#why is rape treated as trivial?

[isawthismeme]

[sister-lucifer]

Genuinely curious why someone who seems to sexualize (fictional) serial killers and (fictional) murderers draws the line at "proship" stuff, which is also very much fictional? Aren't most horror characters actively problematic? Or is it virtue signaling with little knowledge of what "proship" actually is, you're just trying to show that you're not like "other" freaks, even if you're cut from the same cloth. Lumping people who ship weird stuff in Fandom spaces in with literal nazis is such a silly take. It just trivializes the sentiment when you say that you believe real life nazis are on par with people who engage with dark topics in fiction. You're a "proshipper" by the very nature of the fandoms you're in, as horror is the most "problematic" a medium there is.

[tws for discussion of sex abuse, gore and incest under the cut]

pro shipping is the attempt to normalize things like incest and pedophilia within shipping and fandoms. while yes these characters are fictional, and i completely support the existence of dark content as a medium to explore these topics, my issue is with the fact that proshippers want to treat incestuous and pedophilic relationships as normal. there’s no trigger warnings on proship content, no indication or attempt to keep these things away from those it could harm (pro shipping is also super common in fandoms of kids shows, like steven universe and MLP, which is super worrying for obvious reasons). There’s a difference between writing something dark to explore its existence vs writing about a father raping his young daughter as though it’s a completely normal and healthy relationship. that sort of content pushes the idea that children can consent and want sex, and often pushes blame onto victims of assault. with no tws or any sort of attempts to guard this content, and the fact that the way it’s written actively seeks to normalize these actions, it’s incredibly dangerous.

i expanded more on this sort of idea in this post (and there’s a follow up here if that matters idk), which i highly recommend anyone who’s questioning this sort of thing reads and takes a look at the other things linked in said post, because i do think it’s important to have these discussions. there’s a difference between normalizing and exploration. everything i write has a content/warnings section. i don’t want gore porn to be normalized, which should be inherently clear by the fact that all of my dark fiction has a wide array of trigger warnings on it to make sure no one thinks it’s normal or will accidentally stumble upon it. i’m happy to have my niche little community, but i would never want something so shocking to be easily stumbled upon by someone who didn’t want to see it.

there’s a difference between writing something dark or disturbing while actively advertising the fact that it’s not for everyone, vs posting “ship” art of a child being abused and acting like it’s so cute and perfect. someone who didn’t know better could take that to heart.

sex abuse is real and rampant in our society, and it affects and hurts people every day. that’s different than fake serial killers.

also…i fail to see how having both nazis and proship on my dni is equating them? youre allowed to put whatever you want on your dni. i’ve seen people with “creepypasta fans” right next to “proshippers” on their dni, and i don’t say anything, i just move on. it’s not my business why they don’t want those people interacting with them; maybe it’s because they had a bad experience in that fandom, maybe it’s because they don’t want to see gore, maybe it’s because the stories just unsettle them, why do i care? it’s not a personal attack against me, it’s just their prerogative. it’s not my place to argue with them, they can put whatever they want on their dni and it’s not my place to try and change their mind. they’re not equating or lumping in anything, they just don’t want those people interacting with them. and that’s fair enough.

it’s also a bit of a stretch to call horror a “problematic” medium when the very nature of it is meant to be disgusting and scary. if its disgusts and scares you…..good?

you’ll never find me in someone’s inbox trying to change their mind about what they are or are not comfortable with, i just block and move on, like everyone should really. i’ve seen some seriously dogshit takes on this site, and despite how absolutely abhorrent they are, i just block and move on. it’s easier, safer and happier that way.

if you really care this much, you can make your own post about it, or come out of your anonymous box and talk to me for real. i sure as hell don’t care that much, so i won’t guarantee you’ll get a response.

seriously though, if you hate me that much, just block me and move on. in fact, i actively support people blocking me. it reduces conflict, and i know that my content isn’t for everyone, and that’s totally okay.

i don’t want this response to come off as angry or indignant because really these sort of discussions are important, i just can’t say with my whole heart that you sent this ask because you wanted to talk; you sent it because you’re angry at me for what you perceive to be a slight against you or something you believe in. i get it. but believe me, you get a lot more out of life when you remove the things that make you upset instead of trying to argue with them. start caring less and blocking liberally 👍

[xxchromies]

I used to be an anti-feminist/anti-sjw

A loooong ass time ago. Like 2013-2014, when I was but a wee 12 year old. Not anti-feminist in the tradwife, justpearlythings way but rather in the shoe0nhead, "the wage gap is a myth and manspreading isn't real" way. And it's funny how I did a 180 ten years later. But it makes total sense why I felt this way, actually.

I used to consider myself a feminist. I had seen the way men treated women online and felt disgusted by it. In 2013, I joined Tumblr for the first time. I would happily reblog posts about basic feminism. How photoshop was fucked up, how women deserve the right to vote, etc. I started to turn when I realized that it seemed like feminists cared more about doing #epic dunks on le cringe neckbeards then actually talking about feminism in a nuanced and thoughtful way. And so that led to me concluding that "feminists" were actually just manhaters and didn't want to be equal to men, they wanted to be superior. Nowadays, I reblog all these lengthy ass posts, entire fucking passages discussing misogyny and all its nuances. But it wasn't like that in 2014. If you were on Tumblr in 2014, you know what the culture was like. It was all about snappy, quick retorts and epic clapbacks. Another thing was that these feminists often spoke of very trivial things. No talk of female genital mutilation. Instead we should talk about the "friendzone" and how it's just soooo fucked up that commercials for pads use random blue liquid and not red liquid! Nevermind the fact that they do that in toilet paper commercials too!! It's not hard to see how all that could have led me to think feminism = annoying and trivial.

Another reason I was an anti-feminist is that quite simply, I didn't have the experience to understand a lot of what the Tumblr feminists were talking about. Rape WAS talked about frequently, as well as sexual harassment. I didn't realize how prevalent it was because, being an actual child, I didn't have much experience with it. So it felt like they were exaggerating. Plus, I just straight up did not want to believe things were actually that awful. The world they were painting seemed cartoonishly evil. But I know better now. Also, the hypothetical rapists were talked about as if they were dumb 80's bullies like Kurt and Ram. It made it very hard to take what they were talking about seriously. They would talk about these issues as if these men thought what they were doing was just fine and they were just too dumb to realize. The reality is that they know rape is wrong and horrible, they just don't care. "Instead of teaching women how not to be raped, teach men not to rape." I understand the sentiment. But men DO know not to rape. Rape is considered to be one of the most heinous crimes ever, yet they do it anyway. "Teach men consent" they fucking know consent. They just don't fucking care about it. Maybe we should be teaching men to actually start giving a fuck about women.

I often think of the shit I used to reblog and cringe. But I probably shouldn't be so hard on myself. I was transitioning from being a child to being a teenager and I was all of a sudden being exposed to all these serious issues with serious implications. I was being forced to examine my worldview and I didn't like it. It was uncomfortable. I actually do think I would have appreciated a bit of hand-holding when it came to the world of feminism, as dumb as that sounds.

What actually snapped me out of it was actually sitting down and watching Anita Sarkeesian's videos. I used to hate her blindly. But when I sat down and watched her full-fledged analyses, I recognized the misogynistic concepts she was talking about in my own life. And it changed my perception of feminism.

And then after that I became "one of the good ones", then I became a standard run-of-the-mill "makeup is empowering and TWAW" libfem, and that led me to today.

[f1ghtsoftly]

I’ve put this other places, but basically-even if no woman was hurt in pornography, even if no woman was trafficked into pornography against their will getting off to porn would still be gross as fuck.

