#you could tell that she was in PHYSICAL PAIN trying to use both sets of pronouns

[cluescorner]

There is nothing more wholesome than my catholic grandmother trying to understand LGBTQ+ stuff. Like, she has me remind her about all of my friends pronouns, asks me questions about how I learned I was gay, and treats me and Clover the same way she treats my brothers and their girlfriends. The absolute cutest and funniest thing she ever did involved Elliot Page’s coming out. So she read that Elliot Page uses he/they pronouns and, being an old lady where this was her first experience with somebody using multiple pronouns, she fucked it up in the most wholesome way possible. I am guessing that she googled what it meant when somebody used two sets of pronouns, read that it was important to use both of those pronouns for a person, and stopped there. So, rather than using one pronoun when discussing Elliot, she used BOTH AT THE SAME TIME. 

“Oh, have you seen his/their post? I am very happy for Elle-ELLIOT (yes she screams to remind herself of peoples ‘new names’)! Do you think he/they is going to keep playing his/their role in umbrella academy?” 

Funniest shit that has ever happened. I corrected her about how to actually address somebody with two sets of pronouns and she was like ‘oh thank God that makes much more sense’. 

[outsideratheart]

By Your Side, Always (Alexia Putellas x reader)

A/N: We’re supercampeones!!! I’m not sure what this is but I hope you like it.

The first 45 minutes of the game you were having fun, the whole team was. Levante knew that Barcelona would make them work but tonight you and the team were putting on a world class performance. They were never a team to give up but with 7 goals scored and them not being able to find the net, they struggled to find hope and accepted their defeat. They were now fighting to keep the score at 7 and it started to get messy. 

It was clear that you had been made a target by Levante’s entire back line. You didn’t care though, you could take it. If anything you welcomed the physically because it meant you were allowed to give them a taste of their own medicine every so often. 

Alexia wished she could be on the pitch with you but she must admit it was fun being in the stand watching you play the way you were. 

“She’s showing off” Mapi said to no one in particular as she watched you dance around their left back even looking back and smirking to her once you sent the ball into the box. 

“She’s unstoppable when she’s like this” your girlfriend says. 

She regretted her choice of words not even a minute later. There were two defenders between you and the goal. You were determined to make it 8. That is until you get taken out by not one but two players. You felt one set of studs go into the outside of the ankle and another set on the inside. You truly had never felt pain like it. 

Alexia heard your outcry of pain and could do nothing but watch as you laid on the floor clutching your ankle. 

“I need you to get up. I need to go to her” Alexia stood to her feet, desperate to be by your side. 

“You can’t go onto the pitch” Mapi slowly got up, careful not to knock her knee. 

Her warning fell on deaf ears and Alexia was already rushing towards the pitch. As expected she was stopped by Jona but she stayed near the sidelines waiting for you. 

“Please get up” Alexia whispers to herself. She began to fear the worst when she sees the physio signal for a stretcher. 

“We both know she’s too stubborn to use it Alexia. Give her a few minutes and she’ll be up” Jona pats his captain’s shoulder in support. 

The coach was right. It took a little longer than Alexia would have like but you are up on your feet. It’s obvious that the injury is bad because you are using the teams physios as crutches so you don’t put any weight on your ankle. 

What is the ultimate telling sign is the way you refuse to meet Alexia’s gaze when you get to the sidelines. Nevertheless she follows you into the tunnel and waits by the door of the medical room. 

“Come with me, please” you have your back towards Alexia but she can hear the pain in your tone. 

“I’m here” 

Alexia sits on a chair beside you as the physio begins examining your ankle. At the first touch you wince and move your foot away which only makes it hurt more. He gives you a couple of minutes to compose yourself but asks to try again. Your arms hide your face as the pain becomes excruciating. The only thing stopping you from breaking completely is the soothing way Alexia is stroking her hand over your thigh. 

“They’re almost done. Try and breathe for me ok?” 

And try you did but you also failed. It was a form of panic and you knew it. 

The physios explain that they think it’s major ligament damage and that they will take you for scans once you’re back in Barcelona.  

“I’m going to give you some space. Alexia, make sure she ices it and try to get her to stay still. Give it ten minutes then she can put the boot on and use the crutches. No weight on it, understand?” 

“They studded my ankle, not my ears. Don’t speak about me as if I’m not here” you sit up quickly. At least now you understood why you needed to keep still. 

Alexia got up as the physio left. She places ice on your ankle as gently as she could before she turned out the lights. She knew that when you were overwhelmed the darkness help calm whatever you were feeling inside. 

“Whatever it is, i’ve got you. I know how you think and how you’re going to want to do this alone but that won’t happen. I won’t let it”

Alexia moves the chair so that it was closer to your head. She places a gentle kiss on the crown on your head. 

“I don’t want to talk about it” 

You turn your head away from her. That hurt Alexia but she knew it was your coping mechanism and once you’ve processed what’s happened you will be more open to talk.

Alexia had just opened her mouth when she heard a door slam and a lot of foul language. 

“That’s Lucy and if she’s in here for the reason I think then I’m going to kill her” 

Your girlfriend rolled her eyes. You weren’t in the mood for this and deep down she knew the reason why the English defender was now in lockeroom even though there is 10 minutes left, maybe less. 

“Y/N I’m coming in” technically it wasn’t a question but still she could have waited for a response. 

“Get out” you growl. 

“Oh did I interrupt something” Lucy gives you both a playful look. 

“You’re a fucking idiot Luce. I know for a fact you didn’t get subbed off because that wasn’t part of the plan so that only leaves one reason” 

“Y/N calm down” alexia begs.  

“I was defending you. They took you out. I wasn’t going to let them get away with it” Lucy met your anger and walked towards you. That was a mistake. 

“Get out!” You stand up and your own weight collapses underneath you. 

“Lucy, please” Alexia begs your England team mate who raises her hands in defeat and leaves you be. 

She then helps you back on the bed. A couple of minutes pass and you hear the final whistle following by the cheers of your team. 

“I’m not going back out. Torre can lift the trophy” 

“Y/N. You’re their captain and you scored a hattrick. It should be you up there” 

“Well I’m not going to be and you can go tell them. Go Alexia” 

She saw the look in your eyes. The look, which in the past, told her that your mind was made up and there was nothing she could do to change it. 

“Just come out when you’re ready. We don’t let moments pass by without celebrating them. You told me that” before leaving Alexia made sure she turned on the TV so that you could at least watch the trophy ceremony. 

You didn’t like what you just did but you did it anyway. Alexia has had a tough few weeks and she need this, she needed it more than you needed her. 

As instructed Marta lifts the trophy and you feel fine about it. Barcelona has a group of leaders but it just so happens that only one can wear the armband. 

The silence wasn’t comfortable and it started to put you on edge. You saw the boots and crutches by the examination table taunting you.  

Don’t let the moment pass by. 

Alexia watches Marta lift the trophy and then celebrated with the team like they do after every trophy win. She hoped you might have come out by now. 

She is near the centre circle when she hears the crowd errupt. She may have her back to the tunnel but she knows it’s you. 

“I thought you said she wasn’t coming out” Jana asks. 

“No. I said she wasn’t lifting the trophy” Alexia knew you would come out. Due to your slow pace, no thanks to the crutches, Alexia met you half way. 

You let the crutches drop to the floor as you wrap your arms around her neck. 

“I’m sorry for pushing you away. I just —“

“Needed a minute. I know. You’re here now and that’s all that matters” she lets you rest against her as your hands you the crutches. 

“Have you been crying mi amor?” She noticed the tear staines on your cheeks. 

You nod slightly and she can see that something is going on in your head because your eyes begin to well up. Alexia cups your cheek and gently wipes away the stray tear that has fallen. 

“You don’t have to wait until I’m not there to cry Y/N”

“I know” 

Side by side you walk towards your team mates who are all ready to greet you. Bruna is the first one too you, of course she is. 

“Here” she hands you the game ball “I got everyone to sign it for you” 

“Thanks B. You know I’ve got so many of these I’ve lost count. Why don’t you go give it to a fan?” The young forward takes the ball back happily and runs towards a little girl. She makes her turn around so that you can see the fan is wearing you shirt. You send her a little wave and it makes her day. 

“I don’t want to be injured” you stick your bottom lip out causing you girlfriend to chuckle slightly. 

“We’re professional football players, we never want to be injured but sometimes it happens. There’s nothing we can do about it” Alexia was full of wisdom. 

She definetly didn’t feel this way when she got hurt but you decide not reopen old wounds. 

“And these things are stupid” you wave one of your crutches around. 

“Are you going to be complaining everyday until you’re back on the pitch?” 

“Yes Alexia, I am. If you don’t like it then tough because you’re stuck with me” 

“I’m ok with that and I’m ready to return the favour because we both know I wasn’t exactly a ray of sunshine when I got injured” 

“You can say that again. I almost sent you back home to your mothers” you were teasing her and she knew it. You didn’t like being more that 5 feet away from Alexia when she was hurt. 

“We both know if I went back to my mama’s that you would be right behind me” 

You could only nod in agreement. Alexia suggests you do what will be half a lap of the pitch so you can thank you fans. It’s a slow amble but she doesn’t seem to mind. The rest of the team had walked ahead so now it was just you, Alexia, Mapi and Ingrid. 

“Does this mean we can do our physio together?” Mapi asks you. 

“No” Alexia and Ingrid say in unison. 

“Why not? We will push each other to get better” 

“And that’s the reason why. You’re too competive, you will make it into a game and we” she points to herself and Alexia “know that it’ll end badly”. 

When you are back at the hotel you are dragged into the celebrations and for the most part you don’t mind it. After a little while you realise that Alexia isn’t around and that is something you do mind. You feel yourself getting more anxious without having her calming presence beside you. 

Then you hear your phone go off. 

Come to you room. Your rehab starts now. 

When you enter your room, Alexia is standing outside the bathroom. 

“I’m going to need you to remove your clothes” Alexia says and your eyes widen. 

“Ok” you pull your shirt off in record time, the shorts however were more of a task. 

“Let me” once the injured leg was free alexia places your crutches aside “rest on me” she tells you. 

She looks up grinning like a devil which makes you shake your head. She always did have half a mind in the gutter when it came to you. 

“Maybe later” she pecks your lips and doesn’t expect for you to pull her back in for something more passionate. 

“Sure, Putellas”

She pretends to act offended at the use of her surname. Alexia then uses her strength to lift you backwards and onto the bed, something she could have done earlier. 

“I’m going to take your boot off. It might hurt” she was so gentle in the way you undid the Velcro straps. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry” she says when she hears you wince. 

“I’m ok” you reassure her even though you were far from it. 

What happens next came as a shock but a good one. Alexia lifts you up and carries you bridal style towards the bathroom where you are met with a bubble filled bath. 

“You did this for me?” 

“Yes. Although I’m going to be joining you so I guess it’s also for me” 

“Are you now?” You tease. 

Alexia nods her head in excitement with a huge smile plastered on her face. 

Your girlfriend helps you in and then lowers herself behind you. With one hand on your thigh and the other one on your abdomen, you allow yourself to relax. As you tilt your head back to rest against Alexia it gives her full access to your exposed neck and she takes advantage of the opportunity. She knows things can’t get too heated so she settles with peppering kisses on your sensitive spots. 

The two of you stay in the bath until the water becomes cold and your hands like like prunes. 

“You’re strong Y/N, you’ll be ok” Alexia says as she lays in bed with you. You have a movie on and somehow Alexia has gotten some popcorn. 

“I’ll be alright” 

It wasn’t how you expected the night to end. You thought you would be celebrating with your team, jumping for joy and taking advantage of the free champagne. Instead you are in bed, with you leg elevated and ice compressing the injured area. The this one commonality in the current and what come have been; you have Alexia by your side. 

[girlgenius1111]

stuck with me

alexia x reader

alexia and r get into an argument just before the holiday break, as the stress of ale's knee injury bubbles over. r loses... a lot of sleep over it. alexia makes it up to her, even though she really doesn't have to.

no warnings :)

To be fair to Alexia, she didn't know you had sleep issues. How could she, when she'd practically been the cure for them? You'd had sleep problems long before you'd gotten together with Alexia, but they had... stopped, magically, when you started sharing a bed. Neither of you spent many nights alone once you got together, so most nights, you slept well, curled up against your steady, dependable girlfriend.

The exceptions were, obviously, when you went home for breaks without her and when you both had to go on national duty. You slept fine at home, away from the stresses of your job, in the comfort of the place you'd grown up in. Normally.

And in regards to national duty, you were lucky to have incredibly teammates. Lucy knew of your problem, and also knew that sleeping in the same bed as someone else was helpful. It wasn't Alexia, and it wasn't perfect, but you slept. You knew you'd have to find a solution when [if] Lucy retired, but for now, there was no reason why you'd spend more than the odd night without Alexia.

That was, of course, until her knee re-injury. Before the following surgery and holiday break. And the not insignificant fight that you'd gotten into with her around that time. It was a tough time for her, you knew, and she was coping with it the best she could. You'd been hovering over her, you knew that too.

You were just so worried, all the time. Alexia was so miserable not being able to play, so frustrated with her knee that sometimes you thought she was finally just going to breakdown and herself feel it all. She never did, though. Not until the day her and the medical team had decided on surgery. It was a few days before you were do back in England for the holidays, and you'd already been considering cancelling, and staying with your girlfriend. She needed you, physically and emotionally.

You really should have waited to bring up your plans to stay until she was in a better mood. Instead, you'd suggested it to her over a very quiet dinner, after the date for the arthroscopy had been set.

-----

"I'm gonna cancel my plane tickets to London, I think. Stay here with you." You suggested casually.

"What?" Alexia asked, dropping her fork onto her plate with a loud clatter.

"I want to spend Christmas here. You're having surgery and-"

"No."

"No?" You said, slightly hurt by the tone of voice she was using.

"No, you have to go home and see your family. I will be fine here."

"Ale, I want to be here."

"I do not need you here." Alexia said finally, avoiding your gaze. You knew she didn't mean it; she was in pain, frustrated, anxious, and trying not to inconvenience you. Still, you felt your eyes fill with tears at the rejection, and you nodded silently, before turning back to your food. You wouldn't cry, couldn't add any more stress to Alexia's already insane load of it.

"Now you will not talk to me?" Alexia asked. You looked up at her in shock, surprised that the next words out of her mouth hadn't been an apology.

"Just leave it, Alexia. I'll be out of your way tomorrow." You said back quietly, allowing some of the sadness you were feeling seep into your voice.

"Do not be like that. You tell me all the time to tell you what I need, and what I need is for you to go to England and see your family."

"Alright, Ale. I got it. You want me to go, I understand." You tried your hardest to keep your voice steady, but it still shook towards the end of the sentence.

"Amor, stop. That is not what I am saying and you know it," Alexia argued.

"I don't really know what you're saying, Alexia. It sounds like you want me to go."

Alexia exhaled loudly, before pushing her chair away from the table and standing up.

"I cannot deal with you if you are going to be like this." She snapped, before slamming her plate into the sink and marching off to the bedroom.

You didn't understand, not really. It seemed like she didn't want you here. Because that's exactly what she had been saying to you. You knew it wasn't really you that was the problem, it was Alexia's inability to allow you to see how upset she was.

This was reinforced when you went into the bedroom a little while later to pack. The shower was on, but you could still hear her crying over the soft patter of water. You knocked on the door, prepared to let the fight go in favor of making sure she was okay, but the little whimpers and shaky breaths cut off abruptly, and she didn't say anything else.

She kept you at arms length for the rest of the night, only speaking when she asked you to come to bed, an olive branch she was extending. You did, but you both kept to your own sides of the bed. You didn't sleep well that night.

Alexia hugged you goodbye the next day at the airport, and you thought she held you a bit tighter than normal. She handed you a little note, requested that you read it on the plane, and softly kissed your cheek, before allowing you to go through security.

The note had been a lengthy apology, scrawled in her familiar loopy, messy handwriting, confirming that everything you thought was going on with her was correct. She was stressed, she didn't want you to worry, or change your plans for her. She shouldn't have yelled, or been so cruel, and she hadn't meant it. She loved you. So much, she said. Things would be better after her surgery.

You'd thanked her for her apology once you'd landed. You'd spoken, often, since then, but there was still so much tension. You were both busy with family, and there wasn't really any time to have an in depth conversation about what had transpired.

You knew the surgery had gone well, they'd fixed the problem, and that Alexia was doing much better. The second part wasn't something that she had to tell you, it was obvious in the increase in texts, and the mushiness that she included. Whenever she went through a hard time, she closed herself off, and when it ended, she'd always overcompensate, feeling guilty, until she went back to normal. That was Alexia, and you loved her.

-----

The biggest casualty of this fight was, unfortunately, your sleep. You struggled while you were home, when normally, you slept fine there. Obviously not as well as when you were with Alexia, but fine. This time, though, you barely slept. Nothing worked, and the only time you were able to sleep was when your body literally shut down, forcing you to sleep for a few hours every other day or so. You were sure it was because of this unresolved fight, and you knew that once you physically saw your girlfriend, you'd be fine. Especially once you could go back to falling asleep on her chest, the steady beat of her heart making you feel warm, and safe, and comfortable.

This was why you'd cut your trip short, and were currently touching down in Spain, a full 5 days before you were supposed to return home. That, and you missed Alexia. You knew she was slightly confused; you'd been weirdly distant while you'd been gone, because you were exhausted, but she didn't know that. She assumed you were mad, until you told her you were coming home early. After that, she gave up trying to figure out what was going on with you, and focused herself on cleaning the apartment, going grocery shopping for all your favorite things, and buying you flowers. She'd been awful, she knew it, and she was determined to make it up to you.

-----

Alexia was waiting for you by baggage claim; you saw her once you got halfway down the escalator. She was leaned against the wall, baseball cap sat over her blonde hair. She was wearing an old England sweatshirt of yours, and you couldn't help the grin that your lips lifted into at the sight. Your beautiful, perfect, girlfriend, head on an absolute swivel, determined not to miss you.

You saw the moment she she saw you, too, her lips turning up at the corners, shifting her weight from foot to foot as if she could barely contain herself from running to you, which she wasn't yet supposed to do. You got down the escalator and over to her in probably an embarrassingly short amount of time, taking care not to put too much of your weight on her, minding her healing knee.

"Amor," she sighed into your hair, arms holding you almost painfully tight.

"Hi, beautiful," you said back, words almost swallowed by her [your] sweatshirt, and the noisy crowds around you.

"Te extrañé mucho de menos," Alexia murmured, pulling back from the hug to pull you in for a kiss. She froze, however, eyebrows scrunching adorably, as she finally got a good look at your face. You knew what she was looking at. "Are you sick?" She asked, feeling your forehead with the back of her hand.

"No, not sick. Just a little tired."

She looked at you skeptically, hand unmoving from your forehead until you pushed it away and leaned up, pursing your lips expectantly. She smiled, finally meeting your lips in a sweet kiss. She pulled away much to soon in your opinion, laughing at your disgruntled expression.

"You need sleep, amor. We can go home and you can rest. Once you sleep, I will give you all the kisses you want, okay?"

"Fineeee," you sighed, allowing Alexia to take your hand, and lead you off to find your bag. She insisted on wheeling it out to the car, even though she was actively recovering from surgery, but she seemed determined to spoil you today.

You sat in content silence in the car, your girlfriend's hand intertwined with yours. You felt that you should have been sleepy, but you were completely wired, eyes open wide, tapping your knee repetitively.

"Do you want to tell me what is going on?" Alexia asked finally, about 10 minutes into the drive. She glanced at you out of the corner of her eye, spotting the way you went rigid at her question.

"What do you mean?"

"Amor, come on. You look like you have not slept in days." Your only response is a shrug, as you turn your attention out the window.

"Hey. Why did you not sleep?" Alexia insisted, pulling on your hand to get you to pay attention to her.

"I missed you." You replied finally, feeling Alexia's hand tighten around yours.

"I missed you too. That is why you did not sleep well?"

"I... I never used to sleep very well. Until I started sleeping next to you, and then I slept fine. I normally don't have problems sleeping when I go home, though, but this time... I think I was just stressed about our argument."

"I did not know that." Alexia said quietly. "You never told me."

"I know, I know. It just didn't seem like a big deal, because it wasn't, once I was with you."

Your girlfriend looked like she had a million questions, but she didn't ask them. "I am so sorry our fight made you lose sleep. I was completely unfair to you. You do not need to worry about anything now, though, okay? I made your favorite for dinner, if you are hungry. If not, we can just go right to bed. I am yours for the rest of break, whatever you need."

"Really?"

"Really."

-----

You ate the delicious dinner Alexia had cooked, and then took a warm shower. When you got out, you noticed that Alexia had completely unpacked for you, and laid out your favorite pajamas. She was already in the bed, despite it barely being 7pm, looking adorably cozy in a big sweatshirt, the hood tugged up over her head.

"Ale, we don't need to go to sleep now, it's early, you're probably not tired." You said as you pulled the pajamas on. The exhaustion was starting to hit you, and you wanted to promise that you could stay up until a normal time, but you weren't sure you could.

"A bit tired. Whether I fall asleep or not, I want to be right here. Anyway, I should put my knee up." Alexia said dismissively, patting the bed next to her.

"Ale," you began but she shook her head.

"No arguments, bebita. Get in bed." You sighed dramatically, but did as she asked, climbing under the covers and scooting right over to Alexia, as though she was a magnet. You settled against her, shutting your eyes. You heard the lamp flick off, and felt Alexia wrap an arm around you, tugging you into her side.

You tried to fall asleep. Really, you had no idea why you couldn't. You were here, with Alexia, and you should have been able to sleep, easily, especially considering how tired you were. You couldn't manage it though, quickly getting annoyed when your brain wouldn't just turn off.

After the 6th time you shifted positions, Alexia kissed the side of your head, and spoke. "Having a hard time?"

"Yes," you mumbled, burying your face in her chest.

"Be patient. You are exhausted, you will fall asleep soon. Just relax." Alexia encouraged, rubbing a hand up and down your back.

Another 10 minutes passed, in which you felt no closer to sleep. Rolling off of Alexia with a huff, you glared up at the ceiling. Next to you, Alexia rolled onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow to gaze down at you.

"You are putting too much pressure on yourself. It is just sleeping, bonita." She said quietly, running a soft finger over your cheek.

Tears of frustration beginning to pool in your eyes. It was just sleeping. It should be easy. You were just realizing for the first time how incredibly tired you were, and how difficult the past couple days had been.

"Do not cry, por favor," Alexia pleaded.

"I can't, I can't fall asleep." Alexia looked at you sympathetically, thumbs wiping away the tears that fell. She sat both of you up after a minute. "Take off your shirt," she instructed, pulling her own over her head, leaving her with only a sports bra on.

"I'm too tired for sex," you cried, the thought only making you more upset; you had missed your girlfriend. A lot. The fact that you were too tired to do anything about it was painful.

"Not sex, amor, just take your shirt off." Alexia insisted, pulling at the hem. You did as she asked, looking rather miserable. You, too, were left in only your bra, but Alexia's eyes were only on yours as she laid back down, rolling onto her side and pulling you in so your head was pressed right over her bare chest, where her heart was.

Your body relaxed without you telling it to, the feeling of Alexia, and only Alexia, engulfing you. Your skin was pressed to hers, inhaling the soft scent of her perfume, feeling her hands rub rhythmically up and down your bare back.

"There you go," she said into your hair, feeling your body sag against hers. "Sleep for me, okay?" She asked.

You couldn't have told her no if you wanted to. Your eyes shut almost immediately, and you felt suddenly so peaceful, brain slowing down until you were only thinking about how good your girlfriend felt against you.

-----

When you woke up, you knew you'd been asleep for a while, if the amount of light flooding the room was any indication. It was bright, even with your eyes shut, which indicated that it was past noon; the sun only came in through the bedroom window after noon. Your body felt stiff but, for the first time in a while, you felt well rested. You were content to wake up slowly, enjoy the comfort of your bed

You attempted to roll over, searching for Alexia's side of the bed so you could use her pillow, (you swore it was comfier). Instead, you rolled right into Alexia herself, and heard her let out a soft laugh. You cracked your eyes open, finding Alexia laying on her back, arm still tucked around your shoulders. Her fingers flitted through your hair, and you relaxed back into her, scooting closer until your head was crammed into the crook of her neck.

"Why are you still in bed?" You mumbled into her. Her body vibrated under yours as she laughed again.

"Are you complaining?" She teased, clearly referencing the way you'd moved yourself so that every part of your body possible was be touching hers.

"No. It has to be late, though. You've been sleeping fine, you didn't have to stay in bed with me." You told her.

"I always sleep better with you, amor. I wanted you to rest, as much as you needed. You are cute when you sleep, anyway. Your nose scrunches up and you make little sounds when you roll around." Alexia murmured into your hair, and you didn't have to see her face to know she was blushing at the information she'd just revealed.

You left a kiss on her neck, before pulling away so you could see her face. "What time is it?"

Alexia didn't say anything, a slightly guilty expression on her face.

"Alexia Putellas, what time is it?" You demanded.

"3PM." She told you quietly.

"3PM?" You shouted, sitting upright in the bed. Sure enough, the clock on the nightstand reflected the time back to you. You'd slept the whole day away. Two of you didn't have any plans, but still.

"How much did you sleep while you were gone? Really, amor? The least I could do was help you rest." Alexia avoided your eyes.

"What do you mean the least you could do?" You asked, softening your tone.

"I was so horrible to you before you left. And then our fight made you not sleep well," the blonde explained, looking miserable.

"And you apologized, Ale. You were under a lot of stress, I get it." You really weren't mad anymore.

"No, that is not good enough. I have to make it up to you. I wanted you here with me, more than anything, but you have already done so much, and I did not want to ruin your Christmas." Alexia insisted, getting seemingly worked up.

"Alexia, I understand. You said all of this in your note."

