#yes every person he dates needed Harvey’s approval

[emo-batboy]

Okay what is this I keep hearing about Harvery Dent and Bruce Wayne being caught kissing???? Storytime?

Okay so this is probably a much longer winded story than I’m sure you expected but here’s my whole explanation of Harvey/Two-Face in the Battinson universe:

I always like to imagine that there is a distinct difference between Harvey and Two-Face. In this world, Harvey is regarded as an accomplished man suffering from DID who is forced to live in Arkham to keep his second personality, Two-Face, behind bars. Meanwhile, Two-Face is a notorious crime boss and master manipulator. They share the same body, yes, and it almost impossible to tell them apart sometimes, yes, but Bruce is the only person that can reliably tell who is in control.

You see, over the years, Two-Face has become an expert at pretending to be Harvey, so much so that the guards at Arkham just refer to them as Dent now. There have been several incidents where doctors believed Harvey was somehow cured of his DID and they gave him more privileges due to “good behavior,” only for Two-Face to bash a prison guard’s skull in while trying to escape.

But the one person he can’t fool is Bruce, the man who knows Harvey so intimately that he can examine his facial features down to the micro expression.

They thought they would get married one day, Bruce and Harvey. It was sickeningly sweet. They were so madly in love. Then the accident worsened Harvey’s condition. Bruce will never forgive Two-Face for taking his true love away from him.

Bruce visits Arkham once a week to see Harvey. Only the guards know about their past relationship because the two can’t stop giving one another heart eyes while they play chess and tell each other about their day. They’ll talk for hours, and it’s no secret that a pretty, Bambi-eyed, lovestruck Brucie Wayne will pay off any guard to see his “friend” for another fifteen minutes or so.

But sometimes, Bruce walks into the room, sees Dent’s face, and immediately storms out. Because it’s Two-Face. Posing as his former lover, wearing his lips and cheeks and nose, but the eyes are just wrong, all wrong, and he’s giving Bruce a smile that isn’t even close to Harvey’s gorgeous smile. And it’s sick. The guards can’t tell, the other patients prisoners can’t tell, no one else can tell but oh, Bruce can fucking tell.

On other days, Bruce will be talking with Harvey one second, only to stop mid-sentence, scowl at him, and say, “Give him back. I’m not talking to you.”

Two-Face breaks into a grin. “I can never pull one over on you, can I, sweetheart?”

“Shut the fuck up. Where is he?”

“He says he loves you, and you look very nice.”

Bruce has been held back by the guards several times for this very reason. He blames himself that they can’t hold hands during visits anymore. Instead, they talk through that stupid fucking glass, but at least they get a private room. The guards now know that even if pretty Brucie Wayne looks sweet and delicate when talking to Harvey, he can also throw a decent punch.

On good weeks, it’ll be nothing but soft words and smiles.

“I finally bought those chocolates you recommended,” Bruce says.

Harvey smiles. “Did you like them?”

“I did. Thank you.”

On bad weeks, Bruce will leave with hot tears streaming down his face, and the guards will treat Two-Face just a little harsher than necessary as they escort him back to his cell.

Sometimes, it’s a mix of both. Even rarer are the days when Harvey comes back right before Bruce leaves to say goodbye to his angel. Those moments are the most tender because they all know Harvey has trouble taking control back. But he did it for Bruce, just to make him smile again before they parted ways.

One day, however, a guard thinks he can flirt with Bruce. He makes a move when no one’s looking and receives an answer in the form of a black eye. Only a day later, he gets maimed by Dent and lands in the hospital. Bruce learns about it during his next visit.

“Your boyfriend’s other half tried to kill that guard last week,” another guard tells him.

“The one that grabbed my ass?”

“Two-Face put him in a coma.”

Bruce chuckles and picks at a loose thread from his dress shirt. “What you makes you so sure it was Two-Face?”

No guard tries making a move on Arkham’s favorite visitor again. And the star-crossed lovers keep seeing one another and confessing their undying love. Even after they accept their fate. Even when Bruce tells Harvey about Selina and how he’s slowly falling in love with her too. But something is holding him back.

“I don’t want to let you go,” Bruce whispers.

“I don’t either,” Harvey says, tracing his love’s hand through the bulletproof glass, “but I want you to be happy.”

“But I’m happy with you.” Bruce was always a crybaby, but he hates crying in here the most.

“You can be happy with me in here. But I can’t bear to be the reason you’re not happy out there.”

After a bit more convincing, Bruce finally agrees. Before beginning a new relationship, he tells Selina about him and Harvey, tells her that it’s non-negotiable, and she accepts it.

The next time Dent breaks out of Arkham, Selina gets a visitor. “Break his heart, and I’ll drown you in the pier,” he says.

Selina smiles as her hoard of cats purr against the stranger. Maybe they can tell just like Bruce can. Or maybe this is Two-Face doing Harvey a favor. Either way, she doesn’t particularly care.

Selina gives him a once-over and nods. “Likewise.”

