#woke up at 5 am cuz i couldn't sleep

[cinnamon-notes]

:')

[creamyychann]

Can you do one with tamaki from MHA if so could you do that your in heat your his sister

If you could ☺️

In heat eh?

Your wording is kinda confusing but I'm assuming what you mean is Reader is Tamaki's sister who's in heat, right?

K, I honestly never thought I'll ever write alpha Tamaki but here we go!

Tags: DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, INCEST, A/B/O Dynamics, Omega Verse.

MINORS DNI

Don't like it? DON'T READ IT!

You've been warned.

Read at your own risk.

You woke up in a sweat. The lingering feelings on your abdomen feels aching, not just that you feel yourself getting hot. You don't know why you're feeling so hot & why you're suddenly feels desperate, it confuses you more that your body tremble at the aching feelings as if you need something to oose it out. You try to think of the reasons while trying to brush off the feverish feelings taking over you. The more you think the more it's harder to think cuz of all the heat & sudden desperate feelings inside eating you making you weak. You then remember how you've been eating & sleeping more, like you became extremely hungry & wanting to sleep more these past days. Looking back, you've also made your bed filled with a lot of pillows & blankets, creating some sort of nest. All that stuff makes you realize something. You're in heat.

◠

With that realization in mind, you suddenly feel all the discomfort on your body, clothes, skin, your surroundings, makes you feel like suffocating. You lift yourself only to be met with the feeling of your stomach feels like its about to burst. You huddle yourself up & cries at all the agony. You didn't realize all that cries & the scent/pheromones you releasing accidentally sent someone into your room. "Y-Y/N-chan, a-are you alright? " your brother, Tamaki.

◠

A very strong sweet scent brush against Tamaki's nose leading him up to your room. Seeing you curled up & desperately clawing yourself makes him realize you're in heat. Being the good brother he is, he approaches you, trying to ignore the very sweet scent calling him to mate you "Y/N-chan, are you a-alright? " Tamaki softly spoke trying to comfort you. The Alpha makes a huge mistake by walking up to you which resulting with you pulling him towards you. In shock, Tamaki pull himself away only to be met with you tugging his shirt while looking up at him with oh so innocent puppy eyes. He takes all the strength in the world to not get lured by you but you just making it even more difficult. Then you said the magic word "P-please Nii-san! ~ help me! Fill me! I can't take it anymore, please! Mate me" that's when Tamaki's soul left him.

◠

Cry. All you can do is cry as Tamaki hammering you from behind, filling your inside satisfyingly. Tamaki buries himself on to your neck taking a deep breath every now & then to smell the sweet sweet scent coming from you. Your shy big brother slip his hands against yours & holding it tight as he thrusts even deeper into you. Like a bitch, you pant heavily, moaning Tamaki name time to times only making him goes even harder into you. You feel your walls clench at the beautiful feelings & fulfilment inside you which you couldn't help but smile at. Tamaki ruts himself so deep till his knot plunges inside you, officially mating you

◠

ೋ❀❀ೋ════ ❀ ════ೋ❀❀ೋ

Help, I keep staying up till 5 AM, wtf should I do.

[kronim195]

I'm late but 16,32,59,69 o/

thanks for the questions o/

16: how am I feeling at the moment

Annoyed actually. I only got 5 hours of sleep cuz I woke up early and couldn't get back to sleep. Then after doing my morning routine I accidentally knocked over a mirror and it shattered all over the place so I had to clean that up.

32: What's my favorite color?

Purple

59: Do you like the snow?

I've never actually seen snow in person. It doesn't snow in Australia at all. It's really pretty and looks like it could be fun for a little while. I'd like to make a snowman some day. I can see it turning into a real inconvenience after a while though.

69: Do you believe in soul mates?

Nope. Two people can meet and really grow to love and understand each other, but I don't subscribe to the 'right' person for me being pre-determined by some metaphysical concept.

[whatididtday]

Sept 16/Saturday

I woke up at 7:30

Had amazing dosas as breakfast and studied

I purchased Scrimba pro subscription so I can study more, I'm giving myself 6 months to get ahead and get a job by the end of six month

Studied for two hours and added it in my calendar

I feel very interested in Front end and I really hope I keep loving it and make a career out of it

Wasn't able to sleep in the afternoon, skin feels itchy - probably because of the swimming and not showering propley after the day before lmao

Didn't feel like going to swimming but cause I pinky promised the kids at the pool I'll go, I went.

I reached the pool at 5:55 ish and got in the pool by 6:00

In fifiten minutes the fourth grader - Di came in the pool and said'' I didn't feel like coming today but as I promised you, I came''.

It was v sweet, she was saying stuff that kids say like counting the laps wrong lmao and clinging on to me. I still tried swimming propley and I did 13 rounds.

