#wizards are weird as hell

[doodlesdrawingsandtrash]

Random doodles/art compilation because I can!! >:D

Hope you have a wonderful day, evening, and night

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

I'm well aware that the entire pop cultural memory and image, insofar as it even exists, of Teddy Ruxpin is either "creepy toy in the style of Chucky" or "joke about ridiculous reboots of soulless 80's nostalgia properties" but every few years I'm reminded of how ridiculously wonderful the art in the original books is/was and how weird and interesting the worldbuilding was and I want to go find and scan all of the stuff that's probably in my mom's basement

It's just such a consistently expressive and lovely style of illustration in a really well-realized fantasy world-- like, there absolutely should be a big stupid coffee table art book of everything involved in the creation of this property. In a better world illustrator David High would be a household name and we'd think about Ken Forsse as a Henson-like figure rather than like. A guy who got bankrupted by the laser tag company. I am not convinced that the only reason we don't is because of all the teeth-achingly stupid business decisions made by World Of Wonders (including like. buying out dissident stockholders for millions of dollars and uhhhh not delivering already purchased products to retail stores) followed immediately by the '87 stuck market crash.

Like! Look how ridiculously charming all this is!!! How is this not remembered as a beloved children's fantasy properties!

[sea-buns]

Extremely cool for Bells Hells to be in Aeor. Even cooler for Essek to be there too. But god has it made me greedy. I wanna hear the Hells talk shop with Essek about the Shattered Teeth. I wanna see his reaction when they say they've been to the Shattered Teeth. The Mighty Nein have been to flesh cities! And pirate civilizations! And the deepest depths of the Lucidean!

Tell me howww can we get from where we are now to a Mighty Nein one-shot/two-shot Shattered Teeth miniseries??

[beastwhimsy]

sorry to everyone who followed me for whimsical dreamy photo art of glowy ethereal beings only to immediately be blasted by adventure time wizard yuri

[heyclickadee]

So, my family is rewatching Rings of Power, and since I’m the one in the family that read The Silmarillion (like a masochist), I’m the one who keeps getting asked all the questions.

[fatass-adam]

"This is stupid!" Adam's eyebrow was practically twitching in concentration as he held his wand ready in anticipation of doing a transfiguration spell...

He really had no one but himself to blame as he had been skipping the class quite a bit lately. After all, as long as he had some nerd to bully into doing his homework for him, what did it matter??

Unfortunately "some nerd" wasn't there to help him transform this rat into a cup now were they?

Gritting his teeth slightly he hissed to himself, "If I don't get this shit straight soon I'm gonna get suspended from the Quidditch team! And then where will I be?"

Maybe it was time to stop bullying those nerds and instead entice them to tutor him instead-

[a-eo-iu]

I am always thinking about my favorite part of modern weirdos (internet discourse)

[naw-naw-honeyimgood]

i know im the dumb bitch that's first thought to what fic i can write off a media is either a soulmate au or a daemon au BUT

I'm reading a harry potter fanfic (dont look at me like that 1) its a crossover and 2)fanfics can just as easily be a ceremony where we dance around a fire thats burning source material okay) and i mean

tbf i didnt CHECK but has anyone considered that a person's animagi form is just what their daemon would be? cuz the mc of this fic is about to realize that the weird-ass dog he's seen around campus is an animagus and i was like

you know, when ur writing a daemon au, one staple is that a trait for people with dog daemons is loyalty. so i thought it was kinda funny that someone who's a dog animagus was framed for disloyalty and all that

then i thought of a daemon au where there's like a whole faction of people STILL, twelve years later, debating whether sirius black was REALLY guilty. because he has a dog daemon, so there's no way he'd betray his BEST FRIENDS, who he was LOYAL to, right? ('in fact' some of that faction would mutter to each other 'that action far better befits the rat daemon whose death he was accused of' conspiracy theorists who?)

