#willem wits

[ifreakingloveroyals]

Through the Years → Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands (1,495/∞) 4 July 2024 | King Willem-Alexander receives the chairmen of municipal networks. The King speaks with them about, among other things, the connection between large and small municipalities and between Randstad and the region. (Photo by Wesley de Wit/Rotapool/Koninklijkhuis)

[coffincoitus]

bryan craston being a funny little old man can be so devastating for ppl who didn't have nice grandpas

[alittlepassionfruit]

Thinking about JB and Jude lately…

JB, who was Jude’s first friend. JB, who carried Jude to the college hospital when he witnessed him having an episode in their dorm.

JB, who shouted and made a scene in that same hospital until a doctor finally saw Jude - and that doctor was Andy, the only physician Jude ever allowed to care for him for the rest of life.

JB, who helped Jude move into the apartment he shared with Willem on Lispenard St. JB, who brought along his friend Richard to help that day. Richard, who later sold Jude his beautiful apartment on Green Street that Jude loved so much. Richard, who secretly looked after him more than Jude ever imagined, who at one point saved his life, and at another point reminded him his birthday was worth celebrating, when Jude himself had forgotten and his world was bleak.

JB, who envied his life, his looks, his career, his relationship (even his limp!). JB, who saw him as competition, rather than someone to pity. JB, who thought he was beautiful, who thought killing something small and adorable was worth it if it meant looking like Jude.

JB, who brought him to parties, who showered him with laughter and provocations.

JB, who asked too many questions and wanted all the answers but got none of them. JB, who then asked Harold to back off from asking all the questions and wanting all the answers as well.

JB, who captured his life in galleries, on canvas, on film. The good and the bad.

JB, who’s art invaded and celebrated and decorated. JB, who’s art froze Willem in time for him.

JB, who was Jude’s last friend. JB, who Jude resented, who Jude hated, who Jude never forgave, who Jude wanted dead.

JB, who found him at last, who put away his suits, who handed out his letters.

JB, who outlived his friends, who was left alone, with his pictures, and his paintings, and his pain.

[dirtytransmasc]

imagine if Aeron and Davos survived the burning of the mill and had to witness the merciless carnage of the Blackwoods against the Bracken's after Daemon orders Willem to turn the Bracken's to Daemon's side.

imagine them finding each other in the chaos. Davos cannot stand for it, because he loves Aeron, and these are Aeron's people, and they are but women and children, even if they're still Bracken's. they could be his aunt's or little cousins or even nieces or nephews. hurting his family feels wrong.

Aeron is angry, his people are being pillaged and tortured, women and children are going missing and being slaughtered in their homes, in their beds. his lovers kin is doing this, they're savaging his people for holding strong.

and then they find one another. Aeron is blazing with fury, even as the flames lick at and singe his still healing wounds. Davos, usually the one itching for a fight, for the spill of blood, looks pale at the scene around them.

Aeron throws a punch, not giving the Blackwood a chance to attack him and move onto the next victim, not able to see anything past the others red clothing and Blackwood sigil, but Davos catches it, hiking the other's hand gently.

"Babe killers, all of you, you- why are you doing this?" comes Aeron's agonized cry, unable to free his hand, choosing to swing with his non-dominant hand, aiming for Davos's chest. Davos lets him, before taking that one too. "you stoop so low to attack women in their beds, spill their and their children's blood on their very own sheets, steal our food, all because we had honor?"

he's teary eyed even as his face flushes with anger, his ears tinge bright red, his beautiful hair hanging in his face, in his eyes. his lips look like they're red from crying and biting. it's still torn, like the high of his cheek. he favors one leg over the other. he's still wounded from battle.

Davos can see that he is beautiful, even in a moment like this, and his kin are tarnishing that beauty.

"I'm sorry," is all he can say. he squeezes Aeron's hands in his own. "I'm sorry, I-" what does he say? what could he say? does he betray his house and apologize for their actions? would he even be believed? would that hurt Aeron's heart more?

he doesn't say anything else, not yet, just drops Aeron's hands so he can take his face, holding just tight enough that Aeron can't pull away. he doesn't kiss him, just looks in his eyes, lets their pain and fury wash over him.

"this is wrong!" Aeron cursed

"I know."

"can't you see it's wrong?"

"I do"

"why won't you stop them? why won't you make it stop?"

"I can't."

"can't? or won't?" his eyes were dark now.

"can't. if I stop them, try to stop them, they will put a blade in my heart, it will have been for nothing."

"then you're a coward." it felt like a punch. it was true. even if he could stop this, he wouldn't. he was afraid. he could not stand between his kin and the Bracken's.

"I am... but if it were the other way around, would you?"

Aeron sighed, the fight leaving him. he leaned into Davos, their foreheads coming together.

"no."

Davos was not angry at the answer - they were just boys and this was war. they were boys and their people had been fighting for longer than they could comprehend. they were just boys and they were afraid- instead, he just kissed him softly, praying no one would see them, or if they did, then they would just strike them down here where they stood, that they would let them die together, tangled into one.

"they had honor. they would not be forced to pledge for another simply because they were afraid of death. their honor was meant with depravity." Aeron whispers through tears now.

Davos nodded. they did have honor. more honor than his own kin had.

"I'm sorry."

Aeron didn't speak again, just held onto him, wrapping his arms around his back, taking hold of his cloak, balling it up in shaking fists. Davos moved to copy him, threading one hand into his soft hair, gently smoothing it with his thumb, and the other wrapping around his waist.

they stayed there. through the screams and the cries and the smell of smoke and the calls of animals being herded from their fields. they were together, two boys hiding in the forest as their houses slaughtered each other.

[rvllybllply2014]

Everyone say thank you to @cream-puffs-stuff. They said older Brackenwood, when Amos and Willem were teens captured and forced into slavery. With horse stealing. Warnings for violence, slavery, threats of death, threats of rape. Read at your own risk aka I’m not responsible for what you read.