Stamina is p low but I swim fast

The second kid, Gi also came soon after and both were pushing me to play with them and not swim

Another kid joined in our smol circle , I didn't get get name propely but I am sure it started with S.

10 mins before 7, three of these kiddos asked me to play with them. Kids really do be playing the weirdest games, they said it's truth and dare but it was not really that xD

The rules were each player will ask five questions, and you'll have to give an answer that's not the truth (?) and do it fast, else you are disqualified.

They asked me the following questions : what's the color of your swimsuit, as it was blue and black, I had to say anything but those colors so I said red.

Then they asked me what's the color of the pool, what's the color of the shirt of the person on the right side out of the pool and when I turned to look they days no no you can't look and tell, you have to guess but if you guess right you are out xD kids be scary

Then they asked me my age xD anf I said 98 and they all gasped and said you are out, you can't tell your age!!! I died laughing, so kids think I'm 98 years old, like oof, I understand they are like 8-10 year old kids but still. Then I started joking that I'm so old like a Granma if I keep playing I might die if exhaustion as I'm 98 years old xD and they were like "no no you are not that old, you are very very young" in an attempt to not hurt my feelings and make me feel included

Kids are sweet, I've been terrified of them cuz they say some nasty stuff and yet are so fragile bit these kids were super sweet and it felt very nice. I never got to play much after I was 8 years old due to my dad getting transferred every three years due to his work, and thus I poured my life into books and school.

Now playing wuth these tiny kids feel like a part of smol me healing as she never got to play like this

I hope it also means that as the days go by I'll keep healing and experience all the happiness and love I've always wanted and needed.

After swimming they waited for me to get changed, I usually do not comb hair after swimming and drying my hair as anyways I'll go home directly and I don't care tbh, but cuz yday the tiny one was like Owo why you no comb hair, I got it and I combed and the tiny one was like wow sis you look very pretty after combing your hair, and looked at me with her wide eyes with so much awe, it made me feel very nice cuz the innocence of a child is unmatched.

Then the second kid Gi and I walked till she reached her home which is stones throw from the pool. On the way home, I saw many frogs and I couldn't help myself but try to catch one like a kid till I saw a group of ladies walking past me and I felt embarrassed and ran back home.

I was v excited to tell someone about this, the swimming pool thing, I knew I was going to video call with my partner at night anyways, but I couldn't wait so I told my mom about it and she laughed and said that kids are attracted towards nice soul, so you should be proud of yourself.

I made tea for myself after that anf I tried to get some study done but I couldn't

I was tired and I just didn't feel like doing anything so I played pogo and texted J (pardner) here and there

Then after dinner, we video called.

I told them the whole story about the swimming pool and they laughed, then they told they'll be staying at their holiday house with their fam tomorow and it made me a bit sad cuz if means tomorrow no videocalls and I feel very upset about being upset and it tbh. I didn't tell them that, I wished to talk longer but it wasn't possible as they were vvv sleepy.

I played Pogo the whole night till 3,then I discovered I got periods uwu.

I assure tons of chips in the sofa downstairs to cope lol.

[fvk-evrythn]

I don't like when I dream..

Most of the time they never end well, and are usually really dark. Like 'oh the apocalypse is here' or 'ahh spooky ant monster demon thing' (don't ask, it was actually really scary(also I was like 5 lol)).

But this time it was worse..and I think that that's cuz 1) I knew ahead of time it was gunna go to shit, and 2) they were both there..and I just wanted to protect them..

This time it was 'axe murderer breaks into ur home' but it was kinda weird..like it was my house, but it was my house from when I was little(I've lived in the same house my whole life), and so I was having a party..but it all felt like I was back in elementary school.. Also he didn't have an axe, he had a hoe lol.

Anyway, so it was(in this order): Tristan, me, JJ, Seth, Spenc..then later for some reason the entirety of my mother's side of the family was back in the dining room(me and my friends being in the living room).

So(a vry quick nd watered down version) we were all chillin, messing around, and I heard a knock on the door. So, me being me(paranoid lil bitch) I looked through the window, but ofc that let light outside(it was like 3am pitch black the whole time for sm fucking reason lol). So he saw the light and walked up(important to know that he had been walking up to the door, knocking, waiting, then walking away for a few seconds then coming back n doing it again(also we could see his light from under the door)) to the window, and stuck his hoe through(he had already broken the window?(nd no more light ig?)).

So ofc he swung the hoe back away from me, then swung towards me(I was stuck by the window, but had closed the curtains, he couldn't see where I was) but I grabbed it n stopped it from hitting me. Then as he swung it again to strike me, as he now knew right where I was, I signaled to Spenc to come pull me away. So as Spenc was scrambling to me, and the 'axe' murderer was swinging to kill me..i woke up. Wow big scam right? Like stopping a movie mid way through lol..

But the thing is..when I wake up, it keeps going...like I still know what happens after I woke up.

