#wow this was a muscle study that exploded

[sweetmapple]

Trench Spotlight

[spiderb00bs]

- REACH ME

Tara Carpenter x reader 

“Maybe Tara wanted to be more than your friend” 

Genre – smut    Warnings – mentions distant parents 

(request) 

Now playing – What You Need, by The Weeknd

Tara Carpenter was never very open about how she felt. She struggled with her emotions, most of the time keeping everything to herself until she couldn't take it anymore and exploded. She knew it was a bad thing to do, something that would only harm herself, but she still couldn't act any other way.   

Any feeling, anger, sadness, sometimes even happiness, Tara kept inside her, even if her heart was on the verge of exploding. Even though Tara had been doing this since she was practically a child, she still couldn't hide certain feelings from her friends. Which meant that everyone knew about Tara's huge crush on you.   

You and Tara were complicated to say the least, always flirting with each other, holding hands around the campus, kissing at some frat parties, you've certainly lost potential people who were interested in the two of you because they thought you and Tara were dating. All this just so that at the end of the day, you and Tara could raise the flag of friendship and make everyone around you want to kick your asses.  

Your friends had had enough. Holy shit! Sam had had enough. All they wanted most was to see you finally admit your feelings for each other, and believe me, they tried everything. Double dates with Anika and Mindy, going out bowling as a couple with Chad and Liv, Ethan and Bailey even tried flirting with both of you to see if you'd get any reaction, but Bailey just got scared of Tara's stares and Ethan backed off because he was sure he'd get punched by you if he stayed by Tara's side for one more second. Amber even locked you in the bathroom once! But that only earned her screams and more screams.   

At some point, everyone was convinced that you might have to figure it out on your own. They didn't know when, they didn't know where, and they certainly had no idea how close it was to happening. Which brings us to the present moment.  

You and Tara always liked to do everything together, and with a big test coming up, you and the Carpenter girl decided it would be a good idea to study together. Your house wasn't noisy, you're sure your brother would stay at his girlfriend's for many days, and your parents were never home, preferring work to spending any time with the family they decided to build themselves.   

Walking to your room - where you and Tara were studying - you carried two glasses of lemonade. Summer was coming and the cold drink seemed perfect to quench your thirst.   

“Man, this is really good.” You said, taking a sip of the liquid in the glass after handing Tara's glass to her.   

Convinced by your tone, Tara brought the glass to her lips, her eyes widening slightly when she saw that you were right. “Wow, you really know how to make something.” Tara says, mocking you.   

“Hey! Of course I know, who the hell do you think I am?”  

Practically throwing yourself into your chair, you felt yourself going slightly backwards in a jolt. Momentarily forgetting that the wheelchair would move if you threw yourself onto it. The sudden movement caused the glass to tip slightly, causing much of the liquid to splash onto your white shirt.   

“Oh, fuck!” Getting up quickly, you heard Tara laughing, glancing at the girl in time to catch her looking at you with a funny face.   

“ Dude, you're such a loser.” Laughing even harder at the scowl on your face, Tara turned around in her wheelchair, following you with her eyes as you walked towards your closet, pulling at your shirt to remove it from your body.   

“Yeah, very funny. Suck my dick, Carpenter."   

Tara knew you meant it in another way, but seeing your muscly back and catching a glimpse of your abdomen and the muscles in your arms made Tara wish you had meant it in the way she was thinking.   

Who could blame her? You were always Tara's ideal type, from the first day she saw you she knew she'd have a fucking crush on you. You were tall, strong, beautiful, had a style to envy, you were polite and funny at the same time. You were everything Tara had always asked the heavens for. But she was afraid, afraid of ruining the friendship you had created over all these years. So she kept accepting the crumbs you gave her, because that was better than losing you completely.   

You and Tara had made out before, but it never went beyond that. Tara knew you had a nice body, and she was even more sure now. With your closet doors open, Tara could see you perfectly well, innocently looking for another shirt, totally oblivious to the hungry gaze the younger Carpenter had in your direction.   

“You know, it's not a bad idea.” Frowning at what Tara had said, you continued looking for a clean, stylish shirt to wear, oblivious to Carpenter's movement around your room.  

“What?” you asked, genuinely confused when a strangely nervous Tara approached you.   

“It wouldn't be a bad idea for me to suck your dick.” In disbelief, you looked at Tara with slightly wide eyes.   

You'd never even talked about sex, let alone considered it. “You're kidding, right?”   

“Why? Do you think you can't handle me?” Tara asked, her fingers gripping the belt loops of your pants, pulling you closer and making you slightly nervous.  

“I can handle it. Can you handle it, Carpenter?” You said, pulling the shorter girl closer by the waist.   

God, you loved Tara's waist, it was so small in your hands, it made you feel so big.   

“Why don't you come and find out...”   

In all the talk, that was more than enough to make you move forward, kissing Tara's lips with desire. Your hands squeezed the girl's slender waist and Tara's sighs were like music to your ears. Her lips tasted like strawberries from the lipstick, and the kiss had a slight aftertaste of the lemonade you were drinking a few minutes ago.   

You couldn't believe it, Tara was simply the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen, and here you were, about to have sex with her. You were nervous, but you had to get over it. You wanted it to be good for Tara, as much as you knew it would be for you.  

Tara gasps as you lift her off the floor, wrapping her legs around your waist, Tara noticing that you were holding her with just one arm, while the other groped the walls, looking for the way out, as you were too busy kissing Tara's neck to lift your head. Finally emerging from the closet, you walk over to the bed, carefully tossing Tara onto it before climbing on top of her.   

“Fuck, you're so hot, Tara.” Lowering your kisses to her breasts, you tugged at the hem of Carpenter's shirt in a silent request to take it off.   

“ Fuck, Yn. Do whatever you want to me!” With a smile on your face, you pulled Tara's shirt off, your fingers quickly going up and opening the clasp of the girl's bra.   

“God, you're so beautiful, Tara.” Hearing your words, the Carpenter girl's body shivered, making her let out a moan as you massaged her breasts - now free of the fabric -.   

“Do you like it?” Looking at you in bewilderment, Tara saw you laugh a little. “Do you like it when I compliment you, Tara?”   

Tara moaned, confirming what you wanted to know.   

“Do you like it when I say you're being a good girl for me?” Tara moaned awkwardly as you took her nipple in your mouth, sucking slowly without giving the girl a chance to respond to your teasing.   

Taking advantage of Tara's distraction in the fog, you unbuttoned the girl's pants, pulling the garment off her body, seeing the damp stain forming on her panties.   

“Fuck, are you already wet?” You teased, leaving a kiss on Tara's clit under the fabric of her underwear, only for the Carpenter girl to let out a loud moan.   

“You do that to me.” Tara said, pulling your hair closer to her intimacy. “Please fuck me.”  

You smiled, knowing that you were making the most of this moment. Even as you felt your cock growing in your pants, you decided that you wanted to make the most of that moment.   

Removing Tara's panties, you gave her pussy an experimental lick, collecting all the juices that flowed from it. “Uhmm, you're delicious, Tara.” Hearing Tara moan, you continued your work.   

Grabbing the brunette's legs, you gained more access to her intimacy, sucking her clit and making the woman squirm in your arms. “Please, Yn. I need more.”  

Looking at the woman, you could see Tara's watery eyes, those eyes that seemed to beg for your pity, those eyes that made you want to torture her even more with pleasure. But at that moment, those eyes made you give in.  

Standing up, you unbuttoned your pants, making Tara lean on her elbows so she wouldn't miss a second of the show. When Tara saw the bulge in your underwear, her mouth was already dry, she had imagined how big you were, even felt it a few times when she was sitting on your lap at parties, but she never thought she would see it up close.   

Seeing Tara look at you as if you were a piece of meat, you let out a snort, reaching out to grab a condom from the drawer of your bedside table. “Drooling too much?”  

“Shut up.” Tara said, the smile on her lips letting you know she was enjoying the moment. “I think you talk too much.”   

Looking at Tara with a raised eyebrow, you watched the girl kneel on the bed, reaching up only to take the condom from your hand, settling back on the bed with a predatory look on her face. “You don't know what you're talking about...”  

“Come here and show me.” Overcome by desire, you took off your underwear, making your cock jump free and hit your abs.   

Climbing onto the bed, you made your way between Tara's legs, kissing the Carpenter girl as soon as you had the chance. You gasped into the kiss as soon as you felt Tara's hand reach your cock, feeling her pump a few times, you spread kisses across her neck, distracting yourself while the younger Carpenter put the condom on you.   

Moving up from her neck to Tara's jaw, you pulled away from her slightly, looking into her brown eyes. “Are you sure you want to do this?”   

Rolling her eyes, Tara put a sarcastic smile on her face. “Why? Don't you think you can handle it?”   

Getting onto your knees properly, you watched Tara lie back comfortably on your pillows. “I just want to make sure you're comfortable with it, Tara.”   

Seeing that you were serious, the Carpenter girl stretched out her arm, her hand resting on your waist, only for her to shake her head, as if finally realizing that you wanted a sincere answer from her.   

“Of course I do.” Sitting up properly on the bed, Tara's hand reached for the back of your neck, pulling you until your forehead was resting against hers. “I've never wanted anything as much as I want this, Yn.”  

Seeing you nod, Tara smiled, pulling you into a kiss and making you lie on top of her. One of your hands was on her waist, while the other guided your cock to her wet pussy.  

Carefully, you slid the head of your cock into Tara, making the woman moan into the kiss. “Fuck, you're so big!”   

“You like that, pretty girl?” Tara moaned at the nickname, ecstatic as you sank into her inch by inch.   

“Fuck, I love it.” Taking your hand in hers, she looked up at you, almost as if asking your permission.   

With your cock all impaled inside Tara, you took both her hands, intertwining them with yours and placing them on top of her head. Your thrusts began at a slow pace, but increased in line with Tara's desperate pleas.   

The brunette underneath you was ecstatic, she was loving it, you were even better than Tara had imagined. You could make the hard feel soft, and the fast feel loving, you could make Tara feel two ways at the same time. She had never had sex with someone who made her feel loved and dirty at the same time.   

The words and compliments you whispered to her made Tara's stomach churn with pleasure, your big, sturdy form on top of her gave her the feeling of protection and imposingness that she used to hate with guys out there. But Tara knew you weren't a guy, and you weren't even close to being a jerk like them either.  

You managed to be gentle and loving amidst the brutality of your thrusts, you managed to leave Tara wanting more, you were making the brunette see stars. And it was only when Tara felt that no forming that she let out a loud moan, which was quickly muffled by your lips on hers.   

You knew Tara was coming, when you pulled away from the kiss, you saw her eyes roll back, her hands squeezing yours as it became harder and harder to move inside her. Slowing your thrusts, you followed Tara all the way up her, still hitting her g-spot as you chased your own orgasm.  

Kissing Tara's forehead, you thrust a few more times, seeing tears of pleasure in the woman's eyes. Grunting, you pulled your cock out of Tara, masturbating quickly and watching the jets of your come fill the condom.   

“Fuck...” Taking off the condom, you went to the bathroom, disposing of it in the trash and getting back into bed as quickly as possible, worried that Tara would think it meant nothing to you.   

Lying next to the brunette, you could see the smile on her face. Crawling closer to her, you left a kiss on the younger Carpenter's cheek, making her look at you with heartfelt eyes.   

“Was it good for you?” you asked, still worried that you hadn't satisfied the woman.   

“Are you kidding?” Tara asked, settling down on your bare chest. “It was the best fuck of my life.” She said laughing.   

Smiling, you looked at Tara, the words stuck in your throat. “Did that... mean anything? Or like, are we just friends who fuck?” You asked, laughing nervously.   

“Yn, I never wanted to be just your friend.” Tara said, leaning in and kissing your lips.   

A feeling of relief ran through your body. Finally, you had the girl you'd always wanted, and you were going to do everything to make her happy. 

hey guys, I hope you're well.

I'm very happy to be posting here today, I hope I'll be able to post some short requests and some thoughts that you send as well.

did you see the oscars? honestly, i'm very happy that “i'm still here” won an award. And although I was rooting for Fernanda until the last minute, I'm also very happy for Mikey. And I want to say that this profile does not support ANY kind of hate or misogyny towards Mikey.

Mikey is a kind and loving soul, and she's just doing her job. So I want to make it clear that I don't support any kind of hate.

anyway, that's it. drink water, stay safe

xoxo, spider.

[kaiyax1]

posting chapter 1 here cause I feel like it

Ford couldn’t believe it.

His muse, his greatest ally, the being he had trusted more than anyone, was a monster.

The portal hadn’t been for science. It hadn’t been for discovery. It had been a doorway—a trap. A way for Bill to enter his world.

His heart pounded as he staggered toward the switch. He had to shut it down.

But before he could reach it, a searing pain exploded through his body. His muscles locked, his bones twisted and burned as though they were being crushed from the inside out. He gasped, falling to his knees, his vision blurring at the edges.

The pain was unbearable.

Then—

Nothing.

A voice slithered into his mind, smooth and sharp.

“Heya, Sixer! Rise and shine, sleepyhead!”

Ford’s eyes snapped open.

He wasn’t in his lab. He wasn’t anywhere. It was a void—nothing but black stretching infinitely around him. And standing in the middle of it, grinning down at him, was Bill Cipher.

Rage surged through Ford like wildfire. “I won’t fall for your tricks again, Cipher! I won’t continue the portal!”

Bill snickered. “Oh, buddy, you really think you have a say in this? That’s adorable! But let’s be real—you wanna finish it. You need to.”

Ford clenched his fists. “I know what you’re trying to do! You’re using me to open a gateway for yourself—”

Bill sighed dramatically, floating closer. “Wow, way to make it sound so sinister! Sixer, buddy, pal—who do ya think inspired you to build the thing in the first place? The portal’s your greatest creation! Your life’s work! You really wanna just… throw that all away?”

Ford opened his mouth to argue, but something cracked in his mind—

Bill snapped his fingers—

And everything went blank.

When Ford woke up, he was back in the lab.

His head throbbed. The air felt heavy, like he had been asleep for days. Maybe he had. He wasn’t sure.

He pushed himself up, blinking as he took in the room. The portal. It stood in front of him, dark and lifeless, its metal frame coated in dust.

His thoughts were jumbled. What had he been doing?

And then it clicked.

Right. He was working on the portal.

Ford shook his head, reaching for his notes. He had wasted enough time. But as he studied the machinery, something felt… off. The wires were tangled, panels were dented, some components were outright missing. He frowned, flipping through his notebook. Had someone tampered with it?

The only other person who had access to the lab was—

Fiddleford.

Ford’s jaw tightened. It had to be him.

His former research partner had always been skittish, always afraid of what they were doing. He had tried to warn Ford, hadn’t he? Rambling on about forces beyond their understanding, about things he had seen. Had Fiddleford really been so desperate to stop the project that he’d sabotage it?

The thought made Ford’s stomach twist.

He had trusted him.

He shook his head, gripping his pen tightly. It didn’t matter. Fiddleford was gone—had made that decision himself. Ford didn’t need him.

He’d finish this alone.

Ford buried himself in his work.

Days passed—he wasn’t sure how many. He barely slept, barely ate, barely left the lab. Every time he closed his eyes, he heard Bill’s voice whispering in his ear.

“Almost there, genius! Just a few more tweaks…”

But no matter how hard he worked, no matter how many calculations he corrected, he kept running into problems. He understood physics, quantum mechanics—but engineering? That had never been his strong suit.

He hated to admit it, but without Fiddleford, progress had slowed to a crawl.

He considered calling him. Maybe—maybe if he just explained it logically, Fiddleford would listen. Maybe he could convince him that the portal was too important to abandon.

But then he remembered the way Fiddleford had looked at him before he left.

Terrified.

Like Ford was the monster.

The words Bill had whispered to him came creeping back.

“Trust no one.”

Ford inhaled sharply. No. Fiddleford would only try to stop him again. He couldn’t risk that. He couldn’t risk losing the project.

He’d do it alone.

No matter what.

If anyone has any tips or pointers please lmk, I’m always looking to improve my fanfic writing! I’ve already finished chapter 2 (it’s a bit longer with more dialogue, and I totally didn’t not do my math work just to write it..)

[the-firebird69]

Steven Seagal stuns UFC Crowd! / Seagal vs Feijao (Full MMA Match)

You can see how the technique works better mentions that this man is dangerous do you have sea fighter And he had to keep him off a little bit cuz he didn't close in slapping doesn't work too good his dude but he didn't want to turn into a brawl and he didn't hit him or anything but this does show it if somebody's natural defenses a lot of people have natural defenses to you slapping and slap their hands away Jenna does it all the time it looks hilarious no it's like she's in trouble and she does it sometimes for a long time before someone can get there and it's survival in other women too Sarah does it and they say that they might be able to win a slap fight with the men and he's usually skinny and stuff that's how they get there cuz they be fighting women and they're interested in doing it they've been doing a lot of flack and it slapped him a lot

Thor Freya

Wow this is fun and my husband observes things pretty good but I noticed something else the other fighter was getting dominated and that is something of slapping that happens you don't want to get slapped to anything they'll stop if you bow down and it works but really my husband says no the UFC guys he's going to come in and hit him in this in the body and all sudden I see something is it's kind of tricky but for trained fighters that's what they do so even slap fighters would know it and some slap I just like this guy would be better close in and Steven seagal got curious I hear and he challenge him to a real slap fight no UFC and he was doing it and the UFC fighter came in close and he thought he'd hit him and all sudden he looks up and slaps him and Steven seagal was surprised and he said what is this and his hands are fast and it's a quick Arch like arm wrestling and it dazed him a little bit surprised him mostly and he did it again it said no way and so he said well his strength will be coming in close because I have long arms but unfortunately for the UFC fighter he is technique and he does the wrist action like what is it called racquetball and he knocked him down and he says I'm going to do with you is that I need some kind of training this is abysmal it was very everybody's threatening me to go after you and ours and you get upset and said that's what it is and if they're trying to negate it and they got people involved and he said yes and dragged out brawl turns into the pseudo empire versus warlock and they're really like the overlords they're affected and he said oh but really it's not even that great and he said that's terrible but they are running on in there cuz they push the Big fellas out and everyone else does I guess that so you found the plan and said no way his right and his shocked his watching your thinking and studying having a hard time doing regular stuff and it was on cuz it pissed him off can't trade you a little and things exploded and then he saw what you're saying

Hera

It's got a lot of hair it's getting very hairy and he says it's a sign that his immune system is coming back and it really is and he's growing a little bit it's real hard to see and it's not really growing up but he's getting weight and it's solid weight some bone and some muscle and a teeny bit of heights probably an eighth of an inch and fluctuates with the caffeine it's like the tide

Thor Freya

Olympus

Out of the blue earlier today this is bound to frustrate anybody the Tide's going up and down my head is going up and down a little and The song remains the same kind of and we said this is terrible it's stinky it's a stink pot he doesn't grow he doesn't get big isn't that any money doesn't go anywhere nothing changes and he suck riding a bicycle as I am the cheese this is some real pork and stupid s*** and then he ends up on a bicycle and we have plans to do all this but Jesus Christ what a nuisance the water is up it's just titties tedious as hell doesn't mean s*** about other stuff and it's really awful

Macs

Baby my kind of stuff and it's not distracting anymore it's freaking everyone angry

Mac Daddy

Olympus

[canirove]

Ten years | Chapter 2

Previous chapter | Next chapter

Masterlist

The next day, the only topic of conversation at the pub is the inauguration. And I feel like if I keep rolling my eyes with the things I'm hearing, they'll get stuck at the back of my head.

"Bro, did you see his new girl? She is so hot."

"I know, bro."

"Your breakfast" I say, putting the plates on the table.

"Oh, hi, sorry. We didn't see you there."

"Yeah, we didn't mean to be rude."

"Rude?"

"We were talking about Declan's new girl..."

"And?" I say, arching an eyebrow.

"We thought..."

"You thought wrong. Enjoy your meal."

"Who are you hating on now?" Dom says when he sees me walking towards the counter.

"No one."

"Oh, c'mon. You were cursing under your breath, I heard you."

"It's nothing. But if people want me to move on, maybe they should stop apologizing for mentioning him? Make it something normal, like when you talk about the weather."

"On that, I'm with you. And I gotta leave."

"Now? Where?"

"They want me to check something at the camp. I'll be back before you know it, and Lily should be starting her shift soon. You'll be fine."

"I better."

"You will, sis" he says, kissing my cheek.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━      

"Lily, now that things have calmed down a bit, I'm going up to the office to do some paperwork. If you need help, call for me."

"Ok."

This pub has been on our family for a few generations now. Dom was the one supposed to keep it going after our parents decided to retire, but it was me who actually did it after my French failure, mainly because he was still studying. And here I've been since then, managing the pub and actually making it thrive.

"Urgh" I say after looking at numbers for an hour. "I need some chocolate or my head is going to explode."

"Oh, sorry" someone says when I open the door to leave the office, clashing against me and grabbing me by the waist, my hands on his chest. His very hard and muscled chest.

"Declan" I whisper when I finally manage to look up, my eyes getting lost on his. Is it possible that they look even more beautiful than I remembered? And his lashes? My God, who has lashes that long and pretty? It's not fair.

"Hi" he says, his gaze focused on mine. I don't know for how long we stay like that, looking at each other, our hands on the other. But it feels like hours. "I was looking for Dom" he finally says, letting go of my waist and instantly making me miss his touch. Damn it.

"He said he had to do something at the camp" I say, taking a step back. "But that was a couple of hours ago."

"He called me 10 minutes ago and told me  to meet him at the pub, so maybe he's on his way. Do you mind if I wait here? Downstairs people are being a bit... You know" he says, smiling while running a hand through his hair, all that combined making feel things I should not be feeling. Again.

"You can stay, yes. I was going downstairs."

"Why don't you wait with me? We could catch up."

"There is nothing to catch up with. And besides, I don't want Barbie Malibu getting mad." Fuck. Shit. Why did I say that?

"Who?"

"Nothing. I better go, so if you don't mind moving from the door..."

"That's Birgit, isn't it? She told me you were rude with her last night."

"Me?"

"Yes, you."

"I wasn’t rude with her. She was the one who called me her while making a disgusted face, and the one who actually threatened me."

"Birgit will never do something like that."

"Then maybe you don't know your girlfriend the way you thought you did. Looks like she isn't just fake physically speaking." Shut up, woman. Shut up! That was so low.

"Oh, wow" he chuckles. "Maybe you are the one I don't know anymore. Since when are you such a bitch?"

"I don't know. Maybe since the day you also changed and started dating girls with half a brain cell?"

"Excuse me?"

"Let me go, Declan. This... Just let me go.” Don’t let me keep talking!

"Yeah, you better go. Who knows what venom you may spit next.”

"Fuck you, Rice" I say, pushing him from the door and running downstairs.

10 years. We haven't spoken to each other in 10 years, and this is how our first conversation goes. I turn into a horrible person, and say things I shouldn’t. Why am I such an idiot?

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━      

"That was so mean an unnecessary."

"I know."

"Like, so mean."

"I know Claire. I know" I say, closing my eyes and massaging my temples, trying to relax.

"One thing is telling me those things, but to him? Like..."

"I'm a bitch. He said it and he's right."

"But you only are a bitch when talking about her. Mostly."

"Mostly" I chuckle.

"You know what I think could help you?"

"Enlighten me."

"Getting laid."

"What?" I say, my relaxation mode gone.

"Yep. You've said before that exercise helps you get things out of your system. So maybe this type of exercise will help you with that, while also letting you relax and who knows, maybe stop thinking about Declan."

"I'm not... Whatever."

"Why don't you give Benjamin a call? He's been asking you out since he moved here."

"Him? Seriously?"

"He's stupidly hot, and is into you."

"He is stupidly hot, but not stupid. If I call him now, when my ex shows up in town after a decade, don't you think he'll suspect I'm doing it because I'm jealous?"

"Are you?"

"No!" Maybe a little? Nah. I'm not jealous of Declan and Barbie Malibu. I am not.

"Well, you won't know what Benjamin thinks until you speak with him, so" Claire says with a shrug.

"Fine. I'll text him. But if he starts thinking that I'm a desperate lame woman, it'll be all your fault."

"Better that than thinking you are a bitch."

[ollie-ollie-oxenfreee]

then came the morning (aka: the post - canon cuddle fic)

The work in progress is finally done! I’ve been chipping away at it for the past couple weeks now, and it’s gone through many drafts / iterations, but I think I’m finally happy with it. :)

Title from an album by the Lone Bellow. 

The first time the two of them “shared a bed” was about as awkward as one might imagine. The initiating circumstances were hardly any better.

 The heating apparatus in their quarters had given out a week or so back in a spectacular fit of dust - laden wheezing. The engineering crew called in to inspect it informed them that it couldn’t be fixed until they could pick up the right parts at the nearest trading post (which was naturally thousands of klicks away on the ragged edge of nowhere). With the ambient heat from the nearby engine room seeping through the wall, the conditions were deemed “unpleasant but survivable.” They were issued two extra threadbare blankets and told in tersely formal military - speak to deal with it. 

 And they’d dealt with it really well for a while! They grit their teeth and carried on like a couple of champs: Harrow, having been thoroughly warned against using her magic too frequently, layering on spare cloaks and sweaters until she almost disappeared under a mountain of black fabric; Gideon curling up close to the engine room wall and wincing when the cold sent spiteful twinges shooting through her still-very-busted knee. 

 But then one night their grand flagship of the revolution chugged through a particularly empty sprawl of space and began to slow down. The heat from the engine room guttered like a candle flame. Frost spiderwebbed across the thin plex of their window. Harrow’s breath showed in thin wisps of vapor as she huffed, glaring down at the pages of her book like she wanted to reprimand the cold for daring to interrupt her studies. 

 Gideon had half a mind to encourage her to try (that glare could stop a full - fledged Lyctor in their tracks, who knew what other horrifying powers it possessed?), but thought better of it when she saw the genuine exhaustion in the other girl’s eyes.

 “You doing alright over there, my vulturine vicar?” she asked. “I know it takes some time to absorb all that good bone knowledge, but you haven’t turned a page in like half an hour.”

 The thunderous look on Harrow’s face darkened further as she set her book aside with an exasperated thump. “This is ridiculous. I studied in the depths of Drearburh for years without any issue, and yet here I am struggling to focus like a novice. It isn’t even that cold.” She bit her lip as a shiver ran through her at the words. 

 “Evidence seems to suggest otherwise, o mistress of melancholy. Do you want me to go ask that guy in the supply room for another blanket? He still owes me for his son’s fencing lesson.”

 Supply room guy didn’t really owe her anything, but she knew that mentioning it would make Harrow feel better. If she could believe that the nice things Gideon did for her were actually for Totally Self - Serving, Debt - Settling reasons, she could accept them without feeling guilty.

 (Guilt had haunted Harrow more than ever upon returning to her own body, making it hard to breathe on good days and leaving her shaking with sobs on bad ones. 

It was one of those fun little things they had in common.)

 From the way Harrow’s shoulders stiffened, though, it seemed that Gideon Nav’s patented Guilt Workaround wasn’t going to be as effective as usual. She shook her head - a stiff little gesture that made her earrings rattle - then sighed. 

 “No. Thank you, though, it’s kind of you to offer.” 

 The thank you was sincere, and that was admittedly pretty nice, but all the sincerity in the world wouldn’t change the fact that Harrow was still  very obviously shivering. She looked miserable beneath her usual mask of face paint and stoicism. The dark red bead of blood-sweat trailing down her temple indicated that she'd probably tried using some kind of homeostasis theorem, but it wasn't working well enough. 

 There had to be a solution to this problem somewhere. Harrow's stubborn pride meant that she wouldn't accept help outright - she would sooner set her books on fire than admit what she thought of as a weakness - but if Gideon could play it just right, maybe she wouldn't have to. It would need to be done carefully - too sappy and she'd be uncomfortable, too straightforward and she'd balk.  Casual, Gideon decided. Nice and casual was the way to go. It would just be a matter of execution.

 "Soooo," she said at length, leaning back against the wall all cool and easy. (She folded her arms up behind her head as an afterthought, appreciating the way it made her still-atrophied-but-getting-there muscles stand out through the thin fabric of her shirt. Confidence boosts were going to be scarce and sorely needed in the conversation to come - she’d take them where she could get them.)

 Naturally, Harrow did not appreciate the change in tack or the cool-and-easy-ness. She did, however, manage to muster up a look so steeped in wary disapproval that it cut through her earlier frustration like a hot knife through bone marrow. “So.”

 “You sure about that blanket? Because really, it would only take me a second -”

 “I’m sure. Thank you.”

 “Then, um, did you want to borrow mine?”

 Harrow blinked. “You need yours.”

 “Yeah, I know! I meant that we could maybe - share. Pool our resources.” She patted the edge of her bunk gamely, then instantly regretted it when Harrow’s eyes narrowed even further. 

 “You want us to sleep together?”

 "No? I mean, technically, but no. In the literal way. Not the other way.” Well maybe the other way sometime if you wanted to but that’s a whole other weird conversation that we probably shouldn't touch with a ten foot pole or we might explode. 

 "How exactly would that work?" The caution was still heavy in Harrow's voice, but some of the disapproval had ebbed away. 

 "I mean. We'd probably need to use my bed, since my sheets aren't covered in gross bone gobbets, but you could bring your blankets over and layer 'em over mine and then we'd have twice the blankets! And, you know, body heat. Which has its perks." Even Gideon's cool-and- easy-ness faltered at that, but she bravely soldiered on. "The point is, we'd both be warm."

 "And it won't - make things weird?" 

 "Nope! Not weird. All perfectly chill, my shivering scion."

 Harrow paused for a moment, worrying her lip between her teeth. "I'll get ready for bed," she said at last, clipped and decisive. "And I'll think about it."

 "Take your time. I'll be here."

 Moments later, after the shivering scion had swept grandly out of the room, Gideon's Thinking Brain crashed unceremoniously into her Talking Brain. Things were not, in fact, going to be perfectly chill. There were going to be some logistical problems with this arrangement. Big logistical problems.

 Big logistical problems namely revolving around the mutually exclusive facts that the midnight monarch was not especially comfortable with touch, and Gideon Nav, space - bee slayer and resurrected badass, was a sleep cuddler.

