#yes this about EP7

[dreamii-krybaby]

Am going to kill a man.

[xinyuehui]

Guangyan really thinks that Yiyong's worst nightmare is taking a Chinese exam to the point that they have to sleep together

[celestial-sapphicss]

puentalay make me lose my mind omg on one hand there's physical and emotional intimacy that is so SOFT like this

and there are these conversations of missing each other, calling each other cute, literally making vows of togetherness, puen telling talay that the most important person he's glad to find him (and vice versa, pun intended) and honey-like words that would give you a sugar rush

but THEN there's puen who acts so unserious and rarely direct about his flirtatious attempts and there's talay who is literally trying to set him up with pang like my beloved bike babes why are you like this? you two have already kissed just be husbands already

[sheepintheastralsea]

the thing about tv!sally. the thing is. is that the flashbacks are so clearly from her perspective.

the reason people are claiming that sally would never yell at percy like in ep7 or that she would never show frustration with her child is that in the books -- and the beginning of the show -- we only ever see sally from percy's perspective. and in his eyes? she is an angel, the perfect mother who could never do anything wrong.

but the flashbacks in ep7 are not from percy's perspective, they're from sally's. and she remembers every bit of the difficulties and the frustrations and the almost insurmountable challenges that come with raising a neurodivergent child as a poor single mom, let alone raising a powerful demigod who attracts epic monsters that want to kill him. so yes, sally is, arguably, more 'human' in the show than the books -- because of course she is, when she isn't only ever seen through the eyes of her ride or die son.

I will defend book and tv sally jackson until my last breath and after

[jaskierx]

anyway posting some thoughts from the discord about how many 'irl relationship' things they're dealing with in ep7 and how much i am eating my mattress about it

they rushed into sex and ed regrets it and that doesn't stop it from having been consensual and fun but the fact that it was consensual and fun doesn't mean that it was a good idea

ed feeling like he can't watch stede make the same mistakes he did but also feeling like he can't ask stede to leave piracy for him when stede is just getting started. and ultimately he's too scared to ask stede to leave piracy for him because what if stede says no? what if stede looks him in the eyes and confirms yes, you are unloveable, yes i'm choosing piracy over you, no i don't love you enough, why would you ever think i could love you enough to do this for you?

just the overall turmoil of being at a different life stage to your partner - like the difficulty of when you're at the beginning of your career and they're established in theirs, or when you've had lots of relationships and they've only had you, or when you're ready to settle down and have kids but they're not, and nobody is in the wrong, it's just difficult

making a breakup about a completely unrelated issue bc you can't voice the actual problem. twisting it into 'we're fundamentally incompatible' (fishermen and pirates are completely different) so you can convince yourself it's not because you're not good enough. if you hit self destruct and leave without explaining things maybe it'll be less painful than opening up about what's actually wrong only to have them throw it back at you and leave you anyway. maybe if i pretend it was never going to work out i don't need to think about why it stopped working in the first place

stede still feeling like he's not good enough for ed and trying to change himself to make himself feel more worthy. unable to comprehend that anyone could possibly love someone so soft and inadequate. feeling like he doesn't even want ed to like him for who he is, feeling insecure that ed only likes him bc he's weak, feeling like he needs to toughen up to earn ed's love. the eternal worry of 'my partner is the best person in the world and i am just a worm so why are they here, why are they staying with me, what's their motive, what can i do to change myself so they actually want to stay for me and not for whatever reason they've got going on'

basically these 18th century gay pirates are experiencing every problem you've ever had with a partner and they're gonna be fine and so are you i love you

[goldfishontheceiling]

"Alastor is just using Rosie" NUH UH whips out the list

1. He is capable of making friends, as seen with Mimzy. So it's not that hard to believe that he can have another friend if one (cough cough MIMZY cough) just comes around when she needs something. Mimzy doesn't even benefit him in anyway, yet he doesn't cut her off, which shows he can make friends.

2. Aside from the cannibals in ep7, what else could he get from her? I mean she does recommend him deals sometimes, but anyone can do that. If his true goal was control over the cannibals then their bond would feel a lot more shallow, like ep1-ep5ish with Charlie.

3. If Alastor was using Rosie for deal recommendations (since she gives him "prime pickings for a deal to be made"), then why not just do so with a mutalistic relationship instead of having to form that bond?

4. He bleat like a fawn. If he was acting, he wouldn't let himself lose composure for an act.

5. They both kinda get close to eachother in a way they don't with anyone else. SHE PICKS HIM UP AND SPINS HIM AROUND AND HE DOESN'T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Sure, he hugged Mimzy, but if she ever did that? She would most likely be dead.

6. If anyone else openly/jokingly insulted Alastor, he would go all scary demon ahhhhhhhh. But Rosie? Perfectly fine.

7. The way he talks to Rosie is different to the way he talks to Charlie. With Charlie he's a little bitch sometimes (oh Charlie you look an absolute mess!) and he kinda takes every chance he can to be a little bitch while still being nice and showing he's important.

8. Rosie knows things about Alastor that he hasn't even figured out (I know your an ace in the hole!), and for Rosie to know these things, that would require Alastor to open up about himself, which he doesn't like doing because "must be mysterious radio deer man." Even to Charlie, who he does have a bond with, SHE STILL JUST THINKS OF HIM AS "MYSTERIOUS RADIO DEER MAN"

9. Hating someone together is one of the easiest ways to start a friendship, especially in hell, where people hating each other is really common (Susan? Susan)

10. If he truly was manipulating all of his friends, he's a sinner, he still has a humanish mind. Humans crave bonds with other people as part of their instincts. And you could just get fake ones, but if you're the manipulator in that situation you'll know it's all fake and it won't leave you fufilled. Which is why having one or two genuine friends (Rosie/Mimzy) would have to be a requirement.

11. He has manipulated other Overlords in the past, like Vox. But with Vox, they would realistically never get along. Same with Vaggie, Angel Dust, etc, he just wouldn't be able to form a true bond with/a very strong both with those people. So yes, he's manipulating/has manipulated them. Rosie on the other hand? They're both cannibals from similar time periods, with similar interests, and they hate the same people.

12. Rosie is smart. She easily reads Charlie, a stranger, like a book. And if she's known Alastor for years (which she most likely has), she knows how to read him past that stupid permanent smile. So even if he was manipulating her, she would know.

13. He HATES Susan, and Vox, and probably some other people I can't think of off the top of my head. He can't stand them. So if he hated Rosie? He wouldn't be able to fake a bond like the one they have.

