#with this little and I cannot get better if I cannot live and I cannot live if I cannot get better and you know how it goes...

[dasketcherz]

alright so indulge with me on this real quick:

frankly, if it was a situation where Hugo loses Var in an accident or from an event out of their control, he wouldn't revert back to his old ways. He'd probably continue trying to live his life the way Varian would have wanted him to, as Hugo's way of honoring his memory and everythin. Being good is something Varian saw in him, so he will continue to cling to that for him even when he's lost him

but—if it was a case scenario like Varian getting abducted by bandits and shit, he might actually just play, not dirty—play nasty with these people just to get Varian back cuz he cannot afford to completely lose Varian for real, he will not let that frfr

in any other situation, Hugo wouldn't feel too bad about playing nasty on other people—let alone go out of his way to do so because he wants to save someone else other than himself for once—but also, he respects and adores Varian so much that what he thinks of him matter to Hugo a lot so if Varian sees him fight dirty adjacent to borderline villainous when in the middle of rescuing him, I imagine he'd apologize to Varian that he had to see that and thinks Var might think he's undoing all the progress he's made of walking a better path but as soon as he helps V free himself—Varian cups his face and gives him a long passionate kiss to convey that "no, I understand" then when he finally pulls away a little just to speak but their lips still brush together, he just whispers "I would've done the same for you" with an air of softness in his voice while caressing Hugo's cheek cuz nobody gets them the way they do each other

i think new memories (varigo) would be the type who'd choose to let the world burn if it meant not losing one another—they'd be each other's moral anchor as much as be the catalyst to fall back to villainous ways again in a second for (if they lose) each other

[ganondoodle]

you know when you have an idea for a drawing and it just wont let you rest until you at least sketched it?

... yeah

....

demise and hylia (humanoid forms) sleepy cuddles o((>ω< ))o

[postmail]

this was supposed to be a sketch of what ishmael might look like if he grew his hair out post-canon and i blacked out and woke up to this on my computer. help where have the past two hours of my life gone

no tattoos yet because he's fresh off the sea and in nantucket again for the first time since the pequod. i don't think he's happy to be back guys

[postsforposting]

I thought about this some more. For both Nate and Wade, violence is eroticized, ie it's sex. What then is actual love, caretaking, and sex, such as this beach scene?

It's romance. Devotion. Marriage. Cable and Wade are the same person: this is a shared dream. Their dream is caretaking and gentleness with each other. Their dream is to be open, textual and on the page, with their love for each other. They can both see the fourth wall, so this is them telling us, the audience, that they would do this if they were allowed. That the writers would do this if they were allowed.

Marvel fucking printed this.

Cable and Deadpool want both violence and sex. It's quote enquote "playing for both teams". Being greedy, wanting it all. It's layers and layers of a fourth wall queer joke to say people SHOULD want it all, that half isn't enough, that being unable to exist in and be accepted by the public isn't enough. That Mutant Lord Jesus himself, who does everything he can to save the world, can't save his own because we the audience don't want him to have that. The best he could do was save his world, save Wade, from the predetermined destruction of Providence which is literally their own heaven they had to build themselves out of pieces of their last attempt to save the world. Providence, canonically full of open minded people. That little bit of heaven was worth the cost, worth being damned by the world. A little bit of heaven isn't ever enough heaven, but it's worth a lot more than a life with none.

They're talking about this comic. They're talking about the censors, the public, us the audience, who would destroy the world if they knew what was actually in this book. They're saying that people will love this story right up until they find out what's going on behind the scenes, what they do in their private lives.

I cannot fucking stand people who claim this series is """bigoted""" because they wouldn't canonically acknowledge the relationship. That's. The. Whole. Point. This is a story of what it's like to be queer in a world that hates you even when all you're trying to do is live freely. It's a story that predicted people would hate and fear it because they didn't understand it. Even people who are supposed to be allies, who live the same lives, will try to destroy it: that's the Xmen--Cable's own family--telling him that what he's doing here is so wrong they have no choice but to murder him. Who still try to destroy him even after he appeases them by cutting out the most "scary" parts of himself that make him so different.

Cable is so far out of left field, so radically queer, that not even the metaphorical symbols of equal rights and tolerance accept him.

What's so wrong, other than everyone in story and out knowing that wanting more than you're allowed to have is a GREEDY sin of the highest order? That you're supposed to be happy with that and never try for better?

But if you damn the little you can get along the way, instead of valuing and growing it, you'll never get more.

