#would that be the one time we see the dude calm and content and truly happy

[naggingatlas]

honestly i adore how openly hysterically depressed spamton is like hell yea let this man scream about how he feels like he's dying every day on main and hates everyone and everything in this world he deserves it (he doesn't its just funny)

[peachedtv]

•* Jealous Jjk Menˏˋ°

╰┈➤ ❝overview:❞ gojo, geto, yuji, toji, megumi x f!reader (separately)

╰┈➤ ❝ content warnings: ❞ fuckboy!gojo, established relationship for geto yuji megumi, yandere tendencies, dubcon/noncon kissing, toxic, possessiveness, Satoru calls reader a whore in his thoughts, depictions of light violence (not against reader or love interests), suggestive, mentions of sex, reader is kinda stalked by toji ig??,

╰┈➤ ❝wordcount:❞ ~600 words each, total ~3k

Satoru is a confident man, and why wouldn't he be? He knows he's fucking hot, that women fall at his feet, that he alone stands superior to so many.

And so every time he sees a nice, pretty-looking thing, he's got to have her wrapped around his finger (before having them wrapped up in his sheets)

Intentionally or not, he's unapologetically seduced one taken woman after another, fucking them nice and full before he disappears into thin air. He's got a big fat god complex, and he's got it for a good reason.

So when you come around as the newest jujutsu teacher, batting your doe eyes, your outfits hugging your body a little too well, he knows he's got his next target.

And it goes as easily as he expects. Soon, you're laughing with him at his stupid jokes and antics, ruffling his hair when he teases his students too much. You're intoxicating, and he just can't wait to see more of you, to see all of you.

He's so full of himself that he doesn't even notice how close you and your old high school friend are getting. Not until he's walking down the street, smirking to himself at the hushed whispers of how eye-catching he looks, when he sees you.

You're smiling so brightly, so pretty, yet why isn't it with him? He's seen that smile, he thought it was for his eyes alone, so why are you showing it to another guy? What a fucking whore.

He's livid, nearly dropping the bag he was holding from how distracted he became. Why the fuck is he jealous? How is he jealous?

Satoru's never been in love, and he doesn't want to be. He's never cared about a woman in the slightest, heartlessly leaving each and every one of them as tears welled in their eyes. So why does he feel his fist clenching in anger when he sees you smiling with this guy?

He watches you carefully, tilting his chin downward to see you more clearly, without his sunglasses. His hands lazily shove themselves into his pockets, gaze half-lidded with a light scowl

It's not until the guy gently pats you on the head, affectionately messing up your hair does he truly fucking loses it

Before he knows it, the guy's wrist is twisted up in Satoru's hand, fear plastered across the dude's face before he flicks his arm away. Shoving himself between you two.

'What do we have here, huh?'

And yet, even when he's protecting you, you're not even fucking thankful. Going off, asking why he would do that, confusion on your face as you comfort the guy and apologize over and over.

He sees red, harshly grabbing your arm and dragging you away to jujutsu tech. You're yelling out, telling him how much it hurts, yet he doesn't care. Thats not the fucking problem right now, so why don't you shut the fuck up?

Once you two arrive, you're thrown right against a wall, his hand punching the space next to you, rubble crumbling down from the impact. Yet that's not what truly shocked you, it's how his other hand tugged your chin up, his lips pressing right up against you.

You're gasping, and he gladly takes it as an invitation for his tongue to wrap up against yours, kissing you sloppy and rough.

Even though you're scared, even though you're trembling under his hold, you find yourself closing your eyes when he tangles his hand into your hair. Your heart was doing backflips, and you felt a sense of longing when he pulled away.

'That's right,' Satoru smiled, 'You're mine.'

Geto was a calm man. Always speaking respectfully, never losing his cool, and smiling to you so cooly every time you two went out anywhere together. He was the best boyfriend to you, and you couldn't be any happier. He knew that you were his and he was yours. He was stable.

Thus, with his stability, he wasn't bothered when Satoru invited you both to a club. He hadn't slept too well the night before, resting himself on the couch as he waited for you to get ready. Yet when you walked down the stairs, he felt his heart completely go haywire.

He felt his eyes go to every indecent spot someone could think of, and suddenly, the apartment you two shared felt a little too hot. He couldn't keep his eyes off your thighs, off your waist, off your breasts. All of which were hugged so well in that pretty little dress of yours.

'What do you think?' You giggled cheerfully, giving him a full spin before you hugged him tightly. And it wasn't until you asked did he finally remember where you two were going.

He felt an odd burn spiral inside of him. He thought about the perverted guys that would be in the club, thought of his fuckboy best friend, and Geto started to feel a little concerned.

Yet, he didn't show it in the slightest. He trusted you, he knew you were undoubtedly loyal to him, and he was for you. He smiled, immediately getting down to one knee and kissing your hand.

'You are stunning.' He kept his eyes locked on yours, and you couldn't get how hard you blushed and stammered at how you two needed to get going.

Once the two of you had arrived, he felt his walls soar sky-high when he saw Satoru greeting you with a hug that lasted a little too long. He snaked his hand about your waist, kissing the top of your head before lightly greeting Satoru aswell.

Once you had your fill of dancing, he offered to fetch you both some drinks. You smiled to him so pretty, pecking his cheek before he left.

When he came back, he saw some guy had joined your table. The moment the guy had reached out to take your hand, he slammed the drinks onto the table and greeted you affectionately.

Geto sat right next to you, across from the man. The air was so fucking thick, and his gaze was knocked onto the guy. Geto sizing him up as he draped his arm onto your shoulders, pulling you against his chest.

The guy was so intimidated he ended up stuttering some excuse to leave, Geto staring him down the whole time as the guy shuffled his belongings.

'Was that a friend?' He rubbed his palm against your upper arm. You hummed in response, laughing lightly. 'I can tell that you're jealous, silly.' And he simply took another sip out of his drink. 'Hey, common. Of course I would be.' He whined, his hand playing into your hair as he pressed a gentle kiss upon your forehead.

'I want you all to myself.'

Yuji was such a little simp for you. He would just start smiling while you two walked about, smiling on how lucky he was to have a pretty girl like you. He was so happy with you it fluttered his heart, even Sukuna would shit on him for how giddy he was whenever you were around.

Both you and Yuji shared a class, and even at school, he never hesitated to cup your face into his hands and press his lips against yours, sometimes if he felt a bit goofy he'd even slap your ass and run away when you chased him to return the favour. Yuji was in love.

And even though Yuji knew how great of a woman you were, he was never intimidated by it. He appreciated your entire being, and never felt threatened whenever someone was bold enough to hit on you in front of him. He'd simply smile confidently, watching you reject the guy respectfully. 'Thats my girl.'

In the end, Yuji trusted you with everything. He wasn't the type to be jealous at all, at least..that's what he thought.

It was after an especially rough nightmare when his control over Sukuna faltered, tattoos quickly spread over his body as he was forced into the back of his own mind.

Yet there you were, still peacefully sleeping as his little spoon, unaware of the beast that had awaken. Your chest rose and fell so gently, lashes delicately framing your eyes, nightdress hiking up to your thighs just enough. So how could you blame Sukuna when he gently pulled you to sleep on his chest?

When you came to, you were still wrecked with sleepiness. You lazily shuffled up to ‘Yuji’, mumbling a good morning as you gave him a peck on the lips. Yet, you were greatly surprised when a hand tangled into your hair, holding you in place as the kiss turned more sensual. A tongue slipping past your lips, a hand travelling up to rest on your hip.

His hand took your breast, twisting about a nipple as he smiled against you. ‘Yuji’ was being…so bold. Too bold.

You opened your eyes and nearly choked when you noticed the tattoos scattered across your boyfriend’s face. What happened?!

When Yuji regained control, he couldnt help but be all pouty with you. Was your baby boy…jealous?!

Before you knew it, Yuji was so clingy after that. He’d hug you lazily, and with his height and muscle, you couldn’t move the overgrown pulpy off you. Whenever you’d whine about having to get to work, he’d nuzzle his nose into your neck before sluggishly letting you change.

You couldn’t help but giggle as Yuji kept slapping Sukuna’s mouth on his cheek as a form of punishment. But what really amused you was how Yuji would slap your ass before announcing ‘See that, Sukuna? You haven’t had that with Y/N before, huh? Total score!’

Yet, everytime after that morning, you noticed Yuji become much too flustered whenever you came near. Soon enough, you saw how his eyes travelled back between the palm of his hand and your breast—and you put two and two together. He’d never felt up your tits!

You wanted to soothe Yuji’s perverted little mind. So during the next makeout session, you took his hand and pressed it right up onto your boobs. Yuji’s eyes shot open but you didn’t take it to stop the kiss, instead, laughing to yourself as you felt his curious hands give a light squeeze.

After that day, Yuji didn’t feel jealous in the slightest. He’d randomly be standing about before giggling to himself about your ‘godly tities’

God, you’ve fallen in love with a total goof.

Ever since Toji’s wife had passed, he couldn’t help the way his morality shattered about him. He missed her. He missed her so fucking much.

Every now and then, his memory would fade back to when his son was first born, his wife gently holding the child in her arms, head tilted to the side as she cooed and giggled.

And with that repeated memory, came even more anger when he realized his wife was gone.

He’d take out his anger on one Jujutsu Sorcerer after another, eventually building his reputation as a renouned assasin. So he wasn’t phased when someone offered him a fat stack of cash in return for your life.

At first, Toji didn’t care. He was even happy about it, sharpening his blade while imagining all the casinos and expensive alcohol he could purchase after his payout. He couldn’t care less about the sentimental value of your life, he was paid for a job and he’d be more than happy to soothe his bloodlust for the day.

So, when he cornered you into an alleyway, sinking a blade down into your gut, he’d officially secured his paycheck. While he nonchalantly walked over to you, you stumbled away from him in a panic. It hurt, it really did hurt. And you tried your best to defend yourself as you ran the best you could out the alleyway.

God, you were such a boring fight, he thought. But it wasnt until he realized why you had run out the alley.

In the near street, a little boy bad ran into the incoming traffic after his ball. You yelled out to the child, using your cursed technique to slow the car the best you could before you swooped the boy up into your arms.

You panted heavily, the blood oozing from your stomach wiping itself onto the boy’s clothes. But you did your best to pat the kid’s head, smiling to him and soothing his racing nerves. You were so…motherly. Caring. Sweet. You didn’t care for the chance you had to hitch a ride on the roof of that car, to run away from your inpending death.

You went out of your way to save and cradle this stranger’s child, and Toji saw a part of your heart that softened his own.

When you turned around, gaze stiffening as you prepared for your final moments—he was gone. No where to be seen. But he wasn’t gone for long.

Soon, he was everywhere you went. God, did this guy not have a life? Was he taunting you before killing you off? Every morning he’d be on the same route of your jog. He’d be sitting at your favorite cafe, he’d be whistling at the grocery store as you clicked your tongue in annoyance.

But what really surprised you was how he’d beat up any catcallers that harrassed you, how he’d pick up your keys if you happened to drop them, how he’d accidentally tap his card when you tried paying for your coffee. You were so confused with this man.

It wasn’t long until you softened up to him too, you both would talk lightly during every morning run, buy coffee together, and he’d walk you to work.

So no duh you said yes when he asked you to dinner

He was so giddy as he walked to the restaurant you chose, stopping outside the enterance and adjusting his tie in the reflective glass before stepping in. But he became confused when you were on the brink of tears from laughing at something.

He realized that at those one way windows…he had adjusted his tie and took deep breaths right infront of you…without him knowing a crumb of it. You thought that was so cute.

The night was great, until it became a little…awkward. And Toji noticed your discomfort, asking you what was wrong.

‘The waiter, he’s my ex.’ Toji took your hand reassuringly, telling you he’d be sure to keep the bastard in check.

But when the end of the dinner came, and your ex had attached a note to your bill with his new number and a pathetic ‘You’re so sexy, call me.’ Toji couldn’t keep still anymore.

He stood right up, walking over to your ex as the guy confidently strided away, yet all that radiating glory washed away with Toji grabbing the dude’s collar and slamming him into the wall.

‘Don’t fuck with me. You’ve long lost her.’

The guy was shaking, muttering nonsensical apologies. But it wasn’t until you stepped in and asked Toji to let the loser go, that he wasn’t worth it, did Toji drop the guy into the floor.

That didn’t stop him from intimidating the fuck out of the staff and owner, eventually getting your ex fired and your dinner being complimentary.

Toji was still restless. He wanted your night to be perfect, so he dragged you two out to a bar for some light drinks to make up for the whole drama at the restaurant.

And boy was he such a gentleman. Opening doors, kissing your hand lightly, gently taking your hair to his hand—he was such a dream.

By the end of the night, you couldn’t help it when both the wisps of alcohol and your fluttering heart meekly asked for the two of you to be official. Toji merely smirked to you, grabbing hold of your chin and kissing you dominantly before whispering down to you.

‘Let’s make it official, then. Ms. Zen’in.’

Megumi is so gentle with you, you can’t get over how much he makes your heart flutter.

Ever since you two got together, he’d meekly hold your hand like a lost little kid whenever you guys went out, a fat blush dusted all over his face when you’d give him a reassuring squeeze to tell him you don’t mind holding hands.

You loved him so much, and he loved you just so much more. Everytime he saw you he’d feel his eyes widen and heart stop, as though the world around would come to a halt just for you.

But this time, his heart stopped for a different reason.

When Gojo had decided to engage in team-mock-battles, Megumi felt dropped down when he saw you guys weren’t on the same team. You were paired with Yuji, while he was with Nobara.

Megumi knows you’re strong, but he just can’t keep himself together at the thought of trying to take you down with his demon dogs—so he decides to target Yuji instead.

It wasn’t until his dog lurged forward, jaw ready to bite right onto Yuji, did you tackle your partner out of harms way. Immediately falling right in top of him. You weren’t embarrassed, purely focused on the mission as you scrambled to get up and drag Yuji by the wrist to safer ground. But that didn’t stop the pang in Megumi’s chest seeing you hold someone else.

Yes, he knows its a mock battle, and he knows in his heart that you and Yuji would never betray him. But he can’t help but become a little more aggressive in his attacks to Itadori for the rest of the day.

When the battle ended, Megumi was panting heavily, bangs stuck to his forehead from the sweat, as he relinquished his cursed spirits. Gojo pat his back.

‘I haven’t seen you so engaged in a while. I wonder what triggered you!’ He teased Megumi, they both knew the answer, and Megumi knew the blindfolded bastard was just messing with him. He slapped Gojo’s hand away and was about to retort something back when you called out to him.

You ran to him as fast as you could, tackling Megumi into the floor with you on top of him. In that moment, Megumi saw the difference first-hand.

While you tackled Yuji with a panicked expression before scrambling up without any word—with Megumi, he noticed how you held the back of his head up to not hit it against the ground. He noticed how your other hand rested on his chest, petting him reassuringly. He saw that glint in your eyes, the glint of absolute love that resembled how he looked at you with so much endearment.

What he had with you doesn’t compare to anything else in the world. Megumi chastised himself mentally for ever getting jealous.

‘I love you, you know that? I love you so, so much.’

[ruewrites]

Kinktober 2022 Day 26: Leather and Latex

AO3

Ship: Mammon/Mephistopheles

Word Count: 1021

Warnings: Suggestive/Mild Sexual Content

A/N: I had a teensy bit of trouble starting this one (originally it was completely different characters) but today the ball was really rolling! I hope you enjoy <3

Mephisto could feel the eyes on him before he bothered to turn his head. He shifted uncomfortably, but not because of the stairs. No. The cursed material clung to his skin in less than ideal places, leaving very little to the imagination for any onlooker throwing a glance his way.

He'd wanted only the best for this party, and he'd be giving only the best.

The original plan had been to show Diavolo what he was missing, to make him remember all the parts of Mephistopheles that he would never see again. Now that he was at the party, however, he was starting to feel a bit exposed. Of course, Diavolo didn't seem to be paying him much mind either, he was too busy fawning over every move that fallen angel was making. The more he watched the pair, the more he realized how much better Lucifer was wearing the material than him. His ass was more than well defined, and if his dick twitched as he watched Diavolo take a handful, well, now that was no one's business but his own.

His jaw clenched and he started to turn his attention elsewhere. Diavolo hadn't even noticed him. The rubbing of the tight material against his surprisingly hard member was making walking a bit difficult, and each pleasurable twitch certainly wasn't helping. The thought of the pair together like that seemed to be driving his body further. It wasn't fair. It really wasn't. Why should he be plagued with thoughts of the two of them, especially when he hated Lucifer more than anything? Wasn't existing enough for him? Why did he have to invade Mephisto's thoughts as well?. Did he truly wish to be near him that badly? It was pathetic.

Pushing open the doors to the balcony, he let the chilly Devildom night air bite at his skin. Perhaps it would make him calm down. Instead of feeling stone as his hands met the railing, he was met with flesh. He almost screeched, almost. 

"Hey hey! Chill out dude! Are ya tryin ta get me caught?"

Oh. Oh no.

As if this night wasn't bad enough already.

"Mammon?"

"Shush!" Mammon hissed, "What part of 'I ain't tryin to get caught' don't you understand horse boy?"

"You aren't supposed to be here," Mephisto's voice was flat.

"Yeah. That's the point."

"I'm getting Lord Diavolo."

"No!"

Before Mephisto knew it, his back was pulled flush against Mammon and the railing. He didn't even get the chance to utter a cry of indignance or demand his release before Mammon lost his balance and sent them both tumbling over the edge. 

The pair landed on the ground below with a thump and a groan. Mephisto didn't even give himself a chance to recover or process the bruises his body would be feeling in the morning. He couldn't let himself be seen like this, being ignored by Diavolo was shameful enough as it was.

"Hey, quit that! I gotta move too!" Mammon whined, "Yer turnin me into a demon pretzel!"

"Well if you hadn't grabbed me we wouldn't be in this mess!"

"Well if ya hadn't made yourself grabbable, I wouldn't have done it!"

"You miscreant! You-" Mephisto was cut off by a groan that left his own lips. Perhaps he should be struck down now, the humiliation was too much. Mammon's knee had made contact with his crotch. With the commotion, Mephistopheles had almost forgotten why he had stepped out in the first place. 

Mammon froze above him, and Mephisto was able to take in his attire for the first time. His eyes were immediately drawn to the leather straps across his chest. They were sturdy, and brought out the defined muscles of his chest. Now, he had two choices: push Mammon off and pretend none of this ever happened, or-

He was already here, he had already suffered the humiliation, how much worse could it possibly get for him?

Catching Mammon off guard, Mephisto grabbed him by the straps and yanked him downwards. Shock couldn’t even begin to describe the look on the greed demon’s face as he stared down at Mephistopheles, and perhaps under different circumstances, he would have allowed himself to enjoy Mammon’s face more. He had a mission though, and he needed to fulfill it before anyone else noticed them in the garden below. 

“Listen to me now you villain, you’ve gotten me into a predicament, and you’re going to help me get out of it,” he hissed, the authority in his voice almost shaking him. It wasn’t often he spoke like this, if at all. His predicament must have been impacting him more than he realized, “You are going to keep your knee right where it is, and I am going to ride it until I am  satisfied. Understood?”

Slowly Mammon nodded, eyes fixed on Mephistopheles, and that was all he needed to start. Closing his eyes, he started to move his hips slowly. The friction was heavenly, a much needed reprieve after the frustrating evening he’d been having. When his eyes opened, he noticed Mammon still staring, eyes fixed on his neck. Well, he was already here, might as well make things more pleasurable for himself. “If you would like to touch me, I could possibly find it in my heart to allow it.”

Craning his neck to the side, Mammon gave a glance to Mephisto and back towards his neck before leaning in. The little nibbles against his flesh coaxed a sigh out of him, and his eyes shut once more. As he continued to grind against Mammon’s thigh, his own leg raised. Suddenly Mammon was groaning against his neck. 

Perhaps he wouldn’t be done quite yet after he finished. 

Despite his frustrations from the night thus far, he might still be able to end on a high note after all. Despite the fact that Diavolo had chosen to ignore him this evening, he would continue to relish in the fantasies of Lucifer’s face if he ever found out Mephisto fooled around with one of his brothers. That would be a sight he would like to see.

[adrift-in-thyme]

Rank the LU boys 1 to 9 with reasons

Oh gosh okay

*deep breath*

Here we go

Time. This one’s no surprise to anyone I’m sure XD. I loved the Hero of Time before I even got into LU. His tragic tale struck me as so interesting and heart wrenching. Getting into LU pretty much sealed the deal. He’s just such a great character. He’s through so much yet he’s still kind and tries to be the best leader he can be. I mean, this is the guy who stuck around after his death to train his ancestor cause he felt bad about leaving Hyrule without a hero (and also because he regretted being forgotten. HELLO ANGST). Plus, he’s a major gremlin imo. Just a hidden one lol

Warriors. The captain was actually the Link who got me interested in LU. I read @skyward-floored ‘s fic “Up in Arms” and fell in love with him. I’m naturally attracted to snarky, confident characters with a traumatic backstory and secret soft side (Flynn Ryder was my high school crush if that tells you anything XD) so it was kinda a given I’d love this guy lol. I’ll admit my first read through of LU was mainly me fangirling over him and analyzing his every appearance. (Not that that’s changed much).

Legend. He’s tied with Warriors for second tbh. But since I’ve gotta list them all out I’ll just place him in third. I hadn’t played any of Legend’s games when I got into LU but right after getting attached to Warriors, I got attached to him. Largely because to me he’s extremely relatable. He’s also multilayered in the best way. A soft sweetheart beneath all that snark he tries to hide behind.

Sky. I love Sky for pretty much the same reason as Legend. He’s relatable. Very much so XD. And also more complex than I think he often gets credit for. Beneath the calm, sleepy nice guy demeanor he’s got going on is a fierce warrior who’s been to hell and back for the person he loves. And would do it all again. He fought a GOD for goodness sake! He’s freaking awesome!! Also, Skyward Sword is my favorite Loz game so there’s that too. Plus, him and Sun? Chef’s kiss. Couple goals

Twilight. The older sibling thing endears him to me a lot. He carries a large burden and always has. Plus, his love for animals, gentle heart, and the way he brought down Midna’s walls with his kindness just makes me love him. Who can’t like a guy who rambles about Ordon goats and carries kittens like babies??

Wild. He is widely liked so for me that puts him farther down the list just because I kinda get tired of seeing endless content for him lol. But still. I love him very much. I mean, wild child with a traumatic past, memory issues, a mischievous and snarky side no one sees coming and a fierce love for his friends? YES PLEASE. Also he has long hair.

Four. Since I came into the fandom right around the time when that comic was posted I’ve always been a bit hesitant to write him. But he’s grown on me a lot lately. I actually had fun torturing him for whumptober XD He’s got an intriguing personality and I hope to see more of him in future LU updates.

Wind. I love this little dude A LOT. But I’ve never truly been able to get super invested in characters who are canonically much younger than me. Plus he is just SO HARD for me to write. So while I find his personality adorable and his dynamic with the other Links great, I can’t help putting him farther down on the list.

Hyrule. I like him, really I do. But I just can’t get as invested in him and his story as much as the other Links. I’m not sure why tbh

[fr1d4y-wr1t1ng]

Your “Love Song”

Request: nooooo, I wanted to do an intro kinda writing thing lol.

Can I request?: absolutely.

Genre: Fluffy romantic head canons of the CC’s!

Content Warnings: none, except for swearing maybe. And of course my music taste /j (thought I would put this here, any references to a “her” or “him” has a they/them in brackets just letting y'all know)

CC’s in Post: irl!Dream(wastaken), irl!Sapnap, & irl!Wilbur Soot.

Description: These are the songs that I think would fit for your relationship with these CC’s!

Dream:

Cupid's Chokehold/Breakfast In America - Gym Class Heros

Holy shit Dream loves you so so so much it's unreal.

Like he would quite literally do anything for you like quite literally ANYTHING you can imagine.

Your day was shitty and you don't wanna do the dishes? He's got you covered.

You're sore from doing something physically exhausting? Don't worry, he'll do ANYTHING to make you feel better.

You got sick? He's already making soup and nursing you back to health.

He's semi-clingy like that you know?

Sometimes you may have to tell him that he doesn't have to do EVERYTHING for you, and that sometimes you can just do things yourself.

Remind him to take breaks too holy shit!! Like seriously mate go in there and REMIND HIM!!

