#you best believe i'm spamming this for a few days

[fuckmyskywalker]

"Positive." — Clayton Beresford.

— CW: 18+, smut! Pregnancy. Oral (fem receiving). Breeding kink (little?). | Word count: 1.1k (not proofread!)

— a/n: Okay late again but HAPPY HALLOWEENIE. You guys can imagine I will be posting everything that I couldn't this week today, so I'm sorry for the spam. I really did my best to be consistent but there were things beyond my control :(

— List of films! | Taglist.

“You are glowing,” He says with a smile, his light eyes reflecting the love he feels for you. Sometimes you wonder if your child will inherit Clayton’s eyes. You wish they did. “Pregnancy suits you…” His whispers are laced with a sultry emotion, as his hand caresses your swollen bump gently. Almost 26 weeks pregnant and with almost 12 more weeks to go, your body is changing rapidly, and you find it amazing how fixated your husband is with those changes. 

With your legs hanging from the edge of your shared bed. He kneels in front of you, making you giggle at the way his head peeks from above your bump. These past weeks he has been refraining from touching you, trying his best to be a supportive husband, help you with your symptoms, buy you anything you require and more, helping you set up the baby’s room, even organizing a surprise baby shower for you a few weeks ago… but the need to run his hands up and down your body, to feel you— are burning him alive. Clayton found himself even more attracted to you with the way your body began to change and when he remembers those times when he heard men at work talking about how they weren’t attracted to their wives’ bodies after they gave birth; he can’t believe they are even called ‘men’. 

It is no secret that he is devoted to you, and yes, it was no surprise either that the sight of you, bearing a life inside of you; a product of your love and adoration— makes him even more eager to pounce and ravish you. Countless nights he fists his hard cock in the shower while you sleep exhausted, and he isn’t guilty of himself— in fact, he is counting the days until he is able to be buried deep inside you. 

But the thing is, with the growing shifts, more weight to carry, more vitamins to take… your body decided to also produce more hormones; so many that you wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat with a mess in between your thighs because your mind was so sex deprived it gave you the most filthy wet dream with the man who slept peacefully next to you. 

The sexual tension in the room hanging between you is like a thick cloud— palpable and unreadable. “Are you sure?...” He asks sweetly, although his voice isn’t stronger than a whisper. “I don’t want to overwhelm you, dollface.”

“I’ll be fine Clay,” You reassure him. “I miss feeling your tongue on me, darling.” “My tongue?” His devilish smirks mean no good. He loves to play along, act dumb, and tease you until you start begging. Everything is a mere act, of course; he is as eager as you to fulfill your desires. A longing part of Clayton that wants to rip off your clothes, throw her onto the bed and give you such a rough fucking you will see the stars— but he can’t risk anything having to your baby. Sliding the silky fabric of your maternity nightgown, he exposes the soft flesh of your thighs and uses his hands to spread them, allowing you to do the rest and offer yourself to him. At this point, he can’t control himself anymore. “Come here." His hoarse voice sends a twirl down your spine. This is finally the moment you’ve been fantasizing about. 

Taking the sight of your nakedness like a gift, he leans closer, his hot breath ghosting over your thighs. “God… you are so wet” His thumbs part your labia, inching his mouth closer and collecting your wetness with his tongue. “You taste and smell divine— I missed your pussy so much…” Clayton’s voice is in a deep trance, absolutely hypnotized by you. 

As the tip of his tongue circles your aching clit, your fingers comb through his hair, pulling it and tugging it gently when he sucks harder on your clit and returns his tongue to your entrance. He returns his tongue to your dampness, savoring the salty-sweet flavor that only seems to be enhanced by the hormones that possess your body into a pleasurable, insatiable, and frenzy state. His hands leave your thighs to explore your body, caressing the sides of your belly as he crooks his head to slide his tongue in and out your pussy faster, eating you out just like he knows how to do. 

The way your orgasm is approaching at light speed is ridiculous; the combination of his skilled tongue, the sexual deprivation and hormones work wonders to not only increase the pleasure and lust that is burning you alive— but also to bring you to the brink of ecstasy at record time. Clay who is now an expert, a professional even— someone who knows your body like the back of his hand feels the tension building around you— in you. The way he can feel your clit throbbing with every brush of his nose against it while his tongue continues to fuck your sopping, tight hole… with every buck of her hips in such a primal manner— he can’t blame you. He is seconds away from coming inside his sweatpants. 

“That’s it—” He moans huskily against the sweaty skin of your thighs. Even you have to move your upper body to the side to be able to meet his face properly with your pregnant stomach getting in the way. But damn him if that doesn’t make his cock throb. The fucked up look in your eyes, how your lips part and small, rapid pants escape your lips. Clay can’t believe how beautiful you are and how lucky he is. “Come for me, Mama. Come all over my face.” There’s no trace of the sweet, caring husband, no; sounds like an equally sex-deprived man who is now overtaken by the lust and desire for his pregnant wife. 

With every move of his face against your pussy, the tip of his nose rubs against your clit sending you into that precipice, falling and drowning in the pleasure you’ve been denied for months. 

“Fuck…” He mumbles, and you are unable to hear him over the loud ringing of your ears. “I love seeing you like this, so fucking wet for me.”

Clayton’s tongue continues lapping at you, savoring you until you whine from overstimulation— he’s been keeping his hands to himself for months as well, so he feels like he deserves every single drop. The sight of his pregnant wife coming apart just because of his tongue, screaming his name in pleasure… is almost too much for him. He needs to be inside you, right now. 

“Lay down, I need to fuck you. And when our child is born, I’ll pump another one into you.”

🌊Taglist!: @jellydodger | @sythethecarrot | @bimbo-baggins86 | @haydensgirlaela | @lovrsm | @valsarchives | @grimkaos | @daniiileee | @dianaaxoxo | @arzua10 | @forcemeanakin.

— 🐚 if you wish you be added to my taglist there's a google forms in the beginning of the post! There you can select which days you would like to be tagged in (or choose the option: all the above!). If you send me a DM or an ask I will tag you on every day! | some tags might not work due to your settings, so let me know!

[kokomiin]

I didn't want to have to do this but I am currently being harassed by somebody I worked for with no sign of letting up, so here it is. Some of you might remember me working on an RPG called Moonatic since last month. I was contacted by this person in early December to be the artist for the game, after seeing how many people were working on it I decided to accept, but everyone involved was working out of goodwill under the promise that we would eventually be paid. I was encouraged by the director to work at maximum capacity every day, I am aware that I have an especially fast art output compared to some people, but this still takes work and energy as I am a human being. If I was only able to complete one piece in a day, he would comment on that being "a shame" and would point out if I finished my work day earlier than him due to exhaustion even if I had actually gotten things done. I kept working hard every day because I genuinely believed in the project and thought this kind of crunch wouldn't be permanent, and I didn't want to cause friction between myself and the director by complaining which I now realise was a huge mistake. Whenever I took a day off I had to announce it, there was no set schedule and I believe he would have me working every day if possible.

My friends can attest to the decrease in my physical and mental health before I even realised how I was being affected by this. The director also initiated a friendship with me as well as me being his employee, I accepted but over time personal boundaries were crossed, he made judgements about some things in my personal life and just two days ago, the day before I decided to resign, he implied a romantic interest in me knowing full well that I'm in a relationship. This was a breaking point for me and I had to reevaluate everything, after discussing with many people I decided it was best for everyone if I left. But when I gave the director my resignation, explaining to him the stress I was under and how I was uncomfortable with how he spoke to me, but that I would still let them use my work for the project, he immediately reacted with a mental spiral, blamed me for the project failing and even now still refuses to contact me directly.

A few weeks ago he insisted on purchasing a VR Headset for me, which I declined multiple times due to the cost and because I didn't ask for it in the first place, but around my birthday when he kept insisting I decided to accept, considering it my compensation for the month's worth of free labour I had done. I drew many character design sheets, environments, a comic, promotional artwork, helped to finish the trailer's storyboard and had begun animating it, with only a few days of breaks. I left the project because of stress and a lack of personal boundaries that were caused by him, and now this person is spamming me with payment requests to give him back the money for this gift. He claims it as a work tool, but when we talked about him getting it for me he treated the 'work' aspect as an excuse and said he really wanted to hang out with me in VR after work. Now he is declaring it as a work tool that needs to be repaid if not shipped back. A VR headset is not at all a necessary tool for this project, which is an RPG game developed in game maker.

I'm genuinely afraid about what else this person might do as he is blaming me for the project failing as though it was my own, and refusing to take responsibility for his treatment of me. If you are an artist, in the future please avoid any company with the name Andel in it. If I end up being forced to pay back the price of my free labour :') I'll open emergency commissions, ok?

screenshots under the cut (i'm pretty shaky right now so I forgot to add some, the ones related to my resignation have been added now)

[pjsk-writin]

Hello! can i req pjsekai boys getting into a massive fight w reader and they accidentally say something along the lines of "your so fucking worthless" but more exaggerated?? sorry for the spam of requests babes i'm just really sad these past few days and idk why. dont answer if u dont wanna 🫶 have a wonderful day.

-🍡 anon.

waaa ik this is late but dw abt it!! I hope you're feeling better now <3 and let's see if my streak of being clueless writing angst yet it still turns out decent continues......I hope you like this!! <3

♡ "YOU'RE WORTHLESS" - Akito Shinonome, Toya Aoyagi, Tsukasa Tenma and Rui Kamishiro x Reader

Akito:

Akito knows that he can get unreasonably aggressive sometimes. He doesn't really know how to stop himself though

And here the two of you were, in the middle of a fight. Neither of you knew who started it, but things had escalated faster than you could keep up with. (One of the things that truly sets him off is insulting his passions for music.)

"You know what?" He scoffs, glaring at you before throwing his arms in the air, "You're so fucking worthless, you can't even do anything right-"

He freezes the moment the words leave him, eyes going wide. He- Where did that even come from? 

You were just as shocked, but before either of you could say anything, he turned and left, shoulders shaking

He didn't- He truly didn't mean to say that to you. It just left him, and now all he could do was run? You were yet another person he ended up pushing away, and he couldn't even say he was surprised.

Toya:

Toya has a really bad experience with fights, but he will always try his best to calm things down. It's rare for him to ever be the aggressive one in an argument, but...

The two of you were in an argument, a big one that neither of you knew who started what. All he knew was that you had really set him off. (The only thing I can think of that would set him off is comparing him to his dad.)

"How could you-" He takes a breath, staring at you with tears in his eyes. "You...You're so worthless, I don't even know why I put up with this from you-"

He cut himself off the moment the words left him, absolutely breathless. That was...He didn't know where that came from, but...

You felt just as breathless as you stared at him, the two of you absolutely motionless. Did he really just?...

He doesn't even move to leave the room, just standing there in silence, both of you far too scared to make the first move.

Tsukasa:

Tsukasa absolutely hates fighting with the people he loves. It's mostly unnecessary, and a true waste of the limited time he has with them

Of course, that sentiment couldn't stop the fight the two of you were in, both of you growing louder and louder. (I think the most likely way to set him off is if you insult his passion in theater/say him being a star is a stupid pursuit.)

"You-" He clenches his fists, placing them across his chest, "You're so fucking worthless, I can't believe that I even want to spend time with someone like you!-"

He stops screaming after that, instead taking uncontrolled gasps of air in and out. He- Why did he?- He didn't want to-

You were just as silent, staring at him with wide eyes. He was unmoving, eyes wide and wild as they darted everywhere

Finally, he crumbles, falling to his knees in front of you and begging, sobbing for your forgiveness.

Rui:

Rui has always found fights to be absolutely useless at the end of the day. He didn't want to participate in an angry screaming match that would go nowhere

Of course, this thought didn't stop the fight the two of you were currently in. You were both struggling to keep up with the other. (He's most likely set off by any statements saying that people are right about how weird/offputting he is.)

"Ha, do you honestly think?-" He scoffs, clenching his fists, "You're fucking worthless, I could always leave you and find someone who treats me better!-"

He freezes, lowering his arms to his sides. He- He honestly didn't mean any of that. It all came out of him in a rush-

You stare at him in silence, dumbfounded. Did he honestly think you didn't treat him well?

He doesn't say a thing, simply turning to leave. He couldn't bare to face you, not when he threatened you with the single thing that he's the most terrified of.

[silver--scar]

INTRODUCING ME

🚫PLEASE HEED WHAT I WRITE BELOW🚫

The Basics

My name is Silver Scar! I use any pronouns and have many floating interests! I sometimes use tone indicators, and I love gaming, art, and talking/hearing about interests!

I AM AN ADULT!

While I do not mind chatting and having fun, making moots and friends here and there, at the end of the day, we are NOT EQUALS if you are a minor. I am a firm believer in keeping proper boundaries in place and making the internet safer for the younger people. Again, I don't mind making friends! But remember that I will not treat you like an adult if you aren't one. It's for the best, even if you hate me for it.

I do my best to be respectful and educated, but I am a bit slow. If I say something wrong, PLEASE HOLD ME ACCOUNTABLE FOR IT AND INFORM ME ON HOW TO DO BETTER! The last thing I want is for people to let it slide or immediately attack me.

My Platforms

Aside from tumblr, I also have other social handles you can visit! The main ones I have are:

Tiktok

Instagram

Twitter

https://x.com/SilverScar360?t=s_Gldynda0uxih9ZIgAWvg&s=09

Twitch

Here, and on all of these other platforms, I AM NOT A SAFE SPACE FOR THE FOLLOWING:

PEDOPHILES

ZOOPHILES

NAZIS/ZIONISTS

RACISTS

HOMO/TRANSPHOBES

PRO/COMSHIPPERS

It will result in an immediate ban. I do not care. I know it's ironic that (currently) I am a South Park fan, but even I do not like the things that occur within the show, regardless of satire or jokes, and I'm tired of people hiding behind this fact or using it as an excuse.

My Interests

I have a few things I enjoy which will all change in the future. So far, this is a few bits of what I'm into:

South Park

Red Dead Redemption 2

Minecraft

Stardew Valley

Dauntless

TheHunter: COTW

Warriors

Call of Duty (Story Mode only)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians

Slime Rancher

Hermitcraft

Bonus Bits

I love to write short stories in my spare time, but I am no means a good writer.

I have a pet dog! Her name is Missy, and she's a Pitbull/Boston Terrier mix.

I'm a heavy procrastinator, but I'm trying to change it up this year!

I love creating ideas. Even if I suck at it. Whether stories, art, AUs, concepts, I love to explore the "what ifs" in things.

I'm a rambler. I'll talk, dump a bunch of images, or spam a lot about many things big and small. But I also love hearing people ramble! Like, yes! Tell me more about why your oc did this thing or why you think this film is your roman empire! /gen

My online persona is Gumbo from Fortnite. I have stolen him and he is mine. I am literally a monster gumball machine guys, believe me. /j

Lastly, I do commissions! You can ignore this last bit, but if you ever consider supporting, you can look at the examples below!

Anyways thank you for taking the time to read this! I hope to deliver stuff you all will enjoy!

[airybcbyy]

Texting the Obey Me! Brothers that your period is late

Lucifer

avid lucifer hater right here so like I'm making him in my brutally honest opinion ( mwah )

Literally would ignore your texts for hours upon hours

He's a busy man, he doesn't have time to be checking his phone every 2 minutes

I'd say he checks it like 2 hours after you've sent that text and he goes crazy

Normally the way he texts is very put together and simple but whenever you tell him he ends up texting you like this;

WHAT??

Y/N ANSWER RIGHT NOW

etc, etc

Turns out, your period had shown up about an hour after you sent that text-

And right now you were napping in your room

To which you wake up to Lucifer opening your door asking if he can speak to you about your child.

Which you have to tell him you're not pregnant now

And he'll go back to his work.

Mammon

Always on his phone

Gets the text IMMEDIATELY.

leaves his room and just busts in your room

I mean it's like he basically lives there already so why not just barge in the place?

You two freak out together 🫶🏽

He worries about how he's going to give Goldie less attention now that he's going to have a kid

You both calm him down and just start telling him how happy you are

You and Mammon both start making up some names for your possible child

Of course most of them are silly but you two enjoyed it nonetheless

You both take a nap, cuddling and now both of you thinking of your future

And unlike Lucifer, your period actually never does come

Well until like almost ten months later after you've had your adorable baby boy.

Leviathan

Another one who's always on his phone

But unlike Mammon, he ignores the text

For maybe 30 minutes until he gets through this whole manga series

Which doesn't take long

Immediately after he sees the text he freaks out

But instead of going to you, the lady who texted him

He goes to...

Solomon.

he texts the sorcerer freaking the fawk out

And the lovely sorcerer tells him these things you can get on akuzon called

✨ pregnancy tests ✨

He ordered like twelve of them and got them delivered straight to his room

He then rushed to your room and interrupted your show to make you pee on these twelve sticks

( they all came back negative btw )

the rest of the night you and levi cuddled and rewatch your favorite anime 🫶🏽

Satan

he's smart

He will text you back asking how long your period has been late for

And you'll tell him just a few days

but here's the issue,

Satan doesn't exactly know about female periods

So he just pulls something out of his ass

“ it has to be like months late for you to be pregnant ”

of course you believed your super smart and loving bf 🫶🏽

And then one month passed without a period

And then came the point whenever you were throwing up-

you took a pregnancy test and it came back a very strong positive

you immediately went crying to Satan, saying he lied to you!

and he made it up to you by taking you to cat cafes once every month until you gave birth to your beautiful daughter

Asmodeus

genuinely does not care

contrary to what others think, I think asmo would know if you're pregnant

he's the avatar of lust

of course you two have done it, but he makes sure to use the best protection possible.

it was exam time so he was sure you were just stressed

which would cause your period to be late

so he comes over to your room

( arms full of facial care and nail polish)

and you two relax and ✨cleanse✨

and after you'd taken your last exam, guess who came?

miss period 🫶🏽

and asmo got to tell you

“ i told you so ~ ”

Beelzebub

( i am a beel lover )

listen, biggest himbo energy right here

I don't think he'd be completely oblivious to the chances of getting pregnant

but i definitely think he'd be one of those people who think you can't get pregnant if you're standing up

( i'm so serious it's a thing )

and y'all have done it against the wall on multiple occasions

so when you text him, he thinks you're just being dramatic

until you're spamming his phone

“ beelzebub istg if you don't get the fuck over here I'm freaking tf out ”

and this big softie is immediately running to your room

1) because he's terrified of an angry you

2) he doesn't want you freaking out over him

you're contemplating your existence when he walks into your room

listen, you're still a teen, you were terrified of having a kid

so beel came and cuddled you and you two fell asleep in each other's arms

and five months later you're very pregnant and almost have the same appetite as beel

a complete nine months after , you were watching beel carry your twin boys with absolute love.

Belphie

is sleeping

he always has his phone on do not disturb

so he sleeps for about 12 hours straight before picking up the phone to answer you

In his drowsy state he really didn't think about it

Then he woke up completely and his brain went into overdrive

he may or may not have cared a little too much if you were pregnant

he went to your room and cuddled you, almost about to fall back asleep before looking at you

“ y/n we haven't even slept together ”

because truthfully you two had it because you didn't think sex was necessary in your relationship so far

“ oh. ”

and then the next day your period showed up.

My first obey me! Post and I'm literally in love with it, what?!

[aprismaticodyssey]

Hello; please read this, if you don't mind.

