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raelikestoramble · 3 years

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yesssss, I'm still trying to recover from the finale... Can you do an story w Eddie pining for Buck after his break up w Ana? Like he releaized his feelings for Buck after getting shot and almost dying but Buck is together w Tyler? Please and thank youuuu

AN: Sorry, this got away from me and I wrote more than I thought I would! Thanks for the great prompt, I really loved it but wasn’t sure where to take it, so a lot of this is Eddie’s internal thoughts. Hope you still like it!

Eddie hadn’t meant for it to go on for as long as it did. Truly, he hadn’t – time had a funny habit of slipping away from him as of late; in his recovery, what mattered most to him was getting himself back to normal – or as close as he could ever return to, given what he had been through – and keeping life as stable as possible… for Christopher. No big changes, no upsetting surprises.

That thought did little to ease the lingering sense of guilt, though.

It had been only a few days since Eddie finally sat Ana down to, as delicately as he could, say that their time together was coming to a close.

She had been so lovely about it, too, because that was her nature and it had made having to break it off worse, almost. Ana was kind, sweet, understanding – perfectly nice – and, for all those reasons, she deserved better, a lot more; someone who was completely in it for her, as invested in her as she was in them. He didn’t always realise it, but he knew for a while before he broke it off that he couldn’t be that person for Ana. In time, another would be. He was sure of it.

He had felt, much to his embarrassment, tears burning his eyes as he explained to her that he entered a relationship with her for the wrong reasons… and that he had so much to figure out about himself. She had clasped his hand in hers, gave a watery smile, and told him that she understood; she had even reassured him that it was all okay and he didn’t need to be too hard on himself over it. It was the most amicable split he could’ve imagined happening. With guilt, came the sweetness of relief, an acute light feeling that he didn’t notice was missing for the longest time.

And then, once that was over and the dust had settled… he was free. Free to… wallow, he supposed, in what he had realised weeks ago, because there was nothing that Eddie could do about it.

He remembered how it felt, being disoriented, in pain, slipping from consciousness, with those blue eyes boring into his, wide and frantic, as Buck fought hard for him, for his very life. How it felt afterwards seeing his face come into view from around the corner, smiling at him with such a genuine and unfiltered joy. Warmth, safety, and happiness – because Buck was family, that much he had decided to make official in a legal tie a year ago.

It was the overwhelming feeling of love, and relief in seeing him safe, unharmed and by his side the first chance he got, that sent Eddie’s mind reeling and down a path he couldn’t back out from. Buck was all of that to him, and more, and the feeling of longing had burrowed into Eddie’s mind, becoming a nagging and persistent sensation that made him feel… sick, flustered, and even morose.

Love – romantic and sexual love - for Eddie had always been a struggle, had wound up feeling oddly… unnatural, as though he was following the expectations of others, or his own idea of familial obligation, rather than his own heart. He was chasing something that, by all accounts, should have felt right, but with Ana… and even with Shannon, it was wrong; it all fell flat in some way. Finally becoming aware of the different light in which he saw Buck in was like a piece of himself just clicking into place; he felt whole, finally.

It was more than a little inconvenient, though, realising that he was in love with his best friend… someone that he happened to see pretty much every day, either at work or off shift. His very straight, very happily coupled up best friend. It was a lot to wrap his head around.

Of course, Eddie was being very mature about it, something he could find a small bit of pride in – because he knew he needed to get over this, to respect Buck’s happiness, his relationship with Taylor, and not ruin their friendship by foolishly expressing what he really wanted. That was the respectable, adult thing to do. So, he kept his desire quiet, and he tried his best to be the good, supportive friend Buck knew him to be, but… in a small way, he had pulled back; he knew he had. Sometimes, Eddie was allowed to act to protect himself; allowed to be a touch selfish. To get over it, he needed a bit more space than usual. It was only fair.

“Eddie,” came Hen’s voice unexpectedly; he picked up instantly on the concerned undertone.

From the corner of his eye, he could see her furrowed brows and the frown lines on her face. He wished people would stop looking at him like that – like he was to be pitied, like he was still injured and helpless. The whole team all went through their fair share of ordeals… it seemed part of the job description, but there was something about the sniper targeting them that unnerved everybody more than anything else that they had faced before. It had struck Eddie’s core, too, and brought up a lot of ugly, old wounds - he was giving therapy another try because of it… and it was going better than it had before, to his surprise.

It had been months since he was shot, significant progress had been made, but there was still an unspoken tension in the firehouse at times. It was especially bad with Buck – he had pulled closer than ever, always happy, eager even, to offer his support and help in… everything, which made Eddie’s need for maintaining some space between them all the more difficult. It also gave him a sliver of hope, and that was a dangerous thing. He had grown too dependent on Buck; he had someone else to share him with now, he thought with a pang to his chest.

“Yeah?” he returned tiredly after a delay, still staring ahead.

His gaze was fixed on where Buck was sat a small distance away with Chimney by his side, his head thrown back laughing in a moment that ought to be captured in a photograph – oh, and how that beautiful, jubilant sound leaving his mouth twisted mercilessly at Eddie’s insides.

“You’ve been moving that piece of pasta around your bowl for the last ten minutes.”

“… So I have,” he sighed, letting his fork clatter against the plate in defeat.

He’d barely touched his lunch, but his appetite had been culled. Buck’s voice was loud – it carried effortlessly across the room. So, he easily overheard Buck responding to Chimney bringing up the topic of Taylor, and it was… embarrassing, the impact it had, how easily it soured his mood.

“Is that all I get? It’s ‘going well’?” Chimney exclaimed, nudging Buck’s side, a teasing grin on his face. “C’mon, Buckley. We usually can’t get you to shut up.”

Buck laughed bashfully and lifted his head up, almost catching his eye, but Eddie averted his gaze just in time to miss it. He could’ve sworn that he caught the sight of Buck’s smile faltering. He shook his head, working to tune out that conversation as best he could.

“You know… it’s okay to need more time. If you’re not ready to be back yet, no one will think less of you,” Hen suggested hesitantly, voice soft.

“No, it’s-- not that. I’m glad to be back. This is where I need to be,” he said simply.

Eddie didn’t like where this conversation was headed – but none of it broke through to his expression, and so Hen pushed on, sympathy etched into her features.

“Then… tell me what’s bothering you? You seem down, Eddie – a lot, lately – and I can’t sit here and act like I’m not worried.”

Had it really been that obvious? It was like he, a man in his thirties, had been rendered a hapless, lovestruck teenager – with how he let his feelings for Buck affect him so obviously that Hen had not only noticed but grown worried for him. It was so tragic he could almost laugh.

“Mm, I have a therapist for that,” he said with a wry smile, but instantly regretted it as he saw how Hen leant back in her seat, lips twisting into a frown.

She was trying to help, to be a good friend, and he was dismissive of her attempt right away. His tendency to try to avoid more heavy, emotional talks was one of the issues brought up in therapy and he really was working on it, but it felt impossible, in that moment, to tell the truth, to speak the words aloud to somebody else. Even though he knew Hen would, without a doubt, understand and keep his secret for him – that it might even help for her to know, as awkward and humiliating as it might be at first.

“Sorry. I just…”

“Don’t worry about it.”

He dared to look back over to the corner where Buck was – now, he was showing Chimney pictures on his phone, which were undoubtedly of him and Taylor. Jealousy welled up inside of Eddie, burning hot, and another sigh fell from his lips as he lifted a hand to run down the side of his face. It wasn’t getting easier, only more frustrating.

When he glanced back at Hen, she was already watching him, an odd look on her face, eyes slowly widening. Realisation had already dawned before he could interject and divert the conversation.

“Wait. You-- Buck--?” she started.

Panic enveloped Eddie and, before she could go any further, he abruptly sprang to his feet, hands clasped together.

“Coffee?” he asked loudly.

Without waiting for her to give an answer, he made his escape, darting over to the countertop where the coffee pot was located. After a short pause, he noticed that Hen had made no effort to follow him, because – of course she hadn’t. What was he expecting? Her to run after him, get him into a headlock until he confessed to the revelation that he had that he was head over heels for Evan Buckley? No, this wasn’t a playground. He needed to get a grip.

His shoulders slumped as he expelled a heavy breath out into the air. He gave himself another moment, to allow his heart to stop pounding wildly in his chest, before leaning up to grab a clean mug from the cabinet.

“That was awful,” he muttered to himself, swiping his favourite from the shelf.

“What was awful?” asked Buck, suddenly, appearing at his side.

“Oh, God,” Eddie jumped, and the mug almost slipped from his fingers and fell to the floor.

Catching it and clutching at it, Eddie gave a breathless laugh.

“Nope, just me,” Buck countered, popping the ‘p’, with a toothy grin on display that caused Eddie’s stomach to start doing flips. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

Eddie’s expression softened, the hints of anxiety vanishing from his face as he lowered the mug to the surface. He reached for another, automatically, eyes still on Buck. He really was beautiful to look at, all bright, excited eyes, soft dark blonde curls, and crooked smiles – and what was most unfair about it all was that his good looks weren’t the most beautiful thing about him by a long shot.

“I’ll let you off the hook,” he grinned.

Buck leaned forward and his shoulder brushed against Eddie’s, sending a jolt through him that made him step back, the contact quickly lost. Fortunately for him, Buck didn’t seem to have noticed anything.

“So, anyway, I was wondering – you got any plans tonight?” Buck asked cheerily.

Eddie was slow to smile again, but he did, because he knew what he was about to do – give in, so easily. Space was important, but… so was spending quality time with loved ones. He could practically hear his therapist’s voice offering him encouragement.

“I think I have a spot open in my schedule,” he said slowly, giving the impression of nonchalance.

“Great! What do you say to joining me and Taylor out for drinks tonight? You could bring Ana. I think it’d be good for them to start to get to know each other better, don’t you?”

Eddie’s heart sank in his chest, eyes closing for a few seconds before he plastered a placid smile to his face. Disappointment was such a bitter taste, and… he really needed to get around to telling him about Ana. Even if he and Ana were still together and he could agree to this double date, the thought of watching Buck and Taylor together for a whole night… well, he could think of a long list of things he’d rather do instead.

“Actually, I don’t think I can – I don’t know how it slipped my mind but, after my appointment, I promised Christopher that I’d spend the night with him…”

He felt bad using his own son, someone Buck loved dearly, as a shield, but it had to be done – Buck wouldn’t question anything if it was done for Chris’ benefit.

Buck’s smile strained, and there was a look in his eyes that Eddie couldn’t quite place. He dropped his gaze to the floor, and Eddie caught his lower lip between his teeth.

“Well, what about next Friday?”

“I can’t—”

“Man, I… Eddie, have I done something?” Buck interrupted; brows knit together in worry.

“Sorry?”

He looked vaguely embarrassed – and was that a pink tinge to his face? Surely not. No, Eddie was seeing things he wanted to see. He didn’t want to play that guessing game anymore, reading into every little interaction they shared, for some kind of sign. It was exhausting.

“It’s just… I don’t know, you’re a lot busier than before, maybe, but things are definitely… different. I—miss you,” he admitted sheepishly.

Clearly, this had been bothering him for a while now, and Eddie felt stupid and cruel for ever thinking that Buck wouldn’t notice that he was limiting their time together, even if only by a relatively small amount.

“Things are different,” Eddie explained carefully, trying to figure out his wording. “It makes sense that we, er, aren’t spending as much time together, because…”

Buck waved a hand.

“I know I’ve got Taylor now and you’ve got Ana, but that doesn’t mean that—”

“Buck, I ended things with Ana,” Eddie cut across impulsively.

There was an incredibly still moment that followed, and a tense quiet descended upon them, the only sounds the muffled comings and goings and odd background chatter from their other teammates. Buck’s lips parted and he appeared to be frozen as he slowly computed this information, and Eddie was almost scared to move – to break the spell.

