#wow when will this pandemic end

[protect-namine]

actually, speaking of concerts, I'm listening to this vlog and both the vlogger and some comments have mentioned that concert etiquette seems to have changed compared to pre-pandemic days. I wonder how true that is

[immamapletreekid]

doing so well so fine then bam i remember jjba is a thing

[mypoisonedvine]

𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙨𝙨𝙤𝙢 || dieter bravo x camgirl!reader (part three; finale)

read 𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙦𝙪𝙚𝙩 (part one) and 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙢 (part two) first!

𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮 || he can't believe you're really here— now he has to just try not to blow it... figuratively speaking.

𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩 || 5.7k

𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 || smut (18+ only; unprotected sex, oral f receiving, multiple orgasms/overstimulation [for reader], creampie), sex work (however dieter technically does not pay the reader for sex, just her flight to visit him c:), mentions of covid-19 pandemic, soft dieter being soft, emotions!! lots of 'em!, extremely sappy/fluffy ending (oops?)

He wasn’t sure who he was more worried would get recognized: you, or himself.

It was his idea to go out to dinner first, in fact he’d insisted on it.  Going out to dinner in times like these was a bit iffy, but thankfully the place had outdoor dining and you’d both already tested negative— for more than just the virus…

It was a beautiful evening to eat outside, but it made him even more anxious that any passerby might know him either of you from your respective works; so far, no one had said anything though.

As he watched you take a sip of your sparkling water, he realized that he hadn’t had a crush on anyone in a long, long time.  He hadn’t had sweating palms and a racing heart and a dry throat over someone since probably high school.  By the time he was in his BFA program, he was so focused on his craft that he didn’t find himself worrying much about that sort of stuff— and if he wanted to get someone into bed, it didn’t seem like much to stress over.

This was different.  This wasn’t an issue of getting you to sleep with him, although he certainly hoped you wouldn’t renege on the intentions you’d stated before— this was about getting you to like him, maybe even (as he would’ve put it back when he last had a crush) ‘like like’ him.

“Was your flight okay?” Dieter asked compulsively to fill the silence, proud of himself for thinking of something to say.

“Still good,” you nodded.  “You asked me that when we first got here.”

“Right,” he sighed, “sorry.  I forgot.”

“It’s fine,” you laughed, setting your glass down on the white tablecloth.  “I’m nervous, too.  But in a good way.”

He smiled.  “Yeah— I’m just really excited that you’re here.  And it’s still kind of weirding me out that you’re… you know, real.”

“It’s definitely trippy,” you agreed.  “When you see somebody over video chat a lot, they look sort of surreal in real life.”

“Are you… speaking from experience?” he wondered, lowering his voice a bit.

“Yeah— but not this kind of experience,” you clarified.  “I’ve never met anyone from my work before— I told you that.”

“Right, yeah— I believe you,” he assured.  “Have you ever flown overseas just to meet someone before?”

You laughed, looking down for a second.  “No, I haven’t,” you answered, “but this isn’t the first time I’ve been, you know, wined and dined by somebody…”

“Well, I figured this wasn’t your first date,” Dieter scoffed.

“No, I mean— well, yeah,” you hummed, “but I, um… before I started camming, I was actually a sugar baby.  So I’ve had my flights paid for before, is what I mean.”

He widened his eyes a little, but nodded— hoping to look more intrigued than overwhelmed.  “Oh, wow, that’s— I don’t know a lot about that, honestly…”

“I was about to ask if you’d ever had a sugar baby before,” you smirked, “guess not.”

“Yeah, no,” he shook his head, “not my— not for me.  Not before, I mean— is that what you want?”

He got a little nervous that you would only want that— a relationship built on money.  He was more than happy to drop some cash on you— he’d offered to pay for everything for you on this trip, it only seemed fair when you had to come all this way— but he got a sick feeling in his stomach imagining that that was all you wanted from him.

But then again, he just said he didn’t know a lot about it, maybe it wasn’t like that… he just felt like it was another performance, and that was the last thing he needed from anybody.

“O-oh, no— not with us,” you answered quickly, blinking a few times, and he sighed with relief.  “I mean, it was nice— it wasn’t all old guys and crazy finance douchebags like people think,” you explained with a laugh, “but it was… it was hard work, in its own way.  ‘Cause another misconception is that it’s sex in exchange for money and gifts— it’s not, not the way I did it at least.  Those guys wanted the ‘girlfriend experience’... that’s the most profitable thing, whether it’s online or in-person.”

Dieter cleared his throat; can’t blame them, I guess…

“But, you know, they didn’t have the time for a genuine relationship, so it was like giving that emotion but never receiving it,” you continued, “and that was exhausting.  Not to mention most of them had other girls involved… I’m not a jealous person, but you know, that’s obviously not what I want for myself in the end.  So I switched to camming, worked out well with the pandemic and everything…”

“I’m sure,” Dieter agreed.  “So, um… maybe this is kind of a forward question, for a first date, but… what do you want for yourself in the end?”

You seemed to get a little more shy, then.  “Well…” you began softly.  “Despite what you’ve seen me do, I’m a pretty traditional girl.  I want a serious relationship, I want a lifelong commitment, I want… a family, probably.”

It was hard not to feel a lump in his throat when you said that, even if his emotions were conflicted at best.

“I mean— that doesn’t have to be you,” you rushed out, “I’m just saying… that’s the end goal.  I have a lot of time for that, in my opinion.”

“No, right,” he agreed.  “So then, I guess the obvious question— and probably a much easier one— is what’s your goal for tonight?”

You raised an eyebrow.  “I already told you my goal for tonight.”

He swallowed thickly.  He remembered your last message before getting on the plane pretty clearly: boarding now. hopefully i can get some sleep but i’m pretty wired ngl. just thinking about getting there and jumping your bones. i want you to fuck me so hard i can’t walk (or think) straight.

“Honestly, I wouldn’t have minded at all if you just took me straight to the hotel,” you smirked, “but dinner is nice.”

“Yeah, I— I thought about it,” he admitted.  “But… can I be honest?”

“Always.”

“I wanted this to be more than just… that,” he said.  He wasn’t sure if it was a good idea to tell you, but he hoped it wouldn’t bother you too much.  Thankfully, the gentle smile creeping up your face seemed to indicate that it wasn’t particularly offensive.

“So, what do you want this to be?” you pressed.

“We can figure that out as we go,” he offered, “we should get to know each other better— for real.  But that night that we stayed up until three just talking after what was supposed to be a one-hour call—”

He saw you smile even wider as you remembered it.

“I haven’t felt close to anyone like that in—” he began, but it all stopped as the waiter suddenly appeared from thin air.

“Your tortellini, ma’am,” he said as he set your plate down in front of you, and you offered an intrigued ‘ooh’ as you examined the dish, “and your langoustines alla busara,” he finished as he set Dieter’s food down.

“Thank you,” you offered the server with a polite nod, but Dieter could only muster a hum— he was a little miffed that the guy had managed to interrupt such an important moment.

“Anything else I can get for you two?” he asked, looking back and forth.

You looked over at him to check first, before shaking your head and replying, “No, I think we’re alright.”

“Excellent,” he beamed.  “And— can I just say one thing?”

You both paused, not sure what to make of that.  “Uh, sure,” Dieter decided, since the waiter seemed to be looking at him.

“I loved you in Hunger Strike,” he said excitedly; Dieter tensed up, wanting to look at you to gauge your reaction but suddenly too afraid of what he’d find.

“Oh, thank you,” he mumbled out, “that… means a lot.”

“I mean, it really moved me,” the waiter insisted, even though Dieter just wanted this interaction to end promptly.  “You were so— I’m really not trying to intrude, but is there any way I can get your autograph?”

Then he looked at you, and he couldn’t quite read the expression on your face— amusement, maybe, with a hefty dose of discomfort as well.  You looked away and took a long sip of your drink.  “Uhh,” Dieter choked, looking back at his adoring fan, “you’ll get my autograph when you bring the check.”

Seeming to realize that he had gone too far, the young man straightened up and cleared his throat.  “Right, uh— enjoy your meal.”

Scampering away, he left the both of you behind, along with all that tension he’d created.  How come he got a escape a situation that was his own fault, and Dieter was stuck here wondering if you would be upset that he didn’t tell you who he really was— or if you’d reveal you were a crazy stalker-fan the whole time— or if knowing he was famous would change your interest in being with him (if you even had any)?

“I’m… sorry about that,” Dieter finally offered to you, and you started to smile.

“Don’t be,” you chuckled, “it was kinda funny.  Do you usually react so… badly, to that kind of thing?”

He coughed a bit.  “No, I— are you not…?  Do you know—?”

“I saw the movie, Hector, I don’t live under a rock,” you admitted.

“Oh.”  Not sure what to say next, he blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “What did you think of it?”

Shrugging, you answered with a simple ‘eh’.  There was a pause before he began to crack up— and then you did, too. 

“So, I’ve been worrying about all you finding out about my career for nothing?” he assumed, and you nodded.

“I didn’t recognize you right away,” you explained, “but I put it together before we planned all this.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” he wondered.

“I mean, I didn’t think I needed to, really,” you shrugged again.  “It’s just your job.  I was ready to talk about it if you brought it up— if you wanted to vent about work or something— but you never did, so I figured it must not be relevant.”

“Does it… change anything between us?” he asked nervously.  “Do you feel weird about going out with a movie star?”

“Mm, I don’t know about star…” you smirked, making him laugh again— and that was the part that was the same as always.  You still made him laugh, and now that the two of you were really talking again, it felt just like that night that you talked for hours— but even better.

When the plates were cleaned and the bill was paid, the two of you walked back to his hotel— he’d picked this place in part because he could see it from his window.  But that brief walk back was one of his favorite parts of the night so far, only because he’d slipped his arm around you, and you leaned into him: in that moment, he felt more normal than he had in a long time— and yet, at the same time, special in a way he’d never felt before.

~

“I tried to clean up in here, but—”

“Isn’t there housekeeping for that?” you wondered.  

“Yeah, but… I’ve had the ‘do not disturb’ sign up for the past week,” Dieter explained.  “Didn’t want anyone to come in while we were talking…”

“Right,” you smiled, finishing your examination of the room and turning to face him again.  The door shut on its own; you were looking at him with every light in the room reflected in your eyes.

He stepped closer to you, and wrapped his arms around you, and— why were his palms so clammy?  “I don’t think I’ve been this nervous to kiss someone since… since maybe my first ever kiss,” he recalled, and you laughed softly.

“Yeah, me either,” you whispered back, and he ran his hand over the curve of your hip.  “Who was your first kiss?”

“Uh, Sandy something… Brendan, I think— no, Brennan… Sandy Brennan.  We sat next to each other in History class in seventh grade,” he recalled.  “What about you?”

“I mean, unless you count a peck or two from my kindergarten boyfriend,” you chuckled, “my first real kiss wasn’t until high school— Gregory Cho.  But I wasn’t that nervous… actually, I was sort of ready to get it over with.”

“There was someone I was really nervous to kiss in high school, too,” he recalled, “but that was… different.”

“Who was it?”

That name was much easier to recall.  “Alex Brooks.”

“Was she super pretty?  Or popular?” you pressed, wondering what had him so nervous, what made it different.

“Both,” Dieter replied quickly.  “And… he was captain of the basketball team.”

You didn’t react strongly, but he still noticed it.

“Is that—?” he began to ask.

“He sounds like a real catch,” you smiled.  “Was he a good kisser?”

“Yeah,” Dieter laughed, “for a high schooler.  I guess things don’t feel as special now as they did back then— just some decent making-out in someone’s dad’s truck was the coolest thing, now it’s like— it’s all right there, you don’t have to…” he trailed off, but started a new sentence.  “I mean, even you— I’ve seen every part of you, but I just really met you for the first time.  And somehow I’m so afraid to kiss you.”

You were still smiling, but it changed, and you reached up to rest your hand on the back of his neck; it made him shiver in the best way.  “If you’re afraid, then it must still be pretty special.”

You kissed him, after all that; he would’ve felt bad for making you wait, if he wasn’t so fully engrossed in kissing you back and pulling you closer and breathing in deeply against your skin.  

For a long time, that was all it was— just one, amazing kiss.  Just his lips on yours and the gentle dance of trying to go further without going to far; just your hands holding tightly onto his shoulders as he gripped your waist through the dress.

You started to pull him across the room by his shirt— towards the bed— and broke away to speak; he tried to chase your lips for more, but stopped when you bit your lip and rested a finger on his chin.

“You haven’t seen every part of me,” you corrected him— even though he barely fucking remembered saying that after a kiss like that.  “I mean, my body, sure, but… not who I really am.”

“Then show me that,” he pleaded.  “That’s what I want— you, everything.”

You smiled wide and kissed him again, the two of you toppling onto the bed together.  

He’d been thinking about doing this since the moment he saw you: pulling up the bottom of your dress so he could pet your thighs, enamored with the smoothness of your skin.  “Baby,” he purred when he caught sight of your panties— what little there was of them.  The lace just gave him a glimpse of what was beneath, a tease of your perfect little cunt.

“God, I need you so bad,” you groaned as you pulled him down for another kiss; he’d been hard since you wrapped your arms around him, and he could swear he was already throbbing by the time he rocked his hips against yours.  “Fuck— feels even bigger than it looked…”

“Maybe your computer screen wasn’t big enough,” he joked, making you laugh lightly before another moan came out when he rocked down on you again.  “What do you want, beautiful?”

“You… you know what I want…” you panted, wrapping your legs around his waist.

“Humor me,” he encouraged, moving in to kiss your neck— and loving the way you squirmed under him.

“Want— want you to fuck me,” you whimpered, “want you to make me— fuck— yours…”

He groaned deeply as he rutted his hips into yours harder, finally taunting you to the point that you had to reach down and start opening his pants.  “So eager,” he mocked playfully, as if he wasn’t going to ravage you the second you were done getting his cock out.

In fact, he almost tore your dress as he pulled it down to expose your chest, barely finding the time to appreciate the view of your tits before latching his mouth onto them.  “Oh fuck,” you gasped, and he smiled around the pert nipple in his mouth; these had seemed sensitive from the way you toyed with them as you touched yourself, but it was heaven on earth to confirm his suspicion himself.

“Want me to make you mine?” he prompted again, voice muffled by your delicate skin in his mouth, and you whimpered as you nodded.

“Yes— please—” you begged.

“Not sure I can do that,” he warned, and you gave him a confused look.  “You’re already mine, you told me yourself.”

You giggled, arching your back slightly as the tip of his tongue drew circles on you.  "I did say that, didn't I?"

"Mhm," he confirmed.  "Hard to forget."

"Well, m'still yours," you offered, "but I need you right now, I'll do— fuck, anything, just—"

"You don't need to do anything," he assured, looking up at you as he moved his mouth from your breast down a little lower, "just lay back and I'm gonna take care of you."

You bit your lip and nodded.

"Second I saw you I wanted to kiss you all over," he sighed.

"Well, I've got a couple ideas of where you can start," you smirked.

And yes, he would love to start there, but he needed to do his best not to rush this.  So, smiling up at you first, he began his journey.  His lips and tongue explored your body on his way down: a kiss here, a lick there, a playful bite when he felt extra naughty.  "You're so fucking beautiful," he mumbled against you.

"Yeah?  You too," you sighed.

He didn't think of himself like that— handsome, maybe, certainly aware of his better angles, but beautiful felt strange.  But he liked it, especially when you said it.  Especially when you said it while he was slotting his face between your legs.

It was even prettier up close, and the smell was fucking intoxicating: tangy and musky and sweet, heady, earthy, human.  And he knew you'd taste even better.

