#yes this user is high on some very wrong shit

[yagynaseni]

having pretty gurl era right after every maniac episode<333

[leatherbookmark]

i had op blocked so ray’s rebloggathon was tragically Absent from my dash but now that i caught up, *hyeju voice* el oh el

[stsgluver]

𝐒𝐍𝐀𝐏𝐒𝐇𝐎𝐓 𝐏𝐓.𝟑 — gojo satoru

synopsis. nobara is ill and what better way to spend your day off than trying to figure out who your teacher's high school girlfriend is?

wc. 3.5k

tags. gojo x reader, fluff, one suggestive joke, reader is in gojo's class, implied utahime x shoko, only half proofread

a/n. it's nearly midnight and im so tired and I have to be up at 6 tomorrow but I needed to get this done. I hope there's not too many mistakes <3 the ending is kind of shit but idc :) jk i do pls like it

previous part / next part / series masterlist

“are you sure you’ll be okay alone?”

nobara lazily lifted her head from beneath her duvet, orange bangs clinging to her sweaty forehead as she let out a series of harsh coughs. megumi winced from the doorway, inching back ever so slightly - he'd already brought in a couple bottles of water and a box of tissues, he wasn't looking to contract whatever flu-like disease she had caught.

she rolled her eyes at his not-so-subtle antics and raised a weak thumbs up. “go on fushiguro, i know how much you're dying to spend the afternoon with itadori and sensei."

“haha,” megumi uttered with the most sarcastic tone he could muster. on second thoughts, maybe being sick for a week wouldn't be so bad. with nobara gone, there was no buffer for his teacher and classmate to pester. “call me if you get worse, you know the second years are useless.” 

nobara gave the younger boy a quick salute and small smile, “yes boss.”

she dropped her head back into her pillow and waited till she heard the door click shut till she slipped a little less than elegantly out of bed. whilst yes, there was no denying that she was definitely sick, she also had a mission she couldn’t give up on.

in the three weeks, four days and an unknown number of hours since she had found the dvd of her teacher in his youth, she had been putting all of her free time into trying to find you. megumi had been a dead end when she’d tried asking him about you again and, although nobara knew he had a soft spot for yuuji, she didn’t trust the pink haired boy to treat this situation sensitively.

initially, she’d even considered asking gojo about it but she decided against that pretty quickly. that could get awkward very quickly and she still had at least two years at the school. 

then, she’d moved onto searching through the school for traces of the alumni. all she’d managed to find was a single photo; one that included both kyoto and tokyo students. you were tucked into gojo’s side with your arm around shoko. geto was there too: him and gojo side by side as they always were in their teenage years. all of you were grinning and genuinely happy. where had it all gone so drastically wrong?

nobara wondered if it was geto’s fault that gojo’s class had been all but erased – an effort to forget that the worst curse user to live had in fact once been an aspiring sorcerer.

her next plan (and one she hadn’t full considered the logistics of completely just yet) was to watch every single video on the dvd because surely at some point, there would be some clue of who you were or where you’d gone. 

and even if there wasn’t, what else could she possibly do to amuse herself whilst she was on bed rest?

with a huff, she grabbed her laptop and dropped back onto her bed, tucking herself under the covers. opening up her laptop (her password being ‘12345’), she clicked unpause on a video she’d started the evening prior.

“–and that’s it basically.”

shoko waved her hands around, sat on yaga’s chair at the front of the classroom with a blackboard filled with scribbles behind her. it wasn’t anything legible, more like swirls and stars and nobara thinks that, if she looked hard enough, in the corner were two little stick men: gojo and geto. an unlit cigarette sat between her lips as she kicked her legs up onto her teacher’s desk. yaga clearly wasn’t in the room. 

“that made no sense whatsoever but woo! shoko!” you clapped, out of frame of the camera but enthusiastically nonetheless. the aforementioned girl narrowed her eyes at you across the classroom.

“that’s why i made a video, for you to look back on duh,” she tsked, nodding her head towards the camera. “plus it is easy. i expected dumb and dumber not to understand but you?” shoko patted away a few non-existent tears, taking on the role of disappointed parent and their once star student.

except you’d never really excelled in a class with two prodigies and shoko actually loved having the upperhand in at least one area of sorcery.

shoko picked up the camera, holding it upwards to give a full view of her outfit and hair – like it was any different to any other day she attended school. she swivelled the spinny chair over to an occupied desk, slotting next to it and moving the camera so that it captured all of you in the frame. gojo was sat down in the seat, glasses propped up onto his forehead as you sat sideways on his lap, unsuccessfully trying to decipher shoko’s teachings on the board.

“understanding reversed cursed techniques is way harder than understanding cursed techniques,” you tried to justify, pointing to the board that showed the squiggles that ‘symbolised’ performing a reversed curse technique. stealing gojo’s glasses and popping them on your own face, you popped a quick kiss to the side of his head, “plus, why waste my energy? you’ll figure it out so i never have to.”

“the things i do for you,” gojo sighed happily, dropping his head down onto your shoulder as his arms looped around your waist. the orange-haired sorcerer could practically hear yuuji’s gasps at the simple displays of affection and she almost felt bad for watching some of the clips without him.

almost.

nobara was never one for romance – drama, such as the fight between gojo and naoya, that was her scene. but even she couldn’t help herself from smiling at the teenage love between the two of you. maybe she should give her teacher more credit – there was more to the six foot two man than just his over the top personality and questionable teaching methods.

“this is meant to be an educational video! be less couple-y!” shoko complained, scowling and shuffling away on her chair again.

“oh, we could make it very educational,” gojo wiggled his eyebrows, the devious smirk on his lips only widening at your flushed expression as you tried to hit his chest. failing, though, as he isolated his cursed technique to uphold a thin barrier between your hand and the material of his uniform.

there was the teacher she knew – keen to annoy even those he loved the most.

shoko must’ve ended the video out of spite after his comment, because nobara found herself staring at a black screen. 

all that she’d learnt so far was that you couldn’t perform a reverse cursed technique as a teenager. maybe that was what killed you? if you were even dead, that is. but given the damage that curses can inflict on sorcerers, whether or not you were able to execute a reversed cursed technique could literally be the difference between walking away from a fight a little tired or in a body bag.

nobara coughed several times, picking up the open bottle of water from her bedside table and taking a sip to try and ease her scratchy throat. scrunching up her nose at the slight sting of swallowing, she clicked the next available video, not putting much thought into her choice.

it was you and nanami in frame in a library by the looks of it but if it was on campus, nobara didn’t know where. christmas decorations decorated the shelving units behind you – tinsels of gold, red and green, and hanging snowflakes. you were both wearing your usual uniform but you also had a santa hat on and tinsel lining your jacket.

“we’re the only two on campus,” you said quietly, “because everyone else’s parents loved them–”

“we couldn’t afford to go back for the holidays,” nanami cut you off, without glancing up from what he was writing. being from two non-sorcerer families was a disadvantage normally in terms of status and inherited techniques, but holidays were somehow worse. 

gojo had offered to help you out with a ticket back to your parents and had even extended an invitation for you to stay with him but you didn’t want to leave nanami alone (and although he didn’t seem grateful, he was glad you were there).

“it’s fine. academic comeback time,” you held up a book to the screen. being in a class with three exceptional sorcerers meant that studies were often sidelined to try and improve and perfect your techniques. holidays were usually your opportunity to catch up on the missed classwork and homework you’d fallen behind on.

nanami less so – if anything he was reading ahead. tokyo had never been renowned for academic scores until he’d come along.

“i don’t get why the camera needs to be here,” nanami complained.

“to record us study! it’s motivational.”

“sure,” nanami hummed quietly, reading over your shoulder at the work you’d already completed prior to setting up the camera. “that’s wrong. this is simple mutipli–” he paused at the sound of rustling and his brows furrowed as he tried to peer round the bookshelves. 

“merry christmas!” 

nobara snickered as nanami jumped at the sudden voice and appearance of three people behind him. gojo and geto were capable of masking their cursed energy (and shoko’s) so that they wouldn’t be noticed slipping into the library. although gojo had nearly screwed that up by pulling out a chair trying to trip up geto.

“ieiri!” you slipped out from your seat, running up and hugging your classmate. in the process, the camera got knocked so it was facing the ceiling. nobara frowned as she turned the brightness up on her laptop as if though that would somehow bring everyone back into grame. in the periphery of the screen she could make out just the heads and foreheads of the student sorcerers.

“hi satoru, missed you too satoru, so glad you came to see me satoru,” the white haired sorcerer pouted at the lack of attention and nobara is sure someone responded to him but the audio is muffled by two voices closer to the camera’s microphone.

“here!” haibara slipped into the seat next to nanami that you had occupied moments prior and held up a small wrapped box with red ribbon tied neatly in a bow. “i picked it up on the way. merry christmas nanamin!”

“thanks yu,” nanami smiled softly at his classmate. well that’s what nobara thought he did anyways, his eyes lifted into half crescents but she wasn’t actually sure what his mouth was doing out of frame. she’d never seen the blond so happy from a simple gesture.

she clicked off the video even though it still had thirty seconds left to go. it wasn’t much fun just watching people’s foreheads and she highly doubted that nanami was about to fix the camera’s position.

so you were from a non-sorcerer family and possibly not able to use reverse cursed technique. it wasn’t much but facts were still facts.

there was a little more deliberation before she chose her next video, settling herself back into her cushions as she waited for it to load.

the screen was suddenly very bright and nobara winced, turning it down as the surroundings came into focus. it was the inside of an arcade and the camera was pointed directly at one of those claw machines. inside were different sized plushies of spiderman and haibara was the one controlling the claw.

nobara could vaguely make out everyone’s reflection in the glass – to the left of haibara was geto (who was also the one holding onto the camera), gojo and you, and to his right was shoko, nanami and maybe also utahime? shoko had her arm around a blue haired girl either way.

“no! so close haibara,” you patted the youngest boy on the shoulder gently as the plushie he’d managed to pick up slipped from the claw’s clutches before it could be dropped down the chute and retrieved.

“can i try?” gojo asked and, from the annoyed groans, nobara assumed it wasn’t the first time he’d interjected.

“no, he’ll get it this time,” geto encouraged and gojo flashed him a look of disbelief. 

“if gojo wants a go he can have it!” haibara tried to step away from the machine but nanami halted him, slotting several more coins in the machine.

“take your go yu.”

“i’ll get you a slushie if you win,” shoko called out, clapping her hands together as he accepted his fate, hesitantly pressing down on the buttons as he peered through the side of the machine to get a better angle.

“haibara, haibara.” all of them were chanting his name now, and that was enough of a boost for him to finally get one of the plushies over the barrier and down the chute. the camera shook unsteadily as geto jumped and six of them crowded the youngest in a joint hug.

nobara could see yuuji in haibara and megumi in nanami and herself in shoko and she had to stop herself from tearing up. nanami and shoko seemed like strangers these days and she couldn’t even imagine waking up and yuuji not being the first one to greet her outside her room. 

we’ve got a mission here, she reminded herself, shaking her head lightly before moving onto the next clip.

“utahime, say hi,” you lowered the camera to the kyoto sorcerer’s height. she was sat cross-legged on the floor with a jacket flung haphazardly over her head to try and block out the sun that beamed down.

“hi!” utahime waved, smiling as you dropped down next to her. in her hands was a partially made daisy chain that she’d started to entertain herself whilst she waited for the tokyo students. despite being in kyoto, she’d always chosen to join yourself and shoko at events over her own classmates.

“who do you think is going to win the exchange event this year?” you asked with a raised brow and utahime grimaced.

“don’t make me compliment him.”

“are you implying that our edge is not because of me?” you looked at the camera with a disgusted expression, like you had the power to outshine the gojo satoru, she rolled her eyes – gojo’s dramatics were rubbing off on you. “for that i’m telling ieiri. you may be her girlfriend–”

utahime hit your arm and her eyes darted around for anyone that could’ve heard (like you were not sat alone in a field together whilst the others warmed up), “shut up! we’re not like that…”

you nodded with a condescending hum. “then kindly could you please stop calling her till three in the morning, some of us need our beauty sleep.”

“you’re only ever up at three am because you’re sneaking back from gojo’s dorm,” she retorted with a pointed look. you opened your mouth to defend yourself 

“true,” you jumped at shoko’s voice, swivelling your neck around to find the third piece of your trio standing behind you. shoko gestured towards your uniform jacket, “and if she pulls down her collar there’s a massive hickey i had to help cover up this morning.”

utahime erupted into a fit of giggles and you eyed the camera like it was some sitcom and you were breaking the fourth wall.

