#woooo new headphones!!!!

[fortheloveofrunning]

I was going to jog but it’s very, very rainy outside so I’ll hold off until tomorrow. Hopefully by then my Shokz will be in!!

[cat-with-a-keyboard]

shoutout to the best version of this song this side of the Siren/Switched-On Lotus version and also that tumblr hasn’t updated their share function since 2012

[jerrsterrr]

hey guyssshahgahgahaaaaaaahhaaaa

obligatory silly posting about my ocs/sonas!!!!!!! and. me

and the amongus crewmates because i made a joke on insta that my followers were little guys and it was a silly "where do u wanna be on the drawing" w my mutuals over there :3

those characters are like my sort of sonas in my little oc world, the mind, body and heart!! i have this lil goober with headphones to more accurately represent me ^___^

(LMAO THIS WAS THE ONLY PIC I COULD FIND)

Theres like a big biiiigg storyline as these three being main characters thats going on here with several different characters that i wish to update more accurately on my Toyhouse and i have several posts on my instagram but i decided to use tumblr as to rant and ykno fanboy about my own ocs aswell!!!!!!!!! lol

okay long infodump that probably makes little sense my bad

The way it goes is themed after infinite realities, death,, living and basically heaven? Which i came up with after having like several years of haunting dreams LOL

For the longest time since i was little ive had dreams of being in some sort of messed up apocalypse so thats what the mind is from!! His name is Xiety and he looks like me when i had those dreams, or like some fucked up bird thing heheh

After all that though i started having dreams where i was,, different people sort of?? Dreams with different povs or dreams where i lived entire different lives. Thats Jerri! the body.

The last little guy is called matthew and isnt based off any dreams but more based off the feeling i get when i realize im dreaming. Ive never lucid dreamed but ive always had like a moment to realize "this isnt my life" and im just like viewing whats happeining o_0

All together i made a story for when they get sort of seperated, Xiety, the mind is seperated from the two in a apocalyptic world they have control over and hides the heart (matthew). The body being basically a carbon copy of itself just wanders around this world. Jerri cant remember how they got there or where they are from, but they die, over and over and over. Until eventually, they find the heart, in some rubble, and they sort of gain concious enough to realize "um im stuck in infinite zombie reality hell and this is NOT my reality" they take the plush and try to survive, but xiety kinda catches on and feels betrayed by this. He cant comprehend why on earth the body would want to live knowing what he knows (news flash only the mind knows what he knows of their og reality) HENCE the breaking out and being stuck in a infinite inbetween of constant realities woooo. Jerri and Matthew try to find to find the og reality, going through different bodies, meeting different minds and dying in ALOT of them. It becomes kinda clear that in most realities NONE of them do they live or are happy LMAO

that was like a shitty simplification BUT BESIDES ALLAT they litterally stumble into heaven and meet gods and Reapers and souls BUT they cant stay which SUCKS cuz imagine losing it it and one day people see you for yourself and you cant STAY cuz ur technically not dead just abstracted into peices and yaddah yaddah more ocs hehehe

(ALSO BASED ON A DREAM I HAD)

anyways heres a silly video i made with all of em:

ALSO ALSO OBLIGATORY TAG @moenmomentsthemoe-en

:333333

[rwby-is-the-best]

well i didn't think I'd like the justice league crossover, and i did! so i thought "wait, what am i doing!? there's more rwby stuff out there that i haven't seen!" so now I'm watching ice queendom! or as I've been calling it, "the answer to the decade old question of Is RWBY an anime." reactions and thoughts below! or click here for reactions to all episodes in one place!

episode 1

yayyy yangs bike is already on screen!

ooo weiss looks fancy in this art style but what happened to cline

omg weiss is Savage the sass is just Dripping off her she's already Scoffing. slayyyyy!!! slay!!!!!! that's how she sounds.

ooh this is a Weird grimm...

this background music is soOH SHIT SHE GOT THE EYE SCAR blake!!!!! yOuRe nOt ScArEd, aRe YoU? man ... i hope adam dies in this show too

cline almost died!!! why is he so close!!!

oo weiss is doing ruby's signature midair flip and look thing

*dripping with blood* "so, Father, can i go to college abroad now?"

gambol shroud's ribbon sound effects are so funny it goes Wheoosooshhhshoospewpew!wooshsoowshh

whoa the undersides of Blake's hair are purple

arryn is doing such a great job whoa

yessssss Ruby's headphones and hood up

was that hatsune miku???

bdbdhsbs the traffic sign says TRAFFIC SIGN above it and ruby is reading WEAPONS MAGAZINE

roman!!!!! woooo

okok here goes ruby Hot damn OH NEW SONG her scythe is so shinyOough the bowlegged knee stance. augh.

zwei!!!!

glenda!!! oh she looks badass in this style

why do the cops salute the beacon headmaster

AYO HE TOLD HER HER EYES WERE LIKE HER MOTHER'S STRAIGHT FROM THE GETGO

aLl BiRdS eVeNtUaLlY lEaVe ThE nEsT I don't think you get to say that after turning two of his teammates into birds, ozpin

aww clip of blake getting accepted into beacon! it's so fun getting these extra behind the scene scenes y'know?

is jaune gonna puke on the ship again? ohh her dad told her he was proud of her just the way she is. that's good

woof woof woof woof

STOP THEY ZOOMED IN ON PYRRHA WHILE THE NARRATOR SAID "DIE" SHE HASN'T EVEN BEEN INTRODUCED YET

jaune hasn't puked yet... maybe next episode. ooh interesting end credits song. bit of a slow start but I'm here for it!

[findmeagreenlight]

woooo I had such a nice day

today's sanity check included

going to the cinema for the first time this year (I saw the Haikyuu movie. what a time to be alive that anime movies are finally played here, I wish this started before Promare aired)

I bought a kinder bueno because I've been yearning for it ever since that poll post lol

I read half a book while waiting/travelling

no weekend is complete without pastries

I saw a woman step off the bus and greet her dog with the enthusiasm of someone who hasn't seen him in weeks but it was likely half a day. I thought she was running towards her kid but no. Or, I guess, sort of.

finally bought myself a new headphone!!! I've only been planning on it for months!!! I'm so excited to try it out tomorrow by (drum beat) starting BG3

I met a hedgehog 🥺 he was going in the same direction as me 🥺 my only companion on the long (read: 10 minute) road home at midnight 🦔

my train there and back were both late by 15 minutes which I realise is not commonly a good thing but I wasn't in a rush and it was very nostalgic. It's been 10+ years since I commuted on that line but some things never change.

I'm so sleepy now. I will try to catch the boba tea place next time~

[froggywaffles]

The freedom of loving

——————

Ray x OC

TPN Fanfic ( I don't own the promised neverland )

The freedom of being able to love comes with a lot more than just love it comes with loss, pain, sacrifice and the chance of a happy ending....

Will they get to grasp freedom or let it take flight without them?

——————

Series masterlist

——————

The opening of the curtains- let the show begin

——————

121045

As the sun rose, alarm clocks rang and the once peaceful and quiet house was now filled the laughter and annoyed groans of children. But today was a ʎddɐH day, Conny was chosen to leave the house to be adopted into a new family. Most were was excited for her, some were sad at her leave but for different reasons. Echo, Norman and Ray were setting up plates and cups filled with water for them and their siblings.

"NEEEAOoM!" Emma shouted rushing into the dinning room with Phil on her back,Thoma and Lanni following not to far behind.

"Good morning Norman, Ray and Echo!" The ginger said happily to her siblings.

"Good morning Emma."

"Mornin'"

"Emma good morning!"

"What are you five?" Ray questioned from her behaviour this early in the morning.

