#why do I put pressure on myself like this

[strawbslvr]

How shifting finds us at the right time! + Me before and after shifting.

TW!!!! Mention of su!c!de, family issues, depression, fucked up mental health! And lots of yapping!

@a-fish-learningtowalk

Let’s go back all the way to 2022. At the start of the year I found out about subliminals, so basically I was scrolling through YouTube and there was this video that popped up every time I refreshed my home page. It was something like “Glow up in a day” ,the thumbnail was a pretty girl and the video was like 1 minute and something long so I was like “why are they capping, glow up in a day and the literal video is 1 minute long??! What a sick joke” but out of curiosity I clicked it and then I was welcomed with MUSIC and then I was like “hah! I knew they were capping, this is just music!” But I went to the comment section and there were literally people saying

“Omg this is a masterpiece! My mom came to my room and told me how pretty I look”

Then someone was also like “this literally gave me results in a week.

Edit: A GIRL TOLD ME IN SCHOOL HOW PRETTY I LOOK!!!”

Those were the comments that I still remember cause they confused me the most. After that I was just like ???tf? But when I went to the description I saw a term “sub” few times and then there was used the term “subliminal” so I just assumed that the term sub was just short for subliminal.

I went and searched what the fuck did I just see aka I just searched what is subliminal. There was this woman in a video that explained it and at first i obviously was like “what the fuck? This is so cool and too good to be true” cause babe wdym I can listen to an audio that can change my appearance and all of that stuff.

Well that’s how I just viewed it to be which isn’t exactly the case.

I listened to some subs for the rest of the night but I was just so disappointed when I woke up the next day and saw no results and just immediately guessed that this was just plain cap. And after that I stopped listening to subliminal but the craziest part was like I totally forgot they existed like after that. (I will tell more later!)

Summer 2022

At this time I got into my k-pop phase I was constantly daydreaming of my group and how I wanted it to be, literally imagining scenarios throughout the day and I literally wrote in Pinterest “K-pop idol scenarios”💀 I was deadass.

Then in one scroll I found a bunch of scenarios from TikTok, (they were just screenshotted and put into Pinterest.) it was like “scenarios for your K-pop Dr” at first I was like tf is a Dr? But I just decided to ignore it and move on and just read the scenarios cause they were good but that Dr term continued to pop in every picture I saw and then I truly got curious. To which resulted in me searching what is a Dr? Google said it’s a short for desired reality, and I just assumed sum stupid shit.

Anyways 2022 came to an end. And I TOTALLY forgot about subliminals and K-pop idol scenarios and tf is a Dr. like I’m not joking I totally forgot those existed.

2023 start.

The year I turned 18, yippeee!! So the start of the year was somewhat ok, few months later I started getting problems with my parents. Arguments with my parents, especially dad increased like A LOT. My parents started to get mad at some stupid stuff, their temper was just like shit. School started pressuring and at that period I had A LOT of exams (I still do but 👀) I didn’t have time for myself and I also got sick a lot. And few months passed in this environment and at some point I just admitted that I feel anxious, stressed, suffocated and depressed. Then I got told that my aunt is suffering from this sickness and she needs to do surgery but they had financial issues and the surgery got postponed a lot due to the money missing and that didn’t help my aunt’s health at all. and bro feeling shitty isn’t a surprise at this point. At some stage I decided if this is the life I’m going to live, I don’t want to live at all. I was very su!c!dal, and I attempted like two times but luckily didn’t do it.

2023 summer

One subliminal popped into my YouTube page again, it was something like “goddess like beauty, confidence and a better self concept” thing I’m not sure and then I was like “oh right! These things exist!” And I just listened to it for fun and surprisingly I felt better in few days. And those were few of the best days in the last 6 months of my life. I started actively listening to subliminals and actively affirming. I’m talking about every morning and every night before I go to sleep at least for 30 minutes. And then dududuudud

I found a subliminal about reality shifting and then I again was like “wait? This is that reality traveling thing, how can I forget this?” And I actually asked myself why didn’t I try it before? The summer my journey was honestly mostly jokes and fun, didn’t take it seriously and just did it for the excitement it gave me. But about 2023 fall I actively started scripting and took the journey a bit more seriously than before.