or a group thats adjacent to THEM who insist he was playing a long con from the beginning: he was planning to serve voldemort from the get-go, so he PRETENDED to have his daemon settle as a dog in order to have an in with the Order of the Phoenix, who would obviously trust someone with a dog daemon. his daemon isnt ACTUALLY a dog, the claim.

but one thing i hate about writing daemon aus is that u have to come up with a daemon for EVERYONE and then NAME them all, which i hate, so this is an open offer to anyone who actually wants to write it

i mean i guess i could write a tiny little thing??? i dunno- if i actually wrote this it would ONLY have this stuff in it so idk if it would be worth writing

(i could see conspiracy theorist parvarti or lavender tho- divintation fanatics they are 🤔)

[boo-hoo-hooligan]

...

*looks at booze bottle in hand*

*looks back*

[neon-danger]

who has memes to draw as all time low

[oyesteryells]

one of my dungeon masters put it in my head that wizards are inherently untrustworthy because there's a good chance they know a spell that can obscure your free will. in my mind most people dont trust wizards because of this.. or maybe thats just my wizard whose main conflict resolution strategy is mind control 🧙‍♀️

[sunseed-fandump]

Jailhouse Rock

The kids make a new (and very questionable) friend.

AU: Bad Batch Word Count: 3,281

Well, it was official, this was the most awkward moment of Gingerbrave’s life.

The jail cell was a cramped little thing, definitely not something built with the idea of containing more than one prisoner, just like the jailhouse itself didn’t seem to be built with that many criminals in mind, as there was only one cell. He supposed it made sense that a small town in the middle of the desert wouldn’t expect too many criminals stopping by, let alone having the misfortune of all of them being caught at the same time. Yet here they were.

It wasn’t like they had wanted to get caught. This was actually one of the few times they had bothered to keep a low profile. They had stopped into town for supplies on their trip down the Pilgrim’s Path, and figured it would be best for their long journey to conserve their energy. Just get in, grab the stuff, toss the money on the counter, get out. Simple.

Then things got decidedly less simple when a couple of bounty hunters recognized the kids from their wanted posters. (When did those get printed? They looked so cool! Gingerbrave hoped he got to take one home to put up on his bedroom wall.) The scuffle resulted in a lot of property damage, Wizard getting a minor concussion, and all three kids getting hit with tranquilizer darts. Who the hell carries those around? Well, those guys, apparently.

An hour later found the trio waking up disoriented, disarmed, and awaiting transfer to the nearest Kingdom for processing. Oh, and they had a cellmate. A cellmate who seemingly hated their guts if the way she scowled at them from the other side of the tiny cell was any indication.

Resulting in the awkward stare-down that was currently happening. On his right, Wild Strawberry seemingly lost interest and started fidgeting with the drawstrings on her hood. Meanwhile to his left, Wizard had begun muttering something to himself. (A quick glance to the clock on the wall beyond the bars told Gingerbrave they probably had about an hour or two before Wizard started going off the deep-end due to withdrawal from his stupid staff. Gingerbrave couldn’t stand that parasite…)

Luckily, since he was undead, Gingerbrave didn’t have to blink, which meant he could literally stare at this weird angry lady all day if he wanted. He didn’t want to, though, so instead he tried to strike up a conversation.

“So, uh…” He scratched at the stitches on his neck. “What are you in for?”

The cookie’s scowl deepened. She was a spicy cookie if the red hair and strong scent was any indication. Her hair was done up in a ponytail and she had a scar on her forehead. She was dressed in the traditional black-and-white striped outfit one typically associated with criminals. Gingerbrave wondered, when the sheriff came back, if they would be expected to get changed into something similar.

At the cookie’s lack of a response and neither of his friends lending him a hand, Gingerbrave decided to keep talking.

“Right. Anyway, I’m Gingerbrave, and these are my friends Wizard and Wild Strawberry—“ He was cut off by the other cookie’s very clipped response.

“I know who you are.” She crossed her arms and leaned back against the wall. It seemed that was all she felt like saying though as any attempt to talk to her earned the boy the cold shoulder.

