#wondered why the bratwurst tasted so good

[elegantdemoness]

[firstknightvulion]

Now at the end of the good ending, P becomes fully human. And I love how it goes from “Your Springs are Reacting” to “You Feel Warmth”.

But it happens in stages. Sensation on the skin. Breathing. Hair and fingernails growing. The experience of becoming human is such a profound one.

So, of course, I’m gonna make a funny.

Just, imagine. Our boy listening to a record, pondering existence. The songs ends and suddenly the crotch of his pants is much more restrictive.

Much hilarity.

Hotel Krat. Sophia is gazing at the Stargazer, lost in thought. The music from the record player dances in the air, filling the main hall with a pleasant atmosphere.

P: WHAT IS HAPPENING?!?!?

Sophia: *blinking several times as she is torn from her wondering on the nature of people. A breathless, panicking P standing in front of her* What has happened, Puppet of Geppetto?

P: I-I-I was listening to the new record I found and the..the song finished. And it finished and it was, it was like that time with my hair. Just, uh, grew. It grew!

Sophia: What has grown? Your hair looks the same length.

P: Uuuuuuuuh, uh. I don’t…I don’t know…um. Well, it’s…*suddenly drops his pants to reveal a new set man meat*

Sophia: *face that can only be described as dial up modem noise* Yeah, okay. No. I am in no way qualified to even begin explaining this. Venigni!

Venigni: *saunters over* What can the great genius, Lorenzini Venigni, help you with- *eyes widening upon witnessing P’s new Joystick* My friend you have gained a mighty new sword, it seems.

P: WEAPON?! I have to fight with this?!

Sophia: It is a metaphor!

Venigini: No, dear lady! His trouser snake will be used on the battlefield of love!

P: Snake?! This is an animal growing out of me? Am I becoming a mother?!?

Sophia: NO!!! It is a regular part of human anatomy that am I too embarrassed to describe the function of!

P: You mean it’s a regular human part? Like a finger or nose?

Sophia: Yes! All boys have them.

Venigini: *adjusting his glasses* Though few are as large. You’re particular sausage is more of a bratwurst than wiener.

P: Oooo, I like both of those. Wait, can this be eaten?

Venigini: Tasted more like. If you play your cards right.

Sophia: You need to stop talking.

Venigini: He needs guidance! And trust me, I am well versed in the use of the Jackhammer!

P: How many names does it have?!

Sophia: STOP! HELPING!

Eugenie: What is all this yelling?! I’m trying to work!

P: *turns to Eugenie. Suddenly noticing how much he likes her face. The line of her neck. Her lips. Her eyes*

Eugenie: *Eyes bulging, eyes darting from his eyes to his crotch rapidly before settling on the crotch. Her eyes growing even more*

P: *noticing a strange sensation between his legs. Looks down*

…

…

P: WHY IS IT GROWING AND BECOMING HARD!?!?!

Some time later…

Geppetto: …

P: …

Geppetto: So…the birds and the bee’s…

I hope you enjoyed my interpretation of the momentous occasion for our puppet turned real boy. Tune in next time when he discovers the joys and despairs of a digestive system after a night of taco’s.

[dcbbw]

Birthday Waltz (Bratwurst Challenge, Take 2)

This is my second submission for the bratwurst challenge, issued by @charlotteg234. Normally I am a one and done gal when it comes to challenges and prompt events, but a discussion with @kristinamae093 had me wondering if using an older couple would be hilarious, cringeworthy, or both OR could it be tasteful and slightly erotic?

Especially if said couple were Constantine and Regina?

You be the judge. Enjoy!

The royal couple danced under sparkling chandeliers, gliding effortlessly across the polished ballroom floor. It was her birthday, and all Cordonia’s nobility was in attendance to celebrate.

The King’s sons from his previous unions, Crown Prince Leo and Prince Liam, stayed in the background with their friends. Children were to be seen, not heard. Not that they cared; the only good thing about these balls was the food. At least this time there was an array of German sausages, which was Queen Regina’s favorite guilty pleasure food.

And birthday cake.

Everyone’s favorite.

On the dance floor, King Constantine dipped his Queen before pulling her back up and even closer to him. “Happy Birthday, darling,” he murmured. “I do hope you are enjoying yourself.”

“Immensely,” Regina beamed. “And thank you so much for ensuring bratwurst was included. It’s my favorite!”

Constanine shook his head slightly in distaste as he guided them across the dancefloor. “I have no idea why.”

“The length, the girth, the taste …” Regina’s eyes briefly closed. When they opened, there was a mischievous glint in them. “And when you squeeze it just right … the juices that explode from it.”

She licked her lips suggestively.

Regina had a way with words.

The music swelled; embarrassingly, so did the King’s member. “Are you describing the bratwurst or something else?” he asked hoarsely.

The music stopped; the couple separated to bow and curtsy to their guests. Regina headed towards one of the open bars for a drink, Constantine on her heels.

“Regina! Which bratwurst were you describing?” he demanded.

She turned to face her husband, looking around furtively as her palm ran lightly down the front of his shirt, until it covered his crotch.

“Which do you think?”

“I think we need some air,” Constantine replied, grabbing her hand and pulling her towards open balcony doors.

Tagging: @jared2612 @ao719​​​ @marietrinmimi ​​​ @indiacater​​​ @kingliam2019​​​ @bebepac​​​ @liamxs-world​​​ @mom2000aggie​​​ @liamrhysstalker2020​​​ @twinkleallnight​​​ @umccall71​​​ @superharriet​​​ @busywoman​​​ @gabesmommie1130​​​ @tessa-liam​​​ @beezm​​​ @gardeningourmet​​​ @lovingchoices14 @mainstreetreader​​​ @angelasscribbles​​​ @lady-calypso​​​ @emkay512​​​ @princessleac1​​​ @charlotteg234​​​ @alj4890​​​ @motorcitymademadame​​​ @queenmiarys​​​ ​​​ @choicesficwriterscreations

[life-of-karma]

Chaotic World Of Surrey Cricketers

As the Head Chef in 2002 at The Surrey Cricketers in Windlesham, I couldn’t help but feel like I was living a real-life version of Fawlty Towers. The bar manager was an alcoholic whose relationship with the wealthy landlady was as puzzling as it was strange. I suspected she might have had a crush on him or owed him a favor from a previous liaison. Every night was just another opportunity for them to get drunk and show off to their friends.

When I first started, my second chef was unable to work independently and required constant supervision. He seemed like a good kid, but he had clearly gotten himself into trouble in the past. This was his last chance to try and get back on track.

The third chef to join us was from Liverpool — a true scouser who had a knack for getting into fights. He packed plenty of energy, always up for a good laugh and pint.

One time we found a gray squirrel stuck in the bedroom upstairs; it ended up in my room. I asked Ricky, the scouser, to guard one side of my bed, then try to trap the tiny creature when it ran out. I poked it with a broom and as planned, it ran to Ricky’s end of the bed where he had a box ready. When he saw the squirrel scrabble to jump up, Ricky made a high-pitched scream and leaped into the window frame — three feet off the ground! The squirrel escaped and ran down the stairs while Ricky clung desperately to the windowsill, so much for his gangster mentality and he would just grab it and take it outside.

It took several attempts before we could get the poor animal outside without disrupting service. Eventually, we managed to get back to work.

After several months, I had finally given the second chef a shot at running a morning shift alone. Everything was cooked and prepped when he arrived, so all he had to do was make sure the service went smoothly.

When I returned mid-service, one of the dishes wasn’t right. It was supposed to be a chicken liver salad with a red onion pickle, but what he served looked like leftovers from an animal food bowl.

When questioned, he said he couldn’t find the store-bought pickle and instead decided to sauté some brown onions in malt vinegar and use it instead. I made him taste it, much to his strong protest, and he spat it out everywhere as it tasted just as bad as it sounded.

On another occasion, he called me in a panic because the local butcher had come by demanding payments for nearly seven weeks of meat that had been supplied to the pub. I told him to contact the bar manager who had clearly neglected to pay these bills and wondered why the cuts of meat had gotten progressively worse lately.

In the kitchen, there was a joke that was used fairly often. When the waitresses came to take orders of freshly prepared food, a chef would hide a large bratwurst sausage in their pants zip and tuck it under the apron they wore.

As they went to grab the plate, They would say “wait a minute” and then wipe the plates edge with the apron and they’d lift the apron just high enough for the sausage to show, then wait for the waitresses’ usually embarrassed laughter or giggles before revealing that it was just a joke. This comedic moment led to great conversations when service ended and a funny ice breaker getting to know the waitresses and chatting to them after service.

One evening, I cooked dinner for Brian May of Queen music group amongst other famous people and this is also the place where I met my future wife.

We moved to Australia six months later and got married.

Must have been the Bratwurst sausage ;-)

[churchwine9]

The Only Guide for Fried Rice With Chinese Sausage Recipe

Chinese Sausage has a special taste, a great tasting mix of wonderful and tasty. It are going to take considerably longer than you presume because unlike others that use it, you will definitelyn't require to placed it on top of a mixed greens or to mix all together veggies. What concerning veggies? The reason we think onions are thus prominent is that they've been incredibly properly examined, and one may utilize the exact same test to observe if you're receiving the right volume of onions. Offer it up with some rice and slathered in a abundant and delightful soy dressing – so excellent! 8. Panko Pizza This one is for those opportunities when you acquire a fresh set of pizza at any kind of house or outlet. It has actually such a wonderful spicyness and its like possessing a major cut of pizza in your fridge freezer that you aren't truly starving as it gets hard on you. The pizza is really easy and sample magnificent. Why This Chinese Sausage And Rice Is Therefore Good A great tasting method to prepare Chinese bratwurst An addictive savoury wonderful soy sauce A fast choice to take out Merely a handful of substances needed Ingredients Lengthy grain jasmine rice Water Mandarin sausage For The Sweet Soy Sauce Cooking oil Garlic cloves, shallots Soy dressing, darker soy dressing Chinese rice wine or completely dry sherry Sugar Water Eastern sesame oil How To Create This Chinese Sausage And Rice – Step Through Step Let’s clean the fresh rice grains fist. Fill a pot along with the rice and cool water to cover. Get rid of the rice coming from the pot and position it into a huge bowl, helping make certain it does not touch the rice. Take the cooled corn and rice to a blister and minimize the warm to 4 ¼ to 8 ¾ – 12 ¼ minute periods until grains are cooked to the uniformity of a tiny batch. Cook the cooled down corn in the water for 5 to 10 minutes until browned, stirring often. Make use of your hands to swish the rice grains, releasing any type of additional carbohydrate and filth. In a dish, mix the rice and rice vinegar. Put one tbsp of the vinegar over the rice and stir to mix. Put another tablespoon of the white vinegar over rice and stir to be certain the rice has worked out right into the dish. Did you see this? with and permit it all resolve for 5 to 10 minutes (no stirring required). Maintain mixing until you have a smooth cash that's ready to roll for cash administration.