"I want to say it again." Alexia said stubbornly, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Look at me." You instructed, turning face towards you with a hand on her cheek when she refused. Her eyes were glossy with unshed tears. "Amor, I forgive you. I told you I forgave you, when I read your letter. Do you not believe me?" You wondered, as your girlfriend didn't look the least bit relieved at you letting her off the hook.

"I believe you, it is just that...no se como decirlo." She sighed.

"Try, please. We've fought before, Alexia, worse than this. What is it about this one that is making you so upset?" You pressed, not relenting even as she shrugged in response.

"I do not want to lose you," Alexia whispered finally, a single tear sliding down her face, as she clenched her jaw, trying to keep together.

"Baby, you are not going to lose me." You promised, moving closer to take her hand in yours. "I knew you didn't mean what you said. You apologized, Alexia, it was just a stupid fight. We got past it, just like we'll get past every fight. Always."

"But what if I push you away again? And you get tired of it, and leave?"

"You could never push me away. I might give you space when you need it, but I will always be here for you. Even when you try to pretend you don't need me. I could never get tired of you, Alexia, and I could never leave you. Ever." You said the words slowly, trying to gauge if she believed you or not.

Although she looked slightly unsure, she did look less upset than she had a minute ago, her face relaxing somewhat as she finally look into your eyes.

"You're stuck me with, Ale. For as long as you want me." Alexia let out a wet laugh.

"I will always want you." She said, pulling you in closer to press her lips to yours. The kiss grew heated quickly, until you were straddling her lap, checking multiple times that her knee was unbothered by the position. She promised that it was fine, distracting you by sliding her hands up your sides, and pulling you back in for another messy kiss.

"Alexia, that is not exactly what I meant," you joked, pulling away briefly as she pulled your bra over your head.

"Me neither, but it has been days, and I have missed you. Let me show you how much I have missed you. Please?" Alexia asked, surprisingly shy as she ran her hand up and down your abdomen, teasing at the hem of your shorts.

You leaned in, you agreement clear in the way your lips met hers, tongue slipping in after a minute. As if you'd ever say no to that offer. You don't think you'd ever say no to anything Alexia asked you. Your love for her was the kind that transcended every issue that could possibly come up. It was you and her, forever.

-----

inspired by my inability to sleep <3 [and my deep belief that sleeping next to a pretty girl would solve all my problems]

[ellecdc]

What about the kids (CBBH) seeing the ‘mudblood’ scar on Vix arm for the first time, and then the kids, specially Draco, trying to comfort her.

James and Sirius feeling guilty again because (James) “abandoned” her (no he didn’t) and (Sirius) cause he couldn’t protect her

Thank you so much, feel free to ignore it if you want to, but thank you anyway

Take care and don’t forget to drink water❤️

Ps: I love everything you write, thank you so much for providing us those precious chapters

*Takes a big ol' sip of water* *Cracks knuckles* *types furiously*

I LOVE these kinds of requests...I love diving deeper into the relationships and the histories further than what CBBH covered, so thank you for giving me the opportunity to write this! 🫶

CBBH Sirius Black x Vix!reader CW: hurt/comfort, discussions of war, PTSD, trauma, guilt, reference to death of a loved one, children, spoiler alerts if you haven't finished CBBH

The Mind Forgets but the Heart Doesn't

It had been a really trying week. 

Percy and the Twins had gotten into it during class one day this week at Potter Manor, and though James and Molly did what they could to placate the situation when it happened, it seemed to bleed out into the other kids as well.

Harry and Draco didn’t seem to be able to agree on anything at all anymore, Jasmine felt the need to play mediator to their squabbles which just aggravated everyone further, and Aurora was far too sensitive for her own good and took everything anyone said personally.

The adults didn’t seem to be fairing much better either.

You and Lily were expecting at the same time. It was very funny when Lily & James went to announce that they were expecting only to have Y/N & Sirius laugh and say ‘same’. Remus never stopped joking that the family would finally have a ‘set of twins’. 

Lily stopped taking the jokes so well as her pregnancy progressed, however.

“This is absolutely, without a doubt, the last one Potter!” She screeched as she excused herself from the dinner table for the sixth time to pee.

You were such a trooper, but Sirius knew that this pregnancy was taking far more out of you both emotionally and physically than your last one had.

The part that hurt (everyone) the most, was that your brain still associated pain and discomfort with your trauma from the war, and the wounds felt far more fresh lately than they had in a long time.

This left both James and Sirius feeling horribly guilty – James for having left you on the battlefield, and Sirius both for being the cause of your current discomfort and for the months during the war that he spent wallowing when he should have been fighting for you.

Sirius would wake up in the middle of the night and reach for you to find the bed empty. He’d go to check both Aurora and Draco’s room’s first before moving on to the rest of the house.

One particularly upsetting night he found you hiding in the shower after you had a distressing and disturbingly realistic nightmare.

But usually, he found you in the kitchens.

“What are you doing up, my love?” He spoke quietly into the room.

You must have heard him coming because you never even turned your head from where you were sitting; you just offered him a quiet hum in response as he wrapped his arms around your shoulders and nuzzled his face into your neck.

His hands would migrate lower to what was usually the reason for your midnight wanders.

“Little one hungry?”

You were quiet for a moment, clearly far away from Potter Manor, before you responded.

“There were times I was only ever able to eat at night... when someone could sneak something to me or I could sneak to the kitchens. But sometimes, now, I wake up a little hungry – and my heart tells me that this is going to be my only chance, and I have to make it count. I tell myself it’s not true but... the anxiety doesn’t go away until I do something about it.”

Sure enough, in front of you on the table was a half-eaten granola bar; evidence of your late-night forage for food.

“What was it that Lily said about those muggle dementia patients?” Sirius asked you as he rubbed up and down your arms.

“The mind forgets but the heart doesn’t.” You responded quietly.

Sirius hummed into your hair as he pressed his lips to the top of your head.

“You’ve done so much work, love. But I don’t think you’ll ever be able to convince your heart to let it go – not fully.”

You sighed miserably, suddenly sounding very close to tears.

“Please be patient with yourself.” He pleaded.

“I’m trying.” You whispered wetly.

“I know, baby. I know.”

This was why the following morning at the breakfast table when Harry – seemingly out of nowhere – asked what a “mudblood” was, the room fell painfully silent.

The adults all seemed to share horrified glances before Regulus spoke up.

“Where did you hear that word, Harry?”

Harry, slightly ashamed now that he seemed to have sucked the air out of the room, looked at you and motioned towards your arm.

Sure enough, as you had reached across the table to pass Remus the plate of bacon, your sleeve had ridden up and your scar was on full display.

Why’d we teach these ankle biters to read? Sirius wondered to himself.

To Sirius’ absolute horror, you seemed to completely shut down. You hastily pulled your sleeve down and moved your arms into your lap, and your eyes turned foggy. 

“Please don’t occlude baby, stay with us.” Sirius begged quietly as he began to rub your arm.

“Haz, when you and Draco were very little, there was a war – do you remember me and daddy telling you about it?” Lily started cautiously.

“Uh huh, when the bad guy hated people who were different and stole Auntie Vix?”

James grimaced before confirming. “Yes, and how Uncle Reggie and Draco’s mummy Narcissa helped her escape and then defeat the bad guy.” 

“Well, the bad guy and his friends did hate people who were different than them. Mostly, they hated non-magical people,” Lily continued.

“Called muggles.” Harry interjected proudly.

“Right, he hated muggles. And he hated muggle-born witches and wizards as well.” James finished.

“But...mummy and Aunt Lily are muggle-born...” Draco added quietly from his place.

James nodded. “That’s right. And because they hated them, they made up a bad word to call muggle-born’s.”

“That’s what mudblood is, Harry. It’s a bad word to call a muggle-born witch or wizard.” Regulus spoke softly.

Jasmine gasped. “Mum! Did Harry say a bad word!?”

“I was only asking a question!” Harry screeched in his own defence.

“But... why is the bad word on your arm?” Draco asked quietly, looking at you.

Your son addressing you directly seemed to pull you out of yourself a little as you offered him a sad smile. “Well, when the bad guy stole me, I wouldn’t tell him what they wanted to know.”

“What did the bad guy want to know?” Jasmine asked curiously. 

Harry elbowed his sister for interrupting, which earned him a whack on the head in return, which caused Remus to switch seats with his niece in an effort to keep the peace.

“They wanted to know where your mummy and daddy and Harry were. They also wanted to know where Pads and Moony and everyone else in the Order were.” 

“Like the Weasley’s!?” Harry asked in horror, as news of your best friend potentially being on some maniac’s hitlist would do to an almost nine-year-old, even though said maniac was already after him and his entire family.

“But you wouldn’t tell them.” Jasmine stated solemnly.

You nodded at your niece. “That’s right.”

“But why was my mum and Uncle Reggie there?” Draco asked. 

You and Sirius both grimaced as you looked to Regulus, whose jaw seemed more tense than usual. 

“Our family comes from a long line of very bad people, Draco. The Black’s...mine and your dad’s family, as well as your mums, were not kind to people who were different from them. They supported the bad guy during the war, I-”

“But dad didn’t support the bad guy...and he’s a Black.” Draco interrupted as he turned to look at his father pleadingly.

Sirius smiled softly at the boy. “Yes, but you see, Draco, I had friends like Uncle Prongs and Uncle Moony, and your mum here, who taught me that it was okay to be different. And Uncle Prongs’ family also gave me a place to go when I no longer agreed or felt safe with my family. Uncle Reggie didn’t have the same kind of friends.” 

“Your friends were bad guys?” Harry asked plainly.

“Yes.” Regulus answered just as plainly. 

“So...my family was...bad?” Draco asked quietly, looking between you, Sirius, and Regulus.

“Not all of them baby, not Uncle Reggie, and not your mum.” You tried to placate, but Draco didn’t bite.

“But they were there! Supporting the bad guy! That makes them bad!” He insisted.

“No, it made us cowards.” Regulus corrected the boy. “I was too afraid to ask your dad or his friends for help, even though I knew that Sirius would take me in if I asked him to. And your mum did what was expected of her, Draco. Your mum believed marrying your dad and having you was the right thing to do.”

“Draco,” you said quietly as the boy tried to fight back tears. “If your mum and Uncle Reggie hadn’t been there, I would not be alive today. And quite frankly, I think that could be the same for a lot of us in this room. They saved us, baby. Your mummy saved you. There’s nothing bad about that.”

Draco still seemed perturbed by this but looked back down to your now hidden scar.

“But someone...hurt you? With that word? Was it my family?”

You shared a look with Sirius who offered you a small nod before you answered. “It was. It was your aunt...your mum’s sister.”

Draco seemed distraught at the news; his mouth turned down miserably and his eyes filled with tears. “My family was bad.”

“Dad, was my family bad!?” Harry asked severely. 

“Haz, hang on, okay bubs?” James asked quietly. 

“That’s right Draco, your family was bad.” You said.

Every head – child and adult alike – whipped to face you.

“They were bad people...but they’re not anymore. Your family is the people in this room, and your mum who died protecting you. You have Uncle Reggie, who was so brave to save me and to turn against the bad guy he was supposed to be loyal to. You have Uncle Moony, who despite doing very hard things every month, doesn’t ask anything of anyone and gives so much of himself to the people he loves. And you have Uncle Prongs and Aunt Lily, who helped us raise you when daddy and I had no idea what we were doing. And you have Haz, and Jazzy, and Rory and two new siblings coming soon. That’s your family, Draco, and they’re not bad at all.”

Draco scanned the room of all the people he loved the most as a few tears fell, and Sirius was quick to catch them with his finger from his place beside him. 

“I’m sorry the bad guys hurt you, mummy. I wish they hadn’t.” He offered finally.

“Oh! I know!” Aurora piped up out of nowhere (Sirius actually sort of forgot his own daughter was present at the breakfast table) and quickly stood from her seat to hurry away. 

Before the adults had time to ponder where the child had gone, she reappeared beside her mum with the first aid kit from one of the loos and her toy Mediwitch Kit. 

“Okay, mummy. Show Healer Ro where it hurts.” She demanded you in her most authoritative tone, which still sounded far too much like Alvin the Chipmunk to be taken at all seriously.

Sirius grinned down at his girl and pulled her up into his lap (for better access, of course) as you pulled your sleeve up on your arm to expose your scar.

Aurora tapped a fake wand to the injury and held a stethoscope to her ear. “It sounds good mummy; means you’ll be fine.”

“Oh, good.” You sighed in faux relief, failing to bite back the proud smile adorning your face.

“Yup, now just needs plasters. I have some golden snitches, unicorns, or bowtruckles, mummy. Which would you like?”

“I think she ought to have some of each, Ro.” Harry interjected from across the room.

“Quite right, Haz. Healer Ro, could you use some assistance with the plasters?” Sirius asked like a spokesman on a game show.

“Yes sir!” She answered, and each kid took turns applying plasters to your scar and kissing it better.

“Looks better already!” Jasmine cheered after their work was complete.

“Hmmmm...I don’t know...” Sirius said skeptically. “Could use a few more kisses I think.” Before he attacked you with kisses, and the kids followed in suit shortly after.

@ttulipwritezz

[sammy-is-not-smiley]

Let It Hurt (Pt 2)

Steve Harrington x fem!reader (afab)

Summary: Steve has been your best friend for years despite his douchery in early high school. You would tell him anything... well, anything except for the fact that you've been feeling his physical pain since elementary school. The way he finds out is less than ideal. But he's been keeping secrets of his own...

Word Count: 5.2k (I went nuts lol)

Warnings/Tags: Soulmate au (kinda), language, no use of (y/n), depictions of severe pain, depictions of torture, injuries mentioned, crying, kind of a breakdown, angst, a period is mentioned so reader is afab, set in season 3, soulmates to lovers, friends to lovers, hurt/comfort (yes there's eventually comfort this time, I promise)

A/N: GOOD GOD Y'ALL I did not expect the last one to absolutely blow up. I've gained like an extra 100 followers from all this so thank you so much. I wouldn't have written something so loved if I hadn't gotten a request. If you have an idea you wanna entrust me to write, don't hesitate to jump in my asks! I love hearing from people. (p.s. angst is my favorite to write) Now here's your part 2!

Part 1: Right Here!

You awoke to echoes of screaming. You didn't want to open your eyes, the light in the room behind your eyelids was already making your head throb with a vengeance.

"Help!! Someone, help!" Robin's desperate voice rang out, the sound bouncing off the walls and judding into your skull. It was then you realized you were sat up, straps compressing your legs, arms, and chest. You were bound even more than before.

"Hey, would you stop yellin'?" You heard Steve's voice grumble behind you.

It took you a moment to register it was him, but when you did, a small light of hope lit up in your chest. You lifted your head up slightly, trying to take in a breath. The pain in your head stemmed down your neck now. In fact, it encapsulated your entire skull.

"Steve! Oh my god," Robin exclaimed, still a bit too loud for your taste.

"Steve?" You croaked out.

"Oh my god! Oh my god, you're both awake," She chuckled slightly, simply out of disbelief. "Both awake. Um, are- are you okay?"

You shook your head no as if she could see from where she sat behind you.

Steve took in a breath. "My ears are ringing, I can't really breathe, and my eye feels like it's about to pop out of my skull…"

"That checks out," You muttered, not intending for anyone to hear. Nobody seemed to.

"But you know, apart from that… I'm doing pretty good." He finished, his nose sounding stuffy. They really liked hitting his nose.

Robin let out a breath. "Alright, well, the good news is they're calling a doctor for you both."

There was a moment of silence before Steve registered her words. "Both?" You felt him turn slightly in your direction. "They hurt you?"

"No," You quickly replied.

"Wait, I thought-"

"Robin, shush," You snapped too loud, making your head throb again.

It was silent once more as Robin connected the dots. Steve didn't know, and you didn't want him to know. "Right, no, I meant… I meant just for you Steve."

"They didn't hurt me," You tried to reinforce. "Robin's just… tired."

"Oh." He uttered, clearly confused.

"Hey, guys," Robin changed the subject. "I have an idea. Steve, you see that table to your right?"

You felt Steve turn his head to your side.

"No, your other right."

"Oh," Steve looked the other way. Apparently the table was behind where you sat.

"You see those scissors?"

"Uh-huh."

"I think if we moved at the same time, we could move over there, I could maybe kick the table, and knock them into my lap."

You snorted, turning your head in her direction. "They left scissors in here with us?"

"What morons," Steve laughed. He was definitely letting on that he was doing better than he felt.

At the count of three, you all scooched in unison, Steve and Robin to their side, you backwards. Just as you finally were seeing some light at the end of the tunnel, only a mere few feet from the table, you all over shot your momentum. All together as a unit, the chairs slid out from under you and you all fell to the floor with a hefty clank of the chairs.

At first you groaned, but then a grin slowly spread across your face. "Shit," You giggled with no choice but to look up at the ceiling as you laid on your back. This was all insane. Absolutely insane.

Robin was obviously feeling the same as she began giggling as well. She shook under you, small squeaks bubbling from her.

"You- You guys okay?" Steve asked, clearly not gathering what could be so funny to you both.

"This is fucking ridiculous," You half suppressed a laugh.

You felt Robin nodding. "I can't believe I'm gonna die in a secret Russian base in a sailor costume." You could hear the smile on her face, jovial despite the situation. The comment only made you laugh harder.

Just as your giggles died down, the door burst open once again and men flooded the room. Your giddy moods were cut short, instantly replaced with terror. Over you now stood a man in uniform, obviously some sort of high ranking official, probably the man in charge. He towered over you, shaking his head and tutting.

"You wake up too, eh? Good," He smirked, looking over the predicament you three had gotten yourselves into. "Where did you think you were going?"

He gestured with his hand, motioning the men in the room to lift you all back upright in your chairs.

"P-please-" You nearly whimpered when sat back up, nothing on your mind but to simply beg. What for, you weren't sure yet, but you were scared and desperate.

"Let us try again," The man said, ignoring your plea. Slowly, he circled around you all, like a predator observing prey, before making it back around to Steve.

Your eyes followed the man as he brought his hand up and thumbed Steve's busted lip. Not only did it elicit a wince from Steve, but you as well.

Your stomach dropped as soon as it happened, making you quickly turn your head away from the man hoping he didn't notice. However, the tingling on your neck told you he had, and he was staring right at you.

"Don't touch him," You breathed. It came out a lot less menacing than you intended.

The man hummed, standing up straight again and murmured something in Russian to one of the men. You watched as the guard walked over to Steve, grabbing him by the hair and raising a fist.

"Wait, stop!" You jolted, fighting against your restraints.

Steve struggled as well, gritting his teeth. "No, no, no, no-"

"Shush!" The general yelled, driving a spike of pain into your skull. He leaned down in front of you, eyes squinted, analyzing you for a moment. Then a question. "Who do you work for?"

"Scoops Ahoy," You responded like it was obvious.

Without hesitation, the guard over Steve delivered a swift blow to the eye socket. You yelped in pain as Steve groaned, now being held up by his hair. You on the other hand were allowed to drop your head, once again tasked with withstanding the pain.

Your breath stuttered in your throat. "Please, s-stop, it… It hurts…"

The general tilted his head, then grasped your chin roughly, tilting your head up and tilting from side to side as he examined you. There were no notable injuries on your person. Other than squinting the same eye as Steve's bruised one, not a scratch was on you. You wanted to kick yourself when you realized he took notice of it, glancing between you and Steve.

His brow was together in thought as he once again gave a command you didn't understand.

Another punch to Steve's jaw made you flinch in the general's hand, pitifully letting out a sob.

Another command, another punch, right into Steve's aching ribs.

If not for the straps holding you upright, you would have once again doubled over. Instead you only moved slightly against the mans hand, your abdomen visibly tensing.

"Stop! Stop it, you bastards!" Robin screamed, however to no avail as she was promptly ignored.

The general let you go as you silently suffered again, standing upright and smiling down at you. "Very interesting…"

The men scattered around the room as soon as another command was uttered from the man's mouth. Hands surrounded you all as the men tugged and removed the straps holding you as a unit only to strap you down again, individually in each of your chairs this time. They pushed Robin into the corner of the room, then grabbed Steve and slid him in front of you to face you. Only then did you see the extent of his wounds. Dried blood smeared on his face from an obvious nose bleed, uniform stained red, his eye a deep shade of purple and nearly swollen shut. Anger bubbled over inside you at the sight, making you finally find your voice.

"Don't touch him, he's had enough!"

The general simply smiled at you as he pulled a red handkerchief from his pocket, then circled around behind you.

The last thing you saw was Steve, worry written all over his face. Then you were shrouded in darkness as the handkerchief was pulled over your eyes, secured at the back of your head.

"What are you doing?" Steve panted as he watched. "Don't you dare hurt her, I swear, if you do anything to her-"

"Oh, not to worry," The man behind you interrupted dismissively. You could hear his footsteps walking around you back to Steve. Your teeth began to chatter as your adrenaline was surely hitting its peak now.

What did they not want you to see?

"We will not hurt her. Only you will."

"What-"

"Just sit. Watch your friend carefully, hm?"

It was silent for a moment before there were footsteps again, then Steve burst to life. "What is that? Wait, no, stop, get that away- Agh!"

Pain instantly webbed over two of your fingers as if they were slowly being crushed by a tool. You fought your restraints and flexed the hand in question, small whimpers emitting from you helplessly.

The pain gradually got worse as Steve yelled and begged, as did you. Then it steadied to a single ongoing pain. "Stop-" A cry slipped from you.

"Where is the pain, little one?" The man called over to you.

You shook your head, mostly in confusion, but the man interpreted it as resistance.

The pain fluctuated, making you lurch. "Agh- Th-the hand! His fingers, the first two fingers," You sobbed in defeat. "Stop, stop, please stop, make it stop…"

The pain was relieved then, if only enough to assure you they weren't going to break Steve's fingers. The ache of a bruise would remain and you flexed your hand again as if it would help. You still let out a sigh of relief.

Light stung your eyes when the blindfold was pulled off, now soaked with tears. When your eyes adjusted, you looked up to meet the half swollen gaze of Steve. Realization, hurt, sympathy, horror, all of it was draped over his face like a thick veil as he stared back at you. You looked down and saw the red impressions on his fingers from whatever had been clamped down on them. Next to him stood a man in white, a metal tool held in his hand.

The general stood there, holding Steve's head up by the hair to watch you. The man's grin was borderline psychotic. "Congratulations, you were correct."

You closed your eyes and lowered your head, teeth still chattering. The jolly expression on the official's face told you he planned on using this new information completely against you. Especially the longer you overstayed your welcome.

The man in power looked over to the man in the white overcoat, the man you assumed was supposed to be the doctor Robin mentioned. Another command in Russian, and the doctor walked to the table behind you. You couldn't bring yourself to look up at anyone, especially Steve.

"Now, try telling the truth this time, yes?" The general asserted as he wandered his eyes over each one of you. They pulled Robin up next to you both again. "It will make your visit with Doctor Zharkov less painful."

◇◆◇◆◇◆◇◆◇

Your body swayed slightly before you let yourself lean back onto the side of the ambulance, watching the smoke rise. The mighty Starcourt was completely destroyed. Destroyed by a-… Well, you had yet to fully comprehend what it was and the events that had even transpired. All you were able to understand clearly was that you were alive, along with a couple adults, a group of middle schoolers, and your co-workers…. Could you technically call them co-workers now? Maybe just leaving it to friends was safer to say.

Your stomach was still a little queasy from whatever drug that doctor had injected you with, and your muscles ached from overexertion. Your eyes were so heavy they felt swollen, yet you knew if you laid down, sleep wouldn't come to you easily. Watching the last remaining flames and the smoke ahead of you was mesmerizing. Like you were sleeping with your eyes open.

The moment was broken as your face twitched a little in pain. Steve must have accidentally scratched his stitches again.

You hadn't looked at him since you all threw up in the bathrooms together. In fact, once you were sober, you had walked out claiming to need another drink of water from the fountain. After that, events happened so quickly you could hardly keep up. You were grateful at the time to have had something to distract you both with. Even now you were trying to distract yourself.

Bringing your hand up to your face you rubbed your forehead, a headache still refusing to leave you and Steve be. You'd come to accept that the pain probably wouldn't subside for a while.

Robin rounded the ambulance, wrapped in a security blanket. Her eyes were still red and it was clear she needed sleep as badly as you. Yet there you both were, still up and running.

"Hey… They look over you already?" Her voice was more gravely than usual, most likely from all the yelling she had done while you all were held hostage.

You nodded, still gazing at the wrecked mall. "Other than a couple bruises, I'm fine."

"Mm-hm," She hummed, clearly unconvinced.

"What?"

She rested her shoulder on the ambulance, leaning in closer. "Look… I don't fully understand a lot of what's happened, but I do think you need to talk to Steve. At least before we go home."

You sighed begrudgingly. You knew that was probably what you should do, yet all you wanted to do was hide from him. "What would I even say, Rob?" You mumbled.

She snorted then, causing you to look at her. "Dude, all you'd probably have to say to him is 'hi' before he'd do all the talking. He always has shit to talk about."

It was your turn to snort. "Yeah, sure…" You sniffled then, guilt blossoming in your chest. "It's… It's because of me they hurt him more…"

"Yeah… I-I mean no!" She caught herself, making you smile. "That all was just…. It was…. A lot. What was all that? With the Russians I mean, and the blindfold?"

By this point, and with everything you had gone through together, you thought Robin could handle what you've kept to yourself for so long. After all, your empathy with Steve was by far the tamest secret of the night.

You let your head rest back on the ambulance and closed your eyes. "I've been able to feel his pain ever since I was a kid," You let out in a breath.

When it was silent for longer than you liked, you looked to her worriedly. She was simply staring at you, looking as though she were thinking.

"You can feel his pain? Like, all of it?"

You nodded. "Physical, yeah."