Amos and Willem are each sent Seaguard by their fathers to collect the goods that they had imported. Neither one had known that fact until they ran into each other on the road. The men that were with them grained internally, thinking that they would have to fight but considering that Amos and Willem are a new secret relationship they just tell their men to stand down. The men do, after all they were just hired by the houses to help them to get the wagons loaded. Anyway Amos and Willem just decide that it would be easier to travel together, they have small arguments to keep up the rouse of them hating each other.

While on the road Amos and Willem decide to stop at a crowded inn. The inn keeper tells them that there’s only one room left with a straw mattress on the floor, Willem and Amos say that they’ll take the room, their men can sleep in stables with the horses. Amos and Willem don’t sleep much that night, they’re too busy exploring each other bodies. It’s also the first time they don’t have to rush, so they truly want to enjoy it. They promise to try to get a room with each other for the next two nights if at all possible. Unfortunately for them the closer they get to Seaguard the less crowded the inns are.

It’s only once they get to the town outside of Seaguard that the inn is small with only room again available. Once again Amos and Willem share it with their men staying with the horses. Again they spend the whole night in each other’s embrace, it’s how they’ll blame the other for what happens later in the day.

Amos and Willem had been warned by the inn keepers that Iron Born pirates are in the area, so they should be careful if they’re there to collect goods. Amos and Willem thank them for the warning and promise each other to look out for the pirates. On the way to the port outside of Seaguard, the pirates don’t show up. It’s only after the wagons have been loaded and Amos and Willem are ready to start heading back home that the pirates attack.

If only Willem and Amos hadn’t stayed up all night then they would’ve beaten the pirates easily. As it was they are just barely able to keep the pirates away from the wagons, they tell the men to take the wagons and head back to their houses. They need the men to tell their fathers what happened to them. After the pirates realize that they’re not getting the goods they grab Amos and chain him up. Willem gives up after he sees Amos chained up, there’s no point in fighting. They both think that they’ll be ransomed out to their fathers, but these pirates know that they’ll get more money if they can sell them to slavers.

So that’s how Amos and Willem are chained up together on a ship and how they became the Dothraki’s slaves. Amos is one of the most beautiful people (he looked like Aeron in his youth) that the Dothraki have ever seen. It’s to the point that the khal tells Amos he better behave or he’ll let his men and women use his body however they want. The khal had also seen how protective Willem was over Amos so he also says that if anything happens to Amos, if it’s rape, a beating or even death he’ll make sure Willem keeps his eyes open to witness it. Only after Amos is raped, beaten or killed, Willem will be killed if the khal is in a merciful mood but if the khal isn’t in a merciful mood Willem will have to live with the knowledge of how he caused Amos’s suffering.

It takes two weeks of them being stuck in slavers bay with the Dothraki for them to come up with a plan on how to escape. Willem and Amos will wait until its night and the guards are in the middle of switching shifts. They won’t have to fight, and Amos can steal a horse. They have to share it, but Willem isn’t opposed to holding onto him for the whole ride. The plan works beautifully, but Willem does grab more slave collars, yes they have one on too but, he figures the gold collars can be used to buy passage on a ship and food.

Once they’re on the road and far enough away from the Dothraki, Amos tells Willem he can keep the collar on his neck as long as he can keep the horse. Willem agrees, mainly because he’s too distracted by Amos’s ass and his need to have him. Willem asks where they’re going after he notices that Amos isn’t riding towards the docks of slavers bay. Amos tells him that they’ll be going to a smaller harbor and use a collar to buy passage and food just like they agreed to earlier. Willem won’t complain or ask anymore questions, he figures that he should just shut up and enjoy the ride with Amos. Besides Amos will ride Willem every night until they reach a harbor.

It takes them two days to reach a safe harbor, and a day of asking around for someone to be able to strike the collars off them. They give a collar to the person as a payment and after they find a ship they use another collar to pay for their safe passage. It takes the ship a couple of days to get them to kings landing, the captain refused to go to Seaguard.

When they reach kings landing Amos and Willem find a maester to send ravens off to their houses, they gave the maester a small piece of the collars. Each of the letters tells their fathers that they are on the way back to the Riverlands, and to not bother sending a reply they’ll already be half way there by the time they receive the letters.

It’s after close to two months of being Willem and Amos being sent out to collect the goods do they finally reach the border lands between their houses. They spend some time in the mill knowing it will be a while before they can see each other again.

Amos reaches Stone Hedge around the same time that Willem reaches Raven Tree hall. Willem gives his father, the remaining gold collars, as proof of what he went through. He still got a beating for getting caught by the pirates and sold into slavery. But it’s not as harsh as it could’ve been. As for Amos his father is just relieved to see Amos is in one piece and surprised to see a Dothraki horse. Lord Bracken tells Amos he just brought an invaluable horse to their house.

When it’s breeding season the horse will breed with standard Bracken horses and make the horses even more sought after.

And that’s how Amos and Willem trauma bonded with each other and managed to stay in love. At least until they were forced into more responsibilities for their houses.

[acewithapencil]

“‘As a young boy, the Prince of Dragonstone was bookish to a fault. He was reading so early that men said Queen Rhaella must have swallowed some books and a candle whilst he was in her womb. Rhaegar took no interest in the play of other children. The maesters were awed by his wits, but his father's knights would jest sourly that Baelor the Blessed had been born again. Until one day Prince Rhaegar found something in his scrolls that changed him. No one knows what it might have been, only that the boy suddenly appeared early one morning in the yard as the knights were donning their steel. He walked up to Ser Willem Darry, the master-at-arms, and said, 'I will require sword and armor. It seems I must be a warrior.'’

‘And he was!’ said Dany, delighted.” -Daenerys I, ASOS

Whitebeard (aka Ser Barristan, aka Ser Grandfather) telling Dany about Rhaegar for @maester-cressen! This scene is both adorable and I think pretty relevant to where Dany’s path will end up 👀👀👀

[fantomette22]

Little comic about the discovery of the augurs 🐌

After a long day in the depths of the pthumerians’ tombs, the guardians of Byrgenwerth were finally heading back to the surface.

On the way back something caught their eyes and made them stop. In a small corner covered in mold and inbetween old candles, they saw what look liked crystalline pearls against the wall. More disturbing was in front of it, the mummified remains a a huge invertebrate.