“you’re such an asshole.”

shoko pushed in between the two of you to make herself the middle. “you love me.”

nobara frowned as the video ended. while it wasn’t overly helpful, it reaffirmed the seriousness of your relationship with her teacher… but that was obvious from the lovesick heart eyes he constantly had in every video you were together.

although, she would have to show it to maki – the two had suspicions about the kyoto teacher and tokyo healer and this all but confirmed that they were right. 

nobara scrolled down till she found a thumbnail of you, geto and gojo sat around a table of food.

“zenin naoya,” you started, chopsticks in one hand as you held a bowl of food in the other. gojo pretended to vomit at the mention of his name. “yes toru, appropriate response, but have you heard about him and the kamo girl?”

geto nodded with a mouth full. “the one who studied abroad?”

“yes! her,” you waved your chopsticks in his direction, “anyways, she cheated on him.”

the dark haired sorcerer made a sound of shock, “they were together together?”

you nodded enthusiastically, offering gojo some of your rice. “mhmm, they got together new years eve.”

“that did not last long,” gojo snickered. nobara peered at the date in the corner of the screen in a retro, yellow font; 15 january 2006.

“best part? it’s not even the first time,” you revealed, picking up some salmon sushi off of gojo’s plate and quickly eating it.

“stop,” geto gasped and nobara was shocked. this man was a war criminal now, and yet ten years ago he seemed so far from it, gossiping like he was a teenage girl.

“which like i don’t get,” you frowned. “i dont know why he’s trying to save face over some two week old relationship. especially if she’s already cheated multiple times.”

“he’s just desperate because it’s the first girl to ever want to actually be with him.”

“oh yeah she really wants to be with him,” gojo uttered sarcastically with a sparkle in his eyes. he would have a party at the downfall of the zenin.

“are they staying together?”

“i think so,” you nodded, holding a hand over your mouth as you spoke and finished your mouthful. “it’s what me and shoko told him to do, well shoko. he facetimed shoko.” you clarified following gojo’s less than pleased expression. nobara didn’t doubt that naoya had caused some tension in your relationship (though she refused to believe it was ever because you had been interested in him) and she wished that you’d switch the topic solely onto that. that was the sort of drama she was after.

“youre telling me he facetimed ieiri to tell her he’d been cheated on?” geto could bearly finish the question without laughing and he shot gojo a look. “odds on him trying to make yn jealous.”

you couldn’t stop yourself from snorting. “oh yeah because hearing all that made me want to leave satoru for that thing.” sarcasm or not, your words were taken literally by your boyfriend who draped all one hundred and ninety centimetres of himself across your body. “oh my god you’re so heavy.”

“it’s just my love for you in physical form. don’t be mean,” he whined.

nobara didn’t even have the energy to laugh quietly at the pathetic nature of her teacher as she felt herself drifting off. it was fine, she thought, only a quick power nap. she’d earned it, watching all those clips expended lots of energy.

“kugisaki?” gojo gently knocked at the young girl’s door. he’d left yuuji and megumi to do laps to check nobara was still alive and well. the illness had made its way through half the school already and while it obviously wasn’t something fatal, he knew better than to take any risks.

he knocked again and waited thirty seconds before he opened the door enough just to peek in and–

“satoru.”

gojo felt his heart drop at the sound of your voice. one he hadn’t heard in almost two years and he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so unsteady and thrown off guard. the mere sound of your voice had startled him and gotten more of an upper hand than any curse he’d ever had to exorcise.

although his world had stilled, reality continued on and he was forced to hear himself hum in response. he didn’t have to see the video to vividly remember the day, to remember the smell of the grass and your perfume that were coaxing him into a nap that would make you both late to yaga’s lecture.

“do you think we’ll still be together once high school is over?”

“hope so,” he murmured, half asleep, and gojo wished his younger self was more aware, telling you how much he wanted to be with you, savouring every second he had in your presence rather than sleeping it away. 

like that could’ve changed the outcome.

slipping into her room, gojo lifted the laptop off of her sleeping figure (definitely still alive and breathing). with a press of a button, the disk popped out and he set the device onto the ground as he contemplated what to do.

he could break it in half, make it seem like an accident that nobara hadn’t noticed in her ill state. or he could use his cursed technique and completely eviscerate it from existence.

or maybe he could keep it.

gojo gave nobara one last glance as he silently closed her door once more, grateful for the blindfold he wore as he headed back outside to his students.

taglist. @thefictionalcharacterssimp @hana-patata @mor-pheus @leathairs @sh0ek0 @maliakealoha @levisteeacup @g-kleran @stevenknightmarc @n1kimura @darliingyu @saturn-alone @splxtscreen @leah-rose03 @rinshoe @laurenzitaa @patricia142lilian @sabo-has-my-heart @wooasecret @dahliawarner @kysrion @dreamerdeity @mwah-chia @geromiegerald @arminsarlerts @maliakealoha @cherrypieyourface @k4romis @monsieurgucchi @bofadeezs @777userz @polarbvnny @chonkercatto @tenshis-cake @haitanibros0007 @ba-ks @liaurokodaki @urfavvirg0 @lofasofabread @r0ckst4rjk @vee-ai @aiikuraa @melileli0001 @rinshoe @vinivave @yell0wdreams @sukunasleftkneecap @malikazz243 @sad-darksoul @giannitaa @maliciousmace @name-insert @splxtscreen

this tag list is insane ty all for the support

[privitivium]

some kinda yan gamer, streamer "catboy/eboy/femboy" guy who posts stuff with lewd undertones. liek... i just love dudes being all pathetic and desperately trying to get yr attention but all u do is look at them in mild disgust........................ obsessed with that rn. ;;

like the dude uses :3 consistently. emoticon user, in a negative way. horny freak. he'd say you're best friends; slowly making your way towards a friends with benefits type deal, so desperately wanting to be those friends who r super touchy with each other, borderline fucking, but he doesnt wanna cross any boundaries by suddenly sitting on ur lap or cuddling into you, hugging you out of no where... you, on the other hand, would say you're friends, but that's a little bit of a stretch. its generous, is what it is. you find him weird and hard to be around, but he's a bit of a loner around campus ( surprisingly ) and you have a soft spot for the quiet type, thinking you should be the one to give him a chance. he gives you this weird vibe, like hes trying way too hard... like a little kid trying to impress. a bit cringe.. no?

ㅡyeah, it was. very much so.. trying to hype him up when he posts videos on his socials. trying so hard not to cringe at the thirst comments as he posts himself in a skirt, thigh highs, oversized hoodie, cat ears, and a black face mask.. congratulating him and telling him that he deserves it because he is quite pretty; words without love, you mean them with stony-platonic affection.

obviously he takes this the wrong way.. you first notice his affection for you ( it was quite obvious. ) after he continuously mentions this "friend" in his streams and posts, speaking so fondly. to say that it didn't make your heart flutter, would be a lie. you felt a bit honored, disgusted with yourself for feeling such a way - he was a suffocating person - smothering you in his popularity and trying to make you jealous, but how could you be if you were his friend he "spoke fondly" ofㅡ? you wouldnt know how to deal with that if he was your lover. embarrassingly enough, the thought does come up multiple times throughout your mind..

you can't help it. those thoughts, they intrude on your normal train of thought like a disgusting plague... you were one of his top supporters, not donor, as he did stream playing dating sims and the like... he'd gloat, definitely meaning to, telling you about all the weird shit they'd say about / to himㅡand he was totally imagining it was you telling him all that stuff.. wondering just how lewd you are, fingering himself to the thought of you watching in a dark corner of his room.,, weirdo. ( <- spoekn with love...... )

you try to open yourself up, making more friends to hangout with after noticing that he took up all of your time. when did that happen? what happened to all your other friends before him? you wonder, but not wanting to relight those candles... it would be awkward, having left them for one guy without even knowing it yourself..

"did i do something wrong?" he'd corner you at your apartment, pouting, eyes glazed over with tears of anguish - his face scrunched as if he were about to break out into sobs. "why are you.. avoiding me?" his voice pinched, and you feel a wave of,,, what, repulsion? he's making you uncomfortable, just a tad more than usual.. "i'm not avoiding you." you'd reply bluntly, lackadaisical, a front. "yes.. yesㅡyou are, i can feel it. i know you are!" a whiny voice that morphs into a low hiss.. "no... i just made new friends so i'm not spending that much time with you as i used to." you speak slowly, as if he were an idiot - his face darkening with an embarrassed flush; heart palpitating faster as he promptly closes his mouth from continuing. why did you sound so... hot? argh, you always sound hot, but... whatever, he already knew that he was crushing hard on you - he has the preserved cumrags, bottles with a printed picture of you inside to prove it...

after that, he would take the time off posting so much, a hiatus, and would begin focusing on his one-sided relationship with you... trying to lure you away from your new friends, quite easily and you have no idea how he does it - a manipulative bastard in a way as he begins to get a little too comfortable with touching on you without your consent, he doesnt listen anyway - pulling the "cute guy who can't get punched" card;; asking you questions if he wasn't enough for you. it wouldn't work out, as you would often ignore his stupid queries. it was draining.. but.. you realize, that maybe you were just jealous? your cute friend posting himself for everyone else to ogle at, even if they didn't know what his face looked like. you weren't the disgusting one here, he was. they were only thoughts - nothing you were going to act on. rather, he would act on them for you.

[rinhaler]

on the plug sukuna subject, I often think about what will happen if yuuji proposed to the reader bc I know she's saying yesss

THAT WEEDING IS GOING TO BE SUCHHH A MESS

sukuna will be fucking the reader like 10 minutes before the ceremony, ino be distracting yuuji so they don't get caught in what they swore it's going to be their last time. At the ceremony sukuna next to Yuuji CRYING his eyes out and everyone thinks it's so sweet bc omg he's watching his little brother growing but WRONG, HE IS GRIEVING THE READERS PUSSY. And the celebration AAAA ino is trying to convince everyone to get high, sukuna and the reader having sex in a bathroom bc they can't help themselves and she looks sooo pretty, yuuji finding the whole thing out and fists fighting sukuna, megumi trying to break up the fight while nobara is recording the hole thing😭😭😭

Also the faces of everyone finding out sukuna was sleeping with the bride??? He's the one getting the blame bc everyone thinks he's such a bad influence

The whole story is ending in one of those facebook gossip reels titled "the BRIDE was fucking the grooms BROTHER" and it's a girl making a cake while telling the story or on reddit "AITA for not telling my friend my best friend is fucking his girlfriend and cover them up so they could hookup at my friends wedding" and it's from ino's user😭😭

I knoooowww anything of this is canon but I just like to think about it for funsies

HELPPPP UR RIGHT IT WOULD BE THE MESSIEST WEDDING EVER

the way im cackling at them fucking one last time before the wedding and then fucking again right after !!! JAIL!

No bc ur so right she's absolutely saying yes. She's basically wanted to marry Yuuji since they met and the fact that he's ACTUALLY proposing to her would make her head spin. Sukuna is like well.. she'd never say yes bc she'd have to live a lie for the rest of her life and then he's just DEVASTATED to see her accept as if there isn't a problem!!!

The actual wedding day would probably be the most depressing day of Sukuna's WHOLE life too. He's so heart eyes for the reader and her gorgeous dress and he wants it to be their wedding so bad but no, he's gotta be the perfect supportive big brother.

I bet he'd be saying some feral shit like he's gonna get her pregnant so she knows who she really belongs to while they're fucking. Ughhhh I need him.. why aren't we dating him again? JGDKLGHDSALJ

I think she'd actually flee the country btw if she got caught she'd NEVER be able to live it down and for it to end up all over Reddit?? AAAAAA ultimate humilation.

aaaa thank u for this ask ive never rly thought about a wedding day before but it's very soap opera for the whole truth to come out at a wedding im OBSESSED hehehe

[wantonlywindswept]

CC Aurek Batch + 1

wanted to write some command batch shenanigans with a side of Just Slightly Weird. are they force-users? fae? eldritch creatures? i have no idea!

obligatory mandoa meanings, tho I use them as names so it doesn’t really matter, and it’s clarified who is who later on:

Mirdala: clever, smart

Edee: jaws, teeth

Kote: glory

Buirkan: responsibility

Gettse: courage, nerve

---

"Why is it," Alpha-17 sighed, "That whenever stupid shit happens, it's always you five?"

Every member of CC Batch Aurek blinked at him in unison, wearing the same identical expressions of innocence.

Creepy.

"Sorry, sir," Mirdala lied, like the little liar that he was. 

"Didn't mean to cause problems, sir," Edee also lied.

Kote opened his mouth but Alpha held up a hand, stopping him from speaking. Kote was a terrible liar. It was embarrassing. Alpha had completely failed in teaching that one any kind of subtlety, and did not need a reminder of the reason for Fordo's constant mockery.

"Alright," he said, "Show me the poor cadet you kidnapped."