"I am not five! I am eleven like you three!" She grumpily shouted towards Ray. As giggles were heard from behind the eleven year olds.

"Mama your laughing too" Emma asked the older women slightly offended.

"Come on childeren it's time for breakfast" Isabella said motioning towards the tables.

Breakfast was filled with playful chatter, planning what games to play and remembering the nights dreams. Not too long after breakfast the children had their daily tests.

"Okay children the screens will turn on in a moment, try your best okay?"

The test screens were on, the room filled with silence.

Soon the buzzer to show the test was over buzzed, the screens turned off and the children removed their headphones.

"Now for the results children" Mama stated to the orphans.

"Congratulations Emma, Ray, Norman and Echo! You all got 300 out of 300"

Emma rose from her seat and cheered, Norman only smiled at her antics as the four were congratulated for their scores.

Scores. Get high scores.

"Apparently the house has never had four kids at their level at the same time before" a child said.

"I mean Emma has amazing athletic abilities and her great memories makes it easier for her to stay up by the other three, Ray an intellect who can compete with Norman and Echo, Norman is a genius who has one of the best brains and Echo on the other hand is a different breed of genius beating them all ten times over of an intelligence level and her athletic abilities come close to Emma's!".

Don suddenly stood from his seat and pointed at Norman and proudly shouted "Norman! I challenge you to a game of tag!" Norman laughed but agreed to the younger boy's challenge. As the children were leaving the testing room Jemima stopped Echo from leaving. "What's the matter Jemima?"

"Will you play tag today? You never play tag!" Jemima groaned looking up at the taller blonde-ette.

"The only reason I don't play is because I would beat you all!" Echo boasted which got an eye roll from Ray who was stepping out of the door.

"Well you'll just have to prove it!" Jemima smiled as she grabbed her wrist and dragged her outside.

"I'm forcing Echo to play!"

"Woooo!"

"Yay!"

"She is gonna beat us though!"

"She's too good!"

"GO!"

The children ran to the forest while Norman waited 30 seconds to give the rest of his siblings a head start before he came to tag them. Echo ran straight with Jemima following not to far behind. Echo lifted the curly haired girl into a tree, then climbed in herself hoping to wait out Norman up there. After a few minutes Norman spotted the two girls in the tree and began heading towards them, but not before Echo had hopped down with the younger child in her arms and broke out into a full sprint away from the white haired boy. Norman soon gave up on chasing the two for now and went after a few of the other kids while he thought of a plan to tag them.

Run. Run away.

There are now only three people left: Emma, Jemima and Echo. Norman spotted Emma and came up with a plan to trick her into coming closer to him so he could tag her. He proceeded to 'trip' over rock and face plant into a ditch. Emma worried that he got hurt jumped down from the tree she was in to go check on him, which resulted in finding out he was faking and she got tagged. That only left Echo and Jemima, then time went and Echo and Jemima were victorious.

"Told you I'd win".

Not fast enough. Run faster.

After their game of tag, time past and night fell. It was time to say Gₒₒdbyₑ to Conny. She was being adopted!

Conny walked down the stairs suitcase in hand, travelling clothes on.

I̸͚̟͇͚̊̉̓̏͂̋͑̃̈́'̶̲̬͌̽̈̐̔̊̒̚m̴̬͈̟̖̤̣͚̙̫̳̑̆̏͋͑́̄̕ ̸̩̳̪̝̣̊̈́̂̓̓̔ṡ̴̡̯̻͇̤͙̠̳̭͆͑͊͊̈́͋̂̃̚o̸̢̧̲̟͎̬̤̟̒̎͋r̷̡̡̝͍͊̊̈́͝ṛ̵̤̣͔̯̺̜͉͆̽̅͗̈̃̄͜y̴̨̙͓̺͇̰̌̍̕͝

She looks so happy.

I̷͓̗̬̼̽͑ͅ ̵̢̙̪͂̾͋̀̊͐͝͠ḍ̴̞͍̣͒͑̅̀i̷̧̨̫̫̤͊d̶̢̗͔͂̈́n̷̡̪̜̭̲̺̺̳̣̽͋̍͋̋̎͒̚'̴̯̲̫͗̽̇̓̋̿̾͘̕t̷̲̹͔̒͗̑̃͒ ̸̙̖͈̯̔̒͘͜ř̸̨̢̺̥͕̝̤̰͙͈̄͐̾͆̂̋e̵͇̭̠̣͓̘͖̬̞̮̚͝͝m̶͙̂è̴̝̙̥m̴̡̙͂̓b̸̡̧͉̟͈̫̩̬͍̿̂̾̿̓̉̊̃e̴̡̢̫̓͋̇ŕ̴̢̧̟̠͕̻̰̮̎̆̑̑́ͅ

Everyone was sad to see her go. Especially Don. But they were happy for her.

I̷̛͓̬͙͊͂̍͑̏̉̆ ̷̡̨̢̳̲̦̩̺̼̑͗͛͒̒̀d̷̢̫̝̥͙͑͐̔i̶̺̹̯͌̍̎̋̑̉̑́ḓ̵̠̬̙̩̜̈́̀̽̎n̴̬̝̲̤͒̂̾̏̚͠'̶̢̲̯̳͙̔̾́̂̄̾͆̉ẗ̴̮́̑̀͐̿͛̀͝ ̴̛̪̬̱̹͙̲̈́̌̓̂̒r̴̨̛̛̗̠͖̩̖̍̈̕e̶̥͇͐̑͆̉͌̚͝ͅm̷̛̘̗̞͓̺͎̉͂̎è̶̫̅̿m̴̘̥̘̭̲̌͆͊̑̏̈́͝͝b̵̝̜͔̏̏̑͐̈́̃̂̉̍̚ę̸̨̝̯̼́̀̈̊̔̏̽̋̀͠r̴͍͊̈͑̚͠ ̴̭̣̻̹̯̞͙̅̈́̽̊̋̈̓̍̕i̶̗̤͉̘̘̓̄́̃̏͊̍̚͝n̶̨͇͙̳̹̏́͝ ̸̨̮̟̹̊̀̓̓͑̅̚t̴̡̡͖̯͓̙̤͎̼͗i̴̯͇̩͉̇m̵̡̙̣̣̹̩̘͎͌̀́͜e̴̪͇͈̥̪̻̤̝̦͗̔̾̈́̅̀ ̴͕͙͈̭̖̫̗̪̈́̍C̸̰̮̣͕͚̭̗̙̯̟̏̋̐̃̚͝͝o̴̞̫̯̼̘̓̒̈̀͌̇̚͜ņ̶̨̡̜̭̭̲̠͌͘͜ṉ̷̤̦́̓̀̅͂͋ỹ̴̟̞͗̈́̋̄͋͠͠ͅ

She was going to a new family.

I̷̡͎̙͉͉͊̓͒̒͝͠ͅ ̶̨̳̓͐̒͐̊̅͛͜͝͝ẘ̴̗̲̲̹̥͉̖̣̔̓͜͜i̸̧̯̱̝̥͌̽̊͛͊͘̚ş̶̪̜̐͊̊͐̓̚͝h̵̢͓̟̳̗͇͍̖̊̒̓͐̆ ̶͔́̓͆̑̈I̶̹̒̈́̎̒̾̚͝ ̸̧̟̘̎̑͗c̷̡͓̰̬͔̤̪̱̈́̇̍͝ơ̷̟͍̍͊̓͠͠ȗ̷̘̬̎̂̒̚̕l̷̡̢͍̼̟͔͍̈́͆̄͒͆͐̐̓͠d̸̹̺́ ̶͕͙̼̳̞͖̫̇̿̂͌͜͝o̸͓͋͗͑͆̽̈́f̶̛̹͈ ̵̰̹͔͚̜̞̋̓͝s̵̡̠̥̗̥̩͓̳̞̽͘ä̷̧̝̖͈̺̲̳̻͖͇́̔̅̄͂v̶̥̺̟̭͚͖͍̪̟̔̊̍͒͛e̴͕͚͈͍̗̩̭̲̳͒͗́̌̅͗̄̍̕͜d̶̨̫͇̘̹̙̺̩͚͍̆̀̊̆͒͗̓̐̏͘ ̵̨̡̧̧͉̻̱͉͇̖̆̀̆̾̈́y̴̡̜̗͔͕̱̹̍̉͊͆͘õ̸̖̐̽̾͒̀̄̏̅̔u̸̡̖̙̠͌͒͛̌̍̉̓̌̈́

She was going to be safe.

