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#why change your wife
picturessnatcher · 1 year
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Why Change Your Wife? (Cecil B. DeMille, 1920)
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warlockfemale · 1 year
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And Gloria Swanson's version of the "Fuck you ex look what you're missing!" In Why Change Your Wife
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qualityrain · 7 months
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love how shinpei can say the most insane off putting weird intense yandere bullshit and all it takes is for satoko to give this specific look for him to backpedal like crazy
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fisheito · 2 months
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hiya l'il-- medium?...large?? Assorted Sizes-Guy
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oh thanks! i could always use more spices-
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. what am i supposed to do with this.
#surrounded by henchmen (smaller Me's) i peer reproachfully into my inbox#2: ...get him pregnant?#*slaps 2 upside the head* you absolute GOON he's ALREADY pregnant we can't get him DOUBLE pregnant#2: well... why not? if creatures can have two uteri then i don't see why--#Me: *drags my hand down my face* yes i know but. just. dont#3: Picture this. your snake wife is so full and round (because who knows how many snakelets are in there)#3: one day he has to stop working much earlier than usual. u kno. cuz of the MASS. and he starts getting insecure about his body changes#3: so he touches his tummy . looks up at you with those big eyes and murmurs 'am i... unsightly like this?'#3: and u whisper reassurances to him while kissing his face#3: then u promptly rail him on the nearest comfortable surface to erase any doubt of him being unattractive#Me: ..............WHAT THE FUFK?#3: *shrugs aggressively while maintaining eye contact*#Me: NO. pregnancy isn't even our kink. why are we-#3: not YOUR kink maybe#Me: *incredulous stare* how the-- you know what . Go to the timeout zone. i'm not dealing with this today#4: the ask says 'snakumo' though. Wouldn't he be in snake form then...?#3: so? THIS CHANGES NOTHING.#Me: GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#3: *rolls eyes and mutters while walking away*#5: who's greg?#4: dude you can't be serious. if WE know the meme then YOU know the meme#5: i'm serious. i haven't been online in 16 years#4: look. when you wonder if sex will hurt baby top of head-#Me: WHY ARE WE DISCUSSING THIS?#2: because we are currently engaged in a circle of ppl squicked by pregnancy... who must make pregnancy jokes#4: it's all about the joke potential ya see. gigglemaxxing#Me: *massaging my temples* i'm not ready to be a father. i never will be.#6: KNOCK HIM UP AND EAT HIS EGGS SO U CAN KNOCK HIM UP AGAIN. NO ONE SAID YOU HAVE TO BE A FATHER !#3: (muffled from a distance) HELL YEAH BROTHER#Me: SHUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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aliensexdream · 5 months
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As the fragrance of non-criminalized cannabis and distorted illegal midi knockoff ringtones from the local ice cream truck drift through my unnecessarily open windows this fine spring evening, here in the Best City on Earth (Philadelphia), I have been overcome by an uncharacteristic generosity that I for one blame on my unregulated hormonal cycle.
I am very pleased to announce that I have purged my extraneous Tumblr urls, and they are all now available to claim as your very own!
Context: I have been on and off this site since its beginning. So yeah, I obviously locked myself out of my first account like an idiot in like 2010, and I floated around a long while after. I guess i only dug back in enthusiastically around 2013/2014?
Anyway. Clearing out the stockpile. I had been planning to hold onto these for barter/ransom during the coming internet wars, but since I'm on like 4 psych meds now I see the error of my ways.
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sigbestboi · 1 year
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it's 5 am and I had the urge to quickly sketch this comic idea out because if I didnt i'd explode!!!!! do you guys think satan gets small flashbacks of lilith when he's around arle,,
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i-live-in-spite · 2 months
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To my two fresh mutuals @april015 @yezzyyae
I love our back and forth reblogs on how criminal minds has horrible horrible writing.