"I wasn't kidnapped," a young, mulish voice said from behind the perfectly-arrayed line of teenage CCs. "I came on purpose."

"Yes, I'm sure they gave you the option of refusing," Alpha drawled. He glanced pointedly toward Buirkan, who at least had the decency to look somewhat guilty about it. "Go on, move."

The quintet shuffled uncertainly, holding out just a little longer before finally parting to reveal the cadet tucked behind Kote and Gettse, gently pushing him forward. Alpha'd had his suspicions about why Aurek decided to openly lay claim on a CT, and the blond roots in the kid's hair certainly explained some of it.

"CT-7567, sir," the cadet said, snapping to attention. His salute was a little shaky, but Alpha didn't often interact with the CTs, and the rumors of him being an asshole were--well, true, but at least a little overblown.

When the cadet stopped there, offering nothing else, Alpha turned his attention to Aurek with a pointed, judgemental frown.

Kote stepped forward and wrapped an arm around the kid's shoulders.

"His name is Rex," Kote said proudly, with the smugness of someone who'd clearly won naming rights, going by the disgruntled looks from his batchers. 

"He's one of Us," Edee added, belligerent, as if that was enough to excuse the five of them causing chaos and abducting a CT from the cadet barracks in broad fucking daylight. But Alpha heard the emphasis, and--

Well. That was enough.

The thing that not a lot of people knew--or if they did, they shut their damned mouths about it--was that the very first batch of CC-class clones decanted came out...odd.

'Unsettling,' had been the word Mij Gilamar used, said without rancor, unlike the reactions from some of the other trainers. 'Unnatural,' was what Walon Vau called them. Isabelle Reau said that they were 'horrible little abominations', and while Alpha cared exactly fuck-all about what Reau and Priest had to say, he still made sure that Aurek never ended up near their illicit battle circles. 

Jango Fett had watched them for a single training session, face growing steadily darker as they demolished the shooting range, and then he'd turned heel and left without a word. 

Alpha was pretty sure that was just because they were already close to beating his scores. Sucks to suck, Prime.

There was nothing psychologically, physically, or genetically wrong about Aurek--that the Kaminoans could prove, anyway--and all five were clearly on track to be high-ranked soldiers whenever the war finally started. 

But they were, admittedly, really fucking weird sometimes.

"That true?" Alpha asked the cadet. "You're one of them?"

Now that he looked, he could see the similarities between Rex and the rest of Aurek: the little CT was already synced with them, breathing and blinking in time. His eyes bore the same unnatural intensity, and Alpha wondered if he would also be able to locate the others no matter how far away they were.

Rex nodded, a pleased smile breaking across his face. It didn't seem like he smiled that often.

"Yeah!" he said enthusiastically. "I'm one of them, and they're one of me, and we're all gonna be together now."

Rex looked up at Kote, who smiled besottedly down at him.

"This is Cody!" he said. 

"And this is Gree," he said, patting Gettse's arm.

"That's Bly," he said, nodding toward Buirkan.

"And those're Fox and Wolffe," he said, pointing at Mirdala and Edee.

Alpha took in the newly-named Aurek batch with raised eyebrows. They couldn't quite mask their happiness at the new monikers, and Bly stepped forward, meeting Alpha's gaze.

"We will always treasure the names you gave us," he said earnestly, as if Alpha was some tubie in need of reassurance, "But we gave him his name, and he wanted to give us something back."

It wasn't as if the clones had possessions, after all, and names were one of the few things that the Kaminoans couldn't take away. 

Alpha scoffed and cuffed Bly in the side of the head.

"I'm not offended, you little brat," he said, "And I'll still call you what I damn well want."

Bly just beamed at him, pleased, and Alpha rolled his eyes. He pushed Bly back into the circle of his batchers and their new plus-one, and if there was any kind of gentleness in his touch, he would deny it until he died.

"Meet up for training tomorrow at the usual time," he ordered, "And bring the kid with you."

Grins all around. 

"Sir, yes sir!"

[mrhowells]

Smallville 4x03

such an iconic episode, I'm so ready😩 (edit: ignore any typos you might find, I was going through it💀)

NOOOOOOOO THIS IS SO FKN FUNNY PLS LOOK AT THIS MAN'S HAIR I CAN'T BREATHE

Honestly I'm so thankful that not a single one of my schools was like this, it's like everyone just reached an unspoken agreement that bullying was uncool and we'd mind our own business.

needles😬

"Have I told you how much I'm gonna miss you?"

no you haven't but you definitely should, go on😌

*in unison* around where????

HELL YEAH FORCED PROXIMITY FTW

"Come on, do you know how many people would kill to relive their senior year of high school?"

No way in hell, and I had a relatively peaceful experience💀😭

"The last thing I want to be is a reporter."

She would absolutely be perfect but let's get one thing straight: If there's a person on this show who knows when to mind their own fucking business, it's LOIS🤷🏻‍♀️

I mean both Chloe and Lois make valid points, she's 17 and while I totally understand why Abby did it, it really is a bit concerning. Especially considering her mother has been pushing her to do it for the last 3 years😬

I got a comment from a helpful user under my post for last episode (ty🥰), apparently Jason is roughly the same age as Lex?? And he started dating Lana when she was 17?? AND HE'S THE FKN ASSISTANT COACH AT SCHOOL?

Clark wants to try out for the team again🥺

Jonathan let Martha have a job off the farm dude come on, be supportive. YES THANK YOU

omg did he fake his parent's signature on the permission slip???

"...they want people to look at them differently."

he's making points🤷🏻‍♀️

UGH I'm so weak for happy, excited Clark just look at himmm😭🥹

"Maybe if I'd been more patient I would've seen who you really are." EEEEEEEW throw the whole man away🤢

honestly fuck everyone who destroyed her self-esteem to the point where she's flattered bc a crusty man like that shows interest

asjaksjaksj

he's not even denying it-

PLSSSS their faces, especially Lois😭

I LOVE THEM YOUR HONOR

and look at Lois "not interested in journalism" Lane right on the story😌😌😌

I'm connecting some dots here and I don't like ittttt😬😬

"I still can't believe that you have a job at my school."

I feel like Lana has had more personality in these last few episodes than she had in the last 3 seasons combined, so that's great to see.

Lex knowssss👀

OMFG LOIS I LOVE YOU

I'mghfdjfghdj LOIS ARE U FREE ON MONDAY-

look at herrrrr😭 LISTEN IF I HAD CLARK'S POWERS-

I mean I agree that beauty is on the inside but that's very easy to say when you look like a literal angel💀 OOp evil surgery lady just said the same thing I did idk how to feel about that💀💀

I love that they're already establishing little things about her, she's messy, she can't spell etc. (though Chloe sounded a bit passive aggressive in both instances, maybe I'm just reading it wrong tho😬)

"It looks like Lois is one step ahead of us." THAT MAKES ME SO PROUD🥺🥺

Clark saving Lois and then Lois saving Clark is something so personal to me actually-

UGH LOOK AT THEMMMMMM😭

*kicks woman* "Bitch."

her lil smile seeing her article in the torch😭

yesss she has fans as she fucking should😌

(Can I just quickly say that as much as I love Homecoming, they could've had at least ONE person at the reunion remember Lois from high school, watching that shit left permanent scars on my soul, it was so cruel😭 Like come on, if reading her article was a "life changing experience" for some students, it would make total sense for SOMEONE to remember her. (yes I'm super salty and what about it))

FUUUUUUUCK I JUST REALIZED I HIT THE 30 IMAGE LIMIT AND I'M NOT EVEN AT THEE DUNK TANK SCENE😭 (off to delete some of them I guess😭)

omg here it comes

"Come on Lois, didn't those guys at the base teach you anything?" "Wouldn't you like to know."

akasjkasdjak YOU KNOW HE WOULD

they wanna bone so bad it makes them look like absolute fucking clowns there I said it

DOESN'TMATTERCAUSEYOU'REGOINGDOWNTHAT'LLBETHEDAYSKADWNKW can you tell I'm losing my last shred of dignity here

ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY CLEARED MY SKIN IMPROVED MY GRADES WALKED MY DOGS ETC THIS SCENE CHANGED MY WHOLE FUCKING LIFE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND-

and Tumblr won't even let me upload my 5732893 screenshots where's the justice😭

[feathered-serpents]

Why does m!fenhawke pisses you so much? You really hate the fact that your pixel boyfriend like other men don't you? Your weirdo

Okay, so I'm gonna make it very clear that I am aware, given the nature of this ask, that you don't actually care about my reasoning behind my (yes present!) bitterness towards M!FenHawke, and just want to #own me with a tumblr ask. But I have needed an excuse to talk about this so, thanks for providing it, even if it is on the wrong blog (right blog -> @high-dragon-bait for future complaints)

I'm not pissed off by M!FenHawke (for the most part.) Fenris' bisexuality is incredibly important to me. In my own canon, I have him marry a man years after my Hawke dies (his name is Lucien he's a short king and I love him). I am pissed off by M!Hawke. Just in general. Full stop

And yes, it is petty!

The Dragon Age fandom has a serious misogyny problem. No one likes to admit it, but my GOD is it bad. And before anyone tries it, I am talking solely about the fanbase, that is, the treatment of real people in the fandom. This is not about NPCs, and this is not about F/F ships, though this problem hurts both of those factors, I am SOLELY talking about the treatment of female or perceived female fans by the fandom.

It's bad

Like. It's bad

And this is reflected in the prevalence of M!Hawke. Not. Deliberately. I'm not saying anyone who posts M!Hawke content is deliberately shitting on female fans, that's insane, I am saying that the prevalent assumption of male Hawke is a symptom of the larger problem.

Now that's a lot of word jumble that could still be misconstrued so let me clarify what I mean. How many times have you seen a text post where Hawke is universally referred to as "he?" How many times have you seen a post that calls Hawke "Garrett" not like that posters OC, but like the canon name of the character? How many times have you seen Hawke's "canon" gender assumed male despite this being a game with a customizable protagonist that does not have a canon gender?

More times than you've seen Hawke is universally referred to as "she" or called "Marian" in the same manner. I promise you. Those posts exist, but they PALE in numbers to the previous posts

You don't see this with the other protagonists, the Inquisitor or The Warden. At least not as much, you will sometimes see the Warden referred to with a gendered pronoun (he/she), but not with the same ubiquity as you see male Hawke.

And obviously, obviously, OBVIOUSLY, it is hard to tell whether this is being done with the intent of the ubiquitous assumption or is just done by someone talking about their own canon. I cannot say I have magic eye lasers that let me see the poster's intent. I don't. I can say that I've seen much much more content of male Hawke over female Hawke. I can say I've seen female Hawke brushed aside or ignored in favor of male Hawke. I can say that I was harassed back in 2014 and saw other users around that time harassed for DARING to romance Fenris with a female Hawke DESPITE Fenris being canonically bisexual (Because otherwise he would not have been allowed in Kirkwall without a $10 fee)

All of that... is rooted in misogyny. I'm sorry. It just is. With a healthy dose of biphobia on the side. You can be uncomfortable with that and argue it all you want. It does not change that fact.

And this is not only seen with Hawke. By god it is not only seen with Hawke. Another prevalent example of Dragon Age fandom misogyny is the treatment of Solasmancers and Cullenmancers. Both of these are characters mostly popular with female fans, for obvious reasons, and they are also characters with some of the most VITRIOLIC hate you will find in the fandom. Now, obviously this isn't automatically rooted in misogyny. Both of these characters have extremely prevalent flaws and not liking them is perfectly understandable. I don't really like Cullen myself. But a lot of the hate for these characters, and the people who like them, is very targeted towards the fact that those fans are probably going to be women.

You'll see people who hate Solas say that he's just a "teenage girl teacher crush fantasy" or people who hate Cullen attack his fans for being "30-year-old sad moms." Those sound like somewhat catch-all insults but they ARE attacking the female-ness of the fan at their core. And that is BAD

Female protagonists are the ones most often called "boring" (F!Lavellan, F!Cousland), they are the ones most often ignored (F!Hawke), they are the ones most often ridiculed with their female-ness at the core of that ridicule before anything else. It's everywhere, and no one talks about it

And before you try it again, no, I am not talking about queer fans who just don't like m/f pairings. They are not wrong for that. If you are a queer fan who simply prefers same-sex pairings that is your business, it is the moment you are attacking fans, usually female fans, for playing a game the way they enjoy that it becomes an issue.

Because despite what Twitter told me when I tried to have this discussion there, misogynistic harassment is still not okay even if queer people are doing it.

