#worth saying though i think this is implied that they are adults here

[bakugoushotwife]

kinktober day twenty-two: cunnilingus

>>> idk why i’m only here for yandere rough megumi sjdkfkffkg i mean he isn’t all the way yandere but it’s strongly implied, y’all enjoy!

>>> starring: megumi fushiguro x curvy!f!reader >>> cw: yandere-ish behavior, cunnilingus (f receiving) clearly, doggy, overstimulation, prone bone kinda, creampie, jealous megumi. >>> wc: 2.5k >>> event masterlist.

it really was his favorite place to be. being between your legs, face buried in your warm, wet and sweet-tasting cunt was so soothing and fulfilling to him he simply could not get enough. he wondered if he had an oral fixation specifically because of your pussy, almost concerned with how much he loves being on his knees wherever whenever just to get a taste of you. at the beginning of your relationship, megumi was a bit…nervous around you. it wasn’t like his mind wasn’t coursing with lewd thoughts about his pretty little curvy angelic goddess of a girlfriend, he just didn’t know how to tell you he craved your cunt on his face like normal men crave water. so yes, he had to come out of his sexual shell so to speak. but it seems this god forsaken get together at gojo’s was going to ease him out of it—and your cunt wouldn’t be his sweet release, it would be his sloppy playtoy by the end of the night.

not to say that megumi wasn’t pleasing you enough already, though, of course. he may be a bit routine about things, but he always took care of you. did you want him to be a little rougher from time to time? sure, but you’ve never been with someone so eager and passionate about eating you out either. that alone was worth his perhaps lack in kinkiness.

though your boyfriend has a bunch of his own ideas including a host of naughty things he wants to do to you as well as the ones spurring from his crippling jealousy. he’s not even quite sure where it comes from, gojo gave him everything he needed out of life and he never felt jealous of other kids growing up despite his unconventional upbringing. but when it came to you, he felt something sinister tug at him. maybe it was because you are so otherworldly beautiful that he can’t help but be on standby, waiting for someone to make a shitty comment about your body or stealing you away. maybe it’s because he knows he’s not doing enough to earn the pleasure of calling you his. but no one else could do any better than him, he knows that for sure.

so why is yuuta trying? he knows full well who you belong to—gojo’s famed favorite former pupil has you pulled aside, which doesn’t go unnoticed by your protective and sensitive boyfriend. it’s been years since you all had gojo-sensei’s class, but megumi still hated that yuuta okkotsu. his dad favored him as his successor over him, and even yuji took to him pretty quickly. those were reasons enough to hold a forever grudge, but watching the older man hold all your attention was driving him to murderous thoughts. having all the former sorcerers in one spot wasn’t a good idea—especially not when megumi had acquired an absolute babe in the time apart from his now young adult friends.

especially not when yuuta had you leaned against the wall, nervously chuckling to whatever he was saying, eyes darting around to look for your boyfriend. megumi was frozen in place, trying to settle the argument between the devil and angel on each shoulder. he could just approach yuuta and explain reasonably that you’re spoken for, and that he should keep it moving. but on the other hand, he thinks he should punch yuuta in the face because everyone knows you’re spoken for and that he’s your man. then he should drag you upstairs and fuck you sore and screaming until every person in attendance was uncomfortable. he can see you get increasingly anxious, so he makes the decision.

“c’mon okkotsu. you know that’s my girl.” you hear the ice drip from his tone. he’s not playing any games, and that’s clear by his unamused scowl and the way he folds his arms over his chest. you’re relieved to see him, smiling softly at the man you’ve always known to be your stoic and calm boyfriend. but the look in his eyes as he slides them over to look at you sends a shiver down your spine. yuuta chuckles nervously, blaming the alcohol and your cute dress for his lack of sense.

megumi growls at that, rearing his hand back to start a real problem. this was practically his house, he didn’t care about any potential repercussions—but your voice comes over him to invoke reason.

“hey hey, point made. he’s gone.” you know it’s true based off the shuffling of yuji and toge getting off the couch to ensure that yuuta and megumi are separated before it can come to blows. you lean into his chest, but his gaze only follows the group of boys as they shift upstairs.

his arms fall around your waist, and he wonders if he actually even heard what you said or if your voice alone was enough to make him hesitate. the rest of the party guests still watch the scene—wondering if it gets better or worse from here. some of them had experienced megumi’s temper before, some knew it was a horrific mix of nurture and nature, both his father and the man who raised him horrifically jealous beasts of nature. and the apple doesn’t fall far.

“go upstairs. find a room.” he snarls, daring anyone in attendance to speak up against him. your cheeks flush at his command. he’s only ever spoken to you with a gentle tone, with patience and understanding and all the warmth a man like himself can convey. but you’ve yearned for this other side—this gruffness in his voice and the unwavering dominance in his eyes. he doesn’t care that everyone’s watching—in fact, he wants them to. you nod eagerly, turning tail to find an unoccupied spare room in gojo’s giant house.

he only loiters behind long enough to let everyone watch you obey him—the prettiest woman in the universe, who could easily have anyone she ever wanted, caters to his every whim and order. he lags behind you just a bit, but you can feel his presence. it’s dark. he’s always been a distant, more guarded man. because of that, he’s always been regarded as cold. but his light never felt daunting until now. he never felt oppressive or controlling or possessive; you don’t have to look over your shoulder to know he’s close. it makes heat lick up your stomach walls and bubble down your legs as you wobble towards a room at the end of the hall that was sure to be vacant. you knock to be sure anyway, but megumi reaches around your waist to open the door anyway. his other hand grips your hip, pushing your forward with the pressure of his pelvis against your ass.

you gasp and stumble into the darkness, giggling a little in excitement as you find the bed. megumi’s fingers find the light switch, and you turn to look at his anger riddled features, something only jealousy could produce.

“yuuta okkotsu, huh?” he asks, pulling his shirt over his head. it messes up the spiky tendrils of his hair, but you don’t notice over the crazed look in his eyes. he’s pale and lean, dips along his slender abdomen indicating the strength hiding beneath. he fiddles with his belt next. “you have a voice. why didn’t you tell him to back off?”

you flush with embarrassment, anxiety rippling at your core to mix with the burning excitement. “i—i was try—“

“i—i” megumi mocked, licking his teeth. he walked closer to you, taking over that tiny little sundress you wore that was no doubt the only layer keeping him or anyone else away from your drooling cunt. it aggravates him. you look this beautiful out in public all the time—and it really didn’t matter if you were in this slutty dress or a goddamn burlap sack, anyone with eyes in their head could tell that you were an angel among mortal men. “you’re too nice for your own good. you almost got his ass kicked because you don’t know how to speak up for yourself.”

you bite your lip, nodding along to his scolding. you know you should apologize to him, but you can’t deny how much it turns you on to see him so angry. especially when he approaches you, pushing your sitting form in to a laying one so he could yank you by the hips to the bottom of the bed. he flips your sundress up, snarling again when he finds you bare—and soaking fucking wet.

“oh i see. you’re cute enough to parade around like this but can’t tell other boys you have a man?” he spits on your pussy, sliding it around your hood and lips with his middle and ring fingers. “i’ll help you find your voice.”

he shoves your thighs apart and keeps them like that, rolling his eyes as you squirm and writhe. it’s only in excitement, though. your hands find his hair to prove it as he dives toward your cunt, lapping at you eagerly. he can’t help but moan at your taste—no matter how many tried only he got to experience this moment, the way you look with his mouth suckling on your clit; brows draw up in ecstasy, lip already swollen and puffy from your teeth repeatedly gnawing into it. he couldn’t help but be obsessed with you, anyone would be—it was clear that pretty much everyone was.

but you remind him of your love when you clutch your thighs around his face, tugging his hair so hard he has no choice but to bury his face deeper, sucking and biting on your clit so roughly you whimper—big hands that always stay cool to the touch paw at the meat of your thighs to let you know just how much he enjoys being one that pleasures you. he needs to hear you scream his name—needs you to let everyone know who it is that’s got you seeing stars and arching off the mattress.

“meg—gonna cum, oh sh—“ your stomach burns, and you lurch and crumple to try to relieve it, but megumi holds you down. he grunts to egg you on, demanding your orgasm to come quicker as he nibbles on the very source of your pleasure, sending colorful orbs flashing across your vision as you wail his name. you’re getting there, but he knows you can get louder.

“don’t hold back now, do better.” he seems agitated as he hooks his arms around your thighs—pulling your cunt to his face without any means of escape. he slides his tongue back in your hole, intense jaded emerald eyes watching your contorted face of deliriousness. you were brainless already, chants of ‘megumi—megumi—megu—meg-megumi!’ roll past your lips as he slides his tongue along your entire slit, nose bumping against your swollen and oversensitive clit so hard he almost feels bad for all his old classmates and friends listening to your guttural cries. almost.

you’re weightless, suspended in space—floating in a river of unending bliss. it’s too much. you’re finally getting what you’ve always asked for and you can’t handle it—and his pants are still on. the only things tying you to the planet are: the feeling of his soft hair clenched tight in between your fingers, the tears stinging at the corners of your eyes from the sheer pressure of his mouth milking your pussy, and his delicious grunts of demand. you can’t deny him, and your hips clearly beg for more as they hump his face to push you towards your second edge in just a few minutes.

he hopes yuuta and all those other motherfuckers that have ever thought about toeing the line get the fucking message—you’re certainly being loud and clear. your vision darkens completely, mouth dropped in a permanent yell of his name. it’s perfect, and megumi lacks the patience to be gentle, for once. he shoves you back, lips glistening with your slick, cheeks red from his hard work and eyes flickering with a cold flame so hot your whole body burns for him.

he shrugs, shoving his pants down and tugging at the hand of his solid black briefs next. “face down, ass up.” you bite your lip in anticipation, rolling to your stomach in the pretty arch he requested. he nods at your obedience, getting up on the bed with you. his cool touch finds your hips at the same time his fat cockhead finds your entrance—and he’s pulling you down on him mercilessly. “don’t you dare quiet yourself. i want them to hear everything.”

his growl affects you almoat as much as his rough strokes, curved pale length stabbing through to your cervix without any breaks in between. megumi cursed under his breath, pulling your arms behind your back to ensure that you struggled to obey him. it was cute watching you turn your face in the covers so he—and everyone else—could hear your animalistic cries. he pins your wrists in one massive trap of his own hand, his other still leveraging a hold on your hip to keep you from escaping his brutal ruts.

it’s no wonder he’s a jealous fucking freak over you at all. your pussy was magical, soaking wet and beaten into the shape of him and him alone—you gripped him like his own personal mold. he couldn’t stomach anyone even thinking about having you in the way he has you right now. it messes with him that he can’t stop that—but maybe your gorgeous curses of his name will be enough to ward off such worries for a while. he fills you so perfectly you could never think about another man anyway—even if he was only soft and gentle and tender with you, a far cry from what he is right now, you’d never stray. but especially with this performance, with your brain jolting around in your head and nothing but fire and ice flooding your senses—you can only scream out your love for him just like he wants.

“that’s what i’m talking about. scream and cum, babe.” he encouraged, letting your hands go so he could yank on your hair. he tugs hard, and it sends electricity shooting down your spine. his voice is so raspy and needy as his cock twitches inside your walls—as unforgiving and tight as they were since you were fluttering close to your release. “i said cum.”

you gasp out, feeling him pinch your clit again, the final push you needed as you reach out for the headboard. he keeps you from crawling away by knocking you flat to the bed, hand sprawled across your back to make you take it. you’re a goner, only able to feel the ridges of his cock abusing your worn hole—scraping against the entrance to your womb from this angle. his speed dies down and warmth floods your cunt, making a dumb little smile spread across your face. he rolls his hips into your ass slower, riding out your high. he’s panting, running a hand through his sweaty hair before he leans over to kiss you. he’s still needy, eagerly finding your mouth and kissing you with a beautiful mix of passion and aggression.

it sinks in then just how rough he’s been with you, and his eyes flash with regret. his lips move to form an apology—but a knock on the door cuts him off.

“hey junior—you done? everyone’s traumatized. great work.” gojo snickers—clearly proud of his boy.

[whateversawesome]

About Twiyor, Damianya and Chapter 96

Let me start by saying that, I like both stories and that both ships are great precisely because they're so different:

Twiyor is a relationships between two adults. Is it developing slowly? Yes, of course. The slow-pacing of the relationship is what makes it so real. Here's why:

Entering a relationship as an adult, and I mean any kind of relationship (romantic, friendship, or even work relationship) can be tricky. Why? Well, adults have more experience, they've seen and gone through more things, the carry psychological issues, and, in some cases (like Twilight's) trauma. All this makes it difficult to open up and trust people. Twight's character arch is precisely about trust and vulnerability and that's one of the issues that pushes the story forward.

So, even though I would love to see Twiyor kiss like in many fics, this will take time. Maybe it's not as obvious because there's not a lot of physical contact between them (yet 😏), but there's definitely progress in their relationship (more on that here and here).

The development of their relationship is so beautiful! Can you see it too? On one side, we have a man who lost everything and thinks of himself only as a tool for peace slowly regaining his humanity through love. On the other hand, we have an innocent woman turned into a weapon, who is slowly realizing she's much more than that, and getting to know herself while falling in love. Come on!!! You don't want to miss that!

Even though it may take a while to get there, I think it's one of those things worth the wait.

Now Damianya in my opinion is about innocence and the development of a deep friendship.

Talking specifically about chapter 96, to me, it makes sense that Anya's secret slipped out. I don't think she consciously decided to tell Damian. I believe it just kind of slipped out because:

1.It's easier for kids to trust other kids and open up.

2. This is the second time Damian guessed her secret.

3. They are kindred spirits; they both were "abandoned" children (Anya while she was in the orphanage, Damian by his family) and they both seek the approval and love of their father.

4. She often uses her abilities in front of Damian and he pays enough attention to her to realize something is off.

Let me ask you something: have you ever been forced to keep a secret?

Keeping a secret is a heavy burden, isn't it? Can you imagine a 5 year old carrying that kind of burden for so long? It doesn't help that Anya was returned to the orphanage by several different families. It's implied in the story that Anya used her telepathic abilities and the other families considered her too strange too keep her. This is the reason why Anya has kept quiet: she doesn't want to be abandoned again.

Still, it must be hard for her to carry that and to feel that people wouldn't accept her exactly for who she is if they knew about her secret. So, I'm happy she was able to tell someone. In some ways, her arch is similar to Twilight's: Anya is also learning it's okay for people to see her real self and trust they will still love her. I hope that in the future, Anya learns that she can trust her parents too and I think trusting someone else is a big step into that direction.

I know it will also take some time, but I can't wait for both stories (and all the stories) in sxf to merge into one. It'll be a very exciting time or everyone when that happens.

[sugar-grigri]

Let's make the revolution, but let's make it right s’il vous plaît…

Yes I need to take a break but I'm not only tired but I'm fucking autistic so let me say two quick words

I think Haruka is a character worth exploring, and that he's deeper than the comic relief he seems to be, because I think he's a very good representation of adolescence.

Yoshida doesn't live his adolescence as a public hunter, Asa almost rejects the experiences because of her social isolation and emotional problems, which implies that they are teenagers but want to carry the weight of suffering like adults.

And what is Haruka? The perfect example of the mix between childhood and coming-of-age.

Denji is unable to experience adolescence because he has been deprived of his childhood, or even his humanity, and his interactions lead inexorably to rejection and suffering.

Haruka, on the other hand, is a useful standard by which to compare the other characters' failings in exploring their own adolescence.

Haruka is portrayed as arrogant, but not as negatively pretentious, but as an over-confident teenager, following a role model to the point of pretending to be him, of having a false cable across his chest.

He's also hard on the others, representing those teenagers who never minced their words when pressing Asa's failures, just as he remains deeply human, panicking, relying on his role model to save him.

Above all, his typical teenage behavior and funny yet profoundly candid personality are at odds with what adolescence is all about: realizing the world we live in.

If Chainsaw Man is so popular with teenagers, it's first and foremost because he remains anonymous, so everyone can see what they want in his face, but he's also an element of confrontation with the established order.

When I say that Chainsaw Man is a fairly mathematical manga, it's because everything fits together perfectly: if teenagers can make Chainsaw Man an object of protest, or even make it their own design, it's precisely because they don't see Denji behind Chainsaw Man.

If everything finds its balance, it's because the teenagers see in Chainsaw Man something superior, to the point of making him a model, an ideology, while Denji, the boy behind the mask, puts himself in the position of standing outside normality.

Denji can't belong to normality, since Chainsaw Man's interest is in disrupting the established order, whether it's the dominance of demons or what parents think.

