#worst of tv 2022

[thebryanandsilvergarbage]

True Lies, Blockbuster, Velma Big Silver Garbage 2023 Winners

Blockbuster, True Lies, and Velma were the big winners at the 2023 Silver Garbage Awards, winning for Worst Comedy Series, Worst Drama Series, and Worst New Series, respectively.

Blockbuster, a Netflix flop, centered around one of the last Blockbuster stores, won the most awards with five wins, Worst Comedy Series, Supporting Actor (J.B. Smoove), Guest Performer (Bobby Moynihan), Writing and Directing.

True Lies, the CBS flop, which was a reboot of the 1994 James Cameron film starring Arnold Schwarzenegger and Jamie Lee Curtis won four awards - Worst Drama Series, Worst Actor (Steve Howey), Worst Supporting Actor (Omar Benson Miller), and Worst Guest Performer (Tom Arnold).

Velma, the HBO animated spin-off of Scooby Doo, won for Worst New Series, as well for Worst Actress in a Comedy Series for Mindy Kaling.

The recently ended Magnum P.I. reboot and the Fox Country Soap Monarch were tied for 11 nominations each, the most for any program. Monarch was completely shut out, while Magnum P.I. only won for Worst Couple in a Television Program for their controversial Magnum/Higgins pairing.

Worst New Series: Blockbuster (Netflix) First Kill (Netflix) Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies (Paramount Plus) Monarch (FOX) True Lies (CBS) Velma (HBO)

Worst Comedy Series: Blockbuster (Netflix) Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies (Paramount Plus) How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Maggie (Hulu) Velma (HBO) Young Rock (NBC)

Worst Drama Series: Fantasy Island (FOX) First Kill (Netflix) Magnum P.I. (NBC) Monarch (FOX) The Time Traveler’s Wife (HBO) True Lies (CBS)

Worst Special Class Program: Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe (Paramount Plus) The 2023 College Football Playoff National Championship - Georgia vs. TCU (ESPN) Dahmer - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix) Flowers In The Attic: The Origin (Lifetime) Harry & Meghan (Netflix)

Worst Reality Program: Chrisley Knows Best (USA) Dancing With Myself (NBC) The Family Stallone (Paramount Plus) Jersey Shore: Family Vacation (MTV) The Kardashians (Hulu) The Real Love Boat (CBS/Paramount Plus) 

Worst Spin-Off, Reboot, or Revival: Fatal Attraction (Paramount Plus) - Reboot of the 1987 Movie Flowers In The Attic: The Origin (Lifetime) - Prequel to the “Flowers In The Attic” Series Grease: Rise of the Pink Ladies (Paramount Plus) - Prequel to the Musical/Movie The Real Love Boat (CBS) - Reality Reboot of the 1970s Series True Lies (CBS) - Reboot of the 1994 Movie Velma (HBO) - Spin-Off of the Scooby Doo Franchise

Worst Performance by a Cast of a Program*: Blockbuster (Netflix) How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Jersey Shore: Family Vacation (MTV) The Kardashians (Hulu) Magnum P.I. (NBC) Monarch (FOX) * - Only actors that are over 18 and have appeared in 50 percent of the eligibility period episodes are included in this category.

Worst Lead Actress in a Comedy Series: Hilary Duff - How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Melissa Fumero - Blockbuster (Netflix) Mindy Kaling - Velma (HBO) Elizabeth Mitchell - The Santa Clauses (Disney Plus) Rebecca Rittenhouse - Maggie (Hulu)

Worst Lead Actor in a Comedy Series: Tim Allen - The Santa Clauses (Disney Plus) James Corden - Mammals (Prime Video) Dwayne Johnson - Young Rock (NBC) Randall Park - Blockbuster (Netflix) Sylvester Stallone - Tulsa King (Paramount Plus) 

Worst Lead Actress in a Drama Series: Lizzy Caplan - Fatal Attraction (Paramount Plus) Sarah Catherine Hook - First Kill (Netflix) Rose Leslie - The Time Traveler’s Wife (HBO) Imani Lewis - First Kill (Netflix) Susan Sarandon - Monarch (FOX)

Worst Lead Actor in a Drama Series: Trace Adkins - Monarch (FOX) Steve Howey - True Lies (CBS) Joshua Jackson - Fatal Attraction (Paramount Plus) Theo James - The Time Traveler’s Wife (HBO) Jay Rodriguez - Magnum P.I. (NBC)

Worst Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series: Andrea Anders - That ‘90s Show (Netflix) Kim Cattrall - How I Met Your Father (Hulu) India de Beaufort - Night Court (NBC) Dana Delany - Tulsa King (Paramount Plus) Renee Elise Goldsberry - She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (Disney Plus) Sally Hawkins - Mammals (Prime Video)

Worst Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series: Tom Ainsley - How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Garrett Hedlund - Tulsa King (Paramount Plus) Christopher Lowell - How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Kal Penn - The Santa Clauses (Disney Plus) Surej Sharma - How I Met Your Father (Hulu) J.B. Smoove - Blockbuster (Netflix)

Worst Supporting Actress in a Drama Series: Kiara Barnes - Fantasy Island (FOX) Beth Ditto - Monarch (FOX) Anna Friel - Monarch (FOX) Rosie O’Donnell - American Gigolo (Showtime) Amanda Peet - Fatal Attraction (Paramount Plus) Perdita Weeks - Magnum P.I. (NBC)

Worst Supporting Actor in a Drama Series: Stephen Hill - Magnum P.I. (NBC) Tim Kang - Magnum P.I. (NBC) Zachary Knighton - Magnum P.I. (NBC) Omar Benson Miller - True Lies (CBS) John Gabriel Rodriguez - Fantasy Island (FOX) Joshua Sasse - Monarch (FOX)

Worst Guest Performer in a Comedy Series: David Krumholtz - The Santa Clauses (Disney Plus) Peyton Manning - The Santa Clauses (Disney Plus) Leighton Meester - How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Bobby Moynihan - Blockbuster (Netflix) Keegan Connor Tracy - Blockbuster (Netflix)

Worst Guest Performer in a Drama Series: Tom Arnold - True Lies (CBS) Beverly D’Angelo - True Lies (CBS) Cheryl Hines - Fantasy Island (FOX) Judith Scott - Magnum P.I. (NBC) Bradley Whitford - Law & Order: Special Victims Unit (NBC) 

Worst Special Class Lead Performer: Prince Harry & Meghan, Duke & Duchess of Sussex - Harry & Meghan (Netflix) Candace Cameron Bure - A Christmas…Present (Pure Flix) Jennifer Lopez - Shotgun Wedding (Prime Video) Evan Peters - Dahmer - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix) Sylvester Stallone - Samaritan (Prime Video) The TCU Horned Frogs - The College Football Playoff National Championship (ESPN)

Worst Special Class Supporting Performer: Spencer Grammer - The 12 Days of Christmas Eve (Lifetime) Harry Hamlin - Flowers in the Attic: The Original (Lifetime) Richard Jenkins - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix) Penelope Ann Miller - Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story (Netflix) Kate Mulgrew - Flowers in the Attic: The Original (Lifetime) Tyler Perry - Harry & Meghan (Netflix)

Worst Screen Couple: CFP NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP - TCU Horned Frogs & Georgia Bulldogs (ESPN) FATAL ATTRACTION - Joshua Jackson & either Lizzy Caplan or Amanda Peet (Paramount Plus) FIRST KILL - Sarah Catherine Hook & Imani Lewis (Netflix) HARRY & MEGHAN - Prince Harry & Meghan, Duke & Duchess of Sussex (Netflix) MAGNUM P.I. - Jay Rodriguez & Perdita Weeks (NBC) MONARCH - Susan Sarandon & Trace Adkins (FOX) SHOTGUN WEDDING - Jennifer Lopez & Josh Duhamel (Prime Video)

Worst Writing in a Comedy: Blockbuster (Netflix) How I Met Your Father (Hulu) Maggie (HBO) Night Court (NBC) Velma (HBO) Young Rock (NBC)

Worst Directing in a Comedy: American Auto (NBC) Blockbuster (Netflix) Maggie (Hulu) The Santa Clauses (Disney Plus) Velma (HBO) Young Rock (NBC) Worst Writing in a Drama: Fantasy Island (FOX) Law & Order: Organized Crime (NBC) Magnum P.I. (NBC) Monarch (FOX) The Time Traveler’s Wife (HBO) True Lies (CBS) Worst Directing in a Drama: The Company You Keep (ABC) Fantasy Island (FOX) Magnum P.I. (NBC) Monarch (FOX) The Time Traveler’s Wife (HBO) True Lies (CBS)

Worst Special Class Writing: Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe (Paramount Plus) Flowers In The Attic: The Original (Lifetime) Meet Cute (Peacock) Shotgun Wedding (Prime Video) The Witcher: Blood Origin (Netflix)

Worst Special Class Directing: Beavis and Butthead Do The Universe (Paramount Plus) Flowers In The Attic: The Original (Lifetime) Harry & Meghan (Netflix) Shotgun Wedding (Prime Video) The Witcher: Blood Origin (Netflix)

[lesovyart]

((shows up to Willow 2 yrs late)) I LOVE THEM

[devilsskettle]

something i like to think about is like. looking at the trajectory of a film series and trying to interpret the writing decisions based on what the filmmakers are responding to at that time in the culture and what they pick up on to continue from past movies in that series and what they leave behind as they move forward, and if those decisions work and why they work or don’t work and how critics and viewers responded to each film in the series and why. and it just so happens that the easiest and most fun movies to do this with are “low brow” horror series with a lot of sequels lol especially from the lens of looking at sfx and design

[iamnmbr3]

well. at this point this fan theory seems more likely than the chance of LOKI appearing in S2.... :/

[mceproductions]

Worst of 2022 TV Shows #2: Fairview (Comedy Central)

Many concepts can make for some awkward if not unwatchable tv.

Such as saying “What if the Higglytown Heroes was around today”

Yes the animated nesting dolls make their return to tv this year via an 8 part look at modern day life through a newly elected mayor and city council of a small town.

Cutting corners to save money is one thing,but these guys needed more personality than legless soundboards for Colbert and company.

At least their town looked nice.

SUM 22: Power resides where it needs to, even in the hands of animated Russian Nesting Dolls that don’t make their town better.

[aliferousdreamer]

i'm so tired of misogyny from fans who avidly ship mlm couples simply because the girl "gets in the way" of their ship... it's 2022 and fans are still perpetuating misogyny to prop up their mlm ships.

[batshit-auspol]

I just spent some time scrolling through this blog and am suffering from sever laughter. Thanks so much for collating the countries craziest moments. One of my favourites is when Scott Morrison was in Hawaii while the bushfires where burning.

December 2019: As Australia's east coast is engulfed in the worst bushfires in living memory, rumours begin to circulate that Australia's Prime Minister Scott Morrison may have secretly fucked off for a holiday in Hawaii.