So. That's why I like to reblog more pictures of female Hawke

[fractallogic]

so i realized that when I'm going through a medium-strength depressive episode, I want to learn languages and do vocabulary and stuff like that... so i turn to duolingo, usually

unFORTUNATELY, duolingo also makes me mad because everyone's like "oh duolingo is awesome, it's the best, you *really learn a language* with duolingo" and I'm constantly finding errors in the languages I know and inconsistencies with the languages I don't and it's only a small part of any given language pedagogy and it's just so FRUSTRATING, and possibly more so because they didn't fucking hire me to highlight and fix any of these problems any of the four times that I applied and did the initial interest interview

and now they're really going hard on "we teach ENDANGERED languages" when the navajo course is seven units long and the fucking high valyrian course is 29 units long. you don't learn shit in seven units. like idk if the hawaiian course is any better!! and there are, in all likelihood, issues with getting additional approval from tribes, etc. to share their language, and issues getting native or very good speakers to record stimuli, and honestly I started the navajo course because I wanted to see how they dealt with navajo morphosyntax (so far: not well) and that's probably also a stopping point... but you can't tell me you're going to Teach Me Navajo in any meaningful way, which imo is even more disrespectful than just like... not having it.

and THEN you even compare western european courses like french/spanish/german to, idk, finnish, and the former courses all have these extensive "guidebooks" for grammar, they include notes and conjugation tables, etc etc etc, and finnish has ... a list of some of the sentences and phrases that you learn. is it LIKELY that someone's learning finnish from english as their very first non-english language? no, probably not (and i KNOW duolingo's research scientists have the data that can back that up). would it still be USEFUL to have those same tables and notes and so on? ABSOFUCKINGLUTELY. is it useful to have cultural elements like a finnish instrument called a kantele and being able to say "matti is a finn with sisu"? YES. but do they fucking bother to explain what either of those things are? NO.

and like, the thing about duolingo is that they make these extensive claims and it's used in classrooms now (?!) and they're seen as this super high-prestige program among language nerds, and it's just WRONG, and it really pushes my buttons. memrise doesn't make the very strong claim that you use it to learn a language; it really bills itself as more of a vocabulary practice tool (which both of these are), and i'm happy with that. there are memrise-made courses and user-made courses, and they're like "here are certain guarantees we can make about the general quality of the memrise courses, which we cannot make about the user-made courses", which I am also very much fine with. memrise hides some of its stuff behind a paywall, which, fine (caveat: I paid for a lifetime memrise membership—which is a big reason why I'm so !!! MY ACCOUNT WAS STOLEN !!! about the whole thing), but there's so much free content that imo the paywall is really just a nice bonus and not actually the necessary things to have. more and more it feels like duolingo's paywall is blocking some of the necessary stuff (like a personalized practice session, which I feel like is simple enough to program in and not necessarily worth a whole-ass paywall) and is also really expensive, AND without any options for a lifetime membership/single-pay model, afact.

maybe I would feel differently if i worked for duolingo. i would definitely feel differently if i was just a language-learning enthusiast instead of a linguist who literally specializes in how people learn words and word pieces in languages that are different from their primary language. duolingo is just TOO BIG FOR ITS BRITCHES and self-important and it needs to be knocked down several pegs.

[desperates-fic-library]

Bakudeku Fic recs

This will be updated! This rec list will continue to grow when I find more to add to it so make sure to come back every once in a while to check!

◈ ━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━ ◈

Bluebird by Etherealbeing

Dialing a wrong number was no unusual occurrence. Everyone did it once in a while, and Katsuki was well aware of that fact.

However, possessing this knowledge made it no less aggravating for him to discover — a full two minutes into his rant about his day — that he’d been venting his frustrations to a complete stranger. As if that wasn't enough, said stranger was also inexplicably determined to hear his story to its end.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Landscape after cruelty by ohwickedsoul

“Bakugo, you need to update your costume.” Kirishima said, “There’s this one dude in the support class- he’s got a literal waiting list, that’s how good he is- but he did my new upgrade."

“Yeah,” Bakugo sighs and leans back on his hands, staring at the bracer. “I know. I’ll go,” his mouth twists a little. “I’ll go tomorrow. This is just- this is my design you know?” he’s not explaining himself very well, and refuses to look at Kirishima.

“It can be hard to give up your first hero design, and you did a great job,” Kirishima said. “You definitely had the best one out of all of us when we first got our costumes."

Bakugo hunched his shoulders. “I didn’t design it,” he grumbled.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Yes, They're All Safe by teaandtumblr

Villains have entered UA grounds and are disposed of just as quickly, but that doesn't mean a headcount of the students doesn't need to be done. Toshinori would admit, he wasn't quite prepared for what he found in Bakugou Katsuki's room.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

A demolition boy and his cryptid BF by kewltie

Bakugou of the Demolition Squad is famous for running one of the most popular Youtube channels on the web that regularly blow shit up and jumped off a perfectly good building for shit and giggles. He's also famous for his Cryptid BF™, never appearing on camera except for a few bodyshots and all information on him is kept locked up tighter than Fort Knox, therefore drawing all sort of attention and curiosity toward his mysterious boyfriend.

Deku from Deku Explains is a hopeless chatterbox who is known for uploading 20-30 minutes video that talked about his favorite shows and comics and have one of the most devoted following on Youtube. He also can't seem to shut up about his boyfriend Kacchan, who regularly make his presence on the channel as a disembodied voice.

They should theoretically have nothing in common except a shared platform to host their content and an army of fans with an endless curiosity and devotion to their Youtubers. Vidcon is where we lay our scene and the internet is about to get a rude wake up call.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Drop dead, gorgeous by thewunderkind

It's been eight years since Izuku last logged in. When he gets the chance to do so, he discovers that he's married to a user named Ground Zero. Apparently, the husband he's had eight years ago 「 King Explosion Murder 」 patiently waited and has somehow not divorced him. Also, for some reason said husband is now a professional player.

Or the one wherein Izuku learns about the horrors of online — not really — dating.

- ˏˋ  ✎  ˊˎ -

Get in loser, we're going racing by kornspiracy

After recovering from a brutal car crash, Midoriya drops out of college to help his mom pay the medical bills. With his history of illegal street racing, he devises a plan to win his way out of debt—all he needs is for Todoroki to steal his father's car. It was nearly foolproof.

Until a malfunction brings the local mechanic onto the scene: his old childhood best friend Katsuki Bakugou. The very same Bakugou who ghosted him for four years after confessing his love for Midoriya back in high school.

And Midoriya still doesn't know how he feels about Bakugou.

(Note: this is the only fic on this list that is unfinished but I couldn't not put it on here because of how much I loved it)

◈ ━━━━━━ ⸙ ━━━━━━ ◈

Thats it for now! Lmk what ya'll think of these fics!♡

[this-summertimes-sadness]

oc roulette: tag yourselves as my ocs (the gals)

if you identify with any of them, i would like to be your friend-

- - - - -

this user kins agent orthodox

fear her, or pray that she'd ruin you. or both, if you want.

'these violent delights have violent ends, doll.' • *smudges lipstick with the back of her hand* 'what, do i have something on my face?' • *carries rifles more than half her size with ease* • 'am i supposed to be here? probably not. am i here anyways and ready to set some fires? hell yes.' • 'mistress? is that what they call me now? huh. didn't know low rise cargo pants had this affect on people.' • 'no, i don't want a drink- father. father, i crave violence.'

this user kins agent viper

will kiss you for a 13 million dollar cheque.

'honey, i am nothing if not a snake. it's in my name.' • *has symmetrical dragon tattoos over her shoulder blades and down her spine* • *watches a building crumble to the ground with her arms crossed* '...well that was anti-climactic' • 'would you be a darling and zip me up please?' • 'kill time? sure, what do you wanna do?- ...oh. oh you mean- ...oh.' • *stashes daggers away in her garter* • 'what, never seen a pretty girl drenched in blood?'

this user kins agent lustre

is a sweetheart, don't get her wrong. until you give her a reason to be mean.

*spins loaded gun barrel with safety off* • 'where is she. you better tell me in 2 seconds or it's not going to be only watermelon juice you'll be tasting.' *talking about vila, who had just gone to the bathroom* • 'me? scary? never!' *has also made convicted serial killers cry* • *resting bitch face* • 'did it hurt? when you fell? from the top of that building because your lifelong confidante decided they had enough of your shit and pushed you?'

this user kins agent mirror

ladies and gentlemen, her.

'i will break her dead bones and pay lucifer to break her soul.' • 'what do you mean he got away? *sighs* get my bike ready' • 'oooo, cynical. i like it' • 'oh come on, don't be such a crybaby' • 'oh, believe me, i am itching to gouge your eyes out. these ropes are the only thing that's stopping me.' • 'catch me when i fall' *dives off a 50 story building* • *uses knife as eyeliner guide* • 'you've got a death wish haven't you, honey?'

this user kins agent heaven

don't make her raise her crossbow at you.

'how much longer do you want me to wait for you?' • 'go on, pull a stunt on me. i dare you.' • *sharpens her pencil with her arrows* • 'this place looks like a murder scene' *has just assassinated 5 targets in the very same room* • *keeps hair in dutch braids* • 'you think i'm scared of you?' • *uses a fountain pen that doubles as a weapon* • 'be careful, who knows what other tricks i have up my sleeve?'

this user kins agent apex

kill her and she'd kill you just the same.

'i did not graduate with a masters in psychology and comp sci for you to explain what HTML means, connor.' • *high alcohol tolerance* • *raps Betty by Yung Gravy effortlessly* • 'im so fucking cold-' • 'uGH! AS IF!' • *takes off gloves with her teeth* • 'no sweetheart, no one wants a know-it-all so why don't you just… :)' • *sits and stares at wall making everyone question her mental state - is just thinking about pancakes*

this user kins agent monarch

raising hell all over town.

'i don't want your pity.' • *keeps multiple dagger rings on her fingers at all times* • 'please, yes, assume i'm weak and helpless. that i need you saving me instead of knowing i know exactly how to ruin you' • *wears low ponytails with butterfly hair clamps* • 'do your worst.' • *loops and unloops finger from necklace when she's listening to someone talk* • 'go on. see if you could kill me without it bleeding you out as well.'

this user kins agent genesis

mysterious, wonder where she stands?

'sit still, i don't bite.' • 'i am just as good as you are bad, doll.' • *puts hairtie between her teeth when tying her hair up* • 'fate has entrusted you to me. how unfortunate.' • 'how very naive of you, thinking i can't rip your throat out with my hands' • *holds one's face with thumb on one cheek and other fingers on the other* • 'look at me while you're talking to me.' • 'do you think you'd feel it when i open you up?'

- - - - -

[willowular]

don't get me wrong -- i am very glad that i am not the person i was when i used to use this blog back in 2014. i was a much sadder individual with very little insight into my own reality/emotions/body (with extremely little tools on how to navigate them all too)

but i bloody appreciate the high camp that was blogging back then. it was so ridiculously supportive for absolutely no reason. when i think about it, it's fukin hilarious. i'd sit there and write away about how much i 'hate my parents and my bum and my education and my clothes' and gloat about how 'i am just an ethereal little soft pumpkin who likes deep maroons and oranges and also cock and also what is gender? ugh mum u'll never get me !!!!!' and a couple of tens or even hundreds of people would reply like 'yes absolutely!!!!!! this is soooooooooo valid' and then we'd all send each other little messages saying shit like 'i feel you' 'i relate to you' 'i understand you and absolutely empathise ur experiences as a queer individual tumblr user gothfrog69'

and this bloggin shit got so out of hand that i'd get recognised at university or in student spaces and i'd feel a little bit like a TV show had crept out of the screen and stood in front of me, waving.

i'd sit there for hours writing the worst poetry you've ever fucking seen to individual mutuals that would make me feel better about myself . or i'd want to start my own fukin drama so i'd message myself some random nonscence on anon and give them my best beratingly ridiculous response and watch all the attention come crawling in

like i said, it was beautifully camp. high drag . not quite art, but definitely cabaret

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 304: The Council of OFA

Previously on BnHA: Hawks and Best Jeanist were all, “what up Todofam, we are here to apply for the positions of ‘son #4’ and ‘weird uncle’, respectively,” and then proceeded to insert themselves into the family drama without waiting for an answer. Hawks briefed Endeavor on the nation’s current status of “totally fucked”, promised to help him sort that out, and then asked him about OFA. Endeavor was all, “oh do you mean One For All, the mysterious thing that my intern Deku was apparently being targeted for?” and then we cut away, presumably before Endeavor could clarify that it never occurred to him to follow up on that, and Hawks was all “no of course not, why would it occur to anyone other than me to follow up on any of this super weird and ominously important shit.” Anyway so meanwhile Bakugou was all “LET ME SCREAM AT DEKU UNTIL HE WAKES UP” and the other kids were all “NO”, and then the chapter ended with All Might being all “I wonder what the vestige!me is currently chatting with Deku about.”