But usually when I talk about why I was turned off from pornography as a child it has very little to do with the reality that woman are brutalized in it’s creation but the very nature of it as a commercial sex transaction. What is the point of sex if not to authentically bond with another person? Why is sexual desire divorced from just, desiring another person? I could, and still can’t, wrap my head around women as meat, women as objects, women as things to use. What’s the point of that? Where is the gratification if not in the pleasure of your partner? Even temporarily. Why fuck someone you know doesn’t want it? Where is the enjoyment out of causing someone harm?

It bothers me that “normal men” “good men” “feminist men” can cross that line of consent so easily and they can go about their lives and interact with women as friends, mentors, lovers, daughters.

To enjoy viewing pornography knowing that the actress (and sometimes the actor) in the “film” are doing this for money and continue to view it….it is morally wrong. It is a form of sexual assault. It pollutes you mentally and emotionally as you learn to excuse harm done to the others in order to appease your animal instincts. People who watch porn are bad people, they are dangerous people. They are people who watch someone get raped and enjoy it and don’t trouble themselves to think about it further.

But why don’t we see it that way?

The male hatred for women really goes beyond our ability as women to fully understand I think. Like really, consider what would be pleasurable about fucking a corpse. Think about how you’d have to pry a woman’s limbs apart, how cold she would feel, how lifeless the experience would be and the entire time you would simply not think about, not care, or actively like that fact that you’re violating something sacred that you’re treating what was once a loved human being like an object. Or a woman asleep which is much in the same. The fact that men get off on the pleasure of knowing we might wake up. How can a woman enjoy it? Wouldn’t you want your partner to be happy? To love you? To feel pleasure because of your touch? What gain is it to you to know that women live in fear of your desire? How absolutely depraved is man to think that rape is love?

Men frighten me, not because I always believe they’re malicious in a deliberate way, but because they are capable of dehumanizing women so utterly, utterly completely that her horror is not even relevant to them. It’s just an inconvenance as trivial as not liking her “job”. It’s a joke, a dalliance. It’s not serious. Desecration is not sufficient to describe the ways in which male behavior violates the human spirit. How can they live with themselves. How can they live with the lie.

——///

To hear related content on this topic:

[annieguardian]

So Keira/Kriese/Bethel-Rath, I have something to ask you

I've even gone ahead and unblocked your account so you can respond. I noticed that you went ahead and shared Loomie’s thread defending me. I wanted to ask a few questions regarding that. If it is true that you disagree with the cruel and malicious way that I have been treated, then why is it that you continuously ally with and hang around people who have spread the exact same dishonest attacks against me that Loomie condemns? You are currently mutuals with Stardust, a woman who retweeted Malcom pedo-jacketing me using posts leaked by Cassandra Mel, a Nazi pedophile who gaslit me into believing I was a pedophile myself, and who went on to groom two children and distribute their nudes to dark web CSEM websites. Why is it that you still ally yourself with Noehflake, whose first response when my initial article came out, was to not respond to any of the arguments or accusations against her, and to instead source the exact same claims from Cassandra Mel. Have you at any point considered that it may be worth correcting these people and informing them that they are using the words of a serious sexual predator who has harmed and traumatized children to punish one of said predators victims, or did you decide such trivial matters as not smearing a CSA survivor as a pedophile while protecting a child groomer was not important enough compared to your attempt to discredit a rape survivors attempt to hold her rapist to account? And were you fine with Milena choosing not to make a distinction between POCD and pedophillia in her cope Doc about me, despite the fact that conflating POCD with pedophillia is precisely how I was groomed in the first place? And why is it that you attack Poppy for something as trivial as the age of one of her OC’s, when you know that I’m an open consumer of lolicon, and that my consumption of it has been one of the most recurring reasons that I’ve been targeted and harassed by both fascists and leftists alike? And why do you still follow Olivia Gallae, a woman who has pedo-jacketed me over a loli meme I found on Google image search that I posted to mock people who feel the need to police how CSA survivors cope with their trauma. And speaking of which, did you ever tell Gayfesh that responding to me attempting to approach him in good faith after he turned on Poppy with “fuck off Pedo!” is a disgusting way to respond to someone who was gaslit by a predator to believe she is one? Or that it’s disgusting to claim that I’m “Poppy’s MAP friend” in an attempt to discredit my article criticism him for his disgusting rape apologia? Or President Sunday, who took Dreamleaf’s side against me when she defended Cass so he could paint me as an abuser, because she was mad that I defended Cass before she did? I notice that you often frame Poppy’s community as if it is a cult, and claim to care about the vulnerable people that she takes advantage of. I suspect you view me as such, since you tried to follow my Tumblr via your Bethel-rath account. So, if this is the case, why do you side with so many people who enable harassment against me? If you were truly concerned about the safety of people in Poppy’s community, would you not feel increased responsibility to get me out of it? I know that it was because of you that the foundation understood my situation, and accepted me in, and it was also because of Milena that I was moved into Euclid early. If Poppy is as dangerous as you two claim, then it’s entirely your fault I’ve been indoctrinated. Did it ever occur to you that maybe the reason I’ve placed such significant trust in Poppy is because I’ve noticed the extensive parallels between my harassment campaign, and Poppy’s? And that I of all people notice how empty and disingenuous the people attacking her are? Wouldn’t the proper way to win over people like me be to actually provide the safe and supportive environment that Poppy claims to have? How am I expected to believe that your side offers that, when you can’t even tell the truth about me?

[cordycepsfem]

hey, i don’t know why you’re so passionate about being a terf. it’s so sad to waste your mental energy and potential on something as trivial as hatred. women’s lives matter so much and trans women are included in that. they aren’t threats to cis women’s existence, they are another group of women. furthermore, they aren’t men dressing up. can you imagine if someone put in years of effort, hormones, the threat of being murdered (sometimes due to rhetoric like the stuff you reblog) just to invade “women’s spaces.” who has the time??? look, love is easier. it’s so much less pain and anger. consider it. much love, fellow cis woman. i am not afraid. why are you?

I’m not a cis woman.

My feminism is not about being kind and gentle to men who run and perpetuate the patriarchy feminism works so hard to dismantle. They are not “another group of women,” they are full on males.

What I do in my off time with my “mental energy and potential” is none of anyone’s business. Gaslighting women into “being kind” is bullshit.

Literally no one has been murdered due to feminists posting on blogs. This kind of nonsense is also fully bullshit.

If women’s lives matter so much to you, why do you claim that men can just as easily be included? Do you not care about women who want female-only spaces and places? How about disabled women who want female carers? Raped women who want female-only shelters and crisis groups? Women in mental hospitals who want female roommates? Women in prison who are literally being raped and impregnated due to male inmates claiming to be trans? Or do their lives matter just a little less to you than the men-who-claim-to-be-women’s lives?

Can you imagine that women put years of growing up in a society that sexualizes them nearly from day one, ignores rape and sexual assault as if they’re not crimes, treats women as lesser in every way, sees them murdered 3 a day in the US by an intimate partner, and still doesn’t have equal rights to men in any place in the world, and there’s still some absolute throwaway in my inbox telling me that somehow men (many of whom do not take hormones or receive any medical treatment, and the vast majority of whom don’t put a single whiff of “effort” into what they think women look like or act like) deserve feminism’s time and attention? Could you even believe such a woman would exist? And describe herself as “cis”, a term made up by a pedophile?

Oh, wait - here you are.

Why are you scared of saying “no” to men?

[bisolationist]

Actually I did interpret this just fine.

I agree with the second paragraph for the most part, and yes I got that was the point. I agree that's largely why and how men handle it. I agree victims of both sexes have a lot of common ground and things to collaborate on. It's by no means equal - I know male victims are still men. And I know the circumstances aren't equal either.

I have some niggling questions - why is it the inverse of how murder is treated? that is - when women murder men, it's treated as especially heinous, and women get disproportionate sentences despite mitigating circumstances. How does all relate to how men do actually fear and revile anal rape? I don't think the answer on that is as clean cut as that they dont take it seriously - I think it floats in a limbo state between joke and serious depending on the homophobia they need to justify. But honestly I didnt bring up all these things because it's irrelevant to my point and a distraction.

