#wtf is a pivot table

[quiisquiliae]

Do I love me a good excel sheet? Absolutely. Do I have any idea how the fuck to do more than make one for basic data entry? Absolutely the fuck not.

[tevaselmundogiraalreves]

BUDDIE FIC RECS PART 2

Okay heres more fics cause ive been reading so so much lately, i cannot and will not be stopped. Heres the first list. I will most prob keep on making lists cause i honestly cannot stop reading. Once again, in no particular order:

Songbird by @colonoscopys - Goes first cause i just finished reading this one. FREAK EDDIE IS MY PASION. I said it already but at one point eddie eats bucks hair. Its awesome! FreakxFreak DumbxDumb

a bleeding sun on a silver screen by @hoediaz EVERYONE ALREADY READ THIS ONE RIGHT? IF NOT WTF ARE YOU EVEN DOING GO! ACTORS AU YOU WILL NE FAMOUS FOREVER.

chess inside my chest by @buick118 - HELLOOOO THIS ONE FIXED SOMETHING INSIDE MY CHEST "heart clipped in the backseat with his headphones already secured over his ears." I NEED AN EXPLANATION FOR THIS WRITING ❤️‍🩹

Two, Three Times in a Row by leslie_knope i honestly have no words for how much i love this fic, i reread it all the time, like ive reread it so much its embarrasing. Some of the best smut ive read.

wanna do a bad thing twice by @coldbam BUCK IS SUCH A FREAK GOD HE IS SUCH A FREAK

(You know what actually there are 2 more fics were buck is the freakiest hes ever been so ill put them right below ⬇️)

slow motion, double vision in rose blush by @saryasy Eddie Diaz. His friend. His Eddie. Has kissed a man. Which is strange because Buck is sure as hell he'd remember kissing Eddie.

Me at Buck: FREAAAAAAAAK

Also special mention to that flashback WOW!

i can tell just what you want (you don't want to be alone) by @tallsinspace Buck loses it every single time this is so awesome, it was so FUN reading INFIDELEDDIE this hiatus 🫶🏽

songs and poems and promises by @lesbianrobin buck summer of disatisfaction turns around thanks to eddie god they are so in love! Also special mention to chim well and maddie lets fucking goooooo

we keep this love in a photograph by @burnthatbridge its just so so freaking beautiful. Buck chooses eddies pics for his dating app after he comes out...

the tortured poets department by @colonoscopys once again the kind of fic that you wanna reread again and again.

"The first time Buck touched him, Eddie blew an ambulance up."

still sitting in a corner i haunt by @cal-daisies-and-briars i just love this one so much, should reread it, trust me its worth it.

we're not in love (but the sex is good) by elless. Idk i loved this one. Buddie are not even friends they just want the benefits as soon as they meet. The transition from that to them actually getting to know each other so naturally and start caring about each other is so beautiful.

in the passenger seat by @livingincolorsagain Evan Buckley was put on God’s green earth to drive Eddie Diaz around.

Just BEAUTIFUL.

tying you to me by @hoediaz ONCE AGAIN PERFECT TYPE OF WRITING. Buddie meet each other after 5x11. SO ORIGINAL GOD.

the soft animal of your body by @hattalove . This is a coda to another fic but can be read on its own. Just beautiful beautiful love making. I think i commented that i felt like they were making love with the words they were saying to each other just sitting on the kitchen table talking.

we could follow the sparks, i’ll drive by @markofalover bucks kink should be people calling him mr. diaz and thinking hes eddies husband.

Wait for me there by @kitkatpancakestack Childhood friends reunite after 8 years. I just really really loved this one. Those flashbacks to the past are so beautiful.

wanna be your endgame by literalmetaphor gotta be honest dont see this happening in canon at all cause the second eddie confesses buck would go down on his knees lets be honest. BUT this was so great! I loved it.

Pivot Tables by rainbowninja167 Does it show that i love reading buddie being so freaky and so kinky. Ill just say this: educational sex. Buck brings on the clipboard. Obsessed with this one.

I Broke What You Gave Me, But You Kept Giving More by rcdwings. memory loss buck cant remember his husband. Listen im not always a fun of memory loss fics but i loved this one i loved the twist.

there's a word for it, I'm sure by @ithilien-writes i have to reread this one asap cause i loved it so so much they are just so in love with each other but cant admit it so they just start having sex about it. And god they love esch other.

i could give you fifty reasons by @marviless buck FLIRTS with eddie cause he just want ti help. God this one was so much fun. I remember laughing out loud. I gotta reread.

beating the horse by @doitbuckley Eddie is moving to Texas. Buck finally figures out what he wants. Perfect read to the end of 8a.

In the Back Seat, Windows Up by @semperama SEX IN THE BACKSIT OF THE TRUCK LETSFUCKINGGOOOOOO

Play Me For Keeps by @semperama this one made me feel so MANY things in less than 1k words I WAS WONDERSTRUCK HONESTLY SMILING FROM EAR TO EAR

would you lie with me and just forget the world by @colonoscopys reread this one recently GODDDDD if you havent just go read it right now!!! Childhood friends to lovers for the win always.

your beauty (not just a mask) by @aashiqeddiediaz these next two fics GOD well i have a thing for mirrors and sex in front of mirrors apparently so... this i top tier for me. This one is the shorter one in front of the bathroom mirror 100/10 no notes.

my mirror (staring back at me) by @aashiqeddiediaz this one is longer. Mirror in the bedroom......... Eddie notices bucks insecurities and well he does smth about it ❤️‍🔥 such a fave of mine. It has everything!!!

Dreaming of a White Christmas by rosebuddiekin . Oh boy!!!... just gonna leave the blurb here cause no words could ever be enough: "Buck accepts a challenge to be edged in his and Eddie's own version of the 12 Days of Christmas and loses his mind a little more with each one." (Btw if someone knows the author please lmk. They put a link to their tumblr on ao3 but it doesnt work for me.)

[hanhonymous]

The Trainee’s workplace authenticity

One of my favorite things about workplace TV shows is when the characters actually do work. AND when the details of such work are not only relatively accurate, but also essential to how the characters relate to themselves, the world and each other. So far, "The Trainee" is giving that to me in the first two episodes.

Having interned/been an assistant at a TV production company and later moving to entertainment journalism and managing interns/junior writers there, I can appreciate both Ryan's and Jane's POVs. Here's what I liked so far:

Good Pick's pink tube slide and movie theater seats in the lobby - A lot of these entertainment-adjacent companies take a cue from Silicon Valley and have this frivolous, frat-boy design aesthetic -- bean bag chairs, foosball tables, etc. I worked in an office that had a ping-pong table. The idea is to make it fun enough that people want to stay in the office and work longer, which isn't really all that great. You stop seeing that fun stuff after a while and just want to get home. That said, I'd love to work in a company with a fire pole in it, but that would be too much of a liability.

Ryan's fluke hiring - Baimon totally hearing what he wants to hear from Ryan in that sham interview is hilarious but sadly not all that unusual. What sucks is that this is unfair to the manager who then must work with the unqualified person, and unfair to that person hired also, who isn't the best fit for the position. I've been the person saddled by the unfortunate hire and have had to make do … and sometimes you can figure it out, but often you're left doing extra work to make up for their deficits. If it's just an intern, no problem -- they'll be gone in a few months. I felt Jane's pain!

Ryan's uncertainty & silence - That said, Ryan clearly wants to do well but is out of his depth since this was not even what he was learning in school. I remember the first day as a journalist for a small company where I kind of was on my own, and nobody told me what to do. I was like, "WTF??" Part of you doesn't want to ask questions lest you expose your imposter identity, but you're also wondering just how long you can do nothing before someone notices.

The printer always breaks down -- always. You get pretty good at troubleshooting everything until resorting to calling a technician

Jane's prickly demeanor - The fact is that in any company, people who are competent can move up, but that doesn't automatically infuse them with good managerial skills. I think workshops, etc. are a must for anyone who gets promoted and suddenly have people reporting to them. Everyone can get frustrated when they're overwhelmed, so I do have some sympathy for Jane. He does have one skill that I think is essential to be a good manager: identifying and acknowledging the strengths of an employee. It really makes all the difference that he finally sees Ryan as an asset, not a hindrance.

Ryan's skills aren't that bad at all - As soon as Ryan tells his family that he's no help to anyone at work, he immediately shows five different ways how much he's relied on by his family. Yes, people who are competent, reliable and can anticipate needs (like how his sister needs to be reminded to charge the battery after using the camera) will be able to apply those skills to other situations and can go far. Ryan just needs to familiarize himself with the industry first in order to know how he can fill in the gaps. (I believe in being able to change careers and taking big pivots in life.)

The interns banding together - OMG I remember sometimes just being unsupervised while trying to get a project together, and there is a strange bond you have being the youngest and least experienced. And you do have the most stupid conversations.

Being one cog in a bigger machine - I really appreciate how they show all the different departments that have to come together to make one project work -- especially when last-minute changes need to be implemented or a persnickety client has opinions. You complain, you worry, you put in extra late hours and have to make 11th-hour fixes -- but it's so satisfying to see it all come together. Shit goes down, and you fix it.