Gingerbrave eventually figured she was a lost cause, and judging by Wizard starting to rock back and forth from where he was seated, he was beginning to head into the first stages. So it was time to get going.

“Alright, we’re gonna leave now.” Gingerbrave said with a shrug before getting up from his seat and heading over to the front of the cell. He pressed his face up against the bars to get a better view of the hallway. He could just barely make out the sheriff’s office at the end of the hall. No doubt, that’s probably where their stuff was. Judging by how quiet it was, the sheriff was still out doing whatever it was that sheriffs did, which meant Gingerbrave had to be quick.

The boy tested the bars. Solid as a rock and he had neglected to bring any of his stronger arms with him. Unfortunate, but he’d have to work with it.

“Hey, Wizard,” Gingerbrave looked over to the shorter boy, who seemed to briefly snap out of whatever daze he had slipped into. “If I can get you your staff, could you get us out of here?”

“Yes!” He replied way too quickly, before shaking his head and rubbing at his temples. The migraine must have been setting in. “Yes, get me my staff and I can teleport us.”

“Sounds like a plan!” And without any hesitation Gingerbrave grabbed at his forearm just under the stitches on his left elbow, and snapped it off.

“WHAT THE HELL?!” The spicy cookie jumped back, clearly startled; all the color had drained from her face in an instant. All the kids laughed a little at her expense. (Even Strawberry, with a barely restrained ‘pfft!’)

“It’s fine! See?” The severed hand waved at her like nothing was wrong. “Watch this!” He gently set it down to the floor where, with a bit of awkward finagling he got it balanced on its fingers like a spider. He walked his hand out of the cell, slipping it between the bars, and all the cookies watched as it scuttled down the hall towards the office. Gingerbrave scrunched up his face in concentration, leaning the stub of his left arm out of the cell as far as it could go to help keep his hand within range. His spirit could stretch pretty far, but not forever, and he wanted to make sure he had full reign of the office.

Okay, that felt like the office chair. There’s the desk. He poked around a little to the right and hit a wall so maybe if he…

“Does that hurt…?” The spicy cookie’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts briefly and the boy looked over his shoulder at her. Huh, that usually wasn’t the first reaction he got when severing his parts in front of new cookies. Usually it was fear, panic, and accusations of being a dough-eating monster, but this cookie’s initial surprise had melted into an emotion Gingerbrave wasn’t quite familiar with.

“Nah, they were made to come off.” Gingerbrave said with a shrug before turning his attention back to feeling around the distant room. What was that? A bookshelf? Maybe he should try a few paces to the left.

The spicy cookie gave him an assessing look before turning her attention to the other two, specifically Wizard who was looking a little more harrowed than usual. “Yo, shortstack, you good?”

Gingerbrave snorted at the nickname. Oh! That felt like a chest! Maybe their stuff was in there but… it was locked. Rats. Then again, maybe the staff couldn’t fit? Probably best to be thorough.

“I’ll be fine once Gingerbrave gets my staff back.” Wizard said with a harrumph and a mutter of “I’m not short…”

“What’s the hold up? Any longer and Wizard is gonna start getting all freaky.” Strawberry asked, to which Gingerbrave huffed.

“I’m trying!! This would’ve been a lot easier if I was awake when we were brought in. Wizard, tell your stupid staff to be less stupid—!”

‘BANG!’

A screech ripped itself out of Gingerbrave when pain shot through his hand. He flung himself back from the bars, hitting the opposite wall and clutching at his stubby arm as if it would stop the pain. He heard a few exclamations of surprise from the cookies around him along with a horrified scream from down the hall followed by two more gunshots that (thankfully) missed their mark.

The sheriff was back and he just shot Gingerbrave in the hand.

His hand scuttled wildly around the office, blindly bumping into everything in an attempt to get to some kind of cover. Wild Strawberry had gotten up and put a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

“He shot me…!” Gingerbrave bit out between clenched teeth just as a few more shots rang out, one of them glancing the boy’s dough.

