#without any self awareness

[genericpuff]

vent post

[abyssalzones]

fighting the urge to say Are you fucking stupid to randos who tag my art as the literal one thing I ask people not to tag it as

[possessable]

godhome talk reminded me of this one part in Espial that i don't know if i ever posted about but i really like it because it's really funny but also sad

[scalematey]

look i know lots of people have said this but i think one thing that homestuck does well when it can be bothered to is allowing women to be fucked up and awful and complex and bizarre. like. even when they’re not the protagonists. even when they’re unsympathetic. even when they’re ambiguously the protagonists. even when they decide to make themselves the protagonists. yeah anyway this post is abt vris

[cassowariess]

I think it's indicative of how much more chill tumblr used to be before the twitter influx that I've been called a "white supremacist" twice in the past six months on here.

First, for the crime of saying I thought Oppenheimer was a good film.

Second, because I joked that the worst thing about the TikTok ban was that all the Tiktok people would start coming here, whereby someone accused me of racism because TikTok has a higher proportion of black and latin american people using it than other forms of social media (something that I didn't even know).

Pal, I am one of those "Latin Americans." Shut yer trap and go and talk to some people in real life.

[iceyrukia]

Women’s self-image is as negative as ever despite the “body positivity” wave of choice feminism. Why?

I think one of the biggest reasons as to why women’s beauty standards and self-image are worse than even is because you can preach about unfair beauty standards all you want and tell women not to make fun of another woman’s looks but you can’t take away the social status and praise that women who are “beautiful” get from society (both men and women). You give them clout and praise them. Something both “body positivity” and “body neutrality” feminists do btw despite all the talk about acceptance.

It’s like saying you don’t support the ethics behind a product and yet still consume and buy it. In this case “beauty” being a luxury achieved via consumerism where women become the products (objects) that other women admire and obsess over. There is a demand so there is a supply PERIOD.

Women might not directly pursue beauty (“I do it for myself”) for men but nonetheless it’s definitely ingrained as a sign of status and that’s enough to cause a negative self-image in women who don’t participate. Men might have been the original perpetrators of installing unrealistic beauty standards for women but the victims (women) have also turned into perpetrators who can’t let go of the misogynistic status symbol of having value from appearances because it’s considered “culture”.

[isan0rt]

Good Lord. Okay. Listen. We all agree that pre-timeskip Houses Dedue is not doing so great in the mental health department. We all agree on that. My guy needs therapy about his survivor's guilt and his PTSD and we're all agreed his self deprecation is Intense but like.

Listen. You can't…address that without also acknowledging he's like that because people have been Fucking Racist To Him Constantly for the Last Four Years of his Goddamn Life. And not like, just ‘microaggressions at the workplace’ racist, though also that too. Like, ‘somebody might fucking murder him’ kind of racist. He's not just insecure or whatever. This man is trying not to get hate-crimed.

It's rational, actually, for Dedue to assume that Any Given Faerghan is gonna be racist to him, because before going to Garreg Mach every given Faerghan except Dimitri HAS BEEN super mega turbo racist to him everywhere he goddamn goes. There's no reason for him to believe his classmates are gonna be different. Like, he doesn't know Mercedes is from the Empire! He has no reason to believe Chivalrous Knight Fanboy Ashe doesn't hate Duscur and everyone from there for regicide. Annette is the only one with a pass and only because Dedue respected Gustave until he went out for cigarettes and never came back, abandoning not only Dimitri but also Dedue in the process. The safest thing is to assume people are gonna come at him hot and preemptively deescalate the situation.

Like, he suffers from the “you can get C and B supports after the time skip” weirdness for sure, but even in his C supports, even if you get them before the skip, he is fully willing to tell Felix where to stick his fucking grapes, and he's willing to tell Ingrid she can be as big of a bitch about it as she wants but he's still going to do his job on the battlefield even if that means keeping her alive. He's consistently assertive of his boundaries with Dimitri in all their supports, including when Dimitri wishes that he did not have a particular boundary (using Dimitri's name and calling each other friends, things it's actually physically not safe for pre timeskip Dedue to do).