Anyway, yes, that is my BruHarvey lore. Hope you enjoyed :)

@bruciemilf this is right up your alley, bestie

[magaprima]

Episode 4 liveblog

I love that Zelda is stroking Vinegar Tom and I love it. Also she gave an honest yet brutal review of Sabrina’s speech. Loving all the witches hanging out but wish Lilith was one of them

And harvey getting judgey over witch things with roz just like he did with Sabrina. I mean harvey does try but witch Hunter is in his blood so all his instincts say ‘no’

Harvey saying ‘who does every woman I go out with turn out to be a witch?’ Had such xander ‘why does everyone I date turn out to be a demon?’ Vibes. But yep he’s getting bitchy with roz over witchcraft just as he did with Sabrina

New terror ahoy?

Ooh liking that outfit, Prue

Nooooo here comes Faustus changing the entire world into some nazi-esque nightmare

Sabrina is saying ‘oh no’ a lot this season

Omg I am loving sabrina’s glamour to hide!! She looks so freaking different. And choosing the name Samantha feels like a potential nod to bewitched

Omg wardwell in this world apparently has no need for glasses but also looks more like Michelle’s role in Bad Education haha

Omg the witch propaganda being used here is lifted right out of history. Perfect. And gets me as angry as ever. I love that they’ve used it for this

Omg this whole episode is the burning times coming alive verbatim and behaviour exactly and the fact they’re using nazi imagery tied in works well considering nazi used a lot of techniques created by German witch hunters, including the use of ovens. It’s horrifying me but it’s working well, so narratively I approve, but personally I’m sat here enraged remembering and thinking. I have family members who changed their names to Christian names to avoid persecution centuries ago and watching this is watching a world where that never changed where we continued to be killed for worshipping differently and knowing old ways etc.

Omg what’s happened to the mortuary in this world?????? And the academy is marked too?? Noooo Faustus statue in the centre???

I wish Sabrina had given the surname stevens haha

Omg has Faustus ripped out the memory of Sabrina being a Spellman???? Not even Zelda is remembering her

Omg did Zelda just say GOD IN HEAVEN????? Omg Zelda fucking slapped Sabrina!!! Ooh now her memories are being returned. I hate that this world means Zelda is back under Blackwood’s thumb

Wait they’ve been hearing cries; Lilith’s baby!? Do we get to see this? Or is this another episode where Lilith isn’t involved at all?

Omg Sabrina saving Nick. I am kinda loving these two this season.

Wait is Sabrina using the memory of Vinegar tom to bring her back? The memory of vinegar tom makes Zelda cry sometimes????

Oh another OUAT reference with Ambrose having memory issues once he leaves the border of the town

I am loving this tinker, with all his curiosities. I love these sorts of characters I wish we could have more of him.

Ooh Robin to the rescue!

Omg Hilda in this world has no colour on her arghhhh I hate it hilda should be colourful! And sugar rations being reminiscent of the war and therefore nazis again.

Hilda is running the resistance and better yet;

YES LILITH IS PART OF THE RESISTANCE AND HAS BABY ADAM WITH HER!!! YESSSSSS I didn’t watch this episode in my Lilith scenes because as an alternate reality I didn’t count it and I’m so pleased she’s in it! And she’s on team resistance! YES MY REBEL QUEEN!!! And she looks so fucking cute in that outfit and holding Adam but can’t she have some fucking lines???? Why are we not letting Lilith have more lines?? Is it because she steals scenes? But at least Lilith is on the right side, and not being painted as the bad guy. A reviewer said ‘Lilith does no wrong’ and I entirely agree

Stone soup for everyone!

Me in literally every scene; where the fuck is Lilith? Stop under using the powerful badass first witch

Honouring poor Giles Corey

Omg she fucked through the stone of reality at his head!!

YES LILITH BEING PART OF THE BATTLE AGAINST EMPEROR BLACKWOOD!!!! USING HER MAGIC JUST LIKE THE REST OF THE COVEN I AM JUST LIVING FOR LILITH BEING AT HOME IN THE ORDER OF HECATE

Lovely pup pups being the answer to returning things back to normal

The mortals don’t seem to remember things changing back though I don’t think but I think it’s implied the witches can which is good because I’d like to have Lilith remember being part of the resistance

I do like Sabrina’s ‘what a witch can ALSO mean’ speech on feminism and ah co-president Walker not Vice President

[machetelanding]

NEW YORK—There’s this moment in every production meeting—I don’t care if you’re making a movie, a TV show, a YouTube video, a reality show about shark hunters, or a 30-second promo for the cat shelter—when somebody blurts out, “We need a strong female character for this.”

I’m not sure why this happens.

I’m not sure why little synapse explosions occur in the brains of otherwise intelligent writers, actors, media executives, and directors who, five seconds before, were talking about production design, or cinematography, or marketing. It’s probably something deep within the DNA of Homo sapiens, dating from Neanderthal times, that caused an error message in the left prefrontal cortex, which contains the mechanism responsible for logic.

Because after the random person blurts out randomly, “We need a strong female character for this,” seven or eight additional people will then blurt out various forms of agreement, as though it’s the most natural thing in the world to be ordering a Double Western Bacon Cheeseburger at the Carl’s Jr. drive-through window and say, “And, oh yeah, give me some of those Jalapeño Poppers and also, we need a strong female character for this.”

Sometimes, I am prone to point out, we don’t need a strong female character for this.

We might, in fact, need a weak female character for this particular story. Or, more likely, we’ll need a complex person for whom the words “strong” and “weak” are relative or irrelevant because she’s, you know, a human being.

