#yes he's talking about jowan

[massgrav]

I’ve known a man like you – a little older, maybe. You never believed in him, never acknowledged him, always treated him with scorn and disdain. How does it feel, my poor boy ; to be utterly powerless, now that tables have turned? Today, he walks free. You, however, will never know true freedom again.

——

[milesmentis]

top 5 things about Jowan that make you smile

"Send me an ask for my Top 5 anything"

His voice: Apparently I'm in the minority on this but I positively adore Desmond Askew's voice and find it very soothing to listen to. The number one reason I played ESO (aside from hanging out with Daisy) was the fact that he voiced like half the male dunmer

The way he makes fun of the Chantry: Jowan is easy to push around and traumatized as heck, but the biting sarcasm that he reserves for talking about the Chantry is delicious. He's so bitter about his lot in life, but does a good job of hiding it. It only comes out in little bits and pieces with someone he can confide in (like the player). Also his "The sun grows dark, but Lo! Here comes the Dawn" quip always makes me giggle

His potential for growth: even without the companion arc he was intended to have (yes, I will die bitter about this), the way he changes between the Circle and the Arl of Redcliffe is telling. He admits his faults, expresses his regrets about Lily and the player, and offers to make amends. If you send him into the Fade, he resists the demon - proving that he DID have the strength to pass the Harrowing all along. And in the end ... he accepts whatever fate you decide: Death or Tranquility ... his greatest fears and faces them with courage. Of course I would never choose either, so he is either recruited into my party (thank you mods!) or off protecting commoners as an apostate. "Master Levyn" my love

Being a Warden: because if the game won't give me Warden Jowan content, I'll just make it myself! Joining the wardens makes so much sense for him! Blood magic isn't outlawed there ... in fact it's respected and studied. I like to think from time to time about Jowan, a decade or two older, studying Avernus/the Architect (either in person or using their notes) and doing intense research into anatomy, surgery, blood magic, Blight, and the way they all interact to become an INCREDIBLY accomplished physician. Someone who has the respect of his colleagues ... a sense of purpose ... confidence ... yeah ...

His parallels with Morrigan: so I am down bad for Morrigan/Jowan, there is simply no denying it. I like the idea of Morrigan/Amell, and I can see a relationship with Jowan hitting a lot of the same beats. She mocks him, pressures him, scoffs and derides him ... but also takes time to teach him skills that the Circle never would. And although she would never admit it, she eventually opens up to his softness instead of having a knee-jerk reaction to his "weakness". Basically I could see them being really good for each other in the long run and doing a great job raising Keiran together

[bambsik]

(I need to start take more screenshots by myself I swear)

Redcliffe was... Definitely something.

Helping people in the village was propably the first time Helen didn't agreed with Morrigan. But she couldn't left them behind. She already saw a lost battle. She doesn't want to do this again.

But then, with Connor... She listened to Jowan about the ritual. She definitely wasn't going to ask for help in the Circle. And they had a willing participant. And Jowan is her best friend. The most important thing was to defeat that demon and she did it herself. Helen definitely feels more powerful now.

But what really sucked was Alistair reaction after they left. He comes to her, all calm and nice: "heeey, I want to talk to you about Redcliffe, I had the time to think about it" and THEN he starts screaming at her: "HOW DARE YOU, HOW COULD YOU MAKE THAT DECISION, I OWE EAMON MORE THAN THAT"

Yes, Alistair. YOU owe him more. I made that decision because YOU put me in charge. YOU didn't stop me.

First, you're putting in charge emotionaly unstable 18 yo mage who was Grey Warden for what? An hour? And then you're all bitter about it?

Helen definitely cried in her tent after that.

It is hard. She didn't imagine her fate to be like that after leaving the Circle. And she's travelling with who? Witch of the Wilds, who has interesting point of view but can be really ruthless, and doesn't really seem to want to make friendships; crazy Chantry lady; some former-templar asshole, who put all responsibility for poor Helen and then is mad about it; qunari who is apparently happy when she's insulting him and two strange dwarves. The only normal person is her dog.

[dragonagekeeper]

Disclaimer: This is not recorded in the keep, but is something players can do in game while talking to Alistair after Alistair's Family quest.

Hardened refers to optional personality changes for Alistair and Leliana. The change affects future character dialogue, the overall attitude of the companions, and the plot line.

Alistair Polls / Denerim Polls

Dragon Age Origins Polls

See choice descriptions from Dragon Age Wiki/Keep below

If Alistair remains unhardened:

Alistair's hopes of a joyous meeting with Goldanna are quashed, leading him to put thoughts of his family aside and continue in his quest. Alistair's experience with his half-sister does not dramatically affect his personality, however, remaining relatively idealistic and passive.

If Alistair is hardened:

Following his disastrous encounter with Goldanna, Alistair is chastised by the Warden for being too passive in his interactions with others. This leads Alistair to become much more assertive, taking a considerably more pragmatic approach to problems, in contrast with his formerly idealistic outlook. After finally reaching the Landsmeet, Alistair participates in laying the cause against Teyrn Loghain before the nobility of Ferelden. Loghain is finally defeated by force of arms and is about to be executed, but the execution is halted by the intervention of the senior Grey Warden Riordan, who suggests that instead of wasting his life, Loghain should undergo the Joining ritual and join the ranks of the Wardens. If Alistair was chosen to duel Loghain, Loghain is content that there is still some of Maric in him after being defeated. Alistair dismissed Maric's relevance to him and performed Loghain's execution to avenge Duncan without hesitation.

From the Hardened wiki page:

The Arl of Redcliffe: Alistair will now approve of the Warden executing Jowan.

Denerim, The Pearl: a woman named Isabela is acquainted with Zevran. If you are in a romance with Alistair and bring him to The Pearl, he will join you in a threesome if you choose that in her conversation choices.

At The Landsmeet:

Alistair's attitude towards becoming king will be more positive (or at least his attitude to Anora becoming queen will be more negative).

If Alistair is in a romance with a non-human and/or mage Warden and becomes king, he will not marry them / will end the relationship, but can be persuaded to continue the romance with the Warden as his mistress even if the outcome of the Landsmeet is for him to marry Anora.

If Alistair is chosen to fight Loghain and has not agreed to marry Anora, then he will assume the throne immediately after executing Loghain. If he does not fight the duel, Alistair will leave the choice to the Warden, but will insist on being made king.

If the Warden spares Loghain, Alistair will now agree to marry Anora instead of leaving, provided they had previously agreed to marry. He will still leave the Warden's party, but will be around during the Epilogue. This is the only way that both Alistair and Loghain can live without Alistair being exiled.