But that's just because he loves you so much, he just can't express it any other way dude!!

I think the line that PERFECTLY sums up how he feels for you is “if I had to choose [them] or the sun, I'd be one nocturnal son of a gun.”

Just make sure you treat him the same, trust me on this one okay????? Pls?????

“Take a look at my [s/o], [they're] the only one I got!”

“George!!”

That's the only thing you've truly heard since he started streaming. You'd been sitting on his bed, scrolling through Twitter while minding your own business. You hadn't done anything to disturb him given the fact he was streaming and well… he hadn't exactly revealed you yet.

You looked at your boyfriend, just wanting your clingy little teddy bear back, you stared at him for a second, before seeing him mute and turn to you.

You two stared at each other, a slightly awkward but… mostly comfortable silence. His eyes looked like they had literal hearts in them. He chuckled quietly, looking at you until you spoke up. “...Clay?”

You questioned you boyfriend until he muttered, “you know, you're the most attractive person I've ever seen… right?” You started to laugh as your boyfriend got up and sat next to you. He quickly pecked your cheek and went back to his stream, attempting to make up for having chat wait.

To say this happened often would be an understatement.

Sapnap:

Never Ever Getting Rid Of Me - Waitress

I know people like to use this song in a more... stalkerish tendency. But, I don't think that's the meaning, you know.

Sapnap is very much... newer to love. It may come off in the wrong way, but he's trying to show you that he's not going anywhere because he loves you.

He can be awkward, but of course he's just excited!

You're his first s/o!!! How the hell could he not be excited?

Sapnap can be very “clingy” when your relationship starts... but don't worry. He calms down quickly.

Before you even know it, the relationship becomes natural, like you've been together for several years.

You two kind of end up acting like newly-wed’s when you get settled? If you get what I mean?

It's like you've been together for god knows how long, but you're just getting super settled and shit into a whole new level of your relationship.

I feel like the line that really represents how he feels is the line, “Oh, I'm gonna love you so. You'll learn what I already know, I love you means your never ever getting rid of me!”

He really believes that you're the one! So maybe (if you can) try to give the same energy back! Tell him you love him like, a lot!!

“I will never let you let me leave, I promise I'm not lying!”

What the fuck was that? You lay awake, thinking about the nightmare that just woke you. You slowly turned toward your phone. It's 4:08 am. You really shouldn't be up this early, should you? As you try to get back to sleep, you hear a muffled groan from him.

“Babe?” Sapnap asks, barely able to keep his eyes open, “Why ‘re you up?” You turned back to face him, wrapping your arms around his midsection. “‘is nothin’. Don't worry.”

His brows furrowed in thought, trying to stare at you for a second before asking, “Ya’ sure? You can tell me anything-” you quickly peck his lips, effectively shutting him up before mumbling, “it's just a nightmare. I'll be fine, as long I have you with me.” a small chuckle came from him before replying with,

“M’kay… love you.”

Wilbur Soot:

Telephone - Waterparks

At first when he falls for you he's... really fucking nervous.

He doesn't wanna mess your relationship up AT ALL.

He thinks the you'd legitimently regret being with him, but we all know we trolley want a man like Wil.

But, there's still apart of him that really wants you to feel the same.

But once you start dating, this kind of stressing about making you regret dating him calms down a bit.

Keyword: a bit.

The intrusive thoughts about you two dating can still get to him yk, so, please just remind him that it'll be okay babes-

He's so soft when he's with you though, like, legit it's such a magical experience.

When he's not streaming or making music he's usually spending time with you!

He's just so sweet man, tbh I want a bf like Wilbur 🥴.

I think the lyric that really explains how he feels is “I can be your best yet, future favorite regret.” because he can be the softest motherfucker ever!! (or... well... hm.)

“I’m interested but distant to a fault, and I'd never want to complicate your heart!”

Boop ba boop! Boop ba boop! Your phone's ringtone filled your apartment as you dragged yourself from your bed to your desk. You sighed, looking at the number and realizing who was calling you. “Hey Wil.” you answered somewhat bluntly.

“[Y/N]! Hey!” Wilbur’s sweet voice rang through your ears like a whimsical melody. Your lips perked at his response, “Whats up?” you ask, your cheeks filling with heat as you looked at the screen. “Well I-” Wilbur cuts himself off at the noise in the background.

“...anyways, I'm coming over!” he finished. You realized he was probably walking his happy ass to your flat. You looked around at the mess, a small sigh escaping your lips as you replied, “I'll see you in five then?” a chuckle escaped his lips, “yup! See you in five!”

Note: AAAAND THATS FINISHED, FINALLY. Why the hell did this take 2 days holy shit!? So, uh, I have an idea for making a part 2 but like... with the song that kinda describes the breakup (if there is one)? So let me know if you want that! Kay, see ya, byeeeeee!!!!

[yoonpobs]

things change | jhs

pairing: jung hoseok x oc

genre: FLUFFFFFF, established relationship

words: 3, 377

summary: when you're an unlikely pair but it works

“Do you ever wonder what it would be like if you weren’t with her?” Yoongi slurs, his alcohol breath apparent enough for Hoseok to scrunch in his direction.

Hoseok knew, though. What he meant. Drunk Yoongi got sentimental and curious, two perceptions that were dangerous independently and possibly collateral together.

“I don’t.” Hoseok shrugs.

Because being with you was the best thing that’s happened to him and he would be a crazy man to ever put himself through the angst of imagining a world that he was Jung Hoseok without you by his side. It was cheesy and he was sure if he said it to your face you’d groan and shove him by the shoulder. But he’s always been observant and he’d be the first to see the way your eyes soften in a way that no one else can notice but him.

“I do.” Yoongi snorts.

Hoseok raises an eyebrow. “Is there something you’d like to tell me?” He’s careful with his words because Yoongi was no snitch, even if he was absolutely wasted. But Hoseok can’t say his interest isn’t piqued. Especially when he surrendered himself to the DD (designated driver) of the group.

“It’s just”—Yoongi sighs, sitting up and his drink sloshes in his cup when he places it onto the table—“I’ve said this before and you’ve probably heard this a thousand times but the two of you are so different.”

Hoseok remains silent but doesn’t do anything to give away the thoughts floating through his mind. He was half-expecting the same words to leave his friend's mouth, but having it be confirmed only makes Hoseok internalise his sighs.

“Yeah. You and every person who’s seen the two of us together.” Hoseok grunts.

“Look. I know you hate it when people point it out.” Yoongi says. “And I’m not here to tell you what you already know and on a fundamental level, we both know that the birds of a feather flock together bullshit is redundant and unrealistic. It’s just that every time I see the two of you together—it works. And it’s bewildering maybe because I can’t ever imagine _____ letting you win an argument.”

Hoseok blinks. “She doesn’t.”

Yoongi snickers, throwing the last bit of his drink down his throat before leaning back into the plush booth of the club they were at.

When Jin suggested throwing a bachelor party at one of the hottest nightclubs in Seoul, Yoongi and Hoseok almost ditched purely because the two of them had girlfriends and they didn’t really want to hear the end of the story if a stripper suddenly thought they were free game for the night.

Frankly, Yoongi’s girl was far more possessive but she was sweet. She just didn’t like it when people were actively trying to sleep with her boyfriend.

You, on the other hand, were simply unbothered. It wasn’t because you didn’t care—because you did. Hoseok knew that even if you’d roll your eyes at him when he’d joke about going to a strip club with the boys. But you weren’t insecure, and that wasn’t to say that women who were outwardly concerned were. You were just assured, and you made an effort to let Hoseok know that he needed you as much as you needed him—so anything he did wouldn’t just hurt you, but him too.

“It’s just that you’re basically the most cheerful dude I know and I don’t think I’ve seen you ever frown at anyone. Even the barista who fucked up our order four times.” Yoongi recalls. “Then there’s ____ who’s resting face literally is a big fuck you to anyone who breathes in her direction.”

Hoseok snorts, sipping his virgin cocktail. Even if he wasn’t the DD, he couldn’t do alcohol so the minty flavour of his drink was a night refresher for a tiring night (though he spent it just moping in his seat while the rest of his single friends partied away).

“I get mad too.” Hoseok shrugs.

“Yeah. Barely. Even then—you’re the most diplomatic person I know and you have a way of talking to people to get your point across without making them fear for their lives the next morning.” Yoongi deadpans.

“And sometimes diplomacy isn’t necessary.” Hoseok retorts.

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “I’m not shitting on your girlfriend. You don’t need to play social justice warrior here.”

Hoseok sighs before leaning back, mirroring the man spread Yoongi was in while he ponders his next set of words carefully.

Yoongi was probably one of the most chill people Hoseok knows, and maybe that was why they got along so well. Yoongi was a take-no-shit kind of man who was truly sensitive under all the intimidating layers he showed the world. Hoseok was just nice, but he was no pushover. It was a good balance that came out when necessary.

So Hoseok didn’t want to rub Yoongi the wrong way and tell him to stop talking about petty differences between him and you but also wanted to satiate the curiousity that lingers in his eyes.

“I know,” Hoseok says. A girl nearly topples into their booth but Hoseok spots his younger friend Taehyung grabbing her by the waist and shooting the two men a sleazy wink before he stalks off with her in his arms. Yoongi rolls his eyes but Hoseok can’t even be bothered.

“I mean,” Yoongi drawls. “Based on what you told me I know that the two of you don’t even want the same things in the future. And again—not saying there’s anything wrong with that—but didn’t you want kids for the longest time?”

Hoseok nods his head, deciding against his words.

Yoongi clicks his tongue to the roof of his mouth, nodding slowly as if he was processing Hoseok’s words.

“How did that … do you still want kids?”

“I want what _____ wants.”

Yoongi groans. “You sound like a total pushover.”

Hoseok levels a strict stare onto his friend, and even if Yoongi was older—there was something about a man who never got angry shooting him an intense stare that could make Yoongi zip his mouth.

“And kids aren’t endgame to a relationship. I love her, and yeah—I want kids. But she’s important to me and she’s here now. There isn’t a reason for me to condemn her or push her for a future that doesn’t exist yet. She’s the one carrying the baby for nine months and it’s her decision whether or not we have kids. Whether or not a kid comes along doesn’t matter to me because I’m with her because I love her and not because of a kid that isn’t real.”

Yoongi blinks. Then he huffs a breath out before letting out a low chuckle.

“Wow.”

“I know you don’t mean any harm but I don’t need to explain to anyone why _____ and I work so well together. But because you’re my best friend and you get oddly sentimental when you’re drunk I’ll spell it out for you and you better hope you’re sober enough to remember this tomorrow because I won’t repeat it again.” Hoseok says firmly.

Yoongi’s eyes widen at the serious tone Hoseok shifted to and observes the way Hoseok looks stern yet … soft, all at the same time.

“_____ is tough. In more ways than her exterior. She knows what she wants and what she’s ready for. And it was a goddamn miracle that she decided that what she wants and what she’s ready for was me. Yeah, she’s terrifying but she’s human—her heart is still pure and she’s a kind woman—person. Sure she’s systematic and needs an answer for everything but I’m her boyfriend and I’ll make sure that I can give her all the answer she needs to feel safe in this relationship. And yeah—we may not want the same things. She doesn’t want to get married but I do. But marriage isn’t endgame to me. She is. She wanted to move in together but I was iffy about it. So we live apart. That doesn’t change the nature of our love and she still loves me even if all I do is annoy her. So yeah. I’m willing to compromise and so is she. We’re different but we’re together.”

Hoseok is still calm as ever and there’s even a hint of a small smile on his face. The fact he’s smiling only testifies to the fact that you and Hoseok were so different from each other.

Yoongi is stunned to silence and sure he’s a quiet man but he usually had things to say, opinions to add. But Hoseok’s proclamation of your love only makes him sit in silence, letting the words dissipate in the atmosphere but remain in his conscience.

“Wow,” Yoongi repeats his words from earlier, but it’s all he can muster up.

Hoseok offers his friend a kind smile, sipping the rest of his drink while his friend can only stare at his nonchalant demeanour.

“And if you still don’t see it.” Hoseok grins. “There’s a reason why you don’t. I’m the only one that gets to fall in love with her like this.”

Yoongi whistles lowly before rolling his eyes. “No need to get possessive.”

“I’m a man in love. Sue me.” Hoseok shrugs with a slight smirk.

Yoongi gags at the cheesiness even if he finds himself internally grinning at his best friends blatant love for his girlfriend. He was sure it was the alcohol that was making him mushy—or perhaps Hoseok has always looked the way he did when he spoke about you. Eyes bright under dark lights and the heart-shaped smile of his becoming wider.

“If it counts for anything …” Yoongi trails off, offering a lazy smile to Hoseok. “I really hope she does marry you.”

Hoseok scoffs at Yoongi’s blatant optimism. Sure, he wanted that. He wanted nothing more than to see you in white, smiling only at him—or even with your usual stoic face—he doesn’t care. But he knew that the event itself would never change the fact that he wanted to be with you, now and forever. If fate wills, he’d marry you in a heartbeat. But Hoseok was content—and more importantly, he was in love.

“It doesn’t. But thanks.”

extra scene

“Hi, my love and my absolute sunshine.” Hoseok coos the next morning, and that’s the first thing he says when you open the door to your apartment; eyes already rolling to the back of your head.

“Did you do anything to piss me off?” You ask dryly.

Hoseok snickers, but pulls you in by your shoulders to give you a wet smooch to your lips that has you whining. You don’t push him away because you knew it was just the two of you and possibly one of your snooping neighbours.

“As you love to remind me during arguments—my existence is enough to do that, no?”

You nod your head, patting him gently on the cheek as you offer a half-hearted smile. “I’m glad you’re on the road to self-actualisation.”

Your boyfriend snorts, stepping into your apartment as he makes sure to leave his shoes on the shoe rack instead of idly laying on the floor because you were anal about things like that. And he missed you so he didn’t want you shooting him death stares just yet.

“You keep me on my feet.” Hoseok flirts, tone a little sleazy and you can’t help but sigh at your boyfriend's antics even though a hint of a smile marks your face.

When Hoseok settles into your couch, he immediately spots a wrapper that looked like it went into gift boxes—a pretty shade of green, which was his favourite colour. He immediately leans forward and eyes it with furrowed brows before looking up at you.

“My pretty baby got me a gift?” He wiggles said brows as you scoff at him, plopping into the seat next to him as you lean into his embrace.

“See for yourself.” You shrug, face still remaining blank.

Hoseok chuckles, already expecting your reaction even though everything about the placement of the wrapper to the strategic colour scheme of it screamed a gift for Hoseok. He knew you still got flustered when you did nice things for him, even if he’d argue that was on a daily basis because you were just a loud lover in a way that let your actions speak for your affection.

He wants to coddle you further, snuggle you so hard that you’d whine and attempt to shove him away until you decide that you secretly love it and hold him tight. He was so in love. But he placates the shift of your knee in a way he knew was due to your patience wearing thin.

So, he picks up the wrapper and realised that it was much lighter than he’d expected; and lacked the density of a usual present. It almost seemed like you were pulling a prank on him for no apparent reason. But Hoseok trusted you and knew that you weren’t the type to pull shit like that because you just had better things to do.

He unravels each crevice, eyes still searching for the gift that somehow never comes—all until he finally settles on a stick that he vaguely recognises from pharmacies that he never thought would be in his hands, staring up at him with two straight lines.

The silence is loud, but Hoseok is stunned. His mouth falls agape as he cradles the pregnancy test in his palm, eyes not bothering to look at your nervous expression. One that rarely comes from you just because you were an assured person in general and seldom needed validation from others.

But you loved Hoseok and you knew deep down that he’d always have an effect on you, words or actions—presence or not.

“Hobi?” You call softly, voice nervous as you fiddle with the hem of his shirt as he blankly stares at the test.

You’re terrified you made a mistake—or if he’s changed his mind because of your pessimism on the idea of having children. Sometimes you wonder how Hoseok could love you, all edges and harsh lines when you spoke. A woman who was either black and white or purely a grey area. Hoseok was the rainbow on dark days and brightened any environment.

You can’t read Hoseok’s face, and it scares you. Because you usually can since he was an open book. So when he finally turns to you, and you finally get a proper glimpse of his expression—

First, you see tears.

“I-Is this …?” He chokes.

Your eyes widen, immediately reaching out to cradle his cheeks as an involuntary reaction.

“Why are you crying?” You feel yourself tearing up and you try to suppress it. There was something about you being so connected to Hoseok and his feelings that made everything he felt translate to your own conscience.

“Y-You—I-I—you’re pregnant?” He whispers, eyes returning to the stick.

You nod your head slowly. “I am.”

Hoseok nibbles on his lips and you wait patiently for his next response. You can more or less guess that he’s happy yet confused, the conversation of potentially having kids never really showing any progress. But he’s been patient and so loving—and you thought you’d never shake but here you were.

The next thing you know, Hoseok is wrapping his arms around you so tightly that it hurts as you try to gasp for air. He nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck in a way that makes all your edges turn round, and your heart melt from the stone wall it was into a flurry of emotions that only he can bring out of you.

“We’re going to have a baby?” He asks softly, pulling away to clasp his palms around your cheeks, forcing you to look at him.

“We are.” You reply, equally as soft; eyes and tone. “You’re going to be a father, Hobi.”

And somehow, that breaks him. He can’t stop the tears nor can you. So you allow him to cry, and you allow yourself to feel too; holding each other close as you feel his hand reach out for your stomach. And you can’t deny the butterflies that erupt.

When he manages to regain his composure, wiping at his eyes; he looks at you so earnestly and gives you a wide smile that drew you in from the moment you met, and grown to love.

“You really want this?” He asks, eyes concerned but tone irrevocably gentle. You knew he wasn’t doubting your choices, but respecting them.

You nod your head.

“For the longest time … I thought kids weren’t for me. That I wouldn’t be a good mother because of how I am.” You tell him, and you see Hoseok’s eyebrows furrow and you know he’s thinking about denying that. But Hoseok has never been the type to interrupt you while talking. “And maybe I won’t be, maybe I will. But having you here with me just reassures me to know that our baby will have the greatest, most loving and most patient father out there.”

Hoseok’s eyes soften, knowing how big of a decision this must’ve been for you.

“I love you.” He whispers when he leans in to give you a slow kiss on your lips, one that wasn’t leading anywhere but was nice enough to feel the emotions pouring through.

You don’t say it back, but you look at him with gentle eyes that only he can recognise—and he knows. He knows your heart like you know his.

“You’ve compromised a lot of things for me, and I know I’m particular about many things. I have a plan ten years down the road of where I’d like to be in my life—and I never thought I’d be planning with a kid in mind.” You chuckle softly, and Hoseok pulls you closer so that you’re resting your head against his chest. “But you make me want to do things I’ve never done. And I really—I really want this baby. I want him or her to grow up thinking about how badass their parents were even though their mom is a total bitch and their dad is the mediator of the family.”

Hoseok snorts, brushing his hands through your hair.

“How long?” He asks.

You grin against his t-shirt, not looking up when you fiddle with the fabric of it.

“I’ve been feeling symptoms for a month now, and the test was from a week ago. I went to the doctor to be sure because I knew from the moment I suspected it that I wanted it to be true, for you, for me—for us.”

Hoseok tilts your chin up, offering you the smile you love so much and you feel so … happy.

“Next thing you know I’ll have you walking down the aisle.” Hoseok sighs, happy and content.

You roll your eyes, narrowing it at him as you push on his chest to sit up.

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, Jung.”

Hoseok wraps his hand around the back of your neck before pulling you close to meet your lips again.

“Let a man dream.” He grins against the kiss.

He can feel your giggle and the way you do the thing that you do when you’re secretly ruffled but adore him way too much to pull away.

“You know this means we have to move in together, right?” You murmur against his lips.

Hoseok snorts. “Duh. But you know you already have a home in my heart, right?”

You expected it, but it doesn’t make it any less cheesy when you groan and shove at his chest. Hoseok cackles, fully loving the way you scrunch your eyebrows in distaste at him.

“I hate you.” You scowl.

“No, you don’t.” Hoseok sings, resting his head against your shoulder while he looks up at you with innocent eyes.

You’re happy, and so is he.

And a few months down the road, Hoseok drops a ring into your palm, no words or expectations. You roll your eyes, as usual; but you slip it onto your ring-ringer anyways.

[cicissketchbook]

Y’all wanna read my Apritello story?

So sometimes when my artistic drive is down, the writing bug will come bite me. I’ve been working on an Apritello story for awhile that currently has three chapters that are up on my Patreon. Eventually I’ll post it publicly, but I want my patrons to have early access. Anyway here’s an excerpt from the first chapter.

It’s kind of angsty.

The summary is, April invites Donnie to join her for a long weekend at the farmhouse, which sounds romantic until you consider that she’s been plagued with visions of his accidental death and is desperate to stop it from happening.

To say there was tension in the air was a drastic understatement. Truthfully, things had been tense for a while. Blame it on cabin fever, or perhaps they were outgrowing their sewer lair, but the brothers had been quick to jump down each other’s throats. 

Leo was especially on edge, and not unlike how it had been since they were kids, his mood had set the tone for everyone else. One thing that differed from childhood though, was that he had been butting heads with Donnie, while Raph remained a mostly neutral third party. 

There was the knowledge that they were getting older and they all had desires to get out there and live their own lives, and then the realization that doing so wasn’t really possible for them in the world they lived in. They wanted what any young adults would want, but they were mutants.  The world still saw them as freaks. They couldn’t lead normal lives the way they wanted to. They knew this, they had known this all their lives. They had all been on the same page about it. They realized that living their lives in the sewer, at least most of it, was probably in the cards. April had always contested this idea, believing that the world would accept them in time. It’s not like people didn’t know mutants existed, but the turtles weren’t willing to take the risk. It’s not like they couldn’t go out and do things like they always had, but leaving the nest for good just wasn’t feasible. And they were content with this. The sewer was all they’d ever known. They’d always been together and they were happy to always be together. 

But like all families, arguments were inevitable. Familiarity breeds contempt, after all. And they were accustom to bickering. But… it was different now. Leo seemed ready to explode at the drop of a pen, Raph never seemed to be able to find enough alone time, Donnie felt like he brought more to the table than the other three combined, and Mikey… sweet Mikey was such an incurable optimist that he sought to find the positive in every situation, but they knew he did this to mask his depression.  

If asked what they were arguing about today, the simple answer would be that they were all just getting on each other’s nerves. Donnie couldn’t even remember how the argument started because they fought about trivial things so frequently, but he remembered the thing that Leo said that set him off.

“God, why is it so hard for you to just do your part? Why do we have to pick up your slack?”

Donnie was silent for a moment, almost unsure he’d heard correctly. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, you never fucking help out with anything!” Leo’s tone implied that there was something else he was upset about that he wasn’t speaking of. 

Donnie, by his best effort, kept his voice calm and composed. “I’m sorry, are you referring to three days ago when I didn’t help clean up the disaster in the kitchen because I was literally putting the microwave back together? Or perhaps last week when you left a mess for me to clean up that you all made while I wasn’t even here? And then you got mad when I didn’t?”

Leo seemed to get more aggravated at the mention of Donnie not being there, but continued on. “C’mon man, there are four of us that live here, it’s really not asking too much for everyone to help clean up around here.” 

“Dude, I clean up after myself more than anyone. The difference is, when I make a mess, it’s in my lab rather than communal space and-“

“Oh, right, I forgot. The huge space you have that’s your’s. That none of us have.” Leo turned to their other brothers who sat near by. “Hey Raph, other than your tiny bedroom, do you have your own creative space that you can do whatever you want in? Mikey, how about you?”

Raph hadn’t spoken, but seemed invested in the exchange his brothers were having. It was impossible to tell who’s side he was on. Before Mikey could speak, Raph stopped him and said firmly, “Leave us out of this, man.”

“So now your mad at me… because of my lab?”

Leo paused, not making eye contact, before he huffed. “No.” He admitted quietly.

Normally, Donnie was used to these arguments making little or no sense, but Leo seemed genuinely angry and he couldn’t understand why. 

“Bro, what is up?” He demanded. “Why are you actually so upset?”

“I just…” Leo started. Donnie could tell there was something he didn’t want to say. Leo crossed his arms and turned away from his brother. “I just want to know… where your priorities are.”