“Screw this.” The spicy cookie flung herself at the cell door and after a few moments it popped open…

Wait, what?

“You could’ve done that this whole time?!” Strawberry voiced what Gingerbrave was in too much pain to say.

“Shut up and move!” Replied the other cookie who sprung out of the cell and down the hall. Wizard was right on her heels, no doubt seeing the opportunity to get his staff and not at all caring about the actively shooting lawman. Wild Strawberry called out to him, cursed under her breath when she was ignored, then grabbed Gingerbrave and hauled him out of the cell to give chase.

They arrived just in time to watch the spicy cookie deliver a round-house kick to the sheriff’s face, sending him flying back and hitting his head on the corner of the bookshelf, knocking him out cold.

“How could a cookie that moves so slow become sheriff? Can’t believe I let myself get caught by this moron…” she tsked and checked his pockets.

“There you are!” Wizard exclaimed happily before flinging himself at his staff that was propped up in an umbrella stand for some weird reason. He scooped it up into his hands, the tension practically melted from his body as he felt the staff’s familiar magic settle once more within his dough. “That fool didn’t shoot you, did he…? No?” He sighed in relief.

Gingerbrave looked at the scene with a small frown, but held his tongue. Instead he focused on trying to find his hand. He experimentally tapped his fingers against the nearest hard surface and cringed at the pain blossoming from his fresh wounds.

Wild Strawberry Cookie got down on her knees and checked under the desk when she heard tapping, sure enough, there was Gingerbrave’s hand with a bullet wound in it. “Got it.” She pulled it out and held it up for her friend to take, who cradled it close to his chest. “I’ll get the extra icing stitches from my backpack and we can stitch everything up.”

“No time.” Wild Strawberry jumped when her backpack and lollipop were shoved into her arms by the spicy cookie. She had picked the sheriff’s pockets clean, gotten the keys to the chest in the corner, and cleaned that out too. She strapped a belt around her waste and clipped two daggers to her side. “All that ruckus is gonna have the whole town coming down on top of us. Pointy hat, if you got magic I suggest you start using it!”

“My name is Wizard–!” The small boy’s correction was cut off by the glass of the window shattering in front of him.

“GET DOWN!” She grabbed Gingerbrave and Strawberry and pulled them behind the desk. Wizard, who had been a bit further away, joined them shortly after just as a hail of bullets poured in through both windows and the open front door. “Unless you wanna have more holes than swiss cheese then I suggest you get us out of here!!”

Wizard growled, but instead of snapping at her, he focused on the vocal components of a well-practiced spell. A magic circle appeared beneath the group of cookies and in a flash they were gone. One moment they were hiding under a desk, the next they were on top of a bluff overlooking the town. The gunshots, once deafening, were nothing but an echo on the rocks at this distance.

The spicy cookie stumbled, not used to the sensation of being teleported around, caught herself, and then let out a huge ‘WOO!’

“Wow! What a day!” She exclaimed with a sigh of relief.

“Tell me about it…” Wild Strawberry muttered as she dug into her backpack and pulled out the icing stitches. “Yo, Gingerbrave, let’s get your arm back on.”

“Y-Yeah…” The other boy hissed, allowing himself to be guided over to a rock and took a seat.

“That was some nice quick-casting there, pointy hat!” The spicy cookie went to pat Wizard on the back, but paused. “Oh, right, I’m supposed to be mad at you guys…” She pondered this for a moment before shaking her head with a laugh and then patting him anyway. “Ah, but it’s hard to stay mad after such a fun jailbreak! Definitely one of my favorite ones yet!”

“Who even are you?” Wizard Cookie turned on her, giving her an absolutely baffled look as he adjusted his hat.

“And, uh, why are you mad at us?” Gingerbrave called over, trying to remain as still as possible while Strawberry worked. It wasn’t like they weren’t used to being scorned by most, if not all, of Crispia, but this strange cookie’s anger seemed rather out of left field. The spicy cookie reared back, as if offended by this line of questioning.