So he dove right in.  Maybe he should've started with your clit, that would've been the obvious choice, but his instincts led him to just slide his tongue right into your hole.  If nothing else, it certainly seemed to take you off guard, and you gasped as you grabbed onto his hair with both hands.

"Baby, fuck, that's— oh god, you can't imagine how many times I thought of this," you admitted, breathing heavy already.  He smiled against you, then gave you one big lick from the furthest down his tongue could reach all the way to the very top— all while holding fierce eye contact with you.  "Fu-uuuuck," you choked, dropping your head back just as your eyes rolled up.  "That's so… just do that again, please…"

He did it a few more times, noticing the way you seemed to get more impatient with each one, until your hips were chasing after his tongue.  "Stay still, baby, don't you trust me to do this right?" he purred, holding tighter on your hips.

"Yeah, I just— been so long," you whimpered.

He just did his best to find what made you scream the loudest and keep doing that— you were so sensitive, he just had to press his tongue down flat on your clit and move it in circles and you’d start shaking and sobbing and begging.  He moaned into you every time you tugged on his hair, having to rock his hips against the bed to appease his attention-deprived cock.

"You're… so amazing," you panted, "I— fuck! Oh god, I can't remember the last time someone—"

You never finished your thought, because he started fucking you with his tongue and you were too busy moaning his name, but he couldn't believe what a waste it was that nobody was eating this pussy on a regular basis.

"Gonna— oh fuck, yes, gonna come," you warned, "I… I'm gonna come so fucking hard…"

You started shaking, and he started fighting to keep you as still as he could so his work wouldn't be interrupted.  For a second he wondered if you were already coming or not— but then you made this noise, and your cunt clamped down on his tongue, and you cried out his name; it was perfect, it was the most beautiful moment he could ever imagine.

When it became too much, you went from tugging his hair to pushing him away with it, and he grinned up at you with a breathy laugh.  “Fuck, baby,” you whimpered, and he saw the tear streaks on your temples and cheeks.  He traced one with his thumb before kissing you again— deep and hungry, letting you taste yourself on his tongue.

He hummed when your hands reached down to work on getting his pants off— eager and shaky, he certainly related to that.  As soon as your hand wrapped around his cock, he moaned, just from that.  He was almost embarrassed about it, until you bit his lip in playful encouragement.  "Does that feel good?" you purred.

"Yeah— your hands are better than mine," he laughed breathlessly.  

"How about this?" you raised an eyebrow, swiping your thumb over his slit, and he groaned as he rocked into your touch.

"God, baby…" he groaned.  As good as it felt, he found the strength to grab you by both your wrists and pin them down by your head.  You grinned, struggling just a bit, and moaned as he slid his cock against your soaking pussy.

“Don’t tease me,” you begged, “feels like I’ve been waiting forever.”

But he wasn’t teasing you— he was psyching himself up.

Believe it or not, he actually felt pretty nervous about this part.  Not for a lack of experience— for the entirely opposite reason.  Dieter had been with a lot of people, and for the most part, it was all… the same.  It all blended together— he only remembered those people from when he was a kid because he was a kid, and his romantic encounters were so few and far between.  He could remember details of his various partners from the last few years— Crystal who had a clit piercing, Marvin who begged to be choked, Cameron who seemed to enjoy giving him a blowjob even more than he enjoyed receiving it— but this, the actual sex, it was generally pretty interchangeable.  

So, he was worried that after all that build-up, after all the yearning and fantasizing and talking, that this would be the end of it being special— and you would just turn into a hook-up with a slightly more interesting backstory than the rest.  

As valid as that fear was, it was far from enough to stop him now, not when you were looking up at him and tightening your fists as he kept you pinned and silently begging for him with your eyes.

He had to let go of one of your hands to guide himself inside, but he interlaced the other with your fingers while he did it— and then, with one strong push, he was fully within you.

“Oh my god,” he gasped, “you feel… different.”

You raised an eyebrow, chuckling a little.  “Uh, different than what?”

Than everyone else.  “I— I don’t know,” he breathed, “I’m not making sense.”

“Not really,” you agreed with a laugh.

“Hard to think straight right now,” he defended.

It wasn’t just that you felt different— it was that this felt different: being with someone he really cared about, that he wanted to impress, that he wanted to see after this was over.

Someone that he never wanted to let go of.

“You feel so fucking perfect,” you whimpered, “fuck, don’t stop— feels so good—”

One of the benefits of making you come on his tongue first was that he knew it wouldn't be that bad if he didn't last too long now— though that wasn't why he did it.  In fact, this was rarely his issue, if anything sometimes he struggled to finish for unclear reasons.

But even if he could get away with finishing quickly, he wanted to make this last as long as he could.  He never wanted this to end, actually.

As he found his pace— not too speedy yet, but with a bit of his eagerness showing— he kissed you again, deeply and hungrily.  He wondered if he'd ever done this before: kissing during sex.  He felt like he probably had, and yet he couldn't remember it— maybe that said more than anything.

This, on the other hand, was very memorable.  He slid his arms under you when your back arched, he held you tight and close and drank in every one of your moans through that kiss.

For how many times he’d pictured fucking you, he never really imagined it like this… and he thought he’d imagined it every way before.  But he realized that he’d mostly imagined it a bit kinker— you riding him, or him fucking you while you were bent over the table in his room, or 69’ing or something.  This was passionate, and sorta slow; this was his hips grinding on yours with every thrust so he could keep rubbing your sore clit; this was making love, he realized— if it wasn’t, he couldn’t imagine what was.

“I— fuck, baby— think I’m gonna come again,” you warned him with the most beautiful whiny sob.

“Fuck, already?” he smiled, and you nodded feverishly.  

“Just… don’t stop, please, just like that— fuuuuck!” you choked, and he gasped every time your walls clenched down on him.

“You’re so fucking perfect, fuck,” he grunted, moving a bit faster and not letting up on the pressure from his pubic bone on your clit, even when you actually screamed under him.  “You’re so amazing, oh god, I—”

He heard it before he said it: I think I love you.  He stopped himself before blurting it out— maybe he’d tell you after, but he wasn’t so far gone to forget that this wasn’t the right time.  You’d think he didn’t really mean it, that it was just the delirium talking from how incredible you felt, but he knew it was so much more than that.

He shut himself up by kissing your neck— not too hard, but plenty to leave a mark, and make you squirm in the process.  Your hands wrapped around his back and your nails dug into his skin, but he couldn’t even feel the pain of it, he couldn’t feel anything but the sticky, resplendent heat of your body.

“So much fucking better than the goddamn dildos,” you said suddenly, and he laughed against your skin.  

“Do you miss all those people watching you come?” he wondered.

“No, fuck no,” you panted, “there’s nobody else but you.”

He couldn’t help but fuck you faster when you said that— you should’ve known better than to stroke his ego that way.

“Fuck!” you sobbed.  “Hector, baby, you’re so— oh god, I don’t know if I can take it—”

“Shh, you can,” he promised, “you can do anything, you can come for me again—”

“Oh fuck, I— I might,” you admitted shakily, “but then I’ll— I’ll fucking pass out or something.”

“No, you’ll be okay,” he promised, cooing at you softly.  “You’ll be so good for me, I know you will— just come for me one more time, baby, tell me what you need to come again.”

“I… just a little time is all I need,” you answered, voice breaking.  “I swear I’ve never— I’m not usually so— fuck, it’s just you—”

“I know,” he assured, loving the way you babbled praises but worried it would distract you from coming again; and if you didn’t soon, there wouldn’t be time before he lost it.  He was already barely able to keep his composure just from how beautiful you looked like this, let alone how you felt.  “I know, just let it happen, I know it’s right there for me— just come for me, beautiful—”

You dragged him down into a sloppy kiss, and he felt it— those incredible pulses inside you, waves of slick coating him until he felt sticky all the way down his thighs; your sobs were more precious than anything he’d ever heard.

“Fuck, that’s good,” he praised, fucking you even faster now as your head fell back limply.  “I can’t h-hold back anymore, I need to—”

“I know,” you said to him this time, “it’s okay, please— want you to…”

“You still— oh my god…” he choked, losing his train of thought for a moment.  “You still want me to come inside you?  Wanna be full?”

“Yes,” you whined, “yes, baby, please— wanna be so full of your come, I want everything—”

"Fuck, okay," he agreed, gasping as he tried to keep up his pace despite the growing pressure inside.  "I'm really fucking close…”

“I’m yours,” you told him again— and then he went from ‘really fucking close’ to ‘already fucking there’.  He came inside you with a long, whimpered groan; his head dropped onto your shoulder while each pump filled you, trying to catch his breath but feeling like he’d never find it again.

Admitting he loved you during sex wasn’t a good idea, but saying it immediately after wasn’t that much of an improvement.  Now, though, he was too exhausted to keep his mouth shut.  “I think I love you,” he blurted out suddenly.

For one incredibly long second, you didn’t react at all.  You looked up at him, and he hesitated to even look back because he didn’t want to see anything less than ecstasy on your face.  “Oh,” you said, “cool.”

He wasn’t sure what reaction he anticipated, good or bad, but it wasn’t that.

“Let me know when you know,” you suggested.

“No!  No— I know,” he insisted, reaching up to hold your face, “I know.  I love you.  I think I did even before you came here, but… it just seemed so crazy.  We don’t know each other as well as we should for that, right?  But I feel it— I feel something that I just can’t explain—”

“Hey, slow down,” you laughed, “I feel it too.”

The way you smiled at him, resting your hand on his chest— was he glowing?  He felt like he was actually glowing.  “Good,” he decided.

“Let’s get to know each other better, then,” you announced.  “Start from the beginning, the whole thing: parents, siblings, school, favorite movies, worst dates, hot dogs or hamburgers—”

“No, you start,” he pouted, “you’re more interesting.”

“Me?  Please, I’m just your average camgirl titty streamer, don’t worry about it,” you scoffed.

“And I’m just some lame old Oscar winner,” he shrugged.

But both of you talked— all night, actually.  You never fell asleep, he was never even that tired— you kept him so full of energy he didn’t even notice how long it had been until the sun started to come up.  And then you kept talking at breakfast.  And then you fucked again, and talked some more after; he knew it had to end, eventually, but he didn’t even want to think about it.  He didn’t want to think about you going home and letting something so perfect end.

He told you just as much on the last night— assuming you didn’t switch your flight home to a later day again.  You’d just been laying in his arms after another bout of passionately desperate fucking, both of you half-asleep but not wanting the separation of even just unconsciousness, and he blurted it out.

“Don’t leave,” he pleaded under his breath.  “I don’t want you to go.”

“I know you don’t,” you returned softly.  

“I don’t want this to end.”

You were quiet for a while, turning over on your side to face him, tracing your fingers over his chest gently.  “It doesn’t have to end, just because I leave,” you mumbled.  “I know it’s crazy, but we can be together, even if we’re not… together.  I mean, I’m certainly not gonna be with anybody else—”

“Me either,” he said quickly, before he could change his own mind with the doubts— the voice in his head that said he could never settle down because he’s too fucked up.  “I only want you.”

“It’ll suck, being far away from each other— but you’ll be back Stateside eventually, right?” you assumed.

“God, I hope so,” he sighed, “if the world doesn’t end.”

“If it does,” you whispered, moving in closer, “I hope it’s tonight.  I wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else but here.”

It was a romantic thought, but as he kissed you, he realized he’d never wanted the world to end less than he did right now.  He never longed for an apocalypse or anything, even on nights that his doubts and anxieties made him yearn for oblivion just for himself, but just now he could’ve cried thinking about everything falling apart tonight.  Whether it be by fiery explosion or a quiet, instant disappearance, he couldn’t let armageddon happen now— now that he had you.  For the first time, he saw himself having a future, in a way he never had before.  Existing as a ‘celebrity’ meant being on the edge of irrelevance at any moment, knowing this could all go away overnight and you’d just be ‘that guy who was in that thing that one time’.  

But this time, he stood on a precipice of something wonderful, of something natural, and it was the most beautifully terrifying unknown.  It was tomorrow.  Tomorrow, you’d get on the plane; tomorrow, you’d leave, because the world wasn’t going to end tonight.  But his life was going to start tonight, and he didn’t have to face it alone anymore.

[averagewriter-inthedark]

Lover 💗 | Bradley Bradshaw Imagine

TGM masterlist

Characters & Pairings: Bradley Bradshaw x singer!reader (female/romance)

Content Warnings: fluff, mentions of sexism, references to pop culture, profanity | female!reader (she/her) | wc: 5.6k

Requested 📨 yes/no (for @auroradawnwrites 💗)

Premise : When it came to her love life, singer and songwriter Y/n L/n had a reputation where it felt like the world was against her to the point she doubted ever finding her perfect match. Being in the industry for so long made it difficult to envision what a life with her potential soulmate would be like. But sometimes great things come to people who are patient. And finding the person who made Y/n feel like the only girl in the world had that reputation flicker away like dust on a bookshelf.

Note: I know I keep apologizing for the long waits in my requests but I promise it’s because of having to balance school, random shit happening in my life, and wanting to put out a developed, well-thought out story that the requested person deserves 🥹 and I realized about week ago when I started writing this one after finally getting to it after it was sent in February. @auroradawnwrites I saw that you posted last month that you were leaving your blog but if you happen to see this on another account or still have the notifications on for that blog just know I’m so sorry for this taking so long and I hope it was everything you imagined 😭

Songs headcanonned for singer!reader: ‘Love Story,’ ‘Bad Blood,’ ‘Look What You Made Me Do,’ ‘Getaway Car’ ‘You Need To Calm Down’ by Taylor Swift. ‘Love’ by Lana Del Rey. Albums mentioned that are headcanonned for singer!reader: ‘Lover’, ‘1989’ (I just changed it to 1986 to suit the headcanonned year of birth for reader), ‘Reputation,’ ‘Fearless,’ ‘Red’

——————————

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back our next guest,” Jimmy Fallon grins to the audience, arm slightly raising towards the curtains. “She’s been a friend to The Tonight Show for a long time. Here to celebrate twenty years since her debut and to talk about her newest album ‘Lover,’ singer and songwriter—the one and only, Y/n L/n!!”

There’s no need to turn on the sign reading ‘Applause,’ because the audience are on their feet when the curtains draw open slightly to reveal the beaming popstar. People are waving frantically, whistling, some even on the verge of tears at the fact they were in the presence of their idol. It was even hard hearing the band play from the noise

Y/n smiled the entire walk to Jimmy, blowing kisses at the crowd before embracing the man in a hug and settling down on the arm chair. “Wow, wow, wow,” he shouted, watching her give one last wave as he sat in his own chair. “Hi, Y/n.”

“Hi, Jimmy! It’s wonderful to see you again.”

“It’s great to see you too, it’s been awhile since we’ve had you on, huh?” Both make faces indicating they were thinking about her last appearance on the show.

“I think it’s been almost…six years,” Y/n tapped her lips with a finger. “Pre-pandemic I believe—because I haven’t really done much since 2019.”

“Yeah, you took a bit of a break.”

“A much needed one,” she chuckled, “But it feels so great to be back. I’ve been taking this time to really put time into discovering who I am as a person and what is next for me. I’m so grateful for the fans who’ve supported me all this time—I know,” she looks to the camera, “I know I kept you waiting, but fear not, I am back and better than ever.” The statement ignites a holler and applause from the crowd.

Jimmy claps with the audience, “That’s what I’m talking about. What can you tell us about this new music you’ve been working on? I know I mentioned your upcoming one, but you actually announced you will be releasing another at the end of this year, correct?”