It was getting alarming, and Eddie was about to wave a hand in front of his face, until finally he returned to reality, snapping back with a quiet and bemused, “Wait, you did what? … Why? You two seemed so happy. I thought you… that’s why…”

Eddie shifted uncomfortably, taking in a breath as he turned to properly face Buck again, making direct eye contact. Buck wet his lip, a crease forming in his brow. Eddie wanted nothing more than to know what was going through his mind, but he was at a loss this time. Usually, he could read him so well.

Eddie shrugged – an attempt in vain to still appear casual. He knew he was way beyond that point now.

“I realised she wasn’t the one for me. And… I know everyone says it, and us first responders more than anyone, and we still sometimes forget to actually live by it… but life really is too short to spend with the wrong person. I owed it to her, and to myself, to end it.”

Buck blinked rapidly, and, really, Eddie couldn’t understand why this was all coming as such a shock to him. Had he really expected he and Ana to go the distance? For him to settle down with her?

“Eddie…”

“Yeah?”

Then, the wailing of the siren pierced through the air; whatever question had formed in Buck’s mind would have to remain there, until another time.

#buddie #buddie ficlet #buddie fic #911 spoilers #eddie diaz #henrietta wilson #evan buckley #911 fox #answered prompt

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novemberhush · 4 years

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The Gift

@eddiediazweek For the Day 2 prompt.

March 2nd - Day 2: “This is nice.” + soft

It was too much. $606 (plus tax). But at the same time, it wasn’t enough. How could Eddie even begin to repay Buck for all he’s done, all he continues to do, for him and Christopher? If he really were to try to put it in monetary terms he’d need to scrimp and save a hell of a lot more than he already was doing just to pay off this sweater. $606 (plus tax) on his credit card had already meant cutting back on everything he possibly could, everything that wouldn’t impact negatively on Christopher, that is. But it’d all be worth it to see Buck in this ridiculously expensive, ridiculously soft, ridiculously pretty sweater. It’s high-quality cashmere, a beautiful deep blue (‘sapphire’ the woman in the store had called it) colour and the moment Eddie had seen it in the store window he knew he had to get it for Buck. He’d stopped in his tracks, right there, outside the store, a store he’d never usually give a second glance to because he knew guys like him on a wage like his couldn’t afford to shop there.

There it was, though. This sweater that looked like it’d been tailor made for Buck, Eddie knowing nothing about clothes or fashion but somehow sure the cut of it would fit and flatter Buck in all the right ways, showing off his delectable upper body to perfection. As for the colour, well, Buck suited almost every colour under the sun, but this? It was like the gods themselves had conspired to create the perfect shade of blue to complement Buck’s hair and skin tone, to really make the pink of his lips and birthmark pop, and to highlight those incredible eyes of his. Eddie had to have it, and for once in his life he didn’t second guess himself, marching straight into the store, feeling like Julia Roberts in that scene in Pretty Woman where all the snooty sales assistants look down their noses at her but not letting that stop him from making his impulsive purchase. Of course, the second guessing started the moment he stepped back into his truck, looking down at the classy cream and gold rectangular gift box the lady in the store had neatly folded the sweater into in such a way that Eddie knew not to remove it from the box to admire it once more when he got home because he’d never be able to get it folded again so perfectly. It hadn’t stopped him removing the lid and running his hand over the soft fabric at least three times a day since then, though, all the while quashing down thoughts about what a purchase like this said, concerned that it went too far, gave too much away, crossed an invisible line. But then he would remember the top-of-the-line coffee maker Buck had bought him, albeit under the guise of a prank because he knew Eddie needed his java every day but would never drop that kind of money on himself, and his worries eased just a little. Because, sure, Buck was generous with everyone, and as a single guy with no dependents he had a little more disposable income to play around with than Eddie, but he wasn’t going around buying Hen, Chim, Bobby, or anyone else for that matter, expensive presents for no real reason other than he wanted to. Buck had been saying something with the gift, even if he hadn’t realized it himself. Eddie could only hope he was saying the same thing Eddie was saying with this sweater. So now it was time to give it to Buck. His birthday was still months away and Eddie didn’t want to (couldn’t, if he was honest) wait that long. He’d missed Christmas, only spotting the sweater in late January, and there was no way in hell he was giving it to Buck on Valentine’s Day. No matter how much Eddie felt a gift like this exposed about how he felt about Buck, there was still a little room for plausible deniability should it quickly become obvious Buck hadn’t been sending the same message Eddie was with his gift, but presenting it to him on Valentine’s Day would have left no doubt about what the gift meant. Valentine’s Day had been and gone now, though, and Eddie knew he either had to bite the bullet and give Buck the sweater or hide

it away at the back of his closet for evermore. And, yeah, the irony of being stuck in a closet for the rest of time was not lost on Eddie, thank you very much. He didn’t have time to think much more about it, though, it fast approaching 11 o’clock, the time he’d arranged for Buck to call round, ostensibly so they could have brunch and hang out a little on their day off until it was time to go collect Chris from school and maybe take him to the park to feed the ducks before all heading home together for a cosy night in. Eddie had specifically chosen to invite Buck round while Chris was at school so he wouldn’t be tempted to use his son as a buffer between them. He’d also asked Buck not to tell Chris he was coming, on the pretext they could surprise Chris, but really it was because if Buck realized what Eddie was saying with this gift and ran for the hills then at least Chris wouldn’t be disappointed at not seeing his Buck when he had been expecting to. It would also give Eddie some time to try to put the pieces of his heart back together enough so he could muster up a brave face for his son, although Eddie knew they’d never fit together quite the same way again if Buck was the one to break his heart. There would be no getting over him. A knock at the door interrupted his thoughts, shattering the too loud silence that always seemed to settle around the house when he was there alone without Chris and/or Buck’s presence to both ground him and lift him up. He instantly recognized Buck’s familiar enthusiastic rap. Right on time, as always, never seeming to want to miss a single second he could be spending with Chris and Eddie, but never wanting to intrude by arriving too early either. Not that either Eddie or Chris would mind, but if Eddie often feared he wasn’t enough then Buck matched him with his anxiety about being too much. Swallowing down his nerves, he cast one more glance at the gift box sitting on the coffee table and went to let Buck in, going through the motions of greeting his best friend (and maybe more, if he was lucky), trying to act like today was a day just like any other. Of course, Buck knew him too well for that. Eddie had never known anyone who could read him so well or so easily as Buck. “Eddie, you okay?” he asked, genuine concern etched into every crevice of his face. When Eddie just nodded, Buck changed tack, aiming for lighthearted but his eyes giving away the fact he was still worried. “Are you sure? Because I could go grab you some laxatives, if you want. Might help with that constipated look you’re sporting.” Eddie snorted, glad to feel some of the tension he was holding in his body melt away. Buck had always been able to do that. “Nice, dude, real nice,” he joked back before his eye caught on the gift box and he remembered what he had asked Buck here for. Deciding he couldn’t wait any longer and not even giving Buck time to take off his jacket or sit down, Eddie grabbed the box off the table, practically shoving it into Buck’s hands. “Here, this is for you,” he mumbled, praying Buck would be too distracted by the gift to notice the blush Eddie could feel creeping across his face. Buck stared at the gift box in his hands for a moment, confusion clear in his expression. “For me? Why? What’s the occasion? It’s not my birthday,” he finally spoke up. “No occasion,” Eddie shrugged. “I just… saw it and thought of you.” “Eddie…” “Just open it,” Eddie cut in, the soft way Buck had breathed his name turning his insides to mush. “And it’s okay if you don’t like it, you don’t have to pretend if you don’t. But I think you will like it. Well, I hope so anyway,” he babbled, the words rushing out of him. Gulping in a deep breath in an attempt to stop his rambling and centre himself, he gestured to the box. “Go on,” he urged, “take a look.” Buck held his gaze for a second longer, leaving Eddie feeling flayed open by the intensity of the look in his eyes, before turning his attention again to the gift box. Sitting down on the couch, he set the box back on the coffee table before

leaning forward and gently easing the lid of it. Eddie could swear he heard Buck’s breath hitch when he saw the sweater. “Eddie, this is… wow, man. This is nice. I mean, this is… this is really nice. And it’s so soft!” he said, a look of wonder lighting up his face as he trailed his fingers across the fabric in a way that had Eddie ashamed to admit he was feeling envious of a sweater. A sweater, for God’s sake! A very nice $606 (plus tax!) sweater, but a sweater all the same. “I… Eddie, I can’t accept this,” Buck said then, turning towards him, a pinched look replacing the one of wonder on his face. “You can, and you will,” Eddie insisted, rolling his eyes at the earnestness in those blue eyes that had seen through him so many times but never seemed to help Buck see his own self-worth. “Go on, try it on,” he said, with a jerk of his chin in the direction of the hall leading to the bedrooms and bathroom, expecting Buck to want to change in private and maybe check out how the sweater looked on him in a mirror. He really should have known better. Buck grinned, standing up to quickly shuck his jacket before grabbing the back of his T-shirt, yanking it off over his head and tossing it in a ball on the couch, leaving Eddie dry-mouthed and weak-kneed at the expanse of smooth, inked skin and firm, taut muscle on display. Sure, he’d seen Buck shirtless more times than he could count, both at work and outside of it, but he had yet to become inured to the sight. Scrambling for something to say to try to fill the silence that had fallen between them, and to cover the way he knew he’d been gaping at his best friend’s bare torso, Eddie quipped, “I hope you’re not gonna treat this sweater the way you just did that poor shirt.” This time it was Buck who rolled his eyes, stepping forward to reach down for said sweater, unfolding it carefully out of the box, as if it was made of spun gold. He held it out in front of him, admiring it for a second, before slipping it over his head and down his torso, strong arms filling the sleeves snugly. Eddie had to remind himself to keep breathing when Buck turned to him, expression soft and bashful, his eyebrows raised in a way that clearly said Well, what do you think? “Perfect,” Eddie whispered. “You’re perfect.” The way Buck’s eyes widened before his whole face softened even more, if that was even possible, alerted Eddie to what he’d said. “I mean, it... it’s perfect. Perfect for you,” he stammered. Embarrassed but unable to stop himself, he added, “I knew it would be,” in a voice that sounded soft and small, unbearably vulnerable and unbelievably fond all at once. But this was Buck. He could be all those things around Buck without fear of judgment or censure or ridicule or pity. “It’s so soft,” Buck said again, looking down at the sweater and slowly dragging his hand down the front of it. “Here, feel,” he said, looking up at Eddie, ridiculously long eyelashes fluttering at him as he held out his arm. Eddie stumbled forward, drawn in like a magnet by those baby blues, assuming Buck wanted him to touch the sleeve of the sweater and indeed feel how soft it was. But when Eddie reached out tentatively to touch the sleeve, Buck surprised him by grabbing hold of his hand, tugging him closer, and placing it directly over Buck’s heart, holding it there as Eddie felt a newfound kinship with every romantic heroine he’d previously mocked who had swooned at every heated glance thrown their way or fainted at the slightest touch of their lover’s hand. “It’ll only get softer!” Eddie blurted out, feeling Buck’s strong, steady heartbeat under his hand as his own started thundering in his chest. “It will?” Buck said, raising another quizzical eyebrow at Eddie’s outburst. “Yeah, yeah, it will. The really good cashmere gets softer with wear and washing. The lady in the store said so and I looked it up online when I got home and she wasn’t bullshitting me.” “That’s… that’s good to know,” Buck smiled. The smile soon gave way to a more serious look, though, and Eddie steeled himself for whatever Buck was

going to say next.

