a daily basis. Some people even fabricate false stories about him.

He faced the proper consequences for those actions. Let him move on already.

You also listed a bunch of stuff in one of your asks, things he’s NEVER done. Those are things the media has made you and everyone else believe he did but he didn’t. This is why you should never believe any random media headline, you need to actually do your own research to see if that’s true or not. Here are the things you said he did (none of these are true): 

No, he hasn’t hired people to say the ‘n’ word. This is not true at all.

No, he doesn’t promote Adolf Hitler speeches and anti-semitic cartoons. Disney did once tho.

No, he’s not homophobic. At all. He was actually evicted from his own flat because his previous landlord is an actual homophobic person and called him and his crew the ‘f’ word. He decided to move far away from the guy. 

No, he didn’t perform the Nazi heil. Never. 

No, he didn’t pay the ‘Jesus’ guy to hold a sign that says ‘Hitler did nothing wrong’ this is a lie. Someone else did it and the media said it was him to cause more controversy. He paid him to say ‘Subscribe to Jacksepticeye’. 

No, he’s not racist. For this, his content would’ve to be filled with racial jokes and actual intentional attacks daily. His content is not like that, trust me, the most he does is play with some tambourine all the time. He’s said the ‘n’ word (something he admitted was terrible, apologized for it and took responsibility for his words), yes but someone that feels as bad and ashamed as he does, does not equal to what an actual racist is and how they act. 

No, he didn’t dress up in a Klansman robe. He never did that. This is also false information about him. 

No, he doesn’t bully his friends or enables bullying. I don’t know where the media got that one but I can assure you they’ve got no friends if they think his interactions with his own friends are ‘bullying’. 

No, he doesn’t joke about crises happening around the world. AT ALL. He constantly raises money for them (and gives his own money as well) to different causes such as the Wildfires Emergency Appeal, Team Trees (to plant 20 million trees), St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital (for kids with diseases such as cancer), Crisis Text Line, National Alliance on Mental Illness (a group that helps those suffering from mental illness), CRY (a GoFundMe campaign to help Indian children living in poverty), World Wildlife Fund (dedicated to the reduction of mankind’s environmental impact), RED (did a whole 7 hour livestream with friends to help people fighting HIV/AIDS in Africa), Charity: Water (a non-profit that provides drinking water to developing nations), Save the Children (for underprivileged kids to give them better education, healthcare, better economic opportunities), he recently raised $106,000 for the BLM movement donating the contributions to the family of George Floyd and other victims of police violence, Cincinnati Children’s Hospital, Hope for Holt, Malaria No More, Oceana, SpecialEffect, War Child, etc. Does this sound like someone who makes fun of real problems happening around the globe? No. And no, he hasn’t made fun of those causes either. 

No, he doesn’t make fun of mental illnesses. He talks about it with the proper respect and delicacy it deserves. He constantly adresses mental health, shares resources for viewers who may be struggling and talks about the importance of being aware and getting legitimate help. Where are you taking these facts from?

No, he doesn’t support China’s police brutality. He was BANNED from China for critizing the president and the country’s treatment of Hong Kong’s anti-government protests. How hard is it to watch the real video instead of trusting some Susan from Twitter? 

No, he has NEVER disrespected Japanese culture. Felix loves Japan and respects their culture. He always treats the people and the place with utter respect. 

He’s not a white supremacist or a secret Nazi. Are you insane? He’s said it himself ‘f*** anyone who is racist and anyone who is a white nationalist. That’s not what I’m about. And that’s not what my channel has been about either.’ Maybe if you think about it, the media painted him that way and people decided to go with it because they don’t actually watch his videos. The number of accusations and stories are insane and ridiculous. Have you ever watched one of his videos? Ever? Because if you would’ve, you would know none of these things are true. 

No, he doesn’t encourage kids/teens to see and follow Nazi ethics. He recommended a channel that does anime reviews (he didn’t know the channel had pro white-supremacy videos). You’re accusing him of that for not checking the thousand-something videos said channel has because he liked one anime review? This is reaching to a whole new degree. You could’ve randomly watched the same anime review vid, does that make you a Nazi as well? And NO, he didn’t wear an Iron Cross, he was wearing a Georgian Bolnisi cross. The shirt is by the Georgian designer Demna Gvasalia. Use Google please. 

I don’t think you’re a real Jacksepticeye fan if you think he’s sticking up for him only because of a shout-out that happened years ago. Extend your perspective in this. He knows him in real-life. He’s his best friend. He can tell he’s not a bad person. This is not a hard thing to figure out. 

Also, you forgot to put the anon option in one of your asks, so I know who you are. Weren’t you joking about WW3, using the ‘r’ word to fight with your followers and making fun of the BLM movement a few months ago on your twitter account? It might not look like it’s possible but we’ve also made and are capable of making some of the same mistakes too. The difference is that some of you hide behind the ‘it’s just humor to cope with life’ gen z card. Joking about a serious important movement is harmful as well, hope you can learn that. 

I can’t tell you how to emotionally react to his content, however I can advise that if it bothers you that much you should remove yourself from the environment that revolves around him (if you even watch his videos which I highly doubt) if you’re not willing to give him a chance. You also need to remember that forgiveness is private and personal, just because you don't see his content and can't see that change doesn't mean it's not happening. There’s power in understanding.

[monicalorandavis]

I was an intern at Comedy Central and it mostly sucked

File this under the category of “Who Cares?”

Everybody knows interns (at basically every company) are treated like shit.  They are used strictly for running errands and little else. It was likely that a TV network should follow suit. To no one’s surprise, Comedy Central treated interns like shit. I was. The interns around me were. I didn’t really think anything of it at the time. I had so little work experience and I was so grateful for the opportunity that I figured it was part of the process of getting to where you wanted to be. It wasn’t until I ran into Joe, an assistant (who had particularly made my life hell) at a party a few years later that I even thought about how mean he had been to me. I wanted to let it go. But he had been really fucking mean and it stung to think about. He wasn’t alone. It was actually a whole group of assistants who I’d felt had humiliated me. I remember going to lunch at the same time the assistants were leaving for lunch. They caught the elevator and I had asked to join, trailing just a step behind them. Joe barked “No”, closed the elevator doors in my face and I heard them all laughing at me on the way down. I stared at the closed doors, shocked. Never in my life had I been treated like such a loser. I was in a fucking teen movie being bullied by complete pricks. And the worst part was, these people were definitely the kids who’d been bullied.

I caught the next elevator and when I arrived on the ground level, they were waiting for me. They didn’t say anything. They looked guilty like they’d realized they’d been mean to an intern who would likely say something to someone in HR and decided to extend me the kindness of waiting for me. Only I didn’t want them to wait for me and I would never say anything. Unlike them, I didn’t like making people feel like shit. We walked to get salads in silence. They resumed their conversation but I paid and left before them. It was so weird after that. For like a day. And then, it started all over again.

There were exceptions during that time and I would like to name them and give them all their credit. Tony, one of the early writer/producers of Workaholics (a gig he got during my time there), was fabulously kind to me. He never made me feel lame or stupid and I was sad to see him go even though I knew writing was his goal. Walter was nice. Gary was nice. Seth. But I have forgotten many people’s names and you’ll forgive me as this was almost a decade ago. That time exists in a haze. I was living downtown with two of my girlfriends in a loft apartment that didn’t have walls. I had no bedroom. Just an upstairs “room” with a bathroom with a toilet but no shower. I paid $500 a month for a glorified port-a-potty and thus, acted like a degenerate. Every night, I either smoked weed until I fell asleep or scoured the streets for a cute boy to spend the night with. It was during that time that I was lucky enough to get an internship at a company that could change the course of my life - Comedy Central. It was a gift to work there and I knew it. I didn’t have any Hollywood connections.This was it. I would take it seriously, I promised myself. So, I did.

Comedy Central used to be the mecca. Before Tosh.0 and Jim Jefferies, it was the home of Chappelle’s Show. I am not exaggerating when I tell you this: that show changed the whole goddamn world and I was no exception. it changed me. It was the blueprint. Comedy could be brutal on white people. It could get real and gross and political and stupid all at the same time. Comedy nerds like me ate it up.

Dave Chappelle’s two season masterpiece of a show infected college campuses in 2004 when it was released on DVD. That was the year I started college. By happenstance, I was part of the DVD revolution. We would crowd into each other’s dorm rooms and cry laughing and then watch the same episode again. It caught fire. Dave Chappelle bridged the gap between black and white, famous and normal while still keeping himself removed from the whole thing, aloof - distinguished...better than us. His skewering of racism was a glass through which we could see in fact, we were all participants in the same system albeit on other sides. 

So, Chappelle’s Show was important to me. I wanted to work at a place that had created art. I would try to shine there and let my own ideas blossom into projects.

But in spite of my eagerness, I was aware at the time (as we all were) that Comedy Central had paid Dave Chappelle $50 million for a third season but instead of delivering, he walked off set and fled to Africa. This was the story we were told. This was before Twitter and Instagram. The internet swirled with rumors that he had gone crazy and was going to live in Africa forever. He had abandoned Hollywood for good.

But the whole thing stank of racism, buried just underneath the surface. Why was Chappelle suddenly crazy when he didn’t want a huge sum of money? Yes, that’s a huge sum of money but deep down I thought, those people are trying to exploit him. Intuitively I felt like Chappelle knew he was part of a bigger racial-bridging that was allowing white people access to private areas of black culture. He had invited fans to shout famous lines back at him. Lines that Chappelle himself and other black actors had killed with. But, lines that white fans should never say. They were insensitive to the privilege shared by black people to communicate to other black people. White people want to say the n-word and it’s not theirs to say. It’s a truth other black comedians have shared.

When Chris Rock was caught in conversations with racists who relayed his “niggers versus black people” bit back to him he retired it permanently. The price of being an honest black comedian in this country is that white people can retell your insider information as intel. White people who would otherwise have no interaction with black people now has an arsenal of information. They have evidence that was not acquired through firsthand experience. They have heard the inner monologue of black America and instead of fixing racial injustice, they are repeating their favorite lines. And in spite of all of that, in spite of all the drama between Comedy Central and Dave Chappelle, in spite of the racial implications the media had thrown around, I got a job as an intern in hopes just being in the same office that created Chappelle’s Show could imbue me with some genius or good fortune.

It didn’t.

It was whack. There were like 40 of us on a rotating schedule where three of us would work certain days together and then another three would work another group of days and sometimes you would see other interns on your day because they couldn’t come in on their regular day. Since there were so many interns doing the work that one capable assistant could perform we were all basically twiddling our thumbs, trying to look useful and eager. Some interns dazzled executives with their epic notes on scripts, replete with a solid three act structure and relevant examples, figures, marketing suggestions. Others buried their noses up anyone’s ass who lingered near them long enough, offering to get coffee, lunch, snacks, dry cleaning, children from daycare, gifts for spouses, you name it. I employed none of these strategies. I scoped the most eligible bachelors and tried to dazzle them with my charms. The married ones would have been the smarter bet. Married men are more willing to go out on a limb for a cute, inexperienced graduate with a lot to prove. They won’t cheat but they like feeling important to women still so they’ll toss around bread crumbs. The single ones are still so obsessed with themselves that they can’t see far enough past their noses to help. I was vying for the attention of one executive I was sure would marry me, given I had enough alone time with him in the kitchen, when I learned he was getting engaged. It was devastating. Of course I would choose to be in love with someone just about to propose.

It dawned on me that marrying your way into the entertainment business was sort of gross and I was at Comedy Central to make a name for myself. Meaning, I should make it for myself. Not rely on somebody else giving me a handout. I had to go out and earn my job. Unfortunately, it seemed that only a few at Comedy Central had actually earned their job from sheer hard work. Most people had arrived there from a combination of knowing someone and favors and white privilege that is the winningest cocktail of all time. But, even they didn’t really like their jobs. It made no sense. The ones with the worst attitudes, who were the most lazy, cranky, emotionally unhinged seemed to know the most people. And they hated everything and everyone.

