#wizardinpyjamas

[riversongg]

Y yo a ti, Cas

please enjoy my first digital oil painting in over a year

[riversongg]

a kiss with a fist is better than none

oh hey hi please enjoy a bloody!dean digital oil painting

[riversongg]

aloha, cowboy

dean is bi. that is all.

[riversongg]

jensen + scruff, a digital oil painting

[riversongg]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAN WINCHESTER

original x

[riversongg]

Here With Me

Summary: What if Dean had never died? What if Eileen had come back? What if Sam and Dean had been allowed to visit their loved ones and grieve the ones they lost? What if they had saved Cas from the empty? What if they got to live their happily ever after? Chapter 1: exile Word Count: 1757 Read on AO3

The first day after Chuck is defeated is a good one. They’re free. They’re finally free. For the first time in years Sam feels like he can finally breathe. That first day they take some time for themselves. They sleep. A lot. They eat, drink some beer. They go for a drive and feel the breeze on their skin. Sam cries a bit too, the tears of relief escaping after holding in so much tension for so long. There had always been one thing after another. Another problem, another monster, another evil deity trying to take over the world.

So yes, for that first day, they exist and do nothing else.

On the second day they have work to do. First, Sam calls Eileen. They’d texted a whole bunch already, Sam ecstatic beyond belief that she was back, but she understood that he needed time, time to realise that everything was okay, that this new reality wasn’t going to be ripped from under him, before reaching out. But one day without seeing each other is more than enough time before they are talking face to face, Sam breaking down in sobs at only eight in the morning. She’s back.

The air feels cleaner, the weight on Sam’s shoulders lightened. It’s even easier to breathe than before. He longs to reach out and hold her in his arms, but there will be time for that. They have all the time in the world.

Day three finds them on the road. Dean driving, windows down, head rocking to the Zeppelin he has turned right the way up. Sam’s knee keeps bouncing with anticipation. Dean tells him to “Cut it out, man” a few teams before he gives up, allowing Sam this moment of excitement.

They pull over for gas around noon and that’s when Dean finds the dog. Miracle, he had called him back before the end of Chuck. Sam remembers seeing the dog when Jack brought everyone back, but seeing him again, for the third time in only a few days, it’s evident to the brothers that this dog is meant to be theirs. Miracle sits between the two of them, peering through the front window of the Impala, tongue lolling out of his mouth as they draw nearer to Eileen’s.

When Sam and Eileen reunite, Dean and Miracle wait in the car. There’s a lot of crying as Sam scoops her into his arms, lifting her up and squeezing tight. He takes in her scent, never wanting to forget the way it feels when she is with him. There’s lots of kissing too, but mostly they’re just happy to hold each other.

The weight lifts a little more, every moment he’s with her he’s a little more free.

They arrive at Jody’s the next day. As the three of them, and Miracle, pull up to the house they are greeted with love and warmth. Sam’s heart swells seeing his family alive and well. Claire has her arm around Kaia’s shoulders, Kaia giving them a little wave as they get out of the car. Patience and Alex give them bright smiles and Jody runs up to hug the two of them. When she gets to Dean Sam sees not only that she squeezes extra tight, but Dean holds onto her for a little longer too, almost reluctant to leave the hug. Donna is there too and she’s the first one to hug Eileen. She speaks to her in the little sign language she knows and Sam notices Eileen light up, her whole body becoming a little less tense.

As they make their way inside, Dean lingers behind. Sam turns to call him in but notices the sadness in his smile. Sam tells Eileen and the rest of the girls to go on in without them. Eileen smiles, understanding.

Sam goes back to his brother at the curb, patting Dean’s shoulder.

“They should be here, man,” his brother tells him, his voice quiet and tight. Sam sighs. He still doesn’t know what happened when the Empty took Cas; Dean won’t talk about that day. As for Jack? Sam knows he’s okay, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less that he will never be able to hug the kid again, never again hear his laugh or see his face light up in a smile.

“I miss them.” And that’s all there is. There’s peace, and there’s pain, and there’s a part of Sam’s family that will always be gone, but he knows more than anyone that there’s always a way to move on and be content, knowing that the pain will always be there, but one day it won’t feel so big.

They stay like that for a few moments, thinking about the ones they lost, before Sam makes his way into the house, ready to exist in the joy and laughter these wonderful women have to offer.