Keep in mind, this is what is going down in Australia at the time:

The Hawaii rumour is initially written off as a fringe conspiracy, because surely nobody could be that fuckin tonedeaf, and it was quickly forgotten about... until an Australian man visiting Hawaii UPLOADED A SELFIE ON THE BEACH WITH THE PM THROWING A SHAKA.

At which point all hell broke loose.

Overnight the formerly popular "Scomo" became the most despised man in all of Australia. Think "firefighters shouting out of their windows to news cameras" level of despised.

After about two days of radio silence and pretending like he was still at home running the country, the Prime Minister's handlers finally dragged him onto call with an Australian radio station, where he pinky promised to return to Australia as fast as he could in an attempt to calm things down.

Unfortunately Scott's empathy consultant (a real job) then had to watch Scott pour more gasoline on the dumpster fire by uttering the now famous phrase "Look I don't hold a hose mate" when asked by the radio interviewer why the fucking fuck the fuckhead wasn't fucking in Australia doing his fucking job during a massive fucking crisis.

Testing just how much worse things could get, Scomo then proceeded to NOT rush back to Australia as promised, instead attempting to complete the rest of his holiday, a fact that was exposed when a passerby snapped a picture of him still lounging on the beach two days later.

Eventually, holiday complete, Morrison did reluctantly slink back to Australia, and in an attempt to calm things down, he decided to pay a visit to a small town that had been destroyed by the fires.

Which was a big mistake.

Scomo still had not registered how absolutely and totally he had screwed the poodle with his Hawaiian beach vacation, and he walks into what is now taught in PR classes as one of the greatest examples of "what not do do in a crisis" in all of history.

Scotty from Marketing, as he is now dubbed by the nation, spends a painfully cringe-inducing hour wandering around a burned down town with TV news cameras in tow, having to FORCE PEOPLE TO SHAKE HIS HAND in what is some of the most awkward footage you will ever see.

At this point it's probably also worth mentioning that, before becoming Prime Minister, Scott Morrison's biggest claim to fame in politics was being the guy that was so far up the coal lobby's arse that he literally brought coal into parliament and waved it around, claiming it doesn't hurt people.

So when a protest was organised it turned out to be one big national fuck you to the Prime Minister, the likes of which the world has never seen before or since.

Needless to say, at this point Scomo's career was dead in the water, but thanks to the rules brought in to stop Australian political parties from knifing their leader every two weeks (a popular Aussie passtime) Morrison basically couldn't get fired until after the next election.

And so, when the election rolled around in 2022, we decided that was an opportune time to travel over to Hawaii to erect this bad boy tribute to the Prime Minister, on the very beach where Scomo had sat and drank margaritas that one fateful week in December as Australia burned (thanks to @chaser for funding the ticket)

[f1version]

26 BIRTHDAY KISSES ★ CL16

pairing: charles leclerc x gf!reader ( she/her )

summary: 26th birthday, 26 pictures of you and Charles kissing. A kiss for each year.

notes: i’m back from my birthday trip!! i wrote this birthday special in like 30 minutes and it’s still charles’ birthday in a couple of places so… i’m not exactly late! enjoy <3

26 KISSES: A GALLERY

By your beautiful girlfriend, in collaboration with a lot of people but mainly Joris and ourselves.

1. DRUNK DANCING: A month after we got together, we were at Arthur’s 18th birthday. We got drunk, singing and dancing to the worst playlist in existence (Lorenzo’s) and, somehow, Arthur got to capture this moment I barely even remember.

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2018

2. AUGUST 2019: Summer break, so sweet so loving. You made me promise that if you jumped off first, I would jump too. It took me fifteen minutes to follow after you. Also your kisses were incredibly salty.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2019

3. THE MONZA INCIDENT: I had red lipstick the night you won in Monza, you told me it looked pretty, I asked you to kiss me, you did. Fast forward 8 minutes it was all smudged over your lips, you were 10 minutes late to the post-race conference, and Sylvia almost banned me that night. (I’m still kind of banned from your driver’s room)

Taken by Charles Leclerc, 2019

4. UNDER THE COVERS: 2020, what a crazy year. This one was taken the day we decided to finish moving in together. You were so excited, wanted everything to be perfect. Today I can say it is.

Taken by Me, 2020

5. WORDS: We were spending Christmas by ourselves, we face-timed our families, had dinner and watched movies. You gifted me three beautiful words I, of course, said back… and we also got a puppy!

Taken by Charles’ phone timer, 2020

6. OCEAN BREZEE: Just a small escapade to take a breath. You were so cuddly that day, Joris was so done with you (he still took the pic though)

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2021

7. CUTE OR HOT: I just wanted a cute morning selfie but, because of you, we ended up in a…promising mood. It was intense that’s all I have to say!

Taken by Me, 2021

8. KISS KISS KISS: 24th birthday, 24 kisses. This kind of became a tradition, let me know if you still want them this year!

Taken by Me, 2021

9. DRUNK AF: How did we got so drunk? Ask Pierre, he was the one hosting. Either way we got another amazing photo of us drunk-kissing!!!

Taken by Pierre Gasly, 2021

10. UNDER THE SEA: I’m just going to say that you and your ‘photo ideas 📸’ folder are attached by the hip. I personally love this one (even if it took half an hour to take)

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2021

11. NEW YORK: Thought you could scape this one? Never! Arthur and I didn’t spend a week listening to your complaining for nothing, babe. You must admit that this kiss was magical, everything was so pretty that day. And then it started snowing!

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2021

12. EXPOSED: Remember how our amazing soft launch got ruined by our trip to Ibiza? Well, here it is, the image we couldn’t stop laughing at when it came out, we really thought we were sneaky.

Taken by unknown, 2022

13. HARD LAUNCH: A week later we were kissing on live TV. It’s one of my favorite memories, I couldn’t stop smiling.

Taken by F1 TV, 2022

14. BACK KISSES: Just a picture of the morning after I learned that you can convince anyone, even the CEO of Ferrari, to allow you to leave sponsor events early. I really don’t know if you knew those kisses were there, but I woke up to this, took a picture and then left you with them until we took a shower.

Taken by Me, 2022

15. SPONSORED BY AIRMAX: That time your team forgot to book us a flight and you had to ask Lando to ask Daniel to ask Max if we could go back to Monaco with them. I’ve never seen Max talk so much, Daniel laugh so loud or Lando taking so many pictures. He even asked to take one of us, here it is:

Taken by Lando Norris, 2022

16. SIXTEEN: I bet you thought this one would have something to do with racing. Number 16. Sorry to disappoint but it’s our beautiful puppy…Sixteen! I’m not gonna lie, I still hate you for persuading me into that name. Anyways if you kiss the dog you kiss the mom!!

Taken by Me, 2022

17. 25 KISSES: Again, tell me if you want those 26 kisses this year. Look at us last year!

Taken by Me, 2022

18. NEW YEAR, SAME LOVE: Sometimes the world feels unreal when I’m with you, this was one of those days. I felt in another reality, the world slowed down, it was just you and me. I remember thinking “I fell in love with the right person” and then you kissed me.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2022

19. BLACK SUIT: Remember when your fans thanked me for your “new” outfits? They repeated it was the girlfriend effect, you couldn’t stop talking about how stylish you are with or without me!

Taken by Me, 2023

20. PHOTOSHOOT: You got Joris to take these shots just because you wanted a new wallpaper. I thought it was silly, until one day all of them were hanging around our home. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, Charlie.

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2023

21. FIVE STAR CHEFS: Not much to say, just sorry for being so distracting and thank you for the amazing (stolen from Ferrari) dinner babe!

Taken by Charles’ phone timer, 2023

22. RED LIGHTS: This year’s addition to our drunk-kissing collection. I remember you drowning shots with Carlos and Pierre, asking me to dance with you, absolutely failing at that, and then kissing me. After that there’s blurry ferrari red, giggles and a hot bath.

Taken by Andrea Ferrari, 2023

23. LAZY IN BED: Wonderful lazy days by the ocean, that’s how we spent the summer break. That morning in particular you didn’t want to get up, basically gluing me to bed. We got up at 1pm.

Taken by Me, 2023

24. JUST ONE QUESTION: Can I drive the purosangue now? Please please please

Taken by Me, 2023

20. LOVER: This day I woke up thinking about those dreams we talk about all the time, you even remembered me a couple of them throughout the day. Charlie, I do want to do this for the rest of our lives, never forget it <3

Taken by Arthur Leclerc, 2023

26. TWENTY-SIX: We are just 26 but I hope our story keeps on writing itself. I love you, these have been the happiest 6 years of my life. Happy birthday bébé ❤️

Taken by Joris Trouche, 2023

[ch3st3r3]

What the hell is going on; 8-9th September 2022 edition

- Combination of Tumblr and Twitter polls announce Sans (a character from the games Undertale and Deltarune) the winner of the Tumblr Sexyman poll between him and Reigen, a character from the anime “Mob Psycho 100”. #Sanssweep

- Toby Fox, creator of Undertale and Deltarune wrote a fan fiction about Sans victory over Reigen, making Reigen cannon in the Undertale/Deltarun universe.

- Pokemon Company announced a new upcoming Pokemon in Pokemon Scarlet and Violet “Klawf”.  

- Queen Elizebeth of UK dies at age 96.

- The Crab rave meme is often used as celebration, with Tumblr celebrating the Queen’s death and Klawf getting wrapped up in the wave of crave rave memes.

- The beloved meme cat Thurston Waffles passed away :(

- “Destiel” the pairing of Dean and Castiel from the TV show “Supernatural”. When this ship was announced as cannon, Vladimir Putin resigned as President of Russia. Many are drawing comparisons between a monumental Tumblr event and the removal of a country’s head from power as the wheels of history repeating the motion.

note that Destiel and Putin resigning as PRESIDENT of Russia happened in November 2020 - Putin is still currently Prime Minister of Russia

- September 8th is Star Trek Day, in which a character called Data references the “Irish Reunification of 2024″. Many see the Queen’s death as phase 1 of this.

- It is US Senator Bernie Sander’s 81st birthday. Happy Birthday Bernie!

- Splatoon 3, a game featuring intelligent aquatic wildlife having built a society, releases on September 9th

- Youtube star Trisha Payta gives birth 3 minutes after the Queen dies.

- A Pine Marten, a small stout, has been sighted in London for the first time in 100 years

- Kiwi Farms, a social media site for extremists, “worst place on the internet”, has shut down

Im sorry but I don't have links to all of these, this is just a summary of what is going on

I’m glad that folks ARE questioning and fact checking this summary, it’s good to fact check anything these days and that has prompted me to clarify some parts of the post while others are updating the information. There’s a lot going on in the world right now and to view it solely through tumblr lenses means y’ won’t get the whole story. I hope this post, while not 100% correct, updates and explain some parts of current events to lead them into doing their own independent investigation into the full story.

