#you can believe something analog is more than it is.

[greenqueenhightower]

I can understand why people like Rhaenyra. I can understand why Alicent isn't to everyone's taste. I still don't understand how she is so hated for behaving like a human considering the gaslighting and abuse she's been through, and how she has much less free agency than Rhaenyra. It was reading through the horrific and vitriolic extreme takes on Alicent that made me side with her. And something about Rhaenyra and her mean diehards just remind me so much of white feminism. I feel like it's no coincidence I see way more WoC tending to sympathize with Alicent, as a WoC myself. The gaslighting and watching someone else consistently get away with things you wouldn't while being trapped in a cage is all too relatable. The rules dont apply to Rhaenyra and Rhaenyra only. And seeing Rhaenyra being the only one in the narrative made to look extra sympathetic (like the double birth scenes, as if all births aren't horrific and like Alicent didn't give birth even younger too). I also hate how despite their efforts in diverse casting, black actors are just backdrops or tools to make Rhaenyra and TB look better and how they're disposable to move the plot forward for her. This matter has been brought up in the TG subreddit thank God I was not the only one who saw that. Now it seems like they're even butchering B&C to absolve TB. 🙂🙃 Girl I am not ready for the blind Rhaenyra dickriding and Alicent victim blaming to come this season. You'll know it'll be misogyny and double standards all around. The suffering Alicent endured in Season 1 will be even more disregarded.

Hi anon! 💚

Alicent isn't to everyone's taste because to understand her character, motivations, and aspirations, one needs to take the whole show as context, instead of some stand-alone scenes that provide dissatisfaction or lack the "wow"/"badass" factor that the average got/hotd viewer is used to.

I understand how Rhaenyra's character appeals to people because she is the female Targaryen heir, desires the best for her children, and is determined to honor her cause and her late father's wishes to serve the realm. Rhaenyra believes so much in herself; Alicent doesn't. Rhaenyra's overconfidence, her "flouting to do as she pleases" is what is so attractive to a lot of viewers, me included, because, well, she doesn't give a damn. She can go against the conventions of her time because she has already entered the game in a good battle formation, has the means, and is ready to play it (I'm trying to go for a chess analogy here as we saw in the promo, bear with me).

Alicent on the other hand, has entered the game as a foreigner. She did not wish this, she has no historical ties to rulership, no dragon blood to base her confidence on, and no pride in taming and riding wild beasts. She is common as Rhaenyra is exotic. What Alicent has and brings to the game is "honor, duty, sacrifice." These values alone make Alicent compelling and intriguing because they are very subtle qualities and principles that one needs to notice to comprehend her character. They are not as easily identifiable as riding a dragon or slicing a wild boar.

Yet they are equally powerful, because as Rhaenyra plays the game in the open field, being free to make her own decisions, unstoppable in always getting what she wants and being able to claim it herself, Alicent plays the game behind closed doors, in septs, praying to the seven, following directions, seeking council, and moving strategically. Rhaenyra's battle is more visually impactful, but Alicent's is equally moving if one cares to observe and understand it properly.

Therefore, what you are saying about WoC standing by Alicent makes perfect sense because the motivations and experiences as well as the feeling of always having to try twice as hard to achieve what is simply given to others is a point of connection for WoC.

You also very poignantly highlight the show's "humanization" of Rhaenyra through two birth scenes, because again, she is this exotic being whom the audience loves to aspire to, but we must also not forget that she is special while also being human. Alicent's suffering in S1 very much humanizes her in my eyes and is precisely also what distinguishes her from a commoner. She becomes a strong woman who doesn’t shy away in the fear of danger, learns to hold her head high and pushes forward the interests of herself and her children. The hate Alicent receives is uncalled for, and it stems from a misreading of her character, despite being the most interesting character in hotd in my opinion.

I’m glad you decided to stan Alicent after reading all the horrific takes about her! There are so many people in the fandom who want to vilify her, but there are also many who totally connect to her and sympathize with her character, like queer people, WoC, etc.

I didn’t like what the show did with black characters in s1 either. They served mostly as props and had brutal deaths. For S2, it does seem as if the show will want to downgrade the events of B&C and continue emphasize the narrative of Rhaenyra’s superiority (and the Greens and Alicent will be blamed and hated a lot this season), but I honestly stopped reading leaks and spoilers because they affect me a lot. I’d rather wait and see what the producers decide to do with their portrayal and then comment on the events. I’m so scared about B&C though and how this will affect the Greens’ arc and their perception by the public, but again, I’ll be standing by Alicent’s side till the end lol. 💚

[calocera]

can we go back to filming movies on real film please please please please

[ryin-silverfish]

One nerd's musing about Chinese religion and "respect"

-I try to stay away from fandom discourse, but, much like how you can smell the stench from a dumpster fire without walking into said dumpster fire, I've noticed something that seemed to come up a lot in western JTTW + adjacent fandoms: "respect Chinese religion".

-Usually as a reason for why you shouldn't ship a character, because of fucking course it's shipping discourse too.

-And my first reaction is "Man, you are taking Chinese religion too darn seriously, more than people who are born and raised in China."

-My second reaction is "I mean, most of us are atheist/agnostic by default anyways, with a good number of what I'd call 'atheist/agnostics with superstitions': people who said they were not religious, yet believed in Fengshui or divinations and burnt incense at temples for good luck."

-My third reaction: "But why do I get the feeling that when you mention 'Respect', you are thinking about something completely different?"

-Then I reread an essay from Anthony C. Yu, "Religion and Literature in China: The "Obscure Way" of Journey to the West", and the metaphorical lightbulb just lit up over my head.

(Everything below applies more to Daoism + associated folk religions, but by the time most classic Chinese vernacular novels were written, the blending of the three religions had become well and truly mainstream.)

(The conception of gods differs from dynasty to dynasty. What I'm describing here is mostly based on Ming and Qing ones; if you went back to Han or pre-Qin times, most of these would not apply.)

(I am one of the "atheist/agnostic by default" people. I just have an interest in this kind of stuff. I am also just one Chinese person, and an actual Daoist/Buddhist/Religion Studies researcher would probably have a lot more valuable information and perspective to offer when it comes to contemporary practices and worship. Like any people on the internet: take my words with a grain of salt.)

-Even in the past, when society was far less secularized, Chinese gods are not omniscient, perfect beings whose worship is a solemn, humorless affair. Some's worship are Serious Business, but that has more to do with the sort of gods they are and the patronage they enjoy, not godhood in and of itself.

-And even the ones that you are supposed to "treat seriously" are still very human. To use an analogy I've used plenty of times before: you respect and fear them in the same way you'd respect and fear an emperor's official, or the emperor himself, because if you don't, you are not gonna like the consequences.

-However, unlike Jesus, the emperor & his officials were capable of being temperamental, flawed, or an outright asshole, divine or not. Ideally, they wouldn't be, and if you were one of the "serious" believers——people who actually got an official permit, became ordained clergy, and went to live in a temple, you were unlikely to think of your gods in that manner.

-But it wasn't a complete, utter impossibility. The lower you go in the pantheon, the closer you get to popular religion, the less "serious" the gods and their worship become. By that, I mean general attitude, not sincerity of faith. You still shouldn't be rude to them, but, well, they are more likely to take a joke in stride, or participate in the "vulgar" pleasures of commoners because they weren't as bound to Confucian moral standards or religious disciplines.

-To stretch the same analogy further: you should still respect your village head, they could still give your ass a good spanking for being a disrespectful brat, but you were not obligated to get on your knees and kowtow to them like you would do in front of a provincial magistrate, the emperor's minister, or the emperor himself, nor did they have the power to chop your head off just because you were rude.

-On the other hand, the emperor would never visit a random peasant just to help them fix their broken plow or treat them to a nice meal, but your village head could, and your relationship would probably be warmer and a lot more personal as a result.

-Your respect for them was more likely to stem from the things they actually did for you and the village as a whole, instead of something owed to this distant, powerful authority you might never get to see in your lifetime, but could change its course with a single stroke of a brush.

-Now exchange "village head" for your run-of-the-mill Tudis and Chenghuangs and friendly neighborhood spirits (because yes, people worshipped yaoguais for the exact same reasons), emperor + his officials for the Celestial Bureaucracy, and you'd have a basic idea of how Chinese religions worked on the ground level.

-This is far from absolute: maybe your village head was a spiteful old bastard who loved bullying his juniors, maybe your regional magistrate was an honest, upright man who could enjoy a good drink and a good laugh, maybe the emperor was a lenient one and wouldn't chop your head off for petty offenses. But their general degree of power over you and the closeness of your relationships still apply.

-Complicating the matter further, some folk gods (like Wutong) were worshipped not because they brought blessings, but because they were the divine equivalent of gangsters running a protection racket: you basically bribed them with offerings so they'd leave you alone and not wreck your shit. Famous people who died violently and were posthumously deified often fell into this category——shockingly enough, Guan Yu used to be one such god!

-Yeah, kinda like how your average guy could become an official through the imperial examinations, so could humans become gods through posthumous worship, or cultivate themselves into immortals and Enlightened beings.

-Some immortals aren't qualified for, or interested in a position in the Celestial Bureaucracy——they are the equivalent of your hermits, your cloistered Daoist priests, your common literati who kept trying and failing the exams. But some do get a job offer and gladly take it.

-Anyways, back to my original point: that's why it's so absurd when people pull the "Respect Chinese Religion1!!1!" card and immediately follow up with "Would you do X to Jesus?"

-Um, there are a lot of things you can do with Chinese gods that I'm pretty sure you can't do with Jesus. Like worshipping him side by side with Buddha and Confucius (Lao Tzu). Or inviting him to possess you and drink copious amount of alcohol (Tang-ki mediums in SEA). Or genderbend him into a woman over the course of several centuries because folks just like that version of Jesus better (Guan Yin/Avalokitesvara).

-But most importantly, Chinese religions are kinda a "free market" where you could pick and choose between gods, based on their vicinity to you and how efficient they were at answering prayers. You respect them because they'll help you out, you aren't an asshole and know your manners, and pissing them off is a bad idea in general, not because they are some omnipotent, perfect beings who demand exclusive and total reverence.

-A lot of the worship was also, well, very "practical" and almost transactional in nature: leave offerings to Great Immortal Hu, and he doesn't steal your imperial seal while you aren't looking. Perform the rites right and meditate on a Thunder General's visage, and you can temporarily channel said deity's power. Get this talisman for your kids at Bixia Yuanjun's temple, and they'll be protected from smallpox.

-"Faith alone" or "Scripture alone" is seldom the reason people worship popular deities. Even the obsession with afterlife wasn't about the eternal destination of your soul, and more about reducing the potential duration of the prison sentence for you and your loved ones so you can move on faster and reincarnate into a better life.

-Also, there isn't a single "canon" of scriptures. Many popular gods don't show up in Daoist literature until much later. Daoist scriptures often came up with their own gigantic pantheons, full of gods no one had heard of prior to said book, or enjoyed no worship in temples whatsoever.

-In the same way famous dead people could become gods via worship, famous fictional characters could, too, become gods of folk religion——FSYY's pantheon was very influential on popular worship, but that doesn't mean you should take the novels as actual scriptures.