This isn't any sort of update. This isn't an announcement. I know I haven't been posting and I haven't been active, so I'm sure to a lot of you, I'm all but gone. For all my talk of "I'm writing this!" and "That's being edited!" I haven't shown you guys anything. I will get to that later. This post is to tell you about my dog and his situation.

That's right! I have a dog! A yorkie. I should have spammed you all with pictures of him. We had gotten him (my mother's idea) to help me through depression. He absolutely loves people, adores meeting new dogs (even if the bigger breeds scare him), and especially kids. He's a people person. He'd sooner lick you to death than ever cause anyone genuine harm. My dog's name is Monty. Monty the Monster. And he's certainly grown into his name when he would play!

Unfortunately, at eleven years old, I guess his time is... running out. You see, last month, we took him to be groomed at a pet store we frequent. When we came home, a couple days later, he would eat less. He wasn't quite as playful, but he was still more or less himself. After stressing about his lack of interest in food, we went to the vet. There, we were told he has a heart murmur, a 3 out of 6 on the scale, I believe. We were recommended to take Monty to a cardiologist and our vet personally recommended one that she had gone to.

The problem is... everything was booked up. Some places we simply couldn't trust with something so delicate. Others were full until next February or March. Last night, my mother had me call one more place and after the call, we were told to come in on emergency. Not ideal but everything was full and we had to get him looked at. His breathing is hard and fast, uncomfortable. Wheezing. A few coughs. Distress in his eyes.

So we left. The place was nice. The people were nice. The problem was what they found: metastatic cancer in the lungs. I appreciated that we were told matter-of-factly. Very straightforward. But I still cried nonetheless. And when we were left alone, I broke down. Our options were this: we give him a few days of medication and see if it helps him. If it improves his quality of living adequately, we could get more medicine. Or... after those few days... we come back and have him euthanized. My mother has looked into other avenues already. Further treatments. Tests.

But I've already made up my mind. It isn't fair for me to put him through all of that just to delay the inevitable. I feel like a horrible owner for thinking that. For saying it. Like I should be moving mountains to give him another week. A month. A year. But I can't. I just can't. I couldn't handle seeing my dog knowing that all I've done is bought him time, time his health has decided he doesn't necessarily have. I struggled going to sleep last night even after crying. I told him over and over that I loved him. That he's my best friend and how much he helped me. These eleven years are too short. Too soon.

So... the reason I'm posting this, the reason I'm saying all of this, is just because I would like you, any of you, to say a prayer or two for Monty. To wish him smooth passage into the afterlife and that he's able to eat all the things he never could. Like chocolate! God, he'd love it if he could have it now.

If there's anything I want left behind, it's this post. I love you, Monty. More than I'll ever love myself or anyone on this earth. You helped me more than medicine or therapy ever could. I love you. I love you. I love you. I hope you get to travel the stars. I hope you make friends. I hope you find grandpa somewhere out there and join him on his adventures.

And to those of you who read this... Thank you. I'm sorry for my silence. I'm sorry for not posting more. I'm sorry for not being here. I'll be here more and more soon. Eventually. Just... not yet.

[a-small-batch-of-dragons]

Code Words | Risk Assessment

*materializes into existence* Okay, I don't want to overwhelm you or like, spam you. I've already requested something before that got answered (which was a very cool and awesome fic, btw). So yeah. But if you are taking requests (if not, it okay. Take care), may I suggest some h/c with Logan comforting Roman? Idc about plot. Just a general ask. I just finished the most recent addition to Code Words, so I am still recovering from that entire masterpiece. Anyway, take care of yourself! Have fun :D – oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat

Read on Ao3

Warnings: described past torture, mention of past relapse, some violence, non-explicit

Pairings: none, all gen

Word Count: 5987

    I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. Roman's hands clench and unclench at his sides as he stares at the closed door. It looks so innocuous; it's just a conference room, on the second floor of the main compound building. There's a window on one side. He can see silhouettes through the cloudy glass. He knows exactly what's about to happen. He all but asked for it to happen. There's no reason for him to believe he can't do this.

Footsteps to his left and he turns to see Logan walking toward him. He's all buttoned-up again—slacks, badge, even the familiar dark blue notebook tucked into his hand. The only difference between this and all the other things Roman's seen him go to is there's a soft smile on his face. Something that unconsciously relaxes his shoulders as Logan draws closer.

"Good morning," he says, still speaking in the soft voice from a few days ago, "how are you feeling?"

"Like I just swallowed a bunch of stinging nettles."

Logan chuckles. "I have forgotten how well you use your words in unexpected ways. Despite that, I'm—well, I'm not surprised to hear it."

Roman glances at the door again. As if sensing how much he's trying to make it disappear with nothing but his glare alone, Logan rests a hand on his shoulder.

"You are not being punished, Roman. You will not suddenly become 'in trouble' over the course of this meeting. No one is expecting perfect behavior or complete recovery. You are hurting, we know. This is—"

"To help make it go away, yeah, I know." He hunches his shoulders. "Sorry for interrupting."

"It might be time we retire that one too," Logan mutters, mostly to himself, before he gently bids Roman to look up at him. He cups the side of Roman's face. "I'm here for you. In whatever capacity you decide. It would be best if you spoke for yourself as much possible, but if you want me to say something for you, I will."

A lump forms in his throat. He swallows it down. "Thanks, Logan."

Logan offers him another one of those soft smiles and pats his shoulder. "Whenever you think you're ready."

Roman looks back at the door and with a surge of courage he doesn't feel, reaches out and pushes the door open.

As soon as he spots the three people already seated inside, he wants to run away again.

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

"Roman," the man sitting at the head of the table says, smiling, "good to see you. Would you care to have a seat?"

Roman glances around and picks the seat the furthest away from the others with his eyes firmly on the door. He gives a quick nod to the man who spoke and directs his gaze down as Logan comes in too, murmuring a greeting to the others. Roman wasn't quick enough to control himself not to see the mustachioed man in a cargo jacket and Janus watching him sit down. He curls his hands together under the table and picks at his palm.

I can do this. I can do this.

"Well," the man at the head of the table says, prompting Roman to look up again, "just to get us started, I'm Patton. I work in the Psych department. I've worked with Logan numerous times in the past but as of right now, I'm unfamiliar with the rest of you, except by name. Would you care to introduce yourselves, or shall we proceed?"

Roman glances around at the others who are doing a great job of pretending they're not looking to him for cues. He swallows. "Roman. Agent 34689. Level 3."

"Logan," Logan says next, "Agent 7985. Level 8."

"Janus." I'm not there. He's not Deceit. This is what needs to happen. "Agent 1432. Level 9."

"Remus," says the last man, shifting slightly in his chair. "Agent 69420. Level 9."

"Pleasure to meet all of you, though I wish it had been under different circumstances." Patton adjusts his glasses and sets a pale blue notebook at his elbow. "To give you a bit of background, I'm here on behalf of the Psych department to clear both Roman and Janus out of their last mission, and to figure out what happened with the initial debrief to plan an appropriate course of action. Under normal circumstances, of course, much of this information would be Level 6 only, but those restrictions are temporarily suspended for this meeting."

Something catches on his fingernail and Roman looks down to see he's picked one of his calluses down to a blister. He smooths his thumb over it as though that would make it go away.

"Roman?"

He jerks. He looks up. They're all staring at him. Why are they all staring at him? They need to stop staring at him.

"If you wouldn't mind," Patton says, "could you tell us how the mission went for you? From the initial brief to arriving back at campus."

Roman's back tingles. He swallows. "You want—all of it?"

"If possible yet."

"You—um, I don't think—" he swallows again— "I don't think me saying everything Deceit did to me would be good for either of us."

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees Janus shift slightly and Remus rubs his thumb against his forefingers. Patton nods. "You needn't go into explicit detail if you don't wish to, but as thorough of a timeline as possible would be helpful."

I can do this. I can do this.

"I—I was told that there was an up-and-coming member of the gang that needed to be stopped. They were—he—the gang was looking to expand their operations into a new territory and was threatening the civilian population. I was to uncover how far they wanted to go and how much they knew about—"

"It's simple," Deceit remarked almost conversationally as the other goons sniggered, "you tell me what you know, and this stops."

Roman grits his teeth, arching at the pain in his spine—stop, stop, stop—

Logan lays a hand carefully on his and interrupts some kind of feedback loop. Roman takes a deep breath.

"How much they knew about us."

Across the table, he hears Remus bite back a curse as Janus fully closes his eyes. Even Logan looks pained.

"What? Why do you all look like that?"

"I believe they're trying to understand why you were assigned the mission in that way," Patton says, drawing Roman's attention back to himself, "would you like to continue?"

"I was given a rough location of where the gang's prospective headquarters were and an apartment in the area they were looking to take over. I was told not to contact the Agency unless it was an emergency or I was submitting the reports at the request of my handler."

"And how often was that?"

"Every few months on a non-schedule schedule. The longest gap was eight months."

Patton writes something down in the notebook. "Alright, thank you."

"I—do I keep going?"

"Yes, if you wouldn't mind."

"I first—um—we first—the first time I saw—" Roman sighs in frustration before turning across the table. "Am I calling you Janus or Deceit for this?"

"Whatever you want, sweetie."

"That's not helpful."

"Deceit, then, for undercover work, and Janus when we're here."

"Great. The first time I saw Deceit, then, was at the Skyrail Bridge. We'd gotten a tip that the gang was smuggling its weapons over the bridge to take root in a new warehouse and I went to stop it."

"Did you receive any direct correspondence to do so?"

"No, I just said I wasn't supposed to talk to the Agency. They didn't talk to me either."

"Why not just follow the truck, then," Remus asks, "to see where the new headquarters was?"

"Yeah, truck chock full of volatile explosives traveling through a heavily populated civilian area, why wouldn't I want that?"

"We're not here to discuss how the mission should have proceeded," Patton breaks in, quietly yet firmly, "Roman, if you would?"

Remus looks not at all chastised and returns to rubbing at his fingers. Roman takes another deep breath. "There was a way to trip the signal tower to shut down the bridge for the night. It wouldn't do anything against the truck if they chose to—I don't know, drive it through the barricade, but I figured they'd want to prioritize discretion over—whatever the hell you'd call driving through a bridge barricade."

Logan turns away to hide a smile.

"As the barricade came down, I saw Deceit get out of one of the cars next to the truck. He looked at me and said something to one of the other men he was with. I saw a car following me as I went home that night. I managed to get through two weeks before they held someone hostage at the bank nearby the apartment and used it as a distraction to get me somewhere they'd jump me."

He shifts in his chair and, despite himself, glances over at Janus.

"That's the first time we met face to face."

Janus nods silently. Patton writes something else down. "And how did that go?"

"I have a new aversion to jumper cables and a few burn scars on my back, that's how it went." Patton just nods and motions for him to continue. "Uh—he wanted to know what I knew about the gang and how I knew about the truck."

"And did you tell him?"

"Fuck no."

Logan doesn't say anything, but he's only had the privilege of knowing that Logan's proud of him a few times in his life. He'd sure as shit known to remember what it feels like.

And so it goes. Despite the way his hands shake and the way the scars start to ache again, he makes it through the painful years. How he'd been captured, interrogated, tortured, over and over not always at the hands of Deceit, but enough to make it known. How every time he'd try to do something to stop the gang, they would always know he was coming at least two hours beforehand. Sometimes that was enough for them to get away clean, other times things got really, really messy. By the time he gets to his capture at the gang's compound, he's trembling.

"I was kept in an isolated ward. I only saw Deceit. I—I tried to escape once but the terrain around the building was—I didn't make it." I'm not there. I'm not there. I'm not there. "There was a raw end to the bedpost."

Patton frowns. "I'm sorry, there was a what?"

"The bed. It was made of metal. One of the edges was still sharp. It didn't—like it was unfinished."

"I see."

"I cut up the mattress to make shoes. I used the springs inside to make them stronger. I tied them onto my feet and ran away in the middle of the night when the coast was clear."

"So that's how you did it," Janus says under his breath. Roman glances up. Janus doesn't quite meet his eyes but the ghost of a smile plays on his lips.

"I laid low for a while after that. I had to figure out how to restock my first aid cabinet, but—"

"Sorry," Logan interrupts, sounding equal parts regretful and suspicious, "what do you mean, restock your first aid cabinet?"

"One of the first things I did when I got the apartment was cobble together an at-home pharmacy, basically. So I had to—"

"You weren't given a safehouse with proper medical equipment?"

"This place barely had working walls and roof, it sure as hell didn't have anything that could possibly be considered medical grade." Logan's mouth tightens. "Why?"

"Sorry for interrupting," Logan says lowly, turning away, "please."

Roman eyes him for another moment before continuing. "So I restocked—I think I may have traumatized the person working at the 7/11 nearby, though."

"How so?"

"I mean, I stumbled in at three in the morning covered in blood asking about liquor and dental floss, probably not the greatest first impression. I don't think I got too much blood on the floor, though—oh, shit, I definitely did. Oops."

Logan pats his knee.

"Um—the next time we met was at the docks."

Janus, who had been listening to his whole spiel, suddenly looks down and away, his mouth tightening. No small part of Roman surges at the sight of him so visibly uncomfortable, after all the times he's sat back and hurt him, watched him be hurt, laughed at him being hurt, how does it feel? How does it feel to get ripped apart while other people are watching? Does it hurt? I hope it hurts. I hope you hurt as badly as I do.

But the smaller part of him, the part that's still curled up on the cold dock floor, swallows.

"Do…do you want me to stop?"

He doesn't respond for a moment, not until Patton prompts him softly. He looks up. "You're asking me?"

"Yeah."

"Don't worry about me, sweetie." Roman just glares at him. "What?"

"Kid's right," Remus says, his voice suddenly softer too, "this meeting's supposed to be for both of you. No sense in you getting hurt here too."

Janus turns to look at Remus with such a vulnerable expression that Roman's skin crawls with self-disgust. As Remus leans closer to whisper something to him, the two of them craft such a bubble of intimacy that he feels like a voyeur, stealing something he isn't supposed to see. He turns and Logan's there, reaching to sling an arm around his shoulders and let him rest his head against his chin. The hand on his back rubs in soothing circles.

"You're doing so well," Logan whispers, his voice a little thick, "so well, little one. I'm so proud of you."

"This is hard. This is really hard. I'm—I can't help it."

"Shh, shh, it's alright. You're doing spectacularly."

They sit in the quiet for a few more moments before they hear the rustling of someone sitting up. When Roman looks over, Janus is nodding with his eyes closed. He looks at Roman and Roman's heart twists at the sudden redness of his eyes.

"Whenever you're ready."

Roman swallows. "There was a ship. It was supposed to come in. It carried thousands and thousands of pounds of amphrilax."

Everyone in the room apart from Janus tenses.

"If it got into the city, it would—even if only a fraction of it was actually used, it could wipe out the entire population in one of the wards in a matter of days and would get into the whole city proper within a week. And it would be almost impossible to ensure the water supply was clean."

He shifts. The fabric rasps across his lower abdomen.

"I couldn't let that happen."

He can still feel the wind on his hair. He can still smell the stench of the harbor. He can still see the massive silhouette of the ship in the dead of night, acrid smoke billowing into putrid clouds. He can still hear the hustle of the gang members as the ship sailed into port, as it drew alongside with its terrible cargo as fleets of trucks arrived to deliver the poison into the city's bloodstream.

He can still feel the hand that grabbed the back of his collar as he pressed the distress beacon.

"They dragged me down by the ship."

The henchmen laughed and leered as the gang member held him up like a mangy dog.

"They beat me."

They took pipes and wrenches to his back. They wore steel-toe boots. They laughed and jeered and spit on him.

"One of them had a knife."

They don't tell you that it doesn't feel like you get stabbed. It feels like you got punched until the fire spreads and you look down to see red all over your hands.

"He just watched."

It was so cold. It's so cold.

It's so

cold

cold

cold

"Roman," Logan's calling, "Roman, little one, you need to breathe."

He is breathing, isn't he? He was talking. Also he needs to breathe so he doesn't pass out from blood loss. Wait. Is he bleeding? He doesn't think he was sitting down when he got stabbed. He's not at the docks. Where is he? Oh, right, he's in a conference room. He's at the compound. Logan wasn't at the docks. Logan is here. Logan's right here. He's in the compound. He's in the meeting. He's…he…

…he can't breathe.

"Look at me. Look at me, Roman." A hand on his face and he looks at Logan. "That's it. Focus on me. You need to breathe, now. In for three…out for five. Good. It's alright, try again, in for three…out for five…in for three…out for five…"

"I'm alright."

"Are you back with me?"

"Yeah…yeah, I'm here." He closes his eyes and rests a hand on his stomach. He's not bleeding. He's safe. He's not there. "Sorry."

"Don't apologize, little one. It's alright. You're doing so well."

It's safer to talk just to Logan right now. He fists a hand in the fabric of Logan's sleeve. "The sirens started and Deceit—Deceit said they had to cut their losses and go. He argued for a long time but eventually they just took a few barrels and left. He—when he was about to leave, he leaned down and told me that I owed him a favor."

He tries to choke back a sob. He fails.

"It hurt so much, Logan."

Logan doesn't say anything, but a hand slides up to the back of his head and cradles him there, gentle fingers carding through the hair at the nape of his neck. He struggles to hold in the rest of the tears and just manages to choke down the lump in his throat.

"Okay. Okay, I'm good. I'm good. I'm good now."

"Let's take a break," Patton says softly, "I need a moment to organize my notes and grab a drink."

"Come, little one," Logan says, beginning to stand, "let's get you a drink too."

Shame burning in his cheeks, Roman closes his eyes and lets Logan bundle him out into the hallway, down past the doors, to one of the bathrooms. The lights flicker on as the door shuts behind them and he can't hold out anymore.

"Hey, hey," Logan murmurs as he all but throws himself into his arms, "shh, I'm right here. It's alright, little one, you're safe now. I've got you. You're doing so well, I'm so proud of you."

"It hurts, it hurts, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I can't do this, I can't do this—"

Logan just wraps him up in a strong embrace and oh, if this had happened half a dozen times when he was still training, he swears he wouldn't be as fucked up now. Logan is big and soft and warm and he smells like coffee and Roman's getting his shirt all gross and he's a complete fucking mess and absolutely not something to be proud of but Logan said he is proud of him and—and—

He collapses into a heap of tears in Logan's arms.

Logan just holds him. The anchor in the storm, his arms tightly around Roman's shoulders and waist, his mouth pressed near his ear. He lets out soft shushing noises that wriggle into the tight spool of tension in his chest and dissolve it bit by bit. When Roman's sobbed his heart near free from his mouth, he adjusts his grip slightly and begins to whisper.

"Listen to me, now, little one. Just listen. You are doing an incredibly difficult thing right now. This would be challenging for any operative at any level. And you have done it admirably. Shh-shh, you have. Do not hold yourself to the standard of doing this perfectly. There is no perfect way to do this. You are doing it, that is the most important thing."

He pauses before continuing.

"I know in the past I have caused you to doubt my faith in you. My trust in you, the pride in you I have. I will do my best to make sure you never doubt it again."

"I'm scared," Roman whispers with the last of his hitching breaths, "I'm so scared."

"I know, little one. I'm right here."

Fuck it. I'm scared and someone is offering to comfort me. I'm staying here for as long as I fucking want.

So he does.