Below them, were us, the interns. And to my chagrin, I’d been wasting entire weeks of time pining over some man who’d hardly noticed me while these nerds were working their asses off. I was light years behind and frankly, unwilling to break my back for a job that didn’t seem like it would ever come my way. I was this sore thumb. I felt like a step sister and everyone else was The Brady Bunch. Primarily, I looked very different than everyone there. I wore ripped jeans and had tattoos and listened to hip hop. Wearing hoop earrings to work basically identified me as a member of the Crips. These people were so white and goofy that the only person of color they’d managed to hire had gone to private school their entire lives.

This sounds bratty already and I swear to God, I am not an ungrateful asshole. I am writing this to say that the experience crushed me a little bit. I left the internship at the end of the summer with no interest in staying in touch with anyone. With the exception of running into Joe at a party, I’ve run into one girl, Sarah, at my exercise class. I reveled when she feigned confusion when I asked if she’d remembered me from Comedy Central three years prior. I thought to myself, “I’m about to ruin this bitch’s day” and I’d like to think that her trembling, noodle-like legs during my class were some karmic retribution for her unkindness.

Besides that, I have no ill feelings towards anyone presently. To be fair, the assistants were only a year or two older than me at the time and wielding an unnatural amount of power. They did not handle power well. Not many do.

[angelofthequeers]

Frozer thoughts

Hoo boy, I’m glad we got a two for one because this episode was soooo much more satisfying for me than ‘Malediktator’. Time for out-of-order bullet points and then my longer thoughts!

• We all knew that reveal was just a fantasy of Adrien’s but it was the Marinette fantasy at the end that got me 😂

• PLAGG’S SAD FACE BROKE ME HE DOES CARE ABOUT ADRIEN D:

• UM EXCUSE ME DO NOT THINK I DIDN’T NOTICE HOW YOU SPECIFICALLY SHOWED ROSE AND JULEKA TOGETHER WHEN PANNING AROUND THE COUPLES IN THE SCHOOL

• No but Rose and Juleka are a happy lesbian couple and I refuse to believe otherwise now T H I S I S P R O O F

• And Rose is totally bi because Prince Ali 💗💜💙

• “And I might have a brand new song to write.” AND IT IS HERE THAT I DIED

• The Gorilla is absolutely fantastic. If I had any doubts before that he truly loves Adrien, they’re now gone.

• “You’re supposed to be in love with Ladybug and now you’re ditching Kagami to go after Marinette?” Plagg you troll don’t act like you don’t know

• “She’s just a friend!” NO JOKE I SCREECHED LIKE A PTERODACTYL AND MY FAMILY IGNORED ME NOT LIKE IT’S NOT MY NORMAL PERSONALITY ANYWAY

• Don’t think I didn’t notice your jealousy Adrien even if you don’t know it yet

• “I don’t know a thing about human girls but whenever I meet a beautiful Camembert, I introduce myself! “Hello Camembert, I’m Plagg! So very nice to EAT you!” P L A G G 😂

• The ice costumes were gooorrrgeous

• Marinette having to choose between Luka and Adrien and then having Kagami sweep in and pull her up and whisper to her is a total lesbian power move and I refuse to believe otherwise thank you very much

• I really do love how Marinette’s friend group has expanded to include Rose, Juleka, Mylène and Alix because it feels like a subversion of the trope where the hero only gets one or two friends (“Tell him you’d already promised to hang with your bfs” I love you Alix you are Officially one of Marinette’s bfs)

And now for my long ass speech!

This episode was one of my favourites purely because of the emotional growth in it. We were already TOLD that Kagami and Luka were introduced to push Adrien and Marinette to grow, but being told that and actually seeing it are two very different things. There was a LOT of growth from Marinette, especially when she admitted in a roundabout way that she WAS jealous (which is never an easy thing to admit bby ❤️) and I LOVED it.

“Adrien really needs me and if he wants my advice then why not?”

“I always stumble my words around him. So how could I even manage going out on a date? I think we’re actually just meant to be friends. Whenever I talk to him as a friend, I hardly stammer at all.”

Oh, Marinette ❤️ THIS was the Marinette arc I’ve wanted all season. See what happens when y’all let her grow, writers?

No but seriously, Marinette did a lot of growing up in this episode and I ended up loving her even more. This more than anything cemented that she’s not just an Adrien fangirl, but that she’s legitimately in love with him. If she was just a crushing fangirl, there’s NO way she would’ve even voiced the idea of them just being friends. But Marinette voicing OUT LOUD that the platonic dynamic between her and Adrien works and she genuinely does value him as a friend is, like, exactly the evidence we needed that she really does love him and is willing to try and push her feelings aside to be there for him as his friend. (I said TRY, she still stumbled and slipped and got upset but she IS a 14 y.o. who’s navigating her first crush).

This level of maturity is something I don’t think I’ve seen in most other TV shows or books or any other media. So much of contemporary society is fixated with romantic love and your soulmate and pushing two people together, and seeing Marinette say ‘hey, no, platonic love and my friendship with Adrien is just as important’ is just...y’all have no idea how happy it makes my aromantic heart. I still hugely ship Adrinette and overall I’m glad that they’ll eventually end up together, but seeing someone validate the importance of friendship is utterly invaluable in today’s romance-obsessed age. So I better not see any more ‘stalker Marinette is obsessed with her crush’ because that’s NOT the case. She deeply loves him and she concludes that even if they remain platonic, her love for him isn’t lessened. The closest I’ve come to seeing this is Ginny Weasley choosing not to wait for Harry, but the impact there is lessened because there was barely any interaction between her and Harry until Harry started crushing on her. Here? It’s two main characters and I really do hope the writers don’t go back on this and that they allow the romance to bloom organically, because now I really CAN see Adrinette growing from this established close friendship. They’ve sown the seeds, now they just need to let them grow. Watching Marinette in S1 as opposed to S2 is just an absolute treat and I really hope they top S2 because it can only go up.

PLUS they also kept it real by having Marinette be upset at the ice rink even though she swore to be Adrien’s friend, because it would’ve been completely unrealistic for her to just shrug (“You have to let her fall!” Oh Marinette 😂😂😂). She really felt like a 14 y.o. struggling with jealousy and crushes, but in a completely non-toxic way. See writers I knew you could be amazing if you put your mind to it!

I also really enjoyed Kagami and Luka independent of their intended purposes. So much media these days introduces characters purely for the sake of drama and these characters are never more than cardboard cut-outs with no personality and no purpose outside of the love drama. But Kagami and Luka? I could quite easily grasp their personalities. I could feel Kagami’s ambition and hard sympathy manifesting in the attitude of ‘get your ass up and just do the thing and stop hesitating’. I could feel how emotional Luka was through his music, putting Marinette’s emotions into notes to help her realise them, and how he genuinely DID believe that Marinette deserved the best and he wasn’t just saying that line for drama. And he didn’t say that he was better than Adrien or insult Adrien outside of saying that Marinette deserved better, which I really did appreciate. He was a thoroughly non-toxic representation of what to do when your crush isn’t into you, and I am LIVING for this.

Kagami and Luka really ARE necessary to push Marinette and Adrien to grow. Kagami understands Adrien in a way that no one else can. She’s also the one person who’ll actually speak bluntly to him and call him out on shit, whereas Chloé fawns over him and Marinette stumbles and Adrien’s other friends can’t come at him from the same angle due to their barrier of rich loneliness. Sure, Nino’s his best friend, but Nino’s not rich and doesn’t have those expectations of perfection on him, whereas Kagami does and so she can GET Adrien.

And as for Luka? Marinette struggles with her emotions. She finally put them into words this episode, but it’s taken her THIS long to do so. I strongly believe that Marinette is autistic like me, because we both struggle to properly articulate our feelings in words and it can take legit ages to really sort out how we’re feeling and then process it. Sure, Marinette knew she had a crush, but it’s taken her this long to see the nuance and depth of it and organise how she would feel and react if Adrien rejected her outright, and Luka coming in to help her sort through these feelings without pushing her to talk about them was just...perfect. And the way he put her emotions into music is exactly how I feel a lot of the time - I can’t do words, but I can do more abstract things to get them across. Luka was needed to help Marinette grow into her self-confidence and help her sort out her feelings without being under pressure (like how Alya and the other girls immediately dogpiled her), and I really do hope they stay good friends and plus I kinda ship Lukanette now as well whooooops

So in conclusion? This episode was absolutely amazing and I very much enjoyed picking it apart. This isn’t even everything I could’ve talked about but it’s what stuck out to me most and proved that this show can really be great ❤️

[mauriceclivealec]

Am I the only one who didn't like how Maurice ended? (I just watched the movie, I'll read the novel asap) I was really rooting for Maurice and Clive and it kinda upset me that the story at a certain point started focusing on this new character (Alec) and Maurice. I mean don't get me wrong it ended in the best way for Maurice, he was finally free and he found someone to share this freedom with but still? I feel so bitter because I didn't like Alec's character and was really hoping for Maurice --

and Clive to sort things out or in the worst case get that sad ending we're used to see in these movies. When Alec arrived the plot focused on him and Maurice only and Clive was kinda left out? It's like I couldn't get attached to this plot twist because it was unexpected and it was all too fast. I feel happy that things worked out for Maurice and all but not how they made this happen. I just can't get it up for Alec; maybe because he popped up all of a sudden without any backstory, he did whathe did all so quickly and he kinda stole the plot I don't know ahaha we don't know anything about his personality, story. I mean if he popped up way before and they made us know him and kinda get used to him it would've been (maybe) different (for me). The thing that most irritated me tho (don't hate me) was that Maurice comes up with "I'm in love with Alec" while talking to Clive. I mean ok, I'm not saying he had to be still in love with Clive (I guess he got used to the fact they couldn't be a thing since Clive got married and all) but falling in love after a... fuck? I don't know... they didn't have any kind of conversation, they basically didn't even know each other if not bc they shared a few lines "good night sir", "you have to pay", "I don't want your money". I get that Maurice finally felt something by getting physical with another man and I understand that but falling in love? That's another story. I don't wanna criticise a novel in any way (it surely is a masterpiece and I would never), I'm just talking about the movie, that could be different. Also I think that Clive had the biggest regret of his life and also that he's still lowkey in love with Maurice and will always be. What do you think about this? I'm sorry for this rant but I saw you answered a question about the movie and I thought that maybe I could share this with you bc apparently on tumblr we don't talk too much about this movie. I'm sorry again 😭🤧            

wow there’s a lot to get to here! no reason to apologize for the ask. i wish i could devote more time to talking about this movie and book but unfortunately i have to Adult so i don’t have the kind of free time i did when i started this blog. and i also don’t think there’s anything wrong with critiquing media regardless of its masterpiece status.

i think some of your issues can be addressed if you think both about the historical context and about what e.m. forster was trying to accomplish. he has said on many occasions that he would not have bothered to write the novel if there was no happy ending. so your worst case scenario of a sad maurice/clive focused ending was never going to happen, and imo the story is better for it; a happy ending for homosexuals was and still remains revolutionary.

the novel isn’t just about the interpersonal relationships or even about homosexuality, it’s also hugely about class struggle. and the three main characters embody some of that class critique in their personality and actions. clive is really unable to shed his upper class morality and he ends up choosing status over his care or love for maurice. maurice starts out trying to be more like clive, which is exactly what the newly founded edwardian middle class as a whole attempted to do at the time this work is set, and why clive’s mentorship and friendship with maurice was so accepted and encouraged. alec is of course lower class and this fully colors his interactions with clive and maurice -- unlike the lofty proclamations clive and maurice share, his verbal interactions must be more subtextual, but additionally he is more action-orientied than clive is able to be because he has less to lose and is less beholden to society’s expectations. this is, by the way, a gross simplification of the class conflicts in the novel and how they manifest in the characters, but it gives you a baseline on why alec’s interactions seem sort of minimal and abrupt, because alec is given less berth in that society to express himself to maurice. he insinuates himself into the story fairly early but it’s so subtle that it can seem like he came out of nowhere. that’s especially what merchant ivory was going for in the movie version.

i think regardless of that, we do get a lot about alec’s personality, but it’s less overt. we see him as somewhat iconoclast and willing to break rules, seeing the way he refuses tips and speaks out, and the way he flirts with lots of characters fairly brazenly. he’s willing to forge a new life for himself in the argentine, so he’s fairly fearless and capable of making big changes for the better. despite his lack of formal education he is fairly sharp and smart. he’s bold and decisive and goes for what he wants, which is in stark contrast to clive. in many ways i think he’s meant to be opposite to clive, especially in respect to the “words vs deeds” concept that maurice and risley debate earlier in the work. risley thinks words are deeds and i think clive does too, but maurice doesn’t feel that way, and neither does alec. it’s one of the reasons they ultimately are better for each other, and also why they are able to choose each other so quickly and decisively.