So he's in a position of literal support, since his only point of interaction is to be acclaimed without being recognized.

It's interesting that Haruka's here, because he's a Chainsaw Man fan.

Denji has been a figure in the shadows, supporting a teenager in need of guidance in spite of himself.

He was the savior of a humanity prey to demons in spite of himself

But from a more symbolic point of view, Denji is literally dismembered, because carrying this on his shoulders as a teenager, even though his rank is denied, leads not only to exhaustion and withdrawal, but also to a literal breakdown.

It's as if the chair has just cracked... then the adolescence that stood over it also collapses...

People love Denji with difficulty, while he loves them with ease

People adore Chainsaw Man and completely ignore Denji's plight

Teenagers need to see Denji, to see his state of dismemberment, to see every last part of his being instrumentalized.

Because that's what he is, an image from which everyone can pick and choose to see what's missing.

That's why Asa has a missing arm, because she's in the position of a savior who doesn't wallow in her lack and compensate for it with Chainsaw Man, but focuses on the mission of putting him back together.

We repeat: the teenagers have projected themselves into Chainsaw Man as a means of fighting against the established order.

But isn't projecting oneself and being saved by Chainsaw Man precisely what the established order is all about?

Wouldn't it be revolutionary to save a savior who has always asked to be saved? Just as the suffering of the people has been ignored has needed saving

Revolution... represented by what?

Guillotine.

And that's precisely where I find it all interesting, because Haruka effectively compensates with Chainsaw Man in everything he lacks, when he was portrayed completely panicked during the aquarium arc, Denji was serene. Haruka may have a cable on his chest, but he'll never dare pull it.

This absence of fear is what keeps Chainsaw Man a machine. Denji has no self-worth, not a little arrogance like Haruka, so he's not afraid of danger. Whereas what constitutes adolescence is precisely the fact of becoming attached, of having things you value and are not afraid of being deprived of.

Above all, being an adolescent gives you a protective status, protected by society. So Haruka experiences what Denji experienced: being deprived. Deprived of what he holds dear. Deprived of his status as a child protected to be a terrorist. Haruka is a teenager who needs to be protected, but is now seen as a terrorist, a threat to order.

To be a threat to the established order, while at the same time being guaranteed by it, is the exact ambivalence of what Chainsaw Man is, and what Haruka is experiencing, being in the shoes of his savior in an attempt to save him.

The guillotine demon has an interesting design, a huge bird as a kind of almost inanimate ornament, to emphasize its interior, a piece of skeleton hanging headless. How does it feel to be close to decapitation? We suffer in anticipation of what we're going to miss: our head, death, the skeleton, and what we're going to leave the world, a body that's missing something.

Just as others must learn to compensate for their own insecurities, Denji must allow himself to feel his own, and instead of accepting suffering, to compensate for it like a human being with his nearest and dearest, his entourage, his family.

Because the right behavior is not to artificially complete oneself by rejecting one's fear and accepting one's suffering, but to accept one's incompleteness in order to be better influenced and completed by others. That's why Denji's loved ones are there to help him, even though he's been cut into pieces. Just as the teenagers saw in Fami, whom they reject, this guillotine, both reversing the order and focusing on what they lack, poor children in identity crisis.

We're in a bit of a pre-French Revolution mood, which I like, so let's embrace it completely by concluding with a quote from one of France's bloodiest revolutionaries, Robespierre:

"First of all, you should know that I am not the defender of the people; I have never claimed that lavish title; I am one of the people, that's all I've ever been, and that's all I want to be; I despise anyone who pretends to be anything more."

To make a revolution not to overthrow the order, but to be a simple, incomplete, imperfect teenager.

[krirebr]

I Know I Should Know Better 4

Pairing: Curtis Everett x Female Reader, references to past Colin Shea x Female Reader & past Johnny Storm x Female Reader

Word Count: ~3.5k

Summary: Curtis has been working as your body guard for almost two years now. Standing by and watching you work and party your life away is becoming more and more difficult, but is there anything he can do about it?

Warnings: Angst, adult themes, complicated power dynamics, minor age difference (not explicit in this part, but reader is mid-twenties and Curtis is early thirties), drinking & implied drug use, explicit language, bad boyfriend (Colin continues to be awful, even though we haven't actually seen him since part 2), self-destructive behavior, anxiety, negative self-talk. She's still having a bad time, you guys. All of my work is 18+ - Minors DNI

Dividers by @firefly-graphics

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

A/N: Well, here it is! As I currently have it planned, this will be seven parts, so we're officially past the halfway point now. This part's a little shorter, but I'm hoping you'll think it's worth it.

Big thanks to @drabblewithfrannybarnes for helping me nail down the new character here! (If you don't remember doing that Carly, it's because it was ages ago 🤣)

Any comment, reblog, or ask to let me know what you think will be greatly appreciated. Even if it's just screaming at me. 😄 As always, thank you so much for reading! 💜

The drive to the restaurant was uncomfortable. Or maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it was just you. Sitting in the backseat alone, while Curtis and Jensen quietly conversed in the front, you felt ridiculous. You should learn how to drive. You were a grown woman who couldn’t even get herself anywhere—just another way you didn’t know how to be responsible for yourself.

You stared at Curtis in the front seat. It’d been a few weeks since your boundaries conversation. You hadn’t spoken to him much since. He was right. It was better. Cleaner. But you missed being able to talk to him.

Something had changed about the way he watched you though. You would swear that it was more intense now, the way his eyes followed you around the room. And it always seemed like he had something to say, he’d just never say it. He didn’t make any sense.

You took a breath. You were nervous about this lunch. You weren’t entirely sure what the purpose of it was, aside from the fact that Marnie Reynolds had wanted to meet. You hadn’t seen her in years and then she just texted you out of the blue two days ago, asking if you wanted to have lunch. You assumed she was going to pitch you something. Why else would she want to talk? You hoped it’d be something easy to agree to. It would make Wilford and Tanya feel better if someone actively wanted to work with you, at the very least. 

The restaurant wasn’t the kind of place you normally went to. It was nice, but tucked away, not designed for those who wanted to see and be seen. Marnie had chosen it. She was waiting for you at a small table in the back, even more private. She stood as you approached and enveloped you in a warm hug. She was just as glamorous as you remembered, suddenly hit by memories of sitting in her trailer while she let you try on her jewelry. She’d always been so nice to you. “Oh, honey, it’s so good to see you,” she said as you both sat down. 

You smiled and nodded. “It’s good to see you, too. How are you?” 

“Oh, good, good,” she said with a big smile. “Just got back from a shoot in Greece. Happy to be home.” Her eyes lost a little of their luster as she asked, “How are you, darling?”

“Oh, I’m fine,” you said. You could tell she wanted you to say more, but you just nodded and shrugged.

“Well,” she looked at you carefully, “I can’t get over how grown up you are. I know it’s silly, but I think I’ll always see you as the sixteen-year-old I met at the table read ten years ago.”

 “You and all of America,” you said dryly before you could think better of it.

Instead of chastising you, she just nodded. “I’m very grateful I didn’t have to grow up so publicly and then have to make that transition to being an adult. I can’t imagine how hard that is.”

You shrugged again. You didn’t really know what to say to her.

“Which, speaking of, I owe you an apology.”

Panic rose in your chest. Oh, god. Had she sold a story about you? Said something private in an interview? Blocked you from a new role? You weren’t sure you could handle one more thing right now. “Oh?” you asked shakily.

She nodded, seriously. “I should have done a better job of keeping in touch with you after we’d finished the movie. I owed you that much. I’m sorry.”

You furrowed your brow, confused.  “That’s fine. You’ve been so busy. I didn’t really expect you to remember me. I mean, you won an Oscar. I know how much work that takes.”

“Mmm,” she said, “and you sent me flowers.”

You shrugged. You just kept shrugging. “Well, you were always kind to me, and I was so happy for you. It seemed like the least I should do.”

 “You were always so sweet. I’m so happy to see that hasn’t changed.”

At the sincerity on her face, you looked down at your menu. You didn’t know what to say to that. 

“How’s your mom?” she asked, her tone strangely cautious. “Is she still your manager?”

“Oh, no. Wilford helped me get a new one when I turned 18. He thought I needed someone more experienced.”

She let out a breath, almost like she was relieved. “I have to admit, I’m happy to hear that.” You gave her a confused look and she continued softly, “She was always so hard on you. It was part of why I always invited you to my trailer. It seemed like you could really use a break from her.” She gave you another impossibly warm smile. “Plus, you were such great company. I loved making that movie with you.”

You couldn’t hide your relief when the server chose that moment to take your orders. You didn’t know what to do with the fondness in Marnie’s eyes. 

Once you were both done ordering, you decided you were ready to talk business. “So, what’s the project?” you asked.

She looked confused. “Project?”

“Uh, yeah. Whatever you wanted to pitch me? The reason you asked me here.”

“Oh, honey, no, I’m sorry. There’s no project. I just wanted to see you.”

That didn’t make sense. That she didn’t want to work with you again made sense. No one did, so of course she didn’t either. But then why else were you here? “I don’t understand,” you said quietly.

She let out a sad little sigh. “I’ve seen some of what’s been going on with you, online, and it just seems like you need a friend. I want to be that for you. I think about you more than you know.”

“Oh,” was all you managed to say.

She grabbed your hand over the table. “There’s so much going on for you right now. I can’t imagine how hard it must be, and then to have to deal with it in public too.”

You didn’t say anything, just looked at your joined hands on the table. Then, finally, still looking down, “Uh, yeah. I’m having a pretty hard time.”

She squeezed your hand. “I’m so sorry. I’m here to listen if you ever want to talk about it.” 

You finally looked up and nodded, but didn’t say anything else. You weren’t sure you could.

She looked at you carefully. “Have you thought about taking a break at all?”

You were reminded of Curtis, sitting on your couch, looking at you so earnestly, talking about taking a year off. You shook the image out of your head. “No,” you said. “It isn’t a good time. My reputation isn’t great right now, so I need to get back out there and show people that I can do the work. I need to fix it.”

“Mmm,” she hummed, “that sounds like agent speak.”

“Well,” you shrugged, “he’s right.”

“Remember, though,” she said, slowly, “that you’re a person, too. Not just a career.”

You just looked at her, blankly. Your career had been the most important thing about you since you were nine years old. You didn’t know how to separate the two. Luckily, that was when the server returned with your food, and Marnie graciously took it as a sign to take over the conversation for the rest of your meal. She talked about the movie she’d just finished, how her kids were doing, and the large garden she was planting at home. It was nice. You couldn’t remember the last time you’d had a meal out with a friend like this.

Still, you left the restaurant feeling raw and restless. You weren’t sure what to do with that conversation, the hard parts of it. The way she looked at you like she actually saw you. There was an itch in you now that just made you want to run.

Instead, as soon as you got home, you poured yourself a glass of sangria from the pitcher your housekeeper kept in your fridge and took the latest script Wilford had sent you onto your deck. You could feel Curtis watching you as you moved through the glass doors. That was his job, you told yourself. It was just his job.

The script fucking sucked. It was awful. The opposite of what you wanted to do. But you knew what Wilford would say. Beggars can’t be choosers. This was your fault. You were the one who’d destroyed your reputation. You had to be the one to fix it. And if making shit like this would fix it, then that’s what you had to do. Too many people relied on you for you not to do whatever you could, take whatever paychecks you could get. You hated it. You hated it so much. But you would do it.

You picked up your phone. You hadn’t realized how much time had passed. It was well into the evening now. There was a text from Michelle an hour ago, letting you know she’d left. And a few minutes ago, one from Nikki, a girl you partied with sometimes, that just said ‘Fuck them both!’

What the hell did that mean? Panic began to crawl up your throat and your hands started to shake as you typed your name into Google and clicked on News. Your stomach dropped.  Johnny Storm, that snowboarder you’d barely dated over a year ago, apparently had a podcast now. And the latest episode, posted that day, featured Colin Shea as its guest. Shit. Fuck. You couldn’t even look at what they’d said. There was no point. It was all just the same old bullshit.

You felt tears start to prick at your eyes. Why couldn’t everyone just leave you the fuck alone? You weren’t even that interesting. How could they possibly have anything to talk about?

Fuck that, you thought, as you stormed back into your house. You distantly registered Curtis calling after you, but you didn’t pay any attention. You were too focused. You headed straight up to your bedroom. They wanted something to talk about? You’d fucking give it to them! You charged into your closet and grabbed the sluttiest, shiniest dress you had. Fuck yeah. You could do this. You would be exactly who they wanted you to be. If they wanted a show so fucking badly, you’d give them one.

You ran back downstairs, looking for a particular pair of earrings that a costar had given you as a wrap gift a couple of years ago – huge dangly ones that said Fuck on one ear and You on the other. There was nothing subtle about what you were going for tonight. 

You’d have to think of someone to call, too. Someone suitable for the kind of scene you wanted to make, the kind of big mistake you wanted to fall into. You were so fucking tired of holding it all together. You were done. Your mind immediately landed on Lucas Lee, your costar in that dumb action movie last year. He was awful but so hot. Nothing but trouble and always up for whatever. Perfect.

As you entered your living room, your eyes landed on one of your jewelry boxes on the coffee table. There they were! As you picked up the box, you realized Curtis was sitting by himself on the couch. You saw him take in your short, sparkly dress and grimace. You weren’t in the mood to analyze it. “I’m going out,” you announced. “Have Jensen get the car ready.” 

You were already moving through, headed back upstairs when you heard Curtis rasp, “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

You turned on a dime. “Excuse me?”

“I think,” he said slowly, so calmly you wanted to break something, “that going out right now, in the sort of mood you’re clearly in, would be a very bad idea.”

What the actual fuck? “Since when,” you asked, your voice quiet with seething anger, “is it your job to tell me what to do?”

He shook his head and you didn’t know how to react to how sad he looked. “I’m not telling you to do anything. I’m asking you to stay home tonight. For your own safety, which very much is my job.”

You just stared at him, dumbfounded. You didn’t understand him. He told you you weren’t friends. He was the one who said he was just your bodyguard. So what the hell was he doing now? 

In the moment you stood frozen, just staring at him, he took a cautious step forward. “Did something happen?” he asked barely above a whisper.

You shook your head furiously. You felt like you could barely form words. You were so angry and lost, and scared, and sad, and confused. You were feeling more than you thought your body could contain. And you knew, you knew, the only way to get these feelings out would be to go out and get as wild as you could. And here Curtis was, not letting you. You were afraid you were going to explode. “That’s fine,” you finally got out, ignoring his question. “You don’t have to come with me. Jake neither. I’ll get a fucking Uber.” You took a step towards the opening of the room. “Go home Jake!” you shouted through the house. “I won’t need you tonight!”

Curtis sighed your name. “I’m not going to let you go out by yourself,” he said firmly.

You threw your hands in the air. “Then make up your goddamn mind!” 

Jake appeared in the doorway, looking confused and Curtis turned to him. You took the opportunity to get back to the safety of your room, leaving your security detail to figure their shit out. Once back in your room, you dug through the jewelry box until you found the earrings you were looking for. You heard your back door open and close. Good. Jake, at least, was gone. You knew Curtis would be harder, but you were fucking determined. 

Just as you were opening Uber on your phone, Curtis appeared in your doorway. “What,” you growled.

“Would you just listen to me for a minute?!” He said, not quite a yell, but not not that either, as he barged into your room. All of his practiced calm from downstairs was completely gone. “Something bad is going to happen if you go out tonight! It is, I know it is. And I know you can feel it too!”

“Why do you care?!” You shouted at him. “No one else does! Why do you care so much?!”

“You know why!” he shouted back, and took another step toward you, but then suddenly stopped. Much, much quieter, much softer, and with eyes so pleading, he said “You must know.”

You didn’t. You really don’t think you knew until that moment, when the realization slammed into you. Every look, every sigh, all of the moments of him that hadn’t made sense. You took a step back. “What?” you breathed, barely realizing that you were shaking.

He took a step forward to follow you, then stopped. He opened his mouth to say something, but you shook your head at him. “No,” you said. “You can’t.”

“I can’t?!” he asked, incredulous and upset again.

“No!” you shouted, but it was so much weaker now. “I just– Why would– I’m such a fucking mess!” You were starting to cry, the adrenaline of the last half-hour finally leaking out of you, replaced by that same bone-deep exhaustion that you’d had for too long. “I barely have a high school education. I don’t know how to do anything for myself. No one wants to work with me. I am barely keeping it together and everyone knows it. I’m a trainwreck! Why would you–” You couldn’t bring yourself to say the words that you knew he meant. “Why would you have feelings for someone like that?”