[crossdressingdeath]

Another reason why it sucks that only a female Warden can try to flirt with Jowan: it's only if you choose that option that you learn that Jowan talks about his best friend to Lily all the time, which is just an adorable bit of characterization for his relationship with the Warden (...or possibly not so adorable depending on what he's saying about them, given the canonical massive inferiority complex he has about his much stronger and more talented best friend). Also I love how you ask Jowan why the two of you never got together and Lily chimes in with "Yes, why didn't you?" And he's just so hilariously caught off guard if you inform him that it was in fact a serious question and you do like him as more than a friend. But it's only if you assure him you were joking that he'll say "Maybe if you had..." and then trail off, which suggests that the brotherly feelings he claims to hold for the Warden were maybe at one point not quite so brotherly, which is another very fun bit of characterization for their relationship. Also I love how no matter what option you pick he's like "This is a weird thing for you to be asking about right now what with the imminent danger and my girlfriend standing right here so I'm gonna change the subject".

[druckkugelschreiber]

I don't know if I ever talked about my second invasion of Ferelden AU here but I'm doing it now anyway (if in doubt we have the post double).

So, basically, Cailan survives Ostagar and goes through with the Orlesian support to fight off the blight. Loghain is like 'ah hell nah' and retreats with his support to Gwaren. He does not start a civil war (he isn't dumb like the Guerrin's) but also doesn't do much to help.

So the HoF runs around wildly trying to garner support much like in the first game.

Meanwhile Anora is held hostage so Loghain doesn't start shit (not that he would before the blight is over but Cailan and Celene aren't both that smart (and arguably very reasonably afraid of the old man)).

So Nydhena is fixing the blight (idk if Duncan is alive or not, because the events of DAO don't matter that much in the AU).

We have a demon god baby with Jowan and Morrigan and Nydhena kills the archdemon. She frees Anora and flees with her to Loghain's rebellion camp.

Loghain is obviously hugely distrustful of Nydhena, despite the fact she brought him (pregnant) Anora. Anora vouches for Nydhena so she can stay, but again, Loghain doesn't trust her and is very hostile.

Obviously I had no idea why Nydhena would even get involved in this whole business until this bit of dialogue popped in my head.

Nydhena: You know I wouldn't have brought you Anora if I had wanted to hinder the rebellion, right?

Loghain: you helped the Orelsians fight the blight for a year

N: yeah I'm a Grey Warden, that's my fucking job. I didn't help the Orlesians, I fought the blight. Also, you didn't do fuck all against the Orlesians either for a year because of the blight.

L: Yes, you're a Grey Warden you're supposed to be politically neutral so why are you here?!

N: because the Grey Wardens can go fuck themselves *pauses* and I hate Orlesians.

*at that point Loghain gets a bit starry eyed ngl*

N: do you think I don't know what the Orlesians do to my brethren over there? Do you think I want that here? I'll kill every last fucking one of them *angry frosty magic crackle*

So that's how Loghain falls for Nydhena first in that AU. he's like 'she doesn't like the Grey Wardens AND hates Orlesians *-* '

[anderstrevelyan]

No pressure ask: share a detail about Garrett/Anders that you don't feel like you get to talk about enough. (It could be a fluffy headcanon, a fleeting moment, their favorite/least favorite thing about each other, anything goes!)

Ahh thanks for the ask, @mxanigel! I think I want to talk about the importance of names in their relationship, since I think about it a lot and play with it in writing but I feel like I've never fully articulated it?

(This is going to be a bit of an essay with WRITING EXAMPLES, including unpublished ones, apologies/buckle in, I guess)

Anders of course doesn't use his given name, but for Garrett he clings to his—since he was taken to the Circle so young, he doesn't remember a time before, or anything about his family, so for him "Amell" is an anchor, a clue, something that ties him to where he came from and the belonging he longs for. "Garrett," too, as something chosen for him that connects him to his family line (which is why I picked Garrett for him, actually! Since out-of-universe it's a name everyone associates with the Hawkes/Amells for obvious reasons).

This intensifies after the Blight, when he starts to feel buried under the weight of being seen as just the "Hero of Ferelden." He's lonely, he's sad, he's really, really wants someone to see him as Garrett. This is from his first pov chapter in Awakening:

She’s beautiful, he notices, droplets in her lashes and a flush in her cheeks as she steals glances up at him, and maybe he would have tried to flirt back if it were still a few months ago. With his friends gone and his bed unmistakably empty, not even a dog to warm his feet, he’d had no trouble finding companions willing to spend an evening absolutely anywhere else, but—

“I’m sorry, I must sound ridiculous,” Mhairi’s saying with a quick laugh. “It’s just, you’re such a hero.”

He can barely restrain the pinch in his face at the word anymore, that title affixed so strongly it’s all anyone sees. The last man had even forgotten his name, saying with a sheepish grin as he pulled on his trousers, Well, nice to meet you, Hero. He can’t remember the last time someone looked into his eyes and saw him, saw Garrett. Eventually he settled for empty sheets and the company of demons whispering to him each night in the Fade; at least they don’t care about the story—they only want him for his power, and that’s something he’s had a lifetime of practice being reduced to. 

At first, that person isn't Anders. Anders calls him Amell, referring to him that way throughout his pov chapters for quite a while, and that's reflective of distance between them.

(At the same time, he calls himself Garrett throughout his own pov chapters; Jowan calls him Garrett; Irving clearly thinks of him as Garrett, too, referring to him as Amell in a formal classroom setting but casually calling him just Garrett when he's speaking to Anders. When Alistair, who Garrett has a strained, complicated relationship with post-Blight, appears at the start of Awakening, there's a line that makes it clear he used to call him Garrett but now refers to him as Amell.)

But as they grow closer, Garrett works up the nerve to ask him to switch. He's not great at expressing his feelings, so he doesn't articulate why, so it's subtle enough that Anders probably doesn't register this moment as a big deal to him. But that he immediately accepts it and starts calling him Garrett from here on out—that means everything to Garrett. (Also I can't wait to spend more time working on these later chapters, so I can stop flipping back and forth on how he's referred to in-narrative based on whose pov I'm in, but anyway!):

As soon as he’s out of earshot, Garrett sighs. “I hate it when he calls me that.” 

Anders, perched languidly on the uncomfortable bench beside him, looks up from his book. “You mean you’re not lapping up the luxuries of leadership, Amell? I always had you pegged as future First Enchanter.”

“Maker, I never would have said yes to that. I hate politics.” And he really does, he realizes, staring at the work still ahead, suddenly very grateful for the company of the mage by his side. 

“Says the arl!” 

“The very reluctant arl.” He pauses, hesitates, glances over at him. “You can call me Garrett, you know.”

