#you are gonna hate me for the suspense and cliffhangers

[iwahajii]

• scars fade (Chapter 6)

Iwaizumi’s sins cost him the one thing he didn’t want to fuck up. Yet he still did.

Oikawa can count on one hand the actual times he punched Iwaizumi in the face. This was one of them. And it wasn’t just once that he did.

This is the story of how Iwaizumi fucked up so bad Oikawa had no choice but to step in and save the day. And whether it’ll be a happy ending or not, it’s all up to you.

warning: contains cheating, explicit language, mature themes

taglist: @jcrml @on-crows-wings

then • now  • next

When Oikawa heard that Iwaizumi's voicemails started getting through again, he was beyond pissed, not only because his ear probably sustained irreparable damage because of Iwa's screaming, but also because he can't contact you on his own at the moment without incurring huge financial loss. He was in Rio for heaven's sake!

Still, it was a loss he could forego, no matter how much he needed to pay nor how he would probably get ignored anyway. It was something he'd still do, regardless of the consequences.

So he did.

Sent a text with lots of emojis he knew you'd definitely call obnoxious, to make his money worth.

He left it at that, didn't wait for five minutes for a reply that he knew would never come. Instead, he went on his day, focusing on practice, polishing his serves and setting brighter than the sun. They were on a break when he found his phone blinking because of a notification. He picked it up, expecting some Twitter or Instagram notification. What he saw made his heart literally stop before jolting back to life in an abnormal speed. In a haste similar to a toddler opening his Christmas gift from Santa, Oikawa messed up twice on his PIN before he was able to unlock it.

Then he laughed, then screamed, then laughed again, jumping all over the place, in glee, happiness, excitement and relief all bundled tight in his long limbs. His coach and teammates, bless their patience and tolerance, only shook their heads at his display of wild craziness.

He replied before dialling Iwaizumi's number, fees be damned.

"Iwa-chan!" He gushed at the first click of the phone. "Oh my god! You won't believe this- oh my god!"

"Trashykawa, what the hell? It's-it's two am!" Iwaizumi grumbled.

Oikawa stomped his foot, but he was still smiling like an idiot. As though Iwaizumi could see him. "Iwa-chan! Yuki replied to my text! Just now, she replied!"

A loud thud and a groan before Iwaizumi was shouting in Oikawa's ear. Questions pouring out of his mouth like bursting fountain, but Oikawa was laughing again, hard enough he fell to the floor gasping.

"Did-did you-" Oikawa couldn't force the words out in between his laughter. "Iwa-chan, did you-"

Oikawa snorted, laughter taking over his whole body until he was crying happy tears. Iwaizumi, realizing his actions, and hearing Oikawa switch between snorting and laughing, felt himself loosen up before he himself was also snorting and laughing on his bedroom floor, a thousand miles away from the person he was laughing with.

Two beeps rang in their ears before it was silence, and they both stared incredulously at their phones before cracking up, two grown men, on separate floors, laughing their hearts out.

A few minutes later, Oikawa was settling down, lying on the floor unmoving, staring at your words on his screen. Then, the device was ringing, Iwaizumi calling via FaceTime.

"You hang up on me," was Iwa's accusation and greeting, all grumpy and hoarse.

"No, I didn't! My spending limit was reached," Oikawa explained calmly.

A beat and then Iwaizumi was laughing on the other side. "So you spent how many million yen to call and laugh?"

Oikawa felt himself go red in embarassment. Indignant, he replied, "I was happy Yuki replied!"

Calming himself down, Iwaizumi muttered, "alright, alright" before clearing his throat. Then, in a more firm voice, "What did she say?"

"Like I'd tell you after you just laughed at my financial misery," Oikawa grumbled.

He heard Iwaizumi sigh. "Oikawa, just tell me. I'd even pay half of the bill if you do."

"You will?" Oikawa asked, bright and chirpy real quick.

"Hmm," Iwaizumi hummed. "Depends on what Yuki said."

Oikawa groaned, rolling his eyes. "You guys are so mean to me."

"You make it so easy, Oikawa."

Oikawa imitated Iwaizumi's line in a petulant way, throwing the two of them in a fit again. They quickly sobered up, and Oikawa took a deep breath before reciting your reply.

"Stop the emojis. They're obnoxious. And stop texting me. You're in another side of the world for ducks sake, Tooru," he finished. "Do you think she misspelled the f-word or it was on purpose?"

"Definitely on purpose," Iwaizumi answered without pause.

Oikawa shrugged, actions justified now that Iwa could see. "Well, it was worth asking," he mumbled.

They were both quiet, before Iwaizumi was groaning loudly over the phone.

"God, Oikawa, I miss her so bad."

"I know, Iwa-chan," Oikawa soothed. "I'm a god, after all."

Iwaizumi snorted. "Definitely obnoxious."

Oikawa cried in protest. "I am not obnoxious! I'm just awesome and you're all envious!"

"Yeah, yeah. Whatever you say."

They were both quiet before Oikawa was sighing, sadness bubbling up at how badly he misses you. "That's so like her, though..."

Iwa nodded, smiling a little. "It is."

"We'll get her back, right?"

They stared at each other, two men sharing in the same agony from your absence. Oikawa's eyes burned with hope beneath the sadness. Iwa's burned with determination beneath the regrets.

Then, at the same time, they both said, "We will."

And then, they laughed.

Because what else were they supposed to do with their misery when they're miles away without you?

-

The loud, high-pitched cry of 'Iwa-chaaaaan!' rang in the large expanse of the arrival area of the airport. Iwaizumi thanked all his stars he decided to wear a face mask and a cap when he went out to pick up Oikawa. As suspicious as he may have looked, he didn't care. At the very least, the only thing the people staring at Oikawa's grand entrance will remember was the name 'Iwa-chan' and nothing else.

"Shut up, Trashykawa," he greeted.

Oikawa shamelessly hooked his arm with Iwaizumi's, giggling like a fifteen year old, as he waved goodbye to his laughing teammates. Iwa wanted to bash his head on the nearest wall, or maybe throw Oikawa back to wherever part of South America he came from.

"I know you missed me, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa said haughtily. "After all, I'm the only one who willingly hangs out with you with less judgement."

Iwa sighed, his annoyance replaced with guilt, because Oikawa's words were true. But he didn't need a verbal reminder of his poor, for some, even strained, relationship with his family and friends after what he's done. One look in the mirror was enough for that.

"I'm sure Makki will come around soon," Oikawa rushed, sensing Iwa's immediate withdrawal.

He shook his head, smirking. "We both know he'd rather bury me six feet underground for what I did. Matsukawa will probably help."

Oikawa turned to him with a dark glint in his eyes, a blatant contrast to the smile plastered on his lips.

"You too, of course."

The only reply he got was Oikawa's boisterous laughter, before he bounded off to Iwaizumi's car, leaving his suitcase for Iwaizumi to lug around.

'You cleaned up well' was Oikawa's first comment as he looked around the apartment.

Iwaizumi scratched the back of his head, shrugging. "I have time."

Oikawa only nodded, Iwaizumi noting the raised eyebrow but kept quiet. Iwaizumi watched as he proceeded to the refrigerator, probably to get a drink as he kept on whining in the car how thirsty he was. A loud gasp escaped his mouth, probably at the sight of the contents of the fridge, or maybe its lack of contents. Iwa just shrugged, taking a bottle of Pocari for himself, downing half of it.

"Are you even eating?" Oikawa asked, anger and pain evident in his voice.