 The sadness was back in his face. You looked away, unable to bear it. In your periphery, you saw him take a cautious step forward, then pause. When you made no move to run, he eliminated the distance between you, standing directly in front of you. He slowly, gently, carefully brought one hand up to touch your face, caressing your cheek with his thumb. “I know,” he said, voice barely above a whisper. “I know all that and I still love you. Because I also know that somehow, despite everything, you are one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. You are so kind. And thoughtful. You let everyone see your soft spots, even when all they do is hurt you. You have every reason to be awful or bitter or mean or any of a thousand things. But you aren’t. It’s all of it, it’s all of those things and the ones you said too. All of it together, that’s why I love you. I love you because you’re you.”

You wanted to sob. No one had ever said anything remotely like that to you before. Not anyone in your family, or a single one of your exes. No one had ever cared enough to say any of that. Except for Curtis. He’d always cared, hadn’t he? Since that first day he’d showed up, when you’d been so scared about the possibility of a stalker, he’d taken such care with you. He was the most caring, thoughtful, beautiful person you knew. You took a deep breath and looked into his eyes.  You could see his worry, but also the deep conviction with which he’d just said all that to you. You couldn’t help yourself anymore. You surged forward and you kissed him. 

He made a noise of surprise—you didn’t know how he could possibly be surprised after all that—but after just a moment he was kissing you back, bringing both hands up to cradle your head. You were getting your tears all over him, but he didn’t seem to care. He was soft and gentle and passionate. You needed more. You needed all of him.

You took a step back, breaking the kiss. You did what you could to brush the tears off your face. You grabbed the bottom of your dress and pulled it over your head, then tossed it on the floor. You stood in front of him in the lingerie you’d picked out to fuck Lucas Lee of all people and couldn’t understand how you’d ever been able to think about anyone but Curtis. But you did know how when you stopped to think about it. You’d never been able to fathom that you might deserve this man. That he might actually want you.

He stared at you. “Fuck,” he whispered. “You’re–” you braced yourself for what might come next. So hot or fucking sexy. You’d even gotten beautiful once or twice. He only took a second before he finished his sentence “–incredible,” with such awe on his face that you actually felt your knees go weak. You had to look away. He was too much.

He took your face in his hands again and placed a soft, short kiss on your lips. “But would it be ok if we slowed down?” he asked.

You couldn’t keep the disappointment out of your voice. “Why?” 

“This is real for me,” he said. “And if we do this, I want it to be real for you too. I want you to be sure. And for now,” he stroked one thumb over your cheekbone, “right now I just want to hold you. Is that alright? If I just hold you tonight?”  

You didn’t know how to respond to that. Sex had always been the best, most important part of any of your relationships. It’d been the biggest thing that any of your previous partners had wanted from you. You weren’t sure you knew how to do it any other way. But he was holding you so gently, looking at you so softly, all you could do was nod. 

He kissed you once more. Then stepped back and started to take off his clothes. You made your way to your bed and got in, watching him as he shed his clothes. He really was the most beautiful man you’d ever seen. Nothing on any movie set you’d ever been on, any party you’d ever been to could compare to him. 

Once he was down to just his boxers, he crawled in next to you and pulled you close. Your lips touched his shoulder as you asked, barely audible, “You really love me?”

He kissed your forehead. “Yes,” he whispered. “I really love you.”

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[ave-on-main]

“Pre-boot Roy's dynamic with Slade is what fanon wishes Dick's relationship with Slade would be” is a bad faith fanon myth.

I’ve seen this statement go around since Dark Crisis ended last year and wittnessed people actually believe it, so here we go: It’s not true.

First of, lets talk about what allegedly makes pre-boot Roy the person that fanon thinks Dick is to Slade:

One panel that gets taken out of context to prove the statement above is Slade talking about Roy as his “ace in the hole” in Titans (2008) which gets equated to Slade calling Dick a “trophy” in Dark Crisis (2022). In context, these two instances are not the same. Comparing them makes no sense. More on why in the Roy section of this little essay.

Another point of contention is that Rebirth Dick secretly works together with Slade to protect the Titans (2016). People claim that is a rehash of what happened when Roy worked together with Slade while Roy was the leader of the Outsiders (2003), but the premises are entirely different. In Titans Dick works with Slade to protect the other team members. In Outsiders Roy uses Slade’s intel and funding without knowing he’s speaking to Slade. He thinks Slade is Batman.

It is also worth noting that the Rebirth version has more in common with the Apprentice arc of Teen Titans Animated 2003. TT 03 came out at the same time Outsiders did. Slade was revealed to be Roy’s contact in Outsiders #21 (February 2005). The first time Slade appears as Batman is Outsiders #4 (September 2003), but it is not known to readers or characters that Batman is not Bruce. The Apprentice arc of TT 03 started in Season 1 Episode 11 (October 2003). The show didn’t copy the comics, nor assumably did the comics copy the show. It could be a weird attempt at synergy to reveal Slade in 2005 but it is unlikely because DC cared very little about synergy at the time. Worth noting though is, that Slade’s role in Outsiders is extremely limited. Once his identity is revealed, he is no longer part of the plot.

Now, in fanon, the Rebirth version of events is largely ignored. If anyone in fandom wants to talk about Dick working with Slade, they’ll mostly use the more thought out version of the show as a blueprint or the Renegade arc of Nightwing (1996). Both comic and show are also actually written by writers who like Dick unlike Deathstroke 2016.

That Roy is important to Rose’s developement isn’t true. She babysits Lian but she barely talks to Roy or any of the adult Titans while she appears in Titans (1999).  Nightwing: Renegade retcons that Dick was there while she babysitted Lian, but all Roy does is villify Rose, not once implying that he had anything to do with getting her on the Titans.

Equally as untrue is that Slade is actually obsessed with Roy over Dick. It’s a purely fanon take.

There’s also this conspiracy going around that Slade & Dick stans working at DC are retconning things to make Dick look better, which is, I can’t say it differently, an insane statement to make. Dan Didio erased the Slade-Dick rivalry from existance, so much so that Higgins could not use them in the same story even though he was writing both New 52 books. Seeley & King could merely put Deathstroke into Grayson (2014) as a papershield target practice. Christopher Priest dislikes Dick, which he not only states on his blog but is also obvious in his writing (Deathstroke #4). Interestingly, the people screaming about retcons ruining everything had nothing to say about Rebirth Roy being part of the NTT roaster while Grant attacks the team (Lazarus Contract).

Infinite Frontier ties Dick and Slade together once more, but it is almost all talk and no show. It’s a distant echo of their pre-boot relationship. There was zero build up to their reconnection. Frankly, a Dick & Slade stan would put a lot more effort into it. The only reason DC brought a semblance of their rivalry back was because of Red X nostalgia and it shows. Dick only dons the Deathstroke mask in Future State: Teen Titans to complement Red X and his hunt for Deathstroke in Teen Titans Academy is mention but never shown, not even as a one panel flashback.

Meanwhile Green Arrow is now the first hero Deathstroke fought (Deathstroke Inc. Year One) and Slade encounters Roy soon after (Infinite Frontier: Secret Files #2). DC is still trying to tie Slade to the JL rather than to the Titans.

But what are their actual Pre-Boot relationships?

Vastly different, that’s for sure. 

At first, Dick is largely tied to Slade because of Joey and the similarities (skill-wise) Slade sees in Dick. Later Dick’s ties to Slade’s children and what that causes makes respect turn into hate. 

Slade gets involved with Roy because of Cheshire and to manipulate the Outsiders by orders of Dr. Sivana. 

Roy Harper and Slade Wilson

Roy in Deathstroke (1991)

The first time Slade and Roy properly meet (aka actually share a word) is in Deathstroke The Terminator (1991) #18. They are both undercover and pretend to work with Cheshire.

Jade introduces Roy to Slade, and Jade “asks” for Slade’s help by using what amounts to a slave ring she can reactivate any time to control him. Together with her other underlings they set out to steal nuclear warheads.

Not knowing they could be on the same side, Roy betrays the team by going after Slade. Slade defeats him, and Roy is left in enemy territory.

Roy makes his way back after Cheshire has already nuked Qurac. The destruction makes Slade and Roy temporarly work together to apprehend Jade and reveal their allegiances to each other (#20).

While Roy is on the Titans when Rose joins the team in the following crossover event, she doesn’t interact one-on-one with him. All he does is give Impulse relationship advice because Bart is crushing on Rose (The New Titans #126).

Titans (1999)

Roy and Slade meet when Tartarus attacks H.I.V.E. which at that point is lead by an incognito Adeline Kane but don’t have a one-on-one interaction in thie story.

Their first true confrontation takes place later. Slade’s been contracted to kill Cheshire due to her nuking Qurac. As Slade and Roy fight, Slade mentions Nightwing as a comparison between the two, and even though Roy temporarly gains the upperhand, Slade escapes to go after Jade. (#22)

Rose starts to babysit Lian after the Deathstroke & Qurac incident, but weirdly enough, she barely shares a word with any of the adult Titans. She’s really just kind of there.

Outsiders (2003)

Roy believes Batman is giving him intel and is funding the Outsiders  (#6, #11) . In truth, the Batman who he’s been talking to is Slade.

It's when Dick learns that Roy hasn't been talking to the real Bruce, that Slade reveals himself. Slade fights Roy, taunting him about killing him and adopting Lian to make her an assassin. Slade realizes Roy isn't on top of his game and sees the five direct bullet wounds he's received on an earlier Outsiders mission. Taking pity, Slade decides to leave him alive (#21).

In #43 the Outsiders learn that Slade was hired by Dr. Sivana. The mad scientist saw potential in manipulating the team. It was not Slade’s idea to go after the Outsiders.

Titans (2008)

When Slade creates his own Titans team, Cheshire convinces Arsenal to join the team with her. She wants to use the opportunity to kill Slade. Roy pretends to have switched allegiances and joins the team.

Slade knows not to trust them. He uses Roy’s drug addiction against him by switching out Roy’s “regular” drugs with a substance called “Bliss”. (#27)

Later Slade uses Roy as his “ace in the hole” when the Justice League confronts them. He threatens to blow up his ship with a warhead. The League, lead by Dick as Batman, retreats as not to harm Roy. In this case, “always his ace” means the reason Roy is on the team is to be used as a human meat shield because other heroes still care for him (Annual #1).

At the end of this arc, Roy betrays the team and decides against resurrecting Lian and with that stops Slade from resurrecting Grant. Slade swears revenge on him because Roy literally did what the New Teen Titans did. “Killing Grant.” The Titans comic and the entire Pre-New 52 universe end with Roy and Joey deciding to reform the Titans because Dick still believed in the teams value.

Apart from the initial Qurac storyline, there’s no canon Slade and Roy story in which Dick doesn’t at least get mentioned.

Pre-New 52 Dick Grayson and Slade Wilson

New (Teen) Titans

Dick belongs to the six New Teen Titans that Slade originally takes on a contract against (New Teen Titans (1980) #02). Slade contacts the team soon after their first meeting to take them out. Dick plays the voice of reason during that second encounter and makes the Titans listen to Slade’s plan. Slade fails to kill them (#10).

During the Judas Contract, Slade learns Robin’s secret identity through Tara’s spying on the Titans (Tales of the Teen Titans #42). Slade attacks Dick in his office, telling him he won’t kill him if Dick doesn’t resist because H.I.V.E. wants the Titans dead or alive. Dick knows he can’t win a hand-to-hand fight against Slade and manages to trick him. Slade admires how Dick escapes, ascertaining that Dick is the leader for a reason. He’s the hardest to catch because powers don’t make a man. Just like Dick, Slade was the best even before he got augmented. It’s a first for Slade to loose his target. He blames it on being worried about the contract.

While Adeline and Joey get in contact with Dick, Slade delivers the Titans sans-Dick to H.I.V.E. (#43). Adeline proceeds to tell Dick how Slade became Deathstroke the Terminator. Afterward Joey and Dick team up to save the Titans (#44).

After Tara loses herself in her rage and dies, Dick concludes Slade and she were manipulating each other (Annual #3).

Dick remains in contact with the D.A. office to ensure the Titans are still going to testify against Slade but a Deathstroke imposter attacks Lilith. Slade’s attorney spins a defense out of the imposter (#53). Gar has his own plans for Slade while Dick and the Titans want to focus on aprehending the imposter. Dick gets sworn in as an expert witness on matters of identity, and he tries to use what Adeline told him about Slade in court, but Slade’s attorney uses Dick’s words against the Titans. Slade doesn’t go on further trial but will remain detained in prison and has a small confrontation with Dick. (#54)

Wildbeests are hunting the Titans and Slade gets hired by Dayton to save Gar and the others. He would have gone after them regardless to save Joey. He ends up searching out Dick’s apartment first, probably in hopes he hasn’t been captured yet (#71). Slade doesn’t realize that Dick is one of the Wildbeests he encounters, and the one who helpes Slade escape from the second Wildbeest.

The Wildbeests realize they have a spy and overpower Dick. Slade catches Pantha just as she finds pieces of Dick’s costume (#74). Slade invades the Wildbeest base, and Joey reveals himself to Dick and him (#75). The two end up fighting Joey, but can’t get through to him. Dick implores Slade to calm down and focus as they escape to Titans Tower. There, Slade stops Pantha when she attacks Dick shortly before the Wildbeests attack the base. Slade and Dick escape together. While Slade can’t believe Joey is doing this, Dick is the more realistic of the two. 

Later, Slade gets them out of a tough situation by morally questionably methods. Slade expects a response from Dick but gets a proverbial shrug (#76).

Shortly before their final confrontation with Joey, Slade decides he has no other choice than to kill Joey, which Dick is against. Slade kills his son because he knows the real Joey regarded the Titans as friends (#84).

Slade and Dick meet on the Titans Tower island afterward. Dick notices him, which according to Slade not many are able to do. Dick asks why he couldn’t be bothered to show up at the funeral of the son he killed. 

Dick attacks Slade in his grief over Joey, telling him to fight back. Slade does if only to tell him he lost someone too. Their fight ends when Dick admits he doesn’t get how Slade and Bruce can just keep bottling their anger up, he’d explode. Slade tells him that losing control hasn’t done him anything good and that he has to believe he freed Joey. He then shows concern for having injured Dick, but Dick denies his help, and they part ways without anything truly resolved (#86).

Dick in Deathstroke, The Terminator (1991)

Bruce calls Dick to get intel on Slade. While Dick knows how dangerous Slade is, he calls him a good man, to which Slade later responds by saying Dick’s wide-eyed and idealistic. (#7)

When Deathstroke gets into crosshairs with the Justice League and has lost much of his powers, the Titans set out to confront him. He encounters Dick and Koriand’r while he tries to escape. Dick tries to stop him and explains to him that if he’s an innocent man, he’ll stand by his side and help him get free of the charges (#14). In fact, the Titans saw what was happening to him on TV and Dick made the decision to help him or take him down depending on whether Joey dying pushed him over the edge (New Titans #89).

Dick and Slade end up working together when Eclipso tries to take over Earth’s heroes. Slade heads to Salvagion to get information about his current situation where he meets Nightwing, who’s been caught spying. Salvagion isn’t the enemy, though, Nightwing is there to retrieve information about Cyborg’s files to heal his friend. The files were lost when Titans Tower got destroyed. 

Dick and Slade fight against enemy mercenaries, who are attacking Salvagion,  and figure something is wrong. Dick then hires Slade and Pat to save the Titans.

By 1993 Dick’s appearances in Deathstroke and The New Titans apruptly ends because he had been taken back by the Bat Office. Editorial was quite strict at the time, demanding him to be written out of New Titans.

Slade in Nightwing (1996)

As Dick tries to apprehend an out of control Man-Bat, Slade shows up to do just that with tranquil darts, shooting Dick too in the process (#17). Dick learns that Slade has been contracted to capture Man-Bat alive and knows Slade doesn’t work cheap, so he and Barbara figure out who Slade has been hired by.

Dick ends up fighting Slade on a boat, treading barbs throughout, and ultimately taking Slade out long enough to escape with Man-Bat (#18).

While Dick’s working at the BPD, Dick one day comes home to find Slade in his apartment (#79). Slade reveals that he’s searched him out because he has a contract in town. Dick and Joey were such good friends, Slade feels it’s fair to tell him. Dick asks for the name of Slade’s target, but Slade hasn’t come to betray all of his cards, he’s simply trying to make a deal, so Dick stays out of his way. Dick considers calling for backup, but there’s no one he wants to put in Slade’s path.

