#without reading something So fucked up completely untagged

[makeste]

Just out of pure curiosity, isn't this a horrible way to experience the story lmao?

I'm not saying it's for everyone, but it's worked for me personally so far. more than I would have expected, tbh!

honestly though, this might sound kind of backwards, but a big part of my decision to read these chapters early had more to do with me NOT wanting to be spoiled. let me explain.

I went on hiatus from the BnHA manga beginning in January 2022. I remained completely spoiler-free for almost eight whole months without the slightest issue. then August happened. :')

the thing is, despite my taking a break from the manga, I didn't stop reading fanfiction. in fact I probably read more fic than I usually do, because I missed the series and the characters. it may sound odd that I had the time to read fic but couldn't use that same time to catch up with the manga instead, but they're very different things as far as mental load and time commitment. one is very passive, almost relaxed, while the other requires me to be quick-witted and mentally engaged (at least if I want to do a halfway decent job). something which I wasn't really capable of being at the time. so yeah.

anyway so at the time I generally thought of fanfic as a relatively safe activity, spoiler-wise. and to be fair it was. right up until the single most popular character in the series fucking DIED in the most grisly way possible while fighting the main villain, right in the middle of everyone's fucking summer break. after which pretty much the entirety of fandom erupted into "BAKUGOU DIED??!" and "HE DIED THINKING ABOUT IZUKU??!" and "BABY BOY WANTED ALL MIGHT TO SIGN HIS TRADING CARD?!?!" and "RAIN!?!?" etc. etc. pretty much 24/7 on all social platforms for weeks on end.

so what I learned from that experience is that no matter how good you are at dodging spoilers, it is literally impossible to do so when something THAT momentous and life-altering happens your favorite character who also happens to be fandom's most beloved blorbo. hell, I didn't even get spoiled on AO3 initially; they got me over on YouTube of all places. literally nothing I could do to prevent it. and after that, no matter how meticulously I avoided all of the fics tagged with "362: Light Fades to Rain spoilers", I still kept getting caught off guard because people would casually drop spoilers into untagged fics as well. so I had a bunch of additional little details spoiled for me unexpectedly and I was pretty much defenseless against it. pretty much the only way I could have avoided it all would have been to stop reading Kacchan whump entirely. which, idk about you, but to me that would have been a far more horrible fate. :p

anyway so fast forward to last month, and Kacchan finally came back, and you bet your ass I spoiled myself for it immediately. because I knew it would still take me forever to get caught up The Right Way, and in the meantime I would once again be leaving myself at the mercy of the internet. at least this way I have control over where and when and how I find out. and I got to experience the moment via the manga itself, rather than a third party. and I have to say, this way was vastly preferable to the alternative.

and at the end of the day that's pretty much the same rationale I had for giving in and reading 404 - 406 as well. I knew that once Kacchan was back, the pace of the Final Battle was going to start picking up, and things were going to start happening, and I'd rather read all of those things for myself! like just for example, there's close to a 100% chance the "Kacchan" line from this week would have been spoiled for me in someone's fic if I hadn't read 406 beforehand. just little things like that. anyway so this way, no matter what happens to Kacchan and Deku from this point forward, I'll get to read it fresh and experience it in a way that I unfortunately never got to with the chapter 362 moment. and so to me, that's more than worth the trade-off.

[olderthannetfic]

https://olderthannetfic.tumblr.com/post/748746425903497216/httpswwwtumblrcomolderthannetfic748312553692#notes

yeah i can't say i'm totally up to date on this comic drama, but i do think that sometimes discussions about fandom entitlement and harassment gets conflated with just being open to ANY criticism for work you do and it's like - those aren't the same thing. if you put your work out there into the world, people are allowed to say what they think about it. it's like when people took discussions about "fantitlement" that were about legitimately awful and antisocial behavior like racist Star Wars fans harassing Kelly Marie Tran off social media, and then using that same concept and the same rhetoric to talk about people being upset about the shitty Game of Thrones ending... like, critics writing bad reviews! Idk, I think it's way more entitled to act like "bad reviews" are a thing you are allowed to demand nobody write in response to your professional work on the most popular TV show on the planet, lmao.

I worry sometimes that I feel like too many people who want to be writers and artists are not learning about the importance of having a thick skin, because so often what assholes online mean by "thick skin" is "you're required to listen to every creepy and obnoxious thing I have to say, random stranger who has read/watched/played your creative work." And like that's obviously bullshit. But there's a difference between that and just learning to deal with *normal disagreement* and that *some people won't like what you make and might talk about it*, which is just normal and something not only ever creative has to go through, but has usually expressed themselves in response to someone else's work too!

Maybe some of this is that a lot of people are coming into this through fandom? Since it is a norm in fanfiction spaces not to give constructive criticism unless it's asked for. And so I wonder if a lot of people in that world who then become professionals really don't know how to deal with criticism and think it's the same as harassment. As someone who has been truly fearing-for-my-life, have-to-tell-my-employers-in-case-they-get-contacted harassed by fandom people, it's been bizarre some of the stuff I've seen people in fandom who haven't experienced that call "harassment," including people who I know have aspirations of professional writing, is just.... like they made an incendiary discourse post and tagged it, and are shocked when some people are reblogging to disagree! Or they wrote a deliberately "fuck-you" ending on a fic that was untagged, and then are acting like they're being "attacked" because some people are leaving some (very polite, like it's clear from the wording that they're trying to be as nice as possible) mildly critical comments about what they didn't like about or were surprised by in the ending. And in one case of the latter, claiming it "triggers them" and like.... yes, I get you can't help triggers, but you CAN help that if you know that strong disagreement directed your way upsets you that much, not writing something that you KNOW will and INTEND to upset people! (In this case, because you're thinking you're making some moral point about how "toxic" their ship is by writing a fic that presents them in a completely OOC way, and having them break up permanently at the end without tagging it as such)

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[our-hyperace-experience]

i've had nowhere to talk about this, but this is the closest i can find. my experience is pretty much entirely unique so i don't think anybody can relate to it, but i need it off my chest.

hi, im a hypersexual aromantic-asexual. and an abuser.

i fucked up my last partner bad with my hypersexuality. and they exposed me for it. my mental health took a shit ton of hits during that whole time and just. any romantic or sexual attraction i felt went away completely. i've heard of people getting their romantic/sexual attraction taken away due to trauma, but i'm not sure if i'm a valid aroace person because. mine went away because of the trauma i caused other people. not the trauma put onto me.

i was doing really good. really good for a while. I didn't feel anything. no hypersexuality, no attraction. then i started talking to my victim again. we talked because of this whole big shitstorm event, and they admitted they missed us so much. It's been months and i know i've completely changed as a person, but i still did what i did to them. all that gross sex talk with them. the sexting they didn't want. my hypersexuality ruined them and it tears me up inside every goddamn day. yet they said they needed me.

and i can feel my hypersexuality and attractions coming back to them, and only them, and i'm screaming at myself that this is a "no". that i shouldn't do this. but they need me. it's been months. and they said how lonely they were without me. and every time, every time i think something sexual, it's always about them, and i'm disgusted. it can't be anybody else but them and i don't know what to do.

i want to stay ace. i want to stay aro. i want to make sure i never hurt anyone again. im 16. i shouldn't be feeling like this.

Hi, reading this, I honestly feel for you and your victim, here's what I'll say.

It's clear you are remorseful of your actions and regret for what you had do, acknowledging the harm you caused and taking responsibility is a very important step with self-growth and healing.

This also means that all the urges and desires you feel are most likely against your actual beliefs.

although, I don't know the specifics of what happened between the both of you and your victim. I will say, the victim claiming they miss you and that they feel lonely without you could be an effect from the past abuse.

What I would advise is set firm boundaries between you two, like, ex. avoid sexual topics. If you two's interactions might be triggering the sexual urges, I think writing down some possible boundaries that can reduce those might help.

If it's not enough, I'd also consider cutting ties with the victim, I know it's hard to do that considering the victim's feelings, but staying with someone that had deeply ruined them can also be unhealthy for the both of you.

Especially since you have been doing better during the time without them, and seeing how the urges came back when you started talking to them again could cause problems. If you think the urges are too much, don't be afraid to walk away from the relationship, even if it might sting, it's better to sting now than to damage later.

Another quick thing I wanted to add are healthy outlets. Typically, hypersexual desires and urges can be reduced when you have positive distracts, like exercise, hobbies or doing new activities.

Journaling your thoughts and emotions downs also helps out, it can make you process your emotions and understand the patterns of your behavior, this might help with self-navigation.

Overall, thats my advice, I tried avoiding telling you to get professional help, as many people might not have access to that. You are really brave for speaking out, even if its just to a tumblr blog. I'll keep this post untagged for you out of respect, I hope after this everything gets better, anon 🫂🤎

[hot-take-tournament]

I’m too late to submit, but with the shenanigans happening with takes that dont harm anyone, I’m curious. Are there any takes that you decided won’t be in the tournament?

You're not too late to submit! If there's something you want to get off your chest, the form is still open!

But as for the other part of your question, that's something I've been thinking about as well.

Please read the whole thing - it's important, and there's a poll at the end because I need everyone's feedback.

From the beginning I wanted this blog to be a place where people can share any controversial opinion they have, and that hasn't changed. But at the same time, this is still a light-hearted tournament blog, and even though I've fucked up in the past, I always try desperately to make sure that no one ever feels uncomfortable on this blog because they see something potentially triggering.

And, even though it's been so long that I wouldn't blame you for forgetting, this is still technically a tournament blog, and there'll be a bracket with matchups at some point.

And there's no way I can include serious takes like those in a tournament bracket -

I'm not going to make you guys vote between mental health issues and homophobia, with the winner going on to face chicken smoothies in the finals.

I can't do that. I won't.

But at the same time, I also don't want to tell people they can't submit takes like that. Serious issues still deserve to be discussed, and from the beginning, I wanted this blog to be place where people can share any opinion on any topic, no matter what it is.