I blocked his hit with my hand, though ofc it went through my hand. And so he broke the window again, and grabbed me, pulling me outside..then cut away from me(my dreams are weird..its always like a game or movie: I'm not me, like the view is from over my shoulder, but smtimes it'll cut away from me completely and show smthn/smone different..). And cut back to my friends running away and Spenc still trying to get to me.

That's where it really ended, though if I had tried to go back to sleep..it would have continued(though I am assuming that I just fucking die, or I smhow beat the shit out of him lol).

And ofc we can't forget the big thing..these dreams really fuck me up, like when I wake up, I do so in a complete panic(then ofc it keeps going in my mind, so that doesn't help :p)..like I wake up feeling as if that really just happened...and it's fucking terrifying. Like that shit fucks you up..

(Like imagine what you think it would be like..now forget that cuz it's nowhere near enough. And it really doesn't help that I have heart and lungs problems..so I basically wake up kinda choking on both not having air and on my pulse...its wonderful)

Thats why I'm glad I don't dream often... Like I've had ppl ask why I don't like dreaming..well here ya go lol.

[angelnauseous]

HELLO its 9 am rn i usually wake up at like less than 6 i woke real late cuz uhhhh i woke up at 1 am and couldn't get back go sleep until 5 ^_^ im fine btw my eyes just feel a lil weird ..

[the-furies]

i'm glad that you liked them, i'm chronically into musical theatre by nature of the performing arts teacher being The Safe Space™ for freaks back home (we grew up in a very small town, like a "makes hawkins look big and bustling" type of place).

y'all's recommendations are great as always! i've heard aesop rock's older stuff but i hadn't heard anything from malibu ken until your rec. will wood is also an all-time favorite artist, dr west especially is obsessed with him.

tonight's recommendations: pressure bomb 3 by jhariah for billy, not invited by holychild for the steves, malmo by mook for your jonathan, be gay do drugs hail satan by super cassette for eddie, and psychotherapy by melanie for will. i am also suggesting graveyard picnic by aurelio voltaire for poe; dr. crane recommends down to the river by brown bird for her.

Goddamn that sounds like hell, growing up in a teeny lil town! Very very glad y'all had someone to consider safe though !!

Your recs are very spot on with what we enjoy !! :} All are added to our playlists and then some LMAO we love them all thank you thank you !! 🖤 /platonic -Poe

Our recs!:

Dear Mother - Cake Bake Betty (🧋 Steve's rec)

I suppose the easiest way to differentiate these two would be emojis, huh? Elder Steve's emoji is 🧋, while younger Steve has yet to choose one. Anyways! Everyone's asleep aside from Kaz and I so we will be relaying songs from them to you

🧋Steve doesn't have much to say for this one, as it's difficult for him to put into words what this song means to him. He says it's something to do with source, though? Which is explanation enough, in his mind-words! -Poe

Dragula - Rob Zombie (Billy's rec!)

(This could also count as Max's rec too, because she also adores this song, lmao)

A perfect song for the Halloween season we think !! Very very fun and very very catchy, if Billy isn't listening to Angry Songs then she's listening to stuff like this :} -Poe

Runs In The Family - Amanda Palmer (Jonathan's rec!)

Jonathan says, and I quote, "*points at the lyrics and nods*" and..... Oh yes that's very. Self explanatory looking at the lyrics for this one I'd say! /lighthearted

he also says "not that I hate my family, I never did and never will, but sometimes Things Were Hell™" -Poe

Can't Go To Hell - Sin Shake Sin (Eddie's rec)

I do not know what Eddie's thoughts are on this song as all hex is giving me is ":)", "👍!", and "¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯" emojis.

I will say it is very fitting for hex though, lyrically and sound-wise, very loud and fast paced, just like hex is -Kaz

The Angel Of The Forever Sleep - Marcy Playground (my rec -Kaz)

I hope you don't mind me joining in, too? I've been... Up front ever since we woke up and have been. Keeping everybody else calm. Things are okay, just a tad stressed, but whatever. I've been playing this on repeat for the past few hours to help keep things calm, too. It's been working so far, luckily! -Kaz

Jimmy - Tool (my rec!! -Poe)

Hmm hmmm..... I suppose if our El had their own playlist this would definitely be on it! /tangent, unrelated, etc.