During his police work, Dick sees Slade again and goes after him. They have a short confrontation in which Slade reiterates for him to stay out of the way, but Blüdhaven is Dick’s city, he’ll protect everyone in it. Slade threatens Dick and shoots when Gannon Malloy, Dick’s partner at the BPD, draws a gun at him. Dick saves him but gets shot in the arm (#80).

The Batfamily visits him at the hospital, and Dick asks Cass for help with Deathstroke. She fights Deathstroke and retrieves a disc from him that reveals who the target is (#81).

Dick succeeds to save Amy from Slade’s first attack, fighting Slade until he takes advantage of his injury. Dick tells Amy to run, stating Slade won’t hurt him. Even though Slade implies that he will, Slade doesn’t further fight Dick, going after his target instead. Dick ignores his own safety to attack Slade in close proximity again. It allows Amy to get far enough away for Slade to temporarly stop his hunt and punch Dick unconscious.

Dick remains by Amy’s side as much as he can, stopping Slade from shooting her by dropping bills on him and fighting him long enough to tell him that Dick s overbidding the contract put on Amy.

Slade responds by saying that he always knew that Dick had a heart (#82).

When Blockbuster dies some time later, new villains want to take his spot and as Dick learns Deathstroke will be the hired help, he considers how he can stop them while Slade knows his secret idenity (#110). Dick hunts down Westbrook to get into contact with Slade. By the time Dick returns home, Slade has received his message (which leads to the famous shower panel) and Slade witnesses how Dick has gotten involved with the Blüdhaven mob (#111). Dick tries to convince Slade that he is one of the bad guys now, but Slade claims he doesn’t have an interest in seeing Dick be a “selfloathing mercenary” now that he has to take care of Rose.

Dick wishes Rose good luck after both Grant’s and Joey’s deaths, and Slade ultimately decides through Rose’s input to let Dick train her. Rose tells Dick she was a nanny to Lian (paradoxially because he knows. He was there in Titans (1999)). They save Sophia Tevis and Rose tells her father, asking him if Dick gets to have a private life from them, which Slade replies to with “obviously not” (#112). 

While Rose and Dick investigate another crime, Slade seeks out Amy Rohrbach, telling her he won’t hurt her because she is permanently off his hitlist. He can still kill her family, though. He is searching for Sophia Tevis behind Dick’s back and confronts Dick with her existence and proof that Dick in fact remains a hero (#113). Rose’s training continues, and while Slade does not trust in Dick’s loyalty, he lets him investigate the villains Slade is currently working with (#114). Slade decides to monitor Dick as he sends out Rose and Dick to hunt Superman. Dick has been given a glove through which Slade can monitor and change his heartbeat as well as hear what is going on. Dick uses the fight to show Rose that the ideology of her father is wrong. 

When Dick is later confronted by Slade, who is threatening to kill him, Dick reveals that Slade cannot kill him for two reasons: 1. Slade killing Dick would cause Rose to betray him and 2. that Slade has always failed to kill him and that it never fails to make him mad. Slade lets Dick go, but knows Dick is messing with something too big for him (#115). 

After Slade betrays Dick, Dick plants geiger counters in Slade’s house and makes sure Rose learns that her father has been poisioning her with the Kryptonite in her eye. Slade and Dick are fighting during the conversation. Slade tries to stay in control of the situation, but Rose ultimately believes Dick, especially when Slade tries to silence him even though Rose wishes to hear what Dick has to tell. Dick makes sure Slade knows he’ll get back at him someday for what he did to Blüdhaven (#117).

Titans (1999)

This Titans story takes place before their fallout. Deathstroke is fataly wounded by Tartarus and goes to the Titans for help. Dick reluctantly offers him a temporary place on the team, but not without putting a tracker on him (#10) and reminding Slade continuously that if he fights with the Titans, he must follow their rules (#12).

Deathstroke brings Dick up while fighting Roy, claiming Arsenal is no Nightwing (#22) and Rose later becomes the carekater of Lian but hardly talks with the Titans on panel.

Teen Titans (2003)

When Slade defeats the Teen Titans by manipulating several young heroes, the original Titans aren’t happy about it. Dick tells Slade to leave (#45). When he doesn’t, Dick and he fight while the other Titans take on his crew. During the confrontation, Slade taunts Dick, but Dick still stops Cass from trying to kill him.

When Slade tells the Titans they’ll never be able to trust Rose and Joey, Dick replies that they have proven themselves and will always have a place on the team. Slade gets away, revealing it was all a test to see if his children will have a good life with the Titans (#46).

Infinite Crisis (2005)

After everything that has happened with Grant, Joey and finally Rose, Slade blames Dick for his misfortune (#7). (The page this panel is from was apparently accidentally erased in the digital version of this issue. It can only be found in the digital collected edition and the print editions.)

Batman & Robin (2009)

Talia hires Deathstroke to kill Dick by letting him take control of Damian’s body. She states that Slade has a “long and eventful history” with the “foolish young Batman pretender”. Slade has waited a long time to get rid of Dick per his own words (#11). Slade wants Dick to know who is going to cripple him, so Talia intensifies the neural bond for Slade to be able to speak through Damian. They are working together because they have both lost their children to the hero community because of Dick.

Damian is resisting the control, which makes Slade unable to do much more than to reiterate his desire to kill Dick. Dick electroshocks Damian, knowing Damian can handle it, but Slade likely can’t because of his enhanced senses making him more vulnerable while connected through the neural link. Slade goes into shock, and Dick later searches him out after infiltrating Talia’s base to give him payback. 

Titans (2008)

Deathstroke makes a deal with Mad Hatter, which causes his group of Titans to cause havoc in Arkham Asylum. Dick, then Batman, stops him from taking an inmate with him (#28). Slade calculates whether fighting Dick is worth it and decides to do so. Dick is still furious at Slade for what he did to Damian.

Dick is forced to let Slade get away to save two Arkham guards but pursues him, getting confronted by the new Titans team Deathstroke is leading (#29). Dick and Roy shortly work together. Dick tries to convince him that he is not a villain, but Slade tells Dick Roy is now on his side.

Slade and his Titans are able to leave while Dick deals with the freed inmates off-panel (#30). Ray Palmer point out to Dick that he is taking the confrontation badly, initially only blaming it on the appearance of Slade, who Dick has fought “more times than any [hero]” (#34). Slade reveals to Roy that he chose him for the team to ensure the League could not act in fear of putting him in mortal  danger. Dick gives the order for the JLA to fall back but both Slade and Roy know they’ll still be pursued.

As usual, Dick and Slade share a snarky exchange before the serious fight begins. Dick leaves Slade to Ray while he engages with Roy. The hero Isis stops the fight because they are in her land. Dick makes it known that they should have killed Slade long ago but retreats with the League, giving Roy hope in the process to stand against Slade’s goal (Titans Annual #1).

Conclusion

Fans who enjoy the Dick-Slade dynamic whether at DC or in fandom aren’t erasing Roy to slot in Dick. Slade obsessing over Dick isn’t a new concept. He grew obsessed because their paths crossed many times over the years, and Dick has ties to all three of his children. Slade never felt obsession toward Roy.

If you want your fanon Slade to be obsessed with fanon Roy, and you want to transform canon moments, go ahead, nobody is stopping you, but don’t pretend it’s canon simply to erase Dick.

And before you all come with the Gar argument: Simply because the Gar-Slade and Dick-Slade dynamics came up around the same time does not mean they are the same. Gar and Roy are mostly tied to Slade through one person (Tara and Cheshire). Dick was initially tied to Slade through Grant (as were the other NTT) and then Joey, but their dynamic transcended that to something much more personal and the groundwork was laid by Wolfman himself when he made Slade point out how much Dick's capabilities remind him of his younger self.

The Slade-Dick dynamic is unique because it was allowed to transform and build-upon with each appearance (except for Dixon's). Enemies turning to frenemies then bitter enemies is not a story usually experienced like this in comics. It happens, but it happens as a backstory or under the same writer, not in real time.

[daryldixonsdoormat]

idk if ur still writing Outsider fics but if you do, i would DIE, i mean die begging on my knees for HCs of ur favs (Two, Darry + Steve and soda if your willing) of the reader flashing them during an argument idk why its so funny but man i think its hilarious and the boys’ reaction would be so funny

OMFG YESSSSS, I LOVE THIS. I'm doing the 'adults'. Which would be Darry, Twobit, Sodapop, and Steve. also mini stroy for each and headcannons because ive been so absent.

Warnings: implied sexual themes, steamy situations (nothing crazy)

Darry ( the actual love of my life).

~ “You dont ever think” he cuts in with a tired sigh, attempting to not raise his voice. “Darry, you gotta be fucking kidding me, I think more than anybody in this house there is no way your saying that to me”. “I am and I mean it, you need to be more careful and stop worrying–” you interrupt him quickly stepping closer to him and sticking as finger up. “Darrel Curtis don’t you raise your voice at me like im one of your siblings”. Darry groans loudly throwing his hands up obviously not letting this silly argument go easily. “I just wish you would—” you lift your shirt up flashing Darry silencing him immediately. Darry walks over to you his calloused hands sitting on your waist, “Darling this conversation isn’t over even when you try and distract me” he looks at you smugly with his eyebrows raised. You reply with the same smugness bringing a hand to the back of his neck to pull him inevitability closer, “worth a shot though”.

~ definitely doesn't let arguments go easily , but he definitely loves that mini distraction and some stress relief (ifykyk).

Steve Randle (Goofy ass mf)

“Steve I don’t know why this is a big deal to you honey” you say in a calm and settle voice trying to calm him down. To your dismay he is still not happy about the situation at all, “No you can’t just throw stuff out like that, what if I still wanted it? Then what?”. You rub your hands down your face unamused by his ridiculous behavior, “Steve that shit has been sitting out for days now, I would’nt of let you eat it anyways”. Steve starts pacing back and forth in the kitchen thinking of something to say to “win”, then a new idea comes to mind which will end this banter once and for all. “Are you still mad Steve?”, he turns around abruptly “of course im still mad—”. Your shirt is lifted up giving Steve a good view for a few more seconds before you drop the fabric down, “how about now?”. Steves lips are parted still looking in the same direction where your breasts were once on full display, he glances up, “what you say baby?”. “Come here Steve”, Steve walks over his hands grabbing your face about to kiss your lips, “I’ll make you more ok?”. Steve pecks your lips a few times before replying, “Ok baby”.

~ he will probably purposely start arguments so you can flash him more often, obviously you'll catch on and ignore his attempts.

Dallas Winston (mama im in love with a criminal)

Dally pulled you into his room at Buck’s obviously pissed over a encounter downstairs. “Why the fuck didn’t you call me over, I could’ve easily handled that fucker” he says holding onto your wrist you guys nearly face to face. You pull back from him forcing him to release the grip he had on you, “He was just having  a conversation with me Dallas. Whats your problem?”. Dally runs his fingers through his hair while backing up instinctively, “ That motherfucker was practically undressing you with his eyes. Let me see him even glance at you again I swear y/n”. Dally turns around and slams his hands on his dresser with his head down. Your fed up, Dally is fed up why not end this right now, you walk up behind him and tap his shoulder. “What?” he says still not looking at you, quickly you throw off your shirt as well as your bra, “Dally can you look at me baby?”. Dally sighs but complies none-the-less, a smirk graces his face beautifully as his hands make contact with your chest. “Trying to cheer me up doll?” you kiss him deeply making Dally stumble back a little. “Im always yours Dally not some random guy”.

~ poor thing is always so jealous and protective over his girl.

Sodapop Curtis ( I want to be that towel)

You canceled plans on Soda, work asked you to stay late, the more hours the better especially because some of that money is going toward Sodas family. You walk into the empty Curtis house where only the shower is running, Sodas clothes are laid on the couch. You sigh and drop your bag down, taking off your shoes and getting into comfier clothes. The water stops running, you walk over to the door and knock on it softly, “Soda? Can I talk to you honey?”. The bathroom door opens showcasing Soda with just a towel wrapped around his waist, “Sure hopefully you wont cancel our conversation next”. He walks past you and into his room rifling through his drawers for socks and a pair of boxers, you tread behind him leaning on the door frame. “I took the extra hours so I could help you and your family” Soda groans because he knows he shouldnt be upset over it. “I know but I can still be disappointed, we havent been able to be alone for weeks now”. You smile lifting your shirt over your head about to ask him to turn around, “Come on Soda can you at least look at me?” you say walking up closer to him. Soda turns around sighing, his eyes widens and he stutters over his words a little at the surprise, “Baby, you look..gorgeous”. Soda hold you by the sides and smiles, “Wanna spend some alone time with me y/n?”.

~Sodapop definitely values quality time

[thewebcomicsreview]

Homestuck 2 updated early this month, and we're Yiffy now. It's a Valentine's Day miracle!

Yiffy was one of the most interesting characters in HS2, because literally everyone treated her like shit constantly. Jade's giving her daughter a smooch but also Jade sent her off to a boarding school explicitly because she was embarrassing to acknowledge and also Jade named her child Yiffy Longstocking on a joke and never bothered to change it. In the epilogues, Rose acknowledged that nothing in Candy was "real" and she was joining the rebellion basically for the luls, and one some level Jade and Rose don't think Yiffy is a real three-quarters-human person, and I think they think of her more like an OC in a game they like.

Well, that was my read of HS2, lets see how HSBC handles her.

Oh, this visual is great. Kanaya is so pissed off she's turning into the Ancestor art style in real time. She also kind of looks like Batman, here.

No doubt if your POSSE OF PUBESCENT PUNKS back at school could see you now they'd throw up laughing.

I am suddenly way more interested in Yiffy's gang than I am in half the HS1 cast. What kids join a gang led by a dog girl named Yiffy Longstocking?

Engineering that reprieve might be just about the only real solid your no-show non-mom has ever actually bothered to do for you.

Oh thank christ, there was a part of me worried that Yiffy wouldn't resent her parents for being the second-worst parents in HS2. This is the most interesting thing in the sequels, I think.

TAVVY: ,,, And also, everyone knows you exist now,,, instead of just me,,, TAVVY: And our moms

TAVVY: Wow,,,! YIFFY: TAVVY: You know, i was almost kidnapped,,, once,,, TAVVY: My mom removed the window, after that, TAVVY: Which, um, sucked, TAVVY: Though, i guess you'd know, uh, about that,,,

Oh, interesting. Tavvy knew about Yiffy this whole time? Actually, this and Yiffy's description of him via narration earlier imply they grew up together. I guess that makes sense, since he's Jane's kid and Jade inexplicably put Jane in charge of Yiffy, but he never told Vrissy about her secret sister? That's a bit fucked up, dude. Yiffy's not saying anything (and I hope she doesn't for a long time, until she has something meaningful to say), but her text color is Dave's red, even though she's not related to Dave. Or she is and HSBC is going to retcon HS2's most hated plot point somehow.

Pepis

Look at this ARRANT BEAVIS double fisting those cans of pop

"ARRANT BEAVIS" is a great Homestuckism

The Sylph has been slow boiling, you can tell.

Interesting that Yiffy refers to Kanaya as "The Sylph". I don't know what else she'd call her, I suppose, but Yiffy of all people being the one to mention Classpect is odd.

You've only been around this earth for 15 years, but it's a self-evident fact that there are no useful authorities. Gifted with unimaginable power, their concern only stretches so far as to manhandle those dependent on them, and tangles into ineffectual deadlock the instant it meets a challenge worth addressing. Potential killed for the sake of comfort. True kindness is real, but only for those that bare teeth and break skin. Why should these disingenuous, bystanding, spineless, SELFISH adults get anything they want?

Fuck yes, Yiffy hates all the HS1 characters. I've been hoping for this, she has more beef with them all than even Tavros, and it's a bit of Vriska energy this comic has needed that neither actually Vriska really provides.

Yiffy being the best thing about HS2 was maybe a hot take before, but hopefully it isn't now. She's great.

JADE: and of course you arent obligated to ever forgive me but... i dont want to lose you too! JADE: i love you kanaya JADE: youre my family KANAYA: You Fucked My Wife

This is the best update in the entire comic.

KANAYA: And Though That Travesty Of A Name Is Undoubtedly An Incomprehensibly Offensive Piece Of This Particular Puzzle KANAYA: What I See Is Not An Explanation KANAYA: But A Glossing Over Of The Worst Detail ROSE: Jane.

Yeah, HS2 kind of glossed over Rose/Jade putting TrumpHitler in charge of their literal child. I could copy/paste this whole conversation but basically Kanaya is pointing out that there's like fifty plot holes in Yiffy's backstory and it makes no fucking sense at all and are they going to retcon her to being Jade/Dave's ecto-kid?