So anyway. Yeah I agree, but it's not the whole story. I don't see why people say I'm misconstruing when I'm just saying there's MORE to it, and that leaving off the rest is dangerously convenient to lots of rape apologists.

Like, it's important to acknowledge women react better to SA victims in general, including male SA Victims. And yeah some women that react negatively to male SA victims are doing it out of patriarchal views - but even then I don't think the motivations are the same. But plenty of women have entirely different motivations, including many of the ones that actually perpetrate sexual offenses, and certainly a LOT of the ones that find some sick fulfillment in mocking SA victims.

Clearly, a lot of people take "male SA victims are just collateral of the patriarchy" to mean "male SA victims are a political irrelevance; the only ones responsible for them are men, thus women are exonerated in whatever they do" and take THAT to mean "it is proper and good to treat male SA victims as whiners and losers; this is a strike against the patriarchy".

What is so wrong with wanting to discuss how people make a point of ignoring or even coddling women who make the jump from OPs point to Point B and C and how that aspect needs to be a part of the conversation too because it does affect us useless "collateral" victims.

YES, I was angry. I have every right to be angry on this topic, no matter how much ppl insist this is a triviality. I don't understand why I need to be meek and deferential when discussing this of all things. It's not like I was calling OP slurs or even angrily calling her terms. But why should I be less than direct in pointing out the various forms of rhetoric that branch out of that. That's all I want to discuss but for some reason the only important thing seems to be that I'm not deferential enough in how yall talk about male SA victims.

[thebreakfastgenie]

Part of the difference I think is as follows:-

For Hawkeye; aiding and abetting cheating by hitting on people who are married/engaged is an immoral thing to do by many people's standards, but many people consider it to be immoral in a vastly different way to cheating on a partner. i.e. encouraging someone else to break a vow, vs breaking a vow yourself.

(This is one of those times as well when the show presents it in different ways over time - e.g. in one episode he's actively seducing an engaged nurse while she fends him off with "Hawkeye, I'm trying to be faithful" and similar; in one episode he carries on an affair with a married woman but justifies this morally to himself because she's his "first love"; and in one, he flirts with a woman he believes to be married but is openly conflicted around this culminating in the "you're married, madam - you're a married madam, why don't I go away?" speech.)

For BJ; I think people perceive the adultery here as different too because BJ appears morally conflicted about it in a way that Trapper isn't. Trapper appears to approach his infidelity with a casual, "when at war", "what she doesn't know won't hurt" kind of attitude (note: those aren't and aren't intended to be direct quotes, just examples of the attitude he seems to be expressing) whereas the time(s)* that BJ is adulterous he feels as though he has done something wrong and doesn't know what to do about it, and in the case of Hanky Panky, ends by reaffirming his love for his wife and that he doesn't want to do anything like that again. I think this makes his adultery easier for some people to stomach as he approaches it like a mistake that he has made, and is remorseful about, and wants to not do again; whereas Trapper does not treat the adultery as anything he should feel remorseful about, or strive to avoid.

Generally I am not sure how much weight to give these but I do want to be mindful that these are complicated issues and it is not treated equally in all situations.

(That asterisk above refers to; I believe the only time BJ is depicted as committing physical adultery is with Carrie Donovan in Hanky Panky, but in War Co-Respondent he expresses a desire for a woman other than his wife - not just physical attraction, but a desire to pursue a relationship.)

Personally one of the reasons I struggle with Trapper as a character -- and I don't hold this against anyone who does like him, I just don't -- is that a) I find it distasteful that he retains the name that he was given in the book due to being a canonical rapist, and this doesn't sit right with the way the humour of the early seasons of the show uses comedy sexual assault that it doesn't seem to think is sexual assault as a plot device b) I think he was underwritten in the TV series and not given sufficient opportunities to distinguish himself and c) I just don't find his more complicated moments as a character particularly memorable or engaging (even though I know they exist).

Okay I'm going to have to stop you here, because Trapper in the book is not a canonical rapist. The story of how he got his name is that he was caught with his date in a train bathroom and the only think she could think to say was "he trapped me!" The tone implies that it was a consensual hook-up, and "he trapped me!" was her attempt to save face after being embarrassed. Note that this would have happened in the 1940s, when women faced severe judgment for being sexually active. This story is misogynistic and it does trivialize sexual assault. It also perpetuates the idea of women "crying rape" to save face or because they consented to sex and regretted it. I'm not defending it. But I think it's important to talk about it accurately. I personally do not doubt that the woman consented to hooking up with him in the train bathroom, just based on my experience of consuming media from an era that took sexual assault much less seriously and how such things were characterized, but at worst it's ambiguous, not canonically a rape.

I also really don't understand holding this against TV Trapper, who does retain the name, but not the backstory. They kept the name because it was his name in the book and more importantly in the movie, and the character wouldn't have been recognizable without it, but they never reference that origin in the show. We don't know why TV Trapper is called Trapper. It's simply never established. I understand being uncomfortable with the train story, but that isn't TV Trapper's backstory. Oliver Jones is a popular character, despite his nickname--which is the only name he has in the show--being racist. I don't mean to be rude but I just can't take this seriously.

As for the rest... look, I appreciate you explaining this, because I did say I didn't understand the reasoning. But none of this means anything to me. Cheating is a violation of trust. I don't think BJ violated Peg's trust less because he felt bad about it afterwards. If anything, I prefer how Trapper does it.

I don't think knowingly sleeping with someone who's married or in a committed relationship is somehow less bad than cheating. Maybe we just disagree on that, and that's fine. But for me, it's about respect and trust, and participating in cheating from that side is still disrespectful. Hawkeye only shows hesitation once, and while he is clearly conflicted about it, I'm not at all certain he wouldn't have gotten over it if it hadn't turned out she wasn't really married. That's also a unique Hawkeye storyline, bordering on out-of-character, because the comedy comes from the role reversal of Hawkeye being more serious and he wants to marry her within a few days. I also think being serious about her is why he reacts differently to her being married, aside from the episodic sitcom depending-on-the-writer inconsistency. He is serious about Carlye as well, but in that case he just doesn't respect her marriage at all because he thinks he had her "first." Erika's apparent marriage bothering him is the exception, not the rule.

As for the show treating sexual assault lightly early on, I agree with that as a criticism, but Hawkeye is one of the worst offenders, so I don't really have any patience for people who find it unforgivable for Trapper but not Hawkeye. Also, surprisingly, the one least dirty in all of that is Frank. I also don't see how this relates to Trapper's nickname, honestly, beyond the book, movie, and show being made in an era that didn't take sexual assault as seriously as we do now.

[firespirited]

So I have a bunch of 'war stories' about my long long time with violent gallbladder attacks trying to magically lose weight

(I'd already cut out all fat down to the gram) to get to an arbitrary surgery number except dun dun: hunger triggers bile.

The diy nonsense and prep you get up to when the pain is that intense, the moment when my body reacted post op with the biggest attack yet, crazy chaotic stupid stuff like at the hospital, i got unplugged from my IV and spurted blood everywhere...

All tiny compared to what was to come. During the post op attack, they gave me a painkiller that lasted 5 hours and locked me in my body unable to move or speak. It was relief and was nice and fine until

1/ I discovered my mother had terrible sleep apnea where she'd stop breathing for what felt like forever

2/ a power cut reset my heart monitor machine to a solid beep for 30 seconds and mum thought I had coded.

In those 5 hours and singular moments, 18 months of random blinding pain that makes you moan, rock uncontrollably and sweat enough to fill towels, elaborate precision scalding under the ribs with burns you treat later, the anti nausea/vagal nerve/fainting remedies, the post op pain: It was all trivial.