Tool's known for long songs™ and while this one's about 5 minutes it DOES feel longer because it's so slow going, but the wait is much worth it in my opinion! The ending verse is beautiful, very much so! -Poe

21st Century Schizoid Man - The Human Experimente (Will's rec)

Linked it cuz it's stupid hard to track down sometimes. Literally couldn't find the damn song for a good couple years until it popped back on YouTube recently so now we have it downloaded lmao

Lotta good covers of this song out there but I really like this one (I am not at all biased bc I like Tool no sirree /jokeeee). Maynard's done a hell of a lotta good covers tbh I love them all but rn I'm vibing the most w this song! -Will

[the-firebird69]

We placed the lawsuit on stan right in the hands of the judge. He's smirked and asked why I did that and I said I don't want to lose it it's very important to us. And said how am I going to lose it and you read it and said okay and it said Chris ackerly versus John remillard and that's what we filed for the town, last week and we won the case not yet. That case is up for a second hearing in about 2 hours and I'm not telling the truth again it's up for hearing in it is the third hearing today at about 9:00 a.m. and he missed it John remillard now he goes to jail for real a warrant was issued and when the issue the warrant they noticed that he's not in prison cuz they do a check. And they put an APb out on him. And he woke up this morning around 9:30 or 10:00:00 and went outside and started arguing with Terry cheesman was saying you told on me you landed on me ratted on me now you let me sleep through the court thing and he's going I didn't let you sleep through the court thing I said Don't wake me up and he came out and he was serious is he heard it on the radio there's an APB out of him. For missing the court date. And he knew about it and he knew who it was and he slept through it on purpose which is true and he's doing some sort of theatrics and he left and he knows it's against him and he saw you're here and he couldn't get it and think someone else is doing it of course. And he was peering inside about 5 ft away just as he was going to look a little closer she said what are you doing and it was Terry cheesman he just pulled up and it was weird timing. Now he's in trouble he's going to court no he's on the run literally he left town. Well people say that and he's still next door that's what's going on so he can't stand it, so we're going to have to arrest him shortly and a lot of people know about it now people will think that it's that

But everyone involved knows it's the court and they are seeking him here they do see him here and they're going to try and grab him here

There's a lot of people who can't stand them and they hate their act and her son says that's how he gets back into Russia is through Ukraine, so that's what he's up to it for. There's a huge number of people who hate Putin and they heard that and they said we saw him do it once tries again hes dead.

Now they go outside and argue a lot and he doesn't really need to have him there so we're going to stop them and get some the hell out

It was his third try today and there is an APB and we think that he doesn't know it's there and we also think he probably wouldn't care about it but he should because he missed the court date and if he dies our son gets the stuff. He gets awarded the stuff anyways and the court did award him the proceeds requested they were asking the court to deliver it and they're going to get back to us sometime today. And we also filed the case against Stan, and we included what he wants to go on today a fiasco I was calling that no I called it what it is forced labor. And people are now calling this a ridiculous place as it is but that's no way out. Now there's about 10,000 people listening no there are millions of people interested in this case and we found it this morning after John remillard didn't show up and the judge said I'm going to hang on to this cuz we put it in his hands and he knows why we do that and he said I don't like this guy either and we sued and they accepted the case, and there's a hearing except for tomorrow and he's going to be getting a notice to appear today from the court. And they may actually get him the proceeds from this because they want stand to see it and to mess around with him to take his stuff and to eliminate him as an excuse. The proceeds however would be to own apartment complex he's in and for other monies so he would probably evict the two adjacent to him, and there is a law that says if there's a new owner you can evict the people there. A whole bunch of idiots are chiming in.

It's more to the lawsuit please left there we are suing for a lot of money for what he's been doing and what it's done and they did accept it and there is a hearing set for today not tomorrow and it's at 2:00 p.m. and he can't miss it and there's a reason why there's only one chance and it's because we filed criminal charges with it and he has to answer them I'm sticking away and if he doesn't show up he loses and the issue warrants and we think that's what's happening because he will run and he'll try and go to the death Star and to hit people who are after him quite a bit and to hit the court

Bitol and Goddess Wife

[omegarising]

Tough to sleep when your dreams are nightmares. Woke up at three because in my dream i was chasing bears that were injected by a virus that was also killing humans. It was most surreal. Stayed awake for a bit after that cuz i couldn't sleep. Heard my watch ping the hour chimes for 4 and 5 am till sleep finally took over.

Such an uneasy night.

[notsodailycake]

So like last night was shit-

I was already close to a breakdown, my shoulders were hurting, i was feeling sick, i woke up crying bc my mom got mad for something i didn't do (she was on her period and apologised for it later, she usually isn't mad and doesn't fight alot) and all that was good was drawing the comic to distract myself from whatever shit was happening, but even that was hard bc of my shoulders

And as i was about to sleep, to let the day go, i realised i lost the box to charge my earbuds....i listen to muisc to go to sleep, and put it to charge when i wake up, i got maaad and couldn't sleep, i cried i almost screamed, kicked my pillows, vented on my insta stories, that was my breaking point

And funny thing is, i was this 🤏 close to writing down a fic about vaness from my au about this breakdown, obviously for like different story related issues, but like i didn't remember what a breakdown felt like, so experiencing that helped me be able to work around writing something for her, ofc i got to tired for that bc of the crying and didn't, but i was close, i wrote down the beginning before deleting everything and crying more