EDIT 2023: happy 1 year anniversary to this post. What a lot has happened in one year.

[dresshistorynerd]

Ranking Men's Costumes in Renaissance Period Dramas - Part I: The Bad

Part II: The Good

I have a bone to pick with Renaissance costuming of male characters. Films and TV never seem to understand French hoods or the concept of tied up hair but the crimes committed with female characters costuming seem to pale in comparison with those committed with male characters costuming. It would be easy to find some atrocities that should be brought in front of the Hague from the bottom of the barrel shows like Da Vinci's Demons and Reign, both of which costuming is basically black leather jackets, pants and boots. If we're lucky, they have some vaguely Renaissance details imitating doublet or jerkin. But these shows make absolutely no effort, even the women's costumes are straight from modern fast fashion shelves (often literally). But I have noticed that even costuming that has some effort otherwise put behind it, still costumes male characters with the most boring costumes and minimal effort. The Tudors didn't have good costumes, but there's some effort towards historical immersion, even if quite lackluster, but the men's costumes are still so sloppy.

My theory is that they think men's Renaissance fashion was too goofy and embarrassing to fit their cool and sexy main male characters. Also men dressing up and taking care of their appearance? That's obviously homosexual behavior, and these hot men who the main female characters are fawning over are Manly and Heterosexual. So they don't dress up in fancy clothing or colour!

To give a fair change to the costuming, I will be selecting only shows and movies which have good costuming for the female characters. If they are not even trying, it feels kinda pointless to point that out. I have selected 10 period dramas. I haven't seen all of them so I'm not going to analyse the costuming any deeper than how good and well made they look and how well they evoke the historical setting. I don't demand historical accuracy, but I will be more harsh on that front if the women's costumes are succeeding in that. But one of the point of period dramas is to immerse into a historical setting, so if the costumes can't evoke that feeling, I think they have failed. Obviously this is not some objective ranking, but my opinions. This is in two parts (because of Tumblr image limits), so I'll start with the five worst costumes in order of best to worst.

5. Ever After (1998)

Ever After is supposedly set in Renaissance France, but the costuming resembles late 15th century and early 16th century Italy much more. It's not very historical, and clearly not really trying to be, going for more of a fantastical style. It works, I think because they make it cohesive and very pretty.

Men's costumes resemble also resemble Italian styles. The Lombardian style sleeves, short doublets and tight pants land it right there. The men's costumes are much more boring than the fun and fantastical women's costumes, but they got the least worse spot in this worst costumes list for several reasons. The pants are actually tight and they have codpieces. The sleeves are actually really great I love them. And there's no leather pants or doublets.

And look at this, at least one doublet is closed with lacing!! (I apologize for the very low image quality, it was the only picture I found of that costume.)

The biggest gripe I have with the costumes are the boots. Just let these male characters show of their calves. At least not everything is black but the lack of colour is still disappointing too.

4. Becoming Elizabeth (2022)

The female characters have quite excellent costuming. The fabrics are rich and gorgeous, the bodices are extremely smooth and crisp, some of the best I've seen, partlets are on point and correctly used. My only complained is the occasional open hair and yet another case of the weird upward pointing crown-like French hoods.

French hood didn't have any crown shaped thing, it was a hood and the headpiece is actually several headpieces made to reveal the lining of the hood in a crescent shape. So it is very much flat against the head. (I've written about French hood's construction before.) And sure they look more early Tudor fashion, the sleeves should be much more dramatic and the bodice elongated. Like here's a portrait of the actual young Elizabeth. But I think the detailing, great construction and good looking materials make the costuming beautiful and feeling enough like Tudor era.

So how does the men's costuming hold up? Pretty okay, which is why this show is so high up in the list. I haven't seen any leather pants on anyone. Leather jerkins were an actual thing, they just weren't black, and though the leather jerkin in the show was dark brown and not smooth hide, it was not black so that's something. Edward VI does have actual stockings and Renaissance shoes, which is great, but he is a kid and I didn't see any grown man rocking that style which is very cowardly behavior imo. There's some colourful silk jerkins in there too. And they even could get away with all black since that was very fashionable at the time. They are all wearing slashed trunk hose. AND! They have actual accurate codpieces sticking up! That is so rare especially in this period when the codpiece was not just a flat piece of fabric.

Unfortunately this is where the good things I have to say end. All of these court people are for some reason wearing riding boots inside and everywhere all the time. The hose are way too long and the jerkins are way too short. The hose should be just peaking under the hem of the jerkin. Obviously none except the kid uses thigh high stockings. One of the worst things though imo is the lack of structuring in the men's costumes. The women's costumes are so well structured, but the men's costumes are just wet rags hanging on them? The doublets were heavily structured to create a pigeon chest and hourglass effect.

In conclusion, there's clearly some effort made, some very nice historical details, but the overall look is very costumy and sloppy because of the lack of structuring and lacks the historical silhouette.

3. Mad Love (2001)

The movie is set around 1500 Neatherlands (and Spain). I think many of the costumes are gorgeous (like the examples below), though overall the costuming is quite inconsistent. Most of it fits at least okay to the time period and setting, though the red dress here is more along Italian styles, but not entirely off either for early 1500s Low Countries. Some costumes though are 50 years from future. Of the women's costumes alone, this would probably be the worst costuming on this list, though I think better than most Renaissance costuming, which is why it still ended up on this list.

The men's costumes resemble more early 16th century German fashion than Low Countries fashion, which was more similar to French fashion than German. In the red ensemble there's some weird jerkin looking overgarment, but jerkins were not a thing yet and they were never in this style. I will excuse the lack of codpiece since in Low Countries' fashion it was hidden under longer overgarments, even though in this more German style it would have been left in view. The hose are no where near fitted enough, and the boots should not be here at all. Overall this is kind of a mess, but it is better than the last two. We have skirt, we have weird sleeves, open neckline and most importantly, we have colour. Also while this shoulder-length curly hair wasn't in fashion outside Italy at the time, I still appreciate the sluttiness of it.

2. The Borgias (2011-2013)

Now we are getting to the territory, where the lack of effort is starting to be very obvious. Like the costumes till now were not particularly good, but clearly they at least attempted, even if not very hard. So, The Borgias. The show is set in the early 1500s Italy. The women's costumes are gorgeous. Not always the most historically accurate, but at least close enough and very pretty.

The men's costumes however... a deep sigh. Some of them are not that bad, like this first one has kinda Lombardian sleeves and a too small doublet showing off the lacing (in Italy the lacing was almost always ladder-lacing though regardless of gender, but it's something I guess). Most of it though, especially of the leading men, who are supposed to be cool and hot, is absolutely garbage. The same black leather jackets and pants seen in the bottom of the barrel shows. Like the costumes of the female characters and some of the male characters feel like they are from two completely different shows. Like sure they have codpieces, but their pants are so loosely fitted they wouldn't even need the codpieces. (I explain the use of codpieces in this post). And of course they have boots. Of course. In Italy it was even common to not wear shoes at all, they just sewed leather soles at the bottom of the hose. And even the men's costume that have tiniest bit of effort, are so dark and lacking in colour, when the most fashionable young men at the time wore these wildly multicoloured hose and doublets. The feeling I get the showrunners were so god damn afraid of giving the cool male characters any elements or details that could in anyway seen as feminine today, they stripped all the historical elements away. Like they couldn't even give Cesare lacing, they had to make it Manly Buckles?? It's such an insecure performance of masculinity. I admit the last image here is the worst offending example and there were some with a bit of color even, but in other ways most of it is exactly this bad. I will have to hand one thing to them though. They did manage to get the slutty shoulder-length hair right.

If this man is supposed to be sexy, prove it to me by showing his ass with lovingly fitted hose.

1. Rosaline (2022)

This is roughly set in the same time in Italy too as The Borgias, based on women's costumes, I'd say at the very end of 15th century. And those women's costumes are honestly great. They even have hand-sewn eyelets, ladder-lacing and cartridge pleats. Even some of the most high effort costumes don't get these details right. Honestly I only have issue with the hair, the hair goes from okay or outright terrible. They even made this super historically accurate Renaissance apron for a maid.

This got the lowest ranking so you know what comes next. The men's costuming is absolutely unacceptable. I feel like it would be excessive to even describe all the ways these costumes fail since to me they are so obviously bad. The difference between these women's dresses with such gorgeously crafted details and these men's costumes that give absolutely nothing is so stark and gives such a massive dissonance. They are just wearing modern skinny-ish pants, all the colors are so muted and dark, there's no shape, no structure, no codpieces, just sloppy bland jackets and pants. Even less effort than men's costumes in The Borgias have. Except one thing they have over The Borgias, they were able to ladder-lace that doublet. Otherwise these are just bland, boring and actively ugly. And it's so weird that they took this "gritty gruff "realistic"" route, when it's a comedy about Romeo and Juliet? You afford to be a little goofy with a comedy and yet you did this.

Extreme disappointment, do better.

Part II: The Good

[doudouneverte]

Gold-friend

a/n: I wanted to write something for the new Ballon d'Or winner

*not my GIF* (look at this tiny queen)

Pairing: Aitana Bonmatí x Fem!Reader

Summary: surprise

Type: Fluff

Warning: nothing

word count: 1881

-------

Euro 2022

The Spain national team got kicked out of the competition by the Lionesses. Back in Spain, Aitana found peace with the only person she could call home, you.

For you, you spent the rest of the summer trying to cheer her up and helping her prepare for the next season.

Even if she said it every day, the midfielder would never voice too much how grateful she was that you were with her in every big step of her career.

Season 22-23

Being a nurse and working almost every day meant that you sometimes couldn't be there for your girlfriend when she played. But working with nosy co-workers helped you measure how much the blaugranas' midfielder started to shine.

To be fair, you didn't mean it, but when you walked up to two people talking about football, you wanted to tell them to go back to work until they mentioned Aitana's name.

They were talking about her big performance on the pitch and her awesome season. And what a season it was. Leading the Liga F alone, far away from the runner-up, confirmed that Barcelona was in good spirits, and things were even more incredible when you saw them in the Champions League.

Of course, even if you had to work a lot, you tried to see her play as much as you could.

Champions League Final

Back from a party to celebrate their championship title, Aitana crashed on the couch next to you. A movie was running on the TV, but the football player knew she had all your attention. She rested her head on your lap and enjoyed the silence for a moment until something came to her mind.

"¿Amor?(My love)" She called you carefully.

"¿Si?" You replied and started to play with her hair.

"Are you free in June?" She asked without really hoping for a positive reply.

"Umm, I have to check, but I think I asked to have two days off. Why?"

"Do you want to do something special to celebrate our first place?"

"Uh, yeah, but I was more hoping to use those days to see you play the Champions League's final. But we can do anything you want."

"Well, I wanted to ask you if you—wait, what?" She brutally stood up, almost hitting you in the process.

