#within the wires season 5

[c-schroed]

I’ve been working a lot with former canine agents in past three years, since I left the agency, and I think I could help with this. I’ve developed a rehabilitation programme that’s proved effective. If you were willing to send the animals to me, I believe I can be of use to them. If you have any questions I’d love to talk over my programme with you. Mr Torres also mentioned that you’re a seasoned investigator and managed to uncover the truth behind some baffling crimes, including a cold case involving an artist? I wonder if you’d allow me to interview you – I’m currently working on a novel and I think some of your cases would be helpful in my research.

Gwen Nettles in episode 1 of Within the Wires season five.

Whenever I think about season five of Within the Wires, I'm amazed how well its first episode works simultaneously as starting point of the story as well as an epilogue to the final episode. I mean, its protagonist Indra stole my heart right away in episode one. But she stole it again when I relistened to this episode after finishing season five.

To me, it's just plain marvellous how all guesses that Indra makes in the course of the season seem to turn out quite accurate, without her ever even noticing. Making her the perfect Cassandra. And it amazed me every single time I noticed it. But when relistening the end of episode 1, still with Indra in episode 10 in mind, how she, drunken and lovestruck, said about Gwen

Something about you doesn’t fit, though [...] Something about you isn’t a cop. You shouldn’t be a government worker. You should be inside on a winter’s day. You should be by a fire drinking hot rum. You should be writing mystery novels surrounded by dogs.

Gosh. That left me sobbing on the fucking pavement of a public street. Out of pure joy. Thanks for the ride. Loved it.

[yourbelgianthings]

i’m finally listening to season 5 of within the wires! i listened to all the rest of it first semester of sophomore year i think (im about to be a senior now), and it’s so good again already, plus this season has sapphics again (i think at least from the first episode)

[emphasis-on-the-oopsie]

I love within the wires s1 it's formatted like relaxation tapes while saying the some of the most horrifying things

[drvscarlett]

About You Pt6

Sebastian Vettel x Webber!Reader

Summary: Everyone knows about the history of Sebastian Vettel and Mark Webber. But there's a well kept story within the paddock about Sebastian Vettel and another Webber. This is that story.

About You Series 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

A/N: okay so the draft did not save itself that's why i made a quick edit and just post this one. I hope you enjoy this

Taglist: @spideybv28@randomcuboidshape @mehrmonga @casperlikej @cliosunshine @honethatty12 @randomgirlnumber-13 @sugyomama @ririyulife @skywalker1dream @vicurious28 @khaylin27 @0710khj @its-elias-world @vizzzashley @allisonwoods

2010, Interlagos

"Honey we have to stop meeting like this" Jenson grins as he opens his hotel room.

Y/N immediately wrapped her arms around the British driver. Media be damned but she was extremely worried about Jenson when she heard what happened. She couldn't stop messaging people to ask him if he was okay or what. Even Mark has been worried when she told him what happened.

"Are you okay? You aren't hurt or anything?" Y/N asked worriedly.

"I'm alive and well"Jenson said, closing the door "maybe a little bruised ego from not being able to compete for the championship"

"Oh championship be damned Jense, you almost got kidnapped"Y/N exclaimed

Jenson could only chuckle. He admits he was a bit spooked by what happened but it is what it is. However, he was extremely grateful that Y/N has been worried enough to check up on him and assures that he is okay.

"Just join me for a little drink and lets talk about our day"Jenson suggested "Wine, beer, whiskey?"

"Beer would be fine" Y/N answered.

For all the times that Jenson have gone drinking with Y/N, he knows that her preference was more on wine. He could never forget it because who else than Y/N orders a wine on a bar or a nightclub.

"Tough day?" Jenson wondered

"Not as bad as being kidnapped" Y/N drinks up.

"Touché"

The two friends conversed for the night. Jenson opened up how it felt for him that he isn't able to extend his championship streak. He was not at all disappointed because he performed well and he just missed it out with this race. Y/N is a good listener and became a good support for Jenson.

"What about you? You are in for the big race on Abu Dhabi"Jenson diverted the attention to the female Webber "The big question is who are you supporting"

"I'm neutral"

Jenson looked at her as if she grew two heads. He shook his head as he took a sip of his beer.

"Oh c'mon your brother might win and you are still neutral about it?" Jenson questioned

"Well if you must know my bestfriend is also competing, Lewis is also competing and Fernando is also there" Y/N stated

Jenson raises his eyebrows in a teasing manner. He is not blind and he does not fall for the lies that Y/N is not choosing a side because she is friends with everyone competing. Y/N refuses to take a side because of the 'bestfriend.'

"You know its going to be historic, four drivers vying for a championship" Jenson informs "I think this is the first time that this happened"

"A lot of pressure for those wanting to win" Y/N agrees.

"You are feeling it all Y/N?" Jenson asked.

Y/N could just give out a sigh as a response. She knows that she won't be sleeping well with the whole thing happening. Its bound to happen that someone will not be fast enough and lose. Then there is also the possibility that someone will win the race and be crowned as champion.

With everything down the wire, no one could predict what will happen.

"You have to make a choice you know" Jenson reminded "What if Mark wins, what if Sebastian wins?"

"We can't have them both as world champions?" Y/N joked

"Maybe for different seasons"Jenson offered.

It was impossible for either of the driver to secure that. Given how the things are in Red Bull. They will favor whoever brings them the first championship and then place the other as their second driver.

"Y/N its just going to be much more difficult after this"Jenson straightforwardness sobered Y/N up a little "You have to stay strong and pick a side"

"I don't want to pick a side Jense, they both deserve a championship"Y/N stays firm "They are both incredible and fantastic drivers. If one of them wins, I'll be happy but I know my heart also aches for the one who misses out that championship"

This was the thing that Jenson admired about Y/N. She is supportive and loyal like that, its quite rare in the field. He gave her a comforting hug as they continue drinking their woes away.

2010, Yas Marina

It was early morning of the qualifying day when Y/N received the email. She was very much surprised upon receiving the email because she had to blink a couple of times to make sure that she is reading it correctly.

From: McLaren Racing

Subject: Job vacancy.

"Oh I am so gonna kill you for this Jense"Y/N muttered.

One of the discussions during their drunk night in Brazil was that the possible solution to Y/N's problem is moving teams. Jenson suggested that there might be some vacant jobs in McLaren before the winter season begins.

And now this conveniently timed email that Y/N has been highly recommended by several employees for the position of Press Officer makes one think that Jenson took that advice seriously.

"Are you decent?" couple of knocks interrupted her "Can I come in?"

"Come on in Mark"

Mark has two cups of coffee in hand. He was already dressed and ready for his paddock appearance. Y/N could just chuckle at the role reversal because usually she was the one who is already dressed while Mark is the one begging for five more minutes to prepare.

"One brown sugar shaken espresso with 3 pumps of toffee nuts"Mark recited proudly.

"You remembered?"

Y/N was in glee as she takes in the cup of coffee. It was a kind of morning that really needs a coffee to help her throughout the day.

"No one drinks coffee as sugary like that, only you" Mark snickers.

"I just like my coffee sweet"Y/N defends.

Mark ends up sitting at one of the chairs. Y/N could read how his expression is a mix of confidence but deep down there is some kind of worry that he is trying to hide. It must be the championship nerves getting the best of him.

"You nervous?"Y/N asked her older brother.

"Its my only chance for a championship. It feels different" Mark answered.

Y/N wanted to say that its not true and there will be plenty of more chances in the start of a new season. However,she knew that this is the closest shot that Mark has to the championship ever since he entered Formula 1.

"I spoke to Sebastian last night" Mark brought it up.

The younger Webber immediately looked up with wide eyes. She knew that the two haven't been in speaking terms except when they have to or forced to talk with each other.

"We talked about you" Mark expanded.

"Me? Why am I even brought up into the conversation?"she was confused.

"Same question but it was Sebastian that first approached me" Mark explained "He talked about how win or lose, we should not put you into a bad spot because you are both important to us"

There Sebastian goes again making her heart skip a beat. Its these little things that mainly causes her to feel deeper and deeper for the German driver. Y/N felt really touched that despite the intense rivalry, he still cares.

"And I know I thought about it all night how I'm really making things difficult for you. So thanks for sticking up with me and I'll try to be much more easier to handle" Mark concludes.

"Oh brother" was all Y/N could say before hugging him.

It felt nice for the both of them that they have each other in the sports. Its the same reason why Y/N cannot answer the offer of Jenson to move into McLaren. If she leaves then how could she be there for her brother?

"Seb really cares a lot about you"Mark informs.

"He is just being a good....bestfriend" Y/N rebutted but she seems unconvinced with her own answer.

Mark knew that Sebastian has a big sense of pride. But whenever, Y/N comes to the picture then he will immediately melt. Mark could only chuckle because Y/N has no clue of the chokehold he has over Sebastian.

"Oh I think you are thinking too little about yourself"

"What is that supposed to mean?" Y/N wondered

It was not Mark's business to play cupid. If Sebastian had the balls then he would have asked her without his help. He just gave a grin as he exited the room.

"Don't be late"Mark teased

"MARK WHAT DOES IT MEAN?"

Meanwhile, Sebastian is early to arrive at the paddock to avoid the media asking plenty of questions. He wanted to be stress-free today since he needs to put all his focus to this race because this is his chance to win the championship. He will be damned if he lets this slip by.

At the moment, he is sitting at the cafeteria which seems to be deserted by the crowd. He was enjoying his peaceful breakfast when a man in orange sat next to him.

"How are you feeling buddy?" Jenson asked too energetically for Sebastian's opinion.

"For a man no longer fighting for the championship, you seem more excited than me" Sebastian joked.

"Oh don't tell me you are nervous" Jenson teased "The Sebastian Vettel is nervous?"

Sebastian rarely gets nervous but this is one of those instances that he really feels the nerves getting the best of him. He finds it really out of his character. There is this heavy feeling in his chest that he may emerge victorious or a complete failure after this race.

"Don't tell anyone but you have my vote of confidence" Jenson whispered.

It was a bit of a boost to hear it from the 2009 World Champion, Sebastian gave him a quick hug which Jenson accepts. It was due to this closeness that Jenson noticed the silver necklace hanging on his neck.

A mischievous grin replaced Jenson's face as he knows there was only one person in this paddock that has that necklace.

"That's Y/N, isn't it?" Jenson snickers.

Just like that, the feeling of embarrassment spread in Sebastian's face. He was not embarrassed by the gift but rather he feels a little shy about anyone seeing his little lucky charm. He tucks it inside safely inside of his shirt.

"It is" Sebastian answered,playing it cool "How did you know?"

Knowing the dating history of Y/N and Jenson, he can feel a little green monster forming at his shoulders. Jenson must have been well-acquainted with Y/N that he paid close attention to notice details such as her necklace.

"Mate, when are you going to ask her out? It's been ages" Jenson asked.

"Excuse me?"

Sebastian was not expecting that. He immediately downed a water to hide his surprise.

"Don't tell me you still haven't made a move even after everything?"Jenson asked.

Jenson knew that Sebastian was someone very dear to Y/N. He had spent enough time with Y/N o figure out that its always the Webber family, Sebastian Vettel, Red Bull, then everyone else. That was how the list of priority of Y/N goes.

"She doesn't like me like that" Sebastian lies even though everything from that drunk confession still replays in Sebastian's head.

"You know what, if you win the championship then go and ask her out" Jenson challenged.

"Now you are putting even more pressure on me"

"C'mon now!" Jenson was exasperated "I'm not even accepting any cash prizes, just name your first child after me for being a good wingman"

"I'm gonna ignore you now Button" Sebastian's nonchalantly ended the conversation.

"Sebastian you can win the championship and the girl!" Jenson convincingly shouts.

Sebastian just gives him a shrug as he continues to eat. He smiles at the thought that maybe he will try Jenson's advice.

Victorious Vettel and a missing team mate.

Congratulations to the amazing drive of Sebastian Vettel which made him victorious from the four-way championship. He also boast two records with one being the youngest WDC champion and the other being Red Bull's first driver champion.

While celebrations are happening, it was evident that there was the absence of the Webber siblings. Mark Webber was seen congratulating Vettel the minute that they stepped out of the car. However, Mark wasn't seen after that and even in the parties. Also absent was Y/N Webber, dubbed as Sebastian's bestfriend. She was spotted in the Red Bull garage but she was absent as well during the celebrations.

Is there trouble brewing with the Webbers against the new world champion?

Seb: Hey, where are you? I have been looking for you everywhere Seb: Y/N are you there? sent by 8pm Seb: I'm going to the club with the team. I hope to see you there sent by 9:34 pm Y/N: Hi Seb! Congratulations with your WDC!! You know that I always believed that you will be a champion one day! I'm really really so happy and so proud of you. Y/N: I'm really sorry if I couldn't be there. I fainted around lap 45 but not to worry, its just my sugar levels. My phone went dead last night and I wasn't able to reply and congratulate right away. I'm really sorry. sent by 11:22 am Seb: Hey, I'm glad to hear you are okay. I just woke up from a massive hangover. I wish you have seen the party Seb: BTW, I have something to tell. Are you still at the hotel? sent by 2:06 pm Y/N: Oh, me and Mark took an early flight back to Melbourne. Parents were a bit worried. sent by 5:44 pm Seb: Okay see you. Y/N: What do you mean see you???? Seb: :)))))))))))))))))

It might be the high from winning the championship or maybe its the alcohol in his system but Sebastian was sure of his decisions.

Clothes are haphazardly thrown into the luggage while he conducts a quick sweep of the essentials he might need. He sent a quick text to everyone that might be needing him. As far as he knows, he has some time off before resuming with his media duties and such.

He is going to Australia.

[mysterious-moonstruck-musings]

Closed Position: Week 5 (Rumba Part 2)

Closed Position Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo x OFC (Katarina)

Series Summary: Dieter Bravo, now sober, was looking to change his bad boy image after hitting rock bottom. His team hoped that having him join the nationally televised family friendly dance competition, Dancing with the Stars, would be a good first step, if they can keep him out of trouble. 

Katarina Stamos expected her last season as a professional dancer on the show to go the same as it had for the past thirteen seasons. That all changed when she was partnered with the infamous Dieter Bravo. 

Dieter and Katarina are reluctantly thrown into their partnership and must learn to work together to succeed in the competition. In the process they form a deeper connection beyond the dance floor that neither anticipated.

Chapter Word Count: 12.2k

👉 Warnings: Themes dealing with intimate partner violence (not by or toward Dieter), past alcohol abuse, and past drug abuse. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn. Read at your own risk. Dieter Bravo comes with his own warnings.

Chapter Quote: "Careful, it’s pokey. I’d wager it has some serious penetration power."

Kat’s POV Our first full day in New York together had been an interesting one. Sharing a suite with Dieter was not on my Bingo card for the week, but it really hadn’t been that bad thus far. It was definitely creating a new dynamic between us, pushing us into new situations that I hadn’t expected. A sort of domesticity that would surely make the feelings that I was having toward him even stronger. Knowing that would be the case had only managed to make me antsy and wired. I had already caught myself shamelessly flirting with him within the first five minutes of entering the suite, because of a reflective ceiling of all things. 