“Yeah, we need a young Jodie Foster.”

“Or maybe a young Meryl Streep.”

One thing you never hear is “We need a young Marilyn Monroe.”

And yet I could go scene by scene through the complete works of Jodie Foster, Meryl Streep, and Marilyn Monroe and make notes in the margins of their scripts that would read something like this:

strong moment weak moment neither-strong-nor-weak moment strong weak moderately strong moderately weak

...on and on, ad infinitum, because all three of those women have played multiple roles with multiple points of view that can’t ever be summed up by the words “strong female character” or “weak female character.” You could do the same with male characters. Superman is not interesting unless Kryptonite exists.

Anyhow, I’m gonna take a stab at explaining why this ritual occurs.

A. Ignorance of the basic principles of screenwriting, especially the part dealing with, ahem, characterization.

B. Posturing for the jury in the speaker’s brain. (Harvey Weinstein Syndrome.)

C. So they can talk about the meeting on Facebook.

D. Member of the Politburo.

I’m only half joking about that last one. The Soviet Union actually did have script readers who had to approve every film produced by Mosfilm or Lenfilm. They would provide lengthy notes saying things like “The character of Svetlana must be altered to remove all evidence that she was derisive toward the five-year plan of the tractor factory in Novosibirsk,” or “The writers are directed to make Olga more representative of the Soviet woman described by Bebel, Engels, Marx, Kollontai, and Lenin as economically independent and empowered by her participation in the social advancement made possible by the Antifascist Women’s Committee.”

And, of course, the Russian screenwriters would slap their foreheads and say, “Of course! That’s the key that unlocks the whole character! It was that tractor-factory subtext all along!”

We don’t need Communist Writer’s Committees in the United States because we do all the work in the production meeting.

It started in the ’90s, I think, with the whole “Go Black” movement. I remember going to an audition for the role of a police captain in a TV movie, and when I got to the waiting room, the receptionist said, “Oh, I’m sorry, you didn’t hear? Somebody should have called you. We’re going black with this role.”

It was the first time I’d ever heard the phrase, so I said, “Would you repeat that?”

“We’re hiring an African-American for this part.”

What I wanted to say was: Wait, is this the same female casting director who is notorious in New York City for bringing actresses to tears by telling them that they’re too short, too fat, too blond, too perky, too old, too young, too chubby, too Jewish, too ethnic, too whatever—in other words, pointing out things they have no control over—because the script is written this way and the script is sacred?

Yes, it was the same woman. Apparently skin color was the only thing that wasn’t sacred in a shooting script.

I’m guessing, but I would imagine there was a production meeting, and at some point someone said, “What we need for this is a strong black character.”

And seven other people immediately agreed.

And so the director said, “Tell the casting director we’re Going Black with that police captain.”

I understand the whole multicultural, multiethnic universe of certain stories that are rooted in diverse environments—Star Trek comes to mind—but lately there’s been an aggressive effort to use actors as agitprop signboards even in stories about mountain men set in rural Montana.

“Well, no,” says the director or the producer, “the mayor of Thornton, Colorado, is not transgender in this script.”

“Why not? Why wouldn’t it be a BETTER STORY if the mayor were transgender?”

I mean, these conversations actually take place, and they take place long after the screenwriter has lost control of his work. He may have a three-inch-thick bible of backstory on that Colorado mayor, and he may have spent nine months perfecting that characterization, but it won’t matter because somebody with a sickle to grind at a production meeting started daydreaming about a transgender plot twist.

Fortunately these things have a way of self-correcting. People who make movies in order to transform society end up dying of brain aneurysms when the Monday-morning box office results come out and Transformers 8 has outperformed their socially relevant stick figures by 9,000 percent. Watch all those Lenfilm and Mosfilm movies from the 1950s and you’ll know what I mean. Better yet, watch Detroit. Because…nobody else did.

I think we’ll know this is over on some future day when they’re having a production meeting at the Public Theater, and the director of Shakespeare in the Park says, “Okay, we’re doing Othello this year, but listen to this…we’re gonna Go White with it.”

That’s when they’ll finally decide fake symbolism has run its course.

[briannaslist]

Til Death Do Us Part (Series Finale)

A Pretty Little Liars Recap

We get a weird opening that’s not necessary, so we’ll just skip it. If you thought you were going to get a satisfactory answer, then you can turn back now. AD is someone we have never met; someone we didn’t even know existed. The worst twist and reveal possible, to the point that it’s taken about a week before I could even talk about it. It’s an extended finale, an hour and a half without commercials, yet nothing happened until the last 30 minutes.

It was Spencer’s evil twin. We can just stop right here.

We get a one-year time jump: Aria and Ezra are on a movie set because their book may become a movie. Which is very early for that story to be optioned for a film. Meanwhile, Ali and Emily are the proud mothers of twin girls – Lily and Grace. Spencer is getting along with her sister Melissa for a change; Toby arrives, much to Spencer’s surprise, and they’re clearly happy to see each other, complete with lingering looks. Because all the couples must exist at the end.

Somehow Addison is still a thing and she’s still as annoying as ever. The girl is still being a bully to everyone and she and her friends are likely bullying a deaf girl, but at least we get Jenna telling her that she may be blind, but she can smell a bitch from a mile away. We should just end the episode right there. Meanwhile Hanna and Caleb are having issues because Hanna is letting Mona come live with them; a decision she made without consulting Caleb.