At some point Claire disappears, and she shows up a few hours later with an exhausted looking Dean. Cas may have been Sam’s best friend, but Claire and Dean had a connection to Cas like no one else. It was good that they talked, Sam thought. Maybe it would help them both say goodbye, knowing that they’re not so alone in their grief.

They stay at Jody’s for two days before they decide to head home to the bunker. Of course, they take a couple of detours, visiting Charlie and Garth and a few other hunter connections on the way. It’s nice spending time with their friends without the constant threat of danger around every corner. Having fun should not be a novelty, but going to the park with Garth’s kids, playing arcade games with Charlie, these are the things Sam has been missing, the things he didn’t know that he needed.

When they get back to the bunker, things go back to normal. Well, as normal as can be. Eileen stays with them for a while, her and Sam spending lots of time in his room. Dean takes Miracle on lots of walks and one day even takes Sam to a nearby lake that he likes. It has become a new favourite spot for the two of them, Dean often spending hours near the water, Miracle by his side.

Two weeks in, Dean starts eating less. It takes Sam another week to notice. Eileen has moved home by this point, though they video chat every day. Sam plans on visiting her in a week or so, but one day he notices that Miracle is asking for his daily walk and Dean is nowhere to be seen. Sam finds him in the garage, passed out in the front of the Impala, an empty bottle of whisky at his side.

He carries Dean to his bed that night, his brother too drunk to wake up as Sam hastily pulls him out of the car and into his arms, bridal style. He knows Dean would knock him senseless if he knew, but Sam didn’t care. They never talk about it. Dean wakes up the next morning, chugs a bottle of aspirin thinking Sam wouldn’t notice and gets on with his day.

A slice of toast.

A walk around the lake with Miracle.

A beer before lunch.

Not actually eating lunch and heading straight into research looking for a case.

Not finding anything.

Another bottle of whisky.

Another night in the Impala.

Sam knows then that he can’t leave Dean. He starts cooking, like, really cooking. Dean has always been the one with the culinary skills, so it takes Sam a few attempts to actually make a half decent burger, but day by day he pushes a sandwich, a salad, a bowl of cereal towards Dean and doesn’t leave him alone until his plate is completely empty.

Six weeks after Chuck, Dean stops speaking. He stops walking Miracle, stops watching movies. He eats because Sam forces him, drinks because he wants to. He does research, for what Sam doesn’t know, and sits and stares as though waiting for something to appear. Sam realises now that he had been foolish to believe that everything would be okay. Life is never that simple for the Winchesters.

Eileen decides to visit one weekend after Sam explains that he’s worried about leaving Dean alone. They’re just coming in from a date, Sam heading to the kitchen to get them some drinks when he hears it. Crying. No, sobbing. Huge, gut-wrenching sobs that ricochet throughout the bunker. Sam freezes. He has never, never, heard Dean cry like this. This is something so raw that Sam feels like he’s intruding. This isn’t something anyone should ever have to endure.

He knew Dean was not okay, but this? Sam could never have imagined to hear something like this coming from his brother, broken or not.

He makes a decision on instinct, and rushes down the hallway towards Dean’s room. The door is open and he sees Dean rocking back and forth on his bed, a pillow held tight to his face. For a second Sam thinks the crying has stopped, but then Dean lets out an abominable scream, the hair on Sam’s arms standing alert.

Sam has experience Hell and then some, but this is the worst thing he has ever heard.

He rushes forwards and reaches towards Dean. Dean jumps at Sam’s touch and starts to pull away when he realises he has been caught, but Sam climbs onto the bed behind him and pulls him tight.

“Shh,” Sam says, arms around his brother, Dean burying his face into Sam’s chest. “Let it out, Dean. Let it out.” And he does. Sam doesn’t know how long they sit there but soon Dean’s sobbing settles into steady tears and Eileen appears at Dean’s doorway, not wanting to invade.

“Whatever it is Dean, we will fix it. We will find you some help.” He strokes Dean’s back to the rhythm of his breathing, keeping him calm.

“This is the one thing that can’t be fixed,” Dean mumbles into Sam so quietly Sam barely heard him.

“What is, Dean?” he asks softly. “What can’t be fixed?”

“He’s gone,” Dean says, his voice breaking. “Cas is gone and he’s never coming back.” Dean takes in a shaky breath and holds it. Sam is afraid of what might happen when he lets it out.

