#yet another text ramble

[sunsp0tarchive]

Some thoughts about fusion, Gabriel and Ellis

(with some minor mentions of sexual themes)

Okay, this is something not a lot of people even know about, but there are sections in my oc story where gabbi and ellis actually sort of fuse into one person for periods of time. I think its an incredibly intriguing topic and i know, the inevitable "like steven universe" or "like dragon ball" will probably occur, but its my story : ) and i think it helps me explore certain themes i enjoy

Essentially, Ellis is not allowed to dream anymore, once he has made his agreement with Zachary, the strange ghost man who has taken him "under his wing" (into his control) His mind is put into a strange place when he falls asleep, and he wanders a large, blood red desert in search of anything or anyone. This place is more than just a dream as well, its the land of all things that are forgotten and dead. His mind was dumped there, put into a cage, so he would lack ways to free himself from his literal chains, hanging around his neck. He lacks the strength or orientation to make his way through the ruins of long forgotten things, that might actually hold solutions to problems in the waking world.

At the center of this world stands a large dark tower, seemingly made out of clay, smooth to the touch. Ellis has no help or guidance in the darkness, and he returns to this place every night. I dont like to put caveats into my writing, about how people might perceive certain things, but truly i genuinely love the idea that love and companionship can be guiding, strengthening forces in a characters life. Once Ellis has met Gabriel, the dreams dont stop either. But after the first night they spend together, a disoriented, confused person , made up of both of them, wakes up in the sand instead. I like to think this character is at first very disoriented about their situation, as this is obviously a very bizarre thing to happen to them. There is no one to hold their hand either, but it is almost unnecessary, as they are one whole being now, with love and care toward the parts that make them up.

This is the way to break the curse, this is the way to find the light in the dark desert. But it comes with the irritation and confusion, of waking up and being split in two again. And this way, whatever they may feel in the waking world, whether they are angry at each other or whatever, this shared experience binds them in a way that makes it very difficult for them to stay apart. (I guess, in a sense its like bonding through an experience, that no one else could really understand, one in which they learn about sides of each other that they could never truly speak out about)

I also like seeing it from a distinctly sexual angle personally. I think that true intimacy between characters is a very fascinating thing to explore in writing and art, not to say that this intimacy cant be found in a non-sexual context but, its certainly a big part in many peoples lives and it is different and uniquely meaningful for everyone.

[pallanophblargh]

You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.

I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.

Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.

[winterballads]

Mi Lan 💗💕💖💘💝

Even after regaining her sight, she not only continues carrying her cane with her: it also becomes her weapon of choice, a part of herself she consciously makes into an instrument of protection. The unique abilities gained due to her blindness (such as her keen hearing) continue being her strengths going forward, despite how easily they could've been discarded. She can see again, but her blindness is never portrayed as a tragic defect to be left behind in favour of character development.

From the very start and despite her youth and inexperience, she bravely and brazenly chooses the role of a helper, a rescuer, a saviour. She takes responsibility for Shen Zhiheng's life and, in the process, becomes her own saviour and hero.

She's never―not once―shown as being weak, because her strength comes from within and can't be extinguished even in the most dire adversity.

She learns to care for others and, in doing so, to care for herself. She learns to live, and love, and love living. Her curiosity, wonder at the world and kindness propel her. With every new thing she learns and every mistake she makes, she becomes more mature, empathic, intelligent and beautiful in her imperfections.

She has a heart pure as the white moon and warm as the golden sun. Despite knowing so little about life because of all that she's been deprived of in childhood, she's driven by a loyalty, dedication and passion so poignant they eclipse everything else. She shines bright and casts her light all around her, to illuminate the path of the one she loves.

She and Shen Zhiheng are one. This is something Mi Lan actively chose and continues to choose every day, with absolute clarity, because her trust in Shen Zhiheng's warmth and kindness is unbreakable.

In the end, all that matters is that she lives on ― that she never loses the joy of living, and that her pure brightness never fades. Shen Zhiheng willingly gives up on the twilight of his own life so Mi Lan gets to see the next morning, clearly believing that sacrifice to be worth it.

And she does. She will. She's going to live a full, long life and wake up to many gorgeous mornings to come; and, despite the ache in her heart, she's going to smile listening to the music of fresh rain in spring.

[merrigel]

Every day I reblog things to the wrong blog by accident

[todayisafridaynight]

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

[kyluxtrashpit]

So I really want to get another cat. Thing is, there’s several reasons why it’d be a good idea (boy has a playmate, I think my ideal number of cats is 2, and give a kitty in need of a home a nice one) but also a lot of reasons I know it’s not a good idea *right now*

First reason is I’m not sure I’m fully ready for it. There’s still a part of my brain that hopes that this new new cat (I’m gonna need another system when I do get one lmao) would act more like old cat and I’ve had enough pets to know that’s a red flag that means you’re not ready yet. It just leads to disappointment when your new pet doesn’t behave like the old one when they were never going to, every animal is a unique individual and no two will give the same experience even when they are similar. And I know this. But the heart still wants