Everyone gets together at the renovated Lost Woods Resort for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party. Apparently, Ezra has no other friends because his guests are all the guys we already know. Spencer notices Hanna making passive aggressive remarks to Caleb. They’re being watched by Mona who is in a Melissa mask. There’s no significance in her wearing the mask. I wonder if Mona still spied while everyone broke off to have sex. Except Spencer and Toby, who just leave to play Scrabble.

Hanna’s concern is getting pregnant despite only being married for a year and under dire circumstances. Her fashion line is just starting to take off, Caleb sold some software to Lucas, and they’re having problems. Why would you need to rush a pregnancy? Get yourselves a little more together.

For whatever reason, they decide that this is a good time to add even more drama even though we have a limited time frame. Aria gets a third opinion from a professional and has it confirmed that she cannot have children; Ezra is supportive and tells her there are other options and he’s there for her, but he’s a bit offended that she never told him earlier because she was afraid he would leave. All of this is dragged out for far too long.

Caleb is unnecessarily hostile to Mona when they come home; just gives her this look and doesn’t even greet her. Like it’s her fault she’s mentally ill and was harassed into having a psychological break. This behavior from the guy who, just one episode ago, said “poor Mona” because of her circumstances.

Hanna thought it was appropriate to bring Mona to the rehearsal dinner without asking Aria or Ezra for permission. Caleb didn’t want to leave Mona home alone and Hanna didn’t know what to do. Ali’s shock about it is probably the most Alison thing we’ve seen in two seasons and it lasts less than ten seconds. Hanna wants them to just pretend for one night that they’re all friends and to just treat Mona like a person.  

I’m still lost on how everyone is still so sour toward Mona after all she’s done for them and how close she’s been kind to them. Like they try to use the excuse of some of the stuff she did like “trying to kill Hanna”. I’m not saying we should be super happy about that, but Emily dated someone who tried to drown her, so I’m not seeing much of a difference. This and the episodes before seemed like it was setting up everyone else finally reconciling with Mona and ending with the six of them at least being friendly. But that doesn’t happen.

For whatever reason, they had to throw in Ezra talking to Byron and Byron giving him his approval for marrying Aria. I guess they had to add it since many people are very…uneasy about this relationship. And then they spent a good portion of these last episodes with Ezra being weird about Nicole. Also an inconsequential and unneeded storyline in the end.

We get treated to the moms being entertaining (except Pam, who’s being sketchy talking to Ali). The other moms are cool though. They also remembered that Toby and Emily are friends (and have been this whole time) and they have Toby asking when he’ll get to meet the kids. But for every sweet moment like this, there’s the rest of the show, so. Some Addison drama is thrown in here too, but no one gives a shit.

Emily is in a mood because she saw Ali and Pam acting weird at the party. Emily’s stubbornness leads to a reveal that Pam was giving Ali Emily’s grandmother’s ring. Because Ali had a big thing planned, but now that the surprise is ruined, the proposal is right at this moment.

Hanna and Caleb finally talk like rational adults and Hanna acknowledges that she’s been dismissive of Caleb’s feelings and she’s going to tell Mona that things won’t work out with her living there. They kiss and Caleb asks her if she wants to make a baby. Right there, on the couch, when you still have a house guest though? Hopefully Mona doesn’t need a glass of water any time soon.

Oh, and Spencer goes to Toby’s room to have sex with him too because they weren’t part of the earlier sex sequence. There we go, all the couples are back. Everyone should be totally satisfied with that.

Then the build up to something actually happening – Spencer is at home and hears music. She goes to her living room only to get knocked out by Mona. When she wakes up, she thinks she’s looking in a mirror; however, it’s a window. And now Spencer knows that she has an evil twin. An evil twin who kidnapped her after getting Mary out of prison somehow.

This evil twin is a walking exposition machine, so may as well address everything all at once, like she does every time she’s on screen:

Her name is Alex Drake – Hence the A.D. thing. Wren saw her working in a bar in London and thought she was Spencer messing with him at first. Probably because that “accent” is horrendous. So anyway, Wren showed her a picture of Spencer and he called, of all people, Charlotte to tell her about Alex. He didn’t call Spencer or Melissa, hell even Peter Hastings would make more sense, than calling Charlotte.

Alex has been impersonating Spencer for a while now. She’s the one who gave Toby that strange goodbye kiss before he left to have his life with Yvonne; she’s the one who slept with him like a week after his wife died. She was in the airport arguing with Wren.

But why did Alex do all this? For basically no reason. She was mad because the girls “took Charlotte from her” and Spencer had an alright life with people who cared about her and that upset Alex? So, she decided she just needed to take over Spencer’s life permanently. She has Wren shoot her in the shoulder, in the same spot Spencer was shot; and Wren went along with it because he loves her… But then Wren was in the way of her becoming Spencer because he saw her as “Alex”, so she killed him and had his ashes turned into a diamond, which she wears as a necklace so he’s always nearby. Let’s just – let’s wrap this up.