14. His pupils dilate around Rosie, which is a sign that you like/love whatever it is that you are looking at

Look at these

COMPARED TO THESE

AND IT ONLY HAPPENS WHEN IT'S JUST THEM TWO

15. Rosie agrees with him when he says that Charlie is "filled with potential that I could guide," so she knows that he's using her for that kinda stuff. With that moment it shows that she understands that Alastor is helping Charlie with her dream in exchange. I swear I had more thoughts on this one but then I got distracted with finding screenshots for 14-

Bonus reason that's more silly then reason: THAT DANCE IN READY FOR THIS IS TOO COORDINATED THEY HAD TO HAVE PRACTICED IT

[desertcrater]

naaaaahhhhh this is a whole new level. s3 ep7 house strikes up a quid pro quo with the vegetative state guy where it's basically question for question. house has to answer vegetative state guy's question before he can ask him anything medical related.

tell me why the first question the dude asks in the car is directed to both house and wilson. "what is up with you two?"

to which house answers honestly that wilson lied to the cops for him. so we can infer that house respects the quid pro quo and is going to answer honestly.

second question the dude asks is point blank, "have you ever been in love?"

and house answers honestly, "wow. going right for the closets with the embarrassing stuff. good move. yes. describe the boats?"

and after house says this, the camera cuts directly to wilson munching on twizzlers in the backseat. not on the other dude while he answers house's question.

like yeah, "skeletons in the closet" is the obvious wordplay and reference house is making here. but there's also the whole Queer Closet subtext thing, made stronger by house describing his being in love as "embarrassing", and the camera cut to wilson instead of back on the other guy.

the only romantic relationship we've seen house in, is his relationship with stacy. yet he didn't seem remotely embarrassed by his love for her.

the other thing is, the vegetative state guy is repeatedly shown to be socially smart. he's intelligent. before the first question, he said he needed to think of one. then house and wilson do this domestic-ass bicker about the vicodin refill, and suddenly the dude is like "what are you two? a couple? are you in love with him or something?"

he even asks, "how'd you meet?" which i really think he meant wilson. because he keeps pressing on after house says "she", with this surprised, "shot you?". conversationally, he's in disbelief over the shot part, subtextually he's in disbelief over the "she" part. this is further strengthened by:

"have you ever loved anybody else?"

to which house shuts everything down with, "no more questions."

[dreamii-krybaby]

I’ve will never understand how some people say the male characters in Murder Drones are basic-

Bro- have- have you watched the show?

Yes, N can be the cinnamon roll golden retriever boy but that’s what’s YOU are only deciding to focus on

But he also a literal genocidal killing machine against his will whose entire backstory is fucked up and it let him to develop the traits bc of that and is having a character arc and rn he is carrying THE END OF THE UNIVERSE ON HIS SHOULDERS, and through out his life he has people he has cared about (Cyn and V) and now he is going to loose Uzi

Khan- Khan literally went through a big character arc and is also complex and tragic, doesn’t excuse his mistreatment of his daughter but he is now more involved with her and is genuinely trying to improve, this man literally had to mercy kill his wife and now he is very close to loosing his only daughter

Thad, now that is more of a side character unfortunately but he does have a charming personality and did play a role in EP1-2 and will probably have a massive return in EP7 alongside lizzy, and may not be necessarily a complex character but he has interesting dynamics, and he plays with the jock trope and is at least a decently capable WD in comparison to the other NPCs

[tizzyizzy]

I'm dissatisfied, and not just for the obvious reason.

"You're surrounded by family."

Uh, no, Ed isn't surrounded by family. Most of the crew haven't properly forgiven him. They just tolerate him. Them becoming family is possible with more development, but not yet.

And this doesn't matter anyway because Ed left the Revenge to start an inn with Stede.

Stede gives up piracy??? Ed literally broke up with Stede on the last episode due to fear of their incompatibility, and then they talk about it and Stede gives up piracy literally off-screen?

Ed's 1-2ep rampage and its consequences did not receive a proper resolution. Like, at the beginning of ep6 he was still having flashbacks about shooting Izzy.

Honestly, Izzy's death seems to have been used as a narrative shortcut for a lot of Ed's development. He doesn't have to deal with the guilt of having hurt Izzy and trying to make it up to him because Izzy forgave him anyway and died. No more lingering guilt.

Also Stede seems like he... didn't get development? A proper arc? Idunno, he just humiliated himself over Ed leaving in ep7. But he's perky in ep8? Why isn't he depressed about his failure, the capture of the crew, and Ed leaving him all in a short span of time?

Ed never told Izzy he loved him? Like, how can you have a scene where Ed only confessed his love for Izzy only after Izzy isn't there to hear it, then NOT have him say it at Izzy's death bed in the finale? I don't mean that just from an edizzy perspective. Ed's struggle to express love to Izzy was part of his character. Yes, he called Izzy family, but the word "love" still should have been used.

I genuinely think that e8 could have been a series of scenes of characters having conversations and it would have wrapped up better.

[murfpersonalblog]

Thanks for tagging me @little-desi-historian! ❤️

YES, all of this takes me back to something I wanted to touch a lot more on in my original post when it comes to the historical male image, Percy, Lestat, and Matadors; because it truly does link back to how AMC is playing with dandyism and society's expectations about effeminate men.

Dandyism is a form of resistance culture. As I've said before, Lestat flouts gender norms because HE CAN do whatever he wants & get away with it. His androgyny's on a different level: effeminate or masculine, he's still a vampire, a SUPERnatural creature elevated beyond the bounds of social mores that determine what men & women could or SHOULD act/dress like. MANY people across social media have pointed to Lestat's limp wrists, long blonde "Barbie" hair and ESPECIALLY him dressing in drag in Ep7 as proof that he's the "wife/mother/woman/femme fatale" in Lousta's relationship, and THEN claim its either gender essentialism or homophobic/racist to say Louis is CANONICALLY female-coded one in BOTH the books and show (as AR said so). But no, Lestat in drag was a power move, because he doesn't care what anyone thinks/says/does--he'll just eat them. Mockingly eating the baby in a dress was a deliberate bastardization of motherhood/womanhood. Louis is called every homophobic name in the book by those expecting the black man to just take being insulted, but MARQUIS de Lioncourt DEMANDS being crowned KING of Mardi Gras, Krewe of Raj, & he'll show you exactly what he thinks about your silly homophobic hypocritical human society: You're just "the MEAT," let them eat KING Cake--you're his FOOD. Eff y'all, I'm dressed to KILL you, & laugh doing it.

Lestat's behavior is not only derived from the time period he was born & raised in (the Rococo era of so-called "effeminate" high class dandies--a la Percy Blakeney, etc). Lestat is the embodiment of PRIVILEGE: a powerful rich white male vampire, who leans into being foreign/French White to excuse anything he does that people find strange/off/unnatural/dangerous--all the red flags. 🚩🚩🚩

And red flags brings me directly back to matadors/toreros.

@toscrollperchancetomeme

😂 TYSM! Sam Reid dropped so many juicy deets; I couldn't resist! There's so much depth to the Matador outfit, beyond the gendered aspect of bullfighting that I discussed before. Let's go back to what Sam said about Lestat, and delve deeper into matadors:

The most iconic apparel worn by toreros ("bullfighters") / matador de toros ("killer of bulls") in Spanish bullfighting is the Traje de Luces, the "Suit of Lights." The colors are usually bright & vivid, as part of the showmanship & pizzazz. Darker palettes are less common, as shiny sequins (the luces/lights) became part of the standard fit.

However, Lestat's all-black Matador outfit from what Sam called the "villain sequence" in Ep5 seems to be loosely following the style of a different but very closely related outfit, the Traje Campero "Rural/Countryside Suit" aka Traje Corto ("Short Suit").

(These costumes are typically worn during ceremonial parades and a very specific festival I'll get back to in a moment, cuz it's important.) Unlike the Suit of Light's sequins & silk, the Rural Suit is made of suede, leather, or velvet, in dark muted colors. The pants can be light or dark, striped & patterned, with or without chaps (also found in gentleman's uniforms of military officers and cowboys).

The trajes originated from "the flamboyant costumes of the 18th-century dandies and showmen involved in bullfighting, which later became exclusive to the bullfighting ritual." (Wikipedia)

The ancestor of both trajes (luces/campero) is traditional 17th-19th century Andalusian clothing (Andalusia being the home of Spanish bullfighting), closely associated with a very particular type of masculine dandyism. (The campero/corto is also the costume worn by Andalusian male flamenco dancers.)