I̴̢͔͕͈͑̃͌͑̅̒̓͘̚͜ ̵̺̲̰́̅m̸̡̨̛̼̘͉̊̀ǐ̷̺͔̼͖͔̅͌̏̈́͌̒̏͛͜͝ś̶̯̘̞͓̼̱̭̦́̋͝ͅs̶̛̙͉̪̱̼̯̤̑͂̇̂̋͆̌ ̵̪͔̖̠̞͚͑̏͑͠y̶̠̲̱͕͛͗̚͠ơ̷̧͈̖͖͍͉͉̩̈́̒u̵͕̒͌

She was going to be loved.

E̸̢̨͠͝v̵̦̲͕͔͉͖͕͚̤̈́̌͒̄͜͝e̴̼̣̳̓̈̾̀͂̆̌̈̚̚͜r̴̡̛̮͎̫͍̓̈ͅy̴͉̲̒̄̌ǫ̸̙͍͔̞̙̒̽n̴̡͕͎̟͇͎͋͜e̷̜̖͇̘͙̖̭͎̟͒̿̊ ̷̜͚̥̹̹͖͇̺̙̳̀̎͆̓́͂̄̚m̷͔̆ͅi̵͈̩̤̖̙̫̱͇͑̎̿̓́̚͜͝s̸̝̙͔̙̳̺̀̾̆͜͝s̶̹͕̩̖̃̌͊͊͝͝e̸̪̖̘̺̞̼̲̔̐͂̃̃̃͜s̵̜̟͓̤̍̆ ̸͎̟̱̝̗͚̠̑̓̒̽̈́̿͋͜y̸̢͓̎̍̏̂̔͒̉͆͒̑o̴̡̨̜͉̙̲̗̰̙̓̈́̇͐͌̀͝u̴̢̻̗̣̘̘͎̥̯̔͂̂

Everything was going to be okay. Don was crying, he loved Conny so dearly, he wish should could stay. But it was going to be okay because she was going to be loved and cared for by another family. Conny waved goodbye. She left with Mama holding her and tightly.

"Wait why is Conny's bunny here?"

What? No!

"We need to take it to her!"

Emma no! You can't....

"You need to hurry then."

Ray what are you doing? She can't....

"Echo are you coming?"

"Sure, why not? I might as well say goodbye again"

Stupid stupid stupid. I said you can't...

The three children Norman, Emma and Echo ran towards the gate where they were forbidden to go, bunny in hand trying to return it.

"Conny?"

"Conny we have your bunny!"

"Where are yo- C-Conny?"

"Nor-N-N-Norman? E-Ec-E-Echo?"

"Yeah?" The two said in unison.

NO I SAID SHE CAN'T !

"L-L-Look" she ginger said pointing towards the truck.

"No."

A door opened.

The three children were now under the truck.

Holding their breaths.

They realised making a sound could be fatal.

Were they going to die?

"More normal quality ones Isabella. How long until the premiums are ready?"

"Soon. Very soon"

"Good. The nobles will be happy"

"They've been waiting for premium meat for a while now."

Conny's cold, pale, dead body was stripped of clothing and put into a jar of blue liquid. Before they could hear anything else the three children ran. They ran as fast as they could. They didn't want to die. They didn't want their family to die. 

"T-that wasn't Conny right! I'm just imagining things right?" Emma asked. She was terrified, not for her but for her family, she wanted them safe.

"Emma..." Echo said in a pitiful tone.

"I'm sorry Emma but- it was" Norman so trying to sound calm.

Emma screamed. She was scared. They were all scared. If only it was a dream. They left bunny.

"Guys, we left bunny." Echo fretted.

"What?" Norman asked his 'calm' persona fell.

"We left it."

The three returned to the house trying to pretend they didn't just see Conny's corpse.

"Did you give the bunny back?" Ray asked montonely

"We missed her"

Then the three retreated to their assigned beds.

I told you so

This place wasn't an orphanage? It was a farm? And we are the cattle. The three thought as they fell into a shock caused unconsciousness.

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

Ẏ̷̡̢̛͓̤̦̲̿̿͜ǫ̶̯̭̬̝̙̼̗́̒̈́̌͛̏̈́͘͘u̶̡̬̩̥̗̞͖̥͋̆̄͋̍̐̆̑͝ͅ ̸̡̰̗̹̲̘̣̤̺̲̀̐̈́͌̍̿ą̶̣͎̘̉̔͊͘̕ͅr̶̯̗̃̑͑͊͝ề̶̡̛̹͚̞̩͙̮͔͖͛̊̒̑ ̷̭͍͋͒͆̽̅̐̈́̃t̴͕͂̈͑̐̋͝o̷̧̥̭̱̽̈́͆̈́̌̿̎͠ó̵͈̹͕̄̐͗̾ ̴͉̣̗͉̼̭̝̜̦̎͒̉̂̏͜s̴̙̪̥̟̪̒̏͑͒͜��l̷̯̗̰͇̥̏̄́̚ͅō̶̢̠̠̣̝͇̹̠͋̒̐̌̓w̶̧̿̿̉̽̃ ̷̙̐̐̆̓͒ͅȳ̷̡̨̺̺̻̟͔͐͑̽̌ͅo̷̡̨͎̩̝̟̦̹̿̂̀͐̐̄̂͠͠ù̵͍͈́̄̊̍ ̷͉͈̘̖̦͓̳̃͑c̸̞̰͙͚̗̰̟͍̬̹͆̑̂̂͑͂̾͊̇o̵̧̡͙͇͈͓̤̱̫̎́͂͛͛̕ͅu̴̜̫̳̠̜̯̿̿͊̕̚͠l̷̳͖̫͖̯̪̈́̀̃͌͂͝͠d̵̡̛͈̤̤̖̖̣̣̩̥̎́͊̈́̅͗̑͝ ̸̡͈͇̿̈́̂̆̋͛̂̾͠͠n̷̹̋̀̉̇̈́͘̚o̶͕̹̹̰̩̞̬̎̓͘͘͠ț̴̹̻̱̹̋̎̉ ̸̠̳͓͙̠͇̘̈́͆̓s̵̰̪̜̮̯̻̀ȁ̶̩͎͉̦͛͘͠v̵̧̨̺̑̋͆̂̽̈͊́͘ͅe̵̢̒̆͑̅ ̴͙̟͖̀̽͌̍̅̓i̸̼̞͎͖̫̩̳̓͆n̵̢̧̝͕͇̗̮͕̔̑̐̑n̷̜̘̳͙̥͈̞̠̣̗̂̂̿̌̀͝o̴̳̤͕̮̩̹͕̼͑͊̎̉͐͌̏̍͜c̸̨̢̻͎̦̜͐̏̈́̍̾̈̕̕̚͠ͅe̴̡̧̞͓͓̪̻̦̲̮͒̏̍͗n̷̪̣͋͑̆̊͛c̷̡̗͔̖̳͎̟̱͌̒̅͊͑ẹ̷̮̠͗̒̉̎̏́͋̑̉͝