Alex takes Spencer’s place and goes to get ready for Aria’s wedding. Aria’s wedding dress is about as awful as the “Cockney British accent”, so we’re lucky that Ezra sent a text saying he wasn’t going to come and everyone just took it at face value despite everything that has happened to them in the past. Caleb looks into it, only to find that Ezra never used any credit cards or moved his car. Because Alex kidnapped him when he saw her acting weird at The Radley. All of which could have been avoided had she just played coy and said she spent the night with Toby.

Meanwhile, Mary hops into the exposition machine to tell Spencer more stupid things that don’t make any sense. Stuff like, the nurse gave Spencer to Peter and he walked off, only for the doctor and nurse to be surprised by a second child. Yes, apparently, the entire time Mary was in their care, they never gave her an ultrasound. And Peter Hastings did not hear the doctor yelling about a second baby just moments later. Also all doctors in Rosewood are corrupt because he convinced her to sell the baby to a wealthy couple for a cut of the profits. And then the couple decided they didn’t want Alex, probably because she was unbearably annoying, even then, so they gave her to an orphanage and took back their name to erase all association with her. Several years later Alex ran away. And all of this while Spencer cries because we should…. feel bad? None of this justifies anything that Alex has done. Mary goes in to comfort Spencer, but she exits quickly and locks the electronic lock. But then they show us that Spencer stole a bobby pin from Mary’s hair. To pick the electronic lock.

Spencer soon learns that Ezra when he wakes up in a room across from her. She’s trying to pick the lock – no. Why is it electronic if it’s a pad lock? But then Alex comes in for a little more exposition. Like to not explain why Sara Harvey or Sydney were important; they weren’t. Jenna’s involvement was because she knew Charlotte had a sister and she wanted another chance as being able to see. So, Alex paid for surgery in exchange for a little help. Oh, and Noel Khan was helping Jenna because she was using Noel’s help to find the mysterious sister. Also, Alex only let us in on this, but Wren is the father for Ali and Emily’s kids. I’m assuming they never find that last part out. Anyway, there you go. “Answers”.

The next day, Alex goes to the ranch for the date with Toby. Because Alex is obsessed with Toby being in love with her. However, the shy horse reacts badly to her because she isn’t Spencer. And later when Spencer calls her mom a rock star in front of Jenna and Jenna sniffs out a different perfume, Jenna is clued in to Spencer not being Spencer. Jenna calls Toby to tell his as much. And Toby finds this convincing and goes to the others with one other piece of evidence – a book Spencer gave him is empty.

Everyone is skeptical for about three seconds before realizing there’s about ten minutes left and they have to just go with it. Meanwhile Mona watches all this unfold on her computer and calls Alex, who she also just learned about, and tells her to go to plan B. Then she goes to the others and tells them that Wren came to Welby to kill her, but she convinced him that she could get Mary out of prison. So, that happened, and she knows where Alex is; the house that Toby built.

Meanwhile, Spencer picked the lock and got Ezra out and they’re trying to find a way out. While Alex is hunting them down with an ax. Everyone else gets there and they have to play the “which one is real” game and the mystery is solved by true love. Then a police officer comes in and Mona says that she called the police.

Aria found a better wedding dress and she and Ezra get married. Before she leaves for her honeymoon, the girls get together again. Toby is sticking around and he’s gonna be working with Jason (who is not in the episode). It’s early to share, but Hanna is pregnant and Aria says she and Ezra are meeting with an adoption agency when they get back. Everyone is happy I guess, despite the others barely being in the episode, and they all hug.

Then we see Mona in France, working in a doll shop. She kisses her handsome boyfriend, the cop who arrested Mary and Alex, and then she goes downstairs to reveal that she has Mary and Alex captive. How she managed to get overseas with two unwilling people, one of whom is a fugitive, is beyond me, but I’ve tired of thinking of this show.

It would have been nice to end the episode right there with Mona, but they decide to do a repeat of “that night” with Addison’s friends; this time it’s Addison who’s missing. Good.

[viralhottopics]

Why the Halo Movie Failed to Launch

The Master Chiefs left the offices of Creative Artists Agency around midday on June 6, 2005, in a fleet of limo vans. In their green, red and blue Spartan armour the cybernetically-enhanced super soldiers made quite a spectacle. Each stood six-foot-three tall, visored helmets obscuring their faces. Each carried a red bound document folder stamped with the CAA logo that contained two things: a copy of the Halo screenplay commissioned by Microsoft and written by Alex Garland and a terms sheet. None of them spoke a word.

The security guards on the gates of the major motion picture studios are used to seeing many things. Still, a hulking soldier from the future striding towards them and demanding access to the studios top brass was inevitably going to end in some kind of shooting incident — whether involving a United Nations Space Command BR55 Battle Rifle or a security guards arguably more deadly .38 revolver.

Fortunately Larry Shapiros team at CAA had called ahead and warned the studios security heads what was going on. The Master Chiefs were allowed onto the lots at Universal, Fox, New Line, DreamWorks and others without firing a single shot. If this was the videogame industry literally invading Hollywood, it was remarkably bloodless. They delivered their scripts and waited outside the meetings rooms in silent character, flicking through the pages of Variety. Everyone knew the clock was ticking: Studio executives only had a couple of hours to read the Halo screenplay and decide whether or not to make an offer before the Master Chiefs returned to CAA with the screenplay. It was the deal of the century, and a fantastic piece of showmanship.