She went home next day because she was wiped. But they hadn't kept up my meds and I went into combo ssri and benzo withdrawal. I had a psychotic episode, made a very angry phone call to a very confused and distressed mum, called a taxi and had the guy sneak me out of hospital convinced my loved ones had abandoned me and wouldn't allow me home. So that there was my third withdrawal psychotic break and let's just say there's a very clear pattern, it's not entirely irrational and there's nothing I fear except THAT when it kicks in. Not too painful a memory as I've apologised profusely and know it was fake and know my deep faultline. Just a cherry on top of the mess sundae. Funny isn't it?

Mum's on a CPAP now and it's wonderful. I couldn't do a thing while that machine beeped and that moment was more potently awful than all of it.

—-------–-----

When I was 16 a doctor did botched local anesthesia surgery on my toe to remove my toenail and scrape the bone, the anaesthetic syringe didn't work. I was alone and the doctor thought I was just afraid of pain and hysterical (ask me about the surgeries and disinfections i'd done on myself someday lmao) I passed out multiple times. The syringe needle shifted right into a nerve and i spasmed and begged out. But the whole afternoon was fuzzy, I had dissociated on my way home from school after a rape threat and attempting groping by the local drunkard about an hour before my appointment so the whole very bloody gory and extremely painful moments are fractured like a broken mirror or a badly downloaded movie. It took me about a week to properly piece together the sequence of events and explain why I'd left the doctors and walked home with a shoe full of blood. I don't know if it would have been worse to be fully present.

—————

I had a series of daily treatments with the generic version of an intravenous antibiotic with a crap formula that crystalizes and burns. The brand name was too expensive for me to switch. It was very high pain both in the moment and the next hour. I have lumps of scar tissue that get in the way of my daily injections, large lumps of chemically burned lower hip/upper glute muscle. Those injections gave me back the ability to walk more than 10 yards, more spoons, less exhaustion agony so I kept submitting to it for as long as treatment was available. I resent that big pharma doesn't care if the generic has bad side effects. I only curse the scars when the needle jams and it hurts. I'd do it again.

–––––––

Pain is a constant but it's so varied. Bowel spasms, migraines, shooting pains, dull aches, burning sensations, muscle cramps, pain that itches your teeth, skin like a sausage ready to pop, the fibro zappy zaps. How do you choose a worst one without taking other things into account? Which part of the orchestra is giving you a headache?

=======

I have some really funny gory stories about the ingrowing toenails though. Oh and sis removed a large sebaceous cyst from my back with a disinfected exacto knife - we were sober but high on sleep deprivation.

I got pink eye last week and thought I'd put alcohol into some sterile water, i'd just got drips down the side and got 70% rubbing alcohol in my eye, sis nearly cried laughing when I said I'm fine with a high pitched wobble. It worked though.

I cracked my shoulder bone when I stood up to a bully age 10 and he pushed me so hard I hit the ground with no way to brace. Had to wear an elastic potato sack for 3 months and learn to write with my left hand. But I'm very proud of that one.

Others I'm too sore to talk about at least tonight. Toxic friendships, institutional neglect. Stuff I tried to ignore or didn't care to care for myself.

Eh. What matters is now and now I'm doing slow rehab and off to get some sleep.

[disco-elysium-via-polls]

3 ."I mean, 'Okay, I'll be on your side when they come.'"

TITUS HARDIE - "Yeah..." he snorts. "Just try not to get in the way -- when the whoop-ass flies open!"

EMPATHY [Easy: Success] - Beneath the *whoop-assery* it's clear that he appreciates all the help he can get.

3. [Authority - Godly] Establish authority.

+1 Confronted about drug trade. +1 Strange reaction to bullet. +1 Discussed eighth Hardie. +1 Warned about the tribunal.

Before all these bonuses, we had an *8%* chance of success here. It's looking much better now.

AUTHORITY [Godly: Success] - As you look around this room full of sweaty men, swearing, drinking, spitting out tobacco.... does this look familiar?

Where have I seen this before?

"I get it, Titus. You guys really are *the authority* around here."

AUTHORITY - You believe the place was called *Precinct 41* -- it was also filled with (almost exclusively) *men*, sitting on desks, talking shit and wasting time.

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] - "You seen Apricot -- old Pidieu's daughter?" asks Lieutentant McCoy. "Uh-huh," replies Torson. "The ass on that one..." McCoy shakes his head in appreciation. "A bit strange the old man named her Apricot, but, I mean -- who am I to judge? Wanna hit the kebab joint?"

"I get it, Titus. You guys really are *the authority* around here."

TITUS HARDIE - "Huh?"

"You must be -- you're just like real cops. Drinking beer and sitting around with your dicks in your hand."

TITUS HARDIE - He leans in. "You got a problem with *beer* now?"

AUTHORITY - Not quite there yet -- push on.

"No, no. I'm drunk on the job too. I don't give a shit, just like you guys."

"No, I'm also a big fan of beer -- *and* jerking off instead of helping people."

"I have a beer-problem, but not a problem with beer. I also have *no* idea how to do my job. Like you."

TITUS HARDIE - "You saying we don't *help* people?" He puts the beer down. "I've been doing this job for *ten years*! Martinaise was a dump before we put this outfit together."

EUGENE - "They don't know, man -- they weren't here." He turns to you. "We had three shootings a week, kids dead, fuckin' *graffito* everywhere -- you cops haven't shown up since the Thirties."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Congratulations on the graffito removal." He turns to Titus. "All I see is you sitting around talking about *Monica's titties* -- while there's a rape victim."

TITUS HARDIE - "So what? What do you want from me? We took care of that fuck." He picks the beer back up.

AUTHORITY - Don't let him drink that. One more push, quick!

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - Just don't antagonize him, you have this already.

"It's not about who did it, it's about the victim. She needs help."

"Someone's been raped. She needs counselling -- we need to talk to her."

ELIZABETH - "Titus..." He looks at her.

AUTHORITY - She stops mid-sentence. That's it -- you got him. He's going to give it up, but on his terms.

TITUS HARDIE - "You wanna *help* her, cop? Fine, I'm, gonna let you help her -- but you treat her with respect."

"If you don't -- if you *question* her, harass her..." Titus taps his chin with his fist. "...a freight train of pain, buddy."

KIM KITSURAGI - "What is her name?" The lieutenant takes out his notes.

TITUS HARDIE - "Klaasje Amandou. She's staying here at the Whirling-in-Rags. A real pretty one, silvery jumpsuit, blonde." Titus adjusts his cap. "That's Amandou with an O-U."

Task complete: Prove your authority to Titus Hardie

+30 XP

INLAND EMPIRE [Trivial: Success] - Shit! The girl... the girl upstairs?! That can't be her. She knows you drank so hard you forgot you were a cop...

HORRIFIC NECKTIE - Oh, it's her. It's definitely her. It's Miss Oranje Disco Dancer.

"K-k-Klaasje?" (Correct your tie.)

"Miss Oranje Disco Dancer?"

[Composure - Medium 11] "Klaasje Amandou. Cool." (Keep your cool.)

TITUS HARDIE - "Sure -- why not. You've probably seen her around." He nods upstairs.

[Composure - Medium 11] "Klaasje Amandou. Cool." (Keep your cool.)

-1 Said you don't remember being a cop. -1 Said you don't remember reality.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Failure] - You inexplicably add "cool" after the victim's name -- with your eyes bulging like some wild beast. Your fingers are fidgeting and sweat starts forming on your brow as Titus looks at you oddly.

TITUS HARDIE - "I don't understand what's so cool here."

-1 Morale

KIM KITSURAGI - "Nothing." He gives you a sideways glance. "We just have a *few* more questions -- then we'll be on our way."

SUGGESTION [Easy: Success] - Whatever you do, do not to tell him you *know her*. That would sound *off*.

"Uh... so what was her relationship with the mercenary?"

"So, the, erm... the rape. When was that?"