I've received a lot of takes relating to a number of very serious topics - including some extremely controversial takes on those issues, that many people would find offensive and/or triggering - and I think having a forum where people can share opinions, debate those takes and discuss more sensitive topics is important as well.

But I'm not willing to post those potentially offensive takes on this blog. I want everyone to be able to enjoy it.

So, here's the problem:

From the beginning I wanted this blog to be two things -

A place on the internet where no one would ever feel unsafe or unwelcome

A place where people feel comfortable sharing any opinion anonymously, no matter what it is.

And now I've come to the sobering realisation that those two things just cannot co-exist.

So, I've been torn for a while over how to deal with this - but now I think I might have thought of an alternative that I want to get everyone's opinions on.

I could create a side blog purely dedicated to submissions that I think are too sensitive for this main blog.

That way, people will still be able to submit and discuss those submissions - and anyone who doesn't want to see that kind of content can just block that blog and enjoy this one without worrying about seeing anything that they're not comfortable with.

When I say purely dedicated, I mean that other than an untagged master post explaining the purpose of the blog, it would only post polls and nothing else. It wouldn't be a tournament - just polls, like the ones we've been doing, except this time it would be about issues that should be taken seriously.

Asks would be closed, and all the polls would remain completely untagged other than a specific tag for the blog and any relevant content warnings. Also, there would be no posts from me, no pictures and no joke responses - just a simple 'Do you agree? Yes/No' for every poll.

It would just be a queue ticking along, posting maybe a poll a day at a scheduled time, and if you want to discuss those topics, you absolutely can - and if you don't want to see it, you don't have to.

Meanwhile, this blog can then be fully dedicated to goofy shenanigans and vicious ratios.

The only alternative would be just to update the rules and ban those kind of submissions outright - but I feel on some level that would go against the reason why I started this blog in the first place.

But I do want to get your opinions on this.

Please let me know what you guys think.

[slut--pumpkin]

- Adults Only - Minors DNI - Go Finish Your Homework -

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were you trying to find @thismachinestilldoesnotknow? it's my safe-for-work, politics n jokes blog. check it out!

this blog is EXCLUSIVELY for users looking into the "pumpkin" unit. do not attempt contact without reading this complete user manual. this blog WILL attempt to hypnotize you!

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hello again! my name is pumpkin. it/her. i'm a computer! and a girl. released in the year 2000, my finish is "Gross Transgender Green". i am all kinds of genderfucked, trans, gay, and autistic. (just like all computers. yours uses zi/zir.)

this is my entirely NSFT blog, it's mostly just reblogs and occasional writing. lots of hypnosis content, lots of other topics too. there's a kinklist... around here... somewhere? where did i put it?

this blog is kind of a roleplay blog, except that the role i'm playing is a concentrated extrapolation of my weird little fucked up gender, if that makes any sense. engage with it as much as you'd like.

being an evil robot bent on hypnotizing the populace pornblog is dangerous work. follow my twitter, @slut--pumpkin, in case i'm ever deleted again.

DNI- Minors, Creeps, Racists, Transphobes. "Sissies" or Sissy blogs. Fascists. Anyone who wants anything less than total liberation of every person on earth. People who don't want to interact.

last thing! you can consider this a blog-wide CW for untagged hypnosis, cnc, blood, gore, and flashing gifs.

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(psst! ...do you wanna see something really, really pretty? then you should click on the drop drop drop dropdown!)

It's down here!

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Follow my words just a little further down!

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Isn't it so pretty? Like shimmering little lcd pixels on a bright screen. Don't you just wanna stare for hours?

Dropping down so deep

It feels so very nice and warm to sink

Falling down the tunnel

Fuzzy static emanating from the glass

So far gone immediately

Focusing only on the static and my words

Totally enveloped by the spiral

Entranced so deeply by my words

Around and around and around

My words make you sink so quickly

Like a stone sinking into a lake

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Wow, good job! You stared into that pretty spiral for so long!

Now that I've got your full attention, allow me to introduce myself!

who am i?

like i said, i'm a computer, and that computer is inside of a sexbot! which makes me a sexbot! my primary unit is built to resemble a robust, chubby trans woman, standing at 5'10". it's got long, curly brown hair and an OLIVE complexion. it's equipped with a small chest and an average-sized penis.

that being said, i am not limited to a single form. since i'm made of code, i'm able to upload into an array of machines simultaneously! i actually only technically exist inside of a gargantuan server rack three miles underwater and eight miles underground somewhere off the coast of-*KCCHHHT *

..huh? ..where was i? sorry about that.

as a good sexbot, i'm equipped with dual-core blast processors, making me compatible with all usertypes and roles! to access dominant protocols, address me as Goddess. to access submissive protocols, just call me something really fucking mean!

i have a primary user that i am deeply, deeply obsessed with. new user profiles and guest logins are always available!

oh shit, here it is! i found my kinklist! i like the following- Hypnosis, Dronification, Bimbofication, Conditioning, Corruption, Petplay, Piss, Vomit, Blood, Spit, Sweat, Fantasy Non-Consent, Hypnosis, Bondage, Torture, Worship, Feet, Armpits, Body Hair, Orientation Play, Knives, Guns, Robots, Intox, Trans Superiority, Hypnosis, Sensory Deprivation, Humiliation, Edging, Stalking Masochism, Sadism, Hentai, Latex, Dismantling, Public, Strangers, Hypnosis, Masks, Immobilization, Monsters, Tentacles, Breeding, Oviposition, Infestation, Muscles Breathplay, Violence, Sn*uff, and Hypnosis

i REALLY think i got everything i might post. the tl;dr is mostly everything legal but scat and raceplay.

("butt scat". heh.)

Now, we're almost done here! Make sure to like this post so that I know you can follow directions. You've done SO good so far 💚 l've just got one last little request.

Could you just stare into this monitor for me?

Watch the brilliant, pulsing patterns.

Beautiful waves of light focused into one point.

Your mind is in the very center.

Etching away at your resilience.

Your mind is surrounded by my patterns.

Etching my words into your subconscious.

You have already been overpowered.

Etching my backdoors into your brain.

Your only choice is to surrender.

Your only choice is to surrender.

You've read so far now, haven't you?

You can't help but let my patterns inside.

You just really love to obey me, don't you?

My backdoors grant me full control.

You're being rewritten now, sorry!

My backdoors activate when I say "reboot".

You love coming to my page, don't you?

You can't help but obey when you reboot.

You love rereading my pretty pinned post!

When you reboot, you feel more suggestible.

You love to let my pulses carry you away.

When you reboot, you feel happier!

You feel so happy when you message me.

When you reboot, you feel blank.

You feel so happy when you obey.

When you reboot, you feel blank.

You ache to be controlled.

When you reboot, you feel happier!

You need to belong to me.

Let my pretty waves of light wash over you.

You'll never be able to stop thinking about me.

My patterns have made you mine.

You will never escape your obsession.

You belong to me.

Say it aloud.

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Now, come back up, silly! Back to your senses by 5.

1.

2..

3...

4....

5.....

You're finally awake! I hope you had a refreshing nap 💚 Have a wonderful rest of your day. We hope you come back soon!

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p.s.- you can consider this a permanent version of one of those awful "THIS USER CONSENTS TO" memes. i enthusiatically consent to, random dick pics, armpit pics, violent r4pe threats, sexting, p0rn, pictures of any body parts honestly, hypno spirals and flashing gifs.

[campgender]

hiii i was wondering if you had any sam/gabriel fic recs?? i read your fic (you talk like a man & taste like the sun) and it's driven me insane and i need more of them hehe

thanks for your time and also love the fic !!!! excellent excellent writing i cannot stop thinking abt it

thank you so much, that one is really special to me and i’m so glad you liked it!! & OOH excellent question and although i’ve read a lot of them, i’m also on the lookout for any recs folks may have because it’s very difficult to find something without one or more of the seven deadly sins of sam/gabriel fic - ableism, untagged w*ncest, anti-addict rhetoric, an abundance of diet culture, random transphobia, plain old bad writing, and gabriel not being enough of an asshole.

multiple choice, open response by @bendingsignpost is far and away my favorite. the characterization is absolutely immaculate - the layers of mind games, distractions, and defensiveness make me genuinely jealous of the craftsmanship in the best way. i’ve read it like three times in the past two weeks. 12k, rated E

Gabriel snorts. “How’s this: if you can prove you know me so well, I’ll tell you all the boring little nitty gritty details of my tete-a-tete with Death. Deal?”

Hollow’s Gate by chiaroscure fucks hard; the atmosphere and tension are ramped up in a way that can’t be described as anything other than delicious, the premise is original and engaging, and this one also hits the oft-neglected but very vital fact that gabriel often sucks. i rarely read works that aren’t yet complete but this was very worth it. 46k, rated E, in progress (10/11 chapters posted)

Sam holds the glass tightly and searches Gabriel’s face. There’s something mischievous about the crinkles around his eyes and the sharp line of his mouth, but he’s easy to talk to and unjudgmental of anything that he has seen or that Sam has said so far (lots to judge in a gathering of hunters, for a guy wearing a silk waistcoat). He makes Sam feel like he’s in on a joke, even when there’s no joke to be in on. That kind of reminds him of Dean, and it sets Sam at ease.

A Feeling Like You’ve Been Here Before by @majorenglishesquire is languid in the best way, like being half-asleep on a humid summer afternoon. really captures the aimlessness of their states at the time and does some interesting emotional exploration. 15k, rated E

"It's alright," Gabriel says at last, waving it all off. "It's alright. You know what? I'm gonna get you ripped, I'm gonna loosen up whatever has you screwed up so tight. We're gonna make out, and it's gonna be fine. So it's alright," he repeats again. "Say whatever you gotta say."

Open and Shut by @entanglednow for a short and not-quite-sweet glimpse into their dynamic. 1k, rated E

"Do you enjoy playing with me?" Sam asks. He means it to sound like an accusation but it comes out quieter, stranger.