Instantly Y/n lights up, “That’s right, Jimmy. For starters Lover is probably my most personal album to date. During the pandemic I basically shut myself off from everyone—and the world because I deleted the social media apps off my phone,” there’s a light chuckle from the crowd, “which made everyone go crazy thinking I died. But I can assure you I was just trying to put all my time and energy into writing, producing, selecting which songs would go on the track list. Each song is there for a specific reason—telling a story per say, and I feel listeners will be able to relate in some way.”

“Why the name ‘Lover,’?” Jimmy asked with curiosity, “is it a metaphor for the story or does it have a deeper meaning?” Judging by the cheesy smile Y/n started to do, Jimmy straightened his posture. “Are you….?”

“It’s for the lovers, you know?” Y/n shrugged nonchalantly. Those around didn’t buy it, leaning forward in their seats with curious eyes. “Yeah it’s about love and those feelings where you think your heart is about to burst from your chest. Like I said, many will be able to relate to it.”

Jimmy gave a look, “So did someone in your life inspire it perhaps?”

Instead of answering right at that second, Y/n remained grinning as the face of inspiration and the owner of her heart appeared in her mind. His gorgeous hazel eyes glowing under the sunlight. The feeling of his warm body against hers each time he held her in his arms. Tickling sensations from his mustache when he rained kisses across her skin. The sound of his laugh whenever he made a joke or she did something silly just to see him smile. Fingers dancing across the piano while they sang their favorite songs in their own private concert.

Her lover. Her life. Her reason for waking up everyday in an endless state of bliss. The person who inspired nearly every song on the album, best describing it as a love letter to him.

Relationships and romance had been a complicated part of Y/n’s life and career. A reputation often frowned upon despite only seeing a small picture.

It all started one summer day in Nashville, Tennessee. 17-year-old Y/n had big dreams and aspirations of being a singer, spending her free time playing guitar and writing songs about teenage experiences. Growing up in Tennessee, the birthplace of country music, Y/n was surrounded by the legacy of icons like Dolly Parton, The Dixie Chicks, Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, Reba McEntire, and Kenny Rogers. It was all she listened to growing up, though she did dabble in pop and R&B—going on to cite Aaliyah, TLC, Whitney Houston, and David Bowie as influences in her music.

“I hear the high school is having a talent show Friday night,” her coworker hummed, handing over the now clean plate to be dried. “Did you sign up?”

“No,” Y/n tiredly exhaled. It was pushing 8 o’clock and she still had one more hour until closing. Working at a popular diner gave Y/n the ability to save for college and an apartment, but it meant working more hours than what she legally was supposed to—on top of balancing school and band. “I have a pre-cal test on monday so I planned to stay in and study.”

“Oh c’mon! You’ve been itching to sign up all year—why back out now? All for a test you know you’ll get an A on?”

Y/n rolled her eyes, taking another plate to dry, “That’s reaching and you know it.”

“Y/n, you’re one of the smartest people in our grade. Literally will be in the top five come graduation. It’s a Friday night and the whole school is gonna be there,” her friend pleads to her, “you’ve got a voice that’s meant to be heard and songs that should be on the radio.”

The teen gives a ‘I don’t think so,’ shrug, “Eh, I feel my style is not exactly what country music is looking for.”

“Maybe so…but maybe it’s what it needs.”

Guitar in hand and shaking like a leaf, Y/n pulled everything in her to drum her fingers on the strings. The spotlight shining down on her made her squint, unable to see into the crowd save for the silhouette of their heads.

“Just breathe, Y/n,” she mentally told herself. It was dead quiet in the auditorium after a light applause when the drama teacher called her name. And since she wasn’t using an electric guitar, there was no way to hook hers up to the speakers. “Breathe and let your voice do the work.”

Clearing her throat, her lips curled into a shy smile, “This is an original song I’ve been working on. Hope you like it.” Slowly the tune began to echo through the auditorium. Y/n’s voice was shaky at the beginning, but soon found confidence when she closed her eyes and pictured herself in the comfort of her own room.

“We were both young when I first saw you.”

“I close my eyes and the flashback starts, I’m standing’ there.”

“On a balcony in summer air.”

Those in the crowd perked up, schoolmates looking at each other with impressed gazes.

“See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns.”

“See you make your way through the crowd, and say, “Hello.”

“Little did I know.”

Finally finding her rhythm, a genuine grin broke out on her face.

“That you were Romeo, you were throwin’ pebbles.”

“And my daddy said, “Stay away from Juliet—and I was cryin’ on the staircase,”

“Beggin’ you, “Please don’t go,” she let her voice drag out the ‘go’, igniting jaws to be dropped. “And I said.”

“Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone. I'll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run.”

“You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess.”

“It’s a love story, baby, just say, ‘Yes.’”

Needless to say, Y/n went home with the winning trophy….and a meeting with Capitol Records Nashville.

Going to college was no longer the plan for Y/n once her signature hit the contract. 3 albums and a promise to take country music by storm was the new future. Staring as soon as her tassel turned from right to left with the class of 2004. Y/n packed up her tiny Honda Civic with everything she had, kissed her family goodbye with plans to see them for the holidays and settled into a cozy studio apartment smack in the middle of Nashville.

“You have a unique voice and lyrical direction, Y/n,” Randy Kingston, one of the execs at CRN said to her one day. “You’re not full country—by that I mean there’s a pop element you bring to the table. Country-Pop if you will.”

Y/n didn’t know how to respond except nod, “Uhhh yeah? I listen to a lot of different genres—-Pop being a big one. A-and I like to experiment by adding different….flavors to my music.” Her expression turns nervous, “is that gonna be a problem, sir?”

Randy rubbed the bottom of his chin with a hand, “No, I don’t think it will. It’s refreshing and something new. Frankly I think you’re gonna do well with the youngin’s. Your age range will likely be the best receivers.”

Turns out Randy was right. Releasing her first two singles were met with wide recognition from teenagers and young adults. Topping the country music charts for several weeks. During that time Y/n began working on her debut self-titled album on top of filming her first music video for ‘Love Story’. When it dropped, it didn’t just get noticed within the country scene. MTV released it during their early morning showings most people played when getting ready for school and work. Doing so allowed ‘Love Story’ to get more attention that people who were not even country fans were purchasing the single.

“Platinum?!” Y/n screamed at the sight of the framed record indicating ‘Love Story’ sold one million copies.

“Platinum,” Randy grinned, presenting it to her. “Well done, kiddo. You deserve it.” He also dropped the ball that Ellen Degeneres called to schedule an appearance—which nearly had Y/n drop the frame in her hands.

The Ellen Degeneres Show was the first public interview Y/n had ever done. And….it was the first time she was questioned about her love life. Something that would become her greatest nemesis throughout her entire career.

“So your song ‘Love Story’ is all about love, yes?” Ellen asked, igniting a laugh from the audience given the title of the song made it obvious what it was about.

“Yes.”

“So does that mean you got some love going on for yourself? Anyone who inspired this for you?”

“U-Uh, no?” It came out more like a question, causing the audience to laugh while she nervously smiled. “Not really—I-I’m not dating anyone currently, but the song sorta came from my love for romance novels and movies. Everyone desires love,” she nods to herself, “and I wanted to write something that people could relate to. Plus I love Romeo and Juliet—which is the big inspiration for the song.”

Following the appearance on Ellen, Y/n focused on writing music and releasing her albums. Her unique sound of combining country with elements of pop and R&B had listeners from all over the world drawn to her. It was a new era of country music.

But not everyone was very accepting of it.

Older generations and die hard lovers of traditional country were very unwelcoming to Y/n. They felt she didn’t belong in the genre and was better suited for pop. Though Y/n agreed to some extent, she feared making the transition from country to full pop wouldn’t be wise. She was still roughly new to the industry, trusting the judgment of her label who she was contracted to do 3 albums for. So she continued to fulfill her duty until the right moment came.

By the end of the first decade in the 21st century, Y/n had established herself one of the leading artists in country music with four Grammys, six MTV Moonmen, four AMA’s, five Billboard awards and 12 CMA’s. She appeared twice on SNL, performed at Dick Clark’s New Year Rockin’ Eve, and even collaborated with Miranda Lambert.

Yet the media liked to only talk about Y/n’s dating history.

In the first year of her career, Y/n briefly dated Jesse McCartney after first meeting at the 2005 Kids Choice Awards. Shortly after their breakup she was seen with Harry Potter actor Tom Felton, but nothing came out of it. The ‘date’ the media thought had actually been a handout between several of their mutual friends where they happened to be pictured smiling and laughing. After that incident Y/n did get into a five month long relationship with Leonardo DiCaprio, who was twelve years older than her and sparked endless conversation in the media.

Then in 2007-2009 Y/n became involved with Eddie Redmayne following their introduction to each other at Ellen Degeneres’ birthday party. They remained friends afterwards, but their relationship inspired a lot of Y/n’s work which resulted in people criticizing her for making too many break up songs.

“You’ve had quite the track record when it comes to the romance scene, Y/n,” David Letterman voiced during her appearance on his show. The singer was overcome with immediate dread. Again was she subjected to questions about her love life when it was no one’s business. But of course, if there’s one thing men like David have, it’s the audacity. “Which brings me to my next questions: are you dating anyone? And are they gonna have a song about them once you two break up?”

Now unfortunately it was common knowledge late night show hosts were disrespectful towards their guests and didn’t know what boundaries were. Though this was known, however, there was still the underlying pressure to keep silent by smiling and pushing through. Sometimes playing it off like it doesn’t affect you was better than having an outburst and being criticized more by the media. Displaying any offense would label them emotional and sensitive.

Though she wanted nothing more than to walk off the set and cry in her dressing room, Y/n swallowed the lump in her throat and answered as calmly as she could muster. “I’m not seeing anyone at the moment. I just want to focus on my music and what comes from my heart is what I put out.”

When Y/n did get into a relationship or was seen on a friendly date—hell even being spotted when out with a male friend for lunch had paparazzi and tabloids bombarding her.

“Is love in the air….again? Country music’s it girl, 24-year-old Y/n L/n, was seen holding hands with Australian actor Xavier Samuel who’s playing Riley Biers in the upcoming third installment of The Twilight Saga. Just this past March Y/n was linked to the son of Tennessee’s Attorney General. Let’s not forget L/n was in a two year romance with Eddie Redmayne before calling it quits last fall. Fans are starting to notice a pattern when it comes to L/n’s relationships and album releases. Should we expect her new single to drop within the next year? And will this romance with Samuel blossom into something long term or end as a spur of the moment flame?”

Notice how all the attention is Y/n and her life? Never once were the men she dated ever asked questions like she was—even if they had a history rivaling hers. Take Leo for example. The women he dated only got younger than Y/n as the years went on and people barely bat an eye.

After the release of her third studio album with CRN, Y/n had a tough decision to make. By that point her last album had more pop than country. The reaction of the fans was pretty much, “You need to just label yourself a pop artist now.” “‘Red’ was literally 90% Pop with 10% Country.” “Stop saying you’re a country music star when the last album you put out was anything but country.”

So…it was safe to say it was time to make the move to a different genre. Thankfully Capitol Records in Los Angeles was ready with the pen in hand to sign Y/n on. There she had creative control on what she put out and Y/n was excited to get started on a new era in her life.

2012 would go down as the year where Y/n was on the edge of her seat with how her career would go. Fans were mixed about her going to pop despite her recent music having mostly pop elements. Then there was the fact she was dating Tyler Hoechlin from Teen Wolf which had fangirls hating her guts for dating their celebrity crush.

What’s sad is Y/n was used to that reception whenever she was in a relationship with a public figure. First Jesse then Tom, Leo, Eddie, and Xavier. Can’t forget the times she got caught on dates with Robert Pattinson, Micheal B. Jordan, and Chris Evans. Then there were the incidents where the paparazzi captured her making out with Sebastian Stan at an after party and leaving the 2011 Grammys with Nate Buzoliac before he made it big as Kol Mikaelson in The Vampire Diaries.

Getting a break was not in the cards for the singer.

When things ended with Tyler in 2015, Y/n told herself she would not date anyone for awhile. Her album ‘1986’ was met with critical acclaim and positive reception from fans, earning her more awards to her growing collection, including the Grammy for Album of the Year. The entire time on tour she focused on having fun and not worrying about what people thought of her. Yeah she still got questions from interviews and hosts about dating she’d simply reply with, “I’m single, and let’s not entertain that further. Next question.”

@ inmyreputationera: I guess @Y/nL/n86 decided romance isn’t exactly her thing. I wonder how that’ll change her music.

@ stanningselenerr: not me checking @ Y/ndatingupdates daily for any new info.

Those were just the handful of tweets Y/n saw everyday on her Twitter feed. It got to the point she’d have to mute notifications whenever she was tagged. While she hated doing so because she loved interacting with fans, the singer needed time away from the constant surveillance of her personal life.

So fast forward to mid-summer of 2018. Y/n hadn’t put out an album in nearly three years nor had she been dating anyone. Yeah people still asked her from time to time though she learned to not let it affect her. Honestly it was a breath of fresh air. She was happy, healthy, and living her best life. Putting her heart and soul into songwriting which was heavily inspired by the reputation she’d garnered since her debut. Not to mention developing closer bonds with her friends and family after making the impulse decision in 2017 to move back to Tennessee. It felt good to be back home. Returning to her roots and the place that started it all after being away for so many years. It was a great time.

Now she was due back to Los Angeles to meet with her manager and producers. Y/n was ready to get back into the studio as much as her fans were telling her they were waiting for new music. With a first-class ticket in hand, Y/n boarded her red-eye flight from Nashville International to LAX and settled in for the five hour flight. It would have them landing at just after 3am Pacific time and while Y/n wanted to rest, she could not for the life of her sleep on a plane.

Approaching her seat Y/n noticed a man in a military uniform seated in the seat beside hers. “Excuse me,” she caught his attention, his head raising where he put two and two together by her hand pointing to the window seat.

“Oh sorry, ma’am,” it took everything in Y/n not to stare at him when he got up. He was very handsome. In his uniform, hazel eyes and sun kissed skin. The most notable feature was his mustache that most men could not pull off yet he seemed to.

“Do you need help with that?” The question pulled her from her mini daydream. He was referring to the carryon bag in her hand.

“Oh I got it—.”

“It’s no problem,” he was already taking the bag from her, securing it in the overhead compartment.

“Thank you so much,” Y/n thanked him while moving into the row, placing her purse in her lap when she sat down. The man returned to his seat just as the next wave of passengers boarded.

Manny, her personal bodyguard who’d been with Y/n since her first tour, was seated in front of her. When they got the tickets he purposely told her to have them separated saying, “I need my beauty sleep and while I love you, you will talk the entire time.” Sure enough when Y/n leaned over to ask him a question Manny was already knocked out, buckled in with his eye mask over his eyes and earbuds in.

Well that left Y/n with little to do. And when she went to retrieve her Kindle she groaned at the realization she forgot to turn back her reading light.

“Everything okay?” She saw the man in her peripheral vision slightly turn his head.

“Yeah just…annoyed with myself. I thought I packed my reading light but I must’ve misplaced it.” God that made her sound like a grandma.

His response was an ‘ah’ sound. “Wish I could help ya there, but I’m not usually equipped with something like that.”

“It’s fine,” she chuckled, buckling in her seatbelt. “It was to pass the time—I can’t sleep on flights. Even though it's midnight and I should feel tired.”

“I’m the same,” he suddenly extended a hand, “I’m Bradley by the way.”

Hesitant to reply in case he were to react to her name, Y/n pushed back any concern and gave a warm smile as she took his hand, “I’m Y/n. Nice to meet you, Bradley.”

“Y/n…” her name was repeated slowly, Bradley’s eyes consorting as though they were deep in thought. A wave of dread and nerves coursed through her. Then Bradley grinned, “Oh! I thought you looked familiar. You sing that song—what was it, ‘Love Story?’ Sorry I don’t mean to sound weird,” he let go of her hand when he realized he was still shaking it. “And I don’t want to bother you. I just can’t help but go, ‘wow!’”