“Eddie, why did you really buy me this? Not that I don’t love it, because I do, don’t get me wrong. I think it’s the nicest thing anyone’s ever given me, and Maddie gave me a Jeep once. But why?”

Eddie swallowed, knowing it was now or never, and never was never really an option, not when it came to Buck and letting him know how much he was loved.

“You know how I said I ‘saw it and thought of you’?”

Buck nodded, encouraging him to keep going with a squeeze of his hand and an open expression, their eyes locking, Eddie unable to look away even if he wanted to. Which he didn’t. He never wanted to look away from Buck.

“Well, it would probably be more accurate to say ‘I was thinking of you and I saw it’,” he said quietly, taking a step closer to Buck and bringing his free hand up to cover Buck’s where it still held his other hand to Buck’s chest.

“Because I’m always thinking of you, Buck. You and Chris, the two halves of my heart, my world entire. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or how focused I seem on something else, you two are always there. Maybe not always at the forefront of my mind, but you’re there, at the back of it, reminding me of everything I have to come home to, everything I have to fight for. Reminding me of everything I’ve ever wanted. My family. My son. My… you. You, Buck. It’s always you. It’s always going to be you.”

Later, Eddie will remember the soft brush of cashmere under his fingertips as he wrapped his arms around Buck’s shoulders and pulled him impossibly closer. For now, though, he was too caught up in thinking how nothing could be softer than Buck’s lips as they brushed against his own when Buck surged forward and let Eddie know that maybe, just maybe, he was always thinking of Eddie, too.

#EddieDiazWeek2021 #EddieWeek2021 #eddie diaz #buddie

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half-bakedboy · 3 years

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Where’s My Love? (read on ao3)

Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rated: Teen Summary: Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

Or a Season 4 Episode 4 coda where Eddie helps Buck get through the dinner with his parents without even knowing it.

With his parents back in town and his mind racing with thoughts of being forced to socialize with them after so many relatively peaceful years, Buck’s anxiety was the highest it had ever been. That was saying a lot considering he had survived an earthquake, a firetruck bombing and subsequent embolism, and even a fucking tsunami all within the last two years. It made him laugh - almost as much as it made him want to throw up - that a surprise visit from the people that raised him was triggering more of a trauma response than any of those other events.

He took a deep breath as he wandered the streets of L.A. and considered his options. He was set to have dinner one more time with Maddie, Chim, and his parents, and he honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to make it through and keep his mouth shut like he had promised his sister. She asked Buck to understand where they were coming from, to realize that they tried their hardest and that things could have been a lot worse, but Buck couldn’t imagine how that was fair.

It wasn’t fair that it was always his job to push aside their parenting failures because he was an adult and had turned out ‘just fine’ as Maddie had always put it. It wasn’t fair that their small jabs at Maddie tore open the scars Doug had left on her or that their obvious misguidances of Buck in every way caused shame and hurt to flood through every inch of his body when they spoke. It didn’t matter that Maddie was pregnant from a man that truly loved her and treated her right and had a job that she really kicked ass at. If that didn’t matter, then it certainly wouldn’t that Buck had worked harder to become a firefighter than he ever had in his life and that for once, he was truly happy when he looked toward the future.

No, none of that seemed to matter, because Evan and Maddie had to be on their best behavior and pretend that their parents did the best that they could given the circumstances, of which Buck wasn’t aware enough to fully understand. He would get through one more dinner for Maddie and Chimney’s sake and his parents would go back to wherever they decided to venture to next and Buck could repress all of the negative emotions that welled up inside of him once again.

Before he knew it, he was in front of Eddie’s door. He let out a small chuckle at the fact that even when he was lost in his own mind, his body found its way to Eddie. Buck relied on him so much more in the last few years, more than he ever expected to rely on anyone let alone the one person he had despised on sight. He figured it made sense for his subconscious to bring him there, though. Eddie was a father, first and foremost, and he had made that clear since joining the 118 that being a father was the most important thing to him even above his career. Buck knew how much being a firefighter meant to him, so he could only imagine the kind of love Eddie must have for Christopher to put anything above that.

He knocked on the door without a second thought and placed his hands in his pockets nervously as he waited for an answer. When he saw Christopher’s face as the door opened, his heart soared and he held out his arms for an inevitable hug. He loved how Christopher’s hugs were always full-bodied and suffocating because that was just how Buck needed them to be, especially then.

“Buck! Dad didn’t tell me you were coming over!” Christopher said excitedly and Buck was grateful that at least one of the duo was happy to see him. Even though he figured Eddie would be completely fine with the unexpected visit, his mind was too hazed with anxiety to accept that.

“That’s because he didn’t know, Bud. Where is he?” Buck asked, taking a few steps inside just as Eddie rounded the corner. Eddie’s face showed surprise and then immediate concern, and even once Buck smiled at him, the worry in his features seemed to only marginally lessen as he smiled back.

“Just in time to tuck Christopher into bed for the night!” Eddie yelled with a mock joy that did nothing to convince Christopher that bedtime was as exciting as Buck’s surprise arrival.

“But dad,” Christopher drawled out, “Buck just got here!” For a moment, Buck’s guilt must have been obvious, but Eddie scooped his son up in his arms with an easy explanation.

“And Buck can visit anytime he likes. That doesn’t mean you need to be awake for it. Go brush your teeth while I talk with him and we’ll both come say goodnight in a few minutes, okay?” Christopher sighed heavily as Eddie put him back on the ground, but peered around to Buck who nodded to confirm that he wasn’t going anywhere. If he had the opportunity to put his favorite kid to bed, he wouldn’t - and couldn’t when Christopher looked at him with such wide, pleading eyes - say no.

When Christopher was safely out of earshot, Eddie rested a hand on Buck’s shoulder and stated, “You barely ever come here without texting me first.” Buck huffed out a laugh.

“What? I’m not just allowed to come by ‘anytime I like’?” Buck quoted back at Eddie who looked very unimpressed having his words used against him. The ‘you know that’s not what I meant’ was clear in the way his eyebrows furrowed and his arms crossed over his chest. “I just needed a friend. I needed-- well, I needed you,” Buck admitted simply, and fortunately, that appeared to be enough.

“I’ve got a few beers in the fridge leftover from the game on Sunday and I think some juice and Gatorade? Take your pick,” Eddie offered from where he continued finishing up the dirty dishes from dinner. Buck needed to keep his hands busy or his nerves would get the best of him so he stood next to Eddie, holding his hands out for the next rinsed off dish. Eddie apparently decided to take the help and handed Buck the cleaned saucepot without a word.

Their bodies were aligned perfectly with arms pressed together snugly and Bucks’ socked foot nudging against Eddie’s slippered one with each pivot toward the dishwasher. It was comfortable in every sense of the word and just what Buck needed for his mind to finally start to simmer down. For a few minutes, all he focused on was the warmth radiating from Eddie’s body and the repetitive motions of putting the dishes away the exact way he knew Eddie wanted them. He started the dishwasher and all of the stress associated with his parent’s disappointment was washed away from him as if he put himself in the rinse cycle.

“Buck! Dad!” Christopher called from what sounded like his bedroom. As they walked together, Eddie’s hand never left the middle of Buck’s back as if he somehow knew exactly what Buck had needed from the moment he arrived.

“Ouch,” Eddie began and they entered Christopher’s room, “pushed to second place when his Buck is around. Really stings, kid.” Christopher grinned at them unaffected, his smile brighter than anything Buck had ever seen, and he patted his dad on the cheek.

“I like when both of you put me to bed,” Christopher stated and Buck’s heart exploded once more. He couldn’t resist leaning down and wrapping his arms around the kid as tight as he could, pressing an overexaggerated kiss to his temple and rubbing his cheek on Christopher’s out of control hair. Christopher didn’t seem to worry about the affection and held Buck back just as tight, and when Buck pulled away, Christopher held Buck’s face in his hands and leaned up enough to kiss his forehead firmly.

“You’re a good kid, Chris. You know that?” Buck asked, brushing his curly hair back from his forehead only for it to spring forward anyway.

“Yeah, I know. You’re my best friend. You and my daddy,” Christopher said simply as if those words weren’t everything Buck had ever hoped to hear. He couldn’t imagine ever saying those words about his own father, let alone to his own father and something about Chris admitting them so freely had his breath catching in his throat. He was rendered speechless and Buck was grateful when Eddie leaned into their space and kissed Christopher’s other temple gently before pulling the sheets over his chest.

“Love you, Christopher. Thank you for being such a good boy today and every day,” Eddie said as he stood.

“Love you more and I love you, Buck,” Christopher said easily as his eyes closed - as if it was the last thing he needed to make sure his dad and Buck knew before he fell into sleep.

“I love you, too, Chris, so much,” Buck answered as Eddie pulled him from the bedroom.

He felt like he could cry. He wasn’t sure if the tears that welled in his eyes were from Christopher’s words or from the impending doom that would be his own family’s gathering or even from exhaustion brought on by literally every single thing in his life. All he knew was that Eddie pulled him down the hallway and into the living room and when he was drawn into his best friend’s warm embrace, the dam inside of him cracked more than he wanted it to.

“Buck, what’s going on, man? I haven’t seen you like this since--” Buck was glad Eddie didn’t finish. There’d been way too many times that he had broken down in front of Eddie since they had met and he didn’t need a reminder of how weak he was, especially when he was sure he would get one from his parents soon enough. “Talk to me. You came here for a reason so you have to let me in, okay?” Eddie’s voice was on the edge of panic as he urged Buck to sit on the couch.

“Is it hard to be a parent?” Buck asked hastily. Eddie seemed to consider his question for a moment, but Buck didn’t like the way it sounded and backtracked, “Wait, that’s not--”

“You mean, why was it so hard for your parents to be good parents?” Eddie responded and Buck’s jaw dropped. Before he could ask how Eddie knew what he meant, he shrugged and explained, “You’ve been off since Maddie told you your parents were going to visit and she gave me the heads up that there’s history there I might not know.”

“Dammit, Maddie,” Buck cursed under his breath. Eddie let out a small laugh and rested a hand on Buck’s thigh, the small touch immediately sending a sense of calmness through Buck he couldn’t try to solve.

“She cares about you. I care about you. So will you let me answer your first question?” Buck nodded and Eddie took a preparing breath. “Being a parent is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and I’m a veteran and a firefighter. But it’s also the easiest thing I’ve ever done because my life wouldn’t be the same without Christopher. It wouldn’t be nearly as exciting or worth living without him and I think you’d agree with me.”

“He’s the best kid I’ve ever met,” Buck said without thought because it was true. “He’s so easy to take care of and he listens more often than not and he’s got a sense of humor that won’t quit. He’s--”

“He’s a nine year old with Cerebral Palsy, a dead mother, and a single father that works 24-hour shifts on a weekly basis. He’s an incredible kid, don’t get me wrong, but he’s got more problems than you ever did.” Buck winced, but he couldn’t argue with that. Buck had it easy as a child and he shouldn’t be complaining just because his parents neglected his emotional needs a little.

“Yeah, I know I’m just overreacting--”

“Hey, no. Stop that,” Eddie said as Buck made to stand. Eddie pulled him back down and angled his head as if making sure Buck couldn’t look away from his eyes. “Buck, you’re not overreacting. Whatever you feel, whatever you went through as a kid, those emotions and-- and anger that you obviously feel toward your parents is extremely valid.” Buck felt all of the air leave his lungs and his heart jumped into his throat because no one had ever told him he was allowed to be upset.

Maddie had always asked him to give their parents a break, to cut them some slack and be grateful the siblings at least had each other. He tried his hardest to do just that, but there were only so many times his parents could miss his football games or ignore his obvious attempts at scrounging for attention before the resentment for them rose into too much for any kid to handle.