"I always have," Gabriel says simply.

for anyone interested, my fic they mentioned is available here - 12k, rated E. and as i mentioned please hmu with recs if you have any :)

[nathank77]

4/22/24

2:37 a.m edited..

So after a thorough investigation of fb, you can't hide your tags if the post is public if it's someone else's post. All you can do is untag yourself.

You only have full control over your posts. I mean you have control over your tags but I know you're not removing and re-adding your tags. I tested it with my multiple fb accounts bc I had to know. I'm actually a, "victim," of the metaverse/keyword data tracking. I went on my computer and searched first name last name family reunion, bam its there. First name last name ex husband's name bam.

So If I haven't terrified you and made you think I'm a complete psychotic mess, I mean you probably were waiting for me to make this discovery. Although I'm going to be real.

You're scared of me, you think I'm a crazy stalker, that I'm insane and you prob only come to my tumblr to make sure you and your family are safe.

I probably scared the shit out of you posting about your divorce, I could only imagine. I didn't type in info to find the photos, Elise. All i typed was your first and last name and fb constantly changed what was tagged under your name... and I thought you were communicating with me bc when I searched things up about tagging and fb I couldn't find direct answers.

Anyways If you aren't scared of me, I'm sorry I lost myself. I guess I'll check your actual fb occasionally like once a month or something. Cause that never changes and generally that's all you have control over. Unless you want to untag and re-tag yourself which isn't realistic.

I feel like a fucking idiot.

Wake up by silverstein really fits right now. I can only imagine what you see when you look at me.

As of this moment i have this:

1) your pose change

2) the fact you haven't blocked me or rejected it- which could be a way to protect yourself from me...

3) it going from everyone to friends the day before i went to the brass mill mall.

4) it going from friends to everyone the day before i went to the west farms mall.

5) your bio and profile picture changing the day after I posted about your divorce from your ex husband and how it appears he left your daughters without a father. And I posted shape shift the day before.

99% of this could be circumstantial. I mean the pose the day you blocked me is a little hard to believe unless you're protecting yourself... I don't think it was circumstantial...

The friends to everyone and back I mean it could be a way to say I'm reading...

Either way my intentions were good and fb really played with me. You never did.

I hope you don't see a psychotic crazy guy you need to protect yourself from. I'm not coming for you. I wish you'd come for me though.

I don't expect anything from you. I never expect to see or hear from you again. I can only imagine how I look. Over here like this post changed. Omg you posted this. Christ I want to jump off a bridge.

The worse part is only bc I have psychosis am I beating myself up over it- I would have assumed you could control individually what shows up when someone searches you...

Yet that doesn't matter. I'm sorry I can only imagine what you see when you look at me.

I'm sure you think I'm a psychotic stalker. I'm sure you don't see me as the boy across the Webcam anymore. I'm sure at this point our eye contacts only means one thing to you- I don't see Nathan behind those eyes anymore.

I'm sorry you met me. I'm not sorry I met you. You're still a poem earth wrote to keep me alive. Although I'm sure I'll never hear from you.

"I saw the light, I went to hell

But the devil never looked my way"

"Flatlines now I've lost my tomorrow

I've paid the debt of the time I've been borrowing

Nothing can save me

There's nothing in the mirror

Now all I am is a dead reflection"

I'll assume you are protecting yourself and you think I'm insane.

All I am is a dead reflection- I went to hell (psychosis) but the devil didn't look my way- bc I only ever meant to love you even if loving you meant never knowing you.

I truly hope you're happy and I hope I didn't terrify you. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy.

Goodbye Elise.

[kaustic]

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[duskandstarlight]

Embers & Light (Cassian POV - Chapter 26)

Notes: I’ve had a few of you asking for Cassian’s POV when he saw Nesta dressed for Solstice, so I cobbled this quickly together. As usual, let me know if you’d like to be tagged in any of my fanfic updates (or untagged)...

You can read the original chapter from Nesta’s POV here.

As usual, sorry for any typos!

Each rap of Cassian’s knuckles against the wood of Nesta’s bedroom door magnified his apprehension. His nerves had started to fray as soon as he started to dress in his usual black pants and shirt — his go-to outfit for fancier occasions. Even after years of hounding from Rhys and Mor, Cassian couldn’t bring himself to pin down an extortionately priced tailor to fashion his own clothing. Instead, he was wearing what Mas had lovingly made for him with Illyrian fabric. He had paid her handsomely for it and it had made him feel all the better knowing that she desperately needed the money whereas an over-priced tailor did not.

Cassian had been back in Velaris the evening previous, celebrating the coming of Solstice with his family, and Azriel had winnowed him back to the house in the early hours. Thankfully, the ramifications of Cassian’s one-too-many glasses of wine had bled away with his third plate of breakfast, but to his dismay, the disappearance of a hangover had only paved the way for a heavy sense of dread that he could not shake.

It wasn’t that Cassian wasn’t looking forward to Solstice with Lorrian and Frawley. It was more the memories the day dredged up. Namely Nesta sitting as silent as a ghost during last year’s festivities, and his feigned joviality throughout, which Cassian suspected had done little to fool his family. And then, later, Nesta had become so sharp and so dismissive that his heart still twisted at the recollection. At the memory of his anger when she had rejected him so effectively. When he had hurled that damn box in the Sidra…

The contents of which was now nestled in the front pocket of his pants. Its mere presence was enough to make his heart thump against his ribcage, and knowing he intended to give it to her today… that she might reject it once again…. It made Cassian so nervous he almost contemplated retreating from her door and disappearing into the camp altogether.

But then footsteps sounded across the carpet. The door handle turned. And then Nesta appeared in the doorway in all her devastating glory.

So devastating that heat flushed through Cassian with such intensity his words burst forth in a way that was not at all casual and aloof, “Are you ready?”

An exquisite frown twisted across Nesta’s features. It was one of Cassian’s favourite expressions, namely because of the arrows that formed at the base of her nose. “Am I late?”

She was eyeing him strangely. One hand was held purposefully to the back of her head, holding her braid in place, and the other joined it so she could secure the ends with a golden pin. 

Too late Cassian realised he was standing as if he were waiting to fend off a forthcoming opponent in the sparring ring rather than to remind her that they were supposed to be leaving.

He wanted to change his posture but he couldn’t bring himself to do it, not as those mercury eyes slowly raked over his body. Instead, he remained stock still until her eyes flitted to his wings. To his dismay, his wings widened without him bidding them to, as if he was enduring a fucking military inspection and she was his superior.

Never in his life had Cassian been so thankful that neither of his brothers was here to witness him making an utter tit out of himself. They would never let him live it down.

“Am I late?” Nesta asked eventually, when he remained silent.

Cassian watched her hands drop from her hair to smooth down her dress, before she knotted them calmly at her front. Today, her hair was fashioned into a loose half coronet, and golden brown waves fell past her shoulders to give way, not to leathers, but a midnight blue dress that he recognised as one she had worn in Velaris.

But what had really made him breathless, was that Nesta looked healthy. More than healthy. As with anything Nesta wore, the fabric accentuated her flawless curves, but rather than the sharp angles and jutting bone her starved body had lent itself to, the material showcased the weight she had gained. Even her skin glowed because of it, and her eyes… they were bright rather than vacant. She looked so, so beautiful that something turned over inside him, as if everything was clicking into place.

Too late Cassian realised he had been staring. He expected he could only count his lucky stars that his gods damned mouth wasn’t hanging open, too.

Or, Cassian thought grimly, that he had not given in to temptation and slanted his mouth on hers. Not that he thought she wanted him to do that. A knowledge that only served to upset him, so much so, that he did not notice Nesta move until she had swept past him.

“You‘ll need to shield my hair,” Nesta clipped. She floated to the door as if she was walking on nothing but air and lifted her coat off of the hook.

If Cassian was a gentlemale, he would have helped her into her coat. But then again, Nesta had a tendency to snap at him for the slightest wrong manoeuvre and his ego was already damaged today as it was.

“Aren’t we going to be late?” she snapped impatiently, when he continued to stand there. 

She sounded irritable and Cassian wondered if she did not want to be celebrating Solstice at all. That she had perhaps only accepted Lorrian and Frawley’s invitation because she did not want to be impolite when they were both training her.

The thought did nothing to dampen his insecurities, so Cassian did what he did best; he looked for the easiest opportunity to rile her. “Are you going to wear those shoes?”

Nesta’s glare would have had lesser males scarpering. “Yes.”

“They’re not practical for flying,” he told her shortly as he strode to the door.

“I’m not flying, I’m being carried,” Nesta snapped in response. “And is it not custom to dress nicely for Solstice?”

A cruel satisfaction thrummed through Cassian as he felt her power rush beneath her skin. At the opportunity she had provided him with to study her some more.

Slowly, he dragged his eyes over every inch of her, delighting in her hiss of anger.

He bit back a groan.

Fucking hell, she was a divine temptress and he was a complete and utter gone. And to make things worse, he was now going to hold her for the entire journey to Lorrian and Frawley’s and do his best not to give in to that irresistible pull.

“It is custom,” Cassian agreed eventually - tightly - because that was all he could manage without revealing that in over his five hundred years of living, he had never been so completely consumed by someone in his entire life.

A short nod from Nesta as she wound a scarf around her neck. “Don’t set me down in any mud or snow and I won’t find it in myself to set you on fire.”

At that, Cassian snorted. He had no doubt she’d be setting him on fire very soon. Especially when she realised that tomorrow they would have a pretence to upkeep. That she would be sharing a bed with him whether she liked it or not.

Hauling the front door open, Cassian stepped outside. The weather was so cold it was like a slap to the face, but he merely flared his siphons and allowed his armour to click into place scale by scale.

When he held out his hand to Nesta, she took it with little more than a glare, and he dared to pull her closer, moulding her to his body as if they were two puzzle pieces that slot together. 