“No-no-no, it’s okay! You’re totally fine.” Before long the two fell into conversation following the typical pre-flight announcements. Y/n was amazed by how natural it felt talking to Bradley. She discovered he was a Naval aviator, coming home from an assignment overseas and was flying to L.A to visit some friends. Bradley had been a graduate of UVA and attended the elite Fighter Weapons School, marking ten years with the navy that year.

“Forgive me for admitting this,” he said after the first hour into the flight, lowering his voice when a passenger trying to sleep glared at them. “But while I know who you are…I’m not really familiar with your work. Y-yeah I mentioned your one song but that’s literally all I know,” he laughed nervously. “My taste in music, I’m embarrassed to say aloud, is very limited.”

Y/n tilts her head, “how limited?”

“Uh, I pretty much only listen to the 1950s all the way to the 80s. Dabbling in what’s popular nowadays once in a blue moon. My karaoke songs are all Jerry Lewis” Bradley gives a gentle smile, “And while I can easily do a Google search, I’d much rather hear it from you if you don’t mind telling me.”

What’s that saying again? Oh that’s right, ‘And the rest was history.’

No but literally Y/n could barely contain her attraction to Bradley after he said that to her. She hoped to God she didn’t look like a fool as she spoke of her career and cool places she’s been. Time flew as they talked. In fact the two were so caught up in their conversation they talked the remainder of the journey to L.A, ending with the exchange of phone numbers and the promise to meet up.

It was decided right from the get go that Bradley and Y/n wanted to keep their relationship hidden. Regardless if the one date went somewhere, the last thing Y/n wanted was to have Bradley in the public eye and cause complications with his job. And let’s not forget her album was releasing within the next year. So, there was going to be a lot of attention on her wherever she went.

“The fact we’ve managed to keep this quiet for a year is outstanding,” Y/n said through a mouthful of cake. Bradley had surprised her with her favorite kind, the icing on the top reading, ‘Happy Anniversary, baby—we’ve got them fooled.’

She couldn’t believe they were already marking one year. Time didn’t seem to exist when she was with Bradley. He was everything she envisioned in a partner. Caring, compassionate, funny, intuitive. Listened to her concerns and communicated. Never made her doubt herself or paid attention to the media.

When she brought up her reputation, or better yet the one the press painted her out to have, Bradley stopped her and said, “who you have history with is not my business—unless they did something to hurt you because then I’ll have a problem with them. And those people talking nonsense about you have nothing else better to do with themselves. I care about you, Y/n. The only one who has influence on how I see you, is you. And I see you as the most beautiful, hardworking, intelligent person who knows her worth. Fuck what they say.”

Yeah that night ended with her jumping his bones.

Bradley took a fork full of his own into his mouth, “I for sure thought they were gonna catch us the night I snuck you on base.” After their first meeting in L.A, Bradley had returned to Virginia while Y/n remained to work on her album. It was a couple months before she went home to Tennessee, then for the holidays they planned to meet up when Y/n was on her way to New York. Sneaking her on base involved the two going undercover where they met at a discreet location and having Y/n shove herself under blankets in his backseat.

The singer laughed at the memory, “Thank Goodness for Shania. Had she not posted that photo to ‘tip off’ the paps then we’d have a whole different outcome.” Bradley laughed with her, placing his fork down on the napkin.

“I’m sorry I can’t be there for your release day,” Bradley had been called back to Top Gun for a special detachment by the Navy. Unfortunately the timing was right when her sixth studio album would drop. The details were still unclear, but that it was a team mission where he would compete against his colleagues. Y/n had yet to meet any of Bradley’s friends and vice versa. The only people in her circle who knew of their relationship were her manager, Manny, and family. But when you signed up to keep your love life private, it meant friends were lost in the dark.

“It’s okay, Roo,” she told him. “We’ll have our own celebration.” Another cake, this time with the design being the album’s cover art on it, was brought over the day before Bradley was set to fly to San Diego and the two had their private release party with just the two of them. The music was blasting through the speakers, Y/n jumping up and down with Bradley who was singing at the top of his lungs.

“Band-aids don’t fix bullet holes! You say sorry just for show! If you live like that, you live with ghosts!”

“I’m in a getaway car. I left you in a motel bar. Put the money in a bag and I stole the key—that was the last time you ever saw me—Oh!”

“Ooh, look what you made me do! Look what you made me do! Look what you just made me do!”

Champagne was popped, kisses were shared, and they danced the entire night until it came time to sleep.

They FaceTimed whenever Bradley had free time, even if it was in the later hours of the night. Those three weeks Y/n felt her heart long for Bradley in a way it had never done with her previous partners. She felt his excitement, his distress. The day he left for the mission Y/n paced around her home for hours—unable to focus on anything and overcome with nausea. It was as though her mind was trying to tell her something was wrong.

Relief came at around nightfall, the singer tripping as she raced to grab her phone when it rang. Seeing Bradley’s picture pop up had the breath she was holding in release. “Oh thanks God,” was the first thing she said.

“I’m coming back to you,” was his response. Tears pricked in the corner of her eyes, hand going to her chest to calm the rapid beat of her heart.

“I would expect nothing less, Lieutenant Bradshaw.”

Several celebrations were in store for the couple when Bradley returned to the east coast. Not only did he receive a medal from the Navy for his brave actions but got a promotion. Y/n’s album hit #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 in the first hour of its release, prompting a record number of sales in a single night for the singer.

“I’m so proud of you, Bradley,” she praised, patting the new patch on his uniform indicating he was now a Lieutenant Commander. She was met with a sweet kiss on the lips.

“Thank you, baby. I’m proud of you too—you’re gonna win everything come awards season.”

During the 2020 Grammy’s, Bradley leaped from the couch in absolute joy when Y/n’s name was called for the winner of Pop Album of the Year and Record of The Year. She missed out on Album of the Year, but that was okay. She was now the owner of 12 Grammys in total. Coming home the following night Y/n’s home was decorated with balloons, a banner reading, ‘Congratulations!!’ and of course, a cake with an edible Grammy topper.

And so it came time for a break. Six albums in a fifteen-year long career, Y/n kept it under the wraps that she wouldn’t be putting out another album for some time. Fans had started to notice she was more uplifted and vibrant in interviews, posting things on social media that were suspicious. For example she uploaded a photo of red roses, captioning it “the symbol of love.” Then there was the screenshotting of well known love songs and posting them on her story.

@ Y/nstansince04: is it me or does @Y/nL/n86 appear happier than usual? Is she hiding something?

@ getawaycarlover_: @Y/nL/n86 totally has a man or someone in her life. That recent Instagram post had all the hints.

@ fearlessdefender: I bet it’s a normal guy she’s with and not a celebrity. If it was we’d probably would’ve known by now who it was.

@ Y/ns_red_lipstick: honestly if Y/n does have a boyfriend then I’m happy for her and wish them the best. She deserves to be happy and we should respect their privacy. She doesn’t have to share with the world if it’s their desire to keep it secret.

Right when the world went to chaos at the brink of a global pandemic, Y/n thought, “you know what, I’m gonna just delete my social media—not my accounts but the apps on my phone. I want to go off the grid for a bit and just enjoy my family and boyfriend.” Not having the constant shadow of social media on her back made it easier for the singer on the break she desired.

Everyday she fell more in love with Bradley. She had been visiting him when quarantine happened so they basically went to the next step in their relationship by living together. Again, it all felt natural. They settled into a domestic life with each other early on with homemade dinners, movie nights, nerf gun wars, and karaoke contests. Bradley on the piano and Y/n with her guitar, being each other’s act and audience in their private concert.

“You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain. Too much love drives a man insane. You broke my will, but what a thrill. Goodness gracious, great balls of fire!”

“Romeo take me somewhere we can be alone. I’ll be waiting, all there’s left to do is run. You’ll be the prince and I’ll be the princess. It’s a love story, baby just say, ‘Yes!’”

Late nights were reserved for drives with the speakers blasting. Y/n camera roll would be filled with endless videos of the two, but mostly of Bradley jamming to his favorite songs. More often than usual the thought of, “I’m gonna marry this man,” would cross her mind.

“You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. You ain’t nothin’ but a hound dog. Cryin’ all the time. Well, you ain’t never caught a rabbit and you ain’t no friend of mine!”

Y/n would lean her body out the window when it was a clear road where they were the only ones, hair blowing and the light from the moon shining down on her. Her beautiful voice carried in the night sky, Bradley in absolute awe of her and wanting to capture the moment forever.

“I came home in the mornin’ light—my mother says, ‘when you gonna live your life right?’ Oh momma dear, we’re not the fortunate ones. And girls, they wanna have fun. Oh girls just wanna have fun!”

But was supposed to be maybe two years at most…..ended up being close to five.

Honestly Y/n was surprised to still have fans. To say they were shitting bricks when she out of the blue dropped a cover art for her upcoming single, ‘Love’ would be an understatement. They were losing their fucking minds.

@ Y/nwhereforartthou: IS THIS REALLY HAPPENING OH MY FUCKING SHIT! PLEASE TELL ME THIS AINT A JOKE Y/N IS COMING BACK AFTER FIVE FUCKING YEARS

@ stilladirectionerbby: *insert Micheal Scott gif* OH MY GOD IT’S HAPPENING—Y/N’S RELEASING NEW MUSIC

@ MTV: when all hope was lost, our prayers were answered….by @Y/nL/n86

Then she announced in the same week they were getting not one but two albums that year.

@ themadalorianswife: TWO ALBUMS?!?! WE GETTING TWO?!?! GOD FUCKING BLESS

@ daddyisastateofmind: oh mother is spoiling us after making us wait so long and I absolutely am here for it.

@ neveroutofstyle_: love how @Y/nL/n86 basically said “this is my sorry for falling off the face of the earth, please forgive me.” On behalf of the fandom, we forgive you queen.

And wanna know something else?

What was even more impressive than becoming a ghost for five years with little to no sightings by the paparazzi, was that she and Bradley had yet to be discovered. Her lover was just as good of a ghost as she was. Their secret was like trying to find the Holy Grail.

Hidden like a treasure the world desired to unearth.

And on their six year anniversary, Bradley got them the same cake as the first time he did. The icing reading, "Happy 7 years, baby—we’ve totally got them fooled.”

…………….

TGM Tag list: @avaleineandafryingpan , @caitsymichelle13 , @poppyalice2001 , @cutelittlepotatofry , @luckyladycreator2 , @americaarse , @elenavampire21 , @back-tooo-black , @wildellaa , @artemissunn , @pinkpantheris

[xiaq]

How did you and B meet?

I'm sure I've talked about this before, but here's the Official Story from our reception invitations:

Erica met B through their mutual friend G while rock climbing at the Austin greenbelt in April of 2019.

Erica had just purchased a new camera and 80% of the photos she took that day were of B. She shyly sent B the best ones and noted he was a lovely subject. B said, “thanks bro” and used those pictures for his Bumble profile.

It was an auspicious beginning.

At the time, B was living and working in Austin while Erica was a PhD student in Dallas. She often visited “home” to see her parents and climb, so they met up regularly over the next two years.

When the pandemic hit, Erica moved back to Austin to work on her dissertation, and isolated with a small group of climbers that included B. They also started playing D&D together.

Erica’s character was a chaotic neutral half-elf bard who cast spells and cantrips exclusively via limerick. Her go-to solutions to problems they encountered were seduction, inciting political rebellion, befriending monsters, and stabbing.

B played a lawful good half-elf paladin who found Erica’s character extremely vexing.

In real life, however, they had quite a bit in common, and started spending time alone outside of group climbing and D&D meetups. Later, they would discover they had a mutual romantic interest at this point, but neither acted on it since Erica had accepted a visiting professorship in Colorado. She moved in July.

When Erica returned briefly to Austin over spring break the following year, she spent most of her time with B: climbing, hiking, grilling at her parent’s place, and staunchly denying there was anything happening between them even if she wished there was because honestly, mom, he's never shown the slightest bit of interest in me (her father scoffed loudly from the other room).

She decided to move back to Austin at the end of the school year. When B (and G) came to visit her a few weeks before she moved, Erica decided to be brave and make her intentions known. While watching a UFC fight with B on the couch, she tucked her toes, lasciviously, under B’s thigh.

Shockingly, he did not respond to this unequivocal romantic overture. But he did help her remove all the temporary wallpaper on her ugly rental cabinets before they left, so that was nice.

The following month, when Erica moved back to Austin, B asked if she’d like to come over for dinner after climbing. She agreed because she wanted to procrastinate unpacking and also she was slightly in love with him. The following day, he asked if she wanted to have dinner again. She did.

“Wow,” Erica said to her mother that morning, “I guess B is really lonely since G moved. He’s been asking me to hang out with him a lot.”

“You're an idiot,” her mother said.

That night, B asked Erica if she'd ever thought about them dating.

“I��m thinking about it now,” she said, cavalier, suave, blasé, and not nervous at all.

This wasn’t a lie, but she had also thought about it once or twice prior to that moment as well.

“Great,” B said, “How would you feel if I kissed you?”

And Erica said, “Yeah, I’d feel pretty good about that.”

A few weeks later, B casually showed Erica an empty shelf in his bathroom cabinet and an inviting space in his closet and a couple spare drawers in his dresser and she, equally casually, moved in with him.

Over the next year, the apartment’s decor and Erica’s diet improved drastically. They traveled, they climbed, they spent time with each others families. They lived, laughed, loved and reduced, reused, recycled. Shortly after moving into their new house, combining bank accounts, making each other their medical powers of attorney, solidifying their retirement plans, and discussing whether getting married would have tax benefits, they realized most people got engaged before doing…a good portion of those things. So they planned to propose to each other.

Christmas of 2022, they took a road trip across Colorado. B proposed to Erica on the gondola in Telluride; two days later, Erica proposed to B on the Train to Cascade Canyon in Durango. They both said yes.

In August 2023 they will elope, with their dog Deacon as a witness, to Mt. Rainier national park.

In November 2023, they’ll celebrate with their friends and family at a backyard reception that will include food, drinks, swimming, croquet, corn hole, axe-throwing and a bounce house (the axe-throwing and the bounce-house will be on opposite sides of the lawn; if it's cold, the pool will be heated). They hope you’ll come and share their joy with them.

[spiral-man]

My self indulgent list of Entities and what I think my connection to them would be, let’s go:

The Eye-I believe I could be a good avatar of the Eye because I’m super nosy, and have always been told I ask to many questions and am to curious and also I’m a pretty open book myself.

The Spiral-If I had to Pick an Entity I think I’d be most likely to serve it would be the Spiral. I have a lot of mental health issues and I have a hard time figuring out what’s real and what’s fake within my perception, Also I’m Pansexual and Pangender and I have ADHD so….

The Flesh-Think I could definitely be at least marked by The Flesh due to a history of $elf Harm (getting better!) and my fondness for NBC Hannibal.

The Lonely-Depression and Anxiety make me prime real-estate for the lonely and I have a bad tendency of dwelling in my own misery at times and finding comfort in that which is what this entity feeds on.

The Slaughter-I’ve got some anger issues and have a bit of a violent tendency at times (working on it).

The Hunt-Used to (still do) love games like tag and hide and seek, I really loved the adrenaline rush those games give you, especially in the woods or something.

The Stranger-I have a bit of a hard time feeling human, I feel like I’m doing it wrong most of the time, like I’m just ever so slightly off compared to everyone else, like I’m just pretending.

The Web-Manipulative parents need I say more.

The Dark-Always loved the dark, find it very comforting.