So..." (Scratch your head.) "What is your relationship with her?"

"I think I..." (Laugh nervously.) "I think I know her."

"Thank you, we'll talk to her." (Conclude.)

TITUS HARDIE - "Relationship?! There was no fucking relationship! He raped her, that's their relationship!"

EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - Something is off here. His anger is... possessive.

SHANKY - "It was like that karaoke incident all over again. Or like some of the other girls he was harassing."

ELIZABETH - "Okay, enough. All of this is irrelevant to your stated investigation."

2. "So, the, erm... the rape. When was that?"

TITUS HARDIE - "He did it before we killed him. He's not gonna do it again." He crushes his half-empty beer can. "So what does it matter?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "It would help if we establish a timeline."

TITUS HARDIE - "Alright. Two weeks maybe? I don't know... I need another beer." He turns to Glen.

GLEN - "Here you go, boss!" The tall blond throws him a can. Titus cracks it open.

3. "So..." (Scratch your head.) "What is your relationship with her?"

TITUS HARDIE - "I know her." He looks around and an uncommon silence fills the room.

KIM KITSURAGI - "How well do you *know* her?"

PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Medium: Success] - A small twitch in the corner of Kim's mouth. He has a hunch about what *knowing* means.

TITUS HARDIE - "Well enough, copper. We partied. She's been here for a few months." He crosses his arms.

COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - He tries to make it sound real casual -- but the muscles on his neck tighten.

"So she's not from around here?"

"I see, okay. That's cool, that's cool. Another question?"

TITUS HARDIE - "You mean Revachol? Nah. Our Miss Oranje Disco Dancer is an immigrant or a drifter of some sort. Been staying here over the winter."

FAT ANGUS - "Don't you give her any more trouble!" the fat guy blurts out. "She's just had some bad luck, that's all."

GLEN - "Shut up, Angie!" He slaps his forehead. "She doesn't need your help..."

TITUS HARDIE - Titus gives them both a look. They fall silent.

SUGGESTION [Trivial: Success] - What's with all the silences? It's like these guys don't know how to feel about this. You should keep picking at it...

4. "You said you partied. Cool, that's cool. But what did you mean?"

TITUS HARDIE - "What do you think I meant?"

"Was it sex?"

"Drugs?" (Avoid his gaze.)

"Did you do karaoke?"

(Laugh nervously.) "Sex, drugs and karaoke, right?"

TITUS HARDIE - "Yes -- yes -- and no." He looks you straight in the eye. "Got something to say about it?"

"So you're saying the two of you were... close?"

"Another question."

TITUS HARDIE - "No. We just fucked, that's all," he states matter-of-factly. "I'm not gonna give you any details if that's what you're after. So put your dick away."

SUGGESTION - He really went out of his way to seem comfortable with this topic. That's all you're gonna get for now.

DRAMA [Medium: Success] - He's doing a good job here. A commendable performance of *I don't give a shit*.

Suggestion told us not to say we know her.

6. "Thank you, we'll talk to her." (Conclude.)

TITUS HARDIE - "Remember what I said: freight train of pain." He points his beer can at you.

New task: Talk to the assault victim

4. "I'm going to take off now." [Leave.]

Perhaps unsurprisingly, Kim wants to talk to us.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Officer, what was that?"

"What was what?"

"It was nothing."

"You mean the sweating and fidgeting when he mentioned her name?"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Yes."

"And the... sort of... quivering jello thing with the eye?" (Point to your twitching eye.)

"I think I know that woman."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Yes."

"I think I know that woman."

"It was nothing."

KIM KITSURAGI - "It's not nothing, you were coming apart at the seams." He looks you in the eye: "Do you know the assault victim?"

"Yes."

"No."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Is there something I should know before we talk to her?"

"I didn't rape her."

"I met her. In the hallway, after I woke up."

"She knows I didn't remember being a cop."

"I tried to hit on her..."

"That's it." [Leave.]

A successful Rhetoric check here would tell us not to say the first thing. I... think we can figure that out ourselves.

KIM KITSURAGI - "Understood -- you were not in good shape on Monday."

3. "She knows I didn't remember being a cop."

KIM KITSURAGI - "Okay," he nods. "That's manageable."

4. "I tried to hit on her…"

KIM KITSURAGI - "Understood." He's stone-faced.

"It went pretty okay, I guess."

"Better not to add anything to that."

KIM KITSURAGI - "It doesn't matter how it *went* officer -- what else?"

5. "Nothing -- let's move on." [Leave.]

KIM KITSURAGI - He nods. "We'll be all right, officer. This is nothing."

ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] - You feel fortified by his assurance. It's going to be all right.

+1 Morale

[bullshit-tqia]

Citing a bunch of statistics isn't the same as articulating a point. You have to relate them to the topic without going off-topic. And even if the study about domestic abuse in the lesbian community was false, the male/female socialisation doesn't account for abusive women and abused men. It removes the agency of women by portraying them as victims rather than people with their own goals and needs and how they interact with the world around them.

Also saying everyone is nonbinary is like saying everyone is bisexual. It's simply not true and this goes back to the absurdism. It doesn't matter what you think about gender. Other people will still have their identities and deconstructing that won't take away that person's agency to define themself.

Regardless of how similar two people's childhoods are due to gendered expectations, this doesn't mean they'll turn out the same. Two different people can be socialized the same and still turn out different. This is best seen with siblings who grow up in the same household. Yes siblings get treated differently even if they're the same gender but then that just highlights how trivial gender is in this situation.

Male/female socialisation is a very flawed way of viewing the world. I remember talking with parents about their kids and some of them would express frustration because the way they raised their kids didn't match up with how the child grew up. Some of them grew up and got themselves into trouble and lacked stability despite their upbringing. Regardless of how the child was socialized, they grew up to make their own decisions based on a variety of factors. Male/female socialisation is pseudoscientific and a cheap comfort tool for people who are uncomfortable with understanding that the world isn't a neat and tidy place. There are no easy and simple solutions.

You seem to have missed my point. I don’t use socialization to remove agency, I use socialization to describe behavioral patterns. Such as why men are more likely to rape women than women are. I don’t say it is all because of socialization, I say it can be because of socialization, which is completely different. One is deterministic, the other questions whether it could be the case.

And being against socialization does the same thing, it removes the agency of specific trans people from recognizing that they can be misogynistic because of how they were raised prior to transitioning. To say “this isn’t the case” is to say “this isn’t happening,” but it is. To ignore women’s concerns about their safety is to be misogynistic in of itself, and to invalidate those concerns instead of trying to compromise is self interest.

My idea of “everyone is non-binary” is completely different from everyone being bisexual because one requires biological behaviors and gender is not the sexes. Gender is an idea, the idea of women being associated with the color pink has no basis in reality. That’s why in other cultures different colors are associated with reality. There is no gender binary because we can’t even figure out what the binary entails, everyone has a different idea of what it is. If nobody can agree on whether a cat is a cat or a dog is a dog…do cats and dogs even exist? If you keep calling a dog, a cat, and a cat, a dog, then your idea of what a cat or dog is jumbled. You can’t discern it. There is no “true dog” or “true cat.” However when it comes to bisexuality…you are attracted to women or you’re not. You’re attracted to men or you’re not. You’re attracted to both or you’re not. Gender isn’t as simplistic as sexuality. Sexuality doesn’t differ from culture to culture, only the response to sexuality differs from culture to culture. That’s the difference.

You’re projecting other people’s understandings of socialization onto me. But I am not those people. I use socialization very simply. Socialization = patriarchy. Whether you’re a target of the patriarchy or not. That simple.

[isawthismeme]

[fireofjudgement]

"..and a happy New Year"

Fandom: Alice in Borderland

Pairing: Niragi x Reader (kinda ;))

Summary: It's just a silly concept I came up with while sick with covid - Hatter decides to throw a New Years party at the Beach simply because he can. What can possibly go wrong?