i also want to talk about the fact that this is not a society in which even men and women have a great deal of romantic or sexual interaction prior to marriage. so to belittle the huge huge act of maurice and alec making love as just a fuck is a big disservice. it’s an absolutely monumental step for a relationship at this time, any relationship, and the additional risk of it being an illegal act makes it even more impactful.

additionally, in this one act maurice is finally able to shed all of the suffering and conflict he has had for literally his whole life and become whole as a person. it’s something he’s wanted for years and clive has been unable to provide, and he’s been told for years by clive that it’s somehow better and purer, but to actually get it with alec and discover how much it matters and changes everything? that alec is willing to risk his whole life to be with him and vice versa? and also sometimes when something is right, you know, and you have to just surrender to it. so i think a lot of factors really add up to why the two of them were able to fall for each other so quickly and really go for it.

as for clive, i answered that in the previous ask. he loves maurice as much as he will allow himself, which is less than maurice deserves. he makes his choice, and it’s understandable why he does, but it’s not the brave choice and it doesn’t reap the rewards of happiness. by the way i realize this sounds very unsympathetic to clive and i do want to say i understand fully why he does what he does. it’s not merely a loss of status that’s at stake, it’s potentially losing his actual life. like, he could spend all of his life doing hard labor in jail. he could die. the homophobia in that society is so pervasive that without clive maurice might have never even realized he was homosexual at all. so the fact that clive is unable to really commit to maurice isn’t a sign of personal weakness, or if it is, it’s a weakness almost all of us would have been subject to at this time if faced with the same scenario. that is what make alec and maurice’s choices all the more astoundingly brave and revolutionary.

[trbldyouth]

Rewatching '80's Cinema In An Era Of #metoo & Cancel Culture

The interview was conducted with Samantha from the movie Sixteen Candles (1984).

Interviewer: Hello, Samantha?

Samantha: Hey, how are you?

Interviewer: I am good; you look stunning today must say life is treating you quite well.

(Soft chuckle) Sure I have been up and about since life keeps changing, and we all need to grow.

Interviewer: Mmhh. That is so true, and I relate because last I saw you, you were busy eyeing Jake. (Soft chuckles) So how is the romance? 

Samantha: Well, honestly speaking. We all know those teenage crushes rarely lead to anything serious in the future. However, I am a happy mum of two and cannot complain.

Interviewer: How's Hollywood been treating you? I understand things can be rough at times when family comes into the picture?

Samantha: Honestly, life right now in Hollywood is more friendly compared to our times. Women have become more focused and are ready to step into the roles of leading characters and many significant roles as the need arises. During my heydays, it was simply difficult to get pregnant and keep your acting job. I see all the special effects and other forms of technology being used in the film industry at the moment and recognize how things have changed. A-list actors have become so phenomenal that they will engage in a project and have stunt doubles to play their role in case of mishaps. These simple pleasures really make it quite the era in the industry, and I feel blessed to have witnessed this transition.

Interviewer: I reckon since you were 16, you have seen so much significant change even in social stratification.

Samantha: That is true. People have developed so many eccentricities that were initially taboo. Simple pleasures like women smoking and engaging in frivolous activity were shunned, but people are becoming more liberal with ideas and how they view society. Standards that were set for relationships and marriage seem to have died overnight, and with the increasing drive for the LGBTQ, community change keeps coming. I must admit, I had a difficult time with the realization that I was different and how it kept affecting my life.

Interviewer: What do you mean by different?

Samantha: I have been in a fruitful and fulfilling relationship with my partner Sheila for 20 years. I was castigated for so long by my peers, family, and friends for my life choices. I was so lost in trying to live the fairy tale life I never took a moment to really evaluate my life. However, college life opened my eyes to endless possibilities and leaving home gave me a chance to really morph into the real me. Sheila has been my rock for so long and allowed me to see how there was so much more to life than I initially thought. It took time to convince my family, but with the evolution of the civil rights movement into other global movements, I am grateful that same-sex couples get a chance to live their lives in peace. I have always found it essential to advocate for happiness. That's why I make a point of living a modest life despite the allure of having a flashy life of glamour.  Think with time priorities do change.

Interviewer: Speaking of priorities, what is your view on stereotypes in film associated with women?

Samantha: Well, this really takes me back to a time when women were considered ornamental, and there was not much substance used to quantify them beyond physique. Films in the 80s have glamorized issues that society frowns upon today that would make you cringe. Think about sexual harassment, adversity to the LGBTQ community, body shaming, social slurs, and body shaming. I have been at the receiving of all these, unfortunately, and have lived to tell the tale. I know so many of my friends and family who are mentally unwell or have lost their lives to these behaviors that society considered acceptable back then. Women are the recipients of so much hate and have always been considered as ornamental and as items to be objectified. Jake may have been in a bad relationship, but sadly I realized he had been the problem all along. His demeanor and approach to treating women opened up my eyes and made me realize I was not willing to put up with fake love if I may use the term.

Interviewer: Speaking of Jake and the issues of harassment. What is your take on the #Metoo movement?

Samantha: Tarana Burke, is God-sent and I pray that she understands how this world is a better place because of her decision to give a voice to the voiceless. I wish the #Metoo movement existed in time because so many people would have answered for so many of their heinous crimes. Alyssa Milano is quite the pioneer, and targeting Hollywood, and the film industry has given rise to so many positives. Men and women have actually come forward and shared stories of their suffering. It has been difficult for sexual violence victims to find a platform to share their experiences and have their perpetrators brought to justice.

Interviewer: I understand that. I have been following keenly as well. What do you believe has been the core of these problems?

Samantha: I firmly believe that systemic ills have been the core of the ills plaguing society. Essentially, people were allowed to be bigots, misogynists, and homophobes during my early days. The reason was that everyone was okay with it because the majority said so. However, people felt oppressed and fought back, and now we have so many issues that need correction. Admittedly, bringing attention to an issue does not guarantee justice and reprieve for all victims. However, it is a start, and, in the end, change will be evident. Consider the Black Lives Matter movement that has been championing the rights of African Americans. People are yet to meet them halfway, and with continued incidents of police brutality and discrimination, it is possible they have a long way to go to achieve their vision.

Interviewer: On that note, how has the rising Cancel Culture trend impacted you?

Samantha: Haha, I believe I will get crucified for this, but I find it quite refreshing and expedient in remodeling society. Don't get me wrong, the idea of censoring and denying someone their fundamental freedom is abhorrent. Still, people should learn to value morality as a society. Taking in just about anything that is produced as content for TV and film will only diminish the critical values that define society. I don't need to tell you to switch off the TV when content is inappropriate but recognize the value of choice. Cancel culture taken back to my time would be the end of so many films. I personally have TV shows that I would cancel, but we are all free to do as we see fit. I hope I don't get you canceled, too (loud laughter).

Interviewer: I believe we are safe; the evolution of social media uses keeps us visible to all. Moving on swiftly, tell me how is your social life, or rather how has it evolved?

Samantha: I bet you will laugh at me. I am still trying to figure out how to tweet and post on Facebook and seriously miss MySpace. I tend to avoid social media and have stuck to actually interacting with people in person rather than behind a screen. Sheila gets on my nerves because she insists I keep learning, but I am not interested in any of it. Life was really hectic in the 80s and has gotten much easier with technology. However, as I pointed out, content matters a lot, and from the extent, I have seen even presidents get to on social media, I better keep myself offline. I know it sounds sad, but I prefer it compared to the digital noise that is pushing so many to seek unattainable lives.

Interviewer: Well, to me, that sounds like an excuse to get stuck in an era that is already gone!

Samantha: As I said, it sounds crazy, but I am very picky with what I choose to adopt. I have a TV, but my kids know how strict I get with enforcing regulations with viewing. I am from an age where I understand the influence of toxicity, and I am not willing to see my children get engulfed in a superficial perception of reality. I thank God for my partner Sheila because she always supports me. She understands where I am coming from and has grown also to enjoy the liberty of embracing proper moderated content for our kids. If we are in the house, we need to be in the living watching something together without worrying about what might happen.

Interviewer: So, what have you been holding onto from your early days as a teen?

Samantha: I have some old mixtapes I listen to whenever I want to get into the groove. I also keep vinyl records of Luther Vandross because his music speaks to my soul in a unique way. Plus, I still own an iPod since my daughter broke my cd Walkman (giggles).

Interviewer: I must admit this has been quite the journey, and I understand you will be featuring in a short film showcasing societal prejudice?

Samantha: Actually, yes, it's a documentary feature, and it will be releasing in the summer of next year. I have come full circle and find myself in the spotlight, and all I hope is that my story will inspire someone else. I realize the world has so much noise, and it is essential to have some peace and quiet to ensure we remain on the right track.

Interviewer: Your life has been quite the movie of sorts, and I hope you have enjoyed the experiences and you will do more going forward. Any final words before we wind up this interview?

Samantha: Sure, I am looking forward to all life has to offer and what I can offer others. My final thoughts would be to urge those in power to recognize those they serve, let people respect the rights of others, and always consider yourself in a similar situation before engaging in that life-altering act.

Interviewer: Thank you so much for your time, Samantha. I wish you well in your endeavors.

[sulphur-crested-cocktease]