 Or, well, she was in theory. She didn’t have much (any) “real world” experience to go on, but she’d woken up many, many times back on the Ninth with a bundle of blankets wrapped up in her arms or nestled close to her chest. The habit had never really embarrassed her back then - she actually kind of liked it. She felt warmer and less lonely when she had something to hold, even in the frigid emptiness of her cell. 

 But that was back then. Things were different in the here - and - now. Harrow was in the here - and - now, and Gideon would never forgive herself if she ruined things with Harrow right when their relationship was on the upswing. They were actually talking, slowly figuring out how to work together again. The furious, tearful intensity between them in the wake of their reunion had calmed and warmed into something almost like real friendship. 

 After all that had happened - everything that had gone wrong over the past year and a half - they’d found a fragile sort of peace. There was no way in Hell she was going to ruin that peace now.

 So while Harrow swished about getting ready for bed, Gideon leveled with herself and laid down some ground rules. Don’t make this weird, Nav. Make sure she’s comfortable, give her her space, and don’t think about cuddling with her. 

 ...even though it would probably be warmer, and she has shitty necro circulation and essentially no body mass so she needs all the warmth she can get, and she gets that kinda soft peaceful look on her face when - no, fuck, see? You’re doing it already. Even if she did like you like that, which she absolutely doesn’t because she’s got a good old-fashioned frostbite girl back home, that’s not what you’re here for. You’re her cav. Her sworn sword. You’re here to do your job and make sure she doesn’t get her thumbs bitten off again. That’s it.

 “You’re staring.”

 Harrow’s voice cut sharp as a bone shard through Gideon’s nervous thought - spiral. Having apparently completed her grim evening rituals, she’d settled lightly on the far edge of the to - be - shared bed, countless dark layers poofing out around her like the feathers of a posturing crow. Her face was flecked with dots of gray from scrubbing off her paint, and her short hair stuck up in messy licks of black fluff despite her increasingly irritated attempts to smooth it flat. 

 It shouldn’t have been endearing. It really, really shouldn’t have. 

 It was.

 Gideon was so screwed.

 “Shit,” she muttered, scrubbing a hand over her face to ground herself. She glanced over to meet Harrow’s eyes (and wow, was that a mistake, they were as mesmerizing a swirl of black and gold as ever), then forced a smile like she wasn’t screaming internally. “Sorry. Zoned out a little. You good to go?”

 The wryly exasperated glint in Harrow’s eyes made them glow even brighter in the dim light. “Yes, I’m ‘good to go,’ thank you. Are you, though? You look … troubled.” 

 Shit. Shit. Shit. Think nice, normal thoughts. Don’t let her know. She cannot know. 

 “I’m always good, my chthonic countess,” she lied, smooth as could be, throwing in a roguish wink for good measure. That was distractingly stupid enough, it was bound to work.  

 Harrow frowned. “Why are you blinking like that?”

 The roguish wink apparently had not worked. 

 “No reason! Just dust. In my eye. Lots of very rude dust landing right in my eye. Anyway. How are we doing this?”

 A flicker of genuine, anxious concern ghosted over Harrow’s face as her frown deepened. 

 “Gideon,” she began, in that slow, reluctant way of hers that heralded Incoming Indignity. “I know that you were the one to suggest this, but I want to impress upon you that if you aren’t - certain about it, there is another possible solution.”

 She cast around the room for a moment and reached for a massive, dusty tome at the top of a nearby stack, flipping determinedly through the pages. “I've had the idea for some time, but I only just managed to convince our commanding officer that I could use theorems 'responsibly' without their constant supervision, so I haven't been able to test it until now. Small - scale thanergetic fission reactions produce sparks of flame that, if handled extremely carefully, could give off enough heat - "

 “Wait.” Gideon held up a hand, her own anxious brain jolting back online at the word flame. “Wait, wait, wait. Harrow. Seriously? The concern is sweet, don’t get me wrong, but your other solution is death - fire?”

 “I said that it was a possibility,” she snapped back, that old brittle defensiveness calcifying over the vulnerability in her voice. Her posture straightened with a great rustling of robes: shoulders back, chin high, eyes gleaming with disdainful pride as the bones scattered about their room twitched to life. Looking for all the world like she had when they were ten - twelve - fourteen - sixteen, bitter and vicious and spoiling for a fight. 

 She seemed to realize it right when Gideon did. Her eyes widened, then closed. The bowstring tension in her shoulders slowly ebbed away as her half - formed constructs clattered to the floor. “Sorry,” she said at last, her voice a threadbare murmur. “I’m sorry. That was - uncalled for.”

 “It’s a reflex. I get it.” And she did - she’d done the same thing countless times, had a hand on her sword and a barbed insult on her tongue without even thinking about it. 

 Another one of those fucked up things they had in common. 

 An uneasy silence settled between them, broken only by the rumbling hum of the engines, the thud of footsteps in the hall. 

 “I meant it, you know,” Harrow said, after a long moment. “About other options. It was a half - baked and immature attempt, but I wanted to give you an out if you were uncomfortable.”

 “Yeah, I know, my sepulchral sage. I appreciate it. Half - baked immaturity and all.” She bumped her shoulder gently against Harrow’s, then flopped back on the bunk to stare up at the low ceiling. “Are we, like, committing to honesty hour tonight? How deep into feelings do you want to get?”

 “As deep as is comfortable.”

 “That’s what she said.”

 “It’s a reasonable thing for her to say.”

 Another hush fell over them, marginally more comfortable than the last, as Gideon worried her lip between her teeth and counted the cracks in the ceiling above her. There were nine of them in total. Go fucking figure.

 A bony finger poked her in the side after a few cycles of counting. “Were you going to elaborate, or was that all just a set - up for one of your charming jokes?”

 “I can��t believe it took you eighteen years to finally admit that they’re charming, but no, that’s not why I said it. I’ll lay bare my tender squishy heart for you, penumbral lady. Because you asked so nicely.” 

  Because I think you might already have it. 

 No avoiding it now. Might as well bite the bullet and dive in. 

 “I was on board with the cuddle thing from the beginning, but I felt like you wouldn’t be, and I panicked. You probably already knew that because you’re way more creepily observant than you have any right to be, but there it is. Out in the open.” 

 She squeezed her eyes shut, wishing she could just run away and hide from the other girl’s piercing gaze. “I just don’t want to fuck things up with you, Harrow. I feel like we’ve got a kind of good thing going now. You haven’t called me a useless halfwit in forever, and I haven’t called you a heinous bitch in forever, and I haven’t wanted to. That’s unheard of for us. I don’t want it to go away.”

 Her voice cracked, and the most damning words burst forth like flowers through concrete: “I don’t want to give you a reason to shut me out again.”

 The memories of those nine months flashed in fragmented mosaic through her mind - the slick stone walls of the well, the freezing churn of the water, the burn in her muscles as she desperately thrashed up toward the surface and reached for someone who didn’t even know she was there. The gut - wrenching loneliness that defined her entire fucking life coalescing in that pit of brackish darkness. The chant rattling on loop in her mind as the water pulled her under: Harrow, what happened, what did you do, why the fuck did you leave me here, I had a purpose, I threw myself on that goddamned rail for a reason, was that not enough for you? 

 Was I not enough for you?

 A cool, fine - boned hand laced with hers and squeezed, just once. The memories blurred. 

 “Gideon,” the voice that had haunted her all that time said. “You know - you have to know that isn’t why I did it.”

 “Why did you, then?”

 A tiny hitch of breath. A soft, almost incredulous laugh. Then:

 “Because I loved you.”

 The words hung heavy in the frozen air. 

 “You - what?”

 “I loved you.” She said it so simply. Like it was something she’d come to terms with long ago. “I loved you beyond reason, and for once in my life I wanted to do right by you and keep you safe as you did me. The motivation doesn’t justify a moment of it, I won’t pretend it does, and I can’t even begin to erase the hurt it caused you. But I need you to understand that it was never because of something you did wrong. You are good, darling. Good to the core. You always have been.”

 Bright spots bloomed before Gideon’s eyes as her reeling mind fought to catch up. Three thoughts sprang unbidden to the forefront:

 Mmf.

 And: Darling?

 And:

“Loved. You said ‘loved.’ Why the past tense?”

 She sat there, staring blankly up at the ceiling, half - expecting a don’t be presumptuous, Griddle or something even remotely normal, at least. What she got instead was another laugh, halting and shaky and suddenly deeply bitter. The hand in hers went rigid and drew away. 

 “I came to my senses. I remembered the countless awful things I’ve done. Saw myself for the leech that I am. I’ve taken and taken and taken from you, over and over again, torn away at your life like a scavenger, I can’t steal anything more  - “

 “Who said anything about stealing?”

 For the first time since the grand awkward commencement of honesty hour Gideon felt a genuine smile bloom across her face. “Come on, Nonagesimus, give me some credit. You honestly think I would have stuck around this long if I didn’t know what I was giving you? If I wasn’t getting something out of it too?”

 “What could you possibly be getting out of it?”

 “You. I like you. Like, a lot. More than I ever thought I would. And I know the brain weasels are going to start yammering about how that’s impossible, and you don't deserve it, and we've still got a mountain of baggage left to work through, but I’ve thought about it a lot and I really mean it. Having you with me has made this whole shitty thing infinitely less shitty."

 With a surge of sudden bravery and dizzy emotion, she reached out to take Harrow's hand again and, giving her ample time to pull away, pressed a feather - light kiss to the back. “If you want me here too, sunshine - as your cav or your friend or something else - then I'm not going anywhere."

 Harrow closed her eyes, took a deep shuddering breath, and - smiled. A real one, slow and hesitantly sweet, lighting up her careworn face. "I need to think about it - we both should think about it. But I do want you here, in whatever way you want to be."

 "Yeah? Cool."

 "Cool."

 Silence settled upon them for the third time that night, but this time it was different. It was soft and tentative, fragile and new, like budding grave - flowers reaching for the sun. First flowers, the both of them, clawing up out of the grit and finding a way to bloom.

 "Should we go to sleep now?" Harrow asked at last, her rasping voice low and quiet. "It's getting late."

 "We probably should. Cam and Pal are gonna kill us if we're not up by 6:00 tomorrow. Are you still up for this, though? Like, the whole 'two girls, chilling in a military bunk, zero feet apart 'cause they're freezing and also maybe like each other' thing?"

 "Yes. On one condition."

 "Anything."

 "This might be difficult for you."

 "Seriously, Harrow, just tell me. Name it and it's done."

 "No sex jokes."

 She heaved a sigh, mock - exasperated and so stupidly fond. "As you wish, my dearest darling death omen. As you wish."

 It took a while to get comfortable - with Harrow's knobby elbows jabbing Gideon in the stomach, Gideon's clunky knee brace getting tangled in the sheets, the blankets collectively giving up and puddling on the floor at least ten times - but eventually, like everything else, they made it work. They fumbled through the sleep - cuddling confession with an admirable lack of panic on both sides, culminating in a firm agreement that they would let each other know the moment they were at all uncomfortable and an "I trust you" from Harrow so pure in its sincerity that it would be ringing through Gideon's mind for at least a myriad.

 Harrow was the first to fall asleep, curled up tight in a cocoon of black fabric, the dark crown of her head just barely brushing the sunburst scar on Gideon's chest. Her shallow breaths fell into an even, steady rhythm, interspersed with whistling snores that Gideon was definitely going to tease her about when her heart was less of a melted puddle of goo. 

 The minutes slipped by warm and slow as drops of honey as her own eyes grew heavier, fluttering closed. She gave her necromancer - her Lyctor - her beautiful baneful bone empress one last sleepy smile, and drifted off.

 (When Camilla went to shake her sparring partner awake the next morning, she found the two of them still sound asleep, wrapped up in each other's arms and looking more peaceful than she'd ever seen them. She huffed a laugh, muttered "finally," and let them be.)

[ziaxkawaii]

“Thank you...” (Bakugou x Reader)

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x Reader

Warnings: Cursing.

Summary: Bakugou is passed out so you carry him to his dorm.

Part 1  Part 2

-“God he’s heavy!!!” You grunted as you stopped for a second to get a better grip of the boy on your back.

-Currently you were walking back from the training grounds right before curfew, and you were practically dragging you feet across the pavement while you carried unconscious Bakugou as gently and lightly as possible. 

~You had his body on your back, carrying him in a piggyback style. One of his arms was thrown over your left shoulder and his head rested on your right one, while you held his thighs.

~Your muscles were sore from the earlier excessive training. Your arms and back were littered with burns and bruises, and your tired legs could hardly carry the weight of your body and also your friends slightly heavier body.

~He wasn’t doing any better though. He too had bruises and few tiny cuts from your attacks as well. And of course the obvious, he was out cold like a drunk person. 

~If you had to explain everything that happened just 15 minutes ago in a nutshell, simply you and Bakugou were sparing together in the school gym area and as you were throwing punches and kicks at each other, Bakugou had said something that especially got on your nerves and you accidentally kicked him in the back of the head a little too hard, and he was out like a light.

~Whatever you did, he wouldn’t wake up. You couldn’t just leave him there or wait for him to wake up since you had a curfew. So you opted to just carry him back to the dorms, and it was way harder than you thought.

~The 1-A heights alliance building came in to your view, and you sighed out of relief but also out of nervousness.

~What if Bakugou woke up before you could get him to his room and he gets angry at you for literally trying to help him!?

~This boy was full of pride and didn’t want anyone's help even if he needed it. So if he woke up to see you carrying him like some kid, you probably would have an extra bruise by the end of the night.

~You weren’t ready to be blasted all the way to hell just yet.

~Even so, as much as he seemed to act like a villain in some people eyes. You and some other people like Kirishima saw through his facade. 

~Bakugou just didn’t know how to connect with people since his pride was in the way and how growing up everybody basically worshiped and praised his stupidly powerful quirk and intelligence.

~It didn’t matter if a person is shy, happy, angry, evil or neutral, everyone needs someone to talk to and a person to call a friend. Or in Bakugou's case: an Extra.

~You were one of the people he ‘tolerated’. You and him would talk about topics that came in to mind, study silently or just bicker to each other about something irrelevant.

~It was nice in it’s own weird way. 

~People are kind of like a puzzles. Some puzzles aren’t as easy they seem and you have to learn to understand how to solve it before actually doing so. Or you could do both simultaneously, and enjoy the in betweens of the journey. 

~Bakugou was just a really hard one that tested your patience and your own temper.

~Even after all the headaches and insults that this boy threw at you, your friends and classmates. You still couldn’t deny your attraction towards him. 

~Hell, he was good looking, talented and passionate about what he does, plus he was such a softy on the inside if people took the time to actually observe. Goodness why did he have to be so perfect at everything! It was getting on your nerves!!!

~Still, you pushed your own thoughts aside and continued on with your life as normal. You were happy and your presence didn’t seem to irritate him, so you accepted the reality and were grateful of what you had.

~You walked up the small stairway up to one of the class 1-A dormitory doors and with each step you were almost shitting your pants when Bakugou let out pained groans as if he was gonna be awake soon.

~Sure you were friends. But it didn’t mean you weren’t at least a little bit nervous around him.

~You reached the front door and attempted to open the door while trying not to drop the male on your back. You pulled down the handle, only to realize it’s locked.

~”Fuck…” You cursed silently.

~You did have your keys, you always do. But they were in your back pocket, and your were in no position to get them unless you wanted to wake up your friend and face his wrath.

~You tried awkwardly knocking on the door with your foot and knee, but it didn’t work too well. You took the risk and knocked on the door like a human being and quickly retreated it back to hold Bakugou's other leg.

~After a few moments, you heard movement from the inside and the door opened soon after. You were met with a blond haired teen whose quirk reflected in his hair as a form of a black lightning bolt. 

~Kaminari looked at you two for a second before stepping aside and opening the door wider, allowing you to get in. 

~”Just what were you two do-?” He began but you caught him off as you stepped inside.

~”It’s definitely not what you may think, so don’t even say it.”

~”Then what-” The poor boy was caught off again, but by Kirishima.

~”Whoa… what happened to Bakubro? He Is totally out of it!” Kirishima came out of nowhere and started gently poke Bakugou's cheek to see if what he said was actually real.

~”Don’t wake him up!” You whisper shouted. All the commotion had got some students attention in to common area and it was getting kinda embarrassing when you thought about it from their perspective. “I don’t want to be his next punching back, so can you please quiet down.”

~”Okay okay, but back to what I asked, what happened?” You sighed.

~”Long story short. We were sparing and I accidentally kicked him in the head hard.” You explained. “He should be fine.” At least you hoped he was fine.

~”Wow, well this is a first! Nobody's ever been able to get that kind of hit at Bakugou! I think you deserve a metal.” Mina elbowed you lightly in the arm as a testing manner. 

~Seriously. The bomb is bound to explode soon if your classmates don’t keep it down.

~”Guys, let’s just get him to his room, QUIETLY before he-” It was too late. Bakugou began stirring in his sleep and let out more pained grunts. Your friends all held their breath as they realized they might’ve messed up, while you were just standing there with sweat forming on your forehead.

~’Please don’t be mad…’ You prayed. And as if the spirit heard you, Bakugou in fact didn’t wake up but was half asleep, and mumbling gibberish in your shoulder.

~You mouthed “Let’s just go.” to Kirishima and he nodded. You began to move again but stopped abruptly as you felt an arm snake around your torso and a second one hug your neck. Everyone present watched the scene in awe as Bakugou clung to you like a child to a stuffed animal.

~”So… soft…” He mumbled in your neck.

~You blushed profusely while some people around you gave either shocked or smirking faces. The latter was more prominent.

~Oh, you were in deep now.

~You and Kirishima swiftly rode the elevator up to the correct floor and Kirishima opened Bakugou's door to let you carry him inside.

~”So… warm…” Bakugou kept on mumbling again but seemed like he still hasn’t woken up, or enough so to remember anything after today, at the very least.

~”Okay, it’s time to rest now Bakugou. Let go.” You said as you walked over to the said boys bed and sat on it. Kirishima helped you pry Bakugou’s limbs off of you and you were finally free. You went to get up but you were stopped midway when a hand grabbed your wrist.

~”Where… you going��?” Bakugou whispered with his eyes closed.

~Is this the same Bakugou you’ve gone to school with and hung out on your free time? Because in any other case where you would have found him like this from somewhere, you would’ve been convinced this Bakugou was a decoy. Or...

~”He kinda reminds me of a drunk person.” Kirishima boldly blurted out.

~’Or that…’ You would have laughed but right now it felt wrong to do so, so you just ended up nodding that you were thinking the same thing. 

~Before you two actually left the common room, Kirishima had grabbed a cold gel pack from the freezer to press on the injured boys head. He stepped closer and pressed the pack carefully on the spot you pointed out. The blond boy hissed a bit but didn’t wake up, let alone let go of your hand.

~”Do you think he’s going to be alright?” Kirishima asked next to you.

~”I don’t think this will cause anything critical. I didn’t kick him that hard but surely enough to form a bump.” You explained. “Plus, he’s been really tired lately for some reason, so he’ll probably sleep in tomorrow. I’ll take him to recovery girl tomorrow just in case. Hell, I’ll even drag him there if he wont cooperate.”

~”If you say so, and thanks for caring for him.”

~”He’s my friend too you know. Of course I would care for him.”

~”Yea, but I just said it so that you would at least get a ‘thank you’. You know how he is.” The crimson haired boy motioned to the ash blond.

~”I know.”

~”.....” Bakugou groaned and mumbled something coherent again and it got both of your attention. He pulled on your wrist for you to get closer and you complied, shifting a little closer so you could hear what he had to say.

~”Thank you… babe...” He said and let his head fall onto his pillow, at last getting some precious sleep. You became a blushing mess while Kirishima did his damn hardest to not laugh too loudly, so he resorted to snickering like some spray window cleaner bottle.

~”Wha -What did he just-!!” You whisper shouted, not knowing how to react.

~”I knew it…” Kirishima whispered to himself proudly. He may be a bit weaker in school but he was an expert when it came to knowing his friends and peers.

~You gently but swiftly untangled Bakugou's fingers from your wrist, stood up to pull his blanket over him so he wouldn’t get cold and left the room in a hurry with Kirishima trailing right behind you.

~The said boy was still snickering while you hid your red face in your hands. You already felt embarrassed from the comment alone but Kirishima being there made it two times worse. 

~’I’m so dead.’

~”Please, don’t tell the others Kiri.” You pleaded. The red head smiled.

~”My lips are sealed (y/n).

[eponinemylove]

Neil + getting hurt

this is badly written bc it’s just me brainstorming but

alright so this boy has a pretty high tolerance for pain, but he knows when he’s hurt. he knows how to feel for cracks in his ribs or when he’s broken something

he’s pretty used to getting hurt and the foxes all cry at night bc of it

he’s not an idiot when it comes to injuries but he is when it comes to knowing when to stop because of his injuries.

his first reaction to just about any injury is to patch it up and deal with it himself (if he can pry himself away from the courts long enough)

sometimes he’ll bother Andrew if he needs help

but

if Andrew can’t/won’t help, the next person he goes to is Aaron

(he doesn’t go to Kevin because even though Kevin gets it, he would actually hurt Neil if Neil didn’t treat an injury properly right away. Kevin doesn’t play that shit. Go see Abby)

the other foxes might know what to do, but even if they did, they would make him see Abby too so he doesn’t waste his time

anyway so Andrew is out with Renee and Allison one day and Neil goes out for a run. It’s fine until some student wasn’t looking where they were going and crash into Neil as he turns a corner

They’re both fine, but Neil lands hard on his shoulder and the concrete scraped the shit outa him. He finishes his run and gets back to the tower not really thinking anything of it till he goes to shower and realizes his shoulder looks really bad

Aaron is next door studying for a biology test when just. Neil just walks in with literally zero warning and sits down across from him

Neither of them say anything for a minute. Aaron finishes the page he’s taking notes on them looks at Neil like what do you want

Neil’s like “I hurt my shoulder and I can’t reach it to bandage it up.”

Aaron’s goes ???? He’s so done. “whatever let me see it”

and Neil takes off his shirt

a COUPLE OF THINGS TO NOTE HERE

aaron has seen Neil after the nest and after his father. He’s seen Neil beat to shit and looking like hell. He hasn’t seen Neil’s scars though.

and it’s not that Neil’s comfortable showing his scars off because he’s definitely not. He can just barely show them to Abby. But he’s tired and Aaron already looks annoyed that he’s wasting time and whatever, Andrew will be back soon and they have practice tonight and Neil can’t reach so Aaron is gonna have to suck it up and bandage him

His shoulder is a little more than “hurt”

Aaron goes straight into doctor mode. He has to disenfect it and it’s way too much for just a band aid so he gets some gauze and patches that up

They don’t say anything the entire time. Aaron works in silence and Neil is just staring. Aaron can’t tell if he’s focused or not

Neil leaves with a half-assed thanks and Aaron is just. He’s annoyed ok. His brother’s tool of a boyfriend just comes in and interrupts his studying to demand that he kiss his scrape better and then just leaves. Fuck that guy

like exactly 5 minutes later when Aaron gets back to studying he has that “oh shit” moment of realiziation where it hits him that Neil came to him for help and showed him his scars. He appreciates what that means, even if he is still petulantly grumpy at being bothered

this happens just a couple of times but Aaron doesn’t take it for granted. theyre both aware that Neil’s letting himself be vulnerable in that moment, which is really hard for him

Neil also goes to see Abby sometimes. He doesn’t like to because he has to leave the tower but if he’s already out and hurting then he’ll drop by

Abby worries about him all the time and constantly reassures him that it’s ok!! she wants him to see her if he’s injured!! nothing is too small

Abby also starts to load up on Neil’s favorite snacks. He refuses to go easy on her and just give her a grocery list so she has to pull some Sherlock Holmes type shit and piece together what the kid likes on her own. (he drinks water and/or orange juice, he won’t eat anything too sweet, chips are a maybe, fruit is always good)

So, to recap, if he’s not pretending that his injury isn’t serious (which is still the majority of the time), he’s paying a discreet visit to Andrew, Aaron, or Abby

he prefers to handle his shit himself, but this is progress!

there is one (1) time though where Neil gets hurt and demands to go to the hospital

It’s nothing too bad. Nothing life-threatening. The team is actually really happy that they didn’t even have to force Neil to call time and see a doctor, but they don’t quite understand why he’s freaking out so bad

It happens when they’re playing a game. No one sees what happens but Neil goes down and he takes a little too long to get back up. Wymack and Kevin both look ready to drag him off court but he surprises everyone by signaling to the ref and limping off himself

he goes straight to Abby on the bench. Something happened to his leg, he pulled a muscle or something, idk, but it scared the shit out of him

they’re in the last quarter so Neil holds out until they foxes win but then he’s like “Abby. I need to see a doctor, now”

everyone is confused af but they go with it

They get him to a doctor who checks it out. Something’s definitely strained but it’s not too serious and he can play in a few weeks at most

the foxes get ready for Neil to just absolutely ignore that but??? Neil is like ok and actually sits out practice and shit

he doesn’t get back onto the court until Abby clears him

The next day the foxes can’t help it. they have to know

Andrew and Kevin tell them to leave it alone, but. My boys aren’t immune. They wanna know too. They just have a feeling the answer is gonna be bad

it is

After practice everyone just kinda invites themselves over to Wymack’s and Abby cooks. They’re chatting for a while, just fucking around, when someone brings it up

It’s Nicky

“So, not that we’re not all thrilled you’re taking care of yourself, but what happened when you hurt your leg?”

And Neil debates not telling them but he catches Andrew out of the corner of his eye pretending not to be interested and really there’s no reason to hide anything from the team, so

“idk. It’s just, when my father-“

collective wince

“-kidnapped me in Baltimore and he had me in the basement, he was debating how to torture me-“

so yeah this is not great. The foxes are in Instant Regret. Andrew’s fork is bending. Dan looks like her vein might explode. Matt has tears and his eyes and may or may not be actually crying

“-one of the things he said was that he’d cut my hamstrings so I couldn’t run this time. He didn’t, obviously, but...” Neil kinda takes a break there and wow this is hard to admit but it’s them so it’s ok “it just really scared me. I wouldn’t be able to escape. I could never play exy. Everything would’ve been for nothing if I couldn’t run. My career would be over, the Moriyamas—“

ok he stops there

they get the point

Kevin changes the subject bc believe it or not he isn’t useless and has gotten really good at Not Talking about things and redirecting conversation

it takes a while but the night goes on and they’re all fine, it’s in the past, they know that neil is here and he’s okay and his father is dead

any questions of “are you okay” are met with a withering look and yeah that’s fair but neil knows it’s with good intentions

andrew drags neil out of the room when nobody is looking

he kisses him hard and whispers about his father and the moriyamas never being able to get to him again

neil reminds him that andrew doesn’t have to protect him anymore

andrew knows that it isn’t their deal but he wants to okay? he wants to protect neil and keep him safe

170%

everyone goes home eventually

later andrew and neil will be in bed and andrew will kiss his thighs and replace any memories of cold stone floor and axes with soft lips and soft hairs tickling the insides of his legs

[atsumiye]

Hi this is your therapist anon back at it with asking what happened to your day lol.

Everytime I log in, I see you and I wonder, "oh no. what happened this time"

omg hey bae :D the fact that thats the first thing you think of when you see me is truly my peak of this app.

HERE IS MY RANT UNDER THE CUT AGHFDGK

OKAY lets start with the fact that its a monday. bc who likes mondays. ANYWHO i woke up and was exhausted for no reason bc i actually started going to sleep at a decent time but i decided to open tumblr and the literal first post i saw made me so angry :D i wont talk about it too much but like....this person made me angry but ill MOVE ON anyway. then my stomach starts to hurt #IBSwarrior and im like on the verge on tossing myself onto the floor and forgetting about life but the rest of the day i just feel so gross but after a while it started to go away a bit. and i had this cute start of the week outfit in my head only to try it on. and i look like a cowboy. SCREAMING BC I LIVE IN EASTERN EUROPE. THESE OLD LADIES STARE WHEN I WEAR A TSHIRT AND JEANS AND NOW I LOOK LIKE A COWBOY?? I WONT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE yk. THEN idk if i mentioned but i have to write a thesis paper for one of my classes and only have 2 WEEKS TO WRITE A 22 PAGE PAPER????? ONE THAT STUDENTS WORK ON FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR??? but its in pairs so its a bit less work but but me and my friend had to write 4 pages today and we decided to split it but IDK when someone decided to change the definition of the word split bc i did 3 pages?? and she did 1??? so unless webster dictionary decided split now means an unequal share then what the fuck yk??? BUT then we get a break and i stupidly decide im going to drink some coffee and go to my next class. if i could go back in time and personally smack myself i would bc WOW that coffee did not do me well. BASICALLY we had to present this study worksheet we did and my group decides I HAVE to be the one to present it. and right before we have to go up and present,,, the coffee makes itself KNOWN. i wont get into too much detail but im ready to pass out on the floor while waiting to present and i mention it to my friends and they are like, ¨dont be nervous its not a big deal." and im like NO IT IS A BIG DEAL IM GONNA CRY and so i had to pretend like i wasnt in severe pain while talking about how i would conduct a cohort study on whether elevated levels of blood cholesterol are related to a risk in incidence of strokes. THEN THEN i run out to go to the bathroom ONLY FOR SOMEONE TO BE IN THERE and thats so embarrassing bc i like YANKED on the door and it was locked and someone was inside so i was like fuck that ill wait till i get home. then my friend decides now is the perfect time to take her sweet ass time to speak with our professor about god knows what so i miss my bus and the only one that goes to my house is in 30 minutes??? im ready to explode so thats not gonna work but one of my other friends suggests we can rent a little car and drive home. BAD IDEA she is a horrible driver </3 she drove on one way roads the wrong way, on sidewalks, she sped through old town, and im like holding on for dear life clenching every muscle in my body type beat. i got home took a nap bc i was still feeling sick. i went to the store to buy some things and i get all the way home only to realize i forgot tomatoes. TOMATOES. i bought 2783 other things i didnt need but forgot the one thing i did need??? now bc that wasnt enough today is the jewish new year and im celebrating by myself :(( so i decide to order some food form one of my favorite restaurants only for it to be MEDIOCRE AT BEST. and it made my stomach hurt. and now im sitting in bed <33

anyway this was so nice to type out bc it makes me feel better SOB thank you for always asking omg

[yodawgiherd]

Insecurities

>>>Read on AO3<<<

Short main fic (anytime anyplace) reject I found while cleaning up my file. As it doesn't really fit where the story is at, and doesn’t tie into it, I could either delete it or post it here, and I decided for the latter. It's definitely "canon" in the AU tho o_o Hope you'll enjoy it :)

“So, what do you fear? “

From her perch on the dorm bed, Mikasa shot Eren a slight frown, and he shrugged innocently in response. Well, she supposed that he had the right to know, considering that she just woke him in the middle of the night by violently shoving him off the mattress they shared together, screaming. Mikasa sighed. She wasn’t used to this yet, the bed sharing, but she liked it. Most of the time, it helped to keep the nightmares at bay, but tonight was an exception, sadly, and the dream sneaked its way through Eren’s embrace and into her mind. In just those two weeks that they were together, her life felt so much brighter, and she hoped that this little accident won’t push her newfound boyfriend away. Then again, if he survived the failure of their second date, he could most likely handle a night of ruined sleep over her bad dreams.