Even though I was absolutely exhausted from the overnight traveling, I couldn’t fall asleep once we got situated in our rooms. After getting rid of the rolling bar cart in the suite, I tried for some time to doze off. I eventually gave up, deciding to get ready for the day then go on the hunt for breakfast. I managed to find a small cafe down the street and stocked up on different options since I wasn’t sure what Dieter preferred for his first meal of the day other than ridiculously strong coffee. Afterwords, I carefully made my way back to the hotel, trying my best not to spill any of the coffee along the way. 

I was unpacking the food when Dieter came strolling out of his room in a black short-sleeve v-neck, dark wash jeans, and black boots. The shirt was a heavier fabric that seemed to emphasize the dips and curves of his chest and shoulders in the most distracting way. His curls were styled into his usual artful mess that my fingers were twitching to tug on. He came to stand next to me, arching a brow as he met my gaze. Busted. He definitely caught me checking him out. Oh well, no sense in hiding it. “That shirt fits you well,” I finally managed to sputter out. 

Dieter pulled me into his side, making some ridiculous joke about fine art needing to be appreciated. I laughed it off before my thoughts were taken down another path, but that was nearly impossible because he smelled amazing. He was wearing cologne, which was new. The way it mixed with his own natural scent had me wanting to rip his clothes off. Something about it had flipped a switch in my brain and it was hard to ignore. When I reached to grab my coffee, I happened to notice the way the muscles in his shoulders flexed as he shrugged. It nearly sent me over the edge. I had to get away from him, so I moved to the opposite side of the dining table to sit and eat.

As it got closer to time for us to leave, I could tell he seemed slightly off. He was amped up and fidgety, appearing to be anxious. It only got worse as we slid into the back of the SUV. I finally plucked up the courage to ask him what was going on. The fact that he felt comfortable enough to share how he was feeling meant the world to me. Alec was never that open with me when something was bothering him, and I always hated that. Dieter’s confession of how nervous he was, somehow made me feel closer to him, and I wanted nothing more than to calm him. I knew SNL was a big deal and wanted him to be able to enjoy it. 

I didn’t have much to offer him other than comfort, but it seemed to do the trick. As I took his hand in mine and began to gently stroke his palm, the tension seemed to melt from his posture. However, the tension returned once we were seated in the Studio 8H conference room. I picked up on the vibes when we entered. Several of the cast members did not appear to be excited that he was there. I could tell they were judging him before even giving him another chance. The longer he chatted with Liz, the director, I could feel a shift happening - from hostility to curiosity. 

It was obvious when Dieter’s nerves shot into overdrive because his leg started to bounce incessantly under the table. I reacted as I did on the ride over, trying to provide him with some comfort by squeezing his knee. His hand found mine, squeezing it briefly in return before allowing me to lightly rub his palm again. It seemed to work just as well to calm him this time around.

My focus was drawn from Dieter when Liz asked me to do the monologue with him. I was nervous about it since it would be live. The Dirty Dancing skit seemed less risky, and I was more open to it. In the end, I knew both would probably be funnier if I were involved and I could tell he really wanted me to do it with him. It was near impossible to tell his pleading brown eyes, “no” as I sat considering it.

I couldn’t help taking the opportunity to tease him after I read his monologue. It was too perfect, and I really wanted to break the remaining tension in the room with the cast. Them seeing the banter between Dieter and I seemed to do the trick, showing his fun side. I had a feeling they hadn’t really got to see that side of him before. 

The events that followed the script review admittedly shook me a little. Part of me was shocked at how brazen that Dave guy had been toward Dieter. There was something about him that was slightly unsettling, and it really made me wonder what Dieter’s world had been like before he was sober. I had heard stories, but I couldn’t wrap my head around that kind of party lifestyle. I tried not to dwell on it. It wasn’t like Dieter had kept that part of himself hidden. I knew about it, but experiencing a small dose of what it must have been like for him was a whole other thing. It seemed to shake him some. I could tell from the panicked look in his eyes and the way he tensed but I felt like he handled it as well as he could have. 

I realized then what he was up against, and I knew it wasn’t going to be easy for him. This wasn’t something he could easily cut out of his life due to the nature of his profession. There were also some people that would be hard to avoid. It made me have just a little bit more respect for how much effort he was putting in to improving himself and staying sober.

Being involved in the photoshoot was unexpected but ended up being kind of fun. We hadn’t got to do any shoots together since becoming more comfortable with each other or without the worry of Alec lurking around. We were relaxed and had a good time with it, not hesitating to shift into the more intimate poses that the photographer asked for. I was curious to see what the final result would look like - if our chemistry would show in the still images as much as it did on the dance floor. 

As usual, Dieter looked amazing in the clothes they had dressed him in for the photoshoot. There was something about him in a white dress shirt that made me feel a little feral. As we shifted into the more hands-on poses, I felt like I was going to spontaneously combust when my hands caressed his chest. It didn’t help matters when his hand found its way to my bare thigh. It was entirely too close to my aching center and left me pondering what it would feel like if he let it wander just a little higher. 

His hair looked extra touchable the way they had styled it. I couldn’t resist the opportunity to stick my fingers in and tug it a little…for the sake of the photoshoot, of course. Dieter didn’t seem to mind it either. In fact, I got the feeling that he may have even liked it. The little groan he let out went straight to my core. It took a lot of effort not to clench my thighs around his broad shoulders as he sat between them. 

By the time our ride back to the hotel arrived, I was running on low. The last two days had been ridiculously long, and we still needed to rehearse when we got back. I was near dozing off during the ride when Dieter’s phone rang. I assumed it was his assistant based on their topics of discussion. 

It was hard not to listen to their conversation. Dieter was 100% in “dad” mode, and it tickled me to no end to hear him grilling his assistant about his cat and plants. I loved this side of him. I wasn’t sure how many people really got to see the caring and nurturing part, but I knew it probably wasn’t many. It caused butterflies in my stomach to know that I was one of the few he shared that with. 

I wasn’t sure if Dieter was aware, but I could hear every word his assistant said on the other end of the phone. It definitely got my attention when he told Dieter to, “go spend time with your hot dance partner.” I couldn’t help wondering why he would say that. Was it in response to something Dieter had said previously? In my periphery I could tell that Dieter shot a nervous glance in my direction at the comment. I would have to pack that away to think about later. 

Things took a turn when we began to rehearse that evening. There was definitely flirting on my part. I’m not sure that I even tried to behave myself, letting the innuendos spill out of my mouth without a second thought. Dieter certainly didn’t help with that by throwing equally salacious comments right back at me with ease. I knew he liked to make jokes, so it was hard to tell how much of it was him trying to be funny and how much of it was indeed flirting. It was sort of maddening, but also stoked the flame that was steadily growing inside of me. This was quickly becoming unsustainable.

A brief moment of silence stretched between us after that. We just sort of stood there, taking each other in. The look in his eyes made my skin feel electric, only increasing my craving for him. I would have given anything to be able to read his mind at that moment. I wasn’t sure why, but it felt like so much was going unsaid between us. I hated it. Trying to keep my feelings hidden from him was becoming a monumental task. 

As I got ready for bed that evening, I considered how he might react if I told him how I was feeling. Was I even sure? It was all so confusing, and I felt ridiculous for it. I was fresh out of a six-year unhealthy relationship, and I was already daydreaming about jumping into another one. Dieter was different though. I knew he was nothing like Alec, but there were so many reasons that getting together with him would be a bad idea. It would be better to at least wait until the show was over before approaching the topic. I wasn’t sure if that would be possible because it felt like things were shifting between us in a way that I couldn’t identify or explain. Our time together this week was only intensifying things. 

As I settled into my pillow, I found myself questioning if Dieter was still awake. Part of me was tempted to go to him and see how he would react if I crawled into his bed for a cuddle. Who was I kidding, that’s not what I wanted. Then my mind shifted to wondering what he slept in. Knowing him, probably nothing or at minimum his underwear. I had certainly seen him in those enough to have an accurate visual. I sighed. Ugh, just stop, Kat. Don’t even go there. Not the time or the place. Somehow, I managed to push those thoughts aside and eventually fell asleep. 

On Wednesday, I was scheduled for the morning show circuit, which meant I had to get up rather early to get ready. Dieter had his SNL duties, so I was on my own for this one. I had just made myself a cup of coffee and wandered back into my room to start working on my hair when Dieter came shuffling in with a groan and leaned against the doorframe. 

I narrowed my eyes on him in the mirror as I parted my hair into sections to straighten it, “What are you groaning about?” 

He shrugged, “You sure you don’t want me to do the shows with you? They don’t need me there the entire morning…I could probably swing at least a couple of them or rearrange the schedule a bit to fit them all in.” 

I shook my head, “No really, it’s fine. I would much rather you prepare for SNL. It’s more important than this shit.” 

He sighed, then made a pouty face at me in the mirror, “Yeah, but we have more fun when we’re together.” 

I set the hair straightener down, turning to look at him, “Dieter, are you still nervous about being around the rest of the cast?” 

He gave me a tight smile, “Umm, maybe a smidge...but we ARE more fun together…at least we HAVE more fun together.” 

I rolled my eyes at him and went back to my hair as he fiddled with his phone. I snorted and shook my head, “I can’t believe Dieter Bravo is in my room being whiny and needy right now.” 

He chuckled, “Trust me, that’s nothing new. I’m very whiny and needy most days.” 

I arched a brow in his direction, “Yes, I know your whiny. That’s been obvious from day one.”

He scoffed, then plopped down on my bed and sprawled out, “I would say that’s rude, but you're probably not wrong. What time will you be done?”

I shrugged, “I dunno, I say I’ll be back here around ten, maybe? I’ll probably come back and work through our routine some more. When will you be done?” 

He scrolled through his phone, “Ummm, looking like noonish. Wanna go grab a late lunch when I get back?”

I nodded, “Sure. You know I’m not one to turn food down.”

He laughed, then popped upright, “You still have some wavy parts on the back of your head. Want me to get that for you?” 

My brows furrowed, “You wanna straighten my hair for me?” 

He shrugged, “Sure. It’s not rocket science and you look like you’re struggling. You keep missing that spot.” 

It was my turn to scoff as he walked over and took the straightener and brush out of my hands, getting to work almost immediately. I watched as he methodically divided the back of it into even smaller sections and worked out the wavy bits. The intense look of concentration on his face was nothing short of fucking hot. The feel of his fingers running through my hair had my heart nearly hammering out of my chest and my mouth turning dry. 

I cleared my throat, “So is this something you do often?” I asked with humor in my voice. 

“Nope.” He popped the “p” sound with his lips before glancing at me in the mirror with a smile. “First time ever. I’ve seen it done enough sitting in the hair and makeup chair though. Just don’t ask me to do anything else or you might end up bald.” 

I snorted, still not believing this was happening. In all the years that I had been with Alec, I couldn’t remember a single time where he had even brushed my hair, let alone offered to help me fix it. It was a strangely intimate gesture that suddenly had me wanting more from Dieter. It took everything in me not to jump him right then and there. 

I sat watching his facial expressions as he fussed with the section I always had issues with. I could tell he was getting flustered by the way his brows knitted together. After a few more swipes with the straightener, he stepped back, tilting his head slightly and pursing his lips before giving a single nod, seeming satisfied with his efforts. Once he was finished, he leaned down over my shoulder to set the straightener down on the vanity. His scent completely invaded my senses and did little to help the ache that was growing between my thighs. 

Dieter ran the brush through my hair, eventually pausing to gather it all at the nape. His fingers lightly grazed the sides of my neck as he did so. I closed my eyes, enjoying the feel of his gentle touch as it made me tingle all over. 

“Mmmm, that feels good. You should probably stop before I start expecting this every morning.” 

His left hand settled on my shoulder, his thumb gently rubbing small circles behind my ear as he continued brushing with his right hand. When I finally opened my eyes and met his intense stare in the mirror, I felt my entire center clench as a weird sensation shot through my body, causing me to feel somewhat euphoric. I was suddenly hot and very wet. What the fuck is wrong with me? There was a low buzzing noise in my ears, and I felt a little dizzy, almost like all the blood had rushed to my head. 

Dieter’s chuckle pulled me from the weird trance I had settled into, “You good, Kit Kat?” 

He stood there with that damn smirk on his lips, waiting for me to say something all the while my brain had completely turned to mush. I inhaled deeply, attempting to pull myself together. Did he know what kind of effect he was having on me right now? Is he doing that shit on purpose? Surely not. 

I finally nodded, clearing my throat. “Yeah, it just feels good when someone else brushes my hair. Makes me a little…sleepy.” Turned on, actually. 

He arched a brow, “Doesn’t seem to do that when you’re getting glammed up for the show.” 

Fuck. He’s got me there. I shrugged, “Well, they aren’t exactly gentle about it…”

He snickered as he sat the brush down. His fingers continued to run through the back of my hair as he spoke, “Riiight…well, I need to go shower.” His hand moved to settle just under my chin, his fingertips gently grazed a path up behind my ear. “If I don’t see ya before you leave, I’ll see ya after I get back. Good luck with your talk show stuff.” 

Then the fucker seriously winked at me before he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. I sat dumbfounded and completely confused by what had just transpired. Get it together Kat. It’s a bad idea. I shook my head and took a deep breath, trying to focus on the task at hand. I needed to finish getting ready or I was going to be late. 

The morning went by in a blur. There were three live morning shows that I had to rush between, and I also pre-recorded segments for two evening shows. Luckily the studios were close together or else it wouldn’t have been possible. Stacia and Joe were definitely putting me to work this time around. Thankfully, these appearances would take care of my obligations for the rest of the season. At least, I hoped it would. I never knew what Stacia and Joe would pull for the sake of ratings. Especially if Dieter and I continued to be the fan favorites. 

Once I was finished for the day and heading back to the hotel, I pulled out my phone. It had been on silent all morning so I hadn’t heard the Instagram alerts for Dieter’s new stories. The first one was an advertisement for SNL. It was one of the shots where I had my foot pressed to his head. Of course, he added a cheeky comment to it about my “big ass foot making an appearance” on the show too. I rolled my eyes, typing out a quick reply to the story, “I should have poked you in the eye with that spiked heel.” I chuckled to myself as I hit send. 

Then I tapped over to the next story. He had taken a picture of me as I was getting ready this morning and shared it. You could see him in the mirror snapping the pic. It was obvious we were in a hotel room. Of course, the picture took me back to thoughts of his fingers caressing my neck and running through my hair. I had managed to put that out of my mind throughout the morning, but now I couldn’t stop thinking about it. Fucking jerk. I replied to that story as well, calling him a creeper. I could only imagine what the Dieterina shippers were saying about that one. 

(More after the pics. Click to enlarge to read text.)

As I opened my email app, a text came through from Dieter. 

DIETER: You didn't seem to mind that I was creeping around earlier this morning…😏 You done for the day? 

I could feel my face heating from his words. Maybe I’m reading into that too much. Surely he doesn’t mean it that way. I didn’t really know how to respond. 

ME: I’m sure you're whipping the Dieterina Stans into a frenzy with that one…Joe and Stacia too. And yes, I am. 

DIETER: You were perfect this morning. And you insist you can’t do live shows. Ha! 

ME: You watched them? You’re supposed to be working. Also, talking about dancing and doing comedy are two different things. 