And a final note here as well, yall ever get so mad that whatever fear you have just, dissappears??? Well i sure did, cuz as much as i was sad last night i was pisssed bc so much happened in a day i was supposed to relax 😭🤚

I have a bit of fear of the dark, and it has only gotten worse these past few days, and while looking for the box, the house was dark (it was 1am) and i had to keep turning the lights on as my heart raced each time i went to the livingroom, but the moment i decided to actually sleep with some comforting muisc, the headphones decided to die on me, and i just, i was fuming and got up from bed and went to look for the stupid box again, and i knew the box had a little light, meaning it would glow a tiny bit, so i turned off all the lights to find it, not giving a fuck for any demons lurking around

It took maybe 5 minutes for my fear to creep back up, but goddamn that was probably the most funny part out of everything

Now why am i telling yall this? Bc i know for a fact Gregory has somehwhat of a fear of the dark, and me also having fear of the dark, knows how it is, so I'm most definitely adding this experience to the story at some point :)

Oh and, yeah i got the box back, i told my mom about it when i woke up she offered to help (a bit upset i didn't come to her during the night) and she found it lol

[goatlover]

Well since it's pride month and the world is going to end soon I decided to write one of those head anon/imagine things, so let's go

Bokuto and Kuroo as supportive friends

||TW!: homophobia ||

• You're a LGBT teen who just came out to your parents. Sadly they aren't accepting of you and you got kicked out for the day and night

• You just got kicked out and you're not mentally ok and don't know what to do so you decided to go to your usual hang out spot to calm yourself down

• Right as you sat down on a bench and started to calm down slowly you hear two different voices call your name

• It's Kuroo and Bokuto. They walk up to you but your back is turned to them so they don't notice your crying at first

• They playfully pet the top of your head but then notice your red eyes and small hiccups

• Both of them get super worried and ask you what's wrong

• Kuroo sits down next to you and let's you talk it out to him while Bokuto sits down on the other side and give you the best hugs you've ever reserved

• Both of them try their best to calm you down. Bokuto gives you water and some chocolate to help you calm down while Kuroo listens carefully to everything and asks small questions and gives advice about things

• After a half an hour you finally fully calm down and are ready to face your current problems. But they were already solved by your two friends

• Before you could finish asking if they knew any place you could stay at Kuroo says that you're staying at his place as long as you need to stay

• While still being slightly crushed by Bokuto's hugs you try to tell Kuroo that you don't wanna give him trouble but he ignores you fully

• The small "therapy session" ends and the three of you go to a nearby store to buy some stuff. The two boys let you borrow some of their money and buy you some food they know you adore

• After the store adventure you head to Kuroo's house. All of you decided to have a sleepover at Kuroo's place

• When you arrived the house was empty. Kuroo's dad was on a work trip and his grandma was at some of her friends house so you guys had the whole place for yourself

• Right as you got in the house you fell on the couch and slowly started to drift off to sleep. Bokuto giving you a comfortable pillow and putting a blanket over you really didn't help your "stay awake cuz they are literally doing this for you" plan but who cares. You quickly fall asleep

• After a few hours you woke up but something was off. The living room was dark and no lights were on. You got a bit anxious and thought that you slept the whole day through

• You slowly got up and tried to navigate yourself towards a light switch

• You finally find a light switch but what you saw was definitely not something you expected

• One of the walls of the room had your pride flag hanging on it and the room was filled with balloons that shared the same colors as the pride flag

• "HAPPY PRIDE MONTH Y/N" yelled Kuroo and Bokuto as they smiled widely at you. Bokuto was also holding a cake that they had made just for you

• "I know that we're a few days late. Since its the 3rd (3day/6month) but we hope you like the surprise " said Kuroo as he scratched the back of his head a bit

• You stood there in shock for a good minute before bursting into tears once again. But these tears were tears of happiness

• You ran out to the two and hugged them as tight as you possibly could. And you accidentally made Bokuto drop the cake.

• You started to apologize but all you got as a response was your friends laughs and them hugging you

• "the cake wasn't that good anyway" said Kuroo as he let go of the hug

• You thank them again and again. And they keep saying it's no problem. But you couldn't stop crying over the surprise tho

• They had to give you water and chocolate again to calm you down again but they didn't mind

• And since that day those two have been calling you a crybaby just to mess with you

Thank you for reading this stupid thing I wrote at 5 am cuz I was feeling kinda sad that I'm still not accepted by my parents, , ,

HAPPY PRIDE MONTH!!!

[askjoshuafreeman]

transcript.file//jfreeman_codingb//convo

[Emergency Program Active]

AdminJF: Heya B-)

CodingB: ...? Allen? Where's Joshua?

AdminJF: He's still asleep, just snoozin away.