“Why do you want to know?”, she asked, curious, “Planning on scaring me?”

A smile appeared on Eren’s face, just a small twitch of his lips.

“Of course not, I’d just like to understand you. Whatever is going on in those dreams of yours, it’s an important part of who you are.”

He fell silent, most likely waiting for her to start, but Mikasa wasn’t really feeling like talking. She just woke up from another terrible dream, in the middle of the night, and her brain was still dealing with that unpleasant reality. Instead of voicing her concerns, she bent forward, intertwining fingers with her toes, letting her hair cover her face.

“Look,”, Eren began, seeing her unresponsive, “it’s not hard to guess that your dreams have something to do with your parents, right?”

Honestly speaking, Mikasa didn’t even know why she told him about her past on their first date. Bringing up the tragedy of losing your family to someone you just met was unusual, weird, especially for someone as silent as her, but Eren just made her open up, talking to him was natural in a way she didn’t truly understand. Well, now she had to deal with the consequences. With a sigh, she nodded, just a tiny movement of her head, but he caught it.

“I don’t always have them.”, still not feeling brave enough to meet his inquisitive green gaze, she kept watching her toes, “It just happens from time to time, I can’t help it.”

“I don’t blame you, I have nightmares myself.”

She peeked up at him through the curtain of her hair, curious.

“You do?”

“It's about my dad.”, Eren leaned back in the chair where he retreated after being forcefully evicted form the bed, eyes studying her posture. He reminded her of the therapist she went to, years ago, when Levi tried helping her with those dreams this way. But therapy has no chance of working if the patient doesn’t want to, so after a few sessions of her stubbornly staring at the floor and not opening her mouth once, her brother gave up. Then again, she never had those warm feelings in her chest when she looked at the professional, but Eren made her spine tingle.

“It’s always the same. I’m standing on the ground, in the middle of nowhere, and there’s a plane flying over my head.”, he took a shuddering breath, as the topic was not exactly pleasant, “I know, I just know, that there’s my dad in there. Then suddenly, the plane starts falling, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, I just stand there, and watch, as it goes down, spiraling until it crashes and explodes. Then I wake up.”

Mikasa didn’t even realize it, but she covered her mouth with one hand during his story, staring.

“That’s terrible, I’m so sorry.”

“I don’t have it that often anymore,”, Eren shrugged appearing indifferent, “I got used to it. Kind of.”

But it was forced, this unnatural calm and Mikasa could see the pain behind his eyes. Dulled, maybe, but still present. If anything, she surely owed him her nightmares, now that he shared his own.

“I don’t really remember much,”, she began, “but I know that’s its always cold, and dark. There’s blood on the floor, and the bodies, but I can’t see their faces. Luckily.”, extending one hand, she closed it, fingers curling inwards, “I’m holding something, and it’s warm against my skin at first, but as I sit there, listening to the quiet, it always gets colder over time, until it’s like ice in my grasp.”, her breathing became agitated, “And I’m scared to trace the thing in my palm because I know what it will be, it’s always the same. It’s my mother’s hand.”, dropping her arm, she redirected her gaze back at her feet, a singular tear falling on the tips of her toes. “I usually wake up then.”

Eren didn’t say a word. Instead, she could hear the shuffling of his clothes as he stood up, and soon after the bed dipped under his weight as he sat down next to her. The arms that wrapped around her body were warm, and she leaned into the hug, closing her eyes as she rested her head on his shoulder. The remnants of the nightmare finally gave up, and their cold fingers disappeared underneath the warmth. It surprised her, but it felt good to share her demons.

“Mikasa?”, he asked, waking her up a bit. She hummed in acknowledgement, not feeling like talking right now. “You told me your secret, I told you mine. It’s good to get that off your chest, no?”

She just hummed again, burrowing deeper into his embrace.

After a few minutes, Eren cleared his throat, making her look up at him. The boyish smile that she liked so much was there again, as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

“I was thinking since we aren’t sleeping anymore, maybe we could…. practice?”

It wasn’t hard to guess what he was implying. And while it might look stupid and insensitive, to suggest something like this, it was exactly what Mikasa wanted. There was only so much that talking could achieve, and the feeling of his body against hers, to know that this is real, not the nightmares, that was something they both craved right now.

“Again?”

“Why not?”, I mean, we are still far from perfect and…”

Both to silence him and her laughter, Mikasa climbed into his lap, straddling his waist as she kissed him, aggressively. Maybe there were better ways to spend your night than sleeping. She just had to make sure to watch her teeth, that’s all.

Those downtimes between classes were always the worst. It was bearable when Armin could hang out, but most of the time his friend was unavailable, as his breaks were on different times than Eren’s. Just perfect. Like, what exactly could you achieve in an hour? Eren usually just ended up wandering around the campus, sitting down somewhere to review his notes, or meditating on the futility of life and whatnot.

Today was the first day he found himself in front of the gym, looking at the entrance. Contrary to the masses, he didn’t even come here to work out himself, but rather to meet someone who spends almost all her waking hours here, in her own words. Pushing the door open, he had to admit that the room was in a rather good state. The walls seemed freshly painted, the air inside was kept cool through the ventilation system, and the music was silent enough to offer the beat the gym-goers were most likely looking for. Eyes darting around, he searched for the object of his interest, only to find her in front of the punching bag, going wild at it. Her hands were a blur, the leather was creaking, and Eren couldn’t help but wonder what all those guys from elementary school would say, with the whole “girls can’t fight” shit. Mikasa seemed immersed too and didn’t even notice him, taking a step back to put a few well-placed kicks to the sides of the bag. Satisfied with her performance, she took a break, putting her hands on her hips and breathing deep.

“You could kill a man with your punches.”, Eren stepped in, making her turn on her heel with a surprised expression. He grinned “You do them so fast, it must feel like getting a shot when you hit someone.”

“Eren.”, she shook her head, but she was smiling too, those dumb jokes making her feel giddy, “What are you doing here?”

“You said that you will be here, and I had some time to kill so…”, he shrugged, “can’t I come to see how you work out?”

“I mean, sure, if that’s what you want. It’s just that I was expecting someone else, that’s all.”

“Oh, a secret lover in the gym.”, with a fake expression of anger on his face, Eren scanned the room, working his muscles, “Where is this rascal?”

“Stop that.”, Mikasa poked him in the chest, unable to hold her laughter in anymore, shoulders shaking, “It’s my brother. I usually go out of the campus to his gym today, not here, but he’s got some paperwork in the city, so he said that he’s going to drop by.”

As on cue, another man appeared behind Eren, short and grumpy, looking him up and down.

“Mikasa, who is this guy?”, he arched an eyebrow, disbelief in his voice, “Your new sparring partner?”

“No, no, of course not, this is Eren, he’s my….”, she was nervous, fidgeting a bit, “friend, just friend.”

“Just” friend? Wow, that one stung.

“I see.”, Levi seemed to lost interest in Eren, turning back towards his sister, “Get to the ring, let’s see how much you slacked in your training.”

But while Mikasa was climbing up, a hand bunched up in Eren’s shirt, and the man pulled him down to his height, with unnatural strength, staring right into Eren’s eyes.

“Listen, “just friend”, I want you to know that If I ever hear that you’ve done anything bad to my little sister, I swear to god that you and I will have private sparring, between my fist and your face. And if you ever make her cry,”, he moved even closer, growling the words in Eren’s ear,” I’ll cut your balls off.”

With that, he released him, and followed Mikasa into the ring, as if nothing had happened. Right, Eren thought as he was straightening his clothes, seems like Levi didn’t buy into the friend thing much. Checking his watch, he saw that he still some time, so he leaned against the wall, watching the two siblings fight.

Hours later, when he was done with his classes and picked up Mikasa from the gym, they were walking through the darkened campus hand in hand. The air was clear, the evening quiet, and her hand in his warm, but still, the little friend thing just kept circling inside his mind.

“Mikasa?”, he began, “Can I ask you something?”

She liked the way Eren pronounced her name, how it rolled off his tongue. Her name wasn’t even that hard to say, but in her life, she met a ton of people who tried impressing her by adding that weird -h at the end of the -ka-, or by using the Japanese honorific – Chan in the end. She didn’t like either of those things. Not to mention those smart assholes who called her Gothkasa, because combining your name with your fashion style is soooo smart, right? Not even mentioning the girl who kept asking if she is sad, since all Mikasa wears is black. That one dubbed her Raven. But Eren didn’t do anything like that, he said her name exactly as it was, and she did enjoy the sound of it.

“Sure.”

“Back in the gym, why did you tell your brother that we are just friends. I kind of thought that we are … more … by now.”

“We are! Of course, we are.”, she squeezed his palm a bit tighter, pulling at it to make him stop and turn to face her. “I just never had a boyfriend before, and Levi came out of nowhere,”, she sighed, “I was surprised, and I didn’t want to break it to him like that.”, she looked up, blushing slightly, “Are you mad at me?”

As if he could ever be mad at someone as cute as her, with his red scarf wrapped around her colored cheeks.

“Nah, not mad. Your brother is a scary guy, I understand.”

“True that.”, she sniffed, “he’s the toughest midget you’ll ever meet.”

With Eren still being silent, a bit of suspicion entered her tone.

“Wait, did he tell you something? Eren?”

“Nah, nothing.”, to stop her grey gaze from staring at his face so inquisitively, he brushed the ends of formerly his scarf from her mouth, pulled her closer by the silver cross around her neck and bent down to press a kiss to Mikasa’s lips. “You still owe me one, friend.”, he murmured when they paused, and she pinched his bicep in retaliation, before surrendering to the sensation. They both still had a lot to learn in that area, anyway.

“Tell me a secret.”

“Secret?”, Mikasa half turned in his arms, watching him over a shoulder, “What secret?”

“Something about you, a thing I don’t know.”, Eren grinned, hiding it by burying his face in her hairline, “Something you wouldn’t tell just anyone.”

“Oh?”, a tiny frown appeared between her fine raven eyebrows, “And why should I tell you my secrets, mister?”

He shrugged.

“Think of it as a payment for the friend stuff.”

“I thought you understood!”

“I do, but I still demand satisfaction.”, a hand poked her, under the ribs, “C’mon Miki.”

Mikasa used to hate pet names, despise the way couples called each other as if they were children. But that was before she had Eren, and now she was strongly considering how it would feel like if he called her a kitten. Maybe not so bad after all. Before him, Mikasa never had a pet name in her life, well, if she didn’t count that Levi was usually calling her brat, but she grew to enjoy this little one Eren gave her. It was certain intimacy to it. She was also hyperaware of his touch now, of the arms around her, feeling his fingers through the fabric of the shirt. Sure, he touched her before, and she liked the way his palms roamed up and down her body when they kissed, even the few times he got lost in her and traced her shape all the way down to her ass. Mikasa usually stopped him there, for now, but overall, she was very satisfied with how his touch felt.

“You want to hear a secret.”, she cooed, putting her hands on top of his, both to press him more firmly against her skin, but also to stop him from moving. Eren sometimes tended to be more adventurous than she was comfortable with.

“Pretty please.”

“All right, well I got one.”, it was awkward, but she couldn’t think of anything else right now. So, she took a deep breath. “I used to hate my breasts.”

That silenced him for a moment.

“Your…. breasts?”, he queried, unsure if he heard her right.

“Yes.”

“But why?”

“Because they are useless! Useless weight! I mean…”, she turned around, watching his face for a change. Eren’s cheeks had a slight blush in them, but he met her eyes with a small smile, clearly interested in hearing her explanation. ”I was flat as a board when I was a kid. So, when the puberty started, and things began to…. expand, it bothered me. I know that I’m not big either way, my, uhm, chest, is small compared to other girls, but suddenly, there were two bags of fat on my chest, completely fucking up my balance. Out of nowhere, I was being forced to wear a tight bra just because otherwise my tits would bounce all over the ring when I train.”, she looked down, over the place where her shirt was raised, “I used to bind them you know.”

“For training?”

“No, for everyday life. I didn’t want them.”

“Oh.”, Eren could see that it was a sensitive topic for her, the way she saw her body, and he felt happy that she trusted him enough to share it with him. “Well for what it’s worth,”, Mikasa looked up, and he couldn’t miss that the way those few strands of hair got into her face was downright adorable, “I think that your chest is beautiful.”

She started laughing, on the cheesiness of it all, small simpers escaping her lips, so he kissed her to stop it from blowing into a full-blown explosion, and before either of them realized what was happening, she fell on her back, pulling him right along. With Eren on top of her, his hands roaming all over her sides, mouth sealed against hers, all their long weeks of training were paying off. Comparing the first time they kissed, and the second, third and a lot after that, which usually ended up with either of them laughing, losing breath, or doing something that the other didn’t like, this was much better. She knew now to open her mouth for him when he nipped at her lower lip, and to push her tongue against his, licking into his mouth, not caring how obscene sounds it was making. It felt good for them both, and that was the only thing that mattered. Considering that she was doing her best to remember the things he liked, Mikasa was rather surprised when Eren pulled back, sitting up. Did she bite his bottom lip too hard again?

“Miki…”, he began, before she could ask what was wrong, “Could I….”, suddenly she realized that his hands left her sides, and were now toying with the hem of her shirt. Eren swallowed, obviously not sure how to proceed, although it was rather easy to understand what he wanted to ask. Her face was already red, from all the kissing and stuff, but now the color must have been on par with a tomato.

But why should she deny him? They were taking it slow already, and there’s a difference between taking things slow and not moving forward at all. Just a few seconds back, she was thinking about how good Eren’s touch felt, so why would this be any different? With a mortified expression, that didn’t do justice to how she felt inside, she nodded.

Eren’s eyes went wide when he saw her agree to his proposition, but he wasn’t one to question his good fortune. Yet even with her agreement, he could feel the light uncertainty that covered Mikasa like a blanket, and he wanted that feeling gone. So instead of going right to his prize, he lifted her shirt by just a few inches, bringing her muscled stomach into view.

“I love those.”, he pointed out, tracing the shape of her abs with his fingers. They didn’t even look real, more like a sculpture, made by an ancient Greek master, the way they perfectly stood out beneath the skin. But unlike marble, Mikasa’s skin was warm to the touch.

“Why?”, she frowned down at him, “It’s just muscle.”

“Nah, it’s much more than that.”, willing to see just how much she would let him do, he dipped his head to press a kiss to her firm midriff, loving the way the skin shivered beneath his lips. “It’s proof of your dedication. Show of your strength. It’s admirable and gorgeous at the same time, just like you.”, he murmured in-between gentle nips, making Mikasa’s breath hitch in her throat. She never saw her stomach as beautiful, just useful, but the way Eren genuinely seemed to enjoy spending his time down there, it made her wonder if perhaps her torso is aesthetically pleasing after all.

But he couldn’t just spend the whole night admiring her abs, he was on a mission. With just slightly trembling fingers, he started pulling the hem of her shirt further up, eyes darting between the increasing amount of revealed pale skin and her face, to notice the moment she changes her mind and tells him to stop. But she didn’t. It was mesmerizing, watching her body come from underneath the fabric until the bottom of her chest finally came into view. They were home, relaxing after school, and Mikasa ditched her bra as always, so the shirt he was currently lifting was the only cover. With a last peek to her face, seeing her nod again, Eren held his breath and pulled upwards, with finality. The instinct to cross her hands over her chest hit Mikasa hard, now when it was bare to him, but she held herself back, fisting the bedding instead.

“Holy shit.”, Eren breathed out, running his hand over his face.

“That bad?”, Mikasa could feel the old insecurities knocking at the backdoor in her mind, the same that made her roll those bandages around her breasts, every morning before going out, that made her angry when she felt the extra weight on her chest anytime she breathed. This was a mistake, she shouldn’t have done this. Now he’s going to….

“Bad?”, the word was choked out, as Eren still had trouble controlling his breathing. “Bad?”, he repeated in disbelief, not sure why in the world would she think that, “No, it’s not bad. It’s fucking wonderful.”

“Huh?”, she asked, not sure if she heard him right.

“Whoever told you that you look bad Miki?”, he wanted to get to the bottom of this, even with his brain working on about ten percent of its capacity.

“Well…”, no one told her anything like that, now that she thought about it. Then again, the only people in her life to saw her topless were her mom, her doctor, and now Eren. The only thing the doctor said was that she’s a healthy female, as one can expect from a professional, and if mom ever said anything, Mikasa didn’t remember it. All those doubts were her own.

On top of her, Eren was having the night of his life. Sure, it was the twenty-first century, he saw boobs before, with internet, TV and everything, but it was the first time he got to see a pair live, and there was quite a significant difference. Mikasa’s chest was rather small, but with next to no excess fat on her body, what could a sane person expect? Honestly, Eren didn’t care about that one bit, she was perfect just the way she was. The perky, firm shape, the flawless skin, the darkened area around her nipples, that all combined to make her breasts one of the prettiest things he ever saw. He found himself wanting to touch it, to feel it beneath his fingers, but just as he raised his hand, Eren realized that starting to grope her might not be the nicest thing to do to Mikasa right now. That was until she spoke.

“You can t-touch me.”, she answered his unspoken question, words unsteady, eyes wide and watching his every move.

Carefully, he put one arm down, tracing the shape of her chest with his fingertips, paying special attention to the underside, where he just found out she was ticklish.

“H-Hey! Stop that!”, she squeezed out in-between the giggles, squirming beneath him, but her voice betrayed that she didn’t want him to stop. Continuing in his exploration, Eren worked his way all around the breast, cupping it with his hand and thumbing the nipple lightly. It was amazing, to find something so soft and squishy on Mikasa’s rather toned body, so he gave it a few testing squeezes. In conclusion, it felt pretty damn good. Overcome with a sudden urge, Eren leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to the top, right in the middle of the peak, which in turn made Mikasa gasp and quickly pull her shirt back down. All right, playtime was over, but Eren was immensely satisfied, nevertheless. Her breathing was shaky, a very light frown on her face, as she sat up, pushing the hair from her face.

“Couldn’t help myself.”, Eren reached out, hoping that his sudden show of affection didn’t offend her too much, and was pleasantly surprised when she took his hand, intertwining their fingers. Not too mad then, all good. “But Miki, let me tell you, your chest is god damn perfect. I love it. And my opinion should count for something, after all, I’m a certified FBI.”

That gave her a pause.

“FBI?”

“Female Body Inspector.”

With a tug, he pulled her to himself, and together they tangled back on the bed, mouths once again combining amidst the laughter. And for the first time in her life, Mikasa was glad that puberty changed her the way it did.

[yikesharringrove]

So I have this theory that Steve and billy would take a long time to get to each other. They both have so much damage. They know they would be amazing but they also know they aren’t ready yet. So they go with their separate ways. They grow up, they get better. 10 years later they are both back home for a wedding (let’s say Dustin/Erica because I personally think they would be awesome. She would run his life and he would thank her for it) And S/B realize they are ready now. The timing is perfect

Read on Ao3.

“It looks good, buddy.”

Steve was sitting bored in the leather armchair. His hand was propping his chin as he stared at Dustin. He had tried out 18 suits and Steve was tired.

“I don’t know, Steve. I don’t think I like the blue.” It was his sixth navy suit. Steve wanted to bash his head in.

“I still maintain I like the first one.” Dustin took another look in the mirror before nodding.

“I’ll put the first one back on.” Steve groaned at the ceiling.

Steve was Dustin’s Best Man. They had kept in close contact even as Steve moved to Chicago, worked entry-level jobs until he went to college, studied, and became a special education teacher.

Dustin had recently graduated from MIT, was living in Indianapolis with Erica. He worked at an engineering lab, was designing already. Steve was very proud. The past few months he had driven to Indy every Friday and staying through the weekend, helping him with plans, the registry, and addressing invitations. He nearly shit when he wrote Billy Hargrove’s name and address.

“Okay, I think this is the one.” Dustin was back in the first one. Steve wanted to hit his head against the wall until he fucking died.

  “Okay, so we’ve got me and your mom, and the Sinclairs, and Marnie, and Robin at Table 1. Table 2 is El and Mike and Will and Seth and Reggie and Max and Angie and Lucas, which, shouldn’t he sit at table one? Family and that. Table 3 is Nancy and Jonathan and Mrs. Byers and Hopper and-” Steve choked on the next name. “Billy? Why didn’t you tell me he was coming?” Dustin looked up from the huge board they had been using to make the seating chart.

“Does it matter?”

“Yes. You know he’s the love of my fucking life.” Steve was gawking at Dustin who rolled his eyes.

"He's not. You've just been gross and hung up on him for ten years, Steve. That's lame."

"We could've had something! We were getting close and I kept-"

"You were getting closer and you kept feeling electricity and then he died and then he was fine and then he ran away to California I know, Steve." Steve felt his face heat up He looked back at the seating chart. "Stop pouting."

"I'm not pouting." He was totally pouting. "It's just, I haven't seen him in ten years. It's gonna be, what if he's moved on."

"He's not bringing a plus one."

"Maybe they couldn't come." Dustin rolled his eyes.

"Just fucking talk to him when you see him. Don't know why it has to be such a big deal."

"I can't talk to him, Dustin. what would I say?"

"Start with hi, Billy. And just see where it takes you."

"I just, it's been a while since I've dated and-"

"But it's time you moved on from Taylor. I told you that guys was bad news, and lo and fucking behold, he ends up sucking." Steve shifted uncomfortably. That relationship had ended over three years ago, ended with Steve spending two months on Robin's couch. He was still in therapy over it. 

"Yeah, I know." Steve was talking to his arms, folding tightly over his chest.

"Buddy, I'm not trying to be an ass. Just saying. You're doing much better after that. And Max says Billy's really good. That he's got his life on track and is happy."

"Then he probably has someone. And he might not even be into guys!"

"Okay, then get over your lame self, and be his friend." Steve huffed. "But whatever you do, just help me finish this fucking seating chart."

Steve was fucking running.

He had been in charge of the rings, and he had, misplaced them.

Because of course he fucking did. Of course, he held onto them for weeks only to lose them on the day.

He was sweating through his white shirt in the Hawkins heat. Running from room to room in the upstairs of the old house. His parents kept the Hawkins house, just in case they were ever passing through. Steve doesn't think they've spent more than three hours in it since he was nineteen, but it gave him a free place to crash whenever he was in town.

He was tearing through rooms, anywhere he could've been these past few hours. He knows he had the rings when he put on his shirt, had them in his pocket when he realized he needed cufflinks.

He flew downstairs, rummaging through the drawer in his father's side of the bathroom, finding the rings exactly where he had stolen the cufflinks from. They were thin, gold bands. Erica's had a small diamond set into it. They were engraved on the inside, quotes for Star Wars, Dustin's holding Princess Leia's I love you, Erica's with Han Solo's I know. Steve had made fun of them endlessly when he had picked them up from the jeweler's.

"Steve, you're a fucking idiot and also a genius." He scrambled to his car, driving well over the speed limit to the venue, a historic house in the old part of Hawkins. It was grand and beautiful and much cooler than the summer air outside. Steve was so focused on delivering the rings he didn't notice the Camaro sitting out front, still in its pristine condition. He opened doors at random, getting screamed at by Erica's Maid of Honor, Marnie, when he burst into the wrong room. Marnie fucking hated Steve, and he didn't really know why. Apparently it had something to do with the engagement party. But, he got blackout fucking drunk at that thing, so he had no idea what she was so pissed about.

Well, now she was quite obviously pissed that he had slammed open the door to find her and Erica in robes, getting their makeup done. She threw a shoe at his head.

He was fucking sprinting down a hallway when he crashed right into a fucking wall, solid and steady. He was knocked back on his ass,

"Oh shit, sorry!" He looked up, finding Billy Hargrove staring down at him. "Steve fucking Harrington. As I live and breathe." Billy's hair was long, was wild and big. He was wearing a well-fitting suit, looked thick and muscled, more than he had in high school. Steve's mouth went fucking dry. Billy had his shirt unbuttoned to the bottom of his sternum, showing off a large chest piece, gorgeous flowers weaving around and through the scar on his chest. Steve could see it was healed, but still raised, pink and shiny in a few areas, the skin pulled and puckered where Billy had been stitched back together.

Billy extended a hand, a scarred tattooed hand, and heaved Steve off the floor.

"Hi, Billy." Billy grinned at him. It was softer than he remembered. "You look good."

"You seen yourself? You're still as pretty as I remember." Steve fucking giggled like a fucking schoolgirl. He had let his hair grow out some since high school. Some of the kids liked his long hair.

"What have you, what have you been up to?" Steve was overly aware of his arms. Was trying to find a way to hold himself that didn't look stupid.

"You know, California. USed my government hush money to go to culinary school. I'm a sous-chef now at a restaurant in L.A."

"Oh, wow. Congratulations. You've really, you've come a long way. You look, happy." Steve flushed a little more.

"What are you doin', Pretty Boy?" Steve's heart tripped over itself at the old nickname.

"I'm in Chicago, now. I teach special education at an elementary school. I'm actually, I'm in line to become head of the department when the current one, when she retires." Billy's eyes crinkled at the corners with his smile.

"That's so perfect for you. What made you choose special ed?"

"I went to college and learned I'm dyslexic." Billy barked a laugh, one Steve had never heard before, a fucking real one.

"You didn't know? I could've told you that!"

"I mean, I just thought I was fucking stupid, but once I learned what the problem was, the university gave me some resources to help. I was actually in the nursing program, but I kept thinking about how the university helped me so much, that getting a real diagnosis was fucking life-changing, not only for school, but just in the way I thought about myself. I don't want kids to grow up like I did, convinced that their literal disability is just, just stupidity." Steve met Billy's eyes, saw them glow with fondness.

"I'm so happy for you, Steve. I'm so proud you found such an amazing calling, you seem like you've come such a long way." Billy squeezed his upper arm, made Steve melt.

"Thank you, that, that really means a lot to m-"

"Steve! I have been looking for you for hours. Where have you been, Asshole?" Dustin was stomping down the hall

"Doesn't matter. I'm here, I've got the rings, I'm ready to go."

"Did you not have the rings?" Dustin looked like he was going to explode.

"I have them! See!" Steve pulled them out of his pocket, clinking them together. "All engraved with your nerd shit and ready." Billy was watching them, an amused look on his face.

"You are a nightmare and the worst best man in the history of-"

"Can you not be dramatic for one fucking da-"

"I'm allowed to be dramatic today, I'm getting marrie-"

"You're never allowed to be dramatic you little-"

"God, you two really are brothers. You fight like siblings." They both whipped to look at Billy, giving him the exact same pissed off-glare. Billy laughed at them.

"Look, I'll get outta y'all's hair." He clapped Steve on the shoulder. "It's good to see you, Stevie. Hope we can catch up more. Congrats, Dustin." He trotted down the hall. Dustin grinned at Steve.

"It's GOOD to see you, STEVIE. He's totally into you. It's exhausting being right all the time." Steve slapped his arm.

 The ceremony was short and sweet.

Steve stood behind Dustin, handed him a tissue when he got all misty, took one for himself when he began tearing up. He noticed Billy sitting a few rows back, noticed how his eyes were always on Steve whenever Steve's trailed over to him. He was smiling softly at him, even fucking winked at Steve, made him go red and look away. Robin noticed something off about him, noticed the way he was flushed, raised her eyebrow for her spot in the first row with Claudia. He shook his head.

The cocktail hour took place outside in the oppressive heat as the large ballroom was altered from ceremony set-up, to dinner and dancing. Steve was overseeing the transition, as Dustin was extremely specific, and someone needed to deal with it.

"You've been weird all day." Robin knocked her shoulder into his. "It finally catching up to you that one of your kids is married?"

"Mike and El have been married for like, years."

"Yeah, but Dustin is your baby." Steve rolled his eyes.

"It really doesn't bug me. I just, Billy's here. We like, talked earlier. And he kept, lookin' at me." She sighed.

"You know what I've always said about Billy. When he was coming into Scoops like, every day and being all flirty. But just, be careful he's been through a lot and, I just don't want the whole Taylor situation to happen again." He shuffled his feet.

"It won't. He seemed, happy. Like he was all bright and was, was laughing, and I've never heard him laugh like that." Her eyes were soft.

"Just be careful, Dingus."

 At dinner, Steve had to give his speech.

He was a wreck, had dropped his cards, and started fucking crying a couple different times. But he got laughs in all the right places, and Claudia had cried loudly so he was feeling pretty alright about it.

He had made a point not to look at Billy the whole time, couldn't fathom looking into his bright eyes as he talked. As dinner winded to a close, the bar opened, and the music began.

Dustin and Erica's first dance was so sweet, they had chosen At Last, the Etta James number that made Steve and Claudia tear up. Lucas took Erica out next, swapping with Mr. Sinclair as Claudia took Dustin.

And then the music devolved into upbeat dance numbers, kept everyone on their feet for hours.

Steve was taking a much-needed break. Nancy had worn him out during Rio, arguably the best Duran Duran dong to ever exist according to Steve.

"You're really tearing it up out there. Nice to see your taste hasn't changed at all." Billy was leaning against the bar, was nursing an amber-colored drink. Steve sipped his pink wine.

"I stand by Duran Duran." Billy laughed, leaning forward enough for Steve to feel his warmth.

"Your speech was nice."

"Thank you! I was so fucking nervous, you have no idea." It was easy talking to Billy. Felt like not a day had passed since they were sitting on the hood of Steve's car at the quarry together, throwing rocks into the water and passing a joint back and forth.

"I wanna know everything about from these past ten years." Steve took in a big breath.

"You pretty much know it all. Took me a good while to get my shit together and get through school, finding something I'm passionate about."