It’s there, in Dean’s room, his big brother helpless in arms, the love of his life at the door that he decides it: one way or another, he’s getting Castiel back.

Read on AO3

[riversongg]

Destiel Coda to 15x20: Carry On. Major spoilers ahead. Whisper Read on AO3

Dean slowed the impala to a stop at the edge of a wide, open field. He turned off the engine and took a deep breath. The window was down, and he could feel the gorgeous spring breeze brushing against his skin, the sun warm and comforting. He could hear insects buzzing all around, bird song carried through the sky. He smiled. Yes, he thought. This is perfect.

He had been in Heaven for a few days now. Bobby was right, time did work differently up here. It had felt like home right away, peaceful and calm. There was no rush to do anything; he had all the time in the world.

He hadn’t seen anyone yet besides Bobby on that first day. Dean had needed some time alone. His life on Earth was over, and it was over too soon. Dean had wanted to live, to really do something and become someone other than the killer that he had always felt fated to be. He felt sad, sure, and he knew that it would take him a long time to come to terms with the loss of the possible life he could have led. For the first time ever Dean had wanted to live, and he wanted to live for himself, and it was taken from him.

It’s a sad kind of peace really, bittersweet yet inevitable.

He had been driving for days that felt like hours that felt like years. No time at all had passed, yet it felt like a lifetime. Dean had been thinking, being, waiting for the perfect place to stop.

And here he was. This field would do wonderfully.

He took another deep breath and got out of the car. He felt nervous, jittery, the feeling when you’ve been looking forward to something for a very long time, but now that it’s here you’re afraid it’s not going to live up to your expectations.

He shook himself. Come on Dean, he told himself. You can do this.

“Uhm,” he said. He cleared his throat. “I don’t know how to begin. Whatever I say won’t feel like enough but, Cas, if you’re listening, if you can hear me…” He paused. “Castiel, I’d really like to see you.” He closed his eyes, held his breath. Damn, he really hoped he’d show.

A minute passed. Then a minute more. He looked around at the serene calm surrounding him. “Come on Cas,” he whispered. And then he heard it.

“Hello Dean.”

A wide, brilliant smile took over his face. Oh how he had longed to hear those words just one more time.

He turned around with tears forming in his eyes. “Hey Cas,” he said and he took in the sight of the angel in front of him. Castiel was smiling with a sadness in his eyes he understood all too well.

“I wasn’t sure if you’d want to speak to me,” the angel admitted. “I thought it best to give you some space.” He stepped forwards. “I’m glad you reached out Dean.”

Dean swallowed the lump in his throat. “Me too,” Dean said. His feet had felt planted, solid, immovable, but now he was moving forwards so fast he couldn’t get to Cas quick enough. He pulled him into a tight hug and buried his face into Castiel’s neck. “God I missed you so much,” he said, holding back tears. Castiel held him tight. “I’m so happy to see you. I’m so happy, I-“ his words got caught in his throat. They pulled away from each other, slowly. Dean kept one hand on Cas’s shoulder. “I never thought I’d see you again.”

“I’m here now, Dean,” Cas said softly. “Though, no offence,” he said, leaning forwards slightly, “I had hoped it would have taken you a little longer to get here.”

Dean let out a small laugh. “Yeah, me too.” He nodded. They looked at each other, an eternity stretching out before them. Dean shook himself. “Who’d have thought I’d be taken out by a friggin’ vamp.”

Castiel laughed. “They were always your favourite.” Dean couldn’t argue with that.

“Listen man,” Dean started. “I… I have some things I need to say.” God he was getting nervous again. He let his arm fall from Cas’s shoulder and he cracked his knuckles. Let’s do this.

“You don’t have to say anything, Dean,” Cas interrupted. “I understand.”

“You understand shit, Cas. Let me speak.” Cas looked a little taken aback. Okay, maybe not the best approach.

“You know I’m no good with words,” Dean started again. “So please forgive me for not giving you the incredibly epic speech you gave me.” Breathe in. Breathe out. Breathe in. “I love you.” Breathe out. “I love you Castiel. I am in love with you.” A tear fell down his cheek. He hadn’t realised how much he had needed to say those words. This felt like the finale release, the final piece of freedom he had never been granted. “I’ve been in love with you for a long time, and I am so sorry I never had the courage to tell you while I was alive.”

Castiel stood, his mouth agape.

“Please say something,” Dean urged.