DIETER: I was. I watched them on a break. I was bored. I told you, it’s more fun when we’re together…should’ve changed my schedule. And I’ll give you a win on that one. It is different.

DIETER: Gotta go. They’re calling us back in to read through the rewrites. I’ll see ya soon. 😉

I puffed air out of my cheeks. Why did this feel different? He seemed different. Not drastically, but he had a different vibe. More open maybe? Less filtered? I couldn’t really put it into words, but it definitely had my attention. Maybe he was just feeling more comfortable around me and able to be himself?

I was drawn from my thoughts when the car pulled up to the curb in front of the hotel. I needed to pull it together and focus. We still had a dance performance to prepare for and our rehearsal time was limited. I needed to get the rest of the choreography nailed down so we could focus on learning the routine during what little rehearsal time we had. 

Several hours later, I was on the terrace quietly singing to myself and swaying along with my music playlist as I searched through YouTube videos to find some examples of lifts to show Dieter. I realized early on that it helped him to see the choreography before trying it, especially on the more complex moves and particularly the lifts. As the competition progressed, I found myself doing this more often as our routines increased in difficulty. It seemed to be a good method with him, so I tried to give examples as much as I could. He had been pretty good about doing his own homework and often shared things he wanted to try. He had already sent me a few videos during his downtime since I had gotten back to the hotel. 

I was just finishing up the latest video selection as Dieter came strolling out onto the terrace with a smirk on his face. 

I gave him a questioning look, “What are you smiling about?”

He shook his head, “I was just listening to you hum along to this song. I’d like to hear you really sing it. I bet you would sound amazing.” 

I could feel my cheeks flush, “I dunno about that, but thanks.” 

He walked over to stand in front of me, smiling mischievously as he pulled my phone away, not letting go of my hand as he set it down. When he turned back to me, he slid one arm around my waist, pulling me snuggly against his body and began moving to the music. I let him lead as he improvised, twirling me around before hugging me back against him. We stood in place, now swaying slowly as his chocolate eyes bore into mine before briefly dropping down to my lips as the tension reached a boiling point between us. His smirk returned as he moved to dip me backwards, slowly doing a half turn before pulling me upright against his chest and pressing his forehead to mine. Both of his hands were now on my hips, gripping firmly as he nuzzled my nose with his. My hands were resting against his chest where I could feel his heartbeat quicken under my palm. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted him and was damn near breaking when his phone rang in his back pocket. His brows pinched together as his eyes fluttered shut. He sighed and dropped his forehead back against mine.

“I’m sorry, I should probably get that,” he finally said, pulling away slowly. When he opened his eyes, they were dark and sultry as a small smile formed on his lips. He turned away, pulling his phone out and answering it. 

What the fuck was that? I didn’t imagine that…right? My head was spinning as I let out the breath I had been holding. I felt confused and didn’t know what to do with this. He seemed more confident, sure of himself, lustful even. He didn’t hesitate, not that he still hesitated when it came to touching me, but this was something else entirely. 

Dieter turned to face me with a concerned expression. His lips set into a tight line as his gaze met mine. I gave him a questioning look as he pulled the phone away from his ear.

“It’s Evan…my assistant. He was just over at your place…”

I cut him off, “Why was he…?”

Dieter rolled his eyes, “To water your plants, obviously.”

I chuckled. I wasn’t even surprised or mad about it, “I can’t believe you had him do that.”

Dieter shook his head, “That doesn’t matter, anyway…he said while he was taking care of the plants on the far side of the porch, a guy came to the door and was about to key in until he saw Evan standing there…”

My brow furrowed, “There shouldn’t be anyone keying in…” 

Dieter’s shoulders fell, “Evan said he got pissy, wanted to know why he was there and who he was. From the description, it sounds like it was Alec.” 

I shook my head, “I took the key away from him though. Is Evan sure he had a key?” 

Dieter put the phone back to his ear to double check with Evan. His eyes never left mine. “Yes, he definitely stuck a key in the door,” he finally said.

I sighed and rubbed my face. Fucking asshole. Figures he would have an extra one. 

Dieter watched me with a concerned look, “I can have Evan get the locks changed for you while we’re gone.” 

I shook my head again, “No. I’ll do it when I get back. Thank him for me. I’m glad he was there to catch it.” 

Dieter’s eyes narrowed, “Are you sure? It’s not a problem for him to do that for you.” 

I considered it for a moment, “I’m sure. It’ll be fine. He was probably just trying to get his stuff.” 

Dieter puffed air out of his cheeks and continued talking to Evan briefly before disconnecting the call. I could tell he wasn’t happy about my decision, but he didn’t push it. Instead, he walked over and pulled me into a tight hug. He mumbled against the top of my hair, “Will you at least let me make sure he’s not there when we get back? I don’t trust that asshole.” 

I nodded against his chest, “If it makes you feel better. Yes, you can check.” 

“Can I…”

I pulled away, giving him an admonishing look. I knew he was only trying to be helpful, but I was really trying my hardest not to cross that line with him. Even though I had been ready to throw everything out the window five minutes prior. 

He chuckled, “Hear me out…ok? Can I at least have Evan schedule someone to be there to change them the day we get back? That way it’s taken care of, and I don’t have to worry about it.” 

I sighed, “Ok. Fine. I’ll agree to that.”

He pulled me back into a tight embrace, mumbling a soft “thank you” against my hair. I had to admit, his concern was kind of hot. There was no question that he cared about my wellbeing, and I was appreciative of that. I also sort of loved his need to take care of me. I hadn’t had that in a long time, and it was definitely making me feel things. 

He inhaled deeply, then pulled away, “Alright, let’s go get lunch. I’m starving.”

Whatever spell we had been under now seemed to be broken and the moment passed. I felt a weird mix of disappointment and relief.

A short time later, we set off walking down the sidewalk and found a small cafe just up the street. Neither of us brought up what happened before Evan called. That’s not to say that things didn’t feel different. Dieter seemed more smiley than usual, and his touches were definitely more frequent and lingering. I tried to dismiss it, telling myself that I was only being more hyper aware and that nothing had actually changed. I wasn’t even sure if I believed it, no matter how many times I said it to myself. 

As we ate, Dieter filled me in on his morning, and I did the same. It sounded like my morning had been more exciting than his. He had mostly spent his time doing table reads and helping make edits to the scripts. He didn’t necessarily need to be there for all of that, but he felt being involved with that process had helped smooth things over with some of the staff and cast. Overall, he was feeling much better about things than he was on the first day. I briefly wondered if perhaps his elevated mood could be attributed to that. 

On the way back from the cafe, Dieter spotted a boutique plant shop on the opposite side of the street. His eyes lit up like a kid in a candy store as he grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the nearest crosswalk to go check it out. As we walked through the front entrance, he froze on the spot, his wide eyes taking in the small shop. If he had been a dog, I’m fairly certain he would have been salivating. 

He leaned over toward me, speaking in a low raspy voice, “I have a two plant limit. Smack me if I pick up more than that.”

I snorted. I couldn’t help it. It was the most ridiculous and most adorable thing I think I had ever seen. I followed behind him as he jabbered about the different plants being misted on the shelves. 

I couldn’t fight the urge to tease him, “I feel like we need a Steve Irwin voice over right now. A wild Dieter Bravo on the hunt for life sustaining herbs in his natural environment.”

He snickered, “Please act that one out for me. I need to hear it, with the accent.” 

I shook my head, trying to stifle my laughter, “Not a chance, Bravo.” 

(Pics for reference, just because...more below the cut.)

We made our way over to a shelf full of succulents and cacti. One little group in particular caught my attention. My brows knitted together as I took in the phallic looking plants. 

I could hear Dieter snickering at my side, already assuming what I was about to say, “Is it just me, or do those look a little obscene?” 

Dieter was fighting to hold back his laughter now, “It’s a penis cactus.” 

I snorted, “Well, I was trying to be a little less blunt about it, but yes.”

He laughed harder pointing at the small tag on the shelf, “No, it’s literally called a penis cactus.”

I looked at the sign and finally lost it. We both stood in the aisle laughing like a couple of idiots over a plant that looked like a dick. 

A lady approached us smiling, asking if we needed help finding anything. Dieter finally sobered up enough to ask, “Do you ship? I have a feeling I may want to have a few things shipped back home.” 

She nodded. They chatted for a moment longer before she left us to continue browsing. Dieter was still eyeing the penis cactus.

I shook my head, “You’re not buying one of those. I refuse to let you.” 

He scoffed, “If anybody is gonna have a penis cactus, it’s me… Don’t judge me.” He couldn’t keep a straight face through that sentence. 

I rolled my eyes, “Why don’t you get a cute one.” I picked up a small pot and held it up to him. “Look at this one! It looks like little dolphins hanging off the stems.” 

He shook his head, “I have one of those already. Blubber is very temperamental about his roots. I don’t need another moody bitch in my little plant kingdom.”

I snorted out a laugh, “Blubber? Plant kingdom? Really?” Without thinking, I reached up and ruffled his hair, causing his breath to hitch. 

“You’re too damn adorable sometimes. I can’t handle it,” I added. His cheeks flushed as he reached to rub at the back of his neck. His actions only added to his adorableness.

In an attempt to avoid staring at his pouty bottom lip, I turned and set the dolphin succulent down and picked up another that looked like little bunnies on the ends of the stems and held it up. He pursed his lips, eyeing it suspiciously as he took it from me, “I don’t have one of these. It IS pretty damn cute…alright, one penis cactus and one bunny succulent.” 

I had to ask, “And what are you gonna name them?”

A thoughtful look formed on his face as he considered his options. “Bob and Thumper,” he finally said matter of factly. 

I arched a brow, fighting a smile, “Do I even want to know which is which?” 

He chuckled, “I’ll leave that to you to figure out.” 

I shook my head, watching as he began shuffling the penis cacti around on the shelf, “Gotta make sure I get a decent sized one. Can’t be having a puny dick plant.” 

I heard a woman standing nearby scoff as she walked off. Dieter and I both giggled like a couple of immature teenagers over his comment and her reaction. He eventually turned and handed me a rather large penis shaped plant and started giggling again before the next sentence left his mouth, “Careful, it’s pokey. I’d wager it has some serious penetration power.” 

I was shaking from laughter as I stood there cradling the pot with both hands. Dieter wasn’t fairing much better as he continued to shuffle plants around on the shelf, occasionally letting out a low chuckle over his comments.

Once he was satisfied with his choices, we finally moved on. Every time he looked over at me holding the penis plant, he snickered. 

“How is it I’m the one that got stuck carrying a dick in a pot and you're carrying the cute one?” 

He shrugged and gave me a cheesy grin that made his dimple pop. I huffed and continued down the aisle ahead of him, stopping to flip through a rack of plant themed T-shirts. I paused, having found the perfect one for him. 

“Dieter, what size shirt do you wear?” I asked innocently.

He sidled up next to me, resting his hand at the nape of my neck briefly before running his fingers down the length of my hair, continuing his motions as he replied, “Extra-large, why?”

I could feel his intense gaze on my face as he waited for a response. I was momentarily frozen by his touch, losing any coherent thought I had as my eyes fluttered shut, enjoying the feeling of his casual affection. At that moment I realized how much I missed those small gestures. Alec only seemed to show any sort of attentiveness when he thought someone was looking, to keep up the appearance of a happy couple. As time went on, I hadn’t really wanted any sort of affection from him, but now, I craved it. I craved it from Dieter. I found the more he gave, the more I wanted, and it was driving me insane. 

When I finally opened my eyes, he was still staring at me with the strangest expression. His eyes seemed darker, filled with longing and unspoken words. I peered up at him with narrowed eyes, determined not to stray across that invisible line. My attention turned back to flipping through a few more shirts, finding his size. With a smug grin, I held it up so he could see it, “I’m buying this for you and you're gonna wear it. It’s near perfect. The only thing missing is the silhouette of a dick cactus.” 

He finally looked away from my face, his eyes squinting to focus on the shirt as he read it aloud, “I’m in my plant daddy era.” 

He huffed out a laugh as he pulled me into his side, “I will one hundred percent wear that. I’ll wear it on SNL if I can get away with it.” 

I pushed away from him, chuckling quietly. “You will not. Shut up.” 

I draped the shirt over my arm, then we continued down the aisles, occasionally pointing things out to each other, but mostly silent now as we took things in. Dieter’s mood seemed to have shifted. When I glanced at him, he would give me a soft smile as his eyes roamed my face. There was something about the way that he was looking at me that made me feel like I was descending down the big drop of a roller coaster, causing my stomach to do flips. It was only made worse by his continued light touches to my lower back or the way he would lean into me as we stood looking at something. There’s no way I was imagining this. He was definitely being more affectionate toward me. 

We eventually made our way to the checkout counter. It took Dieter several minutes to get his shipping sorted out, but once he did, we headed back to the hotel with a plan to get some rehearsal time in. As we approached the hotel entrance, we were accosted by paparazzi. They were pleasant at first, asking Dieter about SNL, but then their questions shifted to me. Initially, they were pretty nonchalant in asking me why I wasn’t wearing my engagement ring. When I didn’t respond, their tone shifted, becoming slightly more aggressive. I was able to ignore it until they asked a question that ignited a burning anger inside of me.

“Does Dieter have anything to do with you not wearing your ring?” 

My feet abruptly stopped moving, seemingly of their own choosing. It took Dieter a second to realize I had paused before he finally turned on his heel, looking at me with a confused expression. I let out a heavy sigh, now seething over the insinuation as I turned toward the pap, “I wanna be clear, the reason that I’m no longer wearing my engagement ring has absolutely NOTHING to do with Dieter Bravo. He and I are just friends. If you wanna know the reason, maybe you should ask Alec.” 

Anxiety was rolling off me in waves as I felt Dieter tug at my elbow, pulling me toward the hotel entrance. I relented and allowed him to lead me inside as he shielded me from the paps shouted questions. We were both silent until we got onto the elevator. 

“What was that about?” he asked gently.

My hands ran down my face as the doors popped open to our floor. Sighing before finally answering him, “I just don’t want you to be associated with whatever shitstorm comes of this. You don’t need ‘homewrecker’ added to your resume of bad deeds. Especially when it has nothing to do with you.” 

Dieter shrugged, “I’m pretty sure I’ve been called out for worse things, but I appreciate the sentiment.” 

He stood beside me, scratching his patchy beard while I swiped into our suite. As we walked through the door, he asked, “Do you wanna talk about it? I can tell it’s been bothering you.”

I huffed out a laugh, “I wouldn’t say that, but it’s definitely got me reevaluating things.” About you.

I gave him a weak smile, hoping he couldn’t see through my words. “I will…talk about it soon. I’m just…still trying to wrap my head around everything.”

He nodded as he pulled me into a tight hug, cocooning me in his warmth and scent. I melted into him, all the tension leaving my body. I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay there forever, basking in his light. He was making me feel things that I hadn’t felt in a long time - cared for, appreciated, and safe. All things I hadn’t really realized I was missing but now knew I wanted and I wanted them from him. Stop thinking like that, Kat. You can’t go there. Isighed, pulling away, “Let’s get to rehearsing. We probably need to film some too.” 

He nodded, “Good point. I’ll go grab the equipment and set it up. We gonna do it on the terrace?” 