[toyahinterviews]

TOYAH TALKS SHEP FARMING IN BARNET WITH PHIL MARRIOTT 13.11.2020

PHIL: I'm so thrilled to be with Toyah Willcox on zoom! How are you? TOYAH: Woooo! I'm OK. It's really good to see you. I haven't seen many people in the last seven months so it's so good to see you! PHIL: I was just going to say – likewise. The last time I saw you was at Wise Buddha, a studio just off Oxford Street in Central London and we could see each other face to face TOYAH: That was about 18 months ago PHIL: I know! How have you been? TOYAH: I'm really good. Well, I'm really confused because I live in a market town, on a square, one High Street and I'm bang in the middle of all of this. I have a chemist next door, we did have a bank next door but we bought it and that's now our offices. So I'm looking outside my window and there is all normality. There's no sign of any kind of lockdown and I'm wondering if I'm being lied to because I've got people on park benches, drinking coffee, talking to everyone, eating and I'm thinking “I thought this was a lockdown!” I'm so confused! PHIL: It's crazy, isn't it? I went past a bar yesterday and they were walking in and out and my partner said "hang on a minute! It's meant to be lockdown!" I think it was take-away, it just felt like normality, it just felt normal. It's weird TOYAH: This feels normal. None of that terror of last April. Everyone's just having a lovely time out there and I'm thinking someone's played a joke on me because I've been indoors for so long PHIL: We do need it though, don't we … By the way I've been loving your lockdown shows every Saturday. It's been a real ritual. I've been pottering around and then I've been switching onto your Toyah At Home show on Saturday morning TOYAH: Oh, thank you PHIL: It's been fantastic, really enjoyed those. And they've been really honest as well because you've been talking about your life and feeling nostalgic and talking about what's happening at the moment and we don't normally get to see that – you walking around your house, showing things in your house, your books. It's been brilliant 

TOYAH: I'm going to keep it up because normally on my working year I'm running an office. I run the band, I run the record side of things, I run the gigs – booking them and I never get time for any of that so it's been fantastic for me and for my husband Robert. We've been kind of been able to address what fans need

That might sound silly because fans just need to see you live and (to) do your music – well, lockdown has proven much more than that. I'm going to try and keep it going and try and prioritise the connection we've made with the fans and stop prioritising the ridiculous amount of bureaucracy we both have to deal with. So it's been great on that level it's been a fantastic year! PHIL: It's been really good for the fans as well like you say because they really appreciate it because they're feeling a bit lonely and isolated and it's good to have that company as well, isn't it? TOYAH: It's been shocking. We do a lot of celebrity messaging. We were a bit doubtful about it at first. We thought "oh gosh is this a step too far?" It's been a absolute joy and occasionally you get the odd message from someone saying "I'm so desperate, I'm so alone, can you just say something to help shake this blackness off me" We've really really loved every minute of doing these messages and also realising that our broadcasts have a deeper meaning than just us going "look at us". It's all become so much deeper and that is beautiful. It's affected my writing. The new album Posh Pop is really deep, it's really passionate and it really rocks and that could only have happened because of this exceptional year   PHIL: We have to talk about Sheep Farming In Barnet. I can't believe it's 40 years TOYAH: Look what I've got! (Waves the box set about) PHIL: I know! I can't wait to see that TOYAH: This is an exclusive! PHIL: Amazing! TOYAH: It only arrived two days ago 

PHIL: It's new images as well isn't it, like you've shown there, new photographs that we've not seen before. This is an album that was released in 1979 as an AP – an Alternative Play (above) and then it was released as an album in 1980 so you're obviously celebrating the 40th anniversary. What are you memories of this though because obviously a lot of stuff gets forgotten about. You've got a very good memory I have to say, watching your Toyah At Home videos. You seem to remember a lot of detail. Do you remember detail of that period? TOYAH: It's shockingly bad. My wonderful archive manager and he designed this, Craig Ashley, designed with Alan Sawyers – he writes a essay about each project. We're already onto Blue Meaning and then we're onto Anthem so we're 12 months ahead. We put this (Sheep) to bed three months ago. My memories were jogged by an essay that Craig had to send me. He knows more about my life than I do. He prompted my memory with this astonishing essay that's in here (shows the boxset) I thought "I did that?! I did that ?! Oh my God!" This is a long time ago this album but what I will say about it – I've always remembered that I think it's the one of the most relevant, one of the most original, ingenious albums of that period and it's never had that credit. Cherry Red (the record company) have really taken this on board and they are giving it the 100%. It's a beautiful album. There's a beautiful innocence but there's also so many pathways we opened for other people with this album. It's a fun album. It's a real danceable album. It's about youthful energy. It's beautiful and it's a side of punk that isn't that well known. It's great. I adore this album 

PHIL: So this album was recorded – correct me if I'm wrong – Chappel Studios, New Bond Street wasn't it, in Central London - TOYAH: Yes! PHIL: Which is now the Mulberry store. There's something about quite poignant about that – it should always be that studio I guess but what are your memories of recording there? Do you have many memories of you actually recording it? TOYAH: Next door was Chanel and Hermes and I just pooh pooed them “Who wants to spend that on a handbag?” I don't want to spend half a million quid on a silk scarf. If only I knew, hindsight is a beautiful thing. The studio was upstairs, very very traditional. Almost old fashioned because the studio was a song writer's studio. There was quite a few studios in the corridor I was in. We were one of the first punk acts to go in. I found the whole recording process in this particular instance very difficult because we now know I sing without headphones on. I cannot do that (puts hands over ears) It just affects me emotionally. So this took about four albums to discover that. Steve James, our producer, realised that he was going to get the best performance out of me if he just put speakers in the room and I performed as live. That was a learning curve - it was a big learning curve. So the first songs we recorded - for me – were emotionally quite tough  because I was just trying to learn how to work within this dead space. Recording studios – if you haven't been in one – have no sound reflection.

So we've got sound reflection here, I'm surrounded by mirrors, I can hear myself speak but in a studio it's a dead sound. It's really difficult to form notes in that kind of sound so … You asked me what was the experience like? It was a major learning curve of dealing with working within dead sound. Now, if I'm acting and I'm in a studio there's nothing more beautiful than dead sound because it makes you forget about the camera. So it was very very enlightening, it was energetic, we were an energetic team I think it was challenging for the whole band because Keith Hale was brought in as an arranger and that was frustrating for Pete Bush who is the main keyboard player on this album and he felt very threatened by that. But all this rather glorious usurp thing and power play is the result of this album. That and the fact that we honed every song in front of a live audience, which is such a privileged thing to so. We would do these incredible long encores that were as along as the actual show because the audience would never let us go We would run out of songs so we'd start to play them stuff we were formulating in soundcheck and this is how we came up with these glorious arrangements because we knew what affected the audience before we went into the recording studio. That is something that all young writers should have the privilege to do today because to watch an audience affected by a bridge or a chorus – you just know what you need to do as a songwriter. So much of today happens away from a live audience and this is all about live audience work. It was magnificent PHIL: The album title itself – it still raises eyebrows today, doesn't it? Sheep Farming In Barnet. It's one of those really distinctive album titles that really stand out -