Rice (like grains) is a raw component and it is essential to wash and wash! The only means to stay clear of the necessity to eat this things is to consume a dish full of water, typically it are going to be difficult to take it in to your office. As a general policy, you require to acquire a container to hold salt after being washed. I have located this to be a little costlier because I am always on the hunt for brand-new concepts. Clean also rids the rice of extra carbohydrate, which will certainly offer us light, cosy, ventilated rice – not heavy, sticky and starchy. One more approach hired for stashing rice is a little canister of sweets. This sweets is utilized in helping make pie (directions for how to do it right here). This assists to offer a crisis (the cake is definitely smooth and total) and is valuable for flavouring sauces. But that's not how this rice is produced. Hint the container and carefully pour out the water. Allow the flowerpot churn for 15 minutes or until the butter is perfectly softened. If you wish to include even more fluid, you can easily include it directly to the pot and incorporate to the boiling water. You could additionally make an effort making use of simply a cup even more of olive oil or half a tsp even more if you favor. Stashed at property, our Butter Cakes are loaded with butter, which you could effortlessly grate on an engrossment food processor or dishwasher. Drain as much water as feasible from the flowerpot. The method goes pretty rapidly because the water gets gradually eliminated all the means to the surface. A lot of the water in the water may sink in to the pot just as swiftly as it would get gotten rid of through the water acquiring deeper. This are going to help make the container too deep for the dish to dry adequately. This procedure can last anywhere coming from 15 minute increments, for a container to be cooked to 60 minute increases for a pot to be helped make.

[pillage-and-lute]

Kaer Morons and My Headcanons for their Hobbies

Geralt loves horses and gwent but his hobby in the wintertime is leather working. He does some lovely decorative work on the strap for Jaskier’s lute and even, subtly, Roach’s tack. He repairs all her tack himself too. Gifts Ciri some beautiful leather armor pieces when she’s about fifteen and she’s heartbroken when she grows out of them. (He makes her more)

Eskel has a surprising talent for recognizing gemstones. Maybe it’s the magic that’s inherent in most precious or even semi-precious stones, but he remembers their name. He likes blacksmithing and can do the basics, but between his skill with gems and a surprising aptitude for gold and silversmithing, Eskel is an excellent jeweller with the patience for very detailed pieces

Lambert has an exquisite eye for color and it translates into artistic talent. He likes clothes and fabrics and, although he isn’t quite patient enough to sew, enjoys sketching outfits. He’s a pretty good painter, too. He dabbles in brewing but is most successful with vodka and mead.

Coen is more patient and steady than his wolf peers, and apart from his sword drill, he enjoys woodworking. His favorite pieces are large, useful items, like sturdy tables, chairs, and chests, but for certain people (mainly Ciri on whom he dotes) will carve more delicate pieces. He varnishes all his own pieces and they decorate much of Kaer Morhen.

Aiden is a baker, to the delight of everyone who stays in the keep. His preferred fare is bread of all sorts, but he branches out into scones, farls, and sometimes sweeter things like honeycakes, when materials are available

Letho likes killing things. This comes with an aptitude for alchemical and chemical work as he develops his own specially curated toxins. Just don’t taste the experiments. The rat poison he developed finally cured the infestation in Kaer Morhen, although he changed the recipe to sub-lethal after a young Ciri begged him to. He has a soft spot for her, and with her urging branched out into other chemisty that has nothing to do with death at all. He and Triss sometimes collaborate on medicinal plants and in return she sewed him a coat to wear in his lab, although he requested she take the sleeves off. (Because buffness)

Vesemir has many hobbies, aquired over a long lifetime. One of them is reading romance novels and correcting the sex scenes in the margins. (Jaskier once spent a happy afternoon cackling over comments such as “under no condition should a phallus be called a ‘bratwurst’” and “if her bosom is that big, why wasn’t she wearing something under her nightgown, her back must ache”). He also keeps bees, whose honey contributes to Aiden’s honeycakes and Lambert’s mead. There are a few goats at Kaer Morhen and, although caring for them is Eskel’s preferred task, their milk is made into chees by Vesemir, who also occasionally knits with their wool

+ Bonus non-witchers

Jaskier says his only true hobby is music and poetry, but also indulges in making soaps and perfumes. Tailoring scents especially for his friends and family brings him great joy, and he delights in seeing his creations used up so he can make more. In his travels with Geralt he often picks up ingredients that are hard to find, such as cloves or dried orange peel, to use in his soaps. He collects natural dyes to create the best color combinations as well, and they often stain his fingertips.

Triss likes sewing and embroidery, and finds it calming, in an odd way. She’s a mostly peaceful person, often mediating conflicts with her friends, so perhaps sometimes she just wants to stab something hundreds of times until she feels better. Whatever the reason, she makes very nice clothing and is happy to consult with Lambert on colors

Yennefer was surprised to find she enjoys spinning and weaving. The creation of yarn and cloth under her fingertips is a power much like magic, and Jaskier, with all his natural items, usually is willing to dye it for her. (so long as he’s allowed to make a few jokes likening her to sleeping beauty’s wicked fairy)

Ciri is most often the recipient of the other’s gifts and talents, a wonderful place to be. It has left her with a skill for interior decorating and home organization. She enjoys cleaning up and moving furniture around to bring a room new life. She’s also taken to rock climbing and rappelling the walls of Kaer Morhen, which gives her two fathers, her two mothers, her grandfather, her four uncles, and the weird sort of uncle who comes around sometimes, heart attacks. (Geralt and Jaskier, Triss and Yennefer, Vesemir, Lambert Eskel Aiden Coen, and Letho).

[delaber]

Just Friends (Part 8)

Story Summary: After moving to America for a 3-month long internship, you meet two interesting characters on a boring night out.

Word Count: 4.6K

Pairing: Rafael Casal x Reader

Warnings: Alcohol, minor drug use, smut, slight dom!Rafa, swearing, and loads of British references (sorry not sorry lol)

Chapter Note: this chapter is dedicated to exrthangel because she’s honestly the sweetest thing ever and she’s studying so hard rn ❤️

Tag List: lonelydance mysearchforgratification ramp-it-up blndspotting summerofsnowflakes exrthangel honeysucklechocolatedrippin

Other Parts: See Masterlist

You had read the message over and over again ever since you had received it a couple of days ago: I have a surprise for Friday. Will pick you up at 6. Wear dark clothes.

What the hell did he have up his sleeve? Why the dark clothes? You were utterly confused as you on Friday afternoon pulled on a pair of black jeans, a black top, and your leather jacket.

At 5.55 pm, you were tying the shoelaces on a pair of combat boots when you heard Samantha exclaim from her seat in the window sill, "are you kidding me?!"

"Oh no," you groaned, "what is it?"

Samantha was looking out the window with her mouth hanging open when she suddenly started to laugh, "he has a bloody motorbike," she said in disbelief, "Where'd you find this boy? He's textbook American!"

You rushed to Samantha's side and saw Rafa on a motorbike, wearing an outfit that was roughly matching yours. He pulled off his helmet and flipped his hair before he started walking towards the front door.

"Oh, and he's cute up close too!" Samantha said as she studied him swagger up to your house.

You hurried towards the front door, calling out to Samantha, "I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?"

"Oh no! You do not get off that easily!" Samantha ran from the window sill and held you back at the door, "I am going to meet this guy who's all you've been able to talk about since New Years!"

You heard a low chuckle coming from the other side of the door, "aw, you tell your friends about that guy?" Rafa spoke from the other side of the closed front door, his voice sounding as if it was about to burst with happiness.

"Not when he butts in on private conversations going on behind closed doors," you mocked him.

You could hear him chuckle slightly before Samantha in one swift motion turned the doorknob and opened the door to a smiling Rafa.

"Ladies," he nodded to both of you, sending you a wink. You had to give it to Samantha; he did look particularly good up close.

"Rafa, this is my roomie Samantha," you cleared your throat, "Samantha this is... the guy I've been talking about apparently."

Samantha extended her hand, "Nice to finally meet you. I'm Samantha."

Rafa took her hand, "likewise. I'm Rafael."

"Your real name is Rafael?" it slipped out of you and Samantha sent you a weird look.

"Yeah, what'd you think Rafa was short for?" he laughed, his crooked tooth somehow more fetching than usual.

"I honestly haven't given it much thought," you laughed and he sent you a sappy smile looking at you very softly for a couple of seconds.

Samantha noticed the sexual tension and decided to break it, "well you two have fun, yeah? I won't wait up so don't bother having her home on this side of midnight. The magic won't wear off, I swear," Samantha winked before she let you and Rafa go.

"See you later, Samantha," Rafa chuckled as he stepped down from the porch.

'Stop that!' you mouthed to your grinning roomie before you followed Rafa.

You heard the front door close shut behind you, and first then did Rafa whip around, "are you ready for the best friend-date you've ever been on?" he said theatrically.

"You bet!" you matched his level of excitement, "although I'm a bit nervous as to what we'll be doing with that," you gestured to his motorbike, while dreading his answer.

"We're going for a ride," he said dramatically and threw you one of two helmets that had been lying on the seat.

"You're not serious... I'm not going on the back of that!"

"Do you not trust me?" He smirked as he climbed the bike.

"Of course, but..."

"Then get up. I'll go slow, okay?"

"Are you sure?"

"You're gonna love it!"

"O-okay," you said and swung your leg over the seat, tightening your helmet significantly.

"Just hold on tight, okay?"

"Hold on tight to what? There are no handlebars back here," you said in a panicky voice.

"Hold on to me of course," Rafa laughed.

Your arms snaked nervously around his waist, and he put a reassuring hand on top of yours for just a second before he took a deep breath and retracted it again. You couldn't help but wonder if this was the exact reason why he had wanted you on the back of his bike in the first place.

He turned the engine and slowly drove away from your townhouse while you whimpered in the backseat. He started off by slowly going through your neighbourhood checking on you regularly while you felt more and more comfortable on the bike. Every time he felt your arms loosen their grip around him, he sped up slightly, causing you to tighten your grab around his waist significantly. You were quickly comfortable with his full control over the bike, however, and actually had to admit that you were enjoying the fast-paced way of getting around the city.

"We can go faster than this," you bellowed over the sound of the motor a couple of minutes in.

Rafa didn't need telling twice and quickly sped up the bike while you squealed in the backseat, holding on tight to him again. You rode all the way down Sunset Boulevard until you reached the coast close to the Santa Monica Pier. The bike came to a halt right before the beach.

"That was amazing," you laughed completely high from the ride.

He smiled proudly to himself as he turned off the bike, "What did I tell you? I knew you'd love it!"

"I did," you said excitedly, "thanks for making me do it!”

He looked at you tenderly for a few seconds before he came to his senses, "come. We're going over here," he said and put a hand on your leather-clad back leading you to a sketchy looking hotdog stand, where he placed an order for two of the most popular kind.

"Really?" you asked him with raised eyebrows as he handed you one of the hot dogs.

"Sorry, I couldn't help it," he laughed as you sat down on a bench overlooking the dark beach, the sky a beautiful lilac colour as you had just missed the sunset, "I was hoping it might lead to the story behind your tattoo," he sent you a crooked smile.

"God you're the worst," you laughed at him, "Alright then - but I'll only tell you because that was a really smooth move. And I'm having a bite of the hotdog first."

"Let me know what you think," he looked at you excitedly.

"They're that good?" you laughed as you took in his excitement.

"Oh you're about to taste a tiny bit of heaven," Rafa smiled, "Diggs is quite the hotdog connoisseur and he recommended the place to me way back in the day. They have bratwursts shipped in from Germany."

"You have expertise in both chillies and German sausages? You're a man of the world, aren't you?" you teased him.