But no one in his life - his sister or other distant relatives, his guidance counselors or teachers, his friend’s parents, all of whom saw how he was impacted - had ever told him it was okay to feel angry or that it was okay to expect more from the people who raised him.

“My parents, they--” Buck choked on tears that he tried so hard to hold back. The only calmness around him came from Eddie’s hand rubbing soothing circles on his back and his other resting gently on Buck’s thigh. He didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the intimacy of the touches or to think too much about what they might have meant as he continued, “They never saw me. It was like I didn’t even exist to them. Like-- Like I was just some sort of accident they couldn’t rewind time to fix. I was so alone in the world besides Maddie, but even then, she found Doug and left me as soon as she could. It was like every person I met didn’t care if I disappeared and everyone else disappeared even though I cared.”

Eddie hummed in what sounded like understanding before asking, “Have your parents ever offered you an explanation?”

“Yeah, right,” Buck said sharply. He softened his tone when he realized Eddie’s hand had stopped moving on his back and glanced back up at his friend with a sad smile on his face. “It was always my fault. I was too reckless, too wild, too hard to handle, too exhausting . It made me easy to give up on.” Eddie opened his mouth as if to apologize or argue against Buck’s words but Buck shook his head and rested his hand on top of Eddie’s where his fingertips started to dig into his thigh.

“You don’t give up on your kids,” Eddie said simply. His eyebrows furrowed, his nose flared and he pressed his lips together so tightly, the skin around them started to pale. Buck could see the frustration rising in him and tried to smile to lighten the mood but it wasn’t enough. “No, you-- Kids are so hard to raise, but a parent has to be there for them before they decide to give up, and even then! I would never give up on Christopher and you have no idea many people have told me I have or even should .”

“Excuse me?” Buck interrupted, his own anger bubbling inside at the insinuation that Christopher wasn’t worth the entire world.

“That shouldn’t be surprising, Buck. Like I said, he’s got a disability that inhibits his quality of life - even if he or either of us doesn’t see it that way - and he’s gone through more trauma than any kid should ever have to handle at his age. It would make sense for me to send him off to a boarding school for kids with special needs or to live with his grandparents who are way more equipped to handle him than I am,” Eddie explained. Buck had a hard time processing what he was hearing because Eddie would never do that to Christopher, there was no way.

“Have you thought about that?” Buck asked, his eyes searching Eddie’s for the truth.

Eddie sighed and nodded. “Yeah, of course I have,” he admitted with shame resonating in his voice. “There are nights where I just want to-- I don’t know, lock myself in my room and forget that I have this responsibility or days where I just wish I could catch a freaking break.”

For the first time since Buck had known Eddie, he felt anger towards his best friend. He thought of Christopher; who told Buck he was his best friend, who reminded him that everything was going to be okay, and told him he was good, and couldn’t possibly imagine ever wanting that to disappear. He thought that if Christopher was his kid, he would have never considered those alternatives.

Then he looked back at the last few years he had known the family and realized there had been plenty of opportunities for Eddie to do even more than consider. He could have sent Christopher to one of the schools Carla had found during their search that required boarding or even let Christopher go home with his grandparents when they begged Eddie to move back to Texas. Eddie could have ‘made his life easier’ if that’s what he wanted, but he chose not to.

“So,” Buck began, gripping Eddie’s hand tight in his as if grasping onto comfort and hoping it never went away, “what did you do instead?”

“I loved him anyway. Through everything - the hard times, the fun times, the times where I wanted to pull my hair out or put him in timeout and never let him out - I just… love him anyway.”

_____________

The dinner was going about half as bad as Buck had figured it would be. He had to resist the urge to check the watch on his wrist every few minutes, knowing that if he stayed too late, he might not be able to find himself over at Eddie’s again when he needed it. He had texted Eddie as he paced outside his sister’s house and asked that Eddie message him at exactly eight on the dot so he could have an excuse to leave. He realized pretty quickly after the dinner had begun that he was going to need his best friend. First, it was the comment about his ‘dangerous’ career and then Buck was reminded of the number of hospital stays he endured without his parents sending so much as a card.

Then they brought out the box of memories of Maddie that they kept for her entire childhood only to be eerily silent when his was nowhere to be found. Chimney tried to ease the tension that hazed the room, but there was nothing that could be done. Buck stared down at his still full plate - he had lost his appetite almost immediately - to try and ignore the conversation around him but he couldn’t.

Not when it became increasingly clear that his parents had every opportunity to choose to love him and they just… didn’t.

It was one snipe at Maddie or Chim and then back to Buck after another and he couldn’t find it in himself to sit there a second longer keeping his mouth shut as he had been forced to the entirety of his young life. When his mother made yet another comment about Doug full well knowing how uncomfortable Maddie - and subsequently, Chim - were at the topic, Buck couldn’t stay calm anymore.

“You never gave up hope?” Buck asked, the venom on his tongue paralyzing everyone around the table. Maddie begged him to stop, the plea clear in her voice and her eyes because she just wanted the night to go smoothly, but Buck refused. “United front, remember?”

Buck barely registered the excuses that spilled from his parent’s mouths; that they never gave up hope for Maddie or that they didn’t know Doug was hurting her. Buck reminded them that while, in their twisted minds, they never gave up hope, they gave up on Maddie. They didn’t help her when she was being beaten to a pulp almost every single night or bother to prove they were there for her, for either of them. Buck was so focused on Maddie, he forgot that they had neglected him, too.

“Actually, you know what? Maybe it does track, because you barely knew what was going on with your own kids when we were under the same roof. Maybe you never gave up hope,” Buck took a deep breath to try and push back the shakiness in his voice so his words might stick, “but you sure as hell gave up on her. You gave up on both of us.”

Buck pushed out of his chair, ignoring the pained eyes of his parents and the sympathetic gazes from Chimney and Maddie. He knew he should just leave, get out of there before he said something he was really going to regret, but his therapist had warned him again continuing to avoid confrontation with the people he cared about so he carried on, holding his arms up and out as if they were shields and turned back toward his parents.

“Oh, and, uh, and you wanna know why I'm really in therapy? It is because I have spent my entire life feeling like a constant disappointment. And you wanna talk about our jobs? You think my job is dangerous?” A ghost of a laugh settled somewhere in his chest. “I have walked through fire every single day of my life because of you!” Buck spat, his throat burning with emotion, his voice like gravel with anger and resentment. “ That is why I am in therapy. Because nothing I ever did was good enough!”

“We tried, but you always…” His dad began and there it was again; that blame that Buck held onto ever since he was a kid and that he carried with him into adulthood.

“You never made it easy on us!” His mom interrupted with tears falling down her cheeks. Because somehow, even after everything he had said, everything was still Buck’s fault. He was never going to get through to them that maybe - just maybe - they were what was wrong. “Either one of you.”

“We were supposed to? We were kids,” Maddie chimed in, her voice breaking with every word. Buck wanted to comfort her but when he glanced over, he realized Chimney had his arm wrapped around her, protecting her from the arguing and the emotion that fogged over them. He was momentarily grateful because for once, he didn’t have to worry about anyone besides himself. Something tugged inside of Buck because there was no one to protect him because the people who were supposed to do just that were looking up at him like they never wanted to see him again.

“Evan, I don't know what you expected us to do!” His mother cried and Eddie’s voice was so clear in his mind.

‘What did you do instead?’ ‘I loved him anyway.’

Buck relented. He was done with the fighting, finished with the way his heart constricted in his chest like the rope his parents tied around it when he was a child was about to slice it in two. He didn't want to feel alone anymore and he was reminded that he was far from it when his phone went off in his pocket. The small vibration that only he could feel resonated through his entire body and soul because with one glance at the clock, he knew the message would belong to Eddie. Even when he felt like he was all alone, Eddie reminded him that wasn’t the case and, without even knowing, pushed Buck into saying exactly what his parents needed to hear.

“Love me anyway.”

#buddie #buddie fic #911 on fox #9-1-1 #evan buckley #eddie diaz #coda fic #4x4 coda #love me anyway #has that line just been on repeat in anyone elses head???#no???#just me??#lak;sdjflkasjfl;as #my writing

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signsofsam · 4 years

Text

Buddie Week, Day Six: All We Know is Touch and Go

Eddie reaches over, forcing one of Buck’s hands out of his hair, wrapping it in both of his own. “We have to believe they're going to be okay.”

“But what if they’re not? Did I tell them I loved them before we left? Do they know we love them? Did I hug them enough? Did I-”

“Buck, just breathe, okay? Stop inviting trouble until we know more.”

“They’re back there all alone, Eddie. Our boys are alone,” Buck murmurs, turning to his husband, and he’s broken, eyes sad, and there are tears brimming, ready to be unleashed. “What if-”

Eddie shakes his head. “We’re not ‘what if’-ing this, Buck. We can’t. We hope for the best, and we wait for the doctor.” He kisses the back of Buck’s hand, and Buck lets out a breath, trying to center himself.

AO3 Link Here

Prompt: “Just breathe, okay?” + hurt/comfort

Notes: Title is from State of Grace by Taylor Swift. You can find the other stories in this ‘verse here and probably should read at least a few of them to know who the OMC is in this fic. Also: we are practicing suspension of disbelief and general magical handwaving over all the medical inaccuracies that are in here because a doctor/healthcare provider I am most certainly not.

And someone please let me know if Google Translate failed me anywhere.

--//--//--

They were just going to get ice cream.

It’s all Nate can focus on: they were just going to get ice cream, and Eddie and Buck are going to kill him, because now the truck is pressed against the concrete median of the highway, other crashed cars around them, and his blood’s splattering onto the seats and Chris won’t wake up. Would they send him back?

They wouldn’t do that, would they? They...no, you know they love you, and this won’t change that.

But he’s gotten Chris hurt.

Fuck. Just fuck.

He really likes his family.

He doesn’t want to go anywhere.

“N...Nate?” Chris whimpers, and he gasps, turning too quickly to look at his brother, and pain explodes in his head.

“Shit, shit, shit shit shit,” he breathes out, waiting for the pain to settle into something more manageable, so at least he can see. When he finally attempts to open his eyes again (and God, it hurts, but he has to check on his brother), Chris is watching him, worried, his right cheek red, bruising, a lazily bleeding laceration on his cheekbone. His glasses are gone, and there are more cuts peppering his face. There’s melted ice cream on his face (“I don’t see how you can eat that while I’m driving,” Nate had been complaining, just before the crash, and Chris had given him the biggest shit-eating grin as he took another huge bite of his mint chocolate chip), but for the most part, he looks okay.

Nate still can’t help but breathe out, “Buck and Eddie are going to kill me.”

Chris frowns, reaching over with an unsteady, shaky hand. “Did...did something hit your head?”

“What?”

“You’re talking nonsense, Nate. Did you hit your head?”

“I got you hurt.”

Chris’ frown deepens. “No, you didn’t. A car hit us. You’re bleeding.”

“I know. I’m getting blood all over-”

Pain explodes again as sirens cut through the air, and this time, thankfully everything fades to black.

--//--//--//--

“They’re going to be just fine, Buck,” Eddie whispers. They’ve been waiting for a doctor for a few minutes, and honestly, they probably both look a mess, still in their uniforms, halfway through a shift and just getting back from a rather disgusting run when Athena called, and now Buck is sitting in a hard plastic chair, hunched over, hands clenching into his hair, foot tapping over and over and over, and through his own worry, it makes Eddie hurt. “We’re here now, and they’re going to be fine.”

He reaches over, forcing one of Buck’s hands out of his hair, wrapping it in both of his own. “We have to believe they're going to be okay.”

“But what if they’re not? Did I tell them I loved them before we left? Do they know we love them? Did I hug them enough? Did I-”

“Buck, just breathe, okay? Stop inviting trouble until we know more.”