Iwaizumi pursed his lips, keeping his mouth shut. He watched Oikawa snatch a bottled water, before slamming the refrigerator shut. The appliance shook at the force of it, but Iwa remained mum.

Oikawa sighed, shaking his head as he stared at Iwaizumi long and hard. "Don't think we don't notice your drastic weight loss, Iwa-chan..."

"I just don't have the appetite, Oikawa."

Oikawa's eyes flared. "Oh yeah? Well, sorry to bust your ass but the starving look don't fit your image."

Iwaizumi snorted but stopped as Oikawa glared daggers at him. They stared at each other, Iwaizumi trying to stop the laughter pouring out of him because of Oikawa's words, while Oikawa was still staring daggers. Oikawa's lips lifted to the side, his composure cracking. Iwa burst out laughing, Oikawa joining a second later.

When Oikawa sobered up, he faced Iwaizumi, his lips set in a tight line. "But seriously, Iwa-chan. Please don't make me worry about you too. I'm stressed enough as it is with Yuki!"

Iwa sighed, nodding at Oikawa's words. "Mom also said the same," he muttered.

"It’s not that difficult to see, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa said solemnly. Shaking his head, he steered away from the topic. “Does Yuki contact them?" he wondered, immediately picking up that Iwa meant your mom, not his birth mother.

"At least, that's what I think. I couldn't really ask since…" Iwa replied, his whole body slumping in defeat.

Oikawa simply nodded in understanding. "That aside, any idea where she is?"

Iwa shook his head. "I already went around the places we used to hang out to," Iwa replied. "Even went back to Miyagi for a week and tried searching with Mattsun, but she wasn't there. Nobody has seen or heard from her."

"Well," Oikawa said, sitting down exaggeratedly on the couch and patted the seat beside him for Iwa. "It's time to use my secret weapon!" Oikawa exclaimed before whipping out his phone, grinning wide.

Iwa, for all its worth, felt alive once again, as though Oikawa's words injected all the hope in the world in his bloodstream. It was a risk he dared to take every day for eight months now and for all the days he has yet to live, dedicated in leaving a voice mail once a day, praying to all the gods that one day, you'd reply. At first, they were all sorrys and begging and telling you how badly he fucked up. And then, when his voicemails resumed getting through, he decided to tell you about his day, the neighbor and his loud metal rock, the plants you had in the balcony, the renovation on the park you liked hanging out to.

His luck seemed to run out since there was still none from you.

With Oikawa, maybe, just maybe, you'd answer. You already did. Once. Knowing how much you adore Oikawa (he was your favorite, after all, no matter how much you lie), Iwaizumi hoped that little extra affection you had for him gave him much higher chances of you responding.

"Let's hope she doesn't ignore me, alright?" Oikawa mumbled, looking pale and hesitant despite his initial bravado.

Iwa could only nod, palms shaky and sweaty with anxious hopefulness. He started praying to all the gods he knew in every religion he was familiar with, because maybe, one of them would take pity on him and make you answer Oikawa's call.

On the first try, Oikawa's fingers were shaky enough to press the wrong number, accidentally calling his own mother. You were registered as My Wife on his contacts, much to Iwaizumi's chagrin.

"Beggars can't be choosers, Iwa-chan!"

Oikawa listened with absolutely zero interest while his mom took a good fifteen minutes of talking his son's ear off about not coming straight home from the airport. At Iwaizumi's kind interruption, his mother changed mood so quickly Oikawa had to roll his eyes, because despite Iwa's recent misgivings, he was still Oikawa's mother's favorite. Oikawa's only consolation was that his mom made Iwa sit in seiza every time he was in her presence, because 'he had to realize his mistakes' (which was good because his mother always drops by unannounced to Iwa's apartment, at Oikawa's request mostly, to check on him).

On the second try, Oikawa succeeded in pressing the right number, but it went to voicemail after ringing. They both sighed, one with impatience, one with despair.

On the third try, they both jumped at the click after the fifth ring, and then a child's voice rang out the apartment from Oikawa's phone.

"Hello?" 

Oikawa screamed. Iwa froze.

Oikawa was the first to recover. Quickly, he snatched the phone off the table, grasping it in his hands, staring at it like it came from aliens. 

Iwaizumi remained frozen in his seat. It felt like every fiber of his being stopped, except for the loud beating of his heart which he can hear loud and clear.

A thud and a loud static. Then, it was your voice coming from the speakers.

Oikawa screamed. Iwa stopped breathing.

"Oh fuck!" The curse loudly bounced off the walls. "Ren!"

And then a beep.

then • now  • next

[just-miru]

another is so silly i really love it

[stitching-in-time]

Voyager rewatch s2 ep26: Basics pt 1

Voyager's first season finale cliffhanger! While I hated cliffhangers back in the day (waiting months to find out what happened was not fun, let me tell you) I think this one was pretty good in general, and it certainly set up some very high stakes to be resolved in the next season opener.

I'm not a fan of the Seska baby plot, and I honestly don't see how they wouldn't have figured out it was a trick, but I guess suspension of disbelief is required here. If I were Janeway, I'd never risk my entire ship to go rescue some baby who's most likely not even in any danger, but I guess when someone tells you they love you, it puts you in a weird bind where you kind of have to give them leeway to go back for the kid they didn't want with the Cardassian spy you both hate. (But yet, no such concern for the Threshold lizard babies- why didn't they go back for them??? Huh??? Why are Cardassian babies so much more important than lizard babies?? Answer me that, Kathryn! And I see Commander 'fuck them kids' Chakotay whistles a different tune when it's his unwanted space children they want to leave behind! Dude really hates Tom Paris that much, doesn't he?? What did he ever do to you, Chakotay?? I'm joking, but also a little bit serious.)

We get some Suder scenes, where, thanks to his mind meld with Tuvok, he's now just a weird ass dude obsessed with gardening, which, somehow, makes him even creepier.

If you ignore how stupid the actual plot itself is, the rest of the episode, where they try to figure out a way through Kazon space, and come up with ingenious ways of tricking the Kazon into thinking they have more ships, is actually pretty interesting stuff. (It could have done without the zany gag of accidentally projecting the Doctor into space in the middle of the battle- the whole episode has been pretty serious, and it was a little too incongrous to stick a silly gag in there while shit is otherwise getting very real.)

The part where the Kazon take over the ship is pretty hair raising stuff, I don't think we'd ever seen anyone capture a Starfleet ship on screen before. It definitely did not need the gross gendered violence thrown in there though- a bad guy hitting a Starfleet captain on their own ship is enough to show villiany, we didn't need the 'you're just a woman, shut up' bs in there too, that was just gratuitous misogyny. We've already established the Kazon are misogynists, there was absolutely no reason to put it in there. And did they really have to have Seska making a false rape accusation? The misogynist trope that women just go around making false rape accusations to get what they want is only bolstered by stuff like this, and it's harmful and unnecessary. We already know that Seska is bad, they didn't need to add that at all. (And anyway, a patriarchal society like the Kazon probably wouldn't even care or believe her, so they should have made up another reason for Cullah to want the kid.)

Leaving the crew stranded on a planet with no Voyager, no tech, a bunch of volcanos, some possibly unfriendly natives, AND a large snakey-dragony creature looming in the background seems almost like overkill in terms of having enough peril to place them in, but I'll go with it. Everything moved along at a good pace, and having the ship stolen is a hell of a cliffhanger. Seeing the Kazon fly Voyager away from her crew is deeply sad, and you know seeing that would have just lit a fire in Janeway and company to work even harder to get it back. And they do have a small sliver of hope of rescue- Tom Paris is out there in a shuttle, which was presumed, but not confirmed, to be destroyed (because of course Tom volunteered to fly a shuttle through a space battle to go back and get help) and Suder is still on board, having hidden in the vents when the Kazon takeover, and he said he wants to do something for the ship, so he's probably gonna fall back on what he knows best: murder! But like, its for a good cause this time- he's gonna kill those Kazon and present them to Janeway llke a cat bringing it's owner a dead mouse lol.