“You really mean it?” Cas whispered. Dean nodded his head fervently.

“You’re it, Cas. You’re the love of my life.”

Castiel smiled his wonderful, earnest smile and Dean’s heart swelled. He had never felt so warm, so at peace, so loved. He took a shy step forwards, so close to Cas that their feet were touching. Dean carefully placed his hand on Cas’s cheek. He looked into the angel’s eyes, drowning into the blue. Castiel took the last leap and joined their lips together.

It was soft and quiet at first, a whisper so tender. Dean’s hand moved to Cas’s hair and Cas cupped Dean’s face, and suddenly the kiss was moving, growing stronger and more desperate.

“I love you Cas,” Dean moaned into the angel’s lips.

“I love you Dean.” They smiled, foreheads pressed together, catching their breath. “I always will.”

“Always?” Dean asked coyly. He pressed another kiss to Cas’s lips.

“Until the end of time.”

They joined their hands into a solid unity, firm and unwavering.

They turned towards the Impala.

“Let’s go home.”

Read on AO3

[riversongg]

still beautiful

[riversongg]

destiel dancing

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT

This is such low quality but I don’t care

[riversongg]

Pairing: Castiel / Dean Winchester 
Warnings: Swearing (Is this a warning?)
 Word Count: 1087
 A/N: This is something I wrote a while ago and planned to post as a later chapter of a fic I started, but due to work/life commitments I haven’t been able to post in that fic as much as I would have liked, so instead I am just posting it here today to celebrate the 2021 Valentine’s day Destiel wedding!!!If you enjoy I would LOVE to hear what you think! 
 Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day after the events of Season 15 except Cas came back and no one dies. Dean and Cas get married and everything is soft.

Dean snuggles into Castiel, his arm around Dean’s shoulders where they lie. Dean has no idea how he ended up as the little spoon, but he’s too happy to care. He reaches up to Castiel’s chest, intertwining their fingers. He revels in the moment, in the feeling of pure happiness. But it’s more than that. He knows happiness, he’s felt it before. It’s a rare feeling, sure, but what he’s feeling right now is beyond happiness. It’s something he doesn’t think he has ever felt before.

Peace. 

He breathes slowly, deeply, closing his eyes and simply existing in Cas’s arms. He pulls Castiel’s hand to his lips and kisses the ring that is now sitting on the ex-angel’s finger. It’s cold against his lips, the silver standing out against the warmth of his husband’s skin.

“Mr Winchester,” Dean says with a smile. 

Dean feels Castiel untangle his hand from his as he reaches to cup Dean’s jaw. 

“Dean,” Cas says, his voice full of more warmth and love than Dean ever imagined he deserved. But he does. He deserves this. He deserves Cas. He leans towards his husband and their lips meet in the middle, soft and chaste but sure. A promise lingering between the two of them. A promise of tomorrow. A promise of every day after. They breathe each other in, eyes closed, content to exist in each other’s orbit.

“I don’t think I will ever be ready for this day to end,” Dean says as he pulls away. He leans back against his husband’s chest, hooking his left hand around Cas’s thigh. The arm around his shoulders gives him a squeeze, tight and reassuring.

“I know,” Cas says simply. “Today was the best day of your life.” Dean shoves him teasingly. “You know it’s true. Everyone you have ever loved, all in one room. Everyone happy, no pain…” He pauses. “Except when Crowley decided it would be a good idea to try karaoke.”

“Heh,” Dean laughed. “Yeah, no one needed to experience that, no matter what they have done to deserve it.” They smiled at the memory of that evening, a drunken ex-King of Hell swaying on stage to a terrible rendition of Air Supply’s All Out of Love. 

After a few minutes Cas presses a soft kiss into Dean’s hair. “You will see them all again tomorrow, you know.” Dean nods. “And Jack has given them all the choice to stay.”

“Cosmic consequences be damned,” Dean quotes, “yeah, I remember.” He sighs. When they told their son that they would be getting married, Jack had told Cas and Dean that he wanted to do something for them, a gift, to make their wedding the best possible day in existence. He’d been away for a while, busy revamping Heaven. Changes were coming, they could all feel that. 

Dean first understood the shift in their reality when Jack told them that he had offered all monsters on Earth the option to be “cured”. He had said that he didn’t want to force a cure on them, that it wouldn’t be fair to those who lived a good life. “Like your friend Garth,” he had told Dean, his face so earnest and hopeful. 