“They’re back there all alone, Eddie. Our boys are alone,” Buck murmurs, turning to his husband, and he’s broken, eyes sad, and there are tears brimming, ready to be unleashed. “What if-”

“Is this what it was like? When Chris had to have surgeries when he was younger?”

“Every time,” Eddie answers. “We would be waiting, me, Shannon, Mom and Dad the one time I was gone-” he flinches here, and Buck squeezes his hand. “That one was the hardest, and I don’t think I”ll ever forgive myself for being gone. So yeah, the uncertainty and the worry and the fear...it’s always there, but now, now I have to believe it’s going to be okay. I have to, and you have to, even though we’re scared shitless.”

“I couldn’t imagine not having you here to share the weight,” Buck murmurs. “I’m really glad we’re here together. It makes it so much easier to bear.”

They don’t have to wait much longer, thank god, because Eddie’s about to press against Buck’s knee to settle his leg, and they both stand when the doctor calls about Chris. “He’s okay?” Buck asks before the doctor even has a chance to give them her name, but she smiles at him, nodding.

“Christopher is going to be okay. He has a mild concussion, some cuts and bruises on his face, and he’s going to be very sore for the next few days, but nothing permanent, and nothing overly serious. Oh, and I’m Dr. Rodriguez. It’s nice to meet you both. Which one is ‘Dad’ and which one is ‘Buck’ because I’ve heard a multitude of compliments about both and still don’t know which one is which.”

Eddie likes her immediately.

Chris is still in a bed in the ER, and he smiles widely as the curtain opens. “Dad!” he cries happily, and Eddie’s heart tightens as he wraps his son in a hug, as gentle as possible. He feels Buck hug them both tight, and their world is a little more right. “Dad, lemme go! I’m okay!”

“Mijo, you were in a car accident; let me hug you a little longer, hmm?” he whispers, pressing a kiss into Chris’ bedraggled curls.

“Yeah, Chris, let us baby you a little longer,” Buck adds, and Chris huffs, but puts up with a hug for another minute or two before he starts shifting, uncomfortable enough that they both let him go. “You’ve got a hell of cut there, kiddo.” His hand is shaking when he touches Chris’ cheek, just barely, pulling back when Chris flinches. “Sorry about that. I’m just worried.”

“I’m okay, really. My head hurts a lot, but the doctor said I shook my brain a little and it’s going to take a few days until I feel back to normal, And I’m pretty sure my morning exercises aren’t happening for a few days.”

Eddie can’t help his smile. “I think you’ll be okay if you skip them for a few days.”

“Have you...have you guys seen Nate yet? Is he okay? He was talking nonsense in the truck-”

“The doctors are still working on him,” Eddie says, careful with his words; Dr. Rodriguez said there was another doctor working on Nate, that he’d come find them as soon as he got a free moment. “But they’ll come get us soon, I’m sure.”

“Dad, he said something about you guys hating him, because I got hurt. But he got hurt, too! Can you...this wasn’t his fault. He didn’t do anything wrong. I begged for ice cream, and we’d just gone to get some-”

“Superman, neither of you did anything wrong; it was an accident, and they happen,” Buck interrupts, running his hand through Chris’ hair. “No one’s angry at either of you; your dad and I were so scared about both of you, scared that we wouldn’t get the chance to tell you again how much we love you and what amazing men you are both growing up to be. You can ask your dad-I was a mess out there waiting.”

“He really was,” Eddie confirms, grinning when Buck and Chris roll their eyes. “I mean it, Chris! He’s dramatic.”

Chris laughs, and Buck gasps at him, eyes wide. “Christopher! I thought we were buddies!”

When a nurse comes to grab one of them to talk to Nate’s doctor, Eddie goes, Buck having settled half on Chris’ bed, their son drowsy against his shoulder. “I’ll hold down the fort here,” he whispers as Eddie gives him a kiss.

“He was unconscious when the paramedics got to him,” the doctor explains, “but he woke up here, agitated and worried. We gave him something to keep him calm so we could examine him, so he’s going to be a touch out of it. He’s got a concussion, and there’s a nasty cut on his hairline from where his head hit the window. His side of the vehicle impacted the median of the road, and it caused damage to the left side of his body. He has a couple of fractured ribs, he’s got bruising from the airbag, whiplash, but most concerning, there’s damage to his spleen that we need to watch, but the CT confirmed it wasn’t as major as I first feared.”

“Do you want to admit him?”

“I would like to keep him overnight, especially with his concussion and to keep an eye on his spleen. We’re waiting to get him transferred to the children’s floor, hopefully it shouldn’t be too much longer. You can wait with him until they come to get him.”

Eddie thanks the man, opening the curtain as quietly as possible, and Nate...Nate’s watching him apprehensively, tracking him as he moves, suspicious. The laceration on his forehead really is nasty, large and circled in darkening bruises. There are smaller cuts peppered down his cheek and neck before disappearing under his gown, and his left eye is nearly swollen shut.

He looks awful, but he’s alive, and really, that’s all that matters to Eddie.

“Hey, mijo,” he murmurs, heart clenching when he sees Nate’s bottom lip wobbling. “Jesus, kiddo, you gave us quite the scare.”

“I didn’t-” his voice is soft, hoarse, and he winces, swallowing once. “I didn’t mean to get Chris hurt. Please don’t send me back. I’ll do whatever I have to to stay.”

“Nathan-” Eddie breathes out, hugging his eldest son as tight as he dares, feeling his kid sag in his arms. “Baby, you aren’t going anywhere but upstairs to a room and then home with us when we can take you. I know you aren’t thinking clearly right now, and that everything’s a little jumbled, but Nate, Buck and I? we aren’t at all mad at you, for anything. We wouldn’t be mad at you if the accident had been your fault, and it wasn’t. Athena said the driver beside you swerved into your lane and hit the truck, that’s it.”

“I just wanted to get ice cream,” Nate whispers, and Eddie can hear the tears, feel them getting the collar of his shirt wet. “I didn’t-”

“You were being a good big brother, mijo. We are never planning on you being anything but part of our family, being our kid; nothing you do is going to change that.”

“I thought you were going to hate me.” The confession is said into Eddie’s shirt, and his entire world freezes and he thinks about how scared Nate must have been, waiting for them to come, wondering if they wouldn’t. “I really didn’t want you to hate me.”

“Nunca, mijo. Never. Buck and I will always love you.”

“That’s good,” Nate finally answers. “Because I think I totaled your truck.”

Eddie laughs, the first real sense of normality since Athena’s fateful call. “I needed to replace it soon anyway.”

He stays with Nate until they come to transfer him, promising him either he or Buck will be with him as soon as the nurses allow. He gives him one last kiss on his forehead, one last gentle squeeze on his shoulder, one last “I love you,” and watches the bed until the elevator doors close behind it before retreating back to Chris’ curtain. He’s a little surprised to see Chris dressed in comfy clothes, Buck standing beside him, awkwardly holding his crutches. “What’s going on here?”

“Doc discharged him, and Mads brought them both some clothes from home. Chim called her for us,” Buck explains, handing Chris his crutches when asked. Together, they make their slow way out to the waiting room, where Maddie’s sitting, typing away on her phone. She smiles when she sees them, giving both Eddie and Buck a hug in greeting. “I guess I can go home with Chris, get a quick shower and then come relieve you?”

“Aunt Maddie can take me home,” Chris informs them, grimacing just a bit as he grips his crutches, the walk more painful than usual. “You both need to stay here.”

“Superman-” Buck tries to argue, but Chris stops him with one raised eyebrow.

“Buck, Nate’s the one in the hospital; I’m getting to go home. He’s the one who’s not alright right now. He needs both of you. Aunt Maddie said she and Chim could stay with me already, and you guys can stay here. I want to make sure Nate knows he’s just as important as I am to you guys. I know that, and you know that, but he’s not sure of that right now, and it’s important that we all make sure he knows.”

Eddie knows he and Buck have lost this battle (and seriously, Chris is fourteen; how are they losing battles to fourteen-year-olds?), so he shakes his head when Buck starts to argue with Chris. “You will go home, take a hot shower, and get some rest?”

“That’s the plan.”

“Promise?”

“Dad-”

“Mijo, I don’t want to worry that you aren’t doing what the doctor said while I’m here.”

Chris rolls his eyes, but nods. “I promise. Home, shower, cuddle with Scarlet, and then bed. Aunt Maddie can text you all about my very boring adventures.” He hugs his father, squeezing as much as he can muster. “As long as you take care of Nate.”

“Always, kid.”

--//--//--

Nate wakes sometime during the night, groggy from the meds they’ve given him to help manage the pain while he tries to sleep. Everything feels off, and he’s a little desperate when he looks around, the room empty until he turns his head ever-so-gently, the ache of moving that much starting to build, and he sees them both, sprawled out on the unused bed beside him, both of them facing him, Eddie spooned around Buck, their hands intertwined, resting close to Buck’s heart.

They’ve stayed.

It’s what Eddie promised him, when he was still confused, still worried that everything was his fault and they were going to send him away, but somehow, waking up now, more clear headed, it means something more.

It means everything.

They’ve stayed.

#My writing #buddieweek2020 #buddie fic #Buddie #evan buckley #Eddie Diaz #christopher diaz #original character #I Hate Accidents series #9-1-1 #9-1-1 Fox #911 #9-1-1 fanfiction #fanfic

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derplord · 4 years

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Buddie Prompt Idea:

Things are still a little tense between Buck and the team after the lawsuit. He's still getting stuck with chores and cold shoulders.

Buck is leaving the station, he's got two days off before coming back in to work. He doesn't want to go home though, there's nothing for him to do except wallow in sadness because his family is ignoring him. So he goes for a night drive instead to distract himself.

Buck isn't sure how long he's been driving, but he finds himself on the winding back roads up in the mountains. Suddenly there's an asshole driver tailgating behind him (or coming towards him up to the writer) shit happens and Buck ends up losing control of his Jeep and ends up going over the side of the cliff.

It's bad. Buck is initially knocked out from the impact and tumbling. When he comes to, the sun is starting to rise, his Jeep miraculously got stuck on some larger boulders but only just so. He's afraid if he moves it'll send the vehicle tumbling ever further into the ravine. Speaking of the ravine, his vehicle is nearly vertical, meaning he's staring straight down into the mouth of it from the driver's seat. He already banged up and bruised from the first fall and Buck isn't sure he'd be lucky enough to survive a second. He can't find his phone. Which means he can't call for help. He's off for two days, and being on the outs with the team means he didn't have plans to hang out with anyone. Which means he's stuck here until some passerby notices the damage, or until someone realizes something is wrong when he doesn't show up for work…

If Buck cries, well, there's no one around to see it.

On the day Buck is supposed to show up for work he's already been trapped for two days, exposed to the elements. He screams his throat raw trying to get anyone's attention. It doesn't work. Back at the firehouse the team is a bit miffed that Buck doesn't show up for his shift but the day is too hectic for them to really be concerned about it. Buck will just get chewed out tomorrow.

The next day, when Buck still hasn't shown up half way through the shift with no call, that's when they start to worry. But before anyone can do anything about it the alarm goes off and they have to rush out for another call. Bobby is filling them in on what little details they have as they drive to their destination, a vehicle gone over the edge of a cliff. When they get to the scene Bobby is barking orders and Eddie goes to the edge of the cliff to assess the situation of the vehicle and his heart feels like it has stopped in his chest, his blood running cold. He'd recognize that Jeep anywhere. He whips back around to the team, eyes wide with panic, "that's Buck's Jeep".

They're all terrified of what they might find down there as they race to get to the vehicle.

And this is where my imagination decided to stop running wild and I leave the rest up to you amazing writers. I feel like there would be lots of tears and apologies as the team try and get Buck out without sending the car to the pit below. And of course lots of hugs and some love confessions from Eddie once Buck is safe (I can't handle angst if it doesn't have a happy ending). So yeah, feel free to take this and run wild!