"What?" 

"What did you say?"

You looked at her like she grew a second head. "Uh, I said that I wanted to see you play. Is that a problem?"

The midfielder grinned and covered your face with a lot of kisses.

"You're welcome." You joked.

"Now, come on, we both need to sleep." She turned off the TV and dragged you to the bedroom.

~~~~~

After the finale whistle, Barcelona were sacred champions. You were frenetically moving in your seat while the girls were celebrating. A few minutes later, you were allowed on the pitch; you only had some free seconds to thank the girls before a short body crashed against yours.

"Oh, calmate, cariñosa, let me thank other girls before." You were very amused by her antics.

"I'm really happy that you came." She confessed while all her teammates were making fun of her.

"I'm really happy too."

After a lot of celebration, you were back in the blaugranas' hotel, cuddling with your girlfriend in her room. "Are you sure you can't come to Australia?" 

"Yes, I'm sorry. But don't worry, I'll support you." You reassured her.

Word Cup

You had to follow the whole competition during your night shift because of the different time zones. But that was not the worst part. The worst part was everything that happened on the other side of the globe without you being there to support her.

You were working the day of the finale, and almost all the hospital exploded with joy after the final whistle. Everybody matched your enjoyment, and it was totally understandable.

Ballon d'Or  

Aitana was on her way to her hotel, but something was stuck in her mind.

"Don't make this grumpy face; you're about to be classified as one of the best players in the world." Salma said trying to change her mind.

"I'm not making a grumpy face."

"Yes, you are. You have since we arrived here. What's the problem? Aren't you excited?"

"Of course I am."

"But?"

"There's no but."

"So you don't look happy when you clearly deserve everything that's happened today?"

"I'm happy; it's just that..." She stopped when the car stopped, and thankfully for her, Patri and Mapi were already there to welcome them.

"Thanks, some people are excited about this day." Salma said dramatically when she get out of the car.

Her teammates gave her a strange look, but they didn't need to question it when they saw Aitana.

"She's definitely taking it more well than I imagined." Patri whispered to the defender, who looked at her very confusedly. "I thought she would be crying and complaining about how much she wanted Y/n to be there." She explained.

"You know what? I'll not even try to talk with you. Let's just try to make her look less grumpy until the ceremony." The defender said.

"I'm not grumpy!" The midfielder spoke loudly while she entered the hotel.

"Yep, definitely grumpy." The three other players said together.

Okay, to be honest, Aitana may have been grumpy, but only because she was worried. You were supposed to be with her this night, but you didn't answer her last text. And she sent it a few hours ago.

In the room where she was supposed to get ready, she found Fridolina, who came a little earlier. The tall woman greeted her with open arms, something that she felt she needed.

"Nervous?" The Swedish player asked, and the Spanish one just nodded. "Is it about tonight or about Y/n?" She asked even if she already knew the answer.

"Both," Aitana said, sitting next to her teammate, "maybe more about Y/n than about tonight. She was supposed to text me when she arrived in Paris, but I didn't receive anything. I try to not freak out. I'm saying to myself that maybe she just had an emergency at work, but if it was, she always told me."

"Don't worry, I'm sure she's just doing something and forgot to tell you." Her teammate tried to reassure her.

~~~~

A few hours later, the girls were ready to leave, but the midfielder was still waiting for your text.

"Hey, stop worrying; I'm sure she will come with your parents." Mapi said while forcing the brunette out.

Outside, a vehicle was waiting for them. Someone opened the door for them. Your girlfriend was the first one to enter, but she stopped immediately.

"¿Qué haces aquí? (What are you doing here?)" The short girl asked, making all the players behind them stop.

"Nunca me perdería esto por nada. (I would never miss this for anything.)" You replied.

"Oh, look at who finally decided to show up." Patri commented, making you snort.

"Okay girls, I would like to talk, but I think you're waiting somewhere, so what are you waiting for?" You reminded them.

During the whole ride, Aitana had her head pressed against your shoulder while her hands were stuck in yours.

"I think that's the first time I've seen her smile since we arrived here." Salma said loudly, making everyone laugh in the process.

"She just missed her girl; I think it's fair." Mapi defended her.