It took her a moment more, hugging herself in the blanket as she thought. "That…. Makes sense actually." She snapped her fingers and pointed. "That's why they did that stuff, they tested you!"

You nodded, a shadow of gloom over your brow.

"And that's…. Why you passed out. Because he passed out."

Another nod.

"And he doesn't know, does he?"

You couldn't help but give a grin then, not one of joy, but more out of nihilism. "Of course not."

"And why, exactly?"

"I don't know, I just…. Got into the habit of keeping it from him. I think in general I was just scared. Scared I would scare him away or make life harder somehow." You hugged yourself, finding it hard to look at even Robin now. "I couldn't lose him… or bear him not believing me."

Robin began giggling, catching you off guard.

"What?"

She shook her head, dragging a hand down her tired face in exasperation. "I seriously doubt he would do any of that, especially after tonight. Also, you weren't in the bathroom when he talked about you."

"Talked about me?"

"Mm-hm," She nodded. "You're not the only one keeping secrets."

Your eyes widened and you pushed yourself off the ambulance. "The hell does that mean?"

"Nope, no more," She put her hands up defensively, "I wash my hands of this, I'm not enabling you any further."

"Oh, come on, Rob-"

"No! The only way you'll get more is if you talk to him yourself," She smirked. "Or do I have to actually drag you over there?" Her thumb thrown over her shoulder, she pointed to Steve in the neighboring ambulance, speaking with the paramedic. For the first time you looked past her to gaze at Steve, his shoulders sagged as he had an arm wrapped around his abdomen. You could feel the bruised ribs he was cradling.

You looked back at Robin, giving her a small pout. She returned it, although much more sarcastically. Simultaneously, you both broke out in smiles and giggles.

"You're a dick," You said, shaking your head.

"Only when you guys are idiots."

You rolled your eyes, turning to glance at Steve again. This time you caught him already looking at you, swollen eye and all. He raised his hand ever so slightly to offer a tiny wave, as if he were scared he would drive you away again.

You gave a tiny wave back.

"Fine," You muttered, walking past Robin and making your way over to him, eyes trained in the ground.

From this angle, the police car lights flickered blue and red over Steve's face, almost hiding the fact he was covered in purple bruises. Slowly you slipped next to him, sitting on the bumper between the open doors. Loose gravel crunched under your feet on the asphalt.

"Hi…"

"Hey…"

A shiver ran up your spine, but you weren't sure if it was from the breeze or your nerves.

"So, uh, Robin said I should talk to you."

He nodded, a single strand of grimy hair bouncing to his forehead. "Yeah, she told me to talk to you too."

You blew a puff of air out of your nose in a laugh. "Was that when you wouldn't stop talking about me in the bathrooms?"

Steve let out a laugh then, scratching the back of his head. "She told you what I said, huh?"

"Nah. Only that you said stuff. She left me on a cliffhanger just to get me to come over and talk to you," You dryly chuckled.

"Hm," He replied, "So you were kind of ignoring me after we got out."

You grimaced, looking down at your beat up shoes. "Yeah… Look, I'm sorry, I really didn't wan-"

"Why didn't you tell me?" He interjected, turning to look right at you.

"... Tell you...?"

He scoffed and shook his head in disbelief. "That you can feel this," He lifted his arm and pinched it.

Your hand balled into a fist at the pain and you looked away. Why were you still so scared? Why did you still feel so shameful about all of this?

"You figured that out, huh?"

Steve shifted himself closer, close enough now that your shoulders were touching. "I'm not upset, okay? I just…" He sighed. "It's all so crazy. How long have you been able to feel it— When I hurt?"

You chuckled lightly. "A while. Since like elementary school."

"Shit," His hand reached out and grasped yours. "Look, if I had known, I would've-"

"I know-"

"No, you don't," He turned himself to you, bare knee bumping yours. "You really don't know. You don't know how much I would have done differently. How much more I would've cared, how I would have treated you better, how I would have… How I would have stood up to my dad somehow…" He paused, then cleared his throat. "I wouldn't have thrown myself into fights as much if I knew you were out there feeling everything, thinking you couldn't say a thing about it. If I had known, I would've realized you understood me more than literally anyone I've ever met."

You could feel your nose begin to tingle, a clear warning of tears threatening to bubble up. You pursed your lips, not trusting yourself to reply.

Steve scooched even closer, his knee now pulled up and resting behind your back, his other on the ground. He smelled of sweat, smoke, and blood, yet somehow a small wisp of his cologne still lingered. It all mixed together into a scent that would only ever remind you of this night.

His warm hand left yours to delicately glide up your opposing cheek. You sniffed as he pulled your face to turn and look at him.

"If you had told me, I would have told you that I've felt things too."

Your brow softened when your eyes went round, your heart sinking to your stomach. "Things?"

His face went downcast for a moment, as if in some sort of regret. "Remember when you dislocated your wrist in 3rd grade? And I went and got help?"

You nodded. You remembered the teacher had come to help you after Steve ran off, but then he didn't come back. The next time you saw him wasn't until school the next day. You had been upset that he hadn't come back with the teacher to help or even come over to your house to see if you were okay after school. He had apologized when you went off on him, but that was all. As kids, it was easy to just forgive and move on. Play the next game of tag.

"You were pissed at me… I ran and hid from you because I felt it too." He scratched his chin, looking off at the demolished mall. "That was the first time. It freaked me the hell out. I felt when it happened, and I felt when they popped it back in a few hours later at the hospital. I could tell when you bumped it wrong or strained it. I could feel it all." He looked you dead in the eyes then. "And everything after that."

You shook your head, your brow laden with confusion as you put your hand over his on your face. "You never said anything either…"

He smiled softly and shrugged. "I didn't think you had to know. To be honest, I thought it was all just some weird hallucination or something."

Your expression shifted into one of disapproval.

"Oh don't you even," His smile grew at you, "You're just as guilty for not telling me."

"Yeah, I…. I know… I'm sorry," You muttered, the wounds scattered over his face taunting you again. While only a few hits had been delivered upon the discovery that Russian general had made about you, all of the injuries hurt the same. Both physically and otherwise. "I guess we all have our secrets."

Steve moved his other hand to cradle your face fully, his face moving closer to nearly rest his forehead on yours. While smiling only a second before, his eyes were now filled with something more serious. Something you had never seen directed at you before. It made your attention on him freeze and heat rise to the back of your neck.

"Well, while we're confessing secrets… Can I let one more slip?"

You couldn't tear your eyes away from his, which you quickly noticed kept darting down to your lips. Was he really doing this?

"You… have another?" You squeaked, voice barely audible.

He nodded. "If you'll let me show you?"

You dumbly nodded back, your mouth slightly agape and eyes as round as a couple of full moons.

He leaned in, finally resting his forehead onto yours, one of his hands sliding down to the nape of your neck. When your noses bumped he turned his head slightly, fitting your faces together like a puzzle. His breath brushed over your lips, puzzle pieces almost completely flush.

A jolt went through you like electricity by a single thought. "Wait-" You pushed him back slightly at the chest.

His eyes shot open, gazing at you in anticipation.

You didn't continue, only stared at him a moment, trying to get a handle on the speeding thoughts swirling your mind. Your pause was just long enough to watch sorrow cover his features.

"I read it wrong, didn't I?" The hand on your neck slid down to your shoulder in dismay, the weight of it heavy.

"No… No! God no, I just…. There's…." You squeezed your eyes shut, trying to think. "You don't… Have to do that… if you dont really want to."

He tilted his head. "Who says I don't want to?"

You shook your head, biting your lip nervously. "You don't have to be close and sweet like that just because you feel bad for me." The tingling returned, tears now visibly welling.

Steve leaned back further, far enough to be able to start analyzing you. His eyes darted around, trying to pick apart what you had just said. "Because I feel ba-?… You think I want this just to make it up to you somehow?" He challenged, his thumb stroking your cheek in an attempt to possibly keep you calm.

Alas, a tear still escaped and dripped down your face. "Yeah you don't have to get with me like that just because you feel bad for a few fights, okay? I'm not upset that you-"

"That's not why," He deadpanned.

"Huh?"

"That's not why I want to kiss you."

The tears froze, as did the internalized denial of the situation at the utterance of those words.

I want to kiss you.

"I mean, it's part of it," He admitted, "The whole pain thing I mean. But I don't want this because I pity you or anything or because I feel bad for getting beat up. I mean sure, I never want you to feel that again, but… You have to know those aren't the only reasons, right?"

All you could do was stare back down at your lap, fighting the additional tears threatening to spill and flood the whole parking lot.

"Shit, you really don't…" He muttered, letting the hand on your cheek slide upwards into the roots of your hair. "You're so much more than just that empathy to me. Really, you are, you hear me?"

You sniffled, once again squeezing your eyes shut causing a round of tears to fall down at rapid fire. Steve caught all of them with a gentle brush.

"Seriously, you're one of the funniest people I've ever met. You have the prettiest eyelashes, the most adorable laugh, and you're hell of a lot smarter than I am," He lightly joked, reaching down to grab your hand once more. "You've helped me be better, forgave me when I didn't deserve it, and let me rant to you about whatever shit would piss me off. And you care so much about Henderson and his nerd friends. My life would be so sucky without you... even if I do have to feel your god awful period cramps." He snickered. "I want you in it more for as long as possible. I want you closer."

Despite the joke, your body shuddered in a frame wracking sob. The emotions were now pouring out from you in violent waves. The tears weren't just from Steve, it was buildup from the whole damned night. A dam of hurt, fear, sorrow, anxiety, disappointment, horror, regret, sadness, and pain had been building up over the course of hours and hours. Suddenly, this was the pressure that made everything come flooding out… and you couldn't stop it.

"Oh, babe," Steve cooed, his soft hand hooking your neck and pulling your face into his chest. The pet name sparked something inside you, but it was quickly engulfed by the absolute tornado of intensity ripping you apart from the inside.

Steve couldn't feel your emotions, true, but he could feel how hard you bit your lip trying to stifle any noise that tried to escape. He could feel your body shudder in his clutch. He could feel the wet tears you rubbed into his shirt. And he could feel his heart breaking, not because he was hurt by you— hurt that you thought he would do such a thing to you out of guilt. No, it was because you had genuinely thought he couldn't love you like that. He could see the denial in your face, the false belief you must have come to adopt over time.

Steve waited patiently for you to calm, rubbing your back and resting his cheek on the top of your head. Your lungs began aching with each breath, your throat was going dry and burning. Eventually your choppy inhales slowed and your whimpers began to cease. Deep breaths became easier to take in and the blur in your vision cleared. When you came back to the moment at hand, you realized you had brought your legs up off the ground and to your chest, leaning against the warm body beside you. In a ball, Steve had wrapped around you like a shell, rocking you ever so slightly.

Your body shook again, this time in a small laugh. "I should be the one comforting you, you know. You're the one with broken ribs and stitches in your face."

You felt him chuckle against you, the sound rumbling your ear against his chest. He smiled, relieved to hear you joke around again. Tilting his head, he looked down at you trying to see your eyes. They were finally open again.

When you caught his gaze, you stared back up at him in attention, eyes red and nose runny. While you were sure you looked like hell, all he could see was the damp sheen of tears and sweat highlighting his favorite parts of your face.

"Can I please kiss you now?"

You let out a breath as you sat up, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. "I'm all gross, though."

He grabbed the back of your neck again and gently yanked your face to his. "Shut up and just let me kiss it better."

You rolled your eyes. "You're such a dork-"

His lips greeted yours, warm and soothing, the obvious pain of his busted lip cast aside just to feel each other's being. Your chest exploded once again with overwhelming feeling, but this time it was manageable. It was more than manageable, in fact, it was welcome. It was no longer a spark sucked into a gloomy tornado, but a ray of light, casting a sensation of healing rays from your chest outwards. Both of your movements melded together like clay, as did your breaths, creating a back and forth that you had been longing for. It was as if you were charging each other with hope after a night full of negatives and hopelessness. It was like being at home again after being gone for so long.

He was the first to pull away, his hands holding your head with a slight tremble in them. It made your heart swell. He was just as worked up as you.

"Ouch." He said under his breath.

A woozy smile burst over your face, rays of light reaching the surface. You brought your hand up to lightly brush your thumb over his bottom lip. "I think this should heal more before we try that again."

He shook his head, eyes drooped with lovesick admiration. "Let it hurt," He mumbled before leaning in once more, pressing his mouth to yours.

You accepted it with a grateful hum.

A/N: Thanks again for reading! Seriously loved the new people flowing into this blog and the comments you all leave. It means a lot. My confidence is boosted <3 Requests are open!

Tags: @solarbxby @mxcheese @junglecoxk @iheartmyguitars @freezaz123 @love-kurdt @johnricharddeacy @fangeekkk @kategables @thehybridprincesshatedchild @eternallyvenus @wenddsmuks-blog @spideyharrington @basketcaseeeeee @carinacassiopeiae @impossibelle @artsyjazzs @xjessmorley @vulgarfuckinvirgo77 @alana4610 @reidsgubbler @let-the-music-take-c0ntrol @mynameismothra @munsonzzgf @biscuitbeater15 (if tags are in red, then it would not let me tag you, I'm sorry 😔)

[melehound]

Valeria + Farah period headcannons!

AFAB READER!

Valeria Garza

You both definitely have synced periods so your both suffering and emotional at the same time

She tries her hardest to not to snap at you but you two definitely get in the most fights on your periods all the stress just piles up on her and she cracks a bit but she always makes it up to you

She spoils you dirty rotten, cute bra and pantie sets, clothes, coats, lingerie, shoes, food, expensive liquor, just waiting there on the bed when you get home all with a bundle of red roses with a “coming home at 8:00, I love you” note

She is usually emotionally closed off but during your periods it all spills over and she’s just as vulnerable as you are (now both of you are sobbing)

She has awful cramps with a heavy flow (same) so sitting in that desk working absolutely KILLS her but when if you tell her to take a break or if you tell her to take some painkillers she will glare at you and snap at you (but is the first to tell you to take meds when your in pain)

Farah karim

Farah takes birth control because she was on and off her period due to stress so birth control helps her steady her hormones

So her period isn’t as bad as it used to be so now she can focus on work and you :)

But unfortunately just because you aren’t bleeding anymore it doesn’t mean your not emotional so she’s trying to keep her mess together while trying to help you out too

She works herself up all day thinking about you and then come home, stressed out about if your okay only to realize she was working herself up for nothing and your just fine (she could literally just send you a text or call you but she gets nervous when you don’t text back in a timely manner)

She is more lovey dovey on your period more physically intimate but she’s pretty used to reminding you that she can’t have sex while she’s on her period but then she’s reminded that you can’t get her pregnant 💀

((✿: writing for Valeria is so fun I love her/ my submissions page is open 🌚))

[pickyourpoisonandevolve]

Boy fucking howdy, the BG3 obsession is real, and so is being unable to sleep. I cranked this out in 20 minutes in an absolute fervor because I’m OBSESSED, as we all are. Please forgive my absence, but let us rejoice that I have been possessed enough to write again.

—————

Admittedly, you all have had better days on the road to Baldur’s Gate. There have been close calls and hard fights, but today has decidedly been the worst. What started as a hopeful descent into the Githyanki Crèche ended in most of your party downed, and watching Laezel’s eyes lose light as she died. Shadowheart thankfully still had the wherewithal to walk you through the scroll you said you’d never had to use, hand in shaky hand. It took you about an hour to detach yourself from her side once you all made it back to camp.

Quiet nods and looks of understanding were sent all around you as you commanded your feet their last few steps to your tent. Gale would take over dinner tonight. Karlach would take care of the owlbear and Scratch. Others would take other duties. You would take care of sitting down on your cot and disassociating before you could unclip both straps of your armor. That’s how Astarion found you anyways.

You had been close, today. Despite the looming threats, you both woke up in cheery spirits. You had gossiped about how Raphael was a scumbag, but a hot one, how Shadowheart and Laezel would definitely make out by the end of this journey, among other things. Once battles had started, you had even found a nice flow physically. Shooting arrows over each others shoulders, stabbing enemies before they could get to the other. Something went wrong along the way. Discussions didn’t seem to go your way. No one you all encountered seemed very convinced of your decisions or leadership. You felt that it had started to infiltrate your team, despite their objections.

But someone had died on your watch. And for that, you’d never forgive yourself.

“Sweetheart, armor comes off before bed, you know.” A little less smug than usual. “He’s worried,” you think in passing. It seemed that his voice came from farther away, until you felt the whisper of his fingers on your shoulder. His way of not wanting to scare you. He’s very familiar with the look in your eyes right now. You have enough energy to finish unbuckling the second clasp before the chest piece falls to the floor with a dull thud. As you extend your torso to stretch properly for the first time today, both sets of eyes fall to a particularly dark red patch in your torso, right underneath your heart. Seems you’ve been stabbed. How long ago is anyone’s guess, but the armor seemed to hold as the worlds worst tourniquet. The volume of voices tune back out as you hear Astarions call for help, the pitch of panic sending you deeper into… something. Not quite nothingness. Not quite enough of something to call it anything. A general state of pain and emptiness.

Two sets of hands lift you enough to lay down on your cot. Voices mill around, but you feel the large hands of Halsin gingerly lift your shirt to begin healing. He leaves you in your bra as he begins his work. He has a way of making his deep booming voice so soothing when he knows you’re in pain. Astarion sits down closer to your face, and has one hand on the side of your cheek. His thumb runs across your cheekbone a little faster than usual, trying to comfort you as well as himself. Halsin has been around this enough that both men don’t seem to be phased, but Astarion starts his mix of worry and chastisement and care. Funny how he can speak so softly and so cutting at the same time.

“How many times have I told you to tell me when you’re hurt? You’re not holding up your end of the bargain,” he says, with no real seriousness. You look over long enough to see his creased brows, but in them, something new. He’s angry at you, for compromising the plan. For compromising his journey. For compromising the trust he put in you for being a team. He’s also mad at himself for not being in front of you to catch the blade.

“You’re no good to me dead, you know. I need you… I need you here.” He says, voice shaky, as Halsin finishes his spell. The newly connected skin is always itchy, so he puts a salve on before he leaves. He puts a large hand on Astarions shoulder and exchange a few words before he leans over and kisses you gently on the temple. He whispers, between the three of you “We’re here to take care of you, my heart. Please allow us to.”

Now that the physical pain has started to subside, the emotions you’ve been pushing down through the day start to bubble up. You start to feel the dirt, the blood, the viscera on your skin. How compressed everything is starting to get. You lean up and start to breathe. A little too fast, a little too heavy. Astarions eyes get wide, he’s seen you stressed but this is something different. You hurry to a nearby abandoned building near camp while he stays behind a step, a little stunned.

Normally this would be the time he freezes, unsure of emotions, unsure how to help. But it’s usually him that’s going through something like this. It’s usually you who calms him down, brings him back to center. What has he done to make you feel like this?

You sit in the corner of a decrepit old rampart. Panic attacks haven’t been prevalent for quite some time. You don’t hear him, once again until he’s next to you. You notice your cot and some creature comforts set up a few feet away. A few curtains strewn to block out the inevitable morning sun. Some candles for light.

“Thought you might like some alone time tonight.” He says, voice deep and steady and sure of himself. For someone so lithe and nimble, you forget he can lift you in his arms. And he does settling you in bed, sitting while you feel him taking his shirt off and leaning you against his chest. The skin on skin contact, you’ve found, comforts him as much as it comforts you.

The shock of Astarion moving with such assuredness brings you a little bit back to surface. You clear your throat and say “I’m sorry for troubling everyone. Today was a little hard for me.” Your voice breaks a little at the end, and so does your resolve as you cry, letting the emotions of the day out.

He runs fingers through your hair and turns you into his chest as you release all your worry from the day. “You know, I honestly don’t know how you’ve kept it together this far, my sweet.” He brings his face to the side of yours, steadying your breathing and letting his breath warm your neck. “I haven’t had to be strong for anyone… well, other than myself. But I didn’t even do a good job then. You’re so much more than you know. To them. To me.” He lays a field of kisses to the side of your face and neck while his arms surround you, fingers lacing together. “I… don’t know how to do this part. I don’t know how to be good at this. To comfort. But I do know I’ve never been more torn apart when you’re in pain. Please. Let me… try. Let me try to be good at this.”

Chest heaving, you look up and take his mouth into yours. You kiss deeply, letting it say all the things you’re too tired to say. Too tired to thank him for. He seems to understand, as he cradles your face in his palm. A kiss that’s said more than you’ve said to each other for weeks.

As sleep overtakes you, he brings you into his chest, arm circling your shoulder.

The last burst of energy wouldn’t allow your mouth to say it, but Astarion felt the tadpole twitch with the three words you two had been dancing around for some time. If his heart still beat it would keep him up for the rest of the night. In hope. In anticipation to say it back. But you two were together. Alive. There would be time for I love yous in the morning.

[amurih]

Fuck it ima put it out anyway.

COTL AU where instead of staying in the cult Narinder leaves and builds his own little plot of land that becomes a rare occurrence you find while crusading through the different biomes post game.

Like it starts off when the lamb like spares Narinder and he’s like sent to the cult. And is in such a state of shock and bewilderment of what just happened that he doesn’t really know that the lamb is setting up their wedding until he’s at the alter. And he just SNAPS. To trade one prison for another? And to be stuck with the same being that not only took your crown, but your title as the god of death as your jailer? No thank you. Proceeds to walk out while the service is still going.

(I’m not the kind of person to think that he would be murdering or plotting to kill the lamb at every turn or possibly. No I would think that Narinder is smart enough to realize that he cannot fight the lamb in the condition that he is reduced to.)

Anyway, I want Narinder to experience life post-godhood by himself outside the cult. Maybe progressing over time you see how his plot of land develops into a pretty nice home for himself complete with a garden and an actual building/house. Not a hut, but an actual house.

All the while the lamb is going through it. It’s normal game play like one would post Narinder fight. Lore, upgrades, reviving the bishops, mystic seller, etc. All the while experiencing the highs and lows of ascension. I think the lamb would ask the other bishops once they get indoctrinated of how they went through their ascensions went. Only they would tell them that each went through theirs differently, so in the end it wasn’t really helpful.

So going through a process that you have no idea how to get through and the only person who does has fuck off into the land and hates your guts. Really fucking sucks man. So they try to “catch” Narinder while out crusading. Only they don’t find him physically, they find his place of residence while he is away.

I thought of a way to incorporate the quests that Narinder gives you when he is usually established in the cult. Could still be used: like there’s a book left on a table where you could peak in and see what’s going on with the cat that is currently away from his house.

“ I should head to Darkwoods and see if I can find more materials to build that fence and make more paper. Moving materials from one abandon home stead to this place has been challenging enough. My arms hurt after years of being bound to one position for so long...I wonder if camellias still bloom there now that Leshy is gone? If not I’ll have to develop a new alternative for this persistent strain and sharp pains I keep having. Got to get these walls up before it starts raining.”

“Bah! There’s not enough food at the last abandoned settlement let alone seeds. It’ll take long of a walk all the way to smuggler’s cove just to see if that sea louse got any thing. And it hasn’t been that long since the depletion of fish at pilgrim’s passage. I would have just stuck to what vegetables and berries I’ve got growing, but some animal or heratic keeps getting into my garden and stealing my food!when I find the person or thing that is stealing from me I’m going to make them into my fertilizer. In the meantime I should look into Anura and see if those foul mushrooms are still there. If I remember they are just as foul as Hecket when she would screamed about being hungry during dinner…Those should hold me over until I get this unwanted pest under control.”

“The wind and rain coming in through the holes on the side of the house that I use to see if any heretics come to kill me, has gotten too much. I’m tired of having to clean up the puddles of water that enters the home. And the curtains don’t do much in terms of trying to block both of these elements.That stupid squid Kallamar doesn’t need his crystals now that he’s gone. It didn’t help him when trying to hide from me. I’ll go to Anchordeep tomorrow and get some to make crystal windows. They sure would make it more beautiful than their temple…”

“Finally the loom is ready. It’s been a such a long time since I had decent robes. It’s easy to find cotton, but what I really want is a nice, soft, silk robe. One that doesn’t rub against these scars preferably. I miss the old one Shamura they made with their silk. But, that one got destroyed in the fight with that damn vessel. Maybe there is some in Silk Cradle. ”

(I’ll come back to this when I flesh it out more via work time daydreams)

[duhnova]

a challenge - choi seungcheol & jeon wonwoo

word count: ~1.5k

synopsis: a punishment thats not really a punishment

warning(s): smut under the cut (mdni!!!), dubcon?, spanking, multiple orgasms, squirting, fingering, masturbation, cum on body, reader is called a good girl & baby & princess, let me know if i forgot anything! - don't mind grammatical errors/typos (i tried and its 2am). this is literally just mindless, and its been sitting in my drive FOREVER… anyways i finally did something with it because of @multi-kpop-fanfics

it was safe to say that you should never challenge your best friends on who can fuck you better - especially when one of them has been your friends with benefits for months now. wonwoo wasn’t a possessive person, and he’d be damned if seungcheol could think he could fuck you better than him. which is where you found yourself right now, several rounds later, neither one of them wanting to back down but physically they needed to take a break and after you had orgasmed before either one of them gave you permission too it was only fair that you were punished. 

seungcheol grabbed your hips to drag you to the edge of the bed where your legs hang off. he has a smirk on his face as his fingers dig into your hips a little while he makes eye contact with wonwoo who nods his head a little, telling him to go for it. he moves one of his hands to rest on your lower back to keep you in place and he uses his other hand to rub soothingly at your ass cheeks. 

“i want you to start counting for me princess.” and with that his heavy hand made contact with your left ass cheek, the same one wonwoo had smacked not even a minute ago. whining quietly, your feet come up to try and cover your ass.

“no.” seungcheol pushes your legs back down. “every time you do that i’ll start over. understood?” when you nod he's quick to land another blow to the same one.