So yeah, even though I had a few issues in this ep, it's still an edge of your seat cliffhanger where you have to see what happens next.

Tl;dr: Some questionable story choices, but done with enough panache that it compels you to find out what happens in the second part asap.

[freefromthecocoon]

1122 Spoilers

Overall this was a decent TWD episode. 

The montage is for Negan. I am pretty sure Hilarie Burton Morgan being credited for an episode was due to the montage. 

Nice little eye f**k between Daryl and Carol in opening minutes.  

Team Family makes their plans to infiltrate ASZ and we get this incredible bit of dialogue from Daryl to Connie: “You, me...down shit tunnel.” 

This is where I lament the time that was completely wasted on the Reapers arc. A 9 episode arc that could have been completed in about 3 episodes honestly. I think my frustration is that by the time this rolled around...the end of the series had been announced and alterations/rewrites to the script could have been done. The CW arc could have had way more exposition and depth if we had not wasted time with the Reapers. 

I said that, so I could say this. I am just not that invested in Negan and Annie. Show me...don’t tell me. Same with Luke and Jules. That ominous cliffhanger with Oceanside and we basically are just told from Luke’s standpoint what happened there. (I’m glad Luke and Jules made it though). 

Ah the tunnel scene that had everyone worried was a big nothing burger. Connie and Daryl are friends and they are worried about rescuing their family. It was a nice moment actually, but the shipbaiting will mercifully end soon. (To be clear, the playlist furor was much ado about nothing)

Carol and Maggie have a lovely scene, that could have only occurred between the two of them. I definitely got Same Boat vibes when they find Hershel and let me tell you folks....absolutely NO hesitation on the part of Carol to end the life of the trooper who was threatening Hershel. 

Just prior to Hershel’s rescue, we see that the warden character has Kelly held at gunpoint and Daryl sneaks up behind him and mortally wounds him. Kelly and Connie get a sweet reunion. 

I loved the synchronicity of Daryl and Carol helping their family reunite with their loved ones. These scenes play right behind each other and I think that was definitely intentional. 

Another scene I liked and don’t hate me for it was Negan and Ezekiel. Ezekiel hasn’t forgotten or forgiven the havoc Negan wreaked back in the day. Negan is a family man now and Ezekiel does not seem ready for Negan to have that. We get a Benjamin mention and I am glad he wasn’t forgotten.  Negan gives it right back to him though and mind you I am looking at this through eyes of someone who adores Carol. Negan mentions that he isn’t gonna standby and not protect his family and although she wasn’t mentioned, I have to wonder if Negan had thoughts of Carol avenging Henry’s death while Ezekiel was not participatory in Carol’s revenge quest. (This is probably just me, but hey, I can’t help my thoughts). 

Eugene had a nice courtroom monologue and I must give credit to Laila Robbins for convincing me at how bad an actor Pamela is. For Kangaroo Court...we should always reference these courtroom scenes. 

I will say that I have never been one to say the news of spinoffs spoiled moments in the episode for me, but I will say the suspense of the final ten minutes was tempered by the fact that we know Negan moves on to NYC for his spinoff.  But a still very good and heartpounding TeamFamily scene. Rosita is so savage and I am here for it. 

Only 2 episodes left and still we await the promised heart to heart for Caryl. I am hopeful and hopeful we will know more about how Carol’s and Caryl’s story continues after the finale. But admittedly, there is not a lot of time left for this to be resolved. I still think we could get canon...the satisfaction of said canon remains to be seen though. 

[chaoticneutralwriter]

HOLY SHIT SHSKDJKSJS I WAS NOT EXPECTING THAT ENDING PLEASE😭 ISTG YOU ALWAYS LEAVE US ON THE MOST SUSPENSEFUL CLIFF HANGERS I LOVE YOU AND HATE YOU FOR IT AND GOD I HAVE MISSED YOUR WRITING SO SO MUCH AND IVE MISSED THIS STORY SO MUCH IM SO HAPPY YOU UPDATED 😭💜 I feel you when it comes to life getting in the way and all that jazz, I hope you’re doing well and thank you so much for an incredible update, I’m so sad to hear that we are coming to the end but genuinely I’ll never ever forget this masterpiece, it’s like my comfort fanfic now I’m never going to get tired of rereading it when I’m sad😭 lots of love and I hope you’re having a good day!! <3

LMAOOO i always gotta make it a point to leave it at a cliffhanger 🤪🤪🤪 awww i missed posting for yall and reading your thoughts after each chapter too!! 😭😭😭 like that shit keeps me going fr 🥺🥺🥺💜💜💜

yeahh ughh i'm definitely doing better but it's always a struggle when it comes to writing :') but im gonna keep doing my best 😤😤😤 askjfhakdj that is such an honour to hear that this story has become a comfort fic for you!! 😭😭😭💜💜💜 i'm gonna make sure that it'll end on a satisfactory note!! Thank you once again for sharing your thoughts with me!! Take care and i hope you have a good day too! 💜💜💜

[mondscheinprinzessin]

Alright, brace yourself: 3, 5, 7, 9, 10, 14, 20, 31, 36, 37, 39, 40 bitte! 💖 Also, you're good when it comes to writing violence! Your latest angst Aleksi fic is awesome because of that! 💖 /🐍

3. How would you describe your writing style?

Focused on the characters and what they feel and think, and more word building and description than action I would say.

5. What's a tag you never want to use for your works even when it applies?

None would come to my mind because I want to have my fics appropriately tagged? Maybe regarding smut I would be able to write it in the story but not write the tag down as that would embarrass me too much, I already had that with my last Aleksi in a dress fic😅

7. Your favourite ao3 tag.

Joel/Aleksi👀

9. Thoughts on cliffhangers.

Hate them. Truly hate them😄 I don’t mind them when I’m reading a finished multichapter because then I can just keep on reading, but they give me nothing and I hate it when reading and also watching a show. And I can’t bring myself to write them either because I feel like building up suspense and I’m afraid if the following chapter doesn’t keep up to the expectation, people will hate me. (Yes, let me have my dramatic moment^^)

10. Top three favourite fic tropes.

Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a happy ending, University AU

14. Write and share the first sentence of a new fic. Just that.

“My parents are gone from Friday to Sunday.” Joonas announced as he hopped onto the low brick wall at the end of the schoolyard where Joel until now had stood against alone.

20. Do you work on a single project or many at the same time? How does that work for you?

Many at a time. My head bounces from one idea to another, keeps giving me bits and pieces of dialogue and full passages for different fics. Sometimes I write on several a day, my concentration has always been shit and I need the variety.

31. What was the most difficult fic for you to write (but in the end you made it)?

If we go with the time I needed to write it then The four times Aleksi comes out, because inspiration for it just vanished and I had to force myself to continue it. Otherwise Should I sink or swim or simply disappear, because once again, it’s personal.

36. How do you come up with fic titles? What's the one you're most proud of?

Most of the time they’re from song lyrics because I’m not creative enough to come up with them on my own. And I go with the vibe, so if I wrote something angsty I would for example look into bmth songs.

From the ones I did myself I really like Cupid is Stupid (or not?)