"Before the 17th century the profession of bullfighting did not exist as such, and the fighters did not wear luxurious & shiny trajes de luces, but instead normal clothes of the time according to the social class to which the bullfighter belonged. The first bullfighter trajes de toreros appeared in the 17th century, when professional bullfighters from Navarre & Andalusia wore characteristic garments with their gangs to participate in performances and thus differentiate themselves from other bullfighter bands." (translated/truncated from Spanish website)

In the mid-1700s, Francisco Romero revolutionized professional bullfighting by establishing the first matadors who fought on foot, heroically fighting the bull face to face with swords & the muleta (iconic red flag) in a dance-like performance, dressed in a suede/velvet coleto (jacket), a precursor to the traje campero. Romero (from a carpenter family) wanted to show off & stand out from the nobility, and changed the game entirely, through a form of social resistance-turned-innovation.

"At that time, bullfighting on horseback was more important, which was considered a sport and not a show. Bullfighting on foot was not yet widely recognized." (translated from Spanish website)

Bull-killing on horseback was practiced by Spanish noblemen, attended by lower class assistants on foot. Romero was the first to make on-foot matadors the stars of what was increasingly becoming a dandified show/performance/dance. Matador Joaquin "Costillares" Rodríguez introduced even more showmanship, competing against Francisco Romero's grandson Pedro Romero (famously painted by Goya--bottom right).

For his matches, Costillares (middle) dressed in flashy silks, threaded in shiny silver braiding; the precursor to modern traje de luces. Like Francisco Romero (left), Costillares wanted to show off & stand out; and revolutionized the male image of the bullfighter through clothes.

In 18th-19th century Andalusian Spain there were 2 types of dandy: the French-imported upperclass petimetre (effeminate dandy), and the indigenous working class majo (masculine/macho dandy).

Noyes, Dorothy. “La Maja Vestida: Dress as Resistance to Enlightenment in Late-18th-Century Madrid.” The Journal of American Folklore 111, no. 440 (1998): 197–217. https://www.jstor.org/stable/541941

The majo, like many dandies, became the peak of Andalusian fashion, across all social classes; and torero/matador outfits weren't the only ones to take cues from them:

18th-19th century majos "distinguished themselves by their elaborate outfits and sense of style in dress and manners, as well as by their cheeky behavior. The majos outfits were exaggerations of traditional Spanish dress. The style stood in strong contrast to the French styles affected by many of the Spanish elite under the influence of the Enlightenment. Majos were known to pick fights with those they saw as afrancesados ("Frenchified" – fops)." (Wikipedia)

The majos' flamboyant/cheeky/saucy/exaggerated behavior was aggressively masculine; a lower/working class resistance to social mores imposed on them by (foreign) elites, whom they saw as more feminine, and FOUGHT against, to reaffirm their masculinity. These dandies were violent, brazen non-conformists; as beautiful & stylish as they were dangerous. And matadors/toreros knew that the bullfight was the perfect arena to exemplify the spirit of the majos through the dandified performance art/sport of killing bulls--a universal cultural symbol of masculine prowess & strength. Spanish bullfighting used to belong solely to the aristocratic equestrian sphere. Lowly pages/assistants like Francisco Romero (dressed in the precursor to the Rural/Countryside Suit), were the first to buck the system by killing bulls on foot--he likely didn't own a horse. The Romeros were from a carpenter family. Costillares was the son of a butcher. But through bullfighting they gained social status and became icons of masculinity--and dandies.

Lestat--the nouveau riche son of a poor country marquis--insists on being all the beautiful things he is without apology: masculine & effeminate alike. But like I said, it was no coincidence that Carol likened Lestat's Ep5 villain outfit with matadors--he's fighting Louis for dominance in their household, and reaffirming his place at the top of their very gendered social hierarchy, as a warning to BOTH "the housewife" AND "the prodigal daughter" he feels are threatening his authority as their Maker, so he defeats them BOTH.

Carol Cutshall initially designed Lestat's matador pants as pajamas--loungewear. (Lestat's CASUAL & comfortable in his ability to KILL--matador means "Killer" in Spanish--and remember what I said about Louis & Claudia being put on the same parallel level in Ep5, when Claudia's attacked by "Killer" aka Bruce.) Sam said Carol made several versions of the pants; and yup, they're foreshadowed in Ep5 when Lestat first starts arguing about Louis' depression, then they pop up again in Ep7 during the Murder Plot--two instances @dwreader brilliantly linked Lestat (& Stanley Kowalski) wearing wifebeaters. (Listen, Carol, I just wanna talk.... 😅🔫)

And here's my last points about Lestat's matador outfit. First there's the irony of Lestat (who grew up poor in rural France) wearing the something very similar to the matador/torero's Rural Suit, traje campero (aka Short Suit (traje corto)). But what's more interesting is that that type of Short/Rural Suit is usually only worn during special festivals called the Tienta ("trials"), not the regular corrida ("bullfights").

These Tienta are trials for young and immature bulls to be tested in the ring, to see if they're fit for breeding/fighting. 🤯 FLEDGLINGS. And who's Lestat's young bull? "Built-like-a-bird" Claudia. Who's the immature bull? The "biggest rat eater of them all," the under-developed "botched" vampire Louis. During these trials, veteran matadors can show off their skills; and novice bullfighters are shown the ropes and prove themselves. Like I said: the matador wins again.

God, even the way Lestat dragged Louis' bloody body out of the courtyard by the jaw/neck resembles the way the defeated bull--bled out & stabbed in the neck--is dragged by the neck out of the ring.

And remember what I said about Lestat and FOOD. Cuz what happens to the bulls after the matadors kill them? They're sent to the slaughterhouse to be butchered for FOOD. People EAT the bulls.

So yeah, my whole point in this post and my first one is not to sleep on guys like Lestat, Percy--or even other famous dandies like Valmont from Dangerous Liasions/Cruel Intentions (mentioned by both @little-desi-historian and @dwreader)--just because they're effeminate--especially when they're emulating mannerisms from a time period where the model of what made a fashionable gentlemen/good breeding/elite society did NOT match modern expectations about gender. People are getting distracted by Lestat's yaasified manner, not what the show itself is signalling through the relationships he has with others.

This show is deliberately painting Lestat as a villain through Louis' & Claudia's perspectives, as they were the ones who suffered under his Reign of Terror. The symbolism behind the matador-inspired costume used in Ep5 reflected gendered social hierarchies embedded within bullfighting culture (in Spain, women only started being allowed to fight in the 19th-20th centuries). Dressed in clothes resembling that of a matador, Lestat beating & defeating Louis mirrored the defeat of the emasculated bull, and the reification of the victor's masculine prowess at the top of the foodchain.

[queersouthasian]

I just had a horrible realisation...

Charlie was cursed gifted with the power of absorption, right? He can inevitably take away another's powers once he starts getting close to them, right? And what is Charlie's love language? Touch...