"And I missed you too." You whispered to your girlfriend before landing a kiss on her head, which made all the girls coo at the same time.

~~~~~

"...And the winner for the women's Ballon d'Or is... Aitana Bonmatí." Everybody was applauding, and you started to feel tears in your eyes' corners.

During her speech, you were remembering all the moments you spent together. Since the first time you met her when you were just two kids until now. And it was a long journey.

There were tears, exhaustion, and loss, but there was also victory and joy every time you watched her play, the tittles, collectively or personally. And above all, there was love. The same love for the same girl since you were kids.

The same with whom you lived with since almost four years, the same girls who were always there for you when you needed the most, the same who knew you maybe more than yourself.

In the reflection of the video that were shown about her journey, you were seeing what she could achieve later and what you could both have been in the future.

After the ceremony and the photo, you were back in the hotel when something came to Aitana's mind. In front of the hotel, while every girl started to fill the building, the midfielder used that moment to keep you behind.

"Hey, is everything okay?" You asked when you felt her hand on your arm.

"Can we walk away? Don't worry, it's just for a few minutes." 

"Yeah, of course." You let her lead the way until she found a spot not too dark with some lovely spotlights. She took your hands and made you look at her.

"Amor, I want to thank you for being here today with me and just being in my life. I-I know that I tell you every day, but I love you. I'm in love with you, and it's not going to change. You're one of the reasons why I'm here today and why I became so good. I wouldn't be able to do this without you."

"I'm sure you would."

"Please don't ruin it."

"I'm sorry."

"I was thinking about it for a moment now, and when I saw you tonight, it confirmed what I thought. Y/n, I want to spend my life with you, to be able to love you and be worth yours for the rest of my life. Y/n Y/l/n, would you marry me?" She showed you a velvet box with a beautifulring in it.

"Wow, do you mean like right now? I know that Paris is called the city of love, but I think we need someone to officialize everything." You replied.

"Stop being a smartass and answer, please." She slapped your arms, making you laugh.

"Of course I do." You replied, and she finally smiled again. "I would be a fool if I declined the offer." You added.

"Can we finish that? It started to be cold." You chuckled while she placed the ring on your finger. You both stayed looking at each other for a few seconds before finally kissing.

The cute moment was interrupted by some applause from the other girls.

"What are you doing here?" Aitana asked, a little embarrassed, to the audience.

"Patri wanted to follow you; and Mapi agreed." Salma said earning a nudge from the two older women.

"Who cares about that? We're proud of you." Patri said while she quickly came to hug her teammate. Quickly after, all the girls came to hug you both and congratulate you.

On your way back, you had your arm around Aitana's shoulder. Listen to the girls talking about the ceremony with a big smile on your face. You looked at the midfielder under your arm and gave her a light kiss on her shoulder.

"Te quiero."

[vvh0adie]

life lines | jjk

pairing: jungkook x reader | type: oneshot | words: 6.7K | rating: 18+/M

Jungkook is quick to leave work when he learns that his Baby Doll is having the worst cramps and needs Daddy to relieve them.

⇴ genre/au: fluff | light angst ‖ kink | ceo | boyfriend ⇴ persona: ent. ceo!jungkook | soloist!reader | needy!jungkook | possessive!jungkook | brat!reader | y2k!reader ⇴ cw: immense yearning | mentions of orisha yemoja | alcohol consumption | mature language | smut | age gap relationship | employee/boss relationship | menstruation | period symptoms | period blood ⇴ dynamic: soft dom!jungkook x sub!reader | ddlg ⇴ sw: sexual use of “Daddy” | french kissing | tongue sucking | groping | pubic hair pulling | anal play | vaginal fingering | nipple play | unprotected anal sex | explicit unprotected period sex | prolly don’t do this irl n’ wrap that thang up ⇴ a/n: Thankyu @theharrowing for beta reading!!! This is the original jk period fic? I didn’t want to write it cuz of the smut. I got too bored and overwhelmed. I barely pushed thru. It’s so much easier to think about sex than write it. Ngl I rushed a bit, so I don’t know how good the smut is, which is concerning since its most of the fic. But as promised. Update: No revisions; more of this couple to come.

 masterlist | inbox

© vvh0adie 2022- [do not AI train/copy/repost/translate]

✧༺♡༻✧

Jungkook enters his condo extremely late, just now coming back from a business trip to America. He's exhausted from talking about new acts and looking over concept presentations all day.

He occasionally misses those days when he was just an artist under an entertainment company and not the CEO. He remembers the freedom to do and say as he pleased with his fans by his side to boost his young spirit, only worrying about his singing and dancing being on par.

But like most music labels, Jungkook was also tired of not owning his shit. He wanted his masters and never wanted to sign contracts that he’d technically be paying back. So he started his own, but he could no longer be as reckless.

After taking his shoes off, Jungkook hangs up his coat, loosens his tie, and pops open a few buttons of his dress shirt. Then he shuffles to the cabinet, pulling out a glass before walking to his bar for whiskey. He knocks back a light pour, his face scrunching before he hisses at the warmth in his throat. After pouring a bit more, he takes the bottle with him as he slumps into his recliner.

Of course, he makes ten times as much as he did back then, and he can put out music when he so pleases, but he does hate having to plan out all the financial and legal aspects first instead of telling a manager who seemed to just magically make it happen. It was always cool, but the magic has lost its charm because, well… he knows how it works now.

Although Jungkook says all this, there's still one other person whose career he’d hustle for; whose dreams he'd conjure true.

Swiping a hand through his long, black curls, Jungkook sips at the dark liquor, perusing the shelves that lay on each side of the flat screen tv. There’s a few Korean paintings and artifacts on one side, and BTS awards and solo awards on the other. He keeps the common areas of his home somewhat impersonal. His achievements —including those with the boys— are important, but they’re for the public. That's not to say it's a bad thing —far from it— but he doesn't want their more personal memories out. He literally won the awards on national tv.

Jungkook scans some more, noticing the pics of the boys, himself, and his Baby Doll.

His sweetest Baby Doll. He acquired you under his label 5 years ago and since then, your music career has taken off tremendously. He’s extremely proud that all his hard work has paid off, making you the 8th biggest act in Korea since BTS and the members' solo careers. You're known globally with major significance in the western market. He and the boys worked their asses off to gain recognition, and they succeeded so well that the world trusted him to turn you into a star. Jungkook has been more than happy that his success could spearhead yours. He may no longer feel the spark in managing his own career, but he lives vicariously through you.

Jungkook smiles at the picture, wondering what you’re up to. During his trip, he tried to keep up, making calls to your manager to make sure your schedule was going as planned. You had quite a busy two weeks: shooting performance videos, appearing on global talk shows, modeling a magazine spread then an interview. He knows you're probably exhausted but he wishes you were here in his arms, cuddling with him and being needy. He needs someone to give his time to other than a bunch of businessmen.

Getting up, Jungkook walks to the floor to ceiling window. The city below is buzzing with sounds and lights. He looks across to the building over, directly at one of the many pitch black windows. To any other it's just another window but to him it's a lifeline; an invitation for surveillance.

Jungkook pulls out his phone. It's extremely late and there are no reasonable excuses to make a call. Maybe a text.

He walks back to the bar, putting the whiskey away and the glass in the kitchen sink.

Walking to his bedroom, Jungkook rests two fingers to his eyes. He doesn’t think he can stand another harsh light till morning. He's had enough bright computer screens and fluorescent conference room lights to make him not want to see for a month, but that wouldn't work when his attention is needed to gaze upon divinity.

Jungkook turns on a bedside lamp, filling the room with a soft, yellow light. In the closet, he takes off his watch and rings, placing them back neatly into their displays before stripping naked.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, Jungkook walks towards the bathroom mirror,  admiring the way his thin silver chain sits around his declitage. After chuckling to himself, he takes it off, setting it on the counter.

Nothing beats taking a shower and sleeping in your own home. The moment the water hits his back, a chill runs down his body as the water pickles along his skin. But its touch still isn't enough to ease him.

When Jungkook lotions, it feels bittersweet reminiscing those moments in the shower when delicate hands rub baby oil into his skin. Though memories don't compare to physical touch. Just like how his hands crave to caress supple curves. 

After doing his skin care and putting on boxers, Jungkook secures his chain back on before getting into bed. With two claps the lights go off. For some time, he lays there before he’s sitting up to look around his dark room. 

And before he knows it, Jungkook is flipping the switch for a room to come alive with neon purple lights. As he walks to the window, his hands glide along the bed’s velvet comforter before picking up a tiny Kuromi plushie. 

There's not a single star in the sky and he hates it. He hates the light pollution of the city. He remembers living in Busan, and getting to wish on stars for —ironically— stardom when he was still a kid. It's been some 30 odd years since then but he knows you still wish for yours to never end, so you hate the light as well. And he’ll do everything in his power to not let them outshine you.

Flopping onto the bed, he pulls out his phone, shying away from the light as he turns it down. Then he opens Messages.

Jay K just wanted to say i'm proud of you baby girl i love you so much goodnight

He stares at his phone waiting for the messages to be shown as read. Then decides that a text can wait; sleep is important for bright futures.

His arm feels heavy so he brings it to his head, phone in hand. He looks at his reflection on the black screen before dozing off.

Ten minutes into his slumber the phone chimes.

Baby Doll thankyu daddy🥺💖 i tried really hard to make you proud too nitey nite koo bear i love you too

✧༺♡༻✧

Usually the morning sun is enough to wake Jungkook, but today he’s awoken by ringing. Slowly, he palms around, squeezing multiple plushies before clinging to his phone. Sitting up, he clears his throat and looks around. It's pitch black, courtesy of the black out curtains as someone’s not an early bird like he's forced to be.

When he answers the call, his receptionist’s frantic voice tells him that he’s late to work. Perking up, he neatly places all the plushies back, restoring the room as he found it. Then he rushes out to get ready.

As he walks down the corridor, Jungkook checks his messages to see that you replied. He can't help but swipe a hand over his face, hating that he fell asleep.

Jay K it’d make my day if you could come by the office and see me we could have lunch

He doesn’t get anything back. You must still be asleep. You did work very hard.

He sighs, booting his computer to stare at his schedule.

✧༺♡༻✧

Jungkook has been sitting here for at least four hours, “working” —because let's face it, he can hardly do any tangible work since he’s become so needy. It's almost time for lunch and you still haven't called.

Did you think he was too busy to call his personal phone? He goes to the front desk.

“Hey, Chaerin, did you get any calls from _____ today?”

“No, sir. Is it an emergency?”

“Uh~ No, but if they call, just redirect it to my office.”

“As always, Mr. Jeon,” she beams, gracing him with a dimple.

Honestly, if Jungkook didn’t have you, he’d probably be one of those CEOs who ends up dating a faculty member. Then his life would really come full circle: The life of an idol. The life of a kdrama character.

Technically, he still is your employer but being with him is a bit more high stakes compared to a secretary. Nobody knows of your relationship except a few, so if Jungkook were anything like those men who manage their wives, you could lose everything you worked hard for on the whim of a soured romance. He never wants to put you in that predicament. He could never imagine himself being that vile.

Jungkook continues to work in his office, asking for no disturbances in case you call. So when his phone buzzes he jumps at the chance as if he’s trained for this moment.

Baby Doll kookie im sorry but i cant come today🥺

His smile immediately drops. Though, Jungkook knows you wouldn't miss a chance to be with him. You barely get to see each other as is. So it must be serious.

Jay K what wrong, doll?

He hopes you didn't have something scheduled. He could have sworn he looked while on the plane.

Baby Doll im sick, daddy

Sick?! Jungkook immediately feels his heart drop.

Baby Doll im having really bad cramps and i feel moody. i think my period is coming im sorry, but I don’t think i can leave bed my body hurts so much

Jungkook sighs but it still makes him sad that you're in immense pain.

He presses the intercom. “I'm leaving for today.”

“Aht- Sir, but you have-”

“If you can find someone else to do it, I'll give you both double pay.”

“On it.”

With haste, Jungkook gets up, almost knocking his chair down. There's a mirror allowing him to see the way he's putting on his coat like a child going to their favorite place. He can only laugh at himself. No woman has ever made him feel this way.