I’d like to do it on the terrace…ugh, focus. I cleared my throat, “Yeah…yeah, that works.” 

We spent several hours rehearsing, eventually getting rained on. It was a light rain, so we kept going. It definitely made things more interesting…and slippery. He nearly dropped me a couple of times during one of the lifts, but managed to catch me against his body before I made it to the ground. The close contact and the way he held me tightly against himself was definitely getting me worked up. It didn’t help that he looked sexy as hell with his wet hair hanging down over his smoldering eyes and his white shirt turning transparent across his broad chest as it was saturated with water. 

I eventually hit my limit on self-torture late in the evening. We called it quits after we both began shivering from our wet clothes meeting the cool night air. I waited just outside the terrace door while Dieter ran to get towels, nearly busting his ass on the slick floor in the process, which caused us to burst into laughter. He returned a short time later, walking more gingerly across the living space, with several towels in hand. He held one open and wrapped it around me. Then he grabbed another and draped it over my head, gently squeezing it around my saturated hair before turning his attention to rubbing his hands up and down my arms to help calm the shivering. I leaned into his chest, dropping my head backward onto his shoulder, seeking his warmth. It was an involuntary response, not even thinking about what I was doing before I did it. He didn’t seem to mind as he pulled me tightly against his front and wrapped his arms around me, resting his cheek on the side of my forehead. 

We stood in the doorway like that for a while, watching it rain and not saying a word. All the while my heart was beating out of my chest because of his proximity and the way he was making me feel. For a brief moment, I considered turning my head to press my lips to his but dismissed the thought as quickly as it had come. I suddenly felt like we were crossing that invisible line and needed to put some space between us. I pulled away, giving him a shy smile.

“I think I’m gonna make use of that soaking tub then head to bed. I’m starting to feel a little achy…from the weather, I’m sure…I probably need to try and relax some.” 

Dieter actually looked a little disappointed but nodded. “Do you need me to get you anything?”

I shook my head, “Na, I’m good. Thanks though. I’ll see you in the morning.” 

I noticed his hand lingered on my side until I moved out of his reach. I could feel his eyes on me until I closed the bedroom door behind me.

(More after the pics. Click to enlarge to read text.)

As I got settled into the tub, my phone dinged. It was from Dieter, sending me a short video clip of us dancing in the rain “for an insta post.” I gave him a thumbs up, before saving it to upload to Instagram. Once I finished with that task, I noticed I had a new notification. Dieter had tagged me in a post. He had apparently taken a picture of me at the plant boutique and shared it using the tags #ShePutsUpWithMeBecauseSheHasTo and #SheSecretlyLovesMeThough. I felt a rush at seeing those words. This was the second time he had said something like that, and it was causing butterflies to form in the pit of my stomach. I sighed, setting my phone down. I don’t know how much longer I can fight this.  

I tried to clear my mind and focus on relaxing in the steaming hot water. It was hard, but I finally managed. Once the water began to cool, I got out, threw a t-shirt and shorts on and climbed into bed.

My dreams that night were about Dieter. Just when things were about to get interesting, I was jolted awake by my phone ringing. I looked over at the clock and groaned. It was 6AM. Who in the hell is calling this early…

The call went to voicemail before I could answer it. Then I realized I had several missed calls and text messages from my sister, Lydia. I felt panic rush through me as I unlocked my phone and opened my messenger app. 

LYDIA: Kat, I just saw the pictures, call me.  LYDIA: Are you ok? LYDIA: Did you know? LYDIA: I knew I didn’t like that guy, he’s such a fucking asshole.  LYDIA: Why didn’t you tell me you two had split? I have so many questions. CALL ME!

I let out a whispered “What the fuck…,” confused as to what she was talking about. I opened Instagram and checked my tagged posts. There were pictures of Alec and Lana all over each other outside of an LA restaurant. The video taken outside the hotel the previous day of me saying they should ask Alec why I was no longer wearing my ring was also circulating. I sighed, “Well, guess the proverbial cat is out of the bag now.” 

I did a quick google search which led me to a TMZ article about the whole thing. Apparently “insiders” were reporting that Alec was having an affair with Lana and there had been a confrontation after the last live show. Insiders. Right. I wonder who that is…

This was about to turn into a shitshow, and I was not looking forward to it. To make things worse, I knew Dieter would inevitably be pulled into the middle of it. I sighed, continuing to read through the rest of the article. And there it was, the “insiders” also shared that Dieter was playing the role of a supportive friend and helping me through this difficult time. They added that this latest development was sure to make the show a lot more interesting going forward. 

I puffed air out of my cheeks in frustration, “Well it looks like Stacia and Joe are getting their fucking wish.” 

Since our split was no longer a secret, I took a few minutes to go through and remove all of the pictures of Alec off my social media. No reason to keep that nonsense there now. Then I sent a quick text to my sister to let her know that I was fine and that I would call her later because I couldn’t talk right now. I didn’t have time to go over everything with her because I still had to get ready to go to the studio with Dieter so we could film the Dirty Dancing skit. 

Once I was ready, I made my way out into the living room. Dieter was at the dining table, uneaten food sitting in front of him. His head jerked up from his phone as he gave me a sympathetic look. Fuck. He’s seen it too. 

I moved to sit across the table from him as he slid a cup of coffee and a wrapped food item in my direction. I sighed, picking up the coffee and taking a long drink from it. 

“You doing ok?” he finally asked. 

I nodded, “Yeah, it wasn’t a surprise or anything. I already knew.” 

He reached over, taking my free hand in his and gave it a gentle squeeze, “You wanna talk about it?” 

I shook my head, my eyes focused on the coffee cup in my hand as I responded, “Not right now. I’m not gonna let him ruin my day. I’ll tell you about it later.” 

In my periphery, I could see him nodding with pursed lips. “Well, at least today should be kind of fun. Filming a skit together should be interesting.” 

I chuckled quietly, “Yeah. Interesting is right. I’m about to make a fool of myself.” 

He smiled, “Na, I’ve got you. There aren't a lot of speaking parts for you, and you shouldn’t have any issues with the dancing.” 

I snorted, “Yeah, we’ll see.” 

Interesting was indeed a good description. What they had settled on doing for the skit was basically a movie trailer parody. They handpicked several scenes and figured out how to make them as ridiculous as possible. The first scene that we shot was where Baby carried the watermelon to the party. Except this time, it was Dieter carrying two very small watermelons at crotch level as he approached me, turning it into an unintentional joke about having small balls as he attempted to flirt…badly. I was having the hardest time keeping a straight face through several of the takes. The both of us actually burst into laughter a couple of times, but we finally managed it. 

The next scene we filmed involved me beckoning him onto the dance floor, attempting to show him how to do the ‘dirty dancing’ that everyone else around us was doing. The way he was flailing around initially had me in stitches. After giving him a quick ‘lesson’ he switched to humping the air as I shook my head and walked out of frame, still trying to hold in my laughter. He followed after me with his arms out, shouting, “Oh come on, that was good.” 

We filmed several other scenes from the movie, including Dieter standing in front of me as I slid my hand down the underside of his raised arm and him giggling like a fool as I got frustrated, practicing footwork on a giant fake log and him falling off of it as I gave an exasperated look, and teaching him the final dance where he was doing the most absurd over the top exaggerated movements throughout. We also did the “Nobody puts Bravo in a corner scene” to which I absolutely lost it every time I said the line. I blamed Dieter and the ridiculous puppy dog thing he kept doing with his eyes as the line left my mouth. It took several tries, but we finally nailed it. 

We also shot a scene practicing the lift, except I was the one lifting Dieter and dropping him multiple times. They had him rigged up on a wire system for that, but there were still several instances where he really fell on top of me as we went down. We laughed it off, but there was some serious sexual tension forming that I absolutely could not ignore. By this point, we were heavily flirting and couldn’t keep our hands off each other. Even when the cameras were not rolling. 

We ended by filming the final dance scene. He was still making the moves look as comical as possible, intentionally of course. We did the lift again, nailing it for the final shot. I stood there pretending to hold him up, trying to hold my laughter while he posed with his arms out and had a cheesy ass grin on his face for the camera. As they lowered him, he wrapped his arms around my neck and pulled me against his body, laughing into the top of my hair about the whole thing. 

“This is going to be the most ridiculous thing ever,” he finally said. Then he kissed me on the forehead, “Thank you for doing this with me.” 

I was stunned. It took me a minute to snap out of it and respond, “No problem. It has been kind of fun. I can’t wait to see the final product.” He pulled away as two guys came to unhook him from the rig. I scurried out of the way to stand in the corner to wait for him. While waiting, one of the cast extras came over and asked to speak with me. I smiled politely, not knowing what she could possibly want, then motioned for her to continue. 

“I feel stupid for asking and it’s probably a long shot, but is Dieter dating anyone?” 

That was not a question I was expecting. Several things went through my head. Was she serious? Was this a ruse to see if we had something going on? What were her intentions? On top of the questions, I actually felt a tinge of jealousy. It wasn’t like I had any right to feel that way. I could lie and say he was seeing someone, but that didn’t seem fair to him. Part of me sort of wanted to see how he would handle her asking him out. 

I stalled, glancing over at Dieter, who was struggling to get out of his harness. “Uhhh, I don’t think so,” I finally managed to get out. 

I turned my attention back to the girl. She was pretty. A young blonde thing that I’m sure any man would find attractive. I felt my insides twist at the thought of him being interested in her. Fuck. I’ve got it bad. 

“So, you two aren’t…a thing?”

It took me a second to realize what she was asking, but then I shook my head. “Oh no, not at all. Just dance partners, nothing else.” I hoped she couldn’t hear the disappointment in my voice. 

She visibly relaxed, “Whew. Ok, good. I didn’t wanna step on any toes. Do you think he would be weirded out if I gave him my number?” 

At least she asked, I guess. I shrugged, my mouth hanging open for a moment. “I honestly don’t know. It’s Dieter…you never know what sort of reaction you’re gonna get from him.” 

It wasn’t a lie, but I also hoped it would be a deterrent. It didn’t seem to be. As he moved to walk toward me, she intercepted him. I could tell the moment she brought it up because his eyes widened as he nervously glanced in my direction. He sort of shrugged, shaking his head from side to side. It looked like he said something about not having any free time before he heads back to LA, obviously trying to let her down easily. 

After the girl walked away, he gave me a wide-eyed stare as he moved toward me a little faster than necessary. He huffed out a laugh, “Fucking hell. What is with this cast trying to get with me.” 

I felt relieved, now smiling up at him, “So it was a no, huh?”

He scoffed, “You knew what was happening?”

I snickered, “Yeah, she asked if you were seeing anyone. I said I didn’t think so.” 

He shook his head, “If anyone else asks you that, lie. Tell them I’m celibate or asexual. I don’t care what you say. Just shut it down.” 

Laughter shook my body as he pulled me into his side. He chuckled, “You and Zee are the only women in my life right now. I don’t need or want any more.” 

My laughter subsided as I peered up at him. I wasn’t sure how to take that. I knew he was joking, but I wanted it to be true. I wanted to be his. 

He glanced down at me and smiled, “Hey, how about we head back to the hotel, get changed, and go out for a decent dinner tonight? There’s a fancy Greek restaurant nearby that I think you’d enjoy.” 

I felt my heart flutter over the fact that he wanted to take me to a Greek restaurant of all places. He was always so thoughtful. He had also turned someone else down, only to ask me to dinner immediately after. Why did he do that? 

I arched a brow at him, “So, you have time to take me out to dinner, but not the hot blonde?”  

He shrugged, “We need to rehearse after…and she’s not really my type.” 

My eyes narrowed, “You say that a lot. Do you even know what your type is?”

He thought for a moment, then gave me a mischievous smile as he leaned down next to my ear, whispering in a velvety smooth voice, “For starters, I prefer brunettes.” 

I felt goosebumps prickling at my skin as my eyes widened. What the hell is he doing? Surely, I’m reading into all this too much because I want it to be true. 

I side-eyed him, “Mmhmm, is that the problem?”

He turned to look at me intently, “Yeah, it’s kind of a deal breaker.” 

I chuckled, “Alright. Noted. I’ll be sure to send the brunettes you’re way and tell everyone else you’re celibate and not dating.” 

Dieter rolled his eyes, grabbing my hand to pull me into the hallway, moving toward the dressing rooms as he entwined his fingers with mine.

(More after the pics. Click to enlarge to read text)

We paused in the hallway for a minute so I could take a quick selfie of us. I was overdue for another ‘behind the scenes’ Instagram post. Dieter leaned in and surprised me with a kiss on the cheek just as I snapped the picture. I wasn’t expecting it, which meant I couldn't help the cheesy grin that spread across my face. It made me feel a rush of excitement that I had to work hard to contain. 

Dieter leaned over my shoulder as I pulled up Instagram to get it posted. I took the opportunity to give a little tease about what we were up to by adding the hashtag #NobodyPutsBravoInTheCorner. Dieter gave me a nod of approval before I hit ‘post’. If this didn’t whip the Dieterina crowd into a frenzy, then I didn’t know what would. 

After that, we quickly changed out of our costumes and headed back to the hotel to freshen up and get ready to go out for dinner. I had a nervous flutter in my stomach as I pulled on the little black dress I had brought. This almost felt like a date, except he hadn’t called it that. Why would he? We were just two friends hanging out during a work trip after all. 

Once I was ready, I walked out into the living room. Dieter let out a low whistle from where he was sitting just outside the open terrace door. I could feel the blush creeping up my cheeks as his eyes looked me over from head to toe.

“Damn girl, you pulled out the revenge dress tonight.” 

I laughed nervously, “Shut up. I did not.” 

I walked outside, standing next to where he was sitting as I took in the dusky view of the city. When I turned back to face him, I caught him pointing his phone in my direction.

“What are you doing?” I asked as my eyes narrowed on him.

He snickered, “Taking a picture for Instagram. Fine art is meant to be appreciated after all.”

I rolled my eyes at him, “If you say so.”

He tapped away on his phone for a moment before standing and snaking his arm around my waist, “You ready to go? I can’t wait to show you off.” 

My eyes snapped to his as I tried not to be distracted by the way he was pulling me against his body. A small smile tugged at my lips, “I wasn’t aware that I was yours to show off.” 

He laughed nervously, “I mean…you are my dance partner. I think I’m allowed to be proud of that.” 

I bumped my shoulder against his, “Mmhmm, I suppose so…Ya know, you don’t look so bad yourself.” 

It wasn’t a lie. He was wearing some well fitted dark wash jeans, a black button up dress shirt, and a black blazer. His button allergy was flaring up of course, allowing a nice little peak at his chest. I spent more time staring at that patch of bare skin than I should have. I knew it would serve as a distraction all throughout dinner. 

We left soon after that, walking to the restaurant that was just a couple of blocks over. Dieter had called ahead to reserve a table, so we didn’t have to wait long. As soon as we were seated, we knew we had eyes on us. There was a woman a few tables over trying to be sneaky about snapping pictures. We both sighed heavily once we realized it. We tried not to let it bother us, but it definitely had us on our best behavior for the most part. It didn’t stop Dieter from touching my knee under the table when he laughed about something or encouraged me to try some of his food. Each time, he would squeeze gently, sending shivers up my spine. I found myself wishing we were at a more private table, so we could really enjoy our time with each other. We still had fun though, and the food was as amazing as he said it would be. 