Today on BnHA: Deku drops in on the Vestiges, who are all “sup Deku, how do you like our fancy chairs.” OFA II and III are all “if you need us we’ll just be standing here silently in the corner pretending to be invisible and sparking endless discourse with our mere existence.” OFA IV is all “and now I will explain to you in a very convoluted way that you being quirkless was actually a good thing, since it means that you are probably not going to suddenly drop dead at the age of twenty. But also you’re probably going to be the last user of OFA for that very same reason.” Deku is all “that is wild. I’m just gonna stand here and stare at my hand.” Nana is all “so now that that’s settled could you please do me a small favor and kill my grandson for me”, because having just one topic to discourse about this week WASN’T ENOUGH, apparently. Thanks so much Horikoshi.

(ETA: okay so just a note before I start, this week’s RHA translation was a huge mess, so I followed up this chapter by reading a couple of other translations. the main one I’m using for reference is the one by @hanashimas​, whose weekly posts I highly recommend. anyway so you’ll see a couple of ETAs in this post in places where the initial translation was off.)

how many layers of bandages did they wrap this poor kid’s fucking hand in omg

jesus Deku. are you holding onto a bouquet of flowers under that thing?? or a tennis racket??

omg yes, finally

is he reading these names off a teleprompter lol. and if so, what has Jeanist ever done to slight you, Deku? “god bless Kacchan and Aizawa-sensei and Todoroki-kun and everyone else in the whole wide world... except for Best Jeanist. fuck that guy.” actually this joke would be funnier if half of tumblr didn’t legit feel that way lol but anyway

OH MY GOD

I NEED TO HAVE A TALK TOO. ABOUT, OH, EVERYTHING

I got immediate KHR vibes from ALL OF THIS. this is seriously such a Vongola aesthetic. “let’s use the luxuriously cushioned chairs with the seat backs that are ten feet high, and arrange all of the handsome ghost people in a big circle” like come on

that said there are also some slight LoTR vibes as well. “bring forth the ring, Deku”

I like how Six is sitting there with his feet drawn up all casual, but with his arms inexplicably sticking STRAIGHT OUT IN FRONT OF HIM and dangling over his knees like he’s doing some sort of zombie walk

apparently the Fourth wasn’t a big fan of shoes huh

interesting that All Might is the only one who’s still faint/indistinct, and and that Two and Three are fully visible

(ETA: the rest of my speculation about Two and Three has been moved into a separate post, the better to focus on the shit that’s actually happening in this chapter lol.)

and lastly, interesting that all of them are talking now, except for All Might (and I guess the Second and Third as well). to the best of my knowledge Deku hasn’t unlocked the Sixth’s quirk yet, so I guess the quirks don’t really have anything to do with it

oh and it looks like Deku’s mouth is still covered. I guess that’s convenient for the vestiges since we all know it’s hard to stop Deku once he gets going. but on the other hand it’s very inconvenient for people like me who wanted to see some interaction. alas

so First says that OFA’s power has grown a lot in the last four months (i.e. since Deku unlocked Blackwhip), and now the vestiges can communicate with each other as well as Deku

so even when Deku’s not around they can all just chill with each other. this is such a weird thing to me lol. like it’s cool, don’t get me wrong, but it’s also strange as hell to know that you’ve got eight other people hanging out in your head spying on everything you do and having conversations with each other about it. it would be like if Dark Shadow had someone to hang out with other than Tokoyami. good thing you weren’t triplets, Tokoyami

First says that it’s become easier for the vestiges to interact with Deku ever since TomurAFO barged into the OFA Domain back at Jakku. huh

(ETA: apparently this is because AFO forcibly pulled out OFA’s power when he was trying to steal the quirk, so I guess that makes sense.)

okay thank you Banjou for addressing this concern which I initially brought up as a joke, but which was apparently real enough for you to reassure Deku about

“don’t worry, even though we’re awake and hanging out inside of you at all times, we’re definitely not secretly watching and making fun of every single thing you do” hmmmmm

(ETA: “not that you could do anything about it even if we were, since you’re probably going to be the last OFA holder ever!” I don’t trust anything this asshole says lmao.)

OH SHIT??

YESSS DEKU now you can hold them accountable for all of their bullshit! because I do not doubt that there will be bullshit lol but let’s see how that goes

oh damn

well okay then. you didn’t have to stand up and walk over to him and loom all threateningly like that but okay sir

this guy has kind of a Kimimaro vibe to him. remember? that bone-growing guy from Naruto? except I’m pretty sure he had eyebrows. and wasn’t twenty feet tall. speaking of which, that explains the chairs

why are you wearing only 3/5ths of a shirt

lol what

someone’s gonna have to explain this to me. is he just redundant or something lol, or is he strangely poetical or what

(ETA: apparently HE’S MAKING A PUN omg. I immediately gained +10 love for him lol. also it flows a lot better in Japanese. this is one of the things Caleb is usually good at, so we’ll see what he does with the wordplay.)

omg the hermit theory is true!!

“I’M NOT WEIRD, IT’S SOCIETY WHICH IS WEIRD.” lol whatever you say buddy. also love how Banjou tried to give him a big hearty slap on the back but Hermit Boy was not having it lmao

IS HE TRYING TO CAPTURE HIM WITH BLACKWHIP

AND ACTUALLY, NO, SIR, AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE ARE NOT AWARE. SO SPILL!!

?!!?

okay my first response was LOL ARE YOU SERIOUS, THAT’S THE BIG SECRET!? -- and then it hit me what the significance of “died from old age... AT AGE FORTY” meant. at which point it was like “!!!!!” and then “OH, SHIT”

(ETA: there’s also an Iida joke here somewhere but I’m just too tired to make it.)

oh my god oh my god

did he somehow get a copy of the coroner’s report or something? like how does he even know that he died from “old age” as opposed to any number of other natural causes? ??

but anyway. so this is the quirk singularity coming into play then I guess. but then how come All Might is still alive and ticking?

(ETA: so this is one example of where this week’s translation is a mess lol. apparently the Fourth explains here that he didn’t know what the fuck he died from until All Might researched it. and it turns out there actually was an autopsy lol so there you go.)

so Fourth says he held OFA for eighteen years, and since he knew he would never be strong enough to defeat AFO on his own he basically just spent all his time punching rocks in the woods and training to power the quirk up

oh shit

is he implying that his body literally fell apart?? like that’s how he got the scars on his face? -- IS THAT WHAT KEEPS HAPPENING TO TOMURA, THEN. oh shit

DUDE

so you’re telling me that this quirk actively shortens the lifespan of anyone who uses it?? and my little boy here has had it now for a year already?? fuck me, I have immediately have a TON of thoughts about all this but let me save it until he’s done with his explanation

THANK YOU, DEKU

right?? how come All Might didn’t die then. even after he got injured. please don’t tell me he actually is dying still and is just being slow about it because I SWEAR TO GOD

what does this mean??

so what you’re trying to say is you all have NO FUCKING IDEA how long Deku’s gonna be able to hold this quirk before he SUDDENLY DROPS DEAD?! five generations ago this dude was able to hold it for eighteen years, and then four generations later All Might was able to hold it for thirty-odd years or so, and now Deku has it and you all have no clue which way it’s gonna go? actually this makes it sound like it really wasn’t OFA that killed the Fourth at all and you guys are just really bad at forming hypotheses. but since you’re making a big plot point out of it I guess it must be true

and don’t think I didn’t notice the part where you said you didn’t have OFA very long and then “died while fighting”, Firsto. I want to hear more about that. specifically who you passed the quirk onto before your death

and yes, if we are agreeing that OFA was the cause of the Fourth’s death, then the conclusion on this next page is the natural one to draw

so that’s a bit of a relief then, because Deku is quirkless too. so it means he won’t be able to hold OFA forever (and will probably have to find another quirkless person to pass it on to), but at least he won’t be randomly dying out of the blue next Tuesday or something

oh my god now he’s talking about OFA and AFO and user consciousnesses and all sorts of good theory stuff but it’s so much exposition. you’re really gonna make me read all this lol

wait what. why would All Might being quirkless have anything to do with the presence of his vestige in OFA Outer Space Party Land

but Deku is also quirkless and he’s clearly visible and chatting with you guys. so what gives. like how much of this is verified fact and how much of it is you guys just shrugging and making stuff up lol

SERIOUSLY, GUYS

BUT DEKU IS ALSO -- you know what, never mind sob. none of this shit makes any sense but whatever

(ETA: seriously, this all seems like an awful lot of speculation on their part. for Deku’s sake I sure hope they’re right.)

FSSKDJFLSKLKJLKJL ALL MIGHT IS FIFTY-FIVE?!

lol that’s a full ten years past my closest estimate, wow. but this pretty much confirms his age now at last! or at least confirms it within a couple of years, because we know All Might and Nana met when he was in middle school, and he presumably had the quirk by the time he took the U.A. entrance exam. so yeah. gonna go with fifty-five

so they think that because All Might was quirkless, OFA was better able to adapt to his body and became his true quirk, as opposed to being an extra quirk that stacked on top of the one he already had and overwhelmed him. ties in back to the whole “AFO used to bend people to his will by forcing quirks on them” thing, as well as the “Noumus are all mindless because of the strain of having multiple quirks”

Two and Three are really ruining the serious vibe of this scene here lol

they look like they’re doing the counting for hide and seek

and is this Deku talking now? I was about to get mad at First for implying that quirkless people are somehow freaks, as opposed to “normal” people jdslk

so in other words, don’t go giving it to your best friend all casually for shits and giggles, Deku. even if it would make a really cool climax for a movie. well shit. maybe that’s why they were so quick to nope back into Deku’s body afterward

so First says that because quirkless people are becoming rarer and rarer, the fact that All Might just happened to stumble upon Deku is “nothing short of a miracle.” which, yeah, that was definitely a stroke of luck there. being quirkless saved his life. but being quirkless is also part of why he was chosen in the first place, and we’ve always known that much

“in other words, kiddo...”

looks like there was some hurried clone stamp usage going on here lol. but props to RHA as always for putting this scan out so fast, especially given how exposition-heavy this week’s chapter has been

“anyways, that was the main topic” ARE YOU SERIOUS. there are like ten other topics imma need you all to get to here, people

(ETA: seems like this is a mistranslation; the line should actually read something more along the lines of “and now for the main topic.”)

FFFFFFFFF

“ENJOY YOUR CLIFFHANGER THIS WEEK.” dskfalkjlkjwlgkjl you really went and dumped this discourse on us yet again. fucking...

(ETA: forgot to mention, but as several people mentioned, this seems to be another mistranslation -- rather than asking Deku to kill Tomura as though it’s doing her a personal favor, Nana is asking “will you be able to do it.” in other words more of an “are you capable of doing it” type of thing. which is a very reasonable question to ask given that Deku is, well, Deku.)

anyways, and the answer is obviously going to be “no” of course. this isn’t going to end any differently than when the previous Avatars all told Aang to kill Ozai. but I guess it means we’re in for a fun conversation next week

so Nana looks pretty grim here though (nothing at all like the person who once taught All Might the importance of saving people with a smile), and I’m wondering if this means she believes that her grandson is already beyond saving. as in killing him would be a mercy, as opposed to him continuing to live with AFO bending his mind and body to his will. except if that is the case, I think she’s underestimating Tomura’s own will. and definitely underestimating Deku’s will to save

and also, just... I’m so fucking sick of AFO screwing the Shimura family over, honestly. this is exactly what he wanted. well fuck you, guy. you don’t get to have what you want. go out there and save Tomura, Deku. for his sake and for Nana’s. give them some hope. do your thing, boy. can’t wait for your big speech all about it next chapter lol

[nat-20s]

Wonderful! Au Part 7! (also on ao3 here) another episode only installment, and obnoxiously fluffy! Have fun!

~*~

Martin, tired: Hello everybody! Welcome, or welcome back, to a very low energy episode. We have had, as the kids say, A Week Tm.

Jon, equally tired, but fond: Is that as the kids say?

Martin: I don't know, and perhaps worse, I don't really care. I guess I could ask Jeremiah next time he's over, but I'm not sure if that would actually help.

Jon: Shockingly, I don't think two year olds have their finger on the beating pulse of youth culture.

Martin: Hmm, maybe not. Speaking of Jeremiah, he's part of why the format of this episode is gonna be a bit different than our regular. On top of me dealing with a frankly obscene amount of inventory management, and Jon being swamped with grant writing-

Jon: I never want to look at proposal guidelines again-

Martin: we were on babysitting duty for our favourite neighborhood hellion-

Jon: Hey, Jeremiah is a very sweet kid! I know he's a toddler, but we shouldn't be slandering him anyway.

Martin: One, we're not even using his real name, I don't think that counts as slander, and two, exactly, he's a toddler, he's by default a hellion.