“You mean you guys don’t recognize me?! Seriously? And here I thought you were supposed to be big shots…” She reached into her pocket and produced a rolled up piece of paper which was quickly revealed to be a wanted poster that she unraveled with a proud flourish. “The name’s Chili Pepper Cookie and I’m the best thief in the world! There’s nothing on Earthbread I can’t steal.”

“Whoa! Look at that bounty!” Gingerbrave gasped at the sight of all the zeroes. “But… Uh… What does that have to do with being mad at us?”

“Because!” She rolled the paper back up and jabbed a finger at the trio. “Your collective bounties are higher than MINE! How am I supposed to go down in history if I’m being outclassed by a bunch of twerps?!”

Wizard Cookie sputtered indignantly at this revelation. Wild Strawberry stared at her, thoroughly unimpressed. Gingerbrave, however, burst into laughter.

“That’s what all of this was about!?” He cackled a few moments, clutching his aching gut, before settling down and saying breathily, “You’re a weird cookie. I like you!”

“If you want our bounties, you can have them! They’re what got us into trouble in the first place!” Wizard huffed.

Chili Pepper tilted her head, fixing them with a weird look. “Wait, you mean to tell me you aren’t in this for the infamy? Guess that’s why I haven’t seen you around the usual haunts rubbing your status in everyone's faces. You’re totally out of the loop!” She brightened, as if this revelation was both a massive relief and a big joke at the same time.

“Yeah we’re… not really interested in whatever weird crime competition this is.” Wild Strawberry Cookie shook her head as she finished up Gingerbrave’s stitches and stashed the spool into her bag. “If anything those bounties make reaching our goal harder…”

Chili Pepper Cookie looked at her as if she had grown a second head. “What could a group of kids like you want so badly you land bounties that put you in the criminal elite?”

“We’re going to steal the Soul Jam to free the world!” Gingerbrave proudly announced, jumping to his feet, he was already feeling a lot better now that his wounds were stitched up.

“A world without judgement!” Wizard added with a nod.

“And lawlessness…” Wild Strawberry muttered.

Chili Pepper Cookie gave the three children a thoughtful expression, putting a hand to her chin with a little ‘huh…’ before shooting a wide grin at the kids. “Well, I’m not sure about half of that, but I can definitely get behind the stealing and lawlessness parts! Are those Soul Jam things shiny?”

“They are incredibly powerful magical artifacts that have the capability of changing the world as we know it!” Wizard rattled off. When Chili Pepper gave him a blank look, he sighed and said, “And they’re shiny, yes.”

“Hey, I have an idea,” Gingerbrave cut in with a wide smile. “Chili Pepper Cookie, why don’t you come with us?” He got a mixed reaction of surprise and confusion from the cookies around him. Wizard Cookie and Wild Strawberry Cookie knew that Gingerbrave didn’t just extend offers like this to just anyone. He might have been the more chipper and outgoing of their group, but he didn’t trust others so easily. He must have really liked something Chili Pepper did or said to even think about such a proposal.

“You want me to come with you? Why?” Chili Pepper was just as confused as Gingerbrave’s friends. She couldn’t imagine them wanting her around after she gave them the silent treatment back in the jail cell.

“You seem fun.” Was Gingerbrave’s simple reply. “You helped us get out of that jail cell when you really didn’t have to. Plus, if you travel with us, I’m sure your bounty will sky rocket! And we could use the world’s greatest thief on our team!”

Chili Pepper Cookie seriously considered his proposal for a minute. When she had first heard about them and their rapid climbing of the leaderboard, she had thought they were nothing but a bunch of punk kids who wanted to be rowdy and cause trouble. Now she could see though, they had bigger plans than just topping the charts of the Underworld. She could appreciate such a large ambition.