Are you fucking kidding me? A man whose love language is touch, who loves being clingy especially with the one he loves dear to his heart, beyond love itself; a man who has been starved of love, attention and appreciation, who wants to just love his lover to his fullest, to keep him safe will take away a prominent part of them??? Charlie cannot touch someone without taking the powers, he could never be intimate with babe without taking away his power, even if he didn't want to, that is something not under his control and my god the wrath he imagined he would have to face, the accusation of a thief that he knew would be casted on him, and he would not be able to do anything 'cause yes he stole but it was not even in his control. This just explains why Charlie looked terrified when he mentioned about his senses to Babe in ep7...he was not "scared of" babe, NO, he was terrified babe would hate him, terrified he would be disgusted, terrified he would be misunderstood, terrified his intentions were not clear enough, so the pause, the gulp, the teary glossy eyes before he says he can return the powers, his eyes were sparkling cause he was on the verge of loosing it, the thought of the pain, the pain of having his love hate him had him on the brink of tears, and he NEVER openly cried before...omg why would you do this to someone??? I don't even know who am I blaming 'cause wtf...it's like you are locked in a dark room with nothing but one single plate of your favourite food but you are not allowed to touch 'cause if you do it will rot, so you are just sitting in the dark room, starving looking at something you desire so often but so out of reach...omg omg omg

[lesbicosmos]

rewatching s1 of broadchurch even tho im halfway through my first watch of s3 because i have an obsession with rewatching things and DAMN there are way more hints at who ended up being the killer than i originally thought, and a bunch of moments that are really ironic in hindsight

spoilers under the cut (yes it came out like 10 years ago but im still putting a spoiler warning)

ep1 - joe and ellie talk in the kitchen after hardy makes the statement to the media

joe: do you know what happened? i mean should we be worried for other kids?

on first watch, his tone of voice and body language here just seem like confused and worried parent, but on second, there's definitely a hint of panic in his voice

ep2 - joe, tom and fred in the cafe

joe: this is a terrible, unspeakable thing thats happened. but nothing like it will ever happen again here

tom: you cant know that though can you? you cant be sure

then after this joe's facial expression looks SO guilty like he can't think how to respond

ep3 - hardy questioning tom with joe in the room

hardy: can you think of anyone who would want to hurt danny?

THEN THE CAMERA IMMEDIATELY CUTS TO JOE. ik near the end joe swears he never wanted to hurt him but this is still a rly clever piece of editing, i love when shows do this. also the fact that in every scene where he's questioning tom, joe's in the room and occasionally talks but he's never in the frame of the camera hardys using to record it. he was literally right under their noses the entire time and they never suspected because they were focused on other people too much

ep4 hardy goes to the millers" for dinner

this scene hits so much different on second viewing holy shit. at one point they're talking about marriage and work and how hardy's divorce was partially work-related and:

hardy: this job, it does it to you

ellie: well, not to us

ellie actually makes me sob she loves her life so much then it all just comes crashing down on her

joe: do you think you're gonna solve this case?

hardy: certain.

joe: good :)

joe's reply itself here makes sense but there's a few seconds before he says it where his face is just blank and mildly panicked. he's genuinely worrying about being caught at this point.

now this one isn't a direct hint or anything but just if you think about the dialogue in a different context...yeah it fits

hardy: you bloody liar

joe: ive said nothing

hardy: and yet-

joe said nothing to the police or ellie and yet was lying the WHOLE time.

ep5 - brian asks ellie out

ellie: sorry, im married

brian: and thats an issue is it?

ellie: happily married, brian

brian: oh. okay, fair enough. only lots of people aren't though, are they?

ellie: i am.

THE IRONY OH ELLIE LET ME GIVE YOU A HUG PLEASE

ep6 - jack's wake

ellie spends the whole scene looking around to see if anyone looks worried, at one point she looks into a room (seemingly at nige but joe is stood nearby having a different conversation) and she makes eye contact with joe RIGHT as the camera cuts away

ep 6 - joe takes tom to the skate park and ellie arrives

ellie: i was just looking round that bar at the wake thinking "its someone here, why cant i see it?" the longer this goes on, im starting to suspect everyone

joe: when you say everyone...

ellie: well, nearly everyone

this is probably the most obvious hint that i can't believe i didn't catch on to. of COURSE they're gonna make a point for the killer to be the ONE person ellie LITERALLY SAYS she isn't suspicious of.

ep7 - ellie lets susan leave the police station

ellie (about susan's past with her husband and daughters): in your own house, how could you not know?

just ow. the irony of it all. fucking ow.

[ender1821]

heyyyy. oh dont worry im doing really normal and okay and fine after Secret Life ep7 and ep8 haha…doing real good and having some normal thoughts about shiny duo these couple of nights…

woe. unorganised and unhinged Secret Life shinyduo ranting (ft. @spark-of-teal ) be upon ye

(the first one is from before ep8, all of the others are from after)

[suzannahnatters]

I've cranked through the first half of Love Like the Galaxy in under a week and I REGRET NOTHING: how fast can I put myself outside this gloriously mature and well written Jane Austen style comedy of manners with intermittent murder. Reactions to the first 12 eps under the cut because wow I verbose when I happy

I'm 3 eps into Love Like the Galaxy and while "becoming thoroughly absorbed by Chinese Jane Austen" was not on my bingo list I'll take it.

I have trust issues with cdramas after watching GOODBYE MY PRINCESS which was the drama equivalent of the kind of dude who says 'heh heh I like a girl with spirit' but I do really love what they're doing with Niao Niao and how she's had to survive her awful aunt and grandmother (who are like Mrs Norris and Mrs Bennet, respectively) by becoming calculating, distrustful, selfish and utterly devoted to her own cause

LOVED the moment in ep3 where she tries to show her mother, who's this strict Confucian parent, the sort of nonsense she's had to put up with for years by subjecting her to the evil wiles of Aunt Norris and Grandma Bennet, she just outright pointed out the double standards her mother is operating by

anyway we shall see how things turn out! I'm finding the grounded visuals very nice too - everyone's not caked in makeup and jewels all the time, they look very comfy and believable.

oh my the softly besotted look on Torture General's face when he sees her carriage going by

he hasn't seen her face yet, he just knows she's cold, unfilial, and utterly calculating and he's fallen for her for all the reasons that everyone else reproaches her for

episode 6 of LLTG: a dispute over a writing desk has made me cry. what

This whole scene with the dreadful mother holding court and Niao Niao defending herself - so ably that she beings her brothers and cousin to take her side against her mother - GAH this is AMAAAAAZING

I adore that they don't have anyone fingerwagging at our girl to tell her that actually her mother is doing these toxic things because she deep down cares about her (aHEM, My Journey To You) - they're just being really clear that it's all dreadfully unfair.

I also love that the toxic mother is a sword-wielding warrior woman. She's so heroine-coded??? while also being a terrible person? amazing! I love the unexpectedness of it!

snerk I love this celebrity scholar deciding to Bestow a Mark of His Favour upon our girl and she tosses it right back at him

this Prince Xiao enters twirling moustaches he doesn't even have, wow

laughing my head off at the Big Romantic Rescue complete with cape SWOOOOOOOSH

this is great. I feel like I'm watching a faintly swoony BBC adaptation of a lost Jane Austen novel

also I take it back, Niao Niao isn't selfish at all - she's just realised that if she doesn't fight for herself then no one else will.  But she's not making it an excuse to be unfair or horrible to her perfect cousin, even though it would be the most understandable thing in the world

I love her, she deserves the world

ep7: I've only known Wan QiQi two minutes and I would die for her

is it just me or is this smug scholar precisely the type of man we've all come across??? NN not giving him the time of day is EVERYTHING

Third Aunt giving Third Uncle a shave: what a scene. God bless cdramas. Also, the extent to which there is a whole epic romance cdrama happening somewhere in the backstory here is AMAZING