“two..” you let out a shaky breath only for seungcheol to scoff. “no?” you whine before he lands another smack to your ass causing you to squeak.

“that’s two.” 

“but-“ he smacked your ass again, cutting your sentence off.

“we started over because you moved your legs, remember?” you nod your head quickly, your fingers digging into the sheet below you. he takes a second to rub your ass cheek, allowing the soft side to come out for just a second before he smacks it. 

“four!” you yelp, your legs kicking up a little from the shock of it. you’re quick to put them back down as you stutter out apology after apology. “please don’t start over im sorry! i’ll be good i promise!”

“i don’t know sweetheart.. that’s the second time now,” he looks up at wonwoo who was sitting in his gaming chair, his boxers back on but his cock still painfully hard underneath. “wonwoo?” 

“smack her ass till she’s cumming and crying.” any nice bone in his body was gone as his jaw set while he watched the older male do just as he said. 

you yelped and whined as seungcheol’s heavy hand came down on both of your ass cheeks, alternating every couple smacks to give the other a break. the pain began to mix with pleasure at some point, there was no real friction offered other then the little jolts your body did as you rocked against the bed with every blow. 

around the thirtieth smack your counting didn’t even matter anymore as you dig your nails into the sheets, your babbling getting louder as some twisted part of your body decided you were going to cum when he delivered a particularly hard smack. tears stream down your face as you sob, your legs coming up to cover your ass, seungcheol letting them as you process the fact that you just orgasmed from him spanking you. 

“good girl.” seungcheol coos as he lets his hand wander down so his fingers can feel the juices that begin to seep out of you. “can you give us another one?”

“i think she can.” wonwoo groans quietly from his seat as he finally allows his hands to offer himself some relief. you whine loudly when his fingers ghost over your entrance before you’re wiggling your hips. 

“‘m a good girl.” is all you mumble before your legs scoot open enough so seungcheol’s hand can fit between them. 

“you are,” wonwoo hums as he rubs his hard cock through his boxers. “my good girl.”

“our good girl.” seungcheol mumbles before dipping his fingers into your sopping pussy. your slick made it easy or his middle and ring finger to set a fast pace. 

you gasp at the pace, your body still sensitive from all the orgasms you had experienced before your “punishment” that wasn’t so much of a punishment after you were allowed to cum followed by seungcheol stuffing you with his thick fingers.

“cheollie~” you mewl when his fingers curl to hit the bundle of nerves that has your legs closing and locking around his arm as he continues to draw wet squelching from your pussy. 

“open those pretty legs baby.” wonwoo groans quietly. seungcheol manages to unwrap your legs from his arm before forcing them open so wonwoo can watch his fingers disappear in your wet heat. 

“thats it baby.. take it all.” seungcheol groans at the feeling of your pussy clenching around his fingers as he speeds up the pace, his arm muscles flexing as he focuses on your pleasure more then the cramp he knows he’s going to get later. 

“cum.. cum!” you babble as you try to find something on the bed to clutch. the rubber band in your stomach was pulled tight, tighter than it ever has been pulled. 

“wanna cum already?” seungcheol smirks almost triumphantly, he’s managed to rip two orgasms out of you in such a quick and short period of time. 

“please.. please! please!” you beg pathetically, before either of them could give you an answer the orgasm washes over your body like a tsunami. it was like a dam broke as you squirt all over cheols fingers and arms - he tries to help you rid it out but your pussy forces his fingers out as he rubs hard at your clit to milk you for everything you have. 

“shiiiiit.” you sob as your body goes limp, your face buried in the crook of your elbow. wonwoo groans loudly as he stands up to shoo seungcheol away, his cock in his hand again. 

“you did so good baby.” he moans lowly, his glasses sliding down his nose as he looks down at your spent body, your ass red - a little bit of purpleing could be seen as the bruises begin to form. “fuck.” he whines quietly as he jerks his cock faster before cumming all over your ass and back, painting you white. 

“so, who fucked you better princess?” seungcheol mumbled as he sat on the bd next to you to push the hair out of your eyes while you panted quietly, still trying to come down. 

“i..” you huff before rolling over onto your back, not caring about the cum thats all over it as you stare at wonwoo whos standing above you before looking at seungcheol whos to your right. “i think its a tie..” you laugh quietly while they both look at each other with raised eyebrows. 

“a tie?” wonwoo grumbles. 

“that can’t do princess, one of us had to fuck you a little better than the other.” seungcheol continues to pet your hair gently. 

“well,” you offer them a tired grin. “maybe round two can help me decide.”

“right now?” wonwoo’s eyes are a little wide, collectively the three of you have orgasmed at least twelve times. 

“not tonight, you two might actually fuck me dumb.”

“and our dicks could fall off.” wonwoo jokes as he shuffles around the room to find your water bottle, aftercare with him included him feeding and hydrating you until you could get up on your own to get cleaned up. once you quenched your thirst, seungcheol hoisted you up in his arms so he could take you to the bathroom. 

“i assure you if we go one last round in the shower my dick won’t fall off.”  he jokes as he sets you down on a towel on the sink. 

“hey! you’re not about to fuck her in my shower without me.” wonwoo tries to follow but seungcheol moves quicker then that to lock him out. 

“snooze you lose! besides we wouldn’t want your precious dick to fall off.” he laughs quietly before going to start the shower for you, letting it warm up.

“are we really gonna fuck while he stands out there and pouts?” you giggle as he helps you stand, walking you slowly into the shower so he can help your clean up. 

“no, i just wanted some alone time with you that's all.” he hums quietly as hes gentle about rubbing soap on your body. you learn very quickly that seungcheol’s aftercare is very much physical as he helps you clean up, dry off and get dressed before he takes you back to wonwoos bed to cuddle in the fresh blankets while said male goes back to gaming after freshening up himself. 

feedback + reblogs are greatly appreciated!

[simplyraeblue]

hunter and hunted (jjk)

ღ first attempt at short stories on tumblr. bear with me. ღ

college (summer) break au: a fic in this y/n is pining over Yuji's older brother Sukuna, while unbeknownst to her, Choso is doing the same thing for her. contents: sukuna x reader, choso x reader, modern college AU, yuji and choso are brothers, sukuna and yuji are brothers, eventual smut warning as I'm planning for this to come in parts

index part one | part two?

part one

“thanks for letting me stay over here this summer, Yuj. I really didn’t want to go home over the break but I couldn’t stay in the dorm either so you’re a lifesaver.” you tell your best friend while following him up the stairs to his front door. both of your arms are full of groceries, same as Yuji’s. the first store run of the summer. 

Yuji looks back at you, giving his usual wide grin. “of course y/n, you know you’re always welcome. you’ll just have to excuse my brothers, I’m sure they’ll be keeping to themselves but if they cause you any trouble I give you permission to punch them.”

you laugh, but you know his concerns are mostly valid. 

Yuji has two older brothers; Sukuna and Choso. the latter is always keeping to himself, blaring loud metal music in his room (which is always almost pitch black), and exclusively communicates in grunts ninety percent of the time. the former… well… Sukuna is the biggest asshole you’ll ever meet. however, that doesn’t stop you from feeling your heart stop when he’s in the room. how can someone who's an absolute dick walk around looking like that? 

you’ve had a crush on Sukuna since high school, when he was a senior and you were an underclassman. of course he never paid you any mind. and when he did, it was to pester you and try to get a rise out of you. [little did you know he enjoyed that]

Yuji held open the front door for you, allowing you to walk into the house and hurry yourself to the kitchen. you’d been successful carrying a load of groceries so far; until you see Sukuna standing shirtless in the kitchen drinking a glass of water. 

all of the groceries drop out of your hands almost immediately. “for fuck’s sake, y/n are you really that weak?” Sukuna yells, walking over to try to clean up the mess you made.

“it’s not my fault you scared me you asshat, I came around the corner and you were just standing there quiet as a mouse.” you snap at him, trying to stop the blush from creeping onto your cheeks. 

“woah, y/n that’s my fault I shouldn’t have asked you to carry so much!” Yuji joins the two of you in the kitchen, setting his groceries down and proceeding to help. He angles his head towards the stairs before shouting, “Choso, get down here it’s time your turn to make dinner!”

you hadn’t even notice the music coming from upstairs. how Choso’s ears don’t bleed you’ll never know. even from a separate floor your ears are almost in pain; but you guess that could be from the embarrassment you were already feeling. soon after Yuji hollered, you hear heavy footsteps coming down, before you see him. Dark, messy twin buns and his signature face tattoo… you could almost admit that the tattoo was attractive, but it didn’t compare to the ones all over Sukuna’s body. it’s a surprise that Yuji hasn’t gotten one yet. 

“hey, y/n.” Choso says to you in a low tone, so low you barely catch it. all you can do is nod while still trying to catch up with the chaos of the groceries. “Yuji says you’ll be crashing with us for the summer, is that right?”

“yep. didn’t want to go home but couldn’t very well sleep on the streets, y’know?”

“I think you’d feel right at home on the streets.” Sukua chuckles, and you proceed to slap the back of his head. “hey! physical violence!”

“oh yeah, I told y/n that she has full permission to hit the both of you if you cause any trouble.” Yuji warns them, causing Choso to raise his eyebrows in direction like he’s doubting I could ever cause any harm. “and just saying, she does a have right hook when she tries.”

-

after dinner was done, you volunteered to clean the dishes since Choso cooked and Yuji bought the groceries. it also didn’t seem like Sukuna was going to speak up and you were the guest after all. you even tried to ignore Sukuna’s “because she’s a girl” comment he made under his breath when Yuji tried to get him to take over for you. 

Choso and Yuji stay downstairs with you while you clean up, both of them talking about their plans for the summer and everything they want to do. you don’t hesitate to chime in on occasion, but the only responses you get are from Yuji. eventually, it’s you and Yuji left downstairs, with both brothers shutting off in their rooms. 

“I’m gonna take the couch tonight, okay y/n? tomorrow I’ll work on getting the spare bedroom ready but for now just take over my room. there’s a bathroom right next to it, but just be warned, you do share a wall with the bathroom and the other wall with Choso.” Yuji explains as you yawn. 

“so what you’re saying is I should pick up some earplugs.” you remark to him, making the both of you laugh. you bid him goodnight, before heading up the stairs to find Yuji’s room. it wasn’t your first time sleeping here, but every other time you were almost certainly black out drunk and never remembered getting up the stairs in the first place. 

after getting settled in Yuji’s bedroom, you grab the extra towel he gave you and your pajamas before going to get a shower. you take a quick scan of the second floor, and curse under your breath. of course there’s only one bathroom upstairs. before you can knock on the bathroom door to be sure, the door to the right of Yuji’s opens suddenly, startling you until you see Choso in his pajamas staring at you. 

“I think Sukuna is in there, but do you need to get in there next?” Choso asks you, rubbing his head. you nod silently, earning a sigh from him. “well, I just need to brush my teeth so would you be okay if I went first? I’ll be in and out.” 

“of course, this is your house after all.” you answer, just as the bathroom door handle starts to turn. steam rolls out once the door is opened, and you’re face to face with Sukuna in only a towel with water still dripping off of his hair. 

“move.” the eldest sibling grumbles, nudging past you to get to his room. you can’t help but let your eyes follow him before he gets to his door. 

for a split second, he turns his head to meet your eyes. if you had blinked you would have missed it. then as soon as it happened he was slamming his door. 

heat crept over your ears and cheeks, but you tried to shake it off. Choso brushed past you to get into the bathroom to brush his teeth, and you took a deep breath. you stood waiting, but Choco didn’t shut the bathroom door so you just looked around and at the ceiling instead of being weird and watching him practice oral hygiene. 

“all yours y/n.”

“thanks.” your gaze ends up following Choso back to his bedroom door, mostly just making sure you would have some privacy once you shut the bathroom. and yet… there he was. stopping just short of closing his door before looking up at you, his dark eyes blending it with the darker line tattooed across his face. 

you shut the bathroom door behind you, taking a deep breath once again. what the hell was that feeling in your chest?

-

[cowgurrrl]

Eat Your Young

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (platonic!Ellie Williams x reader)

Author’s note: I’m sorry (gif by @pedrohub)

Summary: “Thoe I walk through the valley in the shadow of death I fear no evil for I am the meanest motherfucker in the valley.�� [4.1k!!!]

Warnings: episode 8 spoilers!! David (this is a warning in itself), Ellie in peril, canonical violence, bargaining, reader being a badass because I said so, a slight allusion to sa, PTSD symptoms, physical trauma, angst with a happy (slightly ambiguous) ending

Your body aches when you come to. Your face pulses with bruises, and you can feel broken ribs pushing against your lungs. Memories spark under your throbbing skull— waking up to the sound of the garage opening, Ellie yelling for help, the men, the horse going down. She should've woken you up earlier. She never should've tried to face them by herself. Your eyes blink open, and a hideous red carpet stares back at you. Rope ties your hands and ankles to the chair you're sitting on, and you look around for Ellie. 

An empty room has never been as scary as it is right now. Your heartbeat quickens against sore ribs, and your breathing rattles loudly. Did they take you both? If so, where is she, and why isn't she with you? Did they find Joel? You think about how weak he was when you left, how he could barely hold his own knife, and how delirious he was. Your teeth grind together as you try to shrink back tears at the thought of him dying alone in that stupid basement. Your thoughts are interrupted by a door opening, and you look up enough to see the familiar man walking through the door. 

David pauses by the swinging door once he sees you're awake. His eyes rake over your injuries with an alarming lack of care, and you shift in the chair. Your shoulders scream in pain, and you wince, but Ellie stays at the forefront of your mind. 

"Where is she?" You ask. David grabs a chair from one of the tables and sets it in front of you. He's close enough that you can smell sweat and grime on him. You straighten up, making yourself as big as possible, as he sits across from you and stares at you intently. 

"I was starting to worry about you," he says, and you let out a shaky breath. "How are you feeling?"

"Where the fuck is she?"

"She's alive. That's all you need to know right now."

"Let me see her."

"I'm afraid you're not in the position to be demanding things," he says as he rubs his hands together. You glance at the door he came through and make a mental note. She has to be through there. She would be able to hear you if you called for her. Does she know how close you are? "Are you her mother?" 

"Fuck you."

"You're feisty just like she is. If you're not her mother, you must be the closest thing to it," he says. You try not to let his words settle over your bones. No mother would fail her child the way you've failed her, the way you're actively failing her. "She wouldn't tell me anything about the man, but she asked if you were okay. She cares a lot about you two."

"Is he here?" You hate how small you sound when you ask about him. David smirks, and your skin crawls.

"Not yet, no. We're looking for him now," he says. "My people are dead set on vengeance. It's a good thing I went out with them this morning. Otherwise, you'd both be dead."

"Lucky us." 

"I know you didn't kill Alec, and I'm sorry you've traveled with such an angry man for so long. Once we find him, we'll bring him to justice, and you'll be free," he says like he's offering you a one-way ticket to Heaven. "We have room within our group. You and your daughter could live here safely. Start a new life." 

"So, you want someone to pay for the loss of life? Is that it? You kidnapped me and a fucking kid to settle a score?" 

"In a sense." He sighs. You bite the inside of your cheek as you think about Ellie. She has to be fucking terrified right now— alone, hungry, and maybe hurt. She's strong, though. She could find Joel and move him to a safer location. You've seen her hold her own before, and you trust her as much as you trust Joel. She doesn't need you, but she needs Joel.

"If you let her go, I'll settle your score. Whatever you need to end this shit. I'll call him off, and they'll leave and never come back." You decide. David sits back in his chair as he considers your offer, your sacrifice. 

"You really think a man like him would just leave you here?"

"He'd do anything I asked him to," you say. "Just let her go. This isn't her fight, and I think you know that." 

"Why do you care so much about him? He's a murderer."

"So am I. I've done really shitty things to stay alive, things I can never tell her about. I'm not a good person."

"But he is?"

"He's trying to be," you say, catching sight of the Bible sitting on a nearby table. You let yourself soften just enough. "Isn't that what you're all about? Salvation and redemption and sacrificing yourself for the greater good? That girl is his chance at redemption, maybe his last one. They need each other way more than they need me."

"You love him." It's not a question. It's a statement like pointing at the clouds gathering on the horizon and announcing there will be a storm— obvious and beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

"Let them go. Please." You breathe. David sits silently, tapping his fingers together, before standing and wordlessly walking through the door he came in from. A tear falls from your eye, but you quickly wipe it on your shirt sleeve. You listen for voices as the building creaks against the force of the blizzard outside before twisting your wrists against the rope. The burn makes you grit your teeth, but the slow loosening is enough for you to continue. 

You don't have a plan for getting out of here alive, only a plan for distracting David long enough for Ellie to escape and find Joel. They can take care of each other. They'll finish what we started. They'll be okay. You repeat it like a gospel, like a blind truth that you have to follow because you can't afford to think differently. You hope she understands that this is the last thing you want. That if you could've kept her safe forever, you would've. That abandoning her and Joel was never in the cards. You hope she knows that you love her. 

Ellie shouts from the other room, but you can't make out her words. The silence that follows makes you sick to your stomach. You would take her nonstop talking over this eerie stillness. Your fingers search for a weak spot in the ropes as blood drips down your hands. 

"Hey!" A gruff voice rings out from the other side of the room, and you freeze. One of David's men walks over to stand in front of you, a heavy semi-automatic weapon in his hands. When you look down the barrel, a gold bullet stares back at you, but you can't look away.

"Did you find him?" You ask. Something uncertain flickers behind his eyes, and that's enough of an answer. There's a chance, however minuscule, that he's alive and out there and trying to find both of you. A dull and dangerous ball of hope forms between your broken ribs. "We can end this here. If you just let us go, we can put this all behind us."

"And if I don't? You'll what? Kill us just like you killed Alec?" 

"Oh, no. You'd be lucky to die as fast as he did," you say. "After what you did to her, you really think I'd just let you die that easily? I'll rip all your fucking teeth out of your skull and feed them to you before I even think about putting a bullet in your head." Terror flashes across his face, but Ellie's screams keep it growing. The man in front of you turns toward the sound, giving you a window to slip your hands from the loose ropes and grab at his gun. You push it up and away from him, a stray bullet singing through the air and hitting the ceiling. He shoves you back, and the chair breaks as you hit the ground so hard that you see stars.

David rushes in from the other room, blood splattering his clothes— her blood. He looks pissed as he assesses the situation, holding his hand tightly. "I offer you a home here, and this is what you do," Your molars buzz as molten rage rolls off you. David lunges at you, grabbing your face with one hand and holding up the other so you can see his broken finger. You try to squirm away from him, but his grip is tight enough for your jaw to creak with the threat of it shattering. "Look what she fucking did to me! You think you're going to get any sympathy now?" His breath is hot on your face as he shouts, but Ellie's blood is the only thing you care about. You spit in his eyes and wrestle out of his grasp, reaching for a piece of splintered wood. A warning shot fires by your ear before you can lift it, and splitting, ringing pain slices through your brain.

Your heart beats in your face as you try to army crawl further away, shaking your head hard like it will release the muffled pain. A swift kick to your ribs knocks you down, and you roll onto your back, pressing on the broken rib as you try to breathe. David and David's Bitch (you honestly don't care to learn his name, and that title is more fitting anyway) stare down at you with their guns in your direction. David tsks as he steps forward to stand over you, too close for your comfort. You move to put space between you, but he kicks you again. You gasp and bite your tongue hard enough to taste blood.

"I can't wait for your guy to show up so he can see just how pathetic you actually are." He threatens and you laugh, spitting blood.

"Trust me, he's the least of your fucking problems right now." You say, planting your hands behind you to push yourself off the floor. The butt of a pistol cracks across your skull before you can get far.

"No!" Ellie's voice jolts you awake. Your vision is blurry, and the throbbing pain in your body makes you nauseous, but none of that matters as much as she does. Her screams are the stuff of nightmares, helpless and scared out of her fucking mind. You push off the floor, forcing yourself to walk toward the sound until your foot stops moving. You look down to find a rope tied around your right foot, connecting you to one of the pillars in the middle of the room. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." You say as you bend down to try pulling it off of you. There's no time. She needs you now. Tears form in your eyes as the rope burns the skin around your ankle, drawing blood. You look around for a knife, glass, anything to help you cut it but find nothing. She's stopped screaming, but that doesn't do anything to stop you from trying to get to her. The blood dripping into your socks makes the rope slippery and stains your hands when you finally get it off. You stand so fast that you get a headrush but don't stop until Ellie's body collides with yours. She's covered in blood and almost screams until she realizes who you are.

"I... I thought. I heard..." She says, clutching your shirt in between her hands. You shake your head as you grab her and run to the doors. They barely budge as you try to push them open, and Ellie grabs your hand, running into the kitchen. She's shaking, and her hair is a mess as she looks around for something to fight with. 

"Ellie, we need to go. We can't stay here." You say as she grabs a smoldering log.

"Cover me." She says, barely looking at you before rushing back out to hide near the door. You grab a knife and duck under a nearby table as David walks in with a bloody cleaver. You grip the knife closer, hoping to slash his Achilles tendon as he walks by when Ellie pops up and throws the log at David's head. The curtain behind him catches fire as you try to track her movements. She stays low and quiet, just like Joel taught her, and you have half a mind to be proud of her for listening.

"There's no way out," David calls as the fire travels up the curtain to the ceiling. He's pacing calmly away from you as the building starts to go up in flames around us. "All the doors are locked, and I have the keys. Nobody is coming to save you, Ellie." You move to the kitchen once his back is turned to you, hoping to find a bottle or bigger knife to distract him. Ellie meets your eyes across the room, and you nod at her, a silent reassurance that you will not let anything happen to her. You find a half-full bottle of wine and quickly dump it down the drain as David rambles about something. You stay low as you look out the kitchen window and throw the bottle to the other side of the room, the last bits of alcohol making the flames grow bigger. You duck when David turns toward the sound and walk back to the swinging door, waiting for the right moment to come out. 

A piece of ceiling falls in front of the door, and flames lick under it, just as you hear Ellie stab David. You turn to jump through the kitchen window when one of David's guys enters the room and locks eyes with you. You've got to be fucking kidding me. You swing the knife at him, slicing his arm as he brings his gun up to shoot. The long shotgun pushes at your chest and sends you backward as blood pours from his arm. You hit the edge of the counter hard but stay up and swinging. The man grunts right in your face, and the fire is tearing the building apart, but all you hear is Ellie. She's screaming louder than you've ever heard, and she's calling for you, for help. You swing the knife once more and hit something squishy that gives. The man sobs in pain, and you dig the knife further into his eye until he stops twitching. 

Once he hits the ground, you jump through the kitchen window and dive onto the floor below, fire burning your arms as you do. You grip the knife closer to you and stand until you see the full sight of Ellie and David. She's on top of him and hitting him over and over and over again with his cleaver. Blood splatters across her face and clothes as David becomes less of a body and more of a stain. You don't try to stop her. You just drop your knife and slowly walk into her line of sight with your hands up. By the time she stops raising her arms to hack the body, she's crying and breathing hard enough for you to hear her over the flames. 

"Ellie," you call, and she jumps like she forgot you were there. The look in her eyes now is so different from the one she gave you earlier when you tried to tell her nothing terrible would happen. It's familiar and heart breaking. She's shaking when you reach for her and pull her off of David. "We need to go, okay? We gotta get out of here." You wrap your arms around her and shield her eyes as you walk past the bodies she left in her wake. 

The snow is a welcome relief from the smothering smoke and fire when you leave the building. Ellie stays tucked under your arm, letting you take her weight as you move toward the blue water, away from David and whatever god failed you. Her shoulders fall slack until a pair of arms wrap around us, and she screams again. Your grip on her tightens as she cries and kicks at whoever is trying to grab you. She nearly falls to her knees as the arms spin her around, taking her away from you.

"Hey, look," Joel's voice is soft as he holds her face. You let him take her and take a step back, trying to process that he's alive. "It's me. It's me. It's okay."

"He tried to..." Ellie mumbles, and you have to turn away from them, vomit burning in your throat. You swallow hard as tears fall down your face and do your best to hold your sobs. "He tried to" is a sentence you've heard too many times but never from someone as young as Ellie. He tried to, and you were right there. He tried to, and you couldn't do anything. He tried to, and she was screaming for you. If David weren't already dead and burning, you'd go back and rip his fucking spine out. He tried to.

Joel saying your name makes you turn to see Ellie wrapped in his jacket, a faraway look in her eyes. You take her backpack from him and go to his other side to snake your arm around his back. He's shaking either from fear or pain. You don't know that it matters. Together, you work to get somewhere safe, helping to carry the weight of the past three months silently.

You found an empty house a few miles away from the resort and let Joel clean Ellie up in the bathroom. She clung to him the whole way here, trembling bloody hands wrapped around his middle. The cut on her nose is gnarly, and she has slices on her fingers from gripping the knife she used to kill David. Other than that, she's more mentally scarred than anything. As soon as she was clean and fed with twenty-year-old Spaghetti-O's, she fell asleep on Joel's chest, her bandaged hand resting over his heart as they lay on the floor together. The words you said to David while begging for their lives surround you. They need each other way more than they need me.

You feel like shit now that the adrenaline has died down. There are burns on your forearms, cuts on your hands, bruises swelling your face, and you're pretty sure the hearing in your left ear is permanently fucked. Your head pounds and your ribs twinge in pain when you breathe too deeply, but it's nothing compared to the screams echoing in your mind. They'll probably embed in your brain and repeat themselves for the rest of your life. You've never heard her scream like that— deep in her chest and desperate, like she was praying for someone to hear her and help, to kill the men who put their hands on her and then some. 

He tried to.

Joel calls your name softly, but you can't turn to face him. Your eyes stay on the front door, the cool metal of your gun warming under your palm. "You should sleep," Joel murmurs as he puts a comforting hand on your back. He's careful not to jostle Ellie as he rubs circles into your skin. You shake your head as your fingers twitch against the gun.