Besides they didn’t seem to be jamthirsty monsters like all the rumors said they were. They were just… weird. The criminal underworld had plenty of downright monstrous folks who Chili Pepper tried not to associate with, but she could tell, these kids didn’t seem heartless. Mischievous, yes. Troubled? Absolutely. But not heartless.

“You know what?” Chili Pepper grinned. “I’ll think about it. But for right now, I got a job I need to finish.”

“A job?” Wild Strawberry asked just as Chili Pepper turned to walk towards the cliff that overlooked the town.

“Yeah? Do you think the greatest thief in the world would screw up and get arrested in a nothing town like this?” She gestured to the settlement below. “I let myself get caught! The train they were gonna put us on has a massive safe full of gems. I was gonna bust out of my cuffs mid-transfer and clean it out! But now I guess I gotta do it the good old fashioned way…”

Gingerbrave once again laughed, giving Chili Pepper a sharp grin. “Well, if you decide you wanna join up, head to the Bear Jelly Village in the Land of Little Big Dreams! There’s a cookie there who’ll point you in the right direction.” With that he raised a hand in farewell. “Good luck, Chili Pepper Cookie!”

Chili Pepper gave the kids a mock salute. “See you around, stitches! Make sure you stay out of any more jail cells, punks!” With that she jumped over the side as nimble as an acrobat, and out of sight.

“Well, that was certainly… interesting.” Wizard sighed, before clutching his stomach. “But we failed to get any supplies, and teleporting us this far has made me famished…”

“Right… I forgot about that…” Gingerbrave’s brow furrowed. Should they try heading back into town and risking getting arrested again? Did they push forward and hoped they reach the next town before they starved? He didn’t really know much about hunting or foraging, but he doubted they’d be able to sustain themselves with much in this sugar-free wasteland.

“Hey, look!” Wild Strawberry pointed further up the main road where the kids could see a huge cloud of dust being kicked up. “I think that’s a caravan.”

All three kids stared at it for a long moment.

“Welp!” Gingerbrave clapped his hands together. “Fellas, it’s time to commit robbery!”

“YEAH!!” Strawberry and Wizard raised their respective weapons into the air, excited at the prospect of getting some food in their stomachs. With that, the trio ran off to intercept those travelers.

From the bottom of the cliff, Chili Pepper watched the kids disappear. She lingered for a moment, deep in thought…

‘CHOO CHOOOOOOO!’

The thief turned on her heel and raced towards the tracks. Their paths would cross again someday, but for now, she has a train to catch.

[hood-ayo]

Poor V2... YEAAA ULTRAROCK AU CONTENT FINALLY!! there's a lot of content below!!!

Check more context about au here.

So.... Basically au called ultrarock because almost all characters supposed to show one of the rock genres (idea faded into the background but still there). This two are krautrock because genre has an electronic music and also sounds kinda weird, so I believe this fits perfectly for the machines.

They're in one band with some other machines (which still don't have designs :^) ) making their career with songs and... terroristic actions oh........ But we wouldn't rush about the plot right now.. I still have a dream to show it properly, haha.

V1 was found on the Earth after the war between the Hell and the Heaven. He's the leader of the band basically (most of the contracts, money, etc on him).

Same for V2, he was found on the Earth blah blah.... He's not the leader, though, he actually has no idea what business his brother has, and fully thrust and depends on V1 in all aspects.

But something changes huh...

and pic that supposed to show the world but it just's didn't....

There's also music that showing vibes of dis dudes. Both of them: Faust - "Miss Fortune" Kraftwerk - "The Robots" V1: Areknuteknyterne - "Untitled" Faust - "Meadow Meal" Кофе - "Компьютер" V2: King Gizzard And The Lizard Wizard - "Empty" Faust - "Meadow Meal" Queensrÿche - "Best I Can"

Some pictures have funny descriptions that u can check!!

[melonisopod]

I'm not even gonna argue, you guys are absolutely right. Harry Potter *is* conservative!