In truth, he has no idea how long it's been until he can move without feeling like he's shattered into a million pieces, even if bone-weary exhaustion traces every step he takes until he can stagger to the sink to splash cold water on his face. He grabs the paper towels and pats his face dry, wincing at how puffy he looks in the mirror.

"This looks bad—" sounds bad too— "right?"

"It does look as though you've been crying," Logan says softly, "but it doesn't look 'bad.'"

"Well, fuck it."

Logan chuckles softly as they leave the bathroom, stopping for a drink before returning to the conference room. Roman reaches out to turn the handle, but something makes him pause. After a moment, he knocks.

"Come in."

He opens the door and takes his seat, mumbling an apology about taking so long.

"No worries, kiddo. Do you feel up to continuing?"

"Yeah." He glances over at Remus and Janus—the latter of which gives him the smallest of smiles. Remus has one hand dropped beneath the level of the table and it doesn't take any special deduction to figure out why. "Um—so after the docks, I didn't see Deceit until you came by for dinner."

Remus barks out a laugh. "Wait, you're serious?"

Roman nods. "It was December. I went to go visit my family. And then my mom opened the door and there he was. And she invited him to dinner."

"Did you go?"

"I wasn't about to turn down a home-cooked meal," Janus says with a glimmer of amusement, "and I had a feeling she would…persuade me."

"Oh, she would've knocked you out and sat you up at the table, for sure."

"Your mother truly is an excellent cook."

"She wants you to come back, you know."

"Does she?"

"Mhm. She wants to know when your birthday is too." When Janus makes a face, Roman shrugs helplessly. "I don't know. It just—she's—I don't know."

"So," Patton says, getting their attention, "was this…planned in any way?"

"No. I thought—I thought he'd found out about my family and was going to threaten them if I didn't cooperate. But he said he'd just run into my mother at the store and didn't know it was my mother." Remus is still trying and failing to stifle his snorts. "We, um, went for a walk. And then he came to dinner. And then he left."

Remus snorts. Then he starts laughing properly. After a moment, Roman joins in. Then Janus, then Logan, and eventually Patton starts laughing too. It's surreal, really, but then again so was that dinner. They needed it.

"I think I still have the photos in my phone," Roman says through his giggles, prompting Janus to sober a little.

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"Wait, there are photos?" Remus leans across the table. "Show me."

"Remus," Logan says quietly but Roman's already pulling out his phone. Patton leans in as well as Roman finds the photos.

He pauses for a moment, looking at them. They really do look happy in them. A perfect postcard. Unbidden, Logan's words about them getting along if they'd met under different circumstances drift through his mind.

"Don't hold out on me, kid."

"Right, sorry."

Remus peers at the phone. His eyes widen and his mouth drops open. "Holy shit."

"They really are good photos," Janus says as Roman turns the phone to show Patton.

"Would you mind sending me a copy?"

"Sure. Uh, now?"

"Later is fine." Patton writes down something on another line and turns the page. "Was that the last time you saw each other?"

In an instant, the humor fades. Roman goes to pick at his palm again when Logan catches his hand and holds it. He swallows.

"No."

"When was the next time? Or what happened next in the course of the mission?"

Roman swallows again. He just had a drink too. "Gredence Square."

"And what was Gredence Square?"

"Sweetie," Janus says softly, "you don't have to—"

"Don't fucking speak for me."

Janus goes silent immediately and Roman closes his eyes.

"Sorry."

"No need."

I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.

"Gredence Square was the next place rumored to be attacked. I went to scout the location but I was captured. I was interrogated by Deceit. I was emotionally compromised due to our previous interaction. I was—I was relieved of my misconceptions. Deceit left. The other two gang members tried to kill me. I escaped. I returned to my apartment. I sent off my report."

Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. Don't—

"—and I relapsed."

A group passes by the conference room. One of them asks where everyone else wants to go for lunch.

A cloud passes over the sun.

Patton's pen scratches against the notebook.

Logan squeezes his hand tightly.

"We met twelve more times. None of them resulted in my capture. Two months ago I was told the mission was over and to report back to campus. That's it. Until someone told me Deceit was in the meeting room and—we know what happened next."

"I don't," Patton says quietly, "would you mind telling me?"

Anger flares on the tip of his tongue. "Hasn't the gossip gotten to Psych yet? About the stupid fucked up agent who didn't know another agent was undercover? Who got tazed by Security and laughed at? You sure you don't know what happened?"

"You were tazed?"

"Yeah, I was tazed, because apparently bursting into a room when a gang member is in there warrants me being tazed when I don't know shit. And then they fucking laughed at me and I ran away because apparently that's all I know how to fucking do," he spits, "that and fail to kick people out of my room."

Logan's hand flexes in his and he squeezes in silent apology. Patton writes a few more things down and nods.

"Thank you, Roman. I appreciate the time you've taken to go through this for us. If you'd like to leave, I understand, and we can—"

"No."

Patton pauses. "No?"

"You made Janus be here for mine, I'll be here for his. That's fair."

A pained noise comes from somewhere and he only belatedly realizes it's Janus when Remus turns to whisper to him again. Janus shakes his head and waves him off. He looks at Roman. "Only if you're sure."

"We got into this mess 'cause I didn't know shit. I'm not going to make that mistake again." He scrunches down in his seat. "And it's only fair."

He can feel Remus looking at him.

"Janus," Patton says softly, "whenever you're ready."

A shaky breath across the table. "I was given a mission about six years ago to infiltrate the gang to gather intel to eliminate the caucus that runs it. I was given regular drop-offs with other members of the agency, a set of code phrases to use with them should my situation change, and an emergency comm."

You got all of that? What the fuck?

"Integration took about two years. By the third, I was given direct oversight of certain operations. I began to sabotage them carefully in line with the instructions given by my handler but not at the risk of exposing myself. I would regularly smuggle intel back to the Agency. At the end of the twenty-ninth month, I was informed that a safety would be deployed to help maintain my cover."

Roman's stomach sinks.

"I…incorrectly assumed that the safety had been given the same code phrases I was," he continues, his voice growing thicker, "or any code phrases at all. I did not ask my handler to confirm it."

It's your fault, part of Roman screams. He doesn't say anything.

It's the mindfuck of a lifetime, hearing Janus describe everything that happened from his perspective. How he tried to throw the others off Roman's trail, how hard he worked to make sure he wasn't compromised and Roman wasn't taken in his stead. How much it hurt now to know that Roman had no way of telling him that it was too much, that it hurt, that it hurt so much, please, please stop—

He squeezes Logan's hand.

"I told Roman this the other day, but I'll say it here as well—" Janus gives him a little nod— "I had no intention of barging in on his family celebration. Truly I was in the neighborhood for reasons unrelated to the mission and his mother spotted me from her front window. I offered to leave them once I realized the truth but Roman…invited me inside."

"It was a good dinner," Roman mumbles, "and you were…nice."

"I wanted to make up for the docks," Janus whispers hoarsely, "so I…I tried to let as much of the disguise slip as I could. But I let it slip too much and I was pulled in for questioning as soon as I left his mother's house."

He was what?

"Was your position compromised?"

"No. I managed to assure them that I was just there to gather intel on Roman, but the next time we found him, they asked me to…prove it."

Gredence Square.

"I'm so sorry, Roman," Janus whispers, his eyes squeezed shut as Remus shifts toward him protectively, "I thought—I thought that it would be safer for you if I didn't physically hurt you, but the things I said—"

"You said what you had to to keep us both safe."

"Yes."

He gets it. He does. He hates it, he feels it crawling under his skin, but he gets it. He hates himself for getting it so quickly and he hates the world for putting them in this position.

He doesn't listen to the rest of it, despite his best intentions. He's too busy trying to stop himself from drifting back into the cold, dark, wet apartment and so he can't focus on the words coming out of Janus's mouth until he hears:

"I told Roman that I understand if it takes time for him to be alright with me, and I stand by that. Regardless of culpability for everything else, I have hurt him. He has the right to assert his own boundaries."

Roman just nods. Patton writes down one last thing before he sets down the pen and steeples his fingers.

"Thank you both very much. I understand that this is not an easy thing and you both have done it. I can officially end the previous missions—which means you are both out of the debrief period and are once again free agents. With your permission, I'd like to take this and set about moving this investigation forward. No action will be brought without your knowledge and consent, but I would like to begin nonetheless."

Roman nods. So does Janus. Patton smiles.

"That brings us to the end of this meeting, unless you have anything else you'd like to discuss?" Roman half raises his hand awkwardly. "You don't need to raise your hand, kiddo, what is it?"

"The rules about agent-on-agent violence. Janus shouldn't be punished for what he did."

Janus's head whips around and Remus's eyes go wide. Even Logan squeezes his hand a little tighter. Patton tilts his head curiously. "Can you say more?"

"Janus was operating under the assumption of basic competence. If an agent is found to be willfully negligent in basic duties and capabilities, the perpetrator can't be found liable." He takes a deep breath and fights the burning in his stomach. "It's not—it's not fair to him if he's punished for something he didn't know, just like it isn't fair if I get punished under reckless endangerment."

He glances at Logan.

"See? I paid attention."

Logan doesn't say anything, just swallows heavily and squeezes his hand again.

"I'll make a note of it," Patton says, "anything else?"

"N-no, that's it."

"Janus?" Janus shakes his head, still staring at Roman. "Then you're all free to leave. Thank you for your time."

Roman stands up and Logan quickly joins him, holding his hand as they leave the room. He leans against the wall and scrubs his hands over his face. Tipping his head back, he draws lungful after lungful of the artificially cold air until he doesn't feel like he's on fire anymore.

"Fuck."

"Quite," Logan says, his voice a little thick, "oh, little one, come here."

"This level of hugging is really good," Roman mumbles, muffled against his shoulder, "you should keep it up all the time."

Logan's chuckle rumbles through him. He peers over his shoulder to see Janus and Remus emerging from the room too. Before he can think better of it, he taps Logan's arm to get him to let go and calls out.

"Remus?"

Remus pauses, turning as Roman walks up to him. "Yeah?"

Just say it. Just fucking say it. "I'm really glad Janus has you. Thank you."

Remus looks at him for a long moment. He's tall. Almost as tall as Janus, if not taller. And he's built like a brick shit house. Just as Roman starts to squirm under his gaze, he sighs. "Can I level with you, kid?"

"Yeah?"

"I didn't expect you. I thought you were gonna be some snot-nosed kid who didn't know how to deal with anything besides screaming and sulking."

"Ouch."

"But you're not." He steps forward and rests a hand on his shoulder. "You're a damn good person, you hear me? I don't care what sort of agent you are, you're a damn good person."

"Th-thanks?"

"And when all of this is over, and we've all had time to get our shit together, the four of us are gonna go out to dinner and I'm gonna tell you every embarrassing thing Janny did while we were trainees."

"Remus," Janus says from behind him but when Roman sneaks a look at him, he's smiling.

"Sound good, kid?"

"Yeah, that—that sounds really good."

Patton smiles as he hears Remus mutter something else to Roman before the four of them part ways. He looks down at his notes and adjusts his glasses, his temperament cooling rapidly as he rereads some of the sections. His mouth sets in a line and he stands, walking briskly toward the elevator banks.

He swipes his card at the last one on the left and presses a button. He watches in silence as the floors tick higher, and higher, and higher, until the doors open.

He strides down the vast hall to the burnished metal door. He presses the intercom button.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Sarah? It's Patton, I need a word."

"Buzzing you in now."

"Thank you."

He nods to Sarah as he steps into the first office, steeling himself before approaching the massive double doors. He pushes them open.

"Virgil, there's something that requires your attention."

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[leonsliga]

I know I'm spamming with this. But I just can't be anything but heartbroken.

https://twitter.com/iMiaSanMia/status/1767184731739697196?t=CO3GdBoIlDoNywEz-kPLVw&s=19

He said this just a day before being kicked out.

He had done the ads for their kits. And all the promo stuff.

Completely blindsided. How strong can a person be honestly? He had to get over being the scapegoat for tuchel, for twitter hate, for bayern bad run, for flick and now nagelsmann? He was prepared and probably had his bag packed for the break. How could they do this to him?

I mean what more can he do. If playing so well (I think we disagree here, I feel he has had a very stable solid season with not a lot of bad matches) can't get him in over a boy (whom I'm happy for I guess or I will be once this wave of sadness tides over) who has had like 2 months of experience, then what in the gd world will?

What's he gonna play for. If nagelsmann is saying leon was furious hearing this... I hope he didn't tell him he couldn't play. Why is the football world so unfair to him really ?

Do you think he'll make it to the Euros Bri? Honestly?

I hope he does.

Feeling so resentful towards the NT team.

It’s ok to spam me! I don’t mind 💜 I’ve been absolutely heartbroken too, so it’s comforting to know I’m not alone in that hurt.

I saw his interview response too, and knowing he said it just before the news broke is devastating.

He’s only ever wanted one thing: to help the team, and I think that’s what hurts so much. How could he not feel inadequate after hearing that Nagelsmann didn’t want him—after learning that his hard work to get back to his best wasn’t enough?

He’s been through so much this season (and last season too). Like you said, he spent most of it as Tuchel’s scapegoat. And as if he hadn’t been punished enough, he’s also had to face the wrath of disgruntled fans and his fellow countrymen:

You’re right; he probably had his bag all packed and ready to go, only to get a serious case of whiplash not long afterward, when he learned he wouldn’t be leaving.

We can agree to disagree here :) I think my critique is that while he’s put up decent performances in most matches, Bayern expects the exceptional. So when I say he’s had some rough patches, it’s because I know he can be even better. He’s shown us that before (Bayern’s treble-winning season being the chief example), and he’s shown us that again against Mainz. And like you’ve pointed out in the past, Leon’s far from Bayern’s biggest problem anyhow 🤷‍♀️

This round of call-ups was bittersweet for me too. I’m super proud of Aleks, but I’m also devastated for Leon, even if it is just a few matches. It’s a lot to process.

I know Nagelsmann mentioned it “wasn’t a pleasant conversation” with Leon, but he can’t really blame him for that. How would he feel if he was in Leon’s place—if he was denied the opportunity to represent his country?

My opinion on whether or not he’ll play for the Euros? I think it depends on his performances in Bayern’s upcoming matches. His fate is in his hands. If he keeps up his string of good performances, I don’t see why he wouldn’t be called up. Maybe it’s the delusion talking, but that’s my opinion. I still believe Nagelsmann left Leon off the NT as a test of sorts—as a means to see how he can deliver under pressure.

At the very least, much like you, I hope he’ll be there for the Euros too. We’ll have to see what to develops, as much as I hate to say it 😵

[mikkokomori]

Yes. I was once friends with Toaster and Oku. While in their server I not only met a member of a popular omori organization who tried to defend the fact that their organization doxxed a minor (which has way too many doccuments to link) but Oku has done and said many proship-like things. Once having their profile as the coffin of andy and leyley (I think thats it??) and also expressing an unhealthy romantic and sometimes even sexual attraction for their character Arsenic, which is an Basil who is incredibly obsessive to the point of abuse over their Sunny. I tried to empathize with them but every attempt was in vain as eventually I started to receive more and more harassment from Oku in various forms for things ranging from opinions to misunderstandings and finally what caused me to leave Toaster's server; a threat of a one-week ban for "venting" by trying to relate to an actual vent Toaster had made.

I don't think everyone in that server is problematic, but Toaster, Oku, and Arby's Meat Mountain are in the loop for people who actually need help. I have seen the cycle since I joined the server and was wary not to get too attached to anyone there because of it. What I saw was as follows: - Zet being incredibly impulsive due to gaslighting, then me being harassed lightly for my lack of social skills/issues im still dealing with as I am in therapy, Zet nearly killing themselves because of the server's lack of validation (They wouldnt even help Zet redirect somewhere else if he was having an episode despite me saying it wouldnt get better if they didnt), me having to tell them to leave so I can see if theyd try to ban me next, my harassment got worse (Oku starting fights about opinions I had often, Arbys with the ORG, Getting overposted by everyone, ignored/ostracized in the minecraft server, trying to ban my account, etc. ), Low and behold as soon as I seemed to get insecure about myself I almost got hit with a ban before I inevitably chose to leave myself. However I had noticed the new server member who was being harassed was none other than my friend Light, leading me to believe its a cycle.

Toaster at the start did in fact try to gaslight me by using my previous experiences against me into believing Mikko was the real mastermind but as I stayed there I saw more and more questionable things from Toaster which I tried not to judge. Such being an sexual under-toned drawing of Stranger and Sunny. Stranger as my perception of the game, was still a child and a manifestation of Sunny's guilt over not being able to fight his own depression and escape headspace. The deepest of his subconscious if you will which has all information stored, thus why stranger is more literate than the rest of headspace.

The server's neglect of a person who became suicidal is something that happened to me before, and I remember being the victim of a server like that. Half of the server actually hated me for " ruining their fun " by trying to connect with them on a personal level or needing support, and the other too scared to help because they didn't know what to do. This is psychological abuse, and when asked something as simple as to spam " go to Sunflower's dms " if Zet was panicking in chat wasn't enough for them. They blatantly refused to help a suicidal person.

I have little social skills, but I do have a very high moral compass and always try to treat everyone as best as I can- so when the rest of the server stood down and refused to help Zet, I stepped in to try and help them too. However, soon the server started to double down on me, keeping me busy or harassing me to the point I couldnt help Zet. At that moment I knew I had to let Zet go temporarily and wait for the next stage in my observations as clearly they could tell we were still talking and wanted to separate us. I took the next few days of calm to prepare myself for the real issues. Then I tried to resume being my normal self and just as I suspected; I'm the next one on the chopping block. It has to take a lot for me to harass someone, typically I would rather avoid pointless fighting and just make a small post if it was so bad I couldnt do anything else about it; aka whats happening now.

However, due to the psa posts and how my blog wasn't explicitly just the AU- Oku had pressured me into thinking that I should discontinue my AU. I was visibly stressed and agitated because they used my disdain against how far cancel culture goes against me. Yes, I dont like it when innocent people are taken advantage of with cancel culture, but Im not about to let the ones causing those issues grow.

I will be adding all images I have below, see image description for context.

Other proof must be found in the server.... https://discord.com/invite/7pSdBbh4 TW: Vent art, Venting, extreme suicidal idealization/complex suicidal thoughts, ableism, Sexualization of Minors

I'm running out of space for this so I will have to show my dms with Oku and Toaster some other time.

Mnmn....

[pieroulette]

|ROUTE 1: Heeseung|A Story That Starts With a Text

📃summary: when you installed a dating app to just mess around with random people, not knowing that you were turning your peaceful life into a bloody one the moment you sent that text.

🥀genre: yandere, angst, fluff

🥀warning: cursing, kleptomaniac! reader, alcohol, suggestive content, future non-con w a minor involved! (only in one ep, 18+ only mdni! — this is only for entertainment, I don’t condone this behaviour), in this ep — mentions of suicide and self harming, cuts and bruises, drugs, blood.

🥀pairing: heeseung x fem!reader

🥀word count: 15.8k

🖋️a/n: EP 7 finally done! I'll be quite busy with my studies from now on, so the update for EP 8 would be slower than EP 7 so I hope you'll all be patient, and thank you for reading my story! As always reblogs and comments are highly appreciated, they're the greatest motivation for writers ^^

EDIT: please stop spam liking, it gets me shadowbanned. Seriously read the rules, properly abide by it. If you keep ignoring it, it means you don't care any less of what happens to my blog then I have no choice but to do the same, by blocking you. Please understand.