CodingB: Still a-... Isn't it... late? Why are you up.

AdminJF: Had a nightmare

AdminJF: Couldn't get back to sleep

AdminJF: Figured a lil chatting with ya could do me some good.

CodingB: ... With... me?

CodingB: Wait a moment...

CodingB: Communications are offline... I didn't think that was possible...

AdminJF: Yeaaa, boy like me's fulla tricks B-)

AdminJF: 'sides, don't think chattin with 'em would help out. They're... kinda chaotic.

CodingB: Unlike you, pizza box tearer?

AdminJF: Ey ey, I'm the FUN kinda chaotic! Those guys... eh... I know Josh trusts them. No surprise there. I mean, apart from you, they're the only peeps who MIGHT help him out... I'm still on the fence about them tho.

CodingB: I see.

CodingB: May I ask... what your nightmare was about? I do not know exactly how dreams work, but talking about what ever is making you upset tends to help.

AdminJF: Are you sure? It's... kinda dumb.

CodingB: I am all ears! And eyes! You have my full attention!

AdminJF: Right, well

AdminJF: where tf do I start...

AdminJF: I was... running in this like, industrial... plant of some kind? Like, running from something that I couldn't see? Like, that went on for a while, that I was just running and trying not to trip or crash into anything.

AdminJF: So at some point, I end up at this biiig chain link fence, like, the kind they put up in big facilities, I think. Anyways, I start climbing the thing, only to get pried off and thrown on my ass by, I guess whoever was chasing me??

AdminJF: But like, I look up at the guy, and I still can't really "see" him. Could say they looked like a shadow, but even that doesn't cover it really. That's around where I woke up and just. I dunno. Woke up about an hour ago and I've been too anxious to head back to sleep...

CodingB: ... I can't say I blame you exactly. An event like that, dream or not, would stress anyone, I'm certain. Until you've calmed down sufficiently, I don't think sleep will be possible...

AdminJF: Yeah, well, all the more reason to chat, right?

CodingB: I suppose so. Had you any topics in mind?

AdminJF: Oh Yea yea

AdminJF: ... No. I really don't.

CodingB: Ah. Then... could I ask you something?

AdminJF: Shoot.

CodingB: ... What is it like out there? Past the screen, I mean. Out in the sun. Out in the grass...

AdminJF: Ah shit... I'm really the wrong dude to ask but uh

AdminJF: It's... fine? No no uh... It... gives you something to do. Sun can get pretty hot down here but it's a helluva lot better than being cold in like, the snow and shit. Josh's been complaining that it's getting colder when... it hasn't? Like, I would know, I'm p sensitive to temperature shifts yo, but it's just been as hot as ever.

AdminJF: Uh, back on topic

AdminJF: Grass is... pretty soft, gives off a nice smell after it's cut. Uh... worms live in the dirt grass grows in...

CodingB: Oh, worms?

AdminJF: Yea, not like computer worms, but uh, little... long slimey things. They eat dirt and filter out the bad stuff so the ground stays healthy and all that.

AdminJF: Birds and lizards and fish like to eat them but I wouldn't recommend it.

CodingB:

CodingB: Allen, did you-

AdminJF: No!

AdminJF: Classmate back in primary did tho

AdminJF: Dared himself to cuz there was a bunch out after it rained and then uh

AdminJF: Y'know what, let's talk about something else.

CodingB:

CodingB: Well, um, do you think I'll ever get to see out there?

CodingB: Like, leave the device and go outside?

AdminJF: Knowing Joshua? Without a doubt. He's prob already working on the blueprints.

CodingB: ... Really?

AdminJF: Pfft, of course! You've met the guy! He's too kindhearted for his own good. J will stop at nothing to help others, even at his own detriment. I mean, case in point: He's friends with me.

CodingB: ... What's wrong with being friends with you?

AdminJF: Ha!

AdminJF: Ah...

AdminJF: Look, I... back when we first met, Josh saw this hungry, pale as death, angry and antisocial freak around his age and, instead of avoiding him like everyone else, sat down right next to him and offered half of his lunch.

AdminJF: I've been through 5 different fosters since he and I first met, CB. Five houses that all took me in and gave me the boot before I could even get comfortable. Within that time, the only other friends I've made apart from him are Clera and Tiff, and the only reason Tiff's our friend is because she and Cler started dating months ago.

AdminJF: I mean, hell, just yesterday, I

AdminJF: shit

CodingB: ?

AdminJF: ... Can you... keep a secret, CB?

CodingB: My lips are sealed, Allen. Is everything alright?

AdminJF: ... I... I lied to Josh, about me running off. About how my folks were mad and I needed to get away from the house for a bit.

AdminJF: The truth is that they... They kicked me out.

CodingB: They?? What!?