They got closer. The gatekeeper and the groundskeeper exchange looks while the graveguard went to take the dead gastropod.

They couldn't believe it! Phantasm! The signs of the great ones! They finally found them!

Liam : We absolutely need to bring them back to Master Willem! He will be ecstatic!

Gehrman : I know! But we need to be sure there's no risk to bring them to the surface like this. It could be disastrous!

Dores : Maybe we can just take the mummified slug for now. Leave the rest here and go tell Master Willem. Then we'll go back to got them.

Liam : But... we can't just leave them here like this! If something were to happened while we're gone... the provost we'll never forgive us...

Gehrman : Hm... oh I might have an idea!

They took delicately the slimy eggs and put them in a urn. There it should be safe for now. No Dores don't lick them just to see! They left a lantern not too far from it and head back.

At their returned, they show the Provost the remains of what could indeed be an augur from what he told them. They explain they might have found eggs as well. The Provost couldn't believe it. He rush them to show him. They needed to get them back into their care!

After retrieving them the scholars tried to take care of them as much as possible. They could only pray for the day they would hatch, wishing live still remains in those little pearls.

After no prior signs of life, one egg finally move. The provost panicked took it in his hand and witness a miracle.

After all this time, they finally encounter a phantasm. An augur was born.

---------------------

I know in lore it probably didn’t got that way. It seems to be the Healing Church who found them while looking for Isz 🤔 but well i had this idea in my head since a while and i’m happy to have finally done it!

Willem : Crying of joy

Laurence : Yes that's really an augur.

Rom : *fangirling and is very excited soon she will have dozens to take care off!*

Micolash : wow very cool!

Caryll : Omg are they speaking to me?!

Everyone else : ok cool slugs I guess

[qsycomplainsalot]

Oil on canvas, Charles Louis Mozin

The Capture of the Dutch Fleet at Den Helder, 23rd of January 1795

  In which the French armed forces demonstrates that not having the best navy can in fact be okay.

Context

  The French Revolution in 1789, followed by the imprisonment and then execution of Louis the XVIth in 1793, led to most major autocratic powers in Europe declaring war on France to restore the status quo. France was thus engaged on multiple fronts by many of its neighbors which, surprisingly, at the time included Austria through their ownership of the Southern Netherlands. Both Netherlandses had witnessed failed republican uprisings in the previous decades, and as such the new France Republic pushed through the Austrian Netherlands to declare war on the -nominally only- Republic of United Netherlands in the North.

The “Battle”

  After two years of campaign the combined efforts of the French revolutionary army and Dutch patriots had all but closed this front of the war, and the French commander of the Army of the North was garrisoned in Amsterdam when he caught wind of the Dutch fleet being anchored at the mouth of the Zuiderzee bay, just north of there. Due to temperatures averaging -10°C in the past weeks, the entire bay had frozen over, which he decided to use to his advantage.   He immediately sent Dutch patriot Gnl. Jan Willem de Winter at the head of about two hundred men from the French 8th Hussar and the 3rd Battalion of Belgian Skirmishers, also raised from sympathizers to the republican cause. Muffling the sound of their horses’ hooves with cloth and arriving during the night each with a Belgian infantryman riding with them, the hussars sneaked on the entire Dutch fleet frozen at anchor and captured it without a fight.

  In a single cavalry charge the French Republic had captured five ships-of-the-line, three frigates, six corvettes and several merchantmen with crew, for a total of about 850 guns. This is one of only two recorded instances of a cavalry force charging and capturing ships in a battle and one of few instances where having light infantry ride as voltigeurs proved to be even remotely useful. There is debate whether the Dutch sailors and marines would have actually resisted capture however, as the Netherlands had essentially already been knocked out of the war by then and might have been ordered to surrender, which the French may have known as well. It is hard to discern the truth of the matter when what was two hundred men sent to secure a fleet that may have already been surrendered to them gets painted as a full army corps marching in tight formation on the ice.   In any case, a squadron of hussars captured a fleet of ships and that’s awesome.

  Following the capture of the fleet, the evacuation of the remaining Allied troops to other fronts or England and finally the surrender of the Austrian duchy of Luxembourg, the Dutch Patriot party were given the reins of the Netherlands renamed as the Batavian Republic - more or less a puppet state and the future Netherlands - while the Austrian Netherlands - future Belgium - and Luxembourg were incorporated in the French Republic as new departments.   The captured fleet was ransomed back to the Batavian Republic in exchange of a small loan of a hundred million guilders.

[pjshermann]

Harold Headcanons

He always wanted to become a writer. His ambition to study law was something that came later in life, in his adolescence. But ever since he was a young child, he loved to write. He’s proud of his work as a law professor, but the real pride of his career are the books he’s written.

After adopting Jude, he went to visit his parents’ graves and told them about his new son. He wished they could have gotten to meet Jude before they passed. He’s knows that they would’ve loved him. -

Before he went grey, his hair was a very dark, almost jet black colour

You have @bombaciouscaboose to thank for this one, but I headcanon that after Jude’s attempt, while he was still unconscious, Harold would sit by his side and read from the Torah or recite prayers. He was never the religious sort, but he found himself turning to prayer after nearly losing Jude

Besides his insatiable sweet-tooth, his favourite kind of food is anything and everything Italian.

His first date with Julia was inviting her over to his place and cooking her dinner. The food was a disaster, but they had a great time regardless, eating takeout in Harold’s living room

Keeps Jude’s law graduation photo on his desk. Both at his home study desk and his office desk at his university. (I actually wrote a fic about this teehee check it out on my ao3 PJShermann)

When Laurence had his twin daughters, he gave both of them the middle name "Harriet" after Harold. Harold cried when he found out.

When he and Laurence were in law school, they had made a similar pact/plan to what Jude and Willem had made for the Camino de Santiago pilgramage route, only theirs was the Via Francigena pilgramage route. The year they were meant to take the trip, was the year Jacob fell ill. They never went.

Speaks a little Russian, because he learned from his grandparents. Though now he can only remember a few phrases and lullabies (one of which he sang to Jude when he had his episode) because he stopped speaking it after they passed.