Because he is confident Dimitri isn't gonna fucking lose his mind at Dedue about it. He's also confident Felix, Ingrid, and Sylvain won't do a hate crime at him if he's acting in capacity of Dimitri's Vassal because of their fundamental loyalty to Dimitri, so he can safely tell them to shove it also. He tells Gustave he's a disappointment to Gustave’s face in their support!! Dedue isn't just a shrinking violet or whatever, he's just judicious about what shit he's gonna start, and how likely it is that talking shit is gonna get him hit.

(Also, yes he's a quiet guy... But also he's interacting with all these people in his second language, which he has no formal training in and which he learned from Dimitri. He really has to think about what he's going to say before he says anything because there is very little margin for error for him to misspeak without consequences and he knows it.)

Honestly unpopular opinion because like while I'm under no illusions that they did clearly fake out killing him for reasons other than his personal growth, I actually think it was in Dedue's personal best interest that he spent the timeskip in Duscur. This man hates Faerghus, he says that to Dimitri in their supports, but he's been stuck with them and having to just put up with it because he had nowhere else to go (even aside from the fact that Dimitri is literally the only living person in the world who loves him and he's terrified of losing that).

He's very clearly much more self-actualized when he returns, and in a much more relaxed and self-assured emotional place after the timeskip. Probably because he wasn't the one and only Highly Visible Do A Racism Here target and instead was with his own community, where he could actually unpack all that shit safely. Dedue needed that time outside the Racist Aggression Bubble of Faerghus to deal with his survivor's guilt properly.

You really can't address Dedue's self-image issues without also digging into the way dealing with constant racism reinforces those issues. You super cannot. Race and racism and how he deals with it is critical to the character. Is it always handled gracefully by the narrative?? No, absolutely it's not, but it is in fact in the narrative and you HAVE to engage with it if you're going to engage with Why Dedue is Like That.

[paintingformike]

me trying to explain why i think mike is gay and is aware that he’s not in love with el cause he has feelings for someone else since atleast the end of season 3, but he also doesn’t know the feelings attached to the painting are will’s yet and he was consciously lying in the monologue by trying to follow what will told him in the van (giving el the courage to fight on by emphasizing her abilities as a superhero, something that makes her different and “better” apparently!) cause he thinks that’s the only way to save el...so the painting is a plot device for byler to get together (and mlvn bones cause it made mike misunderstand what el truly needed, leading to his words not being enough for el to win and save max in time) but not in the sense that mike fell in love with will’s feelings for him or the person behind the painting, just that it was used to show who’s always been the right person for mike based on compatibility and understanding and true unconditional love, and for him to realize that things aren’t hopeless and his feelings are requited once he finds out the full truth behind the painting cause without it he would’ve continued forcibly conforming due to societal expectations and pressure, and trapping himself in a loveless relationship because of his fear of losing el and hurting her

[captainshyguy]

this is gonna sound a little mean but idc, i have literally never been in a more self absorbed fandom than the m*rio fandom. im literally begging u people to learn how to have conversations that arent just talking incessantly about your own projects and thoughts. please for the love of god learn how to listen to the people ur supposed to be conversing with and actually acknowledge what theyre saying im gonna turn into the fucking joker

[hiveswap]

Im going to fucking throw up

[optiwashere]

I think there is nothing more embarrassing than being mocked by Shadowheart.

Like really? Miss "I'm full of secrets I just gotta remember them real quick"

Madame "no my dark lady loves me I sweaaar"

Like if I didn't know she was cult washed in the brain I would have thought she was the most conceted creature at camp!

Like she's so stand-offish and she only has like ONE secret which she can't hide for shit like get over yourself! How can you mock me!!!

Anyways I started a new playthrough and forgot to save her so she's snippy at me. Its my own fault really. She's one of my most beloved set of pixels in any game I've ever played.

Honestly anon, you're right. Enjoy the new playthrough, because it's fun when she starts off that way!

