#woohoo! lizard people!

[todayis-snowy]

Since your design of Junko is reminiscent of how real rhinos look, I'd love to see how you draw the Raptors in your style, particularly Leugey. I'm curious on how they would be incorporated into your style.

here you go! I based their appearance off of different lizard species

[newtgottlieb]

Buy my Otachi prints

[charlotte-official]

4/1/24 - 4/4/24.

a/n: salutations from the team working at the Steambird~ We're back with another issue, recounting all your favorite stories from April 1st to April 4th in the Teyvat space~

WELCOME OUR NEWEST TEAMMEMBER ARIAN!!! WOOHOO!!!! (@charnverite)

heyyy :333 teheehee.. new editor... i hope you like this.... rrrrr (also yes i think we're late on this one again) welcome @steambird-editor to the team,,? -Arian

“An apple a day, keeps the doctor away.”

This is a saying that most people would interpret as eating healthy foods(such as apples) prevent the need to have to visit a physician. However, it was proven that this saying can take on.. mildly different meaning.

  Tartaglia, 11th and last of the 11 Fatui Harbingers threw an apple at the 2nd Fatui Harbinger, il Dottore, otherwise known as “The Doctor.” Having seen the apple catapulting his way, Dottore accepted his fate, screaming, “AH FU-“

  Those were his last words before he evaporated.

  That’s right, 2nd of the Fatui Harbingers evaporated from having an apple thrown at him. You know what the “an apple a day, keeps The Doctor away.” One of the Doctor’s segments, Webttore, happened to be at the scene of crime, so the two simply stared at where Dottore once stood.

  Tartaglia soon turned to Webttore, asking if they would hold a funeral or throw a rock named after him into the sea. Webttore waved these suggestions off, and instead said that they’d name a bug after him and feed that bug to a lizard. And they do.

ft: @webttore-official @dottore-official @snezhnayain-carrot-top

  CERTAIN HAT WEARING VAHUMANA SCHOLAR BOMBARDED WITH BOOPS. (MUCH TO HIS DISMAY)

  While the overall reception towards the temporary function added for April Fool’s Day(booping) was widely well received, naturally there was some negative reaction. Hat Guy, a Vahumana Scholar who participated in Sumeru’s Interdarshan tournament, was one of which who was strongly against it. Upon receiving various boops, the scholar posted a statement demanding that the boops being directed towards him cease.

  In response, an anonymous user daringly enough sent him a simple “no <3”. The Akedemiya scholar was upset and threatened the user to stop, but the user continued to decline. Additionally, another anonymous user began booping Hat Guy as well through his ask inbox rather than via the literal button. As the scholar gradually lost anger, he dejectedly(though still upset) responded, continuously telling the anonymous users to get lost.

  Of course, it would’ve never been that easy, so the anons continued to reject the proposition of halting their shenanigans. In the end, one of the two ceased after 10 boops, while the other anon, who dubbed themself “no <3 anon”, continued to argue with the Vahumana scholar. What really got on Hat Guy’s nerves, however, was when no<3 anon decided to begin addressing him with sorts of pet names like “darls”.

  In the end, Hat Guy gave the anon a reminder of who really had the upper hand, as it was the anon who was delivering anonymous notes in HIS blog’s inbox. When the anon rejected the idea, Hat Guy kept the ask stuck in his inbox for a certain period of time rather than answering it, rather smugly commenting that the sound of someone being silenced was quite poetic.

ft: @the-wanderer-official (various anons)

  HARAVATAT SENIOR SCHOLAR AND VAHUMANA STUDENT: BACK TO BICKERING

  In the online Teyvatian space, old faces will remember the duo of Madam Faruzan and Hat Guy of Vahumana for their endless bickering. The two recently were found to have prolonged absences, but funnily enough, they both returned online at the same time. Upon return, the Haravatat senior announced her coming back.

  In response to Madam Faruzan’s announcement, the Vahumana student commented on her “tendency to be nosy and stick her head into situations which she is not part of,” and he asked her to take his “pesky” anons off of his hands, who were consistently “booping” him, as per the temporary feature for April 1st(much to his annoyance). Faruzan was not pleased with the snide comment and upsetedly asked if he had just called her nosy, and told him to keep his “problem children.” Hat Guy called her dense for having needing clarification for such.

  Later, feeling petty, Madam Faruzan would use the boop function as a way to annoy the Vahumana scholar. When Hat Guy confronted Faruzan for her obnoxious activity, saying that he wasn’t surprised but certainly curious, Madam Faruzan simply replied that she annoyed back those who annoyed her.

  ft: the-wanderer-official @faruzxn

  ANON DUBS SCHOLAR A TURKEY.

  Most people wouldn’t go up to strangers and call them turkeys. Scary anon would, though. An anon, whose roots come from nagging at a certain blonde architect to stay hydrated and healthy(refer to past steambird issues), called the senior scholar Madam Faruzan a Turkey.

  Madam Faruzan saw it incredibly unwarranted and was surprised that this anon she had never interacted with was suddenly referring to her as “a fat bird” as she put it. Mysteriously enough, Scary said she allegedly knew what she did. Madam Faruzan continued to deny as such.

  (All jokes, it turned out that it was Faruzan mod who was repeatedly using the boop mechanism for April fools and booping Scary.)

ft: faruzxn @scary-anon

  LIGHT OF KSHAREWAR HAS A REVELATION AFTER BEING ATTACKED BY BOOPS

  With the light of the April Fools boop function, another victim of serial booping just so happens to be the famed architect known for designing the Palace of Alcazarzaray. The architect, Kaveh, Light of Ksharewar, has quite the presence in the online space and is bombarded with boops.

  With the excessive quantity of boops he was receiving, the architect was naturally intimidated and pointed out a certain user who had been repetitively booping him(in fear). Perhaps surprised at the sudden shout out, the user admitted to being excited to interact with the architect.

  Kaveh, despite his prior frightened demeanor, was flattered by the user’s excitement who told him they loved his blog. In a moment of realization, the Light of Ksharewar came to the revelation that the user, and probably the rest of his blog’s followers preferred seeing him interact with Sumeru’s inhabitants and scream. This was incredibly depressing to the architect, who became mildly annoyed. The user sheepishly could only reply “Welllllllll…” Kaveh could only dramatically sigh and quickly ramble in between coughs, “PALACE OF ALCAZARZARAY COULDN'T EVEN MAKE THE PEOPLE CARE.”

  The user started to feel bad.

  ft: @kaveh-official (user in question ~ @just-sarah-xx)

  RESIDENT ELDRITCH HORROR THAT USUALLY TAKES ON THE FORM OF A BLACK CAT AND FAMOUS SUMERIAN ARCHITECT BOOP EACHOTHER.

  Adi though now commonly known as the Eldritch horror of a void cat, actually shares a history with the light of Ksharewar(refer to prior Steambird issues) and the two share a silly friendship. Heartwarmingly enough, despite the void cat being entangled in various conflicts and being relatively serious, Adi still is able to be silly with their friends. (As displayed by Adi and Kaveh following.)

  With the temporary addition of the booping mechanism presented for April Fools Day, Kaveh sent Adi various boops, and the two friends exchanged and shot back boops to eachother. In the end, Adi did end up strangling(metaphorically) the Light of Ksharewar with too many boops to counter, but the interaction was wholesome overall.

ft: @adi-cat-anon kaveh-official

  WOW, THE FATUI MUST DEFINITELY LIKE GIVING OUT BOOPS.

article written by team member arian(@steambird-editor) and edited by charlotte~

During the surge perhaps now being able to be formally labeled as "the booping incident", the overall reception was positive, feelings towards the mechanism being that of silliness and enjoyment of being able to boop friends and otherwise.

Addition to the positive reactions, there must also be negative but unsuspecting reactions to the "booping". Just like how the Light Of Ksharawar was alarmed and frightened upon the booping. We'll gladly share some quotations from [April 1st] from The Light of Ksharawar.

"Hey- What- UH. What are.. boops..?? AND WHY DID I GET SO MANY."

"AAAAAAAAAAH (screaming out of fear of the boops)".

"THE FATUI ARE GIVING ME BOOPS. THIS IS A SERIOUS MATTER".

As the light of Ksharawar gets booped somewhere else in Sumeru, Hat guy (who refers himself as 'Wanderer') gets booped aswell. By the Fatui just like the other. He does not seem to enjoy it very much. But who would? It is the fatui afterall. (He basically yells at them to get out)

I would mention some of his quotations, but I believe they would be.. too threatening for this article, so I will refrain to add those quotations.

"You people would be better off spending your short time in this life doing anything else"

"Your tenacity is concerning and an annoyance"

"FATUI GET OUT OF MY NOTIFICATIONS"

  ft: the-wanderer-official, kaveh-official, @fatui-subordinates-official

[x0majestea0x]

Finally got around to redoing the art for my Sara's pegasus mech, 404-TBA. And then I forgot to post it, lol. Just in time for LL10 though!

It's been a year since our campaign started as well, woohoo! I started on a new reference for my pc as well but I've been so busy lately I haven't gotten too far.

She also has a sisyphus-class NHP named Teeba (after the mech ofc, she/they/it) who likes to get a little silly. Teeba's digital appearance is above the mech, I drew that back in november though. I plan on making a proper ref for them eventually.

I hadn't realized how unoriginal the design felt before I redid it and I feel a lot more confident and less copycat-like with this one now. I had never designed let alone drawn a mech before when I first made it so I think I took a lot from other people and I'm not very proud of it tbh.

I know it shares quite a bit of common tropes I see with a lot of other pegasus frames but I'm hoooping this one stands out enough on its own. I tried to lean a lot harder into a dragon than a standard lizard too. This one fits my original vision a lot better and I'm so happy with it. The metal plating has a scale texture!

Also, notes! I love describing how it moves during combat. It's such a freak. I've thought a LOT about how this thing functions, and I didn't even draw all of it here I wanted to add the autoguns but I got too tired lol Fortunately for me, though, a majority of its attacks are tech ones.

[barrenclan]

SO i'm re reading a bit (because i may have missed the darkness before the storm up until now OOPS) and i'm thinking of Asphodelpaw in the gay issue with the lizard hunting, and it's quite a brief panel of her and the text "Asphodelpaw was good at it, because of course she was, but every time she missed one she'd just stand there stock-still with her tail quivering angrily." But I was thinking how she obviously not acting like an previous issues, mostly because she doesn't talk to Pinepaw since their talk after he gets traumatized oopsie, uhhh and yes outside of pinepaw we never see her act outwardly angry; just rude and snooty, and just bullies pinepaw of course, but if you take into account that this was after The rotten stench of blood. AND after Beeface and Plumstripe threw hands. I am a little silly about her (screams) but I honestly saw this as some unseen inner conflict, because she sees her mentor be very outwardly apprehensive to her sister, and that's when the gears start turning like, hey, do i want that with pinepaw? is that how i wanna live my life? because after she's her usual self in at the start of The rotten stench of blood, she kind of mellows out and actually starts a nicer convo! wow! amazing girl! bare minimum! specially since she probably noticed how pine was, well, demoralized as hell and in the lizard catching which, god i strayed away from the point, i honestly interpreted her as self regulating in a way, like taking a deep breath and counting down from them because, well, if beeface was there she'd be cussing up a storm

and her in the latest issue is just BUILDS more on that and it's just to CUTE My girl is deconstructing her behavior! Woohoo! Sorry for the long as i am loosing it a little

Yes!! Yeah!!! Yeah!!!! I'm so glad to see people rereading the story to go through some of the character development I've been trying to guide along. Those are exactly the themes and ideas I've been putting down for Asphodelpaw! Heck yeah.