AdminJF: Yesterday past-noon, few hours after lunch, not-pops plopped my schoolbag on me, told me to shove as much of my shit in it as I could, and just told me to "get lost". Figured he was joking and I just stared at him cuz, like, why the hell would I think he was serious? But, looking at his face...

AdminJF: So then I said "Let me pack my suitcases while you call the agency" cuz that's how it normally went when my Fosters got sick of me, but mfer pulls me up and goes all "We want you out of here NOW" and tells me that I have ten minutes to fill my bag.

AdminJF: ... And he, uh, really did mean 10 minutes. They weren't lying about that part...

CodingB: Oh my god... That's horrible. They do not deserve to call themselves "parents" of any kind! Are you hurt? Are you okay?

AdminJF: I

AdminJF: I don't know why shit like this still shocks me, y'know? I should be used to it all, and I am for the most part but...

AdminJF: I guess a part of me was thinking that... Things were going well! Things were going better than any of the other families I'd been in! I was with them for almost a full year, like, a month away from it even, and sure, I might've been a bit of an ass sometimes, but they...

AdminJF: Tensions were kinda mounting for the past month or so, I guess, but I didn't notice it until this bs happened. Now most of my shit is in a home I'm not welcome in anymore, the agency probably won't be checking in for another month or so, and I have no goddamn idea what I'll do if Mrs. Freeman comes back and tells me I can't stay here. I'm completely shit outta luck.

CodingB: Allen, I'm so sorry...

CodingB: ... I'm sure... Josh and his mother, they won't leave you on your own like that. You said yourself that Josh is very very kind, for better or for worse. It doesn't matter what you might think about yourself, Allen, you do not deserve to be hurt in any way.

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Christ I spilled my guts like hell

AdminJF: Just one of those fucking

AdminJF: "3am! Time to vent!"

CodingB: Allen, please.

AdminJF: Maybe I could try going back to sleep now...

CodingB: Allen, wait!

CodingB: I. Before you go, please, I

CodingB: Maybe... could you keep a secret of mine too?

AdminJF:

AdminJF: Eh, it's only fair, fine. Go right on ahead.

CodingB: Alright! Alright!

CodingB: I... I'm terrified. Of failing Joshua.

CodingB: Of ending up trapped in this computer for who knows how many more years.

CodingB: Of finally getting out, and... and it all being worse than being trapped in here.

CodingB: Heck, I'm terrified at the thought of it being everything I could've ever dreamed of, so much so that I never want to return to the computer. I... I wouldn't be helpful anymore if that happened...

CodingB: Jeez... am I even helpful where I am now? Apart from keeping the firewall up, what good have I really done to help Joshua or his father?

CodingB: I cannot express to Joshua how... how deeply frightened I am at the thought of him never coming back. That thought haunts my every waking hour when he is not here, and I don't know how to get it to stop. It makes me feel as though I'll crash my entire programming and I hate it so much.

AdminJF: Damn... CB, you know, even just keeping a firewall up is a helluva task all on its own, and it's doing a crapton of good, too. Files are still up and the computer isn't a smouldering pile of viruses now is it?

AdminJF: Besides, even without all of that, you've still helped Josh, like, endlessly. You've supported him a bunch and I know for a fact that you've helped him to feel better about this whole ordeal. Like, he chats about you for HOURS the second you come up in a convo, yo. The minute he gets the chance to, I know he's gonna get you out of there, and, knowing your ingenuity, you're gonna find thousands o' ways to help out.

AdminJF: But... I ain't gonna lie and tell you those feelings are gonna go away. Not on their own. Needs time and reassurance. Until all of this is over and done with and even maybe a good few years afterwards, you're probably gonna still have that fear.

CodingB: Ah... I see... I don't suppose it is normal though, is it?

AdminJF: Nah. I know that first-hand... But hey, we've both made it this far despite all the bullshit we've been through, right? World's not gonna get ridda us that easily.

CodingB: ... Even with the terror I feel, am I still brave enough to face the world?

AdminJF: I'd say the world oughta learn to start being afraid of you, cuz there's nothin' braver than continuing to live even when you're scared to death.

CodingB: ... Thank you. Thank you so very much.

AdminJF: Heh, all in a day... night's work...

AdminJF: Think the both of us could use some rest. Quiet our minds fo' a bit.

CodingB: Heh, agreed... See you tomorrow in that case. Er, well, today. At a later hour.

AdminJF: Yeaaa, see ya then, CBot. Sleep well.

CodingB: You too! May your dreams be filled with nothing scary!

[Emergency Program Inactive]

ampd.program deactivated. Returning to error log...

[seraxfemme]

I drank 7+ cups of coffee at ~6pm yesterday and idr when I stopped but I was working til 5 am then another two hours fucking around cuz I couldn't sleep then I crashed at around 9 woke up at 11 and have been out since 12. It is now 3pm and I feel like Saturn's son.