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #9 1 1 show #9 1 1 #firefam #derps prompts

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horrible-writer-rain · 3 years

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Away From the Edge Part 1

Trigger Warning: Attempted Suicide

A/N: This is unedited.

He was tired. Tired of the glares and harsh words from the people he called family. Tired of going home to an empty apartment because Luca was overseas on some mission that was classified. Tired of being the man behind when all he wanted was to save people. To do the one thing he was good at. He left a voicemail for Luca and one to both Luca’s twin sister and brother in Texas. His grip is tight on the railing but not from a fear of failing. No, he had resigned himself that he was going to die but only when he’s ready. He hopes Chris will forgive him, but he had written him a letter and had left it on his counter with Carla’s name on it. He knew she would give it to him. Luca would be pissed and heartbroken, but he had a good support system in their old team, his family, and his crew in Austin. He had left letters for the crew of the 118 as well. Left them on the counter as well. He had written a letter for every person in his life that he loved. It was up to them if they read it or not.

He lets out a breath when he hears a car stop. “Sir, please step away back over the railing.” He felt like he could cry. He knew that voice. “I’m good right where I am, ‘Thena.” He calls opening his eyes to look down. It was about a 40ft drop into freezing water so if the impact didn’t kill him then the hypothermia and subsequent drowning would. “Buck?” He hears her come closer. “What are you doing here, baby?” She asks and he shrugs. “I’m tired ‘Thena.” He tells her as a firetruck pulls up. “Anyone I can call?” She asks stepping closer and he shakes his head. “Stay where you are ‘Thena.” He warns and she stops moving. “Just you Bobby. Keep the others back.” He hears her speak into her radio. The 118 must have responded. Fuck. It was bad enough that he was going to jump in front of Athena but now his crew. The ones who have thrown insults and petty jabs his way. The ones who had a hand in causing this. His grip loosens and Athena lets out a strangled noise. “It’s Okay, ‘Thena.” He tries to reassure her.

“Why’d you have the rest of the crew stay back, Athena?” He hears Bobby, no captain Nash say his tone weary. He knows exactly when Captain Nash spots him. His breath audibly hitching. “Buck?” The use of his nickname and the concern in his voice has him letting out a harsh laugh. “It’s Buck now, is it?” He says finally turning around to face him. “Buck, you don’t have to do this.” He says stepping closer, but Athena holds her arm out. “Why should I listen to you? You’ve done nothing but belittle me since I got back. This isn’t your house, so I don’t have to follow your rules.” His voice is calm, and he looks over to where Hen, Chim, and Eddie have gotten out of the truck. He can see the horror in Hen’s eyes, and he feels kind of bad. She was the one who he confided in the most about being away from Luca. They had eventually bonded over their similar sexualities and marriages to people of the same sex.

“Eddie get me a harness.” Captain Nash says and he sees Eddie falter for a second before following the order. Chim stands beside Hen watching with wide eyes. No doubt trying to figure out how to explain what happened to Maddie. Hen is gripping her med bag tightly. “Think about the people that love you, Buck. Think about your family.” Captain Nash says and he turns his gaze once more to his captain. “My family consists of Luca Rizzoli and his family.” He says and Captain Nash shakes his head. “You’ve got us Buck.” Eddie says as he hands over the harness to his captain. He lets out another humorless laugh. “I’ve not had you since the bombing. I thought you were my best friend. But friends don’t call each other exhausting or shove them around. Family doesn’t belittle anything that’s ever happened to a member of said family.” Eddie looks guilty at his words. “Captain Nash, I used to think of you as a father figure. Now, I see that your no better than my own damn father who didn’t give a single shit about me. In a way this is your fault. You chose to lie to me about what happened. So, the only way I saw to get back to my family was to fight for it. I turned down 7 million dollars to get back to my family. It was never even about the money. I just wanted you back.” He pauses to take a breath before continuing.

“I knew it wasn’t going to be easy and I accepted that you all would be mad at me. I just didn’t expect for it to last a few months and involve being assaulted. You chose to leave me as the man behind. At first, I was fine with it. I knew you didn’t trust me. I figured I’d need to earn your trust back, but you never gave me the chance. Then after a while it just started to hurt. You had taken away my ability to help people in a way I loved. I wasn’t being shot at or have the threat of getting blown up and I wasn’t in some active warzone halfway across the world.” Captain Nash had put on the harness as he was talking but never took his eyes of him.

“Please, let us make this right.” Captain Nash pleads with him, but he shakes his head resolved to do what he had come here.

━━━━━━»»•••««━━━━━━

Athena’s phone goes off and he can see her struggle of whether to answer the phone or not. She answers it and her eyes widen. “It’s for you buck.” She says as she puts it on speaker. “Cariño talk to me.” The voice on the other end sounds concerned and slightly out of breath. He swallows around the forming lump in his throat. “Lu I-” His words are cut off as a shiver wracks through him. “I’m coming Cariño, don’t do anything stupid until I get there alright.” The voice says and he nods. “Alright.” The person on the phone lets out a breath before hanging up the phone. His jeep then comes into view before a figure in military fatigues is jumping out of the vehicle. The figure rushes over to where he and the others are at. “Move.” The figure demands grabbing onto Buck.

“I’m here, Cariño. Can you make it back over the railing?” The figure asks and he shakes his head. His body was starting to shake from exhaustion. The previous 24-hour shift and how ever long he was up here finally catch up to him. “Okay, can someone get me a harness?” The figure asks and Captain Nash hesitates, but Eddie follows through with the orders. “I’m a firefighter with the 126 and I used to be apart of BFD. I’m certified Captain and I’m not letting any of you touch him.” The figure snaps and keeps one hand on Buck as Eddie helps put the harness on. “Okay, Cariño. I need you to turn around slowly for me. Can you do that?” The figure asks and he nods turning around slowly. His foot slips and he can feel the figure’s, no his husband’s, grip tighten on him. “It’s okay, Lu.” He says lifting his arms a little so his husband can get his arms around him. He tries to help lift himself, but his husband tells him to relax so he does. Once over the edge arms wrap around him fully and he breathes in his husband. He flinches away from any other hands. “No! Don’t touch me!” He cries pushing closer to his husband startling the person reaching for him and the hands are drawn back quickly.

“I need to check him over.” Hen says eyeing Buck with worry, but his husband shakes his head. “I’m dual certified as a paramedic and firefighter. I also have some military medic training. Based on what I’ve observed he’s just dehydrated and exhausted.” His husband says running a hand up and down his back. He can her Hen move not arguing but Captain Nash and Eddie protest with Eddie trying to figure out the relationship between him and his husband. “Who are you?” Eddie asks defensively the anger clear in his voice. He flinches at the tone whimpering softly into his husband’s chest despite being almost the same height with his husband being 2 inches shorter. “My name is Luca. I’m Buck’s husband and I need you to back off. You aren’t helping.” His husband says and he finds his hands gripping his shirt tighter. He hears Hen come back and set something down before he hears his husbands voice in his ear. “I need to start an IV, but I need to get you into the Ambulance first. I’m not going anywhere.” He’s brought to a sense of panic at his husband’s words, but he nods his head in understanding.

He would have to go to the hospital. His breakdown would come much later. When he was finally alone with his husband and away from everybody else. “Can you walk?” He shakes his head and can’t help a small smile at his husband’s fond sigh. “You’re going to make me carry your 6’2 self over my shoulder.” He nods in response and his husband gets to his feet with him still clinging to him, but his legs go around his waist.

The others don’t comment on what they are witnessing and he’s glad. He didn’t need anymore “teasing” from them right now. He feels his husband climb into the ambulance and sit down on the gurney. “Can the paramedic hook you up to an IV?” He nods again sticking his arm out for Hen. She’s careful where she touches him only in places that are necessary to get the IV in. He closes his eyes and settles back against his husband.

The ride to the hospital was silent and filled with tension. He puts up a fight when they try to separate him from Luca. Enough that they have to sedate him. He fights the sedative for as long as he can his husband’s worried face the last thing he sees before finally succumbing to the sedative. He knew his husband would be there when he awoke or at least he hoped and that this was not all some dream.

#911 fox #9 1 1 lone star #post lawsuit #post tsunami #post bombing #post embolism

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lopithecusfanfiction · 4 years

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My Favorite Place Is Inside Your Hug: Chapter One

Author: Lopithecus Pairing: Evan “Buck” Buckley/Eddie Diaz Rating: Explicit Word Count: 3113 Alternate: AO3 Summary: “’Eddie,’ it’s Chimney who speaks this time but everyone’s voices still sound far away, as if they’re behind some kind of glass wall. ‘Eddie, Hen and I need to check you out.’

‘Chim wait!’ Bobby’s warning comes too late. Chimney touches Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie just reacts, swinging his elbow back and knocking Chimney in the nose. Chimney grunts, falling back onto his bottom, nose bleeding.

Hen lunges for Chimney while Buck lunges to grab a hold of Eddie again, forcibly tilting Eddie’s head down into his shoulder.”

When Eddie gets stuck in a hole while trying to rescue a kid, he remembers Afghanistan and how many people were lost. Luckily he has Buck in his corner to help him get through the memories. Warnings:

Hurt/Comfort

PTSD

Author's Note: So… I wasn’t originally going to write this but then I couldn’t stop thinking about it and well… it was downhill from there. Yes, I was inspired by the “Eddie Begins” episode for the whole falling into a well/hole ordeal. ;) I hope you enjoy!

Eddie isn’t exactly sure how he got into this predicament. One minute he’s helping a child out of a hole and the next, his harness is snapping and he’s falling right back into said hole. Luckily, he was close enough to the top that Hen and Chimney could grab the kid before he too fell back with Eddie but unlucky enough for Buck to not be fast enough to catch Eddie. So Eddie finds himself falling, feet first, and hitting his head on the sides of the hole. Thankfully he’s wearing his helmet.

He tries to brace himself for the impact of the ground but the hit to his head makes him dizzy for a few seconds and he lands haphazardly in the dirt, rolling onto his side with a pain-filled groan. He knew he should have let Buck come down instead.

“Eddie!” he hears Buck’s call but he’s too out of it to answer. Instead, he lies there for several seconds, waiting for the pain in his legs and head to go away. Except they don’t and suddenly he’s very concerned about his own well being. Eddie doesn’t think he’ll be able to get out on his own.

Struggling to roll onto his back, Eddie squints his eyes open. Buck and Bobby are peering down at him, concerned looks on their faces. He slowly raises a hand and gives them a thumbs up. “I’m okay.”

Buck is still frowning but Bobby steps out of view, saying something to Buck. “Do you think you’ll be able to harness yourself back up if I throw one down to you?” Buck asks and Eddie almost, almost, wants to laugh at the whole thing. Though he’s not even really sure what’s so funny about the situation. By the look on Buck’s face, the younger man doesn’t know either.

“I think I’m pretty banged up here, Buck.” He takes a deep breath and tries to sit up. It’s hard but he manages somehow. The exertion takes the wind out of him though and he’s left there panting. He’s probably got a couple of bruised ribs. “I don’t think I’m going to be doing much of anything.”

Buck’s frown deepens but he yells down to Eddie to hold on and then disappears. Eddie refrains from yelling up to him that he has nowhere to go. With a sigh, Eddie looks around. It’s dark and there’s not much to see but dirt. It reminds him of Afghanistan and a surprisingly very similar situation. Although, at the time, he wasn’t the one stuck and was the one doing the rescuing. Still, he might as well have been stuck with how much of a disaster that mission turned out. A lot of people had died. He almost died.