The Master Chief suits were Shapiros idea and they ensured that the Halo deal made headlines even before the trade papers learned how rich the demands were. It was a spectacular attempt to turn Microsofts first foray into Hollywood filmmaking into a theatrical event and it very almost worked. Master Chief, the hero of Microsoft and Bungies bestselling Halo games, made his debut in Hollywood. Sadly, though, his Tinsel Town ascension was short-lived.

Microsoft was aggressive in pursuing the idea of taking Halo to the big screen. Its easy to understand why. The games, developed by Bungie Studios, were perfect blockbuster material: high-octane, intense sci-fi shoot em ups with a dense mythology and storyline and a dedicated fan-base of millions. Combined sales of the first two Halo games grossed in excess of $600 million over four years, selling north of 13 million units. The movie biz looked on in envy.

When Microsoft approached CAA about their movie ambitions, Shapiro told them about the Day After Tomorrow auction set up by CAA agent Michael Wimer and director Roland Emmerich. With a script for the apocalyptic eco-movie in hand, Wimer called the major studios and invited them to bid for it. The process was unusual: Every studio would send a messenger to CAA at an allotted time, pick up the script and then have 24 hours to read it and make an offer. Each script was despatched with a terms sheet: Heres how much we want; heres how much we want for the director, and it has to be a go movie (in other words, a picture with a guaranteed start date for production). Each studio responded by trying to negotiate terms. The only exception was Fox, who simply wrote on the term sheet: Yes.

Microsoft, unaccustomed to Hollywoods culture, was impressed by that story. It wanted to be able to dictate the terms even though it was a newcomer in the movie biz. Halo was its prize property and they wanted to protect it.

Microsoft was entering into negotiations brandishing a very big stick.

Microsoft also wanted to make a bundle of money from its sale. For Shapiro, it was typical of the gulf between the two industries. Games creators are, by their nature, engineers who deal in absolutes. For them the subtleties of Hollywood production, with its ebb-and-flow of egos and power plays, were often alien. To sell a movie into a studio and actually get it made is a lot of work, he says. It takes a lot of conversations and a lot of pixie dust being thrown about while youre getting the deals done. In the games industry, theyre technologists and theyre data driven. Theyre looking at data points and saying: We need the movie to be made, its got to be this, this and this. If you get A, B and C to be part of the movie, then great well sell you the rights. You cant do that. But, if thats what Microsoft wanted, CAA was willing to try.

To set up that kind of deal, Microsoft needed to be ready. Most importantly it needed to have a screenplay so it paid Alex Garland (28 Days Later, The Beach) $1 million to pen a spec script. The screenplay was supervised by Microsoft, which meant it was — for good or ill — heavily steeped in the games mythology. Still, the project now had a blockbuster screenwriter and was based on a high-profile videogame franchise.

Next, it was a case of setting up the auction. Peter Schlessel, the former president of production at Columbia Pictures, was one of the main negotiators in the Halo movie deal and served as Microsofts Hollywood liaison. Together with Microsoft and its lawyers, Schlessel and the CAA team hammered out a term sheet. We were literally setting out to be the richest, most lucrative rights deal in history in Hollywood, says Shapiro. You have to remember that no property, not even Harry Potter, was getting [what we were asking for]. Microsoft, a global software giant used to getting its own way, wasnt about to kowtow to Hollywood. It knew Halo was the jewel of videogame movies, the one that could be a true blockbuster hit. According to Variety, Microsoft wanted $10 million against 15% of the box office gross, in addition to a $75 million below-the-line budget and fast-tracked production.

Those were big demands. Not least of all since, at the time, videogame movies were still floundering on the edge of respectability. Tomb Raider had made a pot of money and pushed towards the mainstream but its 2003 sequel, Lara Croft: Tomb Raider — The Cradle of Life, suffered a disappointing opening weekend at the U.S. box office and limped by on its foreign grosses. The Lara Croft franchise was running out of steam early. And most other videogame movie outings werent even in the same neighbourhood as Lara. Paul W. S. Anderson, the director of Mortal Kombat, parlayed his success into the zombie-themed Resident Evil franchise distributed by Sony Screen Gems. The first movie based on Capcoms survival horror game series took $102 million worldwide and did gangbuster business on DVD selling over a million units. But it lacked the prestige and mainstream crossover potential of Tomb Raider.

Microsoft were aiming higher — much, much higher. CAAs deal-making matched the software giants aspirations. According to the New York Times, Microsoft were demanding creative approval over director and cast, plus 60 first-class plane tickets for Microsoft personnel and their guests to attend the premiere. It wouldnt be putting any money into the production itself beyond the fee paid to Garland, nor was it willing to sign over the merchandising rights. To add insult to injury, Microsoft wanted the winning studio to pay to fly one of its representatives from Seattle to LA. They would watch every cut of the movie during post-production. Clearly, Microsoft was entering into negotiations brandishing a very big stick.

With the screenplay written and the ink still drying on the terms sheet, the agents called up the major studios and advised them to be prepared. It was a bold, some might say arrogant, show of power. As Shapiro remembers it, We told them: You need to have all your decision makers in a room because were going to deliver the script for you to read together with a terms sheet. But theres a fuse on it. Youll only have a certain amount of time to make a deal.