Also: QiQi is a showy kind of BFF to have - showing up late to the party in a bright red dress and instantly pillaging the birthday gifts she brought the princess to deck you out in earrings? chef's kiss - but I'm also SO appreciative of how they're treating Yang Yang! That moment at the banquet early in the episode where Niao Niao, who can't even read, says, somewhat hurt and pettish, "I don't need to learn ANYTHING! I'm good just as I am!" and Yang Yang says, "Yes, you are!" despite being a bookworm since birth? I LOVE THEM

ahaha NN gives a speech shaming the snobby aristocratic girls for looking down on the daughter of a general, and being extravagant, and don't they know all this bounty is due to the emperor and his generals? feels like the show is buying the right to critique filial piety by kissing up to the state

the statism is the one thing I've disliked about the show so far (also didn't think much of NN snitching on her great-uncle) but that's pretty much a constant in Chinese media except for one wuxia novel I read years ago (BaiFa MoNu Zhuan/Legend of the White Haired Maiden), so onward…

"I'm Eleventh Young Master who has admired you for a long time" sHriEKing

he looks so happy too

GO NIAO NIAO BITE HER

Deeply enamoured of the way General Wan has the features and mannerisms of an animated Disney villain

"why is that unlucky person still here? he seems like a lingering ghost" impeccable "Lizzie Bennet wonders why she keeps bumping into Mr Darcy on her daily walk, after she specifically told him this was where she walked daily" energy

well I did not think the show could make me sympathise with the toxic mum, but it did, by dint of showing that the dad is intentionally playing good cop so he can enjoy his daughter's adoration while he encourages her mum to beat her???

I really hope the cruddy dad experiences the consequences of his actions here but even more than that, I'm amazed that the show has found a way to make us sympathise for the bad mum as a person without trying to make her less bad

I'm just in awe of the writing here - it's SO deft and able.

ah, this must be the bamboo forest where they store action scenes - and I LOVE that the band of lady bodyguards gets to stomp the bandits when a lesser show would use this opportunity to bring on the hero and his army of goth henchmen

aw yess! our girl is strategising their way out! It's so delightful to me - this is precisely the kind of leadership/strategy role asian dramas rarely allow to their female characters

now she's getting to command a siege!?!?! all on her own?

and then castigating herself for not being able to save everybody! BABY

on to ep12, which I have heard people cite as the Point Where The Show Gets Good, and given the fact that I've already been elmo on fire dot gif for eleven episodes I'm not entirely sure what everyone else has been drinking but sure! let's see what lies herein

oh this is the GOOD stuff

yes yes, the big rescue, the arrow pulling, all good…what really gets me is that when our girl wants to see the mass execution and Murder General holds her back, it's not bc he's patronising her, it's bc he knows she needs to hear that AhMiao's death was not her fault

this show is justifying tropes I didn't even know COULD be justified…inCREDible

Third Uncle has two braincells and my whole heart

the only thing better than the look of sheer naked yearning on Murder General's face every time he sees Niao Niao or anything tangentially related to her is his determination never to let on how he feels to his two henchmen, who have known since episode two and are eager to help

Murder General hoarding hankies, bits of string, and pencil-ends that belong to Niao Niao like Harriet Smith hoarding Mr Elton memorabilia in EMMA

[twig-tea]

Only Friends Ep7 Random Things I Haven't Already Spewed in the Tags Somewhere

God every line of dialogue this episode makes me want to write an essay.

This is the episode that's going to kill all of the mastermind theories and I'm so grateful. Everyone is just messy and young, not a genius or a villain, thank goodness that's now clear. Though I'm a little sad Boston didn't torture Nick by having more sex with the bug still present before confronting him about it (even though I agree this would have been worse writing).

Kudos to Nick for not outing Sand as the thief even though he was pressured and knew he was losing Boston. I respect it.

I was waiting this whole episode for Mew to confront Boston about him using the footage he took of Mew and Ray kissing to manipulate Top, but he never let on to Boston that he knew about that detail from Top. I was especially thinking about this during the scene where Mew threatens Boston with the Boston/Gap sex tape. I feel like some of those complicated expressions on Neo's face are about Boston thinking about that detail and whether Mew knew. It also says something to me about how much Mew is thinking about Top in this revenge moment (read: not at all). I wonder if it will come up later.

I also wanted to add that this was a brilliant way for Mew to make Boston feel regret (because it was clear he felt no remorse on his own). Mew got to feel morally superior AND instill real fear of consequences in Boston, it really was the perfect revenge.

I'm so interested in what Nick's thinking was re: giving the info about Boston's weakness to Mew. Did he want Boston more isolated from his friends? Was he actually compelled by Mew's argument even though we know he already said he didn't actually want to hurt Boston? [Ok I did already ramble in tags about this one but frfr I wanna knowwww]

Speaking of, it's interesting that Boston felt safe enough to tell Nick those details and not his best friends. Admittedly Nick was a bit right-place-right-time but Boston gave him an explanation, and now we know Mew hadn't heard about this previously.

I'm with @shortpplfedup and @lurkingshan on the Top cares more about Top than he cares about Mew train. I do think Top has some feelings, and they're associated with Mew, and I think they're mostly tied to Top's sense of self and how he wants to change and has told himself Mew is a critical part of making that change work (and making it worthwhile). His own sense of self got in the way of that change initially (which is why he did something Mew would not like at the first sign of maybe being lied to), and this loss seems to have helped him overcome that part of his ego, but we'll see.

Was thinking about the ephemerality squad as we watched Mew burn the physical representation of his time with Top, but only part of it.

Mew is careful and calculating, but he's not perfect and now he's doubting himself. After having scripted his first romance and having had it crash and burn despite his best efforts, second-guessing himself about Ray and being willing to give it a try even though he is sure it's a bad idea is.... painfully real. I didn't think RayMew would happen because Mew seemed so sure, but of course Mew would be doubting himself and his previous convictions now.

Mew really turned to Ray and said "I know we're not a good fit but maybe this is what I'm supposed to do" and Ray went for it because of course he did. Feels like that part of the script is explicitly calling out romantic tropes vs real life and how applying the logic of a romance narrative to reality just leads to heartbreak. I hope this keeps up, because YES. [Also @slayerkitty; is this what Jojo is doing re: dropping the narrative frameworks? Eps 1-5 people were telling themselves stories about how this was going to go and eps 6-7 have so far been realistic consequences. I'm now wondering if there's something there about applying dramatic tropes to the real world and how it doesn't work, actually?)]

Also just have to say, Drake's horny confident impersonal energy was perfect.

I have a whole other post about Cheum I've been drafting since last week and keep getting distracted from, but just to put this out there now: Mew was drowning Boston in that pool and girl you just stood to the side and watched (so did Ray, but he had a fractured arm so I'm giving him a pass).

No Yo at all in this episode; possibly another point in my corner about her being the representation of permanence (at least for this group), since everything was either under threat or had already imploded this episode.

Lastly, I keep thinking about what Ray's dad offered Sand, whether Sand took it, and what it would mean either way. It's absolutely bullshit, actually, that Sand not get paid for spending time with Ray considering how much money he is literally losing by spending time with Ray (this episode mentioned it explicitly: by staying to chill in the tub, he was missing out on plum wine $$). At the same time, Sand losing his other jobs to rely on money from Ray or his father is a recipe for disaster, because Ray is unreliable as a consistent source of income (please see his love of Mew). I understand not wanting to be misunderstood or influenced by money and so leaving it out of the situation, but it's in the situation anyway because Sand has debts and a lot of jobs and not a lot of time. I hate how much money has morality tied to it as much as I hate how sex has morality tied to it. It's not romantic to ruin your life for someone who won't even notice that's what you're doing (because Ray could never understand how Sand not working as hard for a week could absolutely mean Sand can't eat or pay rent--especially if Nick moved out--or pay school fees or his debts). Leaving money out of the calculation of a relationship is a privilege of the middle+ class. [@neuroticbookworm we're really going to have to have that noodling session because now you've got me fired up about this lol].