Actually doesn't really care much for gardening, but Julia wanted a garden in their house, so he helped her plant one and contributed to it's maintenance. When Jude comes along, although he's happy enough to delegate the maintenance to him, he hangs around outside while Jude gardens. He finds that it's during this, and while Jude is cooking, that Jude seems his most peaceful, most relaxed, and he's more likely to hum or sing quietly to himself, so Harold likes to be around to be able to witness it.

Out the four boys, the one who reminds him the most of Jacob in terms of his personality, is surprisingly, Malcolm.

Got his love of writing from his biological mother. Though he hardly knew her since she died when he was too young to remember and Adele was a constant mother-like presence throughout his life, his father gave him his mother's old journals, within which she wrote almost every day, up until the day she died. When he wrote his first book, after his father read it, he'd said to him "You write like your mother did".

Liesl was the one who first asked him out, instead of the other way around. They met through a high-school friend of Harold's, whom Liesl was cousins with. Their first date was to see the opera The Tales of Hoffmann

Get's his affinity for petnames from his father. He used petnames often for Jacob (Buddy, sweetie, my darling) but with Jude, he didn't use them simply because (without knowing really why) he felt Jude might be uncomfortable with them.

He kept a collection of all of the little knicknacks and gifts his grandfather used to give to him. It's why he usually gives Willem a little toy or trinket on his birthday.

On November 10th, the anniversary of Jacob's passing, he takes a long trek around the city and doesn't come back until very late. Part of the reason why he's so ecstatic around Thanksgiving is to deflect from the knowledge that it's the month that Jacob passed in.

Was on his high-school's tennis team as a teen, and they went all the way to nationals (Though they ended up losing then)

When he first met Willem, he hadn't remembered him from the men's suit store he frequented and Willem worked at, until Willem mentioned it to him.

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: Beetlejuice Beetlejuice

I am truly overjoyed! It seems that more films are returning back to the magic of practical locations, effects and using CGI when it is absolutely necessary. When I see a master storyteller that started out that way, come back to their roots and show us why we loved them in the first place, my heart flutters as we are witnessing something truly special. That is what happened here and it was gorgeous return to the darkly comedic and macabre world created from the mind of Tim Burton. Burton returns to his most beloved film by fans and it didn't disappoint. Not only does it continue the same level reverence for the odd, but it also adds more to the lore by exploring more of the spirit realm and I loved every second of it. I loved that all of his tricks and styles were on display, especially during a discussion about the fate of a certain character. The way its done was a visual feast. This film was a bit overwhelming with the amount of characters, but I could never say I was bored. The amount of busy work each character gets could've been separated into their own vignettes, but it's all weaved together and wrapped up in a fun way. I do wish the threat for the titular character was more central and the driving force of the film though.

Winona Ryder returns as Lydia Deetz and I loved that she continued to embrace her supernatural gift. She is more tormented this time around and heartbroken as she had a loss that damaged her relationship with her daughter. Jenna Ortega was bratty, snarky and sometimes mean as Lydia's estranged daughter, Astrid. Their relationship was interesting to watch become patched in the most difficult way. She had the same attitude as Lydia when she was younger, but less morose and more angst. It worked all the way through and I loved when she finally starts to connect with her Mother on something they share. Catherine O'Hara was just as crazy, unpredictable and fun as Lydia's mom and Astrid's grandmother, Delia Deetz. Every moment with her was comedic gold and how darkly artistic it gets was great. Justin Theroux was good and slimy as Lydia's boyfriend, Rory. He was good for the purpose of where Lydia was in her life, but I almost felt he was the weakest part of the ensemble. Not in performance, but just as a supporting character that sometimes detracted from the pacing. Willem Dafoe was truly having fun as the dead action star, Wolf Jackson. I loved the throw back style of the 1950's detective he was portraying while hamming up the most hilarious and cheesy dialogue an old school detective would say. Arthur Conti was good as Astrid's first crush, Jeremy Frazier. It was a fun sliver of a possible teen romance in this weird world. Monica Bellucci still takes my breath away when she graces the screen and as the villainess, Delores LaVerge, she was truly spectacular. I loved the lore behind her relationship with Beetlejuice and I liked her creepy presence. I just wish we focused on her more as the driving force of the film instead of being lightly sprinkled around. Speaking of Beetlejuice, Michael Keaton returns as the ghost with the most and he hasn't skipped a beat. He continues to be that disgusting and loveable trickster we all love. He was hilarious, smart and very creative in his quest to get away from his ex-wife, Delores. I love that we finally get a confirmed backstory for the character and the amount of fun he has telling it was right on brand. The chemistry between him and Lydia never died and it was magical to see them together again.

Composer and Tim Burton's muse, Danny Elfman returns and brings back the iconic score and themes. I loved that he kept the gothic and whimsical tone of the film alive with his insanely playful score. The mixed soundtrack of jams that work in the playful nature of the spirit world was excellent and there is a prolonged musical sequence that was a bit bloated. Like I said before, everyone has something to do and that made the film more busy than it needed to be. For me, I would've gotten rid of Rory and left Lydia's heartbroken story as is anchor point for her and Astrid to reconnect. Even with all of its flaws, it still was a welcomed return to form for Tim Burton and fun excursion back into the world of Beetlejuice. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below. Thanks for reading!

[ifreakingloveroyals]

Through the Years → Willem-Alexander of the Netherlands (1,494/∞) 4 July 2024 | King Willem-Alexander receives Mrs. Ristra-Peeters for her appointment as a State Councilor in the Administrative Jurisdiction Division of the Council of State. State Councilor Ristra-Peeters is sworn in before the King. (Photo by Wesley de Wit/Koninklijkhuis)

[the-celluloid-correspondent]

Poor Things Movie Review

Brought back to life by an unorthodox scientist, a young woman runs off with a lawyer on a whirlwind adventure across the continents. Free from the prejudices of her times, she grows steadfast in her purpose to stand for equality and liberation. 