I love how fucking conservative the Harry Potter books and movies are lol

My favorite is in book 5 where the government is actively trying to sabotage education and any attempt to fight the Hitler allegory because it would make the President of Magic look bad and a bunch of armed kids have to teach themselves to fight for their own protection. It's libertarian as fuck, and it's even sweeter because it's not meant to show why an armed citizenry is necessary, but it does anyway.

[riddlesrizzler]

How to Keep a Dragon

summary: Don't take raw meat, unless you want people to ask questions. characters: mattheo riddle. theo nott. enzo berkshire. draco malfoy. blaise zabini. hufflepuff! reader warnings: none, other than hufflepuff! reader buying from the wizard black market. word count: 1.3k

Something was definitely going on with you.

Mattheo had noticed it first. The way you had been acting… odd lately. You were sneaking around more than usual, disappearing at random times, whispering hurried excuses when he asked where you were going.

But the strangest thing?

The raw meat.

At first, he thought he was imagining it. But then he saw it with his own eyes-you, stuffing a bundle of what was definitely raw chicken into your bag at dinner.

And the other day? He caught you swiping a few sausages off Theo’s plate and tucking them into your robes when you thought no one was looking.

The hell was that about?

And it wasn’t just him noticing anymore.

“Alright,” Blaise drawled, lounging on the Slytherin common room couch. “I’m saying it now-your girlfriend is hiding something.”

Theo nodded in agreement. “She’s been acting shady as hell.”

“She literally took my steak at dinner last night,” Draco grumbled. “Just snatched it up and said she’d ‘make good use of it.’ What does that even mean?”

Mattheo ran a hand through his curls, sighing. “I know, alright? I’ve been trying to figure it out.”

“Well,” Enzo smirked. “Why don’t we just ask her?”

So they did.

-

You barely had time to get through the Hufflepuff common room entrance before Mattheo and the Slytherin boys cornered you.

“Alright, sunshine,” Mattheo drawled, arms crossed. “Talk.”

You blinked up at them, trying to look innocent. “Talk about what?”

“Oh, don’t play dumb,” Theo said, narrowing his eyes. “You’ve been sneaking around, stealing food, whispering weird excuses-”

“And hoarding raw meat,” Draco added. “Like some kind of deranged goblin.”

Your eyes widened. “I-what?! I have not-”

“Oh, you absolutely have,” Mattheo cut in, stepping closer. “So what’s going on, angel?”

You hesitated, glancing between them, before sighing dramatically. “You guys can’t be mad.”

“Oh, that is not a good start,” Enzo muttered.

“I mean it!” you insisted. “Promise me you won’t get mad!”

Mattheo narrowed his eyes. “We’ll see.”

With a sigh, you grabbed Mattheo’s hand. “Fine. But you have to swear not to freak out.”

The boys exchanged glances but nodded.

And then you led them upstairs.

-

Sneaking the Slytherin boys into the Hufflepuff dorms was a feat, but you managed. And once inside your room, you turned to them and whispered, “Okay, um… don’t scream.”

That was not reassuring.

But before they could ask questions, you tiptoed over to your wardrobe and slowly opened the doors.

And inside, curled up in a nest of blankets, was a baby dragon.

The boys stared.

The tiny creature was adorable-scales shimmering between gold and green, tiny wings tucked against its sides, its snout buried into a pillow. But as soon as it smelled the food in your bag, it lifted its head, blinked sleepy eyes, and let out a tiny, high-pitched chirp.

“…What the fuck,” Draco breathed.

Mattheo ran a hand down his face. “Oh, for Merlin’s sake.”

Theo looked thrilled. “IS THAT A DRAGON?!”

Blaise, was speechless.

You gave them all a sheepish smile. “Uh… surprise?”

Mattheo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sunshine. You’ve been raising a dragon in your dorm?”

You nodded. “His name is Snaggle!”

Draco choked. “You named it Snaggle?”

“Well, yeah,” you huffed. “Look at his little baby snaggle teeth!”