"I was asleep when she," your voice catches in your throat, and you wipe at your eyes. "I didn't even hear her leave. I can't…."

"She's safe, and she's alive. That's the most important thing."

"I was so fucking scared, Joel. I could hear her screaming, and I couldn't do anything to help her," you sniffle as he tugs at your shirt, making you turn to look at him. His eyes are watery and sad, but he doesn't stop you. "The fucking apocalypse happened, and the scariest thing in the world is still a man who thinks he can take whatever he wants."

"I know, baby."

"I can still hear his voice. I-” He pulls you closer and gently takes the gun out of your hands. Slowly, he makes you lie beside him until you relax and use his bicep as a pillow. You're close enough to count the cuts on Ellie's sleeping face, and you almost wiggle away. Joel feels it and quickly kisses your forehead, his grip on you tightening enough to make you stay.

"Let me lay with my girls," he whispers before you can protest. "Please." You sigh and curl into him, wrapping your arm around his stomach, so your fingers can graze Ellie's arm. He traces patterns into your back as you count Ellie's breaths. Every rise and fall of her chest soothes your anxiety just a little more. Her nose scrunches in her sleep, and she mumbles something as her grip on Joel gets tighter. He shushes her and kisses her forehead, whispering, "we're right here, baby girl," into her temple. Then, probably without even realizing it, she moves her hand until it covers yours, her little fingers squeezing you like she's trying to decide if you're real. You take her hand in yours and squeeze back. 

It’s moments like these that make you wonder how you could've gone so long without her. It's moments like these that make you wonder how you could ever go back to the life you had before. It's moments like these that give you a glimpse, a torturous peek, into what could've been. If you had met Joel earlier and had been faster and less guarded, maybe your paths may have crossed sooner. Maybe all those people you loved who died would still be alive somewhere. Maybe nothing would've changed at all. 

"I'm so scared of losing her," You tell him, your eyes still stuck to Ellie's face. Joel takes a deep breath and nods. "When did she stop being cargo?"

"She was never just cargo."

"What are we gonna do?" 

"We're gonna get her to the Fireflies. They'll do whatever they need, and then, I don't know. We could take her back to Jackson and get her settled. Let her have an actual childhood." He says. A regular, ordinary life with them sounds idyllic, something reserved for people way better than you are. 

"What if something bad happens with the Fireflies?" 

"Then, we do whatever it takes to keep her alive. Either way, we're gonna finish this."

"Whatever it takes." You echo. 

"You should sleep," he says. Your body agrees with him even if you're hesitant. "I'll take the first watch. I've probably had enough sleep to last me, at least, a couple of hours." You stare at him to make sure he's okay to stay up before nodding. You squeeze Ellie's hand again and smoosh your cheek against Joel's shoulder, perfectly wrapped up in both of them. Joel goes back to rubbing your back to lull you to sleep, and all you can hear is their breathing and the birds singing to each other outside. Fireflies, ruthless FEDRA officers, Infected, and religious cults are far enough for you to trust that everything is okay. 

"Joel," you say quietly. He hums, and you push yourself up on your elbow to look down at him. "I love you. I don't think I ever told you that, but I want you to know." 

"You never had to. I always knew," he says, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "I love you, too." You want to say more. You want to say, "I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it. I'm sorry if it's too late. I'm sorry for falling in love with you in this world that makes love a weakness," but you don't. You lean down and kiss him like you've done hundreds of times and try not to think about what will happen tomorrow.

The only thing you care about is the two people you're curled up within an old, mildewy basement in the middle of fucking Colorado because they are your world now. And nothing will take your world away ever again.

🍓

🍓

🍓

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 2: Blood & Pain

Masterlist

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI)

Summary | Joel, Ellie and you are traveling in the wilderness together heading towards Jackson. During your travels both Joel and you get into a heated argument where you storm off into the wilderness alone. When darkness descends Joel goes searching for you, eventually he finds you and breaks down in front of you. You find yourself growing a lot as a person through the hard trials of Life through Blood and Pain, a few surprises pop up along the way (one of which Joel suspects), and ultimately you find compassion and comfort in the decisions that you starting to make with this big broody older man. The chapter ends with a few unresolved issues, as the story will continue in future chapters.

Warnings | Angst, language, names used (honey, baby), age gap, verbal teasing, pregnancy (implied), miscarriage (implied), yelling, arguments, reference to abuse (slight if you squint), reference to sex in the past, reference to mental and physical exhaustion. I think that’s it

Word Count: 5.1 K

Author’s Note:  This was a little harder to write as I’m trying to set up the characters into the line for how the story is going to go.  I know this didn’t have as much action in it, mostly frustration between the characters but I wanted to show you the problems that these two have.  Both of them love the other but just can’t seem to get passed the whole communication problem. Ellie, sweet tell-it-to-you-no-filter Ellie, will be helping these two more in the future getting their feelings out. Now that they found a cabin they are going to be staying for a while. More parts are coming out in the future as we take these 3 amazing characters through a story of learning to live together (and eventually they’ll find Tommy too).  Stay tuned for more :) 

It had been about three weeks since you and Joel had sex on the ground in a sleeping bag for the first time.  Since then, Joel has been a bit grumpy, moody, and constantly correcting you with things. He no longer treated you like you were less than human, or that you were a plague that walked this Earth. However, he was just a bit more moody than usual. He still didn’t want to talk about what had happened between the two of you, that much was for certain. You learned within the first week that you were never going to talk about what happened with him, or at least not right away because as he put it “we ain’t gonna fucking talk about it, so fucking leave it” was always his response no matter what you tried to say.  So you left it alone as you didn’t want to bring out the worst in him again.

Each day the three of you would trek closer to Jackson in an attempt to find Tommy, Joel's brother. Ellie had finally eased up a bit on Joel about catching the two of you in a sleeping bag humping, if only she knew what happened after that you thought, but you could never say it out loud. You noticed that the banter between Ellie and Joel was easier, more joking and fun, and you could see how much Joel cared for her as a daughter. You also noticed how much Ellie started to look at Joel like a father figure. 

One night when the three of you were collecting firewood, Joel was moving slow as his back was sore and he was tired. Ellie decided to really lay it on thick with the jokes and said with a smirk on her face "So pops, how does one your age still keep up and stay alive. I mean you’re old?” As he stood there glaring at her he eventually let out a huff and shook his head and said "look here little girl, one day you're gonna be my age and then you'll see."

"And how old is that Joel, huh?" Ellie teased while helping Joel with the firewood. When he didn't answer her right away you decided to chime in and say "he's 52" while setting your logs down next to Joels. Ellie looked at you shocked that you knew his age and Joel just scowled at you.  “52? Like that’s like ancient. Joel you’re older than dinosaurs, right?” Ellie quipped with a cocky smirk on her face. Joel just stared at Ellie and started grinding his teeth slowly, you knew his age was a sensitive subject for him, though you never really knew why. Feeling a bit frisky at wanting to be included in the conversation for once, you chimed in “Ellie you’re technically not wrong. Some dinosaurs lived to be over 50 and some were long dead before 50. So yes, he’s definitely in the dinosaur category.” 

As soon as you finished your statement you heard silence.  You looked over at Ellie and she had her mouth wide open just staring at you. She occasionally glanced over to Joel who was also just glaring at you from your statement. Finally after a moment, Ellie burst out laughing and eventually both you and Joel burst out laughing too.  Pretty soon all three of you were crying because you were laughing so hard. It was the first real laugh that you three had like this in a long time, and damn it felt good, especially when Joel was laughing with you. After a moment, Joel was the first person to speak wiping his eyes while saying “look here smartass, I’m not 52, I’m 53. My birthday was a few weeks ago.” You were going to ask Joel when, but Ellie beat you to it by saying “53, the dinosaur turned 53 and didn’t tell us, what the hell Joel?” 

“Didn’t want to make a fuss, it’s just another day and another year older” Joel said. Ellie then started arguing with Joel about not telling you guys about his birthday and the importance of birthdays when you heard him yell at her “my birthday ain’t something special kid, ok. It just means that I’m a year older in this god for saken world. But if ya wanna know, it was the night it was bitterly cold. So happy fucking birthday to me” and then he stormed off. 

You stood there frozen as your mind raced from remembering that night of his birthday, the night you and Joel ended up having sex for the first time. “I don’t hate you, never have…If ya still want to leave, I’ll let you… Fuck baby, you’re so god damn tight. God, I need this…I’m not stopping baby, I don’t fucking care who sees or hears us…we aren’t going to talk about it anymore, clear.” 

As your mind finished racing from that night you felt tears streaming down your cheeks silently. That night was Joel’s birthday, the night you wanted to leave because of Joel being an ass. You didn’t know why but you felt emotional about this fact. “God, I need this” statement he made that night kept playing over and over in your head. You thought he just needed sex that night, but what he needed was someone to show him that they wanted him on his birthday, show him that someone cared. “God you’re so stupid” you heard you tell yourself as you wiped the tears from your eyes.

“Yes you are” you heard Ellie say. As you looked up you saw her staring at you. She looked around for a moment before approaching you and saying “do you really think I didn’t know that you and Joel were having sex that night?” You tried to say “we weren’t” when she cut you off. 

“Don’t. I may be younger than you, but I’m not fucking stupid. I was hoping you two would finally give in to whatever the fuck has been going on between you two, but apparently Joel is more emotionally constipated than I thought.” Ellie said in a low voice shaking her head. You heard yourself give a little snort at her claiming that Joel was emotionally constipated because well, she was right. “It doesn’t matter Ellie” you heard yourself saying “he doesn’t, we don’t-” 

“Oh shut up,” Ellie said louder while rolling her eyes and pointing in the direction that Joel went. “You are just as emotionally constipated as he is. God, go talk to him and tell him.”

“Ellie” you said interrupting her. “He doesn’t want to talk about what happened he’s made it-”

“I know he doesn’t want to talk about it, but damn it, it was his birthday and he obviously needed you that night so fuck…I don’t know,  go and like say something to him or something” Ellie yelled at you frustrated. When you didn’t respond Ellie threw her hands up in the air and said out loud to herself storming away “apparently I got two emotionally constipated old idiots I have to travel with that act more like freaking children than me. Fuck.” 

As you stood there watching her walk away you heard a familiar voice behind you say “what’s her problem?” Without turning around and facing Joel you said “she’s mad at us and called us both emotionally constipated old idiots.” You heard him snort behind you while saying “why would she call us that?”  You turned around slowly and noticed that Joel was towering above you looking down and you both stood there within close proximity staring into each other’s eyes and you thought to yourself what in the hell is Joel Miller thinking.

As Joel stood there looking down at you he noticed that your eyes were bloodshot and your cheeks were rosey.  He knew the only time that happened was when you were crying, but he didn’t know why. He reached out and slowly rubbed soothing strokes down your cheek saying “why does she think we’re emotionally constipated idiots?”  He had a suspicion of why Ellie would say that, but he wanted you to say it first. He knew that Ellie had seen the two of you that night when you had sex. When you both were finished that night and he stood up to fix his belt back on his pants he happened to glance over to were Ellie was sleeping and saw that she was wide awake and staring at you two.  At first he was upset as he just realized that he had sex in front of a teenager, and the thought made him sick to his stomach as he knew better than that. Ellie had tried to approach him several times afterwards and each time he’d say ‘Ellie, it’s not your concern ok, mind your own damn business.’ She’d already called him emotionally constipated more than once regarding the topic, but he wanted to hear you say the reason just in case she hadn’t told you yet that she saw the two of you. 

After a few moments of staring up into Joel’s eyes you decided that he wasn’t going to move until you gave him an answer, and this was one answer you didn’t want to give him.  You tried to think of a convincing lie to say that didn’t involve admitting to him what Ellie said.  But you also knew that whatever it was that you were going to tell him he would go and talk to Ellie about it later, especially since he found you crying yet again. So you decided that the truth would be better in this situation. So you looked down, took a deep breath and said, “she saw us that night. The night we- um- the night of your birthday.”  When he didn’t respond right away you took another big breath and added “she saw us having sex Joel, and she told me we both were emotionally constipated, and that we both needed to talk about it.”

You honestly waited for the explosion, for the yelling or screaming to start from him, but it never came and you didn’t understand why.  Everytime you had even attempted to bring up this topic he’d always shut you down and yell at you stating that you two were never going to talk about it. So his silence bothered you as this wasn’t Joel. You dared to look up into his eyes at this point wondering if he was seething with anger or just shocked at what you had told him. When you glanced up in his eyes you didn’t see any anger or hatred or impending violent reaction, what you saw was compassion and softness.  Joel continued to stroke his finger over your cheek and said “I know. I know Ellie saw, I knew it when I was fixing my belt, I looked over and saw she was awake.”

Now it was your turn to freeze and become absolutely frigid, she saw and Joel knew. Why didn’t he say something you thought to yourself.  As if he could read your mind he said “I didn’t say anything cause I didn’t want to upset ya. Baby, I don’t want you thinking bad about what we did that night. I don’t want you regretting it.”  

Before you could stop yourself, you snapped at him and said “I don’t regret it, but obviously you do. You won’t even look at me, hold me, kiss me, or fuck- even talk to me about it. Hell, you’ve hardly spoken two words to me at all since that night. I don’t regret it, but obviously you do.”  When you looked up at him you felt him go rigid and then you saw the anger come back into his eyes as he looked at you not moving and not saying anything. You stood there thinking Ellie was right, he is emotionally constipated and I’m tired of it. So you did the one thing that you know not to do, you decided to poke the bear named Joel by further saying “I get it Joel, I was a pity fuck. I get it. You’ve made it perfectly clear to me that you regret everything and that you hate me."

When Joel didn't respond you turned to walk away. You knew he was seething with anger, you could tell it by the way he was grinding his teeth, a nervous tick he did when he was angry, upset, or in deep thought. When you shook your head and turned to walk away you didn't see him reach out to you. He grabbed you hard by the shoulders and spun you around and said in a stern voice "when the fuck you gonna get it through that thick head of yours that I don't fucking hate you, huh? And for the record, you ain't a pity fuck."

"Then when are we going to talk about it, huh?" you said with a little bite to your voice, as your anger was also slowly rising at his outburst at you.

"There's nothing to fucking talk about" he replied. 

Once again you stood there looking at the man you cared for glaring back at you with anger and you were exhausted and frustrated.  Joel never wanted to talk about feelings or emotions. He never wanted to acknowledge his love for Ellie as a father or what his feelings were for you, if he had any. You understood the whole dating role was not really present much in a world where survival was the focus. But you wanted to know what he viewed you as, if you meant something more to him than just a tag along person in the wilderness. You knew Joel wasn't going to define what your relationship was, but you wanted to know if kissing and sex would ever come about again. So with a sigh you asked him the question you've been avoiding. "Joel, are you ever gonna kiss me again or are we ever gonna have sex again?"

When he didn't answer you at first, you knew what his answer was, so you looked down and whispered "please Joel, I need you to say it out loud so I know."  You stood there in silence for a long time, trying to will your tears not to sting your eyes as you waited for an answer.  You honestly didn’t think he was going to give you one, but when he never left after a bit you decided to look up into his face.  When you looked up, you saw that he was looking down at you with a pained look on his face. “Please Joel, I-I just need to know what you think of me. If I was just- if you just wanted-” you couldn’t finish the sentence.  You couldn’t say I want to know if I was just a birthday fuck and nothing else.  You felt him stare at you as you attempted to say the words and when you couldn’t, you just looked down at your feet again and struggled with the tears that once again were about to fall.

After a moment, you heard Joel exhale and felt him tenderly grab your chin to tip your chin up to look at him once again. Then he very gently said "baby, nothing good ever comes from kissin' in this world. I'm-"

You didn't let Joel finish before you backed away and said "You're right. How silly of me to think a man actually cared about me. You’re no different than Dave, then man who said he loved me but attempted to kill me a few years before you. Silly me to think that I was ever good enough for anyone. I wasn't ever good enough at home before all of this shit happened in the world, wasn’t good enough for Dave, and now not good enough for you. Jesus, can I be any more stupid?” you said with a sarcastic laugh.

“Oh, and for the record Joel, this is the clear definition of what a pity fuck is. So happy fucking birthday right? I'm sorry I wasn't the present you clearly fucking wanted." And at the end of that sentence you felt the sob escape your mouth as you turned around and walked away. You stormed past Ellie and kept walking in the woods, you were so upset that you never thought to grab your gun or your pack. You needed to clear your head and think, and you couldn't do it with them nearby. So when you heard Ellie yell back asking where you were going, you didn't answer, you just kept walking. With each step you took you felt your heart shattered for the man you loved. You had your chance again to tell him, maybe you should have but if he didn't feel anything for you, why would you voice your silly little feelings to him. 

Darkness had descended and somewhere in your storming off in anger you got turned around and lost. Usually it didn't matter in the winter as you could always follow your footprints back, but sometime in the last hour your footprints had disappeared because of the wind. You couldn't walk back in a straight line because you knew you had not followed one. So you kept wandering and eventually you sat down next to a tree and closed your eyes to let the cold sting your face and dry the tears that were streaming down your face from anger and sadness combined.

Several hours had passed and Joel was very anxious of why you hadn’t returned.  Ellie and him had gotten into a hell of an argument of what had happened.  Joel at first attempted to brush it off saying that it wasn’t something of concern, but when Ellie called out his bullshit and stated that she had heard the conversation all he could do was look down.  He did care for you but he didn’t know how to express it.  Apparently the way he was going about it was wrong and he knew it. God, why am I so stupid? he thought to himself.  

When darkness hit his slight worried state turned into complete panic.  Darkness was not something where people should be defenseless in the world anymore, especially when they didn’t have their pack or their gun with them.  He frantically packed up a bag of medical supplies, bullets, food, and his knife and gun.  He told Ellie to stay by the campfire and to shoot anything that came at her that wasn’t the two of you. 

As Joel stormed into the wilderness. He had no idea where you went, what you were thinking, or what you felt.  He was searching for you for what felt like an eternity, trying to see where you went. Right before he was going to give up thinking that he could search better in the daylight he stumbled across you sitting with your back against a tree. He approached you slowly and called out to you. When you didn’t respond he felt his gut clench as he hoped that you weren’t injured or dead because of his stupidity. Finally, when he got up to you he knelt down and reached out to touch your leg as he gently called you by your name.  When you slowly opened your eyes and looked at him he grabbed you and held you close. 

You were so numb from the cold, and from the physical and mental exhaustion that you were limp in his arms.  As he cradled you against his chest you heard him let out a small sob as he said “baby I’m sorry, ok? You’re wrong. You ain’t a pity fuck. God damnit-I care about ya, you hear me? I c-care. I just don’t know how to do this. Please- please come back to me honey. Please don’t leave.”

As you heard and felt him cry into your shoulder you slowly started to wrap your arms tighter around him. In all of the years you have known Joel, you’ve never seen him get emotional like this. He sounded and felt like a man that was breaking and you really didn’t understand the reasons why. You didn’t want to give him another chance, but what could you do. You still loved him even though he hurt you. But you knew that you weren’t going to get the relationship that you wanted. So as you hugged him back and said “It’s okay Joel, I’ll stay” you knew you couldn’t lower your guard completely down again, not without him shattering you. So as you hugged him you forced your internal walls up around you in your mind. This is the last time Joel’s going to shatter me, you thought.

2 Weeks Later

It had been 2 weeks after you and Joel had your horrible argument where you stormed off and he found you sitting against the tree.  After you had held each other that night, he helped you up and helped to walk you back to camp.  That night Joel never slept much as he kept watch of you.  Ellie and you shared a sleeping bag that night, against Joel’s better judgement. He wanted to keep you warm but when he offered you, you just looked at him and had said one single word and that was “no.”

Since then you guys were trekking across the country moving closer to Jackson where Tommy supposedly was. After walking in the wilderness for the longest time you guys had stumbled upon an abandoned cabin in the wilderness.  After much discussion, mostly Joel yelling at you or Ellie in anger, you guys had decided to stop and make it a home for a week, just to rest and recoup.  You were on your period that was several weeks late and were having horrible menstrual cramps, something that was not normal for you. You were unable to walk at the fast pace that you normally did, which resulted in Joel and you arguing yet again. During one of your heated arguments about wanting to stay at the cabin and not able to keep up, you felt a horrible stabbing pain in your lower stomach and you doubled over holding your stomach in front of him.  

He had immediately stopped yelling at you and went to your side saying “baby, are you alright? Are you hurt?” while looking you over head to toe trying to find out where you were injured. He never called you baby, except during that one time during sex. You decided not to bring that up to him as you were in so much pain. Instead you told him you were ok and that you just needed to go lay down for a bit in the cabin. That night Joel slept next to you, holding you close to him while slowly rubbing circles on your hip and lower back as you cried out from the pain in your lower belly, specifically the uterine area.  

From time to time during the night you’d hear him say “Shhh baby, it’s okay.  I got you honey, slow deep breaths for me” as you silently sobbed into his chest from the pain. This was not normal for you to have such horrible menstrual cramps and to be as late as you were on your period. You hope Joel didn’t notice that you were really late with your period. As you laid there that night, having on and off horrible painful cramps, he tried to get you to settle down to sleep. Unfortunately sleep wasn’t something you could do while being in so much pain so that night the both of you didn’t get much sleep.  When you had finally dozed off, you maybe got about 2 hours of sleep when all of a sudden you were woken up to a searing pain in your belly.  It felt like someone was ripping your uterus apart from the inside out.  As your eyes opened you felt and heard Joel breathing slow and even behind you, as he had finally fallen asleep about a half hour after you had.  You slowly slipped out of the bed, trying not to wake him, as the pain kept increasing and your stomach decided to start churning in response to the pain.  You knew that it was only a matter of time before you would be heaving all the contents of your stomach out so you worked extra careful to get out of bed fast to get outside before you lost your stomach contents all over the floor.  You had thought you were graceful in climbing out of bed, but because you were so sick and in so much pain you hadn’t realized that when you slipped out of bed you hit Joel, which startled him awake.

By the time you got to the cabin front door you were practically running. As soon as you hit the outside banister railing you heaved your contents inside your stomach out onto the lawn. As you were retching you felt two strong and rough hands gently grab your hair to hold your hair back, as you continued to vomit. You also felt his one hand drift to your back and he slowly started rubbing it for you until you finished dry heaving.  Finally when you were finished you stood up and whispered “thanks” to him as you wiped your mouth off. After only getting a few hours of sleep, you felt exhausted and Joel looked both wrecked and worried. 

“How late?” Joel asked while standing next to you. But when you didn't answer and had avoided his gaze, he knew. But he still wanted to hear you say it. So he said more sternly  "damn it, how late?"

"2 weeks, Joel ok." you yelled at him for raising his voice. "I'm two weeks late. Not that any of it fucking matters."

"It fucking matters" Joel snapped. You both were so physically exhausted that tempers were flaring once again. As you both stood there in silence you kept watching Joel look at you from your stomach that you were holding, to your face, and then back again. Finally after a moment you sighed and said "Joel, Look I'm- I'm bleeding really heavy ok. And it-it hurts and it doesn't matter if-if we or if- um if I'm…" and then you felt your lower lip quiver as the tears started to flow down your cheeks at the realization that yes you were in fact pregnant, and that you now were having a miscarriage.

As soon as Joel saw your lip quiver he grabbed you and pulled you hard into his chest and held you tight. He heard you let out a sob as you cried into his chest. He didn't stop you because he knew, he knew what you were going through as he and Sarah's mom had gone through the same thing awhile after Sarah was born.  He knew you wanted to be a mom. It was something you two had discussed when you first started out together. You told him you had your period and needed to find some type of rags or cloth to put in your underwear to catch the blood. At first he was furious that you didn't have the scheduled hysterectomy that most women got at the QZ. He had called you irresponsible and a damn fool for not following through with the surgery. But when you explained it to him, we'll more like actually yelled at him, he considered the conversation over and knew that you wanted to have children. But he hoped for your sake that you’d never have kids because having a baby now meant a death sentence sometimes, and he didn't want to think of the possibility of losing you. Now fast forward a year later and he was damn protective over you, whether or not you were (or was) carrying his child. 

As he silently held you he felt his heart ache at the prospect of losing yet again another child. Even though no one knew for sure if you were pregnant, as out here in the wilderness there was no way to tell for sure until you got later in pregnancy. But it didn't matter, he was sure you knew your body. He also knew your cycle and the timing of it, making sure you had extra supplies around that time. He knew you could get cramps occasionally, but nothing like this, and you usually never bled this heavy. He knew something was different and it reminded him of when Sarah's mom had a miscarriage a few months after Sarah was born. 

He stood there with his arms tightly around you gently swaying you side to side humming in your ear that everything was going to be alright and that he was sorry. "What are-are you so-sorry for" you whispered as your sobs started to slow down where you could talk again. 

"For everything darlin'." Joel said. "For treating you wrong, to possibly getting you, um, pregnant, and to- uh- a miscarriage." 

As you stayed wrapped up in each other's arms you heard him sincerely apologize. But when he did you didn't know why he was apologizing for the pregnancy part. Especially when the both of you willingly had unprotected sex all those weeks ago. "It ain't your fault Joel" you said, but he interrupted you by saying "don't tell me it ain't my fault when I was the one that came in ya. I'm a lot older than you sweetheart, I know how this happens and I knew better. It'll never happen again."

When you heard the part of 'it’ll never happen again ' you froze in his arms as you were dreading what he was referring to. You swallowed hard and then said "What part Joel? What part of it ain't happening again that you mean?"