37. Do you research before writing or while you write? Is it fun or boring for you?

I think while I write. I start writing and then when I come across the part that needs that information I lose myself or an hour in google😄 And it’s definitely fun, I like learning.

39. Wildest AU scenario you have written?

I don’t think there’s anything wild in my stories😅 So I’m gonna go with a How to build a sex room AU I will probably end up writing because lnights gave it up to me again. We throw the fic around like a ball, maybe someone else will catch it next time.

40. Write a 9-word fic.

(Can’t I say one time that I don’t want to do something without you guys jumping on the opportunity to tease me?)^^

“I love you.” No matter the amount it hurts.

Ask me questions😊

[grayintogreen]

👿🙂🍰

I ANSWERED THE EMBARRASSMENT QUESTION ALREADY. I HAVE AN ADDICTION. EVERYONE CAN SEE IT.

Is there anything you enjoy doing that you think your readers hate?

The cliffhangers. Every damn time I'm like "hahaha i'm gonna get a good grade in suspense" while also going "i'm so so so so sorry please don't hate me."

Name one of your fave comfort fics (doesn’t have to be your all time fave).

My comfort fics have a tendency to be really fucked up, because when I'm upset/mad, I want to read/write really awful things happening to characters I like... But like a NORMAL comfort fic... Honestly, The Purest Priorities by @wtgw-fic really gets me in the feelings and it was a gift for Critmas so it was written with me in mind, but also I read stare into the sun and see everything i've done (by the same author) because the way Bard writes Percy calming Caleb down is actually really soothing to me, personally.

[FANFIC ASK GAME]

[sapphire11]

I am okay with cliffhangers as long as they’re not too suspenseful? It drives me crazy if they are because I usually just wanna know what happens. Especially if someone’s life is in limbo.

I go into crazy spoiler search mode to find any info about the new season. I guess I love and hate cliffhangers. Either way, I fear it’s gonna be a long summer hiatus.

I’m sure whatever we are left with will inspire a lot of fics, that’s also something I’m looking forward to also!

-☀️Anon

Good morning 🌞

Same about the suspenseful and having someone's life hang in the balance. I used to hate cliffhangers so much I didn't watch any live shows or read wip. Now I see that they can be fun, even if I still want to know now.

Hopefully they give us a "nice" cliffhanger. Maybe a decision for Owen to make, or maybe it will come out of left field and they'll include Marjan or Paul (both who I wish had more screen time) in the cliffhanger drama. Either way I'm with you it's going to be a long break.

[onlyhereforangst]

for the salty asks: #5 & #6 (any fandom); #11 & #22 (fate); #25 (ncis/ellick)

5. Has fandom ever ruined a pairing for you?

Hmmmm honestly I don’t think so? I’m pretty good at tailoring my tumblr experience 😅 I’m picky with those I follow so that I don’t see things I don’t want to see hahaha the only thing I can think of is Malina from SaB. I’d seen stuff for them prior to watching and I was like oh maybe they’re cute and then I watched the show and the sibling vibes I got were just intensified because of the thought of people shipping them 😬 so it kind of got ruined for me in reverse lol

6. Has fandom ever made you enjoy a pairing you previously hated?

Mmmm I wouldn’t say hated, but I think @lilshitwayne has singlehandedly gotten me to enjoy skloom 🤣 I liked them enough when I watched but wasn’t hooked, Jo has made it her mission whether she realizes it or not to win me over & I have to admit it’s working haha

11. Is there an unpopular character you like that the fandom doesn’t? Why?

I’m gonna have to go with Beatrix for this one and hope Amanda will still talk to me after 🥲 there were definitely points I was rooting for her, it’s a love-hate for sure. Like yeah, shes f*cking psycho but also what do you expect with Rosalind & Andreas as parents? It’s not entirely her fault haha

22. Popular character you hate?

Already answered here & potentially losing all my new friends 🥲

25. How would you end NCIS/Would you change the ending of NCIS?

Hahahahahahaha oh skye, you know me too well 😂 well in dream world, Emily decides to take time off for pregnancy/baby but still comes back to the show and so they go forward with the cliffhanger of her leaving (maybe written a touch better) & then s19 is the last season, it wraps up storylines, turns out Ellie was being blackmailed for Nick’s safety and Nick doesn’t rest until he finds her and saves her and then they happy kiss and we flashforward to their backyard wedding with an entire team reunion, Gibbs announcing his suspension is turned retirement, Vance also retires, McGee gets promoted to director, Ellie gets Gibbs’ position, Nick is still there but is getting tapped to take over leading at FLETC (this is thanks to @thekeyboardninja vision of the ending that I’ve adopted as truth). and reality scenario where Emily makes the totally understandable decision of not coming back after baby, they don’t do this nonsense of odette undercover shit and instead write her off similar to how they did Tony. Like her dad died suddenly or had to go on palliative care or something and so she goes on indefinite leave to help her parents & family back home, Nick and her have a heart to heart, kiss & “say goodbye” but in that Nick will be on a flight to Oklahoma at the end of the month. They do long distance for a while when a spot in the sheriff’s office opens up and Ellie realizes it’s time for her to “come home” and she has to break the news to Nick who surprises her and says he already applied to & is interviewing tomorrow with the local FBI office so they can be together again 🥺❤️

talk dirty unpopular opinions with me

[chidoroki]

The Promised Neverland S2EP10

aka: GF plantation used Power Swap

Totally trying to drown out my anxiety with “Identity” right now.

“And normally there about about 30 to 40 demons on guard.” Is that it? Seemed like more in manga but of course I never thought of counting them. I remember the 2,000 imperial soldiers but since that event didn’t happen.. oh well.

Vincent really sold everyone out to Peter to guarantee his own safety, though I doubt Peter would truly grant him that.

Oh, wait.. giving Peter that information was planned. Alright Vincent, can’t hate you for that.

“We prepared hot-air balloons to disperse the drug.” But where in the hell did you get these balloons??

Damn Isabella, that smirk has me shaken.

PHIL! and oh my god is that Simon?? We actually get to see him! Alive!

They really are shipping everyone out at once.. poor Phil is already terrified.

Aww look how much taller Emma is compared to Mujika now! I didn’t notice that before!

“Ray. Norman. I have something I need to talk to you guys about.” And just like that, my nerves have skyrocketed. What is it? Tell them what?? Help!! It better not be Seven Wall/new promise related somehow!

Bro, I’m just sitting here amazing.. I can’t believe we’re about to see these kids raid GF from freakin’ hot-air balloons..

Phil sweetie I can’t blame you for being scared because honestly I am too right now. I haven’t a clue on how this story will end. Or what will change.. or what won’t.

Yeah, spears vs balloons ain’t a great match up.. unless all the balloons are just a diversion.

Ha! They had explosives in them! Burn down the entire plantation!

And Sonju gets to go on a demon killing spree.

Oh! Along with the Lambda crew! Nice! Give them hell!

Aww the GF kids put those glowing plant things on their wrists.

Here’s me making the slow as hell realization that the broken down building we see in the ending sequence is the burned down house of plant 3. God, I’m so stupid.

Ah, so the head underground via the old well.. is that how the infiltrated in manga too? I can’t recall but I can believe it. There’s no security around plant 3 anyway.

Pfft my boy knocking demons out with a pipe. I still would’ve loved to see him with a gun but let’s go Ray!

Oh we got smoke bombs too! And even Norman shooting arrows! I assume it’s with a bow his weak body can handle but good!

Seeing Vincent trying to hack the system makes me miss Nigel.

Jemima, Yvette, Rossi & Mark dressed up as shipments to lure the other children! How clever!