"Do not say thank you, do not say you're proud of me, do not say goodbye." They both know the game here. Those things are an expression of love, which they can't textually have, so Cable says it through the fourth wall because he knows this series is ending. Their handshake on the previous page wasn't just a hello, it was them offering their hands in marriage to each other in as textual a wedding as they could get. Marriage is only until death do you part, but if you canonically come back from the dead? That's a renewal of vows.

Cable's talking about "encrypting the data", hiding the truth from everyone.

What's the truth?

The destination of every bodyslide they'd made and the locations of every shelter the resistance has.

Every little bit of heaven they've kept hidden in the rest of the world.

Making sure their enemies don't get that information is worth the cost of this life.

They've hid their private lives--the truth--inside the statue of a guy who was so bent on abstinence from life's pleasures that he literally gave himself blue balls. Imma go out on a limb here and say these chucklefucks hid their sex tapes--metatextual love letters--in the fourth wall, under a heavily-doctored cover of placidity. Of compliance to "not getting explicit where people can see". Hence Wade's "sly dog" comment, an acknowledgement of the blasphemy inherent in the hypocritical system.

"Zipper's down" is about being able to see through the covers to what's really there. Cable needed Wade to have the tapes so that Wade would know what they had was real, because if it isn't canon then it didn't happen, right?

Deadpool himself insinuates that the statue must be worthless to anyone else. Right after he says that, he calls Nate a "son of a--", which is an insult, verbal violence.....which to them is a mind blowing compliment. As he's fighting the energy whip guy for the statue, Wade says it's holy, prophetic, relevatory, and has "religious significance": not just because it's a statue of the One World Church high priest, but because the data in it is a source of seeing and knowing god. Cable as jesus sex joke and a fourth wall "seeing god" joke.

At the end Wade says he "won't let Cable down". Remember that death is a divorce? Cable's supposedly dead here, but Wade isn't going to "let him down". Rejecting someone's advances is to "let them down nicely". Wade's saying this isn't the end, this isn't a divorce, that they're still married. Even if they have to pretend it never happened to protect what they have left of Providence, he knows Cable will come back for him. (Rising again sex joke.)

Hey. Listen. You know why they can only have sex in the fourth wall and not on the page? Breaking the fourth wall is the only way a character can....see god. (Insinuation that no one else is doing it like they do.)

To go after someone's "goods" is to put your hands somewhere "unmentionable". Goods are FILTHY. Absolutely dirty. But I think they told us exactly what dirt is on Cable's "goodies", if we care to decrypt it.

One of the big Deadpool/Cable moments is the suntan lotion scene. Nearly everyone seems to think that Deadpool was lying when he called the fantasy "bogus".

What if he wasn't?

At this point, Cable and Wade were already merged. They have links to each other's minds. This is also after Wade's infamous Marvel Girl costume that Nate never saw in person. I do think he saw it through everyone else's eyes, though--and Wade was right that the outfit would get in Nate's head.

Look at the closeup panel in the middle of Wade's hands on Nate. Compare body/hand positioning on the left with the nearly identical one on the right. The design is meant to fade both panels together, to blend them together. As if they're one, not two separate scenes. Notice the costume on the Providence masseuse, too--it's the same style and color as Wade's Marvel Girl costume. The yellow panties here are the same ones Wade's wearing when he denies the fantasy was his.

We can't see what Wade's wearing in the fantasy. It's in shadow. Sure could be a yellow "speedo" to match the yellow and red towel. Or nothing. Is Nate's speedo a speedo or is that also shadow from Wade's arms? A subtle hand on the ass or reach around visual subtext?

I think that suntan fantasy was Nate's deepest darkest desire of the moment. That Nate was projecting as he was getting a massage from someone who wasn't Wade, but sure did remind Nate of a very distracting costume.

Wade famously can't be read by telepaths; why would Black Mamba's mental power be any different? But if Wade has a link to Nate, that's a backdoor into his defenses, and Nate famously never did correct the "problem" of being merged with Wade.

Did Nate call his massuese Wade? Or was that part of the fantasy? Irene does call him a metrosexual in the next panel, which would fit with having said it. I think the point is we can't tell: don't ask, don't tell, do it anyway.

Which isn't to say Wade is against the idea. I just think Deadpool's beach fantasy would involve a lot more guests and merging together while wearing a special outfit. Might even be Nate's true darkest desire, not just an inspired idle wish.