“My priorities?” Donnie was trying not to lose his patience. He had no idea where this was coming from nor where it was going. Which meant one of two things. Either there was something his brother wasn’t telling him, or this was in fact going no where. Like, this had started out a fight about cleaning duties, and now he’s talking about priorities. If Leo did have a point, he wanted him to hurry up and make it because this argument seemed like a waste of time.

“It just…” Leo blew another huff through his nose. “It just seems like… you are… distancing yourself from us, Donnie.”

This statement completely threw Don for a loop. He hadn’t expected that at all. “What in the world are you talking about?” He asked, truly bewildered by the turn in conversation. “Because I don’t want to clean up messes that aren’t mine? Like what the hell-?”

“No, obviously it’s not that. It’s alot of things.” Leo spoke quieter now, not as impassioned. 

“Well, I would love to know what those things are, because I am completely lost here.”

“You never want to hang out with us anymore, and when you do, you act like you’d rather be doing anything else-“

Donnie cut him off with a humorless chuckle. “We’re brothers, we all get on each other’s nerves.” 

“And I get that, but we do all still live together and we all need to contribute to the household chores, and you’ve just been acting like you are so far above doing any type of housework that doesn’t directly effect you.”

“Well, excuse me Leo, sorry if when it rains and the power get knocked out and I have to go topside by myself in the cold pouring rain to fix the power line, I don’t also want to have to mop up the leak in the kitchen when none of you did anything to help!”

“Okay, you keep bring up specific instances, but I’m talking about in general-“

“No, you’re talking alot of nonsense is what you’re doing!” Donnie’s lack of patience was starting to show. “First you’re mad that you think I don’t clean enough, then you’re mad that I have a lab and you don’t? Then you say I’m distancing myself from you all…?” Donnie stood and made a move like he was going to walk away. “If you have something to say, Leo, you better just say it because this whole conversation seems like a waste of time to me. It’s late and I’m tired, so make your point, or I’m going to bed.”

“Are you distancing yourself from us because of April?”

Donnie had already started walking away, as he didn’t expect Leo to actually have a point, so he was halted to a standstill at his words. “What does she have to do with anything?”

Leo looked away again, like he didn’t actually want to have this conversation. After a moment, he sighed and continued without making eye contact. “It just seems like… I mean… I thought we were all on the same page here. We’ve had this discussion, a long time ago. We aren’t…. Human. We’re getting older and it makes sense that we’d want to start living our own lives, but… we can’t. Not really. The world doesn’t accept us, so staying down here is just how it has to be. I thought we had agreed on that. That no matter what the world thought of us, no matter that we can’t lead normal lives, at least we all had each other. But… now it seems like you have other plans, Donnie.”

He finally looked at his brother and Donnie could see the emotions in his eyes. Nothing of what he said had been new information, of course. Donnie knew, painfully well, that the world saw them as freaks and being “normal” was not a luxury they’d ever be able to have. Alot of their friends were at the point where they were starting to branch off, which didn’t help. Karai and Shinigami were currently back in Japan. It was just a visit, but the kind of visit that lasted for a month or two. Casey had gotten a hockey scholarship for a different school than the one April attended. He was trying to go pro, so he poured all his time and attention into practicing. He still came around, but not like he used to. Mona Lisa had left Earth awhile ago, also with promise to return, but they hadn’t heard from her in a few weeks. They were sure it was just a new mission she had, but that didn’t make Raph feel any better. April was the only one who still came around all the time. With most of their enemies gone, everyone was moving on and it felt like the world didn’t need them anymore. 

The pain in Leo’s voice would’ve normal made Donnie want to hug him, but it was the accusation that he couldn’t get over.

“Leo…” He gestured non threateningly with his hands. “Why are you acting like I’m not literally living down here in the sewers right along with you? And I still don’t see what April has to do with anything-” 

“Okay, I’m going to jump in here.” Raph said unexpectedly. “Look, Dude, I know we don’t… we don’t say it enough but… we would be up schitts creek without a paddle without you.” He crossed the room to give Leo a lighthearted punch in the arm. “Wouldn’t we, Leo?”

“…Yeah.”

“So because of that, the idea of you leaving is…. It’s scary.” Raph admitted. He was going to say something else, but Donnie interrupted.

“I’m not going anywhere! What in the actually hell are you guys talking about?!”

Leo rolled his eyes, apparently getting annoyed again. “Don, can we please stop pretending like you’re not going to marry April and then move in with her?”

Donnie froze. To say they touched a nerve was an understatement. April was his best friend, but truthfully, it was very painful to be her friend sometimes. His feelings for her were still just as intense as ever, but for different reason now. In his youth, he’d maintained a kind of innocent hopefulness that they would someday be together, and he never even really thought of the details of how. He knew, even back then, that it wasn’t that simple and when he really thought about it, nothing about it made sense. Which is why he didn’t think about it. Now though, after some soul searching and dropping into a deep depression which he was starting to get better from, he’d resigned himself to the reality that she would never be with him. He’d accepted it, and told himself that it was enough to just be her friend. But the truth was, that pain never went away.  They had such a close friendship, they had developed such a level of comfort with each other, but he knew it would never be enough. The idea of never seeing her again was unbearable, but to be so close to her, knowing that it was as close as he would ever get… it was torture. He didn’t care though, he just couldn’t let her go.

What really hurt was when she would talk about the next stage in her life. She was in school now, but with her grades and what she was studying, she could go anywhere. She wanted to travel, she spoke of it often. She never made any committal remarks about moving away, other than when she talked about the farmhouse and saying how expensive it is to live in the city. Her dad had signed the property over to her for tax reasons, and she would’ve inherited it anyway. She wanted to renovate it.

He was only vaguely aware that Raph and Leo were still talking.

“It’s not like we’re mad at you for finding love, that’s not it at all!” Raph was saying, obviously more concerned than Leo about ruffling his brother’s feathers. “It’s just, we need to be realistic about what would happen if you weren’t here.”

“Yeah, and the reality is, frankly, I think we all feel left behind by our friends, but we didn’t think  our clan would be breaking up as well!” Leo threw his hands up, finally letting his true feelings out. “I mean, all we have is each other, we’re the last of the Hamato clan! I can’t let this clan die, I just can’t.”

“Why do you guys feel the need to do that?” 

They stopped, taken aback by how low and serious Donnie’s voice was. He was done barking, he looked ready to bite. 

“Do what?”

Donnie’s chest felt tight and he had to taken in a sharp breath through his nose to keep his cool. “Why do you guys feel the need to not only remind me of my unrequited feelings for my… our  best friend… but now, you’re holding it against me?”

Raph looked concerned at first, but then sighed. “Donnie, c’mon, don’t act like you wouldn’t jump at the opportunity to get out of here. April isn’t going to stay in New York forever.” 

The statement, while probably true, hurt to hear. “What does that have to do with me?” He said, quieter this time. “I can’t help what April does.”  

“Dude, she is literally planning her future with you in it. Have you not noticed that?” Leo nearly screamed. “You have the opportunity to get out of here and do something with your life, and we’ll be-“

“No she’s not!” Donnie shouted back. “Are you guys smoking crack or something? Don’t say that shit to me! April doesn’t…” He paused, his words getting caught in his throat. “April doesn’t want me. I thought we’d been over this.”

Mikey, who hadn’t yet spoke, immediately picked up on how much pain Donnie was in. “Hey guys, let’s just drop it, yeah?”

Leo pressed on as if his youngest brother hadn’t spoken. “Maybe she didn’t five years ago, but she sure as shit does now.” He didn’t seem bothered by Donnie visible cringe. “I mean, dude, you’ve spent the night, alone at her house.”

“So has Mikey. And Raph once, I think.” Donnie said quietly, and Raph nodded in confirmation. “And she’s spent the night here a billion times, that doesn’t mean anything.”

“Mikey and Raph didn’t sleep in her bed.” Leo said accusingly. 

“I did.”  

They all paused and turned to the youngest brother. Raph spoke. “You did?”

“Every time I go over there, I sleep in her bed.” Mikey said matter-o-factly. “Whenever… whenever I’m sad, she let’s me come over and… she’ll listen. She doesn’t try to offer solutions, she doesn’t try and tell me things to make me feel better, she just… listens. And that’s what helps me the most. Then we watch funny videos.”

None of them commented at first. They all knew Mikey struggled with depression, but he rarely, if ever, talked about it. They all had told him at some point that they were there if he needed to talk, but he never came to any of them. One might of thought that hearing that his brother shared a bed with April might make Donnie jealous, but quite the opposite, it made him very happy and appreciative to hear about it. It made sense that Mikey would be more comfortable talking to April than to any of them, and to know that she had been there for him was comforting. Donnie wanted that for his brother. 

“See?” He said finally, more to Leo than anyone else. “April… she’s there for all of us. She cares about all of us… I’m not special.”

“Donnie, don’t say that.” Mikey offered and rose from his seat to place a hand on his brother’s shoulder. Donnie placed his own hand over Mikey’s and squeezed it, staring at the floor.  “She cares about you the most. More than you know.”

“Mikey, please, please don’t.” He said through his teeth. “I can’t… I can’t even believe we’re having this conversation right now. You know how long it took me to accept the fact that I was kidding myself by thinking there could ever be something between us? Of course you guys know, which is why it is so baffling to me that you feel the need to do this.” 

“So if April wanted you to move away with her, you wouldn’t do it?” 

Raph punched Leo in the arm again. It was a strange thing, to see Raph scold Leo for being insensitive. Donnie had had enough though.

“I’m out of here.” He turned on his heel and heading towards the turnstiles. 

...............

Yes, it’s NSFW, of course it is.

[whatareyousearchingfordean]

Happiness Continues

Part 11: The Delivery

Summary: Jensen and Y/n welcome their newest addition to this world.

Pairing: Jensen Ackles x Plus Size Reader

Word Count: 7.2K+

Warnings: Language, angst, descriptions of labor and birth

Author’s Note: Baby Ackles is finally ready to make their first appearance. If you have been following this story since the beginning, you may want to grab a tissue, there just might be some tears (happy tears tho). Also, I will preface this chapter by saying I have never been pregnant nor given birth so please don’t @ me with any inaccuracies, I tried my dudes. Special thanks to my loves for the constant undeserved support and my devoted beta @emoryhemsworth​ xoxo Alex

Catch up with the series masterlist and then check out Alexandra’s Library for more by yours truly!

The winter sun had long ago dipped underneath the horizon, the night bringing a new level of quiet to the residential corner where the birthing center was located. Inside birthing suite two, the only soft light came from the LED strips that followed the length of the walls at the base and ceiling. Currently, they were tuned low and blue, the light mixing with the neutral decor in a way that made her feel like she was underwater. 

Curled on her side in the queen-sized bed, Y/n watched out the window on the opposite wall. Through the sheer curtain, the center’s garden could be visualized. It expanded a few hundred yards until the treeline of the nearby forest began. In silence, she watched the water trickle from the stone fountain in the center. It had been turned off for the season, but the rain that had fallen earlier in the evening still clung to the piece, each drop falling in a slow rhythmic pattern. 

Y/n found it more soothing than what the fountain had looked like last summer when they had first toured the place. She assumed if she was laboring in spring or summer, walking the trails in the garden would be something she found herself doing, even late in the evening as it was currently. But that was a dream she had let go of as the temperature dropped. All she had now was the counting of each drop in between contractions. 

The instinct to hold her breath took over as the next contraction washed over her, the sharp inhale of breath alerting the dozing man next to her. Y/n closed her eyes and focused on taking deep breaths, trying to ground herself to the moment. Fingers pressed into her lower back, one on either side of her spine, applying counter-pressure to the contraction. 

“Harder,” her word was weak, even in the quiet room. The pressure increased instantly, helping her to focus back on breathing through the contraction. It felt like a lifetime later when the pain began to subside before eventually tapering off. The sheets shuffled in the dark behind her before she felt an arm wrap around her abdomen. 

“Where are you at?” Jensen’s voice broke into the room as he pulled her tight against his chest. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted, her gaze back on the fountain outside. “Trying to be anywhere but here.”

“Is there anything I can do for you?” 

“Birth our child?” she tried, unable to stop the smile from creeping up on her face. If there was one thing Y/n didn’t handle well, it was being in pain. She would put back up every wall that anyone had become successful in tearing down, choosing to stew in silence. It was a defense mechanism she had perfected long ago. Never let them see you sweat. Unfortunately, that also meant that she tended to get mean, keeping it all bottled up until she exploded like a shaken can of soda. She truly wished right then that she had a catheter in her back delivering the good meds to her lower body, but she had committed long ago to do this as naturally as possible, her comfort be damned. 

“As soon as they figure out how to do that, I’ve got you, babe,” Jensen chuckled behind her, close enough for her to feel his breath on her neck. She nodded in unfortunate understanding, her hand coming to rest atop her husband’s where it lay on her belly. 

“Actually, could you top off my water bottle?” Y/n spoke back up after a moment of content silence. 

“Of course. Ice?” He questioned, already climbing from the bed to grab her bottle on the nightstand near her. 

“Please,” she confirmed.

“Be back in a flash,” Jensen pressed a quick kiss to her forehead before leaving the room to get ice from the main kitchen in the birthing center. A sigh left her mouth as she pulled herself into a semi-sitting position on the bed and grabbed her phone from where it lay charging. There was a mix of messages in her notifications, all from friends and family with varying messages of encouragement. She appreciated the gesture but to be honest, what Y/n wanted more than anything was to not have all the attention on her. It was yet another symptom of being uncomfortable. Her solace lay in the simple fact that she was not expected to answer any of the messages she received, considering she was in labor and all. Forgetting why she even grabbed the device in the first place, Y/n noted the time and tossed it back on the nightstand. 

It was officially after midnight. Well, technically it was almost twelve-thirty which meant it was Jensen’s birthday. Y/n had found it funny when he had called his mother earlier to let her know that the baby was coming, Jensen had made his stupid joke only to have his face fall when Donna had laughed a little too hard. Her husband was caught up thinking about his mother and teasing the older woman that it didn’t even cross his brain what Y/n going to labor meant for him. Now, as she found herself nearly seven centimeters dilated as the clock turned into the new day, it seemed their baby would share its birthday with their father. 

Jensen came back then, breaking her out of her thoughts but unable to knock the warm smile from her face. He walked around to her side and perched on the edge of the bed, one leg tucked under him as he faced her. Y/n took a drink of the cool liquid, relishing in the calm it brought her. 

“What is that smile about?” He had an equally bright smile of his own, unable to contain it as he watched his wife. 

“Nothing just… happy birthday,” the pregnant woman shrugged in her seat, her eyes casting down to wear her hands now cradled her bump. 

“Yeah, it is,” he agreed, his heart feeling so whole when he thought about it that it felt as though it might burst from his ribcage. There was so much love for the woman in front of him, he didn’t know what to do with it. It scared him sometimes. It didn’t matter what was happening at the moment, but he could look at her and he would forget for a second that the world existed outside them and all he knew was that she made everything okay. His heart would skip a beat so fast he barely noticed and the urge to cry became overwhelming. Only this time, he refused to fight it, allowing a few tears to well up in his eyes. 

“What’s this about?” Y/n sat up, concern now etched into her features as she brought herself close enough to her husband that she could wipe away the single tear that had escaped down his cheek with her thumb. She had caught sight of it, of course, even in the low light of the room. In the few silent seconds that he sat there smiling, she felt warm under his stoic gaze, unsure of what was going on in that head of his. Jensen shook his head, his smile still not faltering. 

“I love you,” he said simply. 

“I love you, too,” Y/n agreed, her concern melting away and taking with it the crease in her brow. Her husband cradled her face in his hands, pulling her face up to press his lips to hers. He poured every emotion that was currently making him dizzy into that kiss, afraid that if he didn’t, she would never know. But she did know, and though Y/n didn’t need more than those three words, she couldn’t deny him the release he so evidently needed. The desperation seeped from his every pore as his lips brushed against hers, unwilling to part until the need for air overtook everything else. 

A gentle knock on the door snapped his brain back down to Earth. Jensen released his hold on her face, watching as it took her a second longer to open her eyes once they parted. He cleared his throat before calling out.

“Come in.”

Their midwife, Melek, snuck into the room, not making a sound as she closed the door behind her. She turned the lights up just a touch, giving the couple a warning beforehand. 

“Hey, I’m just back to check your progress,” she snatched a pair of gloves from their place in one of the drawers and came to the side of the bed Jensen was still perched on. He moved out of her way as Y/n scooted down the bed slightly. Melek asked Y/n how she was feeling as she went about her work. The midwife listened and nodded along to everything she explained. 

“Well, we are getting very close. Based on how you’ve progressed so far, this baby could be here in the next couple of hours. You are going to start feeling the urge to push soon, might feel like you have to poop, don’t ignore that or any other changes you notice.” Melek stood from the bed and tossed her gloves before washing her hands. She made a note on the whiteboard in the room before coming back over to the couple. 

“You are welcome to continue relaxing, whatever feels best. However, if you feel up to it, I would suggest taking a walk in the garden. I know it’s cold and late, but it will help to energize you before the big work starts.”

“Thank you. Is that safe?” Y/n was adjusting her nightgown back into place as she talked. 

“Yes, if you choose to take a walk, I would go now. No longer than twenty minutes outside and I will be back in another hour,” Their midwife confirmed. The couple nodded in acknowledgment of her words, offering her more words of ‘thanks’ as she exited the suite. 

“Well, what do you think, momma?” Jensen put his hands on his hips as he looked down at her. 

“Couldn’t hurt,” Y/n shrugged. She offered him an innocent smile. “Help me put on my shoes?” 

“Deal.”

****

A low groan emanated from her chest as she battled through her current contraction. Her hands were locked around Jensen’s neck as she rested her head on his shoulder. The actor was rocking her back and forth, once again applying counterpressure to her lower back.

“Oh god, I feel nauseous,” Y/n breathed out as the contraction subsided. She let up on the weight she had been putting on her husband.

“That’s normal though, right?”

“Yeah, I was just venting,” she let the air out of her lungs rush past her lips. “I don’t expect you to do anything about it.” Her words were clipped as they tumbled from her mouth before she could stop them. The laboring woman cringed as she felt her husband stiffen underneath her. The soda had popped. Her movements were hesitant as she raised her head to look at him, regret written across her face. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“It’s okay, you are allowed to do whatever you want to me today.” The smile that graced his lips was tight, but she suspected it was more from the exhaustion than anything. She could see the heaviness in his eyes. 

“No, it’s not. Come on, yell at me. Tell me you don’t need that shit because you were just trying to be helpful,” she pleaded with him, the guilt heavy in her chest. 

“You want me to pick a fight with you while you are in labor?” Amusement was heavy in his words. 

“Yeah, please? I deserve it. You are being far too nice to me.”

“It’s not happening. Sorry, babe.” Y/n growled in frustration, causing her husband to throw his head back and laugh. 

The sound of yet another knock had her releasing her grip on her husband as she called the midwife in. It was time for the hourly check of her labor progression, a task that Y/n had grown a distinct distaste for. As the hours came and went and it felt like nothing was happening, it all just felt pointless. At this point, she was begging this kid to come out. 

Melek made quick work of the check, a smile on her face after when she pulled off her gloves. “Seems as though it’s time, momma. You are fully dilated. How are you feeling?” 

“Uh,” Y/n shared a look with her husband as their midwife headed over to the tub on the opposite side of the room and started the water. She gave a quick synopsis of what had happened in the last hour before asking, “Are we pushing now?” 

“We can start. Sounds like you’ve already had some urges to. Right now it’s about listening to your body and what it’s telling you. I’m going to grab the nurse while you get in the water.” Melek left the water running and the couple dumbstruck. 

“Okay, I guess this is happening,” Y/n scoffed, allowing her husband to help her from the bed. He stripped down to his boxer briefs while she slipped off the gown she was wearing, leaving her as naked as the day she was born. Jensen helped her into the tub and down to sit between his legs. As the water reached its max level, he stopped the tap and urged her to sit back against his chest. 

True to her word, Melek was back in no time with a nurse and everything else they would need. They flourished around the room, getting ready as yet another contraction hit. Y/n’s grip on her husband tightened, her mind focused on one thing now. Jensen was whispering in her ear, helping to guide her breaths. Y/n gave in to the urge to push, more than ready now to have this over with. The pattern was quick and repeated itself again, and then again, and again. 

The time clicked away on the clock on the far wall, each passing minute mocking the laboring woman as it turned over the hour. If she had thought she was exhausted before, it was nothing compared to how she felt now. Sweat dripped from her forehead, small tendrils of hair that had fallen from the bun on top of her head stuck to her flushed skin. She dropped her head onto her husband’s shoulder, soft pants passing her lips as she tried to relax before the next contraction hit. 

Only it didn’t take long, the pain returning before she even had time to think. The contraction had her doubling in on herself, concentrating on bearing down. Her scream originated low in her chest, the sound of it low as it echoed out in the room. Y/n knew that Melek was coaching her, but she couldn’t hear the words anymore, her body too far spent. 

“I can’t,” As the contraction dissipated, she threw her head back and hid her face in the crook of Jensen’s neck. 

“You can, Y/n. Your body was made to do this,” Melek encouraged, a hand on the poor woman’s shoulder. Y/n swatted it away as she let out another sob. 

“No, I can’t. I’m too tired,” her shoulders shook as she let it all out. Jensen turned and placed a kiss on her temple. 

“Honey, if anyone can do this it’s you,” he whispered in her ear. “I know you’re tired and that means you are ready to quit, but you can’t, not yet. Just think about holding our baby in your arms, you are so close.” 

Another sob shook through her as she indicated her disagreement with his words. She wanted to believe him, she wanted to believe him so badly it hurt but Y/n had never felt so defeated in her life. This was finally it and she couldn’t do it. 

“Look at me, Y/n.” He waited for her eyes to open and focus on him. “You can and you will. I’m right here, I’ve got you. You are gonna push this baby out and we are gonna love it so much all this will be a distant memory. Nothing else will matter but the life we created.” 

“You drive a hard bargain,” she hiccuped out with a laugh. Jensen chuckled along with her, offering another kiss to her temple. They nodded at each other, silent words being passed between them just before the next contraction hit. This time she put all her energy behind it, refusing now to be defeated. It was far from easy, but only she could do it now. 

She couldn’t be sure how many contractions later it happened, the only thing she was sure of was the instant relief that washed over her body. Her eyes snapped open as Melek pulled her gook covered baby from the warm water of the tub, holding up its long body so both her and Jensen could see. 

“It’s a boy!” Melek announced, placing the infant against Y/n’s bare chest. It all happened in a second and Y/n was holding her son in her arms. Jensen was peppering her face with kisses and muttering soft praises, his arms wrapped around her and helping the nurse wipe the baby clean. More sobs racked her body as soft cries came from the tiny body in her arms. Everything felt like too much like her whole being was vibrating on some new frequency she didn’t yet understand. It was invigorating and terrifying at the same time. 

“I told you!” Y/n turned to look at her husband, the sobs that had been shaking through her now intermixed with soft laughter.

“Yeah, you did, babe. I’ll promise to never question you again,” the smile on his face grew as soon as he realized what she was talking about. The giggles coming from his wife seemed to seep into him and soon he was laughing along with her. 

Y/n feigned a scoff, chuckles still seeping past her lips and a beautiful smile on her lips. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Ackles.” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

****

It took a while before anyone was able to pry her son from her arms and even then, she refused to give up to anyone besides Jensen. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust the nurse or midwife, she just felt that if she gave him up, the feeling in her chest would go with him. Only the soft voice of her husband was able to coax her out of the bubble she had wrapped herself into. Reluctantly, she handed the infant off to her husband who passed him on to be weighed and measured. 

The nurse was then able to help her out of the tub and into the shower, washing away the remnants of her son’s birth from her body. In that short amount of time, she ached to hold her son again. Her mind couldn’t focus on anything besides him, and it pissed her off. She didn’t feel in control of herself, consumed by the maternal instincts now flooding her neurons. 

When she emerged from the bathroom, Jensen was propped up against the headboard, his legs casually crossed at the ankle in front of him. Discarded still at the foot of the bed was his shirt he had peeled away before they had gotten into the tub, but he had slipped his Nike joggers back on his tall frame. His large hands dwarfed their son, who was only in a diaper, where Jensen held him against his chest. The couple shared a smile before she made her way over to him, climbing gingerly into the bed next to her husband and son. Y/n curled herself into his side as the nurse left them to be alone. 

“Nine pounds and seven ounces, twenty-one inches long,” Jensen smirked down at the sleeping infant. Y/n choked out a breath, her jaw dropping open in the process. 