[this really only barebones touches on ephemerality but since I was thinking about y'all: @ranchthoughts @slayerkitty @wen-kexing-apologist @neuroticbookworm @waitmyturtles @lurkingshan @distant-screaming @chickenstrangers @clara-maybe-ontheroad ]

[obxsummer]

The Place Where I Belong // Ghost of You

summary below the cut to avoid spoilers for s3 ep7&8

navigation -- series masterlist

--

summary: your boys are up to no good and singh's men are right behind you in the search for neville persaud. it's time to find a way to south america, but things for you and your friends take a turn for the worst.

warnings: the usual obx chaos, heartbreak, mentions of cheating

--

The boys were quick to catch you up, more so John B sharing details with you and JJ about being held at gunpoint, the fact that your dad killed two people and threw them overboard, and always hesitated when it came to John B vs the treasure. You were spiraling in shock that all of this happened and you had no idea. You knew John B was shaken from coming back the other day, but you didn’t imagine this to be why.

Before you knew it, the three of you were piled into the Twinkie with John B and JJ up front fighting over a map. 

“Walk me through it one more time.”

“Okay, right there-” John B’s finger smacked the map. “That’s where they’re taking him. That’s the sight of the idol.”

Your brows furrowed as you leaned in between them, glancing at where he motioned to. “You pointed to just South America, you understand that, right?”

He gave a hesitant nod before replying, “Yup.”

“That’s all you know? He’s somewhere in South America?”

“That’s why we’re going to the professor’s house!” Your brother defended back. “Look, he was at the site.”

You groaned, letting your head fall against the seat when JJ started freaking out. “Wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa! We’re going to a house now with a dead body in it? That-that’s where we’re going?”

“...Yeah.”

“And if the cops show up, you know what that makes us look like?”

“...Yes.”

“Okay!” You inserted yourself again and pulled the useless map from JJ’s hands. “Let’s not focus on that please before I make you turn around and go home. Let’s just make this quick, okay? In and out.”

John B slowed the van down once you approached a house so he could park on the side of the street. The three of you climbed out and ducked through the landscaping to the side door. John B walked in first, you next, with JJ bringing up the back. 

The house was a disaster but you were honestly expecting that. You were anticipating a dead body the second you walked in but were glad that wasn’t in sight and could hopefully be avoided. 

“His body’s gone,” John B said as he approached the wooden table in the center of the room. “Sowell was right here.”

JJ glanced over your shoulder. “Right, no, I know what happened. They’ve already been here, John B. They sent in the sweepers and now probably decontaminated this entire room. There’s probably nothing left, we should get out.”

John B continued to pace around the room and looked for anything that could possibly be helpful. “May-maybe there is something,” He held his hands out in defense. You could tell he was starting to freak out at the idea of not finding anything to help.

“Okay, what are we looking for exactly?” You sighed as you looked around the messy room. This could take hours to go through if you didn’t have a goal in mind.

“Anything to do with an archaeological dig.”

You huffed, “Yeah, okay, bro. That really narrows it down.” You began to shift through the stack of books in front of you, quickly reading titles before deciding they were useless. 

“Whoa, whoa, whoa! Don’t leave your fingerprints!” JJ followed after you with a rag to wipe off anything you had touched. You shook your head at him as he announced that he was going to look in the kitchen, that nobody ever touches the fridge.

A few maps were scattered across the shelves you were searching, but none of them were for South America. This was beginning to seem useless. You couldn’t lie, you weren’t 100% about going to rescue your dad as soon as possible, but the idea of losing El Dorado to Singh was enough to motivate you.

“Y/N. JJ.” You turned at your brother’s voice to see him holding a piece of paper in his hand. Your boyfriend, however, was face-first into the fridge. “What is it? Snack time? What are we doing?”

“You know what, I feel very judged right now,” JJ defended himself before taking a bite out of the chicken wing regardless. “There’s an entire bird in here that’ll just go to waste, okay? I’m not gonna let that happen, it’s not like I’m stealing it.”

You tuned him out as he continued to justify his time in the fridge. Taking the piece of paper from your brother’s hand, you analyzed the sketch in front of you. The name Solana didn’t ring any bells, but you were sure it was important nonetheless. John B nudged you to read the newspaper clipping he’d found. 

“Local expedition team departs for South America,” You read aloud. The group photo in front of you didn’t help point in any direction. You honestly had no idea what you were looking at. This is why your dad never needed you when it came to treasure hunting.

“Holy shit. Neville,” Your brother blurted out. “The last thing Sowell said before he died was ‘Neville’. Neville, meaning-”

“Right there.” JJ’s grease-covered finger reached over your shoulder to tap the unfamiliar face of the owner of the name. “Neville Persaud, expedition guide.”

It took the boys a minute to catch up, figuring out that Neville was the only remaining individual on the expedition to be alive. Obviously, you would have to find him to get some answers on where exactly to go. The hard part was where to even start. 

--

JJ had theorized that he might possibly know where to find someone related to Neville Persaud. John B had no choice but to trust him and followed his directions. You, however, decided it was nap time and the Twinkie was always the best place to crash during a road trip. 

You weren’t sure how long you were asleep, evidently long enough that they found someone who knew where to find Neville. You were rudely awakened by the slamming of the van door rattling you from your sleep. You shot up with a gasp, turning to see JJ and John B staring back at you amusedly. 

“Goddamn you two,” You murmured as you sat up fully and rubbed your eyes. Nothing like a literal jumpscare to get up and moving. With a huff, you pulled yourself off the seat and took JJ’s outstretched hand to climb out of the Twinkie. The sun burned your fresh eyes causing you to curl into his side to hide as he shut the door again.

“Sleep okay?” His whisper was gentle as he kissed your head, holding you to his chest so you could try and wake up fully. You nodded against his t-shirt and tried to clear the sleep from your mind. 

“If you two are done macking on each other, we have to find Neville.”

You removed yourself from JJ, making sure to flip your brother off before lacing your fingers with your boyfriend’s and following them through the tree line until you hit the water. “Ah, what the hell are we doing?” You stopped short when there was no boat in sight. 

“Why do you ever doubt me?” JJ joked as he walked straight into the water, his hand tugging yours until you lost your balance from trying to stay dry and stumbled in. You cursed at the idea of wet socks in your shoes (not that it mattered because you were soaked) as John B followed in behind you. “Alright, so we’re looking for… a houseboat.”

The water was just above your knees at this point as the three of you scanned the open water. A look to the sharp right revealed exactly what you were looking for.

“You think he’s there?” You asked as you watched the boat for any sort of indication of someone’s presence. 

“Only one way to find out. Neville! Hey! Neville!”

John B was quick to slap his hand over JJ’s mouth to stop his yelling. “Stop it!”

“Dude, what?” JJ looked offended that his plan had been interrupted. 

“What do you mean ‘what’? He thinks people are trying to kill him and you screaming doesn’t help!” You pointed out as you looked at him incredulously. 

JJ gave an annoyed nod when he realized he was wrong. “Ah, okay. It’s a death trap.”

“Yeah, but unfortunately, we don’t have a choice. He’s the only guy alive who knows where my dad is.”