[swirlingyouintomypoems]

today in therapy I was talking about my chronic illness and how for months this summer (the best summer of my life so far) I was completely symptom free and doing amazing and then in fall I caught covid and for months my symptoms have been so bad that I've had to take a gap year off school. Anyways I've just recently begun to process this trauma - because it truly was the most traumatic experience I've ever had in my life - and I was talking about how terrifying it is to work to get better because now I know how terrible it is to have it all taken from me again. And obviously this isn't a direct quote but basically my therapist asked me if I would have avoided doing everything I did this summer if I had known I might end up where I am right now. My answer was absolutely not. And she said that even if I fall in a hole and have to claw myself out of that hole only to walk a hundred feet and fall in another hole, those hundred feet may be amazing and beautiful and for those hundred feet I'm going to appreciate the good in life so much more than anyone who has never been in my position. And to some people that may not be very helpful but for me it completely changed my perspective because I was so focused on the hole I'm currently in and worried about the possible hole that I may fall in to next I've been completely ignoring the possibility that however many feet that are in between me and that next hole may be absolutely beautiful, and that has to be worth getting better for

[novelconcepts]

Honestly, I made that joke about Van’s ancient desktop, but it probably works better than new computers. And it made me think: god, Van must HATE planned obsolescence. Stuff that’s built to die? Stuff that’s built to fall apart in a matter of years just to force you to buy more? For a person whose whole deal is gripping tight to the past, to old technology that still works perfectly fine, to the idea of survival threaded through everything from the stories she tells to the machines she rents out? Yeah, dude. No wonder she hates her cell phone. Not only does it force the illusion of connection without actually granting intimacy, but it’s doomed from the minute you take the thing out of the box. For Van, the very idea has got to be offensive.

[prwlnglthr]

there's something very wrong.

more vent art. this one isn't very fun. we're in a downswing.

[hqmillioncorn]

The past comes for you once again

hiiiiiiii world!!! its patticake aleria marle moontide starsinger again!!!!!!! (long name i knoooow) but you can just call me patti ! (^・ω・^ ) cause thats my name! its nice to see everyone again did you know that when my papawas growing up he told me and my little brother he had a diary he wrote in! i wanted do that too but cause im not old like my papa i started writing my diary ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ONLINE!! ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆ anyway! todas story is all about the scary green lady щ(ʘ╻ʘ)щ! do you remember>? the one i mentioned before! i figured you all should know the story!! i dont know a lot about it myself! but my mama and papa always told me that if i ever see a tall lady with ears like papa and long green hair i need to run away!! isnt that the scariest thig ever?!～(　TロT)σ my parents are so paranoid sometimes ! i swear!

with @ windupnamazu 's lemon

lalapril 26: Rewind

sometimes traveling to the past is not all fun and games as patti quickly learns.

The door slammed itself closed behind Patti as she slumped down beside it. She was clutching an old journal against her chest, holding onto it like it was going to disappear any moment. “Stupid…This is so stupid!” She balled up her hands and tried to wipe her tears away. “I’m so stupid…!”

The entire house was quiet today but it felt even more suffocating inside her own room. 

The blinds were shut and the entire room was dark. With nothing but the sounds of Patti’s quiet sniffling filling the empty air. “Mama…Mama...” All of this was her fault. If she had only done just one thing differently then none of this would be happening. “I’m sorry…I’m so sorry Mama…” 

Patti laid down on the floor, holding the journal closer to her. “I just wanna go back…” She shut her eyes, trying to think back to yesterday. 

That was the day her entire family had all made their way to Costa del Sol to celebrate the Moonfire Faire. Patti couldn’t remember a year that went by when they didn’t go. One of her earliest memories was her mama letting her try grilled corn. 

It was a little too hot but it was one of the yummiest things she had ever tasted! 

The Moonfire Faire was one of the many holidays that Patti looked forward to every year. Honestly she enjoyed every holiday but if you asked her which one she liked the best she would tell you the Moonfire Faire by a malm! 

Sometimes if she got lucky it would even land near her nameday!

…Which just made this entire thing even more of a nightmare for her. 

If Patti had even a hint of what was going to happen after then she would have never asked her mama if she could go back to the mainland to try and find a pretty shell she and Lemon saw earlier.

At the time only her mama and Lemon had come with her. Everything was perfect. 

That’s when Patti noticed someone walking behind her. 

Somehow she'd seen this person before, back at the Moonfire Faire. Patti thought nothing of it. This was probably someone who was attending the same festival. Maybe they were going home? 

The very second she let her guard, Patti felt her arm being grabbed.

She looked down to see a knife being held against the neck. 

“M-Mama!!”

Patti watched as her mama turned around to look at her. The smile on her face stayed frozen on her face as she quickly realized what was happening. She remembered hearing her brother crying as their mama told them it was going to be okay. 

Lemon didn’t want to leave her side, even as Patti hugged him tight he kept crying out for her. 