Mattheo groaned. “That’s what you’ve been sneaking raw meat for?”

You nodded, kneeling to scratch under Snaggle’s chin. The dragon made a happy little chirp, flapping his wings.

Theo was still in awe. “This is so cool.”

“This is insane,” Draco corrected.

Enzo finally spoke. “Okay, hold on-how the hell did you even get him?”

You winced. “Um… so, funny story… I may have… found him?”

“Found him?” Mattheo echoed.

You nodded. “There was this really sketchy-looking guy outside Hogsmeade, and he was selling dragon eggs, which is obviously illegal, but I couldn’t just let them be sold to, like, terrible people, so I bought one, and then it hatched, and now he imprinted on me, and I couldn’t just abandon him, and now he lives here.”

The boys just stared.

“You bought a dragon egg off a black market dealer?” Blaise said flatly.

“…Yes?”

Mattheo exhaled very slowly. “Sunshine.”

You gave him your best innocent smile. “Are you mad?”

He stared at you, looked at the dragon, then back at you.

Then he sighed. “Mad? No. Amazed at your sheer ability to get yourself into the most insane situations? Yes.”

Theo clapped his hands together. “Alright, well. No going back now. Guess we all have a pet dragon.”

Blaise snorted. “Oh yeah, because that won’t get us expelled.”

Mattheo shook his head, pulling you into his arms. “You are too much, angel.”

You giggled, leaning into his chest. “But you still love me?”

He sighed dramatically. “Yeah. I still love you.”

Snaggle let out a happy little chirp, and Theo immediately flopped down beside him. “This is the best thing ever.”

Draco groaned. “We’re all going to die.”

But, as Mattheo kissed the top of your head and watched you happily cuddle your forbidden pet dragon, he knew one thing for sure.

Life with you was never boring.

[sunburstsandmoonshadows]

Oh, I've seen it around! And I do!

There is a specific version of Relativity Falls that lives in my head, lol.

Instead of the Stan 'o War their joint dream is to become a director and a movie star respectively, and instead of a big blowout fight in senior year, Dipper and Mabel are separated because of their parents divorcing and then each taking a twin Parent Trap-style. (Because honestly if Mabel got kicked out like Stan you can't tell me Dipper wouldn't be running out of the house to join her then and there no matter what the catalyst was; he's protective of her in a way the Ford wasn't with Stan, not to mention the difference between a girl being stuck on the streets compared to a boy…)

Mabel eventually runs away from home to both achieve her starlet dream (goes… not so well, leading a checkered life that isn't as harrowing as Stan's but is still wild as hell) and to meet back up with Dipper. Unfortunately the info her mother gave her on Dipper's whereabouts/contact info is either out of date or just flat-out wrong. So they remain out of contact for a while until Dipper sees her on the tv and he haggles her into coming to live with him in Gravity Falls. Mystery twins shenanigans ensue!

One big thing about my concept for a Relativity Falls au is I think it would be really fun to reverse the forefont weirdness. There's a lot of magic in Gravity Falls but Ford is more of a sci-fi hero/mad scientist with a smidge of wizard. So in turn I think Dipper should be a wizard/alchemist with a smidge of mad scientist. Stan and Mabel similarly go from cryptid-focused con-man to witchy con-woman.

Taking it further, I think it'd be fun to either make the portal a magical one instead, or to straight-up not have Bill be the big bad because let's be honest here, the grown-up version of Dipper "world's most suspicious 12 year old" Pines would have one conversation with Bill and go "GOD you suck. Absolutely no deal, you Mr. Monopoly wannabe." and instead Dipper accidentally gets thrown out of his dimension by messing with… idk, this version of Gravity Falls' fae population or something. And that's how Mabel keeps the house--his real first name got stolen in the process so all they can tell is that it's a deed in the name of someone with an M. So, Mabel, they guess.

And then Mabel spends 30 years not only figuring out how to bring him back but waiting for like, the right astrological alignments to even bring him back.