"Shut up and eat your hot dog," he grinned.

You took a large bite of the sausage which was definitely one of the best you'd ever had, "oh bloody hell! This is good," you practically moaned while rolling your eyes backwards in an attempt to show Rafa exactly how much you liked his choice of dinner.

"Hey, you cannot do that," he looked panicky as he desperately elbowed you in the ribs to get you to stop, "you're giving me the chubs," he shot you an awkward laugh.

"That's all it takes?" you laughed at him.

"Hey, I'm a simple man: I see a beautiful girl putting penis-shaped foods into her mouth all the while she's moaning and her eyes are rolling to the back of her head - and the rest is physiology," he smirked and bit into his own hot dog.

"I'm beginning to suspect that's the real reason why you took me here," you laughed at him.

"Hey, don't make me out to be some creep, okay?" He laughed, "I'm your innocent friend Rafa who just loves hot dogs and beautiful women - especially the two combined. Now tell me the story behind that tattoo dammit!”

"If you must know," you groaned, "I got it at Glastonbury when I had just turned eighteen. It was part of a bet."

"Really?" He looked amused, "What did you get out of it?"

"My friends paid for the tattoo and paid me a hundred quid for it - which was a fairly good amount of money back then," you laughed.

"That's what? 130 dollars or something? I sure hope you bought yourself a car with that kind of money," Rafa joked.

"I spent all of it on booze that night alone," you laughed.

"I probably would've done the same thing to be honest," he chuckled.

"So we're both smart people!"

"PhD-smart," he tapped his temple while winking at you, "speaking of; how's your project coming?"

"Good," you nodded, "although, I'm a bit behind schedule with the project I'm working on over here. The next couple of weeks are without a doubt going to be quite busy," you sighed, "I'm not going to have much free-time."

He grunted in response, probably aware of what that meant in regards to your already limited time together.

"I constantly need to remind myself why I'm here and why I'm even doing the project," you eyed him. You wanted to tell him that he had made it hard for you to concentrate on anything apart from him but ended up deciding against it.

"Yeah? What made you decide to do the project in the first place?"

"Because it's the coolest thing ever," you bumped your knee into his.

"Yeah?" He grinned at the contact, "what's your thesis about? Explain it to me as if I'm five because I don't know science for shit."

You laughed at him and told him all about what your PhD was about, explaining it as simple as you possibly could.

"Sounds complicated," he blew out some air when you were done.

"Nah. It's just like learning a new language," you shrugged, "you get the hang of it."

"How are you so nonchalant about almost finishing a PhD?" he laughed, "it's fucking difficult and you've worked hard for it. Don't play it down. Tell me how hard it is to come this far and how amazing you are at it!"

"It's hard and I'm amazing?" you said half-heartedly with a laugh.

"Oh come on. Do it with a bit more gusto. Don't go all British on me."

"Uhm... it's hard and I'm amazing," you said a bit more resolutely this time.

"Damn straight!" he said loudly, "a project like yours does not come easy to anybody. Don't take away your own victory."

"Alright, alright, I guess I did work quite hard. But I'm very privileged to even have the chance to do it."

"Yep, that's fine and whatever," he rolled his eyes at you "- Now tell me how you really feel about it."

You eyed him for a couple of seconds. Was he really able to see right through you so easily? "Okay," you sighed, "at first all the lab work was fun but now it's kind of draining and I cannot wait until I'm done so I can start something new!" you laughed, "also, right now I hate the project because it takes away my very limited time with you."

He looked at you and tried to hide a proud smile. "Look at you being all honest," he nudged you softly in the ribs and winked at you before he responded to what you'd said, "when are you handing in your thesis?"

"If all goes well, it'll be done before summer."

"And then what?" he nodded slowly.

"Ah yes! The million dollar question," you laughed, "I don't know. Maybe a post.doc?"

"You're gonna spend your whole life in academia?" he looked at you intently, "how much money do you have?"

"You get paid a fair salary when you're doing a PhD - and tuition is free in most of Europe so you can just go to another country and study if you don't have the money for it."

"WHAT?" he bellowed, "Tuition... is... free? You’re kidding! What kind of a hippie continent is that and when can I move there?"

You laughed at him, "European welfare, boom!" You said while dropping the hotdog wrapper into the trashcan next to the bench, "Europe 1 - America 0."

"You bet," he mumbled, "Ah, I probably wouldn't have lasted a day anyway. I got kicked out of high school, you know."

"You did? What'd you do?"

"That's a story for some other day," he smiled at you, "come, I have another surprise for you."

He helped you up from the bench and snaked his hand around your waist as you walked over to the bike in silence. You wanted to tell him that what he was doing felt close to violating your code of conduct but just like the other night, his hand around you made you feel safe and warm, so you let him keep it there.

You rode back up Sunset Boulevard telling yourself repeatedly that safety was the only reason for your tightly wrapped arms around his waist.

A couple of minutes later, Rafa parked the bike outside a brick building with a big sign reading 'THE ECHOPLEX presents CLIPPING.'

You could hear the music boom from inside. "Is this a concert venue?" you asked him.

"Yep," he said, "you and I have tickets for the hottest shit in L.A."

"Oh, don't tell me you're going to try and convert me into a rap-lover?" you laughed, "I haven't even listened that much to your playlist."

"I'm not going to covert you," Rafa smirked, "Diggs is."

"Oh, we're meeting up with Daveed?" you said not really sure if you were excited about seeing him or disappointed that you'd have to share Rafa with him.

"...Kind of," Rafa said mysteriously.

"I'm intrigued," you said as you handed him your helmet.

He put it on the bike and took your hand, "Come on, we're late. The show's already started."

He showed the bouncer two laminated tickets and handed you one of them afterwards, "put this around your neck."

"Backstage pass?" you arched an eyebrow as you read the inscription, "really?"

"I came to impress," he laughed, "you want something to drink?"

"A beer would be lovely," you nodded, looking at the stage where a man was rapping rapidly to weird noises and sounds. You weren't really sure that this was anything for you.

Rafa came back a short while later and handed you a local beer. "I brought you an IPA," he laughed, "I figured you'd appreciate my average white-male taste."

"I like IPAs too," you laughed, "this music on the other hand is..." your voice trailed off.

"What, you don't like it?"

"No, Rafa," you laughed and pointed towards the stage, "what the hell is this shit because it surely isn't music! Don't tell me that you actually find this good."

"You did not just say that!" he looked at you with an amused face.

"What?"

"Have you even seen who's performing?" he laughed whole-heartedly and pointed towards the stage.

The guy rapping shirtless at the front was spitting bars and hyping people up, and first then did you realise that you knew him, "Hold up! Is that Daveed?"

Rafa laughed at you, his hand coming to a rest on the small of your back as he leaned in and whispered in a teasing voice, "I'm going to tell him that you think his music's shit."

"You wouldn't dare," you leaned threateningly close and squinted your eyes at him.

"Oh, but I would - so you better behave," he said devilishly, his gaze wandering between your lips and your eyes, clearly thinking about kissing you. When you noticed, it once again took everything in you to pull back and turn towards the stage instead. Out the corner of your eye, you saw Rafa take a deep breath before turning to the stage as well with a somewhat pained expression in his eyes. He slowly found the rhythm of the music, head bopping in time with the beat while he started quietly rapping along.

-

"I can't believe he's a rapper," you laughed when the concert was over and you were heading towards the backstage area, "normally he looks so... innocent - but up there he's so... raw!" You laughed and felt the many beers that you and Rafa had shared.

"Easy girl," Rafa laughed, "don't go change me out for Diggs.”

You sent him a look that he most certainly was familiar with by now.

"I know," he chuckled, "just friends. That's what I meant," he lied, "come on, they're in here," he pushed open the door to the band's private room.

"Alright, guys!" Rafa yelled in best hype-man style as he waltzed across the room to the mini fridge in the back, walking as if the owned the room, "well done. Great show! Even my homegirl here agrees."

You waved to the three guys, "very nice show. Love the energy."

"Glad you enjoyed it," Daveed nodded, "Rafa mentioned that you don't really get rap music - did we manage to change your mind?"

"I think the show was really great," you said slowly trying to figure out a way to not hurt his feelings.

"It's not for everyone. I get it, no worries," he laughed, "Just don't tell Rafa; it would just break his heart."

"Hey - quick question," you whispered, "what do you think would rile Rafa up the most: criticising rap music in general or criticising his beloved chili sauces?"

It made Daveed chuckle, "hot sauce! For sure. Did you not hear his lecture the other day? He takes that shit very seriously and just goes on and on and on to anybody that'll listen."

"Who are you guys talking about?" Rafa emerged at your side, casually draping his arm across your shoulder as he handed you and Daveed a beer each.

"No one," you and Daveed said in unison.

"Are you plotting against me?" Rafa chuckled, "should I be concerned?"

"No," you both said at the same time looking excitedly at each other.

"Right..." Rafa pulled you just a little closer to him, clearly wanting to show his friend that he needed to know his place - subconsciously or not, you did not know.

"So... what do you guys usually do after concerts?" you asked, hoping to break the tension you felt in Rafa who was now pressed completely up against your side.

"We get high," Daveed laughed, "I was just about to ask..."

"Don't worry, I didn't take you here to get high," Rafa interrupted his best friend and sent you a smile.

"It's okay! If it's what you usually do, I don't mind."

"Are you sure?" Rafa shot you a look, "it feels like kind of a dick move on my part to meet up with a bunch of my friends and get high when we're on a date."

"I thought you were just friends," Daveed mumbled without looking up from the cone he was folding.

"He gets it," you smiled and sat down on the sofa next to Daveed.  

"Okay, sure," Rafa nodded and sat down next to you with a small laugh, "I guess I could get high too if you're definitely up for it."

"I am," you sent him a grin.

"Alright, let's do this," Rafa said and draped his arm around your shoulders.

"Oh god, I haven't done this since I was twenty," you were slightly nervous as you eyed the blunt that Daveed was now lighting up.

"So last year?" Rafa teased.

"Easy grandpa, I'm 29."

"Ah yes, so young and innocent. So easy to manipulate!" he sighed, "I remember when I was your age."

"And you're what? Four years older than me?" You arched an eyebrow at him.

"Yes, but the years between 29 and 33 are really what define you as a person," he smiled and put his arm back around your shoulder.

Daveed took a puff of the joint before handing it to you, "Here you go," he said, "It's strong so you probably don't need that much."

You inhaled slightly, resisting the urge to cough before you quickly exhaled a mouthful of smoke already feeling its effects, "oh damn," you said as you already felt yourself growing relaxed and careless. You quickly took your second puff before passing it along to Rafa who was clearly more experienced than you were. He puffed it twice as well before he passed it on to Daveed's band mate Will. You held out your fingers, ready for hit number three.

Rafa raised an eyebrow at you, "are you sure?"

"Yep," you said, your speech a little slurred but you were sure you could take it.

The third hit of the joint hit you like a truck, "oh fuck," you exhaled as you felt a wave of warmth wash over you.

"You okay?" Rafa laughed at you as he took hit number four himself. His eyes were bloodshot but apart from that, he kept it together.

"Yep," you said as you slumped on the sofa.

"You look like a slug," Rafa mimicked you, arms hanging to the side, his chin pressed tightly against his sternum.

"But a cute slug," you pouted.