One of my favorite parts of her character is how oblivious and lacking in self-awareness she is. It's almost comical how eager to offer up secrets she is for someone that loves to go on about how Sharrans need secrecy "as a shield." It shows that the writers at least understand what cult-like magical thinking can do to people's perception of the self combined with the code switching she has when she's speaking about Sharran practices/faith versus just talking regularly about anything else.

Everyone should do a playthrough where they ignore her pod in the nautiloid to get some of that slightly edgier dialogue early on. It's fun!

Side-note: I've seen so many folks get upset about how hypocritical/lacking in self-awareness she can be... but that's, like, the whole point lmao

[egipci]

no please say more about how devastating it would have been if we’d had john in the later seasons. I personally am clenching every muscle in my body over how tall and skinny jdm is and how sturdy and broad (and shorter than his dad even though I know it’s just the angle they’re actually the sameish height but whatever) jensen looks in that pic of them

my dear friend, I'm generally not at all into size difference kink but there is nothing that brings me more joy than how they go from little twink dean and his big strong dad to beefy masc dude and his skinny old man <333 As it were we already have Dean carrying/physically helping his dad in almost every episode we see them together --- imagine if it were actual age-accurate John on top of that. Like, Dean can beat him up! Dean can hurt him! (and how does John feel about that? pride, admiration, envy, scrupulousness, security? etc). Except, of course Dean would never, ever hurt his dad, and neutralizing the issue of physical coercion really allows all sorts of interesting entry points into their relationship.

But also imagine if he'd been there with Dean at his most lethal/angry/violent. Every single time I see a gif of scruffy late seasons Dean being sad and grumpy I'm like, if only his dad were here to rail him, that would have fixed him. Many will have you believe that one or more characters have come to fulfill John's role in Dean's life, but I've never really been convinced by that. I think that little dude needs a break, and for all that their relationship was unhealthy and damaging and for all John had been cruel and careless, Dean can be "submissive" with his dad in a way he can't be with anybody else. It would be a fundamentally different show, depending on whether John never dies or if he's resurrected somehow, but these possibilities are always on my mind (mostly for the above-mentioned prurient reasons)

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Anyway. Fun thing while I'm still stuck in brain fog land.

Trans Femme Freddy from a while back. Ya know, Francine Fazbear? Now that I like to give Freddy and Roxy a 'fuck you. FUCK YOU TOO' kind of relationship, there's some new layers to Francine to explore.

My Roxy is trans. She has a fun gender, and she does what she likes. She is not male or female, she's not a man or a woman, she's not a secret third thing, she's just Roxy. That's it. She has problems with the gendered aspects of her body, and if she's able to change that? She's very well supported and is clearly over the moon about it.

She said she liked any pronouns, but still favoured she/her and there was no name change. She didn't want any of that! She's always been Roxy! She just gets to decide what that looks like now! She can be as masc or as femme or as gender neutral as she wants! She will do whatever she wants and still be Roxy! By the time this stuff happens, she's been dealing with this gender stuff for so long, and understandably, kept the majority of her thoughts and feelings about it all to a very close circle of friends. Of which Freddy is not a part of.

Now, if we take Freddy and sail him down the river towards Francine, in my head, I get something that'd be interesting to explore in a fic of sorts.

After Roxy is free to do whatever she wants with her presentation, and makes a few changes to her body she's wanted, it gets Freddy thinking. He's barely seen the tip of the iceberg of her gender related problems, but now that he really thinks about it, the few issues he did see start to make sense. Truth be told, Freddy has always struggled a lot with his own assigned gender, something he's vaguely expressed to Bonnie and Chica, but never said outright. He never let himself wonder what he could be. He never took the time to really consider what he wanted because it would never be possible. There would be no point. All he knows, is that he's not a boy. He's not a man. He's not a dad or a boyfriend either. Those words just don't fit. A lot of things just don't fit, but there's nothing he can do about it.