Word count: 2.8k

Warnings: swearing, mentions of: alcohol (multiple times), drugs, vomit, violence, death, rape, sex, public sex, a cult, stalking (all very brief), slight CNC (if you squint), kissing, it turns sexual at the very end but it's purposefully kept vague, implied threesome (also at the very end)

A/N: I've been writing for a while now but this is my first time ever sharing my work online! It's also my first time writing for the aib fandom. Like I mentioned above, I came up with this idea when I was dealing with covid and it was driving me crazy so I had to write it down, I apologise if it doesn't make any sense (especially since english is my third language) 😅 I don't even know what to call it, it's not really a fic (originally it was titled Countdown because that's just what it is), it's really just an experiment with different forms of writing but it was a lot of fun to do and I personally like it so maybe at least one person here likes it too. Happy 2022, I hope it treats all of you well 💗

--

22

This was not how you were planning to spend the last night of the year. How the hell did all of this even happen? Was it the never-ending cacophony of music, laughter and drunk conversations mixed with the intoxicating smell of alcohol, sweat and cheap perfume? Or the stress of having to fight for survival every day, building up since the day this nightmare started? You weren't sure. Maybe it was a combination of both, maybe neither. Not that it mattered anyway. Nothing really mattered in this place as long as you were alive.

21

Not even time. Nobody ever really knew what day it was in the Borderland, why would anyone keep track of something as trivial as dates? Time passes differently when you know every day could be your last one, every see you could turn into a goodbye and every new encounter - no matter if in or outside of a game- could turn into a fight for your life. It was simple - you either had to play or you didn't, other than that every day was pretty much the same.

20

Except today. Today was the last day of the year. According to Hatter anyway. He took everyone by surprise when he suddenly announced it's time to hold a New Years party at the Beach. At first nobody took him seriously - the man came up with at least seven new holiday ideas every day after all - but this time it was different. This time he didn't stop until all the executive members agreed to his idea. This time he made it happen. Or at least that's what he wanted people to believe. In reality everyone knew he "convinced" Aguni and the militants to make it happen. 

19

The militants. To your surprise only a few of them showed up to the party, despite organizing it all by themselves. You didn't know why it bothered you so much - regular members didn't get to see them too often anyway, they never really participated in any events. Then again, nobody in their right mind would risk a face to face encounter with any of the men. They did their own thing - causing trouble more often than not - and everyone knew the best way to survive at the Beach was to not mess with them.

18

The few that did show up tonight were just as drunk as everyone else. Their obnoxious laughter and lewd jokes could be heard from far away, occasionally interrupted by insults slurred in the direction of every unlucky passerby. None of the men looked familiar, you never really cared enough to remember the faces or names of anyone in this godforsaken place. In a world where nobody can be trusted there was no place for any meaningful relationships and you weren't about to waste your time on people who could end up dead the very next day.

17

There were only three men at the Beach whose names you knew, for reasons different than you'd like to admit. These men were dangerous, intimidating. Everyone knew they wouldn't hesitate to kill, rape and steal if necessary - and they did, in fact, do all of the above on a regular basis. But you? You couldn't control the shivers that went down your spine every time one of them passed you in a public area, and you long stopped trying to convince yourself it was purely because of fear. As much as you hated it, you found yourself intrigued by them at first, that feeling slowly turning into physical attraction. As wrong as you knew it was, each of them piqued your interest for different reasons.

16

Obviously the first one you noticed was Hatter. The charming, eloquent and fierce leader, the light of every party at the Beach and a regular source of heartbreak amongst female members. He somehow managed to build this place from nothing and make it thrive, which in itself was impressive considering his happy-go-lucky attitude. People would often mock the rather eccentric way he carried himself or joke about how he would be more suitable for a strip club owner. Which wasn't entirely wrong, if you were aware of Hatter's past..businesses. 

15

You however saw something different in him, something..ominous. There was a certain darkness surrounding him, something in his eyes you couldn't quite place. No matter how wide his smile or how sweet his voice, you couldn't shake off that feeling. The scariest thing about it was that you seemed to be the only person to notice there's something off about him. Everyone else trusted him completely, following every rule, no questions asked. Sometimes you wondered if you accidentally got yourself involved in a cult but you quickly shut these thoughts down. You weren't stupid, you knew sticking with them was your best chance to survive. Besides, you had to admit he was extremely good looking, even if a cult leader.

14

Of course, even Hatter wouldn't be able to run this place alone. Come to think of it now, you've never seen Hatter without Aguni, his right hand and head of the militants, by his side. They made for a rather strange duo - Hatter would never shut the fuck up, you could swear you heard this man's voice at any time of the day, anywhere you went. Meanwhile Aguni rarely ever spoke, he wasn't one for drama and he most definitely didn't match Hatter's flashy fashion sense. 

13

You didn't know what exactly it was about Aguni that made him an attractive man. He was quiet, he never expressed any emotions and he rarely seemed affected by anything happening to or around him. Rumor had it that nobody's ever seen him with a woman either. He was just..there. And yet he was one of the most respected and intimidating people at the beach. He didn't have to raise his voice for people to fear him. Nobody's ever dared to mess with Aguni, not even the other militants.

12

Not even Niragi. He might have been Aguni's second in command but in your mind he was carrying the title of the Beach's main asshole. Causing trouble and misery wherever he went, never seen without a cocky grin. Or his rifle. You sincerely doubted this man had the slightest idea what love was but if he -theoretically speaking- had at least an ounce of it inside him, it was definitely reserved for that bloody gun. Before you arrived at the Beach you usually didn't have a problem with giving people the benefit of the doubt. That however changed fast after you met Niragi; single handedly the most annoying, self centered, insufferable pathetic excuse of a man you've ever seen. 

11

Tragically enough, that very same asshole also happened to be the most attractive man you've ever seen. Determined to crush all kinds of ridiculous thoughts before they could even form in your head, you tried to avoid him at all costs. You really, really tried but.. You caught yourself staring at him more times than you were comfortable with admitting, your head filled with inappropriate scenarios each time. Fuck, you hated how your whole body started to get warm just thinking about him. How you couldn't help but wonder when looking at his piercings, if he was hiding any other ones. You hated the disgust you felt bumping into him and a new girl  - though they all looked the same to you - every night but not because of what you witnessed them doing, it was because you wished he was doing these things to you instead.

10

Tonight neither Aguni nor Niragi were anywhere to be found. Not even Hatter attended his own party which didn't seem to bother anyone but you. Granted, everyone else was either drunk or high, busy on the dance floor or getting it on in a semi secluded area. A shadow of a smile appeared on your face when you remembered how disturbed you were upon joining the Beach and realizing that trying to convince Hatter that his ideas can be silly at best and life-threatening at worst, was considered a bigger crime in this place than public indecency. After a while it stopped bothering you, if anything tonight you secretly wished you had someone - a very specific someone- to join in on the fun with.

9

Disappointed you seemingly came down  for nothing, you tried to come up with something, anything to do. You refused to let the hours spent on getting ready go to waste. However, with each passing minute it became painfully obvious nothing interesting is going to happen anytime soon. You didn't even know any of these people. There was already a little too much alcohol in your system, you were a shitty dancer anyway and you didn't see anyone interesting enough to leave with. Unwilling to waste even more of your precious time, you decided to accept your fate and so, after less than an hour, you decided to go back to your room. Alone.

8

You didn't notice his gaze at first - following your every move - too busy trying not to drown in a sea of sweat covered bodies, awkwardly moving to the currently playing song. It would be a crime to call it dancing at this point, everyone was too drunk to care about how ridiculous they all looked, tho you had to admit it was impressive they could still move at all, with the dance floor sticky with spilled alcohol, vomit and other substances you didn't even want to think about. It was safe to say you wanted to get as far away from it all as possible.