"But there has to be more. A lot can happen in ten years. You dating anyone?" Steve's heart lodged itself in his throat. He blinked down at his wine.

"Not right now. Last one was, uh, it really fucked me up." Billy's hand was so warm when he placed it on Steve's shoulder.

"I'm sorry I asked. You don't gotta explain." Steve blinked, shaking himself.

"Are you, are you with someone?" Billy chuckled. He ran a hand through his hair, through the wild curls Steve was obsessed with.

"Nah. Hard to find guys that don't get weirded out by the scars. I've got a whole lotta baggage."

"Sorry, guys?" Billy gave him an odd look.

"Yeah, Harrington. Guys. I'm gay. That a problem?" It was the closest Billy had looked to his old Hawkins self, puffing his chest up.

"No, that's not a problem. Just didn't know is all. I'm, uh, I'm bisexual." Billy's eyebrows shot up.

"No shit?"

"No shit." Billy smirked at him.

"You know I've always had a thing for you." Steve choked on his wine, coughing harshly as Billy laughed, thumping him on the back.

"Don't say that shit to me. I've had the biggest stupidest fucking crush on you since I was seventeen. That summer before everything when to shit, when we were, like, hanging out, I kept thinking something was gonna, was gonna happen." Billy's smile fell.

"I know. I'm sorry, Stevie. I just, I wasn't good back then. I was so fucking angry, about moving to Hawkins, and everything with my dad, and then getting possessed, I wouldn't've been good to you. And you deserve good, Stevie. You wouldn't have grown like you did if you were always trying to take care 'a me."

"Sometimes, the growing hurt, and I, I wish some of it hadn't have happened."

"I know how that feels, Pretty Boy. But the growing, sometimes it has to hurt. Everything that happened to me, everything with that thing, it made me who I am, and for the first time in my whole life, I really like who I am." Steve took a breath.

"You know, I never got the story from you. Why you actually moved to Hawkins. You'd say something different and ridiculous every time I asked." Billy looked down at his drink.

"My dad. He caught me with a boy in my room. He said, he told me living in the midwest would straighten me out. I think he thought either I play straight or I'd get hate crimed."

"I'm sorry, Bill." He smiled at him, just one side of his mouth ticking up.

"Honestly, Pretty Boy. Like I said, everything really happens for a reason. That's what I live by now, because all that horrible shit, it led me here, and I'm okay."

"Good for you, Bill. I really mean that. You've made such a great life for yourself." Billy pressed in closer to him, made Steve's breath catch.

"Thank you, Sweet Thing. That means a lot comin' from you." He leaned even further into Steve's space. "You wanna get outta here? I've got a nice hotel room." Steve felt warmth spread down his spine. He hooked a finger into one of Billy's belt loops.

"You know, I've always loved that car 'a yours. First time I saw you get out of it, kept thinking about getting fucked in that back seat." Billy groaned, his head falling onto Steve's shoulder.

"It's parked right outside." Steve leaned to Billy's ear.

"Race ya."

They ran, giggling like little kids all the way to Billy's vintage car. Billy fumbled with the keys, dropping them twice before Steve yanked open the door, diving in the back seat.

They were still giggling as they struggled outta their clothes, making out in between items. Steve flopped down once he was undressed, pulling Billy down on top of him, laughing as Billy knocked the wind out of him.

The giggles turned to moans when Billy latched onto his neck, sucking and biting. He finally put his hand in those curls, the other trailing down his back, ghosting over the scars there.

"I love all your tattoos. So gorgeous." Billy pressed kisses down his chest. He stopped at the large scar running from the inside of Steve's collarbone a few inches down his arm.

"What's this from?" Steve stiffened under him. He sat up, brushing some hair off of Steve's forehead.

"It's, it's from a surgery I had."

"What happened?" Steve pushed his hand away from the scar.

"Shattered my collarbone." Steve was sitting up, was tugging his pants back on.

"Shit, Stevie, I'm sorry. I won't, you don't have to talk about it." Steve huffed, flopping back into the seat.

"It's okay. It's just-" He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. Billy tugged his own slacks back on. "The relationship I told you about. The last one I was in." BIlly's eyes went big. He took Steve's hand.

"Stevie, I'm sorry." Steve shook his head."How long were you two together?"

"A little over four years."

"Holy shit."

"I ended things over three years ago. Packed my shit and left when he was at work. Lived with Robin after that." He crossed his arms over his middle. "I should've known too. There were, there were so many red flags, but I didn't, I never really ever felt loved, and he told me that he loved me, and so I stayed. Through everything."

"Was he your first relationship since Nancy?"

"Like, full relationship. Once I moved to the city, I let myself go wild a little bit, fucked around with a lot of different people. I thought he was it for me, thought he was the one. We moved in together after about six months." Billy placed a hand on Steve's thigh.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I know how you feel. I know how painful it is to live like that."

"I know you do. And I'm, Robin and Dustin really helped me. They helped me find a support group for queer abuse survivors, and, and Robin drove me to therapies, and I'm so much better, but it's, especially the scar, it's a painful reminder." Billy leaned over, pressing a light kiss to the center of it.

"Stevie, I really like you. I'd like to do this properly. I want to take you on a date." Steve looked at him with wide eyes.

"You, really?"

"Yeah, Baby. Been gone on you since I was sixteen years old." Steve took Billy's face between each palm, kissed him softly, smiled into it, into how right it felt, these two broken boys, these two healed men finally finding one another again.

[colehasapen]

(ONE SHOT) oya'karir STAR WARS

(belated) Whumptober no.28 - Such Wow. Many Normal. Very Oops.

Comfortember no.2 - First Day/Night

There’s an injured animal in the forest, Obi-Wan can hear it from his cabin over the sounds of his banthas bellowing to each other, and the shrieking of his chickens. Standing on his porch, Obi-Wan can hear the sounds from the dense underbrush of the woods that surround his home, traveling up the mountain, as well as the distant sounds of hunting dogs. The druid had lived in the mountains long enough to have memorized what hunting season is when - it’s like clockwork - but whatever is out there isn’t something that’s supposed to be hunted, and it’s not an animal that he’s heard before.

Obi-Wan had never been able to ignore a creature in pain, he’d never been able to turn away from something in trouble, and walking away from the monastery hadn’t changed that, no matter what his former mentor seemed to believe. He had been raised to love and care for all beings as an orphan left on the doorsteps of the Jedi Temple, he had been taught to protect and heal, and choosing to leave didn’t change that. It didn’t change who he was.

So with hot determination burning in his chest, Obi-Wan abandons his tea and his planned morning of gardening, to instead slip into his traveling clothes and sling his bow over his shoulder, and set off into the woods. For a gifted animal druid like Obi-Wan, tracking is a breeze, and he’s very quickly able to pick up the trail. There’s no obvious prints in the dirt; they’ve been brushed away and covered with leaves, showing an intelligence not seen in common animals, which makes it likely that Obi-Wan is tracking a magical creature. It’s illegal everywhere to hunt magical creatures, as they’re recognized as sentient, but it didn’t stop certain sorts from seeing it as either sport to hunt them, as their ancestors once had, or they consider them delicacies and their bodies go for a lot on the black markets.

He finds a broken, bloodied bear trap deeper into the forest, likely what had injured the unknown creature, and a quick taste of the flaky blood has the creature’s emotions exploding in his senses. Pain, frustration, and fury were the strongest, burning like spices in his mouth and nose, followed by an undercurrent of protectiveness and determination, and the faintest sting of rotten fear. Whatever creature was injured here is protecting others, younger than they are, because the protectiveness carries the smallest traces of the sweetness of a parental love.

Obi-Wan straightens. Using the creature's blood to draw a quick tracking rune on a leaf, and setting it flat on his palm, the druid watches it spin like a compass. The spell would lead right to where he needed to go, whereas tracking the trail would waste much needed time. Time that could have the creature suffering needlessly, or help the hunters catch it’s trail.

Obi-Wan continues to duck through the trees, covering his own trail as he goes, following the compass through the underbrush while also keeping one eye on his surroundings. Finally, the leaf quivers, pauses then drops, and Obi-Wan stills. A warning growl from the thick shadows around him has the druid carefully lifting his hands to show the creature watching him that he means no harm to them.

“Good morning,” He greets, slowly scanning the trees around him, straining his ears to try and pick up where the creature could be. Whatever it is, it must be a predatory creature, because they’re soundless beyond the growling and the faintest ruffling of underbrush that shows where it was as it stalks him. “I’m not a hunter.” Obi-Wan assures, “I’m a druid from further up the mountains.” The creature’s growling quiet slightly. Most magical creatures knew instinctively that druids could be trusted, being linked to them and nature in ways that most would never understand. While they weren’t drawn to druids like common animals were, they weren’t often aggressive either. “I mean you no harm, I just want to help you.”

The growling stops, going quiet. The only sound he can hear is the rustling of the thick foliage over his head, and the chirping of birds. Obi-Wan keeps himself carefully still, keeping his body language loose and nonthreatening. And then, like a ghost, a large figure steps out of the shadows.

It’s a wolf, larger than any wolf Obi-Wan had seen in person before. As black as night, and with glowing golden eyes, it’s the size of a large pony, and the blue and white marks splashing through it’s fur give them away as a magical creature if it’s size hadn’t already. He - and now that he’s close enough, Obi-Wan can sense that the wolf is male - either a young Direwolf, or something else entirely. He’s limping too, hind leg dragging behind him as he shuffles towards Obi-Wan, nose twitching and teeth bared in a silent threat, ears perked.

“Oh.” Obi-Wan breathes in shock, awed at the sight of the magnificent creature in front of him, “Hello there.”

The wolf is large, streamlined for speed and endurance, and Obi-Wan can see powerful muscle moving under his lovely pelt. The golden eyes are sharp with intelligence, even for a magical creature, and he studies the druid in turn, probing. Then, in front of his eyes, the wolf gives a full body shake, fur melting away to reveal scarred brown skin, and Obi-Wan takes an instinctual step back in shock.

Oh.

Oh - a Mandalorian wolf.

Obi-Wan feels vaguely faint - the Mandaloran wolves had been labelled endangered and nearly extinct when he had been thirteen. Hundreds of them had been hunted and slaughtered on the fields of Galidraan, by a party led by once-Master Dooku and on the orders of the Duke of the territory. It had been under false pretenses, but it had still been horrible, and the monastery had felt the consequences of their participation and had removed Dooku from the Order for his crimes. The Duchess of Mandalore had banished the last of them from their ancestral lands when they had refused to bow to her newly claimed authority. Obi-Wan had loved Satine once, he might always love her, but it didn’t mean he had to agree with her, and her decisions involving the Kingdom she was leading were most of the walls that had been placed between them.

“You’re a druid?” The Mandalorian grunts, voice guttural and deep, and Obi-Wan can smell his muted hesitation and hope. He’s a large man, just as he was a large wolf, with thick rolling muscles packed under brown skin and handsome features, and short-cropped black hair that curled tightly on top of his head. Golden eyes are watching him, and Obi-Wan shakes himself out of his shock.

“Yes.” He says in a rush, forcing his eyes away from the rippling muscles of the man’s chest and stomach, painfully aware that the Mandalorian is naked. He’d barely had any interactions with another person since leaving the monastery, and now he finds himself face-to-chest with a very muscular, and very attractive man.

An injured man who needs his help.

“My name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.” He introduces himself, and the Mandalorian tilts his head, assessing and hesitant.

“Alpha.” He says, “You said you have a place up the mountains?”

Obi-Wan nods, “Yes, it’s not large, but no hunter would dare enter my land. It’s safe there.”

The wolf’s hesitation tastes sour in the air, though it doesn’t show on his face. If it weren’t for his scent-based empathic abilities, Obi-Wan doubts he’d ever be able to read the man’s expression.

“Got enough room for cubs?”

 

 

The druid is an odd one. Admittedly, Alpha had never met a druid before in his life, but it couldn’t be considered too odd, since he’d spent most of it, up until a few moons ago, in confinement. There were no druids on Kamino, and if they were, Alpha suspects their little zoo would have long since been destroyed, and the Kaminoans’ experiments would have been halted. Alpha and his cubs would have been free before now.

When he had escaped Tapioca City with six cubs of various sizes in tow, he had been intent on hunting down a pack to take them in, to help him protect his cubs. They may not be his, not by birth, but Alpha had claimed the litter, and the runt, as his own. He had taken them in, he had protected them, nurtured them, and trained them to defend themselves. They were still young though, still small and breakable, and they wouldn’t be useful on the battlefield for years yet, not unless the Kaminoans used their disgusting alchemy. They needed the protection of a pack, they needed stability and a place where they wouldn’t need to be afraid of being taken back to the cages.

Alpha had spent long enough in captivity that he barely remembers being free, he barely remembers his family, or his home, and he’s long since forgotten his name, but his cubs? The children magically created from his blood knew nothing beyond the cages of Tapioca City , and the cold cruelty of the Kaminoans.

The world outside is strange and odd to them, and more dangerous than Alpha remembers.

The hunters had been tracking them for weeks, and Alpha had thought that their luck had finally run out. They had been hunted up the mountain, forced to keep moving or risk being caught, with little food or rest. Rex, smaller and more sickly than his older brothers, had fallen ill - he had been deemed defective by the Kaminoans and slated for culling to remove his “unwanted genetics” because of his white fur and hair, and his frailness. When he had been distracted by Rex’s sickness, his older pups had slipped away, wanting nothing more than to help and bring back food in hopes that it would help their younger brother get better, but it had ended with Kote getting injured when the hunting hounds found them. Alpha had fought the hounds off, had killed them, but they were still coming, so he had been forced to hide his cubs in what had once been a badger den, then leave them behind to lead the hunters away.

Exhausted and distracted by his hunger and worry, Alpha hadn’t seen the bear trap until it was too late and it had already snapped closed around his leg. He had been forced to shift to pry the metal trap from his ankle, likely making the injury worse, and then shifting back to keep moving. He had continued going out of stubborn determination to keep his pursuers away from the cubs he had hidden.

He hadn’t expected a druid to come out of the trees and offer him and his cubs a safe place to rest and heal. Obi-Wan Kenobi; Alpha isn’t sure what to make of the human. His instincts tell him he can trust the druid, but his experiences tell him to be wary.

So Alpha stands at Kenobi’s shoulder, hovering protectively as the druid finishes stitching the wound on Kote’s face closed, a dozing Rex, drowsy from the tonic Kenobi had given him, held securely in his arms, white and blue fur smelling of herbs. Wolffe and Fox press against his legs, their curiosity strong, while Bly and Ponds roam around their new environment. The human’s pale hands contrast against Kote’s dark skin, and Alpha’s second youngest cub stares up at the druid with large amber eyes, completely in awe.

Kenobi keeps up a stream of inane chatter as he works, talking about the flora and fauna of his mountain, or the funny things his bantha herd had done. Anything to keep Kote’s attention away from the sharp needle poking through his magically-numbed face, but it wasn’t really needed. Kote is completely enraptured by the pretty human looking after him and tending to his injury.

Maybe if his cub was older, Alpha would push Kote towards Kenobi as a possible mate, but he’s only nine.

Kenobi was definitely everything Alpha himself had always imagined in a mate; he’d only known the man for a few hours, but he could feel the stirrings of attraction towards the druid and his sweet scent. Strong enough to defend himself, smart enough to provide, beautiful and fertile-smelling, and kind and gentle with his pups. Alpha had been imagining his possible mates since the moment he was sexually mature enough to able to breed and the Kaminoans had started shoving female wolves into his cage - he’d never taken any of them, had been insulted by the insinuations that he’d breed with common animals, and the scientists hadn’t been overly pleased with him for it. He’d imagined a pack far away from Kamino and any possible intruders, with a mate at his side and plenty of room for his cubs to run and grow without fear. Kenobi’s mountain sanctuary already met those criteria, and the longer Alpha was around the druid, the more he thought about those dreams.

And he’d only just met the man; what would happen during the long recovery period that stretched before him?

Kenobi had welcomed them into his lands, had treated Alpha’s leg and gave Rex medicine. He’d gone out and hunted them dinner when Alpha couldn’t, he’d let Ponds paw through his books and carved Bly toys, even after Alpha had warned him that the cubs would chew them up within a day. He’d shown Wolffe how to string a bow when the boy had asked, and had comforted Kote through his fear of needles and distrust of medicine. Alpha could smell the arousal on the man whenever Alpha was in his space, which could also be counted as a possible success as a potential mate.

Though Kenobi’s attraction was likely as instinctual as Alpha’s. The druid is alone, any scent beyond his own, and now Alpha’s pack, is so stale it’s nearly non-existent. The clothes Kenobi had given him to wear were larger than the druid, like the only thing that would fit Alpha, and made from rough-spun fabric with a scent so stale that it couldn’t have belonged to anyone in years . Kenobi had been alone for a long time, he needed a pack.

Well. Alpha stares at the human, considering, scanning his eyes across broad shoulders and his gentle expression as he talks with Kote. There’s always room in his.

[epochofbelief]

“I don’t know the answer!”

A Rowaelin Oneshot

My other fanfic links:

What to Expect When You’re (Not) Expecting

Breath Control (Completed)

To whom it may concern: I expect Chapter Six of WTEWY(N)E to come out by this Friday night! For now, here’s a self-prompted Rowaelin oneshot I had some fun with and hastily wrote:)

Aelin slumped into the last remaining seat at the table in the center of the coffeeshop. Her study group (Lysandra, Aedion, Elide, Lorcan, and Rowan) had already been there for thirty minutes. 

“Nice of you to show up,” Lysandra rolled her eyes but gratefully accepted the fresh coffee Aelin had ordered for her. “But at least I got a free coffee out of it.”

“I’m sorry I’m late,” Aelin sighed, setting her backpack down on the floor and unzipping it. “I got so caught up studying for the AP Gov test that I totally forgot about AP Bio.”

It was late April, and the AP Tests started in just a week. Aelin and her group (known as the Smart Ones at Terrasen High) had been studying for two weeks already. This was to mark their second to last AP Bio study session before the big exam. They had bets on who would score the highest already; Aelin, of course, was a shoo-in for a five, along with Elide and Aedion. Lysandra, Rowan, and Lorcan would probably receive fours. Everybody had placed money on it. That was something their group liked to do. It was a nice way to make a little extra money, and motivation to score well on exams. 

Rowan adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose and pursed his lips at his best friend. “A text saying you were coming would have been appreciated.”

Aelin smacked his arm, trying to forget about the fact that she hadn’t texted him because of how she’d been feeling about him lately. 

Namely, she’d been feeling like she was tired of being his best friend and wanted something more. 

“I was in such a rush I didn’t want to waste a moment!” She sputtered.

Rowan looked at her. “Come to think of it, I’ve barely heard from you the past few weeks.”

She shrugged. “I’ve been busy studying. Or, trying to study.” 

Aelin glanced at Elide from the corner of her eye and Elide raised her brows. Only Elide knew that Aelin had been questioning her feelings about Rowan for some time now. Elide had been the one encouraging Aelin to come clean, especially because they were all off to college next year. 

Aelin shook her head slightly at Elide, who huffed out a breath and turned her attention back to her practice book. Luckily, Rowan seemed unwilling to pursue the subject and also turned back to his studies. Aelin was left to review her notes in peace, sipping her coffee as the noise and music of the coffee shop hummed in the background.

Unfortunately it was peaceful for about three minutes before she became aware of how close she was sitting to Rowan. So close she could feel the heat of his arm next to hers on the table. So close it was as if she could feel and hear every time he drew a breath. Her eyes slipped over the paragraphs in her book, retaining nothing. She kept trying to focus, reading the same page over and over again before giving up. Rowan sitting next to her, apparently indifferent to her presence, had consumed her brain. She had to get out of there, clear her head. Convince herself to focus on school and forget her best friend of ten years who would never, ever return her feelings. 

So after twenty minutes of frustrated anti-studying, she slammed her book closed. “I don’t know the answers to any of these! Forget this, I’m going to fail. I’m taking a walk. If I don’t come back, I died trying to puzzle out the difference between glycerol and glycogen. Make Aedion pay my part in the bet, or something. Wouldn’t want any of you to lose out even if I’m dead.” 

Aedion said, “Hey!” at her words, but other than that no one blinked an eye at her outburst. Aelin was prone to these little fits, often claiming she would fail the test and then scoring better than any of them. But usually, she didn’t do it in a public place and it wasn’t this severe. So a few moments later, Rowan slipped out into the dusky evening to find his best friend and hopefully calm her down. 

He found Aelin around the corner of the building, sitting on the steps of the side entrance that had been boarded up years ago. The space between the coffee shop and dry cleaning business had become nothing but a dark, but clean, alleyway.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hi,” she responded softly, scuffing her feet along the rough concrete and keeping her eyes trained on her shoes. 

“What was that back there? You know you’ll ace that test.” He came to a stop directly in front of her. His arms folded over his chest.

Aelin glanced up at him before returning her gaze firmly to her beat up Converse. Damn him and his muscular arms. Did he have to have those on display right now? She was trying to come to grips with the fact that her best friend (who also happened to be very attractive) felt nothing for her. Which was hard to do when he kept flashing his muscles at her and generally being the hot nerd that he was.

“I know I’ll ace it.”

“Then why’d you storm out? You shouldn’t be out here in this alley alone.”

“I can handle myself,” she said sharply.

He sighed. “I know you can. But I hate the idea of you being alone all by yourself out here. You know you can talk to me.” He hesitated and Aelin desperately wanted to ask him what he was thinking at that moment. “But, speaking of, you haven’t been talking to me much recently. What’s up with that?”

Was this the time to do it? Elide had insisted she tell him, told her the risk was worth it and they were close enough that the friendship would survive even if he didn’t feel the same. However, Elide also insisted that she thought Rowan did feel the same about Aelin.

“I’ve just. . . been doing some thinking lately,” she began slowly, not daring to glance at Rowan as he took a seat next to her on the stoop. Too close, he was way too close. His arm brushed against hers as she pondered what to say next. She was Aelin Galathynius for crying out loud. The smartest girl in school. And telling him was the smart thing to do, right? Get it over with so she could move on and focus on other things instead of wondering day and night whether he may return her affections. 

“You’ve been doing some thinking? Wow, you never do that,” Rowan said sarcastically and Aelin chuckled despite herself.

“Thinking about other things,” she pressed, arms now wrapped tightly around her knees. 

“Other things? Things other than AP scores and college and graduation?”

“Mmhm...” Rip the bandaid off, Galathynius. Do it. 

But Rowan spoke up before she could force herself to say the words. 

“It wouldn’t have anything to do with me, would it?”

Aelin slowly turned her head to meet his bright green eyes. The smirk he wore across the lower half of his face said he knew it all. And more than anything, that pissed her off. She jumped up, hopped down the three stairs and stalked a few steps down the alley.

“As a matter of fact, no, it doesn’t, you old buzzard! So mind your own damn business.” She turned her back on him, prepared to walk away. He’d smirked at her. He knew she liked him and all he’d done was think it funny! Aelin felt as though her head would explode, she was so angry. And underneath the anger lay. . . sadness. He must not feel the same if he was laughing. Why wasn’t he kissing her if he didn’t feel the same? 

“Aelin.” His voice cracked through the slowly darkening alley, hitting her in the back and preventing her from going a step farther. Damn him.  

“What do you want, you insufferable bastard?” But her words were weak, and her voice shook on the word ‘insufferable.’ She wrapped her arms tighter around herself for protection, and yet she couldn’t make herself take one more step away from her best friend. 

Then arms--really muscular arms--wrapped around her from behind and she found her back flush against Rowan’s chest, his cheek coming to rest on her head. “Why won’t you tell me what you’ve been thinking about.”

“Because you know already.” She turned in his arms, one hand coming to rest in the center of his chest. Craning her neck to see him properly, the look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know. Told her everything she’d thought only moments ago about him being indifferent was wrong. Scarcely daring to breathe, she slowly rose up on her toes and brushed the lightest kiss against his lips, maintaining eye contact with him the whole time. 

She lowered herself back down, her hand still on his chest, his arms still locked around her. For a moment, neither of them moved.

Then Rowan’s lips crashed into hers and their stillness became a chaotic and yet organized dance between their two bodies as they moved on each other. Aelin’s hands dragged up his arms, finally feeling those muscles she’d admired for months now. Years, even. His hands made their way down over her hips and then up, up, up until his fingers tangled in her hair. They couldn’t possibly get any closer than this and yet when Rowan pressed her up against the wall of the alleyway she dragged him with her so there was no space between them. 

His tongue swept into her mouth in firm caresses, and she opened entirely for him. Only for Rowan would she have done this so quickly, so trustingly. It was as though time had stopped, and he kissed his way down her neck, her collarbone, and back up again until their lips met in a final clash, both of them desperate for more and yet weighed down by the mutual knowledge that they should join their friends before their friends came looking for them. 

Aelin was the first to pull back, letting her head rest against the brick wall of the alleyway. Rowan grinned down at her. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he said roughly, playing with a strand of her hair.

“Why didn’t you just tell me, then, buzzard?” Aelin said hotly.

“Well why didn’t you tell me?” 

She glared at him. “Call it a draw?”

He nodded and pressed a final kiss--sweet, soft, this time--to her lips before pushing off the wall and taking her hand with his. “Let’s go study and then afterward. . .” He trailed off and Aelin’s toes curled. “We have some catching up to do, since you’ve been ghosting me for the past month.”

“Sounds perfect,” Aelin responded, leaning into his side as they walked back into the coffee shop. 

They approached the table where their friends still sat, studying away. Everyone looked up at them as they returned, and Aelin watched as each set of eyes dropped to their clasped hands, then their mussed hair and faces Aelin knew were probably still a little pink. But instead of saying anything, Lysandra turned to Aedion and said, “Pay up.”

“Dammit!” Aedion exclaimed, scrounging into his pockets for cash. “I thought they’d make it until this summer.”

Aelin’s mouth popped open and Rowan dropped her hand. “You’ve been betting on us?” 

“It’s group tradition,” Elide said, even as she snatched Lorcan’s wallet and retrieved a twenty dollar bill from its pockets. “I win,” she said, sticking her tongue out at Lorcan. As Aelin and Rowan took their seats, Rowan fuming and Aelin fighting back an amused smile, Elide turned to her friend. 

“It was about damn time,” she told Aelin.

And Aelin glanced at Rowan, retrieving his hand once more. “That it was,” she said. “That it was.”

[indieks]

Two Nights, One Da(y)te 🌒 Lee Jooheon | 1.5/2

🔥 Pairing : Lee Jooheon x Reader

🔥 Genre : Soulmate!AU, Angst, Fluff, Suggestive (light)

🔥 Word count : 25.3k

🔥 Synopsis : He should have been just another Tinder match you would have swiped off your life just like you swiped your thumb on your screen that night, hadn’t it been for the deep connection that bonds you to him. He is your soulmate, you are a girl he can’t help but get attracted to. You are seeking for the perfect relationship, he is trying to stay away from love. Would the few times you come across each other be enough for your opposite hearts to face the same direction?

Part 1 /\ Part 1.5 /\ Part 2

🔥 A/N : I don’t know where I should begin... I’m so relieved to finally be able to publish the sequel of this story, but I’m so sorry at the same time for being this late. My past year (I can’t believe it’s already been a year) has been hectic and busy, my studies being the most intensive and time-solliciting ever. But I’ve managed to type a few words here and there, to finally come up with this part ; and no, it isn’t the ending one like I had planned to, because I had so many things to tell that it would’ve been too long, so I had to cut it into two!

Anyway, I just wanted to thank every single one of you who’ll take the time to read this, especially if there are some of you who were still waiting... I’ve missed Tumblr and I hope you’ll like it!

Disclaimer : the few new named characters I’ve introduced are purely fictional, I’ll just let your imagination be!

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"You're dozing off, again" a low voice finally snaked its way into his closed eardrums that had muted any possible sound buzzing around him, letting his messy thoughts rule over his focus and his awareness of where he actually was.

Jooheon snapped his head towards the left to peak at his interlocutor, being met by his bartender colleague's sad smile, Wonwoo, who shook him lightly as he had landed a friendly hand on his shoulder.

"You should take a break" he then suggested to the reddish-haired boy who looked back at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

"W-What? No, I'm fine, I'm sorry I just… Got a lot on my mind lately" Jooheon then brushed his offer off with a forced smile of his and a gentle nod to ask for his understanding and forgiveness.

"Hyung, I've been taking over your third customer because you've left the counter to take a bottle of vodka like five minutes ago yet never came back" Wonwoo chuckled, releasing the tensed muscles of the man next to him from his grasp.

"Five? No kidding? Wow shit I'm so sorry" Jooheon apologized again before sighing, his now squinted eyes meeting his own reflection in the glasses that were plastered behind the rows of bottles at the back of their bar.

The night club's neon-lights painted his face in warm colors, contrasting with how pale and  expressionless it had been for weeks now. He looked miserable in spite of the fancy hairstyle he had put effort in and his attempt to feel confident by opening his shirt a little bit too much for the ladies – in vain, as his mind wasn't even here to actually catch them lurking.

"It's okay hyung, I can see you're going through hardships lately. So if you need to take a small break, go ahead, you'll pay me back later" his tall friend reassured him before turning back to their counter where a crowd of thirsty people was already asking for his services.

Jooheon's knuckles that had indeed been around the bottle of alcohol he had indeed intended to bring back to the front weren't fed with blood anymore as his clench tightened around it. He was confused as hell, hell he thought he had already been living in all this time but which seemed to have darkened and deepened with discomfort ever since he had sent that very message to you and you had had the last word.

He could almost recite your answer by heart aloud, as he had come to read and reread it, the words planting swords of doubt, regret, and want in his body. And if he had managed to push it aside most of the time by busying himself with work at the club or on some music, it only took one glimpse of your face flashing randomly through his head from time to time, for him to get blocked into a quicksand of thoughts about you, about his feelings, about his choices, and his mind would be on full stop just like it had now.

But five minutes straight… Wow, that was a record.