He won't tell you that he’s coming because then you’ll only try to keep him away. As much as Jungkook has told you that you can rely on him, you have a hard time asking for help. Even when it comes to your own career.

In the parking lot, he calls the maid.

“Hello?”

“Hello, Mr. Jeon.”

“Can you get to _____’s place and make sure she has everything she needs for her period. Could you also make her a few snacks? When you get there and she complains, tell her that she can take it up with me.’

“Okay.”

“Also, don't tell her that I’m coming.”

“Yes, sir.”

✧༺♡༻✧

There’s a knock on the door, prompting you to look at the camera. A quaint smile splays across your lips. 

You let the maid in and go sit on the couch. She’s surprised.

“I don't have the energy to complain.” She smiles, watching your features soften. “But did you bring snacks?” She giggles, handing you the bag of snacks before setting the fruits on the counter. You look into another bag filled with period panties and a box of ibuprofen.

“I’ll call you when everything’s ready.”

“Thank you!” you chime, scuttling off to your room with candy and treats in hand.

Throwing yourself onto the bed, you slip into the covers and curl into the fetal position to hold your tummy. And after a sharp pain, you turn to look in your drawer and retrieve your heating pad. Positioning it under the covers, you pull the comforter over your head and grab onto your Cooky plushy before dozing off.

✧༺♡༻✧

Jungkook presses the keypad, comes in and sees the maid. She bows.

“How is she?”

“Sleep. I went to tell her that I cut the fruit and she’s snuggled like a kitten. It's quite warm in there too.”

“Thank you. I can take it from here.”

Jungkook hangs his stuff and changes into his slippers as the maid bows before leaving.

He makes sure to grab a bottle of water and put some fruit in a bowl before entering your dark room.

It's actually designed similar to your room at his place, just everything is a buttercup yellow. He loves how girly and cute you are.

When you said you were a maximist, he didn't think that meant you enjoyed themed rooms, color palettes and plushies that he’d consider literal investments. And that's not even accounting for your closet full of clothes and phallic shaped toys. But truthfully, it makes him feel a lot better about his own habits.

You feel the bed dip before a hand comes to rub your thigh. You groan, making Jungkook smile because all he can see is your Chimmy bonnet moving about. He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little jealous when you ordered it right in front of him.

Jungkook pulls the cover off your head and heat hits him in the face. He leans into the crook of your body neck as he continues to rub your thigh.

“Wake up, Baby doll, you gotta eat a snack.”

“I don't wanna,” you grumble.

“You’re being difficult.”

“I’m allowed to be. It’s my month.”

“It’s always your month when you’re with me,” he whispers in your ear, causing you to scrunch up into a giggling ball.

He kisses your cheek, then nips your ear, and kisses your jaw. You whine. “Will you eat, if I feed you?”

“Will you move my mouth to chew too?”

“You’re really that out of it, huh?”

“Yes,” you pout, gazing up at Jungkook with big, sparkling eyes. Possessiveness immediately takes over, urging to have you under him. He feels like he can protect you better: controlling where you go and who can get to you. With you pinned down, you're safe. He knows it’s toxic, but isn’t it normal to be a little delusional about the one you love?

Scooping you under the arms, Jungkook places you into his lap, to which you whine that it's cold. He quickly throws the cover back over your head, swaddling you tightly before pressing a grape to your soft lips.

Jungkook's mind can’t help but wander to all those times when he’s checked under his desk to see you suckling his cock, waiting like a good girl for him to reward you.

Placing his hand under your jaw, Jungkook goes to make you chew. You giggle, bring a hand to your mouth to keep from sputtering. You fall back between his legs and onto the soft comforter. He watches in delight as your whole body jumps with laughter. And, for the first time today Jungkook realizes how much he really has missed you. Sure, he’s been checking on you; on _____, the Superstar. But it’s just now hitting him that he really craved _____, his Baby Girl.

“What? You said to help you chew,” he chuckles.

“I was playin’, stupid. I swear, how are you a grown ass man?”

“I run a multi-billion entertainment company.”

“Yes, and geriatrics pass down their companies to their man-children all the time.”

“But I thought you liked how childish I am,” he pouts. You just stare at him.

Jungkook’s much older now; his features more sharp. You still remember what he looked like 10 years ago when you were just a girl in love with a star too distant to touch. He's still beautiful and filled with newborn wanderlust.

“I do,” you say more to yourself, eyes wandering his as your hand caresses his cheek. “I love you. I love everything about you.” You kiss his cheek, peppering to his lips. Jungkook hums when you finally connect. Your baby-soft lips taste decadent.

He puts the bowl down to reposition you so that you’re straddling his lap. Wrapping your legs around his waist, Jungkook grips your thighs, traveling up and around to squeeze your ass.

You whine at his tight squeeze but also at the way your pussy contracts, sending sharp pains to your lower abdomen.

You break away to bury into his neck. “Ow.” Your hold on his shirt is fist tight.

“I’m sorry, Baby, I got too carried away.”

“It’s okay.” Jungkook rubs your back, kissing the side of your temple. You know he wouldn't hurt you on purpose; he's always the first one to make you feel safe.

The light scent of geraniums fills your senses as does the warmth of his body. Everything about Jungkook is enough to make you forget about the pain.

Your body shivers as you relax into his embrace. He pulls you closer as you almost feel like putty slipping out of his grasp.

“Have you been tense like that all day?”

You hum in response, your cheek squished against his shoulder. Your eyes feel heavy, your body weighted. You feel warm everywhere, but your panties. They’re warm… and squishy.

“Had I known, I’dve come earlier.” Jungkook rubs your back before grabbing the hem of your gown and lifting it over your ass. His fingers lightly dance along your spine, eliciting a shiver and deeper slump of your body into his. “Mmh~ Baby, you’ve been working hard, huh? Why didn’t you book a massage?”

You whine, burrowing into his neck. You hate being asked questions especially when they surround how you tend to be stubborn and suffer in silence. So you avoid them, like now. 

“_____.” You burrow into his neck, huffing. “_____ _____, look at me,” Jungkook says darkly. But you just groan. You’re extremely moody. He grabs you by the shoulders and leans you back. You're looking down. “Look at me. Let me see your pretty face, Jagi.” His head tilts, studying you. Then a tear falls on your hand before you’re sniffling and wiping your nose. “_____?” he lifts your chin up, now able to look into your big glossy eyes. “Baby, what's wrong?”

“I’m just so tired,” you cry.

His eyes widen. Have you been overworked or are you exhausted from your period or both? He knows the process can be straining on the body; traumatizing, even.

Jungkook sighs, “Don't cry, Doll.” He cups your cheeks. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.” He presses your head back into his chest as you keep crying

He isn’t scared that he’s upset you that badly. He knows sometimes you can’t stop and need to get it out. And as your partner, all he can do is comfort you with back rubs and kisses.

When you finally stop, only your sniffles fill the room. “I shouldn't have asked you that.”

“Mmh hmm.” You nod, causing him to chuckle. “You know I don't know how to ask for stuff and plus I don't want anyone to touch me but you.” You gaze up at Jungkook with glossy eyes, furrowed brows and pouty wet lips. You’re so cute trying to be mad at him.

Jungkook chuckles, rubbing the back of your silk-covered head. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Hm? Daddy won’t ask anymore questions.” You huff, laying back into his chest. You two let the room go silent as he rests his head on top of yours.

“But you can always come to me, Baby. Everything I do is for you. Anything I have is yours.”

“I know… but you worked so hard for it.”

“I did. But I wouldn't have done so, if I didn’t think I was going to share my success with someone. First, BTS. Now, you.” You look up at him, eyes wandering his; then his smile. Jungkook loves watching the cogs turn as you try to make sense of his selflessness. He's too humble and you sometimes feel like you're not enough.

“You’re not selfish _____, the fact that you worry about stuff like that proves enough.” Your eyes widen and his smile gets bigger. You should know by now that he can read your mind.  He's like a guardian angel looking down at you. He's blessed you with more than you can imagine and you’ll never be able to repay him.

“You never have to worry about if I think you’re using me. I know your heart. Just promise me you’ll always love me. And if you can't, all I ask is that you tell me when your heart has given all it can, so I can prepare to let you go.”

You don't think your eyes can widen any further as tears fill them. What forces came together to create such a man and what did you ever do to deserve him?

Your breathing becomes hurried, allowing Jungkook to feel the expanse of your chest. He looks at you with a melancholy yearning as if he's imagining that you weren't his anymore.

A little smile spreads along his plush lips as he watches your pupils dilate. You've always been his little kitten.

Placing a hand to your cheek, his thumb smooths over your hot, supple skin. You seem frozen but your mind is working overtime, sifting through all the things you want to do to him if your period wasn’t on. So, you settle on a kiss.

Sitting up, you glide a hand into the nape of his soft locks, pulling Jungkook into a forceful kiss. You let out a meek whimper, trying to hold back tears because flooding back are the memories that remind you of how happy he makes you.

Your kiss is deep, slow, and sensual. Pulling back to look at him, Jungkook seems relaxed and ready to submit to your touch.

Dipping down to kiss his neck, you suck till his skin becomes hot and bruised. You peck the rosey mark before dragging the expanse of your warm tongue along his adam’s apple. He whimpers. You're always so vulgar but soft with him.

After laying a kiss to his throat, you peck up to his jaw kissing towards his ear. “You make me so happy, Jeon Jungkook.”

You suck his ear, soliciting his sweet moans. There’s an erection straining in his pants. It's aching and warm.

Your lips finally rest against his as you both hum; happy to be connected once more. Jungkook pulls you closer, but you pull back to lick your lips as you stare at his pink swollen one.

Your fingers travel to his ears, rubbing the top. “You taste so good, Kookie.”

“Yeah?” he rasps out, trying to catch his breath from your menstrations and heavenly appearance. “So pretty.” He slightly chuckles, it’s music to your ears as his bunny-like smile graces you.

“You too,” you giggle, pecking his lips before licking them. Jungkook gives you complete control, letting you suck the inner vermillion of his top lip, down to the bottom. He tastes so decadent, like nothing you could ever describe.

Pulling back, you examine your work of his glistening lips; then his overall state. His eyes are heavy, his lips slightly agape. He looks needy like you, but in other ways. He's subdued. You swirl your tongue along his open mouth, diving deeper to let him taste you.

Jungkook's hands travel up your thighs, gliding over your plump ass and soft waist. He gathers the edge of your gown, lifting it above your rib cage.

His head tilts, admiring the way your panties hug your hips and pull taut against your slit giving him a nice view of what’s to come.

Jungkook makes haste to lay you on your back as he climbs the bed to straddle you. His lips kiss upon your neck, leaving hot marks as he continues his way down your body.

His large hands grab your breast as he swirls and massages his tongue deeply into each nipple before sucking. He releases with a pop, licking them one last time which causes you to jump.

He kisses your sternum, cascading down to your tummy where he lingers to pepper kisses along your lower abdomen.

Your body is a temple in which Jungkook worships. Able to give him a life he always dreamed of.

Whether you know it or not, he sometimes prays to Yemoja, asking that she protect you and safely shepard his children into their new life.

Kissing both your inner thighs, Jungkook spreads your legs wider.

He gets down close to your clothed heat to blow along your slit. You back arches as you whimper.

“I know, baby. I know~” he coos.

Jungkook slides a hand up your tummy to interlock his fingers with yours. Then his lips pressed to your heat, as he breathes out before laying an open mouthed kiss. You whine, feeling your pussy contract and slick rise. You hear him chuckle as he's now faced with your wet panties. He loves teasing you.

So he continues, rubbing a thumb over your bundle of nerves, watching you through heavy lashes as you whimper and grip his hand tightly. He can't wait to pull your panties back.

Jungkook leans in again, pressing himself against you. You’re intoxicating.

He sits up, lifting your hips a little to finally take your panties off and just as predicted, they stick to your cunt. Once off, he tosses them onto the floor before sliding off the bed to undress himself.

You two watch each other, completely enthralled by the way his abs flex and how you rub your clit.

When his pants hit the floor, you moan, feeling your walls contract as you gaze upon his massive bulge. He grins at you. You look hungry, stalking his every move and he bends down to drop his boxers. And he swears your pupils contract at the sight of his cock hitting his stomach. You take him all in, biting your lip.

“You need Daddy’s cock to make you feel better, Baby?”

You nod.

Jungkook smirks, climbing into bed. He stalks towards you before sitting up to push your thigh back. “Is my Baby hurting?” he coos. You whine, nodding again. You’re so quiet, mainly because you’re saving your voice to scream his name.