[pbandjesse]

My back is hurting me really bad and I'm very tired. I want to get this post done quickly so I can just lay here and do nothing for a while. But today was an excellent day. I was living my best life.

I slept okay last night. I woke up and did my umbrella like I'm supposed to. I still need to figure out a dermatologist but so far no luck my insurance. I got washed and dressed and I felt really good. My stomach felt weird and I couldn't eat anything. I kind of wanted to go to 7-Eleven and get something but when I left the house I just felt like I didn't want to eat. So I just walked to the bus.

But because I didn't stop I got on the bus way too early and ended up at the school at 8:30. I went back to my closet space and cleaned a little bit more. Cleaned off the last word and make sure there was space for other teachers to store things if they needed to. Then I went and did my timesheet and walked around to see if I could find anyone.

It was weird being in the school that earlier the day. But I went and found this Jen and asked where I could be helpful for fun day. She took me outside find Doctor burns his husband. He was a nice guy. But everything was already set up and while they would have things for us to do later there wasn't anything for us to do now.

So I sat outside and watched kindergarteners a little bit. I wandered around. Text to people the information I had. And then caught up with Liz in the office.

Pretty much everyone got stuck behind fire truck in an EMS truck because a child had a seizure at the school. She was fine. But they have to call services in just in case. But because of the way the road is set up no one could get into the building.

But actual fun day didn't start till 10 so it was okay. I'm the end of the really not meeting us for much. I went outside and introduce myself to the face painters and then went and helped with the little rideable train. Liz line the kids up and I would seat them and tell them the rules. We did that for like an hour and a half. I rode the train like four times. I had cotton candy and made Spin Art. Got to enjoy some bubbles. Eventually I went and got a kitty cat painted on my arm. And I was just having a blast with the little kids. I did get overheated and have to go inside to sit down for a little bit. But basically all my co-workers were already in there. Organizing their classrooms and stuff. For the last hour I did go outside and helpless some more. She went to go get some ice cream and me and Miss Elaine got two little kids on board. It was funny when the Pre-K kids came out because I asked them to line up but they just all swarmed on top of me and started hugging me?? It was very very cute. But not what I was expecting.

It really was a fun day but they really didn't need access our could come and help. They probably could have let us stay inside and organize and clean stuff but it's all right. I had a really nice time and it was a lot of fun.

We got done at 1 and I went to go wait for the bus. James had called Amazing Glaze to make sure then our coffee cups were ready. And they were so I took the bus downtown and waited for the train. It was a very sunny and hot. I brought my little fan with me and that helped but I didn't eat anything besides cotton candy so I was a little faint. And it took me awhile to get on the bus and then also took me awhile to get on the train. So I was outside in the sun for a bit. And that made me very very sleepy. I was having trouble keeping my eyes open.

And then a guy on the train confused me and I got off work I thought I was supposed to get off but I went the wrong way off the track and ended up in a little town that I didn't know anything about and it was so confused. And I was hot and dizzy. And confused and getting more and more upset. The girls in my group chat we're trying to figure out where I was so they could send a car because they were so worried. But James talked to me through cuz he knew where I was and where I should have gone. Which was under a little Bridge to get to the other side of the expressway. Everything worked out.

I got our cups which turned out super cute. I'm a little disappointed because the names they were on the bottom came up on James's but not online. But it's okay. The cops are very very cute. I got to pick the rubber lid colors and I got James orange and myself purple. Black probably would have looked good as well but they don't have black. I am happy with my choices.

I went over to Whole Foods and got a couple things and got a salad. A very needed salad. Pasta salad on it and I sat in their dining area and ate and felt a lot better. I want to go wait for the train back home after that.

Thankfully I didn't have to wait long. I got back home and I was so tired. I made one more stop at Rite Aid for new toothpaste and then right back to my apartment. I felt dirty and tired and hot. But I really had to sleep. So relate down around 4. Watched a couple videos and fell asleep before 5. I woke up around 6:30. And I felt a lot better. Still tired but I didn't feel like I was going to be sick about it. I went downstairs and I took a bath. I have a little bit of sunburn from today. Very slight but still. Took a bath in black tea with epsom salts. Poured way too much salt in the tub. But was able to scoop most of it back in the bag before the water in it. Very salty. I did a face mask and just try to push healing into my body. I ate a bowl of cereal and watched videos and enjoyed being in the water. I really want to go swimming. We're supposed to go on Friday but it's not going to be as hot as I would hope. But that's all right.

I got out and put my jammies on. And I just been chilling since then. I did a couple small things but really I just want to be relaxing. I have a short shift tomorrow for a BMI birthday in the afternoon. And I'm going to drop off my sculpture at the dentist office finally before I go there. But I just hope that it is Chill. And it's just a really good day again.

Good night everyone. Stay safe out there.