Jack explained that Purgatory would cease to exist. The afterlife would not be the same. Any demons in Hell who wanted to start again as a human would be given the chance. Everyone else would simply exist no more.

And the same thing was going to happen to Heaven. Dean remembers the way it felt when Jack had told him that the souls in Heaven would simply drift away into nothing, the way his heart felt like someone had taken ahold of it and squeezed, never letting go. 

But of course, Jack, kind and good as he is, had one surprise up his sleeve.

Everyone that Sam and Dean and Cas had ever loved, had ever cared for, had been brought back. “Cosmic consequences be damned,” Jack had said with a bright smile. “This is how it is meant to be.” 

Dean had felt happier and lighter than he ever had before. Everyone. They were all coming back. Holding Charlie in his arms, sobbing into her hair as she stroked his back had been a weight lifted. 

There had been a very strange reunion between Sam and Jess, especially when he introduced Eileen into the mix. 

Even John Winchester had been brought back. Castiel punched him on the nose in principle, breaking one of his fingers. That had been a fun trip to the hospital. 

“You will never be ready to say goodbye to any of them,” Cas says. “I understand.” 

For the most part, everyone was excited to stay on Earth, give living another go. Not many people get a chance at a redo, and this would be the last time anyone would ever come back. But Jack didn’t want to force people to come back. He had explained it would be unfair, especially after he understood how painful and difficult it had been for Mary that first time.

Some people had decided not to stay. They would stay for the wedding, for one last hurrah, of course. But on February 15th they would be saying goodbye.

Forever. 

“Hey, Cas?” 

“Yes, Dean?”

“You know I love you, right?” He hates how insecure he sounds. Cas laughs, his voice low and quiet.

“I think the fact that we just got married in front of all of our loved ones, Dean, tells me how much you love me.”

“Okay,” he says. “Just checking.”

“I love you too,” Cas says, “more than anything.” 

And Dean leans in again, kisses his husband with all the love and passion his body can muster. He wants to show Castiel just how much he is loved, cherished, valued. He wants to make his husband feel good, and happy, and pure. 

Things quickly become heated between the two of them, and as Dean sinks into Cas, becoming enraptured and enveloped in their passion, he allows his mind to drift back to earlier that day, to the one moment he never wants to forget.

Dean stands in front of his husband to be, hands joined tight between them. The Roadhouse has somehow been rebuilt - Dean reminds himself to thank the kid for that later - everyone he has ever loved sat in one room. Dean never imagined that something like this would even be possible. But here he was, standing before the person he loved the most in the world, ready to tell the whole world. 

“Castiel,” Claire says, because for some reason she insisted on officiating, “I believe you have prepared your own vows.” Cas nods to her, his face stoic and serious. Dean watches as he takes in a deep breath, preparing for the speech he has prepared.

“Everything I have done since the day I pulled you out of Hell has been done for you,” Cas begins. “Because of you. The good, the bad…” He trails off, a small smile growing on his face. He looks down, away from Dean, and lets out a small huff of laughter. “Yes I may have been misguided at times, made some bad choices.” His eyes reach Dean’s again. “But I did everything for you. All I ever wanted was a better world for you, Dean Winchester. I wanted to create a world that you would be proud of.” Dean squeezes Cas’s hands even tighter. 

“Dean.” Cas says his name so simply. It’s just one word, one small syllable. But the way he says those four letters speaks so much love and affection into the world that a part of Dean wants to run from it. It has taken him a long time to accept that he does deserve the kind of love that Castiel, ex-angel of the lord, and love of his life is offering, but sometimes Dean doesn’t know how to truly comprehend that he is allowed this kind of happiness. 

“I know for the longest time you have thought that I have only stayed by your side out of obligation,” Cas continues. “You feel, you worry, that I think I owe you something, and that is the reason why I stay. You taught me how to love. You taught me how to care, how to be human. 

“I know you still sometimes think that I stick around because it’s convenient. But every day, every moment of my life, it is an honour to be able to exist in your orbit. Knowing you has been the biggest pleasure of my life. Simply standing here, getting to exist next to you… It would be more than enough to make me happy until the end of time. But getting to be with you, to hold your hand, to look into your eyes, to exist with you, that is more than I could have ever dreamed.” 