Keep up the good fight
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i know that when carlo suddenly decided that he needs to marry guy made a whole list in his head n like had a deadlines n shit. like it was some kind of a task he needed to do
#whole fkin campaign. idk still not sure how it was but man was in his peacock era for sure#n it's like i need to find a wife i need to make it in 2 (or whatever) months etc etc#but its like a bg task n he didn't speak bout it w others. like he just said that he needs to marry#also idk if i mentioned this but i wrote lauretta/carlo first meet long ago n she was w her fiance#i just listened to “pretty music” again sorry. i like that uh governor or tf this character is#changes his behaviour from one woman to another so real. n that fkin “but im a lucky guy who gets to dance w u”#and “since u know what i need i'll even take your lead” <- fr like im sure lauretta screwed him for several times#just to see if he's really serious good old manipulations w men nothing new nothing superstitious#upd. he probably made a mind budget for this (i mean finding a wife)#n bout lauretta screwing carlo its like in this ukranian song Ти ж мене пiдманула ти ж мене пiдвела#but since he's a strategist he's patient (like i wanted to accent this quality sm i wrote#that carlo started thinkin bout taking moretti's place back in 1932)#anyway. “Challenge accepted” situation and idk fr for some reason when it's carlo eddie lauretta it's always bout playing#so lauretta started playing n he entered this play too. i don't even think he was exactly mad (maybe only for the 1st time)#at this point i have a clear image of how they met n their first dates (cringe word) n how he proposed#ie how it started how it ended. ending was fast i believe (deadline is approaching 🤯)#what was in between i don't exactly know but i wondered just now if he also screwed lauretta (i think yes)#bc i don't knooowwww frrr all this is so bout playing to me#but bout ending its like. boss fight (<- sex) game credits (<- marriage) ((speedrun))#also i was thinkin if he even ever met lauretta's parents (i always thought that no but idk)#can imagine lauretta calling carlo a good friend. i also hm ok#i started to write a comic like a month ago just bout falcone polycule n it starts w#carlo who says that he finally needs to get married n lauretta's mother askin (in a pushing way) why#her n her fiance still aren't married like girl tf. she jinxed it i guess#upd. carlo/lauretta is funny in my head bc right before marriage he did fell in love lauretta didn't but guy's profitable we'll take him👍#she did only after marriage i think bc it was the time when u can finally relief bc it's over#u don't need to think bout no yes no no yes yes will it work or won't etc#woman was able to fucking chill at last. she got the money sorry i mean the man#he's not runnin away let's finally look who the fuck is even this man. why he won't shut up bout astronomy can i get a divorce <- jk#but yeah “я тобi брехала” is so lauretta right after marriage to me (“i dont even know the color of ur hair”)
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blujayonthewing · 3 months
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every so often I think about how my dad was doing ethical veganism for, like, seven solid years and spent the whole time talking about how he just couldn't stand to eat meat anymore because he's an empath and how the use of animal products is literally never and has never been morally excusable under any circumstances and then one day was like 'I bought a grill! check out these sick ribs I just made!' so extremely suddenly that all three of us kids were like '....?? .... meat ribs.....???' and when I finally asked him what was up he sent a shrug emoji and said he wanted to lose weight so he started keto
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tsukikoayanosuke · 3 months
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Will You Be Okay in the Next Ten Years? - Ruikasa Week 2004
Day 6: Invention
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(Inspired by Katekyo Hitman Reborn but no knowledge of said show is needed)
It was a sunny lunch break when Nene asked the question: “Have you ever wondered about the future?”
Emu, who was lying on her stomach, held her cheeks in her palm and elbow on the floor. Her legs swung back and forth as she asked back,  “Huee? The future?”
“Once we graduate from the academy,” Nene said again. “What do you want do you want to do?”
Tsukasa let out a chuckle. “Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it?” He struck a pose. “I WILL BE THE WORLD GREATEST HERO!”
“That’ll be so cool!” Emu leaped into a sitting position, eyes gleaming in excitement. “You’ll go in a Gundam and whoosh whoosh BOOM! Save the world!”
Tsukasa laughed loudly. “Exactly! To be heroes and protect everyone’s smile.” He grinned widely at the group surrounding him. “Isn’t that what Wonderland x Showtime does?” Emu followed his cheer while Rui and Nene just smiled. Tsukasa knew they could change the world; he believed in them.
It had been a year since Wonderland x Showtime was formed. All of them are students at Mikudemy Institute, a military academy in this age of advanced technology with giant robots as the main weapon. Both Tsukasa and Emu are pilots while Rui and Nene are scientist/maintenance. They had a bump in their first mission which nearly cost their early disbandment. But they worked it out and became stronger than ever.
“How about we take a peak into the future?” Rui suggested. “I’m also curious about what would happen.”
“You can do that?” Tsukasa asked, already feeling excited.
Rui chuckled. “I’m sure I can manage. Huh… Maybe I can…” He went off into his usual mumble, slipping into his own unique thinking space.
Nene let out an amused sigh. “There he goes again…”
“Let’s leave it to Rui!” Emu cheered.
Tsukasa couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Rui. His brilliant scientist will no doubt impress them once again, no matter how big or small in invention is. Tsukasa couldn’t imagine a world where he and Rui would never be together again, especially after that first fight. They said a lot of hurtful things to each other, but they managed to sort them out. If anything, they became much closer than before and Tsukasa wouldn’t trade it with anything.