Joel took a moment to think silently to himself and then he gently replied "all of it." It was then that you silently thought to yourself I’m sick and tired of Joel playing with of my feelings and emotions. But it wasn’t something that you could deal with at the present moment, in the meantime, you would allow him to show you compassion over the next few days. But with it you would keep your heart somewhat guarded. You still loved him very much, and you swore to yourself that one day he may learn to love you back. But you knew you couldn’t force it, or force him to face his emotions and feelings toward you. Deep down all of this upset you as you didn’t know where your relationship stood with him.  At one moment he told you that he loved you and didn’t want you to leave, the next moment he’d state that you couldn’t be in the relationship that you wanted with him.  All of this was confusing and you wanted to get to the bottom of why Joel was constantly switching back and forth with you.  But you knew that it was a topic of discussion with him on a different day. 

-End of Chapter 2

Don’t worry, this story will continue with other parts.

Tag list: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg

[criminalskies]

Rome I love your work and I’m super sorry people are being rude to you, I was wondering if you would do an Aaron hotch X reader where reader comes out as nonbinary and Aaron maybe comforting them while on their period and having dysphoria (if your comfortable with that) thanks! ❤️❤️❤️ -anon

I am so so so so so so so honoured to have written this for you anon. I am so sorry for the wait, I can only hope after all this time I’ve done your request some justice.

Pairing: Aaron hotchner x afab!nonbinary!reader. 

Word count: 7.7k

Warnings & A/N: Mentions of gross bathroom stalls. Mentions of menstrual blood. People address reader with she/her pronouns before they come out. Mentions of injected drugs and other canon-typical grossness. Mentions of assault/violence/murder and druggings at nightclubs. Inadequately proofread. That should be all! Please enjoy <;3 

No one on the team could have expected this, for a simple opportunistic killer in the nightclub scene of New Orleans could have stretched on for five days and left the BAU without a lead to follow. Everyone was already irritable enough just given the sweaty, humid air that had blanketed around you all the moment you stepped off the jet. Every team member is now on edge, some five days later, having canvassed every club, hostel and backpacking destination in the city on foot. 

For Prentiss, Morgan, Reid and Hotch, this has sent them into profiling overdrive. They’re throwing out complicated theory after complicated theory trying to think so far outside the box they’re almost losing sight of the facts. Annoyingly, it seems like you just need to wait for more bodies to drop, hoping the killer will slip up, that they’ll do something of any meaning. 

JJ, Rossi and yourself appear to be the only ones willing to accept the fact that this unsub is actually managing to evade all your efforts, with probably no knowledge you’re even looking for them. 

It’s 1:15 in the morning now, if the unsub is at the clubs again, you’ll have a body showing up by 7am. You’ve already tried bargaining with Hotch for the team to just get some rest and hope some evidence arises, but he won’t quit. You’re exhausted. Your back aches, there’s a dull pain behind your temples, pulling at your last resolve as you bury your head in your hands, unable to listen to Reid presenting yet another theory that this unsub is using drugs that are completely undetectable to take down their victims. 

“Spencer! Stop it. There’s no sign of needle pricks, tox screens showed NO sign of any drugs remaining in the victim’s systems despite their time of death being as little as four hours prior to the bodies being found. The only thing in their systems was alcohol! That’s it.” You snap, tired of hearing him circle around the same idea for over an hour now, knowing his specialties are in physics and engineering. Not human physiology and pharmacokinetics. Because those are your background. 

“Actually, the bodies have all been found at least four hours and thirty minutes later, so-” The boy genius leans forward, gesticulating with his hands, clearly preparing to lecture you in your own area of expertise and that does it. Without a word you push yourself up out of your seat, leaning over the desk to make sure he can see how little patience you have left for him constantly trying to correct you. 

“Reid. Correct me based off of something you read in the textbook I wrote one more goddamn time and I will see how far that giant brain of yours really is from your skull.” You point an accusatory finger at him as in the corner of your eye, Hotch and Morgan each rise from their seats, moving towards you, clearly both at least a little intimidated by the set of your brows. You mean business. 

“Woah, woah, woah. Mama. Let’s just calm dow-” Morgan grabs your wrist pointing at Reid and brings it down to your side where you tear it from his grasp. 

“Would you stop calling me mama?! And do not tell me to calm down.” You try to level Derek with another glare that could burn holes in his head if you tried any harder. A hand lands on your shoulder, gentle, from behind you. Pulling you back ever so softly away from the table. You follow the direction of the hand you recognise as Hotch’s, letting him direct you out of the room, where you’re met with the alarmed faces of the local police department’s entire night crew. They all return to their work, and you’re reminded of how sternly your face is still set. You make an effort to relax your jaw as Hotch leads you into an empty office without a word, closing the door. You stand still, eyes on the ground, expecting to be yelled at as you realize how exhausted you are, every muscle in your body providing almost no resistance to the force that wants you to lay down on the linoleum floor and cry yourself to sleep. 

“Are you okay?” is all Hotch can string together to ask you right now, you’re clearly very volatile and on edge. He just can’t figure out why. His mind is reeling with a thousand scenarios of you having been drugged or assaulted in some way in a nightclub just like these, and the thought makes his heart sink. 

You finally look at him, noting the genuine concern and a hint of confusion behind his dark eyes. His thumb skating across his knuckles at his side seems to confirm your theory that he’s worried about you, not upset. The tenderness of his voice asking you the question is enough to make your chin wobble, your eyes welling up seemingly out of nowhere as you note that you definitely are not okay. You just don’t know why.

“I’m, I don’t know, Hotch, I’m so tired, I feel like gravity is working against me, my back hurts, my head is throbbing and my-” That’s when it hits you, your stomach has been churning for hours, a thrilling mix of starvation and nausea despite you eating the same order of food that’s sustained you a thousand times before. Oh. Oh. Your period. God. This is so embarrassing, you’ve just threatened two of your coworkers for being even more dedicated than yourself at solving this case, and you’ve completely made a fool of yourself now, crying in front of your boss like a victim of some terrible thing. 

“Your..?” Hotch offers, trying to get you to finish your statement. 

“I, um. I think I know what’s wrong. I just, I just need like fifteen minutes to go… wash my face and get some air. I’ll be okay. Don’t worry, Hotch.” You wipe your tears with your sleeve and try to offer him a reassuring smile, but his face is nothing short of perplexed. You’ve gone from screaming to crying to comforting him in under four minutes without any prompting at all. He decides that he’s just going to have to keep you by his side for the rest of this case, to make sure you really are just overworked, and that this isn’t something more personal. 

“Alright, Y/N. I’ll head back to the briefing room, please, take your time. I think Reid’s going to want to apologize in no fewer than a thousand words. Morgan will be okay, but. Just, don’t come back until you’re ready… If you need the night off-” 

“No, Hotch, really, I don’t. I just need a moment. It’s okay.” You don’t want to be that weak, someone who gets their period and is suddenly unable to help do your job, when there are people being killed, slaughtered, and you can’t find their killer because you’ve got some cramping? No. 

You can see Hotch doesn’t really seem one hundred percent convinced you’re fine after your sudden outburst, but it’s late and he probably doesn’t have the energy to fight you on this. At this point, he just hopes you haven’t been freaky fridayed with some much less tolerant individual, you really weren’t acting yourself tonight.

“I’ll be right outside if you need… anything.” He gives a wave of his hand on ‘anything’, trying to really drive home the notion he’s here for you in whatever circumstances you’ve found yourself in. 

“Actually, do you think you could send Emily in here for a second?” You realized your go-bag is at the hotel and you have exactly nothing to help you with the imminent bleeding. You subconsciously give Hotch the biggest, most watery puppy dog eyes he’s ever seen, and his heart melts. Of course, of course he’ll get her for you.

“Emily? No problem. I’ll grab her now.” He offers you a small smile, only sparing a moment’s thought as he walks out the door as to why you need her help, not his. He decides once again that you’re more than capable of knowing what you need. He’s offered his help, that’s all he can do. 

When the door clicks shut behind him, leaving you alone for the first time all day, your shoulders fall. You shift from one foot to the other feeling your back yelling at you to just lay down. You hate this part. It’s the worst part of all. The anticipation, your monthly reminder of who you are forced to be, looming right in front of you. When you can feel your grasp on your emotions slip away just a little bit and those little voices in your head gain a little too much power. The thoughts of how your body doesn’t look anything close to who you feel you are. Your chest is even more prominent in your life, aching each time you move too quickly, or worse, when you put on the kevlar vest, and your already tender chest becomes a constant reminder of how people see you. As a woman. Your stomach bloats no matter what you eat, and you feel even curvier than normal, wanting nothing more than to put on your baggiest clothes and crawl into a dark bed and just sleep. 

You can deal with the usual levels of dysphoria well enough, you’re known as just not being particularly effeminate. You wear looser clothes and the tiniest bit of makeup, and you feel like yourself. Each time Derek treats you like you’re not made of glass, smacking a hand into your arm like he would with a guy friend. Each time rossi invites you to taste his new whiskey with himself and Hotch, knowing you’re not as much of a wine person like Penelope and Emily. Whenever Spencer is confident and open enough to freely be himself with you, knowing how nervous and closed off he tends to get with women. In those moments, you don’t need any labels, you don’t need to feel like you’re some kind of imposter, or in the wrong body, it doesn’t matter. You’re just, you. 

But every month or so, nature sends you the most blinding reminder of who you are, of what you were made for. 

A knock on the door brings your head back out of the clouds, as Emily gently pushes the door open. 

“Hi, Em. How’s spencer? And Derek?” you ask, cringing at how you sound like the one who just got yelled at for trying to do your job. Like you’re owed an apology. 

“They’ll live. They really do need to learn to give you a bit more space. I think everyone’s tired, I can’t blame you for snapping.” You love Emily’s honesty. Knowing she’d only ever sugarcoat it for you if you really needed it. “Hotch said you needed me?”

“Yeah, god. I just had to ask if you have any tampons, a pad or anything?” You try not to sound so embarrassed. You know this is a perfectly normal biological function. It just feels like a cruel touch of fate to always drag you back to an identity that never fit you. 

“Sure do. Here, I’ll get it from my bag, it’s on the way to the bathrooms.” Emily opens the door for you to walk with her back through the room the team’s set up in. You feel too many eyes following you as you enter the room. You keep your head down, trying not to have to look at any of the prying eyes or leveling stares you’d find looking back at you. Emily passes you the plastic package from her bag without a word, and you pocket it, padding down the hall to the bathrooms where you start taking deep breaths.

 Looking at your face in the mirror, you can’t stand the sight. You put makeup on this morning, in some attempt to keep up a facade with the team, you were overcompensating for a tackle you’d made yesterday, you’d seen the look on Rossi’s and Morgan’s faces when you took down a runner during canvassing. Their eyebrows were raised as Morgan put his hands in the air, signaling his surrender. Rossi made some halfhearted comment in the SUV about your true calling being in the NFL.So here you are, playing a part. It’s really just some mascara and blush, but it feels like a thick mask over your face as your breathing comes more and more ragged. It’s 2am and your makeup is smudged anyway, the stray mascara making your eyes look darker and even more exhausted than you really are. 

You groan, turning the water on in the sink as you start scrubbing the masquerade off of your face. If you’re already going to be hot and temperamental, you should at least be able to freely rub your eyes without worrying about your precious mascara smudging. 

You finally manage to clean the black stains from your face when the cramping starts. You feel a hundred twisting knots inside of your uterus begin pulling you to curl into a ball. You put the toilet lid down, sitting down on it with a groan as you let the tears slip, bringing your shoes onto the rim so you can bury your face in your knees. The waves of pain start to come closer and closer together, each spike in your abdomen joining together until it feels like a mass of barbed wire has lodged itself inside of you. 

You’re sure you’re reaching the worst of it when you start hearing whimpers escape your mouth at the stabbing sensations. You’re freely crying now, partly due to the pain and partly due to the embarrassment of this whole situation. How desperately you don’t want this to be happening, this isn’t you. This isn’t your body. This isn’t right. Your shoulders are shaking now with the momentum of your crying. 

You barely have time to lift your head up when a hand against the door cautiously opens it, large strides through the small staff bathroom before a tall figure crosses the open doorway of your stall. You almost miss them, your tears clouding your vision as the figure pivots, taking a step back into the doorway. 

“Y/N?” You’ve never heard Hotch’s voice so delicate, so laced with concern as the figure shrinks in front of you. You rub at your eyes, trying to clear the pooling tears so you can see him better. He’s crouched down to your eye level, his thumbs moving over his knuckles as his jaw clenches and unclenches, his eyes scanning your entire body for any signs of injury. “What’s the matter?” His hands fall around your shins where your feet rest on the lid. His thumbs begin rubbing over your legs so carefully you feel like you could just melt into his touch. Warm hands reminding you of where you are, of who you are. 

“It’s s-stupid, Hotch.” You sputter out, a cry tearing through you as your eyes squeeze shut, another wave of pain in your stomach clawing at your insides. 

“I don’t care if this is because a tellytubby died, it isn’t stupid to me if it upsets you.” The genuine care in his voice, the pools of concern in his eyes drawing you in, you don’t know what did it, but the next thing you know you’re pulling him up by his shoulders towards you. 

Your boss finds himself kneeling either side of a toilet, in a unisex police station bathroom. A puddle of unknown origin soaking into the knees off his $300 slacks, his arms wrapping around you while your hands find purchase on his dress shirt and you bury your forehead in the crook of his neck. He’s shocked to find that he couldn’t care less about the surroundings, his hand finding the back of your head to hold you close to his aching heart. He’s desperate to know what’s happened to you, but he will kneel here until his knees lock if it means you’ll tell him when you’re comfortable. If it means you’ll stop crying. He feels a part of him physically ache every time a cry escapes your lips.

“It’s gonna be okay, Y/N. You have my help, through whatever this is.” You tug at his shirt harder, a shaky breath escaping you as his hand rubbing up and down your back soothes your mind. You don’t know why Hotch has such a comforting effect on you, but his presence has always been so calming to you. Even now, you’re hysterically crying in a bathroom and he’s the only thing able to draw you out of your own mind, making you able to see past the pain. 

Your breaths start to come easier with each swipe of his hand up and down your spine. You let go of his shirt, smoothing it with your palms and he pulls back to look at you, finally seeing the pink paper package rustling in your hand. Oh. The penny finally drops, and he can understand why you were so volatile earlier. What he doesn’t yet understand is what’s changed, why are you so upset now? He resigns to the fact that he really can’t judge how you’re feeling, having never felt it himself. He refuses to draw a line in the sand as to what kind of response is appropriate for the level of pain you’re in. His hand keeps rubbing at your back, even as you sniffle and he pats at his breast pocket, finding there’s no handkerchief there because he discarded his jacket hours ago. He instead uses his free hand to tear off some toilet paper from the dispenser, offering it to you as a tissue. 

You take it rather bashfully, wiping at your eyes and nose as you look down at the floor. This situation is so embarrassing, and the waves of pain are still making you well up. 

“Hotch?” You keep your eyes glued to your shoes, almost digging into the flesh of his stomach where he still leans in close to you, right where you had held him. 

“Yes.” He doesn’t skip a beat before responding. 

“D-do you think you could take me back to the hotel?” Your chin wobbles as you feel just ridiculous asking, but another bolt of pain through your insides reminds you why you had to. 

“Of course. I’ll just go pack up my things, did you just have your coat and your satchel with you today?” You nod, unable to respond. “Okay, I’ll be back in five minutes, just, hang tight.” He untangles himself from you, letting out a tiny groan as he stands up, straightening his soaked knees under him and closing the stall door for you this time, striding out of the bathroom. 

You make quick work of putting the pad in your underwear, wincing through the pain of standing up and maneuvering your pants off and back on, but once you’re seated back on the closed lid of the toilet, you can breathe easier, still teary eyed from the pain but hopeful that you’ll soon be able to get some rest. Hopefully the exhaustion you can feel sinking into your bones will outweigh the pain and allow you some rest. You’ll have to buy more pads, though, the one won’t last you long. You know how heavy the flow is on the first few days, you’ll need more supplies to even make it through the night. 

God, and now your male boss is driving you home. You’re going to have to ask him to let you out at a convenience store so you can grab some. Hopefully he doesn’t ask too many unnecessary questions, you guess that’s one reason Hotch will be the perfect companion for this. He won’t try to talk just to fill the stretches of silence, badgering you with questions about work or about the nitty gritty details of your apparent breakdown. You cannot even imagine having to have this conversation with Spencer or Derek, even Penelope tonight. As much as you love them all, they would either ask a hundred senseless questions, or try to make some jokes about periods to lift your mood. This isn’t really something you want to be reminded of. 

Not that that’s their fault, it’s really yours for not telling them the truth about what you’ve been feeling for a long time. You’ve been sure of who you are for a while now, and you just haven’t been able to find the words to spit it out. You’re sure it’s been less than a perfect secret, after all, a team of highly skilled behavioral analysts from a range of backgrounds and training styles ought to be able to piece it together, even a little, right?

You’re pulled out of your thoughts when the external door opens with a creak, a light knock on the bathroom stall as you see a familiar pair of oxfords plant themselves on the opposite side of the stall. You pull the door open, standing with a wince, trying to stand as humanly as possible, but you can’t quite straighten your back without tearing up again. You actually see the moment Hotch’s expression falls, any morsel of hope he had that you’d no longer be in pain melting away before his eyes as he places an arm across your shoulders, helping you walk beside him slowly back into the precinct. You once again expect to face your entire team but your brows draw together seeing that they’ve vanished already. 

“They were pretty excited to get a few hours sleep when I said we’re calling it a night. I  think they’ll be very grateful to you for changing my mind.” You turn to look at him as he speaks, only now taking notice of how close your face is to his own. From this distance, your tearful eyes are able to see the hint of hazel in his as they search your face. 

“I’m glad this is helping someone, I guess.” You say, still regretting the fact that you’re slowing down the investigation of a serial killer over a little cramping. But as you two start slowly walking out of the precinct, ignoring the sideways glances from all the deputies on the night shift, you’re hit with more waves of sharp, twisting pain and you let it go. 

Hotch’s hands keep reaching out to catch you as you insist on heaving yourself into the SUV alone. You try to ignore the hot feeling that spreads over your skin each time his hands move to guide you. He closes the door, careful to make sure your legs are safely tucked inside the car before rounding the hood to the driver’s seat. 

Aaron wastes no time getting the car in motion towards the hotel, eyes on the road only flicking to you each time you shift in your seat or let out a quief huff of air as the pain simmers in your stomach. 

“Hotch?” You hate how small your voice sounds tonight. Hotch feels it slicing right through his sternum each time your voice cracks with the pain. 

“Yes?” 

“Do you think we could just make a stop at a gas station or convenience store? Just anything that’s on the way.” Hotch throws the blinker on immediately, preparing to turn left. With your head down you hadn’t seen the glowing sign of the 24 hour service station you were about to pass right by. 

“Of course.” The car is in park in no time, Hotch leaving the keys in the ignition as he undoes his seatbelt. “What can I get for you?” He asks, grabbing his phone and his wallet. 

“No. Oh, no, I can go in. It’s fine.” “Y/N, I found you sobbing in a filthy police station bathroom less than an hour ago. I don’t really fancy sending you into a seven eleven at 2:30 in the morning alone just to see what’ll happen. So either we both go, or you can sit here in the nice cool air conditioning and relax, and I’ll get you what you need.” You sigh, realizing you do feel much less like crying now you’re cooled down, out of the sticky, humid air. 

“I need some tampons and ibuprofen, please.” You avert your eyes, trying to ignore the creeping feeling that you’d very much like to crawl into a hole and wither away rather than to ask your very kindhearted boss to go buy your period supplies. 

“Perfect. I won’t be a moment. Lock the doors if anyone comes within thirty feet of you.” He slides out of his seat and strides into the service station. 

His senses are greeted with the ice cold, dry air, and the faint smell of hotdogs as he grabs a basket, making his way to the back corner of the store where the freezers are. He grabs a pint of cookie dough ice cream, and some mint choc chip. He’s seen you accept the offering of both of those at Derek’s game nights before. He grabs a bottle of blue electrolyte water, having quite honestly no clue how that’ll help your period symptoms, but at least you’ll stay well hydrated. Especially if you keep crying, god, he can’t stand the dragging feeling of his chest thinking about how much pain you’re in to cry that much. 

He throws in a bag of chips here and some m&ms there as he makes his way to the health products. He finds some fast-acting ibuprofen and chooses that without a moment’s thought for the price. He’d give anything to make you feel better faster right about now. He stops in front of the sanitary products, and he looks for the tampons.

 His eyes are reading a million miles a minute as he mutters to himself “Light, ultra light, regular, overnight, sport, active, everyday, heavy, ultra max… shit.” Why would there be different tampons for night time?? Is field work considered ‘sport’? It’s definitely active, but how different can that be to everyday? His mind casts back to Haley asking him to pick up the orange pearl ones. Okay, orange is regular. But what if your periods aren’t regular? Is it regular to be so bad you’re crying in a police station bathroom? You can’t even stand up straight, that definitely doesn’t seem regular. But there’s still ‘everyday’ and ‘overnight’? Don’t the two of those alone cover all times of day? Why are there times, weights and activities? This can’t be a build-your-own type situation… right?

 His hand drops to the outside of his pants pocket, feeling the weight of his phone there as he looks out the window to the SUV. You look like you might be asleep. Oh god. He can’t wake you if you’re finally feeling calm enough to sleep. Or, no. Maybe you’re crying. It’s hard to see, but either way he doesn’t want to disturb you further by prodding you with questions. The overnight employee is stocking the shelves with baby powder behind him, but he doubts the surly man with a braided beard is going to be of much help here. Crap. He’s taking too long. All you want is to go to sleep and he’s agonizing over sticks of cotton that frankly all look the same to him, but he’s sure it’d be a world of hurt if he handed you some ultralight tampons and you’re more of an ultramax type girl. Aaron. Just choose. Just make a choice. Come on. 

He stares at the boxes before him a moment longer before reaching out a hand to drag it across the shelf, dropping an ultralight, regular, heavy, ultramax, sport and overnight into the basket. He sends his curses to the all-boys boarding school he was in throughout most of puberty, having missed many a talk on the monthly goings-on of someone with a uterus. He feels stupid, really, at how quickly his IQ was slashed to a single digit when he was given such a simple task. He’s a father, after all. He’s witnessed every stage of the human life cycle. He knows how reproduction works, he just didn’t anticipate that there are more categories of menstrual bleeding than there are of hurricanes. 

He drops a few extra chocolate bars into the bag at the register, ignoring the strange look from the cashier as they scan his six boxes of tampons with a laugh, noticing he has just about every period supply under the sun. 

“Y’know, you’re a stronger man than me, I always just avoid my lady that time of the month. They call it shark week for a reason, champ.” He mutters, manually entering the code on one of the ice cream tubs that wouldn’t scan. Hotch feels his face shift into what you call his ‘cyclops glare’, telling him he reminds you of the x-men character that can turn men to sludge with just one withering look. He makes no attempt to hide his sour face when the cashier looks up at him, giving him his total. Aaron pays and collects his bags in his hands before turning to leave with one last look in the man’s direction. 

“Funny. Sharks rather like eating invertebrates.” He barks over his shoulder towards the counter. 

“Invertey-what?” Hotch smiles as he walks towards the door. 

“Invertebrates. Spineless creatures.” He says, watching the glass doors part as he strides towards the car. 

Your head lifts from the cool glass window at the sound of the car door closing, Hotch rifling through three grocery bags in his lap. He finds the gatorade, ibuprofen and a kitkat bar, handing you the items before dropping the rest onto the floor behind his seat. 

You try to bite down another bout of tears at the sweetness of the action, gulping down some ibuprofen with the cool liquid soothing your throat, chilling you from the inside out. You wear a shy smile as you unwrap the chocolate bar, offering Hotch a row for his troubles. 

“No, thank you.” He waves a hand for his troubles but you refuse to take the piece back, holding it out to him until he relents, taking it from your hand gently. You smile wide as you both share the chocolate bar on the short ride back to the hotel. 

Once you two arrive, he insists on carrying all the bags for you, and now that you’re feeling even the tiniest bit more human and less like a pincushion, you feel the exhaustion radiating through you. The magnetic pull of the concrete ground on all your bones is almost irresistible at this point, but you know if you walk just a little further to your room, you can collapse in a soft, cushioned, non-concrete bed. With your head lulling towards the ground, Hotch walking just a step in front of you, your eyes land on the bags in his hands. You notice one bag is about to tear a hole, overstuffed with the four, five, SIX boxes inside all trying to poke through. Another bag looks rather colorful, chips, chocolates and your favorite drink inside. The third bag is covered in condensation. It’s clear Hotch has gone very far overboard on your supply requests, or, he’s a diabetic at risk of a blood sugar crash. 

“Hotch, did you need some groceries back there?” You ask innocently, hoping he hasn’t blown $70 of his hard earned money on trying to get you to stop crying. 

“Um, no. I. Well, I uh, didn’t really know what you might need at the hotel so I just got some of everything. I’m sure Prentiss and Morgan would help you finish off anything you don’t eat.” He’s stopped dead in his tracks, looking rather embarrassed as you rush to assure him he did nothing wrong.

“Thank you, Hotchner. I’m actually kind of dying to pig out and have a picnic on my hotel bed tonight. But, you’ll have to let me repay you for it all. Please.” You try this time to muster up all of the tears you have left, pouting to make your eyes look all puppy-like, hoping he’ll cave and let you get away with anything.

“I can allow no such thing. I feel bad. As your boss I should’ve known that working a nineteen hour day is just unreasonable. I feel kind of like it might be a human rights violation to deny a menstruating woman her sleep.” He tries for a self-deprecating joke, but the last four words hit you like a punch in the gut. He must see your mouth fall into a hard line because he steps closer to you. “Hey, are you okay?” His hand reaches out towards your arm, holding both of your briefcases in mid air, just hovering there in case you need him. Instinct. 

“Yeah, I’m fine, just. Well if you aren’t going to let me pay you back, would you at least join me for the picnic in bed?” A breath of relief leaves him as he starts to smile at you.