“Jesus, I’m never gonna be the same,” she blew out a breath. The tired woman laid her head against her husband’s shoulder, her eyes never leaving her sleeping child. She could feel her husband shaking softly with laughter. Mostly, she was just as amused as him, but on the other hand, she wasn’t kidding. 

As she settled into her spot, their son began to stir, his face scrunching into a frown. Jensen moved quickly, pulling the kid away and offering him to his mother. 

“What, the first time he even indicates he might cry and you immediately hand him over to me?” Y/n leans away from her husband, a confused frown etched into her features. 

“Uh, yeah, I don’t have the goods,” the Texan flicked his eyes down at her chest before looking back at her face. He had one eyebrow raised and a smirk on his face. 

“Okay, how do you even know he’s hungry? Maybe he needs to be changed?” 

“He’s fresh out of the womb and hasn’t eaten anything, you do the math,” Jensen held him out again. Y/n rolled her eyes for effect when the truth was she couldn’t wait to get her hands on that baby again. 

“Well go get the midwife, I don’t know what I’m doing here,” Y/n tilted her head towards the door. She had one hand cradling the infant and her other was working to pull her gown away from her chest. 

“Right,” he bounded from the bed, grabbing his shirt as he went and pulling it over his head. The door barely had time to shut behind him before he was returning, Melek in tow. The midwife was more than helpful, guiding Y/n and her baby through their first feeding. It took them a few tries before it seemed like they finally got the hang of it. Melek left them again to the peace of the early morning. 

The sun had yet to breach the horizon but that didn’t stop the birds from putting on a show outside. Jensen had climbed back into bed with his family, situating himself as close as possible to his wife. It gave him the best vantage to watch the miracle they had created. He rested his hand on the baby’s head, rubbing his thumb across the infant’s hair. 

Y/n didn’t even bother averting her gaze as her husband nestled into her side. She was far too transfixed on her son. Every emotion felt magnified a thousand times since she gave birth, to the point where she felt like she might burst. It was hard to sort through them, the exhaustion of her body not helping at all. Now, as she stared down at the precious life she and Jensen had created, the only thing she felt was calm. His eyes were closed as he fed, the soft gurgles and breaths he let out the only noise in the suite. 

“He’s perfect,” she mumbled to no one in particular, she just felt it needed to be said. 

“He really is,” Jensen agreed. “I had no doubt, which is why I got you this.” Y/n tore her eyes away then as Jensen procured a long velvet case from behind him. He offered the object to Y/n who took it with her free hand. 

“What is this? It’s your birthday today, not mine,” she tried arguing.

“Just open it, you dork. Besides, you’ve already given me the best gift I could ever have,” Jensen urged her to open it. His eagerness washed off him as he smiled at her, his hand back on his son’s head. 

Being careful to not jostle the child eating in her arms, Y/n used both hands to flip open the case. Laying against a dark cushion inside was a gold bracelet with a row of seven round stones in the center. She caught the card that was placed inside when it tried to fall away, reading the small paragraph. 

‘Customised with seven beautifully crafted semi-precious stones amidst a string of shimmering beads. Each stone is traditionally associated with various characteristics that also typify those born in that particular month – The March birthstone is Aquamarine, which has a pale blue appearance and symbolizes honesty, loyalty, and happiness.’

The tears fell from her eyes as she read, threatening to turn into full-blown sobs. Y/n sniffed as her emotions continued to get the better of her, using the end of the blanket to wipe the wetness from her cheeks. Happiness. There wasn’t anything she could think of better to describe how she was feeling. It was indescribable happiness that had begun on that New Year’s Eve two years ago and continues through the life she now held in her arms. It was happiness she feared she would never get to experience, and yet, here she was. 

“Jay, this is beautiful. But how-”

“I ordered one for February too, can’t be too careful,” he answered before she could ask, earning a giggle from his wife. “You really like it?” 

“Honey, I love it. I can’t imagine a more perfect gift.”

“Here,” Jensen pushed away from the headboard and offered his hand to take the case from her. She handed it back to him, allowing him to take the delicate bracelet from its setting. He urged her to raise her arm, making quick work of clasping the piece of jewelry around her right wrist. “There, perfect.”

“Perfect,” she agreed. 

****

The midwife cleared Y/n and the baby to go home just before noon that day. They had spent less than twenty-four hours in the birthing center, but as she dressed her son to go home she couldn’t help but feel like she was going to miss it. That stupid little room now held so much meaning to her, and she hated it. The exhaustion and hormones were making her stupidly sentimental. 

As they turned into their driveway, Jensen was forced to pull their SUV into the yard since the entirety of their driveway was filled with cars. He hopped out of the driver’s seat to help Y/n from the car before grabbing the car seat with their son inside. Her husband allowed her to waddle along in front of him, a smirk on his lips when she looked over her shoulder before opening the gate to their home. 

Across the stone courtyard, she could see their family all huddled in front of the expansive window that saw into their living room. Everyone waved excitedly as the new family made their way towards the house. Y/n took in the faces of her and Jensen’s parents, along with her brothers and their families. Jensen’s siblings were too far out to make it right now, but even still Y/n was surprised to see her brothers. Donna and Alan had come down as soon as they called to let them know Y/n was in labor, staying in their guestroom for the coming week to help the new parents adjust. She expected her parents too, even though they couldn’t stay longer than the night, rooming in Jared’s guesthouse and leaving in the morning. But yeah, her brothers were a surprise. 

The family was greeted and the door, an array of excited faces welcoming them home. Someone had hung a ‘congratulations’ banner, with a matching ‘happy birthday’ one just below it. Everyone wrapped the new mother up in a tight embrace before passing her along to the next family member while the kids swarmed Jensen and the baby. It took quite some convincing from the parents to quiet down the little ones, all excited to meet their new cousin and forgetting that they needed to chill out as he was sleeping currently. 

“Alright,” Jared’s voice broke above the commotion of multiple conversations. “As the godfather and the whole reason this child even exists, I call dibs on holding him first!” He looked to his sister, his brows high on his forehead as he waited for her answer. 

“You all are going to get a turn, I don’t care who goes first. But stop saying you are the reason he exists, it’s weird… ” She waved him on before adding, “and don’t forget the sanitizer.”

Jensen lifted the car seat to the island as Jared bounced over to him. He literally was bouncing on the balls of his feet, his sister rolling her eyes as she followed behind him. The giant of a man moved delicately as he pulled the sleeping infant from the car seat. If she had thought her son looked small in her husband’s arms, it had nothing on how he looked compared to Jared. He took the newborn over to sit on the couch, all the cousin’s swarming him in no time. 

“You need anything?” Jensen put his hand on her lower back to bring her attention from their family to him. 

“A water?” She suggested as she looked over to him, knowing she would need it sooner rather than later. He nodded and turned to grab a water bottle for her. A soft ‘oh’ had her turning her head back towards her husband. Jensen stepped out of the way to show her their freezer full of Tupperware of different foods. 

“We all made a few things for the freezer. I know Donna is staying with you for a little while, but once she is gone, you’ll thank me,” Y/n’s mother appeared next to her. 

“Thanks, mom,” Once again she found herself fighting back the tears as she pulled her mother into a tight embrace. Sharon ran her hands up and down her daughter’s back as the younger woman refused to let go. Half of it was not wanting to let go, the other half was hiding her tears in the black sweater her mother wore. When she finally relented, Jensen was standing there with a tissue. He offered it to his wife who took it with a sheepish smile before he also hugged his mother-in-law. 

The group in the kitchen returned to the living room where the rest of the family was, fussing over the baby. Jensen sat down in his chair near the fireplace that was angled to where the rest of the family was on or near the couch. He grabbed his wife’s wrist and pulled down along with him, situating her into his lap. The new mother fidgeted in her seat, struggling to get comfortable. 

“Would you stop that?” Jensen’s voice was low in her ear as he squeezed her legs in a vain attempt to hold her still. 

“I-,” She shifted again with a soft sigh before turning to whisper in his ear. “I’m very sore down there, and your legs are not the most comfortable right now.” His lips formed a thin line as he nodded. Before she could say anything else, he lifted and moved them both so she was situated in between him and the side of the chair, effectively taking the pressure off of her sensitive area. 

“Better?” 

“God yes,” she huffed before snuggling into his side. The couple watched content as their family traded their son around. The looks of amazement from the kids and the near tears from the adults filled her heart more than she imagined it could have ever been before. Just when she thought it was full, it somehow found room for more love and happiness. 

“So, have you two decided on a name yet?” Sharon spoke up as he was passed to her. The older woman was gently bouncing on her feet, her husband peering over her shoulder. 

The new parents shared a look, unsure which of them should answer the question to the information they had filled out in his birth certificate just before leaving for home. Everyone had been asking since they got the news he was officially here, though the couple didn’t have an answer as they struggled to come up with something. Jensen tilted his head to her, signaling that she should answer. 

“Yes, after an agonizing two hours of staring at him and willing him to tell us what his name should be, we finally picked one,” Y/n explained, her husband chuckling next to her at the memory of her talking to him as he slept. “His name is Ezra Jay Ackles.” 

There were murmured compliments and agreements that the name more than fit the little bundle of joy they had just welcomed into their family. Sharon passed Ezra on to his other grandmother, the woman giddy as she took over baby holding duty. Ezra had woken up by now, his dark eyes searching and unsure of the commotion around him, but he had yet to fuss. 

“Did you go with Jay because he looks just like Jensen?” she questioned, not taking her eyes off the infant in her arms. 

“Ugh don’t remind me,” Y/n huffed, her face scrunched up at her mother-in-law’s words. 

“Hey, I thought you liked the way I looked,” Jensen pouted next to her, but she could see the twinkle in his eye. 

“That’s not the point. It would be just my luck that I carried him for nine months, was in labor for over eighteen hours while also needing to feed him every two hours, for him to look just like his dad. Where’s the justice in that?” Y/n frowned as her family laughed at her confession. 

“Welcome to my world,” Gen piped up. “All of them, little clones of their dad.” The Padalecki women all nodded in agreement to that sentiment, much to the annoyance of their husbands. 

“Hey, the Padalecki genes are strong, we can’t help it,” Jared protested, making Jensen throw his head back in laughter. 

“If that’s true then I guess the Ackles genes are even stronger,” the new father countered, earning a shove from his wife. 

“Alright you two, put the rulers away,” her joke got the rest of the room cackling at the boys’ expense. That satisfied the woman more than she would ever admit. 

Not long after the reveal of their baby’s name, the family began to pack things up and head out. It had been a busy and tiring twenty-four hours for the new little family, and their loved ones headed out to give them some peace. Once everyone was gone, Alan offered to go to the store and grab something to whip up for dinner, leaving just Donna with the new parents. 

“Y/n, honey, why don’t you go lay down. I know you haven’t really slept since yesterday,” Donna piped up, noting how the woman’s eyes were getting heavy. She was curled up on the couch next to her husband who was holding their son once again. Donna was picking up the mess left by the family. 

“Mmm that sounds good but he will have to feed soon, I should just stay here,” Y/n answered with a hum. She couldn’t deny, a nap sounded wonderful but everything was about Ezra and his needs now. 

“Couldn’t we just give him a bottle?” Jensen asked, earning a shake of the head from both of the women in the room. 

“No, if you guys are committed to breastfeeding, she’s got to get her milk supply in and the best way to do that is for him to feed. Also, there is nipple confusion,” Donna stated matter of fact with Y/n nodding along the whole time. 

“Nipple confusion?” Jensen looked to his wife, confusion written all over his face. The term sounded familiar to the actor, but he couldn’t for the life of him come up with a definition. 

“It means that Ezra could get confused between the bottle and the breast, and the concern is that he would prefer the bottle,” Y/n explained, her hand absentmindedly running along her son’s cheek.

Jensen nodded in understanding and shrugged, “Not if he’s my son.” 

The new mother reared back in confusion. “Why?” was the only thing Y/n could say after she and Donna looked at him with equal disgust and disappointment. Jensen grimaced under their looks before she continued. “Your mother is in the room.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, Mom, I don’t know why I said it,” the look of shame on his face morphed into fear as he prepared for a scolding, but that moment never came. Instead, Donna stood and walked over to where they were seated. 

“Alright, give me the kid,” the older Mrs. Ackles reached out for her grandson. Jensen gave him up without question. “Both of you need to sleep. Don’t worry, I will come and get you if he gets hungry.” 

“It’s best not to argue with her when she makes that face,” Jensen muttered under his breath, but not so quiet that his mother didn’t hear him. She raised her brow at him, an action that was remarkably similar to the one Jensen often emulated. 

“I’ll take your word for it,” Y/n agreed, allowing her husband to help her to her feet. Jensen gave his mom a quick peck on the cheek in passing as he pulled his wife along with him to their bedroom. 

Inside the curtains were still drawn from when they had left yesterday, only a small sliver of light peeking into the room from its edges. Neither of them bothered with changing, knowing it was too much work for now. Instead, Jensen just turned down the bed, allowing them to slip under the cool covers. He settled into the pillows, lifting his arm to invite her back to his side. Of course, she obliged, snuggling into his chest with one hand placed where she could feel the steady beat of his heart under her fingertips. 

Jensen wrapped his arm around her, his hand resting against her arm, rubbing soft circles against her skin. He stared up at the ceiling in the semi-dark room, watching the spinning blades of their ceiling fan make countless revolutions. His mind was racing, all the emotions of the last day starting to get to him now that he had nothing else to focus on. 

Y/n was silent as well, but he knew she hadn’t fallen asleep yet, her body still too tense to have fully succumbed to the exhaustion. If he wanted to ever get some shut-eye, he knew he had to get some things off his chest. He needed to let go. 

“You know what this reminds me of?” There was a gruff undertone to his voice, yet it still managed to be soft as he sought to not startle his wife. She hummed in response, letting him know she was listening. “Our first night together. Well, after… everything.” 

“How so?” Y/n shifted so she could have a better view of her husband who now had her full attention. 

“I couldn’t sleep then either. Too much going on in my head,” Jensen took a deep breath, his eyes still on the ceiling as he continued. “I kind of have this tendency to push all my emotions to the side to deal with them another time, even if that other time never comes, but that night, I just… I couldn’t get myself to do it. As I stared down at you, sleeping against my chest with that stupid little content smile on your face, I realized that you were worth all of it, every emotion: the fear, the anxiety, and even the guilt; they were all worth feeling for you.”

The crease in her brow deepened as her husband confessed to her what he went through that night. Jensen looked down at her then, a smile on his face and tears once again pooling in his eyes. He brought up his hand to caress her cheek before continuing. 

“I never believed in love at first sight, hell, I still don’t, because even through all of that fear and anxiety what I felt most of all was love, and that didn’t happen overnight. It happened in the weeks we had spent in the makeup trailer, in the way you trusted me with the things you wouldn’t even tell your brother, and in your sarcastic comebacks that never failed to surprise me. I spent weeks falling in love with you and didn’t even realize it.”

“The only thing I could do was watch you sleep, so irrevocably in love with you that I was scared if I pushed away those bad feelings… if I didn’t consider every possible thing that could wrong from that moment on, that I would lose the best thing in my life now, so that’s what I did, just watched you sleep and go over every possible scenario my mind could come up with of how us being together could go wrong. I know...” He had to stop again, needing a moment to take a shuddering breath. “I know that day when I told you we needed a break hurt you and made you question everything I ever said to you and sure we’re past it now, but I really need you to know that when I came to you that next morning and asked you to go on one date with me, I didn’t make that decision lightly. I had decided before you even tried to sneak out of the guesthouse that you were worth everything.”

“Why are you telling me this now?” After he was silent for a moment, she couldn’t bear it any longer. 

“Because I… I feel so much right now that I can’t shut it out. The love I feel for you and our son right now, I want to stay in that feeling forever. Even if it means facing every fear or anxiety over making sure you both are safe and happy and thriving. I just had to let you know that you two are my whole world now and I will spend the rest of my life never letting you forget it,” Jensen confessed, allowing the tears that he had been biting back now flow freely. Deep down he knew it was what he needed, that release of every emotion before he could truly relax. Just like she also knew that the time for words was over.

“Thank you for telling me that,” she nuzzled back into his side, pressing her cheek against his chest to listen to his heart again. Y/n knew it wasn’t easy for her husband to admit all of that to her. Those true moments where he exposed himself fully to her were rare. Not that she minded, Y/n didn’t need him to cut out his heart and serve it on a silver platter. Her husband was a man of action. He showed her all she needed to know in every first cup of coffee he brings her in the mornings or running her a bath when she needs time alone. Marriage is as much about the little things as it is about any grand declaration. If you asked Y/n, she would take the soft smiles and lingering touches over a grand speech any day, but this was nice too. 

Part 12: Home

Forevers: @22sarah08​ @akshi8278​ @anathewierdo​ @atc74​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @briagallen​ @callmekda​ @dawnie1988​ @deandreamernp​ @deanwanddamons​ @ellewritesfix05​ @emoryhemsworth​ @foxyjwls007​ @hobby27​ @janicho88​ @jensengirl83​ @katehuntington​ @lyarr24​ @malfoysqueen14​ @miss-nerd95​ @mrsjenniferwinchester​ @msmarvelouswinchester​ @polina-93​​ @sleepylunarwolf​ @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @suckmyapplejacks​ @superfanficnatural​ @supraveng​ @talesmaniac89​ @thoughts-and-funnies​ @tranquility-or-chaos​​ @waywardbeanie​ @winchest09​

Happiness Continues: @afangirlreacts​ @anaelsbrunette​ @ashleyrose0117 @austin-winchester67​ @cno92​ @deanbowlegsackles​ @deangirl93​ @deans-baby-momma​ @death-unbecomes-you​ @dvnmbabe​ @fangirl199813 @spndestiellover​ @hoboal87​ @itsdesiree86​ @jbsgirl4eber11 @let-me-luve-you​ @linki-locks11​ @lunarmoon8​ @neverland14353​ @onethirstyunicorn​ @parinarain​ @rebeccathefangirl​ @rebelemilu​ @smoothdogsgirl​ @spnfamily-j2​ @squirrelnotsam​ @stoneyggirl​ @supernatural3002​ @traceyaudette​ @winchestergirl82​ @winqhster​ @zpandaqueen​

[lilac-melody]

Breaking Down Sia’s Movie

Okay, so I watched Sia’s movie “Music”. And I bear witnessed how awful it truly is. So before I get into this, here’s some warnings:

1. This is going to be a long post

2. There will be mentions of restraint scenes and how they’re handled as well as images. View at your own discretion.

3. There are Spoilers so if for some godforsaken reason you WANT to see this movie...don’t click “keep reading”

Okay, so before I get into the actual contents of the movie let me say the characters all suck. Not a single character was likable and the plot was barely coherent. The main character, Kazu (or just “Zu”) is a recovering alcoholic and she’s just,,, all around not a good person. She’s very irresponsible.

Ebo, her love interest, is also shitty. Not only is his character based on racism to make the white girl look heroic and brave, but he doesn’t actually know how to take care of Music, the autistic girl.

There was also this weird subplot with this fat Asian guy but we’ll get to that later.

And another thing to address there’s like about roughly 10 music videos sprinkled in throughout the movie??? And almost all except ONE of them were extremely bright and colorful and each time I had to keep looking away. Not only that but ALL of the transitions from “reality to music” was always very sudden and has sent me into sensory overload.

And one last thing before we dive into this- Music stims a lot. And yet in her music videos in her mind, she’s not stimming...like, at all. Considering Sia researched with AutismSpeaks, I’m sure she has the idea that stimming is a bad thing.

So the movie begins with Blackface and immediately we jump into extreme bright lights and music. Music wakes up, and we get a feel of her daily routine. Get up, eat eggs, have her hair braided, go on a walk, come home, watch tv, go to bed. (Or at least that’s the generalization of it) And I DO mention this schedule because it’s important later.

As we already know, Music (who is played by Maddie Ziegler, a neurotypical actress) has very exaggerated movements. She has this very weird way of walking and constantly looks like she’s doped up on medications and is high off her ass.

Everyone around her treats her like a toddler, being overly friendly and being all around accepting and caring of her.

Now I bring this up because that in itself is already problematic. It makes neurotypical people think “oh it must be great being autistic people will buy you things, give you free stuff and you’re so unaware!” when this is the furthest thing from reality. If people saw someone like Music out and about, they would be giving her dirty looks, they wouldn’t buy her free things, they’d move away from her.

Autistic people are not that accepted into society. You’re more likely to get cussed out than helped.

So Music returns home, and finds her grandmother, her previous caretaker, dead on the ground. She has no reaction, just smiling and giggling away and sits down.

One thing I noticed about Music is that she’s literally always stimming. Like, LITERALLY always. There is not a single moment on screen where she’s NOT stimming. And that’s not to say it’s bad but it feels way too forced and honestly? It felt and looked more like a mockery of autistic people who need to stim often.

So George, a man next door, came over to help fix something in the apartment. And it was only After he came in that Music got worried about her grandma. Or at least she was lowkey panicking. This is when Zu comes into the movie and gets a call and has to now come take care of Music.

Also apparently the fat Asian neighbor would??? Flash a flashlight in her room while she’s in bed and move it around as if she was some sort of cat??? I’m pretty sure that scene was just an excuse to launch into the second music video of the movie.

So Music wakes up and echoes “Make you eggs” to Zu, who makes her eggs. Remember the routine I mentioned? How Music gets her hair braided as she’s eating? Well, as Zu’s going back to bed, Music starts echoing “Braid your hair”. Zu doesn’t know how.

So Sia incorporated a meltdown scene of Music being stressed of the routine is being broken. Music starts hitting her head and thrashing around screaming “braid your hair” repeatedly. Zu not knowing what to do tries to pin her against the wall and was literally screaming at her to calm down.

And this is where we met Ebo, Zu’s love interest. He noticed Music having a meltdown and...well...

Zu questions if he’s hurting Music and...

And after that, everything is suddenly all perfectly fine because Music understands that Ebo doesn’t want her hurt and she needs to calm down. And it’s also wonderfully okay because he can braid her hair. She goes back to breakfast as if nothing happened.

Obviously this is extremely problematic. Restraining autistics during a meltdown is a very sure way to kill them. If a neurotypical is reading this and is doubtful, here is one instance of an autistic boy being restrained and killed.

After that, Zu and Ebo follow Music on her walk to get to know her route. After returning, Zu makes a comment about how she’s thinking about sending Music to a “people pound” and then adds “oh but I guess I can keep her”??? Honestly if you took this scene out of context I’d be wondering if they were actually talking about a fucking animal.

Zu later finds some of her old toys and talks to Music about them and mentions how someone “has seizures just like Music”.

Um...when did Music have seizures? This was NEVER brought up prior to this and it will never be mentioned throughout the movie. A meltdown! Is not! A seizure!!

The movie follows Zu around being irresponsible, borrowing money, and so forth.

And then we get to the park scene. Hey remember the first meltdown scene? Music had a meltdown about her routine being broken? Yeah that doesn’t happen. Zu flat out says that the change of route is good for her and Music just happily goes along with it with that dopey ass expression on her face.

Ebo explains that Music wears her headphones “because her hearing is so sensitive she can hear whispering from two rooms away”. First of all, we autistic people are NOT superhuman.

After he says that he says “she can understand everything we are saying” and yet they literally have to repeat themselves several times to get her to understand. They don’t treat her like she understands them. They treat her like a two year old who doesn’t know any better. That was literally the vibe I got throughout the entire movie, especially at some later scenes.

So Music sees some kids running around and that sends her into a meltdown. And Zu wants Ebo to restrain her like he did at the apartment and...um.

Ooooooookayyyyyy. Yeah, that’s your problem??? Okay make the tall white girl be a “hero” then.

Oh yeah just like that!

Also what the fuck is Music’s expression here??? This is a normal look for her throughout the movie and she’s having a Meltdown.

Oh and after Music “calms down” from the meltdown??? She’s back to being 100% PERFECTLY HAPPY.

AGAIN, NEUROTYPICALS, DO NOT THINK THIS IS OKAY!!!!! NONE OF US ARE LIKE THAT!!! IF YOU RESTRAIN AN AUTISTIC YOU WILL MAKE THEM PANIC MORE AND POSSIBLY KILL THEM!!!

So, we keep going on with the movie, following Zu continuing to be irresponsible and frustratingly impossible to care about.