ROSE: You've managed to exhume the solemn cadaver of my mother's memory and make her the star of another argument. KANAYA: As If You Ever Bothered To Bury Her ROSE: What does this have to do with anything!? KANAYA: What I Am Doing Is Demonstrating That I Have No Intention To Mediate This Situation KANAYA: Or Pacify It KANAYA: Or Even Be A Little Bit Nice Right Now KANAYA: So Perhaps Youll Actually Take Me Seriously For Once

This is the well-earned sass we've been waiting for since Yiffy's reveal.

ROSE: But more than anything else, I took her up on it because it felt oddly ROSE: inevitable. ROSE: Anyways, ROSE: Deep down, I knew it didn’t matter. ROSE: However we handled it. ROSE: Whatever hurt we caused. ROSE: It was never that serious.

Man, I'm glad that I'm live-blogging and put my read of the situation up as I went because I fucking called it. Yes! I am capable of retaining information when I read instead of staring at the screen slack-jawed.

ROSE: I knew you would forgive me. KANAYA: Rose KANAYA: When Did You Stop Trying JADE: yeah rose!!!!! JADE: what the fuck!!!!

Oh shit, Candy Rose is evil?

JADE: b-but i just dont want things to get even worse!!!!!! KANAYA: Then stop pretending that my feelings are top priority KANAYA: AND TRY BEING HONEST FOR ONCE JADE: WHAT DOES IT EVEN MATTER!!!!!!! KANAYA: Excuse Me? JADE: you heard me! JADE: you were wronged kanaya! JADE: the truth cant change that JADE: saying it just fucking hurts more JADE: what does that accomplish? JADE: its so embarrassing, would you even get it if i had?

JADE: you have no idea what its like out there JADE: how traumatizing dating regular citizens was JADE: imagine trying to love someone who already knows every available detail about you JADE: who has *opinions* on what happened to you as a child JADE: who assumes youre indestructible JADE: newsflash it fucking sucks!!!!!!! because no matter how nice they were JADE: they didnt want to know me JADE: they wanted to date the god of space

I have no notes, this is great and I'm thrilled everyone is mad now.

JADE: so everyone could lecture me again on how "bad" my "boundaries" are? ROSE: (I did that one time.) JADE: you want bad boundaries JADE: do you know how many people would be waiting outside public bathrooms to talk to me about their problems? JADE: this one guy randomly started apologizing because they cooked their hamster in the microwave! JADE: and they looked so sad... i had to hug them and say it was ok JADE: but it was not ok! JADE: they murdered their hamster! Rose: Ugh... JADE: and their other hamster killed itself KANAYA: JADE JADE: out of loneliness!!!!!

What the fuck, this is amazing.

The art here is great, by the way.

JADE: millions of people told me they loved me JADE: but i was never a real person to them JADE: i couldn't let that happen to yiffy too KANAYA: What JADE: i had to save her kanaya! JADE: give her the chance to grow up as a normal kid with a normal life

Jade she's half-dog and she's named Yiffy Fucking Longstocking, that ship has sailed. How are people not going to know she's your child?

Oh, okay. She wears a hat. Sure.

This art is so good!

KANAYA: Even If I Didnt Want Her KANAYA: She Was Already Here

*Makes a note in my "ominous foreshadowing lines journal*

What. Why does Jade have a Frankenstein in her inventory? What's that about?

And that was the update. Honestly? Banger, easily the best HSBC update yet. I could, and if I didn't have DnD in five minutes perhaps would (and perhaps still will!) write a whole essay on this. Phenomenal. A+

[wildflowerwoodsworld]

So, for those of you who don't know, Charlotte is my (current) favourite character. She's been one of my favourites since I started the series, but now she's in the top spot. Which means it's her turn to get put through torment in fic. Hey, that's just the price you pay for being the favourite.

Anyway, as those of you who are familiar with my writing probably know, I like pulling characters apart and figuring out what makes them tick so I can depict them falling apart in a more believeable way. For some characters it's fairly easy to figure out what the core of their motivation is (Asta wants to be acknowledged as worth something even though he lacks magic) others it's far harder (I still don't know what the fuck motivates Yami). I thought Charlotte would be a tricky one, until I was rereading the manga and came across this panel. (specifically the middle one)

(official VIZ media translation; volume 12, chapter 104, page 72)

She's just been cursed. We don't exactly how old she is in this scene (I tend to put her at twelve, for a couple of reasons, but that doesn't change the fact that canon hasn't actually given us an answer), or even why she's been cursed, but the fact remains that she has just been cursed. And yet she is the one reassuring her parents. She is telling them not to worry. She's the one telling them that she'll fix this. And she's just a kid! She is canonically just a kid!

(Official VIZ media translation, volume 18, chapter 169, page 130)

This is the start of Charlotte shouldering every burden she comes across. She has to do everything herself and if she can't she's not good enough (I know it's anime-only but her "I should be executed" line over being possessed against her will raises a lot of red flags for me). She also holds everyone else to these impossible standards, rejecting every suitor she meets immediately. If they can't keep up, they aren't good enough, and nobody can keep up. She's pushing herself harder and harder and harder because if she doesn't, if she doesn't give everything she has to break this curse then she definitely won't, and the curse activating its going to be her fault for not trying hard enough. She canonically calls herself pathetic and apologises when it inevitably activates. She sees this as a personal failing.

(official VIZ media translation, volume 12, chapter 104, pages 73 & 74)

Never mind the fact that she is, at most, twelve years old when cursed. Which means that she's lived a minimum of six years with it hanging over her head. Sure, she keeps saying she's going to break it, but there has to be a part of her who is convinced that, when she turns eighteen, she's basically going to die.

On top of that, the fact that she's cursed is caonically common knowledge. We get all the townspeople outside screaming about it. This implies that a lot of people know she's cursed. Know she's different. And, well, you're here on Tumblr. I'm sure you know what happens to people who are different. They get socially isolated. That would explain her trouble talking to people about her feelings. And her issues with expressing herself.

So, we've got this girl, who is no more than twelve, is suddenly being shunned by all her peers for something she can't control, has decided to shoulder the entire burden of this curse (everyone else we see talking about it in the flashback says "curse on House Roselei" or something to that effect, Charlotte says "my curse"), keeps pushing herself to try and do what, as far as we can tell from canon, is impossible, and is convinced that if she can't pull off the impossible she's going to basically die on her eigthteenth birthday.

Oh, and all of this is happening around the age she's supposed to be figuring herself out.

The fact that she is a fully functioning adult is a goddamn miracle.

Looping back to my original point though, I think that, at the core of her character, Charlotte is someone who wants to believe that she's worth saving. And not because of her power, or her family name, or her looks. She's desperate for someone to look and see her and see someone worth saving. But she's bad at expressing herself and also scared that if she lets anyone in close they're just going to let her down like everyone else she thought would save her when she was cursed did, so she snaps and she snarls and she drives people away because if people are going to leave anyway (because of the curse) then it's easier to drive them off first, because at least that way she can pretend it's what she wanted rather than being abandoned again.

[hockey-fics]

Next Summer ~ Brock Boeser 

Summary: The summers spent at your family’s cabin were some of your favourite memories. When you return as an adult you discover that maybe not everything from the past was really left in the past. 

Word Count: ~5,300

Warnings: Drinking, implied smut (I guess, but it’s very fleeting and vague)

Traditions didn’t hold a huge place in your life growing up. Every Christmas you bounced from one relative’s home to another. Thanksgiving dinners almost never looked the same. Cousins and aunts and uncles would come and go, years of family dinners and holiday gatherings would go by before you would see them again. 

But there was always one thing that you looked forward to each and every year. Every summer, for two and a half months, you would drive down from your home in the suburbs to the cabin on the lake. You would get to forget about school and homework and bedtimes. You would spend all day out in the summer sun, sticky with sunscreen and bug spray. 

Your family wasn’t the only one. Each of those cabins along that shoreline would come alive. The quiet beaches would fill with children, adults on decks drinking a few hours before it became socially acceptable anywhere else. Dark nights would be brightened by campfires and beams from unsteady flashlights, held onto by kids who should have been in bed long ago. 

There was a sense of peace that was brought on by that property. Time moved slower, everyone seemed happier, things felt easier. But as time went on you started spending less and less time out there. You went away to university. You became busy with internships and jobs and leases that didn’t end for the few months of summer. 

But eventually the property lost the interest of your parents. With no children at home, familiar friends who once had cabins up there selling them off, the time and energy and money to take care of it no longer seemed to be worth it. You yourself hadn’t been there in a couple years, though the memories were as vivid as always. So when the option of them gifting the property to you came up it took little consideration for you to say yes. 

After packing your car full of essentials you headed up to the cabin shortly after the exchange of ownership. When you pull up to the familiar cabin there’s a sense of ease that washes over you, even now that you had a truckload of responsibility to go with coming up here. 

Hoping out of the car you bring everything inside, the memories flooding in. After putting your groceries in the kitchen, sheets on the bed, and pulling the patio couch cushions out you head out onto the deck to enjoy the fresh air and slight breeze rolling in off the lake. 

A few minutes after flopping down onto the patio furniture you’re greeted by a big white dog, tail wagging crazily as he stares up at you. 

“Hey buddy,” you say, reaching over and scratching him behind the ear. “Where did you come from?”

“Milo.”

Tipping your head up you look in the direction of the man calling for who you would guess to be the dog that was standing in front of you. Standing up you walk towards the edge of your deck, the dog following after you, nose nudging at your hand. “I think-,” you begin, freezing when you notice who was standing in the yard next to you. “Oh my god,” you laugh, hurrying down the stairs. “You’re still around, hey?”

You grew up with Brock. At least for two months of the year every summer. You were the same age and his family owned the property next door. The crush you had on Brock spanned from early in your life right up till the last summer you spent together right after high school graduation. 

“Holy shit,” Brock comments, shaking his head. He has his arms around you as soon as you’re close enough for him to reach you. “Of course I’m still around, I’m out here every summer. You’re the one who vanished.”

Pulling back you look up at Brock, shaking your head. “Sorry, we don’t all have an off-season.”

“I guess you’ve got a point,” Brock chuckles. “Just out here for the weekend then?”

“I don’t really know what I’m doing,” you admit. “The place is mine now and I work remotely so I guess I could be out here as long as I want but I don’t know, it feels weird to think about being here that long again.”

“Yours, hey?” Brock states, glancing behind you at the house. “Are your parents okay?”

“Oh, yeah,” you assure him. “Just not as interested in getting drunk on the lake everyday of the summer anymore.”

Brock laughs, glancing out at the lake before turning his attention back to you. “Well I’m glad it’s yours now, wouldn’t want to see anyone else here.”

You couldn’t deny the way he still managed to fill your stomach with butterflies, even all these years. “Me too,” you say, voice quiet. Glancing down you pet the dog again that had still not left your side. 

“I see you’ve met Milo,” Brock comments, glancing over his shoulder and pointing to the second dog that was laying under the shade of a tree. “That one’s Coolie.”

“They’re very cute,” you tell him, smiling down at Milo. “How long are you up here for?”

Brock shrugs, like time didn’t mean anything to him. “Till sometime in August.”

“So I guess we have plenty of time to catch up then.”

“Absolutely,” Brock says with a smile. “You want to come over for a drink or something?”

“I’d be down for a drink.”

You follow Brock across the yard and onto the deck, accepting the can of cider he offers before sitting down on the soft cushions of one of the patio cushions. “So, what’s new in your life?”

Brock shrugs, flopping down onto the patio sectional, Milo joining him seconds later. “Not too much, I guess. Just been in Vancouver for the last while playing for the Canucks.”

You can’t help but laugh at his comment. “Well I know that much, can’t exactly stay under the radar as a professional athlete.”

“I guess,” Brock chuckles. “What about you though, you seem to be staying under the radar pretty well.”

“Gotta keep a little mystery…or my life just isn’t that exciting, I don’t know. I got my degree, moved back to Minnesota and now I’m just working from home…living the life, really,” you joke. 

“I can’t imagine you not making life exciting.”

Rolling your eyes playfully you take a sip of your drink. “Why’s that? Because I used to steal my parent’s alcohol and try to convince everyone to go swimming in the middle of the night?”

“Well that was pretty exciting back then,” Brock laughs. 

“Are you out here alone?” you ask, looking towards the cabin. It was pretty quiet for anyone else to be here but you almost couldn’t imagine Brock ever being alone. 

“Yeah, for now,” Brock nods. “My, um, my mom doesn’t really come up very much anymore.”

“Right,” you say quietly. You hadn’t talked to Brock in a very long time, but that didn’t mean you didn’t know anything about his life, including his father. 

“I have a few friends coming up in a few days though,” Brock tells you, his inflection rising, an obvious attempt to change the topic. 

“Uh oh,” you joke with a playful smile. “Sounds like trouble.”

“Hey, now, I’ve never been trouble,” Brock defends, laughing under his breath. 

“I don’t know about that one,” you tease. 

The two of you sit on Brock’s deck, drink after drink as you exchanged stories from the nearly 10 years since the last time you saw each other. You didn’t even realize how long had passed or how late it had gotten till the sun was beginning to set and you realized your mind was hazy from the alcohol. 

“I guess I should get going, don’t want to overstay my welcome,” you say, finishing off the last of the drink you had in your hand. 

“You never could,” Brock tells you, taking the empty can from your hand as you stand up. “But I won’t hold you here either.”

“I appreciate that,” you laugh, glancing back to your cabin. “I should probably go figure out dinner though.”

“Fair enough,” Brock chuckles. “See you tomorrow?”

“I’m sure you will,” you tell him, heading down the steps of the deck and back over to your own house. 

After making yourself a late dinner you head to bed, your mind unable to think of much more than Brock. It was clear that your feelings for him hadn’t entirely disappeared. But eventually you manage to clear your mind enough to fall asleep, sleeping peacefully through the night till the sun shining through the blinds in your room wakes you up. 

You make yourself some breakfast before dragging your laptop out onto the deck with your mug of coffee to get some work done for the day. It’s not long before your attention is broken by the sound of Brock’s voice, calling after his dogs as they run out the door and towards the lake. 

Smiling you watch the dogs for a few minutes as they splash around in the shallow water of the lake. When you look away from them you see Brock looking in your direction, raising his hand in a friendly wave. 

“Morning,” you call to him, sitting up straighter to look over the edge of the patio railing as Brock comes closer. 

“How was your first night back out here?”

“It was great,” you tell him. “Do you want some coffee?”

Brock’s eyes shift to your laptop before looking back at you. “I don’t want to interrupt you if you’re working.”

Shrugging you push yourself away from the table to stand up. “I’ve been missing the interruptions you get working in an office anyway,” you tell him with a smile. “Do you want anything in it?”

“Some cream if you have it.” Brock makes his way up the steps of the deck, sitting down at the table across from you as you return with a mug of coffee for him. “Got any plans for after work?”

“Not really,” you tell him, sitting back down and looking over your laptop at him. 

“I just bought a couple stand-up paddle boards a few weeks ago. Would you want to come test them out with me?”

“As long as you promise not to laugh at me when I fall off.”

“I promise,” Brock chuckles. “You can get back to your work if you want, I don’t want to distract you.”

“Hard not to be distracted by you,” you tell him, a playful smile on your lips. 

“Well I’m always happy to be your distraction.”

After Brock finishes his coffee he heads back to his own place, giving you a chance to actually get some uninterrupted work time in. It’s nearly 5 when you wrap up everything you had to finish for the day. Changing out of the pyjamas you had spent the better half of the day in you tug a pair of shorts over a bikini, heading across the yard to Brock’s place. 

With the garage door wide open you step into it, watching Brock doing kettlebell swings. 

“Enjoying the view?” Brock asks, looking at you through the mirror when he finishes up his set. 

“Well I can’t say I’m not enjoying it,” you tell him, glancing around the garage turned gym. “This is pretty impressive, I remember when this place was filled with bikes and beach toys.”

Brock turns around to face you, wiping a layer of sweat from his forehead. “I needed to have something out here to train if I want to spend this long out here.”

“Makes sense. Well, I can get out of here to stop distracting you, when did you want to go out on the paddle boards?”

“I’m just finishing up here, I’ll probably go have a shower before we head out.”

“Do I get to enjoy that view too?” you joke. 

Brock chuckles, reaching down to pick up the kettlebell again. “I wouldn’t stop you.”

Shaking your head you take a step out of the garage. “I’ll meet you down at the beach when you’re ready.”

“Okay, see you in a bit,” Brock says as you head out of the garage. 