[semi-imaginary-place]

WOOHOO DINOSAURS!!! i found episodes of bbc prehistoric planet.

coasts: hell yeah they’re fat! torpedo shaped and r o u n d is what peak aquatic performance looks like after all. throughout time and lineage aquadic animals adapted to the same lifestyles (predator/etc) show similar body shapes.I wonder how much real life footage the film makers used for this series. if they did use some they’d have to be very careful since a lot of plant taxa didn’t exist then. for example those pine trees (looks like shore pine but all pines look similar to me), were they cg or footage? or the scenes with the reefs, outside of specialists most people probably would not be able to tell if those are real fish species and coral species or not. i can’t tell. the nerd in me wants for paleontological background how much is artistic speculation how much evidence is there but i understand that thats a different film than what the filmmakers are going after. instead of strictly informative, these films are made to be inspiring and they are trying not to break immersion. sir david attenborough is so old and so british i love him! glad he hasn’t retired.

if im remembering right the angiosperm diversification started in the cretaceous? something like that. mmmm but i dont remember where that happened. by 66milyo had flowering plants really taken over desserts? was it pollinator driven? pterasaurs are like if some 3d artist was making up an animal started at the head and got the wings done and then ran out of budget. starting to see the real word equivalents from the fish cleaning services, to the lizard eats lions on large predator napping (wasn’t there a lion scene exactly like this in another film?), to the giraffe neck wrestling, to the rock paper scissors of leek males border males and female plumage males i dont remember the actual terms or details.

pterasaurs sure are getting a lot of attention

[tar-mairons]

ugh i love when i'm right about knowing that i recognize actors from other shows or movies

[firstofficerwiggles]

Hello hello!! Happy early birthday!!!! 🥺 I hope the universe treats you well and sends pleasant little things your way <3

Before I start ranting I’m going to say, I talk non-stop and I’m sorry lol

I’m 5’7, non-binary (they/them), pansexual, I have short, soft, dirty blonde hair, icy blue eyes, and I’m practically see through lol (I get no sun✨) I’m average weight and secretly strong >:) My hobbies include skateboarding, drawing, reading (horror mostly), playing video games, going on hikes/mountain bike rides, practicing karate & Iiado (a form of Japanese swordsmanship), kickboxing, photography, and spoiling my lizards & dog 😌 I hate being busy, but tbh, I can’t live without it- Ok onto my personality! I’m a very energetic and friendly person. People I’m extremely clever, I just call it being observant. To me that means figuring out someone’s personality when I first meet them, I won’t trust you until I know you (woohoo trust issues 😭) Of course, if I like you then you have a friend forever! I’m very caring and empathise with people easily, the “group therapist”. I consider myself a leader because I make sure everyone around me and in my friend group are okay, I keep all of us together :) I’m very protective of my friends and will not hesitate to drop everything just to help them out or defend them. I can be sort of a spitfire at times, even if people aren’t rude to me, but are to others, I’ll snap at them and put them in their place. I try my best to be nice to everyone, but people who are rude for no reason I have zero patience for. I promise I’m nice! I’m just aggressively caring 😭 Other things about me? Uhm hmmmm I make weird squeaks sometimes, I’m oddly flexible, I’ve walked past people without them noticing(?), and my alignment according to my best friend is chaotic good 🥲👍

I ship you with… Marshal Commander Cody!!

You are a Jedi knight and while General Kenobi is placed on a special mission, you are sent to be the acting General for the 212th. Now everyone has always speculated about Cody and Obi-Wan as a couple but turns out those are just rumors. In fact, Cody is clear to tell you that, even going so far as to emphasize several times during the conversation that he is single. At the time, you simply smile at him and nod, but you take note of the way his face lights up when he speaks to you and how excited he seems to be to meet you. As the days continue, Cody’s interest in you grows, he compliments you on your battle strategies, your ability to handle your lightsaber, and your fearless determination during a fight, and once he let it slip that he finds you very attractive. One day, it’s later in the evening and he decides to bring you a cup of tea to your quarters. He says it’s just because he wants to be friendly, but when you invite him to stay and talk, he’s beyond delighted. That conversation turns out to be one that changes things as he finally admits that he’s interested in you and when you tell him you reciprocate his feelings, you share your first kiss. Now that the Jedi Council have decided to let the Jedi pursue romantic relationships, you and Cody quickly become a couple.

For your birthday, Cody arranges for shore leave for you both and takes you to Dantooine for some romantic hiking and camping. Together you explore the forest there and have a relaxing break from the war. Cody even arranges for a special night hike to a spot with an amazing view of the stars. Even though you spend so much time hurtling through them, it’s nice to have time to stop and stare and just enjoy their beauty. As a gift, Cody, knows how much you love to draw and so he gives you a new sketchbook and you enjoy drawing the different vistas from your trip, knowing that you’ll love looking at them later and remembering this special time together.

P.S. Anon, I hope you're one of my mutuals because you sound like an amazing person and your description reminds me a lot of one of my close friends.

[popquizhot-shot]

You’re not him-Chapter 3

Walking into the library, you see Loki sit down with a bundle of files, going through one of them before exclaiming sarcastically,

"Oh my goodness! Don't tell me the variant ambushed another team of minutemen, wow! HUH and stole their reset charges as well!"

Giggling you walk over to him and stand opposite him. Looking up, he sees you and smiles.

"Hi" you say.

"Hello."

" So, I never took you for the reading type, whatcha reading?" you say, knowing full well how much he loved to read.

" Well, I love reading, but these are files about the variant, Mobius asked me to read them." he explains.

" Oh, well I have to read them too! Do you mind if join you?" you say, a tinge of hope in your voice.

" Oh sure, of course." he replies.

Getting up, he then pulls the chair out so you can sit in it.

" And he's a gentleman too!" you tease, making him blush lightly and chuckle.

Looking down to the table, the first document you see has, in big bright red lettering,

'Destruction of Asgard'

Ragnarok-Class 7 apocalypse.

Shit.

Loki sits down and spots the paper too, picking it up and going through it, you can see how he's trying to hide his emotions, but you can see his eyes tearing up, and his breath hitching.

"I'm sorry." you say quietly.

" It-It's fine, it happens." he says putting it off and handing it over to you.

Going through it, you see just how bad the damage was, and then something caught your eye.

'Zero Variance Energy detected'

"Loki, Loki look," you get his attention.

"What, what did you find?" he asks eager to get away from the topic of his home getting blown up.

"Look, it says there's no variant energy, what if the variant's hiding in apocalypses?" you ask.

" That, that's an amazing idea. Because he can do whatever he wants, and it won't make a difference-"

" -because the place is getting blown to bits and everyone dies." you finish excitedly.

" We-we have to tell Mobius this, oh darling you're a genius!" he says before gathering the files and walking towards the cafeteria, "Come on!" he calls you.

Darling.

He called you darling.

Just great.

~~

" Mobius! We found something!" Loki says and pulls you over and sits you down, before getting another chair for himself.

" What? What did you find?" he asks.

"The variant's hiding in apocalypses." you said.

"What? what do you mean?"

"Are you familiar with Ragnarok?" Loki asks Mobius.

"Yes, the destruction of Asgard and most of it's people I'm sorry about that."

" Yes, very sad, now-" Loki begins, taking Mobius's salad.

"What are you doing?" Mobius asks Loki.

" Let's just say, your salad is Asgard-"

"That's not Asgard, that's my lunch, I want that salad." Mobius whines.

" I could do anything here, I could-" Loki continues, picking up a salt shaker, " push Hulk of the rainbow bridge!" he shakes the salt shaker, adding salt and ruining the salad.

" So the salt's hulk?" you ask.

Ignoring you, he continues," Or, I could set fire to the palace." now he shakes in some pepper.

"No, don't set fire to the palace-" Mobius interrupted.

"-and it would never matter, because-" he pauses, reaching for the can of soda, only to find it empty.

You get up and go over to Casey and ask him if you can take his juice, he agrees. Walking back you hand the juice to Loki, who smiles in thanks.

" Thank you, now, because the apocalypse is coming, Surtur will destroy Asgard, no matter what." He continues, now pouring the juice into the salad.

" No, don't do that!" you and Mobius say together.

"That's the apocalypse, clumsy metaphor but you see what I mean. If everything, and everyone around you for imminent destruction, " he says picking up the shakers again. " nothing I say or do will matter, cause the timelines not gonna branch, cuz it get's destroyed. The variant could be hiding in the apocalypse and do whatever he wants, and we wouldn't know!" he finishes.

"Not bad, good job guys." Mobius says.

"Come on. I'll show you, take me to Ragnarok!"

"I'm not going to take you for a stroll across the promenade much less take you back to your home, I know what you're trying to do, lure me out into the field and then you stab me in the back!" Mobius argues.

Loki spreads his arms out, mouth open, a very offended expression on his face.

"I'd never stab anyone in the back! That's such a boring form of betrayal!"

"Loki, I've studied almost every moment of your entire life, you've literally stabbed people in the back like fifty times!" Mobius says.

"You did try to stab me once." you say smirking.

" I-I what?!" he stares at you

"That's a story for another time, Lokes."

"Well, I'd never do it again!" he says, making you and Mobius laugh in amusement.

~~

"Loki! Get over here!" Mobius calls as you watch, laughing hysterically

Oh, were were you?

Pompeii, seconds before Mt.Vesuvius erupts and you were witnessing a God-child, rambling in Latin about how everyone was going to die and positively horrifying everyone present there.

Suddenly you were all interrupted by a blast from the volcano, Vesuvius was erupting.

" Woohoo! Here we go! Nothing matters! Nothing has any consequence!" he shouts, throwing handfuls of vegetables in the air.

Annoyed, Mobius checks the Tempad, before doing a double take and grinning.

"So how'd we do?" you ask eagerly.

" Zero variant energy, No branching in the timeline, this worked!" Mobius said.

Smiling widely, you shouted, " Hey Loki! It worked! We did it!"

Loki turns around and smiles, out of breath.

" If it were me, this is where I would hide."

~~

You were sipping your lemon iced tea in peace, listening to the men in front of you bicker like toddlers.

"So you're saying, Three Magic Lizards created the Tva and everyone in it?" Loki asked Mobius

" Yes."