Cas is well into his speech now, and Dean definitely does not feel his through tightening, a tear forming in his eye. Definitely not.

“I knew a long time ago that I intended to spend the rest of my life loving you. I have told you before that I learned to love everyone, the whole world, Sam, Jack, our family, because of you. But my love for you… That’s something I will never be able to quantify. It’s not only a part of me, but it has made me who I am. And I am so grateful that you have given that to me.”

Dean can feel his heart beating now, harder than it has ever beat before. 

“I want to spend the rest of my life loving you, Dean Winchester. If you’ll have me, I want to do it by your side, holding your hand as we walk Miracle, kissing you good morning despite your awful morning breath,” - that earns a chuckle from their audience- “pretending I like Led Zeppelin more than I actually do,” -and that earns a protested “Hey!” from Dean, a chuckle from Sam, and an understanding nod from Jack- “practicing my baking skills until I make the perfect pie… all of it. I want all of it with you.” 

“You are not only the love of my life, Dean. You are my life. My love, my joy, I would never have understood any of it if not for you. If you will have me, I will spend every day in the rest of my existence thanking you.”

And then Castiel turns back to Claire, giving her a small nod to indicate that he is finished. Everyone is quiet. Everything is still. No one moves.

Claire clears her throat and turns to Dean. 

“Well, shit Cas,” Dean says finally, a laugh escaping as a single tear manages to escape, “how the fuck am I supposed to follow that?”

Everyone laughs. And everything is perfect.

Read on AO3. Credit to @sunforgrace​ for the banner

[riversongg]

Here With Me

Summary: Dean leaves his room. He does not want to talk about Cas. Rowena shows and together with Sam, Dean and Eileen, they find a way to bring Cas back from the Empty. Chapter 2: Oceans  Word Count: 2963 Read on AO3

It takes Dean three days to leave his room.

Sam stayed with him that night, holding him close until the panic eased, and he drifted off to sleep. Sam didn’t sleep at all, instead allowing his own tears fall. Eileen had signed to him that she would see him in the morning sometime around midnight, so Sam had stayed, afraid to let go of his broken brother.

He knew Dean had been grieving Castiel’s death and so Sam had tried, he really tried, to be there for him, to be strong, to help him feel that there was a chance that he could one day breathe again. But staying strong for Dean meant putting his own feelings, his own grief on the back burner. He missed Jack more than he could ever put into words. He missed Cas too, and it hurt. It hurt so much knowing his best friend was gone, and he still didn’t really know why, and he didn’t feel like he could mourn him.

So yeah, Sam let the tears fall, let the emotion out, he let himself feel the weight of Castiel’s death.

At around eight in the morning he slipped out of Dean’s room and made himself some coffee. That was the day he started researching, scouring the books, Eileen by his side, searching for a way to bring Cas home.

It takes Dean three days to leave his room, but when he does, Sam is waiting.

Sam knows Dean needs his space but that doesn’t make him any less worried for his brother. He’s sitting at the table with Eileen, reading through a book he found in the library that mentioned a spell that can open portals into different realms when Dean turns up. He doesn’t hear Dean at first, his brother having entered the room quietly from behind.

“Hey Sam,” Dean says quietly, making himself known. Sam jumps, suddenly alert.

“Dean,” he says, his voice soft. “How are you?” he asks, immediately knowing it was the wrong thing to say. He hasn’t seen Dean in days, the last time they were in the same room together his brother had been inconsolable. The last time Sam had heard him speak? That was longer ago than he can remember. It’s good to hear his voice. Maybe this means things are going to get better, that Dean is on his way to being healed. Maybe.

“Peachy,” Dean grumbles and Sam huffs a laugh. “Hey, Eileen.” Dean flashes a small smile her way and she smiles back, genuine and bright. She’s so beautiful, Sam thinks. He doesn’t know how he got so lucky. She catches his eye and he looks away, blushing, embarrassed to be caught staring.

Dean pulls up a chair and slumps into it, kicking another chair aside to prop his feet up.

“So what’s up?” he says, his voice chipper. “What’s the hot goss?” Sam shakes his head. Yep, typical. He doesn’t know why he expected anything else but for Dean to completely ignore the last few weeks.

“Dean,” Sam says. “You can’t ignore what happened forever.” He doesn’t want to push his brother, not really. But Dean needs help. And ignoring the pain he is in is not help. Sam knows from experience it will only make things worse.