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| EPISODE 7 : FOOLS |

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And here you are once again, grounded. Mind completely breaking down over the many things that happened today, ruffling your hair between your fists; you were completely dumbfounded. Another day had passed, then a few days, it had felt like an eternity as you lay on the floor.

You opened your eyes as the sunlight poured through the window laying itself on your face. You sat up, you won’t believe this. You’ll have to do something. You won’t believe that everything was fake, that everything was just a hallucination.

You refuse to believe it.

Chaeryeong, yes Chaeryeong. She’s the only one that would prove to you that you weren’t hallucinating. Someone is fooling you, and you know that. There’s no way everything was just a hallucination. Someone was playing a fucking game on you, you don’t know who but you’ll eventually find out.

Next day eventually comes, and you open your window slightly and jump through it. You wince in pain when you get hurt a bit in the process, but you won’t turn back when there’s only one answer left.

You go through many places you and Chaeryeong had spent time together, from the hiding spot to the nearest cafe in the city. With harsh breathing and beads of sweat forming on your forehead because of the scorching sunlight

It went on for hours and hours, and you felt a sudden rush of wave to just give up but you ain't gonna do that when your own best friend was going missing and no one, and by that not even a single person in this whole city was looking for her, not even her own family. If you gave up on her, then who would? And the fact she was the only answer left to all your questions.

Clenching your fists, you took in a new sense of determination to continue looking for her. Opting to go along the streets where it leads to her house once again, you're going to ask her parents again. Knocking hastily on the door was met with no response, it goes on for a while that it seems there was no one in the house. Putting your hands on your knees to take a quick long and deep breath with your eyes on the ground, the door in front of you finally opens.

But the sight made your jaw drop.

"Ch-chaeryeong?"

"Oh. (Name)."

You were hit with a huge relief passing through all your veins and without much thought, you throw yourself on her, embracing her with a tight hug. "You're safe! I'm glad! I'm really glad!

Tears was threatening to come out of your eyes but you pay no attention to it when your bestfriend was clearly here, all safe and well in front of you.

"S-safe? Wh–"

"Are you hurt anywhere? Huh?" You pulled her arm, inspecting any wounds or anything you could find. "What happen!?"

"(Name)! What are you saying?" Chaeryeong chuckles, pulling out from your grasp.

"God. I'm glad you don't even have an ounce of scratch in your skin-" you bend over, and anything inspecting her skin. "Or I swear I'm gonna kill whoever-"

"Oh my god, (name) what's wrong-"

"Huh! Speaking of that, what happened!?"

"What? What happened??"

"Yea! You got kidnapped right!? Who was it??"

"wait what? Slow down- what are you talking about? Kidnap? Jesus Christ."

"What are you saying? You called me right? The other day!" You exclaimed.

"Holy crap, (Name). Didnt I always call you?-"

"No!! You called me! On weekends. You called me for help!"

"Why would I call you for help, goddamnit. Jesus, what did you ate."

"What are you saying!? (name)?"

—

Drifting along the street, and the world seems to go on their way while you were too deep in thought. Completely baffled and dumbfounded over all of the things had happened. Were you dreaming? You let out a dry laugh, was everything just really a hallucination?

Your mind goes back to the time you talked to Chaeryeong again, as you tried to make sense of it.

"But it was you.. it was clearly you.." you said in a low voice.

"Jesus Christ! (Name). Did a ghost haunt you? Okay, okay. Tell me when did I call you and what did I tell you."

"You called for me in the middle of the night, on weekends!! Your voice was sore and l-like you were in p-pain!--" raising both your hands in a manner to try to get your words out, as your best friend listens to you with confusion written on her face. "you were asking for my help and then all of a sudden you cut off the line, as if someone had pulled you or I don't know caught you-"

"Wow, that's a hella detailed story there- you can be a writer." Your best friend jokes but stops when she sees your serious face. "Okay, alright alright, my bad."

"What were you doing when I supposedly called you that night?" she asked, and then the memories of you and your sister fighting came through.

Shaking your head, "it was just after the party-"

"The party!? You're partying?!" She suddenly exclaimed, raising her voice clearly surprised by what you said.

"I followed my sister! Okay?" You defended yourself.

"Oh okay okay." letting out a heavy sigh, your best friend looks up in the air trying to make sense of something. "I don't know if I can say this though.."

"Just say it."

"But even if it was, it couldn't have been that detailed.." your bestfriend smiles awkwardly.

"Just what, just say it."

"Drugs."

"What?" Your eyes widened. "Are you saying!?"

"Okay look! I'm not saying that. But- like I said it might not seem like it, but it's the closest thing I could think of (name)." Your best friend reasoned with you, giving you a concerned look.

—

Still incredibly shocked over what happened. You really had no idea how you can hallucinate such clear and detailed events. You couldn’t be taking drugs!? Chaeryeong’s call, Heeseung’s text, the car accident, and then Chaeryeong herself admitted to having never called you. What’s the actual fuck was happening to you!?

'Am I going insane?' you put your head on your hands as you groaned.

“(NAME!)” the loud angry voice of your father snapped you out of your deep thoughts.

“Shit.” you cursed in a low voice, you were too deep in thought that you didn't realize you were walking back straight to home. Having broken the grounded rules, you know what waits for you is no easy feat. Fixing your hair slightly and regaining your composure, you observe as your mom follows behind your father with an immense concern expression on her face.

“Where have you been!?”

“I’m sorry..” was the only thing you could let out after everything that had happened.

“Why did you do that!?”

“You broke the rules, goddamnit!”

“Go inside! We’re going to talk about this.”

“And, you’re done. I can’t really believe you, (Name).”

Confused, you look up to your mom. “What are you saying?”

“Get inside!”

“Okay i'm going!”

“Okay i get it you’re mad that i broke the rules! But can you listen to my explanation first!? I went to Chaeryeong’s-”

“That is one thing! (Name). But you stole our stuff! The paper and everything!”

“W-what?”

—

All the stuff that your parents had been looking for all this time was laid on the top of the table, scattered with a piece of plastic.

“You see all this shit!? You stole all of this!”

“You promise to us you won’t do it again! (Name). I thought you knew better already!”

“I didnt. I swear mom! Dad!”

“We found it in your room. Inside a plastic bag!”

You felt incredibly helpless at this point. The world in your view began to shatter and everything seems to get lost in void, with your parents screaming and blaming you. Heavy eyes and rough breathing, you couldn’t even cry anymore, you wanted to but you can’t. You’re getting tired. Tired. Everything is fucking tiring.

“No! You’re bullshitting me! I didn’t steal that, I swear! Please trust me!”

Their angry expressions and loud voice irritates you more than it should. It shouldn’t have been that annoying but for some reason, you want to bang your head on the wall and scream at them but you hold on for a little more.

Then you notice your dad pulling out his phone amidst your heavy crying, “Ms. Koo, is it possible if we can bring her now? Ah. yes. Yes.”

“Dad, what are you doing?” Your mouth trembles as you walk over to your dad trying to get the phone away from him.

“You’re meeting Ms. Koo-”

“I don’t want to meet her! What the fuck is wrong with all of you!??”

“Language (name)! Don’t raise your voice over your mom!”

“No! No! Why are you all doing this to me!? Fucking piece of shit!” you saw red. At last, you felt an immense betrayal, anger, and sadness rushing all over your being all mixed together with the throbbing headache, suffocation in your lungs to the point you wanted to vomit. Grabbing the nearest stuff on the table and throwing it on the ground smashing its contents,

“(NAME)!!!” you heard your parent’s angry protests for you to stop, but you wanted nothing but to express your anger and everything you bottled up inside. Smashing every bit of them.

Everything is so fucking tiring. You are tired. Gritting your teeth and clenching your jaw, you wanted to express how angry you were. How mad and how hurt you felt.

“Why! Of all people! I stole, yes! I stole from others! But never did I steal from our family! Maybe I did to Unnie! But that was because! Because! Because!!!” you screamed, smashing another vase. This wasn’t you. The composed and calm you. That thought immediately passed through you, which made you immediately halt your hands from smashing another vase.

What’s wrong with you?

Within a split moment, you felt a huge smash on your head making you fall on the ground, making you pass out.

—

Your eyes fluttered open slowly only to be met with the white ceiling, your heartbeat immediately quickens because the scene was all too familiar with you. You knew where you are. Your body wants to move but you felt so weak, you moved your head slightly and you saw an old woman in, a nurse, with a syringe filled with blood and you observed as she placed it among other syringes. Your breath hitched as you caught on, she must’ve drawn blood from you, you immediately tried to see which arm she took from and you breathed in relief as it was from your right arm. They couldn’t have seen it right?

“You’re awake.” an old lady went in and usher the nurse to continue with her job. You scoffed, you knew her, your same old therapist since you were a child.

The private therapist your family had assigned for you when they found out you had kleptomaniac, she was the one that reported to your family whenever you did something, from the smallest to the biggest ones, she did it. However she once promised you that you will one day be cured from your condition and that she will help you through all of it, never gonna leave your side no matter what happens.

No matter what happens.

You trusted her. But one day, she had brought you with her for a walk to the town, to give you candies and make your day. She excused herself for the restroom, and you find yourself lost in the crowd. As a child, you weren’t aware so when you can't help but do it again; and the consequences were a living nightmare for you. Your parents, your sister, neither your grandparents weren’t there to defend you.

The angry voices of the crowd mocking you, you look for her amongst the crowd and there she was; looking at you with that gaze, the same gaze all of other people had thrown upon you. You cried, just like the small fragile child you were, moving closer to her to take that warm loving embrace she had promised. But she didn’t. She didn’t. She didn’t acknowledge you but instead mock you amongst the crowd as well and so you despised her for it. After many years growing up, you finally realized she had intended to leave you in a place you couldn’t control yourself to steal, to put yourself in a situation where you no one but only you are left alone to defend yourself. It doesn’t really matter now, to be honest. Just seeing her, irks you a bit.

“When I heard from your parents that you have successfully healed from your condition, it was so much to say that I didn't believe it. After all, a kleptomaniac will always be a kleptomaniac..” she walks closer to you, a smile slowly curving up, “And i was right. How silly, sweetheart.”

“Shut up.” you spat out. In which she chuckled.

You frowned, trying to sit up. But you felt as if there was a strong force pulling you down back to the bed, weakness spiraling over you. And then your head aches once again.

“Don’t force yourself, sweetheart..” she chuckled, “your parents had sent you here for me to ‘fix’ your condition again, and i was to say the least, were amused.” she leans towards the window, glancing at your parents and your sister outside the hospital.

“Fix, they said. Wealthy people are all the same..” she let out an exaggerated sigh, now looking at you and as if she had read your mind. “You know why I didn't take you last time? To cradle you like a lost baby when you came to me?”

“It’s because I hate wealthy kids like you. Brats who think they can get anything by crying and an attention seeker. But I guess you’re turning to it now, and even worse. How unfortunate.” you could care any less about what she said, but you were left confused about her last sentence.

She walks closer to you, stroking your arm. “That you had another condition, how amusing.”

“W-what? What are you saying?”

Sighing, “Come in, Mrs. Kim and Sir. Kim.” the door opens, revealing your parents with their faces were nothing but fatigue, and your mom’s puffy eyes, your dad letting out a heavy sigh as he took a quick glance at you before looking at your psychiatrist.

Biting your lips as you look down to your hands, what’s happening?

“What should we do now?” Your dad asked her, taking quick glances at you.

“I suggest that we should take her for further treatment, she should be hospitalized.”

“What are you saying? Why should i go there!?”

“Yeah? Her condition isn't that bad for her to get hospitalized?” your mom asked with concern.

“That’s not what I'm talking about, because unfortunately, I found something else.”

“Wh-what?”

“Pull your sleeve up, your left arm.”

“N-no, why should I?” you instinctively covered your upper left arm covered with the material of your shirt.

“Why not? Show us, sweetheart.” your psychiatrist smirks, “We can’t help you if you don’t show it to us.”

“What’s with her left arm? Is there something with it?” your parents asked.

“N-no, there’s nothing. Forget about it.” you reasoned.

“We can’t forget about it, it’s rather serious that we-”

“It’s been a long time ago! Why are you sticking your fucking nose in my business!? Huh!?” you yelled at the top of your lungs at your psychiatrist.

“No- what? What’s happening?”

“Then I guess I have to take much harsher actions.”

“N-no! Stay away!” you screamed, as she moved closer to you, pulling your left arm. “Don’t touch me!! Get away!”

“Mom! Dad!”

“What are you doing!?” your mom cried out.

“Mam, you have to see what your own daughter was doing to herself all these years.” with so much struggle, she finally pulls your sleeve up. Revealing your bare left arm in front of your parents. And the sight shocks your parents to their core.

“(name)!!” they both exclaimed at the same time, shocked at the sight of the scars on your left arm. Some were fairly old, brownish dots and with some old deep cuts splattering all over your upper left arm.

“See? This is unacceptable, (Name) has been hurting herself, and we can’t let this happen.”

“Why are you doing this!? Since when!?” you kept quiet, mouths trembling as you tried to keep yourself from crying. Arms aching due to your therapist caging you with her arms, while pulling your left arm to the sight of your parents.

“Just why? Why!?” your mom puts her face into the comfort of her hands as she cries into them.

Thus your nightmare had begun, as your parents had agreed to let you stay in the hospital. You could do nothing but stay helpless as you sat on the floor and watched them decide your future, breaking down as you can’t believe that your life was turning into a mess. It was all doing well all this time, you managed to keep it for many years so why? Why do they have to find out about it? Especially now? Why now!?

“I won’t fucking let you keep me in this shitty place!” You screamed at them, pushing your psychiatrist aside, storming out of the room and running as fast as you could before they could catch you.

—

The light rain greeted you as soon as you left through the hospital’s entrance, your clothes soon getting drenched, but you couldn’t care any less as you had only one thing in mind; to run. To run away from all of them, who doesn’t trust you one bit, who doesn’t understand you nor tries to understand you. Not even your sister, who you had thought would trust you. No one. But were you selfish for even asking for that? That’s why you weren’t getting any of the warmth you’ve been hoping for? Was that it?

Just then, you felt a hand suddenly grabbing your arm preventing you from running. You gasped but soon anger came through you as you turned around to see who it was.

“L-let go of me!” you trashed around, trying to break free from Heeseung’s strong grasp.

“No wait! What’s wrong!?’

“Let go! Freak!”

“(Name)! Calm down! What’s wrong!?” you successfully break free from his grasp, running as fast as u can away from the hospital but he managed to hold you by your wrist again, preventing you from running.

“What’s wrong with you!? At Least tell me first!”

“Get the fuck away from me!”

“(Name)!!”

“What the fuck do you want!?” you screamed, “What? Are you here to make fun of me too!? Scream at me and yell at me for something i didn't do!?”

“You’re already ruining my relationship with my sister!! What else do you want!?” you cried out.

“W-what? Ruin? What are you saying?”

“Yea! Not only that, but because of you now! Because of that stupid party! Now i'm going to a freakin 'hospital!”

“Hospital, w-what? Are you sick?” Heeseung’s expression became worried the moment he heard what you said.

Scoffing, “Stop fucking acting! Isn’t that what you want!? You piece of shit!!”

“Why do you hate me so much!?”

You let out an exaggerated sigh, angry tears coming out from your eyes. “Goddamnit, just stay away from me!” you turned around again, but Heeseung was adamant to not letting you go.

“What the fuck!! Let me go!” you warned, “If you don’t let me go, I’ll scream and people will arrest you!”

“Let me go.”

“Then do it.”

“H-huh?”

“I won’t let you go, it’s dangerous out there!”

“Bullshit. Let me go.” you tried to break your hands away from his grasp again. “Let me go!!!”

“Running away from your problems won’t do you any good! (Name)!”

“What do you know!? What do you know about me!?” you cried out, “Nothing! So how do you know running away won’t do me any good!?”

“I know that we don’t know each other that much, but i’ve promised!”

“I’ve promised that i would be your good friend, and that by being good friend. I would protect you and trust you-”

“Don’t ever say that word. Fuck. I don’t believe you.”

“But I trust you.”

“Shut up!”

“I trust you! I know you didn’t steal my sister’s necklace back in the party.”

“Yeah right!? Keep acting like the righteous person you are!”

“I’m not lying! And why do you keep saying that? What did I do?”

“How can you be so sure, huh? With my fucking condition, no one ever trusted me. Not even my parents, not even my sister! Fuck, maybe they did. But- but..” stopping yourself to cry, you mouth trembles.

“(Name)..”

You glared at him, “So how can you!? Huh!?” gritting your teeth, “How!?”

“Because I do! I can feel it!” Heeseung cried, “I just know you won’t steal again, when I see how you love your sister and care for her. I knew at that time. I know you won’t ever steal again so please just believe me!”

“Don’t lie.” you said in a low voice, “Don’t lie!”

“I’m not!” he held both your arms because you were hitting his chest.

“Don’t l-lie!” you finally cried. “No you don’t! You’re just lying!”

“Just shut up for once (name)!” he yells at you, he pulls you into his embrace, your head falling to his chest, and his hands stroking your hair. “I trust you. And I will protect you as long as I'm here.”

“L-let go of me!!” you keep thrashing around but he tightly holds you, not letting you go.

—

And now here you are, standing behind Heeseung as he reasoned with your parents to how they could keep you here and not even try to listen to what you said. You could only keep quiet as you were already so tired, tired of everything. It goes on for what seems like eternity before your psychiatrist eventually suggests to cast a vote, a vote to decide whether you’ll stay here or not. To your relief, your mom doesn’t actually agree with your dad to keep you here but she doesn’t have a choice but to go along with his decision earlier. But now, along with Heeseung’s word, she voted to keep you out of this place, saying that this hospital won’t do you any good. It would be so much better if you were just at home, for her to take care of you.

However, your psychiatrist and your dad voted otherwise. You had expected that from them so you weren’t that really surprised despite your broken heart. Heeseung voted to keep you out from here, making you really feel grateful upon hearing that. For some reason, you weren’t allowed to vote since in fact, it was about you so now it’s 2 votes against 2.

It was a tie.

“Now get me out of here. It’s a fucking tie, you can’t keep me here.” You spat out behind Heeseung’s back to your psychiatrist. Silence ensues as your psychiatrist was deep in thought, thinking of what to do.

“Just stop thinking, god.” Heeseung sighed, “Let’s go, (Name).” he took your hands in his.

“She should stay here.” you turned to look around to see your sister standing at the doorway.

“Unnie?”

“After all that happens, are you still going to let her out there?” Chaewon spat out, glaring at you. You can’t believe it. You can’t believe what you’re hearing from her right now. Your mouths trembling, tears threatening to come out from your eyes again.. She can’t be?

“Are you saying it’s better for (Name) to stay here?” your psychiatrist asked her.

“Yeah, you should get treated and get better. (Name).”

“But I'm not sick!’” You yelled at the top of your lungs, gritting your teeth.

“I fucking doubt that. Do you really think you deserve to be out there after what you did?”

“So it’s 3 votes against 2.” Your psychiatrist fixes her glasses, straightening her posture as she calls for the nurses.

“You can’t do this to me..” you shook your head in desperation, falling to the ground in which Heeseung immediately held you. “How can you do this to me!?”