Since the beginning of his career, Yorgos Lanthimos has been pushing the boundaries of filmmaking. He is unafraid to handle difficult themes and complicated subjects with his strange aesthetic. So when he decides to adapt a whimsical Victorian science fiction novel that explores the complexities of what it means to be a woman, I would be down immediately. However, I wish I didn’t get my hopes so high for Poor Things as I am left deeply conflicted. On one hand, it is a technological achievement for Lanthimos. The world-building and the aesthetics of the film are beautiful. But on the other is an alarming and problematic story that is framed as female empowerment. 

A mad scientist (Willem Dafoe) discovers a dead pregnant woman (Emma Stone)  floating in the River Thames. Using his Frankenstein methods, he revives the woman by replacing her brain with that of her unborn child. As the weeks and months go by, her speech begins to become more coherent and her motor skills more refined. When she discovers masturbation, her “father” drafts up a contract for her to be married to his assistant (Ramy Youssef). However, before the marriage, she runs off with the lawyer (Mark Ruffalo) where she discovers her sexuality and the reality of human nature. From this synopsis, it sounds like a modern retelling of Mary Shelly’s “Frankenstein”. However, Poor Things is more of a horror story than Frankenstein will ever be. 

Throughout Poor Things, we witness Bella (Emma Stone), be groomed, sexually assaulted, and r*pe by men. However, instead of framing these atrocities for what they are, it is framed as female empowerment as she experiences her sexual awakening. As previously stated, Bella has the brain of a literal child, thus causing her to be emotionally immature and mentally handicapped, despite having the body of a fully grown woman. Many men immediately see her mental capacity and take full advantage of her. For example, when Duncan (Mark Ruffalo) arrives to draft up the marriage contract, he immediately notices that Bella is mentally handicapped, so he sexually assaults her. However, instead of framing it as a crime, Bella enjoys it and furthering her sexual awakening. Then the next thing you know, she runs away with her groomer, despite the fact she can barely put together a full sentence. However, her grooming does not end there. During a low point, she is manipulated by a Madam of a brothel, to sell herself to make some coin. But instead of framing this situation as a cautionary tale of selling yourself for money, it's framed as female empowerment as she is owning her sexuality. Despite the Madam being fully aware that she is mentally handicapped. 

I don’t know about you, but if this does not make your skin crawl, I don’t know what I could say to you. This is a disgusting portrayal of feminism, as it frames these disgusting scenes of abuse and r*pe as sexual exploration. Poor Things is a r*pe fantasy of what men think female empowerment is, as it sexually exploits and sensationalizes Bella Baxter’s journey. From the uncomfortable close-up of Emma Stone experiencing orgasmic pleasure, to the sheer amount of fully nude shots Stone had compared to her male counterparts, is disgusting. I am fine with sex in film, but here it is so uncomfortable and unnecessary. Bella is reduced to nothing more than an experiment and a sex toy for men, as the film primarily focuses on her physicality and her relationships with men rather than showing her autonomy or resilience to sexism. Furthermore, by the end of the film, you wonder what it is saying. What I got was that the only way a woman can be enlightened, empowered, and strong is by having a lot of sex with other people. No offense but that comes across as a man's version of feminism. 

Now within this r*pe fantasy, there are moments in Poor Things where it becomes classically feminist. While Bella is traveling on a boat to Alexandria she meets Martha (Hanna Schygulla) and Harry (Jerrod Carmichael). Unlike the rest of the film, Martha challenges Victorian-era norms as she exhibits a strong sense of independence and intelligence, unafraid to assert herself in a male-dominated society. While Harry acknowledges her intelligent wit and autonomy. Not once do they treat Bella as a sexual object. Together they teach Bella philosophy, literature, and human nature. Thus empowering her mind and spirit as she discovers there are more pleasures to life than sex. She learns of the mutual respect and admiration they have for one another, thus she begins to challenge her views of Victorian gender roles.  Furthermore, when Bella is working in the brothel, she develops a close relationship with her co-workers highlighting the bonds between women. It’s a perfect highlight of feminine strength. However, these scenes are few and far in-between. I wish Poor Things would have explored these areas of feminism, as it shows that women are more than sexual objects. But sadly today feminism believes the only way women can be empowered is by having a lot of sex or by turning them into a man (it would have been funny if the baby was a boy). 

To further add to the positives, I mostly enjoyed the performances, but I don’t think they are as groundbreaking as many people consider them to be. Emma Stone gives a very interesting performance. She is a very charismatic and versatile actor, which clearly shows in her performance when studying her body language and mannerisms But when studying her performance more, it does come across as a stereotype of someone who is mentally disabled. Her character is one-dimensional and her struggles and resilience seem to be non-existent in her performance. Whether this was writing, direction, acting, or all of the above, I expected more out of her than this stereotypical portrayal of someone who is mentally handicapped. Mark Ruffalo gives the standout performance in Poor Things. He is hysterical as his pathetic manchild of a character. However, an element missing from his performance that would have been a great extra layer would have been to frame his character for the sexual predatory that he is. Willem Dafoe is good here, but nothing really special. He is wasted as his character feels one note not only in writing but in theme. He never confronts his unethical Frankenstein methods, which is a massive waste of an opportunity. I greatly enjoyed the presents from Hanna Schygulla and Jerrod Carmichael, and I wished they were in the film more. 

Furthermore, as with all Yorgos Lanthimos films, you know they will be technically spectacular. The production and costume design will fully immerse you into this Steampunk fantasy. The costumes are intricate and delicately textured, which feels both old and futuristic. The production design feels both old and futuristic with the flying rail cars to the Victorian interiors. The cinematography is beautiful with pastel-like colors that fill every frame. Furthermore, the score is unique and ties perfectly into Lanthimos’s aesthetics. 

Yorgos Lanthimos’s Poor Things presents a troubling array of issues that undermine its potential. If Bella had been a fully grown adult (both mentally and physically) who had just been sheltered her whole life, with predatory characters being framed as predatory characters, and less of the male gaze, I most likely would have enjoyed Poor Things. However, because Bella is a child who is being sexually exploited, whatever themes Poor Things tries to tell are immediately tainted by the film's predatory nature. It lacks the nuances of feminism and female empowerment, as it misunderstands what it is to be a woman. It is a shallow and distorted depiction of women’s agency and struggles told through the eyes of a man. 