Hiring extras - The hiring of extras at Good Pick was different from what I've experienced. I actually have been an extra, and what I'm used to is being part of a company or agency that has you in their database, and then you get picked or cast by that company and sent to your gig. But that's in Hollywood and for TV shows & movies. It's probably different for ad houses or in Thailand, but I did like how they showed that it is still a casting process. There are deliberate decisions made, and certain looks sought out. I thought it was hilarious that Ryan's first thought for hiring the salaryman was to get an uncle from the same restaurant as the auntie. If he had his way, everyone in that restaurant would be hired for some gig or another.

Ryan getting scammed by the extra - I was screaming at Ryan as soon as he offered to pay that scammer extra. Just … no, boy. You had to have known that was shady. BUT despite being duped, he was willing to think on his feet and try to solve a problem by being proactive, and that does happen. And so do mistakes. He just needs to calibrate his radar for what is OK. (I'm glad Jane saw that.) Ryan is lucky that it only cost him 1,000 baht for that lesson.

Extras must be on hand and wait - OK this is a scene in the preview for Episode 3, but I was so happy to see it: Extras in Hollywood actually cannot just spend 5 minutes or whatever to do their job, even if that's how much you see them onscreen. There's a ton of hurry up and wait on film sets, and so extras have to stay in Holding -- usually just a designated area with some chairs (sometimes you get tables) -- until you're needed. And production schedules never run on time, so it can be hours or even days. You're lucky if you're there long enough to get a meal, if the temperature is nice, if you're able to make friends with the others and if there's wifi. Sometimes you bring your own clothes for wardrobe based on what you're told, and sometimes the wardrobe department supplements your wardrobe with extra pieces to help complete a specific look. And yeah, you're not able to leave except for the bathroom, so Ryan definitely shouldn't have let that one extra wander off.

"Ryan After Work" - I like these post-credit sequences that give extra insights into the job. And while the first one was more instructional, explaining how the production house differed from an agency, the second was more about the cohort camaraderie (and hinting at Ryan's positive feelings toward Jane). I hope the romance aspect of the show doesn't overshadow the work specificity going forward!

[unitedbydevils]

Match Review: Brentford 1-1 Manchester United

Usual service is resumed.

United are slow, unintelligent, lacking confidence... if this were an online, virtual game you'd have experts questioning whether Manchester United were experiencing internet lag because of how slow we were in response and in contrast to Brentford.

The first half started with the briefest spell of competitiveness... and then it fell apart in classic United style.

As per usual, the McTominay question appeared - can United play him AND Bruno in the same lineup? The thing is, I'd argue that question has been answered repeatedly and loudly - NO.

Was Casemiro fit enough to start? No, so that's fine, but was Mount?

Bruno is a gambler. He's incredibly creative but very wasteful. He's playing the odds, and this worked with the double pivot of Fred/McTominay whose skillsets complimented each other in work rate and recovery after the fact. Mainoo and McSauce do not work. Casemiro and Scotty do not work. Mount in instead will not work. The discipline and personal styles are not there to work.

McTominay is a specific type of 10, and it's about time we realised that - until the summer when we need to sell him because he doesn't want to play second fiddle to Bruno. Okay, you could sell Bruno, but then I'd be putting Mount or Amad at 10 soooooo sell sell sell. Ta.

Wan Bissaka at left back also sucks. Can't believe our medical team did ETH dirty with the "Malacia will be back soon" shit. We could have kept Reguilon, at least he is a LB. Fuck it, we should have kept Alvaro. He'd have been tearing it up by now. Or injured.

Andre Onana had a good game in goal, and has been in a solid vein of form in the last few weeks to be fair to him. It feels like despite United being gash, he's settling. Mainoo/Garna/Hojlund also were at least putting in a shift (yeah, it's that bad we're praising effort, we know).

Of course, some of the issues are, as Liam says, down to injuries. Again, I feel this might tally with the medical team assessment of players. It also might have to do with Ten Hag's training regimen, but being honest... we're not the fittest team in the league, even if we regularly look tired. Is that down to players who just can't hack it? Inappropriate training styles? Poor physio judgements about conditioning? A lot of questions that need answering quickly.

It really was an awful game though. United were dominated by Brentford and lucky not to be battered big time. At no point did it feel like we deserved a point, let alone three. We're a team SOMEHOW still chasing a Champions League spot, and yet we're struggling away at a mid-table side devoid of a win in 5-6 games.

In a similar way to the criticism Gareth Southgate is facing for not picking possession or counter-attack football, so too is Erik Ten Hag deserving criticism for his playstyle at United. We know the ETH way and how he lined Ajax up. We also know Erik said he couldn't play the Ajax way at United (wtf? then why are you here?).

United with their injuries, player shortcomings, and lack of suitability to Ten Hag's style... yeah, we probably can't play that way just yet. So then the question is why not change the tactics up? As we saw versus Liverpool, United's attack and defence is too divided. The middle isn't linking because Mainoo is 18 and not a solo pivot, McTominay cannot/will not do that, Bruno certainly won't, and Casemiro is getting too old/too rash to do it. It needs a Frenkie De Jong/Carrick type as a holder OR a Kante/Makelele to destroy. That comes in the summer you'd hope, because Mount - if he stays fit - is an 8 or 10. Not a 6.

United not having a style means the players don't know their style. They have to think, and guess what? They're shit at it. Very few braincells out there. No wonder teams are banging 20+ shots at us every fucking game. There's only so much pressing you can do, and while sometimes it's down to effort, it's also more down to intelligence and decision-making - United shouldn't have to run around like headless chickens. They should be the calibre of players to have the smarts to react and adapt. Mainoo is capable, and honestly with the amount of dipshittery going on I'd not be too angry about promoting more youth to bin off some of the seniors.

Aside Onana, the one glimmer of hope was a certain somebody getting his first United goal...

...but then minutes later we concede and draw the game we didn't even deserve a point from 🙃

Where does that leave us? Same place as before. Europe League spots despite looking wank. How we're ahead of teams I do not know. I just hope Martinez can start now and get back into rhythm, because he was shit today when we know - on form - how pivotal he is to United's good performances. Also buzzing for Mount, and hopefully he gets minutes ahead of Scotty the Friendly Ghost because we can't afford empty shirts. He bags a goal once in a while, cool, but he costs us so much more and i'm tired. I really am.

This iteration of United is not the one to return us to title contenders. If we win the FA Cup this year i'll drink my own piss I'm that confident we get bodied now or in the Final.

The saddest thing is how we can go from the jubilation of that manic FA Cup quarter final win over Liverpool - truly classic footballing drama - to miserable with a whimper of a 1-1 draw away at Brentford. Death by a thousand shots on goal.

[doubledualwielder]

bruh my school fucking packed w these table tennis monsters they KEEP HITTING ME WITH THEIR DAMN TOPSPIN jesus fuckin christ non stop spin

i dont play table tennis anymore but i can do a pretty consistent spin, its just not the crazy hk chinese 90%+ acc rate jesus christ what you guys feeding your kids

i dont watch matches but is that allowed?? just consistent topspin and the ball fucking boings away never to be seen on planet earth ever again 💀💀💀 i cant imagine its illegal move but fucking hell id get pissed if someone hit me with the constant topspin

then again i have pivot point to go off of and i think my reaction time is not too horrible its just my shit strength control because the fucking ball flies off the fucking table wtf this shit outrageous

Does topspin exist in soccer? Ik it’s a tennis and table tennis thing and volleyball i think but u almost always kick the underside of the ball in soccer. Don’t think u can choose where to kick cuz you’ll lose balance whereas in racket/ hand sports there’s not much risk in losing balance

Fuck man topspin really fuck me over when playing table tennis but the curve of the ball is more noticeable the more you play with the topspin specialty players… every rally they send back always have topspin holy shit

Those insane player who always use forehand just to spite the opponent with the topspin 💀 so annoying but their fail rate is less than 10%… fucking monster… it’s the Chinese way of training lmao

[mego42]

OK but!!! Come over here and randomly sink the 8 ball???? Can we talk about this???? Does rio not understand how the game of pool works??? Was he just hanging out playing against himself prior to this??? Is it a metaphor??? Is 8 the only number he knows???? THOUGHTS????

the fact that we open the scene with a center shot of beth, all bambi-eyes and openly???? letting him see???? her vulnerable????????

the fact that she still sees him as a lifeline and turns to him for help in spite of him being demonstrably useless literally every time she’s asked

the fact that he’s open to it and asks what she needs

aaaaaand then shuts her down when she says it’s for dean

but also is still giving her some p solid, if, you know, a touch sociopathic advice

and then the fact that said advice more or less amounts to please let your ~technical husband rot in jail crime wife

and yes, the fact that he is, apparently just hanging out! in his own bar! after hours! alone! playing pool with himself!

which sounds like it should be a euphemism tbh but no! it is entirely literal!