You [00:44 a.m.] : I'm alone at my place, so now I have nothing to distract me anymore… I shall finally muster up my courage after hours of thinking about what to actually say. I don't know if I'm mad, upset, frustrated. Maybe a mix of them three. I'm sorry if I'm bothering you with a heavy block of words but I'll just let it all out. I spent a wonderful night with you last time. And as I told you back then, I like you, and I'm sorry. I like you and I can't do anything about it, I'm almost bothered by it myself, because you kind of warned me about your issues. Maybe I was the only one feeling this way, but that night was really special to me, and that independently of the fact that you're my ideal. Special enough for me to stop thinking about what should come next, which is sooo unlike me. And I thought I had somehow convinced you to do just the same, appreciating that thing between us. Between us, yes, as in from me to you, but also from you to me, because I felt like it wasn't one-sided. I shall thank you for trying to explain yourself again and your decision, but I'm having a hard time understanding why everything that had apparently made you come to me suddenly disappeared, or why it wasn't enough again for you to let things unwrap on their own and see where we would end up. See, I told you, I'm not enough, not even for my soulmate haha ! Anyway, I'll have to respect your decision because I can't do anything about it, right?"

Everything had gone well that night. Jooheon hadn't felt the time run out through his fingers wrapped around your waist, molding perfectly against your skin as if they had been supposed to land just there. Everything had gone so well, that he had thought he would finally be able to overcome his insecurities, as the way you had freed him from his knots of thoughts and his heavy shell had definitely showcased how special you were, reason why he had made a move first the afternoon following your leave and started a conversation.

However, the time with you and the messages you had exchanged had only been a suspension of the weight crushing his heart, and not its eradication. Because soon, the ghosts of Jooheon's lack of trust in himself had come back floating around him ; he had then realized he still felt betrayed too much to finally draw his sword and fight them, and chase the light you had shone on him.

Yet, why turning away from you was continuously bugging him even after three weeks of cutting ties? He missed your daily chatting, he missed your reassuring presence, and he somehow missed your touch and your lips. With just an encounter, a night next to him, and some text messages 'til the morning light, you had lodged a bullet right at his heart and the wound was spreading your print through his whole body. And now, it was as if he had run away, but with his eyes looking back at you all the while ; with the strings pulling at his bloody organ held by your hands ; with his mind paused back in that past night with you, unable to make him sort what was supposedly waiting for him onwards.

He had made this choice with the conviction that he still needed some time alone to go ahead with his life and mostly sort it out, but right now, what was left in front of him was only a battlefield of endless question marks, blocking his vision of where he should land his next footsteps away from the crossroad where his path had met yours.

Shit, he was regretting.

"Why did you change your mind, all of a sudden?" Kihyun asked him as Jooheon had ended up taking a short break with the encouragement of his colleague, and he had joined his group of friends who were sitting down at one of the fancy tables in the club.

They had been avoiding the subject for a while now as they knew how sensitive the bartender could be ; however, as the latter showed them how uneasy he felt about his decision himself to the point it had now impeached him from working correctly, Kihyun hadn't been able to hold it in any longer.

"What do you mean" Jooheon mumbled nonchalantly as he poured himself a glass of soda from one of the bottles of soft drinks they had spared.

"You told us that everything had went well that Friday night. I hadn't seen you smile like that when receiving a text for ages. So what happened, Jooheon-ah?" the boy specified, a worried expression clear on his face as his brows were furrowed and his little eyes were shining.

"In other words : why did you pee on yourself?" Changkyun tackled his friend intently, so that he'd gain a reaction from the zombie he had been all over again as if they were back when she had left him – and maybe, as a bonus, a spontaneous answer.

Bingo.

"Would you leave me alone, please? I feel like my head's gonna explode from all the overthinking about this already, so no need to add your questions to it, thanks!" Jooheon barked back at them, gulping down a huge sip from his glass before smashing it down on the table with a trembling hand.

The beverage was refreshing, but what he needed right now, were the flames of liquor to burn his insides so that he wouldn't feel them twisting anymore.

"Hey, we're trying to help here, calm down" Hoseok, one of the players of his ex-football team, warned with a hurt frown.

"Wanna know what I think?" Minhyuk spoke up, and he got an eye-roll in return.

"Actually, not that much…?" Jooheon tiredly inquired, because he knew what was about to come out of the blonde's mouth.

"I know you like the back of my hand Jooheon-ah, and what I'm sure of, is that you simply chickened out because you like the girl. And right now, you're having a headache, because you're just admitting it to yourself yet you don't know if you do want to take the proper actions that go with it, or not. I told you, that your heart doesn't give a damn about what's settled in your head" Minhyuk ignored his answer and looked him in the eye, unphased by the angry glare the fiery-haired boy shot right at him. "And while you're at it with your overthinking, just ask yourself the right questions : Did I enjoy the time I spent with her? Yes or no. Would I like it if I see her again? Yes or no. Do I wish to talk to her? Yes or no. Did I like kissing her? Would I like it if it happens ever again? Yes or no. If everything's a yes, then let me answer for you : maybe putting an end to it wasn't the best of choices, no."

"Leave me alone with your psychanalysis" Jooheon barely replied through gritted teeth, hating how that friend of his always managed to nibble right at the sensitive spot.

"We're just seeing that you're not… As okay with your decision as you've been when you had stories with no tomorrow up 'til now. And I think it's a shame that you're letting your doubts take the best of you like that, because Y/N really is a great girl and I swear she's really into you-" Kihyun started, but he got interrupted by Jooheon standing up roughly.

"I've had enough."

"Jooheon-ah, wait" Hyunwoo, the eldest of the group, got up on his feet as well in an attempt to prevent him from leaving.

"Aren't you supposed to be the ones to understand me and cut me some slack the most? You know how fucked up my mind is, you know how hard it is for me to find a solution to that blocking, you know ALL OF THAT! I've listened to you, I've tried to let myself go, but I just can't, okay?! See in what it resulted! I hurt a nice person, and I'm going crazy because I don't know why I can't make it work out this time as well!" he burst out and once he did, his eyes grew wide as a wave of guilt crashed against his head walls.

He regretted having taken his buried frustration at them. Hyunwoo took that opportunity to grab him by the nape as the boy's head had dropped in shame, before he presented under his nose the rest of the glass he hadn't finished but with a hint of whiskey he had poured in it, a gesture of comfort Jooheon had needed instead of the lecturing and review of his love-life.

"This time it's definitely different, you like her, and maybe that's why you're even more scared. But we just think this could actually be the way out of it, your attraction to her. If only you had hung to that a little bit more… Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean to anger or hurt you" Minhyuk stepped towards his buddy, giving him a brief hug, before he left to get himself a strong drink at the bar.

If only Jooheon was brave enough to hold onto the rope you had caught him with, yes. If only the fight with his mind was that simple, yes. If only he hadn't already forfeited, yes…

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"You're dozing off, again" Jiwoo whispered from her seat facing you, her two eyes peeking at you over the thin panel between your two desks, and you blinked rapidly to bring yourself back to reality.

That poor, lonely, empty, reality you had been breathing in for three weeks now but that was suffocating you, as all the words you wished to tell him and all the ones you regretted having said were stuffed at the back of your throat.

So that was how it was supposed to feel, having bathed in the perfect world of soulmates only to drown in loneliness then harshly dry if it ever came to an end? You felt totally, inevitably, unbearably lifeless, your soul being trapped into the wonderful moment you had spent in his company but that you had a hard time labelling as a simple "good memory" now that everything was over. It was as if his lips on yours had taken all of your willpower to remain careful when it came to love, as you felt now tenfold worse than after your past breakups.

All of your usual imagination and enthusiasm had been swept away by your emotions that got the best of you, as Jooheon had stepped on the last thing that had implicitly kept you going with your life confidently after your previous heartbreaks : hope. You had hoped to find happiness in him, you had hoped that his smiles at you, his wish for you to stay, his sweet and deep kiss in the morning, his hands lingering around your frame as you had told him you had to go, his messages popping up on your screen afterwards, were the signs that you may have found some arms to engulf you ; but he had proven you wrong with his change of mind, or maybe, to your despair, his change of heart.

Once again, the power of feelings hadn't been enough for you to keep him by your side, for him to come to you fearlessly, for the both of you to enjoy the ride and see where it would take you, blindly. And because the law was a witch that had casted an awful spell on you, you got to experience the weighing sensation of melancholy as you couldn't help but think of him.

A raindrop would make you think of him, as the shape of his mouth made it seem as if he had a small one always hanging from his lower lip. The sound of a car passing by, as it reminded you of the numerous taxis you had tried to stop before you had decided to take yourselves home by feet. The dimples of one of your colleagues, as his were the cutest you had ever seen. The scent of beer or dumplings, as it was the first – and last – late night snack you had shared with him. The orange and red lights at a stop, as the strands of his hair were tinted between those very two colors.

Anything in your daily sight of banalities managed to link itself to a memory of Lee Jooheon, and every time, it was another sigh leaving your mouth. Funnily though, it somehow helped you to understand how hard it could be for him to move on from his ex and let his heart beat for anyone but her, as for now, you felt like you couldn't give yours to anyone but him, and that until a long long time.

He was your ideal type of man, and unfortunately, he had also made your heart flutter. He matched your dreams and the reality of your feelings, and it hurt, pretty badly. The bittersweet taste of what you barely could call a relationship dried your mouth that only craved for his to grace it all over again with sweet kisses and caresses of his tongue inside of its walls.

"Stop checking your messages" Jiwoo guessed as she spotted how your eyes were lingering down on something on your desk, and you almost whined as your lips formed a pout.

"Remember what the cards told me last week? That he probably would text me…" you retorted shamelessly.

"This application is bullshit and you know it, and it told you that he might think of sending you something, not that he would actually do it in the end" your colleague countered in a sigh.

"You remember quite well for someone who's so sceptic about astrology and so on…" you chuckled and she tsk-ed at you.

"It was funny because we were drunk" she admitted with a shrug, before regaining a stern composure. "More seriously, Y/N, I'm sorry to tell you this but it's been three weeks already… I know he's your ideal, but it doesn't mean he's the absolute perfect man you need for real, y'know? Life goes on, and as you've always told me, true love always wins! I'm just sad to see you still like this!"

You addressed her a smile as you saw how hard she was trying to reason you, but the you who had been so reasonable those past months, was long gone and replaced by a desperate girl in need for a romantic-comedy-like unfolding to happen in her life. In the movies, he would actually send you the message ; he would have been thinking of you in his bed until late late night ; he would have realized that he…

That he liked you. If he ever did.

Your heavy eyelids that supported a lazy gaze fluttered tiredly as you turned your head to the window showcasing a lining of buildings warmed up by the setting sun that hadn't fought with any cloud during the day, as if it was laughing at your gloomy state.

"Yes I'll send it to you next morning" a sweet but clear voice caught your attention from the other side of the room, and your heart did a small jump as you shifted in your seat to catch a sight of Yoo Kihyun entering the open space with a phone stuck between his ear and his shoulder, and his eyes suddenly fell on you, his face then breaking into the most welcoming of smiles.

You adored him. He was a hard working senior who was straight in his shoes, never failing at his tasks, always ready to help, always giving his opinion in the subtlest of ways, always supporting your projects ; he was kind of your mentor at work, while Jiwoo was your right arm, and if usually meeting with him every day was pure happiness, now you couldn't help but get strangled by the hands of questions about Jooheon every time Kihyun would look at you or talk to you. He was the most vivid yet most embarrassing of remaining links between you and your ideal, and for three weeks you had had to bite your lip so that you wouldn't blurt your wonderings to him out of nowhere.

How was he doing? Had he talked about you? Had he forgotten about you? Were you crazy to hope and wait for anything to happen, deep down?

The after-effects of the spell were definitely chewing on the lucid part of your brain.

"Don't distance yourself from me because of Lee Jooheon" the cause of your stomach's knots to tighten at work quietly told you as you were waiting for your coffee to be spilled by the machine near the blocks of desks.

"W-What?" you stuttered, surprised by his so-on-point remark. "I-I'm not, I’m not Kihyun, what does make you say that? It's fine between us!"

The latter chuckled, his eyes disappearing as his mouth curled up, and you would've bet that he could cook some eggs on your two cheeks that were steaming from the mortification he had put you in.

"You know you can talk to me about it, if you need to… I can see that it's been running on your mind" he offered in a soothing tone, and you both went to sit on the comfortable sofas located in what was supposed to be the rest area. "But please, don't be embarrassed with me!"

"How can I not be? He's your friend before anything else, and you are the first spectator of how ridiculous I'm being nowadays… I don't want to put you into a tricky position. It was one night, and it's over" you convinced yourself before sipping on your hot energizing drink, and Kihyun landed his face in the palm of his left hand, a fond smile spreading on his traits just for you to see.

"You're not as convincing when you talk about yourself as when you're selling our projects" he joked, and you faked a kick in his legs extended before yours. "You don't have to try to look all strong in front of me Y/N, I'm actually dating my own ideal and I know how devastating it feels if they ever turn away from you."

There was a glimpse of sadness in his eyes you had never seen before as Kihyun was either smiling, either completely unreadable at work, his face expressions only shifting from concentrated traits to joyful ones when he heard good news. But sadness? Never had you ever spotted him break in front of you in the few months you had spent together, and God knew how late you had stayed together in the building to finish your work, how drunk you had both been, how tired the job could make you.

"You weren't hers, as well?" you questioned before you could think of how intrusive this could sound.

"I am, but we took a break for a few months because the emotions and sensations were… Too much for her and for me to handle. We were quite passionate from the very beginning, so much that it could have torn us apart" he explained.

You nodded understandingly, your fingernails tapping an unknown beat on the small plastic cup in your cold hands.

"Now everything's fine, but just so you know that I've been through it, dreading the ideal one, so I get how you feel" he added, insisting on the last word with his eyes looking at you intently, as if they were also bearing the weight of it.

"Well at least you stopped dreading her because you were meant to be together anyway! Jooheon and I aren't as lucky, I just hope it won't take too long for me to move on" you smiled enviously at him before coating your lips with some hot coffee to mask how quickly the corners of your mouth had fallen down.

"You know, what's funny…" Kihyun trailed, passing his hand through his thick mop of brown hair that was graciously welcoming the last rays of sun seeping through the bay windows.

He bit back a chuckle when he caught how your eyes lightened up at the suspense he had voluntarily seamed between the both of you, finding you cute, and confirming his already steady opinion : Jooheon and you would be perfect together, if only…

"What's funny, is that Jooheon is supposed to be my friend first, so I should support him and respect his choices, but this time, I'm definitely on your side" he confessed, his eyes turning into crescents as his mouth supported a warm smile once more.

"Oh yes? And why's that?" you asked him with a dubitative expression as you leaned back into the comfy chair. "Glad to learn that you and I are not friends though…"

Kihyun's phone suddenly rang, and he held the screen towards you so that you could read the name of one of your collaborators, actually being the one you were going to work with on the next event.

"They have your personal number? Woooow you're so chic" you whispered with a faked astonished expression as he stood up quickly, chuckling at your remark.

"Let's talk about it around drinks tonight, I feel like going to the bar instead of finishing what I have to do" he smiled before exiting the relaxing room in pressed strides, and you could hear him getting back to his work-tone as he seriously said "Yes sir it's me, Yoo Kihyun".

Little did you know he was literally going to replace his blood by alcohol once night had fallen, and that you would follow him with just a few drinks late.

*

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***

**

*

You were sitting at your favorite bar, that was located only three blocks away from your workplace. All of your team could never get enough of its cozy ambiance, with the dangling little garlands and lanterns hanging from the ceiling, the numerous tropical plants placed between the row of tables, and the exotic landscapes sketches or Maya-like sculptures fixed on the wooden walls, giving the overall feeling of having found shelter in the middle of a sublime jungle.

It had started as another classical end of day, Kihyun and you enjoying some delicious appetizers and tricky cocktails that were as tasty as threatening for your sanity, all the while talking about futile things and sharing funny stories. However, sooner than you would have imagined, you weren't clinking your half-empty glass with your favorite partner when you agreed on things anymore, because it had been already ten minutes since he was ranting about life and love with a jaded expression on his sharp traits.

He wasn't even looking at you, his lost eyes fixed on a wooden stick which used to support candies he had now planted in the glass in front of him, and he turned it again and again into the rest of his drink mixed with water from the cooling ice cubes.

"You know, when you date your ideal, you almost forget how it actually feels to love at first. I swear, the sensations you get almost turn into a drug, something you can never get enough of! You immediately love the person without even knowing him or her, and you're in such a bliss, in such an awe, that you can't even distinguish what your real emotions are anymore. It took me a break with my girlfriend to look back on what I feel, what I love in her, and to miss her but because my heart felt empty, not my entire self."

He sighed loudly before taking a sip from his striped straw, and seeing how he frowned and tilted his head, you knew he had more to say, which was so unlike him. It seemed as if your own situation with Jooheon affected him as well ; as if it had opened the doors to some secret yet deep thoughts that had been bugging his mind.

"When you're in a one-sided situation like yours, I feel like there's a lot to it. I think that it's also a perfect combination in its own way, because there's the power of soulmates, facing the one of true feelings. Two paths come across and merge into one : the one of the heart, and the one of fate, this is complementary" he then explained as his digits lightly traced the two lines in the palm of his left hand, and strangely, his words seemed to have cooled down the atmosphere around you as you felt chills run down your skin all of a sudden.

"I used to agree with you and believe in love more than in the soulmate-thing, but… You can't deny that nothing can beat the perfection of the romance between two individuals that were both bond by fate. It means they're made for each other, it's beautiful" you inquired, and unlike you whose heart now felt heavy in your itchy chest, Kihyun looked like he relaxed in his chair as it was his turn to speak again.

"But what sticks two soulmates together is also love, just like any other couple. What we actually feel might be stronger, but not purer. If I didn't love my girlfriend and if she didn't love me, our short break would have resulted in a break-up, for sure. That's the part of reality in this world of dreams and expectations. I wish Jooheon would understand that…" he breathed out as his gaze finally landed on you, an exasperated expression veiling his white face.

"Oh no, don't tell me he's back at it again" a rather high-toned voice spoke from behind you and your colleague's reddening cheeks spread into a contented smile, so you turned around in your seat to be met with five familiar figures, their sight making your heart drop down to your heels.

Before you had even recovered from the tornado of emotions this situation was putting you through, the boys you couldn't help but label as "Jooheon's friends" dragged some more chairs and tables to join Kihyun and you. To each beat of your weakened heart, one thought kept on ringing in your mind : every single boy sitting next to you, in front of you, across from you, knew Lee Jooheon better than you did even though the law made you feel otherwise. But what was harder to process, was they surely were aware of the things that had happened between the both of you, making you rot in embarrassment.

"What, what, what? I'm back at what, huh? You know you all agree, Jooheon doesn't realize how lucky he is! What he trusted in is right in front of our eyes, Y/N, who aspires to believe in love more than anything! He's not her ideal for nothing, it's because they would be perfect together, am I wrong?"

You swore that the weight of awkwardness and how the atmosphere had thickened were crushing you in your wooden chair, and all you did was agitating your head from the left to the right repeatedly while shooting him a pleading look so that he would stop playing the justiciary.

"Hey, you're lucky too you punk! Sorry Y/N, he tends to turn really sentimental once he's drunk… Anyway, we're here to save you from hell" the one you remembered as being named Hoseok smiled kindly at you, however it didn't chase your wish to disappear away.

"What are you saying, you're here because I texted you to come" Kihyun snorted with a sulky face.

He hadn't asked for your advice or assent before taking this questionable initiative, but you had noted from the mischievous smile he had sported on the way earlier that he had been exceptionally excited to go out, making you wonder if he had been up to something.

And he clearly had.

"I thought it would be nice for you to hang with some new people, to clear your mind a little" he then addressed you, and every single one of you – except for him– rolled your eyes at his stupid idea.

Clear your mind? While being surrounded by six faces that only reminded you of the one that was missing? Seriously?

What a nice idea he had had, bringing another set of pieces to the puzzle picturing Jooheon in your dizzy head, bringing dozens of questions burning the tip of your tongue, bringing discomfort as you were hanging with an important part of his life when he had chased you out of it.

"I texted the sad boy too, so that he realizes what he's missing, I can't leave him alone being all dumb like that" Kihyun then proudly announced, and you darted two big round eyes at him, your heart beating faster than it had since the night you had spent with the very sad boy he was talking about, as for three weeks it had been unmoved.

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" you shouted along with the rest of the boys, your pupils then exchanging panicked-angry-incredulous glances.

"I'm leaving" you then precipitated yourself, your suddenly trembling hands gathering your things on the table and putting them back into your leather bag.

"Yoo Kihyun seriously what's wrong with you…" the tall one, Hyungwon, pestered him with a clenched jaw as he looked at you who were ready to stand all at once.

"He will be here in less than a minute, just stay and trust me Y/N, please" Kihyun begged and it triggered you.

"Why would you do that? It's just embarrassing for the both of us! I am respecting his decision, and so should you! Thank you for worrying about me, but don't interfere anymore, please!" your tone would have gotten close to the one of yelling, hadn't it been for your voice cracking as it was the prey of your fear to meet Jooheon's eyes again, to read discomfort and resent in them instead of the memory of their tenderness you cherished.

Just as you were about to finally get up, having put your fluffy puffer coat on as well as your beanie to confront the icy weather, the peal of small bells signaling the opening of the main door resounded over the music and the boys' voices telling you how sorry they were ; and you knew. You knew it was him who had just entered, because your body automatically reacted the second you dared to throw a look over your shoulder quickly, your eyes only perceiving a reddish mop of hair and a bright yellow padded jacket. Your hand was scorching and shining around the handle of your bag, and you cursed under your breath at the pain and at Kihyun who bit back a smile of victory.

He really could become sly and clueless at the same time once he was drunk, how come you had forgotten about that?

"Y/N, wait-" the latter tried to hold you back as you pushed your chair that screeched against the ground, but you walked past the table, your hurried strides supported by your trembling legs taking you towards some other exit at the opposite side of the room.

Your heavy heart had turned light, floating under your chest as a feather would do in some spring breeze, however the two drinks you had consumed and the trap your friend had pushed you right in made you overall feel sick, your stomach burning. Some fresh air was even more welcomed, yet you hadn't even taken that much steps when the most pleasant voice you would ever hear infiltered your buzzing eardrums :

"Y/N" Jooheon called you out calmly, and your feet immediately stumbled as you came to a full stop.

Shit.

You didn't want to look at him, you didn't want to see his face again, you didn't want to feel yourself sucked into the hole of sweltering feelings for him once more now that you had told yourself that your dreams wouldn't come true ; however you did, slowly turning on your heels, and you inevitably got consumed by the flames of whatever his presence did to you.

He looked utterly handsome even though he was doing nothing, just standing there and breathing. His hair was down, falling messily on his forehead, with a few strands kissing his eyelids ; still, it didn't occult the power his pupils could hold. His sharp eyes never failed to get the best of you, absorbing your willpower to leave and pinning your two feet to the ground, as contrary to what you had dreaded, there wasn't anything near embarrassment shining in them. They were simply gazing at you, two black orbs full of stars hooked on his sculpted-like face, and they didn't quaver when they met your unsure, humid ones.

"Let's talk outside for a minute" he invited out of the blue, and you blinked obliviously but your head nodded independently of your command.

You then waited for him to move closer behind you before exiting the bar, without saying a word, your throat strained and your mouth itching with the desire of kissing him right here, right now. Once you had landed a few steps outside, it took you a lot of courage to turn around again and face the cause of your happiness and sorrow, the sweet-and-sour mixture twisting your stomach where butterflies still were doing their usual job of messing with you.

"Hi" you tried with a small smile, shoving your hands inside your pockets so that you wouldn't lose your fingers.

Jooheon wished the fog that came out of his mouth as he breathed out had conveyed all of his messy thoughts to you, so that you could feel how torn you had left him for three weeks, so that you would help him sort things out, so that you would absorb them just like you had that Friday night, as he didn't even know what he was supposed to say to you right now ; he had just wished to see your face, selfishly, even if it was only for a short and bittersweet moment.

"How have you been doing?" he then asked randomly, the words falling from his plump lips he then bit in regret.

Your world was spinning twice faster now that it was revolving around Jooheon as its center of gravity again ; you could only see and hear him, your senses all gathered to focus on his person. Nevertheless, if three weeks ago the enchantment casted upon you had made you feel happy, this time, your encounter was crackling further your heart he had closed his doors to.

"Fine, and you?" you lied, so bad, yet you didn't want him to feel worse than you knew he already was, as even if you were distraught because you had failed in a relationship once more, you couldn't ignore the fact that Jooheon was suffering from his disappointment more than anything.

Your heart understood him through its aching, reason why your voice's tone had been sweet despite you, warming Jooheon's own bloody organ in the matter of a millisecond, warmth that spread inside his limbs and made him insensitive to the actual freezing weather. Some snowflakes had started to fall and were finding home in the free strands of your hair, and his burning left hand was weirdly craving to caress the white gown they were creating over your head until it'd disappear.

"Pretty fine too" his low voice vibrated through his chest, and another cloud of steam formed between your two faces, giving you the time to collect your expression so that he wouldn't notice how flustered you were.

"Anything you wished to tell me? Or else I'll get going I have a bus to catch in… 10 minutes" you insinuated that he had called you out for something precisely, and when his eyes fell down to the snowy pavement, you crumpled the insides of your pockets as the longer he was standing in front of you, the harder it was to fight the urge to assault him with questions and… Kisses?

The silence was weighty, and when Jooheon's pupils leveled up to yours once again, he noticed the thin line of water that was forming at the crease of your eyelids, killing him on the spot. Just like her, the sight of him was making you sad and uneasy, and he hated himself for that. Still what he despised more, was that he was putting you through the same thing that had eaten him alive the past months. He wished you had never met him and had simply fallen in love with some random guy, not being helplessly attracted to him because of a stupid law.

"I wanted to apologize on behalf of my friends, I can see you were quite embarrassed… They truly can be dumbasses sometimes, so sorry" he found the excuse on the spot, his improvisation impressing himself.

"Oh it's okay, they already apologized. It was Kihyun, he thought he was… Doing something good, I guess? He just doesn't get our situation" you brushed off as your brows had furrowed due to his surprising revelation.

"And I guess I wanted to check if you were okay" he suddenly admitted in a low yet steady tone that shook you to the core.

"Well you must know how it is, you've been through it" you sounded harsher than wanted, however, you couldn't blame your inner self for getting more and more sensitive while facing him.

You were right. Jooheon was more of a punition to you than anything else ; he knew it because he had lived in this empty feeling up 'til now. But couldn't he try to make you feel any better?

"Look, I'll take that as an opportunity to tell you face to face that I truly am sorry for what I did to you so… Yeah I'm sorry Y/N. I really wish you'll find someone good for you, you deserve it-"

"Jooheon, I told you I got you" you cut him, and the whisper of his name coming out of your freezing lips tranquilized its owner instantly. "Don't misunderstand what Kihyun just planned, I wasn't aware that you were coming either. I'm sorry but… Hearing you apologize and inducing that everything's over another time… Makes it kind of weird, I'm embarrassed right now."

You had become upset, as you had felt some kind of disappointment fall over you all of a sudden. Upset for having expected something to change with the time passing by ; for having felt the spark of excitement replacing your anger towards your colleague as soon as Jooheon had called your name ; for receiving his words like a good slap all over again when you had been supposed to let go and accept the reality of rejection three weeks ago already. Why did you keep on hoping?

You could already hear Jiwoo's voice scolding you with an "I told you!".

"Oh- I'm-"

"Don't" you smiled sadly. "Remember when she said sorry to you, did it make you feel any better?"

Jooheon's face contorted in displeasure and regret, and he passed a tensed left hand through his fluid hair, the locks enlightened by his shimmering red scar caressing them, and he cursed himself with thousands of insults inside his head. What had he been thinking?

"Someone told me that if your ideal leaves you, it means that you're not good for anyone else. So hearing you wishing me to find someone else… Kind of reminds me of this" you chuckled while looking away.

"Shit Y/N I'm so sor-… I didn't mean it that way, I just thought that apologizing to you face to face rather than behind a screen was at least more appropriate, because I know how it is to go through this so I was hoping to… Shit I don't know anymore" his words fell precipitately out of his mouth, and another wave of threatening tears accrued at the corner of your eyes.

"You don't have to feel guilty, okay? You should try to make yourself more comfortable with your choice, or else… Or else I'm gonna think that something's going on when there's not" you pursued with the same nervous laugh, your eyes dropping to your shoes as you nibbled at your lower lip. "So please… Don't worry, and don't be too harsh on yourself."

It had been as if you had read his inner emotions like they were scribbled on his face, finding what he couldn't point out in his mind then formulate, and soothing him with words to counter those insecurities. You never failed to find the right buttons to push at, and to his despair, you skimmed the one of his doubts, making his heart throb at the idea of taking risks that flashed through his mind.

"How come you're worrying about me when I'm the one who hurt you" he wondered aloud, before gasping as he heard his own voice that had betrayed him.

Because you cared for him. Because you could feel his pain now that he was near, your heart constricted under your ribcage the more you could read the guilt in his eyes that were begging for any sign of your forgiveness. Because apparently, the law left you no choice but to empathize with him no matter what he did, even if it included leaving you behind.

"I guess you know the answer since you experienced it too" you simply managed to answer before you would break into a sob. "I'll get going."

Something felt off in the way your exchange ended, Jooheon was even less at ease to part ways. He had apologized, to ensure that you would hear the sincerity of his excuses and to see you accept them ; but didn't it look like he had been looking for his inner peace rather than yours?

He could recognize himself in your reaction, as it had been the one he had adopted back when she had repeated the word "sorry" to him. However, he had been unable to hear the authenticity in her excuses as, just like you, all that remained was that you and him were being left behind no matter how guilty the one who was bidding goodbye felt.

But Jooheon didn't want you to experiment that loneliness, nor wanted the bright you to ostracize itself from everyday pleasures that would have brought a smile on your face before him ; so as your eyes were turning away from him as well as your figure, he spoke up :

"Why don't you stay?"

You faced him again and the unquavering look he conveyed to you made your heart jump up to your throat, yet ready to drop down at any second.

"What?"

"I said… Why don't you stay?" he reiterated, then gulped down his anticipation that had burned his rushed tongue.

You batted your eyelashes involuntarily as the incredulity galloped its way through your brain once you had processed his words.

"W-Why would I? Why would you want me to?"

"Because the guys are funny and nice, and because I liked it when we hanged together, it was cool" he simply stated, his brows going up on his forehead as he showcased a shrug.

"Is this a way for you to tell me we should be friends…?" you then asked ; however you weren't sure of how you would react if he ever came to say "yes".