“Okay. Garrett, then.” Anders sets the book down and rests his chin in his hands. “I’m bored, Garrett.”

To Anders, on the other hand, his own name becomes all about choice. Distancing himself from pain in his past—escaping from it. Once they're in a relationship, Garrett doesn't really understand that, since to him his name is who he is, so he's a little worried when he realizes he doesn't know Anders' "real" name.

“Oh, I remember it. I just haven’t said it out loud since…well, you know.”

“Would you ever tell anyone?”

“You mean you.”

“I mean me. I’m just curious. I feel like I know everything else about you.”

“I don’t think so.” He’d normally leave it there, but at the expression that ghosts across Garrett’s face, he finds himself rushing to put it into words. “It started as a way to hold on to something. Something they couldn’t take. If that was still how I felt, I’d…I’d let you hold that, too.” The way Garrett looks at him, eyes a little wide, brings a burn to his cheeks, and he looks away. “But I’m not him anymore.”

“I understand.” And Garrett brings his gaze back, laying a hand on his arm.

He leans in to his touch, but pivots away with his words. Tries to, at least. “Maybe I’ll even get to keep this one. That would be something, wouldn’t it?”

Which brings me to why much further in the future—after Garrett's grown from mourning the family life that was stolen from him to focusing on creating one for himself—it's everything to me when Garrett asks Anders if he wants to be an Amell, too.

That anchor that's always meant the very picture of family to him, an essential part of himself: he's finally getting to share it. And the fact that it's with Anders, who's never retained a name for tradition's sake, that he's choosing to make it his own—makes it all the more meaningful.

[queen-scribbles]

4, 6, 22, 31, 43 from the OC questions?

4. A character you rarely talk about?

Oh, there's a lot(I still love them). Most are from the DA fic(s) I wrote before joining tumblr, and the main one is my beloved canon Warden Rahna Tabris

What was supposed to be a one-shot(maybe two-shot) about the start of her grieving process when romanced!Alistair died killing the archdemon somehow wouldn't stop growing and by the end of it I had 665k for her, spanning four longfics, several oneshots, covering Origin' epilogue scene through Witch Hunt, ft a very slow burn, friends to lovers second chance romance with Jowan. (seriously. I think it took 100k for there to be a hint of actual romance/crushing)

I love her dearly and she is still my canon Warden, but since I spent so long writing her and only her and her story seemed pretty much done at the end of her last longfic, she hasn't really talked to me since I finished. Since that was...6mon-a year after I joined tumblr she's not as "known" as the others. (Also she's the only muse I've written in first person. So that may be a factor in why I haven't written her more😅)

6. Two OCs of yours that look alike despite not being related?

I think Jaaide and Janine would get mistaken for sisters if they were in the same universe(both blonde, they have similar jawlines/cheekbones). Which is ironic bc Jo Wyatt is my "voice claim" for Janine, to make sure I keep her with a consistent speech pattern when I write. xD

22. Is there any OC of yours people tend to mischaracterize? If yes, how?

Not mischaracterize, exactly, but I think I/other people focus more on the sweetheart/goofball side of Vikkari, when he is also extremely badass in a fight, especially after doubling down on his Mythic path after the Abyss(warpriest, man, he can kick your ass with magic OR the huge falchion he's lugging around or both). I think it's a byproduct of me mostly writing downtime scenes where he's joking around with Seelah or being really sweet with Arue(or Etain in that AU). If I wrote him more fight scenes, which I should do since I love writing combat :3, it would be easier to remember.

31. Pick one OC of yours and explain what their tumblr blog would be like (what they reblog, layout, anything really)

Jas would have the same theme I do, with sunny yellow background, some cute wallpaper-like art of butterflies as the header image, and a cartoonized/goofy version of her Official Queenly Portrait as her pfp/sidebar image. (green with the aurora borealis as header for mobile) She mostly reblogs inspirational/scriptural quotes, recipes for sweet breakfast and dessert food, and animal pictures. Nature and art for things she likes also make frequent appearances. She also posts a lot just rambling about her day, stuff she saw or did, her family/friends/Tristian(yes he's his own category).

43. Do you have any certain type when you create your OCs? Do you tend to favour some certain traits or looks? It’s time to confess

Definitely like red hair, freckles, and green eyes, though I try to only have one or two of the three per character, not all of them(AJ and Tel have red hair + freckles but blue eyes, Jas and Tragen have red hair/green eyes but no freckles, Endrali and Trinne have freckles, Jaaide has green eyes etc etc) Also brown or grey eyes.

I like making bookworms. I love making siblings sets(*glances at the... five I have in SWtOR*), usually with a good relationship. Snark. Supportive and fiercely protective. There's a lot.

OC Asks

[syrupwit]

happy dadwc syrup!! a song lyric prompt this week, perhaps for Neria (/Cullen, if it strikes?): "sending my love from the other side of the apocalypse // and I just about snapped // don't look back // every lover's got a little dagger in their hand" from Love From the Other Side by FOB?

Hello Mer, thank you so much for this! I've been picking away at a related snippet for a while, and this prompt helped clarify it for me.

Under the cut, for @dadrunkwriting, please find ~1200 words of semi-requited f!Surana/Cullen, plus a desire demon and Morrigan (though not at the same time). CW: sexualized creepiness at the end involving the desire demon.

-

Neria finds her Templar in a mood tonight.

“Spirit,” he barks, lip curling disagreeably as he takes her in. His greetings are usually warmer. Over the past few weeks, his dreaming self has come to recognize her; he named her as a spirit once, and she didn’t correct the assumption. “Here to taunt me again?”

“If I’m a spirit, why am I taunting you?” says Neria. 

“That was my next question. Demon.” He folds his arms. He’s always wearing armor in his dreams.

“I’m not a demon,” says Neria.

“That’s exactly what a demon would say.”

“It’s what anyone who isn’t a demon would say. Who goes out and says, ‘yes, I am a demon’? It’s the kind of thing some apprentices might dream up as a prank.”

“That,” says her Templar, “would be a terrible prank.” 

It’s a pity that he’s chosen to be difficult tonight, as Neria has been looking forward to seeing him. They’ll reach Redcliffe tomorrow, and she’s been on edge about it for days. The familiar narrowness of his dreams comforts her. Sometimes she wishes that she’d never left the tower, that her life still revolved around class schedules and forbidden books and stupid gossip.

Speaking of the last thing. “Is Banni still fighting with Petra?” she asks him, trying to change the subject.

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t,” says Neria. “It’s just something to talk about.”

“So why do you want to talk to me about it?”

“I like talking to you.” It’s not a lie.

“Why?”

“Because you’re interesting.”

He snorts. “You can’t mean that.” 