Jon, teasing: This coming from the person that actually wants one?

Martin: I..look, if anything, the last few days have shown we should not be permanent parents.

Jon: But?

Martin:...There's no but.

Jon: I don't believe you! Are you lying for my benefit or the audience's? Because someone spent the last five days wearing one of the largest grins I've ever seen, exhausted as it may have been.

Martin: Okay! Fine, I admit, I liked having a kid around. I still think it would be a bad idea to do it full time, but I dunno. I wish we weren't both only children or something. We would make such good uncles.

Jon: Should I should have taken that teaching job after all?

Martin: Perhaps. After all,

Martin, singsong: An English teacher, is really someone!

Jon and Martin, singing together: If only you, had be-come one!

Jon: Honestly, though, I was considerably underqualified. I'm much more suited to my current job, even if it doesn't have quite the same impact on the "shaping of the next generation" or whatnot.

Martin: Wait, you actually care about qualifications now? When did that change?

Jon: This coming from Mister "master's degree in parapsychology"? And it was probably around the time that the world ended from taking on a workload I was ill-suited for.

Jon:...

Jon: Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Martin: Oh, of course. Definitely nothing literally apocalyptic in our pasts, no siree, nothing to see or speculate about or make weirdly involved forums for here. Uh, anyway, long introduction not so short: Both of us have been averaging about 4 hours of sleep, so any sort of actual research was not on the table.

Jon: If any of you are wondering why we didn't just say that we're both very much worn out and thus we'll be taking a week off, it's because we're both deeply, deeply stubborn.

Martin: It's one of our best shared qualities that has never caused any conflict between us, ever.

Jon: In fairness, sheer stubbornness does account for, what, 75% of the reason that either of us are still alive? And it hasn't caused a major conflict between us in a good three years.

Martin: That's true. We've become a deeply boring, relatively conflict free couple. Which fucking rules, by the way. To all the couples out there: I highly recommend being boring. It is so nice. We've gotten to go to the farmer's market so many times.

Jon: You do love the farmer's market. I would say that it's the access to fresh produce, but I think you just like the attention that one yarn seller gives you. Can't believe you would take advantage of a crush to get discounts on wool. How did I marry such an opportunist?

Martin: Ollie does not have a crush on me. They're just friendly to everyone.

Jon: Bullshit. I certainly never get an extra skein or stitch markers or delicate fabric cleaner tossed in my bag. Actually, I think I've been charged more for committing the crime of having married you before they could.

Martin: I'm..70% sure that's not true, but every sentence we speak, we stray further from even pretending to be on topic. So, to everybody listening, this is the itty bitty episode! Basically, we're only doing small wonders and user submissions. If you want details or backstory for things we like, too bad, come back next week. Jon, I believe you're first this week?

Jon: Oh, right. My first small wonder is cat names.

Martin: Delightful, but unsurprising. Though, I would've expected either more or less specificity. Why cat names as opposed to pet's names in general, or, like, military title names?

Jon: Well that's simple enough. I've simply never met a misnamed cat, even if the name itself wasn't to my personal tastes, and I think that speaks to the wonderful universality of cats.

Martin: This, of course, implies that you have met animals that were misnamed.

Jon: Oh, I have. I once met a papillion dog named Meatball.

Martin: Now I know you don't like food names in general for pets, but are you sure that Meatball didn't suit the dogs personality? I've known some "Meatballs" in my lifetime.

Jon, only half-mock offended: Of course it didn't fit, Martin. She was a lady. A nervous, jittery lady, but a lady nonetheless.

Martin, laughing: And what, you've never met a dignified cat with an undignified name, or vice versa? Would you be okay with our cat being named Meatball?

Jon: I would be upset if our cat was named Meatball, because we named her and we're above that sort of thing, but, technically speaking, she could have been Meatball in another lifetime and it wouldn't have been wrong. You see, all cats are a mix of both extremely austere and little baby idiot.

Martin: Oh, is that the scientific terminology?

Jon: It is. Now, while there's probably some amount of, er, normative determinism or confirmation bias or something that results in a cat with a more dignified name seeming to possess more of that austerity, as all cats have both, any name can, potentially, fit. Hence why it's wonderful.

Martin: I..accept your proposal for now, but I think more research needs to be done. Maybe we should visit the shelter this weekend and test your hypothesis.

Jon: Hmm. I think we may need to visit multiple shelters, actually. A large sample size is necessary for any sort of veracity, obviously.

Martin, imitating Jon tone: Obviously.

Jon: Glad you agree. What's your first small wonder?

Martin: Tofu!

Jon: I..didn't realize you liked that much?

Martin: Well, I don't get it very often since I know you can't stand the texture, even though it is not like 'worse scrambled eggs', and you're a horrible food thief-

Jon: Lies and slander. We readily share. If I'm a horrible food thief, you have committed the exact same, if not worse, crime as myself.

Martin: Well, we are thick as thieves.

Jon, groaning: You're thick as something alright

Martin: Rude! My beloved husband-

Jon: -uh huh-

Martin: whom I love and trust with my most tender of hearts-

Jon: -an oddly cannibalistic turn of phrase-

Martin, badly suppressing laughter: Oh, my god. I want a divorce, then I can put tofu in as many dishes as I like. I'll triple my protein intake.

Jon: It'd never go through. I'll burn the papers. No, wait, I'll burn down the legal offices where the papers are kept.

Martin: Hmm. While my experiences with it have been, uh, varied to say the least, I do have to admit that arson is one of the more attractive crimes of passion. I suppose I'll take you back.

Jon, flat: I'm so very grateful.

Jon, genuine: You do have yet to actually tell me why you think tofu is wonderful, love.

Martin: It's just a good food! It's neutral enough that you can toss it in pretty much anything with a sauce, you can bake it, you can fry it, whatever. Plus it's what? two? Three quid? I spent many years of my life living off the cheapest, saltiest approximation of noodles you could imagine, and half a pack of tofu, a little bit of sesame oil, and some green onions went a long way to both making it more filling and less sad. 

Martin: Plus, I feel like it often gets decried for being something it's not? It's so often viewed as a meat substitute or the vegan alternative option, and so when people try it, they often go in with a false preconceived notion of what it's going to be like, and then end up disappointed. They're all like, 'ugh, this doesn't taste like turkey!' and yeah, of course it doesn't. It's the oatmeal raisin cookie of the protein world, a perfectly good and tasty treat on its own, but if you want chocolate chip, it's not gonna work.

Jon: Martin you don't even like oatmeal raisin. I'm the only one that ever eats them out of the multipacks.

Martin: Well, yeah, but I don't like oatmeal raisin because of its flavor, not because I think it should be chocolate chip and fails. It illustrates my point. Also, just for balance, is your next small wonder oatmeal raisin cookies?

Jon: No, though, maybe one of these weeks. They are good. But no, um, my next small wonder is being married.

Martin, let out a high bark of a laugh: Being married is a small wonder?!

Jon: Small wonders doesn't mean a lack of importance! Or even significance in our lives. Half the time we even end up spending just as much time chattering on about them as the things we actually research. But, yes, I didn't feel like researching the concept of being married. For one, a lot of the history of it is depressing and patriarchal, and for two, it's not something I really feel any need to elaborate on. Being married. I very much enjoy it. I recommend it for anybody that's found someone that they want to marry, and who wants to marry them. I really recommend being married to Martin Blackwood, I think I would enjoy it significantly less if it was to anybody else, but one: we typically try to make the wonderful things in this show  applicable to more than just ourselves, and two: I got there first, so I believe the appropriate thing to say here would be; neener neener and/or everyone else can go suck it, Ollie.

Martin: Well...

Jon: Well, what?

Martin: Saying you got there first is technically not true-

Jon: What?!

Martin, laughing like a bastard: Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist! Jon, you already know that you're my first real realationship, how would be married before fit that?

Jon: Hence my surprise at the notion! I cannot believe you! I give you my trust, my earnestness, and belief-

Martin [only laughs harder]

Jon: and you throw it in my face for a bit. I take back everything, being married is a nightmare, because sometimes your partner thinks he a fucking comedian and you just have to put up with him because you love him and want to live the rest of your life with him or some such nonsense. Not worth it, if you ask me. My turn to ask for the divorce.

Martin: Babe, hate to break it to you, but both of us are guilty of doing bits that the other doesn't like, it's an integral part of  a healthy marriage, and secondly, you knew who I was long before I proposed. You should've said no when you had the chance.

Jon: Hang on, you proposed?

Martin: Yeah? This isn't part of a bit, of course I proposed. I'm even pretty sure you were there. The whole visit back to Scotland trip? I finally made you a sweater and said it was because we would now be immune to the boyfriend curse?

Jon: No, no, I remember all that, but it wasn't the proposal. It was a reaffirmation of the proposal. We had already decided to get married.

Martin: Well, yeah,, I wasn't just gonna spring that on you, we had had conversations beforehand-

Jon:  No, I mean, I had already proposed. I asked you to marry me a good three years earlier, and you said yes, which is a proposal by any definition that I know.

Martin: Jon, love, darling, apple of my eye, fire of my soul, I mean this in the nicest way possible, what the everloving fuck are you talking about?

Jon: In the ambulance ride when we, uh, moved here. It was the thing I said to you the second I saw your eyes were open.

[An audible pause is left in the recording.]

Martin: That does not count.

Jon: How does it not count?! I asked you to marry me, you very emphatically said yes, that's the de facto definition of an accepted marriage proposal!

Martin: It doesn't count because you were half-delirious with blood-loss, and I had a traumatic brain injury that the hospital was very surprised I made a full recovery from. No court in the world would consider anything we said then more than pain driven ramblings, let alone, I dunno, contractually binding.

Jon: Well, I knew what I was saying well and clear. Just because it was desperate doesn't mean it wasn't sincere. I didn't realize that you weren't as cognizant when you accepted.

Martin, snorting: Yeah, didn't really need to be cognizant to say yes. I've wanted to marry you since the train ride to Scotland.

Jon: Wait, really? Martin, we hadn't even been on a date.

Martin: And yet we were on the lamb together, which I honestly think is more romantic than sitting in some restaurant somewhere trying to get through icebreakers. Also, back up, from your perspective we've been engaged since 2019? What did you think we were doing in the interim?

Jon: Uhh..

Martin: Yes?

Jon: There are people that have long engagement periods, and it's not exactly like we were in any sort of position to get married for awhile. Especially not that first year.

Martin: Okay? And?

Jon: And..I sort of thought you had changed your mind. For awhile. Was rather surprised that you kept living with me, considering that, on the worst nights, I was convinced you were going to storm off and leave me forever any minute now. Hence why your proposal was rather relieving.

Martin: Oh, Jon, love. That is so very ridiculous, and so very you, and so very close to many of my own fears and doubts. Do you have any idea how terrified I was to float the idea of marriage to you? Half the time I was convinced I was just meant to keep you company until you found someone better. And, Christ, we'd, from your perspective, been engaged the whole damn time. Fuck.

[Jon, after a beat, starts laughing. It has a slightly hysterical edge to it. Martin joins in. It takes a minute for the laughter to subside enough for them to speak again.]

Jon: I'm rapidly realizing that our entire romantic relationship would've been, if not more successful, a hell of a lot faster if we weren't both complete fools.

Martin: You're realizing that now? I think I've known that since the CV incident. I've definitely known it since the Lonely.

Jon, with a slightly tired chuckle:Yes, yes, something probably should've tipped me off earlier. Shockingly, observation of our own personal romantic trends is not always a strong suit of mine.

Jon: Anyway, please tell me you have another small wonder, this has gotten wildly of track.

Martin: Since we're talking about marriage anyway, I think my next small wonder is having a shared reference in your wedding vows. Our friends had "I have been, and always shall be, your friend" in theirs, and I made Jon cry with a slightly altered Lord of the Rings quote in ours.

Jon: First off, we were both openly weeping long before that point, secondly, I defy anybody to have been through half of what we have and then have the love of their life look them in the eyes and tell them "Leave you? I never intend to. I am going with you, if you climb to the moon" without at least tearing up.

Martin: There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, either. Granted, the audience was only 20 people, but that was also literally the only time I've seen Eloise show a strong emotion, so I'm pretty smug about it.

Martin, soft: I still feel exactly the same, you know. If you're climbing to the moon, I'll make sure the rope is strong enough for two.

Jon, soft: I know, love.

Jon: Though, to be fair, the moon is also significantly more pleasant than many places we've been.

Martin: God, I hate how much that's true. Look at this barren, oxygenless rock, at least it's not actively trying to kill us. Practically a honeymoon location.

[Martin sighs]

Martin: I am so tired. Let's do the user submissions then take a very long nap.

Jon: Please.