Also two cats, especially when one is brand new to the living situation and is still adjusting, is more work than one and for several reasons my energy lately has been pretty low. So. Am I up for that right now? I’m not sure. I’m sure I could rise the occasion if it’s needed, but like. Would it be a good idea to put myself into that situation at the moment? I’m not sure it would be. Even if I do miss having two cats a lot

There’s also the matter of living situation. Last year I was hoping to move, as I’m getting to the point in my life where it is time to Purchase a living space instead of rent. Which is terrifying tbh lmao, but it is a thing none the less. Plus I just really want a bit more space at this point, and certain conveniences (oh how I long for my own laundry devices) that I don’t currently have. But with old cat, that just didn’t end up being in the cards cause my babies are always my priority above all else (the financial hit also didn’t help - I’m only just recovering from it now). I was simply not going to move while she was old and fragile and dying of cancer

However, my province also sucks! And it recently decided it’s gonna suck even more! Not as much as most of the US, at least not yet, but. It’s not promising. And the long term prospects are also Not Great (both in terms of social things and economically as well like, things are probably going to get worse long before they get better, if they ever do get better). And my city isn’t *the worst* but it’s more expensive than ideal. So it’s like. Do I want to buy a place here? I don’t know. But do I want to move out of this province? I also don’t know

Cause moving adds a lot of factors, even if I stay in the same province but look at a cheaper city. And leaving the province, okay, which to go to? This one’s nice but expensive and has weather I don’t like, and that ones cheap but also there’s a decent risk things will get worse there politically. And then there’s a risk the whole country will get fucked politically next year but I am doing my utmost to not worry about it until it is actually an immediate problem

And then there’s factors like, all the people I know are here (even if I’m bad at seeing them a lot). Familiar grocery stores and restaurants, other amenities, hell, my internet company is not fully national last I checked - will I have to switch providers? Work isn’t an issue as I work from home and we have people in multiple provinces, but like. Literally everything else is. I’ve lived here my entire life. I don’t know what it would be like to move that far. I’ve never done it

(And there’s also like. A sort of political responsibility. I read a lot after the shitty thing was announced and like. Some people are leaving. Some are staying because fuck you, bigots will not drive me from me home, I will fight back. Some are staying because they can’t afford to leave. And some are staying because if everyone who can leave does leave, then who’s left to at least try to fight this shit for those at risk who can’t get out? Especially as while I’m not in the demographic currently at risk, I’m in an adjacent one so it’s like. No, I’m not at risk yet but it’s possible I will be some day, but I also do feel some level of responsibility to try to help those who are currently at risk because I’m not)

And my dad is planning to leave (though unclear how firm that plan is right now and unclear exactly where) and is like ‘well come with me’ and I’m gonna be honest I. Don’t really want to like. I’m in my 30s. There is a part of me that feels like it’s time to get a bit more space from my family. My mom moved already for other reasons, so I don’t physically see her often, but technology is a thing so. Quite frankly my parents are both really bad at having friends so being literally the only person one of them knows in an entire city is kind of a nightmare scenario for me lmao. I need my space. I get annoyed when I get texted too often, I am NOT going to be your sole social contact. And I know that’s what would happen if we both moved to the same place with no one else. And even without all that, we have differences of opinions in “ideal place to live” so. I know they’re (dad goes by they/them) going to try to pressure me but if I’m sure of anything, it’s that I don’t want that

And, to circle this all back, there is also my kitty boy: he does NOT travel well. At all. He has panic attacks in the car that leave him panting and screaming within about 1 minute of being in there. We are trying to work on it, given transport is important for vet visits, but progress is slow. I was thinking he might have to get the old gaba just for me to be able to move within the city. He’s an anxious little guy. It’s gonna be tough for him, both the general realities of moving and the driving to the new place part. And I originally wasn’t really thinking of moving anywhere out of a 20 min or so radius of where I currently live partly for that reason

So to move to another province (and please remember Canada is Huge, like, this would be several hours or even multiple days of driving), I don’t know if I can even do that in a way that’s safe for him. Drugs are an option, but depending on where, it could be an unfeasibly long drive to do that with. And god, planes, I can only imagine how much worse he would be on a plane (even though I’d NEVER let him ride in the cargo, I’d buy an extra seat if I had to). He could have a stress-induced heart attack and die and if this is in transit, I’d be powerless to save him and I’d have to live the rest of my life knowing I killed him

And so with all of that, I’m like. I really can’t get another cat until I know wtf I’m doing and implement that because it would be awful for the new kitty if I got them and then immediately moved somewhere, either close or far. I can’t do that, it would be cruel. So like. Idk, I just don’t know what to do

I’m also aware that like. There are two problems in this ramble and the one I opened with is not really the larger one lmao but like. Genuinely I do not know what to do and that’s scary so I’m just kinda frozen here thinking how nice it would be to have a second floof gallivanting around the apartment but also knowing I can’t really have that right now (unless the cat distribution system decides to give me no choice in the matter lmao but I’m not expecting that to happen)

[irritablepoe]

if you see me posting on tumblr that's actually not true and you're wrong, i'm actually actively studying like i'm supposed to and definitely didn't get distracted :)

[izzy-b-hands]

To Do for tomorrow (in theory at least, if the spoons are there to let me manage all of it)

-One last load of laundry (that idk where im gonna put bc im outta room but. I'll figure it out)

-clean bathroom sink

-swiffer all the floors (that are safely swifferable)

-double check my room and hide any sex toys still sitting out (in my defence, my toys my room my choice where they go, but also, i think a dildo can be a nice centerpiece on a desk or shelving unit top. Ties my whole room together!)