-Like, God-Demon novels are to orthodox Daoism/Buddhism what the Divine Comedy is to medieval Christian doctrines, except no priests had actually built a Church of Saint Beatrice, while Daoists did put FSYY characters into their temples. By their very nature, the worship that stemmed from these books is not on the same level of "seriousness" as, say, the Tiantai school of Buddhism and their veneration of the Lotus Sutra.

-At the risk of being guilty of the same insertion of Abrahamic religion where it doesn't belong: You don't cite Dante's Inferno in a theological debate, nor would any self-respecting pastor preach it to churchgoers on a Sunday.

-Similarly, you don't use JTTW or FSYY as your sole evidence for why something is "disrespectful to Chinese religion/tradition" when many practitioners of said religions won't treat them as anything more than fantasy novels.

-In fact, let's use Tripitaka as an example. The historical Xuanzang was an extraordinarily talented, faithful, and determined monk. In JTTW, he was a caricature of a Confucian scholar in a Buddhist kasaya and served the same narrative function as Princess Peach in a Mario game.

-Does the presence of satire alone make JTTW anti-Buddhist, or its religious allegories less poignant? I'd say no. Should you take it as seriously as actual Buddhist sutras, when the book didn't even take itself 100% seriously? Also no.

-To expand further on the idea of "seriousness": even outside of vernacular novels, practitioners are not beholden to a universal set of strict religious laws and taboos.

-Both Daoism and Buddhism had what we called "cloistered" and "non-cloistered" adherents; only the former needed to follow their religious laws and (usually) took a vow of celibacy.

-Certain paths of Daoist cultivation allow for alcohol and sexual activities (thanks @ruibaozha for the info), and some immortals, like Lv Dongbin, had a well-established "playboy" reputation in folklore.

-Though it was rarer for Buddhism and very misunderstood, esoteric variants of it did utilize sexual imageries and sex. And, again, most of the above would not apply if you weren't among the cloistered and ordained clergy.

-Furthermore, not even the worship of gods is mandatory! You could just be a Daoist who was really into internal alchemy, cultivating your body and mind in order to prolong your lifespan and, ideally, attain immortality.

-This idea of "respect" as…for a lack of better words, No Fun & R18 Stuff Allowed, you must treat all divinity with fearful reverence and put yourself completely at their mercy, is NOT the norm in Chinese religious traditions.

-There are different degrees and types of respect, and not every god is supposed to be treated like the Supreme Heavenly Emperor himself during an imperial ceremony; the gods are capable of cracking a joke, and so are we!

TL;DR: Religions are complicated, and you aren't respecting Chinese religions by acting like a stereotypical Puritan over popular Chinese deities and their fictional portrayals.

[fillinforlater]

Mildly Unfair

Male Reader x Yu Jimin (Karina), Kwon Eunbi, Jang Wonyoung

Length: 1656 words

Tags: titfuck, titfuck, titfuck (?), cumshot, rivalry

TW: no editing and terrible analogies hahaha

Inspiration: @capslocked for the (meme) idea

(A/N: You literally voted for the ending to this and I wrote it accordingly. The idea came from @capslocked but I want to give @kaedespicelatte a shoutout for pushing the "Wony busty" agenda. Here is my take on it.)

"Wha-wha-what the hell?"

The sliding door is only half-way open when a wide-eyed Wonyoung is already eager to enter the room through the small gap. Her petite, long body easily passes through, something the two women before you might have struggled with. Unlike Wonyoung, they carry a certain package with them at all times—and said package has you groaning like a wild animal for a couple of minutes now.

"Stop it!" Wonyoung complains, deaf, lust riddled ears unwilling to let her two older friends know about her issue. You'd gladly help her out, really, but your eyes are glued on your erection which is in quite the predicament.

"Shut up," Karina hushes back at Wonyoung, dainty fingers circling your swollen cockhead, tits spilling out from her bra already. No surprise there, she usually wears clothes a size too small and with the bountifulness of her chest, the black lace can barely keep up. "You're not really needed here."

"She is right," Eunbi says softly, dress already around her ankles, lusty hands spreading warm lube over her breasts. She gets on her knees next to Karina and helps the younger to make everything a wet, glistening mess. "He wants something you can't give, Wony."

'Fuck' is all you have to contribute when your manhood is suddenly trapped from both sides in the soft grasp of two pairs of melons. Karina joins you, her moans a lot more unhinged, especially when Eunbi rids her of the tiny bra with a soft smile. 

Eunbi's smile is always soft, loving, and motherly. She is older and absolutely confident in her sexuality. It's this confidence that has gotten this friend group away from "just" hanging out, playing games and partying to a lot more intimate activities.

"Rina, your nipples are so hot, come and rub them over me," Eunbi urges her friend with a laugh that has Karina flushed even stronger than before. Long gone is the hesitant girl, unsure and self-aware of her cup size; she is already in heat and squeezes her tits together to arouse Eunbi with the hard, light brown nipples atop a large arolae. 

"Unnie, you're hot too, ahh!"

"Uhm, hello? I'm here too, you horny fucks!" Wonyoung shouts and climbs on the bed you're sitting on. "Hey you, say something."

That whine must have been directed at you, but you focus on Karina and the valley of her silky boobs rubbing along your sides, stimulating the skin of your shaft while Eunbi licks the slit stopping every now and then to teasingly blow on your tip. Enough reasons to throw your head back and completely ignore Wonyoung, who crosses her arms and looks down at you.

"Like I said," Eunbi addresses Wonyoung, still calm, unworried, your glands twirled between two fingers. "You can't help us. There is no shame in having small boobs, it's just that they can't do this."

"But I can!"

This is ridiculous, but when you look past it, all there is is Karina tit fucking her massive, gorgeous ballons up and down your entire length. Wet sloppy sounds become louder, messier when she sticks out her tongue and drools on your tip. You can't believe that your formerly abashed friend can rival Eunbi with the sluttiness of her expression and the things her mouth can do.

You groan and cup her face with your admittedly sweaty fingers. Karina locks eyes with you, never stops to fuck your cock silly and to get you even closer to heaven, she gets a wet kiss by Eunbi on her rosy cheek. You are ready to blast, early, but Karina has really earned a load on her pretty face and pretty fat tits. But suddenly Eunbi stops Karina's last surge for your climax.

"Okay, Rina, we'll let her do it," she says.

"Eh? What? You must be kidding!" a visibly upset and horny Karina groans. However, Eunbi has trained her well. She pulls away, reluctance only in her gaze. Eunbi gives her another of those motherly smiles and Karina settles next to her, away from your parted legs, away from your glowing, throbbing cock.

Wonyoung gleefully gets in front of you and presses her full, pink lips on what she often calls 'hers'. Yes, she tries really hard to get you to be only hers, but two equally beautiful women with other benefits are right there, sharing a few pecks and fondling each other's curves. 

"Look at me," Wonyoung proudly announces and places your shaft in between her tiny hills, pressing them together and almost making you feel a hint of softness. Almost.

“I am looking, but feel, I do nothing,” you mock her and from the corner of your eyes see Karina taunt the skinny girl—in before Eunbi cups her puffy pussy to make her forget the blazing rod she could be pumping right now. It is doubtful that she can fully forget it though, the amount of times she has thrown a horny gaze to your crotch puts your bank account to shame.

“Y-you’re lying!” Wonyoung whines, almost cries out, with an uncanny desolateness in her usually confident and demanding voice. You can’t help but pity her a bit. “Admit it: my boobs are the best.”

“They are great, but you don’t have to give me a titjob for that,” you try to reason calmly. Wonyoung is having none of that today. Again. 

“No. Tell them, tell everyone, even your weird friends on Discord that I am the bustiest, I have the biggest and bestest boobs of all of them.”

“Wonyoung,

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

This is getting out of hand, like Wonyoung’s mounds. She tries to squeeze them tighter against you, but repeatedly slides over them. Her palms smack your cock in a very unarousing manner. Combine that with the absolute lack of stimulation from her chest, you go limp quickly. Even Wonyoung’s adorable, fuckable expression isn’t enough to salvage this.

Luckily for you, Eunbi saves the day, like she did so many times. She quietly urges Karina to tackle Wonyoung while she takes the vacant spot in between your knees. In the blink of an eye, the mature face of your Noona replaces that of Wonyoung, which is now buried in Karina’s bazookas. 

“I’m sorry about this,” Eunbi whispers, her initial smile fading for something more sinister, still lewd, but in an imposing way that you know all too well. “I’ll fix this, if you’re ready or not.”

You’re never ready for the way she just spits in her hands, nails painted in some color that in no time will flash up and down when she jerks your cock beyond any reasonable stimulation. All the blood that has been rushing away from it turns around asap, getting you embarrassingly hard embarrassingly swiftly.

“N-no need to be sorry. Fuck.”

“I know you can’t resist me, not even my hand. You’d cum on my tits by just looking at them. That’s why I’m better than both of them.”

Is she right? Maybe. She is making a great case for herself, her soft hand suddenly stopping the up and down movement in favor of slaps against her milky meat bags. Eunbi knows you won’t loudly admit to her superiority, but she also knows how she can remove all doubt about it. Small hands move from a large cock to the largest, most perfectly shaped breasts in at least the radius of one meter (Karina is still right there after all—why is she choking Wonyoung—why are their fingers deep in their pussies?), and Eunbi makes sure your cock disappears in them. 

Warm and soft, somewhat like a pussy and still completely different. Eunbi looks at you, expectantly, threatening, you better have a good reaction to her—her titfuck starts violently and you crash back onto the bed with a gasp that has Karina and Wonyoung perking up from their fight (GONE SEXUAL). 

Sexual feels like an understatement for the way Eunbi’s boobies have you on the verge of insanity. She moves them up and down and has you reaching for something up, something down, but all you find are pillows (suspiciously smelling like Wonyoung) and Eunbi’s hair. Nevermind, the second is a great option. You pull on it like it’s the break to a crashing train and the Noona tries to kill you with a stare.

“What are you doing?” she growls.

“Y-you’re too fast, pl-please—”

“No.”

No, your hand in her hair does not matter, she is still absolutely destroying you with her melons. Eunbi’s fun bags are now murder weapons, slashing you, ready to make you release a liquid all over them. In all honesty (you can’t tell her that), it feels fantastic, and an orgasm will be a blissful ride on the clouds, but you don’t want to give it to her. 

“I want Karina.”

“No.”

“I want Karina.”

“No!”

“Unnie!” Karina shouts and stands up, her pussy leaking onto the floor. “He wants me. Your Wony-experiment failed, now I get my rightful load.”

“Ugh, fine.” Your cock is free, Eunbi is livid, though her face can never get rid of this motherly look. It’s endearingly cute in a wicked way. “Fucking take him, I don’t care.”

“I’m here.” Karina’s soft skin presses around you, so much more careful. Her face is bright, porcelain skin ready to be painted like a canvas. Her ears perk up when she hears your groan. Her full lips are slightly parted, her large eyes are dreamy, hungry, ready for you to burst. “Cum, please.”

Your cock erupts all over the perfect, angelic features, covering all but her beauty spot in a thick icing that gets eagerly lapped up. No one can resist the toppings of a great cake after all, not even Eunbi, who quickly falls back to her knees to help Karina clean off her face. Wonyoung joins in too, but she gets the least—they really do care about the age-order here, huh?