Dean’s face hardens, his eyes going dark. “Try me,” he says, clenching his jaw. He stares straight ahead, refusing to make eye contact. Sam can see his chest rising as he breathes, every moment a struggle.

KEEP READING

[riversongg]

Blue-eyed cutie patootie
I love him but he looks so sad. Also, buttons are hard, but I am suddenly understanding the benefits of drawing my eyebrows on every day! I hate this background but I love my son and I hope you do too!

[riversongg]

I’m an Aquarius. 
I was going to do a Sam painting next but HELLO, Dean girl over here! Anyway, I don’t love this one as much but damn, his hair is something I’m proud of

[riversongg]

Breathless OR The Many Ways Dean Winchester Has Kissed Castiel

Destiel November Writing Prompts, Day 7 ~ 476 words

Dean had kissed Castiel before, many times, more times than either of them could count.

He’d kissed him that first time, slow and tentative and shy, lips barely grazing, soft and unsure, but holding everything the world had to offer between them.

Dean had kissed Cas every morning since, after waking up next to him, after being handed a hot, welcoming cup of coffee, almost always accompanied by a smile, chaste and sure.

They had kissed in many diners after many hunts, Dean leaning into the weight of the expression, holding onto the moment for longer than usual as if he was holding on to the idea of Castiel himself, making sure the ex-angel there in front of him was real.

He’d kissed Cas during sex, after sex, in the shower, in the Impala, in the kitchen, in their bed, hard and soft all at once, firm and compelling, unwavering in his love for the other man.

They had kissed in front of Sam, deep and long and passionate, despite his younger brother’s many, many, many objections.

Dean had kissed Castiel while eating ice cream, their mouths so incredibly cold, slippery and wet and weird, giggling the entire time.

They had kissed in the middle of a Pride parade that Sam and Charlie had convinced them to go to, Dean holding Cas’s hand tight and fierce and strong, the weight of the world lifted from his shoulders in one afternoon of true bliss.

Dean kissed Cas after a particularly messy hunt, Cas lying in hospital bed, a huge bandage across his stomach, barely able to move. It was slow and gentle, but reassuring, his hands threaded through Castiel’s hair, Dean breathing in the scent of him, the feel of his lips, the beat of his heart, the warmth of his skin that told him over and over that Cas was okay, he was alive, he wasn’t going anywhere, and Dean kept kissing until the panic that writhed in his chest calmed to simple, dull ache.

He had kissed him when Cas dressed up as Princess Leia for Halloween, Dean laughing with his entire body the whole time. Cas told Dean “I love you,” and Dean replied “I know,” and everything in Dean told him to remember this beautiful, glorious moment in perfect detail, but he was too dazed in the love he felt for Cas, instead opting to live in the moment.

Dean kissed Cas every day and every night, the occasional “I love you,” peppered in for good measure, despite the hunter’s apparent allergy to feelings. When it comes to Cas, Dean doesn’t seem to mind.

Every kiss, every moment, Dean shared with Cas was wildly different, unique, exhilarating, extraordinary, but different nonetheless.

But the one thing all of these kisses had in common was the way they always managed to make Dean feel: breathless.

DOING THIS

ALL NOVEMBER PROMPTS

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[riversongg]

“It’s Beautiful”

Destiel November Writing Prompts, Day 8 ~ 650 words

Dean didn’t get emotional very often, but when he did, it was for good reason.

Looking down at this magnificent creation of his and Cas’s, Dean felt bis eyes begin to water.

It was truly wonderful, beyond the capabilities of his imagination, a thing of true bliss.

He felt at peace, his whole body aligned with nature, his breath, his heartbeat, the tick of a clock, all in perfect synchronization with the world, ever crash of a wave or whistle of the wind echoing around him in perfect harmony.

He was part of this glorious orchestra, all of the notes combining to create a serene melody.

He could feel Castiel standing next to him. With the warmth of Cas pressed up against him and the sight in front of them, Dean was surprised that his overflowing of love hadn’t spilled out of his body and into the physical world.

Dean reached down and took Cas’s hand, squeezing it tight.

“It’s beautiful,” Dean said, his voice catching in his throat.

It wasn’t like Dean to get emotional, but this was different.

This was a moment to be cherished, remembered forever like a tattoo in his mind, playing forever on replay.

“We made that,” Dean whispered.