"The cutest," he snickered, his hands brushing slightly against your knuckles before his fingers entangled themselves in yours.

"Mmmh," you hummed at his touch, all thoughts of what you should or shouldn't do, gone. You couldn't remember if you'd ever been this carefree and relaxed before. Especially when his thumb was caressing your hand as he sent you a cute smile.

Looking into Rafa's bloodshot eyes, you reminded yourself that you needed to keep your cool. You were both drunk and high. You shouldn't be doing this no matter how much you wanted it. So you retracted your fingers from his and sat up straight on the sofa. "I need a beer," you mumbled and walked over to the fridge in the far corner.

"Yeah, bring me one too," Daveed called, "- maybe an entire round. My main man Will is looking a little thirsty over here," he nodded towards his band member who was clearly experiencing cotton mouth.

You looked back at the men in the sofa and counted each of them; thus you picked up four beers and slowly walked back to them. Rafa was staring at you through heavy-hooded eyelids with a smug expression on his face. He was looking very very fuckable as he slid down further on the sofa, spreading his legs slightly as you neared him. You really just wanted to say fuck it all and jump him - but no, you weren't going to go down that road. You had made a promise to each other. A promise you intended to keep no matter how high you were.

You sat down a beer in front of each of the men before realising that you had forgotten one for yourself. Giggling slightly at your own high, you returned to the fridge where you bent over and picked up yet another beer.

"Are you on a mission to torture me?" Rafa's hush voice sounded from behind you, "because bending over like that twice in a span of thirty seconds is just plain mean..."

"What?" You turned around, now face to face with him.

He stepped closer, "I'm sure you're aware of the effect that you have on me. Especially when you bend over like that."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," you said innocently, an involuntary smile spreading slowly on your lips as you took in his pained expression.

"Fuck!" he hissed, "That - that - is exactly what I'm talking about," he stepped as close to you as he possibly could without touching you, "half the time you look so innocent and doe-eyed and then suddenly - boom - your innocence is replaced by these... mewling sex-kitten looks and fuck it's hard to keep my hands to myself when we both know what we want - Regardless of your code," he ended up sighing.

He still wasn't touching you but the way he was moving his face told you that he was fighting hard to not kiss you. And to be honest, you were fighting too.

"It's not on purpose," you said, looking up at him, "I'm not so evil that I'd dangle bait in front of you on purpose and then get angry when you bite into it."

"I don't care that you're not doing it on purpose," he grinned and licked his lips, "you're still doing it. And I really want to fuck you right now."

"Too bad you can't," you said.

"You're really strong-willed, aren't you?"

"You don't move half-across the globe for a project you've lost interest in if you're not strong-willed."

He leaned in closer, lips hovering above yours but never touching, "fuck, it's so hard not to touch you..." he groaned, "I hate being friends with you."

"I hate being friends with you," you said softly, almost giving in and closing the distance.

Your moment of weakness, however, was interrupted by Daveed who gave out a loud whistle to get your attention. "Rafa!" he bellowed, "Party's moving downtown."

Rafa grunted in response, turning his attention back to you, "do you want to go?"

"Not really," you said, gulping up at him.

"Me neither..." Rafa responded and fidgeted with the hem of your t-shirt, "do you want to come back to mine?"

"That sounds dangerous," you smiled and avoided his gaze, instead fixating on the thin golden necklace he was wearing.

"I won't try anything," he grumbled above you, "I promise - okay? We could just... watch the rest of the movie from the other night."

You looked up at him, his eyes bloodshot but soft as he watched you contemplate your answer. "Okay," you ended up whispering, already knowing that you were now doomed. You just couldn't help yourself with him. Especially not when high and with alcohol coursing through your veins.

Rafa sent you a smirk, "good girl," he whispered darkly, sending shivers down your spine. "Diggs, we're not coming."

"Right," Daveed nodded, "see you guys later. Have fun," he shot you a smirk.

Rafa quickly ordered an Uber while you pulled on your leather jacket and started walking towards the exit. Rafa was walking behind you, his gaze almost burning a hole in your jeans as you swung your hips a bit more vigorously than you normally would've done. Not to get his attention, you told yourself.

When you arrived outside, the car was already waiting for you. You both got in the backseat, and intentionally left the middle seat empty between you. No need to tempt the devil.

You hadn't driven for more than a couple of seconds, however, before you noticed that Rafa was already having a hard time sticking to his promise of not trying anything with you, "I didn't even get a chance to tell you how amazing you look tonight," he put his neck on the headrest and looked over at you.

"Thanks," you smiled at him, "you look very handsome yourself."

His hand twitched in his lap as if he had decided to reach out and touch you had but reconsidered at the last possible moment. With a sigh, he turned his head and looked out the window instead, completely silent for the rest of the journey to his place.

[ectoflowermaid]

Homestuck 4th of July Headcanons

John: brought those little popper things to throw at unsuspecting ppls feet. He is v frustrated to find that the trolls don’t jump at all bc they’re so used to hearing strange and sudden loud noises that this is baby shit to them. Of course, John simply takes this as a challenge to up the ante aka slip them into ppls shoes when they aren’t looking. “Hey uhhh Terezi why aren’t you wearing any shoes?” “I don’t know john, I just like to feel the earth beneath my humble feet”

Jade: lovesssss fireworks she found some old ones on her island once and tried setting them off but it was meh, these are so much better and everyone is here to share the experience with her! Helps Jane barbecue up some veggie burgers and some hot dogs for everyone and Definitely Does Not slip any of the scraps to the Becs. Nope. None. At all.

Dave: is decked head to toe in obnoxious USA gear. Has an American flag muscle shirt with an eagle dramatically superimposed in front of it. Has a head band with flags attached by boingy springs at the top. He is wearing red white and blue jorts and his regular sunglasses have been replaced by super shitty jpeg ones that spell USA. Karkat looks at him, utterly disgusted, and says Dave what the Fuck are you wearing. Dave. What the fuck. Also, those Strider boys sure do love sparklers because he and Dirk have All of the sparklers. All of Them.

Rose: as a light player, digs it. As someone who doesn’t want to be reminded of her land bc she didn’t complete her quest, not so much. But she has to be cool about it bc Kanaya has never seen fireworks before and fuck if she’s going to let her very Gay girlfriend, with whom she is in Lesbians, have her first fireworks soiled in ANY WAY. And if there’s a few fireworks that look like purple and green eldritch horrors,,,,it’s a coincidence. Maybe. Dave says hey rose uhh you didn’t have anything to do with those creepy as fuck looking ones did you. Rose flutters her lashes. Why, no Dave. Of course not. I have never ever done anything like that ever in my life ever. Smiles v sweetly.

Kanaya: first of all, is a little frustrated that apparently these “fireworks” are capable of multiple colors when they light up, but she’s not?? That doesn’t seem fair but whatever it’s Fine. Rose thinks she’s being sneaky about her anxiety around fireworks but Kanaya totally picks up on it and Very Subtly tries to comfort her. Ahem. Rose, I Understand That You Totally Do Not Feel Uncomfortable About This Situation, Wink Wink, But Allow Yourself To Feel Comforted By My Presence. Not That You Need It, Obviously. Your Human Emotions Are A Mystery To Me. (To those wondering if Kanaya winked physically or just said the word wink out loud, the answer is Yes).

Karkat: this is so stupid why do all the fireworks have colors. Where are the gray, nondescript fireworks. What if the fireworks don’t want everyone knowing their goddamn fucking business. “Dude, you might be overthinking this, they’re just fireworks” hey Fuck You, Dave, I don’t give a shit if they’re your MOTHER who I had HUMAN INTERCOURSE with last night even though she is SO MEDICALLY OVERWEIGHT. *whispering* (john did I do those “your human female ancestor” jokes right). John wipes away a single tear. Yes karkat, your “yo mama” jokes were great. They were perfect. I’m so proud.

Terezi: she absolutely did try to lick a sparkler. everyone watched, horrified, but she just sort of shrugged and went “meh”. She and Vriska are watching and feeling,,,a weird déjà vu kind of thing? Like maybe they’ve seen this before?

Jane: has been barbecuing up some good eats all day! She’s got veggie burgers for Roxy and Jade (and some snausages just in case), she’s got hamburgers for the trolls who actually prefer them as rare as possible because let’s face it, they’ve got the teeth of bloodthirsty carnivores. She has bratwurst for herself, hot dogs for Dave bc he’s a baby with no taste for fine food, and just a big assortment of stuff for everyone. Dirk helps cook and he’s got one of those weird anime girl aprons and it’s awkward for everyone involved.

Jake: burns himself on every single sparkler. every single one. Dagnabbit! These foolish things really are a trick to get going, aren’t they? Dirk just nods and agrees with him as he and Dave share nervous looks and hide their hordes of sparklers. Jake has successfully managed to burn every single finger and also a couple toes. Karkat laughs at him for being bad at this despite being unable to light any himself. They both receive pre lit sparklers and have a sparkler duel. It’s Bad. They smell like burnt hair for weeks after.

Dirk: Sparklers Georg, aka Dirk, who lights approximately 99,999 sparklers per celebration and is an outlier that should not have been counted, tells Jake uhhhh yes. They’re very tricky to light. You’re absolutely right and I am a Fool. He hides the 37 currently lit sparklers behind his back. Roxy begs him to put away his anime girl apron. Dirk. Dirk. Her titties. They’re so anatomically incorrect. You’re not even straight. Yes, he tells her. I know. That’s what makes it Ironic™. She throws her shoe at his head. John yells fuck! in the distance because there goes his secret poppers prank.

Roxy: definitely knew that john put the poppers in her shoes. Brought so many glow sticks and has to explain to Kanaya, no you can’t drink them. No I really don’t think that it will help you glow different colors. Please- oh god no. On the bright side, Kanaya’s tongue glows for the rest of the night. Watches the fireworks while sitting in a tree because Callie likes to feel tall.

Sollux: chills with Aradia in the back bc we all know that she loves to watch things blow up. Sollux kinda grumbles that it’s just a bunch of chemicals and science shit and it’s really not that impressive and I could probably do the same thing with my psiionics I’m just saying. Just putting that out there in case anyone wanted to know. Aradia smiles and pats his shoulder reassuringly. No one cares, Sollux. Just shut up and watch the fireworks.

[ketchupismy911-blog]

Some weird info on german

1. Germans are direct

In the business world and in general, Germans are known as straight shooters and not the most diplomatic bunch. This tendency can sometimes come off as downright rude, especially in cultures where there is a stronger emphasis on indirect communication.

The reason is that Germans tend to be very goal-oriented in their interaction. They want to get right to the point, and not beat around the bush. Germany also doesn’t have as big a small-talk culture as for example the US, where it is much more common to talk to strangers on the street.

The upside of this tendency is that there isn’t that much to decode. A yes is a yes and a no is a no. It’s not meant as an affront or insult but merely serves to state the actual conviction of the speaker.

2. Germans love rules, organization, and structure

Germany has an abundance of laws regulating all aspects of life (see, for example, the German beer law below) and its people like to obey them. This tendency is one of the many leftovers from the values propagated by the Prussians. Prussia used to be a German kingdom known for its unusually well-organised and effective army.

The amount of over-regulation in Germany can sometimes lead to a certain inflexibility. On the other hand it is the Germans’ ability to organize and create structure which has earned them their reputation for being efficient.