Emma, the troublemakers and Dominic putting in some fine work by breaking all the cameras.

Bruh they even brought back “Prison Break!” Yeess!!

AAaahh don’t tease the Day & Night on the fancy ceiling like that! I’m gonna cry and become hella nervous!

Emma don’t toss aside your weapon, you’re starting to give me back flashbacks.

But AAWW the hug between her and Phil is so damn precious! I love them!!

Yes I’m happy all the younger kids made it safely but they’re all defenseless and I’m getting super worried because I saw the preview and know very well who is about to show up armed and dangerous.

Spoke too soon, the rest of the escapees arrived too, so now I feel a little better.

Hahaha, GUNS! Yay..

“Welcome back, my precious children.” Hello to you, you absolute queen of a woman!!

The trio, especially Ray, didn’t look as pissed off to finally see Isabella again, just surprised, but oh well. I learned to keep my expectations at a minimum this season.

“Even with your guinea pig bodies, you’ll die if you get shot.” Well no shit.

“You should listen to your mother.” How great would it have been if Emma fired back with something along the lines of “I can’t, I only have one ear.”

I see you Isabella, walking behind Peter with your gun already raised to him.

“I don’t give a damn about that destiny!” FUCK YEAH EMMA! That’s my girl! That line was delivered so well too. (totally convinced that it’s her who says “screw destiny” in ch181 now)

“Wonderful. I raised my children well. You all get perfect scores.” Yes! Yeesss! YEEESS!! By far my favorite Isabella moment!

“The chips in our chest have been nullified when the system was hacked.” Oh thank god.

“The reinforcements from the other farms are already on their way.” Excuse the fuck me?

Oh.. the imperial soldiers. There they are.

Are you for real?? The civilian demons are gonna help us too?

“We won’t let the farms rule us anymore!” Well I’ll be damned, go start a riot now y’all!

What a power move, Mujika.

Sonju was way too happy kicking down that door and that is completely valid.

I’m sorry but Vylk is such a joy.

No no no, Emma please don’t walk towards Peter. I know the dude is on his knees and looks like he’s given up but don’t be fooled. The series loves to pull suspense at the last minute and leave us on a cliffhanger

Ah, I was expecting something much worse, like for him to pull out the knife hiding up his sleeve, if he still has in like in manga, but okay.

Aaahh I can’t believe we only have one episode left. I know a bunch of y’all are happy about that, to have this train wreck of a season be done forever, but oohh I’m still nervous about so much.. how the kids will get to the human world despite no new promise being made, if Peter plans on making any crazy last ditch effort, whatever the hell Emma told Ray & Norman off-screen, wondering if anyone is gonna die because oh my god if they keep anything from the manga I sure hope it’s not THAT!

[gracefulweather]

pls why did tumblr put the pic in such a weird place lol 😭 i was seriously laughing so hard he was really holding it for dear life

omg yes i have !! i love alice in borderland ! i wish it got the same hype as squid game is bc it's so good !! and the games omg 😨 seriously was on the edge of my seat the whole show ! like the bus one was insane :O i hated how they left it on a cliffhanger but i saw its getting renewed for s2 :D i was really obsessed w it when i first watched, i looked up all of the character profiles and how it differed from the manga + future games and the ending but i still have so many unanswered questions 👀

i love psychological thrillers and shows like those ! wbu???

haha yes 😭 txt really made a whole short film lol

yes 😭 i saw those comparisons and how ppl were bringing up what sunwoo said abt the character comparisons to the members and im ready for PAIN 🥲

cinematic mvs >>>>

drink it halloween dance practice would have been spectacular :")

i don't really collect pcs ,,, idk i just get the ones that come w the albums and put them in a lil card organizer lol but i've never traded or bought any wo an album

omg no 😭😭😭 i hate when things sell out so quickly

haha we love that ! they're all so lovable tbh, it's hard to chose a bias 🥺

yeah ! i am a sunwoo enjoyer :D & my bias wrecker has gotta be eric 🙃 he is constantly coming for my throat..heh when did u start stanning?

THE HIGHLIGHT MEDLEY 😭😭😭 WAS SO GOOD ! as soon as the announcer thing came on i was so happy, they're really going all out ! haha omg 😂 maverick is definitely an intense lil song but i feel like i alr love it ! yes the songs all sound so nice n spicy i'm so ready

LMAOOO tumblr putting the pic there makes it even funnier :') died laughing ngl. and ikr borderland was so good, though i feel like it was a little too scary for it to have the hype factor? oh i totally forgot about the bus one until you mentioned it!! yeah that was so intense... omg also the one with the hanging electric pole things with rising water?? oooh i'll have to check out the manga but yeah hopefully s2 gives us all the answers (unless netflix chooses to drag it out... knowing them, that might happen 😭). and YES!! i also love psychological thrillers!!!! not so much straight up horror, but i love suspense and mind games 😍 do you have any faves or recs?

we're all ready for pain :') and at the same time tbz be playing red light green light in such a cute and funny way in their mcountdown teaser?? they're gonna give us whiplash from this :')))

ohh i see, yeah i heard that sunwoo was one of the umm expensive/sold out pc members LOL but i hope you pull him if you do decide to get the album!!!

maknae line!! eric has been... very bold lately so i hope u survive this comeback hehe. i started stanning towards the end of last year!! i was eyeing them during stealer era but their MAMA 2020 performance convinced me 😍 wbu!! and who are ur biases from the other groups you stan?

yeah omg the chanting in maverick is kinda catchy!! i can see myself looping it until i'm numb 🤡 ALSO MV TEASER??? THOUGHTS? i thought the other one counted as mv teaser already so definitely didn't expect this one, but hopefully it's a sign that we're getting like a full on story and plot and everything 🤩

[themanicgalaxy]

SPN 1X10 Asylum

Hello hello hello we back at it again

featuring potential rpg googling cuz this is the only chill time I allow myself regularly

Also Idk anything about this one so wheeeee

oho it’s gonna be like silent hill I see

and I’m trying to figure out an urban fantasy Jane Austen thing

That isn’t like...steal from pre-existing idea cuz that’s wrong, so I’m not gonna look at that google page anymore

we could theoretically use the same races+modifiers, it’s just the items+classes that get fucked

heh some kiddos hid in the asylum

OPE AND it’S HAUNTED

so the items likely depend on the class, and so now I gotta figure out the classes

Nobility, middle class, lower class and ~vague army thing~ seem like good bets

OH AND GROUNDSKEEPERS/SERVANTS

OH N O he has a wife AND HE’S POSSESSED

PUT YOUR HAND AWAY FROM THE GUN

HAND AWAY FROM GUN

ok this one was good intro, I like it a lot

and they’re angsting about their dad again

ThE mAn cAn BaRelY woRk a ToaSter heh

Dean’s hope/desire for approval + Sam’s cynicism HDOFASIHA

...I kinda wanna see a like....ball+locked in+murder one by one thing

ha Sam and the acting is KILLING me

I do love the “Everyone pick on Dean” thing it’s quite funny

OOO ACTUAL DETECTIVE WORK

OHO AND THEY JUST CREAK APART I LIKE THAT

dOn’T aSk Don’T tEll 

the imagery is genuinely creepy, the vibe is very good, very spook

I can’t believe I had to google how to spell genuinely

this argument hurts me I sWEAR TO GOD

Dean follows orders in hopes of getting praise + Sam’s given up ALFHISDASIH

I genuinely cannot say this enough but fuck John Winchester

heh Sam needing to do actual therapy to the get the deets, good, finally some good came from these fucking cases

Look, I understand ghost hunting is Cool and Hip but for fuck’s sake if murders and bad stuff happens, WHY WOULD YOU GO TOWARDS IT

ESPECIALLY THE OLD CREEPY THING, UNLESS YOU’RE TRAINED FOR G O D ‘ S SAKE

THE FLASHLIGHT THING+SILHOUTEE AHIDHFPS

I am too tired to google how to spell that

OH THAT CUT TO THE GUY IN THE STRAIGHT JACKET I ACTUALLY JUMPED

FU CK I’m genuinely scared/suspensed(idk if that’s a word who cares)

THIS IS WHY I NEVER PLAYED SILENT HILL I AM ~TERRIFIED~

JESUS THERE ARE MULTIPLE ASFIPS 

OHO? There’s LAYERS? A psycho killer killing the others?