Please protect yourself online because it's not my job to make you comfortable

I am not an abuse survivor, and I can only imagine how horrible it would be to be constantly in a frame of mind that caused me to equate anything that even remotely reminded me of my abuse/abuser with the abuse I suffered. Just thinking about it actually makes my heart hurt!  To anyone who feels this way, or has experienced abuse at all, I am so very sorry!  Under no circumstance did you deserve the abuse you suffered!  You are not worth any less and you should not feel ashamed because of the deplorable actions of another person, but I really do understand if you do feel that way sometimes because I know I would really struggle with that if it ever happened to me.  You are unbelievably strong! If you need to step away from people, or communities, or fandoms, or anything that reminds you of your traumas that is 100% okay! You have every right to dislike and avoid things that upset or trigger you; you have every right to vent about those things on your own blog; you have every right to feel the way you feel. You should always be your own most important person. Your wellbeing should be your number one priority, always. Even if you are responsible for the care of others, your own physical, mental, and emotional resilience and fortitude are what will allow you to be there for them. You are important! Please understand though that this same self-affirming, self-care centred mentality applies to *everyone*. Not just you. Not just abuse survivors. Not just minors. Everyone!   Who experiences your feelings and understands you and your needs better than you do? The answer is probably "No one".  Of course, the flip side of this question is, who will always place *your* needs and *your* feelings above even their own? The same answer likely applies: No one. Certainly not some random person on Tumblr--and that's as it should be. Everyone else on this site, like you, is just living their life and doing what they feel is right for them. Maybe that's something they want to do because it makes them happy (or cathartic-sad, or makes them think, or allows them to experience some of the emotions and feelings associated with a situation that would be dangerous or traumatic in real life in a way that's totally safe).  Maybe that's something they personally feel they need to do to in order to cope with things that have happened in their own lives. It doesn't matter. The point is that you, as an abuse survivor (or anyone really), have things you don't want to be exposed to and that's completely understandable and totally fair. That's why we have tools for tagging, blacklisting, and blocking content we find triggering, or distasteful, or, heck, just don't want to see appear in a search on a shared computer. There are ways to report content that is in violation of a website's ToS or content that is *actually* illegal (not just triggering, distasteful, or against your personal values or beliefs because we have blocking and blacklisting for that). What isn't understandable or fair is to make your personal wellbeing (particularly in an online space like Tumblr that is populated by millions of random strangers) the responsibility of others. And, you're not just making your personal wellbeing someone else's responsibility--you are esentially telling that other person that your personal wellbeing is their obligation because you and your likes, dislikes, triggers, traumas, wants, and needs are more important than theirs. You, some random stranger on the internet whom they do not know, trust, or have any real reason to sympathize with.  Do you see why this could start to rub some of us the wrong way?  It's not a nice feeling to be told you're not important, that you don't matter--that you are, in fact, disgusting and wrong for the way you enjoy things that are not illegal and not a violation of the rules. Someone else's icky feelings about something you enjoy that is not actually harming another person (a REAL person) should never overrule your right to make decisions about yourself, for yourself! There are many benefits to social media and online communities. A sense of belonging or kinship; shared enthusiasm for a television show or maybe a character or pairing that is a better representation of you/your feelings/your life than is typically depicted via mainstream media; exposure to different attitudes and opinions than are espoused by the people you interact with face to face; support from other people who have been through the same sorts of traumatic experiences you have, etc. The complete paradigm shift that has occurred over the last few decades in the way we use technology in a social sense is testament to the fact that these interactions are valuable and sometimes sorely lacking in the real world. There is, however, an inherent risk in exposing yourself to online content. Your control of your online space is limited to the choices you make *for yourself*.  The space beyond that belongs to hundreds of millions of other people in a way that we don't really experience in our physical real world communities. The internet provides us access to a much wider, deeper pool of knowledge and human experience, but it does not qualify them for us; it does not tell us which part of the pool is safe to swim in versus where we might find ourselves in over our heads, which is fair because some of us, if you'll forgive the extended metaphor, are taller or more experienced swimmers than others.  Basically, there are no buffers between you and the content you specifically do not want to view, except those you erect yourself, and they can't always guarantee that you will be 100% protected from the things you don't want to see. It's a risk you take when you go online. Exposure to different points of view and alternate opinions and media on the internet is wonderful, but it's also without the strict social framework and safeguards we grow up with and are used to navigating in real life. The fact is, people who share some of your same interests may also like something that triggers or upsets you.  This thing might not technically be illegal or even against the ToS of the website you encountered it on, but say it really, really disturbs you. Other people with similarly traumatic experiences to yours might also morally object to this content. It might even trigger you or make you feel unsafe.  *You* need to take steps to protect yourself.  Why would you ever rely on some faceless stranger on the internet, someone with no personal connection to you, to ensure *your* safety? That seems like a pretty bad idea, quite frankly. Please do not assume that your shared participation in fandom and the social awareness that comes with belonging to a subculture that is made up of those who are often somewhat marginalized themselves will prevent other people from doing things that may impact or jeporodize your physical, mental, or emotional safety.  That's a huge fucking assumption!  One that you have no right to make if you aren't even willing to take the most basic of precautions to protect yourself first by employing the tools provided (namely, blacklisting tags and blocking) for that very purpose. Content that you disagree with, that isn't actually illegal and does not violate the ToS of the site on which it is posted has a right to exist. Other people have a right to create it--for whatever reason they choose, whether they choose to divulge those reasons or not.  And, those of us who choose to consume it have a right to enjoy it without being slandered, harassed, told to kill ourselves, doxxed, or sent material that is, in fact, *actually* illegal (to even distribute). Because, what you are saying when you do these things is that, despite ostensibly being against inequality, you believe yourself to be more important than everyone else. Despite claiming to be morally superior to others, it's your values that are fickle and situationally dependant.  Despite your insistence that it is other people who are out of line, you are the person insisting that it is everyone else's responsibility to protect you (or some hypothetical minor) from your own feelings, and that isn't how feelings work. You can't claim another person "made you" act a certain way.  That's fucking childish, but it also denies your own autonomy.  I promise you, there is freedom in choosing to walk away.  Hitting that block button actually feels fucking great! :)

[jordan-phoenix]

The Unbelievable Power of a Belief

One of our most overlooked superpowers in life is the unbelievable power of our beliefs.  A quick note: This is not for the faint of heart. It is going to go deeper than possibly anything you’ve ever read into the inner workings of our minds and about what we really know about life in general. But – it is for a very good reason. If you decide to read it, you will come out the other side wiser, and much more in control over your own life. So do what you will.

Let’s get started. What is a belief?

The dictionary defines it as: 1 : a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing 2 : conviction of the truth of some statement or the reality of some being or phenomenon especially when based on examination of evidence A belief is something that WE PERSONALLY CHOOSE to form in our own minds about the way WE CHOOSE to perceive the world around us. It is our recognition that some idea or thing is true and valid.  Again, our beliefs are things that WE DECIDE WE WANT TO THINK are true, based on the information we have taken in up until this point in our lives.  Our beliefs are based off of OUR PERCEPTION of life, which is based solely on our experiences and knowledge about life. Just because we see something a certain way, does not necessarily mean that’s the way it actually is in reality.  Perception and reality are TWO DIFFERENT THINGS. As we get older, and we learn new things, we realize that certain assumptions we had at a younger age were not as accurate as the new view we currently have of the world. This is why I consider myself a student of life - because I know that all of the things I think I know about the world are only the best assumptions I can make using all of the things I’ve learned up to this point, and does not necessarily make any of them true. I understand that we will probably never know everything there is to know (in this life anyway), and there will always be new things we can learn from others throughout the course of our lives. That’s why I am a philosopher – a lover of knowledge. I love to keep an open mind, learn new things, and think for myself. I’ve found that I keep getting closer and closer to understanding the truth of what reality is, and as I do, it allows me to smash through my inaccurate perceptions that have held me back, and caused lots of pain and suffering in the past. Subsequently, I now know more about how to think about and interact with the world, and how to create a life that continuously makes me fulfilled at higher and higher levels. I know your head is probably spinning right now, because mine is too. Sorry about that. Go get a glass of water and let that settle in for a minute or two, and re-read that last part if you have to. When you BELIEVE you have digested all of that, feel free to continue on.

The reason why I went so in depth previously was because I really want you to understand first and foremost that PERCEPTION IS NOT REALITY. It is only after we know that – that we can really start to understand how to control our beliefs. And I’ve learned that having control over your own beliefs is probably the most powerful thing you can do to find long-term joy and achieve miraculous things in this world. Let’s examine one of the greatest examples in history of perception and reality being different. For thousands of years, it was a widespread belief that the earth was flat - and that if you were to go to the edge of it, you would fall off. Aristotle was one of the earliest to dispute this belief, and provided actual evidence against it. He stated that by simply traveling south, the constellations of stars would appear higher above the horizon, which would not make sense unless the earth was round.  But people did not like this new idea at all. People do not like when their perception of reality is seen to be inaccurate and outdated. We do not like to be wrong. Throughout history, whenever someone has made a revolutionary discovery or idea, the general public always has the same reaction. First, they close their mind off to the idea, ridicule the person, and suggest they enter an insane asylum. Next, they become very afraid, and violently oppose the idea, many times even threatening to imprison or even murder the person who created it. And finally, after lots of struggling, it is accepted as the new status quo “reality” (when it is still actually just a newer perception). Perhaps that is why I felt like my head was spinning when writing that paragraph previously. We humans are scared of the unknown. We like order. We like to feel safe and comfortable. We don’t like it when something comes along that threatens to change the way we see the world, even if it is for the better, because we just want to keep things the same. We are cowards. We would rather stay exactly where we are, no matter how shitty things can be, rather than try to see things in a new way, because even though it could make things one hundred times better for everyone, we fear that it has the chance to make things just a little worse, and decide it is too risky. We don’t like to deal with the fact that in reality, none of us really know why we are here, or what we are doing. That’s why many people don’t like to think for themselves, and would rather just keep busy in their day-to-day actions – it gives us comfort to just blindly follow the herd. Besides, if “all the cool kids are doing it” it must be good, right?

Think about your beliefs about the world we live in right now. Where did you get yours? Did you choose all of them yourself, and examine why you believe them? I can tell you this ��� from my own experience, from spending years examining all of my beliefs about the world, I WAS SHOCKED when I realized just how many were passed down to me from others, and were not based on my own better judgment. I had so many beliefs that were self-limiting. I realized that almost all of the problems in my life were based on perceptions I had about the world that were the equivalent of the earth being flat. It’s no wonder so many of us suffer and struggle in our lives. We are walking around the world in a self-created prison based upon inefficient ways of thinking that we got from others who were just as clueless as us - AND WE DON’T EVEN KNOW IT.  Think about how many beliefs are passed down to us from our families, our friends, our culture, the mass media, and everything around us. How many of us have certain religious beliefs, political affiliations, favorite sports teams, views on marriage, views on racism, views on animal rights, and many more, just because these were the things that the people around us believed when we were young and didn’t know any better, so we just copied them? Does that mean that the beliefs we have chosen are all the right ones, and that all of the other ones are wrong? How many of us have then created stories and reasoning around these ideas about why we are right and others are completely wrong, when we haven’t even looked at why we even believe them ourselves in the first place? Think about this scenario – You’re a helpless child. You can’t even fend for yourself. These big people that hang around you start to feed you, clothe you, and make you feel safe. They teach you things – like how to read, how to tie your shoes, and how to have table manners. They give you things and teach you how to do things that make your life better. So, if they were to tell you that you are supposed to root for the Yankees and to hate the Red Sox, why wouldn’t you believe them? If they tell you that Democrats are idiots, or that Republicans are morons, why wouldn’t you believe it? If they tell you that another race is evil, why wouldn’t you believe it? So, if they were to tell you that you’re too loud, too short, too fat, too ugly, too stupid, that you are worthless, and that you will never amount to anything in life, it is possible that you will WAKE UP ONE DAY 20 YEARS LATER, READ THIS POST, AND REALIZE THAT YOU HAVE BEEN SPENDING YOUR ENTIRE LIFE NOT KNOWING WHY YOU NEVER FELT HAPPY, WHOLE, AND LIKE SOMEONE WHO DESERVES GOOD THINGS IN LIFE!

Beliefs can empower us or cage us in forever. Beliefs are that powerful.

 I once heard a sad story. There was an elephant at a circus that was chained to a pole as an infant. He tried to break away, but was not strong enough to. Over time, he became monstrous. One day, the circus accidentally went on fire, and the elephant died. He was enormous, and could have easily ripped the pole out of the ground to run away to safety, but there was a SELF-LIMITING BELIEF IN HIS MIND that told him he would not be able to do it, and so he didn’t even try.  Do you understand the impact your beliefs can have on your life? Do you understand that even though you may not be able to see how or why (just like the elephant), they have the ability to transform your life? What I’ve come to understand is that EVERYTHING is based on belief. EVERYTHING.  A few examples: The U.S. national debt is in the trillions. How is it possible that the country still exists, purchases things, and plays the role of a world superpower when it has a negative amount of money to buy things with? It is because investors are willing to put their money into the system, in the form of government bonds. Why? Because they BELIEVE that the U.S. government is stable, and that they can cash out their investments in the future for profit. Why does a bank give some people a business loan, while not others? It is because based on their credit history and their proposal, the bank decides whether or not they BELIEVE that the person is a man of their word and will pay it back. Why does Starbucks coffee cost three times as much money as McDonalds coffee, even though McDonalds coffee was found to taste better in a blind taste test? Because Starbucks has a fancy name, exotic flavors, and a nice atmosphere, and so people BELIEVE it is more valuable.  Why do we pay $150 for a shirt with a tiny horse or alligator on it rather than a duck or a falcon? Because our society and advertising has made us BELIEVE that it is worth the money. Why does a job hire one applicant over another? Because the chosen applicant did a better job of making them BELIEVE that he will get the job done. Why are some men who are broke, out of shape, and abusive able to date women who are beautiful, inside and out? Because they BELIEVE that they deserve awesome women, while some awesome women BELIEVE they don’t deserve anyone better. How did Thomas Edison invent the ability for humans to see at night? He BELIEVED that it was possible, and tried 10,000 different combinations until he found the right formula to invent the light bulb. I could go on and on with this, but I think you can see at this point that our beliefs are crucial in lives. What you believe shapes who you are as a person, what things come into and out of your life, and affects your overall quality of life.  Your beliefs are a tool to serve and empower you. Start thinking about which ones have slipped by your radar undetected for years and years, and are still holding you back right now. Just pull out a blank notebook, and start writing. Scribble down whatever comes to your mind. It doesn’t matter how silly or stupid it sounds. It’s just for your eyes. Write down as many as you would like – the further you go with this, the more you can align your life with your true identity. I’d say start with 5-10 things. Make a list of 5-10 beliefs you have, and figure out where they came from. If they are ones you no longer wish to have, write down new empowering ones to replace them. Of course, this is not an overnight fix, and it will take some time and diligence to overcome feelings of inadequacy that you have carried with you for years. But if you make a habit of reading the new beliefs you want to have to yourself every morning, for at least a few weeks, you will begin to really internalize them, and you will be amazed at how much it can change your life. 