The End-I’ve never been scared of death, I’ve had some past suicidal issues and now I’m currently studying to be a funeral director/embalmer.

The Desolation-My family has a history of Arson in the sense that one of my grandmas siblings almost burnt their house down because they liked to play with matches, my grandmas son did burn a playground down because he liked to play with matches and my grandmas granddaughter (me, hi) also has almost burnt her house down (multiple times) due to enjoying playing with matches.

The Corruption-Probably my worst fear, when I was younger I loved bugs but these day they make me so uncomfortable, thinking about them makes me itch, and similar idea with rot in general I just hate it, this fear would have a easy time feeding on me.

The Buried-Similar to the dark, I actually do not mind super confined spaces and in fact find them sort of comforting at times.

The Vast-I used to really love to climb trees but I could never get to high up because I was scared of how unsteady it felt, in general I like climbing shit to be up high but if it feels unstable I feel like I’m about to pass out.

the Exctinction-Lived through a pandemic and constantly being informed about different new events that could end the world.

If you read all this, hot damn I love you wow thank you so much haha, this was purely self indulgent as ive seen other people do it and I find the fears so interesting.

[yuttikkele]

please tell me more about gen z lotf au 🙏🙏

OFCCC!! i wrote a lot more about this than i thought i could, and i feel like i could keep going but i do wish to go to sleep! ty for the ask! (there was also an anon ask with this question, idk if it was you, but i'm just gonna answer this one lol)

the choir boys all know each other irl (obvi they still have choir together). everyone lives roughly in the same vicinity, but no one knows that.

they all met online during the pandemic. possibly through video games, twitter, or tiktok

how did this ragtag group of people all become friends? idk fortnite probably

i don't know much about fortnite, but it seems like it would start some friendships and/or rivalries. maybe minecraft or roblox too.

how they met and became friends is hazy, like how the beta kids became friends in homestuck. point is: they're all friends. pretty much.

some boys are closer friends than others, but they're all mutuals. they're all in like the same community. what community? that is a good question i should probably think of an answer

piggy uses the nickname people bullied him with as his online name. he gets cyberbullied and has ended up on many a cringe account, but it doesn't really bother him anymore. he likes to spread information, but he was a little self-righteous about it before he quit twitter. now he argues with people on instagram. piggy's also a redditor.

ralph usually just watches other people's content, but sometimes he'll post something and it'll get pretty popular because he's ralph and being well-liked is an innate part of his character. ralph does prefer to go out and do stuff than being online all the time.

simon is chronically online. being shy, he gravitated towards the internet. he's definitely a fandom girlie and has a tumblr (hi tumblr). he spreads positivity on the internet all the time. he's one of the good ones fr. i do hc simon as a Christian, so he does spread the Word a lot as an lgbtq affirming Christian dude

jack doesn't spend too much time on the internet. he also isn't allowed a lot of these medias by his parents, so that may have something to do with it. he does get upset when his posts don't get as many likes as ralph's

roger ragebaits and leaves hate comments all the time, but he has moments where he's nice. maurice memer obviously. sam and eric are the voros twins. i don't have too many thoughts about these guys just yet

they voice chat and sometimes video call

meeting each other irl for the first time led to the utter disgust at ralph's blindness in the fashion department

ok onto them reading lord of the flies cause i think this is such a funny concept

they all miraculously start reading lord of the flies as a class assignment at the same time

they all tell each other this and they're all like "loooool that's crazy we're all reading the same book at the same time"

i saw someone on my last post ab this say exactly what im about to say. it is truly the only way to go with this.

everyone's all "oh haha ralph's got the name of the first character AND he's blonde!" "piggy has the same name as peter's online name! haha how sill-" "WHY IS MY FULL LEGAL NAME IN THIS BOOK???"

the last person is jack btw if you couldn't tell

the exact names and character descriptions matching up a little too well with the boys startles them, but they still joke about it A LOT.

i mean, think about it, if you were forced to read this book in class and you find out you and your friends are basically the main characters, you would NOT stop cracking jokes about it.

"'ugly without silliness.' wow jack, william golding really DID put you in his story!"

they do start to get a little more freaked out when, yk, stuff starts going down in the book and they have to analyze it.

piggy's eventually like "OK we, or at least i, have got to figure this out." and he goes and does some research.

aaaaand that is all i can tell you for now :))

i do headcanon a lot of the boys as queer, but my hcs of them as gen z-ers do differ a little from my hcs of them as gen silencers.

piggy is a strict ally, his aunt is an ally, allies all around, until he realizes he is not so straight as he seems and is not really just an ally. bisexual

ralph knows nothing about the sexuality and gender biz he just does what feels right. he's pretty much demisexual/romantic tho.

simon is a gay dude. he is gnc and on the trans spectrum somewhere

jack is the only one using queer slurs, everyone gets onto him for it. he's gay, but he doesn't know it/won't accept it (because everyone in his life is HOMOPHOBIC!!!). when he does finally accept it, he is still using those slurs as slurs he is not reclaiming them.

[ddoxhan]

love.

my small heart and the things that grew in it break and harden, melt and fall away only then can I see my eternity, with you

happy birthday, yu jimin.

i never knew what love was. it had never occurred to me that these overwhelming feelings could wash over me like a crashing wave. affection was never a language of love since i’ve known how to talk. a hug wasn’t something i was used to, neither were words of compliments or warm gazes shone upon me for a good grade. i’ve grown accustomed to such practices, such norms, that i don’t know, the meaning of love.

searching for love, was never a priority in life. academics, skills, career. those were the only things that had ever mattered to me. as i recall my younger days, all i could see from memories was this kid who woke up sleepy every day, headed for school, then extra co-curricular activities, back home, study, and finally sleep. the next day wouldn't be much of a difference, and so were weekends with tuition.

and with that, i drifted apart from making meaningful relationships with people. perhaps i do have several friends who would stick with me until i'd die, but that was it. i never found solace in big social circles and interacting with people. my hatred for people didn't subside, if anything, it only grew more as time went by. the pandemic had hit and i may have reached a peak of anti-social behaviour.

crowds scared me, being around people made me anxious, and i've just grown used to being alone in my room. talking to people had never been harder during my darkest times. it had made me more reserved, only retreating to talking to the people i was closest to in school. graduating from high school was just another day of coming back from school and awaiting the next day to come, but that was the end.

the next chapter of my life was to unfold after wrapping up the previous with exams that determined my future. as i was thrown into a new environment which i wasn't ready for, i was alone. alone amidst everyone else who seemed to have a place. wow, life was miserable, extremely as it took everything in me to wake up. that was when it hit me that i may be depressed.

something else hit me too. in fact, it was a someone. that someone who had so much love for people, made me uncomfortable. seeing how she looks at her members, her fans, and how her actions reflected the affection and love she experienced as she grew up to be the person she is today. it made me uncomfortable. i felt like i was living my fifth life, or perhaps the sixth, and none were easy to live through.

and here she was, living through her first life, seeing the goodness in the darkness. her angel eyes saw the good in the evil within the world. even when the world was so cruel to her. i've never felt such pain, even when the hate and harsh words weren't directed at me. the way she smiled through, the way her words reflected the kindness within her, the way her eyes so pure that it made my heart ache.

it hurt, knowing that i had absolutely no power to protect this angel from the world. it hurt, knowing that although she would not know who i am and probably never will. the pain that i've felt through this person who i have never met fascinated me. how i would smile when i see her smile, how i would laugh at her cat-like antics, how i would wish and pray that she would sleep well at the end of the day.

that was when i realized. perhaps, this was love. perhaps, this was the feeling of loving someone, regardless of it being platonic or romantic. the intense feelings of wanting nothing but the best for her, the extent i would go to see that eye smile full of happiness, the way that words could barely explain my feelings.

she's taught me so much, brought me to feel so much. gradually with time, i brought myself out of misery, finding myself laugh around my newfound friends. i enjoy more when i go out of my room, doing things that i didn't know that i was capable of.

i am forever grateful for this person to be in my life. although i have never met you, i thank you for showing me the better, brighter side of life. i've learnt to appreciate the people i cherish around me, learnt to let down some of my burden and dance it away, learnt to live my life to the fullest, learnt to rest for a day when i need it.

along with your members, you've brought so many days of laughter and happiness to me. some days may still be difficult to get through, but one message, picture or video of you could wash away the fatigue that accumulated throughout the day. to repay you, i've decided to not give up. my days that were clouded with thoughts of giving up, were replaced by days of looking forward of what awaits for both you and i ever since i laid my eyes on you.

within this heart of mine and all the hardships that broke and hardened, melted and fell away, i've felt a new, foreign emotion. once weak-hearted and fragile, i've built a stronger one through time with you.

thank you for being in my life. and i wish that one day, i'd be able to tell you how you brought many good things to me.

thank you, for letting me know what it feels like to love someone.

i love you, in this life, the next, for eternity.

[ftmtftm]

ftmtftm's reading (and watching) list

So I've been putting this list together to help people understand my beliefs and also to expand their own. This is a list of theorists, poets, authors, artists, and people that I often source from whose works have deeply impacted my framework of the world. I hope someone else can find them useful as well.

I've included several videos because I know how inaccessible academic text can be, but I do encourage you to read the text if you're able and seek out copies of books listed at your local libraries or independent book sellers/second hand book shops! When I could not find a PDF for a written work I have added Thrift Books links. Also double check the Internet Archive, Trans Reads, and The Anarchist Library for more readings!!

If any of these links break please let me know and I'll see what I can do to fix them. I'll be adding to this list as time goes on as currently these are just the books I can see on my bookshelf and videos I could remember I've seen before!

3.4.2024 - This list is slightly outdated in that there are several authors and works I need to add. Please seach the names James Baldwin and Audre Lorde or simply my reading list tag on my blog for additional resources.

Theory

Kimberlé Crenshaw:

Critial Race Theory: The Key Writings That Formed The Movement - thrift books

Mapping the Margins: Intersectionality, Identity Politics, and Violence against Women of Color - PDF

The Urgency of Intersectionality - video

Kimberlé Crenshaw Intersectionality is NOT identity - video exerpt from her WOW keynote speech

Angela Davis:

Angela Davis Criticizes "Mainstream Feminism" / Bourgeois Feminism - video

Angela Davis What it means to be a Revolutionary (1972 Interview) - video

Roxane Gay:

Bad Feminist: Essays - Internet Archive

Roxane Gay: Confessions of a bad feminist - video

Roxane Gay, Feminism and Difficult Women - video

bell hooks:

Feminism is for Everybody - PDF

The Will to Change - Internet Archive / audio book - YouTube

All About Love - PDF / audio book - YouTube

Teaching to Transgress PDF / audio book - YouTube

Speaking Freely: bell hooks - video

bell hooks & john a. powell: Belonging Through Connection (Othering & Belonging Conference 2015) - video

bell hooks & Gloria Steinem at Eugene Lang College - video (intro ends 7:24)

Emi Koyama:

The Transfeminist Manifesto - PDF

Ijeoma Oluo:

So You Want to Talk About Race - thrift books

Ijeoma Oluo Talks at Google - video

Public Presentation with Ijeoma Olua - video

History / Journals

P. Carl:

Becoming a Man - thrift books

Library Labyrinth Live Presents: P. Carl Becoming a Man - video (intro ends approx. 3:20)

P. Carl Prologue UCCS - video (audio quality poor)

Keith Haring:

Journals - PDF

Keith Haring Documentary - video

Keith Haring On The Fence - video

Jack Lowery:

It Was Vulgar & It Was Beautiful: How AIDS Activists Used Art to Fight a Pandemic - thrift books

Susan Stryker:

Transgender History - PDF

Transitions, with Susan Stryker - podcast - YouTube

Lou Sullivan:

We Both Laughed in Pleasure: The Selected Diaries of Lou Sullivan 1961-1991 - trans reads

Trans Oral History: Meeting Lou Sullivan - video

A series of video interviews with Lou - playlist

Fiction / Poetry

Chinua Achebe:

Things Fall Apart (novel) - PDF

I'm trying hard to not add too much of my own commentary to this post but personally I really think it's helpful to read Things Fall Apart in theoretical conversation with The Will to Change by bell hooks and in direct conversation with one of the works it was written in response to, The Heart of Darkness

Arundhati Roy:

The God of Small Things (novel) - thrift books

Arundhati Roy talks about her life and views on the world - video

Warsan Shire:

Bless the Daughter Raised by a Voice in Her Head (poetry collection) - thrift books

Warsan Shire reads her poetry - video

Zadie Smith:

White Teeth (novel) - Internet Archive

White Teeth (4 part Real Drama adaptation) - videos

Zadie Smith Interview: On Bad Girls, Good Guys and the Complicated Midlife - video

A Conversation with Zadie Smith - video

Pamela Sneed:

Funeral Diva (poetry and prose collection) - thrift books

Pamela Sneed Discusses "Funeral Diva" - video

I offer you a secret meme for your time (with books I still need to add to this list):

[zayphora]

smth i feel like I’m always looking for but that won’t ever rly come to fruition is more discussion of how genuinely unorthodox and unique blaseball fandom loremaking was as a creative community, for better and for worse. like it was functionally both:

a bunch of internet strangers with vastly different backgrounds, ages, and levels of competency in dealing with complex and serious concepts around culture and gender/sexuality and religion and other facets that make up a realistic person, making character concepts based off semi-randomly generated names

those same people attempting to varying levels to work together in a writers’ workshop to express those same concepts, compare them, and offen come up with them collaboratively together, except the writers workshop is entirely composed of hundreds of other internet strangers in 24 different groups at a minimum, trying to communicate through a huge online groupchat that is functionally both used to talk to people you know personally as friends as well as other internet strangers

and this created well, a lot of issues! it’s not the origin point of all blaseball issues, and I want to be clear I’m not blaming every disagreement or time that people fucked up or misstepped or put shitty or insensitive ideas into the world on the structure of the community itself.

but I feel like the unique (and early pandemic era) community structure had a big impact on how it felt to do lore, and i haven’t really seen anything like that out there in the world I could really compare this to for context. and I think the reason I say earlier in this post that analysis on this doesn’t often come to fruition is because it is really hard to understand how it worked if you weren’t in there in the trenches of various blaseball communities “doing lore”, and so I feel like it would be hard for an outside analysis to really get at it. so a lot of analyses of what makes blaseball unique just end up being like “wow it’s really unique how it was a live service game that people could vote on updates for” which I think is a cool thing but also doesn’t get at a really significant part of why the blaseball fandom was so all consuming when you were part of it

[beautifulpersonpeach]

Suga has to be the best gatekept secret in BTS. He is so beautiful, cute, caring, charming, and funny!!! After months of questioning your taste ranking him second after Jimin in visuals when tkk is right there!, I'm sorry to say I was wrong. Yoongi is THE visual. I'm not going to the concerts but every photo I see on Twitter makes me wish I was going BPP. Does it sound like I'm getting wrecked? It's because I am. I relate to your other anon so bad haahaha. Before this tour, only Jimin and Jung Kook turned my head, but Suga now owns my soul. Is this how people become true OT7? Through BTS concerts?

*

Ask 2: Anyhow, did you notice how obsessed (maybe too heavy a word) Yoongi is with BS&T Jimin?? I just noticed after Suchwita. I think he really likes & remembers bst Jimin fondly & fervently. Please correct my delusion, if you think it's farfetched. (While reading your blogs and army detective twts, I'm realizing more and more how clueless and unobservant I am. I've given up being astute in noticing these matters and just gonna outsource these insightful findings to others. haha) +

But I think, Yoongi really LOVES bst Jimin. I mean who wouldn't?!? I just watched the MV & performances, and WOW JIMIN!!!! My words don't do bst jimin justice. That head tilt?! the fluttering of his eyelids?! his hand motion? his jaw line? the way he glides?! I see a ballroom behind him! GAH. the song is a BOP. I'm absolutely mesmerized, and let's be real, who can blame Yoongi for forgetting how to close his mouth in front of jimin! I want members reacting to mvs back!! T T

***

Hi Anon(s),

I started reading your asks giggling, by the time I got to the end I was full on howling lmaooo. Anon in ask 2, I too want the guys reacting to their MVs back, just cause we'll see them all going "Ahh, Jimin!"