We walked back to the hotel arm in arm, discussing our rehearsal plans for the evening. We figured we could get at least four or five hours in before we needed to go to bed. We wasted no time jumping into it, quickly changing then going out on the terrace to get started. By this point, we pretty much had the choreography figured out and just needed to work on polishing things up. Dieter seemed to be feeling more relaxed about the routine than he had earlier in the week, smiling and humming along to the music as we worked through the moves. His deep soulful voice was reverberating through every inch of my body, making it hard to focus on the steps, but I didn’t want him to stop. 

After several minutes of the humming, my brows arched as I smiled at him. He smirked before spinning me around. “What are you smiling about?” he asked.

I shook my head, moving back into a closed position as we floated around the terrace to the music. “You don’t usually sing along. You must be feeling this song.” 

He shrugged, “Ehh, it’s growing on me. The lyrics are…” 

His words trailed off as his eyes met mine. There seemed to be a longing in his gaze as he gave me a soft smile, pulling me against him for the first small lift. Once my feet were firmly back on the ground, I prompted him, “The lyrics are what? You can’t leave me hanging like that.” 

He chuckled, “I dunno…their bittersweet. Makes me wonder if a love like that actually exists.” 

My breath hitched. I really wish I knew what he was thinking. I wasn’t sure how to respond to him. I opted for a bit of humor so as to not give myself away, “Well, if you happen to find it, please share the secret.” 

He stared at me for a moment, the look in his eyes almost wistful. He seemed like he was about to say something else but didn’t, instead transitioning to the next move and going silent. 

We went through the routine one more time after that, seeming to have it down for the most part. When we finished, I followed Dieter back inside, watching as he went to grab us a couple bottles of water from the mini fridge. I sat down on the sectional and stretched out along one side of it. He handed me a water as he walked by, then leaned down to lift my feet off the couch so he could sit down in front of the TV. I scoffed as he sat, watching him take a quick swig of water, trying not to laugh. 

He finally looked at me with a sneaky smirk, then patted his lap for me to prop my feet up. I furrowed my brows. This felt like crossing the line. I hesitated. He scoffed and rolled his eyes. Then leaned down to grab my feet, lifting them into his lap as he pulled me closer, causing me to scoot down the sofa so that I was lying down. He put his arm across my ankles so that I couldn’t move, “Sit back and relax Kit Kat. You’ve been going all day. I don’t want you to overdo it”

I blew air out of my cheeks as I settled in and got comfortable. Dieter was flipping through the channels on the TV when my phone buzzed with a text from my sister. She wanted to check in and see how I was doing. I sighed. I knew she had good intentions, but I didn’t want to interrupt my time with Dieter to fill her in. I shot her a quick text to let her know I was ok and that I would give her a call once I got back to LA. As I laid my phone down on my stomach, I noticed Dieter giving me a questioning look. 

I gave him a tight-lipped smile in return, “It’s my sister checking on me. She saw the pictures.” 

He chewed on the inside of his cheek, now turning down the volume on the TV. Then he shifted to face me, propping his legs up along the edge of the couch next to my hip. 

“You wanna talk about that now?” he asked gently. 

“I mean, you don’t have to tell me what happened, but it may do you some good to talk to someone about it,” he added as he took my bare left foot in his hand and began to gently massage it with his thumbs. Damn, that feels good. 

I sighed, “Yeah, I mean…it probably would. I haven’t told anyone what happened.”

I rubbed at the crease between my brows, dreading speaking it out loud. I really hoped I could keep it together. 

“There’s not really much to it…last Thursday morning, Alec and I were supposed to go get breakfast before rehearsals. We hadn’t really spent much time together since the show started, so we were making an effort to do that. He had spent the night after coming in pretty late. I have no idea where he was, but I can assume…The next morning, as I was getting ready, he came in and said he had to switch rehearsal times with one of the other couples…straight up lied to my face to get out of going out with me. After he left…I called to check about his studio time and found out he hadn’t switched with anyone. So, I went to his apartment and walked in on him fucking Lana…without a condom I might add.”

Dieter gave me a sympathetic look, “So you lied about being stuck in traffic that morning.”

My face scrunched up as I inhaled deeply, “I did, I’m sorry about that. I didn’t wanna fall apart while we were filming. I just needed time…to process it. I was sort of in shock I think.” 

He shrugged, “That’s understandable, but I knew something was wrong.”

“I know. I’m sorry that I worried you. I was just very much in my head and trying to figure out next steps. I hadn’t expected to end my day with a trip to the local clinic to get checked out because of my cheating fiancé. I was feeling a lot of emotions and didn’t really know how to express them yet...” 

He grimaced as his thumb dug into the arch of my foot a little deeper, causing me to melt further into the sofa. I had to fight the urge to moan from the feeling. He really did give a good foot massage. God, is there anything he can’t do? 

“Did the pictures upset you this morning?” he asked.

I shook my head, “Not really. I’m surprised they were so public with it this soon, but I’ve already seen worse than that. So, I didn’t really feel anything but annoyed by the shitstorm they’re about to unleash on us.” 

“That’s probably a valid concern. Looks like Stacia and Joe are gonna get their drama.” 

I gave a dismissive laugh, “Yeah, guess so…but even with that, I still feel sort of relieved. I made a mistake giving him another chance. I was already hating myself for making that decision…but at least it gave me a good reason to finally kick him to the curb. He couldn’t talk his way out of that one.”

Dieter’s thumbs moved to lightly rub small circles on the inside of my foot, just under the ankle bone. He was staring at me intensely now. Between the way he was touching me and the way he was looking at me, it caused my thighs to involuntarily clench together. I noticed his lips twitching, like he was fighting a smile. Fuck. Please tell me he didn’t notice that.

“That’s true. At least you can move on to bigger and better things now,” he finally said.

His voice seemed lower, causing the forming ache at my center to become almost unbearable. I could feel my breathing pick up as his eyes studied me. I squirmed under his gaze, my core now contracting around nothing. I felt the pressure of his thumb increase as it slid toward my Achilles tendon. That familiar sensation of a pending release started to build, my body involuntarily tensing as a result. My jaw fell slack as a tingling sensation started in my foot where he was rubbing and shot straight to my aching cunt. What the actual hell was that? Is he doing that on purpose? I pulled my foot away before I had a full-on orgasm from a fucking foot massage. 

He smirked, “Something wrong?” 

I sucked in a breath with wide eyes, shaking my head. “N-No. It’s just a little ticklish. Maybe avoid that spot.” 

His teeth sunk into his bottom lip as he chuckled, “Noted.” 

He switched to the other foot at that point, still glancing my way with that fucking smirk. 

“You sure you’re OK? You look a little flushed,” he asked in a teasing tone. 

I could have kicked him in his stupidly handsome face. I felt like he knew exactly what he was doing. Why would he do that on purpose though? Surely that wasn’t the case. 

I pulled my feet from his lap and moved to sit up. I needed to put some space between us before I lost my damn mind and what little self-control I still had.

“Actually…I’m really tired, I think I’m just gonna head to bed. What time do we need to be at the studio tomorrow?” 

Dieter’s lips turned downward, “Umm, eight I think.”

I nodded as I stood from the couch, “Alright… I’ll uhh… see you in the morning…Goodnight.”

I nearly tripped over the coffee table when I turned to walk toward my room. I didn’t even acknowledge my clumsiness, I just kept walking. I could hear Dieter snickering as I closed the door behind me.

It took me forever to fall asleep. I was so wound up I felt like I was about to snap. I was half tempted to try and relieve some of the tension but was worried I wouldn’t be able to stay quiet enough so that Dieter wouldn’t hear me on the other side of the door. As I laid there with my eyes closed, I silently cursed him for not going to his room. 

Thank God this week of fucking torture is almost over. I can’t take much more.

Next: Week 5 (Part 3)

A/N: Y'all still with me? Are you ready to come at me with pitchforks yet? I told you, its a slow build. If you think the tension is bad now...It gets worse (if you can believe that). Don't worry, in the next part, things are going down (and so does Dieter...). 😏

Once again, there was so much that happened this chapter. The news about Kat/Alec/Lana has broke. The drama is upon them. We had a lot of cute (and hot) interactions with Dieter and Kat. Which one was your favorite?

How about that foot massage? Fun fact, some people can actually have an orgasm from a foot massage. It's a thing! You have a lot of nerve endings in your feet that connect to other parts of your body. Do you think Dieter is aware of this? How big of a menace do you think he being?

Do you think Dieter is laying it on too thick? Or is he meeting Kat in the middle? They are both definitely putting off some vibes.

Poor Dieter can't catch a break. Everyone wants a piece of him. Do you think people hitting on him will eventually have any impact on Kat?

What do we think Alec was up to? Something nefarious, or just wanting his stuff?

So, I know I said 3 parts for Rumba week. I lied. It will be 4, because... smut happened. I'm not sorry. 😂

Part 3 is nearly done. I plan to get it posted sometime next week. Haven't started part 4 yet, so no ETA on that one.

What do you think is going to happen in part 3? Who is going to break first? What's going to cause it? I can't wait to get this one out to you!

HERE is the sexy Rumba video for this chapter.

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[sexiestpodcastcharacter]

Who is the Sexiest Fictional Podcast Character?

After receiving 219 submissions for 152 characters from 52 podcasts and a round of preliminaries, we have our brackets!*

*20 characters from the podcast Welcome to Night Vale will appear later in a Night Vale-only bracket.

Round 1:

Scripted Bracket

Isabel Lovelace (Wolf 359) vs Cyrille (5 Minuten Harry Podcast)

Krejjh (The Strange Case of Starship Iris) vs Lady Ethel Mallory (Hello From The Hallowoods)

Lord Arum (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs The Witch Queen A.K.A. Daughter Dooley (Old Gods of Appalachia

Warren Kepler (Wolf 359) vs Ashley "Ash" Ramis (Georgie Romero is Done For)

Brutus Feels (Kane and Feels) vs Shan (SPINES)

Sir Caroline (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs The Dragon Narrator (Unseen)

Alé (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs Hester/The Narrator (Within The Wires: Season 1)

Thistle/The Woman (Alice Isn't Dead) vs Sam Bailey (The Sheridan Tapes)

Peter Nureyev (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Butt (Pounded In The Butt By My Own Podcast: Episode 1)

Alice (Alice Isn't Dead) vs Diggory Graves (Hello From the Hallowoods)

Antigone Funn (Wooden Overcoats) vs Ryan Dallas (EOS 10)

Martin Blackwood (The Magnus Archives) vs Galileo (Let's Make A Music)

Lucifer Kane (Kane and Feels) vs Gin (Story Break: Heaven Heist)

Amaryllis of Exile (The Penumbra Podcast: Second Citadel) vs Mabel Martin (Mabel)

Pilot Pereya (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Hester Oleta (Within The Wires: Season 1)

Strelitzia (Additional Postage Required) vs Harold "HBD" Bastion Demetrius (The Soft-Boiled Detective)

Akmazian (EOS 10) vs Everyone from The Strange Case of Starship Iris

Damien (The Bright Sessions) vs Mari Datuin (Hi Nay)

Count Dracula (Re: Dracule) vs Static Man (Archive 81)

Dragana Vukovic (The White Vault) vs Elias Bouchard (The Magnus Archives)

Agnes Montague (The Magnus Archives) vs Vega Rex (Vega: A Sci-Fi Adventure Podcast!)

Mina Murray (Re: Dracula) vs Nicholas Waters (Archive 81)

Mark Bryant (The Bright Sessions) vs Laura (Hi Nay)

Georgie Crusoe (Wooden Overcoats) vs Kate Burnham (The Bridge)

Keisha (Alice Isn't Dead) vs SAYER (SAYER)

Chance Sequoyah (The Penumbra Podcast) vs Yaretzi (Hello From The Hallowoods)

Buddy Aurinko (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Dane (Dreamboy)

Sadie Doyle (Thrilling Adventure Hour: Beyond Belief) vs Hera (Wolf 359)

Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives) vs The CryptoNaturalist (The CryptoNaturalist)

Rita (The Penumbra Podcast: Juno Steel) vs Lou (Archive 81)

Dr. Joan Bright (The Bright Sessions) vs Ashvin Beeharee (Hi Nay)

Renée Minkowski (Wolf 359) vs Clara Page (Who is Aldrich Kemp)

Unscripted Bracket

Pickman (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle) vs The Shadow Man ('Til Death Do Us Blart)

Beacon (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty vs Glenn Close (Dungeons and Daddies)

Oscar Wilde (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Grand Magnificent (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage)

Taako (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Bathin (Stella Firma)

Lup (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Sago Glegg (Rotating Heroes: Arc 6)

Sans Undertale (Interstitial: Our Hearts Intertwined: Authority) vs M. Leopold Duvall (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)

Duck Newton (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty) vs Chine (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)

Tryst Valentine (Campaign: Star Wars) vs Mini Smithson (Chapter and Multiverse: Masks)

Gable (Campaign: Skyjacks) vs Hector Hu (Friends at the Table: Bluff City)

Michael (The Adventure Zone: Dust) vs Nicky Close (Dungeons and Daddies

Zolf Smith (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Fourteen Fifteen (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage)

Coco Cashmere (Hey Riddle Riddle) vs Trexel Geistman (Stella Firma)

Killian Fangbattle (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Henrietta Salm (Pest Control: Fate)

Kalvin Brnine (Friends at the Table: PALISADE) vs Lye "Lyke" Lichen (Friends at the Table: Sangfielle)

Indrid Cold (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty) vs Rigour (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight)

Chunt (Hello From The Magic Tavern) vs Suvirin Kedberiket (Worlds Beyond Number: The Wizard, The Witch, and the Wild One)

Tender Sky (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage) vs Pox (NeoScum)

The Firbolg (The Adventure Zone: Graduation) vs Ron Stampler (Dungeons and Daddies)

Azu (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Hadrian (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron)

Moonshine Cybin (Not Another D&D Podcast: Bahumia) vs Caspian (Just Roll With It: Riptide)

Amber Gris (The Adventure Zone: Ethersea) vs Jens Lyndelle (Not Another D&D Podcast: Trinvyvale)

Perennial (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN and PALISADE) vs Throndir (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron)

Nadiya Jones (The Adventure Zone: Commitment) vs Ibex (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight)

Cassander Timaeus Berenice (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight) vs Tech Wizard (NeoScum)

Vermillion "Milli" Blue (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN) vs Dak Rambo (NeoScum)

Rainer (The Adventure Zone: Graduation) vs Mercedes Oak-Garcia (Dungeons and Daddies)

Thisbe (Friends at the Table: PARTIZAN and PALISADE) vs Echo Reverie (Friends at the Table: Twilight Mirage)

Kravitz (The Adventure Zone: Balance) vs Henry Hogfish (Not Another D&D Podcast)

Aubrey Little (The Adventure Zone: Amnesty) vs Glenfyr "Glen" Gladewyn (Not Another D&D Podcast

Cel Sidebottom (Rusty Quill Gaming) vs Adelaide Tristé (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron)

Kardala (The Adventure Zone: Commitment) vs Jacqui Green (Friends at the Table: COUNTER/Weight)

Hella Varal (Friends at the Table: Seasons of Hieron) vs (Former) Confessor Bartholomew Lamentations (The Unexplored Places: Ruin's Gate)

[misscammiedawn]

Story time. Allow us to ramble a little.