"See, every time I start to admire you're intelligence, you say something like that!" Loki argues

"Ok, well who created you Loki?" Mobius asks

" A frost giant of Jotunheim." Loki said, making you almost choke on your drink.

" and who raised you?"

"Odin of Asgard."

"Asgard, Mystical realm, Frost giants- listen to yourself!"

"It's not the same! It's completely different!" he rambles

"A-actually it's exactly the same because if you think too hard about where any of us came from, who we truly are, it sounds kind of ridiculous. Existence is chaos! Nothing makes any sense so we try to make some sense of it, and I'm just lucky that the chaos I emerged into gave me this."

" Ok, what about Y/n?"

" I'm actually a special case, Ravonna allowed me to join the TVA, as long as I bide by the rules, and not be an idiot and possibly blow up the timeline. But the TVA is my life, and it's real, because I believe it's real." you explain.

"Fair enough , you believe it's real, so everything is written, the past, the present and the future"

You soon stop paying attention, and thought about the first time you and Loki said ' I love you'

You both were baking a cake to pass the time and somehow in the process, Loki found himself covered in frosting.

"I'll get you back for that darling!" he said grinning, before hugging you tightly, covering you in frosting too.

Laughing hysterically, you both started flinging frosting at each other.

Holding you close, you felt his breath fan your cheeks, as you lost yourselves in each other's eyes.

"I love you Loki." you blurted out, making him smile.

" Oh my darling, I love you too, so much." he replied before kissing you softly and passionately.

"Y/n! Focus! Come on! I found a lead! Follow me!"  Mobius said, calling you over.

"What were you thinking of?" Loki asked.

"Just thinking about a moment in my life, one I really treasure." you say smiling softly.

"Today Love birds!" Mobius called again.

"We're coming! Jerk." you say, while blushing,

You and Loki follow Mobius, before stopping at him looking at a packet of 'Kablooie" gum.

"This, I thought about  this."

[fantasticstoryteller]

New Dynasty Chapter 55

Peter watched as Wade paced the room. The older man was nervous and slightly twitchy as he moved. Slowly, Peter was coming to realize that the twitches were the man reacting to the voices in his head, the “boxes” as he called them.

“Please calm down,” Peter urged as Wade paced.

“I can’t—I mean, I shouldn't—shut up! I’m getting there!”

Peter felt a little hurt that the boxes got a full, complete sentence to themselves while all he got was broken grammar. He strode over and quickly grabbed Wade’s shoulders. “It’s okay!” he assured the man—still clearly not all there.

Wade gasped for a moment and then pressed his hands to his face. “I got a job.”

Peter waited. Clearly there was more coming.

Wade began to shift, like he wanted to pace—but he didn’t break away from Peter, who kept his grip light enough that Wade could break away. “It’s in New York.” He rushed on, quickly. “But it’s not a killing job and I know I said I wouldn’t kill in the city but it’s a good job for a friend and there’s no killing involved.” He paused. “I asked.”

Peter nodded. Sure, he knew Wade said he wouldn't kill in the city—and that was good. He also knew that Wade was a mercenary which meant he had to take jobs. He felt certain Deadpool was trying to funnel that money into Peter’s house without the boy knowing. He didn’t see why Wade was so worried about it.

“Do you need help?” he asked as he released Wade’s shoulders.

Wade stared at him for a full minute before suddenly dropping into a crouch with both hands on the back of his head. “Fuuuck,” he breathed. “You don’t—you just don’t know, Baby Boy.” Suddenly, in a lightning change of mood, he jumped back up and grinned. “It’ll be fun!”

Peter grinned back. “Of course,” he said. “You’re always coming along with me, so I’ll come along with you.”

“Woohoo!” Wade danced around Peter towards the door, and then shuffled back to avoid hitting Aunt May as she came in with groceries. “Oh, let me help you with that!” he said.

“You are a dear,” the old woman replied as she handed the bags she was carrying to him. “I have more in the car.”

Peter grinned. “Let me help too,” he said as he went out to the car.

After all the groceries were in and put up Aunt May invited Wade for dinner, and—for the first time since he’d woken up recovering in the house—he declined. “Sorry Aunt May,” he said cheerfully. “Spidey’s going on a job with me and I have to make sure it’s safe.” He twitched slightly. “Of course I know what recon is!” he said suddenly. “I just don’t normally bother!” He bowed, saluted, and then pulled his hood up before dancing out the door.

“Well, you certainly made him happy,” Aunt May commented. She looked at Peter and raised an eyebrow. “A job?” she asked.

He shrugged. “Wade said there’s no killing,” he said, “and I believe him.”

“Hmm.”

^^^

{Smooth, idiot. That was real smooth.}

[‘Make it safe?’ Just how are we supposed to do that? Just last week the Lizard knocked him off a building!]

“We do the best we can,” Wade said soothingly. It was something Peter had told him on one of their lunch dates.

{Date!}

[Dude, he’s way, way too young.]

“Not like that,” muttered Wade as he walked down the street.

[And why are we working for that bitch, anyway? She tried to kill us!]

“Everyone tries to kill us,” Wade argued.

[She THREW us into a VOLCANO!]

Wade winced as the words echoed against the inside of his skull. “But it wasn’t personal,” he protested.

[The hell it wasn’t!]

{Anyone else curious as to why she came to us? Considering she told us to go to Hell last time we met?}

“We have more skills than she does!”

[The only skill we have that she doesn’t is the skill not to die. Are you sure this is going to be safe for Peter?]

{Aw, relax. She’s also lazy.}

Wade reached his apartment and hauled out his maps of the city. Now, from what she’d said the object he was supposed to be collecting was in this high-security facility. All he had to do was—

There was a rap on the door. Then it turned into a vicious pounding. “Dammit Deadpool!” snarled his roommate. “Open the damn door!”

Curious as to why she needed him to open the door, he did so. His roommate, a pale young woman with hair in multiple colors, was holding one of her shoulders as blood seeped between her fingers. “You look bad,” he commented as she limped into the apartment.

“Don’t start,” she growled as she limped towards the medicine cabinet in the kitchen.

Wade saw odd purple and blue lights dancing in the spilled blood.

[That’s new.]

{Never seen that before. We sure she’s human?}

“Pretty sure she’s not,” murmured Wade as he closed the door.

“What was that?” demanded the angry voice.

“Your blood’s all sparkly!” Wade said cheerfully.

“Yeah? It’ll wear off.” Her voice lowered and she muttered to herself. “Fucking unicorns.”

{Hey look! The room’s brighter!}

Wade nodded as he looked at the literally glowing golden strands of hair next to the young woman’s head. They were the only parts not dyed. “Your hair’s glowing again,” he pointed.

“Fan-fucking-tastic,” muttered the woman as she grabbed a beer with one hand, smashed the neck of the bottle against the counter, and chugged it. She pressed the cool glass to her head. “I miss home.”

“Because of your hair?”

“That too.”

Standing there it occurred to Wade that his roommate was almost as indestructible as he was. “So Carol,” he said.

“Cora,” she corrected firmly. “As in, ‘Coraline.’ As in the other person on this god-forsaken lease.” She angrily tossed her beer bottle towards the trashcan and it hit the wall where it shattered. Most of the glass went into the garbage can. Neither of them really cared to clean up the mess.

[We ever ask where she came from? Because, I think it might be important later.]

{We said we wouldn't ask if she didn’t, so we didn’t.}

“Coraline,” Wade agreed. “I’m going on a job soon.”

“Good for you.” The phone in her pocket rang, she dug it out, and answered with a single word. “No.” She put the phone on the counter. “And?” she asked.

“And Spiderman wants to tag along. There’s no killing involved,” he added.

Coraline sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Deadpool,” she said wearily, “you accepted a job.”

“Yes.”

“In New York City.”

“Yes…”

“What’s the job?”

Wade beamed behind his mask. “Object retrieval!”

Coraline closed her eyes. “Object retrieval,” she repeated.

“Yup!”

“Deadpool, did you seriously ask the spider if he could tag along on one of your jobs—the mostly law-abiding do-anything-to-help-along-the-boys-in-blue spider, I’d like to add—when it involves stealing?” She looked at him. “I’m not an expert, but that sounds like a good way to alienate him.”

[She’s right.]

{Oh, my God! What were we thinking!}

“Gotta go!” Wade said realizing there was a crap ton of research he had to do.

“Yeah yeah, good luck,” muttered Coraline as she head towards the bathroom, limps already fading.

^^^

Peter crouched in the corner overlooking the building in front of them as Wade, in full Deadpool regalia, checked an odd little compass on his wrist. “What’s that?” he asked.

“My moral compass. Just making sure I don’t lead you down the wrong path, buddy,” said the mercenary as he put the thing away.

Some of the things the man said made absolutely no sense. “All right,” he said. “So, now that your moral compass is straightened out, what’s the mission.”

“Right. So, my client, my friend, works for these people who had this—thing stolen from them by these people. Now, they called me, instead of the police, because none of them are supposed to have it.”

Peter felt his lips twitch behind his mask. He wasn’t sure if they were twitching in distaste at stealing or amusement at the way Wade was putting the situation. “Let me see if I’ve got this right. A group of people, who were not supposed to have this object—whatever it is—had it stolen by this other group of people, and the first group has hired you to steal it back for them.”

Wade nodded. “That’s it. Contract complete when said object is in her, the contract holder’s hands.”

Peter nodded. He was slightly surprised at the formal phrasing, but Wade was a mercenary. Presumably that meant he had a lot of experience with contracts. “What’s the object?” he asked.

“Some kind of book. She said I can’t miss it.”

“All right.” Peter waited. “How are we getting in?” he asked.

Wade’s head whipped towards him. “What?”

Peter held back a sigh. “Your mission,” he reminded the other man. “Your plans.”

“That is both the single best and most terrifying thing I have ever heard from you,” Wade said softly.

“So, what’s the plan?” asked Peter, both anxious to get started and to keep Wade from thinking too much.

“Plan? Right, plan. Spidey, you’re backup. I want you to stay out of sight as much as possible. These people are sneaky, and I may need super-secret backup to get back out of there.”

Peter nodded. “All right,” he agreed. The two of them went into the building.

Everything seemed normal enough at first. There seemed to be an appropriate number of guards for what was a secret priceless artifact. The security was not quite the best, but appropriate. Pretty much all Peter had to do, as Spiderman, was follow along the ceiling keeping an eye out for surprise attacks. There were a few, and he webbed those would-be attackers to the walls and floors before Deadpool even registered that there was a threat, but nothing major. And Deadpool was very careful not to actually kill any of his attackers, a fact that Peter appreciated.

Before the mission Peter and Aunt May had sat down to have a talk and Peter understood that Deadpool was a mercenary known for killing. Knew it very well, in fact. He had accepted that there might be reasons fro Deadpool would kill on this job—because he was working and it simply might not occur to him to use non-lethal force. He was prepared for that.

When they made it to an inner room, Spiderman still hanging back in the shadows providing silent support, the game changed. On a wooden table was a single, huge book. It was blue. It looked like it was glowing.