Anon in ask 1, sigh, you have no idea what you’re in for with Yoongi.

Maybe all Yoongi biases are the same, because I truly feel like gatekeeping everything about him and I see that impulse in other Yoongi biases too. I’m very selfish with Yoongi.

You mentioned his visuals and him being caring etc, so let me try something here. It’s easy for me to talk about Jimin, but near impossible for me to talk about Yoongi, so I’m going to try talking about Yoongi through some of his actions with Jimin. And I’ll sprinkle in some okay pictures of him I don’t mind sharing, since you’ve acquired a taste for his visuals as well. :)

First, a preamble of his delectable visuals:

(ASDHJKJLSHKSADLK)

*

When people typically talk about Yoonmin, they stick to a rotation of Yoongi’s mouth hanging open watching Jimin, Jimin’s teasing of Yoongi, their bickering, etc. This is a jikook space so we hear all the time about how Jungkook looks out for Jimin, cares for him, encourages him and protects him. JK is introverted so when he becomes very assertive, usually on account of Jimin, it stands out. Yoongi too is introverted, but when he deals with Jimin he doesn't really break character, and so, oftentimes his quiet encouragement of Jimin, the significance of his actions, typically goes under the radar for a lot of people.

For example,

I'm not sure how many people realize how big a deal it was for Yoongi to recommend Jimin for A&R director when the boys were making BE. Jimin has said during that time, he felt lost - with their tour getting canceled, all their plans upended with no end in sight, the pandemic had taken away his core reason to live by his own admission i.e. performing for ARMYs. He was starting to drift and become unmoored (emotions we now see in Alone), and so Yoongi recognizing that, and recommending that Jimin take on the responsibility for determining the direction of their self-driven album, to get Jimin "closer to music again", is a small thing, but I see it as one of many ways Yoongi was pushing Jimin to better express and assert himself in that situation. Advice that Jimin finally took to heart during their Vegas concerts, when he began pursuing his solo music in force. The A&R role would’ve typically gone to RM since he drives most of their songwriting and oftentimes sets the tone of their music with BH, but Yoongi pushing for Jimin to be active, with Jimin eventually writing some songs for BE (though those were rejected), registered in my mind as yet another way Yoongi sees Jimin in ways many of the members don’t, and quietly advocates for him. Pushes him to go out of his comfort zone, because of how much he loves him. RM eventually took on a more active role during BE but Jimin being able to come on YouTube lives in Fall 2020 to talk about things he was doing for BE, those glimpses into him starting to find himself again, those details registered for me in ways I’m not sure I can properly express.

Yoongi sees Jimin, and loves him dearly. And it's mutual.

(I've never cared for animal prints but that leopard-print furry hat on Yoongi... he's a big cat)

*

Another moment I want to highlight is their 2016 Festa dinner. You know the one, where Taehyung talks about how Jimin grabs the spotlight/center. Yoongi was the first to come to Jimin's defense, saying how Jimin just naturally knows how to be a good performer, that a friend had told him that Jimin naturally knows how to act on stage to capture the audience. I'm not sure if it's obvious to many people, but that comment shifted the direction of the conversation, and soon other members were talking about how good and confident a performer Jimin is. J-hope would later say he's learned about performing by watching Jimin, and Jungkook would say this in later years too.

(… I have no words)

Yoongi saw Jimin's potential since way back in pre-debut, encouraging him and advocating for Jimin to be added to the final line-up in BTS, and has supported him in key periods of doubt since. Everyone saw how hard Jimin was working as one of the last trainees to join a nearly bankrupt agency with limited resources to train even just 7 people - I can't imagine the anxiety Jimin had to deal with but I imagine it was so much. And so when Jimin talks about that period and nearly always mentions how Yoongi supported him, I don't take it lightly.

(There's a reason Yoongi will always choose Jimin)

*

[Full disclosure here, but yoonmin's antics during the whole Shadow/Daechwita MVs shooting drives me to near madness. Because if you understand what Yoongi is, (which Jimin does btw), you'd see why this is borderline one of the most homoerotic unresolved cases we've ever had in Bangtan history.

If not for the fact that Jungkook exists, I'd be in a very different blog space right now honest to God. And I'll just leave it at that. ]

*

Whew! Okay, I need a break so enough about Yoonmin for now. I’ll try to focus more on Yoongi now.

Anon in ask 1, his pictures on Twitter is what’s fucking you up? Then welcome to my world lool. What got me initially though, was his music. Like, weeks later and I’m still struggling with myself not to loop D-DAY 40 hours a day 10 days a week. The fact he makes music like HUH?! while looking like this

(…and the fact this isn’t even in the top 30 hottest pictures I have of him. Just…)

I’ve written sonnets and poems about his voice and it still doesn’t feel enough to explain what it does to me.

(More Yoongi…)

(…just because…)

(…he’s that perfect.)

Good luck to you becoming a Yoongi bias because I have no idea how I’ve been surviving all these years. If we’re both still standing by the time this tour is over, please stop by my inbox again to tell me how you’re doing. I’d love to hear all about it. :)

[heyjude19-writing]

I have not been an active participant in the Harry Potter fandom in a very long time and it's just recently that a coworker of mine suggested that I give Dramione fics a try.

Her suggesting was both a blessing and a curse—ever since I started looking into Dramione, I've found more than a handful of fics that I absolutely loved, Remain Nameless being one of them. Of course, I've done nothing but devour fanfics in my free time ever since, placing other hobbies and social outings on hold. I can't say I regret it much, though my sleeping schedule took quite a hit as well :')

I'd like to start by telling you how much I enjoyed the plot for Remain Nameless. I never was a fan of slow burns before, but it might seem like aging has mellowed me out quite a bit. It's either that, or the fact that I've been feeling like time just flew by lately (to be completely honest ever since the pandemic it feels like every time I blinked, another year passed by), and I desperately want things to slow down a bit, just so I can enjoy them properly—both in my life and in my reading.

There are plenty of stories about Draco and Hermione and them falling in love, but this one is definitely a favourite. I loved how the accent was placed on them and their evolution as people and their journey as lovers.

It was heartwarming to see Draco's transformation throughout the story and each interaction between these two characters, especially the initial ones at the coffee shop, brought me such joy.

The pacing of their friendship and then romantic relationship felt so natural, and I couldn't help but sit at the edge of my seat, waiting with baited breath to see if things are going to turn out well for our main couple (even though I knew it would be a happy ending, according to the tags :') )

Also, the characters that made an appearance fleshed out the story wonderfully. I'd like to say that the moments including Ginny, Theo and Sasha were some of my favourites, but then again, can I really have favourites when I loved each chapter so much?

The familial relationships were also points of great interest for me. I enjoyed seeing how Hermione interacted with her parents after everything that happened and her relationship with the Weasley members really warmed up my heart. The acceptance of Draco into Hermione's friend and family circles was also quite emotional for me, since he went through such complex experiences with his own parents and friends.

The writing was also marvelous and it really captured me, though I feel like I couldn't fully appreciate it since my eyes were flying over the words to know what happens next. I would love to pick up this fanfiction again for another read, just so I can fully appreciate the craftsmanship that was put into it.

Honestly, being reintroduced into this fandom reminded me why I love fandom and fanfiction so much. Sure, there might be people who sully the experience with their greed and pettiness (I've read a bit about those people what bind your fics and sell them on etsy and I recall reading an AN of somebody reposting your work on Wattpad and I'm so sorry that these things happened/are happening to you and many other fantastic writers) but it can also bring people together and be such a great source of comfort.

I apologize for the long message, I feel like I rambled quite a bit. I know there's much more that I would have loved to say, but words seem to evade me today. But I would like to thank you again for putting in so much of your time, effort, love, and passion into writing this wonderful piece of fanfiction and for sharing it with us.

This story made me giggle, it made me cry, and it made me feel so many emotions, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for it.

hello hello!

wow, thank you so much to your co-worker, this was lovely to receive. sorry about the sleepless nights 😅 but i am happy you enjoyed your time with my story and other fics.

and yes, there's some bad actors out here making fandom a not-so-fun place at the moment, but as you rightly noted "it can also bring people together and be such a great source of comfort." It's certainly why i stick around and thank you for this beautiful message that reminded me why i've loved my time here. your kind comments about my writing brought me so much joy, thank you 🥰

[mostautisticangel]

vent post about my shitty life and my shitty mom

so during the pandemic i discovered i was most likely adhd and autistic. since then I've just self-diagnosed. It explains a lot of things going on with me.

Most of such things are interactions with my mother. Specifically my mother. I think my dad might be autistic but i'm not sure. he's not as bad as mom but he's still a shitty parent.

So my mother is the absolute peak of Strict Republican Christian Homeschooling White Mom. Every stereotype you can think of, she has (except having like 6 kids, THANK GODDESS). And that means that I, a queer autistic creature, do not fit into her picture perfect little Good Christian Family.

Ever since I was little I was obviously neurodivergent. I was every single stereotype except the fact I was a girl. I went to public school for two years: preschool and kindergarten.

Turns out, I was """gifted""" wow! not like that phrase means anything to autistic people! So mom signed me up for this fancy hybrid private school. I went two days a week, wore the ugliest fucking uniform you've ever seen, and all the kids thought i was weird.

I don't remember much of it (thank goddess) except how much i hated it. I went there for two years. then mom found this homeschool community group thing and signed me up. I've been in it since 3rd grade. we buy the books, do the assigned work, and meet with the community once a week.

I forgot to mention my dad is in the military, so we moved a lot. a LOT. my current best friend i haven't even known for a year. i've never been friends with anyone for longer than 3 years. But military brat trauma is a separate post this is about my neurodivergence.

(I wont be naming specific states for privacy so bear with me) The first place we lived since joining this group was okay. I met some people, two of which i think were neurodivergent, the rest were typical Christian kid assholes.

I specifically remember this one girl who was my friend (well, what 9 year old me thought was a friend) who was really nice to me and seemed to like me but she always insulted my interests and called me weird.

There was this other boy, who i still know and is still an asshole. He would literally go through my backpack and take out my stuff and bully me for it. I used to take stuffed animals and my little pony fanfiction to school to show my one nice (probably neurodivergent) friend. What kind of person does that. what the fuck.

so we moved away from there and to a new place. this was at the end of 2019. we bought an rv, thinking we'd only be in this stae for 18 months, and we could travel! we could go up to canada!

i was already MASSIVLEY against the idea of the rv. when my mom made the announcement i BROKE INTO TEARS. i still remember it. i am very emotionally attached to my Things, and having lots of Things makes me happy. the thing about rv living is that you don't have Things.

I'm just now realizing this is like a trauma cocktail i have. we have queer kid trauma, autistic kid trauma, van life kid trauma, military brat trauma, going through tween years during covid trauma, christian kid trauma, living in The South trauma, you want it come get it folks.

anyways, i had to put all my shit in a storage unit and was never the same. i legit blacked out most of the time in the rv because of how fucking horrible it was. i just sat in my room on my goddamn kindle fire all day because mom wouldn't let me have a phone.

At this point in my life, i was a gacha kid. no no, don't panic, i was a normal one. i thank my lucky stars for that. so i decided, fuck it, secret youtube channel. here's the thing: we werent allowed youtube. at all. under any circumstances. still arent. technically we're not allowed any internet use besides like google or something. because everyone on the internet is a pedophile.

I also ended up getting discord. i had so much fun. i made so many friends and one of them invited me to join a queer server. this is where i got better.

being a Sheltered Homeschooled Kid, I didn't know much. i say much as opposed to anything because i watched she-ra and s1 of the owl house was out so yeah. i knew they existed. but not much.

so i learned lots of new terms and went "hey! i might be one of these!" idr my first label, I think it was pan. which was actually right. at the time i was %100 convinced i was cis. i even made jokes about it. then one day the egg cracked and i was like "oh im transmasc." i also adopted the aroace label by then.

one of my old friends from that old homeschool group reached out to me and asked if i knew about discord. she thought we would be able to play minecraft together over it. i said yes. i invited her to the server. she was really nice and respectful and found out some things about herself.

but her parents went through her phone, found out, and called my mom. cue the trauma.

i remember this so distinctly. that night, both of my parents yelled at me for """talking to strangers on the internet""" I'd lose all my devices for a month. which was insane because what else was I supposed to do? all my stuff was in the storage unit.

the next morning i got a yelling at because """gay people are bad"""" thank GODDESS they found out in that tiny window of time i identified as cis but asexual. if they thought i was trans or queer i'd be dead. (i am trans AND queer. i have no doubt that they wouldn't disown me if they knew.)

then she went through my yt channel and boy oh boy did i get lucky. she only watched a few videos. she watched the one of me making my intro. i used the song "honeypie" bc i thought it was vibey and funky. mom got mad because "you know this is a song about sex, right?" blew my little 12 year old mind. im autistic i'm so fucking bad at metaphors. so fucking bad. then she just told me to delete it. so i did.

and my main oc was supposed to be a boy but for some reason she didn't say anything? he wasn't even a femboy he was very masc looking with a masc name. so. weird. then again, my mom thought fucking Wriothesley from genshin impact was "trying to look like a girl" so who knows whats going on in that head of hers (fr tho?? WRIO?!?! HUH?? IS IT CAUSE OF THE EARRINGS??? IM SO CONFUSED LITERALLY HOW??? dont show her venti ig)

so i just gave up trying by then.

mom got much more aggressive in the rv. she yelled at us for almost every tiny little thing.

and my new class? hell. jail. hate them all. (except you caleb you were a sweetheart.) there was stereotypical racist sexist homophobic country boy who borderline sexually assaulted me so thats fun. (whats more fun is that he's coming to visit this summer! la-dee-fucking-da!!!) a weeb with concerning opinions on women, and just the most autistic fella you've ever met. that was caleb. ily caleb you were the only one keeping me sane. he liked to talk about his lizards and his goats and lord of the rings and i could listen for hours. i mightve been in love.

the teacher was nice though. she was the racist country boy's mom. i say "teacher" but she was just like the one in charge of making sure we all followed the curriculum. our own parents were our actual teachers. still, that class was a nightmare. for three years i had to endure it. AND WE WERE ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE IN THE RV FOR 18 MONTHS. FUCKING LIARS.

anyways we moved to my grandparents so my dad could find a non-military job and we could buy a house. i joined a local volunteer program and met my current best friends, @aubreymonobry and @tboymagnus i literally love you guys so much you don't know how much you saved meeeeee <3

we had fun. i moved away again once dad got a job and we got a house. i joined a new class. same program, new people. we had: peak annoying gen z boy, most basic white girl you've ever met (affectionate) girl with highly concerning views, and guy who i am literally in love with hnggg he is so silly and goofy RAHHHH and actually nice and respectful im gonna dieeee <3

so now i'm here. im not going back to that class. im doing %100 homeschooling next semester. BUT i dont have to learn latin anymore and i wont have to read a book a week so thats good. ive been learning how to mask better and i think its working. i got all my stuff back and have cluttered up my room to the max and i actually feel happy again. sure, mom might be worse than ever and the career path i'm studying for is absolute shit and the economy is in shambles and i might get murdered for literally existing and i live on the whims of my borderline alchoholic and emotionally abusive mother BUT WE STAY SILLY! I AM OKAY!!! I WILL MAKE IT!!!! I WILL MOVE OUT AND GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE SOON!!!! I HAVE MY FRIENDS! AND THE SILLY LITTLE GAY PEOPLE ON MY PUTER!!!

i might revisit this post a few years later and add on to it. for now, im just a silly teenager doing things that make me happy and doing my best to survive. i think that's the best i can do

if you read this far, wow thanks, friend. :3 hope you have a good day <3

[gyuluttony]

Camera Weight

oooh once again, if i'm not given something, i'm just going to keep pushing out the minwon mutual gain fics because something about them has my brain like hardwired rn sdfjhs i hope y'all don't get sick of me writing them in situations like this. i mainly write scenarios that get my rocks off so a lot of them are similar because i like this stuff SDFJS

As a warning, this is a feederism fic and features weight gain, mutual gaining, weight gain denial and dry humping. Don't like, don't read.