And at one point, she has to bring Music with her to this place where she “works”. And on the way there she tells Music to “not do one of her freakouts and just get it out now”.

Um...so sorry that a meltdown is causing YOU trouble??? A MELTDOWN IS NOT A FUCKING TANTRUM!!!!!!!!!

Later, when walking, Music wanted a snowcone, so Zu got her one. While she was getting her one, Music, QUITE LITERALLY OUT OF NOWHERE, lays on the ground under the bench and starts to eat gum from it.

...Um. What??? Why??? To show us how “hard” it is being with an autistic girl??? Literally what was the point of this scene???

So, afterwards, Music gets stung by a bee, which she’s allergic to. Zu restrained her while she was screaming, though it was brief, it was still uncomfortable. She gets brought to the hospital and she’s gonna be okay because she had an EpiPen with her.

But the doctors say that Zu’s occupation is empty for the insurance.

And here’s where I got from pissed and annoyed to downright uncomfortable.

Zu realizes her bag is missing and for several minutes, she literally starts screaming in pure anger and frustration, at home she’s searching, throwing things, kicking things, screaming some more...

Like WHY isn’t ZU being restrained??? Why is it acceptable for her to do that but it’s bad for Music to have a meltdown??? Honestly when Zu started screaming and throwing things, I actually flinched.

Oh also during these scenes the fat Asian kid was taking Ebo’s boxing class and hugged his opponent during a match and I guess at his apartment his parents argued about that (they didn’t include subtitles on that bit as they were speaking another language....nice. Note the sarcasm.)

and the dad literally attacks his wife and throws his son aside...and the fat Asian kid dies.

So like...what was the point of the kid dude??? No, seriously, what was the point? To buy Music a watermelon pop at the start of the movie??? We didn’t get ANY information about him or ANYTHING. And he just up and dies. Like if you take all his scenes out of the movie, nothing would change.

While the kid’s dying, Zu’s so stressed that she gets drunk and tries to talk to Ebo, but she gets loud and emotional and a neighbor comes out and Zu drunkenly attacks him.

Oh, so even if Zu is drunk and attacking people, pushing them, etc, SHE doesn’t get restrained. She just gets told stop. Okay. Sure.

Zu goes to a bar, returns home after another annoying music number, and makes Music her breakfast before she goes on her walk.

Ebo visits, and he practically says “aight I’mma focus on my own health I’m out”.

Zu starts becoming actually clean after that, she and Music staying with George.

There was pretty much just a dumb montage of her life after that??? One bit was Music having ANOTHER meltdown (for unexplained reasons) and Zu grabbing her yelling to calm down.

After some time Zu decides to drop Music off at a mental health facility, and when they were there, Music suddenly starts saying “don’t go sis” and “sit down now”.

Hold up.

So this movie is telling me that Music is nonverbal, but she can say some phrases, and also she understands what’s going on and YET NO ONE IN THIS ENTIRE MOVIE HAS TREATED HER LIKE SHE’S A HUMAN BEING WHO KNOWS WHAT’S GOING ON...suddenly, out of nowhere, she knows what’s going on. She suddenly knows she’s about to be left alone and suddenly she can talk more than repeated phrases.

I...I don’t think that’s how that works there, chief!

Zu changes her mind and she and Music go to the wedding that Ebo is at. Ebo is a guest at his brother and ex-wife’s wedding. (Which he mentioned earlier in the film and said he’ll tell Zu the rest of his story later which he never does btw)

and while he’s on stage finishing his speech, which is about how he doesn’t know what love is, Zu and Music come running in and Zu goes up on stage and basically tells him she’s now clean and she’s learning to love. And suddenly Ebo’s in love with Zu and introduces her to his entire family at the wedding, share a kiss and then everyone started clapping.

...No, I’m not kidding. Everyone was applauding them. At his brother’s wedding.

They start to play a song, but then Music starts kinda quietly kinda brokenly singing, it was hard to hear but yeah.

And then it cuts to another bright music video and the movie THANKFULLY ENDS.

GOD. That was so frustrating to watch.

I hated the characters, I hated the plot, I hated how Sia chose to “represent” autistic people, it was all a one, big, irritating MESS.

And in the end, do we learn ANYTHING about autism??? NO.

In fact, if I was a neurotypical with NO knowledge of autism, I would assume autism makes you some stupid 2 year old that you need to restrain when they’re stressed.

I wish I was kidding.

Just because some autistics are incapable of fully taking care of themselves doesn’t mean they’re just “teehee brain empty everyone around me is in a super bright music video!” like what the fuck???

This movie was problemtic, offensive, and WHY is it titled “MUSIC” when literally Zu is the protagonist??? Zu is the protagonist, her main story is about her and Ebo falling in love, and her subplot was...taking care of Music.

And then the mini subplots of the movie too. I genuinely don’t understand the point of the Asian kid. And Once, Ebo mentioned needing medication but they never bring THAT up again either.

Even if you erased Music’s character entirely in this movie and it wasn’t about a recovering alcoholic taking care of her autistic sister, the movie would be trash, poorly made, poorly executed, poorly directed.

And, the site I used did NOT add any warnings about restraint NOR did it say “hey don’t restrain autistics in a meltdown” or anything. And considering this movie had 4 RESTRAINT SCENES (2 of them being fleshed out and the others being quicker)...that’s pretty bad.

All around, this movie was awful.

-50/10, I would sooner watch 2019′s Cats.

[retconjuration]

elaborate on autistic lanque pls 🤲

oh, don’t mind if i do. before i begin:

this contains some major spoilers for hiveswap: act 2, and some minor spoilers for lanque’s friendsim routes(but those have been out for like three years).

disclaimer: i don’t care if you disagree, i’m not claiming this as canon, i am autistic and projecting.

now that that’s out of the way.

point one: possibly the most important thing to note is that lanque is incredibly good at masking. given this quote from his wiki:

“Lanque's writer has stated that both of his Friendsim routes are heavily exaggerated for comedic purposes, with one being more true to his actual personality. As shown by his attitude in Hiveswap: Act 2, it's heavily implied his NSFW route is the truer one. However, this leaves his personality to be drawn from his Friendsim routes to be dubious for readers to interpret what the actual "balance" of his personality is.”

the actual tweet has been deleted, but one of the assumptions that can be made from this is that both the sfw and nsfw routes are, in some way, true to his personality. this would mean that he is actively and drastically changing the way he interacts with the people around him according to the setting, or through imitation. effectively this would make him a social chameleon, another thing often attributed to autistic masking.

and the idea of constant masking fits, given his whole Thing- he’s already being set apart from all the other jades by his transness, and from how he acts in act 2(this will be mentioned later), he doesn’t quite enjoy this difference being pointed out. it would make sense that, given the opportunity to hide something that would lead to more attention(maybe more accurately, attention he doesn’t like), he would take it. this being said, i don’t think lanque sees his transness or unchecked neurodivergence as a bad thing- rather, he sees how other people treat him for it as annoying and something to avoid.

point two: lanque seems to have a very strange range of emotions. while he usually presents as very calm, when he does express true emotion(like when he’s caught off guard by the reader shouting for bronya), its often overstated, and in some cases, a total non sequitur from what came before. the way he reacts in the valid ending scene specifically reminds me of times when i have been startled out of masking- especially since he goes from formal prose straight to “what the fuck, dude?”

the only time he expresses emotions neurotypically is when he’s doing it through another medium(his poetry in the sfw route).

point three: lanque repeatedly is shown to not be the best at conveying or reading tone.

at the start of his sfw route, lynera ends up rambling on about something or other. it’s immensely awkward.

lanque doesn’t register it as such, and while this could just be attributed to sfw lanque’s overexaggerated kindness, i raise you: i’m building a case here, let me twist my evidence.

in his nsfw route, we have some gems such as:

lanque is shown to use a tone entirely unfitting of the words that he’s saying, and its specified that this demeanor is nearly indistinguishable from how he was acting before. could this just be an example of professional bitching? yes. play on my court for a second, though

and perhaps my favorite example of lanque totally misreading tone/a situation in general(which is both the aforementioned act 2 scene AND an example of his abnormal reactions to things) is the scene where joey asks lanque about the hatched2dance magazine from lynera’s locker. immediately, he (incorrectly, and without much reason except prior experience) assumes that joey’s intention was to harangue him about being a male jadeblood.

after joey specifies what she meant, he refuses to respond until xefros tries to actually ask him about being a male jadeblood, and lanque tells them to fuck off. personally i think this is as close to embarrassment as lanque will willingly show in public

point four: lanque is Painfully straightforward. this is obvious in the everything about him, but best summed up with:

lanque sees no use in not just saying what he means, which often leads to him being(often rightfully) seen as a bitch. again, it’s hard to say things for certain with what little content there is, but i wouldn’t be surprised if some of the things he says- for instance certain parts of his calling out lynera(mostly the parts about her talking shit, not the parts where he’s outright insulting her) were just intended as honesty, rather than animosity. this is a common trait in autism, but i see a lot of neurotypicals look over it because it’s seen as rudeness. ultimately he still uses that honesty to be a bitch on purpose on several occasions, so don’t take this as me saying he’s free of flaws or whatever

another thing i like to point out, though admittedly it’s much more of a stretch, is this bit where lanque has to ask for specification when joey uses a less direct method of asking him what he thinks of the other jades:

take that as you will

point five: mildly connected to point four, lanque shows possibly one of the most out-there forms of rejection when it comes to social norms. he’s able to skate by in the wider lens of alternia because people of most castes participate in shitty parties, but doing it as a jadeblood gives it an entirely different context.

he also(and this is maybe half speculation, but let me be) seems to have issues sticking with quadrants as a rigid construct. when bronya says this to lanque:

many people took it as evidence that lanque was abusive to his partners. and if people want to hold that headcanon, i really don’t care, because it can be an accurate reading of how he is presented in the nsfw route specifically. my personal opinion, however, given that his personality is said to be exaggerated in these routes, is guided by this section from his sfw route’s poem:

i believe that lanque is just extremely prone to vacillation, because he doesn’t truly grasp why quadrants are divided in the way that they are, only that others “press” him to do the dividing. thats autistic attitudes towards social constructs baby

point six(and here’s where the trial spoilers come in): lanque has a very unusual way of solving problems, apparently. when confronted with the issue of his impending ordeals and the idea of having to spend his life as a celibate space nun, lanque’s solution is.... to attempt to join a boy band, using the chaos of the trial(that He caused by stealing the book) as his cover. when joey presents this theory to tyzias(a theory that lanque confirms is more or less correct before chucking joey off of the train), she responds with:

meaning that not only are his problem solving skills out of the box to joey, but to other trolls as well.

there’s also something to be said about how little he values personal space, but i’m wary of claiming that as an autistic trait of his, and if it is, he is very purposefully weaponizing it.

oh, and point seven: i’m autistic and i want him to be

thanks for reading

[lampmeeting]

Seth/Melm/Amber for B or JT/Melm for N?

WHY NOT BOTH 8) you know i can't resist hehehe

B for "Bed Sharing" - Seth/Melm/Amber

amber's a much lighter sleeper than seth, so she always wakes up when it happens--melmord in his room down the hall, screaming himself awake from a dream. kinda hard to miss in a mansion full of marble. shit echos.

she quietly gets up and goes to check on him like she usually does. sometimes she finds him fast asleep again, sometimes he's in tears, sometimes he's already got a joint lit and they share it. this time, he's wrapped up in his blankets, squirming around in a panic on the floor where he's fallen out of bed. amber helps free him and gets him calmed down, holds him on the floor there for a while. it's a lot like soothing her son when he's had a bad dream, but she knows melm's nightmares must come from something truly terrible. he still hasn't talked about how he got those scars. he didn't even like for amber and seth to touch him there the few times they've been intimate.

amber returns to bed, and seth wakes up and asks her what's going on.

"it's mel again... i'm just worried about him. i think his nightmares are getting worse. he fell out of bed this time, poor thing."

"we should dig out those fuckin', uh...heh, y'know, like in bowling? those bumpers we had on robbie's bed?"

bumpers... hmm. that actually gives amber an idea.

the next night, after melm secures the house and says his goodnights, amber takes his hand and gives him a slight tug towards their bedroom. "stay with us tonight, mel. you already know the bed's big enough for three."

"oh, uh... i dunno about that, ma'am. i'd probably just roll around and wake y'all up."

seth tugs him harder, grinning. "getcher ass in here already, fjordslorn."

melm finally concedes, and he seems surprised when amber doesn't take the middle position in bed. instead, her and seth settle melm in between them, and they kiss and cuddle for a little bit until he starts dozing off, nestled in safely between two warm bodies.

all three of them sleep soundly through the night, and in the morning melm wakes rested and content, and amber and seth are right there for the smooching, and then from there honestly the fic would probably just turn into a slow, relaxing morning threesome with melm getting most of the attention hehehe :3c

--

N for "Next Door Neighbors" - Melm/Twinkletits

okay we're gonna tread into AU territory here! john is just a normal-ass therapist living in santa monica. he wanted to be ~*therapist to the stars*~ but most of his clients are burnt-out food service workers who had dreams of making it big. he lives in a modest apartment, and he's never really had any problems with neighbors before, but this new guy... john isn't so sure about him.

for one thing, the guy plays music sporadically at all hours. and it's not even good. luckily john can sleep in ear plugs, so it isn't that big of a deal. but then this guy also definitely smokes a ton of pot. which, y'know, john is cool, he's hip, he's done his fair share, but he quit smoking because his cat, bananas, has kitty asthma. so far, though, bananas has been fine. the other thing is this dude keeps the WEIRDEST hours. john will leave for his office at 7am and the guy will be in pajamas, smoked out, coming up the stairs with take-out, and wish him a good night like he hasn't even slept yet.

but whatever. he seems benign enough, so john just tries not to think about him too much.

there's one night, though, when john wakes up to go pee and takes out his ear plugs, and he doesn't hear music through the wall. he does hear crying. deep, wracking sobs. sounds like the poor guy's really going through it. john has a thought to go knock on his door, but decides against it. it's 4am. maybe that would be weird of him to do. he goes back to sleep.

the next day, he doesn't hear anything from the apartment. no music, no nothing. he doesn't hear the door open or close. doesn't see him out in the hall or in the building lobby. maybe he just...went out. maybe he's visiting someone.

the next morning, john still doesn't hear him, and that's when he gets worried enough to knock on the dude's door before he heads off to work. no answer. he knocks again. and again. now he's scared, but just as he thinks to get his phone and dial for help, the lock clicks, and the door opens a little.

his neighbor looks like shit, like he hasn't washed or changed clothes in over a week, and his eyes are bleary and red. "do you... need something, man?"

now john is a bit embarrassed. he'd really thought for a second that his neighbor had... "just, uh... sorry, just been a little quiet over here lately, huh? got a little worried, that's all. apologies if i woke you up."

"s'fine... what day is it?"

"it's tuesday."

his neighbor's face pinches in confusion, then crumples in despair. "oh... uhhhh... o-okay, cool..."

john can feel himself going into papa bear therapist mode. "hey, i'm dr. john twinkletits, by the way. i'm sorry i never properly introduced myself when you moved in."

"s'okay...i-i'm melmord." he sniffles. "...you're a doctor?"

"i'm a therapist." john smiles at him. "melmord, would you maybe like to come over and have some breakfast with me? i'm just next door here. you won't be going far."

melmord fidgets, looks uncomfortable. "uhh..."

"you can meet my cat, if you'd like."

melmord suddenly tears up, nods, and john puts a hand on his shoulder to draw him out of the apartment, leading him towards his own. he'll have to text his secretary to cancel the morning's appointments, but he has a feeling it's worth it to make sure melmord is all right. :')

[anxiousstark]

S3 14 | Illuminated Silver-Riddled

BIG MASTERLIST | TW REWRITE | KO-FI

Stiles Stilinski x Reader! Half-sibling!Mccall

Word count: 6603

Warnings: Mentions of  injuries, blood, dementia, death, swearing (always), etc.

A/N: Three chapter together as the first two are fillers (however, necessary). KISS SCENE AT THE PARTY DIDN’T HAPPEN.

↪ PLEASE RESPECT MY WORK. DON’T COPY, TRANSLATE OR CLAIM THEM AS YOURS. NOT ON THIS WEBSITE OR ANOTHER. ALL RIGHTS ARE RESERVED.

I remained between Stiles and my brother while Kira and Lydia were sitting close to us. Rafe McCall was in front of us, not looking quite happy with us. "So when did you get there?"

Stiles sighed. "At the same time."

"At the same time as who?"

It was my brother's turn to speak. "At the same time as me."

"By coincidence?"

"What do you mean coincidence?" I intervened, simply because I wanted him to get mad. It was fun.

"That's what I'm asking you. The three of you arrived at the same time. Was that a coincidence?" I discerned how he was growing madder.

"Are you asking me?" Scott asked, resting his back against the couch.

"I think he's asking me." Stiles glanced at his best friend.

"He was looking at me when he asked." I interrupted again, receiving a glare for the older man.  

"Okay, let me answer the questions." He noticed that he had said it wrong. "Let me ask the questions." Stiles pointed at him, offering a wink, which made me chuckle. Noah Stilinski was behind Rafe, trying to hold his laugh. "Just, so I have this absolutely clear. Barrow was hiding in the chemistry closet at the school. Someone left him a coded message on the blackboard telling him to kill Kira. Then, Barrow took Kira to a power substation and tied her up with the intent of electrocuting her, which blacked out the entire town."

"Sounds about right." My boyfriend's raspy voice was the first one to sound.

"How did you know he'd take her to a power station?"

"Well, because he was an electrical engineer. So where else would he take her?" I nodded my head along.

Rafe made a gesture with his mouth. "That's one hell of a deduction there, Stiles."

"Yeah, what can I say? I take after my pops. He's in law enforcement." He peeped at his dad, pointing at him and winking. I snickered aloud, and Noah wanted to do the same but tried to hide it while coughing.

"Stiles, just, uh...Just answer the man."

He listened to his father. "We made a good guess."

Rafe McCall decided that receiving a concrete answer from Stiles would be complicated. Therefore, his gaze shifted towards Kira and Scott. "What were the two of you doing?"

"Eating pizza," Scott said while Kira said sushi. Then, they exchanged words until they agreed that they had eaten both.

"You believe this?" McCall sighed while glancing at Mr. Stilinski.

"To be honest, I haven't believed a word Stiles has said since he learned how to speak." The younger Stilinski nodded his head, agreeing. "But I think these kids found themselves in the right place at the right time, and that girl sitting there is very lucky for it."

Agent McCall turned around. "Kira, is that how you remember it?"

We all shifted in our seats, staring at the girl and expecting her to say yes. Thankfully, she did, and after the interrogation, Rafe halted Scott and me.

I bid goodbye to my boyfriend, kissing him softly on the lips before walking to my brother. "I don't know why you guys are lying. Or why Stilinski is content to listen to this crap. But try and remember something. If half this story about Barrow is true, then not only did someone help set him loose, but he was a pawn in their little game. A mass murderer is bad enough. A mass murderer being controlled, by someone? Far worse."

"We know."

"All right, go home. It's a school night." Acting as a father now, uh.

"Class starts in five minutes." I groaned as I leant against one of the lockers. "Just because there's no power don't expect there to be no school."

"That was a triple-negative. Very impressive, Coach." I sarcastically winked at him.

Coach wandered closer to where I was standing next to Stiles. "You are starting to sound like Stilinski right here!" He used his megaphone, making me whine as his voice was louder than usual.

Stiles pointed at me with a foolish smile decorating his features. "She's my girlfriend." Proudly opening his locker, a key fell to the ground. "Hello. Where did you come from?" He furrowed his eyebrows.

"Another mystery to discover," I added.

A couple of seconds later, my brother appeared next to us. His eyes were looking into the distance, meeting Kira's ones. He attempted to walk to her, but Stiles and I stopped him. "No. No. Stop. Stop."

"What?" He grumbled. "I need to talk to her."

"No, you need to remember someone left a coded message telling Barrow to kill her." I nodded my head, agreeing with my boyfriend.

"Which is why I need to talk to her."

"Scott, no way." I crossed my arms in front of my chest. "I love you, and until we figure out if she's just another psychotic monster that's going to start murdering everybody, I vote against any and all interaction," I whined. "I do love Kira for you. But not after what happened. I need to know you are safe."

"What if she's like me?"

"That girl walked through 1.21 jigawatts of electricity. She's not like you."

Of course, Scott McCall was someone who needed to experience everything for himself. You could tell him not to enter a cave as a bear awaits inside, and he would ignore you and go in to witness for himself. Hence, Stiles and I knew that he wasn't going to listen to us.

After a horrible day of classes, Stiles and I had decided to spend the rest of the day at his house. We wanted to have a date, even if it was inside the confines of his bedroom.

However, Scott had interrupted our time. He argued that Kira needed to get her phone back as she had some pictures she didn't want anyone to see.

We were meeting them in the parking lot of the police station.

I sighed as my boyfriend parked the jeep, seeing Kira and Scott getting off his bike.  "Okay, this one will get you into all of the perimeter doors, this one into the evidence room, and this one it is for my father's office." He started handing the key cards while I glared at my brother.

"You didn't steal these, did you?" His gaze shifted from his best friend as he saw my expression. "Why are you-."

"Date night, Scott." He offered me an apologizing look. I loved my brother. I truly do. But our date nights were always interrupted by the supernatural. We never had time for ourselves.

"No. I cloned them using the RFID emulator." I giggled.

"Is that worse than stealing?"

"It's smarter," I added, grasping Stiles's hand.

"Okay. So, now almost everybody's out dealing with the blackout. But there's always somebody at the front desk. There's Dispatch and usually a night shifter or two. You guys are gonna use the service door entrance by the dumpster. All right? Nobody uses it. Now, I'll text you if anyone comes out. But, Scott, if you get caught, I can't help you. My dad's under investigation for an impeachment because of your dad, so, if anything happens I will run and leave you both for dead." I tried to contain my chuckle as Kira breathed deeply. She seemed to think that it was just a joke.

"Got it. Thanks. Seriously, dude." He stared at me. "I'm sorry, baby sis." He pouted. I nodded my head, offering him a smile.

"I'd ask my dad, but you know..."

"No, I know. I get it."

"All right, just, uh, hurry up." As we saw both of them leaving, we sighed. "Should we make-out while they-." I slapped his arm playfully. "What? They are the ones in danger, not us."

A light blinded us. I attempted to push Stiles back as his lips were moving against mine, his tongue lapping my lower lip. "Swiles-." I shoved his chest, and he quickly departed from me, asking with his eyes if everything was okay. "Look."

We had been blinded, by Rafe McCall's car. "Fuck." We quickly opened the doors of the jeep. "Let's go, let's go!" Running as hard as we could, we were able to stop my sperm-donor from entering his office. "Hey, hey. Wow! Thank God you are here. Oh, boy! Thank the lord."

The man glanced at the two of us. "What do you want, Stiles?"

I gulped, squeezing Stiles's hand. "I was just...I was thinking on the case. I was thinking I should clue you in on my thinking. Here's my thinking." He swallowed. Both of us were hoping for Scott to notice that our father was here. "I was thinking this...I was thinking that Barrow, right? I was thinking that Barrow received the information about who to kill at the school, right, you know that? So I was thinking maybe the person who gave him that information, check this out, might actually be someone at the school. And that's, uh, my thinking." His free hand gently tapped Rafe's chest.

"You're right." He nodded his head.

"He is?" I asked, surprised.

"Yep. We, uh...We started looking for links between Barrow, faculty and students last night."

"So you already, then, know that stuff?" Stiles smiled nervously. "You already thought of that."

"Your dad did."

"Oh."

"His one useful suggestion." He spat as he used his car key to unlock the door of his office.

"You know," My boyfriend moved to stand in front of him, dragging me with him as our hands were intertwined. "This attitude that you have toward my dad? You can dress it up to all the professional disapproval that you want. But I know the real reason why you don't like him.

Rafe smirked. It was my time to calm my breathing, not wanting my eyes to flash. "Is that so?"

"Yeah. Because he knows something that you don't want him to know. And guess what." I was intrigued by Stiles's words. "I know it, too."

His face visibly paled. "Go home, Stiles. T-There's a curfew." He peered at me. "You and I need to a talk." His finger was too close to my face.

Before I could bite his finger off, my boyfriend had taken me away from there. Promptly, we were in a club, and everything was due to the key Stiles had found in his locker. But why here?