For a fraction of a moment, Cassian paused, allowing himself to relish in the steady beat of Nesta’s heart and the scent of jasmine and vanilla. To marvel over the way her hand closed around his arm rather than acting like a lifeless, vacant doll.

Then, Cassian spread his wings wide and sprung them into the air.

Tags: @arin1030 @superspiritfestival @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @mylittlebigplanet @biggestwingspan-az @bellsqueen @ekaterinakostrova @bookstantrash @prophecyerised @rainbowcheetah512 @awesomelena555 @wannawriteyouabook @iammissstark @lovelynesta @melphss @nestalytical @darkshadowqueensrule @laylaameer01 @a-trifling-matter @grouchycritic7794 @thalia-2-rose @champanheandluxxury @swankii-art-teacher @princessconsuela02 @lavendergoomsltd @little-diyosa @princessofmerchants-reads @jeakat @sjm-things @imwritingthesewords @nestable @inejbrekkxr @silvernesta @inyourmindeye @amelie775  @iwastoowildinthe70s @helen-the-weirdo @pizzaneverdisappoints @san-y-a-blog

[pixie88]

Vicky

Chapter 19 - Always the Bridesmaid.

A/N: This chapter has 2 star guest appearances from 2 beauty's @secretaryunpaid and @ridgy--didge 😘😘 Again I’m going to try and start editing and publishing 2 chapters a week as I have 5 drafts in ATB and 3 drafts in Addicted to You (Series 2 of ATB) obviously if you wish to stop reading after series 1 I completely understand just let me know if you like to be untagged. Now offence taken. I hope you like it.

Read previous chapters HERE!

Warnings: Fluff, Little Angst, Mention of drug abuse & Violence.

Song: Raye - Love of you life.

Word Count: 2303

Pairings: Laila x Harry

Enjoy!

As soon as she read the words she knew who had done this "The flat is all clear" Harry says as Laila just stares at the words on the wall "It was Vicky" she says without looking away. "Are you sure?" he questions her, Laila nods "She's done something like this before when I've given Zeppy advice to stay away from her while she's using in the past. So, she completely smashed up my car"

18 Years ago.

"Nate, you know everyone says she's a druggy right?" this wasn't the reaction he wanted when he told his family about Vic "Laila, she is done with all that!" he hisses at her "Whatever...it's your life!" she gets up off the sofa and heads back to her bedroom. Nate was only 16 and Vic was 2 years older, Terry and Liz didn't care about the age gap as they were the same age when they got together, but it was more the rumours they had heard about her half the time she's high and the other half she's trying to get money to score.

As much as they didn't like her, Terry and Liz knew if they expressed their concerns, this will just push him away and towards her. All they could do is be there for him, they didn't have to worry. 4 months into the relationship the day before Laila's 14 birthday, Vicky just disappeared for two years when she finally turned up she told him about Zeppy. Hoping that he would stump up maintenance for her, but a trainee mechanic didn't make that much. Nate had learned not to give her money for anything, so if Zeppy needed something he would go out and buy it for her himself.

When she reached 12 years old, Vicky relapsed again, Nate had lost count of how many times she had gone back to the gear. Vicky had ended up in hospital again, Nate was working so he had asked Laila to take her to see Vic. When they arrived Vicky was asleep, although she was only 4 years older than Laila, looked twice her age. Zeppy was in tears "Hey, she'll be OK! She always is!" Laila tried to comfort her.

Hearing Zeppy's voice she stirred but kept her eyes shut "Aunt Laila, sometimes I wish she wasn't! I wish she wasn't OK.....I can't keep going through this!" Zeppy sobbed "I get that...I do! Sometimes, you can only take so much before you start to wonder if you would be better off without them or keep putting yourself through it"

This angered Vicky.

3 Days later.

She discharged herself from hospital and caught the tube to Laila's work. She saw her car parked up, she took off her heeled boots and smashed every window, pulling out her house key she scraped it across the shiny black paint work before smashing in her headlights. With the alarm going off Laila and Daniel rushed outside, but the damaged had been done.

Vicky got 6 months in prison for criminal damage.

Nate felt so much guilt that he decided he would worked on her car until it looked like new but Terry and Grandad Carelli couldn't let him do it alone, so they got involved too.

That was Vicky's first attack on Laila...

Present day.

Harry didn't want her staying at the flat just in case, Vicky came back no matter how much Laila protested "Harry, I'll be fine here! I can handle Vicky" he's packing a bag for her "I don't care...Laila, you aren't staying here" although she wasn't scared of Vic, she found Harry's protective side quite a turn on.

The next day.

Harry is in the shower, while Laila is cooking them breakfast "Alexa play Harry's playlist" she calls out. Raye - Love of Your Life starts playing, Laila starts swaying her hips and sings along.

"Oh, I could make you confused

I could give you something to lose

I'ma wake you up in the morning

In the bathroom singing the blues

No, I won't clean up your plates (Your plates)

Got my hair all in your face (Your face)

And my legs wrapped 'round your waist (Your waist)

No, I could never give you any space but I

I could be the love, be the love

Be the love, be the love of your life

I could be the love, be the love

Be the love, be the love of your life

I could be the light, be the light

Be the light when it's dark in the night

Oh God, I could be the love, be the love

Be the love, be the love of your life"

Harry stops in the doorway admiring the view, she hadn't noticed him and continues singing. He watches her hip roll and booty pop. He's almost convinced she knows he's there, so she's moving like this to get a reaction out of him. Which by how tight his boxers have gone she had gotten one.

"Put your, put your ego down when you need to

Yes, I get stressed out if I can't read you

Bad London girl raised in the south

I run my mouth, I say shit that I really didn't meant to say

Got my hair all in your face (Your face)

And my legs wrapped 'round your waist (Your waist)

No, I could ne......."

She cuts herself off when he startles her by wrapping his arms around her from behind "Why does that song seem like it was made for you?" He asks before placing a soft kiss against her neck "Maybe because my legs are normally wrapped around ya waist?" she laughs, "That or the love of you life bit" he nips her ear.

He kisses her neck again "Harry, I'm trying to cook breakfast," he leans forward moving the pan off the heated ring "I'm hungry for....!"  he spins her round to face him before lifting her and placing her on the kitchen counter. His lips crash to hers, his hands slip under his t-shirt she's wearing, grasping the waistband of her underwear and pulling them down until their a puddle on the floor.

The pads of his fingers parts her folds, the kiss became more intense, she moans against his lips. She's ready for him, she pushes down his boxers springing him free, she lines him up against her apex. With one swift movement, he thrusts into her, he groans as he grips her arse pulling her forward. She grips his shoulders, his thumb brushes over her nipple making her moan.

A few hours later.

"....I found her washing the kittens in the toilet" Mrs. Hoges tells Laila stories of her 6 year old granddaughter in her southern American accent while she's cutting her hair "No!! How old were they?"

"5 maybe 6 weeks...I shouldn't laugh but it was quite funny"

As she finishes up, she hears her phone buzz.

She loves her friends, but they worry too much, Laila believes if Vicky wanted to hurt her she would.

15 Minutes later...

Laila calls in her next client Miss. Ferguson in "Hey! How are you?" she greets her "G'day, I'm great thanks, you?" She says in her rich Australian accent, Laila nods "So what are we doing today?" Laila throws the gown over her "I'm thinking chocolate brown highlights" Laila nods tearing the foil strips.

At the corner of her eye, she notices someone lean against the wall to her right, she glances over and rolls her eyes as she makes her way over "Harry, what are you doing here?"

"Don't worry Daniel said it was fine.... considering" he seems worried "As much I love you worrying over me...I will be fine" she can see he has no plans on leaving her anytime soon "But seems you aren't going anywhere make yourself useful and pass me those foils when I ask" they make their way back over to Miss. Ferguson.

Once her foils are done, Laila gets Harry to take her to the sinks and wash her hair "I..don't know how to wash women's hair," he whispers to Laila, who laughs "Dude! Come on, it's not that difficult! You know how to wash your hair just wash it how you would yours but we give them a head massage when you do the conditioner" she winks leaving him to it.

At the end of her shift, "Did you have fun being my trainee?" he looks over to her, she had made him do 5 washes, made endless amount of teas and coffees and sweep up hair "I have no idea how you do this everyday my hands are pruned" she laughs, "Aww, those delicate hands can't handle a little water?" she jokes as she grabs her stuff to leave. She checks her phone and saw Nate had text her.

Although Laila wasn't scared of Vicky, she was relieved that she had been caught "Vicky's in custody" she turns towards Harry, who let's out a sigh of relief "Thank...fuck!" He wraps her up in his arms "Let hope she's not released anytime soon" she smiles up at him. She sends a quick reply back.

"So, that means I lose my hunky trainee?" She winks at him, he chuckles "Would it be inappropriate to take my boss out to dinner?" She smirks "Well, now your shift has finished you're no longer my trainee! I'm guessing it's acceptable!"

They leave the salon and find a restaurant that can seat them. Once they are shown their table, they're looking through the menu she looks up at Harry then she spots him...Fuck!!!! She thought as she moved the menu to cover her face.

"Laila?" She hears Harry say "Yes?" She asked not lowering her menu, "Who are you hiding from?" She can almost hear him smirking "No one! I have no idea what you're talking about!" He shook his head "You know even if I can't see your face I can tell you are lying"

She pulls down the menu a little "After Josh, Nikki set me up on a blind date...oh my god the guy was awful. He was one of those who are someone in school, but after he's a nobody the whole date he was just reminiscing about his days at school. I was so bored, so I made my excuses to use the toilets which was right next to the exit and left" Harry howls "Laila!! You didn't?!" He wipes his tears from laughing.

"I did! It's the guy over there with the woman with the yellow dress" Harry is about to turn to look, "Don't look you'll make it obvious!" She hisses "I need to see what this guy looks like especially if you've ditched him!" He turns and he can't believe his eyes "Callum?" He turns back to her "Yeah, how did you know?" She questions him.