“I do! You interest me. And you’re pleasant, for a Templar.”

“I can’t say I’ve met many spirits, not that I’d remember if I had,” says her Templar. “I never remember you when I wake up. But you seem… benign, for a spirit.”

But malign, for a mortal, thinks Neria. “High praise.”

“From me, it is.” Her Templar is quiet for a moment. Then he says, voice grim, “I think there’s going to be trouble with the mages soon.”

Neria’s heart does a little seizing thing; she feels it clench and pulse in the waking world. “What kind of trouble?”

“I don’t know. Things have been strange lately. The tower hasn’t felt right since that maleficar escaped”—he means Jowan, she knows he means Jowan, he can’t suspect anything about her—“but it’s gotten worse since Uldred came back from Ostagar.”

“Worse how?”

“There’s been more whispering. Mages are always whispering, but this is different. And it may be inappropriate for me to notice, but they’ve stopped—I don’t see them kissing as much.”

He’s famously a prude. Even Neria, who never paid much attention to him in the tower, knows this about him. She finds herself smirking. “You want to see the mages kissing more?”

It doesn’t fluster him as much as she expects. “It would bring me some peace,” he admits, and briefly looks so lost that she almost feels bad for him.

“Perhaps it’s lyrium madness,” she suggests, meaning to be playful. “Your mind could be going.”

Her Templar shakes his head, still looking lost, serious. “I’m too young.”

“It could also be that you just miss me.”

To her surprise, that makes him laugh. “So you have come to taunt me.” 

“Weren’t you in love with me? With her. I’ve heard that can be hard for mortals, especially if you aren’t allowed to express it.”

He puts his face in his hand, chuckling. “Spirit, I can almost believe that you mean to be kind.” 

Emboldened, Neria asks, “If I were really her, and not a spirit. What would you say to me?”

Still laughing at her. “There’s nothing to say.”

“What would you do, then?” she presses.

“What do you mean?”

“Would you kiss me? Or…” She holds her breath, hoping he’ll get her meaning without her having to say it.

He’s stopped laughing. “There could never be anything like that between us. It’s best not to dwell on it.”

“It wouldn’t be dwelling,” she argues. “You said you don’t remember me when you wake up. You could do what you liked with no consequences at all.”

“There are always consequences,” says her Templar. “Sometimes even for you.”

-

The following afternoon, Morrigan says the same thing, or near enough, in front of the militiamen assembled at the bottom of Redcliffe Village. Neria almost hits her with her staff.

“They already aren’t listening to me,” she tells Morrigan in a harsh whisper. “You don’t need to make me seem any weaker.”

“I doubt you require my help there.”

Morrigan is right. Neria has been running around all morning trying to get the villagers to cooperate, with little luck unless she has Alistair or Sten along. She had to pay that dwarf a whole sovereign. Her palms itch for a knife.

“Well, why don’t you just be straight with me, then?” she says. “What dire consequences do we face if we defend the village?”

“If others believe you incapable, tis often best to let them,” says Morrigan. “Otherwise their expectations tend to grow.”

“You just don’t want to be on healing duty for the battle,” says Neria.

“Do I have a choice?” But she cheers up when Neria decides, over Leliana’s objections, to head back to the chantry and ask the Mother for her useless blessing. Morrigan always needs something to gloat about.

-

Dawn finds them exhausted but alive. The same can be said of more of the militiamen than Neria anticipated. Oil and soot blacken the path to the castle, and they are burning bodies of the undead when she learns that she is now expected to journey there and defeat whatever force still controls it.

Morrigan, thankfully, is asleep in the village tavern by this point.

Neria joins her. The terror and excitement of battle have worn off, and now she’s just tired. In a room with a real bed, it’s much easier to relax, to let her thoughts turn to the Tower and her classmates and her Templar…

She’s getting better at dreamwalking; she needs less blood to find him. That’s good, because she doesn’t have much to spare.

But when she finds him, something is wrong.

-

He’s always wearing armor in his dreams. Not this one. In this one, he’s half-naked and curled in on himself, and there’s something bent over him, whispering in his ear but carefully not touching him.

It looks up at Neria and smiles with her face.

“This one’s fun,” it says. “Want a turn? He’s still fresh. Not spoiled yet.”

After a moment, Neria finds her voice. “Leave him be.” She can't look at him. She feels sick and prickly all over, and his dream is doing something to her, something bad.

This shouldn't be happening to him. Something's gone wrong at the Circle.

“Oh, you’re a mage. I thought you were one of my sisters.” A lie. The demon's smile spreads, full lips peeling back to show off pointed teeth.

“You know what I am. Leave him be.”

“Or what, mortal?” The demon’s horns leak purple smoke, wisps drifting over its bare chest. Its eyes are the flat, welcoming dark of a keyhole on a locked door. But it's weak. She can tell.

Neria raises her hand.

Two more rise where the demon falls.

[chasindtrevelyan]

8, 10, 12, 17, 23 for both >.>

who do they hate the most, and do they have an arch-nemesis?

Max: Probably his brother Daniel, at least in regards to who he hates. Arch-nemesis...he doesn't technically have one unless you count Corypheus, but once he's dead, that's less true.

Daylen: Jowan. He has never, and probably will never, forgive the man for lying to him about using blood magic and then leaving him and Lily to face Greogor's wrath in his stead. He trusted him, they both did, and while he might have left at Lily's frightened behest he still did so willingly and then went on to repeat his mistakes at Redcliffe.

Arch-nemesis? The archdemon and Loghain. He doesn't really give a shit *what* the man's reasons were, his actions nearly led to all of Fereldan falling to the Blight because he kept trying to kill the only two warden's left in the country.

are they good horse riders?

Max: Yes. His family breeds and trains horses, so he grew up learning how to ride and how to properly care for them.

Daylen: Not at all. He would have to ride double with someone or not at all

attitude towards Mabari?

Max: He likes them, but hasn't really spent a lot of time around them all told

Daylen: He might have grown up in the Circle Tower, but he's still *Fereldan*. His own companion, Bear, is basically his closest friend and he relies on that hound as much as any other comrade.

what were they like as a child?

Max: Bit of a troublemaker. Liked to pull pranks or sneak snacks when he knew he wasn't supposed to have any. He was also a spiteful little shit to people who mistreated him, and sometimes his pranks would be more on the harmful side. He was, however, also quite sweet tempered and curious about basically everything. Tried to be friendly and outgoing even if it wasn't always to his benefit.

Daylen: Quiet and shy. Tended to hide behind/crawl into bed with Jowan when they were small whenever he got frightened. He grew out of the habit, but never did get more talkative. Hard working, but a little rebellious against the harsh rules at the Tower.

do they have, or want to have, children?