The four of us had gotten separated, and I ended up finding Lydia. "Hey," I screamed a little, hoping she would hear me. "What are you doing here?"

She made a gesture with her head, and I saw Aiden not too far from us, dancing with two other girls. "You?"

"Came with Stiles, Scott and Kira." I rested my hand on top of the bar. "But I lost them." I offered her a smile. "And to be honest, I don't feel good. I feel like I can't breathe." She furrowed her eyebrows. "You are going to think I'm crazy but," I glanced around. "I think someone is looking at me all the time. It's not a good sensation. It's bad, really bad." I saw a shadow, which disappeared as quickly as I noticed it. "Uhm, I need to get out of here." My hands were clutching the collar of my shirt, attempting to separate it from my throat as I felt my breath getting cut.

I was sweating, making my way through other sweaty bodies. The difference between us was that my sweating was out of fear.

I ignored Lydia's calls, exiting the party after finding a balcony. I slammed the doors behind me, taking a deep breath. My shaky legs brought me closer to the rail of the balcony, clutching it.

Hearing a strange noise, I twisted around. There was a black mist on the floor, and I gulped as I saw a hand coming out of it. Until the same shadow that I had seen back at the party, appeared again. It was completely black, except for its face. It seemed like it was wearing a mask.

I shifted, thinking of running to the other side. But I was only met by that adumbration again. Scream. They will hear you. But as soon as I did, the hand of the dark figure ended up in front of my mouth, shutting me up completely, muting me.

Its other hand rested on my cheek, and his yellow eyes seemed to turn green.

When I opened my eyes, Lydia was lying on the floor beside me, unconscious. Danny and Aiden were talking to us, asking what was going on. Lydia was grabbed by Aiden while Danny held me, getting both of us inside the club as we were freezing.

That's everything I remembered.

Stiles had been quite worried as soon as he knew I was attacked by something that Mr. Argent had described as absolute darkness. He spent the entire party in search of me, almost having a heart attack when he saw me being held by Danny.

"Okay, so this girl at the party starts talking about phosphors and the key having chemicals on it, right?" We followed Stiles to the classroom where we discovered about Kira being the target. "And so that made me think of the chemistry closet and the fact that someone had to let Barrow in..." He stopped in front of the blackboard. "It's gone. Okay, it doesn't matter though. It doesn't matter. I've still got the key." He glanced down at his keys, searching for the one he wanted. "What the hell? I had it. I had it here. I had it here this morning, I swear to God, I had it this morning."

"The key you were talking about last night?" My brother asked.

"Yeah, I showed it to you, right? Didn't I show it to you?"

"No, you just told me about it. I never actually saw it."

"But I did saw it," I added. "I was there when the key fell from your locker."

"I was here a couple of hours ago. And the message left to Barrow spelling Kira's name was right there on the board in my handwriting, and I had the key to the chemistry closet." His breathing was shaky.

"So you unlocked the chemistry closet, so Barrow could hide in it from the cops and then you wrote him a message to kill Kira?"

Stiles shook his head, attempting to calm his breath. "I know how it sounds. But look at this. This is the news report that came out about Barrow when they caught him, okay?" He showed us a piece of paper. "About the shrapnel bomb that he used. See this? See what he did? He put nuts, bolts and screws. And then he hid the bomb and the detonator in a box that he wrapped as a birthday present. What does that sound like to you?"

"Coach." We realized. "The joke we played on Coach."

"That was my idea. You remember?" My boyfriend glimpsed between both of us. "That was my idea. That's no coincidence. It can't be."

"I don't want to sound like I'm trying to tell you that you're wrong." My brother started to answer his friend, but I quickly interrupted him.

"I don't think you're trying to kill people." I knew Stiles. I knew everything that went through his mind.

"It was here." He squeezed the paper between his hands while his eyes were focused on the blackboard. "It was all here."

My brother and I glanced at each other. "Stiles baby, are you feeling okay? You're looking really tired."

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just haven't been sleeping really."

"Why don't we go home?" I pleaded. "Take a sick day or something."

The next day was a mess. Stiles was more anxious than the habitual, looking around all the time as if he was waiting for something or someone. Scott seemed to be hiding something from us. But as soon as I asked him, he argued that 'I shouldn't worry'.

I was biting my lower lip while one of my hands rubbed the palm of one of Stiles's hands. We were in the hospital, his entire body shaking violently. "Blackouts. But not for that long. And sleepwalking, which I used to do a lot as a kid." Melissa was taking notes of everything the boy was telling. "Um. Also having some really bad anxiety."

"Panic attacks?"

"Yeah, a couple. Oh, and I temporarily lost the ability to read. But that might have had more to do with this giant magic tree and a whole human sacrifice thing." Melissa smirked while shaking her head. The Stilinski boy squeezed my hand.

"I recall something vaguely about that, yes." I sat down next to the boy. My chin resting on his shoulder while my free hand rubbed his entire back in serene patterns. "How many hours of sleep are you getting?"

"Eight."

"A night?"

"In the last three days," I reckoned, knowing he was having trouble to sleep.

"Been feeling irritable?"

"Yeah. Possibly to the point of homicide." Stiles looked quite sick. His skin paler than ever, and the dark circles under his eyes were starting to become scary.

"Inability to focus?"

"No. The Adderall's not working."

"Impulsive behaviour?"

"More than my usual? Hard to tell."

"Vivid dreams during the day?"

"Okay, basically all of the above. Do you know what this is?"

"I think so." Melissa came closer, holding a needle. "Do you trust me?"

"When you're not holding a needle."

"It's Midazolam." She rolled up his t-shirt, rubbing some alcohol with a pad. Then, she injected him. "A sedative."

"Why'd you give me a sedative?"

"Because you, Stiles, are one profoundly sleep-deprived young man." I got up from the bed as Mama McCall made a gesture with her head. "You need rest, and you need it now. Lie down." Her hands softly pushed Stiles to lie down on the bed.

"Okay, how long does it take to-." His eyes became droopy. "Oh. Not long at all."

She placed the blanket over the sleep-deprived boy as his eyes seemed to fight to stay open. "Get some rest." She whispered while my hand caressed his hair.

Both of us got surprised when the hazel-eyed boy gripped Melissa's hand, squeezing it. "Thanks, Mom." We looked at each other, aching for the boy that was now lying on the bed with his eyes closed.

"He is alright?" I gulped, fingers gently caressing his hair and forehead.

"You can stay in the room, okay?" She kissed my cheek. "He just needs to rest. Nothing to worry about." I thanked her, hugging her and loving the feeling of her arms around me. "If you need anything, let me know."

I must have fallen asleep, sitting on the chair because when I woke up, Stiles wasn't on the hospital bed. I ran out of the room, looking everywhere until I found him in a dark empty room.

"Stiles?" His back was turned to me. But as soon as he heard my voice, he swung around. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, fine." His eyes had seemed darker than before. However, it must have been the light of the room as they quickly went back to their usual colour. "Let's get out of here, sweetcheeks. I'm tired."

Sweetcheeks? What was that?

My sweet dreams were interrupted as my body was shaken forcefully. I shifted, changing positions in my bed, attempting to ignore whoever had dared to try and wake me up.

"Wake up." The voice was quite familiar. "Please, wake up." I groaned when I recognized the voice of my brother, trying to move away from me. "Baby sister, please."

"Scott, let me-."

"Stiles is missing." That was it. I immediately sat down on my bed, eyes wide open as I scrutinised my brother's features in the dark. "He called me. He was crying. He made me promise not to tell Noah or you, but I had to inform you." My eyes were moving around his face, feeling dizzy. "He doesn't know where he is, but he said it looks like a basement and-." His hands squeezed my arms. "There might be someone with him."

I got dressed while shaking. We had decided to go to Stiles's house, break into it.

"How did you know? Did he call you too?" Scott asked as we entered my boyfriend's bedroom, finding Lydia and Aiden.

She shook her head, explaining that she had heard it while Aiden added not to ask how, as we would get even more confused. "Not as confusing as this." The strawberry blonde girl made a gesture with her face.

"He uses red for unsolved cases." I gulped, seeing the red threat punctured in his bed. It looked like someone had made that on purpose. Maybe Stiles Stilinski wasn't just sleepwalking.

"Maybe he thinks he's part of an unsolved case?"

"Or is an unsolved case." Isaac added. Scott had asked him to come with us. He seemed as worried as us.

"Hold on." Lydia turned around to glance at us. "Is he still out there? You don't know where he is?"

My brother glanced at me, noticing the state I was in. "He said he was in an industrial basement somewhere. We came here to get a better scent." His fingers reached out for mine. "Something's wrong with his leg. It's bleeding. And he's freezing." I felt my eyes getting teary.

"Tonight's the coldest night of the year. It's going to drop into the 20s." Aiden replied, receiving a glare from me.

"What did his dad say?"

My brother shook his head. "He made me promise not to. We can find him by scent. If he was sleepwalking, he couldn't have gotten far, right?"

"H-His Jeep is gone," I mumbled, deciding to speak for the first time. "And he is hurt and freezing." My hands went to my hair, tugging on it. "And this is my fault because I was going to stay with him, but he said he didn't want to keep me awake and I just went home, and I should have stayed and-."

"Breathe." Lydia had grabbed my cheeks, wiping my tears. "He is Stiles. He is going to be alright. We are going to find him."

"You guys remember she gets these feelings when someone's about to die, right?"

I glared at Aiden. "Can I fucking kill him myself?" I asked while trying to get closer. Isaac was quick enough to stop me. "No, let me fucking kill him right now. Maybe Lydia felt me killing this ass-."

"Okay okay." My brother tried to calm everyone down. "Let's find Noah."

And we did.

Noah was trying to control his breathing, and I felt stupid as I couldn't control my feelings. Tears, running down my cheeks. "Come on. If his Jeep is gone, that's where we start." He glanced at another officer that was sitting behind his desk. "Parrish, let's get an APB out on a blue 1980 CJ-5 Jeep." Another officer. "Cordova, I want a list of any kind of industrial basement or sub-level of any building that he could've gotten into while sleepwalking. It's the coldest night of the year so far. So If he's out their barefoot in just a T-shirt, he could already be hypothermic. Let's move fast. Let's think fast. The three of you, come with me." We went inside the office as he closed the door behind himself. "Okay. Is there anything you need to tell me that I can't tell anyone out there?" He made a gesture with his arm, asking me to walk closer. As soon as I did, we hugged each other tightly. "We are going to find my son. We are going to find him." I nodded my head against his chest.

"Lydia knew he was missing."

"Can she help find him?" His hand rubbed my back. Noah Stilinski's son was missing, and here I was being comforted by him when we should be comforting him.

"Well, she's working on it."

"Anything else?"

"I called Derek and Allison for help."

Before Noah could speak again, the door of his office was opened by another officer. They had found Roscoe. They had found Stiles's jeep. However, there was no trace of Stiles at the hospital. Derek had offered to go to high school, in case he was there. Scott had gone with Isaac, Lydia, and Noah in search of Stiles as Lydia seemed to believe that she knew where he was.

However, they didn't let me go as my body wouldn't stop shaking fiercely. But they wouldn't keep me away from the case as I wandered with Melissa to the station.

"What are you two doing here?" Rafe McCall asked as he eyed the two of us. His arm was in a cast as he had been hurt.

"My shift was over. I just wanted to see if I could help."

"And you?" He pointed at me.

"The missing person is my boyfriend." I swallowed. It burned to say those words. But it hurt, even more, experiencing them.

"That's why you shouldn't be here." He shook his head. "You are weak right now," His gaze was fixed on me. "Like Noah is. You both shouldn't be involved in a case like this one." He coughed. "It can affect the procedure of the investigation."

"Yeah, nice ted-talk." I nodded my head. "When are we leaving to go find Stiles?"

"You are staying here." He replied.

"You don't order me." Melissa tried to calm us down, but the fierce stare between us was burning.

"Didn't your father teach you to respect elders?" He spat. "Oh, you said he left, right? Did you give him the same attitude you give everyone? That false confident of yours won't bring you far." His gaze was firm. "Life won't treat you right if you behave like that."

"I don't know about my father." I spat back. "He is a coward and an asshole." I stepped closer to him. "You both seem to have things in common."

"It's not my job to teach you what respect is." He glared. "Your father did a terrible job with you."

My eyes were teary, not because of pain or being hurt. They were teary because my boyfriend was out there, hurt and freezing. And I was crying out of rage and disgust for the man that was my father. "You are going to talk about being a father?" I scoffed. "Didn't you leave Scott? You fled from here as soon as you could."

"You don't know anything about me being a father."

"I do," I added, shaking violently. Melissa clutched my arm, trying to stop me from getting closer to the man in front of us. "I know you are an excuse of a father." I nodded my head. "Yes, you are. Leaving as soon as you have an opportunity. Not only did you leave ONE pregnant woman." I spat. "You decided to move to another city and leave another unstable woman pregnant. And what did you do with Scott?"

"Y/N, please." The sweet voice of Melissa almost snapped me back from my rage.

"No!" I shouted. "He wants to know. Let's tell him." I shifted my gaze towards the man all over again. "For how many years were you there for Scott? Did you teach him things about man? Were you there the first time he felt changes on his body? Or when he had to shave for the first time? Where you there?"

"Listen here, you little-."

"Where you there for Alice?" He glanced at me, confused. "Alice O'Sullivan." His eyes shone as her name rolled out of my mouth. "Yeah, you know her. Of course, you do. She was an unstable woman with trust issues. Drugs and alcohol were her only friends. Then, you came along, a married man with a pregnant wife and you decided to convince her that you would leave your wife for her." Tears ran down my cheeks. "And you would travel from family to family, destroying both of them. And your daughter, you completely left her. She was only three years old."

"What are you-."

"You had the little girl's custody. You asked for it, but you were never there for her. And you know what? Her mother wasn't either." Melissa was caressing my back. "At the age of 5, she said her first word because her development was slower due to the situation at home. There was glass all over the floors because she had this funny game of drinking lots of alcohol and throwing the bottles at a wall." I nodded my head. "Yeah, it was funny for Alice. Especially when she made the little girl clean it while disgusting men that she didn't know went to the bedroom with her mom. And she heard these noises, and she didn't know what they were until she grew up."

"Y/N."

"Did you know she would put out her cigarettes on her skin? She would burn her." I glanced at the floor, biting my lip. "Did you know she grew up without anyone? And there was no one to answer her curiosities. She had to learn how to shave with a youtube video, and she had to educate herself in every aspect of life." I gulped. "And when she grew up a little more and understood that her father was nowhere to be seen, she was informed that he had disappeared even though he had her custody." I finally stared at him. "And she had to move from house to house until she started living with a friend of her mom's. Thankfully, that woman was clean." I sniffed. "However, she had to go to Beacon Hills and live with his father's other family. She had to step into a family that wasn't her own. A family that had suffered because of the same man. Because Alice and her daughter were the second family."

"What are you talking about?"

"Yeah. Scott, at first, didn't want anything to do with her. And even though Melissa accepted taking care of the girl, she was hesitant, and when she looked at the girl, she saw her husband cheating and having a child with another woman." His eyes opened wide. "For if you are interested, that girl had to go live with Melissa because YOU had the custody and Miriam, her mother's friend was sick and couldn't take care of you daughter anymore." I never talked about the real reason that bought me to Beacon Hills. "And Miriam was desperate because you weren't answering your phone and she found Melissa and explained the situation." I smiled. "And she was sweet enough to take care of her ex-husband's other child."

"You..."

I nodded my head. "Yeah, I'm that little girl. Y/N McCall." I swallowed. "So yeah, I know how you are as a father and yes, my father," I pointed at him. "Didn't show me respect because he taught me nothing." I wiped my eyes. "Now, if you don't mind. My boyfriend is out there, and we need to fucking find him." I spat, walking towards the door. "Aren't you coming, dad?"

The ride car was filled, with a conversation between Melissa and Rafe, but I decided not to pay attention as my body was still shaking due to the worry I was handling.

.

STILES’S POV

An awful noise made me furrow my eyebrows as my eyes were set on the figure in front of me. "You don't understand, do you?" Its voice sounded distorted, and I wasn't sure if it was my mind playing tricks on me or if it was real. My body was shaking as I was freezing, and my eyes were teary. "It's a riddle. Do you know any riddles, Stiles?"

"A few." A mere whisper came out of my mouth, not having any strength.

"What gets bigger the more you take away?" It asked. Its back still facing me.

"A hole." I replied.

"What gets wetter the more it dries?"

"A towel." I wanted to cry. I wanted to get out of here and be at home. I wanted to be with my dad and my friends and Y/N.

"When is a door not a door?"

I couldn't hold back the tears anymore. "When it's ajar."

"Everyone has it, but no one can lose it." He whispered. "What is it?"

"I don't-."

The monster in front of me exhaled. And as he slowly turned around, I quivered even more. "Everyone has it, but no one can lose it." He shuffled closer. "What is it, Stiles?"

"I don't-. I don't know." I forced my eyes shut.

"Everyone has it, but no one can lose it." Its walk was strange, and I tried to avoid glancing at it. My eyes fixed on the floor, squeezed shut.

It started speaking in a language I couldn't understand at first until I noticed that it was Japanese. I continued shaking while crying, biting my knuckles not to cry loudly.

"I don't know." I met its face. It was full of bandages. The only feature I could observe was his mouth. It was dark with sharp teeth. Was this just a nightmare? This couldn't be a nightmare. This had to be real.

"No, no." He grabbed the chain that had my leg in a trap, dragging me from my injured leg while I scream as loud as I could. I was going to die. I would never thank my dad for everything he did to me and apologize for how troublesome I had always been. I will never be able to thank Scott for being my best friend, even if he had never watched Star Wars. I would never see my other friends. I would never thank Melissa for being a mother figure and talking to me as if she was the woman who birthed me. I would never be able to thank Y/N McCall for appearing in our lives.

Y/N McCall.

I would never be able to do all the things that I wanted to experience with her. I would never be able to kiss her again. I would never be able to hear her voice. In this instant, I was forgetting the sound of her voice.

.

Y/N’S POV

I was shaking, tears falling down my cheeks, not knowing what to do. I was just standing there, observing how Melissa hugged Stiles from the back, trying to calm him down as he screamed. Oh god, it sounded as if someone was torturing him.

After shouting for a couple of minutes, he noticed that Melissa was the one embracing him. It seemed like relief invaded his body as he acknowledged Melissa, falling unconscious in her arms.

She glanced at me. "He is okay, sweetheart. He is okay." Rafe glimpsed at me as he saw me trembling. "He is okay, Y/N." Next thing, I was in Rafe's arms as he had grabbed me from falling to the ground. Exhaustion and relieve invading me in welcoming darkness.

"Hey, hey." A voice whispered. I slowly opened my eyelids, seeing a white light on top of my face. I rapidly closed my eyes until they adjusted to the blinding light. "Hello there." Scott?

"Hi," I replied, rubbing my eyes and slowly sitting down on the bed. I was in a hospital room. "What am I doing h-." I interrupted my own words as I remembered everything that had happened. "Stiles?" I glanced around the room. "Is Stiles okay? Is he-."

"Ssh," My brother's fingers caressed my head. "He is okay. I'm here to bring you with me." The light entering the room made me guess that I had slept through the entire night and part of the early morning. "They are going to do some tests on him."

My heart stopped. "Why?"

"Just in case," He sighed. "His mother had some problems, you know." He nodded his head while licking his lower lip. "They just want to make sure everything is alright."

Following my brother through the corridors of the hospital, I ignored the looks I was receiving as I was wearing one of the pyjamas. Entering a room, I saw my boyfriend sitting down while ready to go on with the tests they wanted to perform on him.

When his gaze met mine, we quickly walked to each other. "You are okay," I affirmed, trying to hear the same thing coming out of his mouth. "Fuck, Stiles. Are you okay?"

His nose was on my neck, breathing me in and embracing me as tight as he could. " I am now." His voice was a little shaky.

"Stiles, just to warn you," The doctor turned around to glance at the boy. My boyfriend sat down while I offered Melissa and Noah a tiny smile. "You're going to hear a lot of noise during the MRI. It's due to pulses of electricity going through metal coils inside the machine. Uh, if you want we can get you earplugs or headphones."

"Oh, no, no," He shook his head. "I don't need anything."

"Hey, we're just on the other side of that window. Okay?"

"Okay." He hugged his dad as the three adults left the room. "You know what they're looking for, right?" He stared at my brother. Then, he moved his gaze to me, asking for me to get closer. I sat down on his lap. "It's called frontotemporal dementia." My brother and I were silent as tears invaded our eyes. "Areas of your brain start to shrink. It's what my mother had. It's the only form of dementia that can hit teenagers. And there's no cure."

My brother and I continued being silent until he wiped his tears. "Stiles, if you have it, we'll do something. I'll do something."

I saw both boys, deeply looking into each other's eyes, and I remembered what Noah told me the night at the school. Boys also needed time to talk and express their feelings. Therefore, I got up from Stiles's lap, kissing his lips softly. It was hard to depart from him, especially when he continued keeping closer and whispering that he was terrified.

When we were strong enough to depart, I let him know that I would be behind the window too. When I walked to the other room, both Noah and Melissa kept me between them. Mama McCall rubbing my back while my head rested on Noah's shoulder. "He will be alright," I whispered.

Our eyes filled with more tears as the two boys hugged each other. Stiles sobbed, and for the first time in my life, I prayed. I prayed for Stiles to be alright.

"I'm going to go to have something to drink." My brother informed, keeping his eyes on the window that separated us from Stiles. "Anyone wants something?" The three of us shook our heads. Scott walked closer to me, kissing my forehead. "Derek is outside," He whispered.

Seeing my brother leaving the room, I just sighed.

"See this? The tissue here and there." The doctor pointed to his computer screen. There was a part of Stiles's head that seemed a little more orange than the rest. "Both those spots are showing signs of atrophy."

No.

"Atrophy." Noah gulped.

No.

"I'm sorry."

No.

The lights went out. But as soon as they did, they also came back. "What was that?" Melissa asked as we all glanced at the ceiling.

"It sounded like a power surge."

"Where's my son?"

I wandered closer to the glass, my hands resting on it. Stiles was nowhere to be found again.

.

.

TAGLIST: @og-baby-ob14 - @savemypostcards - @cas-loves-pizza - @used-avocado - @mvrylee - @bilesxbilinskixlahey - @honeydoll-stark - @arieltheworldisamess - @softpeteparker - @kit-kat-katie99 - @thatsuperherosidekick - @bexbetterxthanxwords - @big-galaxy-chaos - @littlemiss-forgotten - @enchantedcruelsummer - @coldfreakeggsexpert - @merla123 - @sammypotato67 - @weirdowithnobeardo - @maggiesblogsblog - @itskindyl - @bobo-bush - @moongoddesskiana - @multifandxm353 - @irwxnhugsx - @xoprincessmel - @iclosetgeek - @andreagf956 - @niawoods - @anerroroccurrrrred - @perrytheplatypus11 - @trustfundparker - @nmriia - @steve-harringtonnn - @trustfundparker - @brithedemonspawn - @weirdowithnobeardo - @my-soul-is-the-moon - @azayamari - @poguestyle17 - @bibliophilewednesday - @10minutesofscreentime - @momentitodebruh - @drikawinchester - @perrytheplatypus11 - @my-soul-is-the-moon - @linkpk88 - @royalreadery - @sweetest-serpent01 - @teenwaywardasgardian - @sadcupofcoffee - @maliyamay - @seninjakitey​ - @tairisceana​ - @thegirlwhoimagined​ - @mackingjj​  -

People in bold means it doesn’t let me tag them.

[kornito]

SOURCE: https://korngiant.tripod.com/kornisgoodforu/id10.html

Dead

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

All I want in life is to be happy", it's that simple. People say that it's become their own anthem. It's like whenever I start to feel good, something comes and takes it away and I feel like I'm nothing again, like I'm dead.

Falling Away From Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The song is about domestic abuse and that there ways to get help whether it's telling someone or calling a help line, there are ways to get out of those situations. Noone has to be treated like that.

Trash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Trash" is about how I threw my world and everything out. I threw her away. I threw my old self away. It basically comes back down to the sex thing. The battles I did on the road, this whole album is what I went through because I was on the road and I went crazy.

Beg for Me

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Beg For Me" is more of an angry thing because the whole thing for "Beg For Me" is the crowd. The only time I was good on tour was when I walked up onstage and that's what the song is about. Feeling wanted is something one thing I've always needed. I was shuffled around so much when I was a kid...Being up onstage was the only point was the only time when my anxiety would go away for an hour.