“Sure. I’d Love to.” Damnit. He instantly regrets throwing the L word at you, you’re his employee, he is being nothing short of unprofessional right now. But he just can’t help but want to reassure you when you’re like this. He’s never seen you cry until today, and he has seen you take a four inch blade to the shoulder before in the field. You’re one seriously tough cookie, which is why he’s so worried having seen you break down earlier. 

You both start walking again, you take your room key from your satchel as Hotch holds it out for you. Entering the room, you’re suddenly ashamed to see you left yesterday’s clothes scattered at the foot of the bed. You shuffle in to scoop them up, shoving them into your go-bag as Hotch unloads the ice cream into the minibar. The pain in your abdomen making itself very known as you stand back up and move to pull some clean sweatpants out of your bag, before slipping into the bathroom to change out of your work pants.

 “Just one second.”, a nod from Hotch and you close the door. Flicking on the light and fan in the bathroom, you turn to the vanity. Your glazed, bloodshot eyes stare back at you. You can’t help but notice how miserable the stranger in the mirror looks. You try to divert your attention away from the features you most dislike as you slide off your work pants, not wasting a second before pulling the sweatpants up your legs, tugging harder as they stretch to accommodate your thighs and hips. You try to bite down the resentment for how tightly they hug your curves, every inch of flesh there is a reminder of who you are. Of who you’re sick of pretending to be. You drop your face into your hands, willing yourself not to be caught crying in yet another bathroom by your boss. 

You flick the light off, opening the door to greet Aaron who’s sitting on the bed. A tray from the kitchenette now filled with bags of all your favorite snacks, and a small mountain of tampon boxes stacked next to your go-bag on the chair in the corner. You see his face fall from relaxed into profiler mode in the blink of an eye. 

“What’s wrong?” He sits up straighter, making sure there’s room for you to come fall onto the other side of the bed. You oblige, tumbling onto the mattress with a sigh as you move the pillows to support your already aching back. 

“I, just cramps.” you stare at your hands a moment while Hotch cracks open the bag of m&m’s, offering you first pick. 

“Y/N, you do realize I taught you how to profile, right? How to read people?” You nod your head, eyes now focused on the colorful beads of chocolate in your palm. “Then you must know I can tell when you’re lying. I can tell when one moment you’re completely fine and the next it’s like you’re forty feet from your own body. Now, I won’t even pretend to know why that is, or what it is that you go thinking about, which forces you into the darkest recess of your own mind. But, I do know that whatever it is, I have your back. If you’re in danger or if it’s stress, anxiety from our work. Whatever it is, I have you…” A flash of worry crosses his intentionally softened features as you meet his stare, his hand freezing in mid air where it was reaching between the two of you. “I mean to say the whole team does. Of course” Hotch says, redirecting his hand into the bag of candies, rattling them in his palm, turning them over with his thumb while he struggles to bring his eyes back to you. 

He finds you staring back at him with such a troubling intensity that he thinks you might have something seriously incriminating to ask of him. Then your chin wobbles once more, you close your eyes tight. Taking a deep breath in and out. You steel yourself. Hotch has only seen this look on your face before when you’re about to face an unsub. It’s your armor. It’s the kind of look that will conceal almost any wars waging behind your eyes. He knows it well because he uses it himself. He silently prays you aren’t about to begin an interrogation. 

“I feel. Different. To the way people see me. To the way they always have, I guess… I don’t feel like my labels or my clothes or my… pronouns, fit me. I don’t really know if the bureau allows, changes, like that, to be made. But. I don’t think my identity fits me very well. At all. I’m not a woman, Hotch. I don’t feel like a man, either. I think I sort of fall someplace in the middle there, in the grey area. I um… I hope that doesn’t, like, compromise how you see-” A larger pair of hands flies across the space between you on the bed, both encompassing your shaking one. His warmth causes your cold hand to clam up as he carefully relaxes his face, offering you a loose smile. 

“That doesn’t compromise any single thing I have ever known about you. You’re still my bravest agent, maybe even more so now.” He squeezes your hand tighter, making sure you can feel his genuine joy radiating through him. “I am so, so happy that I’m someone you’re comfortable to talk about this with. Now. I just want to check I’m grasping this correctly before I go make any incorrect assumptions and, well, you know what they say about when you assume things. So, you feel you best align with ‘they/them’ pronouns? Or they/he? they/she? he/she? I mean you, you don’t have to feel exactly the same way every day of your life, so I could totally arrange a sort of system if you have some more feminine or more masculine days?” Your eyes flood with tears as Hotch talks about making arrangements to accommodate you at work, and you can’t stop them from falling as you try to find the words to answer him. 

“Did I say something wrong?” He shifts closer, worry rising like bile in his throat that he might have misunderstood what you were saying. 

“No. Not at all! You, you’re just being so sweet to me and I was really ready for like, an argument or I don’t know, maybe more a patient debate because I know you understand these things but I just thought you wouldn’t want to change things at work, or-” “Y/N. I will go and call every Section Chief in all fifty states tomorrow morning if you want me to adjust our M and F tickboxes on every piece of bureau paperwork to a, to fill in the blank or a slider for goodness’ sake. I want you to feel as comfortable as I’m able to accommodate.” 

“The tickboxes are okay, they’re just for medical stuff, anyways. And they//them, to answer your last question.” You wipe your eye with the sleeve of your free hand. “I’m not sure I want you to go petitioning the whole FBI just yet. Maybe just the BAU is fine, for now. I at least know all of you are respecting of other identities.” You sniffle as Hotch smiles widely again. 

“Well, we can do that. Start small, take on the world later, right?” 

“Right” you giggle. Feeling a whole lot better about this whole ordeal. A moment of silence passes as you both just take in what’s just happened. You reel at how well Hotch took the news, how he still looks at you with the same twinkle of amazement in his eye. He still thinks you’re his bravest agent. Although, you’re not sure how the man who stared down the barrel of a gun, took 16 stab wounds to the chest fully conscious, and took down countless unsubs with his bare hands or even a piece of string is saying you’re brave, and he sounds like he really believes it. 

Your thoughts are interrupted by a sharp stabbing pain through your insides, that tuft of barbed wire twisting inside of you. A corner of your mind sees the irony of you thinking of Hotch’s real stab wounds and then feeling some of your own, but you push that down. You curl over, trying to assume the fetal position against the stack of pillows behind you as Hotch sits up, moving the tray of snacks out of the way and giving you a pitiful look. 

“Ice cream?” He offers, you feel bad he’s so helpless, you know how he hates feeling that way in situations. 

“I’d normally use my heat pad but I didn’t bring it.” You wince, feeling the mattress shift around you. You open your eyes as your boss peels the duvet and sheets back, opening the bed to you. 

“Slide in. Under the blankets. In the middle, there.” You move yourself slowly, trying not to further twist your stomach. “I want to try something, okay? Do you trust me?” He pushes the blankets over you where you sit stranded, an island in the large bed. 

“Of course.” You don’t hesitate, knowing you’d trust Hotch with your life in any situation. He begins climbing into the bed behind you, pulling you back onto his torso where his legs part around your own. You feel his heat encompassing you underneath the blankets, forcing out the cold, dry air conditioning of the room. Your back flush against his front as your head lays perfectly on his chest, and he rubs his hands together tightly in the air in front of you both, the friction between them audible where it sizzles your ears. 

“I run really hot so, you tell me if this does anything to help the pain, okay?” He races his hands under the blankets, wrapping his arms around your middle, interlocking his fingers of both hands over your front as you feel the near-steam rising off of him all around you. Much to your surprise, his hands really do feel a little like your heating pad from home as they rest over you gently. A moment passes as his warmth wrapping around your body like silk and the dull thrum of his heartbeat behind your head begin to lull you towards sleep. The only sound in the room is the metallic whirring of the minibar in the corner, and Hotch’s tentative breathing, trying not to rock your head where it lays cradled in his chest. 

You begin to drift off, the exhaustion of a nineteen hour work day, the stress on your body from shedding your insides in as a violent bout of cramping and nausea and emotion. You couldn’t even begin to chart the journey you’ve taken across the entire wheel of human emotions in the last three hours alone. It has been such a long day, but you can’t bring yourself to regret it even one bit as your hands come up to wrap around the strong forearm framing your body, and sleep overtakes you. 

Hotch lies awake almost an hour longer, his mind reeling with the events of today. He thinks it over and the penny drops in his mind as to why you despise your period so much. Aside from the associated side-effects, he understands why you didn’t just run to Emily or JJ today. Why you refrained from seeking comfort from other women, as a woman. You aren’t one. He can’t imagine getting a scheduled monthly reminder that you’re living in a body different from the one you belong in. Let alone with the added bloodshed and havoc on your emotions, all other bodily functions giving way to the one thing you wish you could live without. He wonders how long you’ve wanted to tell him this about yourself, how many times he’s seen you retreating into your mind, could he have pulled you out sooner? Showed you that there’s safety in the light, with him? In any case, he swears he can feel specks of glitter appearing all over his skin with how ecstatic he feels that you were able to tell him. That you trust him. That he’s the one person you allowed to hold you at your lowest and to support you through the hardest thing he can imagine an agent like yourself having to go through. Subjecting yourself to the scrutiny of your boss, of your peers, is so difficult. He’s never been good at it. But you wear your heart on your sleeve. You are able to be so vulnerable, so honest and so ready for whatever comes your way. 

When sleep finally does find Aaron Hotchner that night, he really does believe you are the most admirable agent he’s ever had the pleasure of meeting. Of course, it’s normal for this admiration to taste sweet in his mouth, like honey. It’s normal for this admiration to feel as if it’s warming him from the inside out. It’s normal for this admiration to make his heart skip a beat whenever he looks down and finds this admiration wrapped tightly around his arm, their short breaths fanning over his bicep as his eyes flutter closed. Right?

Taglist: @ssaaaronmontgomery , @pastanoodles11 , @ssamorganhotchner , @hotchnerbau , @hotchs-babygirl, @ssa-tahlia-obsessions , @p0ssywhippedcream , @14buddy22 , @elenamoncada-ibarra , @supercriminalbean , @ssaspenceswife , @levithestripper , @wearenumberonebutitsaurl , @hotchs-big-hands

[little-diable]

Tides of Drowned Affections - Prof!Tom Holland

Since it was such a close tie between prof!Tom and fake dating I decided to just combine both options. I simply had to use this very picture of Tom – like, Jesus Christ. Please like and reblog if you enjoyed reading this, your comments keep us writers motivated. Enjoy my loves. xxx

Summary: The reader has never been close with her family, but when she's ordered to come home for her sister's wedding, (y/n) is in need of a helping hand. Or: When a panic attack is the reason Professor Holland takes on the role of the reader's boyfriend.

Warnings: 18+, smut, piv, oral (f), panic attacks, the reader's family is awful, lots of fluff, fake dating to real lovers, profxstudent relationship (6k words)

Pairing: Professor!Tom Holland x TA!fem!reader

Panic. An emotion so blinding, one couldn’t help but feel like they’ve lost their grip on their surroundings, arms not strong enough to keep on guiding them through the rough waves of an ocean so dark even creatures of the night feared the thick blanket they’d end up in. A sensation so strong one's body couldn’t help but let go of whatever forced them to keep on moving, giving up with their heart racing, their lungs aching, and their limbs quivering. A word so simple, yet filled with letters that needed too much time to roll off one’s tongue.

(Y/n) was all too used to this very sensation, body quickly adapting to the waves of panic that would roll upon her, drowning her before she could snap into motion, finding a calm and quiet place to hide. Ever since she had been a young girl, (y/n) had struggled with the sudden attacks her mind pushed her into, forced to endure the physical and mental pain, and now, years after her first ever panic attack, she still hadn’t picked up on her triggers, wondering what set the attacks off. 

“Mom forced me to invite you, so I expect you to turn up.” Her sister’s voice rang through the speakers of (y/n)’s phone, words she no longer picked up on, eyes struggling to stay open, breaths shallow and uneven. With her trembling legs guiding her through the hallways of the building she knew better than her childhood home, (y/n) trusted her body to find shelter in a quiet place. “(Y/n)! Don’t tell me you’re panicking again.”

Before her mind could even begin to form a reply, her thumb had ended the call, cutting off her ranting sister. Tears welled up in her eyes, momentarily making it harder for her to see, pushing past students that didn’t spare the young woman any attention, though scoffing at her whenever she collided with their shoulders or bags. 

The familiar building had always felt like home to her, the warm atmosphere lingering in the air, cosying her along, stroking her limbs like an invisible hug, but today the white hallways had nothing calm and quiet to them, making her feel trapped, uneasy, and confused. Her feet came to a sudden halt in front of the office she had been in numerous times before, finding her way to this room every Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday morning and afternoon, holding onto the essays she was supposed to grade, the prints she was supposed to hand out. 

With trembling fingers (y/n) tried to unlock the door, miserably failing as the first of many tears to come rolled down her warm cheek. A silent “Fuck” left her lips, skin graced by the marks of her teeth, desperately trying to keep her cries bottled in. She was too focused on the cold key her fingers kept clinging to as if it was her lifeline, to notice the approaching figure. Her breath hitched in her chest as a warm hand gently pushed hers away, grasping the key to unlock the office.

No words were spoken as she was pushed into the room, all too gently. Before (y/n) could even try to blink away her tears, two hands cupped her cheeks, forcing her eyes to get lost in the dark ones staring at her, rich of a colour so brown one couldn’t help but think of autumn evenings, clinging to the smell of coffee, to the warmth that would spread through their system. 

“Deep breaths, love. You can do it.” Professor Holland’s voice rang in her ears, forcing (y/n) to breathe with him. It wasn’t the first time the young professor guided her through one of her attacks, wasn’t the first time he had stumbled upon her in a state like this. “That’s it, you’re doing so well. C’mon, let's sit down.”

With one hand placed on the small of her back, Professor Holland guided her towards the black couch, helping her sit down before he let go of her. Deep breaths were inhaled into her lungs as if she was about to take a dive, preparing her body for the upcoming moments. She watched him fill a glass with water, pushing it into her hand before he finally sat down next to her. Professor Holland’s hand kept stroking her back, drawing shapes onto the fabric of her shirt, not daring to speak up just yet.

“I’m sorry.” (Y/n) cringed at the croaky sound of her voice, eyes directed onto the wooden flooring of his office, counting the spots and marks she could find. His hand didn’t stop moving, eyes searching her features for a few seconds before he broke the silence that had followed her words. 

“Nothing to apologise for, love. I’m glad I found you, I don't want you going through this alone.” A smile began to widen on her lips, finally able to look at the professor, taking in the handsome face she’d see in her dreams, living a life where they weren’t forced to stick to the hierarchy they were forced to live with. “Want to tell me what set it off this time?”

“T’was my sister, she’s about to get married.” Professor Holland didn’t know much about (y/n)’s family life, yet he had gathered enough information over the past months to understand that she wasn’t close with her family, an outsider those she had grown up with had never accepted. “I won’t survive this, I don’t even know why they want me to come, it’s not like I’ve been invited to other gatherings.” 

His heart clenched in his chest, feeling the pain that dripped from her words, a pain (y/n) was all too used to yet had never managed to get rid of. It had taken her years to accept her fucked up home life, wondering why she had ended up in this very mess, forced away from home, from the parents that have never given her any of their love, from the sister that has always taunted her. As a young girl (y/n) had found herself growing jealous of her friends and the relationship they had with their parents, a blinding pain that had grown rather dull over the past years. 

“You don’t have to go there, don’t force yourself to go through this.” His calm voice managed to rip her out of the ocean of sadness she was swimming through before another wave could drown her, eyes snapping up to meet his. (Y/n) slowly nodded her head, trying to think through the choices she had, and yet she knew that she’d go home either way, a desperate try to find her way back into the family home she hadn’t stepped foot in in years. 

“Is it wrong of me that I kind of want to go back? I don’t know why, but it feels like I have no choice here.” His hand stopped moving, forced away from her back into his lap, but his eyes never strayed from her features, from the trails her salty tears had left behind on her cheeks. 

“You do have a choice, (y/n). But if you really want to go there, I would be happy to accompany you.” She choked on her breaths, wondering if her mind was playing a trick on her. He intensely studied her, waiting for his TA to speak up, and yet she couldn’t. (Y/n) stumbled over her words, not expecting the young professor to offer her a chance like this. 

The two of them had never spent any time outside of his office and classroom together, a strictly professional relationship that had somehow turned into a friendship throughout the past months. He had been right there for her whenever she needed him, helping her through her attacks, helping her with questions about other courses, a guiding hand she was clinging to, scared to ever let go. 

“No, I wouldn’t want you to endure this, I’ll manage. But thank you.” A tight smile was shot his way before her eyes broke contact, focusing on her bag and the essays she still had left to grade. She reached for the stack of papers, hands wiping her cheeks clean in order to distract her racing thoughts, not daring to focus on the offer he had spoken moments ago. 

“Give yourself some time to think about it, my offer still stands.”

……

With her eyes focused on the screen of her laptop, (y/n) found herself rereading the email she had received last night. Her sister’s wedding invite, emailed to her, while the others had probably received a letter, once again proving to (y/n) that her sister didn’t even know where she lived, where her life had guided her to. 

Professor Holland’s voice kept ringing in her ears, weighing her options, trying to paint a picture of the upcoming weeks. How would she even explain to her family that he was her professor, the man she was working for? How would she explain to those that wanted to see her fail that she was still single, preferring to focus on her studies rather on men that would eventually break her heart? 

Her fingers itched, wanting to reach for her phone, wanting to call him, to take him up on his offer. And as (y/n) reread the simple “I expect you to turn up” her sister had added to the email, she finally gave in. It took the professor a few rings to pick up the phone, speaking her name all too brightly.

“I, uhm, do you still want to go to the wedding with me?” A chuckle left the man, forcing her lips to give into the smile wanting to widen. 

“Of course I do. It’s next weekend, right? Email me the information you have and we'll figure it out together.” 

……

“Thank you, professor.” He had taken her bag from her, stuffing it into his boot before he opened the passenger door for her. Both were about to leave their city, driving through the country to make their way to (y/n)’s childhood home, to the family she didn’t want to see, to old memories she had buried six feet under as if the old (y/n) had been killed by her own hands. 

“I think we can switch to first names now, Tom’s just fine, love.” Heat filled her body, a warmth so unfamiliar her heart couldn’t help but skip a few beats. She whispered his name as Tom rounded the car, checking his phone one last time before he started his car. It would take them a few hours to make it to their destination, forced to spend time together with no way out, allowing the two to learn more about one another. 

“Tell me about your family, what should I know about them?” Her eyes were focused on the road ahead, on the passing by buildings, and the unfamiliar faces she’d never seen again. An all too familiar nervousness began to spread through her system, making her tense in the comfortable leather seat of his SUV.

“There’s not much to know, I don’t even know the man my sister’s marrying. I last saw them when I left home to study. But I think my parents will like you, they are quite good at faking our relationship when others are around.” His hand found her knee before (y/n) could even begin to understand what he was doing, eyes finding the slender fingers of his. Tom squeezed her knee, silently encouraging her to keep on talking, promising her that he was right there, that he wouldn’t let go. “I don’t know how to explain to them why you’re coming with me, but I doubt they’ll start a conversation with me.”

(Y/n) watched his eyebrows furrow, tongue darting out to wet his lower lip, pondering over his words for a few moments before he spoke up. His hand didn’t dare move away from her knee, breaking every law and rule the two were supposed to stick to, breaking the professional barrier they’ve built over the past months. 

“We can always tell them that I’m your partner, they don’t have to know anything else. If you’re comfortable with that of course.” Tom tried to pull his hand away, seemingly picking up on the unprofessionalism of his gestures, suddenly panicking deep inside. (Y/n)’s hand darted out to find his, placed on top of his warm fingers, slowly interlacing hers with his. 

“I’d like that, thank you, Tom.” 

……

“Welcome, come on in.” (Y/n) had a hard time focusing on her mother’s piercing eyes, filled with a bleakness so familiar, she felt herself being hauled back in time, stuck in the body of her younger self. Her body screamed at her to hide, to duck her head – a desperate try to escape her mother’s wrath. But the hand Tom had placed on her waist gave (y/n) enough reassurance, faking a smile. “You didn’t tell us you’re bringing someone, (y/n).”

(Y/n) had to bite down the “We haven’t spoken since last year” that threatened to leave her, only murmuring a small “Sorry”. 

“It’s good to meet you, I’m Tom, (y/n)’s boyfriend.” Her mother seemingly froze, eyes flickering between the two of them before she slowly took the hand Tom had stretched out for her to shake. Before either one of them could speak up, (y/n)’s sister appeared, eyes wandering up and down (y/n)’s frame, unable to bite down the annoyance flushing through her system. 

“If we had known you’re bringing a date we would have prepared a bigger room for you, but I’m sure the guest cabin will do just fine.” (Y/n)’s mind got stuck on the first part of her sister’s sentence, unable to stop herself from asking the question rolling off her tongue.

“What happened to my room?” Her mother’s and sister’s laugh echoed through the entrance hall of their mansion, eyes finding one another’s features. Tom tightened his grip on her waist, pulling her closer with a sigh leaving him, already fed up with the way (y/n) was being treated. 

“Oh please, (y/n). You’re never home, you didn’t expect us to leave it for you to return, did you?” No reply left (y/n), struggling to breathe through the sadness that once again found its way back to her, the only emotion she could clearly identify, stuck in an overwhelming mess of different sensations. “Anyways, you remember the way to the guest cabin? We will eat dinner at six.”

With a nod shot their way, (y/n) started moving, pushing past the mother-daughter-duo with Tom hot on her heels. No words were spoken as she guided him through the mansion, finally finding their way outside. She had her eyes focused on the small cabin that had been built on the other end of the big garden years ago, following the stone path. 

“Are you okay?” Tom broke the silence the second the door to the cabin fell shut, allowing the two to finally breathe. He pulled her into his chest the second he noticed the way her shoulders were slumped, heavy breaths leaving her aching lungs. (Y/n) couldn’t help but deeply inhale his scent, the mixture of cologne and tea she loved all too much, a scent that managed to still her racing heart. 

“I’m sorry about them.” She murmured her words against the fabric of his shirt, eyes fluttering close once again as Tom’s hand found the back of her head, cradling her even closer. 

“You have nothing to be sorry for, it’s not your fault they are treating you like this. We’ll have our fun, I promise.”

……

Her eyes couldn’t find something to focus on, wandering through the room that had nothing familiar to it. She was surrounded by a few familiar though mainly unfamiliar faces, people that were getting lost in conversations with one another. (Y/n) was sitting next to Tom, vis-à-vis her father and mother. Years ago their dining room had been (y/n)’s favourite place in the big mansion, a room filled with quietness for most parts of the day, allowing the girl to eat her meals on her own, while the others stuck to a routine different to hers. 

“So, Tom, what do you do?” Her father’s gruff voice ripped (y/n) out of her trance, eyes flickering back to the features of her father. The man had clearly aged, and yet (y/n) had never seen much of him to tell what had changed about him, besides the now grey hairs of his. 

“I’m a professor, I teach and do research at the university (y/n) works at.” Tom’s voice had an all too friendly undertone to it, a sound (y/n) was all too used to. She had always admired the kindness he exuded, the way he took his time to explain subjects to those that clearly struggled, and yet he always made his students feel important, giving them enough reasons to do well on their homework, on his difficult exams. 

“I assume you’re not working in the same department as (y/n)? We wouldn’t want people to think our daughter is sleeping around for good grades and a well paid salary.” Tom choked on the sip of wine he had just forced down his throat, eyes changing to an even darker tone, filled with anger, disgust, and confusion. While (y/n) was used to her parents' demotions, Tom clearly struggled to accept the way they were talking to her. 

“Your daughter is one of the brightest and most hard working students in the faculty, it’s a shame you don’t seem to pick up on it.” His eyes didn’t dare leave her parents' surprised features. “It’s been a long day, I think we need some rest, don’t we, love?” Tom rose from his seat before (y/n) could reply, taking his outstretched hand to follow him out of the dining hall without looking back once. Her heart was racing, pumping hot blood through her veins, forcing her to tremble. Not once had somebody dared to defend her in front of her parents, not once had somebody stood up for her, a new sensation she’d probably never get used to. 

The two came to a halt in the garden, engulfed by the orange and pink colours of the setting sun, leaving a mesmerising shadow on their features, nature’s finest spectacle even those fighting for ancient cities had been fortunate enough to admire. Tom cupped her cheek, forcing (y/n) to look at him, “Don’t let their words get to you, I meant every word I said. And deep down you know they are true, right?”

Her throat felt tight, unable to speak up, only able to slowly nod her head. The pull inside her chest grew stronger, moving even closer towards Tom, closing the small gap between them. She was searching his closeness like Hades had searched for Persephone, making flowers bloom in springtime, rebirthing their love every month they got to spend together. A tragic fate only Orpheus and Eurydice could understand, the ancient couple lost in the depth of the Underworld. 

Before (y/n) could pick up on the small movements, Tom had dipped his head down, lips ghosting over hers, not closing the gap just yet. No longer was (y/n) able to breathe, stuck in the nervousness that had taken her body and soul hostage, begging the man to finally give in. The sound of Tom’s ringing phone ripped the two out of their trance, eyes wide as they broke contact, chasing the distance that left their hearts aching. And while Tom picked up the call with annoyance filling his every word, (y/n) found shelter in the cabin, finding rest on the bed they’d share for the upcoming night. 

……

“Good morning.” Tom’s raspy voice left (y/n) smiling, eyes fluttering open to find his. He was standing at the foot of their shared bed, upper body bare, curls held back by a thin hairband. With two cups of coffee in his hands, he rounded the bed, gently setting her cup down. “It’s almost nine, thought you’d like to have enough time to get ready.”

“Thank you, when did you wake up?” Her eyes couldn’t help but wander, taking in his chiselled figure, the abs that tensed whenever he moved, the back muscles that flexed as he turned away from her, reaching for his phone. 