“I’m the one who should be asking you that. Why are you doing this to us?” Chaewon asked calmly, raising her eyebrows at you with that same gaze. That gaze. That fucking gaze.

“Chaewon! You can’t do this to her!” Heeseung protested, which immediately made Chaewon glare at him.

“She’s been insulting and accusing you all this time, and even Heemin!? Heeseung, for fuck’s sake. You’re too kind, but for once please don’t meddle with our family’s business.” Chaewon clasp her hands together, then she looks down at you, “You don’t know just what kind of girl she is.”

“Chaewon! She’s still your sister!” Your mom cried out, walking to your side.

“That’s the reason! She’s my sister that’s why we should let her get treated and not let her out there with her fucking condition! See? She’s also hurting herself! Isn’t that what insanes do?”

Insane?

“Watch your mouth, Chaewon!” Your mom yelled at her, whilst your dad stayed silent. You immediately caught on that your dad was siding your sister.. He, too, was looking at you with that same gaze.

“God, mom! Just look at her! She fucking lied, not just once but alot of times! Heeseung, Chaeryeong and that fucking necklace! You’re fucking insane.” she glares at you.

Your heart broke. Shattered to pieces as you couldn’t believe, you could’t fucking believe that she called you that. Why? What had happened for her to change so drastically like this? What happened? What is happening to your sister? You were both just fine all along this time, so why? Why was she so upset? It shouldn’t have gone so worse like this.

“Honey? You can’t let this happen!” your mom cried out, “Even if she stole a thousand times, we’re still her family! And can’t you see it!?” she gestures towards your arm.

Shaking her head, as she looks up to your dad, “This isn’t right.”

However your dad still stayed silent, and your psychiatrist spoke, “It has been decided, mam. We can’t do anything about it, but rest assured, we will do our best to treat your daughter-”

“I’m not insane..” you talk to yourself, eyes welling up in tears. “I’m not insane!

You cried out as the nurses came in, pulling you up and away from them. Heeseung couldn’t do anything too but stood silent, because it wasn’t his business in the first place.

“Mom! Dad!” you cried out so loud, it echoed through the hallway. “Unnie!”

—

Ever since then, you've been stuck in this hellhole called ‘hospital’. And apparently your sister had despised seeing you and refused to visit along with your parents which had entirely broken your heart.

Empty.

Empty, was what you felt when you laid on the hospital bed every fucking single day, staring at the white ceiling. You don’t even know if you can call it a feeling, but it felt like your heart has been stomped on countless times that it had this big hole in it. Clenching your fists as you remembered all the things your sister said to you. How could she? Pressing your lips tight as you tried to suppress crying again. You were tired, tired with all the shitty things that happened. It was all doing fine, you were doing just fine all this time so why? Why has it come to this?

Raising your arms up to your eyes to prevent the tears from coming out was useless, as it eventually finds its way out, wetting your arms as it flows down your cheeks. Your mouth trembles as you bite your lip, stopping yourself from crying out loud.

Sad, sad.

As the faint smell of the medicines lingers on the air, and the cold floor of the hospital, the nurses coming in to give you meds; all of it was hell. And along with it, another faint smell of food came.

Heeseung.

Yes, Heeseung. Amidst all the chaos, trouble and emptiness you had went through in this hospital, there was this comfort that had been by your side all this time, and that was him; Heeseung. He comforted you with his words, telling you that all will be fine and well. That your parents will eventually take you back and that they actually didn’t plan to keep you here for much longer and that he had told you that your sister still cares about you, she was just busy with college and stuff. Yes, Heeseung. The person who had been accompanying you through this hellhole all this time. If it wasn't because of him, you'd turn into a living corpse with no one beside you. Since the rain incident, you didn’t expect for one bit that he would do all what he said under the rain..

But he did, he promised and he did exactly what he said.

And so here you are in the hospital, you will be here for a few weeks to undergo your treatment. Just like what Heeseung said, it won’t take long and they just have to do a few tests and your mom assured you that you just needed some time to rest.

You heard a knock from the door, revealing Heeseung with a box of food in his hands.

“What are you now, my nanny?”

“Maybe,” Heeseung chuckled.

If you had told the you three weeks ago that you and Heeseung would have gotten this close, she wouldn’t believe it all. In fact she would laugh at you to death and wouldn’t even believe a single word you said. But here you are now, joking with Heeseung and spending a lot of time with him. He had been visiting you along with your parents, and then coming back secretly at night to spend time with you with the reason that he doesn’t want you to be alone. At first, you were wary around him however you eventually ease up around him in which he jokingly mentions about it in one of your conversations.

"Here a flower for you," Heeseung playfully picks a flower from the garden and puts it beside your ear. "You look so pretty." He whispered to himself but you managed to hear it.

"Are you flirting? Because if you are, I'm going to tell unnie about it."

"Jeez, what's so bad about calling you pretty. Even Chaewon would say the same." He frowned, in which you chuckled about how adorable he looks.

"I doubt that." you look at your reflection on the window, "Unnie doesn't even want to look at me now. Because of my stupid arm, stupid condition and my stupid hallucinations."

"Don't let it get through you,"

"Hm?"

"Your sister might be mad and all but she still cares for you, I can see that. That's why I'm here to take care of you, for her."

"So you must get well soon, I really don't know what's happening between you and your sister. However, if you really love her then you must try."

"I don't know.. Heeseung." you shook your head slowly.

"It's okay, I'm here right?" he strokes your cheek with his fingers, "I'll be right here beside you unlike that old woman, but you just have to prove it to them. Just show it to them, take your meds and all those treatment."

"Your sister would see how hard you're trying to get better, and with that, she'll no longer be upset with you."

"Really?"

He hummed in response, pulling you into his embrace, "and everything will be go back to the way it was soon, and I promise you that."

And you listened to him, you don't know where are you getting those hallucinations but if you are getting it then, there must just be something wrong with you. So you have to get better, for the sake of your sister.

He would continue on visiting you with your family, with or without them, he’ll come back bringing extra foods, some ornaments, and book stories for him to read for you. In which you protested that you are not a kid, but he insisted since it will calm you down and won’t make your days in the hospital boring as hell.

—

The door to your room opens quite loud, making you roll your eyes as to who doesn’t have the basic manners to knock first.

“(Name)!” but your eyes widened when you realized who the voice came from, your smile grew so wide when you finally turned around to see who it was.

“Chaeryeong!” she run to you in small hops and pulled you in a hug.

“How have you been? I miss you so much!!” Chaeryeong pouted with her eyebrows knitted together, as she sat beside you.

“I miss you more..” you exclaimed, hugging her again.

“Yah, what’s wrong with your face? You look like a corpse.” She cupped your cheeks with her hands as her cheerful face was replaced with concern.

“Really?”

“Yeah, look. Bish, why aren’t you looking after yourself?” She pulled out her phone, using the camera app for you to look at yourself, and she was right. You somehow look sick, with your face pale and your lips dry.

“Tch, you never know if there’s a hot nurse here so at least make yourself look presentable, duh.” she sighs exaggeratingly, making you laugh.

“Not everything has to be about boys!” you flick her forehead making her wince in pain.

“Yeah, yeah. Oh- here.” she pulled out a box of chocolate bars from her bag, “Ta-da! I bought this for you!”

“Chocolates!” you exclaimed, taking one chocolate bar and munching it happily.

“What’s wrong?” you asked through your mouthful of chocolates after noticing a change of Chaeryeong’s expression. “Is my mouth dirty?”

“N-no! You just really look like a corpse, duh.” she chuckled, “You should really take care of yourself, (Name).”

“I am, don’t worry.” you smiled happily.

Words can’t express how your heart feels so happy to see your best friend, after all she was your only friend. The friend who was by your side as you grew up even when she never really took actions to those people who bullied you in school, but you can’t really blame her because they might target her and bully her too, and you don’t want that to happen so you once told her to stay away from you but she didn’t. You still remember when she would come secretly to your house, and spend time with you doing stupid but fun things, bringing you everywhere with her and you were really grateful for that. Because of her, you knew how it feels like to have a friend.

A true friend.

—

“Oh, did someone visit?” Heeseung asked, bringing a tray of food.

“Yea, my bestie. She just left, didn’t you see her?”

“No I didn't.” he shrugged, placing the tray of food on your desk.

“Weird. Shouldn’t she have passed the other way-?”

“Prob an invisible person like you,”

“Huh?”

“Yeah, your bestie right? Must be a crackhead like you too.” he jokes.

“Shut up!” laughter filled the room, along with the sunlight creeping in and the fresh air of the garden coming in. The door to your room opens, revealing an old nurse holding a tray of syringes. You immediately caught on that it was for the blood test. Heeseung excused himself saying he'll come back again, and you nodded in response.

“It’s going to hurt a bit.” the old nurse gave you a sweet smile, in which you also smile in return,

“It’s okay.” you observed as the needle was pushed into your skin, drawing blood from it as the syringe quickly filled up.

—

Finally, today was the day. You can finally go back home.

Home.

Packing your bags, your heart were jumping in excitement but with a lingering sadness that you will soon meet your sister again, everything she said and everything she did all was coming back to you again. Shaking your head, you decided not to dwell on it. After all, everything was just a misunderstanding, right? You will come back home, meet your sister and explain everything, and everything will be fine again. It has been a few weeks now, so your sister must be no longer upset right?

Right?

Forcing yourself to smile, reassuring yourself that everything will be okay. Even with fear lingering in your heart, it’s best to stay positive. Yes, stay positive. You gaze out of the window, the clear blue sky making you remember all the happy memories you had with your sister, you look down, touching the necklace she had given to you which you are wearing right now.

Now with your smile being genuine, a new sense of hope filled you up.

The door to your room opens, you turn around happy that your parents were finally here but to your surprise, it wasn’t them. Instead, it was your psychiatrist.

“What.. are you doing here?” you raised your eyebrows, curious with her amused expression.

“Going home?” she chuckles, “I fear it won’t happen, my sweetheart.”

“W-what are you saying?”

“Ah..” she let out a heavy sigh. “It's no doubt you’re a kleptomaniac, but..?” letting out a giggle.

“W-what?”

“I can’t believe you were taking drugs, sweetheart. A kleptomaniac and a druggie? What a perfect combination.” she giggled.

“What the fuck are you saying?” you cried out. A thousand times you had asked the same thing. And all of them were outside your knowledge. Things you didn’t do, they all accused you. And every time they asked that, it buries the hole inside your heart more way bigger than it was before.

“Are you taking drugs or what?” Chaeryeong giggled.

Memories of Chaeryeong instantly flashes through you, it can’t be true. You’ve never taken drugs, not even once. So how?

You saw your parents go in through the door with disappointment and anger written on their face, along with your sister following behind them. Your mom immediately walks closer to you, slapping your arm, weeping in disappointment.

“When!? When did you do it!?” she cried out, with tears in her eyes. You remain silent, still shocked over what was revealed. You look over at your dad and your sister, you had expected a series of questions from your dad and your sister, but they didn’t. They were silent. Disappointment painted on their face.

“(Name)!! When? When did you start doing that? (Name)!!” your mom asked, with tears in her eyes, completely disappointed over the ‘truth’.

“I didn’t!!” you exclaimed. “When can I even get a drug!?”

“Stop lying! Is this how we raise you!?” your mom yelled.

“M-mom!!” you cried out so hard,

“Why the hell do you keep believing what they say!? Why not me!?” you yelled at them at the top of your lungs, tears welling up in your eyes once again.

“I told you I never took drugs!”

“Then why is it in your blood!?”

“I dont know!!” you cried out.

“Enough, honey.” your dad sighed, the disappointment was evident in his eyes as he gazed coldly at you, making your soul run cold. The last time he ever looked at you that way was back in the hospital, when you were the sole reason for what happened to your sister.

“What should we do now?” Your dad asked your therapist.

“I suggest she should stay here for a bit more..”

“W-what? .. No!” your eyes widened, yelling at her.

“It’s necessary since (Name)’s condition is really getting serious.”

“Mom! Dad!” you walked closer to them, “You can’t!”

“Kleptomaniac, self harming, and not to mention the drugs. It’s dangerous.”

“Shut the fuck up!!” you turned around, attacking her.

“You’re lying! I never took drugs, bitch!! You’re bullshitting me!!” you screamed at the top of your lungs as emotions completely took over you.

“Are you all fools!? What’s happening to all of you?” clenching your jaw as you glared at them.

Few nurses came in, pulling you away from your psychiatrist. But you fought, you won’t stop, your parents were horrified to see your maniac state.

“No! I wanna go home! Mom, Dad!” you cried out, “Why wouldn’t you trust me!? They’re all lying!!”

Home.

You just wanna go home. That’s all you wanted. But instead of home and warmth, it was replaced with fear and betrayal. Your hope shattered to pieces. You no longer felt safe. Trust was completely gone in your parent’s eyes as you tried to reach out your arms to them, even your mom who had initially told you that she would be there for you had turned her eyes away, ignoring you as you were being pulled out from the room by the nurses.

“I trust you, (Name).” memory of Heeseung flashes to you as tears fall down to your cheeks, “Heeseung..”

“Where is he?” you looked around, searching for him. And then through the door, your sister appeared with Heeseung. You would’ve been safe when it was your sister but no, you knew she doesn’t trust you and so your gaze fell on him; the him who appeared like an angel.

“What are you doing!? Get off of her!” he yelled at them, pushing all of them away from you. And just like you when you were a child, looking for a warm embrace from your psychiatrist.

“Please hug me!” your little self cried out, raising both your arms to look for that warm embrace. But you were left standing there all alone by yourself, as the one who had promised to be by your side, was just standing there staring at you with a blank expression.

“Apologize right now!” a woman scolded you, “Where’s your parents!?”

“Stop lying! If you keep that shitty attitude, just what kind of girl are you growing up to someday!?”

You raise both your arms, in which he took it pulling you in a hug. A soft, warm, and home-like embrace.

“You’re hurting her! Are you fucking serious right now!?” you cried in his arms.

“I wanna go home!” you cried out, gripping Heeseung’s cardigan.

“Shh, it’s okay.” Heeseung comforts you who were shaking in fear. His warmth was the only thing that’s keeping you sane right now.

Then you watched as your sister, your parents were talking with your psychiatrist. You couldn’t hear anything, as your head grew dizzy and your vision getting blurry. But even with all of that, you could still see their face, disappointment clearly written on their face.

And just like that. . .

You could only watch as everything had completely fallen apart in front of you. Your parents, your sister, your life; everything was falling apart. Today was supposed to be the day you should’ve went home, back to your home and the coziness of your bed, to make things better again with your sister and apologize to her for everything. Go to school again and hang out with Chaeryeong, for things to be the way they used to be. But how funny it was when you can only watch as they walk out from the door, leaving you, again. Why were you even surprised? Nothing seems to change after all, you thought.

“I’ll be back..” Heeseung whispered into your ears, your grip started to loosen on his arms as he stood up and let go of you slowly.

Hanging your head low slightly, biting your lips to stop yourself from crying even more. With your hands clenching the material of your pants, and your body was shaking. You were helpless, unable to do anything as your family had decided to keep you in the hospital for god knows how long.

—

You cried, you cried and cried for how long god knows. All alone in your room with only the bright moonlight accompanying you, you hugged yourself trying to search for warmth. The same warmth that came from Heeseung. You looked up, getting up from your bed and went glancing outside your window to look for any signs of Heeseung but he wasn’t anywhere to be seen. Heart sinking in disappointment, you went back to bed. He should've come around this hour like he always did, so where was he? Doesn’t he trust you anymore? Did they change his mind? Has his view on you changed the moment he walked out the door?

Then you heard hasty footsteps approaching, and you immediately knew who it was. Your eyes lit up observing as the door pulled open with Heeseung going in. And you immediately ran towards him, hugging him. His arms wrapped around your waist as he leans into your neck, telling you it's okay. His soft voice instantly soothes you like a mother’s voice to her child, feeling his warmth on yours, you sighed in contentment.

“I’m sorry, I was late wasn't i?” you cried in his arms, not saying anything. “I’m sorry, i’m sorry.”

“I thought you don’t trust me anymore. That’s why you’re not coming.”

“Hush, don’t say that.”

“But it’s true, no one trusted me. Not even Mom, dad. Not even Unnie.”

“They’re probably just shocked to hear about it.”

“But still they didn’t trust me..” you cried again.

“It’s okay, i’m here. I trust you. I won’t leave you.” he hugged you even tighter, now sitting on the floor with you on his chest like a child would to its mother.

—

“If it’s okay to ask, how did you get that?” you notice that he was actually mentioning about the scars on your upper left arm.

You kept silent, a bit hesitant to tell the truth. Noticing your hesitation, he stroked your hand giving you a small smile, “You know you don’t have to tell me right? It’s okay.”

“I did it.”

“It was because of my sickness.”

“Growing up, I always felt the urge to steal. To take something that I don't own, I never wanted to do it but I couldn't. I wanted to stop. But I couldn't. It wasn’t easy, no. It was never easy. It was hard, very hard. They took me to the psychiatrist, to cure my condition. At first, my parents were hopeful. All of them. But then, i don’t know when, when i caught them with that gaze, my heart dropped. I thought at that time, have they given up on me? Are they embarrassed about me? That it embarrassed my sister about it, not only her. My entire family. But really was it my fault? That I was born with this condition?” you cried out, “Because of something i can’t control, they don’t like me at all.”

“And because of my condition, no one really wanted to be my friend. They call me a thief. But it was fine, it was fine. It was okay, I could live through it. It doesn’t matter at all, maybe.”

“But then, something happened that really made me feel angry. For once, I wanted to show them that I'm angry. That if they want to treat me like that, then so be it. I wanted to ruin something and so I did.”

“However, I never expected that my sister would hurt herself. I swear. They blamed me, they told me that I was the reason, and I feel really guilty. I hated myself for stealing, I hated the fact that I had this condition in the very first place, no. I hated that I was even born in the first place!”

“You never change,' my dad told me that. It was because of you. It’s you, it was you. Mom said that. It hurts. Okay. Let’s say it was my fault, but have they ever think how hurt I felt when they blamed me for something I can't control!? That guy. Unnie. Everyone. They made me hate myself. It’s not like I wanted it! I also wanted to stop!”

“I tried everything! I go to my therapist! I searched for many ways to stop stealing. But it never works! And I feel really helpless at that point.”

“When I got the urge to steal again. I hated that. And so I did it. I took a pen and stabbed my arm. Whenever I felt the urge to steal, I did it. Whenever I find myself staring at someone’s stuff, I stab my arm with it. When I tried to touch someone’s stuff, I did it again. I do it again, over and over again. Reminding myself that this was the pain my sister felt, this was the pain my family had felt all because of my condition, all because of me.”

“But it hurts!” you cried out, Heeseung immediately pulled you into his chest, warming you with his embrace as you struggled to talk, trying to take out the words. The pain you felt in your chest.

“I-i r-remind myself that this pain was what they felt over and over again because of me. And if I want this to st-stop, then I should stop myself from st-stealing.”

“And it works. I finally did it. I was happy. But the wound never goes away. But it was fine, I told myself. Everyone was happy that I was cured. They were happy, I was happy that they finally saw me as someone, someone who doesn’t steal. But you know, some of them still look at me the same way..”

“But it's okay!” you sniffed, shaking your head. “It doesn’t matter! I have my sister! I have my family. They believed me now! So it’s okay!”