Recently we have been reading interviews about I Saw The TV Glow. In one interview Jane Shoenbrun mentioned her experience rewatching her own Pink Opaque, that being Buffy's musical episode, Once More With Feeling.

Reading it unlocked a key memory. A memory I'd like to share today.

CW: Suicide mention

Text version:

We have never seen Buffy The Vampire Slayer. Not all the way through anyway. By the time we had the ability to our distaste for Whedon soured the idea. We had seen the musical episode. We were sure of that, however it was lost in the sea of blurry memories from the period of our life where we were making it on our own. I shall spare the details but at 16 we were pulled out of school and at 17 kicked out on our own. This story takes place sometime within those fuzzy years.

These were the days of web forums, HTML and Limewire. The days that told you System of a Down wrote a Zelda song and that Mew could be found under a truck by the SS Anne. We lived in London at the time and during our early days of homelessness we found free ways to keep ourselves going. Did you know that one of the HMVs in Oxford Street had a movie theatre in the basement that just showed off DVDs? We watched Shrek 3 times in a row in that baby. It gave us somewhere to be that wasn't the abandoned flat we were holed up in.

More often than not we were at the library using a computer and logging into Yahoo Groups and a video game web forum. There we met a person I shall call Rosy. Rosy was an admin at the forum and was, like us, keyed in on a specific comic adaptation of the franchise. We used to read each issue religiously, camping on the floor of the W.H. Smith's in Waterloo station. Funny... we have no memories of our little sister growing up but we can remember the exact space that the comic was stocked on those shelves. Two and a half decades later...

Our mutual love of this niche comic and the fact that we were both ostracized from a portion of the fandom that was attempting to do a fan-made continuation made us fast friends. In many ways Rosy was our first true friend. She was 5 years older than us. She was also moving to London for university. We met up. Spent time at the same internet cafes and libraries.

Time flowed. We grew closer. We shared our intrigues and stories. We would sit with our back to the wall curling the wire of our landline around our finger vividly picturing the tales she told us about her roleplay adventures. That became a fixture. She would talk and talk about the fantasies and stories of her daily life and we would just visualize it.

She was a fan of Buffy.

She was excited for the sixth season starting on BBC.

As she spoke about the plot she described in great detail the plot of Glory from the previous season, elaborating on how much she enjoyed and appreciated that storyline. An orderly named Ben who was possessed by a goddess named Glory and would become her.

I cannot recall the details that she laid down, but I do recall that we would picture it vividly and clear in our head. This becoming a woman. I do not recall if we focused on the topic or she was preoccupied with it, but she elaborated on the differences between representations of men becoming women in fiction.

She elaborated that in much of culture a man becoming a woman was seen to be disempowerment. A joke. Something of a humiliation. That it was constantly looked down upon.

I feel like she was venting frustrations about her gender being used as a tool for ridicule and how Buffy as a show empowered her as a woman not just in the strength of its predominantly female cast but in that a meek and lowly man was seen to become an all powerful goddess in feminine form and how much that impressed her and resonated with her.

She even went on to elaborate on examples such as a story she had stumbled upon about a group of male prisoners having their violent urges suppressed by a feminizing treatment and how it made her feel sick to her stomach that being turned into a woman was treated as this horrific thing within that fiction.

These memories are likely inaccurate from the years and years between, particularly as they were lost to me until recent weeks. Even still... I recall us feeling somewhat hurt and confused in that moment and yet in time I believe we misunderstood her at the time. We were not yet ready to grapple the topics being laid at our feet.

I pause now to mention that note that Rosy a cis woman.

So we decided to tune in to BBC2 and see what all the fuss was about. The musical episode was our first exposure. It was adorable. We keyed in on Allison Hannigan's Willow instantly. If we had tuned in for gender related reasons then having a red haired queer woman to focus on did not hurt at all.

Plus it was lesbian representation.

A side bar which can fit its own storytime segment is that our mother is a lesbian. Our mother is a strange figure on the edge of our life, particularly as the UK courts deemed her "unsafe" to raise us and the gay community of 90s London had some biphobia strong enough that though I cannot recall any memories of seeing our mother face prejudice for having biological children I know it was an issue.

We would watch Hercules, Merlin and Xena with her. She was not shy about sharing her feelings about Lucy Lawless. In fact, now I say that, it is pretty odd that I am aware that Angelina Jolie in Girl Interuppted was her biggest screencrush.

Allosexuals are going to be allosexual, I suppose.

Point is, since a very early age we were aware of sexualities beyond hetero and just how much it made the target demographic light up to see themselves on screen.

We'll get back to that...

The musical episode of Buffy is not one to walk in on. Yet it has a romantic ballad of lesbian bliss with a mild undertone of psychological abuse strong enough that it could be detected by someone who lacked the broader context that Willow was rewriting her girlfriend's memories rather than communicate openly and honestly.

It also is entirely based about characters who have had their emotions reach a boiling point burst out into song. Song and dance in musicals are expressions of emotion that can no longer be contained by dialogue alone and that episode was forcing each character to spill their truths. Leading to the reveal that Buffy is deeply angst-ridden about being brought back to life.

Rosy had taken effort to explain that Buffy died at the end of Season 5. Between the conclusion of Season 5 of Buffy and Season 2 of Twin Peaks, it's clear that Shoenbrun also had feelings about killing off the lead in a season finale cliffhanger.

That... hit. This is a topic about our gender and not our mortality so I shall not elaborate. But that final song and the episode ending on a discomforted emotion that Buffy regretted being alive? That was the moment we became engaged with the show.

It's funny...

We watched it for 12 weeks.

The plot followed the slow corruption of the redhead that we had fixated upon. How her addiction to magic was ruining her relationships and compromising her good-natured spirit. I do not recall the episodes well enough to comment upon their quality or how well the story was handled.

I do recall how the story between Willow and Tara ended, however.

It was so senseless. So cruel. So... pointless.

Certainly, it allowed the queer backbone of the show to become an evil witch and likely be defeated in the season finale, perhaps turned back to the side of good once more? I do not recall and did not stick around.

The emotional tension between the troubled couple had hit its apex and discussions were forced to happen and Willow was discovering that she could not abuse Tara into staying. She could not bespell her without circumventing her agency and understood that she had been doing that very thing by not allowing her to remember their fights.

Then Tara drops dead.

Tara just dies.

An accidental stray bullet from outside the house just pierces through her body.

I do not know the history of this character. I was attached to her only in the way of knowing that so few pieces of positive queer media existed in the awful landscape of the 90s and it was nice to see a lesbian couple allowed to exist openly and without inference and innuendo.

And they killed her.

They just murdered her so Willow could become evil for a few episodes.

Rosy was livid too.

I have no memory of the conversations we had but I recall our intent to stop watching was solidified and she did not blame us. She knew our history. She likely knew we were trans, even if we were a lifetime away from accepting it.

Buffy may be a good show and worth watching. Perhaps some day we'll get over our distaste for Whedon and watch it.

But now we have the memory resurfaced, I wish to linger on the version that existed in our head before the musical episode. Before we knew what Willow looked like and projected ourselves upon her.

Just the mental image of a meek boy turning into a literal goddess and how that expression of empowerment resonated so deeply with our cisgender friend that it blossomed into an emotion that we would someday recognize as gender euphoria.

I have no clue how Ben was in the show. I do not know if he was an allegory, if he communicated with Glory, if this big bad of the season was someone worthy of Rosy's admiration.

All I know is that someone saw positivity reflected in the screen and a dumb kid who had so very few role models saw someone she respected described crossing the chasm of the gender spectrum as a positive thing.

Even if the representation is not perfect, even if the creative team themselves are not perfect... sometimes someone can find language to convey their truth from seeing the ideas play out on screen and sometimes hearing someone else's truth can be the key to unlocking your own.

I did not see the TV glow.

But I heard it in her voice and felt it in my heart.

It took over 15 years from those events to come out. But I did. And Rosy was there with a message on social media "It'd be rude to say 'I always knew' but..."

[knee-stockings]

So I’ve been listening to lots of podcasts at work lately to break up the monotony of my office job. Mainly they’re horror, suspense/thriller, drama, that kind of thing. Trying to give ratings without spoilers~

(Check out updated pod recs here)

The Left Right Game (a journalist investigating an urban legend that gets increasingly more dangerous as they go): 5/5, this being one of the first ones I listened to set the bar really high tbh, it was great, immersive sound design, genuinely suspenseful and creepy moments, interesting plot, my only gripe is that I didn’t love the ending but I couldn’t dock a star just for that, highly recommend, maybe I’ll retire to Wintry Bay someday 

Alice Isn’t Dead (delivery trucker goes searching for her believed dead wife, comes across supernatural towns and creatures and a conspiracy that goes way deeper than one missing woman): 5/5, so so good, enjoyed a lot, I loved learning the truth about the Thistle men, still don’t completely understand oracles but that’s okay, some delightfully creepy moments, this will be high on my recommendation list (also it’s by the Welcome to Night Vale people, which I actually haven’t listened to lmao)

Harley Quinn and the Joker: Sound Mind (it’s a Harley Quinn origin story basically): 5/5, very enjoyable, sound design great, plot was fun, I don’t know how accurate this story is to the original Harley Quinn origin story but I liked this a lot

The Burned Photo (two women try to fight a familial curse haunting their bloodlines): 4/5, not bad at all, I thought the sound design was great and immersive but I thought the monster’s voice was a bit goofy idk, the plot wasn’t bad though ofc it was pretty bittersweet and sad in the end, tho I think it was never going to be happy for everyone involved

Blackwood (group of teens investigate the town urban legend and uncover more than they bargained for): I can’t decide…3.5 maybe? It was okay. I didn’t love it or hate it, I’m pretty neutral about it. It was interesting enough

Gaslight (girl goes missing and then reappears to her best friend years later with little explanation): 3/5, feels like there should be another season, wasn’t as dramatic/suspenseful as I thought it would be (maybe that’s my own fault tho, from the description and stuff I thought there would be more to it)

Ice-Cream (teens suspect the friendly neighborhood ice cream man of abducting little kids and uncover a dark secret): 4.5/5, interesting and a lil creepy, there’s something oddly funny about hearing someone scream “fuck you Beelzebub” even in context, sound design is pretty good and voice acting is great, finale was also pretty good but I’m docking half a star bc of that very last bit and bc I said so, overall short n’ sweet, no pun intendo (I’m kinda glad that it’s only the one season and not super long, gives the feeling of not overstaying its welcome. Also in awe that they made it within like a month, gonna go listen to their other podcast Cascadia too)

Cascadia (submarine expedition to uncharted waters, gone wrong, we almost died!?): 5/5, by the Ice-Cream people so I expected great sound design and voice acting and said expectations were met tbh, yes god love the drama, ocean depths are inherently scary to me so this is top tier horror, season one was chef’s kiss beautiful and I heard season 2 is coming so I’ll be waiting eagerly for that

Listening now:

Within the Wires (season 1 is relaxation cassette tapes from another world, season 2 is a guided museum tour I think): also by the WTNV people, interesting so far, the plot that unfolded in the first season was cool to watch as it played out, but also I am so sad. I like it so far

Rabbits (girl goes searching for her friend who disappeared because of this mysterious Rabbits game): feels like a really slow start after a few episodes, I kinda wanna get to more action soon please

Wake of Corrosion (apocalypse where characters are trying to find other survivors and also answers): mild shrug, not sure what to make of it just yet. Only like 2 episodes in so I think I need to give it a bit

Ars Paradoxica (scientist accidentally invents time travel and is thrown back to the 1940s): pretty interesting so far, science is fun 

Spoiler comment for Cascadia under the cut bc it's the one I just finished and I have Thoughts

As much as I enjoyed Cascadia, when I think about the expedition for more than 2 seconds I get confused. Not the whole alien thing, that’s fine, it’s Badger and Maria and their ulterior motives. Why in the world did Badger spend millions of dollars to make a submarine that’s faulty on purpose? And there was so much media coverage around it so the second something went wrong reporters were practically beating him over the head with microphones, so why risk so much bad press? Plus sacrificing three other talented divers who trusted him with their lives??? That’s the most confusing to me. There’s no way Badger foresaw them getting attacked underwater and losing Declan alone, so he must have been fully prepared to lose captain AND crew. Holden said that he saw Badger as a father, and yet he chose Holden to die? He said he handpicked them, so what did Holden, Alia, or Iris ever do to him to deserve being sent on a suicide mission? Doing all this just to get rid of Declan and be with Maria doesn’t feel right. Feels like there should be something more there. Tldr: surely Badger had another reason for conducting the suicide mission, right? Also since season 2 starts with Lila all grown up, a diver just like her father, I wanna know her opinions of her mother and of Badger. Did she learn about her mother’s betrayal? Is Badger still involved in funding deep sea diving or did the FBI take him out of that? Omg who’s the father of her little sibling…I’m so curious…

[mio-nika]

I promised @turquoisewaves07 podcast recommendations

So let's get going. I will not obviously include every podcast I ever listened, only the ones that I really like and sometimes relisten.

1. Knifepoint horror.

Possibly my favourite podcast ever. It's the series of stories written and narrated by a guy called Soren Narnia. They are not usually connected and would sound similar to oneshots of MAG (almost every story starts as "my name is..." just like the "statement of..."). They usually very weird in nature, and it's really hard to explain why I like them so much. I usually recommend starting from "school".

2. Limetown.

Oh, the classic story about "every living person disappeared from this small unassuming town in the middle of the night".

It's like. One of the most famous ones in my list? They even had show adaption?? I never saw it, even tho every time I listen to it I think " fuck, it was really made with visuals in mind". Especially the last scenes.

3. The White Vault.

If it still snowing where you are it's a great one. Small expedition goes to a remote arctic station to fix things. Bad things happen. Interesting that almost the entire crew (both characters and actors) are bilingual and it plays big part in the story. Well, except one character. The Canadian-russian guy played by Peter Lewis. But I like him so I'm not even THAT mad.

4. Mabel.

Hi, so do you like LESBIANS? Mabel is really hard to recommend, because it made almost like a theatrical play where characters are talking in verses. It's a story about fae, lesbians, haunted buildings and women emancipation? It's extremely good. You will want to write lines over all of your walls, on your hands, on your heart.

5. The Big Loop.

It's the second podcast in the list, that is basically one guy writing not connected stories. He's name is Paul Bae and he more famous as one of the authors of "The Black Tapes". He left after the first season and he's probably the ONLY reason why first season is good. I highly recommend starting from "The Surrogate" if you like horror and "F.M.L." if you into hopefull dark comedy.

6. Alice isn't Dead

Do you remember how good were early podcasts writtend by a WTNV staff? I think we starting to forget. It's another "do you like lesbians" story, but its actually so much more. I cried real fuckin tears in a bus after the last episode, not from sadness, but from overwhelming hope for humans.

7. Death by Dying.

I've already recommended it in another post. But if you liked WTNV you need to listen to Death by Dying. It's a series of obituaries from a small weird town written by a guy who are very very VERY weird. He talks to a Angel of Death, he adopts cannibalistic cats and writes his abituaties more like personal stories of stupidity.