everyone involved in this show is a lunatic including all of us!

i love it!

literally wtf are you doing rio

i would like to point out he is losing to himself which is fucking hysterical

and also extremely apt, tbh

he climbs up the pool cue when he stands. why. to what purpose.

he told her to be smart before he murdered her co-worker and beth’s like, not even phased at all by that reference

i am teLlinG y’alL murder is their foreplay, the hitman thing’s gonna be fine

if anything he’s gonna be hurt she outsourced it

which, valid!!!!!!

why are his fingers so long why why WHY

every time he lines up and takes a shot i make this sort of garbled hairpin in a vacuum cleaner noise

i didn’t ask to be like this

and when he sees that the please let him rot please please please pitch is not helping beth’s stress level he pivots and like, actually tries to be comforting????????

but is also incredibly bad at it

remember when beth was like my husband took my children and rio was like that sucks, here’s an open tab byyyyyyeeeeee

he is not the best shoulder, is what i’m saying

and yet!! she keeps going to him anyway!!!!

he’s like SIVER LINING MAYBE YOU’LL WANT TO FUCK YOUR HUSBAND AGAIN AND BETH JUST STEAMROLLS RIGHT PAST THAT

it like doesn’t even register

fuck that guy? don’t be absurd crime husband

also like

who exactly might want to hit what again hmmmmmmm HMMMMMMMMMMM

i am just saying it feels like there are some layErs here

he is so satisfied when she points out nothing sticks to him i want to slap him i want to slap myself i want to slap everyone

i gOt lucK oN my siDe / mayBe yoU do tOo

smells like foreshadowing in here

also jumping back the way his smile s o f t e n s when he says maybe you do too

the urge to slap remains strong but now with a side of leave mE here tO diE

(bringing back @pynkhues​ tag meanderings bc it lives in my head now, is this rio’s way of saying he can protect her class please discuss)

and now we arrive at sink the eight ball

i know it’s ridiculous i know but i can’t help it they’re standing there with a the pool cue and the pool table and it’s all weird tangled intimacy that’s about to flip over into intense sexual tension and i am not coping well with this at all

i’m not okay

THE WAY HE PULLS THE CUE AWAY

AND THE WAY SHE’S LIKE THIS MOTHERFUCKER I STG

let beth boland unhinge her jaw and devour the world 2k21 she deserves it

idk what to tell you beth you like it

like let’s pause for a sec and examine the situation shall we? this ep provides some really interesting contrast between beth’s extremely different relationships with the men in her life.

1. we have dean who is, i would argue, shown throughout the ep to be a complete albatross of guilt and long expired, turned toxic gratitude dangling from a rapidly fraying thread called parenting. he’s furious with beth to the point of not wanting to see her while in prison, choosing to stay in prison to avoid coping with how thoroughly their house of cards is tumbling down and the reality of who beth is and who they are to each other that collapse is exposing. 2. we have fitzpatrick who repeatedly tramples her boundaries in a tunnel vision pursuit of the person he thinks she is and his fantasy of the relationship he could have with this person who doesn’t actually exist and we’ve seen how uncomfortable it makes beth to the point that she finally blows up at him, reasserting who she is and it, idk if i would say scares him, but it definitely turns him off. 3. and then we have rio who she is locked in a nightmare game of cat and mouse with, who she has convinced herself is the source of all of her problems and yet when push comes to shove is still the person that she turns to for guidance and support, who she has no objection to sharing physical space with (i hear rumors the pool scene reads wildly divide and yeah i can see how but i am firmly camp they are both experiencing some stupidly complicated emotional upheaval and that’s what that face is, y’all take it how you will), who is also the only person this ep to witness the single, genuine, uncomplicatedly happy glimpse of one elizabeth boland née marks (who can’t help but grin in response to her joy and honestly who wouldn’t she is so gd cUte before he rips the rug out from underneath her)

i got worked up and forgot where i was going with this

something about contrast

but also the like, comfort and familiarity and ease even when Extremely Annoyed

idk i just think it’s neat

let’s see what else happens

oh right they play """"""""""pool"""""""""""

wait no, we’re not there yet

first rio’s gotta do that big-eyed disney princess look he shoots beth’s way from time to time, 209 being the notable example that comes to mind

h E Lp

so now we’re at sinking the eight ball

yeah, no, he does not know how pool works

i’d say it’s embarrassing but what isn’t with them

SPEAKING OF EMBARRASSING

or maybe i mean inexplicable

i tried to be v hardcore on not letting myself speculate about the pool scene and how it would come to be so sexy bc speculation has only ever led to either disappointment or me getting really, really over the top competitive about it to the point where it isn’t even fun for me anymore (which is saying something) but i couldn’t help spinning out potential scenarios bc like why???? how????? the man is draped over her like a blanket and smELliNg heR haiR surely that doesn’t just happen??????

WHAT A FOOL I WAS

LITERALLY FOR NO REASON AT ALL RIO’S LIKE FUCK YOUR PERSONAL SPACE CRIME WIFE IT’S OUR PERSONAL SPACE

AND BETH’S JUST LIKE YEAH SURE CRIME HUSBAND THIS IS FINE AND NORMAL I HAVE NO FURTHER COMMENTARY

LIKE?????????????????????????????????????????

h An dS

hAn D S

H a nD s

anD theN hE smelLs heR hAir like a fuckiN lunAtic

i just

TO WHAT PURPOSE

SCIENCE P L E A S E E X P L A I N

i know we all like to argue until the cows come home over what specific flavor of sloppy the show is and then we argue with the cows but like

this didn’t happen out of nowhere

they’re setting something up

(they fuckin’)

(do not argue with me or my cows)

thE shoUldeR roLl

no thoughts just that

AND THEN SHE MAKES IT

(and everything b o u n c e s)

AND SHE’S SO CUTE????? MY WIFE???????? I LOVE HER????????????

no but literally when was the last time beth was that happy

it’s so pure

and it makes him lauGh toO

s Of t

and then rio’s like no but seriously fuck your husband let him rot in jail and beth’s facce falls and my heart breaks and everyone remembers everything is terrible bc they are absolutely inFURIATING nigHTMARE PEOPLE who caNNOT USE THEIR WORDs

what was the actual question here i don’t even remember

oh right why the eight ball

probs bc it color coordinated with both his and beth’s outfits bc he is A Heaux Like That

[categoricalglitches]

I cannot believe that they seriously went from “maybe we should consider approaching the Assembly” to “let’s break into the Sanitorium and steal some amulets and try to attack Trent” and then, belatedly, all the way back to “hey maybe Trent/the Assembly could be a powerful ally”. Yeah, that might have been an idea worth pursuing. Several weeks ago, when you were considering it, not now after you’ve gone off halfcocked and antagonized* them and also are all the way back in Eiselcross.

I am likewise immensely surprised they did not end up even talking about going to the Dynasty anymore, for information or for potential backup.

I saw the latter coming a mile away. I genuinely did not expect them to pivot back to “maybe Trent”. Too bad reason prevailed, that could have been some glorious WTF-ery blowing up in everyone’s faces. (Oh, and also, everyone knows that you solve a problem like the wizard secret police by murdering the current head of the wizard secret police**, who is definitely not a representative of an unjust institution but the source of the entire mess, and which also definitely has no consequences. Just murder this one dude and all will be well.)

* Not that he doesn’t deserve antagonizing. Trent bad, Assembly bad, but I could have imagined him/them possibly wanting to prevent a tentacle city from ???-ing the world. That’s uh, that’s almost certainly off the table now though.

** Also I hear murdering the head of the wizard secret police is NBD. GGEZ.

[uswe]

Working together, @ereborne and I figured out wtf I’d even been trying to do, and then she did it while I made pasta. It was fantastic and we found even more problems in my data but it’s a fancy pivot table now, which is all that matters. Now I can do conditionals.

Everything is spreadsheets. That’s why at like 2am I sent the unprompted message that everything is countifs if you don’t care enough.