Finding a beach towel you head out onto the end of the dock that was connected to your yard, laying it out and shimmying out of your shorts. Laying down on your stomach you rest your head on your arms, enjoying the way the sun felt like a warm blanket cloaked over your body. 

It’s not long before you hear Brock calling your name and you roll onto your back, looking down to the end of the dock. 

“Ready to go?” Brock calls. 

Collecting your things from the dock you hurry down to meet Brock, following him to grab the paddle boards before heading to the edge of the lake. The water is surprisingly warm for July and you climb onto your paddle board with a shocking amount of ease. 

After steadying yourself the two of you begin to paddle along the shoreline, your conversation falling to quick comments here and there as you focus intensely on keeping yourself upright. By the time you make it back to the section of the lake in front of your house you’re more than ready to follow Brock’s lead and sit down on the board, floating easily on the still water. 

“You’re pretty good at this,” Brock tells you. 

Your legs are crossed in front of you, arms behind you on the board as you lean back into them. “Guess my balance is better than I expected.”

“I’m kind of disappointed I didn’t get to see you fall in.”

“Oh, you want to see me get wet?” you joke.

“I-I, that’t…well, I mean, I-,” Brock stammers, shaking his head as he gives up on his sentence. 

“I’ll take that as a yes,” you tease, giggling as you stretch your legs out in front of you. “What are your plans for tonight?”

Brock hesitates for a second, eyes narrowing. “Are you hinting at something?”

It takes you a moment to realize what was going on, reaching down and running your hand through the lake to splash Brock. “No,” you laugh, shaking your head. “I was going to see if you wanted to come over for dinner.”

“Oh,” Brock laughs, eyes diverting down to the surface of the lake, cheeks flushing red. “Yeah, dinner sounds great.”

After putting the paddle boards away you and Brock head over to your place, digging through the kitchen to try to figure out what to make for dinner. You hadn’t really thought through your plan, inviting Brock over before you even know what you would make for dinner. 

“You’ve been in the fridge for awhile,” Brock comments, sitting at the bar counter on the other side of the kitchen, watching you curiously. 

Sighing you turn around, shutting the door behind you. “I don’t actually know what to make,” you admit. 

“I can tell,” Brock laughs. “What are the options?”

“Whatever is in the fridge,” you tell him, gesturing to it. 

Brock slides off the stool, walking across the kitchen to pull the fridge open. His eyes scan the shelves for a few minutes before slowly turning towards you. “Do you need me to go to the grocery store for you tomorrow or something?”

Rolling your eyes you push yourself between Brock and the fridge, your back pressing against him as you join him in staring into the nearly empty fridge. “Look, I know it’s bad but I didn’t plan to stay more than a night or two.”

“And were you planning on only eating eggs and spinach for three days?”

“Maybe,” you hum. “I didn’t plan to have dinner guests I would need to impress.”

“You don’t need to impress me,” Brock whispers, his hands falling to your hips. “Now will you agree to come have dinner at my place instead?”

Your mind tunes in to the feeling of Brock’s hands on your body, your heart hammering heavily in your chest. While you were so caught up in your thoughts you realized you hadn’t answered the question within a length of time that was even remotely normal. “Uh, yeah, sure, that sounds good.”

Brock steps back, his hands falling from your hips and leaving your body longing for more. Sighing to yourself you fish a bottle of wine out from otherwise bare fridge, hurrying after Brock. 

It’s not long before you’re standing next to Brock, a glass of white wine in your hand while you watch him barbecue a couple steaks. “Was inviting me over just a scheme to get me to feel bad for you and cook you dinner?”

“I wish I was that calculated.” Bringing your glass to your lips you take a small sip, gravitating a little closer to Brock. “I like how this worked out though.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you do,” Brock teases, reaching over and wrapping his arm around your waist, tugging you into his side. 

You let out a shaky breath, fingers clutching tighter onto your wine glass. With your heart racing you try to act natural, like your stomach wasn’t absolutely alive with butterflies, like your thoughts weren’t racing a million miles an hour about nothing but Brock. 

“You okay?” Brock asks, the smirk on his face was enough to tell you that he knew exactly what he was doing to you. 

“Fuck off,” you laugh, shaking your head. “You’re so used to this aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?” Brock laughs, eyebrows furrowed as he looks away from the barbecue to turn his attention to you. 

“Tall, handsome hockey player who can get women to absolutely fall apart like it’s nothing,” you tease. 

“I’m not that tall,” Brock comments, pulling the steak off the barbecue. 

“Oh, but you know how handsome you are.” 

Brock gives you a simple shrug, chuckling as he picks up the plate of steak, letting you go to head back inside. Rolling your eyes you follow Brock back into the house, refilling your wine glass before leaning against the counter. 

“I’m actually surprised you don’t have a girlfriend,” you comment, watching Brock plate up the steak and salad the two of you had made earlier. 

“Why’s that?” Brock asks, setting the plates down on the table next to the large window that overlooks the lake. 

“I just told you why outside, you just want to hear me talk about how great you are,” you joke, sitting down at the table across from Brock. 

“Well I could say the same thing about you,” Brock retorts, switching the conversation around onto you. 

“Because I’m a tall, handsome hockey player?” you joke, taking another drink from your wine. 

Brock shakes his head with a breath of laughter. “Seriously, weren’t you with someone for quite awhile?” 

Nodding slowly you inhale deeply, polishing off what was left in your glass of wine. 

“That bad, hey?” Brock asks, reaching for the bottle of wine to refill your glass. 

“No…I mean, yeah, I guess, I don’t know,” you sigh, picking up your newly refilled glass. “We were together for three years in university.”

Brock nods, taking a bite of his dinner, evidently waiting for you to continue to fill in the details of your vague story. 

“It wasn’t a big deal,” you assure him with a breath of laughter. “I’m just glad it ended when it did.”

“For what it’s worth I’m pretty glad it ended as well.”

Scoffing you raise your eyebrows, shaking your head. “Why?” you ask, already well aware of why. 

“Well I don’t think I’d get to be sitting here having dinner with you right now if you were still with him.”

Tipping your head to the side you gaze across the table, a soft smile on your lips. “Does that mean there’s something more than friendly happening here, Brock?”

“I’ve had some more than friendly thoughts,” Brock admits. 

You can feel your cheeks reddening, looking down at the table. “Oh,” you mutter. 

“Sorry, I, was that too much or-.”

“No, no,” you interrupt, breathing out a nervous laugh. “Just, um, been awhile since I’ve flirted with anyone.”

“There’s no way that’s true.”

“Yes it is,” you exclaim, laughing quietly. “I honestly don’t meet a lot of new people and I don’t usually make it a habit of flirting with my friends.”

“I’m glad you made an exception.”

Laughing softly you pick up your glass of wine, taking another sip, enjoying the warm buzz the alcohol was filling you with. “Me too,” you whisper as you set it down, gazing over at Brock. 

Finally you two finish the dinner that had been nearly forgotten amidst the conversation. After the dishes are done you head out onto the deck to continue your conversation. Before long the sun is set and the bottle of wine is empty. After another goodbye that you know won’t be for long you head back to your own house, falling asleep easily to the sound of the waves crashing onto the shore through the open window. 

The next few days leading up to the weekend feel busier than any days you had in a long time. After work you would join Brock for some activity or another. A trip into town to properly stock your fridge. An evening on the boat. More paddle boarding and kayaking and even partaking in a couple sessions in Brock’s home gym. 

And before you knew it you had finished up your work from the week, time seeming to be flying by now that you were spending it with Brock. 

Friday night. You hadn’t expected your Fridays to remain as exciting after leaving the city. But you also didn’t expect to be spending it with Brock and a handful of his friends. 

“Still impressed with your Spikeball skills, to be honest,” Jack says, standing next to you by the fire, a bottle of beer in his hand. You had spent the afternoon fighting to keep up in many competitive rounds of Spikeball on the beach, something you did better than even you had expected you would do. 

“I’m kind of offended by how much you underestimated me,” you laugh. Lifting your red solo cup filled with tequila and grapefruit soda wincing at the flavour, the ratio of tequila to mixer so off it would make a bartender cry. 

“Sorry, I promise I won’t do it again,” Jack chuckles. “I’ll make sure we’re always on the same team from now on.”

“Good,” you say, extending your hand to shake his on the agreement. “We can be a power duo.”

“Power couple,” Jack comments with a smirk. 

Rolling your eyes playfully you take another gulp of your drink. “Pretty bold of you.”

“What can I say? I’m a bold guy.”

Before you can get another comment in you feel a hand run along your lower back, stopping on your waist. With a slight flinch you turn your head, body relaxing when you realize it was Brock, though you were still a little surprised by the physical contact. Brock places his fingers under your chin, tipping your head back so you were looking up at him. You don’t even have time to process what’s happening before he’s pressing a soft and quick kiss to your lips. 

“H-hi,” you stammer, voice soft as your cheeks redden. “What, um, what’s going on?”

“Just coming to check on you,” Brock whispers. 

“Shit, sorry man,” Jack mutters to Brock, nervous eyes shifting back to the fire you were all standing around. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Brock tells him dismissively. “Want to come with me to get another drink?” Brock asks you. 

With a quick nod you let Brock take your hand in his, guiding you around the fire and up into the quiet cabin. 

“Okay, what the fuck was that, Brock?” you exclaim, now in the privacy of the kitchen. 

“I-,” Brock begins, shaking his head. “Have I been reading this wrong? I thought…I thought…haven’t we been flirting since you got here?”

“I mean, yes,” you exhale. “But what the fuck was that? Why’d you choose that moment to kiss me?”

“I’m sorry,” Brock mumbles, swallowing heavily. “But you two were flirting and I didn’t want to lose you and I-.”

“I wasn’t flirting with him.” Stepping closer you reach up, your hands on either side of Brock’s face. “You have to trust that I would never do anything with your friends.” Rolling forward onto your toes you lean closer to Brock, your lips brushing against his. “Okay?”

“Okay,” Brock mutters before kissing you again. It’s longer this time, your lips moving with his as you wrap one arm around his shoulders. Brock runs one hand around your back, tugging your body closer as his tongue brushes against yours. He’s pushing you against the kitchen counter a second later, your head spinning with the mix of overwhelming emotions and the effects of the tequila. 

A strangled moan emanates from your throat just before you hear the crashing of the cabin door closing. Pulling back from Brock you stare up at him with a guilty smile, as if you were still just a couple teenagers sneaking around at the summer cabin. 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” Sam declares, taking a step back towards the door. 

“No, no, you’re good,” you assure him. “We were just, um, about to head back out.”

“Were we?” Brock asks, voice quiet as he places his hands on your hips, pulling your back into his chest. 

With a quiet giggle you tip your head back, looking up at Brock. “We can pick his back up later,” you assure him. 

Back outside you let Brock pull you onto his lap on one of the chairs around the fire. You knew it was some drunken, misplaced desire to exert the fact that there was indeed something happening between the two of you that was more than just friendly. 

The rest of the night is spent in loud conversations, rambunctious laughter echoing off the still lake. By the time the night is over and people begin trickling off to head inside you’re more than ready to have some time alone with Brock.

“I’m going to head home now, want to walk over there with me?” you ask Brock before standing up.

“Yeah, of course,” Brock replies taking your hand and walking back to your cabin. 

Inside you take Brock’s other hand, tugging him closer. “Do you want to spend the night here?” 

“Yes,” Brock replies quickly before pressing his lips to yours again, kissing you with an eagerness that you quickly matched. 

Before long the two of you had stumbled your way up to your room, the silence of the cabin being interrupted by the sounds of your moans.

Laying breathlessly next to Brock, your body flushed and tired, you can’t help but begin to worry about the implications of the situation. Was this just because you were both drunk? Did he really have feelings for you or was this all just because of the alcohol? 

After tugging some pyjamas on and using the bathroom you crawl back into bed with Brock, resting your head on his shoulder, arm over his chest. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Of course,” Brock hums, running his fingers along your back. 

“Do you, um…was this, I just,” you stammer, finally pulling yourself away from him, sitting up and staring across the dark room at the slice of moonlight that was shining on the wall through the curtains. “Was this just a meaningless hook-up? Because I actually have feelings for you,” you admit. 

You feel Brock run his hand along your back, fingers curling around your waist as he tugs you back to lay next to him. “No, it wasn’t,” he assures you, kissing your temple before you settle in next to him. “I was so into you when we were growing up. Every summer since high school I’ve hoped you would show up again.”

“I don’t believe you,” you giggle. “I had the biggest crush on you back then, you can’t steal my story,” you tease. 

“Back then?” 

Rolling your eyes you reach over and take his hand, squeezing it gently. “Still do.”

“Good,” Brock chuckles. 

And just like that the two of you fall into a comfortable silence that quickly turns to a deep sleep. After that first night together the two of you grew closer, no longer just spending the days together but the nights as well. 

Every morning you would wake up next to Brock, often going for a walk with the dogs before you would have breakfast together. Then you would spend the majority of the day working at your place. After you were done your work for the day you would head over and join Brock for dinner. 

For the next month and a half everything felt easy and fun. The daily stress you normally felt when you were back at your apartment had almost dissipated entirely. You grew closer and closer with Brock, falling more and more for him with each passing day. Time had begun to slip by faster and faster, till the majority of the summer was now in the past and you were getting closer and closer to the day where the cabins would be shuttered as everyone returned to the real world. 

Laying on your couch you stare out through the large window at the sheets of rain pouring from the sky. The summer was coming to an end whether you wanted to admit it or not and the grey sky was doing its part to remind you of that. Brock’s car was already packed, his place was tidied and ready for his departure. 

You have your head on Brock’s chest, your arm draped over his stomach. He’s running his hand along your back and with each passing second you begin growing closer to tears. You didn’t want to admit how much it felt like your chest was being ripped apart.

Sniffling quietly you try to blink away the tears in your eyes before Brock could notice. But you weren’t as secretive as you had hoped. “Are you okay?” Brock whispers.

Nodding you lift your head from his chest, wiping at your eyes. “Yeah, it’s stupid.”

“I’m sure it’s not,” Brock assures you, waiting for you to go on.

“I just don’t want this to end,” you admit. “I don’t want you to leave.”

“I don’t either.” Brock wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” you mumble, shuffling in your seat to face him. Taking one of Brock’s hands in yours you give it a quick squeeze, glossy eyes staring across the small distance between you and Brock. 

“Because I never meant to hurt you.” Brock reaches over, brushing away a few of the tears that had spilled from your eyes onto your cheeks. 

“You didn’t mean to hurt me, Brock. I know you didn’t,” you assure him with a quick sniffle, eyes gazing down at your interlocked fingers. “I would rather be hurt now than to never have had this summer with you.”

Brock leans in, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “I just wish we had more time.”

“Me too,” you whisper, lifting your eyes to look back up at him. “Maybe we can next summer.”

Brock nods slowly, pushing a piece of your hair behind your ear. “Next summer,” he echoes as a tear slides down your cheek no longer caring enough to wipe them away, no longer fighting the sadness in your heart. Because the pain was going to happen whether you wanted it or not. But maybe, just maybe, the promise of next summer would be enough to help you deal with the sadness. 

[sideprince]

I've been thinking a lot about this incredible meta which I'm linking because it's a long post, that started off examining the scene in the Shrieking Shack in PoA from Snape's perspective (and then went very deep in incredibly, insightful ways - thank you @shakespearean-snape for recommending it! I'm almost done reading it...). The thing I keep coming back to is the way that Snape had no idea that Lupin wasn't in on the prank. Maybe I've just gotten too immersed in discussions around how Sirius used his friend as a weapon without his consent, but the other side of that is that Snape had no way of knowing this, and no reason to think Lupin wasn't in on it, especially as we're given reason to think Lupin had bullied him too, at least up until that point (which I'll get to in a minute). This is shown most clearly through this exchange:

“So that’s why Snape doesn’t like you,’ said Harry slowly, ‘because he thought you were in on the joke?’ ‘That’s right,’ sneered a cold voice from the wall behind Lupin. Severus Snape was pulling off the Invisibility Cloak, his wand pointing directly at Lupin.

Lupin isn't able to get a word in edgewise after that, but when his patience is tested and he finally speaks up, he merely says,

“You fool,’ said Lupin softly. ‘Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?”

triggering Snape by calling him foolish and referring to his trauma as a schoolboy grudge.

We see in SWM that Lupin observes James and Sirius bullying Snape but doesn't actively participate, but we also see in PoA that when Snape tries to work the Marauders' Map, the imprint Lupin left of himself taunts him openly in a direct and personal way:

“Mr Moony presents his compliments to Professor Snape, and begs him to keep his abnormally large nose out of other people’s business.”