The setting for this one is that Wonwoo is an office worker who didn't end up going to the office post pandemic so works from home and Mingyu is a mukbanger. You can see where I'm going here.

Wonwoo closed the laptop that he had for work, making sure that the fake smile he wore stayed on for a couple of moments even after being aware that the camera was long hidden. When he heard the sound of the device powering down, he let out a sigh of relief.

Every work meeting was so tiring. He could only be so amused in seeing Seungkwan and Soonyoung butt heads and it seemed that Jihoon shared the same sentiment considering he looked just as tired when the meeting finished. When the team leads had such vast creative differences, it was a miracle any work could be done.

The miracle in question being named Jeon Wonwoo. Looking at his wristwatch, Wonwoo hurriedly pushed his laptop to the side as he started his home desktop, a set up that was used for much more important matters than organizing spreadsheets and data.

His phone buzzed and he saw Jihoon's contact name as well as a text: "Have fun on your date 😘" Wonwoo felt his face grow warm as he grimaced. Of course he would have slipped while drunk and accidentally confided one of his darkest secrets in a while to his best friend, but he didn't realize it was a free pass to jab at him whenever.

As his screen switched on, there was a small smile that came across his face as he opened Youtube, eager to see the face that he had grown a little parasocially attached to in the past couple of months. The wide smile of the other man pulled at the corners of his mouth as he watched him.

"Wow, it's like the turn out gets bigger for every live that I have!" He waved eagerly and Wonwoo shyly waved back at the screen, almost as if the other man could see him through it. Wonwoo reached for the bag that was at the side of his desk, pulling out his meal.

He had always been a peculiar case when it came to remembering to eat. In school, he had no problem with it because everyone around him ate around the same time but if there was no one to eat with, he just didn't feel the urge to. It was a rather atrocious habit to have but it didn't affect him all too much.

Until he got to work and working from home with his new position. Now, it wasn't out of the blue for him to work the whole day and spend his lunch playing games until Jihoon called him out for it because he was concerned at how much weight Wonwoo had lost in the past couple of months. He was well aware of his friend's habit when it came to eating so he recommended that tried just watching some mukbang streams on his lunch break so it was like he had company.

It was helpful actually! Slowly, he was remembering to eat and just eating properly in general. That was until he found Kimgyu. A mukbang channel that had grown in popularity around the time Wonwoo started paying attention. Originally, he just wanted to see what all the hype was about until he actually tuned in.

A fit, handsome young man who cooked meals for himself for videos and streamed his mukbangs afterwards. The meals he cooked looked good and honestly, Wonwoo admitted that the one making the meals looked even better so he became something of a dedicated fan.

"Today, I made a lot actually... I don't know if I can finish everything that's in here but we'll see." Wonwoo opened his own matching containers as he prepared to eat.

Did they mess up his order? It looked bigger than usual. As he popped a dumpling into his mouth, he shrugged it off since it tasted as good as it usually did. Kimgyu was rather popular for telling stories and anecdotes and realizing he shared a little too much on livestreams but the ditz factor was something that Wonwoo liked (and would rather die than admit).

Kimgyu slurped the noodles in his pan full of them and chewed while he read some responses, "Oh, you're going to get puffy if you're eating that much." A smile comes across his face, "Ah, you're talking about my face. I am getting a lot puffier in general though, don't you think?"

Wonwoo felt his face grow hot, watching Kimgyu show off his new belly in profile on the camera. It was starting to pooch out and he had barely eaten anything. That wasn't there when he first started watching him and... it was making him feel all sorts of things.

Squirming in his computer chair, Wonwoo felt the warmth spread into his system more as he listened, "I do work out still but honestly, I'm starting to explore dishes a lot more instead and I can only do so much cardio." There was a whining tone in Kimgyu's voice that sent shivers down Wonwoo's spine before he was interrupted. "Oh, but I think everyone's enjoying themselves lately it's fine!"

All the chat became a chorus asking why he came to that conclusion and Wonwoo was now hyperaware of the fat around his face, only making his pout more babylike. "I think everyone is just having better food these days! There's..." It was Kimgyu's turn to blush as the chat teased him and encouraged him to continue and he looked rather shy.

Wonwoo wiped his hands on his hoodie as he typed, 'There's what?'

The hand on Kimgyu's face hid a smile as he admitted, "You guys... need to make sure this stays between us. I'm not saying it in a mean way!" Wonwoo nodded, acting like it was a one-on-one conversation while he ate large bites of his rice bowl.

"There's a guy in my building and when I moved in a year ago, he was like... small. Which, there's nothing wrong with! But, he was around my height and I was worried like even the wind would blow him over. But, when I see him recently, he's gotten more sturdy so now, I think it's not like putting on weight is a bad thing."

The chat began to tease him and Kimgyu looked flustered as he explained hurriedly, "I- I mean he's always looked good but he looks even better n- I think I'm just going to stop talking about it." Stuffing his face with a large mouthful of noodles, Kimgyu stated, "So, don't worry about me getting puffy! I'm eating well."

The stream continued and Wonwoo was left wondering why he was feeling the most turned on he's felt in a while. Was... Kimgyu into guys that put on weight? It was one thing to know that he was into guys but it was another that it was a possible fetish as to why he had been getting bigger recently.

Wonwoo opened some videos after the stream, looking at the videos he found when he located Kimgyu's channel for the first time. His arm muscles were bulging because he admitted to doing cooking videos after his workouts. His pecs were large and firm, always making their presence known in his clothes and his ass was doing the same down lower.

But, in the recent videos, these same clothes showed just how much he had been enjoying those meals. Gone was the small waist that Wonwoo drooled over on a couple of occasions, replaced with something that was burgeoning with fat and pressing into his shirt by the end of his streams. At the end of today's, he could have sworn he saw golden skin spill out of the fabric and his hand slipped under his pants to stroke himself at the thought. He had been eating himself bigger everyday and let his massive internet fanbase know about it.

It was hard not to pay attention after. Seeing the way his gut was starting to rest on counters while he was mixing, making the appendage jiggle. Wonwoo couldn't really say that he was only watching because he needed the company to eat. He was watching because he was getting his rocks off on seeing Kimgyu get fatter with each passing week.

From the shots that lingered on his ass that only got wider and stretching the seams of his pants with each and every video or the belly that was no longer able to be contained in shirts, he was going to sleep to the sound of Kimgyu's voice, giving directions on how to cook kimchi fried rice that does good in a caloric deficit while his body showed itself to be in a heavy surplus.

He was still eating with him during the mukbang streams but Wonwoo found himself eating a lot longer considering Kimgyu's portion sizes were growing each time as well. But, it was hard not to get side tracked as he moaned about how full he was, even slipping his hand under his shirt to rub the bloated belly that Wonwoo had pictured plenty of times before seeing white in his vision.

It was a little upsetting he missed the final livestream celebration for his two million subscriber milestone. He was working overtime on a project and most people could sense the grumpy energy from Wonwoo as he typed away at his computer in the office.

"Yo." Jihoon's easygoing gesture was met with a rather cold side eye that would have swayed anyone away. Unfortunately for Wonwoo, Jihoon was well aware that Wonwoo just looked like that and it wasn't pointed... mostly.

"Remind me to never let Seungkwan and Soonyoung lead a project again." A chuckle comes from his friend, laughing at his misery. "Well, this was one of the company's biggest successes in a while so I have some bad news for you."

Wonwoo's groan must have been music to Jihoon's ears at the way his laughter sounded so triumphant before he said, "Let's go grab dinner. We're free tonight from their hell temporarily."

His original plan was to watch the stream VOD while getting dinner but he missed his friend so he shut down the computer after a couple of moments, making sure everything was in check. "Okay, your treat."

Wonwoo wasn't a heavyweight per say, but he definitely could handle his alcohol. He was prepared to get even with Jihoon constantly teasing him about his parasocial boyfriend and he had to hold his tongue at the way he was watching him put on weight over the past couple of months and the amount of things he's done to those videos.

So, using his wallet to get drunk and eat whatever he wanted was payback enough. Jihoon rolled his eyes as Wonwoo got out of his car with a little difficulty, stumbling from the alcohol he drank and the food that he ate. "Maybe mukbangs were a bad influence because I don't think any person should have that much food in one sitting."

Wonwoo smiled as he stuck his tongue out, "Sucks. You offered to pay." Jihoon smiled as he muttered some curses, "Get upstairs safely!" He drove off after watching Wonwoo enter the building but in the lobby, it was really starting to hit him how much he drank.

He felt himself swaying before something supported him. It was large and sturdy. "Are you okay? You're not walking straight and I saw you almost fall while going to the elevator."

Wonwoo hummed in response, "Mm, I'm fine. Just had a lot to drink so thanks for ca-" The words got caught in his throat when his eyes focused and he saw the face that was staring at him.

"Kimgyu-" The words left his mouth before he could realize and both of them looked rather flustered by the admission so plainly. Wonwoo moved away, albeit somewhat shaky and Kimgyu saw the movement before moving back, his hand placed at Wonwoo's waist, "Sorry, I'm not used to being called that in real life. Just call me Mingyu and... let me help you up."

His fans were right because the puppy dog eyes that were pleading were near lethal to him at this moment in time as Wonwoo conceded, "Thanks." Mingyu's smile was wide as he moved Wonwoo's arm around his broad shoulders and supported him the whole way.

It was a difficult trip considering Wonwoo was going insane feeling the immense presence of the man next to him and the realization that they lived in the same building. He felt Mingyu's belly pressing into his side and saw it sway in his peripheral with each step they took and they ended up in the elevator.

Mingyu awkwardly chuckled, "Y'know, it doesn't hit me that people know me until they say my username but thank you for your support..." He trailed off, almost expectant before Wonwoo nearly facepalmed, "Ah, my name's Wonwoo. Sorry, I was..."

"Starstruck?" Mingyu's smile was charming which was doing no favours considering Wonwoo was oogling the body that was lingering a little close to him.

Wonwoo sighed, a smile on his face, "Trying not to fall." Mingyu looked flustered that his attempt at flirting fell through before Wonwoo added, "And maybe a little." He could practically see a tail wagging from behind the other man before the elevator arrived at his floor.

He was feeling a little better already because the shock helped him sober up but as the door open, Mingyu was ready to head to his floor before Wonwoo asked. "Did... you want to come to my apartment? I'm sure there's something I can share with you."

He stepped out in case the invitation was declined and Mingyu smiled as he followed, "I know all I do on stream is eat but you don't have to offer me food." His stomach gurgled as he flushed, "But, I wouldn't say no."

Wonwoo chuckled warmly as they entered his apartment.

Despite the first time meeting, it was easy to talk to Mingyu. Wonwoo even surprised himself by saying why he started watching his videos in the first place and Wonwoo looked amused as he looked at the other man sitting next to him on the couch.

"Woah, are you crying? It's not that sad though?"

"Hyung, stop teasing me! It just makes me happy that I could help..." A sniffle broke the silence before Wonwoo laughed warmly, patting Mingyu on the shoulder.

"It's fine! I've gotten to eat regularly... just like you have been." A gentle pat on Mingyu's stomach that pressed into his lap. It was more sinful in person as he looked at the result of months of indulgence on the other man. His muscle was still there but there was a majority of fat that rested on his body.

Mingyu looked at him with a different expression as he leaned in closer and Wonwoo was ready to receive that body pressing against his. Although he froze when he felt a hand on his stomach and squeezed it, now aware of the excess fat that was on his own body.

Mingyu stopped, almost concerned at the reaction while Wonwoo rebooted, "Is it alright?"

Wonwoo moved his hand to Mingyu's, now aware of the spread of his gut as he stated quietly, "I... didn't realize I had gotten so big."

Mingyu seemed to be taken aback by the statement before the same look in his eyes popped up as he asked, "Where's your bathroom?" Wonwoo pointed to the closed door as he was flustered from standing so quickly as Mingyu took him.

Taking him to the mirror, Wonwoo stood in front while Mingyu stood behind him, feeling his gut pressing against the curve of his back as he took in the sight.

Everything was making more sense now. Why he was eating longer during Mingyu's streams. Why he took longer in the shower while cleaning himself. Why the bottom of his stomach felt cold when brushing his teeth. Why the floors creaked if he walked quickly to get his take out that he ordered. Why he got out of breath when taking the stairs for his one day a week at work.

He had gotten fat. Mingyu's hands cupped his belly and he gasped, "Remember when I said I was looking at the guy who got bigger? I was talking about you, hyung." Lifting his belly, the sound of the clothed protruding body part echoed in the bathroom as Wonwoo whimpered.

"It was one thing that you didn't even know you were getting bigger but this? You even burst a button and didn't even know." Mingyu's hand slipped into the gap of his button down that he didn't notice until now. Did Jihoon notice when this happened? Is that why he looked at him funnily after he ordered more food? Was the proof of his gluttony somewhere in the restaurant they went to?

Mingyu's hands played with Wonwoo's fat body as he whimpered from the touch. "Hyung, I did this by choice." He brought Wonwoo's hands to his own belly as he groaned, feeling Mingyu press him against the counter with their combined weight.

"But you? You did this without even realizing. Look how massive you are everywhere." Mingyu's hands roamed around Wonwoo's body, making him more aware of the fat that bulged all over him. His moobs that rested on his gut. They were properly rivaling Mingyu's and he moaned when the other man squeezed them.

"You won't ever fit into this again." Mingyu pulled the button down apart, ripping the buttons off as they were freed from the strain of Wonwoo's fat body as he braced himself on the counter, so horny it was hard to stand up. His plump ass ground into Mingyu's crotch, eliciting a sigh of pleasure from him before he felt Mingyu's hands on his waist, sinking into the fat as his belly pressed onto Wonwoo's back, gurgling from the snacks that he had filled up on.

Wonwoo looked in the mirror and saw how much they had both blown up in the past couple of months as the apex of his belly felt cool from the counter it was squishing against, spilling nearly all over the sink area as Mingyu grinded his crotch into Wonwoo's wide ass.

It was hard to last long when realizing just how much he had blown up and all the praise Mingyu was feeding him. He was already stuffed full of food and memories of how much he had done it before, rubbing his gut not even aware of how much his computer chair creaked after each meal because it was starting to strain to hold Wonwoo's obese body. He felt Mingyu convulse as the cloth now sounded wet and Wonwoo felt himself release at the realization that Mingyu was so turned on by how fat he was and how he felt their combined weight with his awareness and the way Mingyu jiggled as he rode out his high.

Catching their breaths, Mingyu clutched Wonwoo's stomach as it got a shuddering sigh from the other man.

"So, should I expect a guest for my next mukbang?"

[indndwnshead]

Soulful Strangers: Part II - Strangers to..?