2024 fall. Now.

I still got a lot to improve and a mindset to work on. But I’m just happy of where I am now. I found a reason to live for and like a dark tunnel where at the end you find the light. Shifting brought me hope and genuine peace knowing something like this exists. My aunt did the surgery and she is healing little by little but at least she can practice her normal day life,she still got some checks here and there but nothing compared to what she was in before. I seriously stopped listening to anti shifter since they are just trying to demotivate y’all and me too. If I haven’t found out about shifting I don’t think I would still be here. Shifting seriously finds us at the time we need it the most!

[platonicmoonwater00]

I see these everywhere. and i mean EVERYWHERE. and also i need motivation so lets go ig

10 notes- i'll drink on weekends too(i forget cos on weekends im just at home and not at school lugging around my frank green in my tote bag)

20 notes- i will(try to) pay attention in class

30 notes- i'll watch my whole watch later playlist on yt

50 notes- i'll actually do the techniques im learning in ✨therapy✨ to help with my anxiety and shitty social skills

75 notes- i'll take my iron tablets every day

100 notes- i'll start my assessments when i get them(i have one due tomorrow which i was gonna finish now but i'm doing this apparently)

125 notes- i'll ask my crush to hangout alone during spring holidays

150 notes- i'll try to go for a run or at least a walk every day

500 notes- i'll write another chapter of my fanfiction

1k notes- i will actually make an effort to get clean

2k notes- if i see someone pretty that i want to go out w in public i'll ask for their number cos holy fuck i need to put myself out there. even if we js end up being friends cos holy shit im lonely

3k notes- i will actually finished the dress i started making

4k notes- i will try to get over my crush cos its ✨never gonna happen✨(she so pretty and masc tho its gonna be hard)

5k notes- (this is so far up here cos idk how to do this so im gonnna need a lot of time to figure out how) im gonna try to demolish the rumour that im gay thats going around a bit.**

6k notes- i will finish all my crochet projects and not start any new ones until im done.

**context. i go to an all girls school and theres a lot of people so its not like everyone knows everyone, even in my year(theres approx. 174 in my year alone, and theres 6 year groups at my school cos high school is 7-12 where i live) but some people know me ig cos i know a few girl who are more notable, im in the top class and i recdntly started sitting with a group that the popular girls call furries.

(theyre a pretty big group and popular girls hate them cos one or two of them are trans - ftm, ftnb etc, no mtf cos my lovely/s catholic school wouldnt let trans girls in- several of them are gay, a few of them are emo, most of them are poc's and a few of them dont have english as their first language. overall they are seen as the "weird kids" in my year)

so this rumour apparently is going around that i like a girl in my class(i absolutely do but if you havent noticed my school is hella hoomophobic and i could very well get beat) which js isnt ideal and is gonna lead to a lot of issues, especially if a lot of people start believing it so if you guys have any advice pls lmk. and its not like i can js get a fake bf and show him off cos its a GIRLS SCHOOL. if i reconnect with a friend from primary school tho we could pretend to be dating and like make a post on social media. but then kids at his school would find out and hed either have to tell them its fake(which would eventually find its way back to my school, and when i say eventually i mean immediately) or he couldnt get a girlfriend so that probs wouldnt work.

i know it sounds like im making a mountain out of a molehill but ive got years to go here and i dont want to spend all my high school years getting bullied bc even if i went to a teacher about it or smthing id have to like analyse them first and try to figure out which ones are homophobic or not.

like learning about why "being gay is a sin"(pretend im saying that really mockingly) is literally in our curriculum.

holy shit that was longer than expected.

no pressure tags: @wishiwereheather13 @loserboyfriendrjl @fracturedsunsets @chasingthemoony @stars-and-leather @starsofleo

thats all im doing idk how you guys can stand js copy and pasting moots over and over i cant do this i did the first six that came up and that seems like enough 🤷‍♀️

begun doing

going to do

finished

[nyzfiles]

Hey! I just found your blog and have read the works you’ve put out so far(they’re really good!). Could I please request a fic with IVE’s Yujin?