Gritting your teeth as your lips tremble, “But what now!? All of those bullshit things. That fucking necklace, drugs and this fucking wounds! This!”

“I was afraid that if they saw it. Something worse could happen. Even if I told them, it’s not like they would understand! And guess what? They really didn’t.”

“It’s okay, shh. It’s okay.” Heeseung cried alongside with you, the moonlight shine on you two as you cried in each other’s arms.

“I’m tired..” you sighed in Heeseung’s arms, “It’s so tiring.. Everything.”

And with that, you finally dozed off on Heeseung’s arms with tears in your eyes falling down to your cheeks. Heeseung raised his other hand to your hair, softly stroking it with his fingers till it reached your cheek, wiping off the tears.

“It’s okay..” he softly says, resting his chin on your head, “It will end soon..”

—

Starting from that day on, your parents rarely visited. Heeseung told you that they were completely disappointed in you that they couldn’t just bring themselves to look at you, he can’t help but tell you that because he doesn’t want you to keep thinking why they weren’t visiting. As much as it hurts, you were grateful that he told you the truth.

It’s better that you weren’t fooling yourself.

Reading the book Heeseung gave you, was the very last thing that made you sane in this hospital. You don’t know how long you would stay here, however you wish it would pass soon. Ever since that day, you and Heeseung grew more and more closer. You had trusted him and grew to love him for he was always there by your side.

Yes. You’ve started to love him and you don’t know how and when. But somewhere along in those days, you started to look at him in a different way.

You really didn’t expect that it could turn out like this but for once, you didn’t regret it. However, even though you loved him, you still won’t betray your sister because of him. You were just grateful that he was there by your side, and that he did as he promised. He didn’t break it, and you appreciated that. Who could think that the boy you were planning to mess around with through a dating app turns out to be the person who will defend you from everything? Upon realizing that, you felt a sense of guilt towards him that you even accused him of something that he didn’t do, and that you insulted him and possibly could’ve hurted him over it. Because of your stupid hallucinations, you almost ruined their relationship. Sighing, how could you even be able to take drugs? When and how?

Was it possible that someone could’ve drugged you? But who?

“Miss?” you got snapped out of your thoughts when a male nurse waved his hand through your face, “You have to take your meds.”

“Oh, right.” you smiled, and swallowed your meds along with the water. “Thank you.”

Then you notice him blushing, in which you tilted your head which he immediately caught on raising his hand to his cheeks covering it,

“Ah, it’s nothing, sorry!”

“You’re just so pretty, I'm sorry if that sounds weird.” curving his lips up in an awkward manner, as you laugh it off finding it cute.

“It’s fine!” you smiled. You then heard a knock on the door, with Heeseung leaning against it. The nurse then immediately took his leave, bowing his head slightly to you with a smile on his face. You observed as Heeseung walked past the nurse, and somehow you saw something on his expression that you can’t seem to guess but it was immediately replaced with a cheerful smile when his eyes fell on you, making your heart flutter.

“I see, you got an admirer?” Heeseung asked, with a grin on his face.

“It’s none of your business.” You rolled your eyes, in which he shrugged in response.

“Where have you been by the way?” you asked.

“From your house, I actually have a date with Chaewon today so I fear I can't really accompany you today, (Name).”

“Oh..” your shoulder fell, a bit disappointed over what you heard.

“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you next time okay?”

“N-no! Why would you? I told you right, treat my sister well. That’s all I’m asking.”

“Are you sure? Won’t you feel alone?”

“God, it’s not like I'm a child. Just go!”

“Alright, but I promise I’ll really make it up to you.” He raised his hand, stroking your cheek. For some reason, you loved it. You loved his touch, leaning in to feel his warm hands more.

—

Gazing out of the window, you let out a heavy sigh as it feels too lonely. You were really lonely, Heeseung was in fact, the only one who had spent his time talking with you and comforting you.

The lights from all the buildings weren’t enough to make you feel better, after all Heeseung was always here to accompany you and read bed stories to you. Even though you hated it, the fact that he read bed stories to you makes you feel like you’re a child. It actually helps you feel better, and also when he sings a lullaby for you. You grew to love his voice, it was soothing and heavenly-like. Suddenly, you hear a knock from your door, immediately turning your head happy that Heeseung is finally here.

But your shoulder fell in disappointment, as it was only the female nurse who often brings you meds during her nightly shift. She bowed her head slightly upon meeting your gaze, in which you nodded in response. She quietly walks over to you, bringing a tray of a glass of water and a bottle of meds.

“Is.. um, Heeseung here?” you asked without much thought, mentally cursing yourself for even asking that. How could she have possibly known? You held the need to roll your eyes.

“Heeseung?” the nurse tilted her head in confusion, “Ah! That guy? Heeseung?”

You nodded your head, still delighted that she caught up quick.

“Unfortunately I can’t see him anywhere, miss. It’s a bit late now.”

You sighed upon hearing that, a bit disappointed over the fact that Heeseung’s really not going to come today. But why were you even surprised? Heck, why were you even disappointed? For what? You scoffed with your own thoughts.

The nurse then places the tray on your small desk, handing you a glass of water and a pill in which you obliged. Sighing as you stare at the meds on your palm, you’re getting crazy aren’t you?

“Is he your boyfriend?”

The words snapped you out from your deep thought as you turned to look at the nurse, “Huh? Who?”

“The guy Heeseung.”

Upon hearing the words, you immediately let out a soft laugh. “N-no! He’s just a friend.”

“Ah.. I see.”

“Why are you asking?” you smiled, “Do you like him?”

“No! Of course not!” you let out a chuckle as the nurse raised both her hands as if to defend herself. “Not with that attitude..”

“Hm?”

“Um, I'm not so sure if I could say it.”

“Nah, it’s okay. You can tell me anything.”

—

After the conversation with the nurse, you went to the hospital’s garden. Your mind was still lingering on what she said, about Heeseung and the way he acts around the people in the hospital. She told you that Heeseung was a completely different person when she accidentally bumped into him the other day, and just like what every person should do, she apologized. However, the response she received surprised her.

“Fucking annoying.” was what she heard from Heeseung who was glaring at her, ignoring her apologies and went on his way.

You were actually hesitant to believe what she said, even when she told you that the rest of the nurses also said the same. His cold, and somewhat rude attitude that really surprises them even with how good-looking he looks, his attitude just wasn’t it. However, you still find it hard to believe. You couldn’t. Not when he did all those things for you. Being by your side, accompanying you when you need someone, and defending you when no one does. You had expected that from your sister, but instead Heeseung took the responsibility. You pass it off as a misunderstanding, sure the nurse wasn’t lying, but Heeseung must’ve been in a bad mood at that time. It just happens at the wrong time, you thought.

Gazing at the dark sky, you sighed as there were no stars to be found on them. You’ve always loved to gaze at the stars whenever you feel bored, alone or just for the sake of watching them. However, the stars weren’t there to accompany you. Today was really lonely, isn't it?

Letting out another heavy sigh, you stood up getting ready to go back inside the hospital. But your breath hitched when you saw someone standing from your peripheral view, instantly turning your head to see the person. But the stranger immediately left as if to avoid being caught by you, making your eyes widen in fractions. Who was that?

Without much thought, you followed the stranger, silently catching up to them. You peek at the edge of the wall, and the stranger’s back facing you. By the figure, you caught on that it was a guy wearing a black hoodie and long black pants. Then it hit you.

The one who was stalking you on that day. On the day of the party, after you fought with your sister. When you got that text. When you sense it. That was him. A whole new courage fills you up as you wanted to know who it was, and since this was the hospital. It won’t be much trouble to ask for help. Within a split second, you immediately sprint towards the stranger, launching yourself on him and kicking him on his back.

Hovering upon him, “Yah! Who the fuck are you!? What are you doing here!?” you tried to pull off his hoodie to see his face but he pulled it back trying to keep it to it’s place.

“Show your face! Goddamnit!” You kicked him on his back again, resulting in him groaning. Then he instantly pushes himself up with his hands making you fall backwards, and the stranger immediately runs away from you sprinting inside the hospital. “For fuck’s sake!!

And of course, you chase after him going inside the hospital going past the long hallway that was almost completely empty since it was already past midnight. The hallway was dark and only the lights from the slightly opened doors of each room shine through the hospital’s floor. You halt your steps, catching a breath, you lose him. Mentally cursing yourself, you can’t let him go.

But then you saw a dark silhouette passing a bit farther from you, “You!”

You chase after him inside one of the dark rooms he went into, silently walking inside. To your dismay, you tried to turn on the lights but it wasn’t working. Only the moonlight was bright enough to lighten the room just enough for you to see the medical stuff on the huge desk. Just then you hear footsteps slowly walking behind you, your heartbeat suddenly quickens after you realize just what kind of situation you put yourself into.

Hands shaking as you swallow into your throat, you immediately take the nearest object behind you; a metal tray, to smash to the stranger's head, twisting your torso to land the impact on him but to your dismay, he quickly dodges it and kicks the tray off your hands. Strong pair of arms immediately pulled your arms, your back coming into contact with his chest, he caged you in between his arms.

Adrenaline quickly fills your body as you trashed around, trying to escape from the stranger’s grasp but he was too strong, now with his right hand on your mouth preventing you from screaming. Only muffled screams can be heard amidst the silence inside the room you were both in.

‘Heeseung!’ you pressed your eyes shut, you felt nothing but fear, hoping for Heeseung to appear and save you.

“C-calm down! I’m not trying to hurt you!” the stranger spoke behind you, your eyes shoots open as soon as you heard it, his voice. It was familiar.

“Stop moving!”

“Trust me! Please! Just stop moving and I'll release you!” you immediately complied, in which he actually releases you from his grip. But you scoffed, taking another glass bottle and hitting him on his head, completely shattering it to pieces.

“Fuck! Why did you hit me!” he groaned in pain.

“Freak! Stalker!”

“Huh!?”

“Why were you stalking me!?” you yelled at the top of your lungs, in which his eyes grew wide, clearly shocked over what you said.

“I can explain!”

“Explain what? What is there left to explain!?” you grit your teeth, feeling nothing but anger. “You’re insane!”

“No! Push that away! It’s dangerous!”

“Now you know, huh!? Scared? I was scared too when you fucking chase me the other day!”

“I had a reason for that! Please, hear me out!”’

Silence.

“Please. . .” he kneeled down on the floor, clasping his hands together.

It was silence for quite a moment, trying to think of what to do with him.

“Fine. Let’s see what you got.” You lowered the shattered bottle, still gripping it tightly in case he ever plans something funny.

“Lee Heeseung.”

“What?”

“Don’t trust that guy, he’s fooling you and your sister.”

“What the fuck are you saying!?” you spat out, eyes widened.

—

“Yo, earth to (Name)?” you were immediately pulled out from your daydream when Heeseung suddenly appeared in front of you, sitting on the bed just a few inches away. With an amused expression on his goddamn handsome face, he leans in. “What were you thinking about, huh?”

“N-nothing, since when were you here?”

A low chuckle left his mouth, giving you sudden chills, “Gosh, (Name). I have been here since a few minutes ago, you just didn’t hear me.”

You swallowed your throat, as you let out “Ah.. sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s fine, at least I got the chance to see your pretty face.” a sweet smile adorns his face as he said that, making you blush slightly.

“Why are you here then?” you asked.

“Why? Can’t I?” he raised his eyebrow, in which your breath hitched.

“N-nothing, you weren’t this early before. Don’t you have any class today?”

“I do, but of course I have to check up on you. I feel guilty, y’know?” his eyes were filled with guilt as he looked at you.

“I told you, you don’t have to.” you looked down to your hands, avoiding his gaze. You don't know what to believe.

"That guy you've been spending time with all this time-"

"Here, I bought this for you!" Heeseung sat beside you, bringing a box of chocolates.

"—Is a liar."

"(Name)?" you look up to Heeseung, immediately extending your hand in which he happily places the box on your palm. Your heart fluttering as you see his cheerful smile.

"And you wanna know why you got that blood results where it says you've taken drugs?"

"Because that guy, Lee Heeseung.."

You pull the cover of the box on your hand, opening the cover which had delicious chocolate bars sprinkled with toppings on it.

"Was drugging you all this time, and you have no single idea about it.”

“Bullshit.” you spat out, “Why should I believe you?”

“I knew you would say that..'' the boy let out a small chuckle, as if he had really expected for you to say that, “They always give you meds right? What if I tell you those meds weren't to cure you?”

“W-what?”

“What if I tell you those meds you were taking all this time.. Was drugs?”

—

You immediately turned your head at the door after hearing the knock, and to your surprise, the new male nurse who had given you meds wasn’t here, instead it’s the old female nurse. The same nurse who had drawn blood from you before, but now she was bringing the meds for you.

“Um.. Where’s the nurse from yesterday?”

“Oh, he had taken a leave for the day. And so I was here to fill in the empty spot.” She smiled warmly at you, handing you the glass water along with the pill.

“Don’t take those, I’m telling you. Those are drugs.”

You stared at the pills for what seemed like a few minutes, when the nurse immediately called for you, snapping you out of your thoughts. Nodding in response, you took the pill while drinking it along with the water. But unbeknownst to the nurse, you only swallowed the pill to some extent.

After she left, you put your finger inside your mouth, spitting it out in the process. You don’t know why you were even believing that stalker, however because of the drugs you knew you never took, you couldn’t help but believe him.

—

“Why are you helping me?” you asked without much thought, when EJ finally appeared again sitting against the door with his hands on his pockets, and his head slightly hanging low as if to avoid your gaze.

You observed how hesitant he was to answer your question at first, knitting your eyebrows as you waited for him to reply. He sighed, finally opening his mouth.

Your jaw dropped when he told you that the first time he had seen you was at Heeseung’s party. That he was there among the students, seeing the entire commotion you had with the Lee siblings. That ever since that incident you had with the Lee siblings, he had watched over you. He saw everything, the fight you had with your sister after the party, the hallucinations you got, and even the drug incident, he saw everything. He told you that he actually doesn’t believe the entire ordeal, and when they accused you of stealing Heemin’s necklace. It just didn’t sit well with him, but he could only watch as it wasn’t his business in the first place.

“If it wasn’t your business in the first place, then why are you here?”

“Because you’re Chaewon’s sister..”

“Huh?”

“I.. like her.” your jaw dropped again when you heard his confession, “And I can’t let her get fooled by that piece of shit.”

“How?”

“Heeseung, that guy.. Has a petty game with his friends, and their target was Chaewon. The dare was to ..” He paused for a moment, as if he couldn't let the word out, “To do something to Chaewon and get a pic of it..”

Your heart sank the moment those words left his mouth, rage started to fill in your veins.

“How the fuck did you know about it?”

“..I accidentally heard it from Heeseung’s friends when I passed them.”

“And how the hell can I trust you about it?” you raised your head, looking up to him. “That you weren’t fooling me or some shit?”

"How do I know that you're not accusing H-heeseung?" You stuttered,

“I wouldn't lie about this. I swear. Because I care for her!” EJ yelled, “I care for Chaewon."

You went silent, not knowing what to say. Your lack of response made him feel uneasy,

"The moment I knew about what they were doing, I couldn’t just let that happen to her. And so I went to the party, to watch over her so nothing can happen. But instead..-” He paused after seeing your expression.

“I’m telling you, I knew you didn’t steal it.”

‘How the fuck?” you scoffed in disbelief. This guy who’s a complete stranger, believes you? What a joke, not even your beloved sister believes a word you said. So how could he?

“Because I went through the same thing too when I was a kid,” a low scoff left his mouth. “It wasn’t a good memory. And I’m telling you, I know how you feel. But don’t let it get through you, you know? I saw how you went through all of it for the past few weeks ago-”

Your eyes widened upon hearing what he said, “W-what do you mean?”

“To be honest, I don’t know what you were doing, I assumed you were looking for someone? but I was just checking on you after the incident.. It just didn’t feel right to leave you all alone after what happened.. And I was right, you randomly passed out on the street-”

“Wait, you were there!?”

“Yeah, and I had to carry you all the way to the shop which was.. A bit tiring-”

“Shut up.” You spat out, in which he chuckled.

“Although I have to admit, you really got that determination, don't you? You still got up even after you got sick on the street.”

“Wait, was that you?” your mouth hangs slightly low, surprised that it was him. Then you quickly look at his wrist, that watch. The same watch, it was him.

“Was it that surprising?” He chuckles, “You shouldn’t really push yourself that hard though, Chaewon won’t be really happy with it.”

“I don’t know..” you said in a low voice, gazing out of the window.

“If you really wanted to help then why don’t you tell her yourself?”

Then he scoffed, "You think I didn't? Of course I did. But she won't believe me! She completely believes that guy."

"She told me I was lying and that I was trying to ruin their relationship.".... “That’s why I’m also here, because you’re Chaewon’s sister and I have to tell you about it-”

“So you want me to tell her instead?” you gestured towards yourself.

“Yeah-”

You scoffed, “Then you’re so wrong, even my sister doesn’t believe me so it’s all pointless.”

“But are you really going to let her get fooled by them?”

“Of course not!” You glared at him, he smiled in response, taking a deep breath.

““And you know what?” he looked at you again, “It didn’t really sit well with me that Heeseung was defending you over everything.

"Just be very careful around him."

“How can I be sure that this is a drug and that he was drugging me?” you showed him the pill on your palm.

“Since I was curious about where you might’ve been, like I didn’t really see you anywhere,I found out that you got admitted here. But then I saw him, with that old lady. That nurse-” it suddenly hits you when flashbacks of the nurse who drew blood from you for the blood tests. Eyes wide as you look at him, “He gave something to the nurse, at first it didn’t really bother me.. But then I keep seeing them once in a while, doing the same thing over and over again.”

You gulped, unable to believe what you had just heard. “But why would he do that?”

“I don’t know.. But whatever he’s planning, it’s clearly not good.”

"I really don't know if I can trust you about that.." a part of you refuses to believe that Heeseung was doing that to you. Not when he had already been by your side, protecting you from everything. It can't be.

"Wait, do you like him?" Your eyes widened when you heard that from him.

"No, I don't." EJ hummed in response, believing you so fast. Cause afterall,

"Okay, I know this is hard to believe. But really, I swear if I'm lying. You'll know. So please believe me."

"If your hallucinations and everything still doesn’t stop even when you no longer take those meds, then I'll leave. So please.." EJ begging you with his eyes, his jaw clenching as he looks for any response from you.

Believe me. That sentence echoes through your mind. The same sentence that you often say but were ignored. Looking at EJ's eyes, what could go possibly wrong in believing him? You'll eventually find out whether he's lying about the drugs or not. “So what are we going to do now?” you asked.

“I’ll help you.”

“How?”

“I’ll help you get out of this place, as soon as I can. It will take awhile, but after we get you out. We have to take your sister as well, and then we’ll tell her everything.”

“That’s gonna take a hell lot of work.” You scoffed, you just knew what would happen again once you meet your sister. She is far too lovesick with Heeseung for her to even believe you, but..

“But we can’t give up so easily, right?” he raised his eyebrow, waiting for your response. You stare at him for a while and then nodded in response, in which he smiled.

"What's your name by the way?" you asked suddenly.

"Me?" He pointed at himself, you nodded again. "god, how did I even forget that. EJ, just call me EJ."

"EJ.." you said it in a low voice, taking his name in.