Make Me Bad

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

I need to feel the sickness in you" ... It's spawned from f**kin', basically, from having sex. That's where that line comes from, but it means a whole bunch of things to me. "Make Me Bad" was about the battles I had being on the road, being married and being with other women. I'm not married anymore... beause of my lifestlyle, and I just couldnt do that to my wife anymore. So that ended. But does it make me bad that I have a dick and I have f**ken other feelings to be with other people? Why should I be with just one? It seems like human beings are genetically engineered to procreate. Thats what we do, f**k everything, and that's what our natural insides want to do. It is hard to find someone like that. But she was a good woman and I didnt want to keep on... I did the right thing, I was a man about it. It was better for me to tell her and let her go on with her life and find someone who could help her and be like that. So that song was spawned by that, does it make me bad to want to be with other women? In a sence it was my only drug, why... because I dont drink anymore, I cant drink. I've been sober for a year. I dont have any other vices. So at least doing that could be something.

Hey Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

"Hey Daddy" where I was schizophrenic and there were these voices telling me to do sh*t... To kill myself, basically. Daddy is one of my nicknames, so its like I'm talking to myself the whole time. It's hard to explain.

Dirty

Song Meaning: Jonathan

"I feel like a fucking whore to record companies." "You know how it is...the way we are used and marketed." "How they make all the money off us and we don't make shit!" "The only way we make money is to go out on tour and sell merchandise" "Basiclly we write all the music and turn in and they make all the money." "So I feel like that and also I feel like a slut cuz I'd go out at night and fucking girls and so I said fuck it, I'm going to do it. The only way to escape is to have sex." "Its all kind of different issues."

Its On!

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's On is my sh*t peer pressure song. Me being so stressed out going out and partying. Everybody's just going 'Come on dude, it's on.' That's partying, it's alcohol, cocaine, women. All that wrapped into one. I wrote a song about it. And the chorus I talked about Why am I really doing this? It's all my fault that I'm doing this because all the alcohol, the booze an the chicks do is just make it worse. They just rearrange all the problems in a different order that I can deal with at that moment.

Freak on a Leash

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

One of the best titles I've heard ever for a song. That's my song against the music industry. Like me feeling like I'm f**kin' a pimp, a prostitute. Like I'm paraded around. I'm this freak paraded around but I got corporate America f**kin' making all the money while it's taking a part of me. It's like they stole something from me, they stole my innocence and I'm not calm anymore. I worry constantly.

Got the Life

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a song baggin' on myself. How everything's always handed to me. How I look up to God and don't want this anymore. Like I want something more out of life than all this. And I've got everything I really need but I sometimes don't like. I don't know how to explain it. I have to let it sit through the songs more to actually get into what I write. I truly know, really, the meanings of the songs almost. That's what I'm getting out of it right now.

Dead Bodies Everywhere

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the song about my parents trying to keep me out of the music business. My father was in it and he knew how it was and I totally understand now that I have a son. I want Nathan to be a musician but I him don't want him to go through the hell I went through. That's the same thing my Dad was doing. A lot of people can relate to it, because it's like the Dad's wanting their sons to be football players and their sons want to be doctors or something. That peer pressure its like trying to make them something they're really not. And the Dead Bodies thing is like so I did it and all I got out of it was dead bodies everywhere and got all traumatized. Thanks a lot Dad, Mom.

Children of the Korn

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's the song that Ice Cube is on Cube came up with the title. I fed off of what he wrote, he was talking about growing up and puberty. Dictating what he can do, like how you gonna tell me how to live and who to f**k? And all this stuff. And I took that and in my stuff I was talking about being a kid always known as the f**kin' town faggot. It's funny how things change. That some of these people picked on me and all of a sudden look who's laughing now. Also in another of the verse I talked about all these parents f**kin hating me for what I do, saying I'm corrupting their children, but in turn these parents need to step outside of themselves and really listen to what I'm talking about. Then I think they can understand that they were kids before. They're just really quick to judge me. All the Children of The Korn are all our Korn fans. All those kids going through that sh*t and feeling what I feel.

B.B.K.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Big black cock! That's what I call a jack and coke. Those little glasses they serve in Europe and everything. That's what I named it, big black cock. And that's another song about me dealing with the pressures of this album and how I, you know, I'm trying to kill myself, but you know? Do I really want to kill myself? Things I'm just questioning myself. Most of this is self-structured.

Pretty

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's a story about this little girl that came into the coroner's office when I was working there and she was f**ked by her dad. She was an 11 month old little baby girl. Her legs were broken back behind her and he just f**ked her like a toy doll and chucked her in the bathroom. It was the most heinous thing I've ever seen in my life and I still have nightmares about it.

All in the Family

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Fred was there after Korn TV and we said, 'Let's do a song together, Hey, man, let's go back and forth and rip on each other like an old school battle.' I don't know who's idea it was, I can't remember if it was mine or Fieldy's or Fred's but we came up with the idea and we started writing and we worked on it together. I came up with some bags on myself for Fred to say. It was all in good natured fun.

Reclaim My Place

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

This one is about the whole band and about all my life being called a homosexual. And then I became this big rock star in a band and I'm still called a fag even by my own band. So it's like I was f**kin' pissed off at them. It's like erase them all because I'm gonna reclaim my place and say hey, they owe a lot to me for what I did, and I owe a lot to them back. But, it still kinda sucks. I've never ever gotten away from that fag f**kin' title. Just because I'm a sensitive kinda guy. Kinda feminine it really sucks.

Justin

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Justin, that was the kid dying terminally with intestinal cancer. His last dying wish was to meet us and it really freaked me out. That threw a whole bunch of new kind of pressures on my head. That's really intense. Someone's gonna die and his last thing he wants to do is come hang out with us. So I truly just freaked out. It's like why would you want to meet me? What makes me so special? And in turn I talk about how I admire his strength and his life. I couldn't stare at him because he was so content he was gonna die. No one could look him in the eyes. And I totally admire his strength. I wish I had it.

Seed

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Seed. That's all about the same thing again. I laying in bed in my hotel room, thinking about do I really need all this stuff? All this pressure on me? Because I'm a stressed out freak. It's about Nathan, it's about every time that I look into his eyes, I see myself how I used to be, innocent and stress free. I'm kind of jealous of it. It really sucks, I used to be that way. It's like I have to work so hard at this thing in my life. I have to become a stressed out freak. I put food on the table for my child. Every time I look in his eyes, I just see myself staring right back at my @ss laughing. I was like care free, innocent as a child. It's really weird and I'm really jealous of it.

Cameltosis

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's a love song. It's about women in general, women who hurt me. It's Tre's lyrics. He's going on about chicks and my chorus is like I'm so scared to love anyone and really let them in after I got hurt really really bad by a girl. I've let Renee in a little bit, to be honest, but I'll never be that in love ever again. That's what I'm saying, if you've loved twice, you're gonna get f**ked, 'cause you usually do.

My Gift to You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Renee always wanted me to write her a love song and that's why I called it My Gift To You. It's my gift to her, you know how I get sick. I always had a fantasy of f**king her and choking her to death. I fantasize about what it would look like me in her body and watching me do it. So it's like a really sick f**ked up song. I did it totally like, I love her so much, I want to take her out of this world. It's really strange. She used to leave notes on my pillow like 25 ways she'd like to kill me. She's got this weird death fetish. We're kinda f**kin' freaky. She got it. She's all 'Thank you that's kinda f**ked up. I was expecting a f**kin' I love you, baby kinda song.' I'm all, 'No, you know me.' I mean I can't do that.

Chi

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Chi is about a lot of alcohol and drug abuse. People turn to that when they have problems so that they won't have to feel their pain. The song was named after Chi Cheng from the Deftones. We named it after him because he used to call it reggae, and he loves reggae music.

Lost

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's the sterotypical thing about your best friend meeting a chick, and then you're nothing

Swallow

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That's about being paranoid. Drug-induced paranoia.

Good God

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a guy I knew in school who I thought was a my friend, but who f**ked me. He came into my life with nothing, hung out at my house, lived off me, and made me do sh*t I didn't really wanna do." "I was into new romantic music and he was a mod, and he'd tell me if I didn't dress like a mod he wouldn't be my friend anymore."

"Whenever I had plans to go on a date with a chick he'd sabotage it, because he didn't have a date or nothing. He was a gutless f**king nothing. I haven't talked to him for years.

Mr. Rogers

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Back in the day when I was a speed freak, um... even further back when I was a little kid watchin' Mr. Rogers, that sh*t was scary. He was a freaky old man... Land of Makebelieve and Mr. f**kinMcFeely and sh*t... made me sick. So back when I was doing speed, like for 5 or 6 days I'd be trippin out and my brain would start to get freaky and get schizophrenic and stuff, and I'd tape it and watch it everyday over and over... I don't know, I was sick in the head. As a kid he told me to be polite and all it did was get me picked on. I f**king hate that man. Thanks for making me polite and trusting everyone, and easy to take advantage of. So I spent 3 months on that one song, just tweakin' on it, and it was totally just my Mr. Rogers obsession, about how evil I thought he was. Pretty much drug induced.

K @ # Ø % (Kunt)

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think it's sexist but it isn't. It's more subconcious b*tching at all the women who've been with me in my life. It's not about women in feneral, just those women who hurt me." "Initially, we wrote it to send to American radio for a joke, because they always chop up all the other songs. So we were going to send a 'real' single seven days later."

A.D.I.D.A.S.

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It stands for all day I dream about sex. It's about how much of a pervert my ass is, and how I daydream about what a stud I am. But when it comes down to it, I'm a f**king pussy and I'm in there jacking off.

a** Itch

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

That was the last song I wrote, and I was so burned at writing out lyrics because everytime I write I get depressed because I start thinking about things, you know? So the whole song is about that. In the chorus it says, 'Before day, my sun will be dying'. It's because I put myself on the line all the time and for what? Because people aren't going to be listening to it anyway.

Kill You

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a relative I first met when I was 12. I f**king hate that b*tch. She's the most evil, f**ked up person I've met in my whole life. She hated my guts. She did everything she could to make my life hell. Like, when I was sick she'd feed me tea with Tabasco, which is really hot pepper oil. She'd make me drink it and say, 'You have to burn that cold out, boy'. f**ked up sh*t like that. So every night when I'd go to sleep, I'd dream of killing that b*tch. In some sick way I had a sexual fantasy about her, and I don't know what that stems from or why, but I always dreamt about f**king her and killing her

Ball Tongue

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

The meaning of ball tongue is simple. Some thought it had to do with oral sex, but in fact its about a guy we had to work with on a t-shirt (Jeff Creath). He either had a pierced tongue or a wart or something on his tongue and he was a dick to us.

Different live: Jonathan goes into a Rap (by Coolio) Called "Loddi Doddi" in the middle of the song.

Clown

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Korn was playing a show in San Diego for a clothing card. This skinhead guy came up and started flippin' me off. When we started, I bent down and the guy took a swing at me. Our tour manager, Jeff, got into it and knocked the guy out. I wrote this song about him: 'Scared to be honest with yourself/you're a cowardly man.

Faget

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

Everyone thinks I'm bashing gay people in this song, and I'm not. It's really about me going through high school being called 'pussy,' 'queer' and all that stuff, about getting picked on by all these jocks.

Shoots and Ladders

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It was written because all these little kids sing these nursery rhymes and they don't know what they originally meant. Everyone is so happy when singing but 'London Bridge' is about the Black Plague. All of them have these evil stories behind them." "The lyrics are all from nursery rhymes, and a lot of nursery rhymes go back to the Middle Ages. They're actually pretty twisted if you know the stories behind them, like about Black Death and stuff.

Helmet in the Bush

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

It's about a speed problem that I had. You know, you do a lot of speed and -- if you're a male -- your penis retracts severly. The guy heard at the beginning of the song is La Caco, a friend of the band. His real name is Michael and likes taco bell. He's a really Nice Guy and he has been friends with the band for years

Daddy

Song Meaning, Jonathan:

People think daddy' was writen because my dad f**ked me up the ass,thats not what the song's about. It wasn't about my dad or my mum. When I was a kid I was being abused by someone else and I went to my parents and told them about it. and they thought I was lying and joking around, they never did sh*t about it. They didn't belive it was happening to their son. I don't like to talk about that song, this is the most I've ever talked about it...

[xpao-bearx]

《Original post here》

Part 2 HERE

SUMMARY: [Supernatural TWD AU] In which Negan is a kinky incubus, Rick Grimes is your secret guardian angel, and Daryl Dixon is a gruff monster/demon hunter. Three drastically different men who can only agree on one thing: making you theirs.

PAIRINGS: Reader x Negan, Reader x Rick Grimes, Reader x Daryl Dixon (Polyamorous Ships)

RATING: Mature/18+/Romance & Smut. Please be prepared and do NOT report.

NOTE: This is actually my first time ever writing an xReader story series as well as writing on Tumblr (I usually only write on Wattpad). As such, it probs won't be perfect though I would SERIOUSLY appreciate your *respectful* feedback and support!

I understand writing xReader content can get a lil tricky, so please just keep in mind that not everything Y/N says or does would be something that you'd do IRL or even approve of. Also, sometimes I may not help but put a teeny bit of myself in Y/N...

Lastly, I recently got back into the TWD fandom after a looong ass time and I'm taking a while re-watching the whole show. So I apologize in advance if my portrayal of any of the characters are rusty or I may not remember too much of the events from the show, but I promise to do my very best and hope y'all enjoy~!! \(^o^)/

DEDICATED TO: The wonderful @blccdyknuckles and @negans-attagirl 💖

"Heavenly Sins"

Part 1

The sounds of laughter and easygoing chatter filled your ears as you walked closer to the church, a light breeze blowing through your F/C floral dress and the sun blinding your eyes. It was Sunday, most residents of the small town of Alexandria having gathered for mass.

It was a day like any other; peaceful and happy, children giggling and chasing each other around as their parents socialized outside before church could start.

Your heels clacking rhythmically on the pavement, you were just about to enter the building before a familiar voice called out.

"Y/N!"

Spinning, a huge smile instantly reached your ears as you saw none other than Carl Grimes waving enthusiastically at you as he jumped out of a car. From the driver's seat, his father soon followed as he stepped out.

Rick Grimes--dedicated sheriff of this fine town. His usual uniform forgone, instead replaced with a casual navy coloured suit. His baby blues met your E/C, flashing you a bright smile of his own that rivalled the sun itself.

Carl was running towards you now, and once in front he gave you a big hug.

"Settle down, cowboy! It's as if you haven't seen me in forever." You chuckled, ruffling Carl's hair affectionately.

"That's 'cause it did feel like forever." Carl pouted, eventually letting go as he looked up at you.

Before you can reply, Rick patted Carl's head and greeted you. "Hey, Y/N. How are things?" He asked in that endearing Southern accent of his.

"Just fine." You nodded, grinning before you couldn't help but let your gaze wander around a bit. "No Judith?"

It was then that Rick's smile faltered, but just barely. You nearly didn't catch it. "No. She's with her mom."

Rick was divorced from his ex-wife, Lori, after he discovered her cheating on him with his also now ex-bestfriend Shane Walsh. After the divorce, Shane and Lori quickly moved to the neighbouring community of Woodbury together and agreed on joint custody of the kids.

It really made your blood boil; you've interacted with Lori only a few times before so you didn't really have much of an opinion on her...that is, until, you learned what had happened between her and Rick. You knew it wasn't any of your business, but you cared about Rick a lot and he sure as hell didn't deserve to get cheated on.

"Oh." Was all you could say, quite stupidly. Your cheeks reddened, mentally slapping yourself before clearing your throat. "Will I see her in the daycare tomorrow, though?" You were a daycare teacher and even though you loved all of the kids, Judith was your favourite. She was simply such a sweetheart.

Rick nodded, his smile softening. "You got it."

You couldn't continue the conversation as the bells rang, making you jump out of your skin. Carl, noticing this, laughed which made you playfully roll your eyes before slinging an arm around him as all of you went inside.

♡♡♡

You took your place near the back of the church with Carl and Rick. Once everyone was settled and done singing, the service began and Father Gabriel stood on top of the podium. A few minutes into his sermon, the interruption of a motorcycle revving loudly outside sliced through the air. Gabriel flinched in surprise, and it was obvious he was desperately trying to keep his cool. Finally, when it was silent again, you found yourself biting back a smile knowing all too well who had caused the ruckus.

It seems Rick knew, too, judging from how his jaw clenched and his hands turned into tight fists.

The doors were thrown open, making Gabriel flinch once more and some of the congregation turning in the pews to look. But poor Gabriel quickly fumbled with his Bible, raising his voice just a tad to regain their attention.

There was a low whistle accompanying the approaching footsteps, but the congregation did their damn hardest to ignore the latest visitor.

"Damn... I assumed the church would be a lot more welcoming than this." A husky voice whispered, and you at last couldn't hold back as a smile broke through.

"Negan." You whispered back, turning slightly in your seat to see he has taken the spot behind you. His leather clad arms lackadaisically resting on your chair, the musky scent of his cologne invading your senses oh so wonderfully. "Fancy seeing you here."

"What? Is it really that surprising, darlin'?" He grinned, presenting a row of perfectly straight white teeth. "I go to church."

"Not all the time." You pointed out.

"Ah..." He chuckled softly, hazel eyes twinkling. "That's 'cause Father Creepy McGee over there is just that. Creepy. As. Shit."

You bit the inside of your cheeks, suppressing your laughter. True, Gabriel did have his moments, but he wasn't that bad. That didn't change the fact that Negan knew exactly how to tickle your funny bone, though.

He was new to Alexandria. It was a lovely town, but since it was relatively small not a lot of people want to move here not unless it was families looking for their children to grow up in a safe environment. Which was why it was quite a shock to find out that a single man like Negan chose this destination, and even more so when he took everyone aback with his infamous pottymouth and rather inappropriate charisma.

He had moved just a couple of houses down from yours, and you made it your mission to befriend him. Right from the get-go, he had piqued your interest and curiousity. He was different from everyone else--even possessing an air of mystery about him--and that definitely intrigued you. And also, perhaps you were just too nice and didn't want him to feel outcasted. Although, that didn't seem like an issue to him at all.

"Want one?" You were brought back to reality when you saw Negan's hand outstretched with a pack of cigarettes.

"Dude, we're in church." You reprimanded, frowning.

Negan didn't say anything, only cocking a brow and still with that same shit-eating grin. You sighed, finally giving in as you swiftly grabbed one and stashed it away in your purse for later.

"Y/N." You turned to the left, Rick's icy gaze piercing you. "Pay attention."

"R-Right. Sorry..." You mumbled sheepishly.

Carl, who was sitting in the middle of you and Rick, had dozed off. Rick nudged him, but the brunette only groaned softly and snuggled into Rick's chest. Defeated, the sheriff sighed and was just about to listen again to Gabriel before Negan cut in.

"Rick!" Negan purposely raised his voice, knowing it would get a rise out of the other man. "Didn't even see ya there. Howdy, cowboy!"

Rick grimaced, and it looked like he was just going to ignore Negan though he knew that if he did that then Negan would just irritate him even further. "Good to see you, Negan." He forced himself to say.

"Only you can say that while giving me such a deadly side eye, Grimes." Negan snickered. "How have you been? How's the wife?"

Rick flushed, his fists in a tight ball again and it looked like his nails would be digging into his skin. You abruptly swung into action, placing a hand on Rick's own.

"Rick..." You said gently. "It's okay. Calm down."

Rick did, his shoulders drooping as if a heavy weight had been lifted. He can barely pay any attention to Gabriel now, then you suddenly stood up and grabbed Negan's arm.

"We need to talk. Now."

"What, we going for a quickie?" Negan smirked, but that soon faded when he saw your serious expression. He sighed dramatically, reaching his full height as he towered over you before following you out.

At this point, you didn't care if people saw what transpired or would even start gossiping. No one, not even Negan, was allowed to harass Rick. He has helped you through so much shit--more than you'd like to admit--and you at least owed him this much.

Once outside, next to where Negan parked his motorcycle, you exploded. "What the fuck is with you?! You leave Rick alone, or I swear to fucking Christ I will--"

"Woah, woah, woah! Hold your horses, missy!" Negan guffawed, his hands up in mock surrender. "I mean, I like 'em feisty, but goddamn! Watch your fucking language."

"Tch. You're one to talk."

"Did you just scoff at me?" He raised his brows, putting his hands in his pockets as he slowly drew closer to you. A devilish grin tugged at the corners of his mouth, tilting his head slightly. "No one's ever fucking scoffed at me and didn't regret it soon after."

You frowned, letting out a huff as you met his gaze challengingly. "As if you'd do anything to me."

He was silent for several moments before chuckling, leaning back against his motorcycle. "You're right. I have too much of a soft spot for ya." He pulled out a cigarette, lighting it then taking a drag. He drew his head upwards, puffing out the smoke. "Whaddya say we just forgive and forget? I truly am sorry. You can even tell Rick that I am metaphorically down on my goddamn knees begging for forgiveness~"

"I'm not forgiving or forgetting anything until you actually face Rick and apologize yourself." You muttered. And without another word, you spun on your heel and strutted back inside the church with your head held high.

Negan's intent stare lingered where your ass had just been, taking another long drag and letting out a small laugh to himself.

His eyes suddenly glowed a crimson red, a smirk playing on his lips.

Oh, he really did pick a GREAT one.

[jtsfavslut]

Fine Line Track 01: GOLDEN [G.D]

Description: Grayson and Y/N are in their honeymoon phase, light and meaningless arguments, everything is great. What happens when Grayson wants more? What happens when Grayson realizes she doesn’t trust him as she claims to do?

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault and domestic abuse, other than that it’s all sweet and sad angst/fluff :)

Word Count: 3.9K+ {shorter than I said, I’m sorry :( }

‘I know that you’re scared because I’m so open’ Golden - Harry Styles

It was the mornings after and during coffee. Y/N and Grayson would sit down and talk about anything that came to mind. Their brains fueling off of the caffeine, as the morning sun hit their soft skin just right. It had become a habit. Every morning at 6, they would wake up, do their business in the bathroom, and prepare their coffees. No words were spoken until they reached the chairs on the porch. A tired yet content and satisfied smile on both of their faces, a small yawn falls past Y/N’s lips as she mutters a quiet ‘morning’, her eyes slowly opening, feeling more awake with every second and sip that passes. 

They would talk about the most random things, question the most random things, like why would someone name something that? Or why doesn’t glue stick to the container? “Do you believe in soul mates?” Grayson questioned, making Y/N shrug, not having a clue as to what the correct answer would be.

“I don’t know, I never thought about that,” she squinted her eyes looking into the distant clouds, as if the answer would be found there, “Maybe. Who knows, I mean if you believe in past lives then yeah,” 

“Do you?” 

“Do I what?” She faced him, her lips curving into a small smile at the sight of morning Grayson. Hair facing all sorts of directions, small dark bags under his eyes from waking up too early, a slight stubble on his face which he complained about it growing too fast for his liking. 

“Believe in past lives?” He clarified his question, wanting to know if his girlfriend believed in having a life prior to the one she was currently living.

“I do and I don’t, you know? Like there’s a time where I feel like I did have a past life while other times I just don’t” she shrugged, drinking the last bit of her coffee, placing the cup on the floor before snuggling her body into one of Grayson’s hoodies. 

“Yeah, I know what you mean, I feel the same way,” Grayson replied before getting up grabbing her cup on the way back.

“You believe in soulmates?” She asked his question and he nodded his head.

“Yeah, I do,” he truly believed in soulmates. He believed she was his soulmate. Always feeling a strange connection when he was near her.

It was the silly arguments. Arguments over each other's domestic customs. Things that they did opposite of each other when they lived across town. They didn’t hurt each other's feelings or put much effort into defending their case. Just wanted to get their point across, and hope for the other person to remember it annoyed them. 

“Grayson Bailey! I refuse to believe it’s so hard to put the toilet seat down,” Y/N shouted, sighing at the sight of their toilet, the bathroom door was wide open the first thing in sight being the toilet seat up. It wasn’t a big deal, it just simply triggered something in her brain. 

“I forgot,” Grayson shrugged from the couch, she rolled her eyes and walked in the bathroom, slamming the seat down before washing her hands, turning off the light, and walking out. 