If you enjoyed this article, imagine what would happen if someone were to extend it to 200+ pages, then make it slightly more awesome. This new book represents over six years’ worth of my life experiences, insights, and ideas on creating a better way of living for all of us: 

It’s All My Fault: How I Messed Up the World, and Why I Need Your Help to Fix It

More Articles:

A Deep Thought From The Universe

Knowledge is Power

How to Inspire

Why Everyone Should Try Meditation

How To Find Out What Others Think Of You

[See All]

[canvaswolfdoll]

Canvas and Video Games

Have I talked about my Video Game history? Feels like I have, but I also can’t remember doing so. I’m also running low on possible essay topics, and haven’t finished off any media that I can review[1] recently enough to do that instead…

So, hey, you nerds, let’s talk about Video Games!

Because that’s obviously been a massive influence on my life, what with… my entire brand, really. Egads, am I a nerd, sitting here with a New 3DS in a charging cradle in front of me, trying to work out how to do better quality streams and deciding to write an essay about Video Games.

It all started with my brother, old Foxface himself. As the family lore goes, my parents once didn’t want video games in the house, what with… the social stigma, I guess? It was different times, alright?

Point is, my brother’s speech teacher was all ‘Hey, you know what may help with speech? Video Games! Get him video games.’

And so my parents did, despite any reasonable connection or evidence in the above argument.[2]

So they bought him the Sega Genesis, the only non-Nintendo console we’ve ever owned. He played Sonic the Hedgehog! Also… no. It was mostly just Sonic.

Obviously young Canvas was also interested in the wonder of interactive media, and the running rodent, so I’d watch him play, and occasionally step in as Tails or try to play it myself. And I was terrible at it.

Eventually, the Nintendo 64 was released and added to our fleet of hardware, and we never looked back! Ha ha!

That’s the console that we really cut our teeth on, with it’s many beloved games, from Mario 64, Star Fox 64, Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time (first Zelda game I was ever aware of), and so on and so forth. We ended up with most of the major releases.[3] Also Mischief Makers for some reason.

It was also the height of Video Rental stores, though I never got to choose games to rent. Vulpin stuck with Space Station Silicon Valley which… might deserve an HD Remake, to be honest. Such a bizarre premise people would eat up, nowadays.

The Game Boy Color arrived, carrying Pokemon and various shovelware, plus a few Zelda Games. Tried my best with them, but for the longest time I never actually completed a video game, or got that far, though I did finish Johto in Gold, which is something.

Gamecube came out, the Dreamcast died, and I began to become aware of the surrounding culture as my capabilities to use the internet matured. We also continued a trend of our person game libraries for the generation growing larger than the last. Lots of GameCube games.

Animal Crossing was a Christmas gift early in the cycle, and it was the first video game all of the kids in the family played, to various extents. Elder Sister was her usual perfectionist self, paid off her house, then pretty much stopped playing video games forever afterwards. Little Sister still plays the occasional game (mostly Paper Mario), but largely it’s just Foxface and I who are deep into the gaming scene.

But, like so many things, tracking each and every experience would be a rather sisyphean task, so I should try and refocus here.

Video Games have always been a presence in my life, and thus had its effects on my creative self, from imaginary friends to the little stories I’d crafted pacing the backyard. They were my chief insight into narratives and various genres, design (whether costume or set or mechanical). Nintendo Power helped educate me on the concept of news and industry, as well as the community that could grow from a hobby.

In fact, Pokemon was the main driving force behind the event I joke is the time I’ve ever made friends myself,[4] being approached while reading a book related to the franchise during second grade. It was nice.

Learning about the internet and GameFAQs hinted towards the wider world and culture, and eventually I came upon 8-Bit Theater, which fired up my love of comics in a big way. Comics and stories made from and about elements of video games? That’s so cool!

Then Nintendo Acres happened.

The diminishing use of quality sprite work in video games makes me sad, by the way. There’s just something about the GBA/DS era graphics that invokes joy in my heart, by now even Pokemon has left sprite work behind for models, and even kitschy independent games tend for the super minimalistic version of 8-bit and… whatever one would refer to Atari graphics. Had I artistic talent, I would slather my media in 16-bit evocative of Friends of Mineral Town or The World Ends with You.

In fact, I think that’s one of my main hurdles getting invested in Stardew Valley[5] and Undertale. They just look ugly, even by the standards of kitschy 8-bit style. Frisk is malformed, and all the Stardew characters are in the wrong perspective for the rest of the world. Sprite work can be so beautiful, and yet no one puts in the effort anymore.

Look, sprites aren’t the only aesthetic I love, just so we’re clear. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, I just prefer bright, cheery worlds. Tale of Symphonia is one of my favorite games, if not my absolute number one.[6] There’s just something very nice about a fantasy world that looks lush and vibrant, where you’d be happy to live just for the scenery. The Tales series and Rune Factory also made me very positive about oddly intricate characters in fantasy. I’ve never liked the dirt covered fantasy of… let’s say Skyrim. Fantasy should be about escapism, grand adventure in grand landscapes, not the crushing reality of medieval times.

More Ghibli, less brown is what I want in general.

I may be an oddball for the elements I look for in video games. I like RPGs (obviously) but there’s very few members of the genre I actually enjoy. I flat-out can’t stand western Video Game RPGs.

What I usually look for in games is both a compelling narrative and interesting mechanics, with allowance for the ‘Classics’ and trendsetters.[7] This is something I find lacking in Western-Style RPGs, with their focus on customizing and granular stat advancement. Sure, I understand someone’s desire to try and put a popular character in an Elder Scrolls, or place some curious limitation on themselves while crawling around Fallout’s wastelands.

But because the game needs to allow the player to make whoever they want, it severely cripples the writer’s ability to write the “main” character into the plot, lest they step on the agency of the player. So, from my perspective, we end up in one of two situations: the PC is a non-entity in the plot, with the narrative happening around and to them instead of with them. Or, we get a Mass Effect situation, where they treat it like Choose Your Own Adventure, and you end up shooting a dude when you thought you were just going to arrest him.[8] That’s why I much prefer being handed a protagonist with a history and personality.

Now, those familiar with my tabletop philosophies, and namely my disdain for randomized Character Gen because it takes away player agency might be tilting their head at this inconsistency.

Well, it’s a scale thing. I realize Video Games have a limitation, and thus it’s unreasonable to expect it to cater to you completely. Tabletop, however, allows endless narrative possibilities, because it’s being created in the moment. So, with Video Games, I’m more willing to just let the story take me along as an observer, like a TV Show.

Which is to say, I don’t really project on the Player Character, and am I happy with that. It’s a division between game and story that may seem odd, but it’s what I look for: every piece having a narrative purpose, especially the loser who’s carrying us on our back.

So, narratively, I prefer the style of JRPGs (also, I like Anime and it’s tropes, so…). Yet, I have never really gotten engrossed in any Final Fantasy Game, because list combat is very dull. I mean, grindy, set the auto-attack against opponent style of Western RPGs[10] aren’t much better, but at least it’s got a hint of visual interest.

What am I left with? For a while, Tales of Symphonia, but now I’ve got Rune Factory, with it’s rather simple combat, but still mostly fun (helped along by other elements), and especially Fire Emblem, which what I wish battlemat D&D combat could be: quick, clever, strategic.

Though I’ve only played the 3DS installments thus far, due to lack of accessibility to the early games, which I couldn’t be bothered to try when they were released. Did try the first GBA game to be ported over, but that ended up having the worst, most micromanaging tutorial I’ve ever seen, and thus I am incapable of completing the first level.

I know how to play video games, Fire Emblem. I am aware of the base concept of pressing A. Yeesh. You’re worse than modern Harvest Moon games!

I’ve also never gotten invested in military FPSs, as a mixture of finding the gameplay boring, difficulty mastering it, and mockery whenever I was roped into playing one with friends.[11] In general, I don’t like being in first person view, as I find it limiting to controls, and responding to things that get behind me is annoying, because I flail trying to find the source of damage, then die.

Though, with time, my avoidance has decreased. Portal has a first person camera, but in a mixture of a more puzzle focused game and excellent integration of tutorial into gameplay,[12] it takes an agitating limited camera and makes it very workable, while also teaching the player how to interact with a game in first person.

I also played a little Team Fortress 2, and now Overwatch. The difference with those two over, say, Modern Duty or whatever, is the tone. The two games are competitive, yes, but also light hearted and goofy. Death is cheap and non punishing, the addition of powers make character choice widely different and fun, and, when I do get a little frustrated, it’s very easy for me to take a breath say ‘It’s only a game’ and let it go. Which is important when playing video games, sometimes.

Because that’s what games should always be: entertainment. It’s why I don’t try and force myself through games I’m not enjoying or lose interest in (though obviously I do try and come back and finish the plot) and why I very rarely strive for 100% completion. Because I want to enjoy myself, not engage in tedious work.

It’s also why I don’t care about ESports. Because I don’t care about sports. People doing something very well doesn’t really appeal to me. High-level chess players aren’t interesting to watch or study, seeing two teams of muscled people charge one another isn’t fun, and fight scenes with the usual punching and kicking is dull.

Because, what I look for in most cases is novelty.

Seeing a master craftsman make a thing once can be interesting, just to see the process. See a master craftsman make the same thing a 100 times is uninteresting, because nothing new is happening. When it comes to sports and games, it’s more interesting to see novices play, because they mess up in interesting ways, spot and solve problems, and you get to sit back and go ‘Now, I would’ve done this.’

So, yeah, not a big fan of Counterstrike and League of Legends news, even besides the toxic communities.

Public perception of video games turned rather quick in my lifetime. It used to be such a niche hobby, enjoyed by nerds and children and so such. Yet… well times change, don’t they? Obviously children grew up and brought games along with them, but the hobby has expanded to become mainstream, a console being as necessary as a television, where those without are viewed as bizarre, despite it not being a physical need.[13] We all remember the children who noted their family doesn’t have a TV (or keep it in the closet), and I wonder if XBoxes have gained the same traction.[14]

If only tabletop games could get the same treatment.

Though I still wouldn’t be able to find a group, but still…

Now that I’m an employed adult, I have even more control over the games I play. Which means a Wii U and a custom built PC.

That I built myself, because I also enjoyed Lego as a child.

Between the two, I tend to have a wide enough net to catch the games that interest me. Sure, there’s still some PlayStation exclusives I’d love to try (Journey, Team ICO’s works, plenty of Tales games…)[15] but some of those games are slowly drifting over to Steam, and I already have a backlog, so I can wait it out.

That’s my stumbled musings about video games… Oh! I stream them! Over here! Watch me! I love to entertain and amuse!

Also maybe consider supporting me through patreon? Then I can put more resources into being amusing!

And share any thoughts you have. I’ll listen. Until then…

Kataal kataal.

[1] Did finish rereading Yotsuba&! but there’s nothing to say about besides “Read it!” [2] Certainly didn’t help me. [3] Though not Harvest Moon 64. One day, I will slay that whale. One day… [4] The rest are inherited after old friends leave. [5] Someone on Reddit commented its port to the Switch may help scratch the itch left by Rune Factory. They are, of course, dreadfully wrong. [6] I still dislike do rankings. [7] IE, I’m not a big fan of hallway-bound FPS games, but have played through the Half-Life series. Mostly for the connection to Portal. [8] I know it was in the ‘Renegade’ position, but I thought it’d be played as ‘I’ll risk losing the Shadow Broker to book this small fish’ sort of thing. I’m not very clever, okay?[9] [9] I actually never progressed much further than that. Perhaps it’ll be on CanvasPlays someday. [10] I don’t care if you have a list of subversions of this style, by the way. I really don’t. [11] I once annoyed a former friend for not knowing there’s an aim button. I didn’t know this, because I don’t play FPSs. [12] There’s a very nice Extra Credits about this somewhere. [13] Though as a cultural need… [14] Nintendo Consoles, of course and unfortunately, being considered the off-brand. [15] the PS3 port of Tides of Destiny. Yes, it’s a disgrace of a Rune Factory game, and it was also on the wii but… well, sometimes I’m an insane collector![16] [16] I don’t even need a PS3. I can get it used for, like, five bucks from GameStop…

[brentrogers]

8 Ways to Authentically Connect with Your Kids

What are you teaching your kids?