Leaning against the table was a woman. She was tall, for a woman (slightly shorter than Wade), was wearing a white dress that looked like a bunch of feathers had been sewed together, and had long, cascading blond hair. “Hello Deadpool,” the woman said in a calm voice. She was holding what looked like a bunch of Popsicle sticks tied into the vague form of a human in one hand. In the other she held what looked like a bloodstained piece of cloth. Just behind her, on the table, was a tall, wide glass of water and a second doll.

Peter’s senses went haywire. This woman, whoever she was, was bad news. Deadpool merely waved cheerfully. “Hi,” he said. “I’ve come to get that book on the table behind you, and once I get it I’ll be on my way since I don’t want to kill anyone in Spiderman’s city.”

The woman chuckled softly and Peter felt the little hairs on the back of his neck raise at the sound. “Oh, yes,” she said as she wrapped the bloodstained piece of cloth around the doll she was holding. “I’ve heard about your little—team up with the human spider.” She moved to where the doll was being dangled over the water. “I’m surprised he isn’t here now.”

Another chill ran over Peter, warning him that something was about to happen. He tensed, not knowing what to expect as he looked around the room desperately for any sign of the danger his senses said was coming. He trusted his senses explicitly.

The woman simply released the doll to where it fell in the water. Wade gasped and choked as Peter stared, not certain what was going on until water began pouring from Wade’s mouth. The man was drowning. The woman dropped the doll into the water and now Wade was drowning.

Peter dropped to grab the doll, to haul it out of the water only to be easily backhanded out of the way by the woman, her nails ripping bits of his suit. “There you are,” the woman said in satisfaction. She smiled at Peter as she pulled a thread from his suit and tied it around the other doll. The merc choked one water as the woman snapped the leg on the doll.

And Peter felt his own leg snap in response before he collapsed to the floor. He gasped as waves of pain rolled over him—but he had fought his way through worse. He’d once swung through the city to catch Norman as Green Goblin with two cracked ribs. That had been bad. This was—still bad, but not quite at those levels yet. He swallowed hard as the woman walked towards him.

“Do you give up, little spider?” asked the woman in a voice that sounded kind, but his senses warned him were anything but.

“Never.” Peter shot webbing at her, and she easily dodged with a laugh.

“You are losing your touch, little spider,” the woman said.

Peter felt his lips widen in a grin. “Am I?” he asked as he yanked on the webbing. The glass fell to the floor. It didn’t break, but the water spilled out.

“Poor little spider,” said the woman sadly as she snapped the other leg. “Just doesn’t know when to quit.” She gasped as suddenly a sword protruded through her stomach.

“Want to bet?” snarled Wade as she fell off the sword, clutching the wound in her abdomen.

A dim part of Peter’s brain that was still functioning noted that it wasn’t a kill move. Even drowning, Wade had held back. As Wade picked him up, Peter webbed the woman to the floor. He also snagged the book with another piece of webbing; no reason to leave it behind. The book sagged as Peter reeled it in. “How heavy is this thing?” he demanded.

Wade glanced at the book. “If I recognize this,” he said absently, “about sixty pounds.”

“Sixty pounds?” demanded Peter, his vision graying slightly as Wade moved him. “What exactly is it?”

“I don’t think anyone is really sure. It sort of showed up a few years ago and has been bouncing around private collections ever since.” Wade carefully carried both Peter and the book out of the building. “Shit!” he swore when they were outside. “This was supposed to be a safe mission!”

Peter couldn't help but chuckle. “I don’t think there is a such a thing,” he said. “How many buildings have you been knocked off of?”

“Yeah,” said Wade as he walked. “But that’s me. I heal. I know he does too, but not as fast!”

Peter frowned. He healed both too fast and too slow. Too fast to risk going to a regular doctor and too slow to keep up with Wade.

“Not to worry,” Wade said as he tried to keep his steps even to prevent from jolting the injured spider in his arms, “we’ll just drop off the book-it thing and then I’ll take you back to Aunt May.”

They were a ways down the alley when suddenly the building they’d escaped exploded. Peter stared at the wreckage in horror. “All those people.”

“Not your fault,” Wade said quickly. He sagged. “Mine.”

“Your fault?” Peter frowned as he mentally reviewed the mission. Had the merc planted a bomb or something without Peter noticing? No, he hadn’t. Wouldn’t. “No,” Peter said firmly. “Not your fault, either.” He turned back to the wreckage. “It must have been some kind of self destruct,” he mused.

“Must have,” echoed Wade dully. “Come on,” he said turning and sprinting down the alley. Peter clung to consciousness with all he had. Every step hurt his legs more.

It didn’t take too long for them to reach Wade’s goal. Wade propped Peter (careful about jolting the injured legs) in a shadowed area of the park before taking the book to the swing set. Peter clenched his jaw against unnecessary sounds and worked to set the legs himself. He’d learned that his bones healed faster if they were set as soon as possible.

A woman, dark hair and sensual curves, approached the swing set. “Deadpool,” she purred.

Peter frowned. Used to hearing meaning behind words he read the dark irritation in her voice. Not usually the voice used to greet a friend. He looked up warily as the woman approached. Actually—she slunk more than she approached.

“Ana. You lied to me.” Wade’s voice was hard, cold, and almost unrecognizable.

“About what?” asked the woman, Ana, Peter supposed she was called.

“About the mission,” he said. “Medium security, no powers, that’s what you told me.”

The woman shrugged. “So they hired extra help after I looked into it. Not like you can die,” she added carelessly.

Rage flickered in Peter at the tone. He grit his teeth as he started to understand Wade’s casual attitude towards injury and dying. It took all his will to stay seated where he was and not draw attention to himself.

Wade merely sighed and tossed the book to the woman—who caught it easily. “That’s my friend,” the woman purred.

Peter had heard enough. He got up, barely registering the sharp pains in both legs, and strode over before webbing the book to her hand and the rest of her to the swings. “That,” he said grimly to the woman, “is no way to be. You can’t base ‘friendship’ on favors. That’s not how it works,” he told her before pulling his phone out.

“Spidey, what are you doing?” asked Wade.

“Look, you said the contract was complete when she was holding the book. She’s holding the book. Contract complete,” Peter grumbled as he dialed. “It’s me,” he told the operator. “Came across what looked like a shady deal at the park.” He rattled off the park’s address. “The buyer is webbed. The seller?” He turned to look at Wade and firmly added, “The seller got away.” He looked back at the woman as he slipped the phone back into his pocket. “They’ll be here in twenty minutes,” he told her. He took off quickly.

Wade loped off after him. “Hey, what?” he asked the hero.

Peter stopped for a moment and then looked at the merc. “All right, listen,” he told the man. “If something happened and you did kill someone in the city—we’d still be friends. Granted, we’d be friends with distance because I wouldn't be able to let you stay in the city—but we’d still be friends. It’s not dependent on you doing anything for me.”

The Deadpool mask stared at him for a moment, eerily still. Then he pointed down. “Do you realize you’re walking on broken legs?” he asked.

“What?” Peter looked down and stared as he gently stomped his feet against the ground. “Oh—huh.”

The two continued on their way. “You need to figure out how to do that on purpose,” Wade told him as he locked fingers behind his head.

“I wouldn't even know where to start,” Peter said wearily.

Later, the two men would find out that their mysterious adversary was known as The Witch. They found that out—the same time they found out that there was no female body found in the explosion.

[ouranor]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox of people who mean something special to you. Share some happiness

Oh my, what a lovely surprise! Thank you so much for this! I‘ll definitely forward this… and I have to repeat just how amazed I am that you‘re treating me so kindly, I‘m still star-struck 🙈!

1) Forests. Saving snails, hugging trees, enjoying the silence and solitude. There‘s nothing better than starting your day with a „green brain“, as I call it 😂.

2) Rivers. The ability of a flowing river to automatically take away any and all tension is mind-boggling to me. I could watch it for hours.

3) Fire. I‘m so sorry if I‘m boring you guys with my hippy bs, but I genuinely love being surrounded by the elements (like the strong, cold winds that are currently kicking our asses over here), it makes me feel alive. I associate fire with companionship, as my bff is a bit of a wicca and likes to celebrate pagan holidays, which usually includes a fire woohoo 😃!

4) Ice cream. You guys, I love ice cream. It‘s my number one indulgence and I‘m happily treating myself around 3 times a week hahaha

5) Cats. I love all animals dearly, yet I‘ve developped a strong affinity for cats over the last couple of years. I must be entering the „crazy cat lady“ stage of life, which is just fine by me! I unfortunately can‘t have cats as companions yet, but I will soon. My other favourite animals are dogs, lizards, frogs and birbs. Snakes are darned cute as well. And squirrels.

[borisbubbles]

17. CZECH REPUBLIC

Benny Christo - “Kemama”

So first off, thank you for the nice commens. 😇The past few months haven’t been the happiest time for me, so thank you for your patience as I scraped my bearings together for another post! 😁

So I will now extend that same sympathy to Benny Christo, whom I think I damn fucking underrated. Let’s jump in~

ENTRY ANALYSIS

As one may expect i INSTANTLY liked “Kemama” because you know, it’s a fun, laid-back, tropical afro-breeze, completely different from anything else we would see in NFs and the year. EXACTLY the type of song I was hoping the Czech NF would deliver (and deliver they did, see NF Corner). This level of mild like swung into strong unironic like upon realizing that the title is a contraction of “Okay Mother” 😍 and the song deals with the subject of overcoming racially-tinged discrimination and rising above the hate. That just feels very poetic and apt? “Kemama” felt like the entry that had to overcome the highest odds in order to earn the respect it so fully deserves, and still hasn’t fully reached it.

.In our Western European bubble, comprised mostly of gays and left-liberal straights, we have a very grateful and universal acceptance of many different kinds of [lizard] people that make up Eurovision casts. Yet with “Kemama” we may have reached  an unusually grimy undercurrent of coded racism. 

Of course nothing I read was outrageously rancid, than Cod for that. The worst statement I read was a double-whammy of “EWW THIS ISN’T CARIBBEANVISION” and “WHY WOULD SOMEONE FROM *KENYA* WANT TO REP CZECHIA IN EUROVISION?”, and yes they first got the continent wrong and then *also* got the country wrong in the follow-up post and then they were torn limb from limb by a pack of aformentioned left-liberals. I’m sorry but i can’t not have any other response than laughter in the face of yet another fucking MORON faceplanting themselves with words like a... racist JK Rowling if you will?

Still, while I never read something outright vile about Benny doesn’t mean I found his deniers really annoying and they were! Think “Ew Solovey is ‘Too Aggressive’ it will NEVER DO WELL IN ESC”, a statement that isn’t coded nor racist (and yet extremely false and misguided), functioned as a similar idea by the same minds. A statement borne from the same breed of narrow-minded stubbornness which has caused elitist morons to be all “there is **SOMETHING** about “Kemama” i do *NOT* like and I cannot lay my finger on it... but I **DO NOT** like it at ALL. It won’t ever qualify because everyone will think the same way I do” -- Eurovision snobs, tiptoeing around racial coda in January 2020.