*****
“TA-DAA! The Ten-Year Bazooka is done!”
“The what?!”
Rui, as he promised, came back three days later with a giant purple bazooka. They might be in a military school, but Tsukasa was sure that didn’t mean Rui could carry around a weapon without a license. 
“In theory, it can allow you to swap places with your future self,” Rui explained. “Like a time machine, but without the whole ‘two versions of you at the same time’ paradox.”
“Why ten years though?” Nene asked, still in disbelief.
“Well, the world of next week probably won't change that much, so why not far into the future?” Rui said. “And if it works, then maybe we can make a proper time machine.” 
“You haven’t tested it?!” Tsukasa shouted.
“That’s so cool!” Emu cheered. “I want to go! I want to go!”
“Hold on, Emu.” Tsukasa put a hand on her shoulder, stopping her from bouncing. “I’ll test it, just to make sure it’s safe.”
“Are you sure?” Rui asked. “The future is unpredictable.”
Tsukasa nodded determined. “I believe in you!” He took a deep breath and stretched his arms, “Hit me!”
Rui gave him a thankful smile and threw the bazooka at him. Almost automatically, it extended its mouth to swallow him whole. Tsukasa could hear a click and pink smoke covered his vision, causing him to cough. When the smoke subsided though, Tsukasa could finally see his surroundings.
He was in a room with white walls, ceiling, and floor. While the floor is clean, except for some trinkets here and there, the walls are covered with papers on every surface he could reach; printed articles with bold headlines, graphs and diagrams some crossed with a red marker, a pinboard with few photographs, sketches of what he could guess a human mecha armor (that Tsukasa remember is currently underdevelopment in his times). He was sitting on a bed whose sheet probably hadn’t been washed for the longest time. Beside it, there was an unrecognizable humming machine beside him and cables seemingly once stuck on something but were forcefully taken off. Beside where his head was supposed to be, there was a single worn-out platypus plushie that suspiciously looked like something Tsukasa sewed back then for Rui’s birthday.
There’s no way this is his room right? If Rui said that the bazooka was supposed to make him swap places with his version of ten years later, does that mean he’s going to be a slob?!
The metal door was suddenly opened, the light from outside hitting Tsukasa right on the eyes, making him cover his face with his hand. There was a breathy “What…” followed by the sound of shattered glass. 
There, standing by the doorway, was a man in their mid-twenties. Unkept purple hair with two cyan streaks tied in a sloppy low ponytail. His wrinkled lab coat hung on his skinny frame. Bags under his no-longer twinkling yellow eyes as if he hadn’t slept for years, but now those same eyes stared at Tsukasa with shock.
“Rui…?”
The man, ten-year-later Rui, crumbled. He sprinted to the bed and pulled Tsukasa into a hug so tight that Tsukasa could feel Rui’s ribcage.
“Tsukasa… Tsakasa…” Rui’s voice was hoarse, as if he hadn’t used it for a very long time (but why? Rui is always the lovable rambly one), yet filled with heavy emotions. He cradled his head, pressing kisses on his neck that made Tsukasa blush.
“R-Rui…?” Tsukasa tried to shift his position but Rui tightened his hug.
“Please…” he whispered tearfully. He was trembling. “Give me a moment…”
Tsukasa hummed, unable to deny Rui’s request. He brought his hand onto Rui’s hair, caressing him. Rui let out a whimper. Tsukasa didn’t have the heart to pull away.
It took a while but Rui finally let go of his hug. He cupped Tsukasa’s cheeks and Tsukasa could finally see how weary the man in front of him was. Has ten years really taken a toll on him?
“You look so young…” Rui whispered, his thumb caressing his cheeks. “How?”
Tsukasa gulped. “I’m not… I’m not your Tsukasa.”
Rui paused. “Not mine?”
“I’m from ten years ago. You- I mean, my Rui, made a Ten-Year Bazooka just for fun. So, we can, you know, take a glimpse for a few minutes.”
Rui’s eyes widened slightly before they softened. “Are you… Are you close with your Rui?”
“Aren’t we?” Tsukasa asked back, not really grasping between the words. “You’re still in Wonderland x Showtime, aren’t you?” 
Rui didn’t answer but Tsukasa could see a flicker in his eyes. A brief glimpse of melancholy. “What happened?”
Rui let out a huff, the closest thing Tsukasa took as a laugh. “Stuff happened. Your Rui accepted your apology, didn’t he?”
“Yeah… Didn’t you?”