“I’ll be gentle, hm? Take away your tummy aches?” he whispers into your ear before kissing you. “But you gotta use the safe word, if it gets too much.” You nod again. You've become mute; not having the energy to say much. You just want to moan and cry his name as he soothes your aching pussy with his girthy cock.

But you do have one request. “Kookie?”

“Yes, Baby?” He kisses your neck leaving spots.

“Can you fuck my ass?” you mewl. Your innocent voice drives him mad. How can you make something so vulgar sound so sweet? 

Jungkook sits up, smiling as he thumbs over your baby hairs. “Of course, Baby, as long as you cum.”

“We cum,” you pout.

“We cum.” He kisses you as you whine.

Opening the nightstand drawer, Jungkook pulls out lube. As he pours it on your pussy, you jump and gasp, “Cold~”

He rubs your inner thigh and dips to kiss you. “Daddy’s sorry, baby girl.” Continuing his kisses, you feel his fingers deeply rub into your clit, warming you up. “One more.”

Coldness hits your entrance, soon replaced by two warm fingers in your cunt. You clench around him, moaning as your hips move to fuck him deeper. He grins, biting his lip. “Such a greedy little pussy, Baby,” he whispers in your ear.

“Jungkook, fuck me~” you whine.

You kiss again and he pulls back. He squirts lube onto your ass. It's cold too, making your asshole spasm. then you feel him rub. You moan, fingering your clit.

“You’re so fucking cute. Making Daddy so hard.” He continues massaging your asshole as he pours lube onto his cock. He hisses at the cold but steadily strokes himself.

You’re moaning, your brows knitting and your mouth gaping as you rub your clit. He loves watching you play with yourself, trying to sate a hunger that only he can stop.

Massaging your tight little asshole, Jungkook gazes at the pornographic look on your face, studying the way your eyes roll when he pushes his fingers in. You dip your two into your slick cunt, causing your head to knock back as it feels divine. He stretches you around his large fingers and when he pulls out, your gaping hole awaits his touch, contracting, urging him to take you.

“Fuck,” he rasps, feeling his cock twitch as precum leaks from his tip.

Finally lining himself up, he pushes in while leaning down to kiss you.

Gasping, you writhe at his cock filling you up and stretching you out. This new lust-filled agony replaces the one in your cervix.

Jungkook's thrusts are slow and deep as he comes down onto your body. He loves placing his arms beside your head and laying his weight on top of you, pinning you down to take his cock and load because you’re very much a runner and he enjoys watching you break down into a screaming mess.

You clench around Jungkook's dick each time it hits your good spot. You move to finger your clit as he jackhammers into your tight rim. You can't help but whimper at the fullness and contraction of your pussy as it squelches.

“Ju- Jungkook~”

“Yeah, Baby? Tell Daddy what you want.”

“A- Am I bleeding?” He looks down, seeing nothing but your glossy slick covering every inch of your pussy while steadily releasing more. Even your clit is aroused: swollen and throbbing for his touch.

“No,” he says, rubbing your bundle of nerves in deep swirls.

Your hands shoot to grip the sheets as you shake and your chest heaves. That should be enough to keep your mind off “ruining” the sheets.

Jungkook's kisses make you hum as his hard cock pumps into your slick rim. His veiny cock glides along your walls, making your toes curl and your head to throw back hard into the pillow. You wish you could free fall through the bed.

Laying you on your side, he slips an arm under your neck. He's still over you as he lifts your leg up to thrust deeper. “Oh, my- Baby, right there.” Your moans and the squelching of your tight rim is enough to make him cum.

Jungkook holds the back of your head and kisses you. He attacks your neck, nipping, sucking, biting while throwing your leg over his thigh. Then he grabs your breast, squeezing till your nipple perks.

You cry. He lets go with a tongue swirl and flick before holding your waist. He growls in your ear and whimpers.

You caress his cheek, kissing him. “Oh~ Daddy, I love you. You’re so good to me.”

Jungkook whines again, panting in your ear. His high is on the horizon; his dick throbbing with vigor. “Ah~ Fuck, precious. I love you too. Daddy loves you so fucking much. Taking my cock like a good girl,” he growls into your ear as you feel the rush of his thick white load coating your walls. His thrust become sloppy but he continues to fuck into your ass, gripping your curves and kissing into your neck to coax himself to a calm.

You feel warm and fuzzy, humming as you try to steady your breath. 

You two lay for a sec before he pulls out slowly, prompting your body to shake as you gasp. Jungkook grins the entire time, watching the way you bask in the sensitivity of your rim and the warmth of his cum.

“You came~” you hum, sounding a little aloof; clearly cock-drunk.

“Yeah, cuz you're so beautiful.”

You giggle, but then your face contorts. “Ah!” You place a hand on your belly “Mmh~ Kookie, the towel… Did I bleed?” Your hand goes to touch your entrance.

“No, Baby. Are you still hurting?” You nod.

Jungkook spreads you open, examining your gaping hole; no blood but you're contracting more than usual. And you’re pushing, trying to alleviate some pressure off your abdomen.

“Mmh, Baby.” He runs a finger around your entrance. “Did you cum?” You shake your head. “So, I’m a bad Daddy, huh?”

You nod, causing Jungkook to smile a bit as he caresses your cheek. “Pretty pussies deserve to be fucked.” He stares at your pussy and you stare at him back, admiring the way his warm brown eyes wander. You used to get embarrassed, but now you feel pretty when he worships you.

Jungkook rubs your little patch of hair, lightly tugging as you moan. It drives him wild. It's so soft and full, like a faerie’s hidden grove; protecting your delicate flower in the depths of its lush.

He rubs a finger over your baby hair. “Can Daddy fuck your pussy?”

You hum as he watches you think. You’ve let him fuck you close to your period before, but that’s usually three days before when you just feel uneasy in the tummy. It’s supposed to come on tonight and you figure a warm shower will trigger it. But you’re hurting much more than usual. And you feel a little tense too.

“O- Okay. But if I bleed, tell me cuz that's icky.”

“Anything you give me, Baby, is a gift.”

“Jungkook~” you whine as he laughs.

Raising up, he looks into your eyes as his fingers smooth over your baby hairs.

“Can you take me ass up?” You nod, and Jungkook places hands on your waist, helping you onto your tummy. You groan. “I got you, Baby.”

He throws the towel over a pillow before putting it under your lower belly.

“Arms up, Baby Girl,” he coos, bringing your hands to rest by your head. His hands grab your waist gently pushing down so that your plump ass tilts up.

Jungkook opens your legs, giving him access to spread your ass, allowing a little squirt of cum spill out.

“Does Daddy’s cum feel good in your ass?”

“Mmh hmm,” you smile. “Warm.”

“Good.” Jungkook rubs your supple skin, squeezing lightly. He blows on your hole causing it to clench. You whine as he watches your wet pussy open back up with a squelching from your gaping hole.

“So sensitive for my cock,” he growls against your lips.

“Fuck me, Daddy. Fill my pussy, please. Make the pain go away.”

He groans at your pleas. All he wants you to do is run to him when you need saving.

Jungkook lays a hand to your bloated stomach. “Feel me in your tummy?” He leans over to whisper into your ear as you whimper, nodding. He grabs your heat pack, placing it between your lower abdomen and the towel covered pillow.

“Mmh~ Thank you, Daddy,” you hum, feeling more relaxed.

Rubbing your hips and ass, he takes in your position: ass up and holes begging for his cock. Absolute perfection.

“Daddy?”

“Hm?~”

“Are you gonna fuck me raw?”

He nods, continuing to rub your hips. “Are you scared to bleed?”

“Yes.”

“You can trust me, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course.” You look over your shoulder at him with a pout on your lips.

“Then, Daddy won’t fuck you so hard that you bleed.”

“O- Okay.”

Jungkook lines himself up and sinks in. Your ass tilts down as you feel his veiny cock glide along your walls, stretching and filling you up.

Your eyes shut tight as you try to relish in the pleasure running through you.

“Almost there, Baby.” His grip tightens on your hip as the other lightly presses on your back, pushing you back down onto the bed.

“You can take my cock like a good girl, huh?”

Overwhelmed, you moan in response.

As he bottoms out, your pussy flutters around him and your holes contract, pushing cum to leak from your ass and down onto his cock.

His thrusts are slow and his hips are purposely tilted to drag along your g-spot. When Jungkook pulls out, his cock is glistening in translucent slick.

“Mmh~ Baby, no blood,” he coos, patting your butt.

Pushing back in, you clench, making his cock stutter a bit to get in.

“Baby, you need to relax.”

“I can't; it hurts,” you whine.

Jungkook bends down and kisses you softly before his tongue invades your mouth. You relax, letting his wet taste swirl around yours, sucking you down.

“Ugh,” you cry, causing his hips to stutter. You begin to throw your ass back, not wanting him to stop now as you’re finally ready. “Don't stop, please~” The pain from his cock is deliciously distracting from the previous feeling in your walls. “Keep going. Just like that,” you gasp. Even the heat pack seems to disperse the pain like a deep massage.

The room fills with squelching as you suck his cock into you cunt, “Mmh, Daddy~ So fucking big.”

“Yeah, Baby, just for you,” Jungkook growls into your ear, leaning his chest against your back.

“Fuck my tight little pussy, Daddy.”

His pace quickens, fucking into you as your ass slap against his thighs. You join in throwing your ass back gently as his growls turn into whimper. The sound of your love making fills the air.

“Taking Daddy’s cock so fucking well, Baby,” Jungkook moans, his head throwing back as his eyes close to savor the feeling of your suckling walls. “You deserve this cock; you worked so hard this month. You make me so proud, Baby Girl.”

You whine at his praise, clenching and shaking. You can feel every throb of his veiny cock. Your pussy’s grip tightens and the painfully sweet strokes cause you to release more slick. Jungkook’s worked up a steady pace, enough to fuck your slick milky white and thick at the base of his cock. With each glide out, threads of your shared cum bridge between you.

“Fuck-” The female body truly amazes him.

When Jungkook hits that perfect spot, you cry out, shaking as your arms give out. Your eyes shut hard as you tip over the precipice of a hot flash. Then your coil breaks and you forget where you are, basking in the ecstacy between your legs.

“Ugh. Mmh~ Koo."

You're too high to notice the way Jungkook looks down upon you. Despite the bumbling fucked out mess you’ve become, you still look serene in his eyes.

It’s only till he feels warmth run down his thighs that he notices that you’ve coated his cock red.

Jungkook is immediately filled with astonishment and overwhelming pleasure. “Aw, Baby, you’re so fucking gorgeous on my dick,” he beams while continuing to slowly fuck, coaxing you further. He hums, watching your blood gush around his pubic before feeling it run down his balls and drip onto the towel.

As you slowly recover, your breathing becomes steadier and you're able to take in your surroundings and the first thing you notice is the coppery scent.

Your eyes widen as you whine, “Jungkook!” Looking behind your shoulder, his glistening face graces you. Sweat covers his naked body as he rakes a hand through his damp hair. His dark eyes bore into you as he licks his lips, grinning.

“Daddy, no…” Your hand trails down his abs before you lay back down, too mesmerizing to remember why you opposed him in the first place.

You two stare into each other's eyes as the room continues to swell with the sound of your bloody cunt. After some time, he leans down against your back, sliding his arm under you before pressing his nose against your cheek. All his weight comes down onto you, coveting you in his warmth and driving his cock deeper. You feel closer to him than ever before. And so does he.

Your blood is a tether. Is a life line.

 masterlist | inbox

[mceproductions]

Worst of 2022 TV Shows #1: And Just Like That… (HBO Max)

NOTE: this is likely going to be controversial as such. I want to get this out of the way. I support all aspects of the LGBTQ lifestyle. And as such, I have respect for everybody, no matter what. If I mess up with a nonbinary references let me know because this is going to be a bit biased. Forewarned here we go.

Well, this was a chore to view.

Sex and the City over 6 years and 2 movies made its mark on the world.

But with Kim Catrall having a falling out with Sarah Jessica Parker preventing a third climactic, chapter for the famous group from Manhattan a different perspective was needed.

And we got that via 10 episodes that shifted the Carrie, Miranda, and Charlotte into new chapters in their lives.

Beginning with the unexpected death of Big forcing Carrie into a new mindset of widower.

Miranda unexpectedly, finding a new side of herself via Carries new boss and their convoluted methodology.

Charlotte having to deal with her youngest having personal dilemmas that she doesn’t comprehend.

And this just seemed more and more like checking quotas, rather than actually giving a comprehension to who these three women have been and how a reset button for modern times shouldn’t be forced down throats of all who have known them for nearly 25 years.

Also Sara Rameriz, they are a buzzkill if there isn’t a better word to describe a wrench.

It’s hard to fathom that the only benefit to this show was crashing peloton.

More and more it seems that Kim Cattrall dodged a bullet.

Cause this was simply a mess that didn’t need to be modernized.

SUM 22: ironic title, but 4 Hours of unwarranted character assassination for icons fathoms the look at life in seniority for those who still glisten personalities.

[thewritersalchemist]

Brandon Sanderson did make smart career choices, but they might not be what you think.

(originally posted on a different writing blog in March 2022)