 They would also insist that Benny was “arrogant” because he was seemingly impervious to their (de)constructive criticism. Like, if you were a biracial butterfly living in a slavic country who had to deal with statements such as the above on a regular basis, you WOULD block out the noise. And if you heard them often enough you will start to block them out pre-emptively. DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW COPING MECHANISMS WORK?? (oh wait you’re white-privileged. Nevermind 🙄)

 So naturally, when Benny decided that he would revamp “Okay Mother” by adding in MORE African elements it only made me love him even more lol. 😍 Was it a bull-headed, contrarian and possibly really stupid decision? Yes, yes and absolutely yes. Was it worth it? Well he managed to incite even more meltdowns in a group of people I feel nothing but contempt for, so hell yeah? Eurovision was cancelled anyway so who cares how much ‘worse’ “Kemama” actually got. 

Okay, so we’ve arrived at the revamp.

Granted, it wasn’t the best ‘vamp, I’d be a fool to deny it. The new elements threw a wrench in the melodic balance of the song. Out went tropical laid-back fun, IN went that fucking guitar oh my god this is some Hotel FM piano levels of overbearing I swear. (nb: this still didn’t stop me from ironically stanning Hotel FM’s lame asses anyway 😍). However, it made the personal backstory that I loved and savoured take a backseat to the now inferior composition. 😭

Regardless, New Kemama was fundamentally the same song, and I fundamentally liked Old Kemama, so whatevs, it made no different to me. In the eyes of many Eurovision diehards we were experiencing WORST PRESHOW SEASON EVER (after three songs... lol) and nothing clinches this brainworm more than a revamp announcement. “OH MY GOD HE WILL RUIN IT! I CAN GUARANTEE YOU I *WON’T* LIKE IT”. Self-fulfilling prophecies, ya know? It certainly didn’t help when the official channel accidentally uploaded a vid with broken soundmixing (‘OMG HORRIBLE LAST IN THE SEMI!!!!’ calm the ever-loving HELL down) and took another FULL WEEK to upload the correct vid. The damage had already been done. Typing "SEE I TOLD YOU THE REVAMP WOULD BE SHITE HA HA HA” in the Kemama comment box really just is the ESC equivalent of reponding with “Actually, *all* lives matter :smug:” to a BLM support pamphlet, isn’t it?

NF CORNER

While not my favourite NF of the bunch, I found the Czech NF to be lowkey epic. Not epic enough to remember its name but regardless Czechvision or whatever marked the end of an era because it was also the last selection spearheaded by Jan Bors :o

I think I’ve made it clear enough in the past that I’m somewhat mixed on Bors Era Czechia - Lake Malawi were a toetapping good, Ickolas was a pockmarked, skin-crawling evil and the other three inhibit a purgatory somewhere between “moderately nice” and “moderate timewaste.”

Still, I have great respect for the man who orchestrated Czech’s comeback after scoring NINE POINTS TOTAL across three years with the mindset of “So what? Why says we can’t win?” so ofc I was all into the idea of the “EIGHT INDIE ANGELS, HAND-PICKED BY BORS HIMSELF” NF that would serve as his swan song.

Naturally things went down the drain the second Bors left, with one of the eight peacing and his successor cancelling the live broadcast (does anyone remember what exactly happened? I vaguely recall one was the cause of the other but lol it’s July can’t be bothered to factscheck (Factsczeck?) anymore, bitches.

Anyway, ON TO THE GOOD STUFF, and yes, there was plenty.

We All Poop - “ All the Blood (Positive Song Actually)”

Yes, as you can imagine I ofc IMMEDIATELY fell into like when I saw that chyron and invisioned the inevitability of the Czech Rep’s Rep immediately alienating every parent just based on their name alone <3 😍 w/e WAP quickly became that “Good but not great” song you find in every NF that everyone gushes over because it’s the whitest option available. Like, yes, “All the blood” is good, but musically it’s identical to Green Day and Twenty-One Pilots and god name ANY 90s-early00′s American Punk Rock band. For me the enjoyment came from the fact that WAP were openly crazy vegan fundamentalists and the VC clip actively condemns the use ANY animal protein by replacing the cattle and game with LITERAL HUMAN BEINGS. 😍 :fusedmarcintensifies: :kasiamosage:

Pam Rabbit - “Get up”

Ohhhh YES a glorious experimental Synth-Trap song only I could love and ofc I did. God what is there even to say; the provocative darkness of the verses combined with the swirling amorphousness of the chorus gives me LIFE. LUFF THIS SHIT <3333 Ftr, this was also the fave of Slovene Juror duo / synth angels / Boris faves ZALAGASPER, further proving their pathetic naysayers that they own all things music and the haters can suck a series of-

Barbora Mochowa - “White and Black Holes“

Lol, yes even with a “Get up” existing, there was a song I liked even more. Barbora proved a very competent Lana del Gay last year, but I was a YUGE fan of this year’s... Kate Bush-Björk blend of ethereal awesome. It is so soothingly beautiful and the rare example of a song that I find completely free of flaws. Were the competition not such a hard place, I’d be pissed she didnt win (at least she won the jury vote MASSIVE KUDOS to every alum on that) but w/e this selection had opions and I’m rather robbed of a “Kemama” than I am of a BRILLIANT IRREPLICABLE AETHERBALLAD. ~Danse balance sûr les white and black holes~

Elis Mraz & Cis T - “Wanna be like”

I *VERY* strongly felt that if the Czech Republic wanted to win ESC, they should have picked Elis and even now I STILL believe she could have won. That isn’t to say I gushed over “Wanna be like” because I find it kind of annoying lol. Yes, I LOVE an annoying female voice (:Tones&Icackle:) but Elis’s reaches a Camilla Cabello sort of place for me (good lord get Senorita OFF the fucking radio) and the Scat + White Guy Rapping middle-eight. 😬. However, the second I opened up the video clip for this paragraph and was immediately BLASTED by Elis murdering a ukelele and wearing a  “schoolgirl” outfit straight from a Japanese tentacle porn movie and OH MY GOD THE AGGRESSIVE TWERKING made me reconsider that hey, this min-sized Meghan Traynor actually kinda highkey owns, yo!  Yet, I’m not at all bothered we lost her in the Czech NF because we got UNO DOS QUATRO CINCO SEIS :fatmansplit: fill up the megameme slot instead, so...

Eurovision 2020 vs Eurovision 2021

BENNY RUINED HIS SONG AND NEVER WOULD HAVE QUALIFIED. jk I’m not a moron. Sure, “Kemama” wasn’t an easy sell because you know AFROBEAT in a contest where half of the people watching are fash (ie: all of Eastern Europe, who watch out of ~Nationalistic Sentiment~ 😬), but there are Kemama live renditions out there and he owns them SO hard lol. A few soundmixing issues really would not have stopped Benny from qualifying in that RIDICULOUSLY WEAKSAUCE SEMIFINAL are you fucking kidding me. He probably would’ve bombed in the Grand Final, but I mean it’s Czech and it’s not Ickolas so ofc it would have.

And Czech renewed him for 2021 regardless of the sceptics, woohoo! I think part of it was due the Czech not wanting to re-organize an ENTIRE NF from scratch without Jan Bors, but probably also because Benny owns live when he isn’t engaged in psychological trench warfare with actual human detritus <3 and also because the Czech fucking CARE about their artists and don’t drop them like a sack of rotten potatoes wtfshitprus.

Can’t wait for the moment when he qualifies and Efendi does not, etc, etc. 

FREAKY! FRIDAY! FACTOR!

I’d say that the core around which the Ben Drama spun was pretty standard fare: niche fave beats out the concensus fave, meltdowns ensue, people convince themselves it was the WRONG decision because it wasn the result they wanted, try to disown the song and make a fool of themselves because the song slaps, sorry. Even the revamp drama felt more of less generic for me, because yawn fantards melting down over a revamp of a song they don’t even like what else is new.  

However, what I do take away that the revamp was ENTIRELY Benny’s idea which he told no one about (cue to JAN BORS having a social media meltdown like he’s Caesar at the Ides of March 💔) added MORE afrobeat just to troll his haters even more <3  God, I’d say it was bad from a musical perspective but this level of in-your-face defiance is fucking iconic and hilarious, sorry. This entire this year is so batshit bonkers that the concept of a someone potentially shooting themselves in the foot and “torpedo’ing” their qualification chances  (not rly, he would’ve Q’d anyway lol) JUST to take the moral high ground in a racially coded argument only HE took seriously may not even be the craziest concept in the year! (lol it definitely isn’t. Look at the pics I haven’t greyed out yet)

This and more yield Benny some well-earned Senheads! Yay!! 

Score: 3 Senhits out of 5.

[amenomiko]

Thank you for the requests and I apologize for the long wait.

You see, I found both of this is related somehow and so I decided to make it into one. But as per RULES OF REQUESTS, I will do Nobunaga (For the request on the left), Mitsuhide, Kenshin, Masamune and Shingen (Thank you for following the rules for the request on the right).

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Insecurity.

Inferiority.

You name it.

She sigh at her features, her physical appearance as a whole. At times she can't help but to compare herself with the beautiful girls out there--her old self would always grab something near and smashed it into the mirror, screaming and crying her heart out of why she is been born into this world.

This cruel world.

That no matter where she go, she would always be laughed at. Be teased, bullied, made fun of. She tried to love herself, no matter how her thoughts haunt her everytime she is happy. That she does not deserves it, that people pity her for it.

500 years from her timeline is no difference. The girls would look at her up and down, giggling at the tightness around her obi. The way she ordered those desserts on her plate, the way she eat. Her confidence crumbled whenever she tried to control herself from eating--she was laughed at again.

"Won't you faint if you do that? Oh, I didn't mean to be rude, Princess. The lords would question us and we would be in trouble." The head maid asked her, but she can see her lips quiver from holding back her own laughter. Same goes to the other maid behind her who whispering among themselves. Even the passing vassals nudge to one another, as if she had done something amazing.

It's alright.

It's fine.

This is nothing.

This is normal.

It's..

Fine.

Nobunaga

His fireball has been quiet the whole session of war council.

Usually Nobunaga find her silent mode adorable. Because she is not being silent on purpose, her mind will be full with the questions of "What should I eat tonight?" and "Ah are we done yet? I'm so hungry."

But today was different. She is sad. He could see it.

He called out for her name, only to get a low whisper of "I'm sorry.". She cupped her lips, and run out from the hall. But she didn't know he had saw her tears. It fumes him so much, and his mind is racing with what had caused her to cry, and he is all ready to slash their necks off their head for it.

Before he could run after her, Hideyoshi had stopped him. "My Lord. May I have a bit of your time?"

"Not now, Hideyoshi."

"...I may know what happened." Nobunaga paused in his tracks. "It was.."

He find her at her room, crying next to a broken mirror.