This love of rules manifests itself in many ways. For example, crossing the street as a pedestrian at a red traffic light is frowned upon, even if no car is coming. Every house has at least four different garbage cans: plastic and metal, paper, organic waste, and general garbage. Plus, there is even a government office called Ordnungsamt, which literally translates to “office of order.”

3. Germans are punctual

Being on time is considered a virtue in Germany. They would rather be too early than too late. Punctuality is seen as a sign of respect to the person you are meeting. It does not mean that every German is good about this, but they will apologize if they arrive past the agreed-upon time.

On the same line of thought, train and bus schedules are given in exact minutes and yes, people do expect transportation services to be true to their schedule. However, the Deutsche Bahn (German rail service) has a reputation that their timetable is merely an approximate reference for when trains will arrive or leave the station.

4. Germans love football (soccer, that is)

“Football is a simple game. Twenty-two men chase a ball for 90 minutes and at the end, the Germans always win.” – Gary Lineker

By a wide margin, football is the number one most attended and practiced sport in Germany. It is so popular that it could be considered a national pastime. The German Football Association consists of more than 26,000 clubs and 178,000 teams. There are more football fan clubs in Germany than any other country.

In addition, the German football league, the Bundesliga attracts international superstars and is followed by many people outside of the Germany. The country’s national team is strong in international contests and has won four world cups. Did you catch their most recent victory? In recent years, women’s soccer has also been getting more attention as the women’s national team has two world titles to boast.

5. Germans are well-insured

Germany is a land of insurances. You can secure yourself against almost anything. Personal liability insurance, household insurance, legal insurance, life insurance, travel insurance, pet insurance, car insurance, bicycle insurance, unemployment insurance, you name it. Whether that is due to a special Teutonic need for protection and security is up for debate.

While it definitely makes sense to be insured for some fundamentals (health insurance and car liability insurance are mandatory in Germany), foreigners might think the fact that many Germans have their own personal insurance adviser is taking the whole thing a little too far.

6. Germans are distant

You may have heard that Germans are often described as being a little standoffish and cold. That might be because people’s personal space bubbles are larger here than in other countries. Therefore, Germans have a tendency to treat strangers rather formally, especially at first encounters and – as mentioned earlier – are not always big on small talk.

Though sometimes this might seem like they have sticks in places where they don’t belong, it just means they take a little longer to warm up to others. As a consequence, close friendships with Germans don’t necessarily happen overnight, but when they do form they are generally very genuine.

7.

Germans

love to drink beer

Hell yeah they do! And why wouldn’t they? They’re good at it.

Germany has over 1,300 breweries and more than 5,000 different brands of beer. The country even has a law about which ingredients may be used in the production of the beverage. The beginning of the so-called Deutsches Reinheitsgebot dates back to 1516. Talk about taking brewing seriously.

That being said, it’s no wonder that in 2009 the country ranked second place for beer consumption per capita in Europe, eclipsed only by the Czech Republic (and they invented Pilsner). Germans like beer so much that one of the first things they did after establishing colonies in China was build a brewery. To this day, Tsingtao is China’s second largest beer producer.

Apart from that, every German is able to open beer bottles with anything but a bottle opener (and we are not not talking twisty caps here).

8. Germans know how to bake bread

First, let’s make something clear: German bread is awesome. The variety, the taste, the quality, the fact that it is not squares in a plastic bag meant to be placed in a toaster all make it baking heaven. Studies say that lack of proper bread is the number one reason for homesickness among German students abroad.

Okay, that last fact was completely made up, but baking does have a long-standing tradition in Germany and bread is a big part of the traditional cuisine. Bakeries have tons of shelves full of all kinds of different loaves and rolls (which count as bread in Germany). Dark, white, sweet, savory, crunchy, soft, plain, or with all types of seeds – you can have it your way, any day!

A lot of bakeries will even open on Sunday morning just so that people can get fresh bread for their breakfast, even though, by law, all shops are usually closed on Sunday. I still think one could make a fortune by selling German-style bread next to every international student dorm at engineering colleges outside of Germany.

9. Germans love sausage

Unless you like living off potatoes and staple foods, traditional German food is an insult to vegetarians. Meat in general is a mainstay of German cuisine. However, sausage, or Wurst as it is called here, seems to have a special place in the heart of German meat eaters.

Don’t believe me? Watch this: Bockwurst, Wiener Wurst, Blutwurst, Cervelatwurst, Bratwurst, Currywurst, Weißwurst, Brühwurst, Kinderwurst, Sommerwurst, Rostbratwurst, Mettwurst, Teewurst, Fleischwurst, Jagdwurst, Leberwurst.

And that was just from the top of my head.

As a foreigner and newcomer to German culture, it can be hard to sift through the true and false ideas about traditions, customs, and behaviors. You certainly have to be careful with stereotypes, but now you at least know some of the truer stereotypes you can expect to encounter on occasion in Germany. Now that we’re done playing our little game of true and false, let’s play another game: I double dog dare you…to make some German friends, learn more about their country, and confirm or adapt your ideas about German culture through firsthand experience.

Download: This blog post is available as a convenient and portable PDF that you can take anywhere. Click here to get a copy. (Download)

And One More Thing…

How would you like to explore authentic German culture while learning German at the same time?

FluentU takes great videos and turns them into language learning experiences so that you can learn real German as people really speak it.

You can start enjoying the same content that native speakers actually watch, right now. We’ve got everything from Volkswagen commercials to funny YouTube videos, scenes from “Guardians of the Galaxy” and the hit song “Let It Go” from “Frozen.”

[junker-town]

I tried to eat every hot dog at the NBA All-Star Game and lived to tell the tale

Why would you eat all the hot dogs at Staples Center? ...Why not?

Attending the NBA All-Star Game for the first time, I thought to myself: “Is there anything at the actual event that I can be the All-Star of?” Being a bigger dude, the easy answer was eating a bunch of foods at sporting events. Specifically, hot dogs.

Luckily for me, Staples Center offers a variety of dogs. Some are simple — just a plain ol’ dog with relish and mustard — and others are the equivalent of a small Thanksgiving dinner packed into a bun. So I decided to eat them. All of them.

Let’s get started, shall we?

1. Duck and Bacon Jalapeńo Sausage — Wurstküche

Sweet peppers, grilled onions, and whole grain mustard

Any hip 20-something Angeleno has taken a trip to Wurstküche. It’s a restaurant located downtown and it has a great selection of beers and exotic sausages. You can order a rattlesnake, rabbit, and jalapeńo hot dog to go along with your pint of Schneider Edel Weisse.

This pop-up located in Staples Center didn’t have the range of exotic sausages. In fact, their entire food menu is two hot dogs. One of which is the duck, bacon, and jalapeńo.

This looks fake healthy. I can do this, though there is a lot of bread which I fear is what will eventually do me in during this marathon. The peppers and onions look delicious, but the sausage itself looks gray, like it’s telling me not to eat it. But I’m not a sucker.

I liked the peppers more than the sausage, to be honest. Like, I could eat a hot dog of just those peppers. (Are spicy peppers inside a bun technically a hot dog? You know what, never mind). This also might be because at the end of the hot dog, I was left with just bun and peppers.

2. Mac N’Cheese Dog — Dave’s Doghouse

Three cheese mac, bacon bits, old fashioned yellow mustard

This hot dog is way smaller than the first, but I’m already hesitant to take a first bite. Mac and cheese is heavy as a side dish. Bacon is also heavy as hell. Combining all of them into one dog is just a testament to mankind’s desire to test the limits of how sluggish someone can feel after a meal.

There’s a dense amount of mac and cheese on the hot dog itself, so much that I could barely see the actual dog. From an aerial view it’s just bacon chunks and mac and cheese. I’m not complaining though.

One bite in and I can already envision a lot of heavy breathing. I feel like i just ate a really hearty dinner. The sausage itself is more traditional than duck and bacon, which I appreciate. Everything else is doing the heavy lifting. And I am just heavy at this point.

3. California Dog — Dave’s Doghouse

Josiah’s signature all beef chili, onions, old fashioned yellow mustard

hahahaha I thought the mac and cheese hot dog was going to be the challenge. This hot dog is straight up insulting me now. I can see why they call it a California Dog. The smell of it reminds me of a Original Tommy’s chili cheeseburger which doesn’t get any more Californian unless you’re hanging out in traffic on a freeway near a beach.

I’ve been staring at this hot dog for way too long and haven’t taken a bit out of it.

The chili in this is really good and the onions don’t overshadow anything. After I finished it, I felt both proud and ashamed of myself. This must be what it feels like to be the world’s most crafty thief.

Intermission: Churros

I took a break from devouring another hot dog to eat two churros. I was expecting a lot of crunch but this wonderful desert just dissolved in my mouth like a cloud. It’s the lightest thing i’ve eaten (not sure if that’s a good thing or not), and it’s a well-needed break.

The second churro tasted as though someone removed my taste buds, placed them inside a transparent box, and then proceeded fill the box with a ton of glitter for an Instagram boomerang. It was a lot of sugar. Time to keep eating hot dogs.

4. Dave’s Dog — Dave’s Doghouse

Sweet relish, onions, old fashioned yellow mustard

Just when I thought I hit a wall, this hot dog enters my life. As opposed to the other ridiculously gluttonous Dave’s doghouse items, this one seems like just any ol’ hot dog, which I appreciate. I actually took the time to enjoy this one. This was a lot like the regular hot dogs that the Staples Center concessions offer, just smaller.

5. Poblano Chorizo Mac & Cheese Dog — Dave’s Doghouse

I had to take a few trips to order all these hot dogs, and for some reason I didn’t see this particular hot dog until the penultimate trip. I had already eaten one hot dog with mac and cheese and now I have to eat another? And this dog is chorizo?!

Thankfully, this one was actually really good. So good, that I didn’t care about anything other than the contrast of creaminess from the mac and spice from the chorizo.

6. Classic Dog — Dave’s Doghouse

Onion, sauerkraut, old fashioned yellow mustard

This one was fine.

7. Skyscraper Dog — EATS

Yellow mustard, relish, onions

For what it’s worth, EATS offers two hot dogs. One is a called a downtown dog. It’s a plain hot dog. The skyscraper dog, the one I bought, is also a plain hot dog, just in a bigger size. I was looking forward to this hot dog from the very beginning because it’s a quintessential sporting event meal. It doesn't look as appetizing as all the others but it’s the most recognizable — in looks and in taste — of the bunch.

I enjoyed it, thought not as much as I had hoped since I was full at this point in the evening.

8. Artisan Bratwurst — Wurstküche

Bratwurst: fine cuts of pork, coriander & nutmeg. Topped off with sweet peppers, grilled onions, and whole grain mustard

It’s the fourth quarter and I can’t feel my face.

The employees of Dave’s Doghouse wear shirts with an anthropomorphic hot dog named The Dogfather. I think The Dogfather put a hit out on me.

I stared at this hot dog for a good portion of the fourth quarter. There’s a lot of flavor in this brat and the combination of the sausage, peppers, onions, and all that bread made it really difficult to eat. But just when Team LeBron and Team Stephen got serious late in the game, so did I. I was going to eat this hot dog and walk out of Staples Center a concessions champion.