But Roxy has just shown him something can be done. He's there in the group as she briefly talks about how she feels about it all, saying that she doesn't know exactly how she wants to present, but that she's got ideas for days and she's ready to see what sticks. He's there when she talks about the various attempts to do something like this before (against Fazbear Entertainment's wishes) that have gone South, and even remembers a few of those instances himself. He'd never understood why she did those things and he'd wondered at the time why she clammed up and gone completely quiet when he confronted her about damages, rule breaking or going against the company. Normally, she would have told him straight away why she'd done something. She was always loud and proud but not in the moments she talks about. Now Freddy gets it. For once, Roxy makes sense to him. He gets it.

And he doesn't like it.

He's staring at himself in the mirror. He's worried, he's nervous, and he keeps thinking about how Roxy did it. How Roxy is happier now. How she said she took her time, went slowly with it and had DJ and the Minis he very rarely sees behind her every step of the way. How Roxy has what Freddy wants but not quite.

He tries not to think too hard about it. Convincing himself that it's still not possible. He's Freddy Fazbear! He can't be anything but Freddy Fazbear! That's just how it is! It's not going to change!

But he keeps thinking. The questions keep coming and the answers aren't there. The words 'boy' and 'boyfriend' and 'man' start sticking more. He can see Roxy getting referred to as a boy sometimes, with he/him pronouns, they/them and even some random ones he's never heard of and he's starting to get so fucking jealous and it spikes every time she smiles after someone uses she/her for her. He wants so badly not to be bothered by any of this, but he is and it's starting to hurt when there's someone right there that might have the answers he's looking for... but fucking hellfire does he hate her. He's painfully aware that feeling is mutual.

He can't just go to Roxy. They're not even allowed to be left alone in the same room together after they got into an actual, physical fight a few years back. The tension has dwindled since then, but it's never left. They still fucking hate each other. That will never change, he's sure.

But no one else has the answers. No one else could possibly have the answers. No one else has done it before. He wants to know what he's feeling is okay. He wants to know that there's an option and he needs someone to be there that understands. But he'd rather die than rely on Roxy, and he's sure she'd rather die than help him. He's certain that out of everyone, she'd be the one to turn him away. He's certain she'd use it as her next backhanded compliment, or ammunition in their next sniping match. Why wouldn't she? She uses everything else against him, and he's just as guilty of it, so he won't ask. He won't say a word. He'll watch, he won't be sad, he won't think about it, and he'll occasionally seethe with frustration and envy right beneath the surface.

Until it's just too much.

Freddy was there when some bigotted parent started shouting. That this gender stuff is a game. It's all a money making scheme. It's all nonsense and it's just a phase. They shouldn't be encouraging any of it! Why can't they just be normal about it? It's making kids believe it's okay to throw their lives away because everyone else is doing it! I mean, what's next? Freddina Fazbearella? He says nothing. For the first time in his life, violence feels like the only good response. The thought scares him, and he does nothing.

Roxy steps in. She laughs in their face with all the confidence in the world and says "Lady, gender is a race and I'm winning. Don't be a sore loser now!" and a few minutes of her taking the abuse with a smirk on her face later, they're removed to the sound of applause. Little kids that had barely paid Roxy any attention before were suddenly enamoured. She's not a boy or a girl?? You can just be anything???? Wow!!! That's so cool!!! Suddenly she has a group of little kids, trading dolls and toy trucks and playing a game called Anything where they can be anyone they want. Chica and Sunny are there now, rallying them to play dress up and have fun with who they are and Freddy just watches on in silence. Little boys in dresses are princesses of the castle, little girls are racing trucks with fake moustaches. Two kids swapped names and shirts. They're all encouraged to try everything and find what they want to be and the game is so full of fun and laughter. He leaves when no one is looking. He has a lot to think about. Is it really that easy?

No, he decides. It's not. That's a simplified version for the kids. Roxy didn't teach them about her issues, or walk them through any feelings. She just taught them to be themselves, like she's always done in her own way. Would she do the same for him? He doesn't think so... but that person's words are on loop in his head. He can't just ignore this anymore. What he felt in that moment wasn't who he is, he can't let it go on like this. So he takes the gamble.