You whined as you figured out exactly where this is going. “Aw, guys. Seriously!” The annoyance in your voice was hard to miss as they both walked deeper into the water before beginning to swim towards the houseboat. You grumbled to yourself before begrudgingly following them. You didn’t dare spare a thought about what could be swimming around you, especially this far back in the marsh. 

John B climbed up the ladder of the houseboat, JJ letting you go next, not missing the opportunity to smack your ass as you moved up. You turned to glare at him as he smirked in victory. Rolling your eyes, you shifted towards the side of the entryway incase Neville stepped out. John B and JJ did the same, your brother reaching out to hover his hand over the cooking utensils within reach. 

“The stove’s warm. He’s still here,” He whispered to the two of you. “Maybe he split when he heard-”

You took the chance to glance around the side of the boat as a body jumped in front of you. One of the boys shoved you sideways, a machete scraping the spot you had stood in as you stumbled back. Tripping over your own feet, you hit the floor in the kitchen, looking up in time to see JJ get an elbow to his nose. 

“Sir! Listen! Neville, we just wanna talk!” John B attempted to get the man to calm down. You scrambled to get your footing as Neville came within inches of chopping your brother’s arm off.

“John B! Trip line, trip line!” 

Scooting back immediately, both boys moved in tandem to shove Neville over JJ’s outstretched leg, sending your attacker onto the floor in front of you. You tried to get to your feet, yelping as your ankle was pulled, causing you to slam into the wooden surface painfully. So much for that idea.

“No, no, no!” You could hear John B yelling behind you.

“Let her go!” JJ’s demand was followed by grunting and scuffling, leaving you to guess they were gaining an upper hand and your foot wasn’t about to become detached from your body. 

“Stop, stop! We know Professor Sowell.” John B continued to bargain with the man whose grip on your ankle was going past painful.

“Who gave you that name?”

“You were in Orinoco with five other people last year. Right? Right?”

You took the moment of hesitation to kick your right leg out, nailing Neville somewhere in the face hard enough that he released you. JJ was quick to grab a hold of the machete as you scattered further into the boat area, chest heaving from the struggle. 

The second your boyfriend had Neville under the end of the blade, John B was attempting to gain peace. You took a few deep breaths before climbing back to your feet as JJ finally put the machete down. 

“Look, we were just with Sowell yesterday. He uh… he didn’t make it.”

“He’s dead?” Neville was shocked by John B’s revelation. 

Your brother nodded and offered an apology for the loss. Neville got to his own feet shakily, stumbling towards you as you instantly shifted out of the way into your brother’s chest on accident. JJ was quick to grab you and tuck you into his side, eyes no doubt scanning for any injuries. 

“I’m the last one left,” Neville almost whispered as he collapsed onto the couch. 

“Yeah,” JJ agreed, “That’s why we had to get to you before they did. If we found you, they can too.”

Neville stared back at the three of you silently. John B unraveled the sketch from Sowell’s house that was somehow still dry. “Solana, you’ve been there, yeah?”

The man gave the smallest shake of his head. “That is a place of evil.”

“Okay…that stone piece right there, me and my dad found the thingy that goes in the center,” John B’s statement didn’t sound very intelligent but you knew it got the point across. “Gnoman. Now, there are some bad men who have taken my father to this place and they’re going to kill him. So, I need your help to find this place, Neville.”

“No. No, no, no. The curse has already done enough.”

You rolled your eyes. “It’s not a curse, okay? We understand that it’s dangerous, but we need your help.”

JJ’s hand clamped ungracefully over your mouth as you went to continue talking. You moved to push him off before he shushed you. In the distance, you could hear the engine of an oncoming boat. 

“Neville, how much traffic do you get on this river?” JJ’s question was full of uncertainty as he slowly let go of you.

“Nothing.”

“Neville! Neville Persaud!” 

You looked outside the window to see a smaller boat approaching with two men who looked like they would shoot first, ask questions never. Cursing to yourself, you turned back to the boys the second a gunshot shattered the window you were standing near.

“Shit!”

You hit the floor, glass cascading around you as more shots rang out, piercing the boat one by one. Wood splintered next as the attacks kept narrowing into your hiding spots on the floor. 

“Get the anchor!”

You scrambled as fast as possible to regain your footing so you could attempt to get to the anchor without getting shot. JJ was right behind you, machete somehow back in his hand. You kept low to the deck as you made your way to the ladder to slip into the water undetected, hoping that this would be the way you could surround the oncoming attackers before they beat you to it. 

John B splashed next to you causing JJ to whip around to shush him. Your brother pointed in the direction of the anchor for you and JJ before moving onto the smaller boat where one of Singh’s men was standing with a gun. 

“God, this is so not how I planned on spending my sudden influx of free time,” You whispered to JJ, letting annoyance seep into your tone. It was true after all; knowing that there was less and less of a chance to get any treasure you’d been chasing after was upsetting. Of course, you knew it was different with your dad involved, but it still didn’t make you feel any better. 

“I promise you, once we’re done with this and we find the gold, you and me. Vacation. I’m thinking maybe like Alaska, or-or hear me out, let’s go hiking and-”

“J,” You cut him off as you stopped swimming to tread water next to him. “Let’s focus on surviving this first and we can plan a vacation after, yeah?”

JJ gave a nod of consideration before heading back towards the ladder where John B had been cornered. Your boyfriend glanced back at you just as the engine sparked to life on the houseboat. You cursed as JJ tossed the man overboard before reaching down to grab your hand and pull you up quickly before he had a chance to recover.

“The anchor!”

JJ tossed the machete to John B, holding you against him as your brother cut the line and the houseboat began to move down the river. The three of you ran inside the cabin, ignoring the yells of protest from the men you’d tossed overboard.

Various shouts to move faster filled the cabin, Neville trying to assure you all that he was doing his best. Once you gained enough distance between you and Singh’s men, you collapsed into one of the chairs with a huff.

“You owe me an anchor.”

“You’re welcome.” JJ sat next to you, fingers moving to rest on your thigh to pull your attention to him. “You okay?”

You let out a sarcastic laugh and squeezed water from your shirt, letting it drip to the floor. “Oh, yeah. I’m just peachy, babe.”

JJ took one look at you and knew you were pissed. He didn’t blame you either…how could he? You were risking your lives at every turn, all of you. He knew it weighed heavy on you, whether it was acknowledged or not. JJ had watched you be pulled from him again and again and again. He was sick of it, he refused to let you continue to hold everything on your shoulders 

You’d finally gotten a piece of calm, of happiness, in what had been a chaotic run for months on months, and of course, you loved it. It broke JJ’s heart to know they were pulling you away from that peace and quiet for a man who treated you like a fly on the wall; remembering you were there when you made noise just to swat in annoyance a second later.

Who was he to force you to give up that happiness? He was supposed to be the one to ensure you were safe, that you were taken care of in every aspect of things, not shove you face first into something so inherently negative. 

“Neville, they’re taking my father there. You’re the only person who knows where it is. They’re going to kill him unless you help us.”

You were growing sick of John B’s repetition in the short time you’d been on the boat. Obviously, everyone knew why you guys were here, he didn’t have to keep drilling it into your head. 

“They’re going after the gold,” Neville interrupted your thoughts. 

“Ehh-yup. What else are they going to be going after?” JJ blurted as he gave Neville an obvious look. 