-pause the Oh God Mum's Visiting cleaning/prepping to try and gif Tyler's part in last night's concert (I fucking*screamed* when i heard the intro to his first song and saw him run out, poor Housemate was v chill abt me losing my shit in excitement lol)

-dishes, bc that's just a thing i like doing daily now. put on music, zone out for an hour and half, come back to conscious thought to a bunch of clean dishes. what more could a man ask for (I have ideas but I'll take dishes for now)

I'm writing this out, here, so when my forgetful ass is scrolling thru things tomorrow, I'll see this and won't forget to do anything

hopefully (Tomorrow Me pls don't fuck this up)

[coridallasmultipass]

well one of family never ends' author's other fics is the epilogue of course ;) but ipgd also wrote people don't do that (alphacest), homestuck watches boku no pico, and like the first uucest fic

YAASS OMG.

ANON.

Thank you.

Deeply and truly thank you. Saved me a real pain. It was People Don't Do That. Gonna reread it ASAP. I don't remember if I read the uucest one, but I powered thru a lot of fics while I was sick in Jan, and I don't remember like 90% of those two weeks. (Like, as I'm going thru the tag I'm reading now, I'll see something unclicked and go to read it, finish the fic like OMG SO GOOD, and then scroll a little more and I see my name at the top of the kudos list and it's like, wait, when tf did I read this? It was when I was sick.)

Ughhhh. I ADORE the dynamic of whichever younger Strider being the instigator, and it fits Alphacest so deliciously. (I don't even know what to say here without being so fucking overtly horny for Alpha Dave in general but that's not new lmao.)

But seriously, the scene on the roof where Dirk took Dave's underwear, like. I died. There's no other way to put it. It fucking killed me. I'm going to remember that forever, it was so good.

[gemharvest]

FEARS and scaries are on Toyhouse now <3

[flowerofmayhem-personal]

it’s so nice to have my blog have a more recognizable name now lol like the era for my old url has passed a long time ago ;u; gotta keep Mayhem in the name ofc though because like that is and always has been in dedication to my hedgehog I had when I was about 13-14 🥹 I miss him I adored Mayhem a lot and just no regrets keeping that in my name online all these years tbh

[no1ryomafan]

Yknow one thing I hate to do is compare mechas given they’re all pretty different even putting the clear influence a lot have on each other aside and I don’t like the idea that I’ve seen a lot of mecha fans subscribe to where “if you like this one show you HAVE to like these other ones” but this is less of a comparison thing especially because I’m not petty or anything since it’s just something I thought about:

Mazinger v Getter when it comes to their recognition tends to boggle my mind a bit. Since it feels like there are more dedicated Getter fans around that talk about it than Mazinger fans, but Mazinger is more recognizable to the point it gets more funded stuff than Getter.

I was thinking about this when I was watching Mazinkaiser, and I can’t confirm this but I found it interesting that it almost (felt) like this ova spawned out of Getter making a comeback before Mazinger did, since Armageddon came before and was massive hit, than was followed up with a game + shin vs neo by the time Mazinkaiser was made. Like they even got Armas art director to work on it and the studio doing it was Brains Base who made the getter OVAs.

And in terms of recently all the stuff with Grendizer, which I know was SUPPOSED to get another an anime way before this, is now finally getting something coincidentally after Getter Robo Arc. And everyone is already pointing out between the two Grendizer looks waaay better then Arc so it’s clear it has more money put into it, yet I wonder if Arc didn’t happen if they would bother to touch Grendizer since Arc was them also finally giving the Getter team who NEVER got to be in a anime- well, a anime. And now the most neglected pilot apart of Mazingers universe is getting his own show.

I understand why Mazinger is more known and funded since it was the first self piloted mecha and something Go Nagai, a man who arguably changed the industry a lot, made so his works are always gonna be rebooted for the sake of memory, where as Getter sorta lives in Nagai’s shadow sadly even if Ishikawa memory is respected, but I feel like almost Getter is the one to test if things will work and then they’ll see if they can do stuff with Mazinger again.

Or maybe it’s just two coincidences and we’re just going through a long coming mecha renaissance of older properties of the genre, but I’m still rotating it heavily.

[onlythebravest]

-

[purpleponder]

Why is it only Monday?

[matrivers]

delivering chappell roan lyrics like a monologue in a southern accent is therapy i think

[qimicloud]

This is going both on this blog AND in the tags because I'm that.... embarrassed isn't the right word, neither is shy. Alas. You get the idea. Unfortunately my place for putting these sort of thoughts has been barred from me atm so