Where her and reader have been dating for a while now but lately reader has been rejecting Yujins advances whenever she tried initiating sex with her which, of course, Yujin respected. But, when she was on social media and saw the comments under your posts she realized why. (Which was because of the hate you were receiving about your body). When Yujin found out she decided to gently bring it up with you which resulted in you breaking down. Alright, to get to the point Yujin shows how in love with your body and how perfect she thinks it is by making love to you and kissing every inch of your skin(especially your stomach). Thank you!(sorry, I couldn’t think of how to make my explanation shorter)

a/n : hi anon! thank you so much for the request, i love this idea and body worshipping is top tier!

warnings - smut (minors and men dni!) sorta angst?

tags - soft dom!yujin x sub!fem reader, reader is very insecure, body worshipping, nipple stimulation, cunnilingus (reader receiving), fingering, yujin is just VERY in love with reader !!

word count - 1.3k

you and yujin have been dating for close to 8 months now. she's been the most attentive, loyal, and affectionate girlfriend you could ask for. in the beginning of your guys' relationship you had an amazing sex life, yujin is very much a giver and you get to benefit from that.

recently, you've been starting to reject her advances whenever she tries to be intimate with you and it's left her confused and quite honestly a bit hurt. of course she would never pressure you into anything but she can't help but wonder what's changed.

about two days ago she was scrolling through her instagram when she came across your most recent post and hearted it. out of curiosity she went to the comments and was heartbroken by what she saw. a bunch of people who claimed to be her fans were body-shaming you and leaving horrible comments.

she closed the app, deciding she would bring it up with you once she figured out how to do it gently. it all made sense now why you had stopped wanting to be intimate with her, she never imagined people would be making you feel so horrible about yourself.

now, she watches you sitting on the other end of the couch, a sad expression on your face as you scroll through your phone. "is everything alright?" she asks, concern evident in her voice. you just nod, giving her a small smile before looking back down at your phone. she sighs, placing her hand on your leg and caressing it gently. "baby...what's going on? things haven't been normal for months." she says, worry plaguing her mind.

you look back up at her, tears stinging your eyes as your lip quivers. "i've just been feeling really down about myself..." you whimper, your voice breaking as you try to confide in your girlfriend. she looks at you with sympathy, pulling you into her arms as you break down and start crying.

she kisses the top of your head, whispering softly to you as she strokes your hair. "baby, those people don't mean anything to us. i love you, and i love your body. you're so beautiful." she reassures you, tilting your chin up to place a soft kiss on your lips. "promise me you'll block anybody who makes you feel like this." she whispers against your hair, still holding you close.

you nod, starting to relax in her arms as your tears stop. "this is why you haven't wanted to have sex with me, isn't it?" she sighs softly, looking down at you. you nod, feeling a little embarrassed as you admit it to her. "i didn't want you to have to look at me and realize that all these people are right." you sniffle, wiping away the rest of your tears.

she shakes her head, cupping your face in her hands and kissing you again. "they're not right. you are beautiful, hot, sexy, stunning, and everything else in between. i am lucky to have you." she confesses, trying to show you how serious she is. you nod slowly, wrapping your arms around her. "let me show you how beautiful i think you are..." she mutters, hands cupping your ass as you sit in her lap.

you look up at her apprehensively, chewing on your lip before nodding your head. "okay..." you agree, giving yourself to her. she smiles, threading her fingers through your hair before kissing you slowly. she picks you up, hands gripping your thighs as she carries you into your guys' shared bedroom without breaking the kiss.

she gently lays you against the bed, hovering over you as her lips trail down your neck. "i can't believe how beautiful you are. how did i get so lucky?" she mumbles against your skin, hands moving to the hem of your shirt and pulling it over your head. you blush, arms going to cover your stomach before she stops you. "don't. i want to see every inch of you tonight." she says, moving your hands and kissing the palms on each of them.