8. Small Town Horror.

This one usually gets overlooked, probably because of the very generic name, but for me it's really a hidden gem. Traumatized guy are trying to put together things that happened to him in his childhood and why he's so fucked up. If you really want to read story written by an unreliable narrator, this one is for you.

9. Within the Wires.

I already sang my praises about how good was the early podcasts written by a WTNV, but I will repeat it here. THEY WERE REALLY GOOD. It has a very different styles of storytelling from season to season. The first one is told through a series of mindfullness recordings. The second one is an art lections. Every season happens in the same universe and expands the over-arching story.

10. Spines.

I was thinking that to put as a last one and mostly torn beetween Spines and Girl in Space, but I'm a horror visual girl, so I choose Spines. Our heroine wakes up with no memory in the bath full of blood with a cultist-looking people and a probably other cult victims around her. Slowly she learns that she really is and in that horrying reality she was born.

[c-schroed]

Podcasts I Adore - Within the Wires, Season Five: Voicemail

What would the subversive artists think, Nan, if they knew you were coming to watch their show. All of these cynical idealists with their disgruntled disquiet, their painted bodies and disruptive language and grotesque dance? They would probably say “Who’s the cop?” And I would tell them “Hands off. She’s mine.” And they would not change the subject to prop stations and costume repair, because they fear arrest the way they fear a tattoo. It’ll be painful yes, but a proud mark of a proud artist. Their souls are made of leaves. Their souls grow and sway and change and die and rot and renew. Being prematurely plucked away is part of the profession. At least the fear of it is. Although I don’t think any of them have ever known anyone who was. It’s all “this one time in the 80s” or “my friend’s husband’s co-worker’s something was.” Artists getting disappeared by the boogeyman. It probably doesn’t happen, but what if it does? I don’t know, Nan. You’re not just some tool of the system. You’re different. That’s what we usually say, right? “Not this one. They’re different!” We can’t know that. But we can’t know anything. I’m just going off intuition. I’m relying on my gut. And my gut says “I’m drunk, Indra. Figure it out yourself.” And I did. I figured out you’re different. I figured it out based on your lips, because they’re pink and soft and they smiled at the right spots in the show. That’s the data on my bar graph. That’s my internal memo. Attn: Indra. Regarding: Hot cop, second row. Kiss that spy before the night’s over. And I did.

Sorry for the long quote. Originally I just wanted to start this review with

Hey. You didn’t answer. Hey. Nan, I wanted you to answer. Answer me, Nan. Nan. Naaaaan. like your name, you know. Short and simple but low and sweet.

But then I went through the transcripts in the gorgeous-as-always WtW Wiki, to find the exact wording, and I remembered that each episode is full of favourite quotes. Because season five is my absolute favourite. It's the peak Within the Wires experience, if you ask me. And I'll most happily elaborate why.

Of course, season five continues Within the Wires modus operandi of telling its story via found audio tapes from an alternate history. This time, we listen to the tapes of an old answering machine. However, this season comes with two narrative twists: Firstly, we have two protagonists, whose connection will unfurl in the course of the season, and secondly (and more importantly), this time the story is told in reverse order.

We start with an answering machine message from Indra to Nan, her former lover, five years after they broke up. Indra is at ease, she has a wife now and a teacher job she loves. But we will encounter other faces of her, too. Cold resignation, outright anger, drunken lovestruckness. Because someone seems to go through old answering machine tapes, in reverse order. Maybe to find Indra's first message? Maybe out of sheer nostalgia? We will not find out, because as usual in Within the Wires, we do not get much more than Indra's perspective.

Except that this year we will also hear a few short messages from a person named Gwen Nettles, agent of the Internal Investigation Division, the infamous secret police of Within the Wires' alternate history. And Gwen of course is somehow connected to Indra and Nan, as we will find out. But Gwen's messages are always short and mainly add some information that will make most sense in hindsight. In fact, one of her messages even made me fucking sob in tears of joy on an open street when I listened to it again after finishing the season's final episode. Because the timelines are just so marvellously connected. But back to Indra.

So once more, we're more or less stuck with one point of view. And by the messages that our protagonist leaves on mostly the phone of her lover, we witness an almost classically star-crossed love story. The ambitious actress of a subversive theatre company and a government employee fall in love. It can't go well for too long, we know that. And thanks to the story being told in reverse, it's not a secret waiting for us. Instead, it's a fascinating take on this kind of story. It has it's dramatic moments (like Indra lashing out at Nan's answering machine in episode three), but thankfully it starts and ends just lovely. Hopeful and warm, with lots of little pleasant surprises.

And that is mostly thanks to the most darling protagonist a podcast rom-com can ever wish for. Amiera Darwish voices her Indra charming and mostly lighthearted, but always with enough depth to not make her seem stereotypical. Norma Butikofer, on the other hand, voices Gwen Nettles as good counterpoint to the main protagonist: Calm, professional, but also not devoid of emotions and needs. In my eyes, season five is even more character-driven than the other seasons, and its two voice actors do an absolutely marvellous job in making that work.

And when we turn our attention to the music and score of this season, we even find one more twist: In seasons one to four, the music was diegetic; it could either have been added to the audio by the protagonist (seasons one, two, and four) or it played in the background (season three). In season five, however, the music is not part of the found audio, it's just added by the producers for atmosphere. And don't get me wrong, it does a lovely little job in giving even more of a rom-com feeling, but it's also a bit of a pity to say goodbye to the more elegant ways of adding music in the seasons before.

But even with that little bit of a slightly bitter pille, to me season five is perfect. It excels at telling us a story of tragic love, and thanks to its rather unique narrative structure manages to have two positive and hopeful endings. That both brought me close to crying tears of joy. 10 out of 10 points, thanks for the ride!

< My review of season four

My review of the Within the Wires novel >

[yourbelgianthings]

welcome to night vale episode 220 “a radio jupiter christmas special” / within the wires season 5 episode 5 / the adventure zone balance episode 69 / stephen king / welcome to night vale episode 13 “a story about you” / the guy who didn’t like musicals / john darnielle

[creature-wizard]

Bill Schnoebelen, a man who claimed to be an ex-satanist (of the global satanic conspiracy sort) and has been demonstrated time and again to be a fraud, tries to establish a link between witchcraft (of the modern neopagan sort) and Roman Catholicism in Wicca: Satan's Little White Lie:

Both teach “salvation” through ritual acts and good works.

Both have a god and a goddess (Mary) figure in their pantheon.

Both have a slain and risen god who dies and is reborn in a seasonal cycle of ritual dramas.

Both have magic or thaumaturgy (Transubstantiation in the Mass) as central elements in their theology.

Both make extensive use of incense, statues, candles and ceremonial robes in their devotions.

Both believe in a kind of second chance after death (Purgatory).4

Both believe the rituals of the living can affect the dead.

Both believe in rituals of pain and mortification for purification.5

I'm sorry, Bill, but if you think that three and four are actual problems, then you might as well just give up on Christianity altogether, or at least admit that your version of Christianity regards a good portion of the New Testament as heretical. Because you've literally just declared that both Communion and the Resurrection are unchristian.

Also, if the idea of transubstantiation makes you uncomfy, 1 Corinthians 15:35-55 should have you crawling out of your skin.

Regarding number two, Mary is revered because she's a saint and the mother of Jesus. That doesn't make her a "goddess," because Catholicism has clear distinctions between saints and deities.

Regarding number five, this is because Catholic religion makes use of worship traditions that were widespread throughout the ancient Mediterranean world. Modern neopaganism drew from these same traditions. There's nothing sinister or conspiratorial about it.

Regarding number six, Schnoebelen elaborates on this one in the footnotes:

Catholics offer prayers for the dead, to get them out of Purgatory. Witches believe in communicating with the dead, especially at Samhain; and that they can, through mediumship, help lower level spirits achieve higher areas of growth before they incarnate again.

Loads of people believe you can interact with or affect the dead in some way. This doesn't prove any special connection between modern witchcraft and Catholicism.

He elaborates on number eight with:

Although this self-mortification element has been toned down recently in U.S. Catholicism, wearing of hair shirts, barbed wire corsets and self-flagellation (whipping) were regularly practiced within Catholic monasteries and nunneries until at least the 1960’s. It may still be going on today in the U.S. and is definitely still practiced overseas. Witches believe you must be willing to “suffer in order to learn” and most practice at least ceremonial whipping of each other. Wiccan authors also brag about how they whipped each other into a magical frenzy in order to raise a large enough “cone of power” to turn back both the Spanish Armada and the forces of Hitler.

Bill. Bill, my man. You might be shocked to learn that the New Testament has a lot to say about the value of suffering. Romans 5:3-4, 2 Corinthians 1:5, Philippians 1:29 2 Corinthians 11 and 2 Corinthians 12 - Paul was kinda big on this whole suffering thing, ya know?

So basically, Schnoebelen's made up a bunch of problems where none exist, and in doing so, implied that the very religion he professes to follow is actually invalid, lol.

[liesonthefloordramatically]

A wild 2023 recap post appears!

Stuff I made this year:

Fiction: Nope. Work continues to consume me.  I DID write like 33k that maybe will be publicly accessible in the future, but who can say.

Playlists: I think the only two I remembered to share were Oleander (a playlist for my Wickedness character) and the vast and the void (what it says on the tin).

RPGs: Also a nope.

Knitting: Made a shawl!  And a hat, technically, that I forgot to take pictures of.

Other stuff: Taught 5 classes, 4 of which were new preps!  Did fieldwork in Japan for the first time since 2019! Gave an hour-long talk in Japanese!  Presented on two conference panels!  Finished two academic book reviews! Survived somehow!  The period between August and December sort of doesn’t exist in my memory?  I was doing things but almost all of those things were work, so. The isolation has been wearing on me, but with the combination of A. not having any time to do anything other than work and B. for Various Reasons questioning whether I want to stay at this job, it's been really hard to build local community. I'm going to try to work on that next year, but also I'm going to have two new preps again in the fall and one of my spring classes is already overenrolled, so who knows how effective that'll be.

Media I enjoyed this year:

Books: I read 46 books this year apparently!  Top picks in no particular order: The Singing Hills Cycle (embarrassingly my jam), The Southern Reach Trilogy (shocking that it took me this long to read this), My Own Devices (even MORE shocking that it took me this long to read this), Imperial Radch (so AGGRESSIVELY my jam), She Who Became the Sun (this was a hilarious accompaniment to one of my fall classes), Camp Damascus (read this on a plane back from Japan which was An Experience), The Tale That Twines (loved the first book; the second book is even better), System Collapse (yeah, no one is surprised that I loved this).

TTRPG: Wickedness!  This was the only new TTRPG I played this year, but it was really good.

Video games: Mask of the Rose and Saltsea Chronicles, both of which I want to/should poke at more. Special nod to 13 Sentinels which we enjoyed 90% of a lot.

Manga/comics: I think the only thing I read was The JOJOLands?

Fanfic: I didn’t actually wind up reading that much fanfic this year again, in part because I was reading so many books.  A few picks, in no particular order: The Gardener (CR C2), Keys to the Castle (CR C2), Whistle Song (CR C2), pieces of (you) me (CR C2), Descriptions of a River Flowing (CR C2), Slip the Blindfold (CR C2), Heart to Heart (JJBA: JJL--PLEASE read this if you care about JJL at all), riverside beatitudes (JJBA: SDC), Fully formed, ready to run (ExU: Calamity).  Honorable mention to Asking for More (Stranger of Paradise), which is a WIP but made me laugh so hard I hit myself in the face with my phone.

Films: I actually watched like eight movies this year!  All but two of the new ones on a plane, to be fair, but.  Top picks: Spider-man: Across the Spider-verse and Shoplifters (『万引き家族』).  Honorary mention to Suzume.

TV: Finally finished Stone Ocean!  It was good!  Rowan and I are also like halfway through catching up on TGCF and it is also very good.

Podcasts:  Continued to listen to way too many of these.  Top picks: The Silt Verses, Trice Forgotten, Within the Wires (hey can we talk about the newest season? truly wild), and Re: Dracula.  Honorable mentions to The Evaporated: Gone with the Gods, 『なんかIWAKAN！』 (WHICH IS TRAGICALLY ENDING???? where am I supposed to get my chaotic Japanese gender and sexuality discussion now :(((((), Cry Havoc! Ask Questions Later, Critical Role, and Worlds Beyond Number.

Music: Dessa's Bury the Lede was excellent, of course.  I also apparently listened to Maisie Peters' The Good Witch a lot (it was in my grading rotation in October). And then this past month there's been a lot of Hozier's Unreal Unearth. But a lot of my listening this year was either albums on the bus (rotating mainly between Quiet Company’s We Are All Where We Belong, Bury the Lede, yorushika’s entire discography that I can purchase, Wednesday Campanella, and various soundtracks) or putting something on loop and falling into a fugue state.  Apparently my top song of the year on Spotify was “Square One,” which I think I put on looping while grading in the spring.  My Spotify top songs list was even more inexplicable than usual this year.

Anyway, あけおめ！！！ 良いお年を！！！ (or else!!!!)

[scooby-review]

Scooby Doo Where are You? S2 E5-E8

5. Haunted House Hang Up

This episode is the final one included on the Creepiest Capers DVD I used to watch all the time when I was younger! It was my least favourite of the four then, and it’s my least favourite of the four still, but this is nothing to sneer at - I adore this episode still! But when your competition is Hassle in the Castle, Go Away Ghost Ship and A Night of Fright is No Delight, it’s a stacked set to stand against.

Haunted House Hang Up follows the gang on their way to a rock festival, only to find themselves lost along the way, the backroads guiding them to a haunted mansion they simply can’t resist entering. 

The Headless Spectre haunting the house is likely inspired by the headless horseman, who comes from mediaeval folklore, of course, here we simply see a well dressed spectre without a head, no horse in sight. I love this villain, he’s great, his design is so fun, just being a headless ghost in clothes resembling a portrait upon the wall. However, he is only made better when we learn he is not a villain, merely trying to scare off the person attempting to steal his fortune, believing the gang to be the culprits. It’s so fun and the first time we see a fake-out villain lead into a different villain! 

Which takes us to The Phoney Phantom, who is a man in a poorly constructed ghost costume, simply a sheet that falls to his waist, leaving his blue jeans visible. This design is great because of how funny it is, how it plays on an earlier monster, The Phantom, and then shows an awful version of a similar design. His axe wielding only makes him stand out more, it’s a purposefully poor design which works so well because of how it stands in contrast to the main monster of the episode. I love this silly guy. 

Despite the episode being a concept we’ve seen before, a haunted house with gothic aesthetics as the gang attempt to solve the mystery despite the isolated setting, it’s almost a breath of fresh air within this season, it’s still so unique thanks to the twist, but moreover, it’s just fun! The villain is great, the setting is great having a greenhouse and barn too, the house feels monstrous in size, impossible to completely search, it places you in the villain’s shoes! The house is filled with secret passageways and balloon mechanised ghosts, it’s a perfect setting! 