FINALLY DEAN WITH THE COMMON SENSE WHY WOULD YOU GO INTO THE HAUNTED PSYCHO HOSPITAL

Look I’m aware that the psych ward is overdone but the imagery is effective for a reason 

I am genuinely scared rn, probably the first time since the pilot

Not that the other eps were bad, they just were more intrigue and interest and lore than actual horror imagery

WHY DO I KEEP WRITING GENUINELY I CANNOT SPELL IT TONIGHT

OH MY GOD HE’S BEHIND HER

Yes once again it’s the girl in danger, but whatever, ok, fine, we’ve established the misogyny 

Ok that’s a cool plot, the haunted patients trying to tell them something and them being too scared to listen

“Dean he’s your boss” “No” why do i feel like that Meant something, yk?

if it’s the doctor, paralleling all the horrible shit he did to the patients that are clearly in physical pain when they died....ohohoho

horror cliche? yes. But again, effective for a reason

especially for me, cuz I haven’t seen a lot of horror movies

Girl with shotgun feels like it’s set up to be joke, but I kinda like implication of girl needing to learn protection while guy did not

Am I reading into it on my own? probably, idk, I’ll choose to keep that in my head

hell even the filter’s coming in clutch this episode, it makes everything a bit extra Grunge

IHAPSFIS DOCTOR MAN AHIFSADPFAS

Is...Sam’s esp gonna kick in now? some Demony powers? 

HA SHE SHOT DEAN ok near him

EVIL DEMON SAM OH N O 

ASIFUSAPI THE DRAMATIC IRONY

OH MY GOD IT’S POSSESSION OH MY GOD

AND OF COURSE THEY HAVE BEEF THE SPIRIT CAN USE THIS IS WHY YOU TALK ABOUT YOUR EMOTIONS

Look I feel it says something these assholes have only had deep raw conversations whEN THEY WERE BEING POSSESSED OR SOMETHING IN THAT VEIN

ONE EMOTIONALLY SANE PERSON! O N E 

DEAN YOU SELF-SACRIFICIAL BASTARD It’s literally left to interpretation if Dean wanted to see what would happen or if it’s a trick fsaoidfjlhas

EWEWEW HIS MUMMFIED BODY

NO NOT THE FLASHLIGHT

HE TURNS TO FUCKING STONE IN FRONT OF DEAN THAT’S SO METAL

Sam: Tries to have a Talk 

Dean: nah, we don’t need to talk, no sharing, no caring, n o p e 

Dean he nearly killed you

AND WE END ON A DAD CLIFFHANGER

fuck that was horrific oh my god ok wrap-up

1. Good character dynamic exploration, good exploration of the brothers’ relationship, good good good character work

2. COOL SETTING! COOL STORY! I WAS ACTUALLY VERY SCARED

3. YES I KNOW IT’S CLICHE BUT IT WORKS OK 

4. the filter? rly rly worked for this story. Actually, most of everything worked for this story, I truly liked this episode

5. and now we’re gonna get John I’m so excited to hate him on main for ages, god I hate how much he fucked up his kids I hate him so much

6. and one last thing, the idea of the ENTIRE psych hospital being ghosts, and all of them being eternally tormented by the doctor man, and so they had to kill the source of unfinished business was Really quite cool and played on the general misery all around of those things and how that can spread. Am i reading too much into it, maybe, but GOOD LORD THAT WAS FUN.

This was literally so fun, so good, I enjoyed it a lot. WHEEEEEEE

[in-a-cave-with]

can you make a list of every mavel comic you've ever read (good and bad) i just finished iron man (1998) and i thoroughly loved it with all its best and weird bits

GOOD™

iron man stuff:

tales of suspense (1963) – a classic. 100/10. would read several times

iron man vol 1 (1968) – i’m on, like, issue 20 out of 300 something but it’s also very very good! the drama..the action……..wig

iron man vol 3 (1998) – obv i know youve read this one anon but for anyone out there starting comics this one’s SUPER good, and also Love Is Stored In The Tonyru

iron man vol 4 (2005) – listen this comic. so great, so iconic. maya hansen! epic fights! director stark! good art except for, like, the 6 issues of execute program but execute program is such a good story arc that you wont even notice! 

iron man noir (2010) – INDIANA JONES AU TONY STARK, LITERALLY THE BEST CONCEPT MARVEL’S COME UP WITH. PEAK COMICS IRONFAM

iron man legacy (2010) – i enjoyed this one a lot! i’m kind of confused as to, like, what’s going on but it’s fun

iron man season one (2013) – ok so this is, like, a modern remake of tony’s origin story and it’s..kind of average imo but thats ok! bc you can just look at the very very pretty pictures

iron man fatal frontier (2013) – tony becomes governor of the moon and fights doom! also he takes down an ai with weaponized fanfiction somewhere in there. read this one with a .cbr reader

invincible iron man vol 2 (2015) – gonna maybe fuck around and rec bendis’ entire iron man run bc . the art is gorgeous and the story isn’t the strongest but tony’s characterization is v good 

international iron man (2016) – ok i dont remember what happens in this one but alex maleev’s art is literally god 

invincible iron man vol 3 (2016) – RIRI WILLIAMS!!!! AND ALSO AI TONY STARK (MY SON MY BOY WHOM I LOVE)!!!!

other stuff:

new avengers vol 1 (2005) – as i have said before. new avengers GOT the sauce. stevetony and caroljess on one team was too powerful so marvel had to break em up with civil war . also stop reading this comic when you get to civil war

civil war: casualties of war (2007) and civil war: the confession (2007) – these are both oneshot comics and also the Only Civil War Content You Need To Subject Yourself To

spider-man noir (2010) – a break from the avengers stuff to tell you that this comic is very brutal and also very good

secret invasion (2010) – ok avengers emh did it better™ but this is still very neat! also it’s pretty trippy so its got that going for it too

siege (2010) – i dont understand what’s going on but the art is very good. also the avengers get to beat up norman osborn’s bitch ass

avengers prime (2011) – apparently this is the “stevetony bible” and …honestly there isn’t anything i can say in objection to that

avengers vol 4 (2010) – this comic is SUPER fun. after the fear itself tie ins the art and story get pretty eugh though so be careful

fear itself (2012) – BEST BEST BEST!!! my favorite crossover event in comics, with cool art and a badass storyline

captain marvel vol 4 (2012) – can we get a yeehaw for CAROL DANVERS . hell yeah. this is her first run with the name captain marvel and it’s Very Good

avengers: the enemy within (2014) – captain marvel vol 4 ends on a cliffhanger and the storyline’s capped off here

avengers vol 5 (2013) – ok so *clown noises* i haven’t exactly finished it but…this is the One Was Life The Other Was Death comic and it’s super good from what ive read so far

hawkeye (2013) – matt fraction’s run! everyone and their dog wants you to read it and you absolutely should if you have not. not too sure abt the volume numbering but heres a link to download in TPBs, it’s volumes 1-4

captain marvel vol 5 (2014) – this is the volume featuring chewie (!!) and carol in outer space with the guardians of the galaxy (!!!). super fun in general, would read again

ms marvel (2014) – again i am VERY confused as to what the official issue/volume numbering is, but here’s a list of TPBs that collect pretty much every kamala khan comic pre 2019 (im gonna rec all of them bc kamala is a treasure)

doctor strange vol 3 (2015) – literally everything i want from a comic tbh, also chris bachalo’s art is amazing

marvel 1872 (2015) – no one actually calls this Stevetony Bible 2 but lbr it’s basically Stevetony Bible 2

all-new all-different avengers (2015) – BEST AVENGERS TEAM EVER. EVER. PLEASE BENDIS WHY DID YOU BREAK THIS TEAM UP IM SAD

the unbelievable gwenpool (2016) – oh god oh fuck it’s miss GWEN POOLE . this comic is super funny and also surprisingly heartfelt, plus the art is . mmm.