TOYAH: I know! Well, I lived in Barnet and bang in the middle of this urban kind of chaos with the A406 was a field with sheep in it and I just thought   "sheep farming in Barnet?" So I wanted to call the album something that didn't relate to an emotion and didn't relate to another song. I wanted something completely out there. This is me (show the album cover) having broken in to Fylingdales - the early warning system - where they had sheep grazing and when we broke in we found an awful lot of dead sheep and we were arrested ten minutes after that was taken Bill Smith the art director was with me as was Gem, my boyfriend at the time and we had to hide the film down my pants. We knew we would not be body searched. We were literally just marched off the premises so we got the film out. So that whole "sheep farming in Barnet" was just a big question mark of what is our reality? PHIL: Is that something you do today? Stuff the - TOYAH: Guerilla filming? PHIL: Just stuff the evidence? TOYAH: Everything? Yeah, everything goes down my pants. As I get older it it's one of my things I do with my personal dementia – everything goes down my pants (Phil laughs) PHIL: I remember NME did a review – I think it was a three star review, it should've been more obviously but for the NME that was pretty good. At the time they called you a "post punk Grace Slick" -   TOYAH: I have no problems with being the punk Grace Slick. My goodness that woman was a great voice PHIL: It's a nice comparison. Now, the album was split into two parts – much like Kate Bush's Hounds Of Love which had the Ninth wave as the 2nd part  - TOYAH: Yeah! This was 1979! (waves the box set about)  

PHIL: I was going to say – you did that before her. Both brilliant albums obviously but this had Heaven and it had Hell and there is a lot of darkness in this album because there's a lot of vivid imagery when you listen to those lyrics. I suppose it's the horror and sci-fi fan in you, is it?   TOYAH: It's very dark poetry. I mean Neon Womb is quite innocent. I was making a movie with Katherine Hepburn called The Corn Is Green. I had to get on the tube train. The first tube train of the morning in Battersea which was six in the morning and I had to walk over to Victoria to get the train. And I just remember being alone in this tube that was neon lit and I thought "this is like a neon womb."

So that's where that name came from. Indecision I wrote in my home in Birmingham, the lyrics came there and I was doing lots of TV promotion for the film Jubilee and I just couldn't make up my mind what to wear so Indecision came out of that. And then Waiting is very dark Waiting is about if we looked at the planet and it only had burn layers and every burn layer was a war and you'd cut through them you'd see a very different planet. We wouldn't see a green planet. So Waiting is about layer upon layer upon layer of wars that we've had in the past … Let's say – let's be brave about this – 50 000 years? It's an endless theme on this planet. So that's what that one is about. Danced is about a second coming because I was brought up in extreme religious education by parents who weren't religious So because I was a rebel and because I was really out there as a child and I've always been a bit like this - they thought to cleanse my soul I should go into extreme religious education which I had from the age of about 10 ten right through to 14. So that has affected the poetry of my life a lot and that's what Danced is about.

Danced is saying the 2nd coming is coming – this is fantasy – but it ain't going to be a human being! It's someone coming from up there so that's what Danced is about. I'm always questioning the metaphor of what I've been taught and there's so many metaphor's in this (shows the box set). But I think that's what the fans like is that I use the imagery of metaphors to question things  

PHIL: And there are so many anthems on this as well, particularly for fans that have been with you from day one. You know, Danced. You mentioned Neon Womb as well. These are real live favourites. There's a couple of of tracks I've never seen you perform live, Computer being one of those. Is that something that you would think about playing? TOYAH: Yeah! In lockdown we had to do the DVD filming (for the disc in the box set). Nigel Clark of Dodgy, my neighbour, came round and we performed Computer. He performed it beautifully, he even did backing vocals and that's on the DVD version of this (shows the box set). It's gorgeous so we could put that in live now but there's so much material, my whole back catalogue, I have to capture in shows today, an hour and half shows I have to capture about 28 albums. And remember 14 of those songs are hit singles. So we chop and change and we try and fit everything in. Computer might come into the show but then we'll get people complaining we can't fit in Neon Womb, Danced and everything else PHIL: Too many songs to play TOYAH: There's just too many songs to play. You got Our Movie as well. I get a big call for Victims Of The Riddle but that is impossible to sing live. It's in an octave higher register than I normally sing in today and also it's one of those songs once you've done the first two lines everyone goes to the bar or starts talking. So we've decided if the fans demand a song and they don't listen to it – we don't do it!   

PHIL: I want to talk about the digipak that you have in your hands of this album because it's a real treat isn't it, for fans because there's a lot of versions they've never heard before. We mentioned Computer just then. That sounds quite different in its demo form. Are you quite happy to release these demos because obviously these have never been released before. It's so great to hear these now after so long TOYAH: This is the first album released where Joel Bogen (the original Toyah band guitarist and composer) and myself have actually been corresponded with about having permission of them going on the album. So one of my top selling albums in the world now is an album called Mayhem which is demos that Joel and I never wanted to be heard and ironically that is the world top selling Toyah album

So this time around now Cherry Red own the whole back catalogue they have agreed that will never happen again so we're even re-vamping Mayhem for its re-release. So there are 30 additional tracks, most of them unheard   going onto this. It's a double LP and a live DVD and there's even DVD footage that's never been seen before     PHIL:  It's a real Christmas present, isn't it? TOYAH: It's perfect! PHIL: Yeah! TOYAH: When we do demos they're pre-producer arrangements so obviously when you get into the studio and having heard the demo and hopefully played the song live in front of an audience you can then re-work it. So doing a demo is like trying out a recipe for a cake and if you feel that you can improve – then you improve and most of the time that's what people do do PHIL: So Victims Of The Riddle is your debut single which is featured on this album. There was another version on the single B-side which was called Vivisection. To me that seems like a kind of outspoken view of your hate for animal experiments. Was that the case? Was it that obvious? TOYAH: Yeah PHIL: It was?

Above: Toyah with her rabbit WillyFred in 2016

TOYAH: Yeah. I like to think it's not so awful today and I think a lot of people, a lot of human beings stepped forwards and said "you can test that on us." So stop breeding animals to test on. So I put my hand up here – I'm against vivisection but I've had hip replacement, I've had life saving surgery for cancer. Animals have paid so that I can live. So it's not as if I've even avoided every aspect of the results of vivisection.

Where my argument is and if the make-up industry - which has something like a £6 billion fund for testing - keeps testing on animals they're never going to change the world and protect and do good husbandry to animals. Now at the time we were making this … '79 … this was … I mean it was rampant. Animals were just being treated so badly I was a very experimental singer in the beginning, I use my voiced as an instrument thus the stylisation on Vivisection. And I wanted to use this as a wake up call to those who didn't know about the cruelty to animals but also the amount of people who were willing to be human test people.

And it was just – if you don't bring that into your audience's intelligence then no-one could do anything about it and I think the greatest revolution we have had in the 40 years is we've stopped buying things unless they adhere to an ethic we believe in.

So good husbandry, non-cruelty to animals, respect for animals, understanding that animals do have souls, they do have an emotional life, they feel pain as much as they feel joy and this was what that was about   PHIL: I'm glad you answered that question that way because I certainly saw it as very influential at the time – like you say it was a different time back then, in the 70's and the late 70's. There was a lot more of that nastiness going on and as a result more people have become vegetarian and vegan as well over the years, particularly the last five years people have become vegan which is great. So it's a good shift, isn't it? 