[rosemaze-reveries]

During an interview, the manor guests suddenly get a question about you.

this is def an experimental format!! i got this idea while reading the character letters. in the POV of an unknown interviewer (not reader). reader uses they/them.

🔗⚰️📰🔮❤️‍🩹💉🌪️✂️🍀🩰🔫🪡🤹🧲🦋🐍

Q. Could you describe your relationship with (Y/N)?

🔗 Ada - "Yes, that's my lover. I would say our relationship falls within the typical scope of that sort of thing. Of course, I believe we share something special, but everyone does when they're in love, don't they?" She covers all her bases in one decisive breath, leaving little room for me to comment.

⚰️ Aesop sits perfectly upright, fingers threaded at his knees. His eyes drift to the side and he seems to begin speaking mid-thought. "I had... cautioned myself not to upset their perception of me," he explains. "But they pried, and stayed, regardless of what they found... For that, I'm grateful."

📰 Alice has kept a sharp eye on me the entire time, but it's at this question that she drops the formalities. "I wasn't aware you would be prying into my personal affairs. Where did you learn that name?" Her frankness pins me in place. For some reason, I end up apologizing.

🔮 Eli can't help a sheepish smile from blooming across his face. "Well, truthfully... I don't use this term lightly, but they might be the love of my life." He has been consistently grounded with his responses, so I'm surprised to catch him flustered, however subtle it is. Personally, I'm touched.

❤️‍🩹 Emil considers for a moment. He doesn't meet me in the eye, instead pinning his gaze on nowhere in particular. A faint smile ghosts his lips. After a while, he answers, simply, "Safe."

💉 Emily's hands are folded neatly on her lap. At the mention of that name, her shoulders tense, but she otherwise maintains her composure. "Someone I trust." Her answer is vague and cautious, but acceptable. I'll try to uncover a deeper meaning behind that 'trust'.

🌪️ Ithaqua - "Mine." He is curt and to the point. Yours? I echo, hoping he'll elaborate. His head tilts to the side, and while I can't see the face behind his mask, a sense of dread suddenly overcomes me. I decide not to press further.

✂️ Jack stretches out his hand of blades, flexing each finger in front of him. I can't deny the cold sweat that drips down my spine just by being in his presence. "May I respond with a question of my own?" he says to me. "Suppose a butterfly loses its way, and winds up caught in a spider's web. Wouldn't you agree that the more it writhes and struggles, the more exhilarated the spider becomes?" I don't have the courage to hear out the rest of this analogy.

🍀 Lucky - "I've always been known as a pretty lucky guy, but the luckiest day of my life was when I met them! I remember it was the—" He drags me down a long-winded story about their life together. I get the idea. Eventually I'm forced to cut him off.

🩰 Margaretha twirls a curl of hair, a meek blush dusting her cheeks. "Have you ever been in love before? You're never prepared for the magic of it all. I feel a new rush with them everyday. I know, realistically, all good things come to an end, so I tried to remind myself to expect the worst, but they've proven over and over that... I'll never feel safer than in their arms." After rambling for some time, a look of surprise flashes across her face. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to go off like that. Oh, but I've just never met someone who feels so much like true love before."

🔫 Martha doesn't miss a beat. "Sorry, I don't know anyone by that name." I look down to double-check the name written in her file. Her watchful gaze follows my line of sight. Are you sure? I try. "Must've been some confusion somewhere," she insists. The next day, I realize all my files on her and (Y/N) have gone missing.

🪡 Matthias - "Wh-What?" he starts, but keeps going before I can repeat the question. "Oh, uh, an ally, I guess." Well, I gathered that much. When I press for more details, his head sinks low, fingers grasping at the armrest. "I don't know what they saw in me. Was it out of pity?"

🤹 Mike's eyes light up and he blinds me with a contagious smile. "(Y/N)'s a sneaky one, and I mean it—they've got me under the trickiest spell of all. Guess what happens every time I think about them?" Egged on by his grin, I take the bait. You get lovesick? I guess. Suddenly, he tosses a handful of butterfly glitter in my face. "I get butterflies!" Very funny, I sigh, exasperated with these carnies. Why did he have that on hand in the first place?

🧲 Norton leans back in his chair, scowling. "What's that got to do with anything?" He snaps a couple times in my face, urging me to "stay on topic." It's hard to say if this question struck a nerve, as he's been uncooperative for most of this interview, but my suspicions point me to prod further. After all, it'd have been much easier if he just said he didn't know them.

🦋 Vera's face contorts into a leery, hostile glower. "Why do you ask that?" Before I can say anything to mitigate the rising tension, she catches herself, and her expression softens slightly. "I'm sorry. That's... someone quite dear to me, so your question took me by surprise."

🐍 Yidhra's follower goes pale, clearly unnerved. "She won't answer that," she tells me through shallow breaths. "Th-This isn't my place to say, but I'd advise you not to involve yourself with that person." As if on cue, I get a sensation I can only describe as a hand slowly wrapping around my neck. It disappears when I move to scratch it. Must've been my imagination.

Part 2

[lqfiles]

SCORE THAT GOAL! — 36. basketball incidents.

(wc: 1962)

“jeno, please explain to me one more time why we are here?” haechan asked from beside jeno. his gaze was fixed on jeno’s side profile as he awaited the boy to answer the same question he had asked before. jeno sighed. “look, i just wanna cheer them on. can’t i be supportive?” jeno explained in hopes of getting haechan off his back. he looked at jisung who walked on his right, the boy totally in his own world.

“yeah right, just admit that you’re upset that the basketball club gets to have friendly matches against other colleges while you guys don’t.” haechan chuckled and picked up his pace, leaving jisung and jeno a few steps behind. jeno scoffed. “i’m not upset.” he assured jisung, wanting some sort of validation from him. jisung hummed, still occupied in his own thoughts. “if you say so.” he muttered. “i do say so!” jeno rebutted.

“you guys came!” chenle’s excitement grew when his eyes landed on his group of friends who entered the indoors place. ningning nodded. “of course! you were so excited it was cute. wouldn’t want to miss something that makes you so happy.” she explained and chenle shied away, a sudden embarrassment overcoming him. “i’m gonna ignore that cute part, thank you for making it. i’ll make sure to win.” chenle placed a hand on ningning’s shoulder with a happy grin.

“where is sungchan?” you asked, looking around the basketball court in hopes of finding the said the boy. “he went to go and buy some water for later. can you believe that he was planning on ditching this match? he must’ve lost his mind..” chenle revealed with great shock, a frown growing on his face which resulted in all of you smiling at him. “i don’t know why you’re surprised, he doesn’t even like basketball. you just wouldn’t stop harassing him about joining.” you laughed out.

“i wouldn’t call it harassment.. more like a.. friendly suggestion” chenle reasoned. by now the other team had entered the place too and you took that as a cue. “we should go and find a seat before they’re all taken, make us proud chenle.” mark announced, motioning for the few empty seats. chenle nodded, sending him a thumbs up before continuing to stretch.

“do you think they will win?” ningning asked mark and you as the three of you sat down. you smiled, looking over at chenle who had ran over to sungchan when he returned. “you think chenle will ever let them lose? over his dead body.”

“jisung, don’t look but the hawk is in the nest, i repeat, the hawk is in the nest.” haechan yanked jisung backwards, harshly whispering into his ear, making jisung stumble a few steps back. “what the hell?” he grumbled back. “haechan, what are you talking about.” jisung wiped the hot breath that lingered around his ear away with the back of his palm before he gave haechan a confused looked. “i said, the hawk, is in the nest.” haechan repeated slower this time, head nodding towards the direction of the benches further ahead.

following haechan’s gaze, his eyes found the first row that was taken by a few people. his eyes widened for a second. “mark is here?” jisung asked, surprised. haechan threw his head back with a harsh sigh leaving his mouth. “yes, and look who is next to him.” haechan grabbed ahold of jisung’s jaw, turning his head a few centimetres to the side.

jisung felt his breath hitch for a moment as you turned your head to look at mark, probably laughing at whatever he said. “the hawk is here.” haechan repeated once more. jisung shook his grip off his jaw, throwing haechan a small glare. “why are you calling her the hawk, don’t be weird.” jisung said and his eyes made its way back to you and your friends.

“gosh, have you ever heard of an analogy? sorry for offending you.” haechan responded back, turning agitated by jisung’s reaction. a mischievous grin grew on haechan’s face a few seconds after as he continued to stare ahead and jisung knew better than to let haechan speak any further after that. “no, don’t even do anything.” jisung warned but haechan shrugged nonchalantly, putting his hands in his pockets.

“whatever, i’m gonna go and take a seat with my good friend (—). jeno, stop sulking and come.” haechan snapped his finger in front of jeno’s bitter face. “stop glaring at the basketball players.” haechan rolled his eyes, grabbing jeno’s arm ready to drag him along. “what’s even fun about basketball?” jeno bitterly spoke and haechan dismissed it. “yeah yeah, tell me all about it.” haechan mumbled and the two walked away.

“no- guys..” jisung tried to protest but had been unsuccessful. his friends had already made their way towards the first-row seats, making sure to make their presence known to both you and your friends. jisung watched as they greeted the others before haechan pointed a finger towards jisung’s direction.

panic surged through him and his feet had started to move on its own. before he knew, he stood right next to haechan, dragging the boy back by his cardigan. “aaand zero, see! i told you it would take 7 seconds exact for him to get here.” haechan wiggled out jisung’s grip, taking a seat in the second row, right behind ningning. jeno followed, taking a seat behind mark. “the fact that you can predict that is insane. how many times have you annoyed him?” jeno questioned.

jisung stood dumbfounded at the opening of the rows, eyes wavering between all of them until they landed on you. you were already looking at him and smiled when your eyes aligned. “hi.” you greeted and jisung couldn’t stop his own lips from shyly tugging upwards. “hey.” looking down at the spot next to jeno, he realised it was right behind you. slowly lifting his head back up to see both haechan and jeno grin at him, jisung scoffed. maybe jeno and haechan did know how to play cupid after all.

you had turned your body sideways to face him, focusing all your attention on him. “so what brings you here?” jisung awkwardly started. you chuckled, tilting your head a bit. “well, two of my friends play in the basketball team. why wouldn’t i be here?” you teased and jisung felt himself tense. what kind of stupid question was that, he mentally scolded himself.

“and what brings you here, football player?” you asked him and jisung smiled before nodding towards the person on his left. “jeno wanted to watch and dragged us along.” he explained. it felt like the whole room had turned silent, even though that was the total opposite. you hummed, your gaze still lingering on jisung. he let out an awkward cough, averting his eyes.

“how’s your throat?” jisung asked softly, but loud enough for you to hear. “oh, yeah my throat is alright now. your scarf is really warm, i might never give it back.” you laughed and jisung copied, looking back up at you. his top teeth were shown as he flashed a quick smile. “that’s okay, you can keep it. you’ll probably need it more than me.” jisung told you. and it probably looks better on you, jisung thought.

“seems like chenle really is hard-carrying his team.” mark commented as the match progressed. it had been around 20 minutes and the score was 2-3. as expected, chenle was the star player, priding the school by not missing a single shot handed to him.

