#wip: THoMCM

[pearlmoney]

" There was a rustle in the trash, soft and quiet. Caroline let her eyes fall on it, waiting to see what might come out of it. Eventually, a short-haired dog crawled out of the garbage, panting with a smile. It sat down and scratched behind its ear with its hind leg then stared at Caroline again. She learnt that you probably shouldn’t pet stray animals on the account of rabies, aggressive behaviour and probably more diseases than you can count on both hands. But she couldn’t say no to a smiling animal. She clicked her tongue and rubbed her middle finger and thumb together to call it over. She only grew up with cats, her friends had dogs but she never really liked playing with them. The dog cautiously stalked over to Caroline, head low and tail between its legs. Her hand was out for it to press against, and it did as intended, feeling safe in her presence instantly. It sat by her feet, letting Caroline pet it gently as it continued to smile.

‘Good dog.’ She cooed, rubbing its belly as it turned over, tail wagging frantically. She lifted her hand to brush hair out of her face, and as soon as she lost contact with the dog, it went bolting down the alley, finding another pile of trash to play in and eat from. Caroline was taken aback from the sudden loneliness, left to sit in solitude as the world past her by, living happily while she sat in other people’s piss and vomit drinking straight vodka."

I love symbolism!!! I also love dirty writing, just gross things put in normal situations, I don't know how to explain it, I love stuff like that

[hauntedcari]

About the book

After abruptly losing her partner Rose, Caroline Marsden, an up and coming Director, falls into a deep depression and alcoholism. While trying to keep her public image and fulfilling her lifelong dreams, Caroline begins to experience unusual and paranormal activity in her home. Items going missing, phantom smells and books writing themselves are all things this young celebrity is experiencing in her now lonely home.

The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden (THoMCM) is my first and main wip I’m working on that touches a lot on grief, alcoholism and mental health. Caroline Marsden suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) which are both huge parts in the book.

THoMCM takes a classic ghost story trope and turns it queer with a diverse cast of characters anyone can find themselves relating to.

This wip has a lot of triggering content, including:

Alcoholism

Queerphobia

Sexual assault

Narc collapse

Mental health struggles and denial(?)

Strong language

Suicide

A lot of these can be quite graphic in the writing, when I post snippets (or even when it’s published) I will make sure to put warnings

THoMCM is a piece of work I’m extremely proud of and would love to publish it one day. I find it extremely important to shed light on stigmatised disorders like BPD and NPD which are huge parts of Caroline’s story and character. All the characters are quite different, which is what I aimed for, and I can’t wait to share more about them :)

Thank you for reading this and supporting me :3

[pearlmoney]

BPD rep in my wip

my wip The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden shows a lot of depictions of mental illness, especially Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) which I suffer from both. I wanted to show a snippet from my wip depicting what it feels like to split on someone. I find it very important to represent mental health properly in media and I strive to do that in my work, so as someone with BPD I want to help bring down the stigma of this disorder and spread awareness to what it actually looks like. This is an unfinished section from the chapter I'm writing now, it takes place after an argument Caroline had with a close friend. (symptoms of BPD are different for everyone, this is just how I personally experience it)

Caroline and Liv stared at each other for a long time, eyes never leaving one another. Caroline couldn’t feel anything, her body was hot and stiff and her throat was tight, trying to hold back awful words and further fights. She didn’t have the capacity to love Liv anymore, not right now, she didn’t like her, she would never like her again, not after this. It made her even more mad that she still looked beautiful when she was arguing. Caroline had nothing else to say to her, nothing nice at least, so she stomped to her front door, opened it, and waited for Liv to leave.

Four drinks in. even if she was stumbling around her own home, she was going to go get more down the street. Liv left her apartment five hours ago. Caroline was still mad and still didn’t feel bad about anything she had said, but she didn’t really remember what happened or why she was mad. All she really remembered was something about A.A, but she didn’t want to think about it.

[pearlmoney]

Wren’s apartment was on the first floor of a dingy building, cracks running through the brick and moss and weeds growing by its feet. She opened the less than protective gate and walked into the building, making a beeline for his home. She reached his door, racking a knock along the sturdy wood. She could hear his music playing softly through the door. He was either cleaning or smoking. The door cautiously opened, and Wren stuck his head out.

‘Oh,’ He said, pulling the door open fully, ‘Hey.’

‘Hey.’ Caroline sighed, playing with the loose strings on her hoodie sleeves.

‘You okay?’

She hesitated, ‘Yeah, yeah I’m fine. All good. Perfect. Really good.’

‘Sounds like you’re good.’

‘Yep.’ She knew he was onto her, ‘Can I come in?’ She blurted out. He took a moment, then ushered her inside. His apartment never failed to amaze her. It was beautifully decorated, everything in the right place making his home appear as a beautiful art gallery or even a museum. Nothing was colour coordinated, that was for sure, but it all worked while being covered in a thin veil of smoke.

‘Thought of opening a window lately?’ Caroline said, waving smoke away from her face.

Wren shrugged, ‘Nah.’

Wren turned the volume of his music down on his television and joined Caroline on the couch, sitting a good distance apart. When she realised Wren wasn’t starting the conversation, she took a breath to speak.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘Yelling at you and pushing you.’

Wren was silent for a moment, ‘You mean it?’

Caroline nodded.

He let a deep sigh out, taking another puff of his smoke, ‘It’s fine.’

‘Is it?’

‘I guess.’

She turned to him, ‘Don’t do that.’

‘Just, why don’t you want to talk to me?’ He snapped.

‘What?’ Her heart sank, ‘I do want to. I love talking to you.’

‘No, not like that.’ Another puff, ‘You don’t want to talk about what’s bothering you. I’m getting worried and I don’t know how to help. You are impossible to work with. I love you, but it’s true. I can’t get through to you, you won’t even let me. I just want to help.’

Caroline didn’t know what to say. There was nothing. No point. She tried keeping her eyes on his but she failed, letting them fall to her feet, feeling small, ‘I know.’ She muttered.

‘You don’t–’

‘I do.’ She shot back, ‘I know you want to help, that’s all you want to do, but I don’t need it. I’m. Fine.’

He took a long drag from his smoke, putting it out on the coffee table, ‘Did you come here to apologise or start something?’

She didn’t want to explode, she hated getting mad at Wren, ‘I didn’t know you’d be high when I got here. I’ll go.’

‘Fine.’ He huffed.

[pearlmoney]

"She remembered the night her and Rose had been drinking, as they layed in bed, staring into each other's glassy eyes and laughing quietly, Rose told Caroline she was so “effortlessly beautiful.” and Caroline began to cry at the comment.  She didn’t cry this time, though. Instead, she smiled, and agreed."

-The Haunting of Miss Caroline Marsden

[pearlmoney]

Small update and new side blog!!

Hello Writeblr!! I'm sorry I've been gone for a while, so much is happening, both good and bad, but I'm here to say I will be trying to get back on here and post my writing more!! And I've opened a new side blog for my WIP The Dead End @deadendmasongilbert !! It'll be the same as my THoMCM blog, I just like being organized lol!

I'll be sharing some good news soon too! Just need to figure some things out and then I can finally tell you all :))