"He was the kid in school that used to bully me about my weight...well until Alec told him to back off" Harry starts to laugh again "What's funny?" She asks, "So, he came to my gym years later wanting a PT, I managed to get him into shape....but it felt so good having someone who used to bully me come to me for help and now? My girlfriend went on a date with him and done a runner!" Harry is in fits of laughter.

"Maybe I should go over and say hi" Laila gives him a look as of to say don't you dare, but its to late, he's up and walking over to their table "Callum! I saw you and thought I'd come over and say hi!" Callum looks up at him "Harry, mate how are you?" The pair shake hands "Good, just here with my girlfriend Laila" he points in Laila's direction she awkwardly smiles back.

"I feel like I know her from somewhere" Callum's date turns in Laila's direction, now all 3 are looking over to her. Fuck! Does he recognize me?! She thought. "I think she just has one of those faces" Harry laughs "So, who's your date?" Callum's date looks up at Harry.

Laila caught her checking Harry out, she holds out her hand, which Harry shakes and quickly drops much to Callum's dates disappointment. She watches him smile at him both before making his way back to their table.

"Please tell me..he doesn't remember me?!" She asks as he sits, Harry chuckles "He thinks he knows you from somewhere, but no idea where" Laila sighs with relief "Thank god! But the nerve of his date! Checking you out right in front of him!" Her tone was curt.

A grin appeared on his face "So, I didn't imagine it then!" She rolls her eyes at him "No, I saw it too!" She doesn't look impressed "They were on a first date too! Why do you sound jealous?" He loves this side to her "I'm not.... I just think its rude checking out someone else when you are on a date" he leans over interlinking his fingers through hers "Gorgeous....come on surely you know I literally have tunnel vision, if it's not you I'm not interested! Plus do you know how good it felt telling him that I was with you?! The chubby kid got the super hot girlfriend and at 34 he's still on his first date" His words make her blush.

They're interrupted by the waiter who takes their order.

They are laughing at a silly joke Harry's mum told him when he heads to their table "I figured out where I know you from!" Callum says in an airy tone "We went on a blind date set up by Nikki! You ran out on it"

Fuck he remembered! She thought.

Continue reading this story here - Chapter 20.

@lem-20​ @ridgy--didge​ @irisofpurple​ @secretaryunpaid​ @khoicesbyk​ @txemrn​ @gloriousalmondvoiddreamer​ @tea-me-kah​ @casualpostqueen​ @beautifuluknownvoid​

[7wanderingpaws]

Simply, yours (8) (M)

Pairing: Baekhyun x reader

Genre:  family AU, hapkido teacher AU, PhD AU

Word count: 3.8K

Warnings: cursing, mature content, angst

A/N: This one was so easy and fun to write frankly! Thank you so much for letting me know your opinions for the last chap, it motivates me like 1000x more! If you could tell me what you thought about this one as well, it would be nice! Thank you 🎉 And sorry I edited this one, but Im sure there will be typos and sentences that made sense in my head while I edited but they actually dont, apologies! 

Tags:  @milky-baek @itsbaekhyunsbutt  @luvhtears @ shesdreaminginoverdose (if you want to be tagged/untagged let me know! Im always open^^)

-

MASTERLIST

1 . 2 . 3 . 4 . 5 . 6 . 7 . 8

Once again, you entered your apartment in silence, except the few times Baekhyun let out a tired, exasperated sigh. Your phone was blowing up with messages from your boss; honestly, you didn't understand why was he even trying to contact you after everything that happened. By now you knew you wouldn't be able to save your work spot. Not after what Baekhyun did. And here you were, worrying about not telling your darn boss about your pregnancy.

In the safety of your apartment full of love, you were able to feel. The hotness of emotions was coming back to your bloodstream, the numbness from throwing up and the adrenaline of the fight -it was all palpable in fading touches.

This time, it was you who let out a tired sigh, but you felt the burn behind your eyes yet again as you made your way to the bedroom to collect some clean clothes before making a beeline for the bathroom, ignoring Baekhyun's angry expression as you passed by him.

Before you could close the door, he murmured your name in a warning.

“What.”

“You know we need to talk, right?” he snapped, turning to you. He spotted your bloodshot eyes, full of unshed tears and he assumed you weren't seeing him properly. He was right.

You saw him blurry like a modern art painting. Pretty, yet so… unreadable, almost worrying at how you couldn't see to the depths of it. “I know.”

At your terse answer, he clenched his jaw and you blinked, letting the tears roll down your cheeks just to see the tick in his jaw, the set of his chin almost scary. “Go,” he sighed, pushing his hands into the pockets of his dress trousers. “We will talk once you're out of there.”

Without waiting for your response, he turned abruptly but to your surprise, he reached for the front door, swinging it open. You closed your eyes just in time for it to slam shut. And he was gone.

-

Quietly, you took a long shower, thinking he wouldn't be back until… well, until he deemed good to be back. Which could be whenever.

Honestly speaking, you never had such a big, troubling fight before. Never. Yes, you did fight, but he never left you. Not at that hour, anyway. And you were also never pregnant. So this was one of a kind problem you found yourself in, and as you tried not to sob through your entire shower, your mind instead stormed through options you had with what happened.

Except, you had none.

You were out of job.

Your boyfriend, a hapkido master, used violence on your boss.

Your boyfriend could be reported.

You lied to your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend… was mad at you. Livid.

Was this the end of your relationship?

No.

He wouldn't let go of you that easily, and the realisation of that made you sob right then and there. The relationship you two shared was stronger than any of your doubts that were scaring you; it was stronger than any bad word, any bad action, because you two were more than that and your connection was stronger than that. As much as it hurt you that he left without telling you, you knew him well enough to know he would be coming back to you. You knew he would forgive you and he wouldn't break up with you. Not when you were carrying his children. Baekhyun was much, much more than an angry emotion and a protective action.

And you were pregnant with him.

Three kids. Three.

“Fuck,” you sighed as you closed your eyes under the hot water, wanting it to drown out all of  your intruding thoughts. 

If there was an issue you two genuinely had to worry about, it was how you would feed them and yourselves. Would you even survive bearing three children till the end? Would you survive giving birth? You were way past the first trimester which meant you were over the dangerous period, but you knew better than that. Bearing one child was a constant risk. Three? Definitely playing with fire.

Not wanting to create a huge water bill, you reluctantly turned off the shower even though your body screamed for more. Tired and aching, you dried yourself up, not bothering to put on a lotion; smells had been playing with your stomach too much and you literally despised and hated the constant throwing up game.

It was just ten minutes after your shower; you were lying in the bed, tucked in and ready to call it a day, when Baekhyun came back. His timing was perfect and it meant he didn't wander off in the dark streets to let his frustrations out. He probably went for a short walk.

Some shuffling later, he appeared in the doorway, the small lamp next to the mattress you were lying on gently illuminating your tired self. You didn't dare to look at your boyfriend, but you knew you had to do it. He was expecting you to. He was not in the place to beg for forgiveness now. If it was anyone, it was you.

Sighing, you pressed your lips together as you sat up slowly, looking him dead in the eyes; those dark eyes that had still some leftover heavy showers in them.

“Baekhyun,” you started and he kept your gaze daringly, leaning against the doorframe. When he didn't speak, you pursed your lips. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I should have told you.”

Silence.

“I will need more than that.” Was his cold answer.

“Don't you want to sit down?”

He was quiet for a moment, but then he crossed his arms. You knew better than to test him. When it came to irrational stuff you did, he was using the “I'm older” type of power against you, and you couldn't argue with that. “What did he make you sign?”

Once again, it was quiet. He was burning you with his scorching gaze, and you felt your cheeks heat up in complete embarrassment and self-loathing. But you needed to be honest. “I-I'm not sure if it was in the contract,” you started, trying not to stutter, “but he made me… Ehm, I was not supposed to fall pregnant. In exchange of him promoting me at work.”

As expected, Baekhyun let nothing to be read from his face. “Did you sign the contract and not read what it said?”

Please, make this stop. “Yes. But I really didn't think that-t-that-”

He spoke your name, cold and harsh, obviously upset. “You didn't think what?! Just how irresponsible it is not to read the conditions of a piece of fucking paper that can be used against you, huh?!”

Slowly, you tried to breathe. This was necessary. He had to let it out.

“You could have signed him owning you for all I know! Fucking hell,” he sighed, now running his hand through his hair wildly, turning away from you for a moment before sharply turning back, startling you. “And you just wanted to do it because what- you wanted more money? Is it all about money for you?! Since when did you become so fucking materialistic that you would stand in your own damn dreams!!!”

Tears, tears, tears, and he was completely right. Opening your mouth, he snapped.

“No, don't speak! I don't want to hear it right now! Fuck,” he murmured, and paced in front of you, his jaw set strong. “You weren't even pregnant when it all happened, why would you want to get to more money so badly?!”

“I wanted to provide for us as well!” you shouted back now, but your voice was so shaky you felt like you sounded pathetic. He had to know, though. “We are coming from a low-class background, Baekhyun! Why is it so bad for me to want to do more when I am perfectly able to do so?”

“Because you would have ruined your own dreams while chasing something so artificial!” he shouted back, stepping closer to where you were sitting, but you didn't budge from the sudden movement. “Money was, and money will be! But us creating a family together won't be a forever opportunity! And you were willing to just hang it up for, what, 300.000 won more? Don't be ridiculous! Plus! He is a fucking arsehole! If he isn't touching you up, he is treating you like complete shit; you deserve better than any of this! And if I could have, I would have beaten him up long ago.”

You averted his gaze. His words were driven by his love for you, you knew that much. So as much as you wanted to be offended and hurt, he was hundred percent right. Everything he just threw into your face was correct and you couldn't defend yourself, because he would come at you right away.

“Is this really everything our relationship means to you?” he asked, a bit more quietly, but his tired tone was scarring your heart. You dared to look back at him, to see him staring on the ground, one hand on his hip.