[toddbirchard-architect]

The Way of The Knife

Adventures in Excel

If you've been following along with the posts in this series, and you've been putting some of the scenarios into practice, you've now crossed a crucial juncture in your never ending quest to master the bloated beast that is Excel. To put things in perspective, if you've conquered all the quests that I've set you upon, you should now be able to: * Open up and add macro code into an Excel Worksheet * Utilize lookup functions (particularly Index(Match)) to compare and validate data sets * Build a complex formula * Utilize IF/AND/and OR statements in order to manipulate data and finally... * Understand your role in the data underground If there was any running theme among the posts in the past, it's that if you're in the position in which you're forced to utilize Excel in order to analyze data, you're probably grabbing a dirty version of the data-set from an intermediary platform (such as Tableau or Business Objects) built by a developer who isn't informed as to how the end user is going to use the data. Your mission, whether you choose to accept it or not is essentially to take data from people who know data and don't know the business, and turn it into data for people who know business and don't understand numbers. If you're wondering if perhaps you're in this role and don't know it yet,there's a simple two question litmus test =IF(AND(COLORCODING,OR(SLICE,DICE)),"Analyst","Something Else" For those of you who are just joining the party, that essentially says that if: 1. If a superior of yours has ever asked you to "slice" and or "dice" the data 2. If you're asked to color code things arbitrarily. Then you might be an analyst. Now, while your sitting at your desk (in what's most likely an Aeron chair) and you read the above qualifiers, the first thought that pops into your mind should be: "WTF does slice and dice mean when it comes to data analysis?" The answer may surprise you in that it's not just meaningless business lingo, it's actually a pretty good explanation of what you're going to be doing A LOT of (but fear not, in all likelihood, your boss didn't mean it like that due to what I'd like to call the leveraging of the synergy paradigm ). Essentially, when one attempts to slap-chop a "data dump" (in the computer patois, that's how you say data that's pulled straight from the source), it often involves as the first step "normalizing" the data so that the format is logical, and is in a position in which you can start employing some of the wizardy that we've been speaking about. The normalization process often involves only a few steps, all of which are quite easy, but EXTREMELY un-intuitive, and if you follow these steps, you'll either be done with the normalization process, or you'll be able to figure out how (all data dumps are dirty, but not all shit is created equal). 1. Ensure that your data has headings! a. Headings are essential not just because they're a logical way to organize    your variables, but they're are also REQUIRED to build a pivot table down the road, if even one of your columns doesn't have a heading, Excel won't play nice! 2. Ensure that your headings don't repeat themselves a. While this may seem obvious, if a heading repeats itself, Excel won't pivot properly, won't graph correctly AND won't upload properly in external tools (such as Microsoft Access, which we'll explore in a later post!) 3. Ensure that multiple sources are all located on the same Excel workbook (basically, if you're pulling data from multiple places, that you paste them all into the same Excel file). a. Note that since Excel 2007, this step isn't 100% necessary, but it makes things much faster in both ease of use, and in the computational sense. 4. And finally, ensure that your variables are in the correct format...which is what we'll focus on for the rest of this post. Often, data dumps combine multiple variables into one "string" (a set of characters with no other format) most often last names, first names, and ID numbers which is fine when you're trying to figure out how many Smith,Bob,8675309s exist in your data...so basically useless on it's own. This brings us to the title of this post: how we're going to slice up (or "Parse") this string so that it's useful to us. There are a few was of going about this, but in my experience the most useful is some combination of the following formulae: =LEFT which returns a specified number of characters from the start of a string. =RIGHT which returns a specified number of characters from the end of the string. =MID  which returns a specified number of characters from a defined point in the string =LEN which returns the number of characters in the string, and =FIND which returns the location of a specified character or string within a string. Just a word to the wise, starting from the beginning is always 0, not 1 in any of these examples. Assuming you've got some android in you, you notice that =left and =right are basically useless if you need to break up a string (but can be useful if you wind up with a data dump that gives you a preset amount of garbage to throw away each time, or as a second step in this process). Instead, we're going to leverage the fact that Data Dumps are generally exported in Comma Separated Format (CSV) which means that there are going to be a lot of commas for you to set as "flags" where you want to break things up. Take the example I gave you before: Smith,Bob,8675309s. This is actually a particularly mean example because you're going to need to break it into three steps for which there are multiple solutions, simply because there's more than one comma to "put your flag down". One way you can go about it is as such: First use the "mid" function alongside the "find" command in order to separate the last name from the first name and ID, like so: =MID(A1,FIND(",",A1)+1,LEN(A1)) The result of this will be Bob,8675309, and the reason why the +1 is included is so that we don't include the comma (which would start this whole circus again) From there, you can repeat the steps on the newly created Bob,8675309 in order to obtain the ID. Once you have the ID number, if you return to the original string and perform =left(A1(find(",",A1)-1) (the -1 removes the first comma as opposed to the second) you'll get "Smith" Finally, you can go to the Bob,8675309 string (which we'll say is located in B1) and perform the same steps in order to get "Bob" all by itself. With all that being said, until we get a bit more advanced (yes, you can do this in fewer steps), assume you need one formula per comma in order to "parse" each section, and you'll find your way. The benefit of breaking it down this way is that you can drag the formula down and it'll perform the exact same steps regardless of how long the initial string is, as long as it has 3 commas. So, what have we learned? We've learned to slice up data dumps We've learned to dice up the resultant strings and finally We've learned how to take a small bit of useless garbage and turn it into variables that we can use in further analysis via slicing and dicing. So you see? Perhaps your boss knew something after all when they were asking you if you knew how to slice and dice data...juuuuuust kidding. Now that you have a basic fund of knowledge (and if you don't I implore you to read the rest of the Adventures in Excel series), the next few lessons are going to go into some of the crazier stuff that I've personally been asked to do (which my other friends on this blog could do in 5 minutes using something other than Excel) and you'll learn to start a fire with some flint and a bunch of sticks. -Snacks out.

- Max Mileaf Read post

[princessofthedarkrealm]

Stroke of Midnight -Chapter 8 (Pennywise x reader)

Chris Sheffield grunted as you stepped on his foot. Again. You grimaced. “Sorry.”

“That’s alright,” Chris chuckled as the two of you danced. “I know this is rough for you.”

You shook your head and glanced down briefly. “And this dress isn’t helping either.”

This was your first full dress rehearsal. You had four more days left to go until the big premiere. Chris spun you around and your shoe snagged on the bottom of your dress. You stumbled, but Chris caught you. Another dancing couple bumped into you.

“Cut! Cut!” Mrs. Tunstall yelled from the front row. Everyone stopped. You fumbled with your fingers and shook your head. “I am never going to get this,” you whispered.

Chris put a hand on your back. “Yes, you are.”

Mrs. Tunstall stood at the front of the stage, leaning on it. “Y/N, Y/N.” She shook her head. “We have four more days left. This is the most pivotal scene in the play.”

“I know. I’m sorry,” you said desperately.

“You need to get this right,” Mrs. Tunstall told you. She went back to her seat. “Let’s take it again from the top,” she hollered.

After practice, you sat on a bench behind the stage, tying your sneakers.

“You know she’s like that with everyone, right?” came a voice on your left.

You turned. Chris was standing with his hands in his pockets.

You finished tying your shoe. “I know. But she knows how much I struggle with ballroom dancing.”

Chris sauntered up to you. “And she wants you to be the best.”

You stood up. “Right. Little Miss Graceful me.” You waved your hand in the air.

Chris was right in front of you now. “You’re gonna get it.”

“I don’t have much time left,” you responded.

Chris leaned in towards you. “Maybe you just need to find someone you like dancing with.” He patted you on the shoulder and left.

**********

You thought about what Chris had said as you drove. Find someone you liked dancing with? Did he mean find someone else to practice for the play with? Or did he mean something else entirely? You did like dancing with Chris. And acting with him, even though the two of you just had a couple of scenes together. You hadn’t really talked that much since you had been cast as Cinderella and the prince, but he seemed very nice. Even in school he seemed like he had been a nice person. Fullback on the football team. Popular. But he had never been what you would call ‘boyfriend materiel’. Not for you anyway. You were quiet and reserved, until you got up on stage anyway. That was your place. That was your home away from home.

You pulled up at the Denbroughs’. Aunt Susan had invited you to dinner after practice. She was in the dining room setting the table when you walked in.

“Hey, Aunt Susan,” you said cheerfully.

“Hey, hon,” your aunt replied.  “Good gracious, what happened to you?” she said when she glanced up and saw you.

“I wrecked my bike.”

Aunt Susan came over to inspect your arms, which sported a few bruises. Some of the cuts still lingered.  “You must have fallen down somewhere rough.”

You folded in your lips and gave a curt nod. “Yeah. You can say that.”

Bill and Georgie walked into the room. You smiled and held out your arms to Georgie. “Hey bud, come give me a hug.”

Georgie ran up to you and you squeezed him tightly.

“Hey, cuz,” you told Bill.

“Y/N, I need to t-talk to you.”

You could tell on his face that something was wrong. “Okay.”

Bill glanced at his mom, and you followed his gaze. “N-not here,” he said.

You followed him into the living room. “What is it?”

“Did you h-hear about Patrick?”

You took a deep breath. “No. What happened?”

“He went m-missing.”

Your eyes grew wide. “What? Since when?”

“Since Sunday.”

You started wracking your brain. The last time you had seen Patrick was on Sunday morning when he jumped over the bridge to go after the boy from the library. Three days ago. But of course you couldn’t tell Bill about that. Not without telling him everything else that had happened afterwards.

You licked your lips. “There could have been a lot of things that happened to him.”

“I know. And I still w-worry about Georgie too. Ever since the s-storm last week, h-he doesn’t like to play o-outside much. It’s like he s-scared of something.”

You raised your eyebrows. No guessing as to who, you thought.

You put your hand on Bill’s shoulder. “I’m sure Georgie will be ok. Patrick too. Let’s go get ready for dinner. We can talk about this later.”