Taking a deep breath to try and calm his beating heart, Eddie lifts his hand from his aching side and looks at it. His glove is covered in blood. Eddie hadn’t even realized he’d gotten hurt that bad though he supposes that landing on rocks would do that. With a swallow that feels thick in his throat, he presses his hand back to his side. He’s starting to shake and his heart is racing. He knows what’s about to happen. He knows because he still wakes up screaming sometimes, with blood on his hands and gunshots ringing in his ears.

“Guys!” he calls, already feeling himself slip away. “I… I need to get out of here.” He’s gasping for breath by this point and shaking violently. There’s so much blood.

Buck’s voice sounds far away, muffled by sounds of explosions and screams. “Don’t worry, I’m going to come down and get you.”

Eddie blinks, trying to clear his head but the walls are closing in and people are dying around him. He closes his eyes tightly and presses into his wound, trying to ground himself back to reality. “It’s not real. It’s not happening,” he repeats over and over the mantra his therapist told him after he had come home from the war. “It’s…” he can’t breathe. All Eddie smells is blood.

Dirt clinks on top of his helmet and Eddie’s hands fly up to cover his head, hearing the resounding bang from an explosion overhead. He can hear someone yell to take cover and Eddie folds into himself, ignoring the pain in his side. Someone is saying his name. Touching him. Touching his face.

“Eddie!” Eddie blinks and there in front of him is Buck. He doesn’t know what he’s doing here.

“Buck?” But Buck can’t be here. He’s going to get killed. He’s going to get shot or blown up. He has to leave. “You have to-”

Buck is looking confused and he grabs a hold of Eddie’s shoulders, gripping tight. “Grab onto me.”

Eddie does as instructed without question, wrapping his arms around Buck’s shoulders and burying his face in the crook of his neck to drown out the sounds and sights. The extra harness that Buck is carrying doesn’t even register in Eddie’s mind.

They’re slowly pulled up, Buck’s hands firmly on Eddie’s waist to keep them steady. When their feet leave the ground, Buck grunts and shifts his hold to accommodate Eddie’s weight but he doesn’t complain. It doesn’t take Bobby and the others long to get the two up and out of the hole. Bobby and Chimney grab a hold of Buck and drag the two away from it, Eddie refusing to let go of Buck.

“Eddie,” Buck says soothingly, one hand on his back and the other on his helmet. Eddie feels like he’s suffocating and he keeps his face buried in Buck’s neck, hands gripping the back of Buck’s shirt tightly.

“Eddie,” it’s Chimney who speaks this time but everyone’s voices still sound far away, as if they’re behind some kind of glass wall. “Eddie, Hen and I need to check you out.”

“Chim wait!” Bobby’s warning comes too late. Chimney touches Eddie’s shoulder and Eddie just reacts, swinging his elbow back and knocking Chimney in the nose. Chimney grunts, falling back onto his bottom, nose bleeding.

Hen lunges for Chimney while Buck lunges to grab a hold of Eddie again, forcibly tilting Eddie’s head down into his shoulder. Eddie is shaking wildly and still gasping for breath. He reaches up to claw at his helmet. “I need… I need this off. I can’t… I can’t breathe. Buck, I can’t…”

“I’ve got it.” Buck helps him with his helmet, letting it fall to the ground with a muted thud. Buck’s hand immediately cards through Eddie’s sweat-drenched hair, massaging his head to calm him. “What’s going on?” Somehow, Eddie knows the question isn’t directed towards him so he doesn’t bother trying to answer. Instead, he lets himself be held tightly, slowly calming in Buck’s embrace.

Bobby is the one who answers, addressing the entire team. He’s sounding closer now, not so muffled. “I think he’s experiencing a PTSD episode.”

“PTSD?” Buck asks, hand still smoothing out Eddie’s hair. “He’s never shown signs before.”

He hears Bobby take a deep breath but Hen is the one that continues the conversation. “PTSD can manifest in different ways. Triggers could be a multitude of things. There’s no real answer on how it works. Something down there must have reminded him of something to cause…” she trails off for a beat and then, “I think he’s starting to come back. Eddie?” He hears her approach slowly. “Can you hear me?”

Eddie licks his lips, ignores the fact that his tongue grazes Buck’s skin, and nods. Shakily, he pulls back from Buck. “Yeah, yeah… I’m sorry.”

Hen gives him a reassuring smile. “No need to be sorry.” Her eyes skirt to his hands before going back to his face. “Can Chimney and I touch you? We need to look you over.”

That’s when Eddie realizes he’s still got a death grip on Buck’s shirt. He lets go quickly, clearing his throat. “Yeah.”

He sits there as he’s prodded, avoiding looking at Chimney and his already swollen nose. It turns out, the cut on his side is superficial and only requires a few bandages but no stitches. His mind had tricked him on how much blood had really been on his hand and suddenly he feels pretty embarrassed. When they’re done, Eddie finally looks up at Chimney.

“I’m sorry about your nose,” he apologizes as he gets up from the ground slowly.

Chimney shrugs. “I’ve had worse.” They both chuckle and Chimney pats him on the shoulder to show Eddie there are no hard feelings. “Come on, let’s get back. You look like you could use some rest.”

Taking a deep breath, Eddie bends over to pick up his helmet and follows Chimney back to the firetruck, trying to ignore Buck’s eyes on him.

*~~~*

At the end of their shift, Eddie sits in the locker room, already changed into his civilian clothes. Bobby had put him on light duty for the rest of the day and in normal circumstances, Eddie would have complained, but with the afternoon that he had, he was thankful for the consideration.

He startles slightly when someone knocks on the doorframe and he turns to see Buck standing there, peering into the room. “You okay?”

“Yeah.” Eddie stands and closes his locker door. Buck watches him for a brief second before nodding and turning away. Eddie stops him, panic clutching at his chest. “Buck, wait!” Buck stops and turns back to face him, eyebrows raised in question. “Do you want to come over tonight?” Eddie shrugs. “I’m going to have nightmares and I don’t want them to wake Christopher for the hundr-”

Buck cuts him off. “Yeah, sure. I get it.”

Eddie nods his thanks and follows Buck out. Of course, Buck understands. Afterall he is the one that had a ladder truck fall on top of him and survived a tsunami. They get into Eddie’s truck and he drives them to his house, already dreading having to put up a front in front of Christopher. He knows his son is smart and will most likely sense something is wrong, he always does, but Eddie hopes to hide most of it from him.

“Dad!” Christopher immediately goes up to Eddie as soon as he steps foot into the house and then beelines it to Buck once he realizes he’s there too, giving him a big hug.

“Hey Buddy!” Buck says enthusiastically and picks Christopher up, twirling him around. “Guess who’s going to make supper tonight?”

“Hopefully not Dad,” Christopher says and Eddie places a hand on his chest, mock hurt.

Buck is smiling wide and cheerfully, sucking in a breath from between his teeth. “You feeling alright from that burn, Eddie?”

“You two are cruel,” Eddie says goodnaturedly, chuckling.

Buck sets Christopher down and directs him to go finish his homework. “So, what do you want to eat?”

“You don’t have to do that,” Eddie informs him.

Buck shrugs, looking in the refrigerator. “I want to.”

Carla decides that’s the perfect time to show up in the kitchen. “Hey you two.”

Eddie looks at her disheveled form. “What happened to you?”

“Your son decided he wanted to play with the water guns.” She laughs, looking down at her damp shirt. “He’s a good aim.”

“Learned from the best, I’m sure,” Buck comments.

Eddie frowns. “I would never teach him that.”

Carla and Buck stare at Eddie for a few seconds before Buck speaks up. “Eddie, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-”

“It’s fine.” Eddie opens one of the pantries and reaches in to get a spaghetti box. “How about spaghetti? We can’t mess that up, can we?”

Buck is still frowning but he takes the box anyway. “I can’t mess it up. You on the other hand…”

Eddie rolls his eyes and relents, stepping away from the stove. “Thank you, Carla, for watching Christopher today.” He leans down and gives her a hug which she gladly embraces him in. He then turns back to Buck who has started to boil some water. “If you’re going to be insistent on making us supper, I’m going to go take a shower.” The only answer Eddie receives is a small nod. With a heavy sigh, he heads to the bathroom and takes a much needed hot shower.

Thankfully, during supper, Buck takes it upon himself to entertain Christopher. That leaves Eddie with the ability to sit there in mostly silence as the two of them chat enthusiastically, with Christopher only asking Eddie a couple questions here and there. When supper is done, Buck orders both him and Christopher to the living room and to fire up a game while Buck cleans up the dishes. Eddie tries to protest but Buck is hearing none of it.

Eddie lets Buck and Christopher play a game and instead chooses to sit back and watch. Buck throws Eddie a suspicious look but Eddie ignores him, lying his head back against the couch. Before he knows it, he is fast asleep.

Bombs are going off around him and people are screaming in pain. Eddie skids to a halt next to a man with one of his legs blown off. “Hold on. I’ve got you.” The man, John Shepard, grabs a hold of the front of his army jacket, pulling Eddie closer to him, struggling to talk. “Hold on,” Eddie says again. “Just hold on!”

“Eddie.” Eddie startles awake, taking a gulp of air as he sits up. One of Buck’s hands is on his shoulder while the other is held up in a calming gesture. “Hey, it’s okay. You were just dreaming.”

“Christopher?”

“I put him to bed about an hour ago,” Buck answers and Eddie allows his shoulders to relax. “You were fast asleep, man. I didn’t want to wake you.” Eddie doesn’t know what to say. He’s thankful for his friendship with Buck. He doesn’t know what he would do without him.

Eddie looks into Buck’s eyes, blinking tiredly. “Thanks.”

“It’s no problem.” Buck studies him, one hand still on Eddie’s shoulder. “Hey, come here.” Buck pulls Eddie into him, allowing Eddie to drop his head to his shoulder and bury his face in the crook where the neck meets the shoulder.

They stay like that for several minutes, Eddie soaking in Buck’s calming presence. Buck smells good. He smells like soap from his shower at the fire department but there’s still a hint of smoke and sweat. It was a hot day that has turned into a hot night and Eddie knows Buck runs warm. Eddie moves his head slightly, burrowing more into Buck to better smell him. He doesn’t know if he’s being discreet enough but somehow, Eddie really doesn’t care at the moment. He’s warm and comforting and Eddie wants to stay here for eternity.

“You tired?” Buck’s voice rumbles through him and Eddie nods against him. “Here.” Buck cups the back of Eddie’s head and neck, sliding down the couch so that the two of them are lying down, Eddie on top of Buck.

Eddie pushes up and looks down at Buck. Buck licks his lips, hands still on the back of Eddie’s head and neck. “Buck…” he swallows. “Don’t you think this is a little… awkward?”

Buck shrugs. “I’m just a friend trying to comfort another friend. That’s all.”

“Buck…” Eddie trails off, not knowing what to say. With a frustrated sigh, Eddie lowers his head to Buck’s chest, forehead pressing into him. “Buck… I…”

“It’s okay, Eddie.” Eddie looks back up and Buck gives him a small smile. There’s a twinkle in his eyes that Eddie doesn’t want to think about too closely.

“This is insane.”

“If it helps.” Buck shrugs again. “Why not? Come on.” Buck pulls at Eddie’s neck, encouraging him to lie down.

Heart hammering in his chest, Eddie complies and lowers his head once more, grazing his cheek against Buck’s. They had been on an eighteen hour shift so Buck hasn’t shaved yet. Both their stubbles scratch against the sides of their faces and, God, Eddie loves the feel of it. He’s breathing right into Buck’s ear, panting really, and he can feel Buck’s breath tickling the hair at the nape of his neck. Eddie can also feel how hard Buck is through his jeans. He’s not faring any better.