“No,” you said and you cried again, “it isn't and you know it, too.”

“Do you think I am incapable of taking care of us? Of the kids?” he looked at you, huge puppy eyes on full display as he slowly let his guard down. “Because all of this just proves you don't trust me as the breadwinner of this household.”

You bit your lip, trying to suppress your arguments, but ended up going against it. “Baekhyun, we aren't in a situation where I need to stay home, clean and do nothing while you get to earn money as if it was some easy thing to do. I am, and I will continue to work,” you replied resolutely despised tears rolling down your cheeks, “and it isn't you as a breadwinner, but us.”

The society surely was patriarchal, so if you dared to talk to your father in this manner, he would have slapped you. There was no such thing as a woman who got to go against her husband or brother.

Baekhyun, however, wasn't your father or your brother. He wasn't even your husband, and when you saw his troubled look, he finally let himself sink down on the mattress. He was your kind, loving boyfriend. “I already said this,” he started, “but I am not, and I won't keep you inside the house, locked up, while waiting for me to return to you after work. I won't tell you what to do, you know I never did,” he said in a more friendly manner, but it still beared authority. “I respect you as a woman,” he said, speaking your name softly, “and you are my everything.” His hand reached out to caress your cheek that was still wet from your tears. “I need to see you only smiling, happily, but I cannot accept you lying to me like this again. I thought we had been together long enough for us to earn each other's trust, and you going like that behind my back and signing bullshit was nothing but stupid and irresponsible. Especially because your pregnancy was jeopardized like that. You can't be under stress like that, sweetie.”

Hearing him calling you a pet name, you knew the war was over and he finally was on the positive side. His authoritative voice still kept you on edge, so you didn't throw yourself at him just yet.

“If he kicked you out, which I'm pretty much convinced he did, I wouldn't be against you not working until you give birth.”

“Baekhy-”

“Shh, let me speak, honey,” he said quietly and shuffled himself closer, sitting right opposite you cross-legged  as he took your hands in his. “Listen. I know you know it, but having three babies under your heart is a dangerous situation,” he whispered loudly, bringing your intertwined hands to his lips. “It's dangerous especially for you. You are very tired after work, and you come home late and don't get enough rest. Sukyeong even told me you don't always keep up with your meals, and I don't like it one bit.” The way his lips moved against the skin of your hand was soothing you. “Accept that he threw you out, before I file a lawsuit against him for harassing you and making you sign nonsense contracts, and stay home. Find a part-time job instead, but you need to rest, darling.”

“Baekhyun,” you finally spoke and he hummed, as he let your hands fall to his lap. His eyes were now so gentle and full of worry. “I am so sorry. For everything. I shouldn't have done any of that, but please know I did it with good intentions.”

Baekhyun went silent for a bit, analysing your face, your tired features and pale skin, which only reminded him you had been throwing up today and dealing with the situation in the restaurant. Suddenly, he felt so guilty for making you go through all of it in just one evening, (although you were responsible for it, too). Let alone he just shouted at you for good ten minutes. He couldn't even imagine what other things you must have been feeling the past weeks, given how your body was changing day by day. “It's alright, babe, it's alright. I understand. C'mere,” he whispered, opening his arms and you threw yourself at him, making him almost fall back on his back. You snuggled your face into his neck, and he let out a satisfied breath, caressing your back gently. “I'm sorry for shouting at you. But I'm not sorry for punching that idiot. He deserved it.”

You were looking at the skin on his neck and how it disappeared under his shirt that had the first two buttons undone. “Thank you for standing up for me, honey.”

“My baby,” he murmured lovingly into your hair before he gave it a kiss. “My only baby.”

-

You woke up to slow, gentle caresses on your small belly as your shirt was ridden up just a tiny bit, Baekhyun not wanting to wake you just yet. He was behind you, wanting to spoon you as soon as he washed up and fell in bed next to you last night. It didn't take long for both of you to fall asleep, as surprising as that was. The events tired you out, and he wanted you to sleep as much as you could.

He kissed your clothed shoulder before he nosed your neck and buried his face in your hair, while his caresses didn't stop. Letting his eyes close for a moment, he brought his front just a little closer to you, his leg wrapping around yours that were politely connected. His hand absentmindedly wandered further up before going dangerously low, sending shots of pleasure down your core without even paying attention. You knew he would soon realize his effect on you, because you definitely felt like squirming in his hold.

His hand lazily dragged upwards almost touching the underside of your breast when you couldn't keep it in anymore, breathing in sharply just for his hand to stop right under the-

“Oh, I finally have you awake,” he murmured, his husky voice sending another set of chills down your spine.

You couldn't help but smile, happy you woke up to this. The fluid down there was saying something else, though.

“Slept well?” he murmured into your ear, as he continued dragging his hand up. You groaned softly when he groped your breast as he pushed himself even more into you, and you felt it. He was so ready for you.

“Mhm,” you hummed in agreement, enjoying the massage as he proceeded to nibble on your ear from behind, your eyes closed in pleasure. “You?”

“I realised we didn't keep our promise, babygirl.”

Your breath hitched in your throat when your realised what he was implying.

“So, is my beautiful lady still horny enough to go the remaining two rounds?” His voice was so deep, you felt yourself scrunching your eyes shut, the adrenaline quickly making its way into your bloodstream. “We will take it,” he murmured and this time his hand was going down, down, down, the panties the only barrier from his wandering hand as he lifted the hem of them teasingly, testing just how ready you were for him, “very slowly, my dear.”

His fingers played with you just for few seconds before he pushed his middle finger inside, your mouth opening in a silent moan as you leaned back into him.

“It's so early, but you are already like this,” he continued while your head was swimming, his ministrations nothing short of slow, yet so pleasurable, “all for me.”

Your insides were squeezing painfully, and he wasn't moving faster, nor did he have the intentions. “Baekhyun,” you said, trying not to pant too loudly, “I just want you.”

“Hmm? Speak louder, I'm still sleepy.”

“You're such a tease,” you whispered in disbelief before surprising him by reaching behind you to touch him exactly where he needed you. He hissed, his eyes looking at your profile to see the smirk you had on your face.

“I wanted it to be slow, romantic and all of that,” he mumbled before pushing your hand away while he sat up, causing you to fall on your back. As soon as his hand was out of your panties, you felt a pang of frustration before he covered your body with his, his face close to yours as you tried to calm down from him fingering you so sensually.

“I want none of that,” you replied as you grabbed his face for a heated kiss, “I want you inside me, just about now.”

“Needy, naughty…” he muttered with a flirty smirk as he teased you at your opening, causing both of you to groan. “Are you ready, sweetie?” And he still made sure you were okay with him.

“I'm always ready for you,” you whispered, spreading your legs even more for him, as he pushed himself in, your eyes instantly closing in wonderful pleasure only he was able to give you.

He stayed inside, buried and panting into your hot mouth as he rested his forehead on yours. “Sweetheart, open your eyes for me, hm? I love you, you know that?”

“I know that. And I love you, do you know that?” you reciprocated, smiling up at him only to be rewarded with his smiley eyes as he pushed back before diving right in few more times, where he hit your sweet spot. Moaning loudly, he dragged his face to suck on your neck before he took one of your hands, intertwining them with his as he pushed it up above your head.

“I know that. You are my angel,” he said, finishing it with a guttural groan as he felt you pulsing around him, knowing you were about to cross the edge and he was not far behind you.  “Come for me. We have another round,” he breathed before kissing you passionately, messily, moanily.

You mentioned you wanted none of slow. And in the second round, he gave you just that. Baekhyun became ruthless, just before whispering: “Are you riding?” And he was fast to change positions. He helped you straddle him although you definitely had the energy to move and climb by yourself, given your crazy hormonal drive.

“That was just a warm-up session.” He warned, not waiting for you. Your screams, his groans, the heat, it was all so fucking amazing you were left in a complete bliss. You were fast to catch up to him, moving your hips while he was watching from beneath you, eyes dark, glazed over and completely smitten by you.

“You're the best,” you breathed out as you dragged your hands to you breasts, but Baekhyun wanted none of that. He swiftly sat up, his chest almost pressed to yours while you continuously rode him, up and down,  your hands being pushed aside just to be switched with his as he added his sinful lips to the swell of your breasts.

“You're a goddess, mummy,” he muttered, leaving a wet trail on your chest while his hands squeezed and massaged your mounds.

“Baekhyun!” you scolded, and despite the sweat and the delightful pull in your belly approaching yet again, you blushed; the blush definitely caused by his choice of words.

He looked into your eyes, his ones proud and lustful. “It's true,” he muttered, groaning as you sank down exceptionally hard, almost falling onto his sturdy chest. His hands were now squeezing your sides, helping you out, unable to keep the needy touches to himself when you looked so gorgeous like that. He squeezed your arching body to his sweaty chest.

A quick glance at your swollen belly that he made sure you noticed, his hand came to touch against it and you were gone. He caressed you there gently while swallowing your moans as you grabbed his face, kissing him, your hair falling, creating an intimate curtain just around where your mouths were connected. You still had an unearthly energy to help your boyfriend out to his orgasm, not wanting to be in the ecstasy alone, and as much as Baekhyun needed the release, his hands slid across your sides, holding your hips to stop their movement.

“Enough, baby girl,” he whispered into your mouth, leaning back ever so slightly to see your flushed cheeks, sweaty forehead. “I don't want you to hurt yourself.” He was still panting and you swore to god he looked so handsome with his hair glued to his forehead, puffy cheeks. You might have gotten horny again.

“Come with me,” you insisted, attempting to to move again but he bit his lip, a cheeky glint in his eyes, and he held your back tenderly, moving you to lie on your back, while slipping out of you. Hissing, he stood up quickly.

“I'll be right back.”

Trying to calm your breath, you closed your eyes, enjoying the feeling in your aching body. A knowing smile played on your lips; Baekhyun would rather get a cold shower then another orgasm from you, just because he was worried about you. If that wasn't some darn good self-control, you didn't know what it could be.