Pairing: Min Yoongi x (f) Reader

Genre/tags: Actors AU, Somewhat Canon Compliant, Stranger to Friends to Lovers, Slow(ish) Burn

Series summary:

It wasn't during your first encounter, nor the second or third. You've lost count of how many times your paths crossed before you truly got to know him. He was a rare soul, hiding his kindness and true emotions, revealing them only through his actions

In this (maybe low-key soulmate AU) story, follow Actress!Reader and Idol!Min Yoongi as their chance encounters gradually blossom into a deep and lasting connection. This is a slowish-burn journey from strangers to friends to lovers, as they bond over shared passions and kindness.

A/N: Wowness, I haven't been this eager to write new chapters for a long time. I'm done with the next one and halfway through the next one too😝 Let's be friends and stan Yoongi together on twitter @itsdndwn 💜💜

---

Masterlist. Previous Chapter. Next Chapter.

Also read on: AO3

---

2021

One random day in the middle of the year, you saw him again at a pet daycare in the heart of the city.

You were there to pick up your dog, Bagle, who had spent the day playing with his furry friends because you had a casting call. As you approached the reception, a familiar dog collar with its little charms caught your eye, adorning a tiny toy poodle. Memories of helping its owner in France years ago flashed before you. With a friendly smile, you couldn't resist walking over and stopping at a safe distance, intending to strike up a conversation with the man holding the dog's harness.

He wore a mask, as you and everyone else did, and a hat, doing a pretty good job at hiding his identity. Still, there was a touch of wariness in his eyes as you approached. It was understandable, given his status and the ongoing pandemic situation, but the centre was known for its discretion. They catered to many famous people and were recommended to him by one of his band members.

You surprised him by quickly bending down to the dog’s level and offering a warm greeting to the toy poodle instead.

"Bonjour, Holly! Je suis enchanté de faire ta connaissance!” you said in French, hoping it would jog the man’s memory somehow.

He observed you closely, his gaze shifting between Holly and Bagle, who sat obediently at your side, the end of his harness clutched in your hand. The man’s eyes lingered on the collar that adorned Bagle's neck, a piece of craftsmanship that you had thoughtfully created in France, a connection to a time when your paths had crossed.

Recognition slowly dawned on him, and he couldn't help but voice his realization, his words tinged with surprise and appreciation. "You helped me in France, with the collar tag," he said in Korean, a hint of a smile forming behind his mask.

Your smile widened as you acknowledged the shared memory. "Yes, I remember," you replied warmly. "It's nice to see you again, and Holly too."

Holly tentatively approached you, his small frame exuding caution. Sensing your friendliness, he finally rested his head on your open palm. A soft sigh of contentment escaped your lips as you welcomed his greeting.

A few moments passed in comfortable silence as you offered Holly soothing scratches behind his ears. When you finally looked up, you were surprised to find the man watching you, his gaze a mix of appreciation and curiosity.

Your voice, filled with genuine sincerity, broke the silence. "I'm really glad you get to spend more time with Holly."

He nodded in agreement, his eyes shifted to Holly, who was gradually warming up to your presence. "Yeah, it's only temporary, but it has been nice."

Bagle, sensing the friendly atmosphere, slowly approached the other dog. With cautious sniffs and tentative tail wags, they exchanged greetings, their body language a blend of curiosity and hesitancy. Despite Holly's initial shyness, the interaction between the dogs began to transform into a heartwarming introduction.

Sensing their eagerness to play, you suggested, "Maybe we should let them have some fun together?"

He agreed with a nod, a fond smile on his face. "That sounds like a great idea."

You both decided to detach the harnesses, allowing Holly and Bagle to roam freely and explore the play area together. Their tails wagged in synchrony as they trotted around, exploring every nook and cranny. Their playful antics filled the room with a sense of joy and companionship.

As Bagle and Holly continued to interact in the centre's play area, their enthusiasm became infectious. The shared warmth of the reunion and the playful antics of the dogs seemed to dissolve the initial awkwardness between you and the man. You both spoke vaguely about your respective lives, navigating the balance between privacy and casual conversation. The topic naturally shifted to the unexpected turns that life had taken since the onset of the pandemic.

Suddenly, he asked, "Sorry, it's getting a bit stuffy with this mask on. Do you mind if..." He reached for his mask, awaiting your consent.

You nodded in understanding and gestured for him to go ahead.

As he lowered his mask for a second to breathe more comfortably, you caught a glimpse of his face, and the realization hit you like a ton of bricks. The man in front of you was none other than Min Yoongi. You had seen his face all over the ads in the street and on your screens, watched videos of him performing with the rest of the group, and remembered meeting him and the band years ago.

Yet, here he was, in the pet daycare centre, looking just as ordinary as anyone else.

Your eyes widened, and you couldn't help but blurt out, "Wait, you're Min Yoongi? BTS?"

He chuckled, his eyes crinkling with amusement. "Guilty as charged."

Your surprise grew, and you couldn't hide your amazement. "I can't believe I didn't recognize you. I mean, we even briefly met before France."

His eyebrows raised in intrigue. "We did?"

You nodded, a faint blush creeping onto your cheeks. "Yes, it was years ago, one of Wooshik's parties. I guess neither of us made a lasting impression."

Yoongi chuckled again, this time with a hint of self-deprecation. "I'm sorry about that. I meet a lot of people, and it's hard to remember everyone."

“No worries.” You smiled, not surprised that he might not remember your brief encounter. You told him your name for the second time. "I met Wooshik in Canada, on my uni exchange year," you added, just in case he wondered how you entered the actor's circle.

Understanding crossed his face, and he extended his hand for a friendly shake. "Nice to meet you again, officially this time."

You shook his hand, feeling a mixture of excitement and surprise. "Likewise, Min Yoongi."

The dogs continued their playful interactions and the conversation flowed naturally as you both exchanged stories and laughed about the twist of fate that brought you together once more, this time in a pet daycare centre.

---

Interlude pt.2

Over the next few months, your occasional encounters with Yoongi at the pet daycare became less frequent. It seemed that your schedules no longer aligned as they once had. Both of you were caught up in the whirlwind of your increasingly busy work lives as restrictions wanes over. The pet daycare, which had once served as an unexpected meeting place, gradually faded into memory, and you found yourselves navigating the bustling streets of Seoul separately, each chasing your dreams and aspirations.

In June 2022, the news of BTS's "hiatus" echoed like distant thunder in the bustling streets of Seoul and reverberated throughout the world. It wasn't a topic you actively discussed with your friends or colleagues, but it was hard to escape the whispers that occasionally brushed past your ears and the headlines that popped up all over your social media timeline. The world seemed to buzz with curiosity about what lay ahead for the global phenomenon that was BTS.

Whenever the topic came up, you couldn't help but wonder about the one particular member whom you had built a special connection with – Min Yoongi.

It had been a long while since you'd seen him in person. Life had taken its course, and with your finished shooting schedule, you no longer required the services of a pet daycare centre. Yoongi had long resumed his idol activities, gaining even more prominence as a member of BTS.

As the news of BTS's hiatus filled the airwaves and online spaces, you found your thoughts drifting to Yoongi. You pondered how he was faring amid the changes and the new solo projects that were undoubtedly in the works. You knew that he had opened his personal Instagram account at the end of 2021, but the thought of reaching out to him always seemed to hover on the periphery of your mind.

However, you hesitated, unsure of whether it was appropriate or if he even remembered you this time. After all, your encounters had been chance meetings, momentary intersections of two separate lives in the bustling city. The idea of reconnecting with him remained an unspoken question, waiting for the right moment to be answered.

[marengogo]

7 Nation Army - Part 3: And the Oscar goes to …

Listening to album FACE - by Jimin  ON REPEAT

[Music is a very big part of my life and I’m MOSTLY INCAPABLE of writing without music, so I just thought I'd share what I am listening to while writing this]

–🐺–🐺–🐺–

FACE by Jimin is a movie.

Before the pre-release of Set Me Free pt. 2, when I tried to guess what the theme of the album could have been from the information that we had, I perceived this alluring masterpiece as an opera, but, my dear ladies, gentlemen and enbies; I was wrong. This album is a movie and my filmmaker heart is all over the place in excitement to this realisation. As always, anything I write is my opinion, that being said, please allow me to introduce and dissect this elegant Psychological-Thriller named FACE.

Director: JIMIN

Writer: JIMIN

Starring: JIMIN

Taglines: Amazing Face, how sweet the pouring sound.

Genre: Psychological Thriller

Certificate: 16 - Profanity, Alcohol

The typical structure of a Psychological-Thriller usually has the movie/series start at some point which is a tiny bit earlier/forward than the current timeline so as to give you a imagery that will be very contrasting with the flashback/flashforward which will immediately follow, which will properly set the tone for the actual main part movie, which provides with all the issues and challenges of the main character. Towards the end we finally reach the actual current timeline, which in thrillers tends to be a situation worse than the beginning of the story. From here we would go to the conclusion where one of two things can happen; either it ends in tragedy or the character is able to find victory. Every once in a while depending on the story there might be a hopeful filler, and depending on where it is placed in the storyline, it affect the plot differently.

A bit before/after current timeline: Face-off

The circus-like music starts, giving us immediate context. When used as a metaphor the circus, or any circus-like imagery, almost always is indicative of the opposite of anything that is genuine. All the makeup, the constantly smiling, happy and funny entertainer, basically; we are in a farce. From here on the beat becomes a distorted and distant reproduction of the farce. A distant sound represents disassociation within the context. So for a moment, the protagonist is separating from their reality for a particular reason. 

In this case, Jimin has had it and is finally confronting/facing someone or something that has hurt him deeply. Following the lyrics, at this point, we’ve just started the movie, so we have no clue what is going on. However, we do understand that there is indeed an antagonist. Nothing we can do for now, all we have to do is to proceed within the plot:

🎵It's a beautiful night (Beautiful night)

I think you found me

Tonight, I don't wanna be sober (Sober)

Pour it up, it's all fucking over🎶

So what exactly has happened between our protagonist and this mystery antagonist?

Flashback/Flashforward: Interlude : Dive

The beginning of this track sounds like the typical time-wrap as you either fast forward or rewind. Usually, psychological thrillers go backwards, so rewinding we go, all the way to October 15, 2022 at the Yet to Come concert in Busan:

"Wow, everyone, I really missed you a lot.

We get to meet like this.

Everyone, this is Jimin."

The absence of vocals shows how this track isn’t an interpretation of any sort of feelings or thought,  but simply a display of truths of the time; there is NO farce here, only facts. This is 2022 and the pandemic has been over. Jimin should finally be able to meet with ARMY freely and life is seemingly going back to normal. Yet, at the very end we hear the sound of something pouring. Thanks to Face-off, we can deduce that it is some kind of liquor.

Hence, even though everything is supposed to be “back to normal”, something seems to have stuck with him, Jimin seems to be carrying some baggage he acquired during lockdown, something amongst perhaps many things he quite can’t seem to get rid of / set free from. This is the life he has now been used to; this is his Jimin’s new reality.

What does Jimin's new reality look like?

Main part/plot: Like Crazy

It’s a blur but it feels amazing, and it beats having to feel everything that he has been feeling thus far. Even though it is not eternal, because it will come to an end, he knows very well, but he doesn’t care, he needs “that fix”, so if it is just for a night, then the night will have to do:

🎵Baby don’t think about it

There’s not a bad thing here tonight

Baby, it’s okay to leave

Just stay for today🎶

When your poison of choice is alcohol, you are not going to have a trip or experience sensations you never had; alcohol is not that sophisticated. What it does though, very quickly and quite efficiently, is blocking inhibitions. When you are relaxed, and in a friendly environment, the body follows actions, like in a chain reaction and starts thinking happy thoughts, relieving joyful memories and just having a jolly good time really. 

For the sake and sole purpose of the plot of this movie, we are not going to mention how, at the same time, while drunk, functioning as a regular human being, is out of the question, as self-consciousness isn’t the only thing that is gone, any sort of control, sane judgement and more are also out the window 😬😬😬 …

Through the voices at the beginning of the song and the actual MV, this track adds more clues as to who the soon to become antagonist might be. There is a male voice and a female voice in the song. There is Jimin and a young woman mirroring Jimin’s movements in the MV. Jimin knows her; she is him. He always has a great time with her, she knows him very well, afterall she is him. So while he is spending this night incapacitated, he is just going to follow her lead and live on happily, while stopping time temporarily as long as they can.  

🎵My reflection in the mirror

I’m going crazy endlessly

I’m feeling so alive, wasting time🎶

But what happens the following morning? What happens that one morning  when you realise that “that fix” isn’t worth anything anymore.

Actual current timeline: Alone

The track begins with the sound of an alarm, which isn’t simply indicating morning, but also setting the story back to  the present time. Jimin’s actual reality. He has now woken up into that one morning where he is more sober than sober. That one morning when the hangover isn’t as uncomfortable as his realisations. That one morning where the risk of a failing liver isn’t as scary as the reality he is having to face. 

So there he is, face to face with the mess he willingly created amidst the inevitably bad situation he was shoved into. Him like everyone else. Yet, unlike most of everyone else, he fell badly. Finally, he has come to terms with the fact that he’s mentally hit rock-bottom mentally. And because misery loves company, any other bad/uncomfortable feeling/situation he had been successfully avoiding joined, merrily (perhaps all his identities, his sense of worth, his sense of loneliness, etc).

This is the heaviest part of the movie. The part where the protagonist is weak and where everything seems, and at times truly is against them. This is the part where the protagonist is at their most vulnerable. This is the point of the plot where, we would all be ending up at, no matter how anyone has interpreted the whole storyline (some may have associated it FACE with other issues, such as lovers, friendships, family, substance abuse, etc …). 

In my opinion, this track, on the timeline, is right before Face-off. In an actually movie, we’d have a collage which would mix Face-off with everything that has happened thus far:

[Face-off lyrics connected with other tracks]

🎵All right

I guess the blame is on me

Look at how I look right now 🎶 - Interlude :  Dive

🎵Break it down

Break it down

This is the story of ordinary me

Get it out

Get it out

Everyone shout like crazy yeah yeah🎶 - Like Crazy

🎵Gave you all the money

Gave you all my heart

Your Masquerade party

 I was fucking drunk

The damned days of the past

Are now over too🎶 - Alone

So … will our protagonist win his battle against all their antagonists?

Conclusion: Set Me Free Pt.2

The ominous sound of a choir, followed by glorious trumpets; Jimin is ready for his final battle and he is sounding, and looking, hella victorious. He hasn’t forgotten all his struggles. He acknowledges the battles he’s won, and the ones he's lost, which allowed him to get to where he is firmly standing right now. He hears the haters, sees the obstacles and acknowledges his shortcomings. At the same time he’s found a new resolution, developed a tougher skin and embraced all his faces. But above all, he’s realised that if he wasn’t gonna set himself free, who the hell was gonna do that for him? And so he did. 

🎵Look at me now

You can mock me but I won’t stop

Going crazy so I don’t go crazy

Put your hands up for the past me

Now set me free,

Set me free x 12🎶

Park Jimin, all his selves, is finally free. Free.

Roll the credit.

Hopeful Filler: Letter

At the end of the credits of any good movie MUST have an after credit scene, which usually serves to introduce a possible sequel or to add something to the way the actual movie ended. HOWEVER, as I do want to have a post just for this track, I shall end this here. 

… And now, it is with great honour and palpitation that I stand here, amongst a jury of my peers, in order to present the award for best, exquisitely unexpected, but rather awaited masterpiece, of the year.

And the nominees are:

… AND THE WINNER IS: Park Jimin in FACE.

And that's all from me, now I'll go and keep relaxing some. Also, can't wait to hear from Jimin during his live on the 29th!

As always, very respectfully yours,

Marengo.