"It is my way to tell you you shouldn't leave because of my stupid ass when you could spend a good evening with some dorks to make you laugh" he retorted.

His eyes were shining with expectation and maybe mischief, a cocktail that sparked some excitement in you and tickled your limbs to the point you almost returned him a warm smile as you could see how bad he was trying to make up for what he did – or thought he did – to you.

"At least you acknowledge the fact that you're stupid" you managed to joke, earning a shy chuckle from him. "Thanks but no, actually I'm pretty tired and I'm glad I escaped this situation with Kihyun because I would have had a short night, when tomorrow we need to finish some project…"

Jooheon's hand caressed his nape slowly as he nodded in understanding, and this time he was the one feeling the ache of disappointment when he probably shouldn't. Indeed, it was easier to let go behind a mobile phone's screen ; but now that this wall of fake-confidence wasn't there to help playing the cool ones, Jooheon felt like you could see how torn he was when you were supposed to believe that he was okay with his own decision.

"Alright…" his words trailed as well as his gaze on you, to the point you shivered as if you had been naked under the snow falling above your two dizzy heads.

You had found the courage to turn away a second time, when a last thought popped up in your mind, thought your tongue felt obliged to convey to him who had remained in his spot, watching you take a few steps away on the pavement.

"Oh and Jooheon" you spoke up with a small smile over your shoulder. "Just start practicing football again already. I saw you at the futsal on Kihyun's Instagram stories two days ago and you looked… Really happy. I think… That's actually the first step you need to take, y'know, to feel better with yourself, then maybe with life in general?"

These had been the only images and news you had had of him during the past three weeks, and you just had remembered how he had glowed with serenity and simple joy as he had been filmed kicking the ball with his friends. This was the Jooheon you wished for him to be, this was the bright version of him you thought deserved to be on full-time display, this was the self-love you wished he could give himself when you couldn't do it for him anymore.

"Thanks Y/N you're… Literally a good person like it's crazy."

But not good enough, once again, you thought.

"Comforting the guy who did you wrong and so on…" he breathed out.

You cared for him, so much that you hadn't been able to leave him on that awkward note, so much that your quavering heart felt at ease to see his lips draw a shy smile as he seemingly had been touched by your kind advice.

"Bye, then" you almost whispered to end up this conversation that could turn up to something too emotional in no time.

Another goodbye, less sour yet not that sweet as you both parted ways not as lovers, neither as friends, just as two hurt people who couldn't speak their hearts and minds up but only feel how confused they were. And if you were entangled invisibly to each other by the red string of fate, you still had to separate ways another time, and you finally turned your back on him. It was as if you were walking against the current, your whole soul pulled back to him who was looking at that beautiful silhouette he should let go of without regrets, his umpteenth sigh still not conveying his doubts to you.

*

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*  

Kihyun was looking at you from the corner of his half-closed eyes, and you were hesitating between smashing his head or simply laugh at his evidently dull state.

"I-I'm sorry…" he finally blurted out in a hushed voice, and the chuckle that had lurked deep inside your throat escaped despite you.

"About what? Your conspiracy that got me cornered and facing your friend in an embarrassing way, or the fact that you're a zombie on the day when you're supposed to be helping our team by being productive?"

You were waiting with your back against the wall in front of the meeting room, your files safely guarded under your crossed arms that covered your chest trembling due to stress. Your mind had to be at its best condition all day long so that at the end of this brainstorming, your Project manager would be satisfied and no more worried about one of the next huge events you had been offered to organize.

"I guess both, I messed up pretty badly…" Kihyun regretted as he pinched his nose bridge and you couldn't prevent your eyes from rolling up before they dropped on his pale figure.

"Oh yes you did, you moron" you sighed. "I hope your performing brain will help us as usual, or else if I die by the hands of the manager, you're dying with me."

Your team partner laughed tiredly before nodding, his briefcase held tight in his hand that was shivering as well, because of the little night he had spent and the anticipation getting on his nerves. While New Year's Eve was right around the corner, your team had already been picturing itself in the next decade. You had been assigned to draft an event destined to celebrate the merge of two small but successful companies – a Korean and a Chinese one. They had contacted you so you'd make them dream in the early spring of 2020, and the burden was real as the more time passed by, the more you were building a reputation, and the less you could allow yourselves to do any mistake.

The few instructions you had been given were that the clients were seeking for something fancy enough, and that they wished to invite all their employees so that they could get to know each other and learn to work together on good terms for the future. And those exact good terms, mainly depended on the successful night you would offer them as well as the few sponsors and investors who had been put on the guest list, so that they would never be able to forget about it but mostly be convinced to stick to a firm that treated them well.

Thankfully for you – and hungover Kihyun –, the meeting went well as you had been more prepared than you thought you would be in the midst of the confusion that plagued over your brain. So prepared, that the third idea you had come up with of renting a boat earned the votes and the trust of your Project Manager who complimented you on this plan you had worked hard on ever since the end of the National Federation of Football's party.

You finally looked back on how you had devoted yourself to work in order to forget about your heartache, and thanked your determined spirit as it had definitely paid off. This event truly had been your loophole to escape, only for a few hours within a day though, from your sickening thoughts about your love life.

"Oh right, about the staff we will need on the boat, I heard from the Korean firm that they have special recommendations they want to discuss with us about before we actually call our partners" Himchan informed you. "There are some people they worked with for previous events and who they trust so they'd like to have them on that night as well.

*

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*

Three months-and-a-bit later.

 You should have taken a closer look at the pile of folders containing the-said wanted workers your project manager had then handed to you that morning instead of leaving it on your desk to welcome some dust, because you would have been less appalled on the D-Day, as you were about to face your big clients.

Kihyun, Jiwoo and you quietly sat in the largest and fanciest of rooms in your building, organizing your ideas and files before the grand meeting. Like every single time even if you should have gotten used to it, your heart was ravaging your ribcage with great kicks of its own, and you felt hot as if you were in August under the sun of Madrid, and not in mid-March. Finally, the main door opened and Himchan entered with a reassuring smile pulling his traits, shortly followed by the two communication managers of the companies as well as their respective secretaries, a young woman and man.

You had exchanged a lot of e-mails and phone calls with the assistants during the past weeks, so you could say that you were pretty excited to finally get to talk to them without the barrier of a digital screen. The girl had been full of energy and had always asked if you needed help, reminding you of yourself in a way, while the male secretary had been quite formal but you had perceived a real kindness between the lines.

Yet, as soon as your eyes met the ones of the latter who translated the Chinese greeting of his chief for your knowledge, your left palm was set on fire, with the famous pleasuring pain that itched your skin and illuminated your… Heart-line.

You gave him a shy smile as you guessed he felt it too, the situation quite embarrassing when you were meeting at your workplace with all the eyes to see and a huge deal to conclude, however you observed with excitement the quick changing of expression on his face, his pupils suddenly darkening and pinning you to your chair, his lips parting slightly before he bit the lower one for a short moment, and his cheeks and ears reddening in no time.

Don't tell me…

He finally greeted you with a polite bow before taking place in the seat exactly facing yours, and you could read in his rushed attitude that he was flustered. While your team manager was delivering his speech, the guy started translating in real-time, mumbling the words while bending closely to his boss, who nodded and smiled as he progressively understood he was welcomed and thanked for having put his trust in your company.

You used his busy state as an opportunity to have a longer look at the figure of a new compatible man with you, and you could say you were quite flattered as the first word that came to mind to describe him was-

"Handsome. He's freaking handsome. You've been mailing this handsome guy, wow, your luck is real Y/N" Jiwoo whispered to your attention, quietly enough so you'd be the only one to hear that cringy remark and you nodded absent-mindedly, a smirk making its way to the corners of your mouth.

That handsome man was compatible with you, how lucky you were, indeed. He had chestnut blonde hair, slicked back and parted neatly with probably some wax, and his facial features were dangerously close to perfect. An angular nose, almond shaped eyes, thick and straight eyebrows, a peachy appealing mouth which covered an aligned dentition he finally showcased as he beamed at you once he had worded his name :

"Good morning, my name is Qian Jie, nice to meet you all."

"And I'm Jeon Jiwoo" your colleague pressed while passing a hand in her hair, and you had to sew your lips so that you wouldn't cackle before her childish behavior.

"I'm Y/L/N Y/N, nice to finally meet you too."

His eyes fell on your face once again and you were sure this time he was blushing, either because his grey turtleneck under his dark anthracite costume was too hot now that he wasn't braving the wind outside ; either because, just like you a month ago, he was staring at…

His ideal.

It was your turn to blush at this absurd idea and you shook your head from the left to the right to reason yourself ; the world was little, but this just couldn't be.

"I'm Jang Sora, I'm glad to meet you all as well, and to see you again, Kihyun" a feminine voice resounded in your ears and you finally paid attention to the woman secretary who was smiling at you then at your colleague who suddenly looked flustered.

"I'd never imagined we'd meet again under these circumstances" Kihyun nodded.

"You two know each other?" your manager asked enthusiastically.

The dark-haired girl chuckled, eyes with a single eyelid shining as if they had taken a ray of sun outside to illuminate them in a light brown, then she spoke up again :

"Yes, we happened to hang together a while ago, friends of friends!"

Kihyun was hanging his head low, and you could decipher how he forced a smile as he obviously was swimming under a sea of discomfort. Who was she to put the unwavering Yoo Kihyun in such a state? She definitely looked charismatic, young but surely experimented, just like what she had showed you through mails and voice calls as she started leading the discussion by relaying accurate and precise questions while her chief only came in to speak in the name of his own boss : what he liked, disliked, wanted, feared. They embodied a powerful business duet that got you talking to them with precautions and staying on your toes to be sure you were convincing enough and show them you hadn't been idle all this time.

On the other hand, your compatible match was still translating everything, would it be what you said or what his manager said, but what disturbed you more than his handsomeness and your burning hand was the fact that he kept on kissing your silhouette with his eyes. The few times you dared to support his gaze, you came across an unreadable expression, between warm and intense, something that gave you the chills as you were thrilled to be the one receiving such attention in a long time.

"About the workers, we sent you their profiles, did you receive them?" Sora asked while combing her bangs with a quick hand move, and you took the pile in your hands with a smile.

"They're right here, but we haven't contacted them yet as we wanted to confirm the place with you above all! Is there any priority between them, so that we know who to call first?" you looked her in the eyes and she nodded vigorously, accepting the files you slid on the table to her side.

"Let's see… Yes, there's those three, and… this one. They've worked with us for a few events and were well appreciated, we would like it if they were to be here again. They knew our directors' preferences in each area so they might be useful to you and the other staff you'd hire!"

Out of seven recommendations, she pushed four of them back to you fully opened, and when your eyes caught the sight of a familiar ID photography as if it was the only thing filling the white page resuming the professional experience, you almost gasped.

Lee Jooheon.

With a solemn face and short black hair, the boy of your dreams was watching you from his laid-down position, his sharp eyes, as diminished as they were in the small picture, still catching your breath and provoking exhilarating sensations in your body. The attention of your teammates diverted towards you as quickly as a finger snap, and you did your best to bottle your flustered state deep down in your twisted stomach as you had to remain professional and not let your personal matters mingle with your work ones. You couldn't object even if you wanted to ; but it burned your tongue and made your ears ring as the same thought kept banging in your head : Why? How? Why? How? WHY?

Somehow, you heard Kihyun shifting in his chair before the opened file of your ideal disappeared in his hands, and when you leveled up your pupils, you could read in the look Sora was giving your colleague that she particularly cared for this candidate.

"I'll contact this one" he informed as he lowered the papers for his eyes to shoot question marks at his interlocutor, who nodded in consideration.

_______

You knew the world was small, as in this very room, had been sitting a man compatible with you when he should have been just a business partner.

However, you didn't know yours would keep on spinning around Lee Jooheon for so long after that last encounter at the bar three months ago, or else you would have prepared yourself for this kind of coincidence to happen anytime. Or else, this situation wouldn't have felt as if Sora had taken a knife and rammed it over your wound all over again. Or else, you wouldn't have been that devastated right after the end of the meeting, completely forgetting about Jie as you were pacing round and round in the rest area, for Kihyun to watch.

Because while everyone in the room had been sharing his or her advice until they were satisfied with the terms of the negotiations, your mind had been half occupied by the task of making the link the between the care in Sora's eyes, the discomfort between her and your colleague, and the re-apparition of your soulmate. And the conclusion you had come to find was…

"That's her, right?" you barked at Kihyun who jolted in surprise at your little burst out. "That's his ex!"

"Lower your voice, they're still here!" he warned you. "And yes, she is" he then shrugged.

"You saw her name in the contracts, right? Why didn't you tell me?! This is so embarrassing!" you ruffled your hair and threw an accusing look at him.

How come the law, or maybe life in general, were so determined to mess up with you? Did they wish to see the vise tighten itself around you to the point it would feel like you definitely couldn't escape from this? Were you between the hands of a sadist pulling at the strings that would ridicule you the most?

"So what if she's his ex? What does it change? You would have refused to take part in the project? We are working here!" your colleague and friend answered, his tone inducing that he was a bit annoyed.

Yet, he marked a point and you grumbled in defeat, his face now showing he was completely unphased by your anger – angering you even more.

"This is so embarrassing Kihyun, I don't know where to hide myself right now" you then moaned while rubbing your blushing face with your panicked hands.

"Because you don't have to hide! I repeat : what if she's his ex?" Kihyun emphasized, less and less sure that he could follow your train of thoughts.

"What are you going to do with him?" you ignored his question because, well, you didn't have an answer to it.

The sigh that left his thin lips was so displeasing to hear.

"I'm gonna call him and propose him the offer, just like I am supposed to do" he explained in a calm tone, hoping it would help you to calm down too.

Your eyes came across his and even more than his sigh, his stern expression wasn't to your liking, at all. First his trap at the bar, now this secret information that could have helped you digest the whole thing better ; he might be the one wanting you to have a heart attack, in the end.

Your new year's resolution had been to move on from Lee Jooheon and to stop considering love as a priority for a while, and you had been doing quite fine up 'til now. Why? Because you hadn't seen his face ever since that night on the sidewalk, or more exactly, you had avoided it or anything that could remind you of him like some kind of bacteria. Posts of Kihyun on social medias? Muted, as well as his voice when he made the mistake to pronounce his name – one killing stare and that was it. The club he worked at? Banned from your options to have a funny night. The TV corner talking about football and his great return? You knew exactly its time slot depending on the day now. And positive thoughts? Always welcomed, as well as the flirting with some guys on dating apps or at your friends' parties. He had been doing well without you in the meantime, retrieving his old life, so why shouldn't you?

"Stop looking at me like that" you hissed through gritted teeth, wishing to smack Kihyun's confident expression out of his face.

"Like what? Like I'm hearing some bullshit coming out of your mouth? Sorry but that's actually the case so I can't help it" he then smiled cockily, and strangely enough, your cheeks tickled as he made you want to laugh at yourself as well.

You knew you were overreacting, but you couldn't help it. Why did it suddenly feel like the carefree attitude you had adopted was as fragile as a house of cards, ready to get whisked away by what you only saw as a storm coming right at you?

If every single effort you had put in forgetting about Lee Jooheon had paid off, then why were you panicking? The thought that maybe you had been more of an impostor than you'd like to admit was turning your blood cold.

"You're going to hide it from him too? And the fact that she actually recommended him?" you asked your partner while regaining your composure.

"So that's what's actually bugging you, I see…" Kihyun nodded, the smirk still present on his pale face.

"Of course it is!" your lingering care for him spoke for itself. "It means she's still interested in him, and if they meet again… If they meet again…"

You didn't want to imagine it. As much as you certainly didn't wish to see him at all, you needed even less to witness him shattering in front of his ex when she had already turned him into a mess. Or worse, to watch their romance bloom all over again if you ever had read her eyes rightly, and to feel uncomfortable, if not hurt.

"I don't want to see it, no thanks." you told yourself aloud, and to your surprise, Kihyun got what you meant with only those few words.

"You won't see it. You know why? Because the man she works for, the manager we saw earlier, is her ideal, and they're actually dating, she left Jooheon for this guy. She just has affection and surely pity for him. I'm sure she wants to see him again just to be sure he's doing fine because she cares about him in a way."

"Then did you think of him? Did you think of how hurt he'd be to see them together?" you pointed out his negligence that seemed to keep on revealing itself ever since his questionable choice back at the bar.

Kihyun chuckled at your worries and crossed his arms, looking at you tenderly this time.

"You sound pretty concerned for someone who's proclaimed herself as, I quote, "careless about boys" just a few days ago for the umpteenth time..."

"I-I'm just empathic, unlike you it seems" you scoffed with a shrug.

"I am always thinking of my brothers first. And what I am thinking nowadays about him, is that you resolve trauma by trauma. Trust me, Y/N, I was wrong at the bar last time, but right now, I know what I'm doing."

Every single pore of his skin, every single inch of his posture were screaming that he actually did know what he was doing, his confidence emanating from him like a glowing and powerful aura, so much that it chased the cloud of panic you had been struggling in away.

"You always have the last word, huh?" you sighed before it faded into a smile.

"That's why we always conclude contracts, I'm the best at convincing. Now if you'll excuse me, I have a phone call to make…" he crooned as he walked away with Jooheon's number and nickname displaying on his phone's screen, and you caressed your flushed cheeks before sighing again, the anticipation pressuring your lungs.

Suddenly – but not so surprisingly…– you wished to meet him again. Your shell had indeed been made of glass, as your inner voice was already whining that you wanted him to be there on that night. And bitterly, you realized that you had moved on, yes, but not far enough ; you had let go, yes, but not of everything.

You felt so upset to see that you had definitely been convincing yourself half-heartedly. But well, that colleague and supposedly friend of yours was definitely not helping.

"Y/N, you forgot your stuff in the room" Himchan informed you as he walked past the rest area, followed by the very ex and her actual boyfriend you bowed to.

You sprinted towards the meeting room, hoping it would be empty so that you could groan loudly once and for all to evacuate the weight of distress crashing your ribcage. She was so pretty, so well-mannered, so determined, so professional, so feminine, that it made you feel like a naked worm who just deserved to be left alone in the dirt, and nowhere near the blooming flower she was. You were no competition for her, and she was the perfection Jooheon deserved according to the law ; how come you had expected anything?

Some unwelcomed tears came to play with your eyelids, as if your body was laughing at you by trying to make you properly pitiful. Three months had gone by, but your stomach still twisted at the sight of his picture? REALLY?

"Excuse me, Miss Y/L/N?" a voice as soft as velvet smoothed your eardrums that had been buzzing for the last two minutes, and you looked back to thank with your eyes the one who had prevented you from becoming deaf and suffering from a harsh headache.

And that very person happened to be the one whose way of ending your sentences and picturing your ideas as if you had drawn them yourself in his mind had petrified you in the same meeting room earlier, and now just his gaze did in the corridor as he smiled broadly before approaching your shaken figure.

Jie truly was handsome and beyond chic, making him intimidating but not in a negative way, just one that made you respect and admire him without even knowing him inside-out. He could be compared to the handsome main character in a manga before whom the girl – and the reader as well – was losing the strength in her limbs.

"I wished to ask you earlier but you disappeared quite quickly… Would you like to meet tomorrow night for a team gathering, with your colleagues? We've been working together for a while now but we haven't been able to talk properly without a working context, I thought it would be nice for our teams to get to know each other in a friendly manner" he offered, to your great surprise.

The idea was not so bad, and you knew that when it came to going out for a drink, your teammates were always the first ones to respond positively.

"Oh yes, that's a great initiative! Thanks for proposing!" you smiled, and realized that you felt more at ease ever since he was facing you, as if the air around you was fresh and clean, not thick and overpowering.

He seemed to relax as he heard your answer, then he took in a sharp breath before asking :

"Then… Can I have your personal number? I only have the one from your office… So that I can tell you the time and address?"

Bold move. Had he been anyone else, you would have not seen anything else than a professional and nice proposition ; however, something in your guts was telling you there was more to it. From the way his eyes were always so dark and sparkly when they crossed your stare, from the way he smiled confidently but his cheeks were flushed, from the way he had dared to stand so close to you… You could recognize your own flirty behavior from the night at the club when you had met Jooheon, and as scared as you were to admit it, you were 97% sure that you were his ideal one.

The question was : was it fate that you had crossed paths? And if yes, should you give it a try? This man had no choice but to like you and wish to stay by your side, or at least the chances were slimmer for him to leave like every man before him had, however… However, why did you feel like you were cheating on Jooheon as you grasped his phone between your shy fingers to type your number, when the guy was supposed to be nothing but a souvenir you should free yourself of?

Jie happily took the device back and shoved it into his blazer's pocket, and after one last long glance at your traits, he left to look for his boss. Unbeknownst to you who had still read the other signs, his heart was pounding under his chest and his head was busy thinking of you until the next day when you were about to meet again.

*

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***

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* 

Qian Jie [11:15 a.m.] : Hello Y/N, this is Jie. I hope you had a great morning. I'm texting you to send the address and time as agreed. Here is the map with the location. Let's say we should meet at 8.30 p.m., is that okay with you? 😊

You were the last one to show up at the fancy dining bar, which was already full of university students, co-workers, friends on a hangout or even loners, all sitting around barbecue plates grilling fresh meat and vegetables. The scent of alcohol and food stimulated your buds and your mouth watered as you wandered between the tables, looking for familiar faces.

And the familiar face you finally spotted was the one of a blonde man smiling while grilling some piece of what you guessed was beef, and as if he had sensed you coming, Jie immediately leveled up his eyes to meet yours. Your left hand heated up in no time, but less than your cheeks as you could clearly read in his stare that he was finding you… Pretty. His pupils scanned your silhouette quickly from head to toes, before he came right back at your face and his cheekbones reddened a bit as he finally gave you the biggest of smiles.

He pressed himself to move his things that had been displayed on the seat next to him, and he then silently motioned you to come and take the place he had just arranged. Had he done it on purpose? Probably. Did you find it cute? Maybe. Noticing his agitated and excited state, everyone at the table finally turned around or stopped looking at their phones to acknowledge you, and your colleagues all exclaimed :

"Y/N! Finally!"

"What took you so long?" Jiwoo, who was sitting at the far end of the table – and consequently at the opposite of the seat you were supposed to take at Jie's side – asked you with a sly smile, as during the day, you had finally confessed to her who you thought that handsome man was to you, or more accurately, who you were to him.

You had been quite embarrassed to tell her as you knew she had found him pretty attractive, but Jiwoo never ceased to surprise you with her cheerful state which never betrayed an ounce of jealousy. Surprised you as well, because if she was then sitting far away from Jie, she seemed to have found another target in the teammates from Sora's company. Indeed, each secretary had brought their coworkers responsible of the communication about the event or supposed to help you, your group then occupying at least three tables.

What had taken you so long, had been firstly the tasks you had wished to finish before leaving the building, and also your hard time choosing your outfit. In a way, you had wished to look pretty, but it wasn't exactly because of Jie's presence ; it was more because you were utterly conscious of Sora's. You had dreaded all day long to meet her – and her boyfriend – again, as you felt intimidated and embarrassed to be working with Jooheon's ex. That very ex whom he couldn't get over, and who, in a way, had deprived you of a relationship you had been dreaming of for so long.

You had then opted for a corduroy camel dress with large straps, wore over an oversized shirt, as well as comfortable boots and your favorite jacket. You considered you were right at the middle between casual and feminine ; at least, you felt pretty enough to finally take a seat next to Jie whose masculine yet fresh cologne hit you more than the smell of meat.

"Forgive me, I had to finish up a few things, the company's closed for three days in a row so I won't be able to work" you explained to Jiwoo and the rest of your team after everyone at the table had introduced themselves, and Kihyun chuckled at your remark.

"I hope you're going to take a break for the week-end and not think of work" he then inquired as he poured you some beer.

"You have a long week-end? How lucky of you!" Sora suddenly exclaimed with her hands clasping, making her boyf-… Her boss, laugh before his lips touched his glass.

God, it was painted all over his face ; he just loved her. His eyes were bearing an enamored spark as they landed on her, his long lashes giving them something so tender you felt chills on your arms just by watching.

You secretly wished someone – Lee Jooheon – would look at you like that. Oh but, Lee Jooheon had probably looked at her like that back in their days. Lucky her.

Before you could slap yourself to get out of your pitiful thoughts and way too envious state so that you could actually enjoy your night, Jie's smooth voice resounded in your eardrums :

"You want some?" he asked while holding a piece of meat between the pliers in his left hand, and you finally saw it.

Shining so brightly, looking more vivid than the heating charcoal under the barbecue plate in front of him, his life-line was lightened for you to see. You had been right : you were his ideal. You couldn't do anything except for nodding as this revelation and his two dark eyes boring into yours caught you off guard.

Was that him actually looking at you lovingly, like that, as you had just wished?

"Let me make you a wrap then" he smiled as he turned away from you to work on his preparation.

Your eyes dropped on his veiny forearms that were revealed as he had rolled up the sleeves of his white shirt to his elbows, before they dared to spy his profile. It was neat, as if sculpted in marble, as if borrowed from a manhwa. His hair looked wet on purpose and were combed back with the same hairstyle as the day before, yet a few strands were falling before his forehead, probably having lost the battle against the breeze outside. Was it because you felt lonely that you suddenly found him really attractive? Probably, because your heartbeat hadn't changed. However, at the thought that you were the girl of this man's fantasies, waves of heat came crashing against your skin and you bit your lip.

Was it a coincidence that he showed up now, or a sign that your heart should give a chance for another man to take it?

As Jie handed the piece of meat and lettuce neatly folded to you, you felt in his eyes that he was conveying a bit of his emotions at the same time, as something really sweltering was sparkling in them and lit up a tiny flame down your stomach. That man was so elegant and charming, and he dreamed to be with someone like you.

But that elegance and charm weren't the only great things you could list to describe him. As the dinner went on, you did your best to turn a blind eye on Sora's presence at the table and ended up chatting with Jie and his colleagues, whom you discovered were all good at Korean or English, and pretty nice. But Jie was always the nicest, the gentlest, the smartest, the fiercest of them all, at least in your eyes as you stared at him shamelessly.

He had dimples, just like Jooheon, but you quickly came to the conclusion that it was the only thing the two men had in common, probably explaining why the little light Jie's eyes had turned on inside you had soon been eaten by the remaining feelings Jooheon apparently still put you through just at the thought of him.

Jie was reserved, calm, hard-working. You came to understand that he was at least two years older than you, making you somehow shy and impressed. And you could read, in the eyes of his co-workers that gradually were turning red because of the soju you were sharing, that they all had a huge respect and admiration for him.

He was the perfect businessman every team would wish to work with : a good listener and an opportunity giver as he always asked about the quiet ones' opinions ; a responsible and wary person as he warned a teammate about how he should stop drinking because he had to meet his wife back home ; a polite mediator when he sensed that someone's remark could offend others, starting to calmly show to that person how rude he or she had been, or explaining his or her words so that everyone felt equally understood and not attacked.

And even though he didn't look like it, he was a funny guy. A timid one, but his jokes and his lovely smiles never failed to spread the happiness on the rest of the table's faces. He looked icy on the outside, having the silhouette of the serious secretary tightly gripped in his suit and shoes ; however, with how he remembered everyone's preferences when cooking the meat – including yours –, you could see that he was very warm.

On top of that, you truly felt how the law had made you a match to him, as he always seemed to complete your trail of thoughts, opening your eyes to another view you hadn't seen yet ; as he sensed when you didn't wish to drink anymore, stopping his teammates when they insisted to pour you a glass ; as he looked like he was eager to hear anything coming from your mouth, generously complimenting you for what you had achieved but without ever crossing the line where it would be too much.

Qian Jie was undeniably a sweet, sweet man, a man who embodied the perfect groom every mom would wish for her daughter to join at the end of the aisle ; nevertheless, objective perfection wasn't yours, and so the law was telling you.

Because, sadly for him, you couldn't help but compare his traits to your own ideal once you had drunk and eaten enough to do it without feeling your stomach knot.

It wasn't that Jooheon couldn't fit with the words warm, calm, or caring ; it just wasn't the same. Jooheon was more mischievous, more spontaneous and care-free when it came to talk about life stuff. On the few Instagram stories Kihyun had shared, you had seen him lose his temper during the futsal, or laugh and shout like a dork when he scored a goal. During the time you had spent chit-chatting with him at the bar or texting him afterwards, you had been attracted to his mysterious side, but his bubbly one had drawn you to him even more. It was that very spark that you liked, that insouciant charm he had, which certainly had been distraught by Sora but still managed to manifest itself from behind the walls Jooheon had built.

Just like his hair, Jooheon was fire, when Jie was water. The first one was full of passionate feelings to express, so much that he was about to break, so much that he was impulsive just like he had been that night with you ; when the latter seemed to prefer the smoothest of ways, always putting much thought in his actions and wordings, even in a situation where he had alcohol thickening his blood and was supposedly struck by the powers of the law.

You then wondered : what was the law's message to you? How come your ideal was fire, when you were supposed to suit water? Was it that you should trouble Jie's flow of life and make it more exciting and wilder, or that you should've canalized the flames so that Jooheon wouldn't burn himself anymore?

______

"Let's play a game! Girls versus boys, c'mon!" Changmin, the guy from your team who was the same age as yours, suddenly shouted, with his rosy cheeks inducing that he had swallowed a lot of booze.

You all agreed cheerfully and started exchanging seats, and in all the haste you accidentally ended up next to Sora, realizing then that you were going to get paired with her. She smiled at you immediately, and you wished she had been less beautiful, less kind, less lovely as she started a conversation with you while the boys were still struggling to understand the game's rules. Just as Jie and Jooheon were a world apart from each other, you felt diminished next to her, crumbling under the pile of differences you were spotting between the both of you.

You compared yourself again and again, as she shared with you her story about how she managed to climb up the ladder in her company at such a young age, as she envied your imagination but had the audacity and business-logic you lacked in, as she was so damn adorable that you could understand why Jooheon's heart hadn't turned to you at once. And if you couldn't see any flaws in him plausibly because the law was blinding you, this time you had your eyes fully opened as you watched and beamed at her, yet you couldn't pinpoint any flaws in her as well. You then imagined how hard it must be to fall out of love with someone like her, and how hard Jooheon must believe that he would never find better .

"Hello? Oh hey Jooheon!" Kihyun suddenly shouted over the ambient noise and his eyes instantly narrowed at you, a sickening smile twisting the corners of that filthy mouth of his.