“he runs the basketball club like the navy, he thinks he’s the coach.” you explained, watching chenle run around the field, throwing his hands around so his teammates would send him the basketball back. for a friendly match, he behaved like he could take down anyone in his way any moment.

“i wonder how much longer this is going to last.” haechan yawned from behind you. you couldn’t help but crack a smile, craning your head to look at the boy who was slumped in his seat. “theatre boy can’t even pay attention for twenty minutes?” you joked and haechan groaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. “there are other things i can pay twenty minutes of my attention to. watching men sweat as they run around with a ball in their hand isn’t one of them.”

“right! just a stupid game.” jeno butted in, folding his arms. all of you had turned to look at him. “jeno.. please, give it up.” haechan rubbed a hand over his face. he was already extremely bored, he couldn’t deal with jeno’s bitterness at the moment. the rest of you laughed, turning back to watch the game while you kept your eyes on haechan for a bit longer.

“better be watching, chenle will definitely ask you to point out your favourite part of the match.” you grinned at haechan who frowned in return. “why would he do that? we’re acquaintances at most, i’m not here for him!” haechan asked perplexed. you shrugged and leaned back, about to turn around again. “he loves praise, don’t be surprised.” was the last thing you said before you turned around.

you barely had time to register what happened. all you heard was ningning screech, and all you felt was your body being pushed aside by your shoulders. you instinctively closed your eyes, expecting to feel your body land on the seat next to you. you never did, instead the grip on your shoulders stayed until you opened your eyes. you looked to your side, taking notice of ningning’s body leaning into mark with wide eyes.

“are you okay?” you knew it was jisung, yet you weren’t expecting to hear him right next to your ear. you turned your head further to the left, face only a meter away from jisung who had gotten out of his seat, almost crouching behind your seat. the two of you were leaned in an awkward position and jisung soon lost balance, falling on his shins while simultaneously letting go of your shoulders.

you sat back up, looking behind you to see the basketball that had flown past you to the empty space between the first and second row. you looked over to the court to see chenle with his jaw dropped. he quickly mouthed something but you dismissed it and stood up to look at the row behind you. “i’m fine, are you okay?” you asked jisung who had just gotten back up, dusting off his jeans.

“yeah.. that was embarrassing..” he whispered as some of the audience was still looking over at you two. you nodded, scratching your neck. “it really was yeah, thank you for that. i didn’t even see it.” you thanked jisung as the both of you sat back down. he didn’t respond back and you watched as he looked at your arms for a few seconds before nodding. you were convinced you saw a tint of worry in his eyes, but didn’t want to look too deep into it.

“it’s okay, next time, be careful- n-not that it’s your fault of course! but still, don’t get hurt, you know?” jisung stammered, a sudden fluster washing over him. he barely looked you in the eye as he spoke, instead watching of his knee bounce up and down. “thank you, i will be careful.” you bit back your smile, reluctantly turning around to continue watching the match.

“holy shit.” haechan muttered with wide eyes. “wow.. never mind, maybe i do have a favourite part from this match.” a smirk had grown on his face, a smirk both him and jeno sent jisung as they nudged him. “fuck off.” jisung retorted back, trying to control the way his body was heating up.

previous — master list — next

notes ; LONG CHAPTER, IM SORRY! tldr ; they all go to watch chenle and sungchan’s basketball match and a ball almost hits y/n but jisung saves you, yippie 🤗

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[shiftinglea]

Explanation behind “You already have your desire”

Since I started my LOA journey, I've had a healthy amount of skepticism towards the idea of already having our desires. Some part of me agreed with that and said, "Yes, I indeed have my desires" (it was my soul saying that to me). But my logical mind would be like, "No, you don’t. Look at your physical life. Do you see your desire?"

And while I knew that all LOA bloggers would tell me to believe in my imagination/4d and not my 3d, I still struggled.

Until I finally found the perfect explanation of why I should trust my 4d more than my 3d.

And I’m here to share these insights with you.

It all comes down to realizing that all outcomes, all desires you have, every single potentiality exists here in the Now. They are happening all at once. But we are not perceiving them all at once. We are experiencing a certain reality at a time depending on our actions, assumptions, thoughts, and beliefs.

I will give a good analogy that I already used in one of the asks. Imagine you are in a huge room with different objects inside. A huge skeleton of an elephant is grabbing your attention first. This is what you are perceiving. But you want to find a certain book and after some searching, you find it. The thing is, the book was always in that room, you just didn’t notice it.

The same with your desires. They are always here but you are not observing them.

At every single moment you are always choosing what reality you are perceiving depending on your thoughts and assumptions.

And when you perceive a certain outcome, you know that other possibilities are still there and are available to you. You just aren’t aware of it with your senses.

Knowing that everything you can imagine exists here in the now allows you to relax and not worry about how to get it. Because you know that it’s already here even though your physical senses don’t perceive it yet.

What you need to do is to persist in this knowing that your desire is yours even though your senses don’t show it yet. This persistence will allow your desires to “physicalise” (but not really since they have always been there you just changed your perception).

Another good analogy that can help with grasping this concept is DVD. Imagine a disk with your favorite movie on it. You have watched this movie so many times and you know the ending.

So you are not stressing when characters are going through some tough times because you know that this movie has a good ending for them.

Think of your life as an infinite library with DVDs. Each DVD has a different reality that you can perceive and be a part of. When you imagine your desire/fulfill your inner man/know that your desire is yours/affirm, etc., you are literally choosing which DVD/reality you will perceive.

So when something “bad” happens, you don’t need to stress because you know how this “movie” will end. You have already seen the outcome (imagined it and accepted that it’s yours).

Your state, thoughts, and beliefs align you with a particular ending of each movie/outcome of reality. That’s why it’s recommended to think as if and to embody the state of having your desire because it aligns you with a reality where you are a person with your desires.

So disregard your senses and don’t allow them to tell you whether you have your desires or not. You always do. You just need to switch your perspective and see that it has always been there 🙏❤️

[inkskinned]

i. about 2 weeks ago, i was told there's a good chance that in 5 or so years, i'll need a wheelchair.

ii. okay. i loved harry potter as a kid. i have a hypothesis about this to be honest - why people still kind of like it. it's that she got very lucky. she managed to make a cross-generational hit. it was something shared for both parents and kids. it was right at the start of a huge cultural shift from pre to post-internet. i genuinely think many people were just seeking community; not her writing. it was a nice shorthand to create connection. which is a long way of saying - she didn't build this legacy, we built it for her. she got lucky, just once. that's all.

iii. to be real with you, i still struggle with identifying as someone with a disability, which is wild, especially given the ways my life has changed. i always come up against internalized ableism and shame - convinced even right now that i'm faking it for attention. i passed out in a grocery store recently. i hit my head on the shelves while i went down.

iv. he raises his eyebrows while he sends me a look. her most recent new book has POTS featured in it. okay, i say. i already don't like where this is going. we both take another bite of ramen. it is a trait of the villain, he says. we both roll our eyes about it.

v. so one of the things about being nonbinary but previously super into harry potter is that i super hate jk rowling. but it is also not good for my mental health to regret any form of joy i engaged with as a kid. i can't punish my young self for being so into the books - it was a passion, and it was how i made most of my friends. everyone knew about it. i felt like everyone had my same joy, my same fixation. as a "weird kid", this sense of belonging resonated with me so loudly that i would have done anything to protect it.

vi. as a present, my parents once took me out of school to go see the second movie. it is an incredibly precious memory: my mom straight-up lying about a dentist appointment. us snickering and sneaking into the weekday matinee. within seven years of this experience, the internet would be a necessity to get my homework finished. the world had permanently changed. harry potter was a relic, a way any of us could hold onto something of the analog.

vii. by sheer luck, the year that i started figuring out the whole gender fluid thing was also the first year people started to point out that she might have some internalized biases. i remember tumblr before that; how often her name was treated as godhood. how harry potter was kind of a word synonymous for "nerdy but cool." i would walk out of that year tasting he/him and they/them; she would walk out snarling and snapping about it.

viii. when i teach older kids creative writing, i usually tell them - so, she did change the face of young adult fiction, there's no denying that. she had a lot more opportunities than many of us will - there were more publishing houses, less push for "virally" popular content creators. but beyond reading another book, we need to write more books. we need to uplift the voices of those who remain unrepresented. we need to push for an exposure to the bigotry baked into the publishing system. and i promise you: you can write better than she ever did. nothing she did was what was magical - it was the way that the community responded to it.

ix. i get home from ramen. three other people have screenshotted the POTS thing and sent it to me. can you fucking believe we're still hearing this shit from her when it's almost twenty-fucking-twenty-three. the villain is notably also popular on tumblr. i just think that's funny. this woman is a billionaire and she's mad that she can't control the opinions of some people on a dying blue site that makes no money. lady, and i mean this - get a fucking life.

x. i am sorry to the kid i was. maybe the kid you were too. none of us deserved to see something like this ruined. that thing used to be precious to me. and now - all those good times; measured into dust.

/// 9.6.2022 // FUCKING AGAIN, JK? Are you fucking kidding me?

[stuckinapril]

how do you fall in love with yourself

unlearn the idea that confidence is conceit. i see this belief imposed on women especially, that if they’re very unapologetic about loving themselves it automatically means they’re narcissistic / think they’re better than everybody else. that’s not true at all. you can love yourself while also acknowledging you’re not inherently better than anyone else. you can love yourself while also being kind & supportive to others. it’s okay to be both of these things at once.

let go of the scarcity mindset. women (everyone really, but especially women) get pitted/compared against each other all the time. you see it w female celebrities in the media, but it’s very prevalent in real life as well. this is very much years of societal conditioning & both women & men partake in this behavior. ignore it. rest easy knowing that there can be multiple beautiful women, multiple smart women, multiple funny women in any environment at any given time. there is enough clout to go around; you don’t need to feel like if there’s another pretty/smart girl it means you no longer have the space to also be a pretty/smart girl. instead operate from an abundance mindset: always (alwaysss) be happy for other girls when they succeed, when they’re praised, when they’re loved, whatever. see them not as competition but as inspiration. envy is such a colossal waste of time bc nobody else’s accomplishments have any bearing on your own!!

get to know yourself more. i love the analogy of dating yourself bc it’s true. i went through a rough period of being around my ex 24/7 to the point i didn’t even know myself, and then i spent the post-breakup year hanging around everyone else constantly to numb my thoughts. now i’m spending more time alone than ever & i’m getting to know myself so much. learning about my taste in fashion, music, everything. and i’ve had so much more time to invest in hobbies & skills, which is very instrumental to building healthy self-esteem. ofc there’s a more balanced way to do this, but make sure you’re not running away from yourself!

what do you like outside of everybody’s opinion? don’t interpret this the wrong way—it’s completely fine to be inspired. every single person you know has copied someone else to an extent. but if you find yourself going too far, not trusting yourself to make the simplest decisions, just following trends blindly and nothing else, you’ve left the inspiration territory and started crossing into plagiarism. move from a place of self-direction and really think about what is naturally appealing to you. it doesn’t matter if it’s not popular or nobody else likes it. if you like it & if it makes you happy, that’s all you need.