**********

You lay awake that night, your senses overly alert. Patrick Hockstetter was missing. Had Pennywise had anything to do with it? Every time you would close your eyes you would see intense yellow ones staring back at you. And those red lips. You closed your eyes and tried to think of something else. You saw yourself dancing with Chris, his green eyes shining down at you as he twirled you around on stage, him in his royal overcoat and you in your shiny blue gown. You smiled. Finally you fell asleep.

You were surrounded by satin. Like you were inside a large parachute. You tried and tried to climb up out of it, but it just kept closing in around you. You pulled and pulled, sinking farther and farther. You called for help, screamed. All of a sudden, the parachute started pulling away. You could feel it sliding down you, until it was gone, as though someone had yanked it out from underneath you.

Then you were floating. The air was still around you and it felt so light. You felt light, weightless. Your hair even floated. Everything felt so calm, so peaceful. You felt something gently grab your leg and slowly pull you down. It was Pennywise. You landed almost flush up against him. He put his arms around your waist. He was so much taller than you, you had to crane your neck up to look at him. His chest felt so firm, solid. You put out a hand to touch it. More satin. He leaned down towards you. His eyes were a silvery yellow. 

"Did you like floating?" he asked.

"Yes." Your voice was an echo.

"Would you like to do it again?"

You nodded slowly. You felt so drowsy, like you could just sink into sleep.

"You can do a lot of things, Y/N. If you come down here. You can do a lot of things with me."

"Mmhmm." Your eyes started closing.

"Come to the well, Y/N." His voice sounded distant now. "Come to the well."

You felt something rubbing against your arm. You moaned. The rubbing stopped. Something snaked around your waist. You opened your eyes. You were laying on your left side facing the wall. It was still dark. You reached out to touch the arm that was around you. Firm satin. You smiled. He was here.

You rubbed his arm. “Hmm… why is it that every time I need you, you show up?”

He leaned over and started nuzzling your cheek with his nose. “You needed me, kitten?”

“Well… not really needed. I was just having a nightmare. It started out as one, but then it actually got kind of…nice.”

“Reealllly….How so?” You could hear the amusement in his voice.

You rolled over on your back. Pennywise settled his hand on your stomach.

“It was silly actually.” Now that you thought about it, it was kind of silly. “I was… in some kind of parachute thing.” You waved your hand about as you explained your dream to him. His mouth went into an “o” shape when you got to the part about the floating.

“And did you enjoy it?” he asked eagerly.

“Yeah, I actually did,” you admitted. “It was like there was no gravity, like absolutely nothing holding me down. I was just…floating. It was really peaceful.”

“Then what happened?”

You grinned. It was like you were telling an exciting story to a little kid.

“Then you pulled me down. And I was in your arms.” You put your hand on his wrist and started playing with his ruffle.

He put his face down to where it was inches from yours. You could smell his sweet cotton candy breath. “And did you enjoy that?”

You sighed. “I always enjoy that. I just wish…”

He brought his hand up to stroke your cheek. “What do you wish? Tell me.”

You took a deep breath. “I just… I wish that me and you could just…hang out together. You know? You could come visit me at the library. We could go to lunch together. Go to the park, just,” your shrugged your shoulders. “Something.”

Pennywise brought his hand down to rest on your shoulder. “If that is what you want, then it is mine to give you.”

Your heart started pounding in excitement and eagerness. “I do want that. I really, really do. It’s just… what are people going to think of us?”

Pennywise put his hand on your neck gently. “My dear, sweet Y/N, do you not trust me?”

You sighed. “I do trust you.” Yet inside you were thinking ‘what in the world is he going to do?’

@honk-honk-bitches  @fuck-the-clown  @wtf-it  @hoe-for-daddywise  @dallonweaksme  @floatingwithpennywise  @lesteefightme

[thenightlymirror]

I had pivot tables and charts I didn’t even see. wtf

[miriani-lavellan]

Crap DA4 Speculation

Because I’d like to shout into the empty auditorium, innit

Locations

I think we’re going to see more urban locations, and very few wilderness locations.  The ones in DA3 were beautiful, and I loved exploring them, but they did at times feel empty.  I feel like I’ve seen clues indicating they want to go the other direction for DA4.

My second crap prediction is that we’ll see Nevarra (at least the Grand Necropolis), Antiva City, Minrathous, Kal Sharok and Weisshaupt Fortress - I’ll honestly eat my hat if we don’t see Antiva City.  I suspect the maps won’t be huge, whole city maps, but sections dedicated to certain quests.

Sorta think either (or both?) Minrathous and Antiva City will have commerce hubs where we can buy/sell items.  

I’m also thinking we’ll see a few other locations - perhaps other Grey Warden sites, Elven ruins, parts of the in-betweenish Fade/Mundane locations and wilderness areas that serve a very specific plot quest.  I wouldn’t be surprised if we briefly make a jaunt in the Arlathan Forest, but I don’t think we’ll see anything as open or expansive as the DA3 maps.

I was expecting that we’d be visiting the Horror of Hormak-esque locations, but I have my doubts they’ll make us do all eleven as there were indicated to be??  Unless they’re vastly varied somehow doing the same thing eleven times doesn’t seem amazing in terms of gameplay.

I don’t think we’ll be seeing Ferelden, Orlais or the Marcher cities at all.  We explored the south pretty well in previous games.  

I’m excited to see what player hub we get.  Jackdaw on Youtube suggests by way of Isabela being in the concept art (it seems!) that we might get a ship, which I think sounds amazing.  A mobile hub would be novel, and would make sense if we’re going to be moving around the north coast and up the Minanter River with a small band of companions.  Technically, I feel like it might be tricky to pull off though?  But I’m not a game dev so wtf do I know.

Companions 

In DAO and DA2, not counting temporary members and DLC, we got 2 of each class.  In DAI, we got three.  As much as I would love 3 of each again, I think with this game they’ll focus on being a tighter experience.  I’m expecting to see 2 of each class again, so 2 mages, 2 warriors, 2 rogues.  Although I’ve speculated more here.

A Crow - Again, I will consume my chapeau if we don’t get a Crow companion.  Lucanis (who I keep wanting to call Luciano) Dellamorte seems like a perfectly set up companion - a killer with a conscience who has a choice ahead of him about whether he’ll accept his position as his grandmother’s heir.

A Lord of Fortune - Be shocked ‘n’ amazed if they introduced that new faction and don’t give us a pal and a friend from it.  Hollix is fun speculation, but I think it’s just as likely to be a stranger.  I very much like the idea of Isabela having ties to them, considering her job these days.

Harley Qun - Or someone with a similar background.  We got someone Ben Hassrath last time but I’m not sure that’s a reason they won’t give us another. The ol’ BH were were noticeably absent from the table in Dread Wolf Rises - but other stories seem to hint they’re keeping their finger on the pulse.  Hopefully a character who can give us a more nuanced and sympathetic view of the Qun.  

A Mortalitasi Mage or Dead Boi - Now I saw that concept art that LOOKED like a skeleton boi (his posture even looks shuffling, and in that underwater picture? that doesn’t seem like a mask).  They’ve given us “dead” companions before in Justice and Cole - spirits that have attached themselves to a host.  From the start they’ve set up the ‘spirits are people’ thing and let us see them as more complex.  With everything going on with Solas, it would be mad interesting to have a spirit willing to stand against him.  

A Tevinter Mage - I would love to see Feynriel again - I’m d e s p e r a t e to have a Dreamer in the fight against Solas.  He can be made Tranquil in DA2, but not killed, and as we know from DA3 there is now a perhaps more widely known way to cure tranquility.  I think it’s more likely to be Maevaris Tilani though, considering her political ties and her experience with these eldritch monsters we’re seeing, or someone else we haven’t met yet.

A Dalish Elf - Seems like a given, considering who we’re up against initially.  Who better to understand the dangers of Fen’Harel?  I suspect there’ll be secrets to uncover in the Arlathan Forest, and we’ll need a guide innit.  Irelin and Strife seem like fun options.

A Kal-Sharok Dwarf - Kinda loosely basing this on the ‘Bellara’ glimpse of voice acting we got, as well as the whole Titan thing.  Like with the Wardens, we’ll need someone who knows (as far as they can) what they’re talking about.  

A Grey Warden - A real one, this time.  We got a brief glimpse of Davrin’s voice actor - I would love it to be him.  Either way, with the fact that the real enemy is not Solas but the Blight, which we learned a huge amount about in the recent game and comics - I think it would be odd not to try and get a Warden onside. 

Plot Points

There seems to be three ‘big things’ coming up: 1) the Qunari invasion of Antiva, 2) Solas, the Fade plan and more ancient Elvhen bullshit and 3) The Blight. 

I don’t actually expect there to be a Blight starting, but the Blight really is the true enemy in Thedas.  I’m not sure whether we’ll have any real influence on the actions of the Qunari, but I do expect we’ll have a pivotal role in stopping Solas, including his ultimate fate.