—

Since then, EJ has been visiting you secretly. And you tried your best to avoid eating the ‘meds’ the nurse has been giving you. It goes on for about a few days like this, and what he said was true. Your headaches, and everything was gone. Looking at yourself in the mirror, you notice how you look so much better than before. Was it really true? Was Heeseung really drugging you?

You wanted to believe EJ,

But the hardest part was Heeseung himself, even when he visits sometimes because he’s getting busy with his studies, the fact that you still have to pretend like you know nothing while talking with him hurts you. You wanted to ask, why? Why was he doing it? And for some reason, you wanted to ask him yourself if it was true or not, you wanted to hear it from his own mouth, and that he’ll say no. Your heart and your mind were in chaos as you felt both anger and sadness.

Anger because of that fucking deal he had with his friends, clenching your fists as to how he were capable to plan such thing to your sister.

But then came your sadness, your heart broken that all his cheerful smiles and all the things he did for you was all fake. Because you were still in denial, unable to accept it.

You don’t know what to do. The complete difference of how ‘innocent’ he looks sometimes makes you doubt EJ, just how can Heeseung do that to you? Why would he? For what?

You stare at Heeseung’s back as he was fixing the flower pots on the window, the sunlight shines over his face making him look so ethereal and angelic, you couldn’t believe that he was even capable of doing such a thing. You really don’t want to.

“Heeseung?” you finally let out, after a moment of hesitance.

“Hm?” he hummed in response, turning his head to look at you. Your heart immediately stops, after seeing those innocent eyes.

‘Is it true?’ you pressed your lips tight, asking the question in your head as he stares at you, waiting for you to say something. ‘That you were drugging me?’

“Is there something wrong?” his soft voice snaps you out from your dilemma, tilting his head as his eyebrows were knit together along with his concern expression.

“N-nothing!” you blurted out, smiling wide.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded with a cheerful smile on your face, assuring him that it was nothing. He lets out a small ‘okay’, smiling sweetly to you in return, turning his attention back to the flower pots. Your face falls, the smile leaving your face, when you realize just what you had initially thought to ask him.

—

You gaze out of the window once again, sighing heavily because you were still in a dilemma. Today was finally the day EJ would come and take you out of the hospital, and you were supposed to be happy about it, happy that you were no longer stuck in this hell, however you feel guilty that you’re going to leave without Heeseung knowing about it. Biting your lips, you mentally cursed yourself as to why you were still thinking about him? Why won’t you still believe the fact that he was doing all those stuffs behind you and your sister?

Why? Why? Why?

“(Name)?” you were immediately snapped out of your deep thoughts when EJ appears beside you. “We have to go now.”

Extending his hand for you to grab it, you hesitated for a moment in which he notices but he patiently waits. Clearing your throat, you nodded, taking his hands as he guided you out of the door and all the way till you finally exited the hospital. The cold air greeting you along with the night sky, you somehow felt uneasy, afraid that something soon might happen.

“I know you’re worried, but it’s okay. You can trust me.” EJ grips your hand just slightly, enough to warm your hand. “After this, we’ll meet your sister, ok?”

You nodded, reassuring yourself with his words. You’re doing this for your sister, yes. You were doing it for her, you can’t let her get fooled and fall into that hellhole. You can’t, so you have to stay strong and get rid of this feelings, and-

“(Name)?”

As if there was a strong force that immediately pulls you back to its world, you halt your steps, heart beating so fast the moment you hear him. You knew it was him.

“Where are you g- .. You?" unable to turn yourself to look at him in fear that you might end up getting soft-hearted again was eating you, however you still manage to caught on his voice surprised to see EJ. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

“(Name), let’s just go.” he ignores Heeseung, pulling you with him as he continues to walk to the street again.

“(Name)! Where are you going!?” he immediately rushes in, grabbing your hand preventing you EJ from pulling you with him any further. “What the fuck you doing here!?”

“Well I don't know, why don’t you ask her?”

“(Name), where are you going with this guy?”

“It’s none of your business, Heeseung. Now please let go.” you lowered your eyes, not wanting to see his face.

“No! Why would i? Let you go? With this guy?” Heeseung exclaimed, “You haven’t known him that long, he could be dangerous for god knows how!”

“And how about you!?”

“W-what?” he knitted his eyebrows together, confused.

“Stop pretending, I knew you were fooling us. Me and my sister!” you scoffed, “I can’t believe it!”

“What are you saying? I don’t understand..”

“Oh god! Stop pretending! We already know!”

“I-i don't understand what you’re saying!”

“For fuck’s sake, stop lying.” EJ spat out.

“Why were you doing that to me?” you cried out, your heart breaking as he looked at you with that innocent eyes.

“What did I do?” … “What else could I be doing!?” Heeseung exclaimed.

“Y-you were drugging me..” you almost want to vomit when you let out those words, and Heeseung’s eyes widened in fraction.

“W-what are you talking about? Drug you? Why would I do that!?” he exclaimed in surprise.

“Ask yourself!” you cried out, “You’re the only one who knows why you were doing such a thing to me!”

“God! (Name)! Why would I even think to do that to you in the first place!? How!? Drug you!?” Heeseung exclaimed, “Who told you that?”

Then he snaps his head into EJ’s direction, “This guy?”

“Why would that even matter? Why? Was it true?’

“I swear to god! No! Why would I drug you? For what?” Heeseung grabs both your arms, pulling you closer to him, “Tell me! You couldn’t possibly believe him, could you?” he looked into your eyes, and your heart felt a hit of pang when you saw how his innocent eyes were breaking in front of you. He seems so innocent. You’ve reminded yourself that he was lying, he’s definitely lying., but why did you feel something that was pulling you towards him? This stupid feelings. And along with all of that, you feel guilty for him.

You couldn’t say anything, as he looked at you with that expression, “(Name), say something.”

“Man, stop with all that bullshit.” EJ finally speaks up, trying to release you from Heeseung’s grasp.

Heeseung aggressively hits his hands away, “What are you trying to do? Why were you spreading lies about me?”

“Lies? So was it a lie that I heard from you back there?” EJ clenched his jaw, approaching him.

“What’s your plan, huh?” Heeseung spat out. Hitting EJ on his chest repeatedly,

“P-plan? I might as well ask you that, what’s your plan? Certainly not something good right?” EJ asked.

“Heeseung, stop!!”

“How could you believe him instead of me!?” “He could be lying for all god knows!” he turned to you again, surprise etched all over his face as he grabbed your arms once again.

“Don’t touch me, I really can’t believe it. You’re a liar. You were fooling us!” you slapped his arms away.

“(name)!” Heeseung exclaimed, tears welling up in his eyes which surprised you. “You can’t do this to me, you just met him and you already believe all that he said!?”

“Just why were you spreading lies about me?” he glares at EJ. “What could I possibly have done to you!”

“Tell me!” Heeseung cried out.

You were shocked to see him cry, it was something new. You’ve never seen him cried, and it breaks your heart to see him that way.

“Don’t you trust me!?” tears keeps flooding down to his cheeks as he looked up to you, you shook your head.

“No..” your heart broke, approaching Heeseung in small steps.

“How could you do this to me? (Name)?” he cried with his hands on his face.

“Don’t! He’s using your words against you.” EJ grabs you from behind, shaking his head. “You should know better! He’s lying!”

“B-but..” you hesitated, looking back and forth to Heeseung and then to EJ.

“Tell me! EJ! I really can’t believe you, just because Chaewon rejects you.. I can’t believe you are trying to get it back on her sister and me!”

“Shut the fuck up, don’t try to make this about that when it’s clearly not.”

“Wait, w-what?” your ears perked up to what Heeseung said.

“You didn’t know? He confessed to Chaewon in front of the public, but she rejected him so bad that we all pity him..” said Heeseung while tears flow down to his cheeks. “But what I wouldn't expect was you were capable of doing something like this! How can you do this to us!?”

“Shut the fuck up!” EJ yelled.

“---So you’re going all over the way here and trying to fool her sister? To fool (Name)? To get back on Chaewon for humiliating you?” Heeseung tilted his head.

“Shut up! Lee Heeseung!”

“W-what? What are you saying?” you look up to EJ, pulling your hand out of his grasp.

“This is not about that!” EJ yelled. “(Name)!”

“Is it true!?” you asked.

He fell silent, and you took a few steps backwards, shocked over the revelation.

“But it was fine for me! Please believe me! That doesn’t change the fact that I still like her or that I want to pay back for what she did, please trust me!”

“(Name)! Don’t believe him! He’s lying. You know better.” Heeseung cried out to you.

You were in a serious dilemma. Who the fuck is lying? Which one? Should you choose the guy who has defended you and trust you all this time? Or the guy who had taken care of you from behind the curtains? Who was lying!? You stood still, as your head started to grow dizzy again, unable to decide.

“God! Don’t believe him, he’s trying to fool you into staying with him!” EJ exclaimed in desperation as he noticed your hesitance,

EJ pulls your arm, "let's go! (name)!"

But Heeseung stops you both, grabbing your hand which EJ was holding too. "You're not going anywhere."

"Let go of her, who are you trying to fool here, huh?" Heeseung aggressively pulls you out from EJ’s grasp, making you wince in pain.

“I should be the one who’s asking you that!” EJ spats out, “You’re obviously turning it all about me, you bastard! (Name), don’t believe what he said! This is not about that!”

Heeseung shakes his head, "I can't believe you're doing this to me, EJ."

“Shut the fuck up! Stop acting so fucking innocent even when you're not!" ” EJ yelled at the top of his lungs, “That’s not what I'm here for! I’m protecting her! From you!”

“Protect her? Who even are you? Her brother? And what would Chaewon think that you’re here? Talking with her sister, and then taking her somewhere.” Heeseung asked, “Fuck, even she would ask you what the fuck you were doing around with (Name).”

“You.” EJ exclaimed, pointing his fingers at Heeseung. “You’re obviously turning things around-”

“(Name)! He’s obviously manipulating you! The more you talk with him, the more-” he approaches you, trying to take your arms. You were in a dilemma. You don’t know who to trust.

“I told you to stay the fuck away!” Heeseung roughly pushed him by his chest, making him take a few steps backwards.

“You stay the fuck away, son of a bitch!” EJ spat out, “I’m not letting (Name) stay with a guy like you!” growing desperate, EJ approaches you again trying to take your arm.

“(Name)! Get back on your senses! We have to go!”

“When i say stay the fuck away, stay the fuck away from her!” Heeseung delivers a strong punch towards EJ’s face, resulting in you screaming.

“Heeseung, stop!”

EJ hissed in pain, wiping off the blood of his mouth

“You’re not going to take her anywhere.” Heeseung spat out, standing in front of EJ. “I can’t believe you, after all we had done for you, you’re doing this!? To Chaewon?”

“I’m doing all of this to protect her from you! You and your stupid deal with your shitty friends!” EJ pointed at him as he stood up again.

“Why are you making up lies about me? What deal? What are you saying? What are you getting from this!?” Heeseung cried out.

“Ah, fuck. Im fucking done with you spewing nonsense shit. Talking won’t get this done-” EJ was so pissed, that he saw nothing but red. He punches Heeseung resulting in him falling on the ground.

“Guys, stop!” you screamed as you approached them both, trying to pull EJ away from Heeseung. “EJ! Stop! Please!”

“Chaewon would be so disappointed in you, that you have to go this far just to get back on her." Heeseung hissed, "EJ! This is not you, you can't betray us like this." Heeseung cries.

"Stop mentioning her name!" He hit him again.

"We thought you change, I really did.. but why?"

"You're such a manipulative piece of shit-" EJ pulls away from your grasp, making you fall backwards on the ground.

He pulls Heeseung by his collar, forcing him to stand up, “I get if you’re mad at Chaewon but you should’t bring her sister over this!”

“Talk to yourself, you piece of shit! I saw everything! I heard everything!” EJ gripped his collar so tight, it starts to choke Heeseung.

"Stop! EJ! Please!" You exclaimed ,your heart aching to see Heeseung get beaten up so badly, why aren't you defending yourself!?

“Okay if you won’t trust me! But (Name), don’t trust this guy either!” EJ exclaimed and turned to look at you, “He’s obviously drugging you! Remember?”

“I can’t believe you..” Heeseung shakes his head upon hearing that , making EJ punch him in the face resulting in him falling on the ground.

You tried to stop them but it seems anything you do or say were left to deaf ears. Things had heated up so much between them and you really don't know what to do already. Your head grows dizzy again, as you knelt to your chest bringing your hands to your head clasping them. Not wanting to hear anything more, you groaned in pain.

“Just please stop..” your vision was growing blurry only being able to see the hazy figure of EJ punching Heeseung on the ground. “It hurts. .”

“(Name)?” They start to notice your horrible state with you on sitting on the floor while putting your hands on your head, as EJ finally pushes Heeseung on the ground, making his way to you.

“(Name)? What’s wrong!?” EJ exclaimed in concern as he slowly approached you, leaving Heeseung on the ground, beaten up quite badly. However he immediately halted his steps when he heard a low chuckle from behind him.

"Ah fuck, piece of shit.. you're really irritating me." Heeseung chuckles through his cries, scratching his neck as his expression was replaced with amusement while his mouth was bleeding due to EJ’s constant punches. Raising his head slowly, looking up with tears in his eyes, "Just why are you sticking your nose in other people’s business, you bastard?"

EJ’s eyes widened, turning his torso to look at Heeseung who was now, staring at him back but with a completely different demeanor. “What?”

“Aren’t you such a fucking fool trying to act like the shining knight in his armor?” Heeseung tilted his head, with his expression clearly amused.

“You know, it’s really amusing that you even approached Chaewon in the first place, but–” his eyes darkened, “Why the fuck did you even think to get close to (Name)?”

“You’re really digging your own grave, aren’t you?”

“So you’re already showing your true nature, you son of a bitch.” EJ spat out approaching him, and pulling him up on his feet by tugging his collar again. “Do you still think (Name) will believe you after I tell her about this?”

A chilling laugh escaped from Heeseung’s mouth, “Yah, you bastard. Wanna bet?”

“H-huh?”

“Do you actually think you'll get out of this alive?”

“What? What are you saying?”

“Just where do you think we are now, you fool?” Heeseung chuckled.

—

You watched them as everything seemed to go in slow motion, with them gripping each other's collars, they were saying something to each other but your ears can’t hear anything but muffled sounds. But what you can’t seem to understand was..

EJ’s expression. Fear was what you can see on his face. Why?

“Y-you… let.. Go-” you can’t hear what he was saying, the more you try to make sense of what he said, the more it makes your head grow more painful. Closing your eyes tightly amidst all the chaos, you can hear your own breathing and your heartbeat, along with the loud ticks that you can’t seem to know where you’re hearing it from, and along with it you then hear something.

A loud crash.

You then heard an ear-piercing scream from other people, immediately covering your ears again with your hands.

Silence.

With your eyes slowly looking up, you're met with a horrifying sight of blood pooling out on the ground, dripping from them..

Blood.

Face contorting into disgust and fear, with your heartbeat quickening so loud you can hear within your ears. Breathing slowly growing rush and stuffy, you wanted to scream as you looked at their body—

NO!

'This is a dream!'

'I must be hallucinating.'

'This must be the drugs. Yes! This must be the drugs!'

'Yes! It must be the drugs. It has happened before!"

'I'm hallucinating, I'm hallucinating, I'm hallucinating.'

You covered your ears with your hands, slowly moving them over to your eyes, pressing it firmly.

'please go away, please go away, go away!' you repeatedly prayed in your mind, for your hallucinations to stop.

"Oh my god!"

"Call the ambulance!"

"Help!"

"Someone help! Please!"

Your heart sank hearing those words. Slowly lowering your hands from your eyes, the bright light your eyes making you squint. You blinked repeatedly to fix your blurry vision and you are met with the exact same horrifyingly sickening sight again making your heart sink.

It wasn’t a hallucination. You weren’t hallucinating. It was real.

The realization finally dawns on you as you start to feel a growing pool inside your stomach, making you nauseous. Tears welling up in your eyes, mouth trembling as you finally lifted your feet away from the ground you've been frozen on for what seems like eternity.

Loud and rush steps grow even louder behind you as people start to approach the two unconscious bodies laying on the floor, multiple sounds ringing in your ears with the murmurs and calls of help from people around you.

Quick breaths along with sniffles, you finally let out a gut-wrenching scream,

"No!!"

.

.

- to be continued -

🖋️a/n: comment or ask me if you want to be added in the permanent taglist!

🥀TAGLIST: @heeseungie77 , @lyzzie8 , @nyfwyeonjun

|> YANDERE SERIES: ENHYPEN (PT. 1)

|> secondary blog: @llyzblog

[team-heavenly]

Chapter 23 - Blizzard Island Rescue

And by the randomizer list, I dub thee... Chapter Name.

...Thank you, RNG 🙄

I guess I'm making title cards for the post-game chapters now! Well, this shot came out too nice for me not to use.

(Also this post was supposed to come out several days ago but my job had other plans for me... Sorry.)

Some days after the ascension of Sky Peak Cloudy Well...

Hey, Starmie? Any reason why you're standing <2 inches in front of Aerodactyl? Let him breathe!!

Seaking for Scizor, huh? Yeah, I can see that! Both names start with an S, anyway.

The... the what.

*Imagines a 4-way intersection made of rubber bands*

Wait... *processing*

Just to be a joy kill, I'm having the same thought I did at Sky Peak... Why couldn't Ice Types handle this rescue? Or were there none around? Or did they just go "F*ck this guy in particular"?

Incredible team? Saving the world? You could almost call us... a gift from Heaven!

...I'll see myself out.

👀 Would I? Would I?? You betcha! If nothing else, I want to know what the hell an Elastic Crossroad is.

...Just kidding, I don't want to know anymore. (Gee, this looks awfully familiar.)

Thankfully, unlike Nonsensical Castle, there's not too much for me to say here. To help me construct these posts, I take notes whenever something of significance happens. And my only notes for Elastic Crossing are as follows (verbatim):

Linoone spamming Dark Void in a single room floor and having Bad Dreams 🥲

Lots of one-room floors actually... 2, 8, 9.

Good job team, we made it through relatively painlessly!

So yeah, I'll just share the few shots I have and we can move on 😃

I believe this is the Icicle Forest aesthetic? Cold and foreboding indeed.

🥺️ Oh, honey. You're not in the world you think you are (thank god).

🎩 HE WAS NUMBER ONE!! ☝️

Ngl, a room full of poisonous frogs and snakes, violent piranhas, and god-tier apes would be mortifying irl. But here, we get through without too much trouble and eventually emerge to find...

Oh... Yaaaaaay...

Dirty Province 💀 This is two steps away from being... you know what, never mind.

Crevice Cave is a gentrified village?? Or perhaps referring to a certain Danish prince.

Uh. No comment on this one. ._.

Okay, Teresa officially has the BEST IQ group ever. Coin Watcher, Wise and Quick Healer, Self Curer, Brick Tough, Deep Breather, All-Terrain Hiker... Well, I guess that one is irrelevant with her Flying type. And now Trap Buster?? Talk about a GAME-changer!

In the lowest depths of the "Ghetto"...

I'm gonna posit their shock is due to seeing a Scizor instead of a Seaking...?

But suddenly! A wild Snow Storm appeared!

Ooooo, okay, who's our Froslass?

O-O YEAH OKAY THAT WOULD BE TERRIFYING! GOOD CALL, RANDOMIZER!