practice self-love! i had to do this lol but it works wonders. i started intentionally telling myself that i trust my own taste, that i trust my own choices, that if i think something’s cool it’s good enough, talking to myself kindly etc etc. eventually all this stuff will become natural to you & you won’t find yourself having to expend so much energy into simply loving you for you. don’t give up even if it’s hard to believe at times.

don’t give a fuck. seriously. just don’t give a single flying fuck what someone else has to say. there will always be That One Person who tries to tear you down, belittles you, gaslights you etc etc and if you know in your heart you’re not doing anything wrong, just ignore and keep it pushing. you can’t be everyone’s favorite person (nor should you want to be). think of your favorite celebrity. anyone ever. they probably all got subjected to hate. now think of how they’re successful still & how it didn’t take anything away from them. there you go <3

if literally everyone on this planet starts hating you, loving yourself is still the antidote. to clarify, how others perceive us does hold weight. but if legit every single person i know started hating me, and i still loved myself, i’d probably still live a full life bc my perception is all that really matters in the end. i don’t need anyone else to be my #1 fan—i can do that myself just fine. it technically is actually your world & everyone else is just living in it. so enjoy that! stop giving a hard time to the one person who will always be w you through thick and thin (yourself). eat good food & watch good shows & read good books & just have fun. i love u

[luveline]

i think alternate versions for roan calling reader mom would be fun since there are so many ways it could happen !! personally would love it to happen after the last convo with eddie seeing how roan just says the silliest shit it wouldnt phase me if she just started calling her mom directly after that convo

I thought so too! much pressure to pick just the one scenario and why bother!!! plus I love this idea. the ficlet anon mentioned. ♡ roan calling reader 'mommy' for the first time ♡ fem!reader [4k]

Eddie had made the decision to ask his daughter, Roan, for permission before he proposed to you. He thought it might be best for her to get a say and that by including her any future transition would come smoother, softer.

He hadn't anticipated this.

Roan practically writhes in her car seat to be released. She hasn't stopped singing since he told her his plans.

"I'm gonn'have a mommy, I'm gonn'have a mommy," she repeats, a saccharine sweet tune that makes his heart thrum for her.

He hadn't realised how badly she wanted this.

Because Roan loves you. Has loved you since she met you, has grown to love you like any kid loves a parent. She's infatuated with you and, Eddie's proud to say, you adore her in turn. He can't believe that fate would work like this, that he'd find you — someone who could love both him and his daughter with an intensity he melts under and a tenacity that scares him.

You're a fixture in their lives. You're forever. Eddie knows that and he thinks Roan had known it some. His admission that he has plans to marry you had seemingly sealed the deal.

Though he feels that may be a bad analogy. Whatever's happened to his daughter, 'sealed' doesn't apply; she's become usntoppered. All her mountains of love and affection for you have appeared and they cannot be tamped down.

Believe him, he's tried.

"Roan," he says, very carefully and with all of his parenting might, "what's the rule?"

She's still in her dress she wore to daycare with Teddy, her one-eared stuffy, clutched to her chest. He watches her beam to herself and sing to the bear through the rearview mirror.

"Roan," he says again.

"What?" she asks, looking up.

"What's the rule, sweetheart? What did we talk about on the way here?"

Roan whines to be let out of her car seat. "We talked about big questions," she says.

"Right, babe, we did. But what did we talk about after that?"

Roan stares at him, dumbfounded. After a couple of seconds she nods, bunches messy from all the excitement. "Oh! I can't tell Y/N about the-" She stops dead, the word sticky like honey in her mouth. "Puh-postal. Posal. "

"Yes, the proposal. Because?"

"Um, 'cos it's private?"

"Yes," he says gratefully, dragging both hands through his hair. He's far from ready to propose tonight, covered in oil and grease and dirt from a long shift. He needs time, and he's worried Roan might force his hand. He wouldn't have come at all if she hadn't wanted to see you so badly.

She would be my mommy? she'd all but-screamed, more excitement on her face than a Christmas morning when she'd realised the enormity of his admission.

"We don't want to spoil the surprise, okay? So we aren't going to talk about the 'puh-posal', we're gonna talk about other things, yeah?"

"Yes, now let me out!"

Eddie bites his lip at her lack of manners. It's his own fault.

He gets out and releases Roan, slinging her hastily packed backpack over his shoulder and locking the car as she sprints to your front door. He wouldn't normally let her run off by herself but it's a short distance that she clears in seconds.

She hammers at the door, and Eddie means hammers. Both fists and her teddy's glass eyes slamming into the wood.

He catches up with her and pulls her back before she can smash something, whether it be her plushie's face or her tiny fists. She fights his hold.

"Baby?" he calls loudly, face angled toward the grain of your front door. "It's us."

"I'm coming!" you yell.

Roan squeals. It's extremely heartwarming. Eddie's sure he'd be beaming if he didn't suddenly feel sick with nerves. He might not he about to propose, but he'll have to eventually. Have to sum up every feeling he has for you, and ask for something huge from you. He'd been so caught up in Roan's acceptance of his decision that he'd forgotten there's a future where you don't say yes to this. Irresponsible, that he hadn't considered that happening.

He can survive your rejection. (He would literally be in agony, but he would survive.) Roan might get permanently hurt, though. He hadn't thought about it.

Nausea climbs up like a wave. It spikes as you open the door in your pajamas, a t-shirt he'd got for you and a black pair of slacks. Your hair's slightly messy but your face is clean, a water droplet dripping down the curve of your neck. You must've been washing up for the night.

Roan squeals again and launches herself at you. It's not unusual behaviour for her — she loves you, seriously — and you giggle infectiously, sticky thick and sweet with fondness.

"Oh hi, princess," you say with equal enthusiasm, pulling her up easy. It had taken you a while to master the parent hold. Now you're a champ. "I didn't think I was gonna see you tonight, wow!"

She looks like the happiest little girl on the planet. "Daddy said we could come because I answered the big question and I wanted to come really badly," she explains in a rush, smiling as wide as she possibly can.

You laugh again and look up from her to raise your eyebrows at Eddie. "Big questions, huh? Sounds like daddy was proposing to you." You've made yourself laugh.

Eddie could keel over.

"He said not to talk-"

"I said-" he interrupts loudly, mouth moving before he can really think about it, "not to talk about-" and he really can't think of anything, he's flailing, he's hopeless-

"The postal!" Roan says helpfully.

"Postal," you echo quizzically.

"I missed you so much," Roan says.

You forget very quickly about the 'postal'. You're as gone for her as she is for you. "Aw, babe, I missed you so much too. I'm so floppin' happy you're here."

You reach your hand out toward Eddie to pull him inside. He closes the door behind himself and drops Roan's bag by the door, following his two lovely girls down the hallway and into the living room. You flick the light on and drop Roan into her special designated seat, pausing with your hands on either side of her face to ask a familiar question.

"Can I give you a kiss, princess?" you ask.

Roan doesn't usually say no, only when she's really cranky, and today isn't an exception. "Yes, kisses."

You kiss from temple to temple and then ruffle her hair. Your fingers get caught in her bunches and you give her another kiss, murmuring into her skin, "Can I take those hair ties out? I bet you have a hairpin headache."

Roan doesn't know what a hairpin headache is but she's taken on an almost delirious pleasure from being so loved on and lets you remove her hair ties without a single sound.

"Mm," you hum, threading your fingers into her curls. "Tell me how this feels, baby."

Roan closes her eyes as you massage her scalp, encouraging her tangled curls apart with gentle, carding movements.

You're being especially tender, like you somehow know how important this moment is in Roan and Eddie's minds.

"Feels nice, huh?" you ask when she shivers.

"Feels nice," she confirms giddily, leaning back into your big throw cushions.

"How could daddy leave them in all day?" you chide. You're clearly joking, sending him an apologetic pout. He gets it. Part of your bond with her is picking on him.

"He was being grumpy on the couch."

Your pout turns authentic.

"What?" you ask, lowering your voice. "Are you okay?"

Eddie smiles, crosses your rug, takes your shoulders into both hands. "Perfect," he says, and kisses you soundly.

You pull a hand carefully out of Roan's hair and lay it flat over his chest, straight into an oil stain. It's greasy against his skin and under your fingers, and your slightly disgusted reaction stops his adoring kiss short.

"Still in your work clothes? Are you sure you're okay?"

His hands rove slowly up the slopes of your shoulders. "I'm fine. I'm a busy guy, you know? Haven't had time to change with trouble running me ragged."

"Who, this precious angel? For shame, Munson. Like I'd believe it."

You emphasise your point by leaning down and away from him, back into Roan's bubble. She responds like a moth to flame, her small hands quick to screw into the fabric of your sleep shirt and anchor you in place so you can't escape again.

"You're the sweetest baby I've ever met. Your dad's telling me white lies, I know."

"I brought a tiara for you," Roan says, mind on one thing.

"You did? Is it time for a princess party?"

Eddie wouldn't be surprised if Roan burst into tears any second now.

She runs off babbling happily to grab her bag and you turn back to him and stand at full height. You're really pretty, and he loves you, and he's told you so many times now and it still feels urgent to tell you again.

"I love you," you both say at the same time.

You spend a handful of seconds sharing a smile.

"How's your fish?" he asks.

"Still super alive." You drape both arms over his shoulders like you might slow dance with him. "You should shower. I washed your navy pajamas earlier, they're clean."

"I'll just get changed, I'm too tired to shower."

More like, if he leaves you and Roan alone there's no way he can possibly keep this situation under control.

You shake your head. "Don't be silly. Me and Roan'll start our party without you. I'll make samdwhiches and snacks and stuff, don't worry about it."

He really wants to reject your offer.

"Baby, you have to take care of yourself," you murmur, stroking down the hill of his cheek with your pinky finger.

He couldn't be more in love.

"Yeah, okay. I'll be really quick."

"Take your time." It's obvious that you're confused. Long passed are the days where Eddie had worried Roan might be a bit much for you. He's usually got more trust in you. "You know I love her, right? I don't-"

He kisses the stricken look off of your face.

You lean into it, like you'd been waiting for it. He supposes it's a reassurment, and he offers you more, "Of course I know that. M'just tired, and she's excited tonight. Don't want you to stress."

"I'm not stressed. Now go shower, you're getting oil on me."

-

Eddie is an extremely physically expressive person and as a result has created and extremely physically expressive child. Roan doesn't just feel emotions, she experiences them. Excitement for her isn't a feeling but a mode, in which she sings and dances and climbs in and out of your lap citing a thousand different reasons.

"I'm straightening your crown," she informs seriously. It falls off of your head and onto the couch. She doesn't seem in any hurry to retrieve it, choosing instead to play with your hair.

"Did daddy give you candy for dinner?"

"We had chicken and waffles."

"Oh, nice. Did he leave any for me?"

She thinks about it, socked feet digging into your thighs. "I think he left chicken wings for you and then Rufus was by the porch."

"I see how it is. I'm gone for one day and he starts giving my dinner to the strays."

Roan's fingertips are warm where they explore the skin beneath your ear. "What did you eat for dinner?"

"Well," you say, wrapping an arm around her until she collapses into your lap, "I didn't have your dad around to cook for me so I had a sandwhich and chips." You feel bad for being a poor role model.