TOYAH: It's very good. I think in a year's time when we have a vaccine for Covid and there has been human guinea pigs involved here ... I think one of the biggest outcomes of Covid and Covid history we probably, worldwide, will become vegetarian. What I mean by that is the easiness within Covid is mutating within the animal circuit and if we keep consuming animal flesh we are probably going to help Covid mutate even more. I'd like to think that one of the kind of strange blessings of this exceptional year is that the majority of the planet will become vegetarian   PHIL: Siouxsie and The Banshees did the Kaleidoscope album a few years ago which I saw at South Bank, I know you're a fan as well, of Siouxsie - TOYAH: Yes! PHIL: Is that something that you (want to) do with Sheep Farming? Do it as a whole? TOYAH: (I'll) do it with any album but people want Siouxsie. I've had to  - this is my career “Let me in! Let me in! (bangs the air with her fist) “Give me a fucking job!” Siouxsie, you know, gets invited because people absolutely adore her. I'm not on Siouxsie's level but I think what will change for me because in the last 40 years my catalogue has been with a record label that has actively allowed it to die and now Cherry Red- as soon as they announce these releases – I mean this went number one in the pre-order charts across the board and Cherry Red have released the demand is huge But if you don't have the record company behind you and the PR behind you and the team behind you … I don't get invited to play whole albums at the Queen Elizabeth Hall. So I now think this is going to change quite radically and hopefully my work will get the respect it deserves. But it has to be out there for that to happen and in the last 40 years it's just been buried  

PHIL: Last Goodbye, another track on this album, last time we spoke we talked about your love of horror   TOYAH: Yeah  PHIL: And you told me watch The House That Jack Built, which I saw after your recommendation and yeah – it disturbed me very much (laughs) TOYAH: That's an astonishing film. There's another one I'll recommend to you and it's very gentle. It's a love story but it also it also tiptoes into the surreal and horror and it's called Border. I just adore this film    - PHIL: I've seen it, it's amazing. It really gets under your skin, doesn't it? TOYAH: It's gorgeous. That is like reading a really good book. It translates beautifully PHIL: Absolutely, a very atmospheric film. But Last Goodbye on Sheep Farming – it's quite an evocative lyric. Again quite a dark lyric. There is lightness as well, obviously, on Sheep Farming but I'm just going to read the lyric here : “He points the knife between her eyes. Its light reflects on the one he despises. Here's one for the pain, here's one for the lies. When flood flows out I watch her say goodbye”  That is quite - TOYAH: It's a revenge song but I mean this is about the vulnerability of men and men are vulnerable and this is the ultimate revenge. He can take on someone who is more powerful than him and it's a woman. So I always like to kind of invert what people see as normal. I think woman are just as easily aggressive as men are and devious and plotting so it's revenge on someone who has psychologically destroyed someone else.

And I think historically – I need to place it in context – 40 years ago and even 50 years ago you never heard about women's prisons, you never heard about female criminals. It was always men. There were only three that we heard about when I was young that were serial killers. I'm not going to name them, let's not give them the publicity but what you didn't hear was about was petty female criminals, female prisons and female aggression. It was never reported 50-40 years ago as it is today. You know you've got Piers Morgan doing “Female Serial Killers” today so here we were in the punk movement, '79, and it was such an opportunity to be one of the first women in this movement that I could invert everything I'd been taught And one of them is about women being psychologically cruel which kind of covers a lot of the early work. So I was just inverting stories and turning them into myth really. And another thing that was emerging at this time … computers were being programmed at this time on a mass level. So a lot of people we worked with, our roadies would disappear at night to go and do binary programming into computers and this was going on 24/7 to get computers how they are today. So there was this kind of secret technology going on that fascinated us but we didn't understand I mean if we ever knew we would have a phone in our hand (shows her mobile) or we'd be able to talk like this (on Zoom) … that was science fiction. And another thing that science fiction  back then … was … oh, it's going out of my head … ah yes! Was how games were developed. So Dungeons and Dragons was very much a fantasy game then and it was the only fantasy game  as was – Lord Of The Rings was a book, you never realised it would be made into a really brilliant  digitally composed film. So fantasy for me was very very important. It was escapism from a normality that could be not only boring but could also be dangerous so all of that reflects in my work as well 

PHIL: I could sit and talk to you Toyah for hours. I know you've got other interviews to do because you've got so much to do in the coming weeks before this re-release, this re-vamp of Sheep Farming In Barnet. It's out on the 4th of December but I have got one last question which I invited people to send in and this is a question from Darren Anthony and he's asked which 3 things, if there are 3 things, would you change about your debut album if you could? TOYAH: Ohhh! Do you know, Darren, this is such a good question and the only thing I would change – because there's a beautiful innocence about this album – I would change nothing about the music. I would've changed immediately the technique I use for singing because I've only in the last ten years really gleaned my 100% technique. And I would … just … how can I put this? If you're a singer you understand “opening the throat”. I would open the throat more, I would've had more confidence as a singer Instead I'd get into the studio and lack of confidence would make me go (pulls shoulders in and head behind hands) I would just close up like that and the voice became quite small. So that's one thing I would change but I can only answer that in hindsight. Elusive Stranger is an incredibly popular song and I would've just not sung the intro in that octave. I would bring that down an octave which would make it far easier to sing live today.

And I can't find a third thing I would've changed. Perhaps the one thing I would've changed about the whole of the beginning of my career – I was very against my natural femininity where women who are hugely successful not only exhibit their femininity but they control their femininity and I saw my femininity as a barrier that I needed to either kind of break down or walk away from. So I probably would exploit it - in the right way, in the Madonna way – my femininity PHIL: I should say it's also out on white vinyl which I've ordered and I can't wait to see that either! TOYAH: Wahey! PHIL: To represent the golf balls on the sleeve   TOYAH: Oh, I know! It's a clever design. It's clever. Phil - thank you so much and I hope see you sooner than the 18 months - PHIL: Yes, me too. Good luck and stay safe. Thank you, Toyah TOYAH: Good luck everybody!   

You can watch the interview HERE

[lecliss]

Oh yeah I got new headphones too so now I can watch anime on my phone again woooo 🎉🎉🎉

[prettyboykatsuki]

I’m glad to hear that!! What’d you get👀

And I’m good! I’m finally feeling like I’ve figured myself out yknow? Like gender sexuality and pronouns and everything so I’m super happy🤧💕

i got headphones and some stickers for a sticker chart im making lol 

and woooo thats so exciting!!!! congrats on the big news aah 

[malmo777-blog]

About Me

Haven’t done one of these since I was fourteen. It’s time. 

1. What is your full name? Mallory Cook Fraser

2. What is your nickname? Malmo, but I try to get people to call me McFraser. No one does.

3. What is your zodiac sign?   Libra. Fun fact- I’m attracted to Tauruses, always have been, apparently always will be.

4. What is your favorite book series? Obviously Harry Potter is dope as fuck but I read these Stephanie Perkins books and fell in love.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? No aliens, although something is out there that moves, it just isn’t gonna follow our earth definition of “life”. Ghosts- not typically. I believe in energy, and energy can possess things.

6. Who is your favorite author? I love Hemingway, Stephanie Perkins, and Sarah Dessen can be great if you’re in the mood. John Green is running out of steam at this point although he used to be on the list.

7. What is your favorite radio station? I love so many! Either 95.7 or 92.5 (both NH radio)

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Cherry

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? Wicked or dooooooope.

10. What is your current favorite song? Today it was Cinderblock Garden. Lately, Undone (the sweater song)

11. What is your favorite word? Fuck. 

12. What was the last song you listened to? Broadside- Coffee Talk

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Skins really is for everybody. Or HIMYM. Although Fairy Tail is my favorite, it’s not for everyone.

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? The Little Mermaid can always perk me up. 

15. Do you play video games? Not much anymore. Used to play super nintendo. Good at racing games.

16. What is your biggest fear? Being financially unstable as an adult.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m 100000% honest all the time. I say things exactly how I see them and never leave people guessing. I don’t like to play games and waste time.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? On the flipside of that, I can’t keep my mouth shut. If something is bothering me, I wanna talk about it, even if it’s venting to another person. Which sometimes causes unwanted conflict. Not a huge deal, but I’m also super type B and I hate conflict.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats. Dogs are too in your face.