Being at home with your children under one roof can be challenging, but amidst a pandemic with the added strain can be really stressful!

How can you use this time to connect more authentically at home with your children in quarantine?

Here are 8 ways to slow down and connect with your kids at home.

1. Slow Down.

You’re probably feeling frustrated with reactionary emotions to a difficult situation. Slowing down and getting real with your emotions shows your kids how to be resilient.

The first step is making a distinction between worry and concern.

Sharing your authentic emotions from concern is different than reacting from worry. Your emotions show up when you’re willing to be vulnerable and a calming strength lives here.

Worrying causes:

Stress

Poor health

Low energy

Inability to “self-repair”

The impact of worrying creates fear and an inability to act because you’re in “reactive” mode.

Concern, on the other hand, accepts uncertainty, but instead of living from fear, you live from faith. You feel more cautious but can still move forward.

By getting in touch with your authentic emotions, you’ll express and release them from your body instead of letting them become toxic to you. Allowing panic and anxiety to control you isn’t helpful to push onto your children. You’re there to help manage their fears.

Concern seeks inner peace so you can find clarity amidst any chaos. Using your emotions gives your kids permission to do the same.

How to Raise Courageous Children: 3 Steps to Helping Kids Manage Anxiety

2. Pay Attention to How You Speak.

What you say when things go wrong has a deep impact on the way your children speak to themselves. Wander back to your childhood to a time when you messed up… Remember how you felt. What did you most need to hear?

Have the courage to say to your child what you wanted to hear, instead of responding with a lecture. Once emotions have subsided and you’re not in a reactive mode, respond by “sharing” what wasn’t working, not “telling” them what went wrong.

Do you know how hard your child can be on themselves when they’ve made a mistake and there’s punishment, silence, or a condescending look?

Do you understand how abandoned a child can feel when you turn your back on them with punishment or shame, instead of meeting them with compassion and understanding?

So much of the way children think and why they behave the way they do is hidden from you. Discovering what’s underneath requires listening and empathizing.

What you “tell” your children — even with good intentions — can cause them to shut down and feel unheard. If you’re getting resistance, that’s how you’ll know you need to rethink your words and overall communication style.

Notice your words, the tone you have, and your emotion (usually anger and frustration) — all of it will land as blame.

Check in with your own inner voice for how you speak to yourself. Is it patient and curious or harsh and self-critical? That’s the same voice your child hears.

3. Understand What Your Child Experiences in Media.

Your children aren’t just dealing with you, but the increasingly louder voices among peers and the media. Are you aware of the tone in the environment surrounding them?

Are the games they play, the shows they watch, or Instagram stories they follow more competitive and reactive, or respectful and non-judgmental?

How might what you watch and listen to affect what becomes acceptable in your home interactions?

The media leans toward dysfunctional drama and prefers negativity, because that’s what sells. There’s an insidious level of judgment, attack, and gossip that can creep in and appear normal.

When you can find media that’s meaningful and resonates with both you and your child, it’s an opportunity to have authentic conversations.

4. Redefine “Failure.”

Notice your reaction when your child messes up. Sure, you may be sad, frustrated, even furious, but what do you do with these emotions? Your child isn’t causing your emotions.

They don’t have the power to make you angry; you’re responsible for how you feel.

Children have a natural desire to please and not disappoint, but they need a safe space to stumble and fall so they can learn and grow. No one wants to mess up, so acknowledging their feelings, and you being present with their emotions is life-changing.

Here’s how to acknowledge:

“I notice you’re angry or upset.”

“I sense something’s not working for you.”

“I realize you need your space.”

“You seem sad or frustrated.”

Then… “Can you tell me what happened?”

Actively listen with curiosity from where they are, not from where you are. Your faith in them despite their failings allows them to show up authentically.

5. Stop Criticizing.

You want your children to believe, “I can do this,” but what they often hear growing up when they make mistakes sends a different message: “I’m not good enough.”

Do any of these questions sound familiar?

“How could you not know?”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Why is this taking so long?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What were you thinking?!”

These are expressions of criticism that form your child’s “inner critic” and create the fear of not being good enough early on. Criticism of a child’s behavior creates guilt.

What’s tougher are the expressions of judgment that form your child’s “inner judge.”

“How could you be so stupid?”

“So, if your friends do something, you blindly follow like an idiot?”

“That outfit makes you look _______ (fat, too big, silly, ridiculous…)”

“Stop crying like a baby! That’s nothing to be upset over.”

“You’re such a disappointment!”

It’s easy to justify criticism and judgment because you have your “right way” as a parent and believe you know better. Let that go.

Remind yourself that your child is your greatest gift and is trying their best to learn new things. What they need is someone who’s willing to listen to their world with patience, understanding, and compassion. They need common-sense rules and guidance.

Your “why” is the biggest piece missing for kids. Why do they need to care? What do you want them to understand? These are your values.

Contrary to popular belief, punishment is not necessary for children to learn a lesson. It’s taking the time to communicate what went wrong and why.

Criticism creates an invisible wall between you and your child. What will you share if there’s a fear of judgment or criticism? Not a whole lot.

6. Let Go of Expectations.

Children today feel enormous pressure because of the expectations to be happy and successful. Have you ever said, “You should be happy! Do you know what I had in my day?”

Today, there’s a mental-health crisis in children with increasing suicide rates, and many young people take pills or are in therapy, unable to cope with stress and anxiety.

You want the world for your children, and they feel like they have to deliver. Children want to please their parents. Expectations backfire to create a silent pressure for children to be more than what they can see in themselves.

Encouraging your children to try new things often runs into resistance. There’s a push into activities to “make them happy,” but is it working?

Finding the kinds of experiences that really light your child up requires you to slow down and pay attention to what they’re drawn to and encourage those things. That’s how they discover their passions.

Your first reaction comes from why something’s not working for you based on your expectations, but whatever a child chooses makes sense for them, so find out what that might be.

A Pediatrician’s Guide to Parenting & Protecting Kids During COVID-19

7. Build Trust.

Have you ever found yourself shouting at your child to stop yelling?

Have you ever sworn you wouldn’t repeat what you heard growing up? Yet there it goes flying out of your mouth in those high-stress moments.

When you take responsibility and apologize when you mess up, you’ll find your child one day apologizing without you needing to say a single thing.

You may think the parent role demands tough love, control, and authority, but clear guidelines mixed with kindness and compassion is so much more effective in the long run.

When you give children the freedom to explore their world with supportive guidance and fewer rules, you’re teaching them to think for themselves and make decisions.

Giving in to your children when they need you to be firm backfires because they learn how to manipulate you. They learn not to trust you because you are not trusting yourself.

You’ll be experiencing fewer temper tantrums and outright rebellion in the teen years by allowing your child to find their authentic self while making sure they’re safe and healthy.

8. Accept Your Child As They Are.

The idea of unconditional love can be a confusing concept, but it reaches the deepest part of how authentic you can be with your child.

Have you ever noticed the way your child drives you most crazy is the same trait you have? It feels like a part of them you don’t accept or like. If you’re stubborn, that stubbornness in your child is going to set you off.

Until you can look in the mirror and say, “I love and accept myself exactly as I am,” and integrate those parts of yourself, it’s hard to accept that in your child.

The way you struggle is exactly the way your child does. Until you own it with compassion, you’ll have a tough time connecting with the authentic part beneath.

This guest article was first published on YourTango.com: 8 Ways To Slow Down & Connect With Your Children At Home.

8 Ways to Authentically Connect with Your Kids syndicated from

[whorchataaa]

8 Ways to Authentically Connect with Your Kids

What are you teaching your kids?

Being at home with your children under one roof can be challenging, but amidst a pandemic with the added strain can be really stressful!

How can you use this time to connect more authentically at home with your children in quarantine?

Here are 8 ways to slow down and connect with your kids at home.

1. Slow Down.

You’re probably feeling frustrated with reactionary emotions to a difficult situation. Slowing down and getting real with your emotions shows your kids how to be resilient.

The first step is making a distinction between worry and concern.

Sharing your authentic emotions from concern is different than reacting from worry. Your emotions show up when you’re willing to be vulnerable and a calming strength lives here.

Worrying causes:

Stress

Poor health

Low energy

Inability to “self-repair”

The impact of worrying creates fear and an inability to act because you’re in “reactive” mode.

Concern, on the other hand, accepts uncertainty, but instead of living from fear, you live from faith. You feel more cautious but can still move forward.

By getting in touch with your authentic emotions, you’ll express and release them from your body instead of letting them become toxic to you. Allowing panic and anxiety to control you isn’t helpful to push onto your children. You’re there to help manage their fears.

Concern seeks inner peace so you can find clarity amidst any chaos. Using your emotions gives your kids permission to do the same.

How to Raise Courageous Children: 3 Steps to Helping Kids Manage Anxiety

2. Pay Attention to How You Speak.

What you say when things go wrong has a deep impact on the way your children speak to themselves. Wander back to your childhood to a time when you messed up… Remember how you felt. What did you most need to hear?

Have the courage to say to your child what you wanted to hear, instead of responding with a lecture. Once emotions have subsided and you’re not in a reactive mode, respond by “sharing” what wasn’t working, not “telling” them what went wrong.

Do you know how hard your child can be on themselves when they’ve made a mistake and there’s punishment, silence, or a condescending look?

Do you understand how abandoned a child can feel when you turn your back on them with punishment or shame, instead of meeting them with compassion and understanding?

So much of the way children think and why they behave the way they do is hidden from you. Discovering what’s underneath requires listening and empathizing.

What you “tell” your children — even with good intentions — can cause them to shut down and feel unheard. If you’re getting resistance, that’s how you’ll know you need to rethink your words and overall communication style.

Notice your words, the tone you have, and your emotion (usually anger and frustration) — all of it will land as blame.

Check in with your own inner voice for how you speak to yourself. Is it patient and curious or harsh and self-critical? That’s the same voice your child hears.

3. Understand What Your Child Experiences in Media.

Your children aren’t just dealing with you, but the increasingly louder voices among peers and the media. Are you aware of the tone in the environment surrounding them?

Are the games they play, the shows they watch, or Instagram stories they follow more competitive and reactive, or respectful and non-judgmental?

How might what you watch and listen to affect what becomes acceptable in your home interactions?

The media leans toward dysfunctional drama and prefers negativity, because that’s what sells. There’s an insidious level of judgment, attack, and gossip that can creep in and appear normal.

When you can find media that’s meaningful and resonates with both you and your child, it’s an opportunity to have authentic conversations.

4. Redefine “Failure.”

Notice your reaction when your child messes up. Sure, you may be sad, frustrated, even furious, but what do you do with these emotions? Your child isn’t causing your emotions.

They don’t have the power to make you angry; you’re responsible for how you feel.

Children have a natural desire to please and not disappoint, but they need a safe space to stumble and fall so they can learn and grow. No one wants to mess up, so acknowledging their feelings, and you being present with their emotions is life-changing.

Here’s how to acknowledge:

“I notice you’re angry or upset.”

“I sense something’s not working for you.”

“I realize you need your space.”

“You seem sad or frustrated.”

Then… “Can you tell me what happened?”

Actively listen with curiosity from where they are, not from where you are. Your faith in them despite their failings allows them to show up authentically.

5. Stop Criticizing.

You want your children to believe, “I can do this,” but what they often hear growing up when they make mistakes sends a different message: “I’m not good enough.”

Do any of these questions sound familiar?

“How could you not know?”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Why is this taking so long?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What were you thinking?!”

These are expressions of criticism that form your child’s “inner critic” and create the fear of not being good enough early on. Criticism of a child’s behavior creates guilt.

What’s tougher are the expressions of judgment that form your child’s “inner judge.”

“How could you be so stupid?”

“So, if your friends do something, you blindly follow like an idiot?”

“That outfit makes you look _______ (fat, too big, silly, ridiculous…)”

“Stop crying like a baby! That’s nothing to be upset over.”