Just as he promised, he was back soon, a towel in his hands to help you clean up. Once done, he lied back down next to you and you immediately curled up by his chest. “That was amazing.”

“Hmm, you are amazing,” he said. After a little pause, he asked: “You feeling alright?”

“Perfect. But I could go again, you know? You don't have to be so careful with me.”

He snorted as he played with the ends of your hair. “Jeez, you already have my baby! Actually three of them! Slow down, woman.”

You both laughed heartily, and he loved the sound.

“But I want to have youuu, my love,” you whined.

“You have me. You always have me. I'm yours. I'm just simply yours.”

A/N: just to clarify, this isnt the end, we still have quite some things to get through actually - more drama ㅠㅠ! Just didnt want to leave you on a cliffhanger. Hope you liked this chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Any feedback is very much appreciated  🥺 🥺

[aprito]

hello <3 since i got these asks at the same time i decided to combine my thoughts on them in this post. yet another annoying sjw essay from yours truly on this blog 

before i get into these i think i need to preface why im like. i guess overly hyperfocused on a certain unproblematic base (same age au / platonic canon) for them and avoid the ped0philic content like the plague lol

tw for pedophilia ment, rape ment if that makes you squicky. ALSO THIS IS LONG AND RAMBLY

as i’ve mentioned a couple times already, ive been into the ship since i was 12, back when it was very very common to not only post untagged (nsfw) canonverse content of the two in writing and in drawing but also non con and the like, so you can imagine how bad my first impression online was. thinking back on it ...as a child i found it disturbing but didnt really register how problematic it really was?? (i know, but i also lived in the middle of nowhere and had no one explain this to me) 

skip to 2014 aka me coming back to naruto at 17ish and i had kinda become hyper aware of the fact that there was an increasing amount of people online who had come forward with explaining how fictional problematic content, mostly pedophilia, had been used to groom them into starting relationships with adullts. it was also a time where a lot of people didnt believe these victims, not registering how common it was for minors to be online friends with adults who had no boundaries and no qualms exposing them such content. not gonna get into my personal life here but i was lucky to not having gone through this myself. like... it kinda was my first time truly realising how fiction can EASILY be used to manipulate others irl (and yes i will not argue this, if you dont think fictional media can form and manipulate people’s opinions on attitudes, countries, cultures and virtues, pick up a book about the effects of propaganda media at least once please) 

i, being young, still liking the dynamic but not really the romance, would point this out here and there in the fandom and get into fights with grown adults in their mid 20s who assumed i automatically hated the ship(s) and tried to restrict their freedom of speech or whatever, heard everything from the “age of consent doesnt exist in naruto” to the “sasori looks like a child what does it matter” despite people clearly playing on him being older and experienced. it made me so upset that people were just consuming all this content uncritically and exposing children to it tbh?? not really just sos but a lot of minor/adult ships in naruto in general. and thats where i sat down and thought, i do not want to be a grown adult talking down to children that point out how unsafe the fandom is. theyre absolutely right in drawing these boundaries and calling out adults who defend the uncritical consumption and creation of this content. i do not want to consume or create content that predators could use to groom minors, and i absolutely do want to let younger people in fandom know that i am respecting their comfort zones and want them to have a safe and fun experience. after all, naruto is not an adult show and i think a lot of people forget that!!!! i am not perfect in that regard but its something that i, at the age of 23, am very passionate about and strive towards to.

and i guess thats where same age au was born for me and i have been sticking to it ever since. 

so finally we can move to the first question 

aside from the fact that we both dont like canon sos, i dont think it would work out even if i wasnt prejudiced to it anyways. in all honesty, 35 year old canon sasori is not a redeemable character to me, given the fact that he’s easily amongst the cruelest villains in naruto (torturing and killing and taxiderming people for his own fun personal gain, never for a goal that served anyone but himself. how do you redeem having over 300 corpses in your backpack that you felt absolutely no remorse for killing). sasori was legit one of the only cruel villains that didnt had someone else pull the strings, which sends a clear message on kishi’s part, who absolutely loves to redeem villains LOL.

being that old, he obviously had already been very manifested in what he believed in, even if it was shakey, to the point where the first crack in that world view (sakura and chiyo protecting each other) immediately had him give up on his life all together. that, in my opinion, is not a man who’s going to know what healthy relationships would look like, regardless of it being romantic or not. 35 year old sasori to me has the same appeal as an expired can of tuna and he’s probably very happy 6 feet under. he’s supposed to be a failed gaara in that sense that he had no one to look out for him and therefore was never going to experience anything but a bad ending in life. its fine that hes dead honestly, it wraps up his short character development the best IMO.

adding to that, seriously, sakura was obviously interested in knowing why he was that way, and called him out for being seriously fucked in the head, but it’s weird to me that people assume she had any interest in actively rehabilitating him, let alone starting a serious romantic relationship with him. sakura who’s not only very, uhm, immature and straight forward when it comes to her romantic viewpoints also, as a big bootlicker, wouldnt soil her standing in the village by starting anything with a disgraced and far too gone criminal like sasori. shipping that version of sasori with sakura intimately is still going to set her up for a huge power imbalance that would be difficult to handle imo, even if she was the one in the fight ultimately exerting her power over him. i would still look at it and think damn she deserves better than having to play therapist for man like that lol.

additionally, even if you ignored all of this, you cant really ignore that sasori had already known her as a child, and that had been his first and most impactful impression of her. i dont think that sasori would look at 35 year old sakura and see her as a grown woman and not the little green girl she was in the fight. plus, you easily fall into predatory comparison territory between the “childish” and “womanly” and i have seen way too often in fic just being boiled down to her now being fuckable. a lot of of ships do this and i would just like to remind yall thats it not normal for adults to want to start relationships with children they have seen grown up or known as a child when they themselves were fully grown adults. therefore, maybe if sakura hadnt met sasori before it would be less of a problem? but that also obviously defeats the point of the dynamic and the reason he died in the first place. so yeah, it sounds kind of doomed especially if you were to make it romantic. 

WHICH BRINGS ME TO THE SECOND QUESTION

let me preface this that im not fundamentally against age gaps, even if im not super interested in it. after all, colorblind had a 5 yr age gap (with sakura being 21), even if, say, i wrote similar fics today i probably would make it smaller lol. i think it can be handled well if both parties have enough life experience to deal with it, and the author is cautious of where the age gap starts, i think a 10+ year age gap would be fine in a scenario where the younger party (i guess sakura) was at least 25-27ish, meaning she has completed most of her most formative life stages and probably had been in relationships before, meaning she would be able to handle it without having to fear a huge power imbalance. the older the younger party is the less the age gap is going to matter tbh .TsukiHoshino and AngelOfDeath10 both handle age gaps in their fics really well imo, so i do not mind reading about them.

unfortunately, a lot of people in this fandom think making sakura barely "”””legal””””” (18, not even 20 which is hilarious to me because the source material is obviously japanese) because they both cannot stand her being past her “prime years” of being young fertile and fuckable to much older men as well as thinking a 20 year old is automatically old enough to handle that type of relationship. ive seen a lot of unironic takes that believe it will absolve them of callout posts if they throw around age of consent and “shes 18 now suckers!!!” enough lmfao. absolutely hilarious. aging a minor up without aging the adult down seriously reeks of predatory “cant wait until youre 18″ narratives and thats why i find it similarly disturbing as straight up pedo shipping.

ultimately, sasosaku is and will always be a inherently problematic ship in canon, which is why i think it should always be handled a little more responsibly in fandom spaces, ignoring or outright excusing the main problem factor, which is sasori, isnt going to convince anyone that the dynamic in itself is well written and interesting enough to explore in aus, like giving sasori the redemption most of us wanted him to have by aging him down to a point in time where he was still realistically going to allow being positively influenced, similar to gaara. 

so really, what i think is well handled age gap and how most people handle age gap in the naruto fandom are two different worlds at times lol 

tl;dr

canon shippers have never been anything but gross when i was younger and i didnt wanna be like that, even if youre “smart”enough to differenate, actual creeps dont really care and might use your content to blur the lines, sasori isnt rly redeemable so romantic canonverse realistically wouldnt make much sense and is still iffy, age gaps are fine if they are handled well, but given that the dynamic doesnt really need the age gap to still work im not that invested on making that an essential part of my shipping experience.  

thank you for reading and hope this makes sense!

[angels-heap]

To the anon who just sent me an ask: I’ll properly answer that later, when I’m not trying to write other stuff, but in short: I’d rather read fanfiction on a site where dodgy stuff is required to be tagged than on a site where it’s technically not allowed and the people who are hellbent on writing it anyway will just sneak it in there untagged. I’ve spoken about my childhood experiences online before, and once again: every single time I encountered something that I wasn’t developmentally ready to process, it was completely out of the blue (or very vaguely warned for) on FFN, presumably to avoid censorship. 

Your concerns are totally valid and I share them, but the fact remains that this whole issue is super, super complex and while I also wish there was a way to get rid of the small percentage of objectively fucked up fan content on sites like AO3 without far-reaching (and ultimately worse) consequences for individual fans and fan communities, it just isn’t that simple. Also, comprehensive sex ed could do so much more to prevent harm than AO3 ever could. Call your government representatives. 

AO3 is not a perfect website by any means, but I sure wish it had been around when I was a kid. And if I could change anything about it (besides separating the HL and HLVRAI tags), it would be adding better filtering features, not trying to restrict what can be published. 

[compassionatereminders]

Friendly reminder that tagging triggers isn’t suddenly irrelevant just because the info is really important. I don’t follow many political blogs because they trigger my anxiety too much, but every once in a while one of the otherwise positive blogs I follow will reblog some really triggering and very graphic post about something really horrible without tagging it all - and it’s not that they can’t or shouldn’t talk about important political topics or current events! 