It's implied that Lupin contributed to Snape's bullying more actively before the prank and maybe less so after (possibly reasons for this are in the post linked above).

Then there's this exchange between Lupin and Sirius, which takes place after Snape enters the room under the invisibility cloak, but before he reveals himself:

“Sirius here played a trick on [Snape] which nearly killed him, a trick which involved me -‘ Black made a derisive noise. ‘It served him right,’ he sneered. ‘Sneaking around, trying to find out what we were up to … hoping he could get us expelled …”

Whatever excuses antis might make for Black having tried to kill Snape when he was just 16 (or 15?), here he is as a fully grown adult responsible for his actions and well aware of the meaning and horror of death, and yet he's still doubling down and saying that it would have served Snape right, though he was still technically a child, to be killed just because he was nosy. It also underlines Lupin's lack of consent in the prank that he uses a passive voice to describe his own role, ie. that Black was the one to play the "trick" and that it involved him (Lupin), instead of describing it as something they had done together.

I find this to be the biggest contrast between Snape and Sirius - they have both seen darkness and suffered trauma and deep, deep losses as a result of where their lives ended up in ways that run parallel. Both lost their best friends and feel guilty for causing their death. Sirius feels guilt because his choice to abdicate his role as secret keeper resulted in James' death though his intention had been the opposite, and Snape feels guilt because he was the reason Voldemort went targeted and killed Lily, though that had not been his intention. Over a decade later, Snape has become a person who, while emotionally stunted in some ways, has changed his values and ethics and we see him become someone who doesn't harm Sirius even when he's vulnerable and unconscious, and who we later find out values life regardless of whose it is. Sirius, on the other hand, emerges from his own experiences at the same time to a place where he seems to be in a suspended adolescence in most ways and still feels it would be justified to cause Snape's death for being nosy. While it can be argued that Sirius, at this point in PoA is still experiencing his trauma actively as an escaped convict, I think it can also be argued that as someone who has seen and experienced the very real impacts of loss and darkness, it seems petty, vindictive, and skewed for him to still hold a grudge against a former schoolmate with the same intensity as he did before these experiences. ie. that most people, having seen the horrors of war, will think back on their perspectives of death and revenge as their old pre-traumatized self experienced them, and see the naïveté and childishness.

Therefore when Lupin says, "Is a schoolboy grudge worth putting an innocent man back inside Azkaban?” it feels ironic, given that Snape is acting on the urge to protect Harry and his friends from a man who not only showed his willingness to murder as a child but has doubled down on that choice as an adult just minutes earlier, and a literal werewolf who at no point has defended himself and made clear that he was not actively involved in planning the prank that could have resulted in Snape's death. Sirius, meanwhile, is right there, still immersed in his schoolboy grudge and filled with hatred for Snape who he must know by this point had been a spy for Dumbledore. After all, if he was aware from what he overheard in Azkaban that Peter had been the spy, then he must have also been aware that Snape had been one as well, given that Dumbledore said so openly in a courtroom full of people, including loose-tongued prisoners like Karkaroff.

That scene in the Shrieking Shack is so complex and laden with so much once you know the characters' backstories. There's also an interesting progression in the three times that we know Snape to be in the Shrieking Shack: the first time he nearly dies, the second time he's knocked unconscious, and the third time he does die. As a tragic character who spends much of the story willingly sacrificing himself it's almost as though Rowling is showing Snape to be going towards his death again and again until it's finally time.

[docholligay]

Foreign Films to Expand Into

I saw a post regarding the writer’s strike that suggested Americans maybe make the effort of watching a foreign film, and while I agree, I didn’t think its tone was super helpful. Don’t get me wrong, I’m the queen of “Pull yourself out of a rut!!” but I don’t think “Americans are so fucking stupid they don’t realize other countries make movies” is actually trying to help anyone, so much as add to the idea that I guess the rest of the world is being forced to watch Captain America at gunpoint. 

But I DO want Americans to watch foreign films, in the same way that I want them to watch indie films, and I want people of all nations and stripes to expand their understanding of what they’re used to, to push themselves into something else they might like. I think my family would say that it’s fair to call me a person who is open to experience. I love to try things! That’s why I have the book draw, that’s why I go see movies I’m not sure about, that’s why I actively seek out foods I’ve never tried. You deserve to make your life interesting, to be challenged, to provide enrichment in your enclosure. You are worth the effort of a richly textured life! And movies are often a pretty cheap way to go about stepping outside of your comfort zone. I can’t wait to hear what you thought of any of these! 

Obviously, if you are not American, one  of these may not be foreign to you. Yes, I know that. 

I don’t hold out that all of these are hidden gems--some of them are, or were, extremely popular movies. Many of them won awards. But I do hold out that these are some of my favorites, and I would love to share them with you. I did, however, try to avoid anything that I thought already got a lot of play on tumblr: I don’t need to tell anyone here to watch Parasite, Portrait of a Lady on Fire, or any given Ghibili movie (Though you should watch Grave of the Fireflies--it’s my favorite). 

Pan’s Labyrinth (Mexico and Spain): This is my favorite foreign film of all time and I am breaking my, “I’m not putting any movie on here I don’t need to tell you to watch” rule right away because it is in fact one of my favorite movies of all time, American or foreign. It is a lush story about fantasy, facism, courage, and the horror of childhood. Warning: This movie is very very intense. Do not be fooled by the fact that Del Toro also does like fucking…Hellboy. He also can make very serious, very good movies, and he does not shy away from the brutality of the Spanish Civil War. If you liked Labyrinth but you’re fully grown now and I want a story about fantasy bargains for the adult crowd, this is for you. 

The Orphanage (Spain): I love Spanish horror, and so it was really, really difficult to only pick one. But this has been one of my favorites for years, a classic Spanish slow burn that deals with the long shadow of childhood and the line between the supernatural and the natural. If you like pensive horror movies like The VVitch, I really think you should give this one a try. 

Hero (China): I know a lot of y’all are into wuxia now, but back when this came out it wasn’t a thing I had ever heard of*. Hero is, as the title might imply, a sweeping historical epic with fantastic fight scenes and gorgeous cinematography. If you enjoy stories told in multiple interpretations, high-flying wire work, and with some ideas about war, peace, and truth that tempt without asking too much of you, you’ll love this. 

Cold War (Poland): Listen, I love Cuarón, Mexican and Spanish movies absolutely dominate my list of foreign films I’ve watched, but I genuinely thought Cold War deserved the edge over Roma for the Oscar that year. It’s a fairly short movie for the times, coming in at less than 90 minutes, and it wastes not even one second of that film time. Cold War is a bittersweet love story not only with two people toward each other, but feels deeply critical of Poland while recognizing the impossibility of unbraiding yourself from it. If you love impossible, bittersweet, happily never after love stories with stark and striking cinematography, you’ll adore Cold War. 

Tigers Are Not Afraid (Mexico): I adore an unflinching take on childhood, and this movie is absolutely that. It essentially asks, “How do children survive in a world full of trauma?” and the answer is that sometimes, they don’t. This movie is a little frenetic, admittedly, but the ways fantasy and imagination is woven into a group of street children orphaned by the cartels is something I haven’t been able to stop thinking about since I first saw it, and I think the final shot is pitch perfect. If you liked Pan’s Labyrinth this is required viewing, as I think it shares a lot of themes. 

The African Doctor (France): “Holligay, if you put another fucking downer movie in this list I am going to BEAT YOUR ASS” Okay, okay, we’re going to ignore my general predilections and everything from here on down is fairly life-affirming or comedic or easy. This is about a little village in France in the 1970s that gets an African doctor. It’s sweet, and funny, and you come away from it feeling good. Also I still laugh every time Seyolo responds to the fact that most of the villagers had never seen a black person with: “So what? Now they will.” If you like sweet fish out of water stories with nice endings, this is for you. 

Om Shanti Om (India): I maintain that this is the best movie to watch if you’re brand new to Bollywood. It mostly avoid the worst of its excesses while delighting in all of its strengths. It is a genuinely fun film with fantastic songs, and a shockingly together storyline for a Bollywood movie (affectionate). I’ve actually done a full review of this one, but in the short version: If you loved Moulin Rouge and wanted more of that mix of tragedy and silliness on a operatic level, I think you’ll be in for a treat. 

The Warrior’s Way (South Korea and New Zealand): Okay, this movie is not good, and also it manages to be bad. But it’s in English, so if you’ve been sitting there like my dad going, ‘I am not gonna read a movie” well, here you go. If you’ve ever said to yourself, “I want to watch a Western, but I wish it were actually a HK style cheesy action movie” BOY HOWDY AM I HERE FOR YOU. I watched this one insanely drunk and still managed to be like, “wow! This is so bad! Maximum valid!” If you thought RRR** was good, but too deep, you will have the BEST time with The Warrior’s Way. 

Anyway, this is, of course, an incomplete list, and I’m sure I’ve forgotten something I love, since this was just made off the cuff. I would love to hear if you watch or like any of these, and also, if, looking at this list, you have a recommendation for me, let me know! There are so so many fucking movies out there, and so many fall through the cracks. 

I’m thinking about doing another one of these on “Indie movies you might have missed” and also “Movies that were made before you enfants were born” (30+ years) so let me know if anything like that is interesting! Or, if there’s a category you think I might know about you’re into, let me know also.

*I actually have a lot of emotional attachment to Hero, as I have a very distinct memory of standing in the Hastings, in front of the small foreign-film section, and it being the first foreign film I picked up. I was, I think, sixteen, and I had decided that I was going to be worldly, and interesting, and cultured, and so I took a deep dive into cooking from other cultures, and watching foreign films, and buying old art history textbooks, reading classics, and listening to opera, and formal manners. Basically becoming the person I wished I were, that poised Grace Kelly type, even if I was born to the drone of the grasshoppers on the wind. To quote Reba Macintire, “You know I mighta been born just plain white trash, but Fancy was my name” and all that. And this movie was a distinct part of that, in that it was the first, in a long line of me trying to be a more well-rounded and interesting person. 

**RRR (India): Actually on that note, watch RRR. It’s a fantastically fun Indian action film that I keep meaning to watch again because I got a little too drunk for drinking on an emopty stomach the first time I saw it, so it might actually also be good, but I do remember enjoying the shit out of it and there is a scene that has such Fareeha vibes to me.

[charalysis]

Magni

From what I can glean from the posts I have seen on Tumblr, and across other social media so far, people have this idea that Magni from God of War 2018 is as much of an angry moron as others in games (mainly Mimir and Odin) say that he is. I’d like to propose another idea that is plausible, especially since we don’t actually get to know Magni beyond a few comments and the fight in which he is killed. The idea?

Neglected, Parentified Golden Child.

For some context here, I will be considering Magni and Modi Sif’s step-sons, though I do firmly believe she 10000% views the two as her own biological children and they were raised as such.

SO! Magni is the oldest of three, resting as older brother to Modi and Thrud. I believe Sif came into the picture possibly not long after Modi was either born or conceived. From what we hear from Mimir, Sif and Thor were drunks for most of the boys childhoods, leaving them to their own devices and leaving them alone together for most of time. It’s also stated that because he’s “blonder” he’s the favored child by all Asgard. (Context: I think Magni being blonde was relevant because it was a short hand way of saying “He’s pretty so he can get away with it”. The old Norsemen allegedly would use lye heavy soaps to bleach their hair, and viewed blonde hair as being very beautiful. If this is the case, then being blonde likely made others unconsciously associate him with Sif, who was likely seen as a fantastic addition to the family for her diplomacy and beauty.)

It’s also implied that Magni was the most successful between him and Modi. He’s taller, presumably prettier, and possibly smarter (which I do think is likely given when others speak about the brothers, Modi’s most often referred to as being the useless one, the stupid one. Odin and Mimir aside that is.) Magni was presumably more popular too.

In short, Magni, as a child and as he grew, had expectation upon expectation piled upon him, and he presumably met enough of them to be considered heir to Mjolnir. And on top of all that...

Modi was his to raise. 

Thor and Sif are described as being relatively absent in their boys lives beyond beating discipline into them, as Odin had done to Thor. The couple would spend their time drinking and alone with one another outside court it seems, leaving Magni to watch out for his little brother. Magni was probably constantly trying to wrangle Modi and keep him in line, doing to Modi what Thor did because he no other examples. He was a child himself, yet he was having the expectations of an adult and a parent thrown at him early on.

Then after likely centuries, along came baby Thrud. 

Around then, Magni likely stopped meeting many of Odin and Thor’s highest expectations, finding it harder as he got older due to burn out, thus why Odin sees him as useless and invaluable by Ragnarok. Magni would see his parents getting their acts together by Thrud’s birth, obviously Sif more so as she had to carry the baby. Thor’s trying to be better, Sif’s doing better, Modi’s grown, and now there’s a baby in the family....

Others speculate the age gap made it so the two didn’t bond much, but I think it’s far more likely that Magni watched their parents dote on his sister. Kiss her instead of hit her, coo instead of scream, and hug her through her failures rather than blame her for messing up and leaving her to pick up the pieces.

I genuinely believe where Modi probably really tried to bond with his sister, Magni struggled. He likely saw in her the way he could have turned out had his parents changed sooner. That’s not to say he didn’t love her, I absolutely think he would have killed for her if he had to, but I don’t think their bond was what it could have been. I think Magni tended her scrapes and held her through nightmares, but I think in a way he resented her for being worth changing for for their parents.

Thrud became the talented one, the golden child, once her ability in combat started to show. Magni faded into the background as she grew older, because even Modi was obnoxious enough and fucked up enough to stay in view despite Thor always referring to Modi last. 

I think Magni was likely on the edge of burnout by the time Kratos met him. He seemed so eager to do what he had been told...

Tl;Dr I think Magni was born into awful circumstances he was never going to truly escape from and he was favored for many years until Thrud came along. I think he was the smarter and likely calmer between him and Modi, but he wasn’t allowed to be anything but what Odin and other Aesir expected him to be. I think he had to partially raise his brother because clearly Thor and Sif weren’t going to.

[kerubimcrepin]

Liveblog 6: analsysising harder

I am having a finals' nightmare week in university, but finally found the time to sit down and relax, so here's to episode 3.

He's so supportive. For all his faults as a father, (like the fact that Joris might not be able to read yet in here, despite seemingly being pretty ready to be taught how to, as was pointed out to me by @dullard during our separate rewatch from this rewatch) the fact that Joris can sell things at the market all by himself at 7yo and knows what a commission is, is actually really cool. Good job, Keke! This once, I will not kill you with hammers.

Do start teaching your son to read/write soon. Please. Please.

ANALYSIS EVENT LEVEL 10 ALARM WEE WOO WEE WOO. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS.

Joris is seven years old. Kerubim was, by his own words, "barely older than him," during his confirmation ceremony at the Orphan Temple. Can we actually ask what Kerubim Crepin was doing, at seven years old, in the orphan temple??

As we know from Dofus Heroes Kerubim comic, he was busy being an orphan, plotting to resurrect his parents, (either adoptive, or step-father and biological-mother. It doesn't really matter !) and being sad, to the point that, as an adult, even while amnesiac, he empathizes greatly with a stray kitten.

Having dreams of not wanting to be lonely, projecting his loneliness onto stray animals... It's the reason why he's afraid of showing people that he's weak and driving them away, and what makes him a compulsive liar, as I've pointed out in the last post. He can't bear being alone.

No wonder, then, that despite being old, and having a decrepit house, he didn't try to find Joris a better home. It would be a betrayal of his own ideals of protecting children from what he went through. It would mean that someone so similar to him would, too, be all alone. And, a bit more selfishly, he does need someone by his side.

I would point out, that Atcham was in the temple, implied to be mistreated, that they are both full brothers who grew up in the same family, and that him and Kerubim didn't have the best relationship even as kids, — with Bashi also disliking Atcham heavily, for unstated reasons, — and how it all might tie into Kerubim also adoptng Joris out of guilt, because he feels like he might end up like Atcham, but I don't have ten hours.

And also bc Atcham doesn't appear often, and I am mostly delusional about this.

Kerubim avoids mentioning Atcham or any of his adventures in Brakmar, so... man just give us anything to work with.

Despite Keke playing it off now, he really didn't have an easy childhood.

For all the times I say he's a bad dad, or that I want to beat him up, it is all in jest. I think he's a very tragic character who was just... never really given a chance to develop a healthy way of interacting with the world.

And for what it's worth, he grew up to be as decent of a person he could have, and did the best he could, at becoming a family with Joris and raising him, as flawed and uneven as it is.

He really just wants this kid to have a good childhood, or an approximation of one, with no violence, loneliness, or fear he went through — and it's all going to be ruined in the movie, isn't it?