Max: Won't ever have his own biological kids, but does want them, even if he knows it's unlikely to happen.

Daylen: No, no, absolutely not. He does not want kids, wouldn't know how to handle a child if he did have one, and the risk of them being a mage is too high for his comfort. Hell, he even had to convince Alistair to be the one to do the ritual with Morrigan because he is so against the idea.

[dankusner]

COWBOYS MOCK DRAFT Simulating the right fit Plenty of new faces enter to replace all the talent lost to free agency It’s draft season and time for our traditional NFL draft seven-round simulation, making every pick for the Cowboys. This year, we used Pro Football Network’s draft simulator and there were some trades and interesting decisions in our mock. We used PFN’s draft board and picked players atop their ranking when it came time to select for the Cowboys. Let’s go: First round The pick: Graham Barton, C, Duke The Cowboys have the 24th pick of the first round and were offered a trade by the Arizona Cardinals. Arizona wanted to move up from No. 27 to No. 24 and also offered a 2025 second-round pick. So we took it. The Cardinals used it to pick cornerback Nate Wiggins from Clemson. So when the Cowboys came to bat we selected Barton. We bypassed Texas defensive tackle Byron Murphy II — we believe in Mazi Smith — Texas receiver Adonai Mitchell and Oklahoma tackle Tyler Guyton. Barton played tackle in college but he projects as a center/guard. Does Barton solve the center position? Yes, he does. But does that mean Tyler Smith moves to left tackle for the 2024 season with this selection? Second round The pick: Edgerrin Cooper, LB, Texas A&M We were offered trades by Denver and Cleveland to move down in this round. We rejected both. Cooperwas on our draft card when we picked with No. 56. We bypassed Florida State running back Trey Benson, who was available along with defensive tackles Ruke Orhorhoro (Clemson) and Leonard Taylor III (Miami). It’s hard to pass up Benson and his 906 rushing yards. We felt adding a linebacker was more important. Third round The pick: Devontez Walker, WR, North Carolina No trade offers this time. When Dallas was up at No. 87, Walker was our selection. He is a man with speed. He ran a 4.36 40 at the combine and had a 40 1/2 inch vertical jump. His 2022 season (921 receiving yards, 11 touchdowns) was much better than last year (699 receiving yards and seven touchdowns) but we believe in the Tar Heel. We bypassed Georgia safety Javon Bullard, Mississippi corner Kris Abrams-Draine and Texas tight end Ja’Tavion Sanders. Fourth round The pick: None The Cowboys don’t have a pick in this round but we tried to get back into it. We offered Baltimore our fifth-round pick in 2024 and 2025 to move to No. 113 and were laughed at. So we offered Carolina a fifth and seventh (No. 244) for their pick (No. 141) and that also was rejected. Fifth round The pick: Isaac Guerendo, RB, Louisville No more trades for us and at No. 174 Guerendo was our selection. He didn’t play much at Wisconsin and had a Lisfranc injury in 2021 but returned to play the next two seasons. We had a chance to draft defensive tackle Justin Eboigbe (Alabama), guard Javion Cohen (Miami) and safety Evan Williams (Oregon). If you’re worried about Guerendo, he ran a 4.33 40, produced a 41 1/2 vertical and a 10-9 broad jump at the combine. Health doesn’t seem to be an issue with him. Sixth round The pick: Jowan Briggs, DT, Cincinnati At No. 216 we had some good options but took Cincinnati defensive tackle Jowan Briggs. We thought about Notre Dame safety Thomas Harper and tight end AJ Banner from Michigan. We also had NC State guard Dylan McMahon available. Briggs just seemed right. You want to talk about a man with power, he bench-pressed 225 pounds 39 times at the Big 12 pro day. Seventh round The picks: Drake Nugent, C, Michigan and Josh DeBerry, CB, Texas A&M Again no desire to trade with anyone here so at No. 233 we snagged Nugent. You can’t go wrong with a guy named Drake, right? Nugent is a little short (6-1, 298 pounds) but his dad played for two NFL teams, so you’ve got to like that. The other seventh-round pick was DeBerry, who picked off two passes in 10 games for the Aggies. Among the players we bypassed for Nugent and DeBerry were tight end McCallan Castles (Tennessee), receiver Ryan Flournoy (Southeast Missouri State), Georgia running back Daijun Edwards and UConn linebacker Jackson Mitchell.

[felassan]

''We had Ser Aaron make reference to travelling with a group of elves that wanted to bring back the Emerald Knights. And that is the story, like how would they react to the letter that Vaea gets, how would that connect. That probably is the biggest piece of lore that I would like to dive into. I'd like to go back and, maybe, try to help someone reclaim the Dales. [...] And I am prepared to say, and this is not anything that's ever gone past BioWare, but I am prepared to say that we were planning to march up the hill. If we ever get a chance to do that Emerald Knights miniseries - [inaudible] - because I'd like to bring Merrill back. We were planning to march up the hill and try and put Merrill in that Emerald Knights story and bring her back and have Fenris and Merrill come face to face years later and pardon my French but sort their shit.” --- Q. ''Do you guys have any projects that are upcoming that you're able to talk about or that you'd like to talk about?'' A. ''We are in a place, sadly, where all of the upcoming projects are hypothetical projects. So we don't have anything lined up. I think we're still pushing for more Dragon Age comics but I think right now they're [BioWare] figuring out other things. We'll be happy to come back and do more whenever they want us to. We have a bunch of proposals for comics.'' --- On Tractus: “I came to like him. And so, now people are asking, is he the guy who gets eaten by the Dread Wolf in the book [Tevinter Nights]? And I'm like, I hope not, but maybe, because I'd love to write him again, because I dunno, I just keep wanting to write a story one day where he and Fenris have to work together. [...] When we created him we had Nenealeus call him 'half-blood', and we just meant that in Tevinter, if one of your parents has no magic, you're garbage. That's all we meant. Everybody took that to mean he's half-elf. And so, we were like, 'interesting'. We haven't ruled that out. [...] Finding out that he might be half-elf, that might be interesting, it might change Fenris' opinion [of him], maybe not.'' --- “The one I don't think will ever happen, because we did pitch it and they didn't say yes to it, is Lily and Jowan. We pitched a whole story where Lily went off to prison but during the mage-templar war that prison was destroyed and so Lily was a small town - like, we wanted to do with Lily that she is Shane, from the Western Shane, where she has settled into this town to try and live a peaceful life but the crimes of her past come and force her to deal with [inaudible]. Someone's like, 'hey, your ex-boyfriend's making trouble again' and so she has to come out and deal with him. And she, while simultaneously being like 'I don't know this guy, I have nothing to do with him, what are you talking about, I'm not a former templar, I wasn't in prison', that kind of thing. That's a story I would love to tell, I have no idea if anyone has any interest in it at the BioWare side, because they were like, 'oh that's too deep a cut, nobody cares about Lily and Jowan' and I'm like I do! Lily going to prison for Jowan, it just never sat right, I wanna fix it.'' --- “Lace Harding is definitely in one of the proposals we have in. Isabela [too]. If we get to do what we want to do, it will be Merrill, Harding and Isabela jumping out in front, and more Varric, a lot more Varric. We have no idea if we're going to write again and if so, is it post the next game or should it be jumped forward in time because the next game is jumped forward in time, we have no idea, or if we would be able to pick up where we left off. If we were able to pick up where we left off, it would be Ser Aaron's funeral, and all of these characters would be coming to it because he knew them all.” --- ''We were real close to using Velanna and Sigrun. So, and the idea we had for them I'm not really on board with anymore, I wouldn't do it, but I would love to go back to them. But we were real close to doing a huge story with them. And I think we would have loved to get more Varric in, but being the Viscount kind of makes it hard for him to go on these missions with people now, which is why I think his best role for the future is advisor.'' --- “If Lace Harding is a companion, and if she is not romanceable, you're gonna hear some shit from me. That's all that I gotta say. If she's a companion she had better be romanceable.” --- “We are hoping that one day we'll get our way and there'll be even more [Fenris content], but maybe if we're all lucky it will be in the next game and it won't be up to us to give you more, but if he's not in the next game, we're gonna be pushing to give him more.''