“Then they’ll die anyway…unless they can pass the test, which they won’t if they can’t translate the idol. You know the story.” There wasn’t much room to his statement, but JJ made sure that Neville knew you were all unaware of what he was talking about. “El Dorado was found by a Guajiro king, and when it came for him to slip his mortal coil and meet my greats on the astral plane, he wasn’t just going to give the gold to his sons. It was the source of his power. It had to go to the wisest man, and to ensure this actually happened, he set up the test of the gnomon.”

“So there’s like some test now? Okay.”

“There’s always a test.”

Neville ignored the comments. “Whoever passes the test gains access to the gold. You fail the test, you die. If you somehow get to the gold without taking the test, then you die.”

JJ stood up, suddenly uneasy with the idea of death around every corner. “Great. He’s lying, right? ‘Cause there’s no way that actually can happen, right?”

“Tell that to the crew of the San Jose and the Royal Merchant.”

“We don’t want the gold, Neville-” JJ gave you a curious look at John B’s response to which you shook your head. “Just wanna save my dad.”

And John B’s statement, right there, drove a stake through your heart. This is what separated your family for so long. The need for treasure, the want for family. The want for a father that would support you, that would teach you, and love you, and be there when you made mistakes. Someone to cheer you on at sporting events, or congratulate you for good grades and awares. Someone to guide you. 

The want for a brother who would tease you, push you to grow some boundaries, but still be your best friend at the end of the day. Someone to lean on, to joke with, to laugh, to grow. Someone to scream at, to argue with, to cry over. To always know he’s there, always has your back. That brother, thank God, you actually found after some time.

The want for a mother, for someone to cherish you, to smile at your successes. Someone to hold you when you cry, to defend you against all odds, to give advice. The want for the emotional connection, for someone to understand your feelings and be there despite all you’ve done, all you failed to do. Someone to spoil you, to be responsible for you so you had the chance to grow. To change, to love and fail and do it all over again.

The want to just be yourself, to just worry about you and do what you wanted purely because you could. To be sixteen, to love, and fuck around with your friends, and not worry about where your next meal comes from, or who is paying what bill, and how to not get dragged away by DCS. To worry about failing a pop quiz, or what outfit to wear, or who was going to ask you to the dance. Never once have you just been Y/N Routledge. You’ve always been John B’s younger sister, Big John’s daughter, JJ’s girlfriend. You’ve never just been…you. Doing what you want, because you want to. 

And maybe you were silly for having hope that one day all that wanting would turn into reality. Maybe that was the world being cruel for putting the thoughts into your head, but you weren’t going to lie and say you never wished for it.  Because you were wishing for it more than ever right now.

--

The ride back to the Chateau went by quickly with the boys hypothesizing up front and you, wandering in your thoughts in the back. The three of you were quick to hop in the HMS and make you way over to where Kiara’s parents were throwing an anniversary party at The Wreck. You had a feeling they wouldn’t be so happy to see you, not to mention you haven’t shown up to work in who knows how long because of Poguelandia. 

Live music was playing, the sun quickly setting as you guys docked the boat. You instantly felt underdressed, surrounded by a mix of Kooks and higher end Pogues. The three of you stood out in your dirty, worn clothing, not even bothering to change clothes before you came. 

John B moved away to get Sarah’s attention, wanting to fill her in on everything that had been happening. You stayed seated on the dock with your fit overing over the HMS Pogue, figuring Kie would come to join you guys eventually. Maybe. You didn’t really know anymore. 

“So, when are you gonna tell me what cat snatched your tongue since we escaped from Singh’s men?” You turned to JJ with an amused glare. He sat next to you, shifting until you were seated inbetween his legs, your own resting on top of his right thigh. “I’m serious, sweetheart. Contrary to your belief, I do know you pretty well.”

The nickname melted you as you leaned into him, tucking your arms under his so you could rest against his shoulder. “I know you do. Always have.”

The two of you were quiet for a moment and you knew JJ was itching to pull your thoughts out of your brain. Your fingers danced along his hip where his shirt was bunched up, revealing his tanned skin. Why couldn’t life just be this? You, your boyfriend, your friends, having fun at parties and just being kids. 

“How about this?” You hummed as you pressed a kiss to JJ’s jawline. “I’ll tell you all about my wondering thoughts when we get this done with and we’re on vacation somewhere. Just the two of us.”

JJ’s chest moved with a laugh beneath you before a lingering kiss landed on your temple. “Whatever you want, pretty girl. Just tell me where to be and I’ll be there.”

Your moment of paradise was interrupted by your pissy brother stomping his way towards you on the deck. You hopped up quickly as JJ moved behind you, both of you intercepting John B before he could hop on the boat. You expected Sarah and Kie to be following him along, especially once they got the news of where you were going.

“What happened?” You clocked the angry expression carved into his face. “John B!”

“What happened? She cheated, that’s what happened. After everything I’ve been going through, she’s off hooking up with Topper? I mean, what the hell?”

You blinked in shock as John B brushed past you to climb into the HMS Pogue. “Wait, wha- John B! How was she supposed to know what was going on? We haven’t seen them since-”

“Are you taking her side?” He whipped around to point at you. “You, defending Sarah Cameron of all people?”

“John B, I’m not defending her, I’m just saying-”

“If you’re not gonna be on my side to go save my dad, then fucking leave, Y/N. I’ll do it by myself.”

“Dude!”

You swallowed harshly, your throat closing in as tears blurred your vision. Of course, it was silly of you to hope for change, for a dream family. You’d never get that.

“Y/N…”

“It’s okay, JJ,” Your voice cracked to your dismay as the first few tears fell. “I’ll see you guys later.”

The wooden dock was blurry to your eyes as you walked away as fast as possible. Fuck the treasure. Fuck Sarah Cameron for cheating, fuck John B for being a dick, and fuck your dad for always driving a knife into your lives. 

You glanced back in time to see John B punch the shit out of Topper before you disappeared from view. 

--

Maybe it was stupid of you to walk away, especially with the divide between your friends, but you couldn’t be there anymore. You couldn’t be in this mess of treasure hunt anymore. It was too much to sit and watch your family be torn apart day after day. 

You found yourself crawling through a window as the crickets chirped around you. The inside of house was dark and musty, but you pushed through regardless. The wooden floors creaked under your feet as you tried to navigate your way with limited sight. You eventually found the door you were looking for and pushed it open. 

Your chest heaved with a sudden influx of emotion, the night finally breaking your walls as you fell into the bed behind you and sobbed.

JJ on the other hand, was panicking. Not only was John B under pressure if Topper pressed charges, but JJ was pissed about the way your brother had spoken to you. After all you guys had been put through, to turn on each other was the worst possible outcome. 

He tried to help clean John B up and get him to bed, knowing his best friend was hurting, but JJ couldn’t stop thinking about you. He felt stupid, like he should’ve run after you, chased you down and taken you home. 

He stood in the doorway of your room at the Chateau, heart breaking at the sight of your empty bed. JJ had a strong exterior most of the time, but you were easily his weakness. He took a deep breath before sitting down on your neat bed, letting the cry finally escape his throat as he broke down.

Little did each of you know that the other felt the same way, letting emotions go in the other’s childhood rooms. Surrounded by memories of each other because at the end of the day, home isn’t just a place, it’s a person, a feeling. And that’s plenty to lose.

--

tags: @strawberryfolks @jinxfirebolt18902 @lnnlove@itsmytimetoodream @dazzlingnights @ifilwtmfc @itsmytimetoodream @multiifandomhoe @tenaciousperfectionunknown @deargenevieve@kaylinfayezink@insideurm1nd@rana030

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