My Rating: C-

[prissybabyhamlet]

oh hell yea lets hear the thoughts on the Most Swede of all time, willem ragnarsson (although, he isnt swedish, is he? hes icelandic and danish, ethnically. and his name is dutch. fake nordic smh)

I Just Think He’s Neat!!

okay fr is willem a perfect angel saint? no. if you are having sex with someone you can tell if they’re not enjoying it. he ignores hard truths in favour of pretending everything is fine and i get it!! i get how much easier it is to pretend everything is okay, and i love the way the book shows that he is well aware of this flaw in himself, and he keeps trying to justify it to himself. it’s so much easier to tell yourself that you’re letting someone have their dignity when you should be following them into the bathroom stall - i know! i’ve been there!! in that first part of the happy years he is lying to himself because it’s too hard to face the truth and because of that he is harming jude, even though i think they both want the pretending to work

and i think the thing that makes me love willem so much is that when he cannot pretend anymore, when he knows the full extent of the truth, he faces it. he stays. not be be Like That abt it but it’s so ‘i fear to stain your clothes with blood’ ‘stain them. i don’t care’. the staying is what makes me heart eyes him. he overcomes that urge to not see, to literally put a hand over jude’s mouth to stop the story, and his love for jude is so strong that he is able to bear witness to what happened even though at the end of the day he is under no obligation to. he could leave! but he doesn’t.

also! i find the dichotomy between the fairy tale and realistic aspects of his character so interesting. the book is so deliberately a (dark? anti-?) fairy tale and in that lens willem is a prince charming. he is physically perfect, he is completely moral, he is unquestionably loyal and full of love and he saves the damsel princess (smth smth the gender in this book is whack esp wrt to fairy tale gender archetypes). but! he also. very much doesn’t save the damsel. one of the books central tenets is that jude can’t be saved. willem is not a prince charming! he’s not perfect, he messes up, the two big fights him and jude have - where he cuts his chest and wrestles the razor off jude - are fuck ups, even if it is understandable! harold is significantly more of a ‘perfect’ character/foil to jude (unreal to respond to a grown ass man throwing food at the wall with anything other than ‘what the fuck is your problem i’m not dealing with this’)

in saying that. i do think that, although the idea is that this is a story abt someone who never gets better, willem does make jude better. not fixed or saved or w/e but if willem lived jude would be able to live too

[ikeromantic]

The Old Switcheroo, Sweet End

Arthur and MC (Haruko) are cursed and end up in each other's bodies. Part 3 of 3. Approx words. 2000 Sweet and fluffy. TW for gender dysphoric descriptions.

The Old Switcheroo pt 1

The Old Switcheroo pt 2

Want some spice? The Old Switcheroo Spicy End

Haruko did her best to smirk at Theo. The chess board sat between them, well-worn pieces carefully set in their starting positions. Willem sat to one side of her and Genevieve on the other. Several other patrons were arrayed behind them. Theo’s team consisted of the bartender and Serafine - who really was quite beautiful - and a handful of other patrons that Arthur had beaten at the game before.

All she needed to do to win this was to think like Arthur. 

“Are you alright?” Willem peered at her curiously. “White goes first so we need to move.”

Haruko nodded mutely. What would Arthur do? Something really smart, she was sure. Probably crack a witty joke. Smirk some more, and then make a brilliant move. She glanced at her teammates. “Suggestions?”

Genevieve grinned. “You know him better than we do. He’s an aggressive player. Hungry to win. Perhaps play to that?”

She swallowed. “Great advice. Luv.” She touched a pawn toward the center of the board. These moved two spaces at first, she thought. Or was it three? No . . . no it was two. She was pretty sure. She lifted it and set it down two spaces forward.

Willem grinned, then leaned to whisper in her ear. “A Sicilian Defense? Conservative. But a good choice against Theo.”

Haruko nodded as if yes, of course, a whatever-whatever was exactly her plan. Theo moved his pawn up and then captured hers. She felt a sudden spike of nerves. He was already winning and they were just two moves in!

“He took the bait,” Genevieve whispered. “Good job.”

“Right,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady and confident. Apparently that was supposed to happen? “What do you two recommend next?”

They had a whispered conference, debating a round of terms Haruko found mysterious. She nodded along as she imagined Arthur would. The three of them settled on a move with a knight, which was honestly a horse, but at this point they could have called it a clown and she would have gone right along. 

The game progressed tensely, with Haruko holding Arthur’s smirk firmly in place, and Theo scowling. The bartender kept the drinks flowing, especially to Arthur’s side. Liquid luck, he called it, but she thought it was really a bit like cheating. Trying to get them drunk. Didn’t mean she turned down the drinks though. They settled warmly in her belly and made her a little less nervous.

She began to see what Arthur liked about this. There was a sense of camaraderie. She found herself laughing genuinely at Genevieve’s barbed wit and Willem’s silly jokes. Even Theo’s dry humor landed. And the rush of joy she felt every time she made a good move on the chess board was intoxicating, almost moreso than the booze.

Eventually, she was down to a knight, two pawns, a queen and her king. Theo had more pieces left to move, but she’d taken his queen. Willem and Genevieve seemed to think they would win it. 

“Check,” Theo said, his expression deadly serious.

“Check? Whe - oh. Yes. Alright.” She contemplated the positions of her pieces. It was starting to make a sort of sense now. How the different bits moved and what the point of it all was. 

Willem nudged her and gestured to where she ought to move her piece. For once, she could see why. It would block the check and leave Theo’s rook vulnerable. The next few moves were crucial. Her team watched the board intensely.

The next round, she took his rook and put him in check. He used his turn to move out of check. Then she took a pawn. And another. 

“Alright, klootzak. You win.” Theo stood and stretched. 

“I - I did?” Haruko stared hard at the pieces trying to figure out how she’d won. He still had places to move. He wasn’t in checkmate.