Ironically(?), this happened immediately afterward:

This was before anyone made a move, so I guess Steelix has Drizzle?

LOOK AT THAT DAMAGE!! SUPER EFFECTIVE CRITICAL HIT BABEY!!!

As this image suggests... Steelix went down after only two turns of Mud Slap and Octazooka. Not so scary now, huh?

Tee-hee... See you never ❤️️

May as well click here to advance to Part 2 and give Seaking time to thaw.

[mitigatedchaos]

"Writing? In 2024?"

Monday, April 29, 2024

(~2,400 words, 12 minutes)

@northshorewave Re: this publishing post:

I've read through the post that was linked, and an earlier related post by the same author that preceded it.

Her position is that the traditional publishing industry is essentially buying books as lottery tickets, paying for most of them using the few big winners they can't predict.

Some thoughts for you:

1 - NorthShoreWave

You implicitly asked if we had discussed your story in detail before, but the answer is that we hadn't. I have a sense of what you're trying to accomplish based on what I've observed of your character. While you think of yourself as seething, I think you're actually wise, compassionate, self-aware, and able to view things from multiple perspectives. A significant number of people are much worse at practicing at least one of these virtues. On its own, that's not enough to write a best-seller, but I think it does provide you with an advantage.

2 - LLMs

Based on my experiments (see @mitigatedai for some logs), I wouldn't worry about competition from AI. For you, the chief issue caused by AI will be spam. AI moves sideways (different text) and downwards (less meaning). I may tell LLMs to "combine Inspector Gadget and Death Note," but...

Do I actually use the information provided? No.

3 - How many readers do you need?

From one of those publishing posts, to get a sense of the number of readers you need...

Andy Weir first published The Martian as a serial for his own blog, then as a self-published novel on Amazon, then as a traditionally published novel with Random House. “I had an email list with about 3,000 people on it, so, initially, the audience was roughly that much,” he tells me. “When I first posted it to Amazon, I didn’t do anything to market or publicize it. All I did was tell my readers it was available there.” The book was on Amazon for five months, at a price point of 99 cents, and he sold 35,000 copies before Random House bought the rights in February of 2014.

Note that being a provocative firebrand doesn't necessarily mean you'll sell copies. Some politicians with tremendous name recognition failed to move copies of their books.

4 - Funding Options

I don't recommend using a Kickstarter to publish your book at this time or in the near future. You just don't have the name recognition, but also, Slashdotter Caimlas (who I don't know, so I don't know how trustworthy he is) wrote:

I'm personal friends with a number of authors who publish books in one of several subgenres. Mostly, they rely on Amazon's Kindle Unlimited: some of them are prolific enough that their book sales account for most of their income, simply based on peoples' reading of their works. Mostly, unless people want a piece of history or something they can reference, folks seem to hate having clutter. Fiction that sells isn't usually, primarily sold as a hardcopy book anymore, I don't believe - short of the kinds of books that end up at the end of the grocery store isle or in an airport novelty store.

A lot of publishing is done online these days, often through subscription services such as Substack (for essays) or Patreon. (Kindle Unlimited is also a subscription service, costing $12/mo.) As an example, the webcomic Spinnerette has a Patreon (bringing down $3.3k/mo), and then runs Kickstarter campaigns for print runs (volume 8 raised $27k).

To give you an estimate, Spinnerette's Patreon has only 536 subscribers, and pulls down $3.3k/mo, but you probably haven't heard of it. El Goonish Shive, which I'm confident you have heard of, brings in $3.6k/mo on 2.4k subscribers. The famous Kill Six Billion Demons has ~5.4k subscribers, bringing down ~$8.4k.

In Patreon terms, a good foothold to try for might be 100 subscribers at $3/mo each, with an initial focus on getting to 50.

5 - Illustrations

You've posted some drawings. They have some character, showing that you have the basic aptitude to develop the skill if you applied yourself to regular practice. However, the proportions are too far off to attract much attention (except as a stylistic choice, which, I can tell, it is not).

This blog tends to break things down into their abstract fundamentals for analysis. I promised myself I wasn't going to do that here, but eh, we'll do just a bit.

To quote one of the publishing articles...

“People tend to buy the books that are already really popular,” Deahl says. “They look at the bestseller list to see what they want to buy and that reinforces this tiny amount of books at the top. It’s a very top-heavy system. The tricky thing in publishing is success begets success. But it’s really hard to create that spark.”

Let's stop to think about this.

a. Banter - Fame

There is one layer to this that you can't do much of anything about, which is that people will watch the same shows their friends watch in order to have something to talk about with their friends.

b. Investment - Background

However, there is another layer over which you have more influence. It's very easy to make a quick judgment of a movie based on its visuals, or a short trailer. It's also relatively easy to judge short songs, since they're only a few minutes long (but I don't find myself doing this often).

In order to judge a book, you have to read the text and process it. You can't make a snap judgment off a single picture, because you have to read the text first to produce the mental picture.

This website does have viral text posts, but they're like...

You seem to have fundamentally misunderstood me, Anon.  Go read all 5,640 posts again.

Some of these posts can get a bit long, but it's usually a back-and-forth where each individual post is short. Often, they'll mix in images, or memes.

People supposedly read at 200 words per minute. Based on that estimate, this blog's most viral post of all time can be read in 5 seconds. That's about the same amount of time someone would spend looking at a jpeg.

That doesn't mean people don't enjoy effortposts. They will follow a blog upon encountering a good effortpost! They just don't like or reblog them.

I think you already know this part, but for "acceptable" length for reblogging, it's usually best to keep it under one "Tumblr page," meaning around one screen length on desktop, or around 200-300 words. I've talked about this part before, but if the reader can see the end of the post, it feels like less of an investment to read the post, and reblogging it won't fill up a friend's Tumblr dash.

Obviously that's tough for long-form fiction, because it has to load more context about the characters in order to establish the stakes. (Unless it's fan fiction, where the audience already knows the characters.)

c. Investment - Strategy

As you know, this blog will sometimes post political cartoons and other illustrations as part of its general stream of content.

The obvious strategy is just to have some nice-looking character images or images of scenes from the story. It can be "read" faster, so it's more shareable.

I think that strategy suffers from a weakness in that it's easy to just look at the image and disregard the text. This would reduce your fiction blog to an art blog - and it is not an art blog.

Therefore, I would like to gently suggest - and keep in mind, I do not have any published novels - a different potential approach. This proposal is speculative, and this technique is not widely used.

Do you know that famous Rockwell painting, Breaking Home Ties? Rockwell is a master of telling a story with just a single still-frame painting.

Rockwell has to tell the whole story in one picture, because that's the medium he's got to work with. This limits how much story he can tell. As an author, you don't have to limit yourself to what can be told in just one image, because you have the text.

This strategy would involve a two-step maneuver.

First, the image at the top of the post communicates the essentials that the reader needs to know about the characters through the composition of the scene (so that they don't need to read background material), as well as various subtle details, while raising questions, also through the use of details/etc, to increase the viewer's curiosity.

Fortunately for the viewer, second, the questions raised by the image are answered in the text right below it.

The post would form an entry point into a network of related posts; tags for particular characters could be linked at the bottom, or links to other posts in the sequence.

Secondary characters would be ideal for this, because you can manipulate their scenarios/context/character to fit the short format, while your overall project will focus on the main characters and thus have a greater, long-term narrative investment for appropriately larger payoff.

As I wrote in my post on 'text wall memes,' people will read text in an image, and they'll even reblog it, but it's contextual. So again, this is speculative, but it should be feasible. It's a matter of creating the appropriate context.

d. Investment - AI Art

I don't think you should use AI-generated art. Yes, people will be able to tell, but the even bigger problem...

Compare this AI knockoff to Norman Rockwell's original Girl with Black Eye.

The expression is wrong. The pose is different. This is a completely different story from the one Rockwell was telling! The prompteur 'borrows' the right 25% of the image from Norman's original because he can't reproduce it. And what is that random white cloth on the left side of the image?

There is a significant reduction in the amount of intention in the image. Putting it back in involves working over the image, repeatedly, usually with inpainting, and often working against what's in the AI's training data, forcing it to pull from more and more improbable parts of the distribution (until eventually, there's no matching data in the training at all; you have to get out and draw it yourself).

I'm going to borrow a post of my own here from 2019.

This isn't oriented towards the strategy I've described, and it only got 21 notes, but note the teacup with steam and tea bag tag, the obscured flag in the background, and the Youtube-style video tracker on the bottom. The combination of the special effect, text that looks like a subtitle, and video tracker imply that the image is a screenshot from a streaming anime.

The character is casually (as indicated by the cup of tea) sitting at a computer desk (as indicated by the faintly sketched keyboard and hand position for a mouse). What's that flag in the background? It certainly doesn't belong to any extant country. (In fact, as the artist, I'll tell you - it's based on an O'Neill Cylinder.)

Obviously this art is very much just a sketch in quality terms. An AI rendering usually looks much fancier. However, an AI would not put that detail in.

e. Investment - Technical Skills

However, I will suggest the use of software if you go this route. (Or the hiring of an artist, but that could get expensive.)

Your issue is with proportions. Lots of people have trouble with proportions. (You also have trouble with hands. Lots of people have trouble with hands.)

One way to deal with this is to just train. You'd be surprised at how fast you improve if you draw from realistic sources such as photographs an hour a day for a year, even if it's just a quick sketch. You probably aren't willing to do so. You have other things to worry about, including writing.

However, you could use posing software. You could save the proportions of several characters and position them throughout the scene, as well as having a grid for the ground and potentially other props to help with positioning of items like lamp posts or the edges of buildings. (I've experimented with posing software a bit myself.)

Dan Shive (of El Goonish Shive) does not use posing software as far as I know, but he has used 3D software. Although his style is cartoonish, one thing people like about him is that he does put effort in at improvement, and the quality of his work has improved substantially. (That was actually the inspiration for the second part of the "in 2028, Hollywood runs out of ideas and adapts El Goonish Shive" post.)

6 - Interactivity

Though shorter posts tend to go more viral, I find that posts which someone can reblog and share their opinion tend to show up a lot in my top posts (as long as they're only about one tumblr page long). The MOON PRISON poll is a good example of something that's approachable and neutral, but fits heavily with the themes of my blog, but other posts may take a political position that invites disagreement, resulting in discourse, and get reblogged that way. (You may also remember the silly Swift Pill poll.)

I don't recommend courting disagreement on purpose. Not only is this bad for the social environment, but it tends to make people go crazy.

7 - Search

I think you've probably noticed some of this already and are working with it (posting short excerpts, initial art). Most of this is, again, speculative. This is all just information for your consideration.

Writing a good book is the first problem. Getting the readers who would enjoy the book to find it in such a noisy environment is the second problem. I think you can do it, but if your trajectory isn't currently looking as good as you want (e.g. # followers on your story's sideblog), I would recommend expanding your strategy so that you're in a good position when the book itself is ready to launch.

[maeby-cursed]

mae!! i am dropping by with a few things i find pretty bc april is so very pretty to me! 🍞🌻💭🌷☀️🫧✨🌱💗🍓 how are you?? i hope the month is lovely to you 🥺

i also come back with a curious sel question 🤓 a more technical writing one but, what is your anchor point to writing a character like toji? what part of him do you like exploring and what quality of his stays the same to you across any universe you put him in? 🥺

sel !! oh my god, i've missed you ! (your asks are always the best part of my month, i'm going to spam answer them when i'm done w the academic year)

i am doing well, a bit stressed but i enjoy spring a lot ! watching ghibli movies and eating strawberries and wearing pretty dresses and being in the sun >//<🌷

thank you for your questions, they are always so interesting to think about ! i believe that when i write for toji i reach a lot into a deep part of me (??). he's a bit gruff in my head but overall just a reserved guy. i like to think about his past and how it has affected his character, if he's pleased with how he's turned out, if he's conflicted with thoughts of all that he could've been . . . i tend to find common ground with my own character but try to center the text around his own voice and how he would word it or act . . . i try to make him as layered as i see him ! just a lonely child underneath it all, trying to keep safe all the love he can get (reader's if i'm writing non-selfship).

across every universe and every fanfic and every situation, my toji communicates through actions. he's awkward and clumsy, a bit shy but confident in his work (and very insecure about his way of loving, i feel like he'd find himself thinking "oh my god what the fuck am i doing" like thirty times a day). there's something very comical to me about how he navigates the world. he's this Huge Guy with the emotional stability and beating heart of a little kid. i just feel like he has a lot to give, even though he thinks he's too rough to give it.

now enough of my yapping ! how are you, my darling ? is spring treating you well ? do you and your faves have any picnics planned for the season ? 💗💗

[thirddeyetarot]

Hello everyone!

On this account I will be doing readings (based on intuition, and tarot) for K-pop idols mainly, but I'm open to do for Chinese/Korean/Japaniese actors, dancers, singers etc. too.

I don't do readings for western artists!

I am open for exchange readings, use DM if you're interested

Please don't request anything NSFW or ask about an idols sexuality, anything related to death, twin flames, and romantic readings about 18> (minor) idols.

Don't spam! I see your request for the first time, please don't send it more than once.

A few things to say about me:

-I am 16 years old, and currently I am studying tourism in school.

-My ult group is Stray Kids, and my bias is Lee Know so I'm a stay!!

-I have a cat, a dog, and a hamster, basically I would die for any animal on this planet, I really love them.

-My name is Petra, so you call me by my name if you want to🙃

-i'm 5'8/172cm

-I'm still not the best in english so I apologise if i make any mistakes!

-Since these readings are not proven in any way, please know that everything is made for entertainment purposes only!

-Please, when you request for something, add a thank you, a hello, a heart or something, believe me, such little things can make someone's day!💓

-You can use emoji system here, if you prefer that as well.

Thats all.🙉

[behindthewox]

Hi, Fish

How do you feel about idea "we miss you, come back" emails?

Yours, Dracula

Hiya!

Overall, I'm pretty neutral to it, assuming that it's executed with modesty and respect. Sometimes you come across a fun website (like WoX) but then close it down and forget about it and in that instance a reminder email is actually a good thing (just don't spam). I believe WoX (or at least WoP) used to have it years ago, if you were inactive for 2 weeks you received free VIP as an incentive to come back. It was removed because it was "abused" to code profiles for free, but that was back when coded profiles remained coded even after VIP ran out. Back in the days when the VIP cost less but was worth more.

It'd probably be more effective with a reward/incentive included, like free VIP for a week or a sum of IG money. It might be fun with an announcement in the chat when the person logs in, like "[name] has returned!" which may prompt other users to say hi and engage a little bit, making the person feel welcome, wanted and appreciated. The more positive associations you can get out of it, the more likely the person is to stay longer this time.

Speaking of positive associations, we also need to avoid negative impressions like fainting. To say "we miss you, please come back" and then slam a one hour timeout in the person's face is not going to work. If that's the plan, excuse me while I clean up the ashes of my remaining respect for Dan. There's not much left of it at this point.

I've already made one long post about why fainting is bad, but it's worth repeating that the fainting system is idiotic at best and probably does far more bad than good when it comes to keeping users on the sites. New users are often very enthusiastic and excited, and we want to keep that. If a new user doesn't log in for a few days (it happens, lots of people have limited spare time and internet access) and builds up the hype for when they can finally continue their WoX adventures, we want to keep that enthusiasm. We want them to feel welcome and wanted and tell them "it's nice to see you again!", and make sure they have the best experience possible so that they'll keep coming back. If it's a person with limited free time and internet access, it'd mean even more if they choose to spend that time on WoX rather than other websites.

We don't want them to be told to wait an hour. That doesn't make happy feelings, that makes frustration and disappointment and confusion and maybe even guilt.

If Dan wants to do something to make sure new users come back, a "come back to us" email and a welcome back gift might be worth trying. What's definitely worth trying is getting rid of the fainting system, or at least decrease it to no more than ten minutes, so new users don't leave in the first place. If it was my decision, I'd start with the latter.

best fishes, Fish

[emotionalcadaver]

Hello! I hope you're having a lovely day/night! 😊 Just had to pop in to show some love for your writing. I stumbled upon your fic, Love Me Where I'm Most Ruined, a lil while back and I'm obsessed??? I flew through it so quickly, I just couldn't stop reading! I apologize for not leaving comments as I went, it's like I was in a trance, just had to keep reading 😭😂😂 I'm also somewhat new-ish to the fandom and interacting kinda gives me anxiety, but I'm working on it lol. I'm gonna do a re read sometime soon and I'll let you know my thoughts, gonna spam you with love probably, your story certainly deserves all the love. 🥰❤️❤️ I also see that you've recently rewritten/edited some parts? As if I needed another excuse to re read this whole fic 🤭 Truly, one of my absolute favorite fics I've read. I love the story you've built and I adore your characters so much. I'm in love with Lucy, for real. Obsessed with her. I also haven't read many fics (if any) that are pro Grace. I think that can be a bit controversial in the peaky fandom?(sadly) But holy shit!! I LOVE how you wrote her whole storyline. You broke my heart tho, but I still loved it! 😂 I didn't intend this ask to be so long, please forgive my rambling! You posted your latest chapter on my birthday and girl. Birthdays aren't always the easiest for me and this one was kinda rough. Honestly, reading your fic was kinda the highlight of my day. An unexpected delight! A little gift you didn't even know you were giving me! I literally squealed in excitement lol! Anyways, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your stories. Your writing is so, so beautiful and I can't believe your fic doesn't have more notes. Honestly, it's criminal! I'm seeing it pop up on my dash again and I just had to show you some love!! 🥰❤️❤️ Also, it's still Valentine's Day where I am, so I felt all the love was a little fitting. ❤️ I hope this novel of an ask finds you well. 😘❤️

-🦋

Oh my goodness, anon, thank you so, so much! Seriously, my heart is practically bursting right now I just wanna reach through the screen and give you biggest hug! 🥰

It means SO MUCH to me that you've loved Lucy and my fic so much 😭 I have quite a few OCs, but Lucy in particular is very near and dear to my heart, so to hear that you love her so much just makes me so happy.

I would LOVE to hear your thoughts if you do a reread! I don't like to pressure people too much to comment because I understand it can be nerve-wracking, but I promise I am literally the least intimidating person in the world and will be absolutely thrilled to hear what you think!

I did recently do a bit of a rewrite/edit, specifically of Red Right Hand. Nothing too crazy, but I did add a few more scenes with Grace and a few more smut scenes.

Grace is certainly a controversial figure in the fandom. I understand why people dislike her, and I never want to make people feel like they have to like her to read or even enjoy my fics, but at the same time I have a soft spot for her, and my vision for the series always included Grace and polyamory elements, despite it still being primarily Tommy x Lucy focused. I was quite nervous including the poly aspects of the story, and I know it turned a lot of people off to my fics, so I really appreciate your support for that particular part of the story! 🖤

And Happy Birthday! I'm so glad to hear that my fic made your day a little brighter! And Happy Valentine's Day as well! This really is the best gift anyone could have given me today!

I'm so sorry that it's been taking me longer to get updates out! I recently started an internship in January that's taking up more of my time, plus just dealing with a general lack of motivation lately. But I am hoping now that I'm more settled into my internship that I will have more time to write and will be able to get onto a more consistent posting schedule. I have SO MANY things planned for Lucy and Tommy and I hope that you enjoy them!

Again, thank you so, so much for this ask, 🦋! You've absolutely made my day! I am sending all of my love your way! 🖤🖤🖤