Master Chief in the upcoming game Halo 4. Image: Microsoft

Because Hollywood is a town built on relationships, CAAs agents made sure they called all the major players. Even then there were some who felt snubbed; Miramax head honcho Harvey Weinstein called up to shout about being left off the list. Everyone had assumed Miramax wouldnt be interested in the property. Truth was they probably werent, but there was prestige to be had in being invited to the Halo party. The only major studio Microsoft refused to approach was Columbia, which was owned by Sony, its chief rival in the console war.

With his production background, Shapiro decided to add a little razzle dazzle to the proceedings. Remembering the Master Chief costumes hed seen at Comic-Con, he tracked down the one person in the U.S. who was fabricating the games official Spartan UNSC battle armour and hired seven suits: a Red, a Blue and several in Master Chief green. I had them shipped out to CAA, recalls Shapiro, they came in crates and had instructions about how to put them on. I hired character actors to wear the suits because, you know, you dont just put anyone in these suits. They had to feel like Master Chief.

For a few hours on June 6, 2005, Hollywood became Halowood. Everyone was buzzing about the Master Chiefs spotted walking through the studio lots and — more importantly — about the richness of the deal Microsoft was demanding. No one had ever seen anything like it before. Microsoft, the global corporation whose products sat on every desktop, had come to Hollywood and wasnt afraid of throwing its weight around. If showmanship and arrogance and Hollywood dont go together, I dont know what does, says Moore who was Microsofts go-between with Universal during the negotiations, reporting to the software companys point man Steve Schreck.

Not everyone was impressed. Movie executive Alex Young, who by the time of Halo had moved from Paramount to Fox, recalls reading the screenplay under Master Chiefs watchful eye. It was one of those gimmicky Hollywood things: hey, force everybody to be in a room, make it feel urgent, have a guy show up in costume and Oh my God! This feels like a big deal. It probably served Microsoft and CAA well at the time, but ultimately it seemed like a bit of manufactured theatre to me. Another problem was that the Halo property was so well-known by that point that everyone knew what to expect. You either loved the idea of making a Halo movie or you did not, suggests Young. Having a guy in costume deliver the screenplay wasnt going to convince you one way or the other.

In the end, though, it wasnt the Master Chiefs fault that the deal stumbled. Nor was it CAAs. The failure of the Halo movie remains a potent illustration of the gulf that still lies between Hollywood and the videogame business. It should have been the tent-pole movie to die for, instead it became the one that got away. Millions of Halo fans around the world wanted a movie, yet it failed to launch. Partly, it stemmed from the on-going inability of both sides of the deal to understand each others culture, needs and language.

“When the videogame industry talks to people they do it open-kimono and they expect the same transparency back. Hollywood doesnt function that way.”

Most of the studios who read the Halo screenplay passed immediately. Microsofts terms were simply too demanding. By the end of Master Chief Monday there were only two horses in the race: Fox and Universal. Microsoft hoped to use each to leverage off the other but hadnt banked on the studios very different approach to doing business. What the games industry doesnt understand is that this town is all about lunch, explains Shapiro. It doesnt happen like that in the games industry. If there was a movie studio going out to the games publishers to license Avatar or something like that, theyd say Ok were licensing Avatar, send us your best deal. But none of the games publishers would talk to each other and say Hey, what are you going to offer them?

The studios werent so reticent in sounding each other out. What happened was Universal called Fox and asked them what they were going to offer, continues Shapiro, who watched events unfold close-up. They decided to partner on it. Lets offer the same deal and offer to partner. So now we lost our leverage. Universal agreed to take U.S. domestic, Fox would take foreign. In the blink of an eye Microsofts bargaining position had been pole-axed.

The immensely powerful Microsoft had wandered into the deal navely expecting everyone to play by its rules and the resulting culture shock put immense strain on the Halo deal. For Moore, then corporate vice-president of the Interactive Entertainment Business division at Microsoft, there was clearly culture clash during the negotiations: You work for a company like Microsoft, where you do what you say, you say what you do; you think you have an agreement, youre ready to go, and then… [the deal falls apart].

It was something that talent agents working at the intersection between the two industries have experienced many times. When the videogame industry talks to people they do it open-kimono and they expect the same transparency back, says Blindlights Lev Chapelsky. Hollywood doesnt function that way, they dance and they sing and they play games and go through their ritual haggling. To somebody whos not accustomed to that, it can be insulting.

Microsoft clearly werent accustomed to it. They were used to being the strongest contender in any negotiation they entered into. But this time they were far out of their comfort zone. We dont understand Hollywood, Microsoft Games Studios general manager Stuart Mulder confessed to the trade papers in 2002 as the company inked in its deal with Shapiro at CAA. It was a throwaway comment that would turn out to be disturbingly prophetic.

What was apparent during the Halo deal-making was that Microsoft was far from home, perhaps even surrounded in enemy territory. In the middle of the Halo negotiations, as all parties sat around the table, Shapiro recalls the discussion between Microsofts Hollywood liaison Peter Schlessel and Jimmy Horowitz, Universals co-president of production, taking an aggressive turn. Schlessel was getting really tough on some of the terms with Horowitz: Come on, dont be a jerk, blah, blah, blah…. It was getting really heated. The guy from Microsoft [Steve Schrek] was like, Wow, this is really good. Then we took a break and Schlessel goes to Horowitz, Are you coming over for Passover? Because they know each other. You dont have those kinds of relationships in videogames. In Hollywood you can be getting at each other but then youre playing golf together the next day.