you watch as she undoes the clasp on your bra, throwing it on the floor beside the bed. she cups your tits, flicking her tongue over your hard nipple. you gasp softly, playing with her hair as she sucks, licks, and bites your nipples, switching between them. your moans spur her on and she kisses down to your stomach, her lips lingering there.

her mouth kisses every inch of your stomach, dampness pooling in your panties. "so fucking stunning." she whispers, gripping your waist as she kisses above the waistline of your panties. your eyes sting with tears as she worships your stomach, kissing every stretch mark and praising you.

she slowly peels your panties off, groaning softly when she sees your cunt glistening. "so pretty and wet for me." she smiles, fingers teasing your folds. you whine, your cunt clenching as her finger disregards the spot you need her the most. "please..." you mutter, heart pounding as you watch her. she leans in, placing your legs on her shoulders before running her tongue through your folds. you let out a long moan, hand tangling in her hair as she flicks her tongue over your sensitive clit.

she hums against you, the taste of you making her own arousal grow. she grips your thighs tighter, sucking on your clit and swirling her tongue around it. you throw your head back in pleasure, toes curling as your arousal leaks out of you. "feels so good..." you whimper, grinding your cunt against her tongue. she chuckles softly, slowly easing her tongue inside of your tight cunt.

you gasp, stomach tightening as she curls her tongue inside of you. your nails are practically digging into her scalp as she tongue fucks you and rubs her nose against your clit. the knot in your stomach gets tighter and you cry out her name as your thighs squeeze her head and your cum coats her tongue.

she swallows every last drop, pulling back and licking her lips as she looks at you. "tastes so sweet." she smiles, kissing her way up to your body until she reaches your lips. you laugh tiredly, wrapping your arms around her to bring her closer to you. "you're so pretty." she sighs happily, two fingers slowly rubbing your clit. you blush, bucking your hips slightly as she takes them and parts your folds.

she gently pushes her fingers inside you, making you moan and grip her biceps. her thumb rubs your clit while her fingers fuck you, her mouth leaving dark purple hickeys along your collarbone. "y...yujin..." you gasp, breath hitching as she curls her fingers against your g-spot. she smirks against the spot on your neck she was sucking on, thumb pressing harder against your clit.

you start to ride her fingers, eagerly chasing your second orgasm of the night while she leaves love bites all over your neck, collarbone, and tits. your nails dig into her biceps as she pumps her fingers deeper and moves her thumb faster, making your eyes roll back. the familiar feeling of your stomach tightening washes over you and your legs shake as your orgasm washes over you.

she slowly fucks you through your high, slipping her fingers out and licking them clean. she lays down on the bed beside you, pulling you into her arms as she kisses you sweetly. "i love you so much, you know that?" she smiles, forehead resting against yours. you nod, snuggling yourself closer to her. "i love you too." you mutter, letting her hold you as you drift off to sleep.

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

two weeks of peak season down, thirteen to go! due to some fortuitously timed cancellations i actually did hit my dream of being a week ahead on prep work (well, at least on answer key making) on tuesday of this past week. it didn’t last long lol (partly due to i was being Insane which seems to have calmed down some knock on wood) but i’ve caught up some more and i’m pretty sure i should be able to get back to a week ahead tomorrow morning while catching up on industry.

this past week i worked about 35 hours, which does remain on the high end for me. i have also tutored every day since last sunday which is not my favorite although both my incredibly far friday night student (i’m talking bay ridge… back to queens that is a commute the length of a feature length movie…) & my saturday kid are taking this week off, which is a huge relief lol. meanwhile the content development side gig continues slowly wrapping up, which is the main reason i am still mostly ignoring everything outside of work i can ignore - i’m basically racing the other active developer for claiming the last few available sets, of which there are 6, although i am not racing very fast because i don’t actually have that much time to work on them and i also am trying not to push my brain into the burnout zone… last fall when i was really actively trying to get on more even financial footing i was very ungenerous about giving my brain time off and it led me to feeling very bad inside all the time for a long while! this year i feel like my goal is really just to get through the season without feeling bad. do what i need to do and not freak out about it, which also entails not putting pressure on myself about things i don’t need to do. perhaps next year my goal will be to do that and also stay in touch with my hobbies and bigger picture goals and such lol. but in the meantime i am being very relaxed with myself about if i want to just read people on reddit talking about john mulaney’s ex-wife’s book everybody hates or whatever, although this week i do want to finish the patrick radden keefe book about human smuggling in chinatown i have on ebook hold.