Martin: So, first submission is from Josie; They find it wonderful getting cards from their friends. They say they're lucky to have so much love in their life and have friends that care enough to send them things. That is wonderful Josie! We have a drawer in our house dedicated to every loving card we've ever received since the move, and they're always such a nice reminder of the people in our lives.

Jon: We should really organize that drawer, but, yes, agree with the sentiment. Even the cards from people that are no longer in our lives are lovely, I think. Those connections are very much meaningful for both of us, whether they're active or not.

Martin: That's very true.  Next submission is from Lys, who submits the sound of leaves crunching under your feet in the fall. Ah, that's a classic.

Jon: I just felt myself relax imagining it. I wish it was autumn.

Martin: Don't we all? Alright, for the last submissions, I'm grouping them together as they follow a similar theme. Jadwiga submits the feeling of waking up well into the morning with the sun shining through the window and your cat laying next to you, and Oran submits when a dog falls asleep with its head in your lap.

Jon: I can heartily recommend at least one of those, considering that's how we try to wake up most mornings. The Duchess is a dutiful darling girl who spends every night with us, and she's usually still there when us humans rise.

Martin: I bet you'll agree with the other when I finally convince you to get me a dog for my birthday.

Jon: It hasn't happened yet, so I wouldn't hold your breath.

Martin: But you don't even dislike dogs! You're just as happy to pet them when they pass by as I am.

Jon: Being fine with an animal isn't the same thing as wanting to adopt one for yourself! We don't even know if The Duchess would put up with a dog.

Martin: I bet she would. I bet we could get a big senior dog who's the calmest animal you've ever met with those soft eyes and a little grey on the muzzle and she would cuddle up in an instant. And we did say we should visit a shelter or three this weekend..

Jon: I think you're rather callously taking advantage of my exhausted state, but I suppose we can look. 

Martin: Hell fuckin yeah. So, I think that'll close out the episode, and as we always say at the end, uh, go take a nap and get a dog. Not necessarily in that order.

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Pining

I’m posting half of this list first because I started it a long time ago and it’s taking me a while to go through all the fics. So I will update with more later. 

*** Mutual Pining *** Pining - I might put mutual pining under pining if we don't see much of the other person pining. *** Bonus - The pining is not between Evak 

For the anon from this ask.

I will try my best to separate out the mutual pining fics but I think it will be tricky if it's not tagged as that. So bear with me and let me know of any mistakes or fics I missed out on.

. First Posting : 11 July 2021. Under 15k fics.  .

******* Mutual Pining *******

Even the Illustrator by eavk (SERIES, 3 fics) - An AU where Even’s an illustrator who draws what kids describe to him for YouTube, and Isak is the smitten father of a six year old with a wild imagination.

Postcards by HedwigsTalons (1k words) - Isak's wall is covered in postcards. Isak is supportive of Even's career and he cherishes every postcard but the long distance relationship hurts.

Feelings Come and Go, But Not With You by ultimatelawrence (1.9k words) - It was meant to just be a holiday romance. A fling. Nothing like love. But now it was six months later and Even was still pining over the angel he had met in Paris.

let's pretend into forever by Bellakitse (2.3k words) - “Let me get this straight,” Even starts. “You lied to your boss about having a boyfriend, told her it was me, and now you need me to go with you to your science nerd dinner?”

i will love you until the very, very end (and you were my best friend) by traumatic (2.4k words) - Isak and Even share something in the cool waters of a spring fed pool that no one, not even their fiancées, could ever understand.

Breathe Me by photographer_of_thoughts (4.5k words) - A high school reunion brings Isak and Even together after ten years, and neither of them can forget what happened when they were both seventeen.

Everything comes back to you by MermaidsandMermen (4.8k words) - Light pining. A dribble oneshot for Halloween, full of fluff and Even and Isak and a tiny pinch of angst. Because we need some Halloween fluff. That's all.

Fuck Tha Police by MacksDramaticShenanigans (5.2k words) - “This,” Eskild said, spinning the photograph around so everyone could see it, “is a picture of the latest piece of vandalism from our favorite little street punk.” he finished with a heavy sigh. They are both cops.

i tried to be strong but i lost it (i knew it was wrong, i’m beyond it) (6.3k words) - Even has a thing for his intern, Isak has a thing for his boss, they're both a bit clueless and their friends just want them to get their shit together.

all I see is you by littlemovie (Lejla) (7.4k words) - “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m a bad person?” Isak somehow whined and demanded at the same time. Jonas blew out a breath in amusement, which made the dark curls on his forehead move with his breath. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that guy, Even, from the coffeeshop?”

Addicted by endlessandinfinite (8k words) - They’re both completely, overwhelmingly, and incredibly...addicted. Best friends to lovers.

Calleth You, Cometh I by Kollakolan (8.4k words) - “Isak!” Mikaels pipes up. “Didn´t you two have a thing?” he turns to Even. A thing, Even thinks to himself. Yes, Isak and him definitely had a thing. They actually had a low-key thing going for years, but it never really turned into something more. The timing was never right.

In Vino Veritas by Sabeley (9.9k words) - After seven years apart, Isak wakes up to find Even in his bed and a wedding ring on his finger.

Let Me by GayaIsANerd (10.6k words) - Summer brings a lot of things. The smell of sunscreen. The sound of children playing in the shallow part of the lake. The taste of cold beer. The sweet tang of weed. But most importantly, summer brings Isak.

Something Borrowed, Something Blue by BluebeardsWife (10.8k words) - Fake dating AU, you know the drill. Even hires Isak to pretend to be his boyfriend at his ex's wedding. This Means Nothing to Me by cuteandtwisted (10.8k words) - Isak and Even are friends and roommates who don't believe in love anymore (after they both get dumped by other people) until they do. Aka the Friends/Roommates-To-Lovers Don't you let me go by solarpower21 (12.2k words) - In this universe, Isak and Even are roomates and nothing more. Except that there is something more between them and they both know that but are too stubborn to admit it. Too bad it takes a very unfortunate event for them to face the truth. Burn Down The Disco by TheGirlNoOneKnows5 (12.2k words) - A 'Black Mirror: Hang The DJ' AU in which Isak and Even decide to rebel against a futuristic dating system that pairs users up with various people in order to find their perfect match.

La Petite Mort by EvenbechNeiheim (13.4k words) - Even Bech Næsheim is one of those cool and very hot media students at Uni who might just got the task to make a film project. Eskild is the best wingman and things like accidently falling in love with an asshole media student happen. Based on the FIRST KISS YouTube video that gave the internet an entire meltdown. 

when your heart is bleeding, i'm coming to get you by orphan_account (13.5k words) - Isak doesn't exactly expect his hookup from last week to be the love advice columnist at the school newspaper he's working at. He also doesn't expect to fall even harder for him than he already has, which is a shame, really, since Even's crushing on someone else. 

Heal My Heart for Christmas by iwritetropesnottragedies (recklesslee) (13.5k words) - It’s been ten years since Isak left his small town for the big city of Oslo with his father. He hardly even thought of his time there anymore. Until he received a letter from his mother asking him to come home for Christmas for the first time since he had left. 

Love in the Time of COVID: Battlestar Edition by sweetasmaple (14k words) - Isak and Even find each other again during the COVID-19 lockdown, one Battlestar Galactica episode at a time. 

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******* Pining *******

never seemed so alive by retts (1k words) - Nothing special, just four letters strung together to spell out E V E N but they made Isak's heart race and his face blush and his hands tremble.

Hopeless by waitineedaname (1k words) - Light pining. There was no way in hell Isak would be able to talk to Even. He was tall and cool and handsome, and Isak was pretty sure talking to him would make him spontaneously combust.

i could probably just curl up in you. by milominderbinder (1.3k words) - Isak is away at a cabin with the guys when he gets a text from Even. 'hey, babe, did you take my favourite hoodie?' He is, of course, outraged that Even would accuse him of such treachery. The fact that Isak is wearing the hoodie at that very moment has nothing to do with it.

stuck on you (what did i do?) by itjustkindahappened (1.8k words) - It’s not that Even doesn’t try to be friendly with him—Isak just makes it so hard. Whenever Even approaches, Isak either makes up a fumbling excuse to leave, or just becomes really stiff and refuses to acknowledge Even’s existence.

now and forever (i will be your man) by thekardemomme (2.2k words) -Warning for pain. 3 times isak kisses even +1

i be up in the gym just working on my fitness by orphan_account (2.3k words) - Even knows that he's quite literally going to die when he finds his crush sweating on an elliptical, reading a book with his glasses slipping down his nose.

You know where I stay by nofeartina (2.4k words) - Warning for pain. Isak is so beautiful first thing in the morning. When he still has creases in his face from the pillow, when his face is red and puffy from sleep, his hair all messed up and curly. Even prefers this Isak. This is his Isak, this is only for him.

won't you be my livewire by itjustkindahappened (3.2k words) - "i've been tryin to grab your attention in class for over half an hour by poking you and throwing things onto your desk and you're refusing to acknowledge me and gdi all i wanted to do was tell you that you look cute and now it's gone too far and i can't go back"

Cookies and Cream by GayaIsANerd (3.5k words) - Isak has a crush on the barista. He's too scared to do anything about it, but luckily there's a blizzard coming up.

i can feel the weather in my bones by EvenbechNeiheim (3.7k words) - Isak and Even are childhood friends. There’s a boyfriend sweater and Isak is just desperate to wear it.

On the silver screen by Lokkanel (4k words) - Isak was really not in the mood for this. He had a long week at work, and all he wanted was to relax with his friend, drink a few beers, maybe even smoke some weed and just chill. But no. When Jonas called him to say that he won tickets to the coolest indie film festival in Oslo, Isak knew he could forget his plans for a quiet and simple weekend.

I want to love you (in my own language) by fauu_stine (4k words) - “Okay. Maybe I’m not happy,” he admits in a resigned whisper. “Do you need a shrink discussion or a best friend discussion?” "I think- I think it’s more of a friend with benefits kind of talk."

Don't be an ass by Julieseven (4.1k words) - Even really tried to forget about him. It started out as a harmless little crush, really. He saw him at the karaoke bar SYNG one night, singing "I don't want to miss a thing" at the top of his lungs, clearly drunk out of his mind, but looking like an angel with his messy dark blond locks and crooked smile.

Little Black Book by Laika (4.3k words) - Isak Valtersen is studying his third year at the University of Oslo and having the time of his life. Enter Evy Bech Næsheim, straight out of Nissen, in his stockings, mini skirts and bubblegum scented lip gloss.

cracks in our foundation by towonderland72 (4.8k words) - “You know, like a thousand years ago, men used to wear makeup?” Even asks, as Isak gapes at himself.

Safest With You (Green Curtains) by eavk (5.3k words) - Isak keeps staying up too late studying at the library, but luckily there's an escort service that gives students a buddy to walk with to keep safe at night.

the one with the prom video by thekardemomme (5.5k words) - Even has been in love with Isak since they were younger, but he never intended for Isak to find out this way.

Senses by Lokkanel (5.5k words) - Sight, hearing, smell, touch, taste… Or Even falling in love with Isak, one sense at a time.

you're the one i wanna grey with (5.6k words) - They've only been dating a month, so Isak shouldn't be pathetic enough to miss Even this much when he's only gone for a weekend.

Orion's Nebula by thekardemomme (5.6k words) - Light pining I think. Even Bech Næsheim was enrolled in an astronomy class for one reason and one reason only: the cute ass boy he saw standing in the registration line.

with the taste of a poison paradise by chasingflower (6k words) - It’s routine by now. Isak hangs out with his friends during the day and at night he kisses the Dream-Even that lives on the other side of the door in his living room, and basks in the warm fuzzy feelings he gets as a result of the attention. Coraline Au.

How to Get Your Man - A Plan By Even Bech Naesheim by Evakkk (6.1k words) - When Magnus drops a big secret in front of Even... Even comes up with a brilliant plan to get Isak to reveal his true feelings. All it takes is one little lie, and one crazy family reunion.

To Burn With Desire by photographer_of_thoughts (6.1k words) - AU in which Isak and Even are neighbours and Isak's father has a secret job that unintentionally helps Isak realize he's in love with his best friend.

Watermelon Sugar by MermaidsandMermen (6.6k words) - A little tribute to fruit and touching. To sex, and friendships and finding what you were looking for all along. And of course inspired by Harry Styles latest video offering, just because.

The Fake Boyfriend App by Crazyheart (7.2k words) - AU where Isak is desperately pining for his flatmate Even, and downloads a fake boyfriend app to get over him. When he discovers that the Fake boyfriend is a human, and not a bot, he is sceptical.