You looked back at him as your body tensed up ; your ears did their best to catch the slightest word from this conversation ; your hands crumpled the napkin on your lap ; and your heart simply stopped beating as it had ascended up to your throat.

"Really? You're not kidding? You're taking the job?!" he exclaimed loud enough for you to hear. "Aaaaah you thought well my son, I can't wait to be your boss! You should be nice to me or I'll reduce your pay… Anyway good choice mate! Where I am? I'm out drinking and eating with Y/N and other colleagues!"

The way he insisted on your name punched an iron fist into your chest, which grabbed your bloody organ and pulled it down your throat to your stomach. Sora was right next to you and you could bet that she was listening too. What was he doing, putting on a show, all the while staring at you?!

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, you cursed him through squinted eyes, and when you turned your attention back to your game partner, she was looking at you with surprisingly fond eyes.

However, she didn't say a word and simply grabbed your hands gently as Changmin told you to do so, and the game began, with a lot of laughter, too much mistakes and shouts, and thankfully, it stole your time to realize that you definitely were going to meet him again under those weird circumstances. Changmin sounded like he was full of crazy ideas tonight, as he shouted again, with his high-pitched voice :

"Let's go to the Golden Tiger! We're regulars there, we'll have some discounts! I like all of you so I want to treat you all with the company card!"

You suddenly felt as if you were going under a high fever, chills sliding down your skin while your head started spinning. Why that club, out of all the others? There were plenty of party sites in Seoul, why would he think of the one Jooheon works in? There were too much of coincidences in a short time, too much for you at least.

"I think I'll go home" you shyly muttered after a few seconds of zoning out and you stood up clumsily, hoping to escape as you knew your coworkers could turn into sharp traps clenching your ankle and preventing you to flee the scene.

You obviously knew that going down there was going to result in you losing your reason as you were completely disturbed by the love triangle you were tangled in. You would end up doing crazy things to evacuate all your stress, such as such as going to Jooheon's counter and bawl your eyes out before him because you felt empty and way too emotional after having spent the night with his ex. With that very ex to watch and him only paying attention to her and not to your ridiculous state, on top of that. This scenario was close to the one of a nightmare, and it was definitely a no-no.

You spanned the bench you had been seating on and everyone followed your lead, thinking you were pressed to go clubbing when you actually just couldn't stay in place and wished to run away as fast as you could. Once outside, your heels were bouncing slightly on the pavement, as you clutched your phone against your heart while the rest of the group was busy paying for your food, going to the restroom or trying to light a cigarette in spite of the breeze. Then, as you were about to bid them goodbye, Sora's voice was suddenly heard delivering the same excuse as yours, but with an alibi no one could question :

"I think we'll go home, that mister obviously can't follow" she struggled to say with a smile as she had the arm of her boyfriend hooked around her neck, his legs apparently giving up on him and making him completely lean on her, with his head down.

"Where do you think you're going?" Jiwoo threw darts at you with her eyes as she could guess from your moving figure that you were impatiently waiting for the moment to slip away.

"I'm-"

"Y/N, can I have a word with you for a second?" Sora suddenly called you out behind your back as she tossed her boss's body over to one of their colleagues who whined at how heavy he was.

Cold sweat ran down your spine and you gulped, your body always suffering from high tension whenever your eyes met hers.

"What is it?" you asked her after having taken a few steps away with her at your side, your tongue heavy and your cheeks completely flushed.

Even though the fresh air was stimulating your senses, they were quite altered by the effects of alcohol. You hadn't drunk that much, yet you had barely managed to stuff something to eat down your throat, too immersed into Jie's doings next to you, when you hadn't been thinking about Jooheon.

Through your half-closed eyelids, you could still see that the young woman was somehow hesitant, swaying from one foot to another and her fingers fiddling with each other. She bit her lip as she looked up at you, before grabbing your shoulders.

"Look… I'm sorry but I can't help saying what's been on my mind… I think… You know me" she started with a smile, and your tension suddenly went up to its limit, making you dizzier than you already were. "Or should I say, you know Jooheon, and through him… You know who I was to him. I read it in your eyes on the day of the meeting, and I read it on your face tonight, when he called."

You felt so ashamed that you wished a black hole could suck you up in an instant far away from her grasp and her eyes still looking at you caringly.

"I just wanted to tell you that you don't have to feel uncomfortable with me around! We are working together and he'll be there on the ship. To be honest, I wished Jooheon could meet someone after me who made him realize I wasn't the best for him, and if that's you- Oh my god sorry this sounds weird" she pressed her words. "I just think you're such a cool girl, Y/N. I haven't seen Kihyun trying so obviously hard in a while, he wouldn't if he didn't think you were too! I hope you two last long!"

_______

"What's going on between them?" Kihyun asked as his eyes fell on his friend's ex and you, the concern clear in his voice as he had just stepped out of the dining bar.

"I don't know, but Y/N wants to leave" Jiwoo grumbled before shivering as a whirlwind shrouded her body and messed with her light blonde hair.

"Ah…" your colleague sighed before taking his phone out to answer to his last message.

Kihyun [11:30 p.m.] : Dude, we're going to your club, is there a free table for the twelve of us?

My kid Jooheon [11:36 p.m.] : TWELVE?

My kid Jooheon [11:36 p.m.] : I'll see what I can do, but you better pay the bill tonight not like the last time, I'll never be nice to you again

My kid Jooheon [11:36 p.m.] : AND STOP TEXTING ME WHEN I'M AT WORK FFS

Kihyun [11:38 p.m.] : Well you're answering anyways, thanks I love yooooou

My kid Jooheon [11:39 p.m.] : Y/N's coming?

Kihyun [11:45 p.m.] : Oh, weird question isn't it, you never ask abt her

Kihyun [11:45 p.m.] : But I don't think so man

My kid Jooheon [11:46 p.m.] : Ah… I hope that's not because of me, I don't want her to miss a great night like she did last time at the bar

Kihyun [11:46 p.m.] : You're still thinking of this? Shit I guess I really messed up that time wow

[Unread message] Jooheon [11:46 p.m.] : Oh really no kidding

Kihyun [11:48 p.m.] : She's a bit drunk right now so I just think she's tired

Kihyun was lying, because he was well aware of your reasons without you wording it to him ; however, he couldn't make his friend feel worse than he already was.

My kid Jooheon [11:49 p.m.] : Someone's taking her home, right?

Kihyun [11:49 p.m.] : I don't know, she's about to leave now

My kid Jooheon [11:50 p.m.] : Ok…

My kid Jooheon [11:50 p.m.] : I know it's awkward of me to ask but… Just don't let her walk home alone, please

______

"I got rejected" you had managed to reply to Sora in the meantime.

Her rant had killed you on the spot, her kindness completely fired up with alcohol and drifting to something close to indiscretion without her wanting it to. You knew her words weren't meant to hurt you, but it still did.

She was so desperate to have Jooheon moving on, to lessen the burden on her shoulders, the weight of the pain she had caused obviously still tormenting her. Just like him trying with you, she was seeking for a way to his happiness on his behalf, but in your eyes, it was mainly in order to make up for her guilt.

"Y/N!" Kihyun suddenly ran up the pavement to you, pushing discretely his phone in his pocket as he wished to keep his last conversation a complete secret and try to execute his "mission".

"Yes?" you threw a jaded stare at him.

You didn't have the strength to deal with two people wishing for a relationship between Jooheon and you  to happen when you knew better than them that the latter didn't want to see it bloom to begin with. You were too tired to prove them wrong and fight against their concerns that were anything but touching at this point. Your lower lip started to tremble as you gave Kihyun a pleading, defeated look ; you were on the verge of breaking into a set of tears as you wished for nothing except for you to be safe and sound in your apartment, falling asleep so that this long night would be put to an end and another day would come quicker. A day where you'd be back to your strong-self dealing amazingly with her feelings and her everyday life without romance like she had promised herself to do.

"Y/N, let's go" Jie suddenly told you from his position a few feet away, saving you from hell as if he had heard your secret prayers, as if he was the only one to get the distress you were drowning in. "I'm not going to the club either, so I shall come with you. C'mon, I'll take you home."

The second your stare came across his and his reassuring tone caressed your eardrums, some salty, hot, tickling water definitely accrued at the crease of your eyelids. That kind man down there had fulfilled your needs without you even asking for it. He would certainly work for your happiness, and he was probably already fond of you and could be for a long time if you'd just let him ; still, the warm smile he addressed you wasn't enough to falter the misery the name "Jooheon" had pushed you in all over again. Nothing could ever make up for it, no one could fill up the void in your heart, except for Jooheon himself. However, he wouldn't. And to realize that, after three months of persuasion, was eating you alive.

       Kihyun [11:55 p.m.] : She's leaving now, with a man from the company we'll be working for…

*

**

***

**

*

You couldn't clearly picture the way back home with Jie when you woke up the next morning with your head wheezing painfully, and you never tried to recall it afterwards as you spent your long weekend reconciliating with the fighting spirit you had sported 'til the past two days. You just knew you had walked for a while and felt a hint of his touch on your shoulders as he had covered them with his coat. You could picture yourself hopping in a taxi, yet you couldn't remember if you had talked, fallen asleep, or maybe cried in front of him ; neither did you know how you had managed to enter your flat and find your way to bed.

Qian Jie [10:06 a.m.] : Are you alright?

This lone message had put a smile on your dry lips, and your heavy fingers had managed to type a "yes, thank you for asking and taking me home yesterday" even though the room had seemed to be turning around your body, not helping to focus. You hadn't drunk that much to the point of enduring a blackout and such a harsh hangover, but you could guess that it simply were your brain and body that refused to cooperate after they had been plunged into the swamp of your negative emotions all over again.

However, you took the signs into account and instead of burying your emotions deep down as the tsunami they turned into once triggered wasn't welcomed, you accepted the fact that you were damned to like Lee Jooheon for a longer while. You hadn't been able to force your feelings out no matter how hard you had tried, then only being nicer to yourself could lift the weight of misery off your shoulders and help you not to falter at the sound of his name next time.

Meanwhile, you allowed yourself to chat with Jie sometimes for work, sometimes casually as he managed to push the conversation over event-related things. Of course you liked talking to him, as your mind was somehow destined to clink with his more than with the rest of men in this world, and obviously Jie seemed to be falling for you as you deciphered the sweet tone in his voice every time he would call you to check on – futile – things. And if his feelings were still one-sided for now, you gave your heart a break by stopping the overthinking and just enjoying your little excitement ; maybe you'd turn the page too before you'd know it…?

However, the day you had to see Jooheon's face again came sooner than you had expected, because right after you had come back to work, your team manager had had the wonderful idea to plan a briefing reunion between your team and the staff you had hired for the food making, the service, the animation or the music, were they independent workers or specialized companies which would then send a representant. You would explain what you expected from them, what was the theme, what were the rules, what would be the organization, all of this around a small buffet.

Himchan had thought that it would be a more humane and clearer way than communicating by mail or phone, and if you couldn't deny, your nervous heart didn't thank him on the D-Day while you were waiting in your company's hall to greet the convoked people. Of course, Jooheon wouldn't be represented as he had been especially recommended ; so of course, instead of having the information relayed to him by someone else, he was going to hear it from your mouth directly, your very mouth that still itched at the thought of your kiss ; and of course, Kihyun had ensured you with a smirk that his friend had confirmed his presence. How professional of him. What confused you above it all, was that you couldn't decipher the reason why he would still accept this job, when he was back in the football game…

______

The clock was ticking on the watch enclosing his left wrist, and Jooheon found himself unable to walk through the glass doors of the huge building without having the fear that his heart would burst like a firework. Once again, his body was strangely stimulated by some flashes of thoughts he had of you every once in a while, and that never missed to make him feel edgy. Had he really made the right choice, wouldn't his mind had let go of the memories just like ashes evaporating in the air by now?

He hated how indiscreet his eyes had been these past months, lurking at Kihyun's phone's screen whenever he was sliding through his feed on Instagram, hoping he'd get to see a picture of you smiling and being – at least apparently – well. Because he, had been doing pretty well. Much better, to be precise.

Just like you had suggested him to, he had finally gathered the sufficient courage to confront his second biggest fear, football, as he couldn't stand the feeling of being such a loser and scaredy-cat anymore. Stopping to live like that had somehow been his way to cope with what he had done to you. He had then met with his coach after a long time of ignoring his calls, who had gladly welcomed him and re-offered his help to train him all over again, as well as his teammates who were happy to get their brother back in the family.

And as he had finally felt alive on the track field after a long time of wandering like a lost soul between his home and the club, his thankful heart and mind had only been craving to tell you how right you had been. In the end, without even being by his side anymore, you still had been the wind pushing him across the paths of challenges but happiness as well, would it be that night or right now, and Jooheon could never forget how this quick passage of yours had marked him for life. You had tamed the fire within him, reason why the ashes were still around…

His sharp eyes had barely caught the sight of you chatting with Kihyun and whom he guessed were other colleagues behind the windows, that his stomach twisted itself just like his mother used to twist their drenched laundry.

"Lee Jooheon, we need to go, they're waiting" a dismayed voice called him out.

His agent was standing in front of the doors, his expression clearly inducing how impatient and upset he was starting to feel before his childish behavior.

"Why'd you come anyway? It's embarrassing, I don’t need you for personal affairs like these" the younger boy grumbled while pushing his hands into the pockets of his black trousers.

"The coach told me to see for myself how much of an important meeting you were attending for you to miss a training day" the man smiled sarcastically.

"Ah-a! I regret going back to him, I didn't know he'd be that clingy and wouldn't trust me ever again!" Jooheon scoffed, earning some time.

"It's not that he doesn't trust you, he's just scared that he'll lose you anytime, you're still his precious gem you know, the future of his club, the son he had lost for a while, his-"

"Oh no stop it please, this is cringy" Jooheon frowned while covering his ears, even if he still heard the laugh of his agent which drastically stopped as he pushed the door open.

"Come on. Let's go" he ordered with a straight face.

"I really didn't miss you, not once" the footballer sighed.

This man, Mr. Seo, a father of two kids and a devoted husband, had always been there for him, even when he had cut ties with everyone. He had kept on sending diet food and side dishes to his place after the injury, just like had been doing back when Jooheon was training under his protection, with encouraging notes telling him to take his time but to come back. Unfortunately for him, Jooheon had only felt more guilty and unworthy at the sight of these pure displays of affection he couldn't pay back, instead of getting cheered up.

Your stares met as soon as Jooheon made his entry, and the corners of his mouth couldn't help but curl themselves up to offer you a shy smile, his suffering stomach immediately untying so that it would welcome the fluttering sensation of sparks tingling its walls. Yet you didn't smile back, or more accurately, not at him but at someone coming from behind him as your eyes quickly left his. They indeed followed a man who strode past Jooheon's manager, wearing a dark brown suit and with a neat hairstyle, his blonde hair color seeming to be the one of his birth and not the result of bleaching the locks a few times. The man came to stand next to you, and as Jooheon was concentrating to distinguish your voice over the lots of blabbering around him in the hall, Kihyun called him out :

"Lee Jooheon! Oh hello Mr. Seo! Finally, I was about to call you!" his friend smiled, obviously having said it loud enough so that everyone would admire the latecomer.

All the faces turned to him as they heard the familiar name, belonging to a "football player who has made his comeback to the infamous club in Seoul and is preparing all over again to enter the national team in the near future". Or so the medias were saying, in such a dramatical way. As much as he hated being the center of attention, his coach had been going out and about his "great return" as well as his teammates on their social accounts – they were proud, but way too proud. Jooheon hissed discretely, noticing embarrassingly that a girl from the group was already gazing at him quite intently, but what embarrassed him the most was his brain that told him he would have liked to catch your attention instead.

However, you were still discussing with the suited man whose head was quite close to yours, showing him something on sheets you were arranging for him and nodding back at him, before you cleared your throat :

"Welcome everyone, and thank you for coming. Please follow us to the first floor where our team manager is waiting for you" you announced.

"Wow she's young" Jooheon heard a man whisper.

"And pretty hot" another muttered back before they giggled together.

The sparks in Jooheon's body suddenly lit up a flame that was about to blow up into a raging fire if he ever heard another comment coming from their dirty mouths. He hadn't known he would be that sensitive to see you again today, and if he had, he would have gladly stayed in bed this early morning. Everything was wrong about the way he was feeling right now, about how he was craving for your attention, about how he was nervous to be around you, when you seemed to be so calm – with that man standing at your side and smiling at you and you smiling back at him and him letting you enter the lift first as a true gentleman even if his hand on your back was a tad too much.

It was as if the situation was pushing him into a corner of discomfort the more he had your silhouette, which was lovely more than pretty hot, in his sight, that very silhouette he had refused to hold in his arms exclusively. He could feel the excitement bubbling within his limbs, sign that you still were like a shot of happiness to him, but what were those upsetting side-effects?

______

You stepped into a large room where the guests each chose a seat while you took place next to Himchan who was ready to give his speech. Jie sat at the front row, on your left, prepared to take notes so that he could relay the organization to his boss ; and thankfully, Sora had sent a colleague, putting the strangling reunion of your love triangle with Jooheon off to the scary date of the event.

"Good morning everyone! I'm Kim Himchan, the manager in charge of this project and this is Yoo Kihyun, Y/L/N Y/N and Jeon Jiwoo, my people, my team" your boss started with a clap of his hands.

Jooheon was sitting at the far back of the room, his right foot landed over his left knee, his hands with tangled fingers across his leg, his black turtleneck top under his camel trucker jacket catching your eye, but less than the fact that he had shortened his hair and the color had faded since the last time you met, signs that a long time had passed. Yet, his handsomeness never failed to feed your eyes, but when they met his dark pupils, your blood turned icy. He looked like the distant, rebellious kid at the back of the class that pinned the teachers down in their place with their piercing gaze.

You wondered if Jie was feeling the same way every time he met you, and if that was the case, you pitied him ; you were quite lucky to come across Jooheon only once in a while, as he shook your senses enough for you to feel disturbed even once you had parted, and you hated it.

Though this time, something had changed in him, but you couldn't pinpoint exactly what. Something in his look was turning your body stiff, just like it had the first time at the club ; it had been the only one time you had seen him shining with confidence and easiness, and right now, it seemed as if the usual gloominess that had inhabited him afterwards had… Gone. Had you guessed it right, had football really relieved him? Or was it something else? Either way, you didn't receive nor share his sadness this time as something different was emanating from him.

The more the clock on the wall was reading the seconds passing by, the more your hand was starting to hurt like hell, and the less you could focus on the meeting. You ignored if the explanation of the pain was lingering in the pure fact that the two lines were solicited at the same time, or simply that your body was overreacting under your systematical, uncontrollable desire to have Jooheon for you, and to have him lean on you.

The two pair of eyes of the men bound to you by destiny were focused on your being, unashamedly, inevitably, obviously staring at you and you only, and you were thrilled to read some kind of intensity in Jooheon's pupils each time you came to catch their sight. Mechanically, your thumb had started to slide along your palm in order to soothe the scorching sensation you thought you were the only one to suffer from, until you perceived your ideal's fingers doing exactly the same, with his palm turned to the ceiling for you to see.

You then got captured in a glimpse of time and space where nobody could tell, except for the both of you, that you were letting yourselves getting consumed into the sweet pain and under each other's stares. Suddenly, when Jie shifted in his seat and grasped your attention, his shy smile at you turned the sweet pain into an excruciating one, as if someone was planting a knife into your hand again and again.

It told how much you were torn between your need for your one-sided love to be accepted, and the will you had developed to walk down the possible way out of it.

"And that's about it! Any questions, before we get our claws on the appetizing buffet behind you?" Himchan concluded just before you'd scream out of pain, and as nobody rose a hand, you used the mass movement towards the back of the room as an opportunity to run discretely to the toilets.

The cold water flowing on your palm made you sigh in relief, and you closed your eyes for a moment, but ended up opening them in a haste as the picture of Jooheon staring at you had appeared in the black space veiling your pupils. What was wrong with him? When you had imagined he'd be nothing more than formal with you as three months had passed without him regretting anything, in fact he had almost been scanning you naked with his insisting look at your face. You slowly regained your composure as the pain dispelled, and finally walked out of the restroom, only to be met by one of the guests, a man in his mid-thirties, in the corridor.

"Oh sir? Did you lose yourself?" you asked him as he had been standing with his back against the wall.

He stood up properly with a smug look on his traits that instantly put you in a cagey position as something disturbing was glowing from his body, like a bad feeling, and he took long strides until he was properly facing you.

"Actually no… It might sound weird, but I followed you here because I wanted to have a short private talk with you, Miss Y/L/N" he said with a smile that wasn't warming at all.

"R-really? You must have some points to share? Tell me so I could relay them to my sup-"

"You're really professional, I like you even more…" he acknowledged in a low-tone, and this time, you were definitely embarrassed.

Was he hitting on you, right now? There was nobody in the corridor as the restrooms were quite far from the meeting rooms, and you weren't sure of how this would end as you'd have to turn his eventual confession down.

"I just wanted a bit of privacy, to ask you out for dinner, tomorrow night. Just you and me."

"I'm sorry but I'll have to refuse, sir." you smiled awkwardly with an enchanting tone to chase away the tension building between the both of you. "Thank you for proposing, but-"

"Oh please, you can't refuse, it's my treat! I know a bunch of luxurious restaurants that women adore, you won't regret it!" he insisted, grabbing his phone in the pocket of his costume's vest and presenting it to you. "Here! Why refuse, my pretty lady, hm? That senior is ready to do anything for you."

He looked so arrogant, obviously thinking girls who were young were also dupe and would gladly give themselves to him, but he had been wrong about you. You almost rolled your eyes at his stubborn behavior, as if using his status and pet names – that were out of place – would make you change your mind.

"I'm really sorry, I can't accept your offer, sir. Should we go back to-"

"Why are you refusing?" he suddenly groaned, combing his hair nervously. "Don't you know how good of an opportunity this is for your company? We could be great partners afterwards! You shouldn't be that difficult and just give me a night, huh? C'mon, I told you you wouldn't regret it!"

Your heartbeat was now the one of some kind of fanfare turning hectic, as you felt anger fueling through your veins at his threat, but also the premises of panic because the two of you were alone.

"I don't think us going out on a date tomorrow has anything to do with my career or my company, sir" you tried to answer in the politest of tones before biting your tongue so that insults wouldn't proliferate out of your lips.

"Hey, you little- You should know better than to talk back to your elders and just accept the good deeds they do for you, shouldn't you?"

"I think I have the right to refuse, sir. I'm sorry."

"You're very stubborn as I can see… What a shame, hm?"

The man suddenly grabbed your right arm, freezing you in your heels, his eyes opened wide and his brows furrowed in pent-up frustration as you didn't comply to his far from legitim authority. And just as he had been about to lecture you some more, a hand caught his and firmly removed it from your limb.

"You heard her, right? She refused, you disgusting pervert" Jooheon interfered in a tensed, stern tone as he stepped before you, before his jaw clenched tightly.

The surprise of his sudden appearance and your frozen state quickly faded away as his citrus perfume invaded your space ; and like an enchantment, it lifted the atmosphere up, relaxed your limbs and untied the knot twisting your stomach in fear, making you feel at ease and secure.

"W-What?" the man stuttered, looking impressed by the young man's serious face and his apparent strength as he had squeezed his hand without pity.

"I filmed everything before interfering, and I'll report this to your employer, you can be sure of it. Also, I can make it buzz in a few hours, don't you know who I am? Huh? I can bring you down in a minute" he pursued as he took a step further. "I can't believe you're proudly saying you're a senior when you act like an ignorant pervert. So maybe I, a junior, should teach you how life is. Nothing will ever give you the right to think women should oblige when you say so. You're nobody. No-bo-dy. You don't have any right to tell a woman she's disrespectful when you don't respect her in the first place. Do you get what I'm saying, sir? Or should I make it clearer? You don't have any right to lay your dirty hands on a woman unless she agrees for you to do so, you hear me? You don't have any right to intimidate her or even talk to her to begin with, you scumbag, you filthy dirty scumbag I swear you should be taught to be a man"

Jooheon had approached the businessman a bit more, his right index pointing at his chest but never touching him, his physical presence enough to crush anyone else's self-assurance into dozens of pieces. His unphased expression and threatening behavior impressed you, as well as his sharp tone, mostly because you were their trigger. Something had definitely changed in him. Something that was straightening his back and glowed through every pore of his fair skin, telling you he was now standing with a confidence you hadn't known of.

He looked like a man that finally was comfortable enough in his own shoes, but as you could decipher the invisible flames of fury irradiating all around his body and spotted his left fist tightening, you grabbed his wrist so that he wouldn't take it further. Jooheon turned back to your fingers wrapped around his watch, then to you.

"I won't do anything, only if you forgive him" your ideal then addressed you in a calm tone, before he unblocked your sight of the man for you to kill him with a disgusted stare.

"Don't get that angry, young boy, I-I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry" the latter couldn't talk properly anymore, shame reddening his prominent cheeks.

Jooheon's eyes were gazing at you with a sweetness reminding you of that morning when he had held you close in his kitchen, and you cursed secretly at him for having appeared next to you when you were at your weakest, as his ambiguous behavior made your heart flutter even more. It conveyed the same light of false hopes you had tried to turn a blind eye to, and it was dangerously circling you.

"He's not the one you should apologize to" a familiar voice suddenly cut in the conversation, and Jie appeared from the end of the corridor with a face as strict as Jooheon's. "I witnessed everything as well and looked up for your company's contact information. I won't let this go. This isn't making business, this isn't profitable for your company or hers, this is harassment, and you should be ashamed of it."

Jooheon's brows quirked in surprise as he looked at the plus-one who had put an end to his somehow intimate moment with you, only to be met with the darkest stare he'd ever received in his whole life. Dark, but also… Thankful? Your eyes were going back and forth between the two saviors, as you felt that an electric vibe was circulating from a pair of eyes to another. The pain in your hand burned your flesh all over again as you did so, and the second you winced, Jooheon and Jie's attention focused on you, completely forgetting about the third party who let out a long sigh before hanging his head low, evidently having a hard time swallowing his pride to apologize to you.

"I'm sorry, miss. Forgive me."

"I hope you will stop thinking that your position should make women appreciate you and beg for a night with you. I will stay nice for now because the event is coming soon and we can't replace you in such a short time. But I hope that your attitude doesn't reflect your company's values, I'll ask about it myself. Just know that it would be shameless of you to dare come out in front of me ever again, and if you do so, the video will be out" you managed to warn him even though your voice was trembling due to your need to moan your suffering out. "Let's go back to the room"

You didn't know where your confidence to lecture an older man had come from when he had been pretty intimidating before and you had been quite scared for yourself ; surely Jooheon's and Jie's overpowering auras, like those of two knights in shining armors, had made you feel protected and supported.

"You're coming with me" Jie surprisingly took your hand in his and without further explanations, leaded the walk down the corridor, leaving the pervert behind the both of you ruminating his own frustration and fright to get reported anytime, but also Jooheon whose lips got sealed the second your skins weren't in contact anymore.

His eyes fell down on your hand intertwined in his, an unreadable expression veiling his traits before they went up to your face as you looked back at him while walking away, still flustered by his intervention, and torn to have your hand in another man's.

______

"Where are you taking me? And why hold my hand?" you asked Jie as you followed behind him.

You didn't have the guts to tear your hands apart on your own, the serious look on his face preventing you to do so.

"Where can I find ice?" Jie asked you back as he kept on pacing straight in the hallway.

"Ice? Ah that's right, we forgot to put some on the tables for the drinks! We can go to the rest area, we have a fridge there" you informed him, your heart beating fast. "It's the door on the right, over there…"

Once you had entered the empty room, Jie finally freed your palm to close the door behind the both of you, then he pressed himself towards the fridge. You silently observed him as he put some ice cubes in a towel he had found on the vending machine's handle, before he told you to sit on one of the sofas.

"What? Why?"

"I know your left hand is hurting, you were rubbing it a while ago and I can feel it too, it hurts pretty badly, doesn't it?" he answered in the most natural of ways, and your heart begun the fanfare all over again.

He was so considerate, from the way he had noticed your pain, to how he had also stepped up to a senior only to defend you. For the first time since your encounter, and even though your feelings belonged to someone else, you couldn't deny that it had reached out to you, almost in a romantic way.

"O-Oh… Thank you…"

"I'm sorry I followed you to the toilets, but I was pretty worried about you" he then told you straightforwardly.

It looked like he was having a lots of arrows to shoot at you on this day.

"Actually I went to the toilets to put some water on it, but ice is way better" you sighed in relief as he was massaging your palm with the ballot of ice he had quickly made, and the mixture of the warmth of his hand supporting yours and the cold of the fabric was the most soothing of sensations.

His brows were furrowed as he was concentrating on keeping his gestures delicate, and you took this opportunity to close your eyes briefly. Some pictures of the previous incident flashed through your mind, and you gazed back at Jie to admire his sharp traits that never failed to fascinate you. How come your thoughts were monopolized by Jooheon's face and questions about him, when this man right here was ready to give you what you needed? The law was so unfair to the both of you.

"Thank you, for also coming to my rescue earlier, that man was pretty creepy" you said before biting your lip, as he probably hadn't been able to prevent himself to do so.

"I'm just glad I followed you there, my instincts definitely never betray me" he smiled purely as his eyes finally looked at you, catching you in the act of analyzing every single inch of his skin. "Oh and about tomorrow night… What will you be doing?"

"Tomorrow night? Nothing, I only told him no because I didn't want to go" you chuckled.

"Oh well… I was willing to ask you out on a date anyway, so I might just do it now. Would you mind going out to eat with me instead, tomorrow night?"

His eyes conveyed an intensity that flushed your cheeks and suspended time for a second, in this room only lightened by the few rays of sun penetrating through the small window and enlightening in gold his light strands of hair. You could have sworn your heart had finally given up some beats to this man worthy of everything, but its main rhythm was obviously stimulated by another man that was somewhere behind this door.

The way to a possible happiness without him was paved right before you for your eyes to see, and probably to a new beginning with a decent man ; however, you knew from your past relapse at the sight of Jooheon's picture, and from the way he had overshadowed Jie earlier would it be in the room or in the corridor, that you weren't quite ready to date or love anyone else but him.

"Can I give you my answer later?" you still smiled.