I finished it! And the ending to the All-Star Game got me so pumped that I could barely remember that I had just eaten eight hot dogs. Or maybe it was the fact that I had just devoured eight dogs that made me forgetful. Regardless, I still had one final mission: to go outside and find a hot dog vendor right outside Staples Center.

I didn’t expect it, but there was one problem as I stepped out: it was raining.

It wasn’t raining hard, but the slight drizzle made it hard to find anyone outside, and this was just after the game had ended. Everyone already found their cars and were headed home. I walked a few blocks and found nothing.

But just as I was about to give up, I found one stand preparing to close up shop.

9. Hot dog — parking lot across the street from Staples Center

Bacon-wrapped hot dog, mustard, mayonnaise, ketchup, pico del gallo, guacamole, sliced pickled jalapeños, and a roasted whole jalapeño on the side

Even before I ate the eight other hot dogs, I knew this one would be crowned the best. There’s no better hot dog in Los Angeles than one sold in a cart outside your favorite arena or club. If you’ve had a few drinks earlier in the evening, this dog will be your saving grace.

It’s the perfect mess of a meal.

Also, the person who made the hot dog was so nice, he saw how happy I was eating the hot dog by his cart that he took a photo of me and then showed it to me on his phone. I’d like to think he knew that I was on the tail end of an excruciatingly delicious trek. The hot dog gods brought him along to say, “good job, Hector, and good night.”

[theoldaeroplane]

HARDWIRED - 9. Beautiful

Somehow, the morning passes. It ebbs into the rest of the day, and at about two o'clock is when the storm rolls in, having given no warning that it would be doing so.

Dell is in the kitchen when the first raindrops start to hammer the windows. His first thought is that the grass needs it; his second is of April vomiting in the car as they rolled over a bridge in a rainstorm. He drops the bratwursts he was fixing and walks a little too quickly to go and find her.

It's a two-bedroom apartment, with one of those rooms being more or less a storage closet for his more sensitive equipment. In truth he expects to find her either here, behind the walls of cardboard boxes, or in the bathtub with the door locked, where the sound cannot reach her so easily. When he finds her at the window in his bedroom, it would be a disservice to simply label it a surprise.

He calls her name, careful and testing; and she turns halfway, a vague *hey* on her tongue before she looks again out where the rain beats down. Dell sidles up next to her. "Wouldn't have expected you watching it," he says.

She shrugs.

"Still okay?"

"Yeah. I'm okay."

They stand there, side by side, and watch the rain fail.

---

It's not until after dinner that they circle back around to the topic that waits for them. Rain still taps the glass. April has not been ignoring what needs to be said, exactly; it's just a lot. She's trying to line the pieces up, but it's not working very well. In the end she just says it.

"So is your whole family racist, or just your mom?"

Dell sighs. They're bedded down on the couch, and through a series of increasingly unsubtle maneuvers Dell has coaxed her head into his lap, where he now strokes her hair---he's been reading to her, a new habit of theirs. She can't remember the book's title, short stories, something by an O'Connell or O'Connor, but Dell has a good reading voice, and she likes to listen to him talk. His fingers pause when she speaks, and he lowers the book. "Mom got it from somewhere," is all he admits to at first.

"So yes."

"Not all of them. But a lot of them, yeah."

"I'm still causing you trouble," she says with half a smirk.

Dell snorts. "Believe me, if it weren't that it'd be something else. They'd find a reason."

"Why are you different?"

He's taken aback by the question, she can tell. He puts the book down, fully, and tilts his head back, offering her an unflattering angle of his face. "I got away in time, I guess," he says. "Scholarship out to a good college on the coast. Massachusetts, actually. That was a wake-up call, I'll tell you. Met a whole different set of people, and it got me thinking in new directions."

April hums, considering this---considering the thought of a Dell more like his mother. She can't see it. "What happened last night?"

"Oh, the third degree," he says, looking down at her again. "Whole family thought I was dead, they had a hell of a lot of questions. Couldn't give 'em great answers, either. I think they're under the impression I'm a government operative now. That or a communist spy."

"I bet those options will make you real popular."

He laughs and ruffles her hair, and when she pushes herself up and settles onto his lap she can see the distance in his eyes. "We could leave," she says.

"Yeah? And go where?"

"I don't know. Anywhere. California."

"What's in California?"

"Elvis."

He laughs again, though she can still hear the strain in it. "So," he says, neatly sidestepping the suggestion, "you're my girlfriend, huh?"

"What, is there a better word?"

"Mmm. Don't know. Paramore. Beau."

"Those are stupid."

"Yeah," he says, grinning, and his face does something that leaves his eyes lidded and turns April's face hot. "Lover?"

"God! That's even worse!"

"I don't mind it," he tells her, just before drawing her in to kiss her.

---

The book is forgotten on the floor.

The couch is just barely long enough to accommodate April on her back; her heels spill off the edge. Her breathing is shallow and comes through her mouth, each exhale skimming Dell's neck at the angle: he's over her, kissing along the slope of her throat. Each part of her body thrums with a faraway electricity, hungry. Her lips are wet and tender, remembering the taste of his just a few moments ago.

His lips brush the part of her neck that is no longer quite skin, and her fingers catch in his shirt.

Dell stops. She can just glimpse the shape of his eyes in the lamplight. "Been meaning to ask," he says, the words fighting through the husky bass of his voice. "Been trying not to touch these, on your face, at least. Wasn't sure if you'd want me to."

April's eyes trace faded smoke stains on the ceiling, marks of a previous tenant. "Do you want to?"

"Of course," he says. "But that's not what I asked."

When she does not answer at once he settles down, literally, nudging and arranging until he is lying atop her. He's heavy, and it's not particularly comfortable, but she likes the pressure that pins her to the cushions. "I don't know," she says at last. Her arms loop around his neck. "No one's really ever done it."

"Yeah?"

"It happened a couple months after Boston. Did I ever---do you know why I always wore the mask? Did I ever tell you?"

It's not where he'd expected the conversation to go, that's obvious enough by the arch of his eyebrows. "No," he says. "No, never did."

"I thought … whenever I looked in a mirror I thought the burn was still fresh. That's what I saw, I mean, even after they let me out of the hospital." She touches her own ruined cheek, eyes still on the ceiling. "I don't know why."

"Do you still?"

"No. Just scars." She pauses, circling the question she isn't sure she wants to ask. She sidesteps it. "I don't really remember what I looked like without them."

"Beautiful," Dell says without much thought. The word hits her like a bullet. She gets no chance to recover. "Same as now. I've been wondering, though, I don't---I realize this sort of thing can be delicate. Scars, and such. And I don't want to upset you by saying the wrong thing about them, doing the wrong thing."

"Yeah."

"There anything I shouldn't be doing?"

"Don't call me beautiful again," she says, eyes still on the ceiling.

[silverhands-etcetera]

Walking After Midnight.

I am so dehydrated. I took pretty good care of myself for the first three days of the tour. Water, exercise, etc. Things fell off on that first Sunday -what happened then? oh yeah, let’s blame France..

Switzerland was all sunny skies and parasailers as we split from Interlaken. In a couple hours we were back in France, and in a heavy rain out on the highway. We got a tray of sandwiches from the gig, so we avoided paying Switzerland prices for lunch, and headed back into the land of the Euro, -specifically, France again. on the way to Saarbruken, Germany.

Bottles of water inside the van & torrents of rain outside. It’s all grey and we’ve got PJ Harvey setting the audio moods, it’s working perfectly. I know that all of us in the band don’t meet in the middle on every kind of music. When we crossed into France the first time, coming from Germany, Aimee & I were in the front seat, she was driving (3rd position) and we were cranking out the Scorpions as a last shout out to Germany. In fact, we were listening to “Blackout” at the moment we crossed the border. I love the Scorpions. I’m not certain that everybody (or anybody) who was in the back seat at the time can even stand them.

We listen to a lot more music in this van than most band vans I have been in. Tastes vary, but I think everybody in here is gonna be cool as long as nobody plays the Eagles. There’s a world of stuff out there that I don’t know well, or know about at all. I don’t even have much music on my phone & I rely on these guys to curate the playlist for the long drives. I don’t take the time to listen to music on my own anymore, it’s a thing I need to change in my life. I count on time with my friends to keep music flowing into my ears.

—

By the time the roads straightened out & the mountains were down to reasonable levels, the sun was poking through the clouds. We were back in Germany -basically in Saarbrucken and it was early afternoon. The town is just minutes across the French border, and we were booked to play an Irish pub. Showtime wasn’t until 10 pm, and we were rolling in at 3:30. Idle hands..

The road into our part of town had us passing by a little platz with a Woolworth, a pharmacy, a bratwurst stand & a couple other odd stores. Streets extended out in every direction from the square, with retail possibilities on every corner, and then some. The town had a lot to offer, it seemed.

We checked into a bnb just up the street from the platz, and were hit by a deafening odor of sweet rot as we cleared the threshold of the building, that followed us up the stairs to our top floor room, but mercifully did not permeate our dwelling space. Every trip up & down the stairs was an exercise in lung capacity, as we all held our breath for the whole duration of the space between our apartment door & the street.

The lodging itself was lovely, modern & clean. But talk within the band centered around speculation over what the source of the odor in the hallway was. Best we can tell, it was a pile of garbage/dead things, or spoiled kimchee. Jokes about stinky things are the best. Basic humor that you can loop back around to with every new turn in a conversation.

—

Sherri & Aimee & I set out walking down to the little platz that we passed on the way in. I saw a Woolworth’s down there (I know, right?) and I wanted to look for a belt. I thought I could do without one on this trip, but my new jeans were a little contrary to this. Aimee saved me early on in the trip by offering me the one that she brought with her, and I was making it do. But everyone’s gotta keep their own pants up, so I needed to find my own. I wouldn’t wanna make my bad planning be responsible for somebody else’s saggy britches, we need to all look our tip-top, rock & roll best every day on this trip.

The Woolworth’s was a bust for good belts for me, but Sherri did find a cool backpack, and we kept on moving down the street. Lots of wonderful looking bakeries & candy shops all around the square, but no groceries visible to us. Down one of the side streets was a €1 store, and there was a rack of nylon strap belts right at the door. Nothing to write home about, but I reckon it’ll keep the gravity off of my pants until I get home, and the sign on the rack said it was only €1. I picked a grey one & took it to the cashier, who rang it up and gave me a number that was definitely not 1, or 1 plus tax. We had a very short talk in two languages where she tried to explain to me why it was so, and I tried to tell her I wasn’t gonna be buying the belt.

We went back out to the street, where the proprietor of the next shop had a rack of clothing out on the sidewalk, and a beautiful grey/brown Labrador was lounging unperturbed on a long bench. It was a second hand store, and most of the stuff on the rack was just random women’s clothing, but hanging on the end was an old black leather belt, with a simple chrome buckle. It might be just a large child’s belt, and it has been modified with extra holes to extend its grasp a few inches from its original design, but it fit me perfectly on the center hole. I told the shopkeeper that I would buy the belt if I could take a picture with her dog, and she more than happily obliged. I got to make a new friend. She was a quiet & noble dog who left me with a kiss on my ear as I snapped the photo.

With my new-found trouser security, we carried on down the street to see what else the town had for us. Plenty of bars, and a few closed restaurants, still more bakeries. We’d passed a vegetable shop on the way, & we decided to head back to round up some healthy fixings to take back to the apartment. An older couple were working the counter together, where we made our requests deli-style, through bits of English & French answered to us in German by the sweet woman who was gathering and carefully selecting every potato or onion as though her livelihood depended on our return business. We managed to pull together all the components for a supper & a breakfast, paid our order and asked her where we could buy some beer.