"Chips," she says, eyes widening.

"You want some? I got lots left."

You and Roan head into the kitchen. You get her some chips and start to make sandwiches with the scraps you have left for her princess party.

"You want crusts?"

"No," she says. You really love the way she says it, like she's being super cheeky even though you really don't mind cutting them off.

"So what's up with you, Ro? Was school okay today?"

Roan's bag of chips rattles as she flounces toward you and raises her arms to be picked up. You're mid-sandwhich, so you raise her up onto the counter top and stand half in front of her to account for the low possibility that she might fall off.

"Stacey P.," she begins, somehow managing to fit two chips in her small mouth at the same time, "she got a new bike that she was riding to school, and she got a basket and it had a flower."

You cut the sandwhich into four triangles. "That sounds fun. Did dad let you ride yours too?"

"Yeah but he makes me get off at the hill."

"Your legs will get tired trying to bike up that hill, babe. I's like a mountain."

You smile at the mental image of it, Eddie in his work uniform, a pink sparkly bike under one arm and Roan's hand in his. Sometimes, you're genuinely shocked you managed to nab him before somebody else did.

"I can do it," she says confidently.

You slide the plate toward her. "Sandwhich?"

Roan ends up disassembling a triangle to shove chips inside. You laugh under you breath at her antics. She reminds you of her dad all the time, and he reminds her of you. They're intertwined completely.

"Roan, you won't think I'm a weirdo if I give you a hug, will you? I really missed you and dad."

Roan drops her sandwhich instantly and opens her arms up, grinning. "Dad says being a weirdo is cool."

"Being a weirdo is cool," you agree, bundling her up into a very close hug.

Her hair is soft as silk pressed to your cheek, sweet curls crushed against your skin.

"You know I love you?" you ask her.

Being close to her like this has you thinking extremely selfish thoughts. You're not naive, you know you do lots of things that mom's do. You know you look after her, that you love her, that you want to be her mom forever. It kind of feels taboo to think it. Do I have the right?

By the time you'd met Roan she was barely a baby anymore. Eddie's her dad, he did and he does all the hard stuff, but you've slowly earned certain gifts. You love to make her dinner, and get her dressed, and help her in the shower when Eddie's busy — all the basic stuff that doesn't feel basic at all. And you get to do more. You sit with her during tantrums, you cause tantrums. You kiss her scraped knees and let her nap in your lap, you answer her unending questions with patience and you spoil her when you can. You take care of her like she's your own.

She feels like your own.

But it's terrifying to presume.

The thought of one day losing Eddie is striking. He's your favourite person in the entire world (along with his daughter, of course). You love him and everything that comes with him, the oil stains and the bad jokes and the nerd games, the thousands of cuddles and his eager kisses. Losing Roan at the same time would be a death sentence.

"I love you too!" she says. It's like she'd been waiting all day for you to say something and now's her time to shine. "I love you so much and dad told me not to tell you 'bout it but I love you so I want to."

You frown into her hair. "Dad told you not to tell me you love me?"

She giggles. "You are trying to trick me."

You giggle in reply, willing to run with it. "I'm not trying to trick you, baby. I'm just confused."

"Dad says it was private."

You encourage her face back to meet her eyes. "I don't know what daddy's been telling you, but if you love me it's okay to tell me. I love you."

You rub her cheek with your thumb as she nods a voracious agreement. "And you're gonna be my mom," she says, beaming. It's casual. She doesn't realise the bomb she's dropped.

Lips parted, you stare at her. Roan goes shy, the obvious beginnings of rejection on her face.

"Baby," you say quickly, ignoring the trembling in your own hands as you stroke her hair from her forehead and cup the back of her head, "I think that's something me and your dad have to talk about first."

"But after the pu-postal you'll- Dad said-"

"What did I say?" Eddie asks, brown eyes wide as a deer in headlights.

Roan falls silent.

You look between the two Munson's. Your heart pounds with anxiety.

Eddie stands in the kitchen doorway in his pajamas with a towel around his neck, curls sopping wet and leeching into the white fabric steadily. He smells distinctly like conditioner even from a couple feet away, the fruity sleekness of jasmine tickling your nose.

"What has she told you?" Eddie asks, scratching the back of his neck.

"What's a 'postal'?"

You're ashamed to admit you're on the edge of being upset.

"It's uh- a code word," he says. "For a secret."

"We're keeping secrets?"

"No?"

"You don't sound very sure."

"It's just- It's- It's hard to explain, baby."

Roan's hands covet your arm. You let her pull you toward her and hug you, still so confused by everything that's being said, and you're conflicted about what she's told you. Honestly, you're a little bit hurt.

"Roan said... Said you told her that she shouldn't tell me she loves me because it's private?"

Eddie pulls at both ends of the towel, looking conflicted. "It's not that."

"It's okay," Roan says softly, resting her face against your arm.

"I just don't get what-"

"It's okay, mommy," Roan says, lifting her chin to smile at you.

"Roan," Eddie says, devastated.

You press your lips together hard and turn to her, the prick of tears sudden and effective as a thorn. It's okay, mommy.

You get your arms under her armpits and pull her up into your chest before she can protest one moving to behind her butt and the other her back as her knees dig into your waist. You know if you look at Eddie you're gonna start crying for real, hiding your face in her hair and taking a shaky breath.

You always say the same thing when Roan is unhappy. Why are you sad, babe? It's okay. You can cry if you want to. Do you want me to do something?

Roan doesn't remember the words, but she tries.

"Why are you crying?" Roan asks. Clumsy, earnest, lovely.

"I'm not," you deny.

"It's okay to cry when you have to."

Eddie joins her reassurance. "Babe, it's alright. I'll tell you whatever you want to know, I promise. I'm not keeping secrets from you. Please don't be upset."

"I'm fine," you squeak.

Neither Munson believes you.

"I didn't tell Roan she couldn't say she loves you, okay? It was something else I asked her not to tell you."

You blink quick and dispel tears. It's a silly thing to cry about. You can't understand it, and you're embarrassed. You're perplexed by Eddie's sudden opaqueness but thrilled and aching at Roan's calling you 'mommy'. You can't get the words out to tell him.

Roan called you mommy.

"I love you," you say tearfully, squeezing Roan tight enough to make the poor girl groan.

"You're suffotating me!" she laughs, squirming.

Her dad finally comes up behind you and spreads his hand over your shoulder. You raise your gaze to his, find his lovely features lined with a strange kind of stress. He dips his head toward your ear.

"If you don't want her to call you mom, that's okay," he says quietly, seriously, "I didn't know she was going to."

"I know, Eds," you say, relaxing as his hand climbs to your neck.

"I'll tell you whatever you want to know," he reaffirms.

You understand what he's trying to say. All these conversations can be had privately if you want to have them. But Eddie doesn't realise that he doesn't need to worry, he never has. You love them.

"If it's okay with you," you murmur, staring at the soft 'V' shapes of his bottom lashes, "she can call me mom."

It feels like an admission. Is there any other way he can take it? Yes, Eddie, I plan on being here for a long fucking while.

It's a huge thing to admit that you want, and to promise that you'll live upto.

Eddie encircles the two of you in his arms. As Roan rests her head against your chest, your rest your head against his collar. He lifts his hand to wipe away the small shock of tears lingering in your eyelashes and then kisses the top of your head three times in a row.

You understand what the secret had been, suddenly.

The pu-postal.

Your heart jackhammers. You cling to Roan, unsure how long you stand there being hugged and hugging.

Roan breaks first. "Sam-widges," she whines, wiggling.

Eddie pulls away. You set Roan on the counter and she continues to eat her sandwhiches, legs kicking against the dishwasher.

You collect yourself before you turn to face Eddie — and his secret — head on. You can tell he knows you know.

You sniffle under his adoring gaze.

"Love you," he says, leaning down for a kiss. He stops before his lips can reach yours, the tip of his nose whispering against yours as his hands explore your abdomen.

Waist, ribs, the small of your back.

You stare at his closed eyes.

"I love you," he says again.

"I love you, Eddie."

His eyes open and he catches you watching him.

Eddie doesn't kiss you, only stares. You nod almost imperceptibly and he chucks under your chin with his knuckle before he gives you some space, moving to stand by Roan where she's lounging on the counter and picking apart a sandwhich to fill with chips.

He kisses her cheek. "Got one for me?"

Roan holds her sandwhich up to his mouth. Eddie takes a huge bite.

"Dad! You almost ate my fingers!"

"Not my fault your hands look yummy."

You hold your own face in two hands and feel the blistering heat of your cheeks seep into your hands. How can two people make up so much of your life?

"I think we should move in together," you say.

"What?" Eddie asks, startled.

"You and Roan. You should come and live with me."

Eddie's barely smiled when Roan shrieks at the top of her lungs.

"Yes!"

-

more eddie and roan

there's an eddie and roan masterlist available through my navigation but the link is temporarily not working here ♡

[commodorez]

I still believe the craziest form of computer program storage format from the 1980s is the cassette tape. Logical I get it but to store entire programs on little tape (that I only remember using to play music) is just crazy to me. Idk

Agreed, cassette tape for data storage was really clever. The concept had its heyday was the 1970s in a wide variety of encoding schemes for different computer platforms. It did persist into the 80s, mostly in Europe, while the US switched to floppy disks as soon as they were available for systems. The majority of my Ohio Scientific software is on cassette.

Talking with UK vs. US Commodore 64 users in particular will highlight the disparity in which storage mediums that were commonplace. I've got a few pieces of software on tape for mainly the VIC-20, but I rarely bother to use it, because it's slow and annoying. To be fair, Commodore's implementation of data storage on tape is pretty rock solid relative to the competition. It's considered more reliable than other company's but Chuck Peddle's implementation of the cassette routines are considered quite enigmatic to this day. He didn't document it super well, so CBM kept reusing his old code from the PET all the way through the end of the C128's development 7 years later because they didn't want to break any backward compatibility.

The big thing that really made alot of homebrewers and kit computer owners cozy up to the idea was the introduction of the Kansas City Standard from 1976. The idea of getting away from delicate and slow paper tape, and moving towards an inexpensive, portable, and more durable storage medium was quite enticing. Floppy disk drives and interfaces were expensive at the time, so something more accessible like off the shelf audio tapes made sense.

I've linked two places you can read about it from Byte Magazine's February 1976 issue below (check the attribution links).

You might recognize a familiar name present...

There are a few ways to encode binary data on tape designed to handle analog audio, but the KCS approach is to have 1's be 8 cycles of 2400Hz tone, and 0's be 4 cycles of 1200Hz tone. I say cycles, because while 300 baud is the initial specification, there is also a 1200 baud specification available, so the duration of marks vs spaces (another way of saying 1's and 0's), is variable based on that baud rate. Many S-100 computers implemented it, as do a few contemporary proprietary designs.

The big 3 microcomputers of 1977 that revolutionized the industry (Apple II, Commodore PET 2001, and Tandy TRS-80 Model I) each have their own cassette interface implementation. It kept costs down, and it was easy to implement, all things considered. The Apple II and TRS-80 use off-the-shelf cassette deck connections like many other machines, whereas the original variant of the PET had an integrated cassette. Commodore later used external cassette decks with a proprietary connector, whereas many other companies abandoned tape before too long. Hell, even the original IBM PC has a cassette port, not that anybody bothered to use that. Each one used a different encoding format to store their data, rather than KCS.