Willem laughed. “It would be almost impossible for him to beat you with what he has left. See?” The Dutch artist showed her the few moves left to Theo. “Unless you just didn’t notice this piece here or, I dunno, ignored this one - you were going to win it.”

Genevieve looked at Haruko suspiciously. “You really aren’t yourself tonight. I can’t think of a time it wasn’t you explaining the moves to us.”

Haruko laughed it off. “Ah yeah. I was just . . . seeing if Willem understood it. Let’s - let’s have a drink to celebrate.” 

“A round on Arthur,” Theo shouted and then gave his friend a wicked grin. “Winner buys.”

She had no way to know if it was true. Everyone was so happy for a free drink that they weren’t going to say otherwise. And she didn’t have a chance to ask. Between congratulations, toasts, and jokes, the next few hours passed in the blink of an eye. The pale light of early dawn started to peep through the tavern windows. 

“Oh. Oh my goodness. I stayed out all night . . .” Haruko looked dazedly at the dawn. Her eyes felt bleary, her limbs heavy. Even the vampiric constitution needed a rest. “I didn’t even realize.”

“You’re lady is going to grill your balls for this one,” Genevieve laughed. 

Willem nodded. “I don’t even know her but I know that. You should have gone home hours ago.”

“Yeah. Wow.” Haruko had never realized how easy it was to pass a night like this. And she hadn’t even needed to walk anyone home or anything. They’d just been laughing and talking. “I am in so much trouble.” She could just imagine Arthur’s mocking. After all the times she’d gotten angry about him staying out, and here she was . . . 

She rounded Theo up from the bar and said their goodbyes. Her head was already aching and she felt nauseous. The carriage back was a quiet ride as the two men dozed on their bench. 

They got out at the mansion and began the walk up the drive. Theo patted Haruko’s shoulder. “I’d say she’s going to murder you but that’s not true, is it? Hondje?”

Haruko’s jaw dropped. “How - when - you knew?”

“Figured it out. So. You feel better now?”

She nodded. “I do.”

“Good.” Theo gave her a tired smile. “Best get up there and talk to that klootzak. I bet he’s worried about you.”

“I bet he is.” She smiled and her steps felt lighter.

Sebas greeted them with a solemn good morning at the door. 

Haruko wanted to kiss him for the hot cup of coffee he set in her hands but all she said was, “Thanks,” and then, “Where is Ar-ah - Haruko?”

“In bed.” Sebastian’s arched eyebrow was the only indication of his disapproval. 

“I see.” She had no idea how Arthur handled this part of creeping home at the crack of dawn. She gave a short nod and took a sip of coffee. It was so hot that it burned her tongue and made her eyes water. “I-I’ll just go say hello then.”

Sebas’ brow inched further up. “Will you be here for breakfast then?”

“I guess?”

Theo grinned. “I hope you’re making popcorn for the breakfast table show.”

The butler frowned. “No. Popcorn at breakfast can cause indigestion. However, if that is your special request, I can make some for you instead of pancakes.”

Theo’s mouth opened slightly in alarm.

Thankfully, Sebastian didn’t let him flounder for long. “I am only joking. I would never make popcorn for breakfast.” 

The Dutchman nodded, his eyes still a bit wide. 

Haruko smirked, glad to see Sebas’ teasing aimed at someone else for once. “On that note . . .” She took the stairs two at a time, eager to see Arthur. When she checked her room, he wasn’t in her bed though. Her room was practically untouched since the morning before, though the bed was made now and her clothes were put away.

She went to Arthur’s room next, wondering if habit took him there. Haruko opened the door as quietly as she could. Arthur was inside - slumped in the chair. He had a book clasped in one hand, and the other curled in a loose fist at his side. There was a little frown at the edges of his lips. Haruko was fairly certain she didn’t frown in her sleep like that.

Her fingertips brushed Arthur’s forehead, pushing back an errant lock of hair. It was a strange sensation to look at herself and to be able to reach out and touch her own face. But at the same time, she could tell it was Arthur there. Even in her small frame, it was the set of his shoulders and the slight pout of his lips. The way he breathed, even. 

Arthur didn’t stir. Only a slight fluttering behind his eyelids gave any reaction to her touch. He must be so tired, she thought. 

Haruko went to grab a blanket for him and then realized in Arthur’s body, she could just put him into bed rather than only cover him where he lay. The thought made her smile. How many times had Arthur carried her to bed? More than she could count. 

She lifted him carefully and cradled him against her chest. The beating of his heart felt so loud and faster than she’d expected. “Having exciting dreams?” She felt her heart grow heavy with emotion. Love was a weight, a fullness, that overwhelmed sometimes. Like now, when it overcame her suddenly. She didn’t know what to do with herself. She wanted to hold him tighter, to kiss him, to be held and kissed . . .

“Sweeping me off my feet, luv?” Arthur opened one eye to peer at her. 

She felt heat creep into her cheeks. “I was just putting you to bed.”

He raised an eyebrow, mocking. “Going to take advantage of me while I slept? What a naughty bird.”

“I wasn’t!” 

Arthur smiled. “You know protesting only makes you look guiltier, luv. Now be quiet and give us a kiss. I missed you last night.”

“I missed you too.” Haruko pressed her lips gently to his, surprised for a moment by how good it felt to, well, to kiss herself. The touch sent a burst of electricity through her, tingling from the tips of her toes to the ends of Arthur’s messy mop of hair. 

He broke the kiss with a soft laugh. “Feels a bit different like this.”

“Yeah.” She sighed. “It’s nice though.”

“So you liked being me today, eh?”

Haruko considered for a moment and then shook her head. “No. I mean, it was nice sometimes but . . . writing is hard. And everyone expects you to know things. Everything. It was kind of exhausting.”

Arthur grinned. “You’ve got to be kidding. I spent today doing half what you get done - Sebastian told me so - and I feel like I went through the laundry press.” 

She leaned her forehead against his and they shared a moment of quiet together. Their breaths came slow and deep together. Haruko met Arthur’s gaze.

“I love you,” she said at the same moment he spoke the same words. The world around her blurred and for a heartbeat, she felt as if she were falling or flying. Untethered, unmoored, a petal floating through the darkness. And then she found herself looking up into two big blue eyes. “Arthur?”