“You’re such a disappointment!”

It’s easy to justify criticism and judgment because you have your “right way” as a parent and believe you know better. Let that go.

Remind yourself that your child is your greatest gift and is trying their best to learn new things. What they need is someone who’s willing to listen to their world with patience, understanding, and compassion. They need common-sense rules and guidance.

Your “why” is the biggest piece missing for kids. Why do they need to care? What do you want them to understand? These are your values.

Contrary to popular belief, punishment is not necessary for children to learn a lesson. It’s taking the time to communicate what went wrong and why.

Criticism creates an invisible wall between you and your child. What will you share if there’s a fear of judgment or criticism? Not a whole lot.

6. Let Go of Expectations.

Children today feel enormous pressure because of the expectations to be happy and successful. Have you ever said, “You should be happy! Do you know what I had in my day?”

Today, there’s a mental-health crisis in children with increasing suicide rates, and many young people take pills or are in therapy, unable to cope with stress and anxiety.

You want the world for your children, and they feel like they have to deliver. Children want to please their parents. Expectations backfire to create a silent pressure for children to be more than what they can see in themselves.

Encouraging your children to try new things often runs into resistance. There’s a push into activities to “make them happy,” but is it working?

Finding the kinds of experiences that really light your child up requires you to slow down and pay attention to what they’re drawn to and encourage those things. That’s how they discover their passions.

Your first reaction comes from why something’s not working for you based on your expectations, but whatever a child chooses makes sense for them, so find out what that might be.

A Pediatrician’s Guide to Parenting & Protecting Kids During COVID-19

7. Build Trust.

Have you ever found yourself shouting at your child to stop yelling?

Have you ever sworn you wouldn’t repeat what you heard growing up? Yet there it goes flying out of your mouth in those high-stress moments.

When you take responsibility and apologize when you mess up, you’ll find your child one day apologizing without you needing to say a single thing.

You may think the parent role demands tough love, control, and authority, but clear guidelines mixed with kindness and compassion is so much more effective in the long run.

When you give children the freedom to explore their world with supportive guidance and fewer rules, you’re teaching them to think for themselves and make decisions.

Giving in to your children when they need you to be firm backfires because they learn how to manipulate you. They learn not to trust you because you are not trusting yourself.

You’ll be experiencing fewer temper tantrums and outright rebellion in the teen years by allowing your child to find their authentic self while making sure they’re safe and healthy.

8. Accept Your Child As They Are.

The idea of unconditional love can be a confusing concept, but it reaches the deepest part of how authentic you can be with your child.

Have you ever noticed the way your child drives you most crazy is the same trait you have? It feels like a part of them you don’t accept or like. If you’re stubborn, that stubbornness in your child is going to set you off.

Until you can look in the mirror and say, “I love and accept myself exactly as I am,” and integrate those parts of yourself, it’s hard to accept that in your child.

The way you struggle is exactly the way your child does. Until you own it with compassion, you’ll have a tough time connecting with the authentic part beneath.

This guest article was first published on YourTango.com: 8 Ways To Slow Down & Connect With Your Children At Home.

from https://ift.tt/36M7KOd Check out https://peterlegyel.wordpress.com/

[ashley-unicorn]

8 Ways to Authentically Connect with Your Kids

What are you teaching your kids?

Being at home with your children under one roof can be challenging, but amidst a pandemic with the added strain can be really stressful!

How can you use this time to connect more authentically at home with your children in quarantine?

Here are 8 ways to slow down and connect with your kids at home.

1. Slow Down.

You’re probably feeling frustrated with reactionary emotions to a difficult situation. Slowing down and getting real with your emotions shows your kids how to be resilient.

The first step is making a distinction between worry and concern.

Sharing your authentic emotions from concern is different than reacting from worry. Your emotions show up when you’re willing to be vulnerable and a calming strength lives here.

Worrying causes:

Stress

Poor health

Low energy

Inability to “self-repair”

The impact of worrying creates fear and an inability to act because you’re in “reactive” mode.

Concern, on the other hand, accepts uncertainty, but instead of living from fear, you live from faith. You feel more cautious but can still move forward.

By getting in touch with your authentic emotions, you’ll express and release them from your body instead of letting them become toxic to you. Allowing panic and anxiety to control you isn’t helpful to push onto your children. You’re there to help manage their fears.

Concern seeks inner peace so you can find clarity amidst any chaos. Using your emotions gives your kids permission to do the same.

How to Raise Courageous Children: 3 Steps to Helping Kids Manage Anxiety

2. Pay Attention to How You Speak.

What you say when things go wrong has a deep impact on the way your children speak to themselves. Wander back to your childhood to a time when you messed up… Remember how you felt. What did you most need to hear?

Have the courage to say to your child what you wanted to hear, instead of responding with a lecture. Once emotions have subsided and you’re not in a reactive mode, respond by “sharing” what wasn’t working, not “telling” them what went wrong.

Do you know how hard your child can be on themselves when they’ve made a mistake and there’s punishment, silence, or a condescending look?

Do you understand how abandoned a child can feel when you turn your back on them with punishment or shame, instead of meeting them with compassion and understanding?

So much of the way children think and why they behave the way they do is hidden from you. Discovering what’s underneath requires listening and empathizing.

What you “tell” your children — even with good intentions — can cause them to shut down and feel unheard. If you’re getting resistance, that’s how you’ll know you need to rethink your words and overall communication style.

Notice your words, the tone you have, and your emotion (usually anger and frustration) — all of it will land as blame.

Check in with your own inner voice for how you speak to yourself. Is it patient and curious or harsh and self-critical? That’s the same voice your child hears.

3. Understand What Your Child Experiences in Media.

Your children aren’t just dealing with you, but the increasingly louder voices among peers and the media. Are you aware of the tone in the environment surrounding them?

Are the games they play, the shows they watch, or Instagram stories they follow more competitive and reactive, or respectful and non-judgmental?

How might what you watch and listen to affect what becomes acceptable in your home interactions?

The media leans toward dysfunctional drama and prefers negativity, because that’s what sells. There’s an insidious level of judgment, attack, and gossip that can creep in and appear normal.

When you can find media that’s meaningful and resonates with both you and your child, it’s an opportunity to have authentic conversations.

4. Redefine “Failure.”

Notice your reaction when your child messes up. Sure, you may be sad, frustrated, even furious, but what do you do with these emotions? Your child isn’t causing your emotions.

They don’t have the power to make you angry; you’re responsible for how you feel.

Children have a natural desire to please and not disappoint, but they need a safe space to stumble and fall so they can learn and grow. No one wants to mess up, so acknowledging their feelings, and you being present with their emotions is life-changing.

Here’s how to acknowledge:

“I notice you’re angry or upset.”

“I sense something’s not working for you.”

“I realize you need your space.”

“You seem sad or frustrated.”

Then… “Can you tell me what happened?”

Actively listen with curiosity from where they are, not from where you are. Your faith in them despite their failings allows them to show up authentically.

5. Stop Criticizing.

You want your children to believe, “I can do this,” but what they often hear growing up when they make mistakes sends a different message: “I’m not good enough.”

Do any of these questions sound familiar?

“How could you not know?”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Why is this taking so long?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What were you thinking?!”

These are expressions of criticism that form your child’s “inner critic” and create the fear of not being good enough early on. Criticism of a child’s behavior creates guilt.

What’s tougher are the expressions of judgment that form your child’s “inner judge.”

“How could you be so stupid?”

“So, if your friends do something, you blindly follow like an idiot?”

“That outfit makes you look _______ (fat, too big, silly, ridiculous…)”

“Stop crying like a baby! That’s nothing to be upset over.”

“You’re such a disappointment!”

It’s easy to justify criticism and judgment because you have your “right way” as a parent and believe you know better. Let that go.

Remind yourself that your child is your greatest gift and is trying their best to learn new things. What they need is someone who’s willing to listen to their world with patience, understanding, and compassion. They need common-sense rules and guidance.

Your “why” is the biggest piece missing for kids. Why do they need to care? What do you want them to understand? These are your values.

Contrary to popular belief, punishment is not necessary for children to learn a lesson. It’s taking the time to communicate what went wrong and why.

Criticism creates an invisible wall between you and your child. What will you share if there’s a fear of judgment or criticism? Not a whole lot.

6. Let Go of Expectations.

Children today feel enormous pressure because of the expectations to be happy and successful. Have you ever said, “You should be happy! Do you know what I had in my day?”

Today, there’s a mental-health crisis in children with increasing suicide rates, and many young people take pills or are in therapy, unable to cope with stress and anxiety.

You want the world for your children, and they feel like they have to deliver. Children want to please their parents. Expectations backfire to create a silent pressure for children to be more than what they can see in themselves.

Encouraging your children to try new things often runs into resistance. There’s a push into activities to “make them happy,” but is it working?

Finding the kinds of experiences that really light your child up requires you to slow down and pay attention to what they’re drawn to and encourage those things. That’s how they discover their passions.

Your first reaction comes from why something’s not working for you based on your expectations, but whatever a child chooses makes sense for them, so find out what that might be.

A Pediatrician’s Guide to Parenting & Protecting Kids During COVID-19

7. Build Trust.

Have you ever found yourself shouting at your child to stop yelling?

Have you ever sworn you wouldn’t repeat what you heard growing up? Yet there it goes flying out of your mouth in those high-stress moments.

When you take responsibility and apologize when you mess up, you’ll find your child one day apologizing without you needing to say a single thing.

You may think the parent role demands tough love, control, and authority, but clear guidelines mixed with kindness and compassion is so much more effective in the long run.

When you give children the freedom to explore their world with supportive guidance and fewer rules, you’re teaching them to think for themselves and make decisions.

Giving in to your children when they need you to be firm backfires because they learn how to manipulate you. They learn not to trust you because you are not trusting yourself.

You’ll be experiencing fewer temper tantrums and outright rebellion in the teen years by allowing your child to find their authentic self while making sure they’re safe and healthy.

8. Accept Your Child As They Are.

The idea of unconditional love can be a confusing concept, but it reaches the deepest part of how authentic you can be with your child.

Have you ever noticed the way your child drives you most crazy is the same trait you have? It feels like a part of them you don’t accept or like. If you’re stubborn, that stubbornness in your child is going to set you off.

Until you can look in the mirror and say, “I love and accept myself exactly as I am,” and integrate those parts of yourself, it’s hard to accept that in your child.

The way you struggle is exactly the way your child does. Until you own it with compassion, you’ll have a tough time connecting with the authentic part beneath.

This guest article was first published on YourTango.com: 8 Ways To Slow Down & Connect With Your Children At Home.

from https://ift.tt/36M7KOd Check out https://daniejadkins.wordpress.com/

[erraticfairy]

8 Ways to Authentically Connect with Your Kids

What are you teaching your kids?

Being at home with your children under one roof can be challenging, but amidst a pandemic with the added strain can be really stressful!

How can you use this time to connect more authentically at home with your children in quarantine?

Here are 8 ways to slow down and connect with your kids at home.

1. Slow Down.

You’re probably feeling frustrated with reactionary emotions to a difficult situation. Slowing down and getting real with your emotions shows your kids how to be resilient.

The first step is making a distinction between worry and concern.

Sharing your authentic emotions from concern is different than reacting from worry. Your emotions show up when you’re willing to be vulnerable and a calming strength lives here.

Worrying causes:

Stress

Poor health

Low energy

Inability to “self-repair”

The impact of worrying creates fear and an inability to act because you’re in “reactive” mode.

Concern, on the other hand, accepts uncertainty, but instead of living from fear, you live from faith. You feel more cautious but can still move forward.

By getting in touch with your authentic emotions, you’ll express and release them from your body instead of letting them become toxic to you. Allowing panic and anxiety to control you isn’t helpful to push onto your children. You’re there to help manage their fears.

Concern seeks inner peace so you can find clarity amidst any chaos. Using your emotions gives your kids permission to do the same.

How to Raise Courageous Children: 3 Steps to Helping Kids Manage Anxiety

2. Pay Attention to How You Speak.

What you say when things go wrong has a deep impact on the way your children speak to themselves. Wander back to your childhood to a time when you messed up… Remember how you felt. What did you most need to hear?