Rui sighed through his nose. He leaned down, pressing his forehead onto Tsukasa’s in the gentlest cradle as if he would shatter. “You can make a different future. A future where everything will be okay. Where you can be safe.”
“But I have you. Why wouldn’t I be safe?”
“I made a stupid mistake.”
“Don’t blame yourself.” Tsukasa reached for Rui’s hand and leaned against his touch. “I’m sure my future self wouldn’t want that either.”
Rui’s eyes teared up from that and he gave a small nod. “He wouldn’t… He never would…” He pulled Tsukasa into another hug and Tsukasa could feel his shoulder getting wet. “I miss you… I promise I will fix this.”
“What happened?” He had to ask the same question, but like before, Rui never answered him instead he shook his head.
“The future is not set in stone. This timeline is nothing you need to worry about. You’re gonna be fine. You have to…”
Tsukasa didn’t have time to question again for his five minutes was almost up. His skin started to turn smokey as he stared at Rui in panic. “What’s happening?”
Rui must’ve felt it too because he pulled back, his eyes tearing up again. “Looks like it’s time for you to go home.”
“What will happen to you?”
Rui quickly grasped his shoulder, grounding him for the last few seconds. “I’ll stay here. I have so much work to do.” He shook him slightly. “Please promise me something.”
Tsukasa nodded. “Anything.”
“I know I can’t stop you from being a hero, but please, stay safe. Trust in others. Let them help you. Despite what you believe, you are not alone. If my feelings stay the same in your time, then come to me, I’ll do anything to help you.”
That was a big request but Tsukasa was never one to deny a promise. “Okay.”
Rui smiled. He leaned down for the last time to kiss him on the forehead. “I’m sorry… I’m sorry for everything… I love you… You’ll always going to be a star…”
Tsukasa puffed into the same pink smoke. When it slowly disappeared, he was back in the past, and the first thing he was the devastated faces of his comrades.
“Guys-”
“TSUKASA!” Emu immediately hugged him so tight that he thought his ribs cracked. She was sobbing loudly. “YOU’RE BACK!”
“Tsukasa, are you alright?!” Nene was never the one to lose his emotions, but Tsukasa could hear the desperate relief in her voice. She went down on her knees and clutched his shoulders.
“I-I’m fine.” Tsukasa returned Emu’s hug gently, causing her to cry even more. “Did you meet my future self?”
Nene froze. “We did…”
“How was he like?” None of them answered. “Guys?”
“You don’t have to worry about it.” Rui crouched down beside him as well and pulled the both of them close and Nene followed in. “I’m glad you’re back…”
They hugged him tight as if they were worried that he would switch places with his future self again. 
Tsukasa would never know about what the rest of Wonderland x Showtime had seen. Rui never told him about the state of his body ten years later: broken beyond repair but someone has been desperate to put him back with machinery. But ever since then, Rui had become more protective of him. Something changed in him.
He might’ve used the bazooka a couple of times after that, trying to look for clues of that bleak future from the news headlines: ‘Five years commemoration of the death of Emu Otori…’, ‘The peace treaty has been broken between Japan…’, ‘The Otori Cooperation will never be the same!’, ‘Scientists suggest of an approaching meteor…’, ‘The search for Pegasus’ body continues...’
Tsukasa could see it in Rui’s eyes: fearful yet determined. The future is not set in stone, so Rui swore they would never get to that future where the scientist Rui cradled what is left of hero Tsukasa in the crater that was his grave.
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wallylinda · 1 year
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very normal about barry allen. that man is a walking corpse to me.
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vitalvitriol · 8 months
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people have got to start drawing mona weirder. or at least less "conventionally attractive white woman"-like. please
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zappedbyzabka · 8 months
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Lashes
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sqlmn · 9 months
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OC RNG stuff.
-Lucinda is engaged to the oldest prince in a family of nine where there are 8 brothers and then the youngest is the only girl. She adores her future husband. -Ink Blot is a really dumb mage who acts as a street performer using fake magic despite being an actual mage. He just wants to be the center of attention. -Ruby and Luce are from the same plot (thank you RNG I love the dream wardens). They're part of different pairs and basically just patrol to keep dreams in check. Ruby and Luce also don't really meet each other in canon. Their routes don't overlap but they both interact with the main duo which is Colette and Marcus. (Ruby wants to beat Marcus up while Luce wants to kiss Marcus for what it matters.)