“Haruko? Haruko! You’re you!”

She laughed delightedly and kissed him. “I am! And you! You’re Arthur!”

“The one and only.” He fell back into bed holding her. 

“I’m so glad.” She sighed, snuggling into him. “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you,” she added after a moment. “Your pub friends are all really nice.”

Arthur stroked her hair and held her. “They are but . . . I realized sitting home tonight alone that I’d rather be home with you. Or out with you. Or anywhere, really. With you.”

Haruko felt a warmth in her chest that felt bright as the sun.

“Is it alright if I never let you go, luv?” 

“Yeah,” she whispered. “As long as I can hold on to you too.”

[rvllybllply2014]

Sorry not sorry. It’s late at night and uhh I can’t get this idea out of my head. Do not come yelling at me if you choose to read this. This is the crackiest crack that I’ve ever come up with.

Willem x Aeron, Davron.

Davos had recently been disinherited by his father Willem, he’s not desperate to get back in the will. At least that’s what he keeps telling himself every time he complains to his boyfriend Aeron, while pacing in their living room. It’s not like Davos dealt with Willems shit for years, only to be told that Willem is no longer leaving him money. That Davos is a disappointment to him, Davos almost lost an important account for them by being pigheaded and not shutting up when Willem told him to.

It’s only after Davos makes the off hand comment that he should send Aeron his way to get him to marry Aeron, and then have Aeron put Davos back into the will. That he stops in his tracks, and before he can even turn to look at Aeron he’s already shaking his head no. Aeron asks if Davos is alright? Does he need to go to the hospital because that’s the only reason he can see Davos coming up with such a stupid idea, maybe his father is right and Davos is just too stupid.

Davos says no he hasn’t and it would be a solid plan if he would just listen for a minute. They pretend to break up, Aeron will need to act like he’s moved on from Davos and suddenly has a thing for older men. Davos will move back in with Willem acting like a heartbroken fool and Willem will have Aeron over all the time to torture Davos with his relationship.

Eventually Aeron marries his uncle, there won’t be a prenup Davos will make sure of it. Aeron will convince Willem to put him in the will, just to make sure that he gets the money owed to Davos. Once they’re married Aeron only needs to stay married to him for about five years and then they’ll kill Willem but make it look like an accident. After waiting a respectable time Aeron will announce that he’s back together with Davos and they’re going to get married.

Aeron reluctantly agrees to the plan, as long as he never has to sleep with Willem. It all goes according to plan, Willem loves the idea that he’s stealing Aeron from Davos and having Davos witness the blooming “relationship” between him and Aeron. He doesn’t even question why Davos would want to move back in with him.

It’s a courthouse wedding, Davos and Benjicot are there as the witnesses. To keep the prenup from happening Davos pretends to get so drunk because he just lost the love of his life that he spills his drink on the only copy that’s with them. Aeron insists that it’s fine they’ll just have to sign a new one, after the honeymoon to Pentos. And oh while they’re at it Willem needs to update his will to include him.

On the honeymoon Aeron manages to convince Willems lawyer to get rid of the prenup, maybe he could tell Willem that it accidentally got deleted from his files and that a postnuptial agreement isn’t as good as a prenup. The lawyer agrees mainly because he’s tired of being treated like shit by Willem. Aeron also has his name added to the will before they get back, so all Willem has to do is sign it.

So they get back from their honeymoon and everything thing goes according to plan. The only small problem is Davos forgot how possessive he is of Aeron, now that they’re married Willem is constantly touching him and calling him husband especially in front of Davos, Davos’s blood is constantly boiling. Aeron goes along with it knowing that he has to keep Willem from being suspicious. Davos is also a very jealous person, so he eventually pretends to go through another breakup and wants Aeron to comfort him, please Willem isn’t it bad enough that he took Aeron away from permanently? Aeron asks Willem to not deny Davos this one comfort, he belongs to Willem now.

Which is how Aeron ended up sleeping in Davos’s bed at night, because that was the time when his depression about his breakup happens. Davos is getting comforted by Aeron just not in the way that Willem would expect. Aeron is constantly quietly bouncing on Davos’s dick and reminding him how much he loves him, and that this will be worth it.

The four years pass painfully slowly for Aeron and Davos. But it’s finally the eve before Willem and Aerons wedding anniversary, it’s also Willems last night alive. Aeron drugged Willem with sleeping pills crushed into his wine. He also wakes Willem up pretending to hear a sound downstairs and won’t he go check? Willem is too disoriented by the wine and pills to argue so he agrees.

Aeron follows him with just a robe on and once Willem reaches the top of the stairs Aeron pushes Willem down them. As Willem lays there bleeding out Aeron blows him a kiss while flashing him, so at least the last thing he see is Aeron his pretty young husband. Aeron goes back to bed after informing Davos that the deed has been done.

Aeron is the one to “find”Willems body the next morning and screams for Davos to call for an ambulance his uncle has fallen down the stairs and is bleeding. The paramedics call in the police who question both Aeron and Davos. Davos tells them that he’s a deep sleeper so he hadn’t heard anything until Aeron screamed for him to call an ambulance. Aeron tells them that Willem woke him up saying he thought he heard something downstairs and was going to go check, also Aeron is a deep sleeper so he didn’t feel if Willem got back in the bed or not.

An autopsy is ordered and when it comes back with sleeping pills and wine. Aeron explains that they all had a glass of wine that night seeing as how it was the night before their wedding anniversary, but he had told Willem not to take the sleeping pills it could be dangerous. He says that Willem told him to be quiet he’s old enough to know how things affect his body, unlike Aeron who is still young and has a lot to learn.

Six months after the funeral and the reading of the will Davos and Aeron announce that they’re together again. Everyone is happy for them, they don’t even blink when three more months have passed and they’ve announced that they’re engaged. Davos and Aeron get married the day after Aeron and Willems wedding anniversary date. If anyone questions it they say it’s so Aeron will once again associate happy times during those days.

Once again sorry for the crack, but you did choose to read this.