Even after the deal was struck, the misunderstanding over how the movie business operated continued to be a problem. Microsoft wanted a big-name director, but Peter Jackson, helmer on The Lord of the Rings trilogy, decided to sign on as a co-producer alongside Peter Schlessel, Mary Parent and Scott Stuber. Jackson wanted his new protg, an up-and-coming commercials whiz kid called Neill Blomkamp, to direct. With Jacksons fee running to several million dollars the studios knew there was an advantage in hiring a cheaper, less well-known talent to sit in the directors chair. Microsoft was reputedly not happy with the decision.

Blomkamp, a South African director who had made his mark with commercials for Nike and had shot an intriguing short about alien apartheid called Alive in Joburg, was concerned about getting chewed up and spat out while making his first feature with these three enormous corporations and a budget north of $100 million. My instinct was that if I crawled into that hornets nest it would be not good, and it was a clusterfuck from day one, he admits. Theres no question that there was a clash of worlds, for sure. The two sides werent seeing eye-to-eye.

What lured him in, beyond the obvious kudos, was his love for the property: I told Tom Rothman [co-Chairman of Fox Filmed Entertainment] that I was genetically created to direct Halo. However, Blomkamp quickly realised that the studio didnt share his artistic vision and was uncomfortable at the prospect of his gritty, post-cyberpunk aesthetic — all blurry video feeds and radio chatter – dominating a summer blockbuster. Rothman hated me, I think he would have gotten rid of me if he could have, says the director. The suits werent happy with the direction I was going. Thing was, though, Id played Halo and I play videogames. Im that generation more than they are and I know that my version of Halo would have been insanely cool. It was more fresh and potentially could have made more money than just a generic, boring film — something like G.I. Joe or some crap like that, that Hollywood produces.

Blomkamps relationship with Fox was particularly fraught. The way the deal was split between three major corporations and a handful of Hollywood producers caused several unusual imbalances in terms of power. The way Fox dealt with me was not cool. Right from the beginning, when Mary [Parent, Universals former president of production turned Halo producer] hired me up until the end when it collapsed, they treated me like shit; they were just a crappy studio. Ill never ever work with Fox ever again because of what happened to Halo – unless they pay me some ungodly amount of money and I have absolute fucking control.

He was also being pressured by Microsofts demands too. One of the biggest issues was creative control. Microsoft had paid Garland to pen the screenplay to their specifications in order to retain control over what was clearly a very valuable property to them. Halo was an Xbox exclusive title, a billion-dollar franchise, and its chief weapon in the console war against Sony. The problem was, though, that filmmaking was a collaborative exercise and total control simply wasnt possible.

If youre dealing with a company that doesnt understand the film industry, its sense of assurance comes with glossy names that have done a lot of big projects that have made a lot of money, says Blomkamp. I think the guys at Bungie liked what I was doing. Im fairly confident in saying they liked where I was going. Its highly possible that that artwork was getting back to Microsoft and Microsoft itself, the corporate entity, was not happy with it because it was too unconventional. I dont know if thats true or not, but it was entirely possible.

Against this fraught background, Universal funded $12 million of preliminary development on the movie. Some of the money was spent before Blomkamp came on-board by director Guillermo Del Toro, who was initially attached before going off to make Hellboy II: The Golden Army instead. The rest was spent on Blomkamps watch and included paying various screenwriters — Scott Frank, D.B. Weiss, Josh Olson — to redraft the original screenplay.

Meanwhile, Weta Workshop, the New Zealand physical effects company co-founded by Jackson, was fabricating real-life versions of the weapons, power armour and the Warthog assault vehicle from the game. Blomkamp would eventually use them to shoot a series of thrilling test shorts. The legacy of a movie never made, is how Moore describes the collected footage, which was later cut together under the title Halo: Landfall and used to promote the Halo 3 videogame release in 2007.

With development proving slow, Fox and Universal were beginning to get impatient. The gross heavy deal and costs increased the growing sense of unease. In October 2006, right before a payment was due to be made to the filmmakers and Microsoft, Universal demanded that the producers deals be cut. Jackson consulted with his co-producers and Blomkamp, as well as with Microsoft and Bungie, and refused. In a stroke, the Halo movie was pronounced dead in the water.

What ultimately killed the Halo movie was money. Microsofts unwillingness to reduce their deal killed the deal, says Shapiro. Their unwillingness to reduce their gross in the deal meant it got too top-heavy. That movie could have been Avatar.

Blomkamp agrees: One of the complicating factors with Halo was that Microsoft wasnt the normal party that youd go off and option the IP from and make your product. Because Microsoft is such an omnipresent, powerful corporation, they werent just going to sit back and not take a massive cut of the profits. When you have a corporation that potent and that large taking a percentage of the profits, then youve got Peter Jackson taking a percentage of the profits and you start adding all of that stuff up, mixed with the fact that you have two studios sharing the profits, suddenly the return on the investment starts to decline so that it becomes not worth making. Ultimately, thats essentially what killed the film.

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from Why the Halo Movie Failed to Launch