champions (2016) – the gen z superhero team, i love all of them so much. i can almost forgive marvel for ending anad avengers

hunt for wolverine: adamantium agenda (2018) – so this is, after 11 goddamn years, closure for the first civil war regarding tony and the new avengers that sided with steve. amazing.

the life of captain marvel (2018) – the carol origin retcon is…eh. but it’s still very good! think of it as carol’s international iron man

avengers: back to basics (2018) – kamala goes back in time and accidentally reveals tony’s secret identity and it’s the funniest fucking thing

captain marvel (2019) – the first issue is everyone bullying tony which sucks but DONT LET THAT GET YOU DOWN bc it’s, like, actually good and also tony appears more in later issues without getting bullied

war of realms (2019) – i guess it’s a marvel rule that all crossover comics having to do with asgard are Top Notch? anyway

loki (2019) – AMAZING loki shenanigans and also the REAL reason you needed to read war of realms tbh

ironheart (2019) – gosh i love riri williams so much she’s so GREAT and you should DEFINITELY READ THIS

QUESTIONABLE™:

invincible iron man vol 1 (2008) – matt fraction’s iron man run…it’s ..ok story wise? however the characterization is a lil off at times and the art is HORRIBLE

iron man vol 5 (2013) – ok so this comic is super weird ? because it’s nice that tony spends time out in space but also it confirms that he’s a furry apparently. pretty much the only truly average iron man comic

avengers vol 8 (2018) – okay so i really like the art and the story’s okay but there’s a bit where tony flirts w carol and it’s the most ooc thing ive ever seen and that’s enough to land it in the questionable category

tony stark: iron man (2018) – i debated over whether to put this here or in the Bad™ category BUT valerio schiti’s art is too beautiful and the rhodeytony content fuels me. also issues 12 and 13 (war of realms) written by gail simone are pretty good. unfortunately dan slott wrote the rest and it AINT IT CHIEF

gwenpool strikes back (2019) – it starts off strong in the first issue but goes downhill from there and tbh it’s not really respectful of the previous gwenpool run

magnificent ms marvel (2019) – ok listen i love kamala a lot but if theres gonna be a romance plot between her and bruno it’s the electric chair

BAD. AVOID AT ALL COSTS™

iron man vol 2 (1996) – just. don’t touch this. it’s a hot mess

civil war (2006) – i hate this. so much. it’s unreal. all you need to know is that steve was real close to killing tony in the end but surrendered when he saw that he no longer had the moral high ground. and also steve got assassinated right before he was going to be put on trial

mighty avengers (2007) – this comic had the potential to be SO good. unfortunately the artists for the actual avengers issues don’t respect women at all

superior iron man (2015) – they made tony evil and i could not be more angry with it. who even fucking wants to read this theres not even any emotional payoff for any of this

civil war ii (2016) – i would hit this stupid comic in the knees if i could. there is not a single c*vil w*r with rights. all you need to know is that carol put tony into a coma and it’s super ooc

iron man 2020 (2020) – listen i know this comic hasn’t come out yet but it has all the ingredients to be EVEN WORSE than superior iron man which is saying a lot.

this took way too much effort

[thetaoofbetty]

omfg i didnt mean it like that! i love your fics through and through for the fluffy goodness they are. its just youre always talking abt how angst and how you've never really dipped your toes into angst, and also your comment abt the soulmate fic not being as fluffy as we might think and all that made me think you were gonna do angst. Youre literally one of my favorite writers, i've read all of your stories and they're all amazing. Dont doubt ever that your stories are missing anything bc theyre

Hello gorgeous!

I wasn't really that offended, doll. I have written angst before but I generally don't write stories long enough to justify dragging a fic out in the name of it in my opinion, if that makes sense.

But I do know some people only want to read angst and that delves into a deeper thing that usually involves the idea that pain is more meaningful than other emotions. Also misery porn and cliffhangers because it gets reader reactions. All stuff I think rarely gets handled well in stories.

I think it's always been more important to me that the characters feel like themselves over me trying to make a point to readers in a fic. My own suspension of belief isn't enough to make Jughead something or someone he's not or never would be so maybe it's my own limitation but I'm also fine with it if it is.

It's not really about me not going for the angst as much as it's more about me not shoving it down anyone's throats to cause drama that feels fake. I hate drama that feels forced, it always takes me right out of a story and I try not to do it to readers.

I always appreciate when you can feel characters pain because it's a relatable and natural human reaction to the situation vs being told the character is hurting and you're like yeah, because they're an idiot. I feel the same way about characters who overreact to everything too, ha. Apparently I'm just a picky bitch.

Thanks for the kind words and the ask, lovely! 💜

[ciasquare]

Sometimes, I wish some of my friends understood how serious I am when I say that I don't have the energy for a tv show.

Most of the people close to me respect me when I say this, but once in a while I make a new friend who doesn't and it always really gets to me.

Cause they will say, in the most well-meaning way, "The next time you get some time to yourself and you wanna relax, you should watch this TV series!! It is so good."

And every single time I will wish that I could just make a direct knowledge transfer of my experiences into their brain, because it just isn't that easy for me.

Starting a TV series is not relaxing for me. It is something to do, a deliberate use of my time, not a way to pass time and definitely not a way to wind down. So, if I choose to watch a new TV series, I'm generally choosing to spend time that I had already allocated to recharging.

What's more, I don't always have that kind of energy even if I had spare recharge time. TV series require a kind of emotional investment. The goal is usually to create tension in each episode, to keep you hooked and wanting more. This emotional journey, this suspense? It really fucking drains me. If I don't have the energy to spare for the TV series and I'm forced to watch it, no matter how good it is, I'm gonna watch it feeling detached from everything or worse, overly stressed out by the story.

And when I do have that energy and the spare time, and I choose to watch a new TV series, I am going to be very careful with my options, because if I choose wrong, I'm going to be miserable for the next few hours or even days. Like does the series have cringe humor? Extremely suspenseful cliffhangers? Is the subject matter heavy? All of these are gonna affect me, majorly. I may not be able to finish the show because I'm too tense and I might be extremely upset after.

(e.g. I have never finished Mean Girls because I got very invested in Cady's character and by the time she puked on Aaron, I'd scratched my arms red from being so nervous for her and I just turned off the TV at that point, after which I proceeded to cry and I had zero energy to do anything except lie down as I tried to distract myself and refocus myself back into my present and actual life. Even days after, I continued to feel sorry for her. I know it ends well. I know how it ends. I read the ending. It doesn't matter. Going through the climax of her story would leave me in an energy deficit, even if the movie had a happy ending. I know Mean Girls is not a TV series, it's just the first example I thought of. )

And if let's say I like the TV series that I start. Let's say I get invested in the storyline and it's actually energising. I'm enjoying it.