"...I've returned to my old self.." She mumbled under her breath. "I hate to see myself. I hate it, Nobunaga.. Til this day I.. I couldn't fathom why you choose me."

"..It was my own choice. Not theirs." He pulled her by her arms gently, making her facing him. "I'm not in love with your outer appearance. I'm not in love with how you look like. Your heart is beautiful enough to make my heart stir so much until I couldn't control it myself. Say all you want about yourself, but always remember that I will be the one to love you with all my heart." He lean and kiss on her forehead many times until she calmed down.

The very next day, he brought her for a short trip to let go of her sadness. As for the castle,..

They are all punished to eat spoiled rice in each of their meal, served together with dead bodies of a lizard for 3 days and 3 nights by Mitsuhide.

Oh, his favorite part of her body? Hips and thigh. He LOVE to smack it and sleep on it.

Masamune

She is happy. Thankful to what life has offered her. Masamune has chosen her, of all those beautiful girls out there, who is more worthy to stand by the infamous One-Eyed Dragon.

But at times...

"So your face is like that ever since an accident? Oh okay.." Her beaming smile fades in instant to the tone that the lady use on her.

"..It's better if she just died on spot." She muttered under her breath, "I just don't see how the most handsome warlord chooses her. It might be just a feeling of pity."

Her grip around the bag of mochi tightened. She heard it all. She heard of it almost everything.

"Now, you must be very unique to the point it caught the heart of the dragon aye?" The shop owner chuckled. "As usual thank you for always helping us finish the desserts, it helped us a lot, dear! Your body is. Ahahaha!" He playfully smack onto her shoulder, and she could only laugh softly.

Her eyes lowered to the mirror in front of her. "..I wonder why myself.."

"Well,..!"

MC gasped as she could feel a strong arm pull her close into a very familiar, soothing smell. It came from a chest that she would always bury her face in and it belongs to none other than Masamune.

"Masa- Anata..? What are you doing here?"

"Hmm? I was grabbing for some ingredients for tonight, and I happen to come across a.." He flashed a grin to the shop owner and the woman, "..very unpleasant conversation about my wife."

He feel a tug on his chest. "It was nothing, I'm used to it.""Ahaha no you won't." His smile curved down to a serious ones. "...You."

"Y-yes, My Lord??"

"Pack up your things now. You are not allowed to sell anywhere you wanted as long as it's within my dragon eye."

"B-but, we are just joking My Lo- kyaaa!!!" The other lady stumbled on her feet the moment Masamune point his sword at her. "My choice is never your concern. Do as I say or else you want to end up at the red light district?"

"Anata..!"

"Sure, my wife is not beautiful for you. At least her beauty doesn't match your ugly heart and a beautiful face that is suitable only for spreading legs for men." He spat.

Wow..

She never seen her husband this angry before. "Anata..? I love you." She giggled.

"..And I love you MORE, my kitten to my baby kitten (ㅅ��³˙)♡ 💕💕💕💕~~"

She can't help but laugh. He would always make her happy and she never regret meeting him in her life.

Fav parts: Ass and Stomach. So cute and curvy ❤❤❤❤

Mitsuhide

Mitsuhide might be working in the shadows, but he is also a well known Warlord of Oda Nobunaga.

He is a very mysterious man, so when people heard the rumors about him, they are full of curiosity about him. Especially if he has someone for a love interest, crushes, any girl he want to get as a wife, and so on. So, when he got married, the rumor goes around just like a wind, where it makes them more and more curious to know, who he have chosen to be his life companion, giving his interesting personality.

"...Oh. You are.. his wife?"

The Daimyo whom they met for a new alliance look at MC up and down, checking her features, as if looking for something on her. He coughed, "Ehm very peculiar." He eyed MC's curves and to her hips. "Ah, for the heir I guess?"

Her hold around the tea tray twitched, followed by her forced smile. She have gathered her courage to give him a lesson when..

BANG!

A sound of a powdered gun echoed the council hall, and all eyes is on Mitsuhide who were grinning at the entrance with a smile that sends cold shiver to the daimyo and his men. "Ah pardon me, I thought there was an intruder because it was laughing like a pig and it perks my attention."

"P-PIG-"

Masamune snorts into his palm. "That really helps lad, I was wondering to myself ever since he arrived..!"

The laughter is followed by Nobunaga, "Such a nice haircut you have there."

"Huh? Wha??" He pats around his head, only to find his fake hair has burnt by his side. "NOOOOO!! Y-YOU! THE ALLIANCE ENDS HERE!"

Nobunaga shrugged, "Who said so?"

"H-huh?"

"Who said that I make an alliance with a pig? Anyway, Mitsuhide, send over a man to make a huge farm for his room. Take over his castle and make them eat grasses for a month."

"May I request for an extension of another month?" Ieyasu added.

"A year, My Lord." Mitsuhide grinned as he pulled his wife into a kiss. "..For disgracing my wife and also the Princess of Azuchi in front of everyone."

"A year it is." After that no one escorts the daimyo out as his title is also be taken away on the same day.

Fav part: Hips and Breasts. Woohoo ❤

Kenshin

"Kenshin-sama must be so desperate."

Again. It's just one of those days where people starts to gossip about her place in Kasugayama.

"He should have just gone to the red light district if he is sexually frustrated."

She froze in her tracks. Yes, they can say anything about her but for her beloved when they know nothing, they should just

"Mind your own business!" She shouted.

"Uwah. What's with this woman??"

"Hey, you should be grateful that we didn't harm you, knowing how you were just the spoils of war to Kenshin-sama. He must have been blind and chose you because Isehime had died. Heh!"

SLAP!! "SHUT UP!"

"You..! This ugly woman!!!"

She winced as he grabbed her by the collar, and in a blink of eye,

His arm were sliced and it plop onto the ground. Bystanders were screaming and gasping at the sight, and MC were speechless to the scene in front of her. Then, a black cloak covered her eyes as a figure in pale blonde pulled her into its chest.

"Say it again and touch her with your filthy hands, your head will be the next one. The woman that I choose to be by my side is the heart that had saved me and NEVER will replace the person who had died long time ago." His mismatched orbs glare into the trembling man's eyes.

"And." He pointed his sword to the other passerby. "If all of you say the same thing or have any complains, leave Echigo or have your head be decorated in your own home.

"..Anata. I'm fine."

"You aren't. I know you better."

"Thank you Kenshin." She smiled into his chest, kissing it while circling her arms around his torso.

His fav part: Ass and Thigh ❤

Shingen

She grinned to the mochi in her hands, pinching around it playfully before munching on it. "Mmmnnhhh~~~~ so fluffy so sweettt~~~". She beamed, happily swinging the bag of sweets in her hand.

She gasped as she spotted her husband among the crowd. "Anata..!"

Ah he didn't hear her. She should go nearer so she could surprise him with the delicious mochi that she bought, couldn't wait to go back to the castle, having their usual tea time routine.

Suddenly a hand stop her. "Hey, I wouldn't go near if I were you..! Are you the maid?"

"M-maid? No, I'm--"

"See those girls around him? You won't stand a chance..! He may be kind to every girls but as for your type.." The lady look at her up and down, giggling at her. "Hahaha..! Oops! Uhm..nope, nope.."

Ah, the typical lines. "Y-yeah, you are right." She glances at Shingen from her shoulder, turning her foot to go back to the castle when

"My darling wife, why aren't you waiting for me? I'm sad you know?"

Gasps echoed all over as he pulled her by the waist, kissing her cheek and temple. "Hm? Your friend?" He smiled at the lady in front of her. "Thank you for pulling my wife away from the busy crowd, you see. She is pregnant with my little angels, so crowds is dangerous for her." He winked, caressing her belly with full of love. "Ah I just can't wait to meet my pair of angels~~" He turned back to the lady.

"Thank you once again. Do rest now, a woman of your age should rest with your grandchildren."

"Sh-Shingen, she's not.."

"Oh? OH pardon me, you look.." He pursed his lips as he look at her up and down, chuckling, "My bad, she looks like.. The witch from the "Snow White" story you ever show to me."

"Hey- pffft. Honey..!" She jabbed his waist.

"Oof! Ahahahaa..! Let's go, My Goddess."

The bit- lady was left flabbergasted in the middle of the road, and the girls who were circling around Shingen, walk passed her with a giggle.

"That's what you get for not keeping opinion to yourself..! Hehehee~~ ____ is a sweet girl, darling. It's your luck that Shingen-sama gives you some mercy or else you will be SLAPPED by our getas. Hmf!"

Fav part: Thigh and Stomach ❤

[kellanved-ammanas]

Space Mercs AU: Halloween Party Part One: Almost Halloween

Rare was the day almost everyone on the team hung out in the dining hall aboard the ship when it wasn’t breakfast or supper – lunch was typically had on the battlefield during break. But here they all were, except for Spy – probably anyway, he could be here but invisible – and Soldier who had a strict routine that didn’t allow for dilly-dallying around in the dining hall after supper even if it was the day before the weekend, and Scout was going to take advantage of it.

“Hey everyone,” he said, drawing the looks of maybe half of them. But whatever, they’d all be excited when they heard the news he’d returned here to share. “I just checked my calendar and Halloween’s like two weeks away. Well… two weeks, in my home planet’s time. This place probably doesn’t celebrate it since they’re lizard alien people things but that’s beside the point. What are we going to do for it?”

Excitement or even the slightest bit of interest didn’t spark on anyone’s face. They didn’t even look like they cared. How was that possible? It was almost Halloween!

“Most colonies don’t celebrate that holiday,” Heavy said before Scout could complain about the lack of response. “I am surprised that your does.”

“What? How? It’s Halloween?” And here Scout had thought he’d been bringing glorious news to the whole team. Instead he’d found out that there were places in the universe inhabited by humans that apparently didn’t celebrate Halloween. And that was apparently the majority position. If it were almost anyone other than Heavy delivery that news, he wouldn’t have believed it. “It’s one of the best holidays.”

Demo lifted his head from where he’d been resting it on the table, apparently not asleep after all. “They celebrate it where I grew up. I’m gonna celebrate it by getting drunk.” His way of celebrating everything. “You’re welcome to join me.”

“Thanks, but… I was thinking we could throw a team Halloween party. We could dress up, if we can find costumes anyway, and watch scary movies together, maybe even play a horror game or two. And just hangout in general, you know?” Like friends were supposed to do on Halloween. And they were all friends… sort of anyway, right?

Pyro tapped the table to get everyone’s attention. “What is…” clearly not knowing the sign for ‘Halloween’, if there even was one, he spelled it out with his fingers instead. “I’ve never heard of it.”

An hour ago, if someone had told Scout they’d never heard of Halloween, he wouldn’t have believed them but now unfortunately he knew better. It was easy to forget how small and insignificant his home planet was sometimes, especially when compared to the rest of the universe. “It’s like uh… um…” How did he even explain what Halloween was?

“A celebration of all things horror,” Engie finished for him. “I grew up in a place that celebrates it too.”