20. What is your favorite season? Springtime, spring-a-ling-a-ling time.

21. Are you in a relationship? I’m in lots of relationships, just none are romantic.

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? It was so inexpensive to be a kid.

23. Who is your best friend? Not sure if he knows it, but totally my bud Dillon. He is my mind. We don’t even have to talk to understand what’s going on.

24. What is your eye color? Blue

25. What is your hair color? Golden blonde.

26. Who is someone you love? My daddy.

27. Who is someone you trust? My best friend.

28. Who is someone you think about often? Alex Gaskarth

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? End of the semester! Woooo! And I just barely got sick the day after it closed, which is good. I get sick every year around this time, it just usually falls on midterms week, not right after. So I’m happy I missed it.

30. What is your biggest obsession? My book series.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? Roccos Modern Life

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? Obviously my best friend.

33. Are you superstitious? Only after one of my exes passed away. Since he did, things are freaky sometimes. But never scary. It’s always good energy.

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Elevators. Potatoes. Mold.

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? In front.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Writing!

37. What was the last book you read? This Lullaby by Sarah Dessen. Finished it two days ago.

38. What was the last movie you watched? Road Trip. I love raunchy comedies.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? Bass clarinet, clarinet, guitar, a lil piano, a lil sax, and vox.

40. What is your favorite animal? Loke ;)

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? Oooo haven’t been on here enough to decide.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? Ability to call spirits and bond with them.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? Lying in bed right before sleep, listening to tunes.

44. What makes you smile? Going to work.

45. What sports do you play, if any? Marching band.

46. What is your favorite drink? There’s this orange mango peach shit from market basket that’s phenomenal. Oh, alcoholic? Ahh, umm, Smirnoff ice?

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Christmas. Cards, you know.

48. Are you afraid of heights? Used to not be but now? Abso-fuckin-lutley.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Mixed silverware in the dishwasher.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Try 12.

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? I am vegan, but not super duper strict raw vegan or that shit. Just nothing where the ingredients state meat, eggs, or milk.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? An actress or a pop star.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? Fiore

54. What is something you worry about? Money, clearly.

55. Are you scared of the dark? No. I’ve been living in the woods long enough to be used to it.

56. Do you like to sing? FUCK YES

57. Have you ever skipped school? One time I said I was sick so I could stay home and write Harry Potter fan fiction.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Fells Point, Baltimore

59. Where would you like to live? Baltimore

60. Do you have any pets? Not anymore

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Early bird!

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunrises. The signal a new chance.

63. Do you know how to drive? Very well actually.

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? Headphones!

65. Have you ever had braces? Nope.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? Pop punk, 2007-2008 era

67. Who is your hero? My daddy.

68. Do you read comic books? Only Deadpool

69. What makes you the most angry? When TOP fans come into my store aND FUCKING TEAR APART THE T SHIRT WALL AHH GO BACK TO HELL YOU ANGSTY LITTLE SHITS!

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? Real books. The creak of the pages, the smell. All part of the experience.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? History!

72. Do you have any siblings? Four older ones. Two and two, each gender.

73. What was the last thing you bought? A new air freshener for my car. Wait, no, groceries. Some of that juice I was talking about before.

74. How tall are you? Five foot nuthin’.

75. Can you cook? Apparently I can grill, I’ve been told. I think I make BOMB pasta.

76. What are three things that you love? 1. Blink 182 2. Chipotle 3. My dad

77. What are three things that you hate? 1. Pessimists 2. The word “hate” 3. Unneccessary negativity (kinda like this question)

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? A really good mix. My anime crew is all boys, my music friends are boys, my coworkers AKA besties are all girls, and my school friends are girls.

79. What is your sexual orientation? Straight.

80. Where do you currently live? Washington, NH

81. Who was the last person you texted? My girl Colby

82. When was the last time you cried? About twenty minutes ago, watching Fairy Tail

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? I don’t watch a lot of youtubers but the one I enjoy the most is Shane.

84. Do you like to take selfies? No. But on occassion I will, just so I can do better personal branding.

85. What is your favorite app? I use wattpad more than anything.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? With my mom? Deceptive, negative, she always needs something for nothing. With my dad, amazing. He’s my best friend, sole provider, everything. If he wasn’t my dad he’d still be my bestie because we just get each other.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? My phillipino friend Cam is phillipino, sounds mexican, and my mock accent is indian. Fuckin hilarious.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? San Diego, west coast pop punk capital.

89. What is your favorite number? 7, but 77 in sports.

90. Can you juggle? No

91. Are you religious? I love all religion and the concept but do not identify with any one.

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? Space fucks me up. Ocean for sure.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? No. I may be a Gryffindor for the things I love but I am waaaaay too type b to take unneeded risk.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Nope. But caffine reacts really badly with my body.

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yup

96. Can you wiggle your ears? Nope

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? Often

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? Beach. I can go to the forest any time; I’m bored of it.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? Just as a flower does not get to choose where it blooms, a child cannot choose their parents. It stuck with me, that my character doesn’t at all need to be attached to them. That I get to be my own person.

100. Are you a good liar? No fuckin way.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? Gryffindor!

102. Do you talk to yourself? All the time, only in the car.

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Extrovert. Being surrounded by people makes me feel less lonely.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I keep an everyday question journal.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Only after apologies. No sorry, no chance.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Depends on the money. Ten bucks? I’ll call that my payment for the hassle of turning it in. Lots? Nah. If I turn it in with that much, they’ll probs be grateful and gimmie some.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Absolutely. Everyone changes all the time. 

108. Are you ticklish? If I say yes you’ll know my weakness. If I say no I’m a liar.

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Yup. Like three times? Not sure.

110. Do you have any piercings? Belly button!

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Wooderson

112. Do you have any tattoos? Not yet. A few more months.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Moving out and quitting Shaws. I followed my dreams all the way to Hot Topic.

114. Do you believe in karma? Not really. Coincidences are funny, but good people hardly ever get good karma, it’s usually only ever bad for bad people. That’s not how it’s supposed to work.

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? No.

116. Do you want children? Four!

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My best friend.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? Tripping while hiking with my crush. My only recent moment.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Twice!

120. What color are most of you clothes? Maroon or green. Can’t decide.

121. Do you like adventures? Love*

122. Have you ever been on TV? Nope

123. How old are you? Seventeen without a purpose or direction.

124. What is your favorite quote? “I just wanna fuck this burrito!” - Jack Barakat

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Totally depends on the mood.

[jmdrd]

The National - 10/12/2019 - Motorpoint Arena, Nottingham

This is the Nottingham story. This is when I decided I wanted to share my adventures with anyone who’s willing to give them a read. I am happy and grateful to talk about this one because it showed once again the power that music has to dissolve all separation in front of us.

It all began in September of 2019, as I was deciding on the first gigs that I would go to as my new London life began. I came upon The National’s announcement for their UK tour leg backing up their newest album I Am Easy To Find (2019). At this point, I’d seen them twice: December 2017 at the Civic Opera House in Chicago and in April 2019 at the Beacon Theatre in NYC. Twice had I flown to another country to see my favorite band. Twice I had been blown away. I smiled and thought, A third one does not seem far away. I noticed that the band did not plan on playing a London show during this leg. A few cities that I had never heard of were on the list, and then I noticed Brighton! Leo studies in Brighton, I’ll go to the gig and crash on his floor, a very simple plan. It started to look like I wasn’t going to need to travel an excruciating long distance to see the native clevenlanders. I didn’t buy my tickets then, it seemed too early to purchase them. I did not have the money yet plus, there were plenty tickets left and only a couple of dates were sold out. I knew I was going to be able to go. Brighton is not a big town, not a lot of people will go, I stupidly thought.