Somehow her and Lemon were left alone. Whoever these people were, they only wanted their mama to come with them. The next thing Patti knew she was looking up at her papa and crying her eyes out. Through her tears she tried to tell him everything she could but she just couldn’t say anything.

Lemon was even worse. When papa was with them he wouldn’t let him go no matter what anyone said. 

They fled all the way to her grandma Lunya's house and there her papa explained that tío Cherry went to find where the bad guys had taken her mama and that once he found them, he was going to go help Cherry save her. 

Patti didn’t want to let her papa go. She was afraid of something happening to him too. But surprisingly, it was Lemon who helped her feel better. He assured her the whole time that her papa was super strong, just like mama! So there was nothing to worry about!

‘The only reason mama didn’t fight the bad guys was because we were there!’

Patti was glad he was here with her. For a bit, she felt everything was going to be fine. 

Until mama and papa came back the next morning. 

Ever since then Patti had been trying desperately to go back.

Normally something like that would be impossible, but not for Patti. “Go back!” Patti’s eyes glowed a bright yellow. Her time travel powers never usually worked beyond a few minutes but that wasn’t going to stop her from trying.

She could feel herself moving back just a couple of seconds. 

She tried again, and again. The seconds were always different but the amount of time she could travel back was never more than a minute. As natural as time traveling was for her, it was still tiring. Patti couldn’t keep this up. No matter how much she wanted to. 

Patti traveled back another five seconds. It was getting harder to breathe. Whether it was because of the exertion or all the crying she had done, she didn’t know. “I SAID GO BACK!!” She grit her teeth and slammed her fists on the ground, sobbing. 

Patti tried to take a minute to try and calm herself down. It was easier said than done. 

Trying to steady her shaky breathing, she carefully held the tattered journal in front of her. The journal belonged to her papa. She had seen it many times before.

The first time was when she was younger. It was on a rainy day when her papa showed her and Lemon some of the entries about him and mama before they started dating. 

Of course Patti felt bad for stealing it from her own papa but this had to be done. As she opened it to a previously marked page a bunch of words stood out to her immediately. 

Words like starsinger, taken, lose forever in particular stood out to her. 

Babycorn herself hadn’t kept the secret of being a Starsinger from her children, nor did she ever shy away from how dangerous it all was. Since she was young Patti could remember her mama telling her that she needed to stay close to her no matter where they were.

How if she saw certain people she was supposed to come running to her right away.

Patti really just thought it was overkill but now…

As she continued to flip through her papa’s diary more and more things started to stand out to her. Especially the parts where he wrote about someone coming out of nowhere and trying to take Babycorn away to use her powers for their own gain.

 “This happened b-before…?” It was almost too much of a coincidence to believe. Too many things were lining up. Including the state her mama was in now. “Papa said she would wake up soon but…” The journal told her that last time this happened her mama had spent almost two months doing nothing but laying in bed, staring into nothing. 

Patti couldn’t stand just waiting around not doing anything while her mama needed help. Even worse was having to see her papa looking so defeated. The look on his face when he first came home was...

She needed to do something. 

Reading the journal Patti finally stumbled on the first time someone had taken her mama away. It happened so many years ago and her papa had for some reason blacked out a lot of parts of his entries away. 

Luckily the parts that were missing didn’t take anything away from the info that Patti needed. 

The exact days when it first happened. 

“Thank you papa…” 

Patti slowly closed the door behind her and stepped out into the backyard. “Okay….” She held out her papa’s journal in front of her. The exact dates she needed to travel back to kept running in a loop inside her mind, just so she wouldn’t forget. 

“I’ll be back soon mama, papa. I’ll fix everything I promise…!” 

This was going to be quick so the chances of anyone catching her out here were low. 

…But they weren’t zero.

The door to the backyard opened up once again, but this time it wasn’t Patti. She didn’t even have the chance to ask who was there before Lemon ran right at her, grabbing onto her tightly.

His baby chocobo, Blueberry, was resting on his head. “Patti! W-Where are you going?” He looked just about as tired as she felt. 

There was no way that Lemon knew what her plan was. 

“I’m just going for some air.”

“...Liar.” 

Patti did the smart thing and hid the journal behind her back. Okay maybe he did know. Either he had used his sibling bond to somehow figure out something was amiss or Blueberry had gone and snitched on her. “So what if I’m lying? What does it matter to you?!” It’s not like it had been his idea to go back to the mainland.

Lemon jumped, hearing his sister raise her voice so loud startled him. “What do you m-mean? What does what matter?” He wasn’t quite sure what his sister meant. The only thing that he was really sure of was that she was about to go somewhere really far away. 

“I-I’m coming too!”

“No you’re not!” 