– Christina Weir & Nunzio DeFilippis in the Unofficial Dragon Age Day 2021 Q&A [source]

[moss-flesh]

I'm incapable of choosing just 1 or 2 questions, oops! 💖

Aila/Alistair - 2, 7, 16 Adahlen/Solas - 3, 19, 31

i dont know what possessed me but i loves these questions so much i wrote a lot ! so here u go !! <3

aila x alistair

2. What would they do if the other woke in a manic state after a nightmare?

Grey wardens and their nightmares am i right ? Both of them had really bad nightmares before killing the archdemon, but Aila suffered from nightmares most of her life already. They morphed her fears of her father, of the circle, n everything she went through there, with the archdemon stuff n it rlly fucked her up. She’d toss and turn and scream herself awake, on these occasions Alistair wraps his arms around her and brings her to his chests, stroking her hair gently. He’d hush her and reassure her of where she was, safe with him.

when Aila was not able to sleep (which was most of the time), she would see alistair struggling in his sleep, and get as close as she could to him with her ear against his heart and hug him gently, listening as his heartbeat and breathing became calm again.

7. Would they build a pillow fort together just because?

yes !!! god of course, this is very them, and they would make it everyone elses problem too.

alistair: STEN! give me your pillows

sten: no.

alistair: but your kadan is my girlfriend!

sten: something i still do not understand.

aila: wow morrigan youre looking hotter than ever, new necklace?

morrigan: yes. you gave it to me. what do you want ?

aila: …… gimme ur blankeys….

morrigan: take them. i dont want to know.

16. Can they stay up all night just talking?

Thats like all they did the first few weeks of knowing eachother. they would move their cots a little closer to eachother and talk for hours staring at the stars. Alistair would mindlessly throw logs on the fire listening to Aila intently as she goes on about flowers, herbs, arcane histories and silly shit her few friends (jowan n anders) use to get up to. And she would stare at him wide eyed as he told her stories of duncan and his warden friends. They wouldve continued but wynne and zevran complained about losing sleep coz they wouldnt shut up. They continued once they started sharing a tent lmao.

adahlen x solas

3. Do they wear the other’s clothes? (sweatshirt, bandana, necklace, etc.)

oh yeah Adahlen is a little thief n she always takes Solas stuff lmao. she usually just likes to wear his necklace or sleep in his tunic. But the first time she wore his tunic as an undershirt everyone in skyhold was like

Shes pretty small so he cant really fit in her clothes but he ALWAYS steals her fave blanket and uses it for naps.

19. How do they feel about PDA?

Solas is surprisingly fine with it as long as its not too inappropriate, sometimes even so he shocks her by how affectionate he actually is in front of others. Sera would say some shit about them to tease him and hed just grab Ada and smooch her. At first Adahlen was actually so nervous about it though, like she wants to do pda but shes like “oh no what if he doesnt, will he think im weird, oh gods oh fuck” coz sadness alert, solas is her first love, lonely baby. But while she’s distracted vibrating from anxiety, he would just grab her hand and kiss her head as hes really perceptive of her emotions.

31. Can they sit side by side without touching the other or are they handsy? (lacing fingers, touching knees, etc.)

absolutely not lmao, solas likes to think adahlen is the touchiest out of them but they both cant help mindlessly grabbing onto the other, neither of them even notice until varric is like “i gotta write that shit down” because it’s embarrassing, they practically stand on top of one another.

[dabs-into-oblivion]

dragon age origins but with even more elf emotions

(featuring @swordsoprano 's elf mage warden Neria and my human mage warden Vernon)

instead of Jowan existing (fuck Jowan all my besties hate Jowan) Neria and Vernon are roommates in the Circle tower. they're both recruited by Duncan and they both survive the Joining. along with Alistair, they survive the battle at Ostagar and journey throughout Fereldan on their various quests.

Neria is pretty obviously immediately smitten with Leliana. Vernon tries to be a good wingman by talking to Leliana a bunch, only to overhear that Alistair thinks there's something going on between him and Leliana.

Neria is best friends with Alistair. Vernon doesn't understand this. he likes the guy well enough, he supposes, but he's just some guy. Vernon might be a little bit hurt that Neria seems to have replaced him with Alistair. (this is eventually solved with communication, but not before the requisite amount of angst.)

they encounter Zevran on the road and spare his life despite Alistair's complaints. Zevran is of course extremely flirty to both Neria and Vernon. Neria turns him down because, well, Leliana. Vernon encourages and reciprocates Zevran's interest.

cue the disaster bisexual conversations between Neria and Vernon...

(Neria: "but does she LIKE me?")

(Vernon, rolling his eyes for the five hundredth time: "why don't you ask her?")

(Neria: "you're no help")

(Vernon, emerging from Zevran's tent with the distinct look of someone who has just had sex: "how do i tell him i'm in love with him?")

(Neria, rolling her eyes for the seven hundredth time: "have you considered...just telling him?")

(Vernon: "i can't do that!!!!")

and so it goes.

eventually, after several near-death situations and a few heartfelt songs from Leliana, Neria makes a move. she's been very sheltered, so she doesn't really know what to do, but Leliana doesn't seem to mind.