I also expect we’ll learn Extremely Important things about the nature of the Blight.  Tempted to say we’ll even discover it’s true origin and source, and perhaps even a cure.  There’s been lots of hints about blood magic and the Blight in the form of Isseya (Last Flight) cleansing the Griffon eggs of Blight (by transferring it to herself, although she didn’t feel any different), Merrill cleansing the Eluvian via the ol’ sanguine treatment and the work of Avernus in DAO.  Our Warden, if they live, also goes after a treatment for the Calling.

I expect it to tie in the the ancient Elvhen nonsense (everything is elves) and have visiting ruins or uncovering that lore the vector for learning some sweet sweet key world saving knowledge.

Also - the folks across the sea.  The Executor is such a tantalising lil clue, and we did have one in DAI with the chalk markings etc.  I’m thinking we might meet them, for the first time.

Ultimately, my Big Theory is that there’s one more game after this (EA and shareholders allowing, I guess), centred on the 6th Blight.  It’s a return to the origin (heh) of the series, only this time, we’ll have the tools to end it altogether.  I don’t see this game as being the one to round off the series like that.

Anyway thanks for joining me on this episode of crap speculation!  I apologise fully.

[calorieworkouts]

31 Slider Moves to Take Any Workout to the Next Level

If you have actually ever before hit the health club and discovered those little-- commonly purple and teal-- discs in the stretching area and also questioned, WTF...?, you're not alone.

Though we admit that some sliders include cheesy 80s flare, they could absolutely take any bodyweight transfer to the following level. As an example: Perhaps you could do squats all the time, yet include a set of sliders-- and also require on your own to slide your feet apart as you squat, then draw them back with each other to stand-- and you've obtained a tough new move.

We got the aid of Ray Wallace, a qualified trainer from YG Studios in New York City, to demonstrate just how a straightforward pair of sliders can make any workout more dynamic.

And the very best part? We used Slidez from SKLZ ($ 29.99, sklz.com) in the pictures below, you can additionally do these moves with 2 little towels.

Check out all the steps you can do below. When you're prepared to place all of it together, try Wallace's rapid as well as effective workout at the end.

Core

1. Knee Tuck

Start in high plank position with both feet on sliders. Pull knees in to touch breast. Emphasis on maintaining your core tight, and do not hike hips too high. Press feet back to expand into a high slab. Repeat.

2. Hill Mountain climber

Start in high plank placement with both feet on sliders. Glide immediately knee onward to chest. Push knee back to go back to high plank. Repeat on the various other side.

3. Single-Leg Hill Mountain climber

Start in high plank placement with appropriate toes on a slide. Pull left leg right into upper body and also hold, floating toes a few inches off the ground. Currently move immediately leg forward to upper body, then push out. Hold left leg constant at breast throughout, after that repeat on the various other side.

4. Cross Mountain climber

Start in high plank position with both feet on sliders. Pull immediately knee right into chest and across your body, intending for the left shoulder. Go back to starting position and also repeat on the other side.

5. Wide Mountain Climber

Start in high plank position with both feet on sliders. Draw immediately leg ahead to the beyond your right arm (like a reduced lunge). Push appropriate leg back to starting position, as well as repeat on opposite. Concentrate on involving your core as well as using this relocate to open the hips.

6. Plank Jack

Start in a lower arm plank position with both feet on sliders. Press feet apart to at least hip-width range, then pull them back together. Repeat as rapidly as possible.

7. Pike

Start in high plank with both feet on sliders. Dental braces core as well as trek hips toward the ceiling, drawing feet in towards hands, leaving hands and also shoulders in the exact same place. Slide feet back to return to beginning position and repeat.

8. Thai Plank

Start in high plank position with both feet on sliders. Bring best foot up towards immediately shoulder, bending ideal knee and opening your right hip, as you flex both arms and also lower right into a push-up. Your immediately knee must be close to your right elbow joint, as in yoga exercise. As you raise, glide best foot back, so you finish in a high plank placement. Repeat on the various other side.

9. Side Knee Put

With both feet on sliders, bring knees in toward chest as well as then slide both feet to the right, seeing to it to engage your obliques. Do with both feet beyond your immediately hand. Push back right into a high plank and repeat on the various other side.

Lower Body

10. Reverse Tuck

Lie faceup with knees bent, both feet on sliders, and lift hips off flooring right into a bridge placement, involving glutes and hamstrings. From there, slide both feet far from your butt, maintaining hips in the same placement. Draw feet back in, keeping hips lifted throughout. Repeat.

Make it easier: Slide one foot forward at a time.

11. Skater

Stand with both feet on sliders. Slide left foot behind appropriate as for feasible, all at once flexing best leg as well as getting to fingertips of best hand to touch flooring. Pull left foot back as you go back to standing position. Repeat on the other side.

12. Reverse Lunge

Start standing with both feet on sliders. Bend immediately leg and glide appropriate foot back into a low lunge, keeping left foot fixed. Correct leg and draw best foot in to return to starting position. Repeat on the various other side.

Make it easier: Remove slider from under the foot that is not relapsing so you have more stability.

13. Squat

Start in standing position with both feet on sliders, feet shoulder-width apart. Involve your glutes, hamstrings, as well as support your core. Send your hips back as well as press both feet away from your midline as promptly as feasible, dropping right into a reduced squat. Currently, utilizing your inner thigh muscles (hip adductors) and also glutes, draw your legs back with each other to stand. Think of 'zipping' your legs together as you return to the start position.

14. Lateral Lunge

Start standing, with both feet on sliders, feet shoulder-width apart. Involve your glutes and also send your hips back as you move immediately foot to the ideal side, bending the left leg somewhat, without allowing left knee to transcend left toes. Expand the appropriate leg regarding you can, balancing a lot of your weight left wing (bent) leg. Pull ideal foot back towards you as you correct your left leg to return to standing position. Repeat on the various other side.

15. Reaching Reverse Lunge

Start in a sittinged placement with knees curved, practical the ground with fingertips encountering ahead, and both feet on sliders. Raise hips till knees form a 90-degree angle, arms are right, and also hips are level (a tabletop placement). From below, flex right ankle joint so just the ideal heel hinges on a slider. Send immediately foot ahead, involving your glutes as well as hamstrings, then draw back to table top. Lower appropriate foot and flex left ankle. Send out the left foot ahead, as well as draw back. Repeat.

Make it harder: As you push each foot ahead, perform a dip by bending both arms. Align both arms as you draw foot back to beginning position.

16. Slab Kick-Out

Start with curved legs, knees with each other as well as practical the ground. Push both feet to the right and also fully expand legs. Bring legs back to facility, after that swing them to the left side, totally extending legs.

17. Toe Point

Start in high plank placement with both feet on sliders and also feet bent, so merely your toes are touching the sliders. Direct your toes as long as possible to relocate sliders simply a couple of inches, maintaining core involved. Pull toes back to a flexed-foot position. (Yes, this one is a little motion! But we promise you'll still feel your calves working and that it will aid strengthen your ankle joint and also foot muscles.)

18. Gliding Burpees

Standing with both feet on sliders, squat down, location practical the ground, and also slide back into a high slab position. Carry out one push-up. Draw knees back to breast and also stand. Repeat.

19. Curtsy Lunge

Start with feet hip-width apart, both feet on sliders, knees a little curved, hips slightly pivoted (as if you were just beginning to lower into a squat). You must feel your glutes as well as hamstrings already engaged. Using all the muscular tissues in your best leg, push appropriate foot behind left and enter a reduced curtsy lunge. Go back to begin by pulling the right foot back so it is identical to the left, maintaining knees curved and hip pivoted throughout. Repeat on the various other side.

20. Gliding Jacks Into Wide Squat

With both feet on sliders, press out as rapidly as possible and come right into a reduced, wide squat, with toes ended up sideways (like a 2nd position plie), as well as all at once raise arms overhead into a clap. Making use of the internal upper legs as well as core, draw legs back together as swiftly as feasible as you bring by far to your sides (like a hopping jack). Repeat.

21. Leg Circle

Start in a half squat: feet hip-width apart, knees somewhat curved, hips slightly pivoted, as if you were just beginning to reduce right into a squat. You need to currently feel your glutes as well as hamstrings engaged. With ideal toes on a slider, glide immediately foot forward, and also keeping left knee bent, send immediately leg into a large arc out to the immediately side then back, bringing it cycle to meet your left foot. Currently press best foot back as well as send right into a reverse arc, bringing best foot back to satisfy left foot. Repeat for preferred number of reps, then change the slider, as well as repeat on the various other side.

22. Corkscrew

Start in a high slab placement with both feet on sliders. Move appropriate foot onward as well as across your body, as if going for your left shoulder, as you lift left hand off ground and also rotate to the left (so all your weight is on your right-hand man). Tap your right knee with left hand prior to relapsing into a high slab position. Repeat on the various other side.

23. Side Plank with Leg Cross

Start in an appropriate side slab with your right forearm on the ground, obliques involved, left hand on left waistline, as well as left foot on the ground behind appropriate foot with left toes on slider. With your hip open, pull left toes up toward your butt, bending left knee, maintaining left leg crossed behind immediately leg. Glide left leg back to start and also repeat for preferred variety of representatives prior to switching over sides. (If you already have terrific hip mobility, this action could really feel a little easy. Otherwise, this could be a wonderful hip-opener stretch. You ought to feel your left glute involve, together with your obliques.)