Grayson didn’t have many house icks, it was mostly Y/N. He remembered some of them, like how much it bothered her when drawers weren’t fully closed, or when someone would leave the washroom with wet hands leaving the doorknob all wet, or a wet counter top. He memorized them, her voice ringing inside of his head every time he did one of those things. 

She knew Grayson’s though, even if he denied them. She noticed the annoyance in his face every time someone touched something of his, every time someone moved something that belonged to him. She found out simply because she had moved something of his, he thought it was Ethan, so he let all loose. He yelled, shouted, and insulted Ethan, while Ethan just stared at him with a confused and bizarre look. 

“What are you talking about?” Ethan glared at an upset Grayson, having no idea why his 21 year old brother was throwing a tantrum for.

“Because you touched my shit, moving my laptop, where is it?” Grayson replied, and Y/N eyes widened. 

"Grayson, I haven't even seen your laptop," Ethan groaned, being fed up with Grayson in less than a minute.

“Umm, Gray. I moved your laptop, I put it on the charger,” She whispered, a slight blush on her face. 

“Oh,” Grayson’s jaw dropped, as Ethan hysterically laughed at his expression, “Next to the bed?”

Grayson apologized to his brother after lashing out on him for something he clearly did not do, as for Y/N, she never moved anything of Grayson’s without telling him. 

Grayson and Y/N worked as a pair, Grayson having an extremely short temper while Y/N was patient and thought situations out. While Grayson let his anger get the best of him, Y/N was there to calm him down, her calm energy transferring on to him when he needed it most.

Like when someone would mess up on his order, she would quickly calm him down, decided it would be better if she told the waiter herself. Or when someone would do something that was clearly wrong in the street. Grayson’s road rage was funny but would get him in trouble, so she drove most of the time, having all the patient she needed to live an unbothered life.

But there was a slight problem between the two. 

They both noticed it, yet purposely ignored it. After all, why fix something that isn’t broken? 

Y/N was your basic woman, with a few different things here and there. She was just normal, nothing out of the ordinary, is what she liked to call herself. She had a normal 9 to 5 job at the hospital, did yoga in the afternoon, went on morning runs when possible, she was an independent woman. 

Grayson had the basic 9 to 5 at the same hospital Y/N worked at, only they were at completly different areas, Y/N’s being the pediatrics while Grayson was with the adults. While Y/N was doing her daily yoga, he did his daily work out in their basement.

Y/N kept to herself, and closed others out, something that can be blamed on past trauma. She had trust issues, which was the unmentionable problem in her and Gray’s relationship. Sure, she told him stuff here and there, but did she confide in Grayson the way Grayson confided in her? No, she did not. Did that bother Grayson? More than anything in his life before.

Grayson didn’t blame her. He knew about her childhood, so he understood. He didn’t pressure her into anything, always waited until she was ready to talk. It could be months and Y/N wouldn’t have anything to say, other than their random morning conversations, or just general conversation. Which Grayson loved, he just wanted her to tell him more. 

He wanted her to tell him how her day was. How certain things made her feel. What were things she was dying to know? He wanted to know her feelings. Just like he always told her how he felt. Grayson was always open about things, never hiding things from her. 

And that’s what scared her. It terrified her, for past reasons. The main reason being that everyone who has ever hurt her, was open or at least pretended to be open, and used her feelings against her. 

She knew Grayson was different. But her heart, mind, and self-doubt simply wouldn’t allow her. She made progress, which Grayson highly appreciated. 

But he was starting to get impatient, and doubtful. 

Grayson was out spoken. Always making sure his feelings were known, wether verbally or physically. His expression would always give away how he felt, or the tone of his voice. He was simply like that, an open book. Y/N was closed book. No one ever knowing how she felt unless she verbally showed them, purposely that being.

They had met at a Yoga class. Grayson kept messing up causing Y/N to giggle at how he almost fell, doing what to her, and everyone in the class was a simple pose, “It helps if you breath slowly,” she whispered and he turned to look at her, “Hold your breath in, then slowly let it go as you go back down,”

“Like this?” He whispered back and she nodded her head with a smile.

Yoga was supposed to be a one day thing for Grayson. It being a dare Ethan had given him the week before. But someone he found himself there everyday, just to see Y/N of course, just until he gathered enough courage to ask her out.

“Dude, just what if she never trusts me?” Grayson vented to his older brother. He thought Ethan would know the answer to some of his questions, he was in a long-term relationship, so he must know right?

“Give her time Gray. Remember when we met her? She was afraid to even talk,” Ethan said, putting his phone in his pocket to give his brother his full attention. 

“I know E, I just-,” Grayson sighed, not knowing how to word how he was starting to lose his patience, “I don’t know what else to do Ethan. I tell her everything, I never pressure her into doing or saying anything, I trust her, why doesn’t she trust me?”

Ethan raised his brow, leaning his elbows on his lap, “Have you ever given her a reason not to trust you?”

“No, never. Like I said, I tell her everything and I barely go out without her, E, I’m losing my temper, it’s too hard” Grayson sighed. 

“Just giver her time dude,” Ethan said and Grayson rolled his eyes.

“What if I’m running out of time?”

He wasn’t going to give up on them, not yet. He was simply going to-, not confront her about it, just tell her how he felt. 

Three weeks after his conversation Grayson hadn’t told her how he felt. He did the exact opposite. He closed her off, kept his feelings to himself. Y/N noticed, so one morning she decided to switch their routine up just once. 

“How are you feeling?” She asked him before taking a sip of her coffee, her eyes looking at his side profile over the top. 

“I’m okay,” his tone was monotone. No emotion to be found within a ten mile radius. 

 She nodded her head, not really knowing a way or phrase to reply to his answer, so she just minded her business as he got up from his chair, maybe he was having a bad day?

She continued with her morning, there were no random thoughts or questions that day, or the following days. They just quietly sat on their porch, cups between their hands as the silence consumed their souls, many thoughts wanting to be said, and no sounds to be heard other than the ones coming from nature. 

“Grayson are you okay? Did I do something? Why are you shutting me out?” Y/N asked, the bomb ticking inside her finally hitting zero. It had been four days since they'd spoken to each other over reason’s she was not aware of. 

She thought he was simply not feeling himself, but with the stupid glares he was shooting at her, she knew it was more than that.

Grayson chuckled in a mocking manner, an amused expression on his face, "Shutting you out?”  You’re really pulling that card?”

“Card what fucking card? You have not spoken to me in four fucking days Grayson! How do you think I feel?” She argued, her feelings getting the best of her making tears cloud her vision. Her heart was beating faster than it should’ve been, brain not knowing what thought to focus on as her fingernails dug into her palms.

“How do I think you feel?” Grayson scoffed, “Let’s see, how do you think I’ve felt these past three fucking years? You’ve been shutting me every day. I tell you everything Y/N. Fucking everything and what do you do? Go on with your fucking day leaving me wondering if I did something wrong. I’ve wondered every day for the past three years if you’re ever going to trust me. And at this point I’m tired of waiting, I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of wondering, I’m tired of being open for you to close me out Y/N,” Grayson shouted, his mouth rambling out more words than he intended. But he didn’t feel guilty, he shouldn’t have. He wasn’t doing anything wrong, and it needed to be done.

“Is that how you feel?” She whispered, shaking her head. 

Grayson rolled his eyes, scoffing at how she was acting, “Is that how I fucking feel! Don’t be oblivious Y/N, it’s now how I fucking feel, it’s the truth. I tell you everything, I tell you what I did at work, I tell you how I feel about things. I’m completely honest and open with you, fully transparent. And you? You’re not; If I ask you how you feel, you say I’m fine and walk away, you don’t tell me what you did at work, you don’t tell me how you feel about certain things, how is that supposed to make me feel Y/N,” he calmed himself down, knowing it wasn’t a conversation to get mad and overreact at. 

It was their first serious argument. Where their statements and sides actually mattered. Where there was no time to joke around or simply drop it. It was an argument over a problem that could no longer be overlooked, a problem that needed to be fixed for the sake of their relationship. 

“Why are you being so fucking rude? If you’re tired just fucking go Grayson,” she spat, her sadness being overthrown by her anger, “When we first go together I told you, and you said you wait, you promise to fucking wait. Just leave now Grayson. Save me the fucking time of day,” 

“Let me know when you’re ready to let people back in again,” Grayson glared, he grabbed his phone from the coffee table between the couches, he slammed the door on the way out, his attitude being way too hard to even care about the crying Y/N he left behind. 

Tears stained cheeks, her lips red and swollen from biting them, and her nose red and puffy from sniffling and wiping it so much.

She wasn’t surprised, it wouldn’t be the first time someone walked out on her. It wasn’t the first time she saw someone give up on her. Just disappointed, she had hope for Grayson. She truly did. 

She hoped he would stay. He hoped for him to tell her that it was alright, that he would tell her she could take all the time she needed. She knew it was a bit selfish of her, she just couldn’t help it. Things that are broken would never be the same again, and her heart was shattered and betrayed. With a sigh, she wiped the last few tears knowing that it was up to her to make things right. 

Grayson never gave them a reason not to trust him, but neither did he. But Grayson wasn’t like the rest. Grayson loved the domestic moments and was patient with her. He showed her the true meaning of love, and when someone actually means it. 

She grabbed her things from the table near the door, got in her car, and drove to the place where she knew Grayson was at. 

. . . 

“Hey E,” She greeted Ethan with a hug, a small smile on both of their lips. 

“How you been?” He asked and she shrugged. 

“Been good, got a promotion,” she smiled and he nodded his head as he thought of what to say. 

“Wait- that’s so amazing congrats,” he spoke as he turned to look at his backyard, “Grayson’s by the pool,”

Her feet carried her through the house, all the way to the clear door with a view of the pool where a stressed out Grayson sat with his feet inside the pool, she let out a sigh stopping herself from completely showing her lip off, and walked towards him. 

“Gray,” her soft voice whispered as she sat down in a criss-cross manner, her voice trembling as her nerves consumed her from the inside-out, “First, I wanna apologize for being inconsiderate about your feelings. It’s been very selfish of me to forget how you felt,” She recited the words that she repeated to herself in the car on the way to Ethan’s house, “I promise to start opening up to you, it’s just that I know you were way too bright for me, and open and that scared me, but I promise to try,” she sniffled and he nodded his head, pulling her closer to him. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry, I was just scared. What if you never learned to trust me? I was scared, And I know that you’re scared because hearts get broken, but it was eating me alive. I know that you’re scared because I’m so open, and so was he, but I’m not him. I can never see myself purposely hurting you. I just want you to trust me, to tell me how you feel,” he murmured as she listened. 

“I’ll start by telling you about him, is that okay?” She asked after taking a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself down before she crushed her walls down for Grayson. 

“If you feel comfortable,” he grabbed her hand, squeezing a few times. A sign to tell her he would always be there.

“His name was Trevor. He was my everything you know? My first boyfriend, first kiss, first time, first heartbreak,” she chuckled, a sad broken chuckle, “We started dating Junior year of High School, he was the best. Always wanted to know what I wanted and needed, always getting me what I wanted and needed. He always took care of me. And for years I thought he was the one since he was perfect. Too perfect to be true. When I found out he was fucking with one of my classmates in my freshman year of college he changed. So different from High School Trevor. He became abusive. The first time he pushed me against the fridge, said I shouldn’t be questioning his personal life. And he became worse after that, when I said I wanted to break up he forced himself on me, said I was his property and only his. I stayed with him until sophomore year when I couldn’t take more of it. But he found me, and he uhh, he um raped me, that’s when I went to the police and told them everything, And then I met you, and here we are,” 

Y/N felt some sort of relief after lifting that weight off her shoulders. Holding things back for more than 2 years can start to consume you both emotionally and physically. She was glad she was able to confide her biggest secret in Grayson. She knew she could trust him, and she did. Knowing it was the only way to leave her past in the past and start her future with Grayson. 

Grayson listened. Didn’t show any emotion other than empathy. He could hear the pain and disgust in her voice. The betrayal radiated off of her. And for once ever since he met her, he could see hate in her eyes. He felt bad for her. And he hated Trevor without having a clue of who he even was. He despised any man who put their hands on a woman, who touched a woman when she didn’t want to. And to hear that the current love of his life went through that triggered a switch in him.

Not a negative switch, a positive one, a beneficial one. He swore to become more understanding and patient when it came to Y/N. He didn’t want to make her like he was overprotecting her, but safe. He wanted her to know she was safe, and that he would never let anyone and, or anything hurt her, ever. “Y/N, babe, I’m so sorry, I promise you that you’ll never have to go through any of that crap ever again. I promise to make you feel comfortable, and protect you from things that will do nothing but hurt you,” he whispered as a smile made its way on her face.

“You don’t have to promise anything to me, Gray. You’ve always done that for me, and I couldn't thank you enough,” she placed a kiss on his cheek.

“I know. But I still want to,” 

Day by day Y/N learned to open up to people in general, not only to Grayson but to the people around her. Not to mention, she could sleep better at night. 

“Do you believe in soulmates now?” Grayson asked over their usual morning cup of coffee. 

They were in each other's arms, a smile on both of their faces as Y/N laid her head on his chest, the morning sun browning their skin just right. 

“I do,” she smiled, her answer changing from the one she gave Grayson a few months prior, “You’re my soulmate, or at least I hope so,” she smiled, tilting her head to look up at him. 

Maybe they were soulmates. Or maybe they weren’t. Who's to know? But they both believed they were made for each other. Filling up pieces that the other person was missing and so on, in a good way of course. 

Tag List: @blazedgraysons @evergreendolan @simplyxdolxstyles @rhyrhy462 @resilientdolan​ @guiltydols​ @onlyyyariii​ @blindedbythelightt​ @ydolanssss​ @finelinedolans​ @fangdolan​ @babey-gray​ @prettyboydolan​ @deeperdolan​ @strawberryystyles​ @grantzarrr​ {if you wanna be added just lmk :)}

This...is so bad. I hate it…..I don’t know why. Maybe it’s because these were written while I was sleep deprived or because I said it was bad up to the point where I manifested it.

[nctsworld]

sweeter than ice cream

✩ mark x reader (ft. jaehyun + johnny) | fluff | 2k 

→ summary: mark’s got a crush on the new local ice cream vendor. when he finally musters up the courage to order ice cream for himself, he messes up and doesn’t grab it by the cone.  → warnings: dripping with fluff, one swear word, mark’s a (loveable) dork/dumbass and talks to himself → prompt: You’re an employee and I have a crush on you so when you hand me the soft serve  ice cream I accidentally grab it by the ice cream instead of the cone

→ gif created by me, please don’t repost or share without credit!

Mark, Jaehyun, and Johnny opt to grab ice cream after dinner, like they often did on hot days after busy schedules. All is well as the three boys laugh down the street without a care in the world, until Mark notices the new ice cream vendor attending the usual stand. 

He can only see the side of your face and a glimpse of your smile that you flash at the departing customer leaving the cart. 

And that’s all it takes for him to stop in his tracks. 

Jaehyun and Johnny are practically at the cart when they take heed at the awestruck one left behind.

“Dude, what do you want?” Johnny calls down the street, unfazed by Mark’s bizarre behaviour. 

His eyes are still fixated on you. It takes a moment for him to realize he isn’t breathing; he gasps sharply in response. 

“I’ll, uh,” Mark quickly glances over at Johnny before turning back to you, but now he realizes you’re staring at him. In your head, you casually label him as the boy down the block, who is technically holding the line because the two guys at the front of the line are waiting for him.

“I’m good actually! I’ll see you guys at home!” he waves and turns around faster than he can even think, leaving the boys to get ice cream by themselves. Johnny and Jaehyun face each other with furrowed eyebrows. 

“Sorry about that. Our friend is a little… weird,” Jaehyun apologizes to you and you shake your head with giggle.

“No worries,” you brush it off as if nothing happened, give them their orders, and resume your shift for the night.

But you can’t help but be a little curious about their weird, yet endearing, friend.

The next time the trio visits you, your stand is on the other end of the block and your shift is in the middle of the day. 

The boys have come back earlier from their schedules than expected and are on their way back to their dorm when Mark freezes again in your presence, especially since you are right in front of him this time. He smiles unknowingly to himself, noting how you shine even more in daylight. 

All the noise surrounding him disappears; his heart’s pounding is deafening in his ears.

This time, since he’s in front of them, Jaehyun and Johnny catch on fast when Mark stops walking because they crash into him. The latter of the two grunts in pain.  

“Why did you stop-” the tallest of the three glances up and sees you directly ahead. The lightbulb goes off, thus Johnny spins Mark around and huddles with him and Jaehyun. 

Wary of how close you are, Johnny spits in a hush, “Mark, do you have a crush on the new ice cream girl?” 

“No, I do not have a crush on the new ice cream girl!” the youngest replies between gritted teeth, fearful that you can hear everything that is happening.

“Then why did you stop?!” Johnny mocks his body language, rebutting with gritted teeth. 

“Because I…” Pausing for a moment, he rolls his eyes to ponder a good excuse. 

“Because you think the new ice cream girl is cute?” Jaehyun interrupts with the truth. 

Mark inhales for a moment, ready to refute, but then sighs heavily, defeated. He grumbles, “Okay, maybe I think she’s sorta cute...” 

“Then talk to her! You get to have ice cream and get to talk to a cute girl. Your two favourite things in the world.” 

“They are not my two-”

“Excuse me.” 

All three of them look at each other with wide eyes prior to turning to face the sweet voice that belongs to you as you call them from a few steps away. 

“Sorry to interrupt, boys, but are you guys going to order anything? There’s a small line forming behind you,” you gesture shyly with your index finger. 

Guiltily, they see how everyone behind them is gawking at them. Without thought, they decide to step closer to the front of your cart, with Mark hovering behind the two taller figures. 

He tries to scan the menu to decide on a flavour, but also wants to steal a glance at you. At the same time, he doesn’t want to steal a glance at you because he knows that he’s going to end up a sadder mess worse than fallen ice cream if you two make eye contact.

“Is there pistachio today by any chance?” Jaehyun asks. 

“No, sorry. We only have green tea again.” 

“Ah, no worries. I’ll get that.”

“I’ll have-”

“Green tea, like last time?” you finish Johnny’s sentence, remembering what he ordered last time, and he grins with an impressed nod. 

Then, all parties face Mark, who simply has his eyes open like a deer in the headlights. Once again, he peers at the menu, but nothing is computing in his brain because he feels your eyes on him. 

“I’ll have, uh…” 

His filler drags on in awkward silence. You pucker your lips to the side of your face, mentally confirming how he truly is indeed endearing and cuter than you expected. Although you want to give him all the time in the world, you, along with his friends, sense those waiting in line boring holes into all of your heads, especially at the droning boy still staring mindlessly at the menu.  

“Uh…” 

Saving the day, Johnny chimes in, “Do you guys happen to have cookies and cream? That’s his favourite flavour.” 

You shake your head with a sad smile, “I’m sorry, we just ran out. Is vanilla okay?” 

Even though his friend is the one speaking for him, you deliberately look at Mark for an answer. It is his order after all. 

Then, he doesn’t think much of it, but he glimpses into your stare and, like he fears, Mark gets lost beyond the stars and galaxies of your eyes. Completely unaware of what is happening, yet all he knows is he’s putty around you. 

You’re unsure if it’s just the weather or the way the boy’s looking at you, but you feel yourself getting a little warmer with each passing second. 

Despite how your question doesn’t register into his brain and he completely has no idea what you said, he still manages to nod. One chuckle from you and a dopey smile forms on Mark’s face as you begin to scoop out the orders. He’s unsure of why, but he’s a little proud of himself that he was able to make you laugh. 

After you hand out the cones to them all and Jaehyun pays for the ice cream, the boys say their thank you’s (well, Mark’s thank you was an inaudible one, but you could tell he was grateful) as the people in line sigh with alleviation. 

During the next order, you peer back and forth between the new customer and the three boys walking down the street. You see the taller boys ruffling the endearing boy’s hair and patting him on the back while they all seem to lick their ice creams in content. 

Hopefully, when, and if, the cute boy comes around again on one of your shifts, you’d hope to have the cookies and cream flavour ready and in stock just for him. 

Over the course of the next few weeks, Mark tries to check out the stand whenever he’s free to see if you’re on duty. For once, he wants to be able to order ice cream from you (and maybe finally talk to you) without the pressure from the others. Unfortunately, you weren’t working the shifts when he came by in previous weeks. Fortunately, he struck gold one Saturday night.

As always, the line is long, but because it’s the weekend, it looks like it would never end. Regardless, Mark would wait forever if it meant he could be in your presence again. Waiting in line, he runs through the script in his head over on replay. 

Is there cookies and cream? No? Okay, I’ll get vanilla. Oh, there is? Cool, cool… 

No, don’t say cool. Awesome? Awesome! 

The line moves a little ahead and Mark treads along as he bounces on the balls of his feet with his hands in his pockets. 

Okay, awesome is worse than cool. Cool is fine. Cool is cool. Cool is good.

I’m cool. So cool. So good. I’m good. I’m goooood. We’re good. Stop saying good. 

God, I wonder what she thinks of me? 

He runs a hand through his hair, knowing that he’s about to be up in front with you. The customer in front of him drifts away from the cart and he drags his feet to make his way towards you. You greet him with your signatory honey smile and he’s already a goner. 

“Hi.” 

A beat. 

Two beaming faces. 

Wasn’t the third time supposed to be easier? 

“Hi,” Mark squeaks.  

Another beat. 

“What can I get you today?” 

Just like I practiced—

“Is there vanilla?” 

Shit. 

“Oh, did you not want-”

“I mean, is there cookies and cream?” 

Both of you talk over one another and giggle in unison. Mark rubs the back of his head. Similarly, you tug a little at your apron. The awkward ice between you two starts to melt. 

You nod, reaching into the freezer and scooping him out almost the last bit of the flavour. It’s not like you’ve been deliberately keeping a bit of cookies and cream ready in case he’d come by during your shifts. 

Handing him the cone, you meet each other once again with deep looks. He’s attractive, way too attractive for his own good, and he has eyes that are calm, yet have an underlying flicker of fierceness too.

Eyes still fixed on you too, entranced by your soft, gentle gaze, Mark grabs the ice cream cone.

Or so he thinks.  

Nope, that isn’t the cone. That is the sticky, dripping ice cream between his fingers, which is now dripping onto the cone and your fingers.

Perhaps he should’ve brought Johnny and Jaehyun around in case things like this happened.

“Oh, my god! I’m so sorry!” Mark bursts in apologies, frantically looking for tissues around to aid in wiping the mess up. He instinctively backs up a bit, then drops the ice cream scoop on his hand down to the sidewalk. 

“Don’t worry,” you drop the cone and manage to find a wet towel behind your counter to wipe yourself up, before you naturally lightly grasp onto his raised wrist to wipe him as well. It’s happening all too fast, but tingles rise in both of your cheeks. “Happens all the time.” 

You almost finish getting in between the crooks of his fingers when he croaks, “Really?” 

Shaking your head with a friendly pout, you reply, “No, not really.” 

As you finish cleaning his hand, you let go of him and rescoop up another cone for him. Thankfully, you have enough for two scoops. 

You raise an eyebrow distrustfully, “Promise not to drop it?” 

Your question may be laced with sarcasm, but you honestly did not have enough cookies and cream for another scoop if he dropped it again. And you didn’t want to see what disappointment looked like on him.  

He chuckles, causing your heart to flare everywhere in adoration, “I promise.” 

With extra effort and careful attention this time, he successfully holds onto the cone and begins to fetch money from his pocket.

You interject before he fishes any money out, “Don’t worry about it; it’s on the house.” 

A puzzled expression falls over him and he stutters, “What, no, it’s okay. I feel bad-” 

At this point, you couldn’t care less about the line of people huffing and groaning behind him. You’ve been waiting for this guy to show up on your shift again for weeks and something had to give.

Leaning a little closer to him on the counter, you whisper, “You just gotta promise me one other thing.” 

He mirrors you, leans a little closer to be almost cheek against cheek with you, as if you were about to tell him the biggest secret in the world, and tilts his head, genuinely unsure of what you’re about to say. 

“What is it?” 

“Next time you come here, and feel free to bring your friends for moral support, but…” he winces at the mention, but you persist, “...You gotta ask me out on a date.” 

Mark breaks away for a second, enough for you to see him nodding to himself. With a lick of his lips, he pierces your gaze, that flicker of fierceness hinted previously burning intensely now, and he whispers—

“I think I can manage that.”