“ah, bier!” she said, and waved us outside. Pointing back to the square she said “to the Voolvorth, in the basement”

The Woolworth’s was actually just the street level of a larger shopping center, an entrance to the side put us on an escalator (descender?) going down to a discount grocery store. We were just looking for something to drink with supper, and our bargain sniffing tendencies sought out the cheapest Pilsner in the stack, which was on a special sale. I selected two or three bottles, and then reconsidered. This is a pretty good deal, we should get more. As I was mulling this over, Aimee spoke up & asked “should we just get a whole case?” (Case=20 one-liter bottles) Of course, she was right to ask this, and wise in making such a suggestion.

A little quick math & conversion told me that we were looking at a transaction of roughly five gallons of beer for about seven dollars. At these prices we would be foolish not to spend the money we saved on a bottle of their finest $6 whiskey.

Nothing to see here, just three smallish americans carrying 20 liters of beer about seven blocks up to their rental flat for supper.

—

Saarbrucken is actually a bigger town than it appeared to be on our little walk around the square. GPS directions in the van put us out on a highway for several kilometers and dropped us in a totally different town square with a completely different feel. This place was bustling, Lots of high fashion shopping and bars that were leaning closer to the nightclub side of things than the local taverns we saw earlier.

We’re at Old Murphy’s, an Irish Pub, -which apparently any country can have. They share a pedestrian square with several other bars, and there’s no way to get a car within two blocks of the place. Michael pulled into the taxi lane & put on the flashers while the rest of us started hauling gear into and across the cobblestones, past the shops and their window dressings with ten foot tall models in their underwear staring us in the eye like vacant, capitalist Mona Lisas, and the early drunks reveling among the tables & chairs all across the square. The ground was still damp from rain, but the evening was warm. The carrying was fine, but rolling the big amp cases across the uneven stones had to be done frustratingly slowly. It’s all good though, the lengths it takes to get to and from the gig are what I feel like I get paid for. Once we go on, I’m just happy to be there.

The stage was in the basement, in a little cavern of a room with arched ceilings and stucco walls. PA speakers were already hung and a SUPER basic powered mixer was set up. Aimee had to move & stack a row of full beer kegs to build herself a bunker to set the drums up in, and once she was settled in, the only access or egress was made by climbing over the kit. We tucked Michael’s amp halfway under the ride cymbal, put the bass amp on the floor under the crash, and set Sherri’s amp on top of it, so I had a full stack of amps to lean against.

The staff was all hip, edgy-looking young dudes, with the right tattoos, and they set us up with a round of beers. After the first set, the younger looking one with the bun in his hair, told us that they’d never had a band as “huge” as us there before. I’m not sure if he meant huge measured in size, or in decibels, but he really loved us, so we took the compliment and he took the tip jar around the room to get us some extra cash.

People filed in and out of the packed basement all night, but the first three tables stayed glued to their seats watching the show. I reckon we were pretty loud for that space, even filled with bodies and chatter, as it was almost the entire evening. But I was enjoying opening up the songs a little, and I loved the proximity to the drums. I could feel a little concussion of air pushing onto me every time Aimee hit the rack tom. Sherri’s amp was actually shaking me as we played. The music was a physical experience. It was another marathon set, all the way to 1 am, and the boys at the bar kept the pints of Guinness coming.

—

We broke down the gear and Sherri sold a few records to the folks at the front tables. I never got their story -were they already fans? did they find the show by accident?

We rolled all the amps & gear out in about five trips, and came back to do one last check. I asked one of the bartenders if they could spare us a pitcher of ice, and he was kind of perplexed and asked my why. I told him we had a bottle of bad whiskey back at the house, and he gave me a solid nod.

I waited by myself with the last armload of gear until the bartender came back with our ice, in a plastic grocery bag, full to the top and tied off. Then off I went, some random american, carrying the shittiest functional hi-hat stand on the planet, & a rented yamaha drum throne over his left shoulder, with a bag full of ice in the other hand, walking alone across a square in Saarbrucken to his waiting friends.

[theclinicwebcomic]

>Realize this might not be a good situation

Your father stomps into the room.

"What's this I hear about you being with a foreigner! What have you done with him?!" "Kai, please..." your mother tries to reason with him.

>He's a great person!

"And who is he, exactly?!" "Why should I tell you...!" "You live under my roof, you follow my rules, young lady! Now, tell me who he is!"

Rin shouts from the other room.

"She's dating the Yarera guy from Elphegort! Now quiet down already, I'm tryna sleep!"

Thanks, sis.

> ==>

You make an "uwu" face. "What's... that supposed to mean?!" your father says, stifling a laugh.

> Dad... He's rich!

"I don't care! All foreigners are scum!"

>umu

You pout.

> But daddy I want money > Also he's h0t

"I've heard quite enough from you, young lady! Go to your room!"

He sends you to the back. You plop down next to Rin on your mat, and scream into a pillow.

>love our family

Grrr, it's so hard sometimes! Your father can be so difficult to deal with sometimes.

>love our mom and sister

Your mom spoils you rotten. You're closer to her than your dad, and honestly the two of you get along better. She teaches you stuff like how to cook and clean, which you like to do, because it's practical! Not because you want to please your future husband or anything.

Your sister is your partner-in-crime, aside from Haruko that is. The two of you have got each other's backs, but obviously you've got more responsibility for her since she's four years younger than you. She's always had a sharp tongue, so the two of you constantly fought when you were younger.

> ==>

It is now morning. You and your family are seated around the kotatsu, eating breakfast.

>"BUT DADDY I LOVE HIM"

"This again?! Miku, are boys all you can think about?"

> DADDY I WANT HIS BRATWURST AND I WANT IT NOW

"What are you talking about?! Honestly, Miku, you perplex me sometimes." "Dear, maybe it's best if we just eat in silence," your mother suggests.

> ==>

It is now mid-morning. You don't want to pester Kiji, so you decide not to visit him today.

Who do you visit in town?

>shops

LIST OF SHOPS - Soba shop - Hairpin shop - Jewelry shop - Tailor shop (closed) - Lantern shop - Book shop

> Maybe if we talk to Mermaid-san we'll get his bratwurst

She's disappeared! Honestly, you'd rather forget about her.

> Lantern shop

You visit the lantern shop! Inside are all sorts of lanterns - some are colorful and full of patterns, while some are simple and bare.

The shopkeeper nods at you. You nod back politely.

What do you buy?

> An intricate green lantern depicting the ocean

You purchase said item using your pocket money! The shopkeeper smiles at you.

You pass by your house and store it in your room. Should be useful for the fireworks festival in a few months.

> Think about bratwurst

As you stop by your house for lunch, you wonder what bratwurst is like, trying to wonder how it tastes...

"Miku, dear, please deliver this to Perrié-san!" your mother says, handing you a package.

Ugh, chores.

> Deliver the package.

You swing by the Freezis trade house, and... Perrié appears to be talking to a new employee of hers? It seems to be none other than Anan Octo, a samurai of the Octo clan!

"Please excuse me!" you say, knocking on the door. "Ah, come in, Miku-san! I was just orienting my new recruit!!" Perrié says, welcoming you in. "Please, have some tea."

"But there's no--" A Lucifenian-looking woman comes rushing into the room. "Sorry I'm late, everyone~!!"

> ==>

"Oh my, and who is this pretty face!!" the maid practically shouts. She extends her hand. "Pleased to meetcha!! The name's Bufuko~" "Ah, delighted... I'm Miku..."

>appreciate her pretty dress

"Why thank you!! A friend made this for me, you know~"

[scottishfoodreview]

#consEUme - That time we went to London and ate and drank our way around Europe.

If you are kind enough to follow our nonsense on the social media, you'll know this time two weeks ago we were finishing an epic food challenge. But for those of you who don't (and we really must enquire as to why you don't…) we have thoughtfully summarised the whole two and a half days in one post.

So here we go on our food challenge. 28 countries, 28 different lots of food and drink.

We started off with a visit to Champagne and Fromage in Greenwich to secure a cheeky doubler, ticking off two countries in one visit. Kachkéis is traditional in Luxembourg and a glass of champagne, obviously from France got us rolling. Some may say it's a cliché, others will give us a hearty pat on the back, but you know what, a cheeky pint of the black stuff meant that Ireland tasted great!

A trip across the city to Bayswater, and in the basement of the Latvian Institute we eat and drank country number four. We enjoyed Liellopu Galas Strogonovs - An amazing combination of Rice or Buckwheat in a creamy meat gravy, very much along the lines a stroganoff, with a smash of dill and some chunky pickles. Brilliant! We washed it down with a bottle of Valmiermuiza Amber Lager. Latvia tasted good.  

A few minutes later we were back on the  Queensway and headed to the Byzantium Cafe where we ordered a pair of Souvlaki and two cups of coffee you could chew on. That ticked Greece off the list.

So here's the rub, we couldn't eat 28 meals from 28 countries, even settling for the odd snack was going too be much, for two good reasons. The first was pure cost, if we sat down and have even a main course in each place, at London prices we'll go bust quicker than Northern Rock, so we need to be sensible with our choices. Secondly we pride ourselves on our toned and athletic physiques, honestly we really do…, OK that's a complete lie, but we did need to at least in someway consider the calorie intake over the course of the weekend.  As a result we decided it would be acceptable to drink some of the countries, hence the earlier Guinness. But we made a commitment to keep the food to drink ratio above 50%. It was a necessary measure as well as like some eighties yuppie we found ourselves in a Wine Bar in the City of London. Pretentious, Moi?

We decided just two countries here, although there phenomenal range meant we could have done the whole continent in one sitting! So Number 6 in our European tour was Slovenia and a dry smooth little white called Gue Rila and 7 was the Royal Tokaji from Hungary, it's like drinking honey, absolutely stunning! Perhaps having it with a Chocolate Brownie is sacrilege, but I really don't care

And that was us, #consEUme day one complete. Seven down, twenty one to go…

Day Two saw a big push around the markets to try and grab some street food, quick nibbles and the occasional drink to knock off some countries quickly.

portugalstaste at Greenwich Market squared us away with a Pastel De Nata and a Tigelada, and that saw us right for breakfast.

A quick jump west and we were at Maltby Street Market enjoying  Germany, land of the Sausage. Thanks to @hermanzegerman we have Bratwurst and a Currywurst, danke schöne! And quickly ducking over the border, OK we went into the railway arch opposite, we find @speckmobile and wonderful Austria serving up mixed dumplings, an applestrudel and two glasses of Schremser beer.

A short walk took us to Borough Market where we enjoyed a Halloumi wrap courtesy of @gourmetgoat gave us Cyprus and Kulin Sausage from Taste Croatia gave us 11 and 12.

A Delirium Beer from Belgium beer gave us number Thirteen.. I have to say it had quite some punch, but pretty smooth. I liked it.. 👍

It was an obvious choice to head over to @mercatometropolitano at Elephant and Castle. It was awfully restrained of us to pick just two #Spain and #Malta and enjoy the traditional combination of #churros and @cisk beer. We could have ticked of several other countries too, such is the variety of kitchens and bars in the place, but as we passed the halfway point we moved on...