I actually noted while watching this one that the ghost isn’t a threat throughout, instead attempting to scare off the gang after they break in and attempt to thwart the ghost, it’s something interesting to note, that the gang will investigate any supernatural occurrences, not simply somewhere they know there’s been a crime committed by these ghosts or where they arrive somewhere just to be scared away. 

Also I find it so funny how much they abuse the score, playing the menacing crescendo over Scooby stealing a slice of baloney here. 

Again, the chase is great, maybe the best! It’s classic Scooby antics as we see the spectre popping up in fireplaces, jumping on beds, coated in ash and the gang on a bike which they cycle across a wire. Not to mention we get the Spectre’s laugh, which is a great way of presenting him as more evil, I love it!

This one is almost on par with Jeepers it's the Creeper for me! It’s everything I wanted this season to be, it’s got the tighter writing style and some really nice character interactions, but paired with a more interesting ghost and expansive location! It can be funny and creepy, the perfect tone balance for the show! 

Love this episode so much!

6. A Tiki Scare is no Fair

Unfortunately, this episode is one of my least favourites in the series. It takes everything I disliked about Nowhere to Hyde and Mystery Mask Mix Up and then dials them up a whole heap. 

I’ll skate through this one swiftly, because, to sum it up simply, this episode is a boring, culturally insensitive mess. As mentioned earlier this season, the episode isn’t bad because of the way they characterise certain groups of people and their cultures, this leads to some uncomfortable moments sure, but the episode is bad because it’s boring, doing nothing to keep my interest throughout. Unlike many of the others, it’s poorly paced and always uninteresting. 

The only part of the episode I enjoyed was the ending, where it’s revealed one character we’ve been following was in disguise, and is actually an undercover police officer, who then pays for Shaggy and Scooby to have loads of food. 

This one is simply a slog to get through, being the only season two episode not to include a chase sequence, which have consistently been the highlights of these episodes. 

Also, this is the first time we see a villain trope redone, that being the medicine man, although where Decoy for a Dognapper had a Native American Medicine Man, this episode uses a Hawaiian one. Researching the trope even slightly unveils the harmful stereotypes that are attached to these 

kinds of characters and how the term used consistently is something many from these cultures dislike. I will say the design and colours are striking, it’s a unique palette we haven’t seen before, and some of these shots, notably when the character is encased in a glowing amber light, look so pretty! It’s not enough to redeem anything here, but I do appreciate that. 

It’s just dull, I have nothing more to add.

7. Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

This episode follows in the previouses footsteps, reusing a villain trope! This time, it’s a werewolf! I didn’t love the design of the werewolf in that episode, so this gives them a chance to do something different! I complained it was too ghoulish, and that the design didn’t really convey that he was a werewolf too well! However, given the opportunity to do something different, maybe this design could be more wolf-like! 

Or they could make him even more ghoulish, that works! 

This episode follows the gang on a camping trip when they encounter a werewolf, having to foil his smuggling plan. 

Returning to the villain, his name is The Werewolf, in contrast to last season's Wolfman, both of which have different connotations. The latter allows for a more humanoid design, it alludes to the hybrid that this person is, whereas a werewolf implies the character will be a wolf, sure with humanoid aspects, but the character's design at its core should be evocative of a wolf. Therefore, this character having sickly green skin and feeling like a thinner retread of the previous wolfman is frustrating. I’m all for innovation in their designs, to make their villains stand out against the rest, and I would argue that the Wolfman does this, sure I don’t love the design, but evidently he has a place in the core of the series, he is a stylized character for better or for worse. However, this design feels like if someone’s only reference of what a werewolf looks like is the previous Wolfman. 

Technically, this is a zombie werewolf, which is a neat idea! The gang find the monster as a result of an open tomb, and I would be happy to look past the fact it is never mentioned that he is a zombie, however, not only is the design still the same idea as the Wolfman, but in an admittedly funny gag, Shaggy and Scooby shave the monster’s hair. This does not help him look like a wolf at all, instead making him look entirely ghoulish because the only way of somewhat deciphering that he was a werewolf was from the hair on his head! So now we have this bald man running around which only exacerbates his design further! 

Despite this episode's downfalls, mainly the villain and simply being another boring episode to me, I will praise it for this setting! It’s good. Camping is such a perfect scenario to plunge the gang into and I wish it was more of a focus here, but regardless, the backgrounds here are still my favourite of the season, the exterior backgrounds at least. They are grungy and dark, they truly waft with the horror allure that defines season one and half of season two, and I adore it! 

This episode falls so flat because there’s nothing happening really. It falls into the same tired writing style as A Tiki Scare is no Fair and Scooby’s Night with a Frozen Fright from earlier this season. They have a clear and solid set up, before drearily taking us to the unmasking. Anything between the first and last five minutes is tiring. 

Another aspect I will give props to is that the episode likely plays homage to Abbot and Costello meet Frankenstein, when we see the Werewolf stalking Shaggy and Scooby. And on a similar note, this episode is used in the 2012 movie remake of dark shadows, where the vampire Barnabas Collins watches it, describing it as “a very silly play”. 

That’s all I have to say, it’s not great!

8. Don’t Fool with a Phantom

I am happy to report that I love this episode! 

Don’t Fool with a Phantom follows the gang as they enter a televised dance competition, only to be interrupted by a Wax Phantom. From there, the gang must head out to the wax museum to search for this meddling phantom. 

To start, I love this monster! The Wax Phantom is a hulking humanoid made of wax, the design is simple reflecting this, yet the textures and size of the character add to this basic design, it’s not a glob of seafoam green, but this gloopy creature who it is certain you wouldn’t be able to survive. His design is further exemplified by his ability to glow in the dark which is simply a fun design feature! He talks too, which worked well for me, personally, it gives the character a unique personality which blends with his really cool plans. 

I think this episode sees my favourite attempt of murdering the gang. Because the Wax Phantom decides to try to turn the gang into wax figures. It’s so cool, it reminds me a lot of a movie like A Bucket of Blood, which I adore! The concept is so creepy! Also, this instantly makes him so memorable, it’s so fun! 

I’m not too sure if he’s inspired generally by wax figures, or if the episode as a whole is inspired by House of Wax, and I couldn’t find out whether this was an inspiration, but I definitely drew a connection between certain sections of the episode and the 1953 movie. 

We see a lot of what I love about this season all done to great effect, such as a great location and opening, a pretty solid and concise story and a great chase scene! When this season is good, it’s good, believe me! It’s just rarely up to this quality consistently, and I think part of what makes Don’t Fool with a Phantom so great is how it wields all of these plus it has a great villain, the world feels so much more inspired and interesting! 

Funnily enough, the character Mr Grisby creates an interesting concept in this episode, alluding to the idea that the supernatural may indeed be real, he’s not the villain, his house is filled with all these tricks and they leave it up to us to decide if they’re real or not! Also his design is a recolour of Elias Kingston I believe. 

I really don’t have much more to add, it’s just a solid episode! I am so happy to end on such a good one. 

Episode Ranking:

Haunted House Hang Up

Don’t fool with a Phantom

Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf?

A Tiki Scare is no Fair

Villain Ranking: 

Headless Spectre 

Wax Phantom 

Phoney Phantom

Werewolf

Hawaiian Medicine Man 

Previous Ranking: SDWaY S2 E1-4

[sunset-peril]

Had this dude and his scars ping-ponging around in my brain all day, was finally able to draw him!

Behold! The boy :]

It took me significantly longer than I thought it would to make the boy, but he looks so pretty!!!

Although probably about a solid 30 minutes was spend entirely on his dumb nose. I have enough problems with noses in general, and then my silly self decides to come up with a design that has both a snout shape and a human nose (why do I do this to myself...)

As the picture says, Link's native language is Chuffing/Ordonian. In ancient times (Rauru's time), the language is called Ordonian, because the people in the region of old Ordonia are primarily the ones that speak it. It's called Chuffing in AoC/BotW times because it sounds like, well, chuffing. No one is sure how the language name got downgraded to that, but it did. Link bears 5 pairs of puncture wound scars from barbed wire on his upper lip, and two scars slicing up from the corners of his mouth. I'll put the more uncomfy details under the cut, but they were inflicted during his accident at 13. Thank you so much to @skyloftian-nutcase for answering my random question about wires, haha. It stopped my head from spinning.

He's very anxious about Hylians and touch after his accident, understandably, and will lunge/snap his teeth at anything that tries to reach for, grab at, or touch his head in any capacity. Because of the genetic modification they underwent in ancient times to become super-soldiers, Wolfbred have a significantly different system of reproductive behavior that the other races, even the Hylians. I'm not going to go through the Wolfbred Reproductive Physiology lecture because I don't want to, but the strong mating season the Wolfbred have encourages them to bond at young ages, typically around the onset of puberty if conditions and potential mates are good. Link is, of course, unbonded, as the Wolfbred's last remaining female is well... his sister. Having been unbonded for three years, when the typical Wolfbred usually bonds within one or two, Link's definitely got both eyes on the lookout. When he's not busy with his duties as Champion, of course.

ANYWAYS, I've rambled about lore again when this post was supposed to be about the picture. So enjoy the pretty boy :]

~~~~

~~~~

The Wolfbred, at the time of Link's accident, were required to be muzzled while inside Hyrule Castle, and even handled by other soldiers in some regions. The muzzle's mouthpiece is hinged into place by a small piece resembling razor wire (or one of those tiny disposable scalpels), which is supposed to be covered up by the blunt metal of the outer cover. However, the muzzles are often forged to be the appropriate size for a grown (or nearly grown) Wolfbred, due to the greater danger the adults would possess if out of control, which meant that Link's was larger and looser-fitting than it should have been for his smaller size. While he was being observed in the Sanctum, one of the places where he was required to be muzzled and handled, the loose muzzle slipped and exposed the sharp hinge piece on the inner layers, which became caught on the corners of Link's mouth when he moved his head. The shock of having a sudden pain in his mouth made Link subconsciously yank forward towards the King. His handler, on instinct, yanked the chain on the muzzle backwards.

I think you can imagine what happened. That pain made Link yank his now-bleeding head upwards, where he unintentionally engaged a thin strand of barbed wire intended to be used as a last resort against a dangerous Wolfbred, puncturing him there too. It was... not a good day in the Sanctum, to put it mildly.

[wearesorcerer]

3.5 Cantrip/Spell: Thunderhead

The Problematic Marriage of Spell Design, Power, and Purpose

A little while back while perusing D&D Tools for other matters, I stumbled upon this fun little spell. And got to thinking.

Thunderhead (Spell Compendium, pg. 219) Evocation [Electricity] Level: Druid 1, Sor/Wiz 1 Components: V, S, M (a small piece of copper wire) Casting Time: 1 Standard Action Range: Close (25 ft. + 5 ft./2 caster levels¹) Target: One Creature Duration: 1 round/caster level Saving Throw: Reflex (5e: Dex) negates (see text) Spell Resistance: Yes (5e: Complicated) You conjure a small thundercloud over the target's head, which stays with the target unerringly. Each round, it strikes the target for one point of electricity damage (a successful Reflex save negates the damage).

Now, after reading the spell, what exactly is the point of this spell?

It's a weak DoT. Damage-over-Time effects weren't new in 3.5, but they were rare. There are three other 1st-level DoTs (burning rage, fiery eyes, and power word pain) and all of them deal more damage.

It's an unavoidable (and thus broken) spell. The save doesn't prevent the spell from affecting the target, it just negates the spell's damage. There are a lot of ways to exploit that.

It's a case of mistaken identity. The spell's mechanics don't reflect the intention behind it.

If you picked #3, you're correct. Thunderhead first debuted on page 49 of Dragon #302 in the article "A Clutch of Cantrips." In that version, it lasted three rounds, didn't specify if you could escape the cloud, was available to Bards, and (obvs.) was a cantrip.

Obviously, this is meant to be a spell form of the personal raincloud trope. However, that in itself has some variety.

First, a personal raincloud as a purely visual trope (as with Eeyore) is a subtrope of the personal weather system and just conveys mood (in the case of rain, some form of sadness). This much can be done with prestidigitation.

The next most common form is for a raincloud (or other seasonally-appropriate precipitation) to follow a character around and affect them; this is meant to illustrate unusually targeted bad luck (as with Charlie Brown).

3. The final form mixes the second with a Bolt of Divine Retribution (rarely other really bad weather) to hammer home the point that the luck is just that bad or inexplicable.

There are rules for weather and other environmental effects that could be made to fit a spell, but they are a little harsh for a cantrip. There are also two design problems with this spell. First, cantrips are supposed to be so weak and simple that they do not need to take up more than a couple of sentences to convey their effect. If the spell is balanced by having a lot of drawbacks, chances are the main effect is too powerful. Second, I know of no other cantrip in 3.x (even in Pathfinder) that applies a DoT. There is a caltrops cantrip, but that's only a DoT if as long as an opponent occupies a space; it's fairly easy to avoid.

This is where the trouble starts.

In writing the article, what designers Kieran Turley and S. Deniz Bucak probably realized is that making a spell that creates actual weather conditions, however comically, might be too much. Thus, they chose the next best thing: use existing mechanics. In 3.x, the standard for cantrip balance is the Elemental Ray: fire a projectile (that ignores Armor and Natural Armor bonuses to AC) at a target within Close range, deal 1d3 damage of a specified type. Since it's not an attack, it can be a DoT; it'll go off of a saving throw instead of an attack roll, which will make magic items of it much worse, but hey, it's a cantrip. It'll last three rounds, which won't matter for anything, and they left it at that.

Then it came time to make Spell Compendium. We had several problems here. First, the design team was so engrossed in 4e for so much of the tail end of 3.5 that they no longer knew nor cared how 3.5 worked. Second, this spell comes with numerous questions it didn't explain (specifically the following bit: the original spell didn't say under what conditions the spell could fail). Third, the spell's duration is highly unusual and demands standardization; however, doing so screws with its balance. This created the perfect storm for our little point of exploitation.

How should this spell work? Well, it needs a few changes:

It shouldn't be Evocation. It should be Conjuration (Creation) -- a la fog cloud -- or maybe Transmutation -- a la control weather. It absolutely should have the [Air] descriptor and maybe a few others, depending.

There should be numerous ways to get rid of this spell, just from precedent: wind effects, going submerged in liquid (or a solid, like meld with stone), entering a vacuum, teleportation, otherwise crossing planar boundaries, possibly various wards or magical forms of concealment, and of course an initial Will save to avoid being affected by it at all.

The spell's primary effect should be to conjure a localized precipitation system over the target, providing similar penalties (and situational utility) to such weather conditions as described in the DMG. The penalties should be lessened to be comparable to other cantrips and make sense with the volume and duration of precipitation. (You could give the spell variants based on precipitation: rain, snow, least sleet storm, etc.)

Any damage the spell could do (via lightning bolts or maybe hail) should work like produce flame and reduce the remaining duration of the spell for each time the cloud "attacks."

Now, all that said, this fits the tone of a cantrip, but it might not be able to fit the power of a cantrip ever. That's kinda why Reserve Feats exist: the least powerful are somewhere between cantrip and low-powered 1st-level spell. Even the next tier trades some power from replicating a 1st-level spell in exchange for being usable at-will, though I'm not entirely keen on that. Point being, this spell would work well as a Reserve feat and be less difficult to balance, but at the cost of being a Reserve feat -- and a relatively weak one at that.