7

The silence in the hallways you passed on your way back to your room was almost deafening. On a normal day it was impossible to get through without unwillingly touching or getting touched by another, usually drunk, member. Tonight it was completely empty. Just you, the echoing sound of your footsteps and what felt like a storm inside your brain. A million unanswered questions would not stop crossing your mind. Why did Hatter decide against attending his own party after going through so much effort convincing everyone to throw it? Where were Aguni, Niragi and the rest of the militants? Was there something they didn't want you to know?

6

A sudden noise to your right startled you, interrupting your thoughts. Unsure whether to just keep going or find a different way, you peeked around the corner and that's when you saw them. Aguni and Hatter, sitting on top of the stairs. The stairs that led to the members rooms. More specifically, your room. Still hiding behind the corner, you couldn't hear what exactly they were talking about but what was more concerning was the fact that they were alone. You've never seen them - especially Hatter- without other executives or militants but there they were. Sitting. Talking. Waiting?

5

After what felt like ages your curiosity won and you decided against going back. Even though your heart was racing and your knees were slightly shaking, you made your way towards the stairs. You've never been in such close proximity to them and your whole body felt like it was on fire. You've never been one to get flustered easily but it was difficult to keep your composure with their dark eyes glued to your barely clothed figure. At that moment you cursed yourself for picking such a short, revealing dress. And those damn heels. And why did you think it was a good idea to drink before the party even started? How on earth were you supposed to gracefully walk past them and go up the stairs without making a fool out of yourself?

4

Just like you thought, the task turned out to be nearly impossible. Those few feet separating you from the stairs felt like the longest distance you've ever walked. Neither of the men moved an inch, not even when you finally stood face to face. They didn't say a single word either, not to you and not to each other, simply watching your every move in silence. You tried to figure out what annoyed you more - Aguni's usual emotionless expression or the smirk on Hatter's face, growing bigger the closer you got to them. A huge weight was lifted off your shoulders when you finally passed them and made it to your room. To your surprise the men didn't try to follow or stop you and you allowed yourself to let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. 

3

Your happiness didn't last long however. It was quickly replaced by a new wave of fear and anxiety as the realization hit you that someone had been in your room while you were gone. No, not had been. Someone was in your room now. Still a little tipsy, your brain struggled to process everything that happened so far and so you just stood there. Panicked.  Frozen. Entirely at the stranger's mercy. You couldn't see his face in the dim lighting but you weren't exactly eager to get closer to him either. You didn't have to, as the man has seemingly made the decision for you - slowly but surely he started to close the distance between the two of you. He did so in absolute silence and you kept silent as well, unable to form a coherent sentence. After what felt like an eternity he finally got close enough for you to recognize him and.. You desperately tried to convince yourself it was just your drunk brain playing tricks on you. Was it really..?

2

Niragi. For a second you felt relieved, it wasn't a stranger after all, but..why was he here? What could he possibly want from you? How did he even know you? You've never exchanged more than a couple words. A million questions popped up in your mind at once but you found the answer to all of them in his dark, lust filled eyes. He knew. Maybe you weren't as good at hiding your emotions as you thought. All this time you thought you were the one watching him, the one in charge. Oh, how naive you have been. Now it became clear- it was the complete opposite. You didn't know how or when his lips clashed with yours, the whole world turning into a blur right then and there. All your worries and doubts disappeared and all you could think about in that moment was him. His muffled moans against your lips, his taste on your tongue and his body against yours. With everything you knew about him, you should have realised how wrong all of this was but it felt so damn good. Whatever he was doing to you, you hoped he would never stop.

1

Neither of you said a word the whole time but they weren't needed anyway. Caught off guard at first, you quickly allowed yourself to let go and enjoy the moment, against your better judgment. You've dreamed about it for so long and if you were being honest, you weren't entirely sure all of this was really happening. Not that you cared anymore. You didn't even think about putting up a fight, it was obvious you both wanted this. It wasn't long before your clothes landed on the floor, Niragi's following suit soon after. His lips were still on yours, his hands all over your body, all the attention driving you insane. You were growing more impatient, more needy with each second. Your body felt like it was on fire yet again but this time you knew that fire could only be put out one way. You needed more of him. More, more, more.

0

Your wish was his command. Niragi would never admit it but he needed you just as much as you needed him. He was patient for too long, pretending not to notice the way you looked at him, the way your body reacted to his touch that one time you accidentally landed in his lap during a party and how you used every excuse to get close to him ever since. Both of you dreamed about this countless times but the real thing exceeded your expectations. By far. Finally having him inside you, quite literally fucking you into next year, accompanied by lewd sounds filling the room - that definitely wasn't how you were planning to spend the last night of the year but who cared. You completely forgot about the party anyway, at least until you heard a loud choir outside starting to count down from 10. How they knew what time it was, you weren't sure. But as the countdown hit 0 - loud cheering and laughter filling the night air - and in a room now illuminated by fireworks both you and Niragi came down from your highs, you suddenly remembered Aguni and Hatter waiting downstairs and you realised one thing - it's going to be one hell of a year.

[masterthespianduchovny]

I’m going to have an uncomfortable, but necessary conversation.

What Nate did, kissing Keeley without consent, was sexual assault. Whether or not you like a person, whether or not they’re a victim in other ways, and regardless of them being drunk and regretting it, that it STILL sexual assault.

And yes, there are many many instances of popular kisses (and worse things) that ARE sexual assault, which wasn’t treated as such. Countless people seek to address these harmful moments being framed as a good thing. Even a real life event, such as when Adrien Brody kissed Halle Berry after his Oscar win. She did not consent to that. Many people appropriately call this sexual assault now. And he definitely didn’t have a misunderstanding about that moment.

Sexual assault isn’t just rape, here’s a screenshot from Columbia’s website outlining what sexual assault consists of.

Calling what Nate did a misunderstanding trivializes what happened. Nate was essentially acting like a Nice Guy. Because a woman was nice to him and enjoyed being his friend, he felt entitled to her romantic and sexual gaze. There is literally nothing that supports why Nate “misunderstood” Keeley’s feelings.

Nate kissed Keeley because he wanted to regardless of how she felt and relationship status. Because she negatively reacted he realized that he’s not the alpha dog he viewed himself as. That just because he’s more confident and assertive women aren’t going to automatically want him.

The only misunderstanding Nate had was his sexual charm.

And I want to be clear here, even if Nate hadn’t had this arc where he’s spiraling and was the Nate of the first season, it still would be sexual assault. Bad people aren’t the only ones capable of sexual assault, good/“good” people are as well.

We live in a society that constantly encourages violating women’s boundaries. That teaches men that no means yes and pester women until you wear them down to get them. That they don’t need to learn social cues.

In this same conversation with the person in the screenshot, they argued that since Keeley wasn’t bothered and tried to comfort Nate, it wasn’t assault. Sexual assault is a complicated and complex thing. People don’t always react how we thing they should or how we think we would. Many women have said that they just knew how they were going to react if something happened to them and when it did, many said they froze. That they couldn’t believe that this thing was happening. They were frozen in shock and didn’t know what to do. They felt helpless.

Often times, when a woman is in a situation like this, we often try to be placating because of the risk of the situation escalating. You know when women fake flirt, fake smile with men they aren’t interested because they don’t know what could happen if they express disinterest. There are women who’ve literally been killed by strangers for saying no and turning them down. Hell, a guy killed his female classmate because she rejected going to homecoming with him because she was going with her boyfriend.

There are other times people try to rationalize their sexual assault. Some are in denial about what happened to them. It’s hard to wrap their minds around it.

But yes, he did sexually assaulted Keeley and him allegedly feeling sorry afterwards doesn’t negate this fact.

And this is not a conversation I want to have, especially as tensions have been high surrounding Nate in general. I understand why people are protective of Nate, however, regardless of race, gender, sexuality, anyone who did what Nate did would’ve committed sexual assault.