#i really love luce hes just so calm and collected in front of marcus and colette to try and look reliable#but hes actually one of the younger wardens who is made to replace his partner's old partner#so hes with sil and sil is just watching him for the first decade like why is he so awkward#when will he warm up to me or the other wardens he meets why is he always so tense#and then something happens and luce is sent into a panic because he learns that marcus used to laugh with sil and the retired warden#hes like ???? WHY DOES HE HATE ME ? WHAT DID I DO? and sil is like the guy is older than me and doesnt do change well#thats all there is to it he got used to my old partner and youre a wrench in the comfort zone hell get over it tho#and when marcus laughs for the first time in front of luce it is SO over for luce he would do anything for marcus#but then you get marcus who is telling colette i have to say things took an unexpected turn with sils partner#i went from fine with robert to being abandoned by robert to do you think luce is cute cause i think hes cute#and marcus is very much IM SO GAY which is fair cause colette is like MM YEAH SAME#and then you guys gotta realize i love my silly lil prince group where the oldest bro has a really cool future wife#and then the second oldest is like hey bro im stealing your wife for the afternoon and lucinda is like i see i see#and then the second oldest and lucinda just spend the entire afternoon dancing and shes happy to indulge him#then the third oldest is the original main one where he and the castle witch are on a mission to help another kingdom#but like the fact the oldest has an arranged marriage with a woman he loves#and the second youngest is in love with the son of two castle aids#who happens to be 40 and very worn out with stress from having to turn the second oldest down all the time#then the third oldest has a crush on a prince from the kingdom hes trying to help but the crush is on like an 18 year old#so the 2nd and 3rd oldest are constantly bickering over what the other sees in their crushes#anyway hi i love my ocs (gestures to them)#and ink was a really minor character in the plot bc it was mostly me paying attention to a dumbass vampire#and this thief who had to help the dumb vampire get home bc he has no sense of direction and had been abducted
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merakiui · 1 year
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i was listening to mafumafu's cover of jailbreak and realized the mv has a trope i love very much!!!! with childhood friends trope, i also love it when two characters grew up having much the same motive (in the case of kuina and kawasemi, the song's characters, wanting to escape the caged city they're confined to). but then the characters mature and end up walking down separate paths, whether purposely or not or because life just happened and that was the cards they were handed, and now they can't stand on the same side because life/duty/etc compels them to remain set in their ways.
it hurts in the best way to see kuina chasing after kawasemi to apprehend him and stop him from flying the plane. and then he has no choice but to helplessly watch what ultimately becomes of his friend when the plane engine overheats and explodes... AAAAAAAAAA it hurts, but it hurts so good. T_T i can't even begin to ramble about the symbolism and the fact that they're named after birds... neru's brain is too big... orz
in short, i just really like the trope of two childhood friends with the same goal/dream, something happens that causes one of them to deviate from or abandon that goal/dream, and then they later reunite as changed individuals, with one still clinging to the goal/dream and the other having lost hope in it entirely. bonus points if one of them is hunting the other down for whatever reason hehe. <3
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quietwingsinthesky · 7 months
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at some point i am going to have to force even to go back and deal with donna & tentoo & rose & all and everything they ran away from. and that will probably involve them losing tentoo’s chameleon arch watch by giving it back to its rightful owner, whether she chooses to open it or not. and that is. not going to be a very fun or stable time for them.
#this part is v vague and fuzzy because i want to watch the rest of 12 & 13 and finish the doctor/donna specials before i set anything in#stone about it. but i think i need to rearrange some things in the timeline here vis a vis when the doctor is also forced to go back and#deal with his baggage.#i dont think 14 exists in even’s universe for this reason. and for the reason of tentoo kind of taking on his role? the human part of the#doctor who can stay with donna & with rose.#she’s also trans to me because i love trans!tentoo. her name is johanna. i think it’s pretty. i make a singular exception to my rule of#never changing characters names when i trans them.#but i think. what im getting at here is that this cant be a happy ending. not so cleanly. its more bittersweet.#like i think this version of the story. what i have so far. donna does remember. (tentoo doesn’t but that’s because she’s become her own#person. the doctor is who she came from but she isn’t just the doctor anymore.) and rose knows her doctor is out there and loves her but#she has her wife at home.#and even. oh even. you can’t hold onto a heart that’s not yours forever. you have to give it back.#this. i think. is a moment of respite and recovery for the doctor. and a really really low point for even. however this works out.#its not perfect but there’s kindness in it. and there’s a home to go back to. if they can bear it. both of them.#but like i said. this is all preliminary based on what i might play around with here. and how watching more of the show changes my ideas.#but i think. whatever revelations come in 13’s arc. i think in even’s universe they have to come after donna. i’ll find a way to make it#work.#but mostly right now the important thing is forcing even to give up the watch because why would i let them have one single comfort object <3#dw oc
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