This is NOT another post breaking down “what you can learn!” from Sanderson’s massive Kickstarter earlier this month. Well, it kind of is, but it’s the opposite of some of the others.

Buckle up, it’s unpopular opinion time.

On March 1, 2022, fantasy author Brandon Sanderson announced a Kickstarter: pledge to help him publish four standalone novels he’d secretly written during the pandemic. He and his team set a goal of one million dollars, and he estimated they would get two to four million total.

In three days, the Kickstarter had reached twenty million dollars, and it currently (as of March 27, 2022) sits at thirty-three million dollars.

The publishing world was—and still is—staggered.

In the last three weeks, I’ve seen a dozen indie authors and marketers try to break down that massive success and what lessons others can take from it for their own careers. Most of them write to various Amazon markets. Some of them made good points. One thing everyone keeps repeating is that Sanderson has made “smart career choices.” But every time, I’ve walked away from those articles shaking my head. Most of the articles seem to be missing the biggest and most important point. It's hard to talk about taking lessons from Sanderson’s marketing before you talk about lessons from his WRITING career.

A few facts:

The four novels Sanderson will be publishing with the Kickstarter money are already written. He wrote them for his wife (and because he wanted to explore new stories) during the pandemic.

He will be publishing them through his own company: Dragonsteel Books. He created the company to publish special editions of his books, carry his book swag*, and have an alternative option for people to buy his books if Amazon ever stops selling his books again.**

Sanderson has a reputation for being reliable with his book publishing. If he says he’s going to publish something, he does it, and he tries to keep fans updated as he goes.

*Book swag / book merch = special items created for fans of books. **Years ago, Amazon briefly stopped selling his books because of contract disputes. You can read more about it here.

And some facts about Sanderson himself, if you’re not familiar with his work:

His first book to be published—Elantris—came out in 2005. It was the sixth novel he wrote, and it was published by Tor. It took eighteen months for someone to read the book and then call him about it.

Before Elantris was published, he’d written thirteen novels.

He now has so many novels out that Wikipedia has a separate article for his bibliography.

He was handpicked by Robert Jordan’s wife to finish the Wheel of Time book series, and he was on the writing team for the Wheel of Time TV series.

So what were Sanderson’s “smart career choices” as a writer?

He didn’t write to market. This is going to be the most unpopular opinion of all, but hear me out, please. Sanderson tried it. Back before Elantris was published, after a lot of people told him his books weren’t being accepted because they were too long and didn’t have the popular format and tropes of the time, he tried writing to market. He’s said those were the worst novels of his writing career. So he stopped. He went back to writing what he loved. That love and passion kept him writing books that have resonated with fans for almost twenty years now. If we’re going to talk about why his fanbase loves his BOOKS so much, let's start with how much HE loves what he wrote and how much that love spills over in how he talks about his books.

He constantly pushes himself to improve. He knew from the beginning that he needed critique, and he got it. Since college, he’s been in critique groups and had alpha readers, and they keep pushing him to be better too. He himself says that some of his earlier books (yes, the published ones!) aren’t his best. He’s honest that he keeps wanting to do better and looking to improve.

When he made plans about publishing, he didn’t just think about it like a writer. He thought about it like an author. He figured out his writing pace and he tried to be consistent with that. You can talk for hours about how he finishes books and how that “makes him better than Patrick Rothfuss and George R. R. Martin,”*** but I don’t see many people talk about how Sanderson learned from them and others and FIGURED OUT what he had to do AHEAD OF TIME so he wasn’t doing that to his fans, intentionally or accidentally.

He also approached his published author career like a reader. He treated his fans like he would have wanted to be treated as a reader. He used social media to connect with them and to keep them posted. He was and still is actively involved in his fandom.

He’s given back to the community. He’s taught at university for years; he’s talked at conferences; he’s free with his advice on his writing podcast; he’s given fans advice for years at cons and book signings and through his website, and he always has a smile for his fans.

***I’m not going to discuss Rothfuss’s or Martin’s choices; I don’t know what’s going on in their lives, and I think there’s a difference between authors having a responsibility to finish a series and authors ‘owing’ fans the way their particular fans claim. This is only about Sanderson and his decisions.

THESE were his smart career choices. THESE are the reasons his books are so popular and why his Kickstarter got to twenty million in three days. Sure, finishing Wheel of Time helped get his name out there to some readers, but the majority of Sanderson’s fans don’t talk about Wheel of Time like they talk about his own books. Wheel of Time fans (some of them) talk about being grateful he finished the series, yes. But Sanderson fans talk more about Elantris, Mistborn, and the Stormlight Archive.

If we’re going to break down Sanderson’s success, we have to go back further than his marketing. We have to look at his foundation and be honest about why and how he is where he is.

If you write to market, three things sell your books:

your ads

your other marketing (but mostly your ads)

and how well you followed the recipe for that market

Whether your plot and characters are objectively well written doesn’t matter as much. (I'm not saying it doesn't matter at all.) Why? Because the recipe is what the ads sell. So if you’re good at following the recipe, readers will keep coming back after their first few from you. Not so much if you like to change recipes a lot or can’t follow one well. You might get other readers, but you won't get that particular market's readers.

I’m not dissing writing to market. If you DO mostly write to market, you won’t be able to take many lessons from Sanderson’s Kickstarter success (or his career in general) because Sanderson’s marketing isn’t what keeps his fiction selling. His writing is. His fan interaction is another huge part.

A note on consistency.

Sanderson is a prolific writer. He can sustain a publishing pace that many people can’t. I can’t, for sure. I would LOVE to be that prolific, but I’m not there, at least not right now. Being consistent doesn’t mean you have to publish every year or write every single day. It means finding what pace works for you and then being consistent with that. If that means publishing once a year, good for you. If it means once every three years, go for it.

Building a fanbase takes time. Sanderson has been publishing for almost twenty years, if you count how long the process took for Elantris. He’s been writing for twenty-five years. No one likes to hear that something they want right now takes time, but it’s the truth. Building a consistent fanbase takes time, and it does tend to take more time for indie authors than traditionally published ones.

I've worked with a lot of competitive write-to-market indie authors. I know exactly how unpopular this opinion is. But for all the authors wanting to really understand the writing craft and find the path that helps them build their own consistent career of putting out good stories, this post is for you. If you're asking “Why is Sanderson so popular that his Kickstarter reached twenty million in three days?” and wanting to know what you can learn from it . . .

This is why. And this is what you can learn.

[achillesuwu]

Matthew thinking that Hob is one of Dream's futur raven >:( vs Hob who thinks that Matthew is Dream's futur boyfriend

Like Matthew heard a lot about that random guy (not even a raven yet 🙄) how LoYaL he is towards his boss ("but did he even go to hell with the boss? I DON'T THINK SO BOSS-LADY 😤😤😤" *flies away and doesn't listen to what Lucienne was going to say*) how much his boss LiKeS him 🙄🙄🙄

So, Matthew decide to talk about this to a very kind immortal that ain't going to die because he is a GOOD GUY unlike that ASSHOLE that will become Dream's SECOND 🥈 raven when he will die 🙄😒😒

Meanwhile Hob heard a lot about that Matthew :( His stranger's friend that he had know for only 6 months (MONTHS he tooks CENTURIES to Hob to be able to see his friend more than once every 100 years) and the worst thing? Hob suspect that they are living together :(( His stranger said multiple times "I'm needed at home, my friend", "I don't want to make Matthew wait too long. Goodbye", "Matthew and I went there" or "thank you, I don't eat muffin but I think Matthew would like it''

So, Hob decided to talk about his pining to his very weird friend of a talking raven 😔😔

Basically their meetings are like that :

Matthew, eating muffins : you should really ditch your stranger MY boss is wayyyy better, SINGLE, loyal, good listener AND can give you immortality too 😤 he can even make you his king consort!!!!

Hob, not eating the muffins (because he suddenly hates them for no reason at all ahahah... Fuck you Shakespeare, Fuck the muffins): no, no, dude, YOUR boss SUCKS my stranger would NEVER replace you with an other raven 😤😤

Edit : well, I wrote the fic

[jgroffdaily]

Interview by Jake Nevis, photos by Jenny Anderson - excerpts:

For Groff in particular, who’s earned a Tony Award nomination for his swaggering turn as the prodigious composer Franklin Shepard, the experience of starring in Merrily We Roll Along is provoking a tender sort of reappraisal of the wide-eyed, closeted 20-something who arrived on Broadway two decades ago in Spring Awakening, tending his own dreams. “There’s so many powerful parallels and I’m feeling the opportunity to release a lot of the tension I was holding at that time,” he told me earlier this month over coffee in Greenwich Village (just before showing face at a Tony’s luncheon). “This character feels like an exorcism of the lightest and darkest parts of myself.” With easy candor—and a charm not dissimilar to the kind he demonstrates in the role—Groff opened up about learning to live without shame and what Looking, the polarizing HBO series he starred in from 2014 to 2016, taught him about show business.

JAKE NEVINS: Hey, Jonathan. Congrats on your Tony nomination.

JONATHON GROFF: Thank you so much.

NEVINS: That’s exciting. How do you feel?

GROFF: Oh my god, I feel super emotional. I’ve been crying a lot these days. Last time I was nominated was during Hamilton, which was like seven or eight years ago. And I wasn’t in the show when the nominations happened. I had left to do a TV show. So this is the first time since Spring Awakening that I’ve experienced the intensity of awards season on Broadway while being in the show. I’m having a lot of flashbacks to being 22 years old.

NEVINS: What were your first encounters with Merrily in particular?

GROFF: Gideon Glick, who was in Spring Awakening with me, sent a text to the Spring Awakening text chain saying, “This documentary came out called The Best Worst Thing That Ever Could Have Happened. And it’s devastating and beautiful, and it reminded me so much of us. You all have to go see it.” So I watched the documentary about Merrily that Lonny Price made and was blown away by it. At the Hollywood Bowl, I had done Sondheim on Sondheim, where I sang the role of Frank in “Opening Doors” and Jesse Tyler Ferguson did “Franklin Shepard, Inc.,” so I knew the songs from there. Funny enough, we had just finished our Spring Awakening reunion concert, which was in the fall of 2021, and we were making a documentary about the concert and about the show. The Merrily doc was a big inspiration for that because of how they went back and forth and showed them as kids and showed them as adults. And then in January 2022, me and Jim Carnahan, who cast me in Spring Awakening 16 years before, were in a film club during COVID. After we saw 8½ at the Film Forum in January 2022, he said to me, “We’re going to come to you with an offer for Frank in Merrily We Roll Along. Do you know the show?” And I was like, “I know pieces of it, but I don’t know the show.” Maria’s production in London was on YouTube, so I watched it and I died for it. I just thought it was fucking genius, never having seen it and obviously knowing from the documentary that the show was originally a flop. So it took six months between January and June 2022 for us to figure out the dates. Dan [Radcliffe] was already attached to play Charley, and then Lindsay [Mendez] came on, and then we were off and running.

[Jonathan on reactions to Looking] And I was like, “Whoa.” That was when I started to learn the art of walking with an open heart and also protecting myself.

NEVINS: What does that look like?

GROFF: It’s like, having empathy and respect for the haters and honoring them and understanding that that opinion can exist and I can still be in my lane and express myself. Just because someone says it’s terrible doesn’t mean it wasn’t worth making.

NEVINS: Well, I’ll leave you with this. What’s the status of your inner voice? By all accounts, you’re living your dream, but I don’t want to draw any conclusions.

GROFF: This feels like it’s been a rebirth, a bit of a renaissance, and a release. It’s like I’m re-experiencing what I experienced when I was 22 with Spring Awakening, but now as a flashback, which is what Merrily is about. I moved to New York in 2004, 20 years ago. This show takes place over the course of 20 years. It’s about three friends. Spring Awakening was about these three characters. There’s so many powerful parallels and I’m feeling the opportunity to release a lot of the tension I was holding at that time. It feels like this opportunity to tap back into that 20-year-old I was and release all of the baggage from that time. I’m feeling more like myself than I ever have. This character feels like an exorcism of the lightest and darkest parts of myself.

NEVINS: An exorcism that ends with a Tony, hopefully

GROFF: Oh my god.