24. Ski

From a standing placement with sliders on both feet, press right foot ahead as left foot presses back. Reverse-- left foot forward, immediately foot back-- relocating as promptly as feasible (like cross-country snowboarding).

25. Insect

Start in a high plank placement with both feet on sliders. Maintaining immediately leg directly and also hips as level as possible, cross best leg under left and press best leg out to the left side, transforming aware of the left, but keeping both practical the ground. Draw right leg back to starting placement as well as repeat on the other side.

Upper Body

26. Arm Slide

Start in a stooping position and location both practical sliders. (If you have any kind of knee sensitivity, you could desire a towel or mat under your knees for this action). With core engaged, slide both arms forward at the same time, trying to get your breast as short as possible. Pull arms back in towards breast and repeat.

Make it harder: Do this workout from a high plank position. Make it easier: Push each arm forward individually.

27. Moving Push-Up

Start in a high plank position with both hands on sliders and also hands close with each other. Move hands apart to a little wider compared to shoulder-width and carry out a push-up. Go back to starting position by sliding return together.

28. Arm Circle

From a high slab position, with both hands on sliders, slide one arm forward, and after that make a huge arc as you slide ideal arm around and to the right side of your body. Press back to beginning position and repeat beyond. (Believe: Wax on, wax off.)

Make it easier: Drop to your knees. Make it harder: Slide both hands up as well as about at the same time, rather than individually.

29. Arm Cross-Under

Start in a high plank placement with sliders under each hand. Push ideal hand to the left, crossing behind the left hand, as well as when possible, involving the exterior of the left hand. Draw best hand back as well as go back to start. Repeat on the various other side.

30. Staggered Push-Up

Start in a high slab placement with sliders under both hands. Press immediately hand ahead a number of inches. Do a push-up in the staggered position. Switch the placement of the hands, so left hand is surprised onward and also perform one more push-up. Remain to alternative sides.

Make it easier: Drop to your knees.

31. Arm Creep

Start in a high plank placement with sliders under each foot. "Stroll" forward utilizing just your hands, one before the other, as well as drag your feet on the sliders behind you. After numerous paces, reverse the stroll, relocating in reverse to go back to your start position.

The Workout

Perform each step below for 45 secs, adhered to by 15 secs of rest. Full 2 to 3 rounds of the whole circuit.

Reverse Lunge (alternating legs)

Sliding Jack into Wide Squat

Staggered Push-Up

Sliding Burpee

Pike

Reverse Tuck

Arm Crawl

[purkinje-effect]

I... I don’t... remember posting an incomplete Chapter 56 on AO3... What the fuck...?

edit: double wtf. i posted it here too, but didn’t update the table of contents. and the word count suggests that it isn’t a wip but it’s so... rough, for such a pivotal chapter. we’re... revising this heavily before moving on to voire

[offtosavetheearth]

July 20th, 2018

This morning I got up super late and didn’t have time to eat breakfast with Rina this morning. I was supposed to go to the café at 7am, but of course I didn’t get up. I met the class at 9am to go to the ETAPA Sustag Water Treatment Plant. ETAPA is Cuenca’s water agency, and they operate more than thirty water treatment plants. They also help protect the watersheds that are important to Cuenca’s water supply, and play an important role in managing Cajas National Park.

Our visit was guided by the workers of the plant. This modern plant in the southwest of Cuenca provides water to over 35,000 people; part of it comes from Cajas National Park, protected by this agency.

This plant operates according to ISO, the international standard of water quality. Javier, a chemical engineer, explained to us that the water comes from the river and is relatively pure because of the short distance it travels down the mountain. Once the water flows into the plant, at 200 liters a second, it passes through a sediment filter and then the inorganic coagulant aluminum sulfate is added, which creates clumps of bacteria and debris at the top. This process causes several simultaneous chemical and physical interactions on and among the particles. Within seconds, negative charges on the particles are neutralized by inorganic coagulants. Also within seconds, metal hydroxide precipitates of the iron and aluminum ions begin to form. These precipitates combine into larger particles under natural processes such as Brownian motion and through induced mixing, otherwise known as flocculation. During flocculation, aluminum and hydroxide absorb and enmesh particles in suspension and facilitate the removal of particles by subsequent processes of sedimentation and filtration.

From here, the water exiting the flocculation enters a sedimentation basin, also called a clarifier. It is a large tank with low water velocities that allows excess floc to settle at the bottom. The one we save was circular, where the flow of the water was center outward. As particles settle to the bottom of a sedimentation basin, a layer of sludge/mud forms on the floor. This mud is removed and dehydrated, to later return to landfills, instead of putting it back in the river as most water treatment plants do. While the sludge is separated, water runs to a rapid sand filter, moving vertically through sand which often has a layer of activated carbon above it. The top layer removes organic compounds which contribute to taste and odor.

The last disinfection method involves small amount of chlorine. The water must be moved to storage tanks, where for every one million parts water, 1 part chlorine is injected. This strong oxidant rapidly kills many harmful micro-organisms.

The international standard for turbidity is 5, but ETAPA exceeds all expectations by delivering water to Cuenca at .3. Since this water is cheap and subsidized, Cuencans use about 200 liters per person per day. Those in the suburbs (poorer people) pay 5 dollars a month, while richer folks pay about 15. Created nine years ago, this is one of the most modern plants, of the three large and thirty small ones with lower quality water. Monitored by 2 people every 8 hour shift, they are responsible for the drinking water of 40,000 people.

In between lunch and the second lecture of the day, I went to NY Pizza and got a Pepperoni pizza and a coke. I know this is stupid, but I am a regular at that store because American food is the only thing that is keeping me sane while away. It makes me feel more relaxed, and I have Ecuadorian food all the time with Rina, so I don’t think it’s necessarily a waste of this opportunity. Also, it was one of the first times I ventured out alone without a group. I purposefully got lost twice before I had pizza, so I could learn how to find my way back and navigate the city. Let me tell you, it was a proud moment when I found my school again for the second time in a row. I got even braver, and went past CEDEI to a really beautiful coffee shop.

I came to get an iced latte and work on my logbook, but something really…unsettling… happened to me while I was waiting for my drink. A little Ecuadorian girl ran into the shop and made a bee-line straight for my table. She was talking really fast and making a texting motion with her hands, because I had my iphone out. But, she wouldn’t make eye contact with me. I simply said “no habla espanol”, but I did catch the drift of the question. She needed to use my phone to text her mom. But she didn’t appear frightened? Or lost? She kept waiting at my table and I said again, “lo siento, no habla espanol” and looked away from her. I looked up a second later, and she was nowhere to be found.

A couple of friends from the group came to meet me at the coffee shop (LOOK WHO IS INDEPENDENT & LEADING THE PACK NOW), and we talked about how we were starting to get over the whole foreign country thing and the daily annoyances in life were getting to us. I think that means we are comfortable here? Anyways, I talked about how the wooden bed that I sleep on is killing my back and my neck, and another student talked about how they were ready for homestays to be over. I agreed, I felt that I had gotten all that I could out of my homestay experience, and there was not really anything left to observe. I basically just say good morning and good night to Rina, and we visit after dinner for about 20 minutes talking about our day. It’s hard to get past the language barrier and bond, but we have a few times over things like politics and family.

It was the weirdest thing though….we were walking out of the coffee shop and I saw that girl again. Except she was with her mom a couple blocks down from the coffee shop, and they were walking the other direction really fast. I don’t want to assume the worst but I am 99% sure that her mom was sending her around the area to steal from tourists. Dr. Knapp was talking about it a couple days ago…and woah. Wow. Wtf. CHILDREN ARE SUPPOSED TO BE SACRED, INNOCENT, AND PURE!!

I am in another culture though. And even if I wasn’t in another culture, I don’t know the families situation or how badly they need money. I understand what it is like to be tight on money, but never to the point of that type of desperation. It is a sort of mixed feeling that I felt. Confused but…understanding at the same time…yet not understanding. I still don’t know what to make of it. At what point is it not wrong to steal, and is it different based on culture?

I got nice and calm though when we had our traditional medicinal lecture. Sisa Pacari Bacacela Guaman, a Quichua-speaking member of the Saraguro nation, lectured in Spanish on traditional and indigenous use of plants, with demonstrations.

I was REALLY liked this lecture because I’m into essential oils and smells as a source of meditation and relaxation.  

Sisa explained to us that the definition of sickness is when there is nonviolent conflict between the spiritual and physical world. We are simply molecules all interconnected, and our physical being experiences pain when there is an imbalance. Their traditional medicines have been used 18,000 years before the existence of Christ, and they classify plants in terms of power, gender, and altitude.

Plant introductions began with the altitude category. Chukirawaa, known to detoxify the body when consumed for nine days, is only found in the Andes at 2500 meters above sea level. Tipo, consumed as a tea for altitude sicknesss, is also found in the high Andes. Laurel, oxcilliar to Tipo can be rubbed into a pulp and smelled.