To a little shop off the Queensway where we secured delicious, nutritious (it proudly announced it was 18% fat! ) Lithuanian ice-cream! That banked us number sixteen.

Some clever planning got us to the Czechoslovak National House in West Hampstead , where we enjoyed Svíčková - a slab of beef in a thick vegetable sauce, and also Halušky with pork belly bacon. Both were excellent and represent the best of the Czech Republic and Slovakia, oh and we washed it down with a suitable Pilsner as well.

Back on the tube and into the carnage of Piccadilly Circus to get to De Hems bar and a super strength Oedipus beer, which pretty much did us for the night and closed off day two with nineteen countries done.

Day three commenced at Casa Transylvania in Lewisham (see what they did there) but when asked about traditional breakfast dishes the nice guy says they don't do breakfast in Romania! Instead we are starting the day with cake and coffee!

The coffee was strong enough to dissolve your tongue. The cakes are what is best described as a super charged tiramisu and banana-custard in a roll. Massive slabs of flavour, and a huge dose of sugar. Good Morning World!

A tip off brought us into the Finnish Church in Rotherhithe and a light lunch of meatloaf, mash and a vegetable pancake, accompanied by some rye bread in marvellous company whilst scoring off country 21.

Back on the tube and north of the river to the Scandikitchen where we chalked up countries 22 and 23 - Denmark and Sweden.An open salmon sandwich with a sweet mustard and a smattering of dill, and a Danish with a hint of cardomon. Yummy

And of course because we are children we bought ourselves a Plopp!

Country 24 was Italy and Italy had to be pizza! So a short walk brought us to Flat Planet Pizza and a flat bread Soho Pizza with mozzarella, nduja sausage and salami. Boom! That nailed number 24, four to go…

Estonian Beer was a pig to find, but thanks to various leads and the power of Google we discovered Viru beer, and best still The Porterhouse in Covent Garden that sold it. A distinctly average beer has never tasted so good! ..  

Bulgaria had the potential to do our legs, just like Estonia threatened to do. However Perpericon saved us. It may advertise itself as a pizza place, and was a trek back south of the river, but if you ask for the "other" menu it is all Bulgarian. We enjoyed Sirenka - a feta and mozzarella stuffed garlic bread, Luteniza a red pepper puree dip, Elena is very similar to Parma ham, but with a herb coating and the Lukanka a meaty sausage. A fruity Bulgarian Pinot Noir washed it all down.

Two to go! And I make no apologies for getting two beers as our No. 27. Poland does brew a good beer and we got two great ones from the Polish Music Club in Streatham so that's well within the rules I reckon! They were self-imposed rules anyway... Twoje zdrowie!

So that's 27 down and left us with one.... What is a ubiquitous culinary delight for the whole of the UK? Obviously I'd go Neeps and Tatties and a Whisky if I was just Scottish, but it's not.. So what is more UK than Fish and chips (or as most of us know it, a fish supper) , pie and chips, a chip butty and some mugs of tea?

Job done - 28 of 28.

Two and a half days, 30km of walking and a large amount of public transport, but we managed it. A fantastic foodie adventure, which I'm not sure I shall match anytime soon.

But there is a question that has bugged me all the way back home. Did I have to go to London? Could I have done an EU food challenge in Scotland, let us know your thoughts.

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[screechinggoateeenemy-blog]

Cabbage Debris Farro Salad Smitten Kitchen area.

Years back, a French pal of mine presented me to Croque-Monsieur, the French version of a cooked pork and also Swiss sandwich. As well as if roasted sheep and also homemade olive array is your factor, this sandwich will make you happy (as well as well-balanced). Refined scrap and also fast food is readily offered, while the really good things - clean meat and also veggies, genuine, you recognize, food - requires prep job, cooking food, opportunity, and also the carrying out from dishes. Properly eliminate bread coming from baking sheet and on an also surface area, start to construct your club sandwich. Its own due to the fact that ur belly launches grehlin accordinged to previous training of food designs, u must carry out IF on a daily basis to obtain the grehlin entrained" to the brand-new dish design so this will certainly certainly not be actually released until ur dish opportunity, and also ur daytime appetite will, essentially, leave, your body system knows your habits, its own like the cars that have the transmissions that discover your driving behaviors and change the work schedule aspects appropriately, pretty trendy stuff. Certainly not due to measure for a full week, so no suggestion regarding weight loss however, yet I now have so much more control over my food items - I had actually been actually actually dealing with food craving, but somehow eating one food a time provides me a lot more personal management - unsure why, but as its working, which cares why! Our Swiss pal constantly picks a mouth watering collection from sausages which she thin pieces and then puts on the top of the raclette creator with veggies and also potaoes. Multigrain flatbread frames creamy mozzarella cheese, fresh basil, bright cherry tomatoes, as well as the tangy vinaigrette pulls the entire club sandwich with each other, making this a fantastic selection for lunch time or a light supper. I've created a few from your recipes over the final month or two, as well as they have actually been actually excellent-- off the coconut-avocado dessert to the vegetarian Caesar tossed salad. My Thanksgiving holiday dining table was the simply the testing room for the fantastic strategy I invite shop for Xmas. They produce the best lunches for the full week and they are actually a justification to combine chips and guac into your dishes.

You simply can't make a mistake with a savory bread dessert-- consider this as a cross in between holiday season stuffing as well as a goofy morning meal covered dish. Our company went vegan regarding 2 months earlier, and also I would certainly say this was the very best vegetarian food our team've prepared to this day. Currently that's my visit dish making for breakfast the night before I have an early work schedule at work. I likewise have not eliminated firing a recipe everywhere if I have a possibility, as I do not intend on leaving it behind completely. That weighs in at under 300 fats a dish, so pair it along with a side salad for an all-round meal. However, I have actually certainly never come accross an extra uninviting vein congesting nap generating morning meal in comparison to the typical FULL English breakkie or fry up. This features all or even a lot of the adhering to ... panned fry eggs/ panned fry pig sausage/ sausage rashers/ blood stream sauage/ baked grains/ seared tomatoes & mushrooms/ tribute along with butter and jam ... And to wash that down with a pint or two! This likewise looses its attraction as a no fuss, one dish food considering that I do not provide in cooktop leading pots, but I do in my pleasant baking dishes. Update club sandwich evening along with a passionate barbequed stacker filled along with chicken, ham, veggies, and a Dijon spread. I possessed a couple today with some sluggish cooked cherry tomatoes and it was actually a quite tasty morning meal with a wonderful green shake. Tempeh and seitan have come to be staple products for me, however my meals require even more vibrancy. Provide on click here now , or even include this to a peanut butter sandwich for a contact of sweet taste without loading that up with fats. Our experts completed the meal with 4 various kinds of puddings and also our whole entire household was actually extremely satisfied. Definitely the ideal weeknight meal i will certainly be reproducing. many thanks for the recipe as well as inspiration! I will drink coffee, herbal tea, or lemon water throughout the swift, as well as constantly damage this along with a good sized food (a minimum of an one-half pound from meat, veggies, perhaps some starch included). The focus from the recipe book is mouth-loving flavors and entire foods items teaming up to earn practical, approachable recipes. Decide on an outside chair if you would love to smoke along with your dish or even coffee, or remain inside for a smoke-free atmosphere. If you have the okay, at that point try this or even her beginner's schedules and do the reset within your dish plan. The Kaiseki meal was a 10-course dish, as well as a number of the training course included several factors. I iced up the brew in 16-oz deli containers, made use of the chickpeas that I needed to have for my dish tonight (adding circumference to a classical tossed salad), as well as iced up the staying chickpeas in water in delicatessens containers to thaw, throw in to soups, or even use at a second's notification. One thing our team are organizing to perform (though haven't started yet) is possess a veggie prepare gathering on Sunday. I am actually intrigued since I want to mess around with fasting, yet I do not would like to eat such a large meal near my bedtime. This elegant twist on the standard breakfast sandwich features delightful, tender caramelized onions and acute arugula. Lucky you possess a lot of strategy recipes, a kitchen space restoration may be therefore hectic particularly along with the infant! Later on that night Oddur prepares, exactly what he confesses, is actually a poor food from wild boar bratwursts, my leftover noodles and some other anomalies. Haha ... absolutely need to create these for my hubby at the same time ... he remains in a morning meal rut (inadequate guy).

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Why Damaging Interest Rates Don't Function.

Thailand has lots of photo options as it is among the absolute most vibrant countries I have ever before visited; reviewed this digital photography excursion of the nation off early 2013. He succeeded so very well in this issue of public rate of interest that the business gruffly recognized his qualities on 'Improvement; the registered nurse murmured his applauds as she provided the potion in the sick-chamber; the enthusiast endowed him at the hr of designated meeting; and the strenght-evablog.info community typically gave thanks to Owen for the preparation of supper time. Christmas time cookie dishes are actually the splendid recipes with all the kind of delicacies very excellent for Christmas holidays. Others felt that was actually a good, fresh adjustment of speed off some more spicy and also gingery offerings, and that this would be an excellent desert smoke after a good supper. Some strongly believe that 'dinner' is actually a dish along with people (eg anonymous has actually welcomed us round for dinner). Landmarc's area back then Warner Facility creates this a good place to appreciate passionate meals while taking a break from shopping. Gourmet chef Wells, Just what a superb FINE DINING knowledge our experts ate our 41st wedding anniversary dinner. The dining establishment opens up at 11 am and also serves lunch time and dinner till 11pm on a daily basis apart from Sunday. You receive the opportunity to check out the sky line from Dubai with all its gorgeous illuminations. My household ases if web link bratwursts, as well as among my preferred methods to provide them is in this quick and easy bratwurst casserole, utilizing my simple Toad in a Hole Recipe." While I consider this a breakfast meal, I commonly ready this for dinner. Though I love the conventional tableware from round as well as oval collections, I am much more than delighted along with the flat dinner collections that are actually unbiased. It was actually an actually wonderful day out last night as well as, although I was still worn out coming from the girl's ice roller skating competitors the time in the past, I chose to make use of the climate and grill. One merely has to grasp couple of standard cooking food procedures which can easily assist you to make endless dinner dishes. That is actually why its thus necessary that miraculous treatment be actually had which the supper be actually performed straight. Securing project partners as well as capitalists to sustain the progression of the Dinner Hillside Project is a crucial action to unlocking market value for Potash West and also its own shareholders. This effortless dinner recipe tastes amazing as well as has little work; freeing up your time to appreciate your golden picnic! Thanksgiving holiday supper signifies the relationship from a new kind of people in a whole brand new planet, as well as the uniformity that is actually The United States. Possibilities are actually, the supper you're holding is actually going to eat into somebody's (or everyone's) spare time. Given that from their eye-catching and lovely physical body which is actually gentle and smooth like cotton, most from the American as well as European males adore Oriental ladies. As our team try to the pastime wedding events, this could be a score to consider as our life is actually taking place. There is actually conventional supper which is usually kept due to the elders of the clan which are actually highly recognized by the family members. Additionally the responsibility of spending for the practice session dinner is actually normally accompanied by the responsibility of organizing the wedding rehearsal dinner as well as many couples are unwilling to relinquish the preparing accountabilities. Lemon garlic butter alongside artichokes and also the supper is looked at as imperfect without the Traditional strawberry pie.