Months passed, winter term at Goldsmiths happened, and the last week of November was upon us all. This meant two things: Winter break and The National. To my surprise, all tickets for Brighton were sold out. Sadness started to crawl inside me, I was so excited to belt “Oblivions” alongside Matt Beringer, the Dessner twins and the Devendorf siblings. But it seemed like this was not going to happen, not in the next few days at least. “I have to see them,” I whispered under a big sigh. “Think of something, dude,” I told myself a few times. Then it came to me, travel a little further. I had done it before, why not cross city lines one more time to get to a gig? My research began, what city is the closest to London and has tickets for The National on the second week of December? The contenders were Leeds and Nottingham; Leeds I’d heard of, given that a friend is from there. Nottingham was a mystery, but it was quicker to get there. It was decided then, Nottingham it is! Planning for this gig was simple, but as I bought my train tickets I realized I had to get to a class on Wednesday after the Tuesday night gig. I can get from London to Nottingham, vise versa, in an hour and a half. So I’ll make it to my class. The only problem was that the last train to London left at 11:15 PM and there was no way I was making it if I wanted to stay for the whole show. The only solution to this was taking the first train scheduled at 5:00 AM on Wednesday morning. Which gave me sufficient time to get to my last radio class at 9:00 AM.

Weirdly, the week before the show transport decided to be my enemy. A flight I had a weekend prior to it was cancelled, a few Underground rides went longer than expected, and the train on my way to Nottingham broke-down. I found myself stranded in the middle of yet another unknown place: Leicester. As I stood in the cold-rainy platform I called my mom to let her know what was going on (for obvious purposes this conversation has been roughly translated from Spanish). 

-“Hey! I’m stranded in Leicester. I don’t think I’ll be able to make it to the show, the train stopped working and it is not going to let any other trains through.”

-“What?! No way, I can’t believe it!” She said sadly.

-“Yup, I’m going to ask around to see if I can figure something out. Maybe I can take a bus to Nottingham.” I scratched my head a bit and let out a big sigh.

-“Okay, please let me know! You’ll make it, I know you will.” With a soft tone she calmed me down.

-“Will do, ¡te quiero mucho!” I quickly replied.

-“¡Yo también!”

I hung up and started walking towards a lady wearing a bright yellow vest. She was telling some other people that the train we were on was not going to move in a while. She had no idea what we could do, or how we could get to where we were going. Google Maps said I could take a bus that was leaving in ten minutes, but walking to the stop was going to take me fifteen. I thought about running, but noticed that another train bound to Nottingham was going to arrive in twenty minutes on a different platform. I asked a staff worker if that was real, and as he smiled he said “I believe so, it is supposed to get here soon!” Once more, everything was going to be alright. I wasn’t going to be in the front row anymore, nevertheless, I was going to be inside the Motorpoint Arena. 

As I chewed on a Reese’s peanut butter chocolate and caramel crunchy-bar, the train arrived. “This is it!” I thought. One trouble less for the rest of the ride. I forgot to mention this earlier, but I had an important theory essay due on Thursday morning. Because my radio class goes on until late in the afternoon I was not going to have much time to write after it if I wanted to sleep. I decided to get working on it on my way to this midland city; I had a good flow going on in the first train, but the mechanical failure threw me off. I decided to wait until after the show to worry about this. Very simple decision because I was going to have to wait for around six hours for the train back home. 

Fast forward a little, I’m inside the arena a few feet from the stage (I was standing in the sixth row). Chatter filled the room as I stood wearing a black hat, some rain-wet jeans and a blue Miller Lite t-shirt as I held on to a poster and my backpack. Unknown faces all around me were excitedly talking about their expectations for the show. I was ready and could not wait any longer; I felt happy I had to travel once more to see my favorite band.

The lights dimmed and a bright pink dressed Jenny Lewis came into the stage to deliver a mellow and solid performance. The guitar solos were rich, her voice was soothing and hypnotizing, the percussion simple and crisp. Smoke and dust danced around to a purple background as I rhythmically moved my head side to side. What a nice warmup, I thought as Lewis and her band walked off stage. Now, the longest part of the night came: the half hour were the roadies set up everything to perfection. A few scattered shouts (mined included) echoed in the arena as a guitar chord was struck to make sure it was on tune. Lights dimmed once more, I smiled. I could not stop smiling. The band began playing “Rylan”, one of the new tracks. A loud snare drum performed by a flawless Bryan Devendorf backed Matt’s baritone voice as it was being whispered into the microphone: “Rylan you should try and get some sun / You remind me of everyone.” The melancholic lyrics that have been crafted to adorn the experimental rock sound don’t seem so sad anymore. A warm nostalgia filled up the room. Once again, I’m sure that any trouble is worth this. Suddenly, I froze as Matt pointed at me asking if I had been at the Nottingham gig a couple of years ago. I was not able to speak, I didn’t know how to tell him it wasn’t me. “Come on, raise your hand! It is you,” he chuckled as “Day I Die” started playing. I couldn’t believe I had half an interaction with the person who’s written the songs that have soundtracked my life for the past four years. I thought it was funny how he confused me given the fact that I had only been in the country for three months. The show continued and the first song I ever heard by them began: “Fake Empire”. A rich piano played by Aaron Dessner sounded at the top of the first words, “stay out super late tonight / picking apples, making pie”, and a few seconds later the snare once again covering the noise of a faint guitar riff being played by Bryce Dessner. As Scott Devendor jammed through the baseline the signature trumpets started vibrating through the monitors. Absolute chaos and then silence. A roar of claps came in a few seconds after. “Woooo! Yes, yes yes!” I yelled. “Thank you,” Matt whispered as the rest of the band made hand signals. It was time for the fake exit before the encore. The night ended with an unplugged version of “Vanderlyle Crybaby Geeks” on a white-lighted stage. After tears were shed, yelling performed and lyrics recited, I proudly messed up the choir to the last song in the exact moment when everyone went quiet. I laughed along with a few other strangers. No better way to end a night. 

The hours before my train arrived were mostly spent in a loud McDonald’s filled with drunk students as I wrote my essay. In the attempt of finding a quieter place to write at two in the morning I decided to venture out into the windy streets. I decided to walk towards the train station, but after a few minutes of going in the wrong direction my phone died. I was officially lost. I tried finding my way back to McDonald’s without success until I found a local guy walking quickly with his headphones on. I asked him where the train station was and he pointed to the left. I walked for a little bit more and made it. Yes, I made it to a cold empty building with no tables and no power outlets. Off I went again looking for my oasis; luckily, Christmas was near and a huge adorned tree sat in the middle of Nottingham’s central square. Just like the wise men, pirates and many others before me, I used the star to find my way back to another McDonald’s. I sat there writing, reading and charging my phone as people looked at me weird from time to time. An hour before my train departed I got kicked out because I didn't purchase anything. I politely made my way back to the station, took the train back home, showered, crushed my radio class and finished the essay. 

Would I do this again? Yes, without question. Music has been the fuel to many successful adventures for me and many others. According to the UK’s Live Music Census conducted in 2017, about 10.9 million people traveled inside the union for music-ing purposes and a total 809,000 people came from overseas for the same reason. In times when we are constantly reminded by bigger powers that division is our best bet, music comes in and proves them wrong again, again, and again. This gig taught me that no matter who you are, there will always be a home for people that want togetherness. For people that want barriers to be abolished. Music has sparked rebellions for centuries and it will not stop. Let’s sing, dance and yell! Share a song, go to a concert, travel to a new town and listen to a local band. Anew, let's utilize music as our ally as we tear every single wall down.