(Neria: "so...i like you. in a romantic way")

(Leliana, eyes brightening: "i was wondering how to tell you. i've been feeling this for a little while now")

(Neria: "you...you feel the same way?")

(Leliana: "yes")

(Neria: "can i kiss you?")

they kiss. it's disgustingly cute. they take a while to sleep together, but they snuggle a lot, which, if anything, is actually worse.

Vernon, in a well-established fuck-buddies relationship with Zevran, pines his ass off. it's only when the Crows catch up to Zevran that Vernon manages to overcome his inertia and tell Zevran how he feels.

(Vernon: "look, Zevran. i understand if you don't feel the same, and i understand if you're not comfortable with our arrangement anymore, but...i'm in love with you")

(Zevran: "i--")

(Vernon, blushing furiously: "you don't have to say anything")

(Zevran: "no, wait, i--i've just never been in love before." pauses; "i think...let me kiss you to make sure")

they kiss.

(Zevran: "i've definitely never felt this way about anyone before. is that enough, for now?")

(Vernon: "of course")

eventually Zevran tells Vernon that he is, in fact, in love with him, and the two of them are insufferable for a while. ~and they all lived happily ever after~

[spoonyglitteraunt]

Empty

AO3 Redcliffe was saved. Isolde and Connor lived. Arl Eamon had been restored to health and a plan to defeat Loghain had been made. All that was left was to decide what to do with the mage responsible.

“He should be executed.” Solona’s voice was solemn as she spoke the words. Forcing them past her throat where they threatened to get stuck, never to be uttered.

She saw a flicker of surprise flit across Earl Eamon’s face in response, but she didn’t react. Her body held stiff and straight. Unwavering. A distant part of her brain wondered what her own face showed. If it mimicked how she felt inside.

Empty

“That would be my choice as well, but I admit, I’m surprised to hear you say so.” The Arl said, glancing over her shoulder at her companions.

Solona didn’t look back at them. She could feel their eyes on her back, and the way Alistair breathed in was a sure sign he was about to interrupt. Perhaps to argue that they should leave things to the circle. That they had no right to decide Jowan’s fate. No doubt Wynne would have agreed and likely so would Leliana. She didn’t let them. For once not at all interested in their opinions.

“I will do it.” She added before anyone had a chance to cut in. The syllables coming out in the same distant sound she barely recognised as her own voice.

This time the Arl’s eyes widened and he stared at her face in an attempt to read her thoughts, but there was nothing to find. Her features as neutral as the void inside. Unflinching, without hesitation, steady.

After a moment’s hesitation, he nodded in response. “Very well. The prisoner is in the dungeons. I will leave the manner and timing of his death up to you.”

“Solona…” Alistair started, but she didn’t wait to hear him out. Turning sharply to her left, she stalked out of the room. Away from her companions and past the guards at the door. Cutting him off before he could continue. Whether he was trying to talk her out of it, or worried about her sudden change in demeanour, it was of no use to her now. Her path was set. Her decision made.

As she walked through the halls and descended the stairs towards the dungeons, the lack of additional footsteps in her wake told her that her companions decided not to follow. Solona could only be grateful that they realised their presence was not wanted for this. This one she would do on her own. She had started it and now came the time to end it. Vaguely she wondered about her own calm at what was to come. Yet there was no anxiety, no pain, no hesitation. Those might come later, after it was done, but for now she was as unmoving as a rock.

Her feet led her to his cell, almost without conscious thought. He scrambled up from his seated position as he saw her approach.

“So they tell me… this is it. You’re my executioner. Is that right?” Jowan asked.

It was hard to tell if the sound in his voice was an accusation or if he actually sounded a little relieved. It was even harder to tell which she hoped it to be.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“It seems… fitting…that the person putting me to rest should be the person I trusted the most.” He replied, attempting a smile at his statement.

A shard of white hot anger ripped trough her chest, but she forced it back down, grabbing onto the emptiness inside to steady herself.

“There is nothing fitting about any of this, Jowan.” She replied, voice passive.

He grimaced and looked down at his feet. “Well no, but…”

“Jowan, why blood magic, of all things?”

It was the only question that had haunted her through the whole ordeal. All the rest had become irrelevant. She didn’t care to know why he had lied to her, or betrayed her. Nor did it really matter what he had thought to accomplish with poisoning the Arl. Whether he had thought returning to the circle to be a viable option, or that Loghain would protect him against the templars. It was all pointless now.

“Why did I turn to it in the first place? Hah. You’ll laugh at me.”

She doubted that very much. There wasn’t much worth laughing at this point and she would be hard pressed to find the joke in his use of blood magic.

“It’s because… because of you really.” He said.

Because of her? Her brow furrowed.

“I have to admit, I’ve always been a little jealous of your ability. I knew I’d never be as great a mage as you are. In a moment of weakness… I thought blood magic would give me more power… more control, isn’t that stupid?”

Solona stared at him as questions burned her lips. The part of her that had been his friend felt horrified. Had she really made him feel so incompetent? Why had she never noticed anything? Why had he never come to her? She might have been able to help him and prevented all of this. But the part of her that remembered the mess he had left her in after his escape, that had seen the destruction in the castle because of what he’d done, recoiled from him. All of this, because of simple jealousy.

Gritting her teeth, she exhaled loudly.

“I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I knew it was wrong the minute I started. I swore never to use it again. And then Lily came along. She loved me for who I am, flaws and all. For a short time, I was happy with who I was. And blood magic was behind me. And… then we heard about the Rite of Tranquility. The rest, as they say, is history.”

And what a twisted history it was.

She wanted to forgive him, to apologise even, but she couldn’t. He had made his choices. This was not her doing. And yet…

“You might not have meant for it to happen, but it did.”

“I know. It’s no one’s fault but mine, I suppose. No one forced my hand. I’m…grateful you stuck with me through everything, and I’m sorry I’ve let you down.” He said, giving her a sad smile. It vaguely tugged at her heartstrings, but she didn’t allow it any room. She knew what she had to do. It was too late for doubt.

“I have to execute you Jowan. I gave you a chance to run and you didn’t take it”

“I wanted to try and help. Make things right. I had enough of running.”

She nodded. “I know and once that would have been enough, but it isn’t now. It can’t be. The Arl wants you to pay for what you did and I can’t blame him.”

“Neither can I.” Jowan mumbled.

“If I were to set you free, I would make an enemy out of the Arl and we need his help to take down Loghain. Without him, we have no hope of successfully opposing the Teyrn. It’s our only chance to stop this blight. Too many lives are at stake.” Her voice sounded cold and distant, even to her own ears, but she spoke nothing but the truth.

“I understand.”