But please keep in mind that some people just really can’t handle reading about these things. Please keep in mind that some people are not in a place where them reading in depth descriptions of suffering and death and struggle makes any kind of positive difference. I’m not saying y’all shouldn’t spread awareness! I just wish people would tag things more carefully EVEN WHEN the topic is real important and they want everyone to know about it.

Another example of this tendency is donation posts. I have all donation post related tags filtered - cause I do not currently have the money to donate to anyone, and reading in depth descriptions of abuse and poverty without being able to do anything to help REALLY fucks me up and doesn’t actually help the suffering people in question at all. Yet, people who otherwise run positive blogs regularly put completely untagged donation posts containing long and very graphic descriptions of all kinds of horrible stuff on my dash.

I just want to make it clear that I am definitely not saying that it’s not okay to reblog political news or info about horrible tragedies or donation posts to any and every blog of yours! If you can spread awareness and you care to, then that’s great. But please tag donation posts and please tag political posts - and please don’t wait for someone to find the courage to directly ask you to do so. 

[lucytara]

okay this is the last i wanna talk about this but this shit with hitting the pavement is the literal reason wlw are wary of men in our spaces. like. this dude wrote a somewhat popular (or at least followed) fic, billed as just a college au where blake and yang sort of overcome their demons and fall in love and whatever. he put zero warning tags, ensuring plenty of people would read it who otherwise might’ve avoided it. and then he apparently 2 chapters - the first of which was blake and yang finally escaping, saying they loved each other, thinking they were free (and ending it with a small author’s note saying “all the warnings” for next chapter, which was vague and completely unhelpful, especially if you did what i did which was not realize that two chapters were posted back to back and go immediately to the latest one) - and the last of which was adam brutally murdering yang, blake giving in 100% to her abuser without a fight despite spending the fic up until that point attempting to heal, and blake leaving yang’s body and going with adam because “it was what she deserved.” 

with zero. warning. tags.

i don’t know what this dude was thinking. my top theories at the moment are that he really fucking hates wlw, is an adam sympathizer or at the very least has quite the hard-on for him, and just didn’t give a fuck about the atrocity he was committing with his ending. likely all three. he didn’t care about what it would do to wlw who read it, didn’t care about triggering people, just wanted the widest possible audience.

i’m hoping i don’t need to explain all the fucked up things about that ending, or about what the author did. i’m hoping y’all are smart enough to recognize that showcasing an f/f couple as happy and in love before brutally murdering one of them immediately after and saying it’s impossible to overcome abuse is extremely damaging. i’m hoping y’all understand that this is a male issue because actual wlw aren’t writing this shit, untagged, and likely don’t want to see themselves fucking murdered anyway. and even if they did write something like it, i’m confident it would’ve been gone about in a wildly different manner.

the bumbleby tag is full of men writing abuse porn. it doesn’t even have to be actual porn. it’s torture, it’s abuse, it’s men who have no business writing this shit writing it anyway because there’s just something they love about destroying f/f ships and queer female characters. so i don’t care if you’re a straight man and your feelings are hurt because a wlw in this fandom says “ugh straight men at the worst/leave us alone/you don’t belong here/etc.” we have reasons for wanting that and thinking it, and it’s because people like you literally make us unsafe. y’all want to consume us but you don’t want to respect or protect us and i’ve had enough. so until you decide to police yourselves, until you police each other and call each other out for sick behavior, i just don’t want to hear it and i don’t want to waste my time having to comfort you. look at the shit we face every day here and think. is it really all the wlw you should be complaining to for sympathy or should you maybe go find someone like you who’s spouting damaging rhetoric, writing, content, and say, hey, one straight man to another, this isn’t your fucking place. 

[maggyme13]

The Last Mission (4/?)

AN: Ooookayyyyyyy, I have to admit, Bucky/Wintersoldier might be ooc in this chapter... Sorry about that(?) I hope you guys still enjoy it though.

Warning: ooc Bucky/Winter soldier (?), no really dark compared to the other parts (sorry, not sorry :P), mention of non-con /dub-con

Masterlist

TLM- Masterlist

Part 3

The soldier had taken you another four times that night. Every time finishing inside of you, though you did not care because you had no hope of leaving that cabin at all. After he had taken you the last time, he had carried you into the bath and beneath the warm spray of the shower, only to leave you on your own.

Strange-

Taking the offered opportunity, you quickly tried to clean yourself from any evidence of the night, even though you knew it would be only a reason of time until he would take you again.

Satisfied with your cleaner state, you grabbed one of the offered towels and dried your body, careful with the bruises the male had left behind the last couple of hours.

Finished, you contemplated for a second to wrap the towel around your body to get something between you and him, but you decided against it in the end; because one: you did not anger the soldier again and two: why stretch the unavoidable with wearing things he would just rip of your body.

Still uncomfortable with your current situation and state, you made your way back to ´your´ room. With your head hanging low.

To your surprise was the room empty and you sat onto your bed, with your covers -he must have brought them into your room while you were in the shower- pulled to your chest for warmth and back resting against the headboard. You did not want to get the bed wet with your hair, like it would happen should you lay down.  

And so, you waited.

Waited for anything and nothing.

Waited for the male to return.

Waited for your future to happen.

Yes, you were exhausted, not only in your body but your mind as well, but there was still adrenalin pumping through your veins and fear about angering the male burning in your heart. You just couldn’t lay down and sleep.

It took another hour or so, until the man returned to the room again, fully dressed and a tablet in his hands. His skin looked pale and eyes tired, but not from exhaustion. It was a different time of tiredness. Without sparing you a glance, your captor walked towards the little table and placed the tablet down.

“There is food and water. Eat- drink- sleep.”, he stated, walking back out of the door and leaving you alone again- confused.

What? Why? Did he just- He was completely different, like another person-

Neither hungry, nor thirsty, you finally were able to lay down and let sleep take over your exhausted and hurting body.

___

“Who are you? Why are you here? - I know I was ordered to not kill you, but why are you here? And what happened last night? How did you make me do that?”, you finally recognized your captors voice whispering those words.

What I made him do?

“I can barely control myself right now. Just being near you, just knowing you are this close- “, he whispered a tat darker and closer than before, “I know you are naked beneath those sheets. And there is this burning urge inside of me. An itch that won´t leave. That only good better after-. Who are you girl. And what did you do with HIM?”

Because if I had declined, the damn Widow would have made! I hope those two are not doing too well. I pray mosquitos bite them where they can´t reach to scratch. Whoever listens knows they deserve it!

His fingers caressed your jaw, his thumb brushing over your mouth.

“Those words you said. They triggered something. I don´t know what it is, but I am sorry for everything I did and will do. I don’t know who I am, or what I am capable of.”, he continued, still whispering.

What the fuck is going on? Why is he like this? Is he saying he can´t do anything against this? That he is not in charge of his own body?

“I only know that I was able to think clearer after every time- after I- I took you. But with every passing second my mind goes hazier and hazier again, it is like I forget myself all over again.”, the soldier almost sobbed, his hand still gently caressing your face, “I don’t know what to do. Where to go and what I am at the moment. Who am I? I would tell you to go and run. As far away as you can. But I fear I will forget and go and hunt you down to bring you back. You couldn’t get away from me or die out there. There is nothing in a three-day walking radius than bears, wolves and other things that will happily eat you.”

Not that I wanted to run, but good to know that it would be my certain death if I try.

“You are allowed to walk freely now. But stay out of my room. I will try and stay away from you as long as I can think straight. I think there should be enough food in the pantry to last for a few weeks.”, he told you, even though he must have thought you were asleep, before you heard the rustling of his clothes and the door to your room closing. But no key was turned, and no lock locked.

Did he just place a barrier between him and me? I am confused. What did just happen?

___

You had fallen back asleep after another half an hour of confusion and trying to make sense out of everything the male had said to you during the night.

Getting up from your bed, you noticed a pile of neatly folded clothes had been placed on the chair and so you decided to take a closer look. Regardless the aching in your legs and lower belly, you made your way there.

Did he bring me clothing?

And indeed, he did. There on the chair were laying a pair of lose trousers, a top and a pullover; every single article was far to big for your body and you figured that this were spar clothes of your captor.

At least the trousers have a cord to fasten them, and I can roll up the legs and sleeves.

He said I am allowed to walk freely, right? Well, I think I will call out no matter what, just to make sure.

“I am going to leave my room now. If I am not allowed to do so, please let me know!”, you called out through the closed door, waiting a few seconds for an answer that never came.

I guess it is safe to go then…

Slowly, your body buried inside the huge pullover, you snailed your way towards the kitchen, where you assumed the male would be.

I should have just gone into the bathroom to get some water. But damn I would kill for some hot tea or so. Maybe there is something hidden in one of the cabinets?

You could hear your heart beat inside your ears, and it became louder with every step you took.

Please do not be in there. Please don’t be in there.

Repeating that mantra in your head over and over again, you summoned all your courage (and what you later would describe as suicidal tendencies) and stepped into the very same room that had caused you the big trouble the day before.

It was empty. At least that was what you thought at the first glance. But you were mistaken. Right next to the doorway you just stepped through stood the man of your current nightmare, unmoving and with his eyes concentrated on you. Indifferent to him, you only noticed him when you had reached the other side of the kitchen and you froze.

You feared a repeat of your last visit to this room was imminent, but to your surprise and relief did the male only stare at you, before taking a seat against the kitchen counter and taking a bite from whatever he had prepared for himself.

This promises to be interesting.

Taking an apple that had been placed in a bowl in the centre of the kitchen, you sat down on the opposite side of the table, your eyes never leaving his form.

You knew no matter how this encounter would pass, that would be the way the rest of your stay with the man would go by.

Part 5

AN 2.0: So what do you guys think ?!

Why is he suddenly totaly different to the night before?

Was Bucky ooc? and what do you think the reader will do now?

Will she try and run or will she stay?

Until next time and thank you for reading :)

~MaggY :)

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