He shows up after hours. She's on the roof of her salon playing her keytar. She's not supposed to be up there... A Mini Music Man alerts her that he's there and he remembers she's territorial. She doesn't like anyone walking in after hours unnanounced. Monty's the same. She sets her keytar aside and leaps down. He can already tell she's angry and he wonders for the millionth time today if he's made a mistake. He hears her growling and demanding to know what he's doing on her turf, she barely tolerates him during the day, and he wants to answer 'Nothing. I am sorry to have bothered you.' but he doesn't. For once he can't say a word. He doesn't know where to start. He's frozen and while he wants to back out, he can't move. She gets louder and he notices the Minis have pretty much vanished. Are they scared too...? She gets closer, gets in his face and asks if he's fucked up his ears or something. She jabs at him and he can't keep the impassive mask in place. He expects her to grab him, to drag him out of her territory like she's done a few dozen times before...

Instead, Roxy pauses. She looks him up and down and takes a few steps back with narrowed eyes. She looks around and suddenly looks uneasy. "You're alone." she says. "I am." he answers. She's expecting the worst, he's sure. A death, or something, perhaps. "Why." It's not even a question. It's a command. It kicks something in his head and suddenly five words spill out of him and he turns his head down to glare at the floor and brace himself for whatever her repsonse may be.

"I am not a boy." He'd said. He's not sure if he wants to cry, melt into the floor or just be happy he's finally said it. There's such a long silence. He's never felt afraid to look before.

"You're not...?" She sounds utterly lost and he shakes his head. Why does she sound like that? Does she not know this feeling? He was certain she would! "Okay... so... w-why are you telling me...? Of all people??" she asks. He looks up and she recoils in shock at what must be a mess of emotion on his face, a far cry from the controlled mask he always wears with her. Never before has he felt so exposed and so afraid of what he's doing.

"What do I do?" He feels like he's almost begging. Perhaps he is. He's been ignoring this for so long, he needs an answer. What does he do now?

Roxy's face falls thoughtful. She leaves him waiting for a while, and for once, he's glad she's taking the time to find her words. She sighs and nods to herself. He's left staring in confusion as she turns and walks towards the salon entrance. She looks back at him after he doesn't move and gestures more pointedly for him to follow. And follow he does. Without a word. She takes him into the back, through a door he noticed behind the shelves before, and into the warmly lit tunnel system of play areas he's never really been in before. They sit in a comfy, surprisingly cosy spot and she starts to talk, or more accurately, starts prompting him to talk.

It's awkward. It's difficult. He's never struggled to articulate himself before but he is now. She doesn't just hear him like she always does. She listens. She nods, and offers comparisons so she can clarify what he's saying and it's like she knows and like she gets it. She tells him that nothing will leave this spot that he doesn't want to take with him and while they've never been close and he's never truly taken the time to know her, he knows she'll keep this promise to the bitter end. Like he knows she always does. She answers when he asks about her own experiences, but noticeably keeps it brief to focus on him. A few things suddenly seem obvious to him, while others still make no sense, and she stops him every time he insists he can't be who he feels he truly is. He fumbles a few times, says he shouldn't be telling her this and she just shrugs and tells him this isn't exactly something she thought she'd be doing either, but now that he's here, she wants to do it. He didn't believe her, but he's still here. And so is she, her full attention on him.

He doesn't get an answer to his question. She can't give him that, he's learned. Yet, he leaves Roxy's territory a little lighter than when he went in. He's learned a lot, about himself and Roxy too. He wonders as he walks if maybe Bonnie rubbed off on her just a little bit. Or maybe she's not as bad as he's always believed she was...

And maybe she's right. If gender is a race, then maybe it's about time he got off the starting line.

[alternativeulster]

swiftie mutuals please know that i still love you i just cant help but be a hater

[mutalune]

hey siri how do I stop feeling gutwrenchingly anxious in the guilt way for using the treatment methods available to me to not be in constant misery

[the-descolada]

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