Cas rolled his eyes fondly, smiling slightly, and leaned over to place a quick peck on Dean’s lips.

“We did, indeed,” Cas replied.

*

From across the room Sam could not believe what was happening.

He stared at his brother and his best friend/brother’s boyfriend mouth hanging open, eyebrows furrowed together.

Sure, they were cute, they were soppy, - and god forbid Dean ever find out that Sam saw his brother that way - it was all so adorable. And Sam would be happy for Dean, ecstatic, to see him so at peace.

In any other situation.

Sam opened his mouth to speak, and then closed it. He repeated this action a couple more times, completely lost for words.

He continued to watch the two of them make googly eyes at each other, and then down to the thing in front of them, half convinced that their eyes were going to bug out of their heads in the shape of great big hearts at any moment.

He couldn’t take it any more.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Sam shouted, throwing his arms up in the air.

Dean snapped his head up, his face dark, ready to attack.

“Don’t you dare, Sammy,” he said, “We earned this!”

“You’re being ridiculous,” Sam counteracted.

“That is my child you are offending,” Dean says, not one ounce of his voice hinting at sarcasm.

Goddammit, Sam thought, he’s being serious.

“It’s a pie, Dean!”

Dean pointed his finger at Sam, the other hand still clasped firmly in Cas’s who stood slightly to the side of Dean, watching the two brothers, amused.

“It is the most glorious pie in the whole entire world, Sam, the thing of legends, and I created it-.” Dean was cut off by a small cough from Cas. “I-, I mean, we created it, we poured our love, our souls, and sweat and tears into it and if you can’t appreciate how beautiful it is, then you can’t have a slice.”

“Good,” Sam said, laughing now, “with that amount of bodily fluid from you and Cas I think everyone should stay away from that abomination.”

Sam shook his head and started to walk away, but not before he heard Dean splutter.

“A- abomination?!” He almost squeaked and Sam simply laughed more.

“It’s okay, Dean,” Sam heard Cas say.

“Did you hear what he called our masterpiece?” Dean said, shouting now. “Abomination?! I’ll show him an abomination, that long haired bastard.”

“I mean,” Cas continued, “it is just a pie, honey.”

Silence.

Oh dear, Sam thought. This can’t be good.

“That’s it!” Sam finally heard Dean say from down the hall. “No head.”

Oh god, I should have walked faster.

DOING THIS

ALL NOVEMBER PROMPTS

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[riversongg]

I’ll Stay With You

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Castiel had been on his way to the bunker’s kitchen when he heard it, a kind of shouting, short and clipped. Frightened. It sounded like Dean was having a nightmare.

Cas stopped outside of Dean’s bedroom, leaning into the door to listen, waiting for the shouting to stop. Cas held his breath. This one seemed worse than the others, going on for much longer. He cracked open the door to Dean’s room. Dean was fast asleep, thrashing around in his bed, shouting out in fear at whatever was plaguing his sleep, but this time was different. Dean seemed to be hitting himself in his sleep, his hands curled up into tight fists, hitting himself in the stomach, the chest, the head, over and over and over with every gasp, every shout.

“Dean!” Cas shouted, rushing into the room. He moved over to Dean’s bed, taking the man by the shoulder, trying to get him to wake up. “Dean,” Cas repeated. “Dean, wake up!”

But Dean wouldn’t wake, and the hitting wouldn’t stop. Cas stood next to Dean’s bed, watching his friend hurt himself, not sure what to do. He just knew he needed to stop it.

Cas took off his trenchcoat and threw it over Dean’s chair. He slipped off his shoes and carefully climbed onto Dean’s bed. Cas brought Dean up against him, holding him tight against his chest, pinning his arms to his side. Dean continued to struggle, but after a few moments his breathing seemed to calm down, getting slower and slower.

When Dean woke up the next morning he found that he wasn’t alone. He noticed the presence of someone new before he opened his eyes, and for a while he lay there, breathing deeply, feeling safe. He didn’t know if Cas knew he was awake, but he snuggled into the crook of his arm a bit more, not wanting to ever move.

He felt tired, worn out; he knew he’d had a rough night. The sensation of waking up feeling like his mind had been punched over and over was not something new. But waking up in an angel’s arms, warm and protected - loved - that was new. And he never wanted it to go away.

“Thanks, Cas,” Dean murmured into the angel’s arms. Cas’s grip tightened, and Dean knew that Cas felt the same way.