Have the courage to say to your child what you wanted to hear, instead of responding with a lecture. Once emotions have subsided and you’re not in a reactive mode, respond by “sharing” what wasn’t working, not “telling” them what went wrong.

Do you know how hard your child can be on themselves when they’ve made a mistake and there’s punishment, silence, or a condescending look?

Do you understand how abandoned a child can feel when you turn your back on them with punishment or shame, instead of meeting them with compassion and understanding?

So much of the way children think and why they behave the way they do is hidden from you. Discovering what’s underneath requires listening and empathizing.

What you “tell” your children — even with good intentions — can cause them to shut down and feel unheard. If you’re getting resistance, that’s how you’ll know you need to rethink your words and overall communication style.

Notice your words, the tone you have, and your emotion (usually anger and frustration) — all of it will land as blame.

Check in with your own inner voice for how you speak to yourself. Is it patient and curious or harsh and self-critical? That’s the same voice your child hears.

3. Understand What Your Child Experiences in Media.

Your children aren’t just dealing with you, but the increasingly louder voices among peers and the media. Are you aware of the tone in the environment surrounding them?

Are the games they play, the shows they watch, or Instagram stories they follow more competitive and reactive, or respectful and non-judgmental?

How might what you watch and listen to affect what becomes acceptable in your home interactions?

The media leans toward dysfunctional drama and prefers negativity, because that’s what sells. There’s an insidious level of judgment, attack, and gossip that can creep in and appear normal.

When you can find media that’s meaningful and resonates with both you and your child, it’s an opportunity to have authentic conversations.

4. Redefine “Failure.”

Notice your reaction when your child messes up. Sure, you may be sad, frustrated, even furious, but what do you do with these emotions? Your child isn’t causing your emotions.

They don’t have the power to make you angry; you’re responsible for how you feel.

Children have a natural desire to please and not disappoint, but they need a safe space to stumble and fall so they can learn and grow. No one wants to mess up, so acknowledging their feelings, and you being present with their emotions is life-changing.

Here’s how to acknowledge:

“I notice you’re angry or upset.”

“I sense something’s not working for you.”

“I realize you need your space.”

“You seem sad or frustrated.”

Then… “Can you tell me what happened?”

Actively listen with curiosity from where they are, not from where you are. Your faith in them despite their failings allows them to show up authentically.

5. Stop Criticizing.

You want your children to believe, “I can do this,” but what they often hear growing up when they make mistakes sends a different message: “I’m not good enough.”

Do any of these questions sound familiar?

“How could you not know?”

“What’s the matter with you?”

“Why is this taking so long?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“What were you thinking?!”

These are expressions of criticism that form your child’s “inner critic” and create the fear of not being good enough early on. Criticism of a child’s behavior creates guilt.

What’s tougher are the expressions of judgment that form your child’s “inner judge.”

“How could you be so stupid?”

“So, if your friends do something, you blindly follow like an idiot?”

“That outfit makes you look _______ (fat, too big, silly, ridiculous…)”

“Stop crying like a baby! That’s nothing to be upset over.”

“You’re such a disappointment!”

It’s easy to justify criticism and judgment because you have your “right way” as a parent and believe you know better. Let that go.

Remind yourself that your child is your greatest gift and is trying their best to learn new things. What they need is someone who’s willing to listen to their world with patience, understanding, and compassion. They need common-sense rules and guidance.

Your “why” is the biggest piece missing for kids. Why do they need to care? What do you want them to understand? These are your values.

Contrary to popular belief, punishment is not necessary for children to learn a lesson. It’s taking the time to communicate what went wrong and why.

Criticism creates an invisible wall between you and your child. What will you share if there’s a fear of judgment or criticism? Not a whole lot.

6. Let Go of Expectations.

Children today feel enormous pressure because of the expectations to be happy and successful. Have you ever said, “You should be happy! Do you know what I had in my day?”

Today, there’s a mental-health crisis in children with increasing suicide rates, and many young people take pills or are in therapy, unable to cope with stress and anxiety.

You want the world for your children, and they feel like they have to deliver. Children want to please their parents. Expectations backfire to create a silent pressure for children to be more than what they can see in themselves.

Encouraging your children to try new things often runs into resistance. There’s a push into activities to “make them happy,” but is it working?

Finding the kinds of experiences that really light your child up requires you to slow down and pay attention to what they’re drawn to and encourage those things. That’s how they discover their passions.

Your first reaction comes from why something’s not working for you based on your expectations, but whatever a child chooses makes sense for them, so find out what that might be.

A Pediatrician’s Guide to Parenting & Protecting Kids During COVID-19

7. Build Trust.

Have you ever found yourself shouting at your child to stop yelling?

Have you ever sworn you wouldn’t repeat what you heard growing up? Yet there it goes flying out of your mouth in those high-stress moments.

When you take responsibility and apologize when you mess up, you’ll find your child one day apologizing without you needing to say a single thing.

You may think the parent role demands tough love, control, and authority, but clear guidelines mixed with kindness and compassion is so much more effective in the long run.

When you give children the freedom to explore their world with supportive guidance and fewer rules, you’re teaching them to think for themselves and make decisions.

Giving in to your children when they need you to be firm backfires because they learn how to manipulate you. They learn not to trust you because you are not trusting yourself.

You’ll be experiencing fewer temper tantrums and outright rebellion in the teen years by allowing your child to find their authentic self while making sure they’re safe and healthy.

8. Accept Your Child As They Are.

The idea of unconditional love can be a confusing concept, but it reaches the deepest part of how authentic you can be with your child.

Have you ever noticed the way your child drives you most crazy is the same trait you have? It feels like a part of them you don’t accept or like. If you’re stubborn, that stubbornness in your child is going to set you off.

Until you can look in the mirror and say, “I love and accept myself exactly as I am,” and integrate those parts of yourself, it’s hard to accept that in your child.

The way you struggle is exactly the way your child does. Until you own it with compassion, you’ll have a tough time connecting with the authentic part beneath.

This guest article was first published on YourTango.com: 8 Ways To Slow Down & Connect With Your Children At Home.

from World of Psychology https://ift.tt/36M7KOd via theshiningmind.com

[lil-mad364-blog]

Day 16

September 22, 2018

Yep, so I’m writing this around noon on the 23rd because I was 100% too “drunk” to write anything productive last night lol. But I wasn’t drunk because of the party....

But before I get to that, I want to talk about the earlier events of the day. So I carpooled with baker boy to our meeting. He’s such a chill guy. I don’t feel pressured or awkward or anything with him, which is really nice. Not much went down there. 

The meeting was chill too. Since Jordan told me his parents would be coming, and I saw the one girl’s parents were there (the girl who Jordan said he still had feelings for at the start of all of this), I was kinda looking out for his parents too to see if they would be there. I don’t think they ended up coming. Why was I looking out for them? Good question. I think maybe it was because I wanted to prepare myself for any potential “Hey, Lilly! How are you? Give me a hug, we haven’t seen you in a while!” kind of approaches. Maybe I also just wanted to see if I was being watched. 

Later on in the day at our organization’s next event (Saturdays are busy days for us), I honestly didn’t think about Jordan’s parents being there at all. It wasn’t until I got a text from Jordan’s mom saying “We see you!!! ;D” that I even thought about them being there. I wonder how much Jordan has let his parents in on what’s been going on. I wonder if they know that we haven’t been talking... But perhaps they do know, since I never did get an invite to dinner or anything. 

After that, we went to the football game!

Okay, I guess since it’s approaching the end of these 21 days, I’ll just come out and say it. The organization that we’re all in is a college marching band. Now that that makes more sense as to why we’re always meeting and why Saturdays are hectic and why we’re all at a football game together, it’ll be a little easier to explain some things. 

At the football game, we get to pick where we want to sit within reason. Jordan chose to sit next to her. In the past, I noticed that him and his three roommates (her unfortunately being one of them) sit together, but he never sits next to her. Today he did, and I don’t know why. It could be nothing, but it could be something. Ugh. 

Later on, Jordan and I had some contact. The band was grabbing some food, hotdogs to be exact, and they weren’t normal sized hotdogs. “Wow, these hotdogs are huge!” I said. Jordan was about 4 or 5 people in front of me, and he turned to me and gave me sort of this sly smile, and I gave him one back lmao. We were definitely being suggestive towards each other in that moment. But I’m honestly happy we had that kind of a moment for a variety of reasons. 1) He still thinks I’m sexy and is willing to admit that he still thinks of me that way, 2) It shows that we are not in a sad or awkward place with each other, and we are still able to be happy and have fun with each other, and 3) It shows that there are no hard feelings between us and that me not talking to him isn’t because I’m mad at him. Mind you, baker boy was standing like 2 people in front of me in line, so it’s very possible that he saw this small interaction take place..

That’s the only kind of “contact” I really had with Jordan, but it felt really nice. After the game, I was outside waiting for baker boy (I guess I’m just gonna keep calling him that now lmao), so I put my stuff down to go look for him. When I found him, he asked me where my stuff was, and I turned around and pointed in the direction of it, and Jordan was standing right where I was pointing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw him smile at me, but I kinda ignored it! I didn’t want him thinking that I was pointing at him or that I even saw him there. So the boy and I walked past him to get my stuff, and then we walked away together to his car. Ouch.

It was a pretty long walk, and we were talking about whatever and laughing and stuff, and I see Jordan’s car slowly drive by right in front of us. His parents could have been in the car too... but all I know is that he got confirmation that we were riding home together in that moment. Honestly, good. After him choosing to sit next to that girl, I really should show him how that feels with someone who I haven’t even slept with or even have feelings for. BUT it does give him something to rebel against... But it’s not like I was flaunting it on purpose like making a post on social media or something. It was just luck that he was standing in the direction of me pointing earlier and that he drove by us as we were walking to his car. So idk.

I’m pretty sure I had mentioned in a previous post that the baker boy drives a stick shift. There was a moment when we were driving that he was like “Alright, now it’s your turn to change the gears for me!” and I was like, “I am not going to be responsible for breaking your car!” and he was like, “Here, just put your hand here on the [insert name for stick shift thing here].” So I did, and when it was time to change gears, he’d quickly put his hand over mine and shifted the gears! That was literally happening the whole way home, and it was literally just a way for him to continuously touch my hand. Damn, this guy is smooth. It’s so subtle that I’m not even 100% sure if he’s actually intending on flirting or not lmao. But I like that, unlike the other guy, because it doesn’t make things feel awkward or pressures any kind of flirty response. 

We talked about him giving me a ride to the party before I got out of his car, and he said he’d let me know since his parents were in town and he was going to hang with them beforehand. But then when I texted him about it, he said I should probably uber since him and his friend were doing “illegal” things before the party and didn’t think I’d want to be around for it. Okay then...

So I just ended up not going to the party altogether lol. I wasn’t about to be there with him being some kind of fucked up when he’d be like the only real person I know there. But I was already dressed up for the party so I couldn’t just stay in... Then I remembered that my bff invited me out earlier but I turned her down because I told her I had the party. So I ended up going out with her and our friends instead lol. 

It was all you can drink, so I drank kind of a lot lol. We were trying to get that OTHER other guy to come (the one who it’d be cool if I got interested in me), but he already had other plans. Lameee. I danced a lot. I actually ran into a couple of old guy friends there too! Ended up drunk dancing with one of them hahaha. He was totally into me, and he’s cute too. But he’s a little too much of a party animal for my serious taste haha, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun! 

Oh! Something small I forgot to mention. Last night, the lover boy texted me like “We should go to a club tonight!” Like, what??? Was he expecting it to just be me and him?? That’s so hella freaking awkward. I can’t even dance with him now because he has too many feelings for me that are just not reciprocated. I told him that I was already heading to a party (because at the time that was the real plan lol), and he said “Have fun” in the least excited way possible. Usually he’d add like 5 exclamation points or something, but he didn’t! MAYBE HE’S FINALLY GETTING THE HINT!!!. It’s also almost 1:30pm the next day and I still haven’t heard from him so that’s pretty amazing. He definitely saw my snap story though of me being out, and there were a couple of guys I was taking pictures with too, so maybe he’s realizing that he is NOT THE ONLY PERSON IN MY LIFE. It’s about time.

Alrighty, my time is up!

You’ll hear from me later :)

See yaaaa!

Lil Mad out.