Licking his lips, he drags his cheek back up against Buck’s and stops when his mouth just barely skirts over Buck’s, their noses touching. “God, I want to kiss you,” he breathes, eyes shut.

The hand in his hair travels down and stops on his lower back. Buck massages Eddie’s neck and holds him tighter. “What’s stopping you?”

“You.”

With how close they are, Eddie can feel the confusion against his face. “Me?”

“I didn’t know if you…” With a frustrated breath, Eddie pulls back in order to see Buck’s face. It’s bright red, which he hadn’t been expecting but can’t help but chuckle at. “I didn’t think you…” he searches for the word and when love comes to his brain, he shies away from it. Instead he says, “felt the same.”

“You know, if you had asked me a couple months ago, I would have obliviously said that I didn’t,” Buck tells him. “But after everything…” Buck shakes his head. “With the lawsuit and you going to shady fight clubs,” Eddie rolls his eyes, “I’ve realized how much you mean to me. You and Christopher.” Once again, Eddie is rendered speechless, not knowing what to say. Slowly, a mischievous smile pulls at the sides of Buck’s mouth. “Are you going to kiss me now?”

With an amused huff, Eddie lowers himself until their mouths touch, kissing Buck softly. As hard as they both are at the moment, Eddie doesn’t think he can muster up the energy to do much more than that and thankfully, Buck seems to understand that because he’s the first one to pull away. Buck cards his fingers through Eddie’s hair. “Do you want to stay here or go to bed?” Buck asks and then quickly adds, “To sleep! Nothing else.”

Eddie chuckles and lays his head back down on Buck’s shoulder. “I’m in love with you,” he mumbles softly.

He can feel the laugh that goes through Buck’s body by the way his shoulders shake. “What?” he asks, not having heard Eddie correctly.

“Here.” Eddie sighs, finally feeling more relaxed than he has in hours. He closes his eyes and snuggles closer. “I want to stay here.”

Buck kisses his temple and though Eddie knows they’ll have to talk about things in the morning, from his PTSD to what they are doing currently, at the moment he’s perfectly content to fall asleep in Buck’s arms where he knows he is safe.

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A/N: Thank you for reading! I hope you all enjoyed it!

#Buddie #Evan Buckley #Eddie Diaz #911 #Buck #My Favorite Place Is Inside Your Hug #My Fanfiction

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seaofashes · 5 years

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Literally 1-4 could work together it doesn't have to be all of them but I just couldn't pick which one. Love your writing.

"Hey Eds." Buck said casually answering his phone.

"I need a favor." Eddie said on the other end of the phone.

"Uh...o-kaaay. What kind of favor we talking?" Buck asked suddenly intrigued. Eddie sighed out a bit annoyed before continuing.

"I need you to come over. It's a bit of a long story but to make it short I need you here in the next like 15 minutes before my parents get here. There in town and I...really don't want to deal with them today." Eddie said talking kinda fast.

"No worries man, I'm on my way." Buck answered.

"Thanks Buck."

"That's what friends are for right?" Buck said as he grinned and started his Jeep, tossing his phone into the seat as they hung up.

"Look if they ask anything-" Eddie started but was cut off.

"We have reservations that can't be cancelled and it's one of the only nights we have off so we can't reschedule date night. Carla is watching Christopher and we are getting ready to leave because we have to be there by 7:15." Buck said casually as Eddie helped him with his tie. Eddie nodded and stepped back to look at his handiwork.

"Try not too screw this up yeah?"

"I'm offended you think so lowly of me." Buck rolled his eyes.

"Actually the opposite, that's the reason I called you. I could have called someone else. Just seriously please don't be a smartass with them Buck, they get on my case enough as is." Eddie huffed as he did his own tie.

"Look I'm only here to establish an alibi...more specifically your alibi Eddie. But don't worry I'll bite my tongue and behave." Buck said as he leaned against the wall and looked at his best friend. Damn did he look good in that suit.

"I know you're always a good lil golden retriever Buck. So just keep it cool for a few minutes, just long enough to get rid of them okay?"

"So I'm wearing a suit just because you need to lie to your parents? And why has everyone just decided that I'm a human golden retriever?" Buck said throwing his hands up pouting.

"That look right there, you look like an adorable little confused puppy. Plus you've got a heart of gold Buckaroo. You're a puppy boy." Eddie laughed, completely ignoring the first question. Buck shook his head and mumbled something to himself as he took something out of Eddie's hair earning an odd look from his friend. Buck just shrugged a shoulder.

Before Eddie could say anything there was a knock at the door. "Be right there!"

Eddie made his way to the door and opened it pretending to be surprised. Aunt Pepa had called Eddie ahead of time to warn him his parents would be headed his way soon.

"Uh...hey. What are you guys doing here?" Eddie asked as he hugged his mother and shook his father's hand.

"Is that any way to greet your parents?" His father grumbled and Eddie sighed inwardly.

"Sweetheart why are you dressed up?" His mother asked taking in his appearance.

"I've got dinner plans tonight." Eddie shrugged and tried to back away as his mother fussed with his hair.

"Oh? And who's the lucky lady?" She asked but his father simply scoffed. "No, you're just trying to get out of dealing with us huh?"

"Hey Eds? We gotta get going soon or we'll be late." Buck called out as he came around the corner and stopped as he looked at his parents. Eddie silently thanked Buck for his timing of coming around the corner.

"W-who is this?" Both parents said at the same time.

"Mom..pop...this is Buck." Eddie said as he motioned for Buck to come over, Buck taking a spot close to Eddie.

"Buck? Kind of a strange name." His father mumbled and Eddie bit the inside of his cheek.

"It's uh...it's actually Evan but everyone calls me Buck." Buck said smoothly as he held out a hand to Eddie's father who reluctantly shook his hand. Eddie's mother smiled politely and glanced between them.

"This is the young man you work with isn't it?"

"Yes, it is." Eddie said curtly getting a feeling that this conversation was about to go into a direction he didn't want.

"Isn't that against policies?" His father remarked.

"Actually as long as the captain clears it and feels it won't Impact your ability to do your job no it's not." Buck said with a shrug of his shoulder.

"Eddie I thought you were past this?" The man said ignoring Buck who felt Eddie tense next to him.

"I'm a grown man and I am not having this conversation with you, either of you right now." Eddie said clinching his jaw.

"We have talked about this before and we will again, I don't think it's fair to you or this family especially your so-"

"Sir with all due respect, if my father couldn't beat my bisexuality out of me growing up I don't think anyone will change it. For anyone. You can have all the conversations in the world but it won't change who you are as a person. It doesn't change anything about me, it doesn't change anything about Eddie. And it sure as hell doesn't change how great of a father he is to Christopher and I will have you know me and that boy get along beautifully so I don't think it really matters to him." Buck said as he placed a gentle hand on Eddie's shoulder as he spoke calmly. "Now it's great to meet you but it's our only day off and we have dinner reservations at 7:15 so we have to finish getting ready."

"I think it's time for us to go, we'll be at your abuela's but we will be seeing you soon Edmundo." His father said as he grabbed his mother's hand and they left. Eddie sighed as he leaned against the wall.

"Buck-"

"I'd prefer not to talk about it right now okay? Now can I please get out of this suit?" Buck groaned and Eddie couldn't stop the little laugh that escaped him.

"No can do Buck."

"What? Why?" He said confused.

"Because we actually have dinner reservations at 7:15. I'm driving." Eddie said as he walked away to retrieve his wallet and keys leaving Buck standing at the door, mouth open slightly and confusion setting in...was he going on an actual date with Eddie?

Buck sat there swishing the wine in his glass around slightly, he could feel Eddie's eyes on him.

"You're upset.."

"I...no I'm not I just kinda wish you would have told me this was an actual date before hand." Buck said looking up at Eddie.

"I mean I did. I wasn't lying when I told you what we were telling my parents."

"Yeah okay fair point, however I thought I was just being used as an alibi."

"Buck you'd never just be used as an alibi with me, you should know that by now man. But look if this bothers you too much we can go?" Eddie said and he couldn't help the bit of disappointment that crept into his features.

"What! No it's fine, it doesn't bother me Eddie. It's all good, we're good." Buck smiled that beautiful smile Eddie loved so much, and eyes fluttering as he looked across the table at Eddie. "Guess I'm just a bit surprised."

"Well don't be, I really like you okay? And so does Christopher." Eddie said as he took a drink and smiled and Buck's heart nearly exploded. He didn't see Eddie smile like that enough but it took his breath away every time he did.

Eddie went to say something else when his phone rang. "Hello?"

Eddie pulled the phone away from his ear for a moment, a momentary look of horror crossing his face before bringing the phone back to his ear.

"But-" Eddie stopped as he was cut off. "Cap come on nononono I don't need it off, neither of us do. Please call them back and say we're short staffed or something." Eddie pleaded and Buck looked at him, resting his chin on his hand.

"Fine...yeah...see you then." Eddie sighed and hung up as he muttered something in Spanish.

"Soooo..." Buck asked, brows raising a bit.

"They called Bobby." Eddie said miserably.

"Oh? And?"

"We now have tomorrow off, Jackson and Romero are filling in for us. Day after tomorrow Cap wants to talk to us first thing in the morning." Eddie said and Buck groaned.

"Shit.... okay. Okay wait....hang on I have a solution!" Buck said and Eddie's eyes lit up.

"Thank God.." Eddie exclaimed.

"It involves fire."

"Absolutely not?"

"Eds come on!"

"No Buck." Eddie shook his head incredibly. This was the guy he was in love with.

"Okay okay...what if I got stabbed? I'm still on blood thinners. Nothing major but like a shallow one?"

"Evan!" Eddie exclaimed and earned some looks from people at nearby tables.

"I'm joking don't get your panties twisted babe." Buck snorted as he took another drink and laughed a little.

"Hopefully tomorrow goes better than today did with them. Plus we'll have Christopher on our side, I dare them to try something with him there." Eddie said.

"True, he's a great kid man. You're a good Dad." Buck said smiling.

"So are you." Eddie said quietly and Buck dropped the glass in his hand, already profusely apologising to the waitress who came over and cleaned the glass.

"See this is why we can't have nice things Buckley. What am I going to do with you huh?" Eddie joked playfully. Buck smiled sheepishly, his smile faltering as he noticed the blood on his hand.

"Eddie...you still got that first aid kit in the truck?"

"Yeah why?" Eddie asked, not hiding the concern in his voice. Buck held up his hand showing him before grabbing a napkin and putting it to the cut.

Both men got up, Buck heading out to the truck and Eddie paying the bill before meeting Buck outside. The cut wasn't deep and they got the bleeding under control fairly quick but Eddie still kept asking if Buck felt okay.

"Eds I'm okay, it'll heal up in no time."

"I'm still going to worry Buck. Even before you were on thinners I worried. You sure you feel okay?" Eddie asked as he didn't move from where he stood in front of Buck who sat in the passenger seat sideways, legs hanging out the door.

"I'm fine Eddie...could use a kiss to make it better though." Buck mumbled as he glanced up at Eddie who laughed quietly as he leaned in and brushed his lips against Buck's gently, a hand resting on his jaw. Buck leaned forward a bit more deepening the kiss and both smiled as they broke away.

"Just to make it clear...we are dating now right?"

"Yeah Buck, we're most definitely dating now." Eddie said as he pecked Buck's lips again, arms wrapped around him.

"Ready to go home?" Eddie asked gently and Buck nodded as he hugged Eddie a little bit tighter.

"I already am though." Buck whispered in his ear and Eddie smiled.

Yeah...Eddie could definitely get use to this.

#prompt #prompts #seaofashes prompt fill #buck #eddie #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckely #911onfox #911 #911 on fox #I hope you guys like this!#christopher #my young angel #and others too #are mentioned #slight tw #brief mention of past abuse #bi babies

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