It would be the perfect occasion to be truthful with him and put an end to his false hopes just like Jooheon had done with you, before it would be too late, before he would end up as miserable as you had been for weeks. The temptation to just give in the easy way had been powerful as his care for you was heart-fluttering, but less than your feelings for Jooheon, and you couldn't deceive Jie or yourself anymore.

"Sure, Y/N" he gently nodded before going back to his ministrations without saying another word.

______

Jooheon had witnessed the incident from the very beginning. Indeed, he had seen you step out of the room hurriedly and not too long after, one of the men he had heard talking dirtily about you earlier in the main hall had followed you. Just like Jie, his guts had told him that nothing good would happen out of an eventual encounter, and they had taken his feet through the huge and numerous hallways of the building, the red vest of the pervert always in his sight.

He had then waited quietly at the corner of a crossover, observing the man as he had paced around in front of the women's restroom's door before stationing himself against the wall. Jooheon's heart had been bumping against his ribcage, while his hands had enclosed into tight fists, the tension getting higher in this silent corridor. When you had finally stepped out, he had caught his breath not to miss any single word of your conversation, and had brandished his handphone to record the scene in case you'd need it.

The second the man had dropped his first dirty move on you, Jooheon's anticipation had turned into anger, his veins popping out of his neck, hands and even temples. And right at the moment when he had decided he'd had enough of this disgusting scene playing under his two eyes, he had spotted the blonde man in his brown suit walking down the hallway facing his, approaching the scene. That was when a thought had popped up in his mind fueled with rage : he had promised himself not to be a coward anymore. And that very thought, had urged his body towards yours, as if attracted to you like a magnet, and made him intervene before his twisted brain could tell him to hide like the runaway he was.

Jooheon had rarely seen that red in his whole life, as he had felt on the verge to crush the man down until he had been crawling and begging for your forgiveness, but mostly, the sensation of being strong, important in your eyes had excited him somehow.

Nevertheless, it hadn't lasted long. When the blonde man had finally interrupted him in his rare time of following his heart, when he had looked at him without blinking, Jooheon's confidence had lost to his doubts, again. The sadness lingering in your last text message, the memory of your teary eyes three months ago, the echo of your voice begging him to stop acting as if there was a way for a "you" to happen struck him like a thunderbolt. Maybe this man, would make you happy when he had failed to.

That millisecond of torment had been enough for this very man to be the one taking your hand then your body away from that dirty stranger, without thinking or hesitating, and to leave him as the defeated man he still seemed to be. He thought he had changed, but once more, what had only been left, was the price of his regrets or, like his friend Minhyuk had accurately induced, the price of his feelings he had wrongfully subsided. Right in this corridor, Lee Jooheon had been a bit too late to realize that he liked you too, as his lingering anger had transformed into frustration and jealousy.

Regrets, regrets, regrets. Jooheon was getting tired of this bugging feeling. So tired that he'd do anything to not welcome them anymore. And as his eyes had fallen on his empty left hand, his vivid heart-line scorching his skin couldn't have seemed more meaningful to him.

The key to the end of this long labyrinth he had been wandering in with his eyes closed, hoping to find an issue while avoiding the new experiences in front of him, was in fact residing in one thing : his heart, that had given him the most impulsive, spontaneous of directives in a while, but the most ecstatic of feelings once he had been close to you.

His heart, calling for him to fall off the cliff he had been hanging on for too long, and to finally give in to the euphoria of love, for himself and for you.

*

**

***

**   

*  

"I'll send them off manager, don't worry!" you exclaimed to Himchan's attention as you walked out of the building and stood a few meters away from the entrance to shake hands with everyone and thank them.

The subtle breeze comforted you after the disturbing episode in the hallway, but it couldn't calm the drum solo your bloody organ was still playing as you knew you'd come to face Jooheon again. You hadn't had the chance to approach him after you had been back to the meeting room, as Jie had stood by your side all the while, his eyes telling you that he had been worried that you'd collapse at any moment, once the pressure had completely fallen down.

Your heels were stamping the pavement as you were thinking of what to say, but also wondering if you could ask the questions Jooheon had the talent to outnumber with additional ones every time you met, leaving them preys to your unending interpretation.

The man of your dreams was the last one to step out, his agent leaving the two of you on the forecourt after bidding politely his goodbyes, and before you could open your mouth to thank him properly for having protected you, Jooheon asked you :

"Are you alright?"

"I guess, thanks to you. Thank you for intervening, really" you said truthfully, and when your eyes dived into his crescent ones, your body vibrated with the familiar yet dangerous tsunami of feelings you had bottled up.

Jooheon shared that same trembling feeling as he, too, had kept many things inside for a long while, and as he was letting them out one after the other, he couldn't fight the smile curling his lips at your sight and answer.

"Good then, I'm glad to hear that" he sighed his thoughts out, before licking his lower lip. "I have a thing to be thankful for you as well."

"Me? What is it?" you questioned him with doubt lacing your voice.

"I've been practicing football again, and I wouldn't have hadn't it been for you. You might not realize it, but I wanted to thank you anyways because it has helped me a lot" he confessed.

His deep and serious tone made you scoff the embarrassment out of your body, before swinging slightly back and forth to vivify your limbs as they could melt under his stare at any moment. You felt nervous to be left alone with that new version of him, his quiet strength overhanging you.

"What does that even mean, I didn't do anything special…" you grumbled. "Anyway, I'm glad to hear that as well."

He chuckled at your reaction, and started counting the seconds passing by, his brain urging itself to find what to say so that you wouldn't part ways already.

"Can I ask you a question?" you unexpectedly spoke up another time, relieving him as you granted him a bit more time.

"Sure, go ahead" Jooheon shrugged, his palms growing sweaty because of the anticipation.

"Why did you take the job? You don't need it anymore, I mean you're back in the club" you interrogated frankly, an apparent unphased look dressing your face.

You had taken acting classes back in school, so you knew how to pretend. When you could sometimes share his emotions or read him like an open book because he was your soulmate, you had decided to take an advantage of this unbalanced situation by displaying a bit of nonchalance and distancing, so that you wouldn't falter before him as easily as in front of his resumé.

"Hmmm…" he hummed as he certainly hadn't expected this question to come out. "Should I be honest or-"

"I can tell if you lie, you know" you reminded him while waving your left hand at him with the red mark shining brightly.

"That's true… Well, let's say that my guts told me to do so" Jooheon managed to mumble while diverting his eyes from your face as it could drive him into betraying his deepest intentions.

Even though he had found pure bliss in acting recklessly earlier, his body moving and his tongue untying without warning, now that there was only the two of you he was hyperaware of his every move, scared to ruin his chance to try putting the pieces of an "us" together, or at least sow its seeds.

"Your guts…?"

You tilted your head, unsure of what it meant. Another swirl of wind flew around you and brought his scent right into your nostrils again, his presence getting more and more overwhelming.

"Yeah, my guts" Jooheon reiterated as his eyes lowered back on you with the same intensity as in the hallway, catching the legs of time that stopped running along with your breath.

He could see that you were drowning under a sea of confusion as his behavior swayed between assertive and careful of being too forward, confusing him all the same as he was hesitating about what to actually do. Hiding his feelings and himself wasn't an option anymore ; but why couldn't all of his fiery honesty just form the right words that would translate what he actually felt about you?

"Fine, see you soon then" you abruptly concluded, upset by his vague answer that was way worse than silence, and you extended your hand to send him off just like you had done with the rest of the group.

Jooheon gladly took it, but he didn't let go after a short shake ; in fact, he pulled at it in a swift move once he had sensed that you were about to question his actions, bringing you pretty close to him.

"You said you could tell when I lied…" the words trailed out of his mouth as he looked down at you with sparkly and squinted eyes. "Well, I kinda lied."

"What do you-"

Your voice suddenly got muted as the orange-haired boy snaked his way around your neck and waist with his arms, lightly squeezing your body into a hug before his head landed on your shoulder, his neck kissing your lips. You gasped, but your hands were unable to push him away, whether it be you giving in to his touch as you loved it just like you loved him, or the law tying them down to your body as it had finally gotten what it existed for : you being close to your soulmate.

"Sorry, that's what my guts told me to do as well" his voice vibrated through his chest against yours and resonated in your headwalls. " I think I missed you, Y/N. I'm too ashamed to say it straight to your face, but my guts… No, my heart is making me crave to do all sort of things today, and for the first time in a while, I know I won't regret it."

At this confession, his fingers dug a bit deeper into the fabric of your blazer. You could feel his heart beating fast against your torso, giving credit to his messy declaration that left you breathless. Your own vital organ was throbbing at the erosion of thoughts buzzing through your mind, from you stealing a kiss from him to smacking his face for being this late ; but the chills on your skin were slowly inducing that you were somehow thrilled to believe that something was actually happening. After all your efforts. After three months. After only a short reunion in the morning.

"I thought of you pretty often, as reconciliating with football was a way for me to stop living like a coward waiting for things to get better without working on it at some point" he acknowledged. "And I thought it was strange that I couldn't move on, so I wanted to see you again to sort things out, and that's the answer I've got… I just couldn't part ways another time without being honest with myself and with you, for once. I just needed you to know, that I missed you."

"Why do you want me to know that" you finally answered in a monotone, your voice muffled by his body against yours, and Jooheon adjusted his arms around your frame so that you could properly speak.

Your breath on the material of his clothes still sprawled ticklish sensations all over his skin like ants going down his limbs, and he almost hissed at the flustering sensation.

"Because I'm tired of thinking about you with regrets filling my mind" he finally straightened himself to gaze properly at you in the eyes, his arms still resting loosely on your body. "I know I told you not to wait for me, I hope you didn't… And I don't know who that man is to you… But I'll have to try my best to listen to this raging dude if I want to be proud of myself one day"

He patted the left part of his chest, releasing your shoulders from his hold, and it immediately felt cold. You had missed him too; your colleagues could testify. And for a long while, you had wished for this moment to happen, him coming back to get you with eyes full of regrets and apologies as he'd have realized that he liked you back and that it was worth the try.

The overwhelming sensations you went through at the listening of his speech suddenly spilled through the edge of your fingers that hurried themselves up his shoulders, to his neck, before they reached his face, and pulled him into a kiss. A long, insistent, needy press of your lips against his ; the only way to put an end to his confusing rent and to your panicked thoughts plaguing your mind.

You had been dying to kiss him since the first time you had met him in the club, and after your last one, just while thinking of him ; now that you were doing it again, it seemed that you'd never get enough of him, never enough to fill in the void he had left up 'til now.

When his lips started moving against yours to kiss you back again and again with the same need, upgrading to another rhythm, Jooheon felt like he was getting dangerously closer and closer to abandoning himself to his euphoria again, so he forced himself to pull back, leaving you with your eyes closed.

"I like you, Y/N" he breathed out. "I like you, but I want to take it easy. I've hurt you."

You finally grasped what had happened, what your body had decided to do on its own, how your bottled feelings for him or maybe the powers of the law had taken over your faculty to think rationally or even control yourself ; and that was when Kihyun's words from three months ago resounded with the most power into your eardrums.

"You know, when you date your ideal, you almost forget how it actually feels to love at first. I swear, the sensations you get almost turn into a drug, something you can never get enough of! You immediately love the person without even knowing him or her, and you're in such a bliss, in such an awe, that you can't even distinguish what your real emotions are anymore. It took me a break with my girlfriend to look back on what I feel, what I love in her, and to miss her but because my heart felt empty, not my entire self."

Burning with your desire for him, craving for his touch when he had barely hugged you, kissing him with a despair you hadn't been able to contain, wishing for it to never stop and only seeing and feeling him ; all the emotions crashing down on your being were too much to handle at once, so much that you got scared of yourself.

All along, you had been sure that you liked – no, loved him, and that the empty feeling you had gone under painfully could be explained by the power of love before the one of the law. However, right now, you couldn't decipher where the origin of your rushed, needy actions and of your emotions lingered : was it really from your heart that pounded in your chest as its fluttering was finally reciprocated? Or from the law that had made you fall for Jooheon in the first place and now stimulated your body to the point that it felt like you weren't mastering it anymore, because it was satisfying its purpose?

You were suddenly terrified of what Jooheon actually made you feel, instead of enjoying the bliss they all had talked about ; when his feelings were genuine as he wasn't tied to you by the law, the intensity of your excitement shone the confusion Kihyun had talked to you about in your blurred spirit. You needed to tame and sort these new emotions out, before you'd get pervasive and lose yourself and him a second time.

"I-I'm sorry" you only managed to stammer as you pushed his hands away from you, before taking a step back, then another one.

"Y/N, wait let's-"

"You needed time, now I need mine" you cut him as you were getting closer and closer to the building. "I was only wishing for this to happen, but… I-I don't know what I'm feeling right now I need to go"

"Wait just stay let's talk it out I have so much to-"

"I'm sorry, I don't know what's wrong with me but I just can't be with you any longer" you finally sobbed your frustration out and without looking at him, your eyes glued to the pavement where you had searched for your sanity in vain, you turned around and disappeared behind the glass doors.

Jooheon clutched a hand at his heart beating way too loud for him to think clearly, the palm of his left one burning after your passionate kiss. And for the second time, he had to watch you walk away without having the chance to hold you back into another moment where the blooming of an "us" was waiting for the both of you to water it at the same time.

* 

*

*     

A/N : thank you again for having read it up ‘til now, I’m doing my best to continue writing the ending part through my schedule!

[noneatnonedotcom]

AU where jaune is trained by his dad before coming to beacon

Ruby wasn’t having the best day, she’d gotten into beacon early, same year as her sister which was great! Except her sister had abandoned her the second they got here. Then she’d met a crabby white-haired girl. Then she exploded She literally exploded! who had that much dust? So she could be forgiven if she wanted nothing more than to just lay on the ground and mope. “Do you need some help?” Asked a gentle voice when she looked up there was a prince standing over her with an offered hand. He was tall, like really tall. His hair was gold and his eyes were like sapphires, the way the two colors contrasted only seemed to make them stand out more, she could swear his hair glimmered in the sunlight. When she got down to his chest she saw he had a t-shirt on it was white and it showed off a very broad set of shoulder and a defined chest, the sleeves were tight around a defined pare of arms that went down to a large pair of hands that showed the results of constant training, her eyes went back to his body which leads her to follow the strong core down to his hips where a pair of pants obstructed her wandering eyes. So she brought her eyes back up to his chest, and what a chest it was everywhere she looked there was mussel, lithe but definitely male muscle and so carefully decorated and sculpted was it that she found she couldn’t stop looking. She smiled “oh so I fell asleep, I must be having one of THOSE dreams.” “You dream about me?” came a puzzled voice “I do now I guess. Yang said I'd like stuff like this one day, but dang I didn’t know how much,” she whispered the last part. dream or not she was talking to a very very good looking guy who might as well not be wearing a shirt. “So what’s your name?” she asked taking his offered hand as he pulled her up, wow this felt strangely real. “I am jaune arc, short, sweet, rolls off the tongue, the ladies love it!” he said with a warm smile. she laughed at the corny line as they started walking. The way he moved was weird. It was kinda like how her uncle qrow and her dad moved but more…. Graceful? Like every step was part of some dance. Man, she felt bad for the guys back in the real world she wasn’t sure how they were gonna compete. She noticed something on his belt. Taking a moment to study it she smiled “YOU HAVE A WEAPON! What’s it do!” she said getting excited if this was a dream it must have some cool magic! Maybe it shot fire or lightning! “It’s a sword, infused with dust by a blacksmith way back when. It was my great-great-grandfathers.” “Does it shoot fire?” she asked leaning in He laughed it sounded like what spring felt like “nothing that cool, but it is nigh unbreakable.” “Wouldn’t your aura protect it?” there was a reason why huntsmen trained so much with their weapons the more familiar you got with the weapon the more your aura would protect it because it became an extension of your body. She was pretty sure she was the only one who could use crescent rose without her baby breaking “sure but it never hurts to have a reliable weapon?” he asked tilting his head and looking at her "still the sheath becomes a shield, might not be unbreakable like the sword but it sure is convenient" he smiled down at her "why what would you want it to do?" what no magic? Oh! this was a dream about her saving his kingdom using her awesome hunter powers! Then he’d be so grateful he’d ask to marry her, and they’d live happily ever after and she’d be an awesome hero and never, EVER, not come home. “Don’t worry about it.” she said with a smile “This is my baby!” she said deploying crescent rose “she’s a high impact sniper scythe!” “amazing,” said jaune “where’d you get that?” looking in awe at her awesome weapon “I made it!” she said proudly puffing out her chest jamming her thumb into her heart He looked at her and she didn’t know what he was feeling but whatever it was he was looking at her with FELT GREAT! "you must be an amazing engineer, that's pretty cool" he thought she COOL! “praise me more” she giggled He suddenly looked up “ah seems like we’re here, I should go check if my gear was delivered. It was nice meeting your ruby” he said walking through the doors to the auditorium “come see me again whenever you want” he gave a wave over his shoulders Ah seemed like the dream was over, well that was fine she had to wake up and be a huntress. … … Any second now … Yang walked up to her "hey ruby what's up? you make any friends?" she said with a smile and a raised eyebrow "not now yang I'm trying to wake up from my dream" "your dream?" she asked "yeah I'm dreaming right now, and it's one of THOSE dreams cause there was this really handsome prince and he walked like he was dancing and he laughed like spring and he was great but now I gotta wake up and figure out what to do cause I exploded," she said still closing her eyes then opening them nope nothing yet "Ruby you're not dreaming, but you might have hit your head," she said looking at her eyes "how exactly did you explode?" "Yang, of course, this is a dream, you know what punch me it'll prove it!" Yang punched her in the arm she winced and rubbed her shoulder "YANNNNG" she whined "that hur....." she froze "this isn't a dream is it?" yang shook her head leaning down so she was eye level with ruby "it's not, ruby I need you to be honest with me" she was deadly serious now "did someone make you take or drink something funny? ________________________________________________________________ jaune arc is a hell of a drug fun fact I actually wrote this for something else, if you know where I posted this originally, you’re a nerd.

[melyaliz]

Remember me pt. 7

Master List

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Pairing: Bakugo Katsuki x OC

Notes: I have been having a ton of My Hero Academia ideas which is so annoying because... I just don’t have time to write them. But I may try to do a few shorts? Idk no promises.  

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive​

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

DONATE or REQUEST

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0- Olive - -0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

“I need an insult for this character to call the other character,” Olive said looking up from her position on the floor where she was typing away editing the Alien romance she was working on. Eliott was playing some sports video game.

“A cum milkshake,” he said without missing a beat

“What?” Olive let out a slightly shocked laugh.

“You heard me.”

Olive fake gagged rolling her eyes as Eliott burst out laughing “See? It’s perfect, I don’t know any context but I’m sure it’ll fit into any story.”

“You nasty” Olive chuckled going back to her story. “I’ll keep my story questions to only guns, Metal bands, and sports.”

They both lapsed into silence again Olive moving from the floor to the couch continuing to mold her story. The bones were already there; she just needed to add the meat. Like creative insults. Eliott got up moving to their kitchen. A few moments later he reappeared with a glass of something.

“Oh speaking of Cum milkshakes.” Eliott shickered holding out the glass, “Try this.” he held out his beer stein which had what looked like a foamy orange juice.

“Oh fuck what is that?” Olive said, taking a sip without question. Regardless of his off-color jokes she always trusted Eliott with his food and drink concoctions.

“It’s a beer-mosa with that white that Joe gave us.”

“It’s amazing when did you think this up?”

“Right now.”

Reaching down Eliott tried to take the drink from Olive only to have her slowly pull away from him looking up as she took both hands to grip the cup frowning at him.

“Did you want me to make you your own?” he asked chuckling  

“Oh, this one isn’t mine?”

“No, I’ll make you one.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Bakugou has said he would be coming home late that night. Thus Olive had hunkered down with Dolemite to read her stories. Turns out she actually owned hard copies of the books on a shelf next to her desk.  So after finding a blanket she had made herself a nest to dive into her works.

Dragon’s Dick turned out to be officially named “On Dragon’s Wings” about the ups and downs of dating a dragon shifter. Two hours later she was live texting Lilly bits of the story laughing at her work and getting so exciting trying to guess the ending. Lilly was getting a kick out of it texting her back with crazy theories even though she knew just how things turned out.

Olive was in it deep which was why she felt like she was waking from a dream when the door opened to her apartment. Dolemite letting out a soft meow before walking up to greet the blonde.

Her husband.

She could hear him curse at the cut along with a string of low words she assumed were in Japanese. It made her chuckle as she was sure the clingy cat almost tipped him on his way in. The fluffy cat had a way of getting right under your feet when you didn’t pay attention to him.

A  moment later Katsuki came into the living room his dark red eyes searching for her slightly desperately only to relax when his gaze fell on her curled up in her fluffy blanket. She smiled up at him, eyebright body much more relaxed than they had been.

“Welcome home.”

“How’s it going?” he grunted nodding toward the book in her hand,

“I’m actually good! And like… it’s like reading all my ideas but finished!”

“Well that’s because they are,” he said sitting down next to her.

“I see so many things etched in these too… and some things I think are… maybe you?”

“Huh?” that took him by surprise.

“I don’t know,” she mumbled, flipping through a few pages trying to find the part. “It’s just so specific and I know it’s not something that.. Uhhh”

“Eliott would do.”

“Yeah”

“What is it?”

“I’m trying to… oh here it is.”

Brock leaned forward to light the fireworks “You light up my world” Cami said giggling at her own stupid joke.

“God you're stupid.” he chuckled his golden eyes flickering toward her as he, without looking lit up the firework. It sparked and flew up into the sky exploding into a million colors raining down on them. He was showing off now. Cocky smile on his face. “

Bakugou frowned, he had honestly never read her books. She had never asked him too so he just never had. But he now had a strong desire to pour over each text to see just what she thought of him. “You then tried to light one and almost set yourself on fire.”

“That’s in here too.” she laughed her thumbs going over the pages. “When did we start dating? This book says it was published about 3 and a half years ago.”

“Almost 4 years ago, we have been married for almost 2.”

“So we would have been together during at least some of this. That would make sense. Since there is a bit of a shift in tone from the first few chapters and the last ones. In fact this book in general is a bit different from my other ones that I do remember.”

“Oh?” Now he was really curious.  

“Before my stuff was more… funny. Offbeat and silly. And this one is a lot like that, maybe a bit darker humor and then it kind of shifts to…” she paused holding the book in her hands, “almost tender.”

“Tender?” something about that made his heart heavy. Tender. He wasn’t sure he would call their relationship tender. Fiery sure. Passionate yes. But Tender?

Bakugou wasn’t a tender guy.  

But thinking back to those first few months. Late nights texting. Video chatting. Her just smiling at him while he spent an hour explaining moves he was working on. Venting about work or just life. That one time she made him watch Miami Connection with her when she came to Japan and her laughing so hard she was in tears while he screamed at her asking why she would put him through something like that.

He didn’t think of those moments as tender but she did.

All those times he could catch her just smiling at him. Just sitting there watching him do whatever it was he was doing with this look that he couldn’t describe. At first, he used to get mad, thinking she was laughing at him feeling insecure about her gaze. But whenever he confronted her about it she would just shrug and go “I just like you.”

Then one day it was just normal. To see her catch his eye and just give him that soft smile. Like he was the greatest thing that had ever lived.

Looking back at it now was like seeing it in a different shade of color. Something about that seemed so strange to him. As if he was looking at this from an outsider. Looking in on someone else’s relationship.

“Hey Katsuki” her voice was soft and he was taken out of his musings. He turned studying her feeling that deep sadness that came from knowing that you may have lost something forever. All that history they had built together. A fear that maybe she wouldn’t like him anymore. She would want what she used to have so much more. That those looks she used to give him were gone forever. “I want to go to therapy.”

“What?” of all the things he thought she would say he wasn’t expecting that. He felt like he couldn’t breathe. Didn't want to. As if he so much as made a sudden movement this moment would disappear too.

“Is there some way I could do that? Maybe I could find a way to jog my memories. I just… I hate this.” she studied his face, both of them trying to read the other trying to find what they had lost. “I want to remember you.”

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The next few weeks were weird ones. Bakugou would take a random day off here and there and even come home early or leave late. Just to make sure she felt comfortable in her environment. Help her find some sort of routine so she could do things without him needing to help her. While she always told him she could figure it out it was partly for him. He just wanted to make sure she was safe.

She started going to a therapist about twice a week and some things seemed to be coming back.

Mostly her Japanese.

Which made sense since she had been studying it for around a year before Eliott’s death. So Bakugou wasn’t sure if that was coming back because he was starting to talk to her in Japanese to help her or if it really was her memory.

There were other small things. Maybe muscle memory. When they would sleep he would feel her reach out for him, her fingers brush his side as if confirming he was there. He wasn’t sure if it was him or Eliott that she was reaching for but he didn’t care. Taking her fingers in his own he would hold onto her and pretend it was her body remembering him. Even if her mind didn’t

“Baku Baku?”

Bakugou froze at the nickname. He hadn’t heard that one in a long time. It was as if an icy hand had clinched his heart squeezing it hard. “What?” he asked.

“This video,” she said holding up. “Lilly sent it last night”

Olive was on Lilly’s floor laughing and talking in a mix of English and Japanese. He remembered that night. They had flown to the US to see some friends and family. While there Lilly, Clare, their husbands, and a few other friends had all gone out drinking. Olive had ended up taking shots with Clare and the two girls had gotten very drunk. Bakugou had basically half dragged, half carried her back to Lilly’s place

“That’s my fiance Baku Baku, he’s so cute.” Olive was saying as pointed at someone off screen.

“Good luck with that she’s done.” Lilly’s voice laughed from behind the camera.

“Are you filming me!?!” Olive asked, pouting her glassy eyes glaring at the camera.

“Yeah Nickie wanted to make sure you made it home”

“Nickie I’m going to cuddle the shit out of my Baku Baku. and then I’m going to...”

“Ok we are done,” Bakugou said coming into frame, bending down picking her up, throwing her over his shoulder. She giggled looking at the camera mouthing ‘wow so strong’. Then leaning forward she started not so quietly whispering to him

“I’m going to suck your--”

“Bedtime!” Bakugou said, shoving his hand over her mouth making her laugh.

That had been over almost 3 years ago but it felt like yesterday and a lifetime ago.

“Damn your arms are huge,” Olive said, zooming in on the image of Bakugou’s arm holding her. His bicep looking particularly large from the angel he was flexing.

“Hard work,” he smirked, enjoying the praise.

“I can’t believe you picked me up.”

“I can still pick you up,” he stated.

She giggled, shaking her head, “I believe you... Baku Baku.”

“God idiot.” as much as he hated that nickname he couldn’t help but admit it sounded amazing at the moment. Was he really that desperate for some sort of normalcy?

“Oh and this one too!” she giggled pulling up another video. Olive was standing slightly flushed, her arm slung over Momo’s. They were in a bar, colorful lights pulsing with the music blasting above. Mina’s voice came from behind the camera, clearly filming the two other girls.

“What happened?”

“This guy tried to grab Momo’s tits so I told him to take his little dick energy somewhere else and leave my wife alone.”

“Oh are you guys married now?” there was a giggle at the end of Mina’s voice, clearly finding the exchange hilarious. Momo had long ago gotten used to Olive’s very physical way of loving her friends and shrugged under her best friend’s arm.

“Yep, sorry Baku Baku.” Olive said, grinning pulling Momo closer to her playfully.

“Momo?” Olive said pointing to the girl,

“She’s one of my classmates from high school. She’s a pro, number 5 actually. You, her and the girl talking are all really good friends. There is also June that girl there.”

“Oh, where were you there that night?”

“No that was a girl’s night.”

She nodded looking at the video, “Can we go hang out with them? Would that be weird?”

Bakugou didn’t want to tell her that they had all been asking about her for weeks but he… he kind of wanted to keep her all to himself. Like if he held her close enough maybe he could pretend they were fine. And showing his old classmates what had happened was something that may have happened on his watch.

“I don’t know…” he said slowly.

They hadn’t found much on the mysterious America. He seemed to have disappeared into the wind. While Olive didn’t really go anywhere alone and Bakugou hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary to suspect he was coming back he still felt overly protective.

Maybe the America thing had just been some weird fluke.

But he had this feeling it wasn’t. Deep down it just didn’t feel right.

And no one from her past life had a querk like that.

He looked over at her. She was looking up at him clutching her phone with wide eyes. She looked so cute like that. “Please? I’m in the best city in the world and I feel like all I do is stay in here and read my own stuff.”

“I’m here” he hadn’t meant it to come out as hurt as it did but. It had.

“And you’ll be there too?” it was posed like a question, he wasn’t sure if that was a language mix up, she kept seeming to do that. Some sort of old bad habit. Maybe it had something to do with living in California. They all talked like they were asking questions.

“I can see if some of the old gang is available. But I doubt Momo will be. She is busy.”

“Mina and Kirishima too?” she asked breaking into a smile. He knew she was really only asking for them because they were the only other names she had seen. Mina had reached out even after Bakugou had told her not too. The two girls had gone back and forth a little bit. Mina’s English was ok and Olive’s Japanese getting better.

“I’ll ask. But don’t get your hopes up.”

“OK!” she giggled excitedly and he felt a sense of dread about it. Anxiety building up slightly at the idea.

“I said don’t get excited.”

“Too late Baku Baku!” she jumped up almost tripping over the blanket still wrapped around her. Instinctively he reached for her but pulled away when he saw her right herself.

“Don’t call me that!” it came out harsher than he meant it too. Force of habit. But glancing over at Olive she was already back on her phone looking through old photos of a girl’s life she had lived but didn’t know anything about. Her feet leading her toward the bedroom. Probably already planning her outfit.

He was going to regret this wasn’t he  

Slowly she stopped in the hallway that split the living room from the other rooms in the apartment. Turning to him she looked at him confused.

“Are you coming to bed?”

His heart lurched at the image. Her all wrapped up in her blanket waiting for him. So familiar it made him want to lunge forward pulling her to him. Press her back to the wall while pushing his body against hers. To wrap himself up around her while she looked up at him with that little playful smile.

Instead, he just stood shoving his hands into his pockets as if that would hold him back. “Whatever, needy,” he mumbled, passing her as he walked toward the bedroom. She giggled watching him before bouncing after him. Like always ignoring his jabs as if she found them endearing.

Guess some things don’t change even if everything else does.

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Story Tag: @0hmydeku @inumorph @it-jinxed-us @myraticm