I’m addressing this situation because it’s a necessary conversation to have. No matter how much we sympathize with people, even if they are oppressed, they are still capable of harming others even if they don’t intend to. You can still defend someone and admit that they did something wrong. It’s not an either or situation. People are more complex than that. Two weeks ago, despite defending ted for walking Dr. Sharon him despite her protest, I readily admitted that he did violating her boundary by coming into her home. It’s not as serious as what Nate did, but we have to admit when characters we like do wrong regardless of if it’s big or small.

Someone can still have valid criticisms about some of the comments about Nate being racist and admit, “yeah, him kissing Keeley was still assault.”

There can be so many thoughtful people regardless of where they stand on many given issues, but at times, the TL fandom can have a glaring lack of nuance about some things. Or maybe it’s just tumblr. Or social media.

I don’t know.

But non consensual kissing is sexual assault. It doesn’t need to be rape to be assault. Any sexual advance that isn’t consensual is sexual assault. That includes kissing, groping, various forms of penetration, etc. When we don’t know or can’t acknowledge this nuance we do the topic and so many people a disservice.

[opinated-user]

Where did LO get in her head that Sylvanas Windrunner is a rape survivor? It doesn't say anywhere on her wiki that she was sexually assaulted.

It bothers me that she would make that up about a character because of how it trivializes actual victims of assault. Oh, and that genocide is totally cool because being an abuse survivor means you can do no wrong anymore.

i zone out a lot when LO starts talking about WOW because i don't play it and she mostly repeats her three major points about it over and over again, but from what i understand she believes that sylvannas becoming an undead (the reason why she's blue) was a metaphor for rape and therefore sylvannas is a rape victim who only LO undertands. she only ever sees the "undeading" like this when it's about sylvannas, i don't think she has ever treated it like that for any other character. as a recap, writing about a character doing a mating bond with a sleeping 14 year old during an arc titled "violate" it's not a rape metaphor according to LO, despite the text very clearly going out of it's way to treat it like that however unintentionally it was. but making someone into an overpowered intelligent zombie is, somehow.

[queer-and-dear-books]

Title: The Music of What Happens

Author: Bill Konigsberg

Genre: YA Fiction | Romance | Friendship | LGBTQ+ 

Content Warnings: Sexual Assault | Parental Neglect

Overall Rating: 9.5/10

Personal Opinion: This book was a pleasant surprise for me. I love character-driven stories and Konigsberg is one of my favorite writers who do that and this is a triumph. Jordan and Max much polar opposites of one another, both dealing with  heavy baggage that they can’t really talk about with anyone else. When they end up working a food truck together, they bond over food, their sexuality, and life in general. Although many of the characters grated my nerves in the beginning, it was incredible watching them all grow over the course of the novel and actual talk to one another.

Couple Classification: Max X Jordan = Jock X Goth

Do I Own This Book? No, but maybe one day.

Spoilers Below For My Likes & Dislikes:

Likes:

- Gay. With no homophobia to deal with either so that’s also a plus. I mean, it’s there but it isn’t one of the big bad things the characters need to actually deal with and overcome so that’s nice.

- The characters all start out awful. On purpose. I thought I would hate them all because the friend groups feel so mean to one another. The Amigos hit one another and make a lot of hurtful comments. The Wives treat Jordan and his house as their personal playthings and don’t listen whenever he tries to get their attention. They’re all dismissive and don’t even consider that the boys aren’t having sex. But it’s all done on purpose and that’s why I can easily forgive it. Because over the course of the story, Max becomes more vulnerable and open and Jordan gains more confidence and becomes way more assertive. They stop grinning and bearing it when their friends act in a way that hurts them. In the process, their friends also open up and realize they’ve been hurting the boys with their comments. It’s a learning moment for all of them and I love that. It’s so real because they’re all still just teenagers. Dumb, not fully developed teenagers. So they won’t talk about serious shit so easily. I love that they all learn to do so by the end of the book.

- Jordan punching Kevin was quite possibly the highlight of the novel. Because, and you’ll see why in the dislike section, Kevin is the worst. He should’ve been punched again. But I love that when Max (the big jock) was being talked down to and dismissed by his rapist, it was Jordan (the string bean poet) that stepped in and socked Kevin in the face. He became Max’s protector in that moment and I just adore how much Max appreciated that.

- Going back to the awareness part, Konigsberg does such an awesome job with the parents. How their parenting styles had affected the boys. How Max and Jordan love their shittier parents but realize… they’re so shitty. Max grew up with a dad that was all macho and it sounded harrowing. But he did not fully realize it and accept that his dad was awful until he admitted he was raped and his dad just did not follow up on it whatsoever. He realized all of the gross jokes his dad made ARE a reflection of him. So he cut him out. Likewise, Jordan promised his dad he would be there for his mom. That should not have been his job. It is his mother’s job to take care of him and she didn’t. She was a mess. Never cooked, couldn’t hold a job, relied on Jordan to handle the mortgage, and took out a loan on the food truck to pay for her gambling! The last thing being the final straw. It’s powerful stuff and it not only makes the characters that much more sympathetic but it makes me want to root for a happy ending for them because they deserve that much.

- The bad parent gets police called on her! This seems trivial but I’ve read a lot of books where abusive parents just walk free. They face no consequences for their actions and just leave a traumatized kid in their wake. The fact that it was Jordan who made the call on his own mother too was that much more impactful. And I think it’s important because it shows that when you recognize behavior that endangers you, you need that person to be held accountable. 

- The sexy parts with Jordan and Max in the gym were very steamy. Their romance was a rocky start but I really love the chemistry they had. It was just adorable and I really loved the adventures they had together.

Dislikes:

- Terrible Kevin representation. (I really hope no one takes this part seriously, I’m just so tired of seeing my name attached to so many shitty characters.) So in the context of this story, Kevin is racist (calling a Latino boy his “Arabian prince” and referring to him as someone who should be “passionate” and “spicy”) and also, a rapist who doesn’t think he raped someone because the other guy “enjoyed” it. Okay, as a plot device, I’m glad that he was written totally irredeemable. I am honestly just mad about his name which is dumb. But I do wish that he realized his mistake. It’s not enough to me that Jordan hit him and misaligned his jaw. I wanted, like Max said, for him to never do this to someone else. But, and it sucks to say this, it feels like he didn’t learn any lesson. It feels as if he’ll find another dark-skinned boy and ruin his life too. And it is so puke-inducing to me that he will carry on as usual and Max is probably never going to fully heal from his trauma. Fuck that guy. I say this while acknowledging him as a decent plot device. It’s great, it’s (unfortunately) realistic, I just hate him so much.

- Speaking of not learning their lessons, I’m not sure The Wives truly learned theirs. I’m glad that Jordan talked to them about their “gay best friend”-ing him because that is what it felt like. But I want to know exactly what it is that he said to them and if they really do understand how they make him feel when they don’t listen to him and treat him as an accessory to their dynamic. This is a surface- level nitpick though and not really a big deal. The story isn’t about them anyway.

- Speaking of Max and Jordan though, my god. Jordan sucks. I mean, I like him. Props to him for understanding when he’s being selfish. I’m also guessing that he probably has depression/anxiety and the fact that he basically raised himself when his dad died, I understand. It shouldn’t have been his responsibility to be an adult at seventeen and it put so much pressure on him. But the dude also suggested kidnapping people. For a good end result but still, that’s fucked up, I will give him a pass because of his shitty upbringing and I also have zero idea how hot Arizona can get. I do think he complains just a tad too much about physical activity and he really should’ve done at least some research before Max came for his first day of work. I am okay with it though because like I said in the “Likes” section, they all grow and learn. That is the point. But man, if I wasn’t so curious about what happened to Max and wasn’t so starved of gay content, I probably wouldn’t have picked this book up.