i played mario kart with some friends & acquaintances this week, i didn’t bail on opening free store even though i kinda wanted to. i have not updated my little habit tracker in A While but i worked out 5 times again this week & hit my step goal; i had to take an extra rest day yesterday due to silent migraine keeping me in sitting jail but today’s was a bodyweight routine so hopefully i can go straight into the one i was set to do tomorrow, since i do really like the friday/sunday rest schedule. i am very stressed about two of my kids’ score trajectories lol but the one whose mom made me do a phone call (why) to be like “yes i have seen students in his position improve no i can’t really promise more than that” just kicked ass on a practice test which was a relief. even though i am spending so much time Highlighting and Content Developing and Admin Doing (my least favorite work task that no one makes me do but me is updating their little homework google docs… but like so often i end a session being like well ok i will see if i can find a worksheet to link you on circle graphs….) i still am actively getting a kick out of my cozy fall routine where i can sleep late and do work in bed while drinking coffee until i’m awake enough to work out. my room is still very messy but it’s literally whatever. if this is the week things start feeling crazy it will only be 13 weeks of craziness which is quite survivable! but also i don’t think it will be (although, like, famous last words, so knock wood!).

[alabasterfuchs]

Somebody please tell me that it's okay that I memorised my three minute speech by heart right now. I feel like a failure for not using bullet points to speak freely but having whole sentences in my mind. I feel like an actor not an advocate of my team.

[saeiken]

✨✨✨✨

[horsemeatluvr23]

i can't be bothered to edit this properly so here is a bad photo of my sketchbook <3 i didn't wanna draw a person today to give myself a 'break' so instead i spent an obscene amount of time drawing wels castle (ft hypno's fireworks hehe)

[beeb-oob]

i like to imagine that when i'm not using oc's as much i'm sending on a lil vacation so they can forget the horrors i chase them through

[dumb-doll-lips]

Hey. Super appreciate everyone who’s reached out asking if I’m doing okay because I haven’t been posting much (and I had let me queue run out too).

Im doing good though. Just been a lot less active online and chatting w as many people. And not taking many pics at all.

I can def get a little burnt out on socializing at times. And I’m in one of those times. Not like isolating myself or anything tho. And like still getting up to some slutty stuff of course lol.

It’ll def change again at some point. Im feeling like so ready for cooler temps and maybe being excited to get dressed more will help bring back some pics. Idk. But like I’m def still here. Tumblr is so my social media of choice. Ill be back and more active w original content stuff sometime.

[purgetrooperfox]

how come you do post much about gaza?

assuming you meant don't*? because this makes no sense otherwise? anyway

that you don't see my activism doesn't mean it isn't happening. tumblr is a terrible platform for activism, so I don't use it for that

[hearteyedbunny]

you know I guess it would be helpful to new followers if I had actual intro posts for my self inserts but. well. I'm...lazy.

[valenthario]

feeling sooo stuck with my content rn🤪🤪‼️

[0boko]

it is so, so difficult to have someone treat you like shit and then hear 'he can't help it! he can't control his body well!' like i don't fucking know that. it doesn't make it hurt any less.

[willowfey]

not to be anti feminist or anything but i rly was made to be like a nepo baby or a stay at home girlfriend or smth bc the idea of having an actual career is so ghastly and every day i woke up to go to my last job i wanted to quit… but also i made homemade hummus and mediterranean wraps today and i have a whole dresser of art supplies and started writing up plans to build a fantasy book themed hotel …. like there’s so many things i wanna do i just don’t wanna think about the money. and also sometimes i just want to make iced coffee and have a 7 hour long nighttime routine or like binge gilmore girls all day. as is our god given right. sooooo who’s gonna fund that for me huh

[wiredsmi1e]

hi yes ive got sm to do today istg i just wanna

[hl-obsessed]

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