Patti pushed her brother away and took a few steps back. “This is important! I can’t have you following me.” This particular jump wasn’t going to be anything like their previous ones. “I’m not going back to fool around Lemon. This is serious.” Patti was shaking in anger. 

Patti couldn’t let him come with her. She just couldn’t.

Lemon let out a sniffle, grabbing his tail for support. “I-I know it’s serious…! I’m n-not a baby…!” It’s not like he didn’t know what was happening! Even though he was terrified at the time it’s not like he couldn’t remember most of it.

In fact it was almost the complete opposite. 

“I know a really bad person tried to use mama’s powers and now she’s hurt really bad!” Butter tried to explain it to his children as easily as he could. Apparently a grieving father had taken their mama to change the event of his daughter dying during the calamity. 

Help had arrived too late to stop her from making it happen. 

“I know you wanna help mama! I wanna help mama too…!” That had to be the reason why Patti was going back in time today. He just had a feeling and it was very persistent. 

“Lemon just go away!” 

“B-But I always help you go back in time!” It had always been that way, ever since they first started. Patti would supply the time travel power itself but it was up to Lemon to open a portal big enough for them to walk through. “We always go together…” 

“Well this time you can’t!” What did Lemon not understand? 

Lemon wondered to himself what his own sister wasn’t understanding. He grabbed his tail, twisted and turning it nervously. The words were getting caught in his throat as he tried his hardest not to start crying again.

“I’m scared…” Those were the only words he could muster. 

As hard as Lemon tried against it, he started crying. “I-I want mama!!” He wailed, tears streaming down his face. Why couldn’t his mama hold him in her arms or pet his head like she always did when he was scared. 

Patti tried to turn away from the sight of her brother crying his eyes out and concentrate on her mission. ‘Once I fix everything, Lemon won’t be sad anymore. He won’t be crying! So just…!’ But the problem was that her brother was crying here and now. 

She couldn’t just…

Patti slowly bent down and got on her knees. As carefully as she could, she wrapped her arms around Lemon as he cried and cried. The truth had to come out eventually. “If something happened to you like what happened to mama I…I…” Just the thought alone was enough for Patti to start crying too. “...I d-don’t know what I would do…!” 

“That’s why I have to go t-too! I don’t want anything happening to you either P-Pipi!” 

“Lems…You…” 

Both siblings held onto each tightly, too scared to let the other go. 

Lemon wiped his eyes against his sister’s shirt. “We’re gonna make papa and tío Cherry happy again too…c-cause mama will be okay…!” Really Lemon had no idea what his sister had planned besides going back in time but he knew he could trust her. 

If there was anyone who could make all of this better, it was his sister!

“Y-Yeah…!” Patti took a deep breath and pushed herself back, “We got this if we work together.” 

Lemon smiled wide, showing off a few of his missing teeth. “Together!” 

As his sister composed herself he carefully reached above his head and grabbed the baby chocobo still slumbering in his hair. Their eyes slowly opened as they were placed on the grass. “Blueberry? Can you take care of mama and papa and tío Cherry while we’re gone?” 

Blueberry nodded and gave Lemon a tiny salute before hurrying back inside the house through the carbuncle door. 

“Ready Lems?” Patti held out her hand for him. Holding her papa’s journal in the other. Patti knew she was going to change everything. Things were going to be better. No matter what she had to do. 

Lemon wasted no time in taking his sister’s hand. His eyes glowed a familiar yellow. “Let’s go!”

[rmelster]

I am going to seriously consider not going to high school the first hours tomorrow (practically just going for my two exams) because what an awful night I am having. Anxiety + tummy aches is the worse combination I could possibly have right now.

[crystalmethanie]

lowkey feels like the world is burning around me (le Canadian sigh) but all I gaf about rn is YAOI <3

[jubileebloom]

I aspire to be a lover not a hater. but

[alienglowgarden]

Amidst all the ZA\UM news, I am once more reminded how terribly I wish IWATEX was a disco elysium styled cerebral weirdo alien communist game full of zany characters and like, x3 times the writing. THERES SO MUCH SPACE THAT COULD STILL BE FILLED.....

[ivan-fyodorovich-k]

Sometimes you wake up two hours after you went to bed and are just awake for 3+ hours

[herawell]

.

[fortes-fortuna-iogurtum]

idk man but it seems that when you start becoming aware of your own IssuesTM you also begin getting a little uncomfortable with how many of those same IssuesTM are present in popular interpretations of fan-favorite fictional characters

[seventh-district]

i’m not like other girls, my “Rest” stats are a heart rate of 110bpm and a HRV of 14 fucking milliseconds. :)