“Good, great, that’s three of us.” So at least Scout wasn’t alone. There was still hope of getting some sort of celebration going on here… maybe. “So, we should celebrate as a team. Throw a party. Sound likes fun, right?”

“If I’m not too busy, I suppose,” Medic said. “I am a fan of horror movies.” Shocker, Medic was a fan of blood and gore.

“I’d be okay with that,” Heavy agreed. “It is an interesting holiday.”

Scout turned to look at Sniper sitting at the end of the table, still drinking coffee. His approval meant the most but Scout was going to pretend that that wasn’t the case. Thankfully he didn’t look displeased by the thought. “Sure, I guess,” he said with a shrug. It wasn’t enthusiastic but it was good enough.

“I like parties,” Pyro signed fast enough that Scout barely caught it.

Engie sighed. “Eh, I guess majority rules. It’s been a long time since I attended a Halloween party anyway.”

“Woohoo!” Demo shouted in celebration, raising his empty beer bottle as he stood up. “A Halloween party!”

 -

The two team members absent from the unofficial meeting about the Halloween party needed to be informed as well so they could be prepared for it. Demo volunteered to tell Soldier, which left Scout to tell Spy. Under different circumstances that might’ve bummed him out a bit but he was too excited to care.

Finding Spy however was not an easy task. Not only could he shapeshift into almost anything but he could also turn invisible, meaning if he didn’t want to be found he wouldn’t be. Scout was persistent though and eventually found him outside, leaning against the side of the building opposite the spaceship dock, smoking a cigarette and looking up at the sky.

“Yo,” he said as he jogged up to him. “What you doing out here?” No point not trying to be friendly; Spy was still an asshole but over the months he’d been slowly but surely warming up to Scout, a little bit anyway. They almost even got along when Scout wasn’t purposefully annoying him.

Spy sighed out a cloud of smoke. “I’m out here to watch the moons rise. It’s become an important part of my alone time.”

Scout was going to fake obtuseness and pretend he didn’t pick up on that hint. “They are awful pretty, huh?” Even he had to admit the sight was breathtaking and he wasn’t normally one to enjoy that kind of thing much. “But anyway, I came out here to tell you that we’ve all decided we’re going to throw a Halloween party in two weeks’ time. Uh… I guess you probably don’t know what that is because you’re an alien so Halloween is…”

“I know what Halloween is,” Spy interrupted.

“Really? How?”

“I once spent a lot of time on a planet that celebrated it and uh… was friends with someone who was a big fan of it.” That slight hesitation was interesting, Spy almost never hesitated like that.

“A friend huh? I didn’t know you were capable of making friends.”

“I am perfectly capable of making friends.”

“Really huh?” Scout couldn’t pass up an opportunity to possibly learn more about Spy, the second most mysterious member on the team. “What was your Halloween friend like? Are you guys still friends? Were they a…”

“Shut up,” Spy interrupted with a scowl as he breathed out an annoyed cloud of smoke.

“Oh! You seem awfully grumpy all of sudden, more so than usual anyway. So perhaps they were more than a friend? Tell me more.”

Spy’s scowl deepened. “It is none of your business. And if you ever bring it up again, I will skin you alive.” He pointed an angry finger at Scout as he ground out the butt end of his cigarette on the wall before vanishing.

“Well uh… I take it was a rough break up then.” Scout would be lying if he said he wasn’t slightly intimidated. He wasn’t sure just how serious Spy was about that threat and he didn’t want to test it. “But anyway, like I said, we’re having a Halloween party two weeks from now. Be there or be square.” Hopefully Spy was still close enough to hear that part; even if he was a grumpy asshole, Scout wanted him to show up because it was supposed to be a team Halloween party and thus it wouldn’t be complete without Spy.

Next

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Tagged!

RULES: share six facts about yourself then tag 10 followers

TAGGED BY: @hearteyesosamu (they changed their URL so I forgot to add them to my last one whoops. Sorry Kenna! I’ll tag you next time!)

TAGGING: @hylian-usual-zelda-obsession (you can just do three if you’re tired bro), @akaskira @vivalashitpost @tsukiomoon @caratheillustrious @lizard-in-the-rain @bungou-stray-alies-tales-of-aly (I know that many people)

Since I’ve done this game... I think twice? I’m gonna go for the more obscure facts that some people who know me might not even know themselves!

I have a sweet tooth. This is pretty obvious considering my eating habits. I have had chocolate mousse (two types), donuts, truffles, and other stuff within a week. I even had sweets when I had pretty bad acne against the doctor’s orders (screw you!) I’ve learned to accept it. I don’t eat large amounts of sweets at once, but I do enjoy the finer sweets in life.

I’m a sucker for certain kinds of romances and cliches. That one is really obvious. I laugh at myself for it all the time though. Seriously, if done right, I get really blushy. I’m a weakling.

I have (apparently) put over 150 hours (I’m guessing 200 hours or around that) into Fire Emblem Three Houses. I like Claude, Edelgard, Petra, Linhardt, Felix, Ingrid, and a bunch of the characters. It’s my favourite Fire Emblem game to date! I haven’t played them all though. I’ve played each path of Three Houses multiple times and have no regrets. In fact, I’m still going.

If you can’t tell, I’m very hard on myself which makes life that much harder for me. But I’m also judgemental and jaded so it’s hard for new people to get to know me in real life. I’m nothing like how I am online in real life, but the person I am online is probably truer to me. The online part of me is only revealed if I’m really close to someone, and even then, it almost never happens.

I have trypanophobia. It seriously scares me a lot, and I get really panicked by it and once unfollowed someone for that reason. I actually had to search up the word for that (which popped up images) and am now sweating and getting that reaction. Oh boi. Yeah, it’s really bad. Seriously, I refrain from telling people because I have the fear that they will use it against me so we’ll see how this goes.

I have a ton whack of moles and a huge scar on my knee that embarrasses me to the point where I wore pants all summer before. It’s a keloid scar. I also have a birthmark (I think that’s what it is) on my left upper leg.

I darn hope someone’s gonna reveal some same-level embarrassing stuff. It took me a while to come up with these because it was a whole lot of, “This is too embarrassing” or “That’s just a boring fact”. Now to go play some more Fire Emblem! Woohoo!

[mrneighbourlove]

Red Typhoon: Ch 3. Crusaders Sail Onward

"It's been a while since we got the old crew together, hasn't it, Cap'n?" Rat was loading some cargo onto the Sea Witch with Corsaire. "Been so many a-years. We were all on the sea a long time together, but now, we's got families and responsibilities. It's hard to get the whole gang in one place."

"Well, I for one, am glad."

"Eh?"                                    

"You all have your own lives now. That's what I always wanted for all of you."

"Heh, I know, cap'n. Doesn't mean we don't miss you."

"I miss all of you too, though, I'm just glad all of you have found your place in this world."

"Hard to believe you're a father of three now."

"I can't believe you married a bear."

"HA!" Rat laughed at that comment. "Well, she's quite the woman, as is Missy Orana. I mean, Princess Orana. It's hard to stop calling her that."

Liz ran to the ship, excited the with the news she brought, it meant one more nail to place into their departure. "Captain Corsaire! They’re coming into shore!"

"What are you waiting for then? Go greet them!" Corsaire waved her off. "And for the sea's sake, make sure your Uncle Acrobat doesn't slip in this snow. Metal and ice don't mix!"

"Sure thing! Revy's really excited to see them Uncle Rat. Might want to reign her in."

Down at the shore, Revy was shooting colourful flares to signal to her band of Uncle's coming into land. How she loved every single one of them, and it had been far too long seeing some of them.

"I-I-I really don't like th-this." Pockets' teeth chattered horribly as he clung to the saddle for dear live. "W-Why did we have... have to t-take dragons?!"

"Cause cap'n told us ta hurry." Acrobat told his long time friend. "And if cap'n says to hurry it up, we's hurrying it up."

"We really need ta git on these lizards more often!!!" Mojo was having the time of his life with the wind in his face. "Where do I buys one?"

"You don't buy one, they's choosing you." Juju told his brother while hanging onto his bandanna. "You's has to ask the Lorleidians 'bout it."

"Do the loop de loop again!" Bomba was literally bouncing up and down on his saddle in excitement. "Again!"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Aw, you's no fun."

They saw different colour flares being shot from the shore line for the dragons to land safely. Revy was like a firefly in the distance, buzzing around excitedly.

"Hey, dere's Reveka!" Mojo pointed out the flares.

"Woohoo! Revy!!! Hey!!!" Juju waved to his niece.

"She likes me best, I'm the coolest uncle." Bomba declared with a flick of his wrist.

"Pfft, you wish, we's all know that I's the favorite" Acrobat argued. "Who convinced Rat ta get her da puppy?"

"I-I-I did." Pockets tried to hold back a snicker.

"Hey!"

Once they all landed, it quickly dawned on the how big she had grown. She stomped like a giant at them as soon as they got on their feet, and scooped as many of the men she could in a bear hug. "It's so good to see you all in one place again!"

"Ooof! Easy on dis old rigger, Reveka!" Acrobat grunted when she picked him up so easily. "He's not as young as he used ta be."

"Y-You've gotten so b-b-big!" Pockets was still taller than Revy and gave her a gentle pat on the head, ruffling her hair. "Grow so f-fast!"

"Heeey, dis ain't cool, why's the shrimp taller than me now?" Bomba crossed his arms in a fake pout. "Ah well, some ladies prefer der men fun size anyways."

"Bork!" Boof made his presence known and demanded pets from every man. "Woof!"

"Ah, good ta see you, Boof-Boof." Mojo scratched the dog behind his ears. "Revy taking good care of ya?"

"Bork!"

"Aye, she always does, doesn't she?" Juju laughed and then asked. "Revy, how's your wee brother?"

"He's doing really good Uncle Juju. I've been making sure that he's got a lot of meat on his bones. Ooh! Check out this out!" Revy took a step back and drew her sword. Concentrating her magic, she thrust her sword upwards, and a lightning bolt from deep up in the sky struck down, and her blade sparked in a cone of dancing electricity. "I'm an electric warrior!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!"

There were multiple exclamations as the men made sure to keep Acrobat out of the way.

"Dat's really cool, Rev, but could ya do it when I'm not... in proximity?" The old rigger asked his niece. "I's much like a lightning pole now with these new legs."

Revy noticed his legs sparking. Shit. Metal. Metal very, very bad. She quickly stabbed her sword into the ice next her to dispel the lightning. "Sorry, sorry, sorry. That would have been bad. But pretty cool overall right?"

"Aye, pretty damn cool."

"Bomba, don't curse around the lassie!"

"What?! She's an adult now, I'm pretty sure she's heard damn before, as well as shit---"

"Bomba!"

"Ass---"

"Bomba, shut up!"

"And fuck, but who knows?"

"Well, I consider myself a pretty hardcore mother fucker if I do say so myself. Bring all the bitches in~" Revy snickered, happy to fuel her Uncle Bomba's antics.