Here's a sample of what an OSI-formatted tape sounds like.

And here's a Commodore formatted tape, specifically one with VIC-20 programs on it.

I won't subject you to the whole program, or we'd be here all day. The initial single tone that starts the segment is called the "leader", I've truncated it for the sake of your ears, as well as recorded them kinda quietly. I don't have any other tape formats on hand to demonstrate, but I think you get the idea.

You can do alot better than storing programs on tape, but you can also do alot worse -- it beats having to type in a program every time from scratch.

[sonicasura]

Transformers: Analog Horror Style

I've been talking about this on a non fandom related Discord and decided to bring it here. There are various analog horrors that utilize non horror series such as Splatoon 3 or Jurassic Park. It felt only right to add something like Transformers to the mix.

Extraterrestrial mechanical beings who can disguise themselves as various machinery, grainy footage and videotapes that only hold clues??? Perfect material for a horror. Here's some ideas that came to mind.

Decepticons

Nowhere is safe and one wrong move can potentially be your last. The Internet is a stalking ground so post or search with caution. Lest you wind up on Soundwave's radar. This Decepticon will be happy to light up his targets for one reason: an insidious hunt for the spy master's cassettes to enjoy.

Ever seen a beautiful sports car parked by the side with a sleek blood red paint job? DO NOT TOUCH. Unless you want to meet the same fate as all the others who run afoul with Knockout.

A terror in the skies that signals disaster wherever he appears. Pray the lone jet doesn't reveal it's true form. Don't look and hope he hadn't spotted you if a glimpse occurs. Survivors of Starscream are miniscule.

Results are all that matter. Morals? Worthless. Lives? Another opportunity to experiment. Emotions? Not needed. Shockwave only serves for the cause with lethal efficiency.

It is useless to hide. This will only excite him. Run as it chips away at his boredom. Fight and he'll be merry to slaughter the lamb caught in his gaze. All Hail Megatron as humanity is nothing but a plaything.

The only way this information can get through is by the way of analog. Find these tapes at your own risk. There is no turning back the moment the video starts. Decepticons don't lose their prey easily.

Autobots

It's nearly impossible to tell if they have good intentions unlike their more violent counterparts. The Internet is a double edged sword that needs to be regarded with caution. Autobots are at a greater disadvantage than you think. What little information about them is scarce.

Communication and knowledge is minimal. Some can speak but how comprehensible they are varies. The most understandable share only broken sentences that rarely blur into inhuman language. A few offer a 'soup' of linguistics which share little to no connection. Some play by the ear but don't understand what every word means. The remainder are mute, either speaking in their language or have no voice box to respond through.

Most don't understand how humans function. A situation that has led to people being slaughtered by Decepticons, accidental harm to the innocent, or danger by their fellow man who believe they gone insane. This has led to a decision from their leader, Optimus Prime.

Human help is REQUIRED. They need a liaison if the Autobots hope to even catch up to the Decepticons. Government related officials won't do as these humans are too volatile and always under Soundwave's surveillance.

What they need is a teacher. Someone who can offer such knowledge and not marked as a person of interest to their enemies. A bystander will do.

Pay attention to the car that appears outside your driveway. Look closer at the one following behind on the road. Did another join each car? Flee foolishly and they will give chase.

If the lights behind you disappear, DON'T RELAX. The Peterbilt is coming. Avoid him as he will trap you. Stop and the chance of escape dwindles. Turning off the engine was a bad mistake. DO NOT RUN. Optimus Prime will catch you and escape is impossible.

Welcome to the war. You can't escape until one side wins. The Autobots are guardians but also prison wards to their chosen liaison. You will be protected yet caution is still advised. Welcome to this new dangerous life.

That's it for now! Until next time folks, I'll see you later. Transform and Roll Out!

[bettsfic]

Writing q: do you/did you ever feel like there's a dichotomy between writing something fun and light and tropey & writing something good/that you're proud of? I'm trying to write a romcom-esque multichap fic that ends happily but I keep running into this mental block that it's not Serious Work so it can't be what i would consider good (which is hilarious because a) its all fanfiction none of it is serious?? and b) i know that's not true!) lmao. Was jw if you have any thots on this

i've got an analogy for you.

before i started writing, i was really into baking. back then i was not only a perfectionist but an extremist. i believed that REAL baking meant using the rawest possible ingredients. the idea of store-bought puff pastry or pie crusts was appalling to me.

and every year i baked a pumpkin pie for thanksgiving. to bake the pumpkin pie, i had to go out at early o'clock in the morning on a saturday to my local farmer's market and pick out the most perfect pumpkins. and i don't know if you've ever baked pumpkin pie with real pumpkins but it takes a long damn time. and it's hard. and so i baked the pumpkins for hours and scraped out the innards and made a puree, and i roasted the seeds for a snack. and amid all that, i made the crust from scratch too.

the pie always turned out! so i kept making it that way. until one year i just wasn't up to the task, and instead swallowed my pride and bought canned pumpkin and a premade crust.

and it tasted exactly the same as the pie that took me an entire day to make. it was also much cheaper, because in our era of industry, the processed stuff has become more affordable than the raw stuff unless you grow it yourself. (and believe me, i wanted to.)

the only difference i could discern was in the texture, because canned pumpkin is pureed more than i could puree real pumpkin. canned pumpkin also has other kinds of gourds in it, but that doesn't really affect the taste. i also felt bad for not supporting my local farmers. but it was worth it to be able to bake a pie from start to finish in 90 minutes.

for so many years i had it in my head that if a process is harder, the result is better. it was that mentality that kept me in a job i hated for a long time. it's hard and i don't like it, therefore it's more serious and respectable. it was unconscionable to me to think that something fun and easy could result in something good.

when you're writing fanfiction or anything where you're relying on the audience's knowledge of something else (like tropes), you can get it in your head that it's inherently easier and therefore worse. and because it's a skill, in order to become better at it, you have to challenge yourself. to challenge yourself, you have to make it harder.

but you're making something. you're putting words on a page in formations that have never existed before. that's hard, period. you don't have to make it harder. your readers will value it regardless of the challenge you give yourself. every thanksgiving, my family just appreciated that i had baked a pie. they didn't care how i'd baked it or what ingredients i used. yes, the longer and more difficult process created a product i was more proud of than the shorter, easier process. but you can't taste pride.

this is something i have to remind myself of all the time, because my instinct is to make everything more difficult than it has to be. you're always going to be your own worst critic, in part because you're the only one who knows your own process and the blood, sweat, and tears you put into it. but ultimately, nobody cares about the pumpkins. all they want is the pie.

[carionto]

This has probably been transcribed before but I don't know what tags to find it under, so imma just do it again cuz this kind of stuff feels very relevant to know, more evidence that Humans are weird as fuck and our brains just make shit up. [Twitter thread by user named foone as a long image I stumbled upon on Pinterest]: _______________________________

You want to know something about how bullshit our brains are? OK, so there's a physical problem with out eyes: We move them in short fast bursts called "saccades", right? very quick, synchronized movements. The only problem is: they go all blurry and useless during this

Having your vision turn into a blurry mess every time you move your eyes is obviously not a good idea, so our brains hide it from us. Now imagine you're an engineer and you have this problem

You've got some obvious solutions you could do.

make the vision go black during movement. (Some VR games do this!)

just keep showing the last thing we saw prior to movement

Both are good options with different downsides, but OH NO. this is assuming everything makes sense and is chronological and (regular) logical.

Your brain does neither of these options, really.

First, it basically puts your visual system on "pause".

You're not seeing blackness or even nothing, you're just not seeing period.

then when you finish your saccade, it shows you what you now see at the new position. and then it pretends it can time travel.

It seriously shows you the image at the new point, but time-shifts it backwards so that it seems like you were seeing it the whole time your eyes were moving.

And because your brain is not a computer with a consistent clock, this shit works.

You can see this effect happen if you watch an analog clock with a second hand.

Look away (with just your eyes, not your head), then look back to the second hand.

It'll seem like it takes longer than a second to move, then resumes moving as normal.

That's because your freaking visual system just lied to you about HOW LONG TIME IS in order to cover up the physical limitations of those chemical camera orbs you have on the front of your face.

We've known about this effect for over 100 years, it's called "Saccadic masking" and more specifically Chronostasis. Your visual system lies to you about WHEN things happen by up to half a second (!) just to avoid saccades blurring everything.

So while I firmly believe we're basically just overgrown biological computers, we're apparently computers programmed by batshit insane drunkards in Visual Basic 5.

And you might think "hey wait, wouldn't my vision 'pausing' for half a second have all kinds of weird effects on moving objects? why don't they appear to stutter when moving?"

and the answer is simple! your brain has EVEN MORE UGLY HACKS on top of this to avoid you seeing that

If you've got a clock where the second hand doesn't "tick" but instead smoothly rotates, you won't see this. Because your brain recognizes it's moving and adjusts what you see to make sure it sees the "right" thing.

It's only really obvious with periodically moving things like a clock hand, because it's not moving (so not triggering the movement-during-chronostasis hack) but it moves at a set rate, so you can notive that rate appearing to change.

It's tempting to think of your eyes and visual system as a camera just dumping a video feed into your conscious brain but taht's so very, very not the case. What you think you see and what your eyes can actually see are two exceptionally different things.

The big obvious one being the blind spot. Vertebrate eyes are wired backwards so we've got a blind spot in each eye where the enrves enter into the eye. About 6 degrees of your vision in each eye is just not there, as there's no light sensitive cells there.

Do you see a blind spot, right now? No, you probably don't. Close one eye! There's now no way for the other eye to fill in the gaps. Still, no blind spot… Your visual system is lying, and making up content it thinks is there. You literally cannot see what you think you see.

Here's another one: You can see in color, right? (well, some of you can't. Sorry) You can see in color all throughout your vision, it's color everywhere?

Well, most of the cone cells (Which are sensitive to color) are in the fovea, a little spot in the center of your vision.

So outside of that center-of-vision spot, you have very little color perception. There's some but it's very limited compared to your main color vision. But I bet if you shift your attention to your peripheral vision right now, it's in color.

Your vision system is lying. It's remembering what colors things are and guessing and filling in the gaps. It's basically doing a Ted Turner colorization process on your non-central vision.

There's even weird effects like what's called "Action-specific perception". If you get a bunch of white balls of various sizes and toss them at people then ask them to estimate the size of the balls thrown at them, they'll have a certain size estimate, right?

Now repeat the experiment but ask them to try to hit the balls back with a bat, and suddenly all the estimates shift larger. They actually see the ball as bigger because they need to hit it. Their vision is exaggerating it to make it easier to see!

Which just goes to show, like I said, your vision is not a camera. Perfect accuracy is not one of its goals. It does not give any shits about "objective reality", that's not important.

What's important to the evolution of the visual system is any trick that helps you survive, no matter how "dumb" or "weird" it is.

So if you want an accurate visual representation of what things look like? Use a camera. Not your eyes.