“I could have left your sentencing up to the Arl and he would have likely asked for our advice. It was only a matter of time before someone suggested turning you over to the circle as you are their responsibility. He’s an honourable man, he would have agreed with it and then you would be sent back. We both know what would have happened on your return. If you went quietly.”

Tranquillity.

It had been Jowan’s fate before she helped him escape and it certainly would be now. He was an unharrowed mage and the Chantry would never waste a useful life if they could help it. The tranquil were useful after all. Like a tool. It was a fate worse than death. To exist without really living. A shadow mimicking life. An empty shell where a person used to be. No matter what Jowan had done, he didn’t deserve that. No one did.

“Even if he had decided on an execution, the knights hold you responsible for what happened here. The lives lost. They might wish to make you suffer before you go.”

They had already tortured him before, there was no telling what they would do now. There had been so much death and horror. Even if that hadn’t been Jowan’s doing, she would never be able to convince them of that fact. They would wish to make him pay.

“I offer you a quick death. It’s the only choice I can offer you now. If you rather take your chances with the knights or the templars, say so, and I will tell the Arl I changed my mind.”

“No…” Jowan choked, “I agree… Thank you.” He tried to smile at her, but it fell flat. “Can I make a final request?”

“Go ahead.”

“I know you’ll likely never see Lily again… but if the Maker sees fit to let your paths cross, tell her I’m sorry. And that I loved her till the end.”

Solona nodded. That she could do, even if it was a meagre consolation in the end.

“I suppose it is time to end this.” He sighed.

Stepping forwards she unlocked the cell and opened the door. A sane person might be bracing for an attack or an escape attempt, but she didn’t fear Jowan and they both knew this was how it had to end.

“I’m sorry it had to come to this.” She told him.

“I am too… friend.”

He started to smile, reaching out to hug her one last time, but the emotion was cut off as she plunged the dagger upwards into his chest. Sending a freezing spell along the blade, it instantly stopped his heart mid beat. There was a short intake of breath and then… nothing.

“May the maker forgive us both.” She said, closing her eyes as she felt his warm blood trickle down her hand.

The blade made a disturbing sucking noise when she pulled it out. And as his body slumped to the floor, so did her knees. The dagger fell from her grasp and landed on the ground with a clank.

And she was empty no more, as her body shook with the sobs tearing from her throat. Memories of their time in the circle assaulted her in rapid succession, chasing away the last remnants of her self-composure.

Her first day at the tower. Sitting on a bunk crying for her mother. A dark haired boy who smiled down at her. Offered his hand. Told her not to be afraid, as she blinked through her tears. That he would be her friend.

Giggling together as Jowan pulled faces at her behind their teacher’s back.

Sneaking out of the kitchens. Trying to be stealthy with their pockets full of cookies lest the cook catches them. As they tried, and failed, to contain their snickering.

Sharing a bunk. Whispering stories in the dark to chase away the nightmares. Making promises to always be there for each other. No matter what.

Helping him with his assignments, as he hummed under his breath and drew pictures in the margins for her in return.

Being hugged fiercely the first time she managed to pull off an advanced spell all by herself. Jowan telling her how amazing she was.

Comforting and patching each other up when one of the templars took their anger out on them.

Sitting in the library together, whiling away the afternoon with stories of faraway places and daring adventures. Even though they should have been studying.

Whispering secrets of crushes and first kisses. Dreaming of things that could never be.

Jowan telling her he met a girl. His eyes lighting up as he talked about her. Hoping that she wouldn’t break her friend’s kind heart.

The comforting squeeze he gave her hand as they came to take her to her harrowing. Telling her she’ll be all right. He'll be here waiting for her.

Seeing the fear on his face as he told her they were going to make him tranquil. Feeling that same fear grip her as she imagined eyes devoid of emotions. Dead, like Owain’s.

Jowan using blood magic.

Jowan running away and leaving her behind with the mess.

Jowan in a cell surrounded by chaos.

Jowan ignoring her warning to run while he still could. Trying to help. Always trying to help.

Jowan’s trusting, loving, kind smile as he placed his life in her hands.

Jowan’s warm eyes as she thrust the knife into his beating heart.

Jowan’s blood on her hands

Jowan’s blood.

Jowan….

Her chest contracted painfully as she gasped for breath. A keening wail escaped her vocal cords and echoed round the empty dungeon hallways. Tears streamed down her face, but she barely noticed. They said your heart couldn't really break. That it was just a matter of speech. Yet in that moment it felt like hers was tearing itself apart. Piece by bloody piece. Until all that remained was a disfigured little broken lump. Charred. Bleeding. Half dead. The only reason for continuing its pathetic little beat was that of habit rather than choice.

Solona sat there, curled into herself. One hand clutched to her chest, the other grasping at his hand. Rocking back and forth, back and forth. Time passed her by. The world, the war, the entire blight could have passed her by for all she knew and cared.

But eventually the tears did run out. The sobs stopped coming. The pain, though no less sharp and searing, now confined to the inside of her trembling frame. It would be her constant companion for a long time to come. She was certain of that. And it was no more than she deserved.

Jowan was her best friend. Her last tie to the life she had led before the Wardens. As he died, a part of her had died along with him. A part she would never get back. The wound would scar over in time, but it would never go away. Never stop aching.

How much more would she lose before the blight was over? How much more would be asked of her? In the end, how much of her would be left at all?

She wiped the dagger on her robes before sheathing it. She didn’t care about the blood. It would forever stain her hands, so it might as well stain her clothes. At least those could be thrown away.

With a trembling hand she closed Jowan’s eyes and moved his hands to rest on his chest. Over the hole she had made. It was the last she could do for him. He would likely not get a very respectful funeral. Too much bad blood with the guards and the Arl’s family. Too many crimes ascribed to his name. Deserved or otherwise. But she didn’t have the strength nor the luxury to make it into another fight.

Exhausted, cold and shivering, she made her way out of the dungeons. With unseeing eyes and faltering step. Up the stairs. Past the guards who nodded at her task completed. Past the gathering hall where her companions awaited her return. Past the warm inviting fires of the living quarters. Past it all.

And without another word, she walked to her room and shut out the world behind her.

[elvesofnoldor]

been thinking abt my mage dude warden (Esther surana) lately, it also may or may not have something to do with the fact that appearance-wise he resembles how maglor looks like in my mind (except he’s much paler and he’s got hazel/green eyes instead). And i finally fleshed out his backstory and finalize my plan for his in-game romance today. And yes i did check out both zevran and morrigan’s romance to see if i can keep both active for my boy Esther here after the main game/campaign (yes my ‘canon’ warden is bi) 

and now i wanna keep playing my second playthrough of da:o more than finishing my current third playthrough of da:i lmao