Gender was next, starting with Alpal Paleo, a feminine plant for allergies that is a symbol for earth, and can be consumed as a tea or applied as a salve. The feminine plant Yerba, or San Antonio, is used for the skin, throat problems, and contains penicillin. Caballo Chupa or horse hair can be feminine or masculine, with the masculine type being thicker and used for digestion and detoxification. Shuyu, a refreshing feminine plant that helps with fever, works well with the Caballo Chupa plant. A masculine plant, flor de tio, helps with respiratory issues and bronchitis. You use three flowers, three eucalyptus leaves, and three nettle leaves in a tea for nine days.

Lastly, Power classification discussed the San Pedro cactus, which can range from three to fifteen spines, with the most powerful ones having the most spines. It can grow 1-7 meters tall and only the most advanced shaman, at level 7, can handle this plant. Druda, mixed with other medicinal plants, is used for external cleansing and looks like a bunch of tea leaves. Machua, for anemia and mineral deficiencies, is related to the potato and can be used for menstruation and prostate issues.

A cleanse was preformed after the lecture on Autumn. Sisa discussed the four elements, earth, fire, wind, and water, which are used in cleansings, typically preformed in sacred places. Ours was of course of simulation of the actual performance, but similar to how it would be practiced. Fire is the most important element in this representation, and is masculine because it represents the sun god and nucleus of energy. Water is feminine and ties to the physical world, air is masculine and important for every civilization ever founded on earth. Lastly, earth is feminine, and strongly interrelated to water. All societies recognize these elements, but some have stopped caring about pivotal points of nature for financial gain. For most medicinal plants, they must be taken for nine days total. This is because the ninth constellation in space is the most balanced. You may not take the medicine for more than 27 days.

Rose water was applied to our hands once the cleanse was finished. I really enjoyed the smells, such as the burning of the plants, and the scents that filled the room during the ritual. I hope to use more natural oils and plants when I return home, to relax and meditate.

This is kind of weird but after the cleanse I walked around Cuenca for three hours. It didn’t really seem like anyone was doing something I wanted to be a part of, and I didn’t want to go home either. I felt that I needed to venture out as well, since I was becoming braver about my whereabouts in the city. I was proud of myself because I found all of the places we visited during the city store, even the piti mas shop. I zoomed out of my own perspective, and realized that everything in Cuenca is about two blocks away. I am located in the central part of the city, and even if I did get lost again, it would not be that hard to find my way back.

It also helped that I used my maps; before I didn’t know that T-mobile allows free international data roaming, so now I can use my location on the maps to walk back home. I spent most of the time walking back and forth from the plaza near my house, and I sat there for a while watching the community participate in free salsa classes. What was weird to me was the actions of the local police during these classes. They all hung around the ladies salsa dancing, and took group pictures together. I thought that these classes happened pretty much every day, so why they would feel the need to document it was a mystery to me.

Rina texted me around 9 pm, wondering where I was. I felt guilty because she thought that Ginger and I were going to watch a movie with her, but we just dipped. My burner didn’t work so Autumn texted her for me. More guilt came when I arrived home and realized that I missed Abuela’s birthday dinner. Things like this repeatedly happen because we just can’t understand each other. Usually when I say I have plans or am going somewhere later, it is just ignored. A lot of times I feel like I’m the family baby being carried around on errands.

But nothing can really be done about that, unless CEDEI decides to give everyone bilingual families since this is an English program. I feel that somewhere between UT and CEDEI there is a miscommunication about the purpose to this program. Dinner was pasta with cut up hot dogs, which was nice because of how heavy pasta makes you feel. Side note: I find it strange how often hotdogs are randomly incorporated into dishes; in America we usually serve babies little cut up hotdogs. Most likely I am assuming it is because they don’t have access to a lot of quality meat. As was mentioned before, the cows they raise up here typically taste pretty tough since they are walking up and down the slopes of the Andes. The proportion of the meat is something I am definitely not used to. In Texas the majority of my plate is meat, but here the meat is the smallest portion, with most of the plate being potatoes, rice, and vegetables. VERY carb heavy, but in a different way than the United States. I miss big steaks and pulled pork sandwiches, but also feel healthier and more energized here.

Listening to my playlists and walking around maximized comfort in this city, and gave me the breath of America I needed. This is also the longest I have been away from my boyfriend, so I got emotional walking around. I think a lot about how much fun he would have here, and how I wish he could experience this other world with me. But independence, self-reliance, and self-confidence is something I’ve always needed to work on. I generally focus on others needs rather than my own, so after this trip I think I will try to practice self-care, and do things for my own peace of mind. I have always wanted to be healthy mentally, physically, and emotionally.

So cheers to new goals and being selfish!

[reed-warden]

(COLE) “I have something to say. Three words, eight letters. I … got food.” / “You should come.” / “What the fuck does WTF mean ?”

“I have something to say. Three words, eight letters. I … got food.” (cole)

« C’était plus fort que toi. Fallait que tu fasses une entrée grandiose. »

“You should come.” (cole)

La proposition de Cole flotte dans l’air tandis que Reed envisage le scénario où il accepterait d’aller là-bas avec eux. Les Foxes débarqueraient tous ensemble à la boîte de nuit de Columbia mais, sans trop tarder, ils finiraient par se diviser en petits groupes. Reed serait assis à une banquette avec Leah, Cole et Charlie, à regarder de loin Chase flirter avec quelqu’un d’autre que lui. Il s’arrête à cette image. « Je vais passer mon tour. » Il ne se sent pas d’humeur à supporter la vue de son colocataire avec une fille ce soir. En partie parce qu’il crèverait de jalousie mais également parce qu’il souffrirait pour Chase. « Mais il faut que tu viennes ! C’est soirée t-shirts mouillés ce soir ! » Cole lui sert une moue de chiot abattu par la sévérité de la vie. C’est assez comique. « Qu’est-ce que je peux faire pour te convaincre de venir ? » Le blondinet ne comprend pas pourquoi sa présence est si indispensable. Ce n’est pas comme s’il était celui à animer les soirées. « Rien. » Il attrape un pinceau fin dans le bocal et part s’asseoir sur son tabouret, inspiré par le souvenir des iris de Chase au soleil.« Rien de chez rien ? » insiste Cole, à quelques pas de lui. « J’aime pas quand tu peins … » Cette réflexion a le don de surprendre un peu le gardien. Il pivote sur son tabouret afin d’avoir une pleine vue sur le brun. Il secoue la tête dans un signe de confusion, demandant implicitement à Cole de développer. « Les deux-trois peintres que je connais ont tous une histoire tragique— soit ils meurent, soit ils se coupent une oreille. » Reed n’est toujours pas sûr de comprendre où le garçon veut en venir. Il est incapable d’identifier le sous-entendu derrière ces mots, qu’on s’inquiète au sujet de son bien-être, qu’on s’inquiète pour lui. C’est un drôle de concept auquel il n’a pas été habitué. « Van Gogh était bipolaire. » constate Reed avec le regard dans la vague. Mais Cole ne prête pas attention à cette remarque et ferme un poing alors qu’il déclare : « Je veux pas que tu connaisses le même sort. » Reed observe longuement le joueur d’Exy, à court de mots, à court de tout. Il se sent démuni. Il se sent piégé entre une promesse qu’il voudrait faire et une promesse qu’il ne peut pas tenir.

“What the fuck does WTF mean ?” (cole)

Les sourcils froncés, Cole tourne son PC sur la table qu’ils occupent avec Reed à la bibliothèque universitaire et lui montre de l’index un commentaire sur son statut Facebook. Le gardien, un tantinet irrité d’avoir été coupé dans sa lecture du Chant d’Achille, braque des yeux peu intéressés sur le texte. “WTF” est un acronyme que même Reed connait, c’est donc assez surprenant que le brun ne l’ait jamais rencontré auparavant.« Regarde sur Internet. » conclut-il avec la ferme intention de retourner le plus vite possible à son occupation. Là où il s’est arrêté dans le livre, Achille et Patrocle sont sur le point de se retrouver. Ce n’est pas le moment de le déranger. Pourtant, le garçon face à lui ne semble pas du même avis. Il remet son ordinateur dans sa position initiale. « J’ai déjà regardé, figure-toi, mais même Google ne sait pas ce que ça veut dire. Il m’a dit : “What the fuck” ! » D’accord, est-ce que c’est considéré comme de la dégradation de matériel si Reed s’explose le crâne sur la table ? Parce qu’il est à deux doigts de le faire. Il abaisse son bouquin et considère Cole d’un œil sceptique. « J’arrive pas à savoir si t’es sérieux ou non. » Mais le brun paraît sincèrement en grande détresse —comme si décrypter ce jargon était d’une importance capitale. Reed expire un souffle.« La réponse est toute proche. » Les paupières de Cole se plissent à ce nouveau mystère. « Proche comment ? » Le gardien se frotte les yeux d’une main.« Cette situation est juste WTF. »