In any case the original point was that while you might know this about your eyes being poor cameras that lie to you, you might still think that at least they're consistent, time-wise. They don't screw with your sense of time passing, just to make up for visual defects. NOPE!

If you can't get it don in time, turn back the clock and pretend you did. That's a perfectly good solution when you're the visual system.

BTW @/hierarchon reminded me of a neat trick with saccadic masking: go look in a hand mirror. No matter how close you bring it to your eyes, and how much you look around, you will never see your eyes move. You're blind during those movements. But you still think you are seeing.

She additionally pointed out that your phone's selfie-mode is NOT a mirror, and it has a slight delaye, so you can see your eyes moving in it.

And for fun, here's wikipedia's example of the blindspot. Stare at L with only your left eye, adjust the distance, and the R will disappear. You don't see "nothing" or "black", you see the background, because you expect to.

This is why laser damage your retina can be so insidious. Your visual system already can hide "holes" in your vision, what's one more to hid? So you damage a small spot of your retina and your visual system covers it up.

But since you didn't go "WELL THAT WAS TERRIBLE I BETTER TAKE BETTER CARE OF MY EYES" and stop fucking with lasers, you keep doing it. Eventually you accumulate so much damage that your visual system simply cannot manage hiding it all and your vision rapidly degrades.

The other reason lasers are so dangerous is that they don't necessarily trigger the same responses as regular incoherent light. Your pupil reflex is only triggered by some special cells in the center of your eye, so an off-center laser might not cause your iris to contract.

And infrared laser light is just as dangerous as visible laser light, but can't trigger your blink reflex. Your eyes automatically close when exposed to bright light, but they can't detect infrared light. Despite not seeing it, it still causes damage.

Anyway, back on how amazing and crazy your vision is: There was an experiment back in 1890 where someone wore glasses made with mirrors in them to flip their vision. After about 8 days, they could see just fine with them on. Their vision system had started "flipping" the image.

(I say flipping in quotes because it's not as simple as it started showing the pixels at the top row on the bottom row, cause our vision doesn't work like that) It only took them a few hours to get back to normal after taking these glasses off, though.

The last really fun part about this flipping experiment: your eyes already do it. Based on how our vision is wired, we should be seeing everything upside down.

We don't, but only because our visual system has had a whole life to adapt to this.

BTW, since a few people have brought it up: There's a great sci-fi novel by Peter Watts called Blindsight. In it humans encounter an an alien race they call Scramblers, who can move very fast and precisely, and they exploit saccades.

Because if they only move during saccades, we never see them moving. And since so much of our vision is based on just filling in what we think is there, if they stay out of the direct center of our vision, we'll just visually fill them in, like they were never there.

Check it out if you're into hard SF stories of first contact. It's got some really neat ideas about human vision, very unique aliens, the future of humanity in the face of perfect VR, and vampires. (Really, it has "vampires", while still being hard-SF)

BTW, remember how I said "vertebrate eyes" up there? Guess who has eyes which are wired forwards instead of backwards (have no blindspot), have an internal lens, and can even see polarization of light? Our good friends the Cephalopods!

[austinsastrology8991]

> Astr0 H0uSE CHeAT ShEeET< How to hack your house system(s)

HOUSE 1 - this house is the basic bitch you. YOu present yourself this way, you appear this way, but it is the superficial you, and its good to remember this otherwise you can get lose in the image you have cultivated for yoself. but images are incrediblty powerful, and we all succumb to the belief that we are who we are, because others say we are. and well we are but we are much more. so yes you look ugly or pretty, but its got very little to do with your life, yes people get pretty privilege and others get ugly disadvantage, but you have so much more power than how others/ yourself perceive you. HOUSE 2 - this house is where you find stability, its how you structure your life, also how your body be doin. This house is where you protect yourself what you like to built from and upon. Use this house as a form of stability, if your life is unstable this house is a big apart of why. also you want to make some money? or develop some self esteem? look here planets here are huge part of how this can be achievable. also its a grower not a shower so treat these planets with care and thatll like turn them on or something idk HOUSE 3 - this is whst you research or what you love to learn, what you know well but are always sippin the tea of information, the elixir or knowledge or suckin the apple juice or whatever bullshit analogy you believe in, this is what you understand so well, but are lowkjey insecure because you think you should know more given how much researcgh youve done, but reality is you done so much work in comparison to most others youll be fine just chill those nerves take a xanny bro. but dont forget what you know just because someone introduced a new idea to your head, always incorporate new information and filter out the parts that dont serve. thats how you maximise intelligence, get reading, and get writing, you cant just do one, your limiting your brain.

HOUSE 4 - This is actually the real you, the you to the core. This is how you were raised and that can be hard to hear but its true. LOok everyones childhood was kinda fucky, and thats why everyones a fucky fucker, so stop hiding the real you let it out, the more you repress this the more it shows how insecure you are, stop hiding or somoene will break downt those walls whether you like it or not. so you may as well be the one in charge of your own vulnerability, than giving someone else the gift of being the one to crack you open like some kinda egg. but dont show this part of you too much otherwise you scrambled your own eggs, and your ruining ya yolk. so balance goes a long way. too many people hide, and too many people are whiners. some figured it out, but the ones that do cant be bothered being a daddy. you shouldve grown up by now so get goin. HOUSE 5 - this is where you thrive, your talents, your shining light from jesus's holy bleeding nipples. Lawd thank you for your beautiful lamb and letting us torture him amen. okay sorry for ruining your favourte shrine. well anyway this is the house of creativity, and where you shine and become a beacon of hope; pretty special stuff if you got a planet here. but temper yourself because the more you shine the more energy you attracting, so jsut make sure you can fit all that food in yo mouth. also this is where you find fun and enjoyment outta life. stop acting like you dont like the attention HOUSE 6 - this is where you get shit done, where you find results. also how life throws some bullshit at you, because it wants you to figure it out, this is your job. your job isnt real, but the planets here are your fr job. also anything here affects your health, because once again its what life throws at you, and if life throwing something at yo body, your body gonna obsorb that shit into a wound, and now guess what your not gonna rely on your doctor to figure out an illness that could result in your death, so now your doing your doctors job too. hey but dont freak out, calm them nerves down. because the more you exacerbate the bigger the problem is in your mind, and the body still broken lol. figure it out, dont stress otherwise your truly fucked.

HOUSE 7 - your projections in the world, what you want to be but aint, but to others they think you are this. but its because your so full of shit you just chucked this energy onto the other person, and youve confused them so much now they believe this energy is you, but your just a retard that doesnt know how to communicate or relate to people properly. Also you attracted to people like this, and well they like you too, probably because you tried so hard to get their attention lmao, and everyone likes to be fawned over. HOUSE 8 - this is how you fuck people. and i mean that in every sense of the word. how you kill, how you eat the other, you do it using this house and what sits on its penis. nah but fr you gotta expect some fuck around when i talk about this house because this is legit how you take from others, and people are afraid of this energy because they are entranced. It for real feels liek your a big ass spider, wrapping up them bugs and yall just about to eat them. and when you think about it the spider wraps up their prey in their little web jizz and the bug can just smell it all over them, then they get eaten. perfect analogy dont even question me im a professional. HOUSE 9 - travelling the world to learn more and expand the mind. is what this about i guess. I mean this is meant to be the most expansive house because of its focus on travelling and discovery. anything here feels like its been around the world, and it now feels compelled to teach others what it learnt. but how hard is it to listen to a teacher. i mean most of the time people dont know how to educate each other without it being boring, so if you got planets here im telling you. no one gives a fuck unless you learn how to be interesting, i dont care what you know your patronizing me and you gotta learn what the audience wants, we know what you want, but now you have to compromise a little to help us learn.

HOUSE 10 - this is how your viewed, where people are inspired about you, and how your seen in career. so this is where you must learn mastery, otherwise youll look incredibly foolish, because you own this energy in the political sphere, you must learn to master it otherwise your looked at with very little respect. gaining respect is not as difficult or as easy as people seem to imagine. its a slow process which it usually comes from patience and perseverence. also the art of deduction. you need to learn when to put yourself foward and when to fall back. if you do too much of either your a fuckhead and people wont respect you. so if you want to be viewed highly (this is the house of how your viewed) then use discrepancy of the energies you have here. a leader knows when to strike, and when to chill out. as long as they win who gives a fuck.

HOUSE 11 -Social presence. whatever is here is how you affect the public/ people around you. whether your aware of it or not your very influential if you have something here. and whatever planet is present is how you influence others. so be more consciounse of how you impact those around you. because if your not aware youlll still get blamed for it, because you caused the butterfly effect of the chain reactions of fuckery. you can avoid all responsibility as much as you like, but the reality is, you can influnce people and you should do a better job otherwise incur the karma. HOUSE 12 - this is where you feel trapped. this is where your spiritually suffocated/ tested, whatever is here is being warped by the power of the unseen/ abilities of the mind. and if you misuse that (and most do) you'll be stuck in a cage of constant fear and bullshit. its not real whatever youve imagined. its as real as you make it. so to me if you just learn to manifest something more positive could be very helpful, especially since this is the manifestation house, if your not using it to create good manifestations well youll accidentally manifest accidents, and you'll blame everything but yourself but it literally was you. you cant blame anything else for your life because its your own.

[alphajocklover]

My beat friend has been acting weird lately. He’s always been a skinny Asian guy for a long as I’ve known him, but I swear he hit a growth spurt or something cause he’s been getting taller, looks absolutely jacked, and his voice is even deeper. Now he keeps saying “you’ll be my bro” whenever I see him. Did you do something?

I can say with a hundred percent certainty that I didn’t change your friend. I only change people who ask to be changed, and I almost always post about people I personally change on this blog. But, that doesn’t mean that he hasn’t been changed by someone. As I’ve shown there are a number of forces out there that love to transform people into jocks. InstaJock, the Jock Studies program and EB Jewelry just to name a few. But in this case I don’t believe anyone changed your friend. Considering what you’ve described I’m almost certain that your friend is a newly awakened Alpha.

I’ve mentioned Alphas before. A special breed of men who are so dominant and powerful that they can influence the people around them and reality itself, and from what you’ve said it looks like you’re his first target. It makes sense that you’d be his first beta. While many things change about an Alpha when they awake to their true nature, they don’t lose their old attachments and memories. Of course now that he’s a living demigod he wants his best friend with him on the ride!

You’re actually very lucky. More experienced Alphas, who are used to their own dominant powers, often treat betas like property. They usually don't mistreat them or anything, but with how they control their betas and alter them to whatever suits their whims, it’s almost like a kid playing with his toys. Alphas love their betas, but betas are playthings in the end, beneath the Alphas. But you, you aren’t just a toy. You’re your Alphas favorite toy. The one he’d had since he was young, the ones he’ll never want to throw out. It's a little weird to be talking about Alphas like they’re kids with toys, since an Alpha is anything but helpless and innocent, but the only other analogy I can think of would be an owner and his pet, and that’s a little more kinky than I usually get on this blog (not that there's anything wrong with that).

As for what you can do, there isn’t much. You could try to run, but since you’re his best friend he probably won’t let you go. If I were you I’d just enjoy the ride. You’re going to spend the rest of your life a beefy, dumb, asian jock bro with your best friend by your side. Who wouldn’t want that?