"Oh, good water spirit, ya rubbed off on her ta much, Rat's gonna have ye head." Mojo nudged Bomba in the shoulder.

"Rat's gotta catch me first, and I'm quite younger than him." Bomba snickered.

"Ye's still a brat, and ye know it." Juju nudged the other shoulder, causing Bomba to laugh.

"Wh-Where's your mother?" Pockets asked Revy. "W-We wanna make s-s-sure she knows we'll take... take care of you!"

"Aye, she knows, Borghild trusts us with her little cub." Acrobat wrapped one arm around Revy's shoulders. "Though, I believe we's all going to need a little of dat famous Uskarian mead before we---"

"Don't even think about it," Rat's voice interjected, chuckling as he saw all his former crew mates. "That stuff knocked your ass out for three days last time."

"Well, I think I used up two of my three swears for the year anyways. If you want change you should see how Liz and Lex have changed." Revy turned and waved to her dad. "Hey Dad! They all made it!"

"By the water spirit, you weren't joking when you said you got new legs!" Rat bent down to look at the metal working on Acrobat's hips, thighs, knees, and ankles. "Dat Lady Asakonigei made 'em for you?"

"Aye! I take 'em off at night, but beats the crutches any day. I can finally run again!"

"N-Not fast."

"Not fast, but still."

"Cap'n is glad you's all here, I's glad you's all here."

"Seer's our brother, Rat, we'd brave maelstroms and sirens for him."

Liz took her time walking with Rat, but when she saw her other Uncle's she felt a bit of hope. Seeing her dad again felt like it was fated and set in stone with them all gathering here. "Hello everyone. I'm happy to see you arrived safe and sound."

"Sheesh, time passes too quickly nowadays, you's all gone." Bomba sighed deeply with a sulk. "And you're taller than me too."

"Cap'n finishing the ship preparations?"

"He is. Once that's complete, we're hitting the ocean. In the meantime, we should gather the others and say our goodbyes."

Revy followed Liz back to town. Lex was having her 'friends' carry all their luggage to the ship for her. Least they could do after the going away gift she gave them all. "Ok boys, careful with the luggage. Some breakable glass in those bags you know."

"Lassie, dis is a rescue mission, not a... a slumber party." Bomba watched as piece after piece of luggage went on the ship. "I mean, I's understanding of a lady's need for... uh... personal products, but... isn't dat a bit much?"

"It's potions, maps, weapons, and gold for gambling. We might need to do all sorts of negotiating." She bent down to kiss Bomba on the cheek. "It's good to see you Uncle Bomba. All the rest of you too Uncles."

"You lassies need ta practice shooting?" Mojo asked the girls. "Brought my training guns 'case you's out of touch."

"We can set up targets." Juju offered. "Someone steal Cap'n's hat."

"I heard that!" Corsaire said from the ship, looking over the ledge at his old crew. He grinned from ear to ear. "Good to see you all again, mates. Missed you much, that's for sure."

"Never thought we'd be on ta Sea Witch ta hunt other pirates, cap'n." Acrobat had to chuckle at the irony. "So much for thief's honor."

"Well Uncle Acrobat, thieves don't have honour. They steal. And by stealing, they ruin lives. Dad was stolen from us afterall." Liz bitterly said. With a deep breath, she dropped her shoulders.

"Tis an old pirate saying, lassie." Acrobat patted one of her shoulders. "We's gonna get him back."

"D-Don't be sad," Pockets told Liz with a smile. "We's gonna find S-S-Seer, we p-promise."

"I'm not sad. I'm angry." Liz turned at the sound of people gathering. Borghild and little Trygve arrived with Scarlet, and Halvar came with his bag and his family behind him to see him off.

"We'll be awaiting your return, son." Torbjorn told Halvar as he handed the young prince his bow and sack of arrows. "Be careful."

"I'll be fine, Father." Halvar assured his sire. "I'll have the whole crew with me, and besides," He looked over his shoulder to Elizabeth. "I have to support Liz. I love her and want to be with her."

"We understand." Brigritta then wrapped an extra cloak of fur around Halvar's shoulders. "Keep warm and be alert. The seas are just as dangerous as our lands."

"I will, Mother."

Borghild had Trygve on her hip, carrying him to the docks.

"Scarlet? Are you sure about this?" Borghild asked the Iron Knuckle.

"I'm sure. I have to make sure Rat and Revy don't get themselves killed. I'll see they return in one piece." Scarlet had enjoyed how close she had gotten with Borghild over the years, and gave her a close hug.

Revy bent down to Boof and patted his head. "I need you to look after Trygve until I return Boof. You understand boy?"

"I know you will, Scarlet." Borghild returned the hug and then added. "You make sure you come home in one piece too. You're our family, you know. Revy might be full grown, but there's nothing wrong with her having two mama bears."

"Wwwwwwhhhinnne." Boof pawed at Revy, not liking the fact that his human was going away without him. The two had hardly been separated ever since she was little.

"I won't be long boy. I promise." Revy hugged her dog close. He was getting old, and she wouldn't risk his life on such a dangerous journey.

Bakura finished bowing to Vidar, having finished a sparring match to make sure he was in shape for the journey. Walking to the group, he gave a bow to Corsaire's crew. "I assume you are the many uncles my daughters tell me about. It's a pleasure to meet you all."

The crew was a little surprised by the bow. The men certainly were not used to such respect. So, the crew showed their acceptance the only way they knew, with a good, old-fashioned punch to the shoulder.

"Aye, we's his old crew and the self-proclaimed uncles." Mojo slung one arm around Bakura's shoulder. "Been with Cap'n for years now."

"We helped changed the wee ones diapers when they's were babes." Juju slung one arm around Bakura's other shoulder. "And rocked 'em to sleep when Seer needed a break."

"Sang jaunty after jaunty," Acrobat added. "After jaunty."

"L-L-Liked 'Tipsy Toe Tease' the b-b-best." Pockets thought back to those years ago.

"Tipppppsy toe, tipsy toe, tease! What a bar wrench you are for me!" Bomba belted out with a dramatic flare of his arm, then jumped up on a barrel. "You sneak into bed, leave me dead, face all rrrrrreeeeddd!!! Sneak out in the morn, I'm so forlorn, things go to norm! I'm pleasing, wheezing, dreaming, of my tipsy toe tease!"

Revy and Lex gave a giggle, remembering the song well. Liz bit her lip to not snicker at her poor father being slung around by the crew. Bakura simply gave a smile to the bizarre crew. "Well, thank you."

Scarlet hoped things wouldn't be too awkward with her coming along. "Hello gentlemen."

"I can sing 'Whale Farts' too."

"No, no, just... no, Bomba."

"What? That one always made Revy giggle."

"Whaaale fart make tsunamis and fish make great suuushi---"

Rat clamped his hand over Bomba's mouth so Scarlet could greet the crew.

"Ah, so... no breaking noses dis time, right?" Mojo asked in good humor.

"We's glad you's coming with us, we need da extra muscle." Juju told Scarlet.

"I got muscle!" Bomba had removed Rat's hand from his mouth and flexed in front of Scarlet. "See? Not bad for a shortie."

"Well I'm glad to help." Scarlet raised an eyebrow at Bomba, and leaned her head down to him. "Your energy sure hasn't changed little man."

"I'm fun-sized, all over baby." Bomba winked at Scarlet. "Wanna check just in case?"

Rat promptly smacked a hand to his face and sighed deeply while the rest of the crew laughed.

Unknowns to Bomba, he might have just struck gold with that. "Well, I guess we'll have to see you prove it on this journey, won't we."

Before the men could process if that was genuine interest being sent back to Bomba, Scarlet turned to the girls. "Get on board. We're heading out ladies."

"Yes mom!" Revy went over to Borghild and her little brother, giving them one more hug. "I will return. I love you both so much."

"I love me a giant woman." Bomba whistled as Scarlet walked on board.

"Bomba, she could crush ya like an egg." Mojo shook his head.

"What's wrong with ya?" Juju asked.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting her to walk on me."

"BOMBA."

"I wonder if they carry heels in her size---"

"BOMBA!!!"

"Okay, okay, I'll hush now, you's just jealous cause I got me an older woman."

"Will you shut up?! That's Reveka's mom!"

"Yeah, and? I can't think a mom is hot? You know what a MILF is, right?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, if you don't shush right a-now, I'm throwing you into the water!"

"Aye, aye, me's a hushing."

Scarlet gave a light smile as she walked aboard. Liz walked up with Halvar, and Lex joined them right after. Revy dried some tears forming from Boof pulling on her pants. "Mom, can you take him? If he gets pulling, I just might stay."

Boof insistently pulled on Revy's pant leg, trying to keep her from going on the ship without him. When Revy removed his mouth, he wrapped his forepaws around her ankle. The snow dog did not want his human to go without him. Borghild gently took Boof's collar, setting little Trygve down so he could say goodbye to his sister.

"Boof, be a good boy. Reveka will be back soon, you just have to wait." Borghild assured the dog. "Be careful, my sweetie. Remember, a mama bear only charges...?"

"Only charges after using our heads first." Revy gave them all one last hug. "I'll be back. I promise."

With that, Revy ran onto the ship before she had any more second thoughts. "I'm... I'm ready to go dad."

"We'll bring them back soon!" Corsaire called to the families waiting on the docks. "Anchors up, Pockets! Unfurl all sails, Acrobat! Bomba, check cannons!" He started barking orders as the Sea Witch pulled away from the port. "Mojo, Juju, check engines! Rat, keep us on course! Elizabeth, overhaul the ropes for Acrobat! Scarlet, furl the extra sails! Reveka, stock gunpowder! Alexandria!" He paused and then looked at his niece for a moment and then said, "Make sure Pockets has the nipper to bind the anchor."

"Does that include Scarlet, cause she's a bombshell too."

"BOMBA.

"Okay, okay, I'm a git'n."

Lex knew very little about going about a boat, but she made sure to help best she could. "Yes Uncle!"

Liz got right to work. "How fast do you think we'll go with these sails?"

"Fast enough, I hope." Corsaire took the wheel and watched as the glistening sails unfurled. "She's an old girl, but she's never let me down once. I know she'll get us there."

"Well, I hope magic sails turn out to be real!"

Bakura looked around, wondering what the journey ahead would bring them now they had finally departed. "Is there anything I can do Captain?"

"You're a fancy, high-jumping assassin, right?" Corsaire pointed up to the jolly roger, where Acrobat was working the ropes. "Think you're up to help him work the ropes?"

"I believe I can." Bakura took a few steps forward, and climbed his way up to Acrobat, making sure to help. Liz watched, hopeful that the ship would pick up speed. "Gods, give me this..."

As all the sails were unfurled, the magic started to work. The usual white sails turned into a golden color and shimmered. It was then, the speed increased, and kept increasing. This was no time to be slow, so Corsaire braced himself and held onto the wheel tightly.

"Everyone, hold on!!!" The captain told his crew. "We're going to get our brother!!!"