That look you give that guy by Lokkanel (7.4k words) - Isak and Even love each other in secret. It is almost thrilling at first, but when hiding and lying to their friends begin to take a toll on Even, Isak decides to end it all. He thinks he has taken the right decision, until Even eventually moves on with someone else.

my longing drives me crazy for you (7.7k words) - Isak's mum worries, Isak makes bad life decisions and Even loves Isak. It's a fake dating au.

I'm Always Here by nofeartina (9.3k words) - “Did you know that Even is working this summer? At that pool at the Plaza?” Jonas says. Isak actually sits up in excitement at this. “Fuck yeah!” Oh, a pool. Actual water they could go swimming in and cool down. And also, Even.

a garden for your love by eggsntoast (9.3k words) - He’s learning to breathe with them, even if he ends up with a floor full of violets by the end of it all. They remind Isak of him, and that’s all that matters. That’s what makes it worse. or: a Hanahaki au ft. Isak heavily pining after Even. Lots of angst.

I wrote an angry letter to the void, and the void responded (9.5k words) - Monday comes, and the book is still there. Isak looks around, content to find the floor practically empty, before giving the book the finger. Fuck that book. - a book finds it's way to Isak's sacred study spot. this proves to be a major distraction.

a constant state of closeness by chevythunder (9.7k words) - “What is it about this dude, anyway?” Elias asks. “You’ve barely even talked to him, right?” “I don’t know,” Even says. “I just got this feeling, you know? Just- I want to make sure he’s okay and safe and… stuff.” - It starts with a hug.

Is This Our Time? by Evakkk (9.9k words) - This is a world where everyone is born with an indistinguishable soulmate mark... it only changes into something recognizable, once you have physical contact with your soulmate, and it's always something meaningful to the relationship. Both partners will bear the same mark. Isak is about to turn 18... and he's the only one in his friend group who still hasn't found their soulmate. But what happens when he goes out one night, gets drunk... and wakes up with his soulmate mark?

Is This What You Wanted? by cuteandtwisted (9.9k words) - Isak is filthy rich and Even is a hardworking male model who just got signed to his father's agency. Even gets an awful offer from Isak: one night with him in exchange for money, and begins to despise him. Little does he know that everything he thinks he knows about Isak is wrong.

Just like in the movies by Lokkanel (10.5k words) - As he began taking in his surroundings, Isak realized he was in one of those small theaters that programmed independent and artsy movies, even old black and white films. He was ready to turn around and walk away when he heard a deep voice say, “Halla.”

my tiny heartbeat in his ear by riyku (11k words) - Now, about a week after the longest day of the year, the empty house across the street has stopped being empty. most beautiful things by scarletbluebird (12.7k words) - This fic is a whole ass journey. Warning for pain. This isn’t a fairytale, Isak tells himself. Even is standing at the bend in the road. He looks like a metaphor for immortal life: the youth a god would kill for. Ambrosia eyes, the universe trapped in the curve of his mouth. He looks like every warning from his mother about strangers you run into after dark. 

One week by Lokkanel (12.8k words) - This thing going on between Isak and Even, whatever they called it - fuckbuddies, friends with benefits - was simple, fun, nothing more. They were friends, they were both free to do whatever they wanted with other people. They’d just meet and have sex whenever they felt like it. Simple. Until what was bound to happen eventually did and Even fell for Isak. 

Plum by Jamz24 (13.2k words) - Femme!teacher!Even asks masculine! plumber!Isak to fix a broken shower on a scorching hot summer day...And if you think it sounds like the start of a porn film you're absolutely right! There's LOADS of smut but ... with LOTS of feelings 

Never be the same by nofeartina (14.2k words) - It starts with a bet - one of those really stupid ones: can they last an entire month without any kind of sex?It’s been 22 days – and Even is dying. 

Somewhere I’ve never been by MinilocIsland (14.6k words) - The first time Even meets Jonas' best friend, nothing goes according to plan. 

If I Should Fall Behind by MinilocIsland (14.7k words) - The plan for tonight had been crystal clear. Stay close to his best friend, and steal her away if needed. Hold her hand through the ordeal of meeting Noora again for the first time in years. Then Even shows up – and suddenly, nothing goes the way it was supposed to. 

All I Ever Wanted by MinilocIsland (14.8k words) - Isak is such a good friend. Probably the best there is. How else could he explain that he's agreed to join Magnus to this place deep in the woods for six full days of silence, meditation, and utter boredom? One thing, he knows. There's nothing exciting for him there. Right? Or: the silent retreat AU. 

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******* Bonus *******

Season 3: Jonas by Laika_the_husband (WIP, SBB 2021 fic) - There is a scene in the end of the script for season 1, where Jonas and Isak kiss each other on a dare. This story is a retelling of season 3 in a universe, where that kiss happened and completely changed the way Jonas sees Isak. Written in Jonas' POV, the story examines sexuality, love, friendship and coming to terms with never getting the boy you shouldn't have fallen for in the first place.

What the fuck is wrong with me? by notanugget (11.6k words) - The five times isak felt guilty for being in love and the one time he didn’t 

thanks for the weed, thanks for everything by evak1isak (13.1k words) - Jokael. Jonas' dealer has moved to Denmark, and Even recommends his friend's weed. What Jonas didn't expect, though, was to develop a crush on a boy, on Mikael. 

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******* WIP *******

Baby, why do you have to shine so bright? by Lilacpotter - Even knew he was radiant, and he was used to people always wanting to be around him, enchanted by his captivating words and glowing smiles, as if he was the tantalising sun. But then one day, he comes across someone who shines much brighter than the sun itself in Even’s eyes.

Lonely Hearts Club by EndingsNotTheStory - The Hearts Club. A show run by Isak and his 3 friends. He's kind of had enough with hearing about people's relationship issues and giving advice. Until the guy from his theatre class and Isak's totally not crush Even calls, dealing with relationship issues. pining

[thisisamerlinonlyevent]

omg yall i just thought of something. so. nimueh was part of uthers court once upon a time right? and balinor, merlin’s father, too i think, or at least uther knew of him or smth. ive always imagined that uther, balinor, ygraine and nimueh were very good friends so even if im wrong and it doesnt go with canon idc its canon here. so nimueh and balinor knew each other. im gonna say they do. 

can you imagine if nimueh, after ygraines death, wanted to seek out balinor since he was the only other magic user at the time that would understand the betrayal and tragedy of it all (also to maybe seek revenge on uther but she knew balinor wasnt the fighting type so that would be more of a bonus than anything else).

so she tries to follow his steps after he’s been exiled n shit and it leads to a little village called ealdor. its been years now since ygraine has died and nimueh is almost gonna give up on her search when she sees a very beautiful and sweet woman leave a humble home, few months pregnant. and nimueh, being a powerful high priestess and what not, looks at the belly and her magic goes “BALINOR!!! BALINOR WAS THERE!! ALSO THAT FETUS HAS IS POWERFUL AS FUCK SHIT-”

so. she befriends hunith. and at first its just like ‘oh yes im lost i need a place to stay, want a friend? i can help with the chores and the farming ofc you are pregnant after all’ and hunith accepts and nimueh is all like ‘HAHAHA FOOL! im only here to see the baby and know abt balinor idgaf abt you woman hehehehe’

but months pass and hunith is a very nice woman, also sassy and witty, and so soft but determined and resilient and smart but humble, and she blushes so easily and her eyes are so blue and they look magical under the stars and her cheeks are so very round, her hair is so soft and she looks so good when she veils and leaves some strands out, it frames her face really well and- nimueh is very gay for hunith basically

then merlin is born and nimueh is like ‘ah yes merlin ofc ofc not emrys- WHAT whos that??? NOBODY no!! what a normal bby!!’ and then merlin almost sets the kitchen on fire with magic and nimueh has to put it out with magic as well. and its all fine n dandy until nimueh remembers she never told hunith abt her magic cuz of the ban and now shes panicking, she doesnt want to go shes never had a home, camelot was it for a while but that leaves her bitter and oh no oh god-

and while hunith is trying to put merlin to sleep she’s just like “oh yh i knew who you were from the start!! balinor told me abt you, he described you very well and even said you were following him so i shouldnt be alarmed if i saw you, and yes i know he’s a dragonlord and you a high priestess :) i just didnt tell you because i wanted you to do so on your own terms” and nimueh almost jumps this woman on god but she is holding a baby so yknow

but now nimueh remembers why she was even there in the first place. and because she doesnt want to lie to hunith, she does believe in loyalty and balance, she tells her what merlin is, who he is, and that he will need a teacher. hunith says gaius but nimueh refused immediately, gaius is in camelot and has led himself to believe what uther has told everyone, that magic is evil and dangerous, merlin needs a better teacher. hunith understands and trusts nimueh but feels like balinor deserves to see his son. nimueh is just like ‘sure yh whatever, im only going if u go with me tho so yknow’ and hunith is already packing her shit like hurry up nimueh damn

so you these two women with fucking bby merlin searching for balinor, following his cold af trail, and nimueh is very much ignoring her feelings like a girlboss because she assumes hunith wont ever love her and besides she still loves balinor, where does nimueh fit into the picture huh??? nowhere so shes happy to be merlins teacher (she keeps getting emrys and merlin jumbled up and its very embarassing when she goes em- mer- em- AGHHH- MERLIN!! hunith just laughs at her)

hunith is very much attracted to nimueh but she needs to know more abt her like her hobbies, her fav color, fav fruit or flower, what she thinks of the stars, what she thinks of balinor or uther, if she likes dragons etc.

their journey is very tense for various reasons. first: merlin and his magic is a huge danger to them considering the ban; second: they keep hearing news abt dragons and dragonlords being killed off, which doesnt bode well for them at all; third: nimueh is still a high priestess and she has duties and also a lot of power which attracts all sorts of attention from magic users hoping for refuge agaisnt the ban and she cant do much in her situation, so she helps little and just hopes they wont die horribly; fourth: their destination gets them in forest quite a lot which besides being a very dangerous place in general, theres also tons of druids who come and swaddle merlin, who very much doesnt like that and gets upset, which makes hunith upset, which turns nimueh angry and she swears them off each time. so theyre not having an easy trip

but two years later, they do find balinor. he’s the last dragonlord, theres very few dragons left, and merlin is still very powerful. and the ladies are very much still very good friends (AHEM). balinor is fucking confused, nimueh starts to explain her plan to overthrow uther, both hunith and balinor are agaisnt her on that front, shes very surprised and appalled and kinds upset ngl and it has nothing to do with her unresolved issues with being the reason why the ban exists in the first place and the reason why her lover ygraine died (YES i think ygraine and nimueh fucked and were in love, uther knew ofc ygraine aint no cheat)

balinor then gets very focused on his son merlin (”hes so small!! hunith!! hes small!!” “yes ik darling, he is a 2 year old, anyways, nimueh your anger is valid but you shouldnt fight fire with fire it doesnt end well!! it might burn bright and warm in the moment but when it dims and you see its destruction and death, will it be worth it? are you willing to risk your people for the sake of temporary pleasure and revenge? how many actions that mirror uther’s own will you make until you realize your mistakes? wasnt it thinking only abt the present and not thinking ahead what led to ygraines death and the ban??” “well damn hunith i am feeling too many emotions at the moment but i wont cry in front of you cuz i think its a show of weakness and i dont want to think abt your words too deeply lest i have a mental breakdown and go into a big depression so i will exit this cave dramatically and lie and say that it would be worth killing uther for the price of a few lives since thats exactly what he did” “dada!!” thats merlin there at the end btw)

so yh nimueh leaves for a bit n shit, hunith is very upsetti, balinor is like “damn should i get involved?........ sigh id do anything for hunith, aight” and they talk for hours abt it, merlin between them being cute and hunith cried thinking that she went to far with nimueh and shell never come back now, but balinor thinks she needed to hear some harsh words and even her feelings wont change abt uther, she wouldnt ignore hunith like that (he knows btw, he has eyes and hunith looks at nimueh like she does at balinor so. yknow. hes gonna help that cuz he loves hunith), and balinor decides to reminisce on the good old days, and he tells her embarassing stories of nimueh and uther, and gaius being the oldest and so tired, and how amazed they all were when nimueh was officially a high priestess and how in love ygraine and nimueh were.

few days later nimueh comes back, and she says she’ll focus on teaching merlin but she’ll still try to kill uther, only uther, and she wont get any other sorcerers inovlved but first merlins education, and thats enough for balinor and hunith. 

for the next few years, balinor and nimueh teach merlin all abt magic and his destiny (which theyre both very worried when it involves arthur but theyre ignoring that for now), hunith teaches merlin all abt the mundane, how to cook and sew and dance. so merlin gets 2 mothers and 1 father, and frequently mentions nimueh as mother while hunith as mum, which gets them very flustered. after a few years balinor and merlin are working together to get the two women together.

this au is so fun if anyone feels like drawing it that would be cool or whatever....