It won't stop me from joking about beating him up in the future of this blog, but I wanted to make my stance clear. No non-joking slander of Kerubim in this household. Ever.

I think he was scared shitless of having a deadly quest here, but HAD to pretend he wasn't, for the public. He looks happier now than seconds ago in the queue line, lol.

Low self-esteem can result in seeking attention through being loud and obnoxious, as well as a fear of embarrassment, so, it checks out. Lying is a likely thing for Kerubim to do, and I love and respect him for it.

His immediate reaction to being embarrassed by getting a clothespin, and made fun of, as audience laughs? Double down, baby! Though, his angry facade doesn't last until the end of the line. He's just... looking sadly to the side.

By the way, considering he's only a bit older than seven, the "I've been training for years" is a bit haunting.

Do you know who DOES deserve to get beaten with hammers for real, non-ironically? The god Ecaflip. Can I get an amen?

No wonder, Kerubim coddled Joris and wanted his life to be better! His life sucked!

Of all the things not to lie about, he seemed not to lie about being trained. Doesn't stop him from being beaten up, though...

We have to beat God Ecaflip with hammers. There is no other way.

For all his cockiness, he's so stressed out. His facade is so, so ruined, the second he realizes his plan is not working.

Really, this whole scene puts their relationship together the best. He's a God, holding Kerubim, a 7-9yo orphan, on a tiny string.

His whole life, Ecaflip just belittles him over some random bullshit, makes him hate his brother for being bald, and then gives him a gambling addiction before putting him into a mental asylum to treat it. All of that because he loves him that much.

We have to kill him. There is no other way. I may be a wakfu season 3 hater, but Oropo was right.

Yay, trauma bonding, in its correct definition!

If my whole family died, and a god cared so much about me, he made me the protagonist of various sad cringe stories of overcoming personal adversities mostly caused BY him, I too, would develop some sort of complex to cope. So I get it.

But I feel like, even if Kerubim will never voice it out loud, considering what repercussions may follow, deep down he knows that Ecaflip himself is one of the reasons for his loneliness, and that most of all, he's scared of him.

[marvus-xoloto]

Hi, it kind of came out of nowhere but do you think that Marvus's music would be actually good ? Like I can't imagine some 14-15 yo kid, supported and working for other kids, being professional (not that teenagers can't be great artists, but in the context of Alternia it's just different). It just kind of cracks me up if IRL he really made shitty mixtapes that hypes everyone up lmao and Teals would just work as some weird ambassador for purples/artists that resolve teenage drama haha

What do you think ? Do they have enough cultural background to compose things for themselves or Condy gave them just enough space but not quite so things can't evolve?

great blog btw i like tour writing :)

Hi!

This ask got me deep diving haha. I'll get to some more, long, rambling headcanons under the cut, but here's the short of it:

Canon tells us he has a huge, cult like following, so his music is likely "good" (which is subjective, but we'll get to that later).

He already had a background (loosely speaking) in entertainement before he got famous by being a contestent on Slam or Get Culled (which keeps him relevant; most contestant series bing back previous winners, so he's very present in the entertainment sphere). In my opinion (and this is entering headcanon territory), this means he's had plenty of relevant training regarding... hmm how to put this. Finding and keeping an audience? Putting on the entertainer's face and saying the right words? Public relations stuff, you know? Does that makes sense? This does imply that his music is somewhat commercial and easy to sell, however (although I choose not to headcanon that. Popular fanon and I agree on one thing: I like the idea that his music is kinda silly yet clever with excellent samples a la young gravy).

The idea of teals being the auspictices between the music/ entertainment industry and like, just the general population is a super fun world building element haha! I love that. I've always seen certain castes being culturally predisposed towards certain quadrants, and teals have always read as ashen-predisposed to me. Might be the neurodivergence speaking, though, haha.

That being said, the entertainment industry- both on earth in real life so likely on Alternia- is the forefront of propaganda. And while Marvus styles himself as a musician, he's actually somewhat more of a politician.

Before I deep dive under the cut, the TL;DR is: imagine if Hatsune Miku worked for, idk, the CIA. That's... kind of how I see Marvus lmfao (although not a super literal parallel obviously; I don't think Marvus works for anyone beside himself). I'm at work so this post is pretty rushed, but hopefully you can get my jist.

So here's the thing that has always stuck out to me: Marvus and the music industry are kind of one in the same, you know? Made to get stuck in your head haha.

This puts him in a very powerful political position. It's noted in his friendsim that his music is "super woke and definitely not casteist at all." As MSPAR attended that concert with Zebruh, it's important to note that weirdo castists were on their mind. To me, this says that Marvus's music is so open for interpretation that people will always hear exactly what they want.

(I know the popular opinion is just that he's psychic pulling psychic fuckery, but honestly that's no fun for me. Marvus is very intelligent and conniving, and I'd prefer to deep dive into that.)

You know what Marvus has that most seadwellers don't? An audience, an opinion, and the means to make it all happen.

I think it's worth noting that when I say "politician" on Alternia, it's honestly more like an influencer? Cridea, for instance, strikes me as someone with a political agenda and political pull (and I don't think it's a coincidence at all that they're linked in act 2). They are, after all, young adults at best (I see Marvus as 19 on Alternia).

Do I think Marvus went into the inustry with politics on his mind? No, not at all. He was- in my headcanon- just a sixteen year old kid with no delusions of grandeur at all. He simply was that good.

The only problem is that he doesn't really hve anyone he's working for. He's religious (canonically, and imo to an extent), so it's very possible all of his power plays and messages have a subtle religious tie-in. Mostly, though, I think he's in it for himself. Mirthful Idolotry: he's an idol. This isn't sustainable in the long run, though, so I always wonder about what might cause his downfall in the future.

I think he's intelligent enough to come up with clever word play, and frankly there's the caste element as well.

Anyway. Because politics are involved, I'd be shocked if off-world trolls (trolls who are like Tirona for instance) aren't involved in the effort.

So do I think his music is good? No.

I think it is evil :o)

Anyway, random headcanon: I think music on Alternia has a slight buzzng sound to it that only trolls can pick up the subtlties of. For humans, it sounds like that cicada buzz sounds of flourscent lighting.

Hope that was anything haha.

[pb-dot]

Film Friday: Everything Everywhere All At Once

In order to sate my frequently insatiable appetite for talking about movies, I am going to start a bit of a column on this here webbed site. Every Friday I'll be sharing my perspectives, interpretation or just wild gushing about or rancorous condemnation of a movie. First in line is none other than Everything Everywhere All At Once. Content warning: Heavy topics such as family troubles, sexuality, mental health problems, and generational trauma. I'm getting into the weeds with this one. There'll also be spoilers, and frankly, if you haven't seen this one yet, I can hardly recommend it enough. Don't read the rest of this, just go see it, you will be confused and delighted and probably crying just a little bit.

Everything Everywhere All At Once has received all but unilateral praise, and I think it rightly deserves it. Even so, there are some aspects of how this thing is so impossibly awesome and some of the more specific facets of the ways it is so impossibly awesome that get overlooked.

Yes, there is no denying it is a powder keg of impossibly cool dimension-hopping kung fu, as raucously comedic as it is genuinely heartrending. It should stand on its own how powerfully the movie speaks on generational trauma, conflict, and healing from the same. The acting is somewhere north of incredible, with Michelle Yeoh, Stephanie Hsu, and Ke Hyu Quan delivering several lifetimes worth of life-best performances. You know the cast is stacked when James Hong is in a movie and he doesn't get to be the best thing about the movie all on his lonesome just by showing up, for once.

All of this is very true, but as far as I'm concerned it's hardly scratching the surface of EEAAO, and why it might be the best movie of the decade. First off, I want to talk a bit about the queer themes of the picture.

One thing I keep coming back to in Everything is how I find it nearly impossible to not read Evelyn Wang as bisexual. Well, I say bisexual which is probably a bad habit on my end, as mspec probably is a better umbrella term to use when the exact nature of her attraction isn't explored in much detail.

Now, why do I read her like this? Evelyn is, obviously, married to her husband Waymond, but there are still reasons one might suspect she is not exclusively attracted to men. We see Evelyn in a sapphic relationship, albeit it is in what might be the single most unlikely parallel universe imaginable where humans have evolved to possess functionally useless hotdog-fingered hands. Still, I would argue that the seeming impossibility of the outcome might be a narrative device all on its own.

Being in a queer relationship seems almost impossible to Evelyn, to the degree that professing genuine love to IRS Maven and minor antagonist Deidre is sufficiently out of character to launch her into her first multiversal ability jump. Almost impossible, however, does not mean impossible, and the fact that there's even a question and that she can eventually do it does imply something about Evelyn's sexuality I would say.

Also, on a less textual plane, doesn't part of this sound very familiar? If you, like me, came into your queer identity as an adult, doesn't the "living a genuine queer life feeling like a distant impossible dream" strike a deep resonating chord? Granted I've never considered having disgusting sausage fingers a prerequisite, but then again, Evelyn has a few years on me for such a neurosis to develop.

Now that I think about it, the visceral unpleasantness of the literal sausage fingers could be read as a form of body anxiety as it pertains to sexuality, at least when the condiments get involved.

Another thing that supports this reading is the parallels between Evelyn and her daughter Joy. This isn't to say that one has to be Mspec to have a sapphic daughter, of course. Considering how alike Evelyn and Joy are, though, and how acutely their struggles are mirrored in other fields, mental health struggles, desire for parental approval, etc., it's not an outrageous leap to assume Evelyn could also bat for the other team, as it were, lending extra weight to the "I prayed she wouldn't turn out like me" line she delivers to her disapproving father.

It's also interesting from this point that Evelyn acknowledging Joy's sexuality to her father's face functions as a sort of False Dawn in the plot. It is no doubt a part of mending the relationship but at the moment it's hard to not agree with Joy's assessment that this is more "[Evelyn] figuring her shit out" than the mending that her relationship with her daughter needs. To get all the way there, Evelyn, and we along with her, have to take a deep dive into the philosophy and the all-annihilating bagel.

There's also some really cool philosophy going on in Everything Everywhere. In the formal sense of things, the philosophy navigates the borderlands between Nihilism and Existentialism. Jobu Tupaki represents utter despairing nihilism, wishing for non-existence to rid herself of the pain of being and the crushing weight of knowledge of her million alternate lives and how nary a one of them offers as much as a morsel of relief.

Nihilism is one of those things that popular culture often imbues with entirely too much power owing to the understanding that hopelessness is somehow more intellectual than less despondent philosophies. Everything Everywhere treats Joy's hopelessness not as an inherently valid position, but as a reaction to the cascading failure of her family to prove proper care.

Look no further than how Jobu wants her mother, Evelyn Prime, to accompany her into the nothingness of the Everything Bagel. If, truly, nothing mattered, it wouldn't make any difference to Jobu whether she walked into the nothingness of the bagel singularity alone or hand in hand with Evelyn or with every single soul in the IRS. And yet, she pursues the version of her mother that can see what she sees in the vain hope that this Evelyn will feel as she feels and reach the same conclusions she has. It's very understandable, of course, but it severely undermines the point that there is nothing worth caring for in the universe.

It shouldn't really surprise the astute reader that the villain of a kung-fu action film isn't correct in the philosophical sense. The deftness with which Everything Everywhere handles the reveal of it all is, however, quite heartening. Jobu Tupaki isn't wrong because she's evil or evil because she's wrong; She's acting out because she's hurting and, ultimately in need of the help of her parents. Evelyn struggles similarly, and it's a good thing that she is married to the single most transcendentally kind man in all of existence.

Waymond Wang is in many ways the lynchpin of the entire movie, the pivot point that allows Evelyn to find a way out of hopelessness and regret. The way he accomplishes this is, again in the context of this being a kung-fu movie, highly unusual. Waymond is unflinchingly kind, in a way that at least initially makes him seem like a colossal wimp, a stereotypical henpecked husband. While it is true that Waymond is a bit of a wet blanket, there is also quiet strength to his approach. As In The Mood For Love-Waymond so memorably put it, his front of unflinching kindness is how he fights.

What makes the whole final sequence so rousingly powerful is how Evelyn internalizes and synthesizes the perspectives of her little family. Her instinct to protect her daughter in ways her father couldn't protect her and Waymond's conflict-solving kindness allows her to overcome the final barriers between her and Jobu. This comes in the form of some kickass untraditional kung fu, yes, but also from the realization that there is no one beyond hope, redemption, or beyond love. Even the bitter battleaxe IRS agent, even the parallel universe where everyone has hotdogs for fingers, even the aging widower with no sense of personal space, hell, even Chad the raccoon avatar.

It is a powerful scene of catharsis to see Evelyn compassion-fight entire swathes of opponents, but it doesn't become the transcendent piece of media that it is before the confrontation with Jobu in the Prime branch, and her father and Joy in the Prime Beta-branch. Here, the final piece of the puzzle awaits in the single most difficult thing a parent can do. Evelyn defeats Jobu and stands up to her father, yes, but to truly mend the rift between her and Joy, she must see and understand Joy's pain through true empathy, and if there is to be a happy ending for her and Joy, Evelyn must do the unthinkable.

Evelyn has to let Jobu go and trust that Joy comes back to her. If Joy chooses continued existence, it's of her own free will. Evelyn will go every step of the way alongside Joy if Joy will allow her, but it is ultimately up to her daughter. It's a profound act of love and empathy, and yet it feels almost impossible. It is an act of ultimate vulnerability, and, in some ways, the grandest act in a movie of grand acts, and even thinking back on it now brings tears to my eyes.

[magicalyaku]

I wrote this weeks ago and forgot to post it, oops. uAu March was hard with work and con preparation so I didn't read much. I thought it'd get better afterwards buuut ... it's even worse now. xD Oh well. That's for later! Here's what I read in March:

The School for Invisible Boys (The Kairos Files 1) (Shaun David Hutchinson): It's been a while since I last read something by this author. Missed it! Though, this one is middle grade, so it felt a little different. A little less strange. Like, for once, the monster is an actual one instead of just a metaphor (not that it isn't connected to one. I also wonder if that whole Catholic setting is intentional because the Catholic Church and young boys don't have the best history together …). So, yeah, I like his other stories better, but this one was pretty good as well. I really liked the main character, because while he was timid of some sort, he also was easily brave and bold when he had to (that whole "he was mean to me, so I set his project on fire" is obviously not something to encourage in real life, but it is badass and I have respect for it in a a story xD), and he was able to apologise when he realised he made a mistake. I wonder what the next volume will be about.

Gallowgate (K.R. Alexander): So apparently, 'gay boys and ghosts' is a thing I'm into. The other two series I read, Oracle of Senders and Sixteen Souls, I like better, but this one is also middle grade while the other aren't, so they're not that easy to compare. Gallowgate starts out really dark, like really dark. Poor kid. It gets more whimsical afterwards with the school being run by ghosts and a general morbid decoration of which I've never been a fan, but most kids probably eat this up. Some story decisions are a bit questionable in my eyes like when the adults tell the protagonist to tell them anything strange that happens to him, but when he does they go "oh, that's not possible, you must be imagining things" … How did they think, that would solve any problems? It is addressed in the story, so it's not too bad, but still. Other than this, it was quite fun and I wonder if there's going to be a sequel.

Skater Boy (Anthony Nerada): What can I say about this one other than I liked it? :'D It's a pretty basic story: delinquent boy falls for someone who is like his polar opposite, in this case a ballet dancer, and wants to get a grip on his life for him. But it's done well, doesn't feel stale or anything. All of the characters are nice, even if they aren't, the protagonist is likable, even if he isn't the type of person one would like to hang out with (for most of the story anyway). Friends and family are just as important as the romance part. Hm. It's probably like this: There's more to the protagonist than meets the eye, and it's the same for the whole story? Sounds simple, but there's an honest heart in it.

Icarus (K. Ancrum): By chance, here's another one with a ballet dancer. :'D This one starts out really strange. The chapters are so short, at the beginning they felt a bit disconnected. It took me a while to find my footing in this. I had to ignore all the headlines to not always get taken out of the flow with every new chapter. Which also means, I probably missed a lot of the layers of the story, that are implied by the chapter titles. But it's worth it! It's kind of a strange story, but it gets really warm (there's romance, but the friendship part is also pretty strong). It has things to say (there's intersex rep for instance, and a genetic disease (was it EDS? I don't have my copy at hand to look it up, sorry) and the writing invokes that eerie feeling throughout. If you put it in a visual medium, you'd probably have to be very careful about the framing because it's about art (among other things) and everything feels very artistic and intentional. It's good!