I am going to binge the hell out of it.

I don't know when I will have the energy to want to watch it again. So I just watch as much of it as I possibly can, while I can. This kind of an energy high — I call it an interest high — it never lasts long. Sometimes 3 days, sometimes a week, sometimes a month. When it's gone, it may not come back again for like half a year. Maybe longer. If I force myself to keep going after the interest is gone, it becomes draining. I get tired. Eventually I resent it and whatever I used to enjoy about it I can't appreciate anymore.

So look, my friend, if you introduce a series to me and I never watch it and I tell you it's not my cup of tea, please don't say "you've not watched it so how can you know?" because chances are, I've looked it up, watched a couple of trailers, was already stressed out by what I found and made a fully informed decision.

If I watch it and I rave about it to you then tell you that I never finished it, please don't berate me for it. I'm trying my best, I swear.

And if you really like a series and you want to talk about it with me althohgh you know I won't watch it, I'm okay with you spoiling everything. In fact, knowing what happens may actually undercut the tension for me and allow me to find it enjoyable!! So please feel free to continue to recommend and rave, just please respect that I may not have the capacity to participate in your interests.

ps: this applies to most other kinds of media that takes a over an hour to consume, such as books, movies, new music (whole albums/new artists) and games.

pps: if anyone can tell me what is wrong with me pls help because I honestly do want to enjoy/finish some pieces of media but I just... can't and sometimes I hate myself for it

[totaldramafan-lauri]

RPing and me

This is gonna be a vent post about something that happened today, and it gets into stuff that happened in the past, so if you don’t care about that, don’t read.

As I’ve alluded to in a few past posts, I have an RPing background (it’s where my typing style came from, heheh XD). I used to RP all the flipping time when I was a teenager, and was a part of many groups over the years, RPing characters in a few different fandoms. But, after a certain incident, that I’ll get into later, I....haven’t done it in years. I was super discouraged to, and....kinda afraid to, to be honest. I-I know it sounds stupid, but....yeah.

But recently, thanks to the Discord server I’ve endlessly gushed about, I’ve been kinda easing myself back into it.....m-mainly for indulgence purposes, sure, but that’s kinda the point of the server.....And I’ve even become interested in diving into the stuff....I, er, never tried before....And so far, I’ve had a pretty good time. They’re not serious RPs, and usually they aren’t all that long, but the fact that my new friends are willing to....i-indulge me like that, even a little....m-makes me very happy.....>/////<

So, last night, a friend on Discord had started an RP with me. And.....it was getting really good....like, it was going in a direction that I really....was excited about. But.....then, they stopped it. All of a sudden, with no warning....they gave a reason for it, and sounded really sincere, so I’m not mad at them at all, but....it still stung. Getting excited over something and then very suddenly being let down has aaaalways been a weakness of mine.....and with this in particular....I cried. I actually, physically cried. And I immediately hated myself for it. I began beating on myself for overreacting, which led to me blaming myself for.....pretty much everything. I thought that maybe they were lying, maybe it was because of ME. Like, I was just THAT boring.

It led to a downward spiral of self-loathing that I vented to everyone about, and they thankfully helped me feel better, but.....geez, what a way for that to happen. What a stupid flipping thing to be the catalyst for a breakdown, right? XD

Well....it also reminded me of why I stopped RPing. Because I was scared of stuff like this. Not just RPs I like being dropped, but me reacting like THAT. I know all too well about being so invested in an RP, the feelings for a character being so overwhelmingly strong that you just want it to keep going, and then everything screeching to a halt so fast that you can practically hear a record scratch in the background.....and then finding out that you were the only one having fun.

The last RP group I was in, when I was 17-18....I won’t give away the fandom or the website cuz I wanna keep details vague, just in case some of the people somehow ended up here....I was absolutely in love with this group, and the story we had created. I spent so many nights with them, RPing or even just talking OOC. We even had a nice schedule where we would RP on a specific three nights of the week. The story was really intense and emotional, and it had took many exciting turns over the year....My OC even ended up in a relationship with the character I was crushing on, and I didn’t even ask for it, it just happened. Sometimes, people would plan out stuff around my character without me to leave me in suspense, and it worked every single time. So, naturally, I was very very content with everything. But then, people started to drift....at first, I thought it was because of school and other IRL stuff, and didn’t think much of it, but THEN....after about a year of fun times....

The mods came to a decision to.....restart the RP from scratch. It was completely outta nowhere, and naturally, I....didn’t respond too well. I BROKE DOWN. I asked, over and over, why, why would you do this, why would you erase everything we’ve built, why would you act like it never happened, there’s gotta be another way to renew interest that DOESN’T involve that.....And the answers I got just made it worse.

To put it simply: People were unhappy with the way things were going. Things had become too dark and dramatic, and they wanted things to be more lighthearted. To rub salt in the wound, everyone else was perfectly fine with this RP reset, despite the fact that it would be leaving the old RP ending on a cliffhanger. It was just ME who was freaking out.

That’s when it hit me that.....yeah, I was the only one who was still having fun.

I....took that part pretty hard. I began thinking back to everything that happened, evaluating the way everyone acted, looking for ANY signs that I should’ve noticed sooner....I recalled a couple instances of me expressing interest in certain plots....and distaste in certain others. I recalled me saying things like “I don’t like that” and thinking it was fine for me to say that because I wasn’t explicitly ASKING them not to do it. I recalled a few times where I would act out or have a meltdown when an RP session would get cancelled. I recalled a few times where an RPer would quit and only come back if certain things became closer to canon, and me making passive aggressive comments toward them....

And I realized.....the problem was me. The reason no one was having fun anymore was me. The reason everything had to be reset was because of me. Everyone had done so much to make me happy, and I hadn’t even considered thinking about how they felt. I had only thought about what I wanted. And the more things went my way, the more invested I got....Everyone was too nice to tell me I was acting like a spoiled brat.

I tried to keep going after the reset, but couldn’t do it. Not only did it leave a sour taste in my mouth, but there were a crapload of new rules put in place (some of which that I just plain didn’t agree with) that ensured the story wouldn’t go to a dark place (which, again, I had liked) again.

And....ever since then, I....I really started checking and double-checking myself for manipulative behaviors. I was even told by someone that it sounded like I was “manipulating” everyone, and having that said to me really hurt. It was never my intention, but....was I really a manipulative person? Was I really.....selfishly forcing people to pay attention to me? Because I got too invested in the RP?...

So...that’s why I never joined another group. Finding out that I basically ruined my last one and I didn’t find out until it was too late hurt too much....There were TIMES I’d try again, but it always had me thinking, over and over, “How does the other person feel? Are they having as much fun as me?” and feeling guilty whenever I’d get invested because of that.

I never want any RP partners to feel bored or uncomfortable with me ever again....Put those worries together with my usual low self-esteem, and....yeah.

Getting back into RPing recently has been good for the most part, but....Now and then, I get reminded of the things that made me stop. The worries of bothering people, of not feeling like I’m worth anyone’s time, of not wanting them to deal with my crap...of people getting sick of me......of not wanting things like that to happen again.....

Last night, I got reminded of the person I used to be, who had gotten so addicted to RPing that she no longer considered that the people she was playing with were actual people with feelings.

I never wanna become that person again.

At least I learned from that experience. I’ll give myself that much.