“About two hours ago, I went for a run. It’s a beautiful area around here.” A hum left (y/n), taking a sip of the warm beverage before her eyes fluttered close once again. Today was the day of the wedding, forcing her and Tom to put on their best act, trying to bite back any comments that threatened to leave them. She felt his eyes on her, studying her for a few moments before he moved towards the bed, sitting down next to her. (Y/n) tried to keep her eyes shut, relishing in the calmness they were engulfed by, the quietness that would break any moment now. 

Tom’s hand found her shoulder, pulling her into his chest, careful not to spill her coffee. His warmth forced goosebumps to rise on her arms, making her tremble in his grasp, and yet she didn’t dare flee from their shared body contact. It had taken her a while to fall asleep yesterday evening, mind not daring to let go of the moment that had been interrupted by Tom’s ringing phone, the kiss that had been broken apart before it could happen. Even as Tom had found his way to bed, minutes after (y/n), her heart hadn’t been able to stop racing, pumping blood through her body, hot blood that made her tense. 

“I don’t want to get up.” Her words left Tom chuckling, hand stroking her head in a calming matter, not daring to break her out of her state just yet. “But I also know we can’t miss breakfast.”

“Grab a shower, take your time, and then we’ll get some food.” With a huff rumbling through her, (y/n) slowly rose from her position, setting her cup down before she stretched. Tom’s eyes didn’t leave her frame once, following her around like a shadow sewn to her boots, appearing the second the sun managed to break through the thick blanket of clouds. She found pride in the way Tom looked at her, momentarily letting go of the roles they had to take on back home, of the job she had to fulfil. 

With the hot water cascading down her back, (y/n) allowed her mind to wander, her thoughts to race, painting a picture so clear it felt like she was reliving a memory. (Y/n) could almost feel Tom’s lips pressed against hers, could imagine how he’d touch her, hands running up and down her sides, slowly disappearing underneath the fabric of her shirt. Fuck, it’d be so simple, and yet so wrong. 

Heat began to thump through her veins, forcing its way down between her thighs, making her body burn with pleasure. Her hands wanted to move down to her aching core, desperate to get rid of the need she found herself guided by, wanting to feel Tom pressed against her. But her mind managed to rip her out of her body’s call before she could touch herself, forcing her to step out of the shower, very well aware of the fact that today’d be stressful, not allowing her to rest. 

“I hope the day will pass soon.” (Y/n) murmured the words as they walked towards her parents mansion, picking up on the sound of chatter filling the air, mansion once again filled with friends, family members, and colleagues that paid the young couple no attention. Tom didn’t dare leave her side, hand holding hers, making her heart jump in her chest whenever his thumb began to stroke the skin of her hand. Those were the moments that left her forgetting that this was just a charade, a fake relationship she’d leave behind tomorrow afternoon, forced to return back to their normal lives. A game she was losing, giving into the call of her heart, rather than following the warnings her mind spoke.

(Y/n)’s eyes couldn’t help but wander through the crowd, studying her parents, her sister, and the man she was marrying today. They seemed to fit in perfectly, giving off the feeling of a perfect match of two happy parents and their only child, with (y/n) long forgotten. She tried to ignore the sadness simmering inside of her, tried to let go of the longing she felt, wanting to be included in the routine they have mastered over the years. 

“Hey,” Tom murmured the word, fingers finding her chin to force her face back towards him. Their eyes met, his glistening with anticipation, hers filled with tears, tears Tom desperately wanted to get rid of. His eyes flickered down to her lips before they found their way back towards her eyes. “They’re not worth it. You don’t need their love, not when they can’t appreciate the love you want to share.”

And then he kissed her. Just a peck. Lips meeting hers for a way too short second. A touch (y/n)’s mind would never forget, clinging to the memory that was now etched into her mind. With a smile tugging on his lips, Tom turned away from her, focusing on his plate, a moment (y/n) mimicked, with her teeth buried in her grinning lowere lip and her tears long forgotten. 

……

“There you are, I was looking for you.” Tom sat down next to (y/n), finding rest on the comfortable wooden bench placed away from the tables filled with guests. Soft music echoed through the air, somewhat managing to drown out (y/n)’s darker thoughts. She had her eyes focused on the sky, filled with stars, planets her eyes couldn’t make out. 

“Sorry, I didn’t want to interrupt your conversation.” Throughout the day Tom and (y/n) had tried to make conversations with the guests sitting close to them, a few friendly faces that asked questions, that showed interest in their connections to the family. Tom had been engrossed in a conversation with another professor, sharing stories of students, of their research, allowing (y/n) to disappear before anybody noticed her leaving.

“You wouldn’t have interrupted anything, you doing okay though? It’s been a long day.” It had been a long day indeed, filled with running from one place to another, while trying to avoid those neither (y/n) nor Tom wanted to share any words with. Nevertheless, the wedding had been beautiful, hours Tom had used to hold her close, fingers fumbling with hers, eyes taking in every inch of her gorgeous features. And yet, (y/n) wasn’t tired, wasn’t exhausted enough to search for the comfort of their shared bed. 

“Mhm, thank you for coming here with me.” Their eyes met, sharing a gaze so intense Tom struggled to reply. Ever since he had kissed her this very morning, both hadn’t been able to think of anything else, the short contact both wanted to chase again, needing to close the gap. Her heart called out to his, desperately hoping that he’d give in. 

Tom’s body seemed to pick up on her desperateness, slowly dipping his head down, giving her a few more moments to pull away before he closed the gap between them. The kiss was slow, at least at first, allowing the two to get used to the contact, eyes closed to purely focus on one another. Tom’s hands pulled her into his lap, needing to feel every part of her body pressed against his, hearts pounding as the kiss grew more heated. 

“I,” the syllable rolled off Tom’s tongue, forehead pressed against hers as both tried to catch their breath. 

“Don’t say we can’t do this, please.” Her words left him smiling, slowly shaking his head before he kissed her again, and again. (Y/n)’s fingers tugged on his curls, holding onto him as she ground her middle against his, feeling his hardening cock pressing against the fabric of his trousers. Both were panting, clearly riled up, guided by the passion that kept thumping through their veins. 

“Let’s move this inside, huh?” Tom’s eyes flickered back to the crowd of guests, dancing to the slow music, enjoying meals and drinks on the other side of the garden. His hand didn’t dare let go of hers as they made their way to their shared cabin, cherishing the quietness that lingered in the wooden home. Their lips found their way back together, hands tugging on their clothes, desperate to touch one another. 

“Fuck, we really shouldn’t do this.” Her heart skipped a few beats, wondering if he’d pull away, if he’d stop touching her, but all Tom did was stare at (y/n), getting lost in her dilated pupils. “But I’ve been fucked the second I met you, I’m too selfish to stop.” 

Her chuckles were drowned out by the gasp ripping through her, body colliding with the mattress of their shared bed. Tom nestled between her thighs, fingers fumbling with the zipper of her dress before he managed to pull the fabric off her body. His wide eyes wandered up and down her frame, giving (y/n) enough time to unbutton his shirt, exposing his upper body to her eyes, the abs she had wanted to touch since this very morning. 

“Touch me, please, Tom. Let me feel you.” With a growl leaving him, Tom worked on her bra, fabric finding its way to the ground. He undid his trousers before he joined her on the bed, hovering over her, cock pressing against the fabric of his underwear, desperate to be freed. Tom’s thin lips kissed their way down her body, hands cupping her breasts, enjoying how her body reacted to his every touch. 

“Need to taste you, fuck, been thinking of doing it for too long.” He sucked marks into the skin covering her hip bones before he tugged her panties down her legs, marvelling at the sight of her cunt, of her arousal covered folds. “All for me? Look at you, so desperate for me.”

“Just for you.” (Y/n)’s whispers left his heart racing, eyes fluttering close as he brushed his tongue through her slit, collecting drops of her arousal. (Y/n)’s hands couldn’t help but tug on his locks, trying to push him even closer to her cunt, needing to feel more. His thumb circled her bundle of nerves, wanting to see and feel her tremble beneath him, a pretaste of their upcoming moments together.

Their bodies worked perfectly together, searching their closeness like drowning soldiers clinging onto the last pieces of their destroyed rafts, begging to the gods above to rescue them. But there was nothing left to rescue, the waves had already swallowed them whole, filling their aching lungs with the pleasure that was now guiding them. 

“Your fingers, please.” (Y/n) mewled her words, back arched off the bed, legs trembling against his arms. Tom’s eyes flickered up to her pleasure drunken features, unable to bite down his smirk as he pushed two fingers into her cunt, forcing her walls apart, allowing a heavy moan to roll off her tongue. Her breaths grew shallow, unable to breathe through the new sensation, needing to adjust to the feeling of his curled fingers, of the way he pushed her further and further towards the edge.

The eventual fall would rip her from this very life, transported into another dimension she was still unfamiliar to, getting to know her body and the feelings she wasn’t used to yet. 

“I want you to cum around my cock, but I won’t push you any further if you don’t want to.” His voice had an unfamiliar seriousness to it, making her lift her head off the pillow, eyes finding his. A simple “I want it all” left (y/n), leaving Tom chuckling, letting go of her to pull his boxers down his legs. His cock was throbbing, tip dark red and beaded with drops of precum. 

(Y/n)’s eyes couldn’t stop taking in his frame, mouth watering at the sight of him, needing to explore every inch of the body she had been dreaming of. While she was stuck in her trance, Tom reached for his bag, rolling a condom down his cock before he rejoined her on the bed. One of his hands found hers, linking their fingers together before he positioned himself at her entrance. Their eyes didn’t dare break contact as he pushed into her, moaning at the tightness that engulfed his cock, walls squeezing him just like he had imagined they would.

“Christ, I can’t wait to fuck you on every surface, to fuck you dumb, till you forget your own name.” His words left her gasping, mind struggling to focus on anything but the way he fucked into her, slow strokes that grew rougher with every passing moment. Tom wasn’t taking it easy on her, pushing the limits with a smirk glued to his lips. Both had imagined this moment numerous times before, hands taking care of their longing, wondering if they’d ever be fortunate enough to experience this together. 

With her legs slung around his waist, (y/n) forced her heels into the small of his back, allowing Tom to fuck deeper into her, needing to feel her tremble. Tears welled up in her eyes, tears of desperation, tears of relief, finally able to give into the longing she had felt for months. With her toes curled and her eyes rolling back into her head, (y/n) was close to giving in, close to letting go, praying that Tom would follow her down the edge.

Tom’s eyes didn’t stray from her features, admiring the gorgeous woman beneath him, thanking whoever was listening for pushing her into his life. He felt her walls flutter around him, forcing his thumb to find its way back to her pulsing bundle, circling her clit to give her the final push. 

(Y/n) came with a cry of his name, fingernails clawed into his skin, leaving marks he would admire in his bathroom mirror for days to come. He fucked her through her high, only letting go as he felt her relax, limbs quivering against his body. Curses rolled off his tongue, ringing in her ears, too loud to be drowned out by the soft music that still filled the air.

Carefully Tom pulled out of her, disposing of the condom before he found his way back to her, pulling (y/n) into his chest. The both were heavily breathing, minds racing to try and understand what had just happened. Silence engulfed the two, a silence that was eventually interrupted by (y/n)’s chuckles, head buried in the crook of his neck. 

“I can’t believe we just did that.” His laughter rumbled in his chest, hand forcing her to lift her head, pressing another kiss to her lips. Their eyes studied one another, hoping that the moment would last forever, not interrupted by her family, by the call of their homes. 

“It’ll take us a while to figure this out, but I’m willing to try, if you are as well.” She could only nod her head, finding rest with her head placed on his chest, getting lost in the tune of his racing heart. 

Their ships had left the harbour months ago, sunken to the cold ocean, their crews had drowned in waves of pleasure, filling their lungs like poison swallowing one whole. But the soaring waves would eventually calm down, allowing them to make it back ashore, guided by the tides of drowned affection.

[redrose10]

Finally here is the next chapter! Thank you to everyone that has been patient with me. I’m sorry this has taken so long. Hopefully I can get the next chapter out in a more decent time frame. Comments and messages welcome! Also if anyone wants to send a request for something small that I could write in a little bit of down time feel free! I’ll try to fit in what I can when I can.

Inn Keeper Yoongi x Female Author Reader

Summary: You have never experienced true love which is hilarious considering you write romance novels for a living. When you end up staying at The Interlude Inn located in Holly Falls you start to wonder if maybe the answer to your newest love story is sitting behind the welcome desk. Quickly, you find out that Min Yoongi hides a lot of pain and sorrow behind his shy smiles and quick glances.

Warnings: (may get updated) Swearing, character death, very very angsty for a while, mentions of physical and verbal abuse, bullying, a really mean letter, panic attacks, eventual light smut, eventual fluff

Word Count: 2,898

Tag List: @viankiss @kam9404 @igot7fairlyoddparents

After giving him some space you decided to leave the bedroom with Cherry following closely at your heels. Mae met you in the hallway. “He’s outside dear”., she whispered before heading off to her room. It still amazed you that she seems to always know what you’re thinking.

Just like she said you found Yoongi in the backyard sitting on bench near a very large maple tree. His shoulders were slumped over and he reached up wiping away a few tears. Cherry quickly ran over pawing at his leg begging to be picked up. Yoongi scooped up the small dog before looking up and finally noticing you standing there. Taking a deep breath you slowly walked over not wanting to startle him before taking a seat on the bench.

“I’m sorry Y/N, I don’t know what came over me. I can’t believe I just forced my first kiss on you. Can we please just pretend that never happened?”

You were honestly surprised that he spoke first, but the shake in his voice told you he was seconds from loosing it. You also noticed his skin was a deep red and his fingers trembled as he pet the dog in his lap.

“Yoongi you have no reason to be sorry. It’s okay to have feelings and emotions. And if you would’ve stayed I could’ve done this.”

Using your sudden burst of confidence you leaned over placing another kiss on his lips. “Y/N you don’t have to pretend to like me back. I don’t need a pity kiss from you. Besides you’re leaving in a couple days anyways so none of it matters.”, he sighed looking stunned.

“Um no I actually got the okay to stay here and continue to work so I’ll be here for a while as long as you and your grandmother will have me.”, you smiled. Subtly his lips curled into a small smile.

“Also that wasn’t a pity kiss and I do actually like you and would love to get to know you some more.”, you continued happily with the sudden shift in emotions. As much as you wanted to just pin him down and show him how much you liked him you knew something like that would probably make his head explode so you decided to go very very slowly.

Cherry gave his hand a few licks and you saw the biggest gummy smile making your heart swell.

The next morning you and Yoongi prepared a nice lunch to take over to Taehyung’s farm. You could tell he was extremely nervous about going there.

“Hey they are nice guys. They really do want to get to know you and be friends with you. I’ll be with you the whole time. I promise. And if it gets too much just let me know and we can leave.” He nodded in agreement as you made the walk up to the cafe.

Jin greeted the two of you with a huge smile before Taehyung came bounding out. He wrapped you both in big hugs and you made a mental note to let them know that Yoongi doesn’t do well with physical affection. The rest of the guys quickly trickled in taking a seat at one of the large tables.

You and Yoongi set out their lunches while Jin brought over some lemonades and a few strawberry coconut cookies for you and Yoongi to try.

The guys all tried their best to keep Yoongi a part of the conversation and really make him feel welcome. Surprisingly he seemed to enjoy himself, even making a joke that got quite a bit of laughter out of everyone. You could feel the confidence start to build in him and it made you smile. He really seemed to take a liking to Namjoon. It probably had something to do with the fact that Namjoon was a little calmer and more soft spoken than the rest of the guys.

You were just starting to clean up when the front bell rang signally a new customer had arrived. Everyone turned to look which was closely followed by gasps and soft groans. You didn’t noticed anything odd. It was just a woman about your age, but the way the tension filled the air told you something was off.

Looking next to you Yoongi was staring down at his hands that were positioned on his lap. He whispered so quietly you almost didn’t hear it, “Y/N can we please go home?”

“Yeah of course.”, you nodded not wanting to push him past his limit.

As you stood up the woman came walking over. The tall blonde excitedly exclaimed, “Oh hey guys! How are you? It’s been a while.”

Hobi cleared his throat, “Yep sure has Jae.” The rest of the guys remained silent except for Jin who was now standing behind the counter. “You can order over here.”, he motioned.

The woman began to walk over when she stopped in her tracks turning her attention towards Yoongi. Subtly his shoulders tensed up.

“Oh my God, Yoongi?! Min Yoongi? Is that you? I’m surprised you managed to leave your cave.”, she squeaked. Her voice sounding like nails on a chalkboard.

“Jae you can order over there with Jin. We’ll have it right out to you.”, Taehyung spoke up.

“Oh I will but I want to catch up with Yoongi here. I mean it’s been a long time. Since high school right?” Taehyung made another motion for her to walk away, but she ignored it and instead turned her sights on you.

“Yoongi has a girlfriend? No fucking way! You ended up being less of a weirdo than I thought you would Yoongles.”

The more she spoke the more you wanted to walk over and punch her perfectly straight teeth right out of her mouth.

“Jae that’s enough. Order or leave, now.”, Jungkook growled surprising you with his anger.

“Alright alright, I’m just gonna leave. This is why I rarely come back to this dump of a town anyways. I had heard this was a nice cafe, but if it associates with you people then it can’t be all that great.”

She began to walk out the door when you heard Yoongi sniffle next to you which set you off. Slamming your hands down on the table you stormed out of the cafe chasing after the woman.

“Excuse me, who the fuck are you? And why do you think you’re allowed to come treat people like that?”, you shouted inches from her face.

She laughed at you, “Oh not only are you his little girlfriend you’re also his watchdog too? I never took him as the type to go after strong willed and dominating girls, but then again he did try to go out with me once so I guess it makes sense.”

Her words hit you as you recalled Mae’s story about the dance. “ Oh you’re that girl who asked him to go to the dance, but instead played a mean prank on him. You’re repulsive and a terrible person.”, you spat slowly backing away in disgust.

“Oh please. That was like fifteen years ago and he’s clearly still not over it. He needs to grow up and move on. Maybe get some therapy or something.”

You scoffed, “He’s perfectly fine the way he is. Especially considering how awful he’s been treated for doing nothing but existing. I hope you receive the karma you deserve.”

It was her turn to scoff, “Listen I know you’re new here so you don’t really know Yoongi that well so I’m gonna give you some advice. Run. Run as far away from him as you can. He’s damaged goods. Broken. Weird. Fucked up. Whatever you want to call it. We tried to be nice to him back then. He’d run in terror whenever we got within five feet of him or he’d just glare at us. You’ll never have a normal relationship with him. He’ll never be able to fully love you so do yourself a favor and leave.”

You watched as she got in her expensive vehicle and sped off. Footsteps quickly ran up behind you before a hand grabbed onto yours. Spinning around you were met with Yoongi. His cheeks red as tears spilled from his eyes. ���Please Y/N, can we go home?”, he begged barely able to speak. “Of course, let’s go.”, you nodded gently taking his hand. Running inside to grab your things you were overjoyed when Taehyung offered to drive you guys back to the inn. You took the middle seat in his truck making sure to help Yoongi in after you and cracking the wind into get him some air.

When you arrived at the Inn Yoongi quickly exited the truck and headed straight for the door. You gave Taehyung a quick thank you and goodbye and followed close behind. Thankfully Mae was nowhere to be found as you really weren’t in the mood to have to explain everything that had just happened.

Quietly you tiptoed down to Yoongi’s room before gently pushing open the door. He had already made himself comfortable under the covers.

You closed the door a little harsher than you had opened it so that he would know you were in the room with him and wouldn’t startle too much. You sat down on the bed and softly brushed some of the hair out of his eyes. His skin still warm and red.

“Are you okay?”, you asked barely above a whisper.

He nodded.

“I’m sorry that happened to you. You don’t deserve any of it and nothing she said is true.”

The room stayed silent except for the sound of Cherry’s nails hitting the hardwood from she were in the house.

“Maybe she is correct. I am broken and you should stay away. I’m not worth the trouble.”, he cried.

It took everything in you not to run and hunt that woman down.

“No Yoongi, you’re not broken. You are perfect the way you are and I’m willing to do what it takes to get you to see that.”, you replied wiping away the tears.

Wanting to give him some space you stood up and turned to face the door before feeling a hand grab your wrist.

“Please s-stay with me.”, he barely managed to get out.

Nodding you laid on top of the covers facing him watching as he slowly started nodding off as you continued to gently run your fingers through his hair.

You had no intention of falling asleep next to Yoongi, but here you were waking up several hours later. The light leaking through his dark curtains telling you that it was the following morning already.

Yoongi was still sleeping next to you. His lips opened to the slightest pout that made him look adorable. As gently and quietly as possible you got out of the bed and headed towards the kitchen making sure to close the door behind you.

Mae was already in the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee. “Ahh good morning Y/N. Looks like you and Yoongi had a fun night.”,

Instantly your eyes widened in panic, “Oh no no no, nothing like that happened. We just fell asleep I promise.”

“Relax dear. Jin stopped by to drop off some pastries and check on Yoongi. He told me everything. Besides, you and Yoongi are both adult. I don’t care what the two of you do as long as it’s not done in the kitchen.”, she laughed.

You let out an awkward chuckle unsure if she was being serious or not, but either way you didn’t want to find out.

“Here Y/N, try one of these muffins Jin dropped off. They are delicious!”, she exclaimed sliding one over to you.

Happily you took a bite and had to agree that they were incredible.

After a new bites and some silence Mae spoke, “I want to thank you Y/N, for standing up for Yoongi. No one has ever done that for him.”

“Oh it’s no problem at all. I’ve never been so angry before. I hate seeing people get treated like that.”

She nodded in agreement before packing up some of her belongings.

“Y/N sorry to run, but I’m gonna try and head out a little early today so that I can leave before Yoongi wakes up. I have an important doctors appointment and I just don’t want him to have that added stress after everything that happened.”

You agreed and helped her out to the car before heading back inside. You cleaned up your dishes and then decided to get some work done. The novel was coming along better than you had hoped and your boss was very happy with the progress, even making a joke that you should just move and live at the inn full time so you could keep churning out work like that. You knew it was a joke but a small part of you was really wondering if you could make that work.

A couple hours later you heard Cherry excitedly running through the inn which meant that Yoongi was awake so you made your way to the kitchen. He was sat at the table nibbling on a muffin. His hair was still ruffled and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles. He clearly didn’t slept as good as you thought he did.

“Good morning Y/N, do you know where my grandmother is by chance?”, he asked.

“Umm yeah she said she had to run into town for a few things. Should be back soon.”, you tried your best to lie.

“Oh I wonder why she didn’t ask me to go with her.”, he pouted.

“Any plans today?”, you asked trying to change the subject while handing him a cup of coffee.

He shrugged his shoulders, “Maybe work in the garden a little.”

“That sounds nice. Do you care if I help?”

He shook his head so you quickly went off to change into some clothes that you wouldn’t mind getting dirty.

The two of you walked out to the garden with some tools in hand. Yoongi showed you how to pull some of the weeds and how to check if the produce was ripe or not. The way he so delicately touched everything kept you in awe. You were so mesmerized that in your daze you weren’t paying attention and instead of snipping the dead leaf off of the bush you were working on you missed and made a small cut on your thumb. Dropping the small garden shears and hissing out in pain you panicked as you saw the red liquid immediately start to pour from the wound. Not wanting to worry Yoongi you tried to discreetly look for a towel or rag, but it was too late and he and already noticed.

“Y/N are you okay? Come here.”, he said grabbing your non bleeding hand and pulling you into the kitchen. He took out the same first aid kit from under the sink and began cleaning and bandaging the wound.

You couldn’t help, but smile as you watched him work. His fingers softly brushed over your hand as he maneuvered the bandage and cleaned up.

“There!, good as new.”, he smiled.

When he looked up to meet your gaze you quickly leaned in an placed a soft kiss to his lips and then braced for him to up and run away, but to your shock he stayed.

“What was that for?”, he asked in a soft whisper.

You shrugged, “A thank you for taking care of me because I’m a klutz that was too busy admiring my cute gardening partner instead of paying attention to what I was doing.”

“Oh okay.”, he nodded and you’d be lying if you’d say that didn’t hurt a little until you saw a faint flush form on his cheeks.

Then he leaned in and placed another kiss to your lips, this one a little firmer and more confident.

“What was that for?”, you asked.

“A you’re welcome and because I think you’re cute too.”, he shyly smiled.

You started to lean in for an another kiss, but were stopped when the front door of the inn slammed open startling both of you.

“Hello, Yoongi?” Are you here?,” someone shouted.

“I’m sorry. I have to go check on that.”, Yoongi sighed, but you nodded in agreement.

He walked out to the front desk area to greet the guest so you finished cleaning up before hearing footsteps behind you.

When you turned around you weren’t expecting to find a very disheveled and upset Yoongi.

“Yoongi what’s wrong? What happened?”, you asked running over.

“We need to go…I need to go…It’s…She’s…”

Reaching for his arm you tried to soothe him, “Yoongi what’s wrong? I’ll help you. Just take a deep breath.”

“My grandmother is in the hospital. She had a heart attack while in town. I need to go see her.”

You nodded, “Okay let’s go.”

Thankfully the man that had came to tell Yoongi the news offered to drive you both to the hospital.

The two of you sat in the waiting room. Yoongi’s leg nervously bounced next to you as you grabbed his hand to reassure him you were there. You knew that things weren’t looking good, but you could only hope that his grandmother was going to be okay. You didn’t think his heart could take any more.

[myechoecho]

Moon in the Day, ep 14

Honestly, I really loved how they ended this. There are some minor questions that I have but nothing too important.

I suspected we'd get a bit of a flashback before dealing with So Ri Bu and it was the sweetest scene of them in the morning. We also get a bit of an extended scene from where they bought the rings. Do Ha, was expecting his father to find them. Hoping he wouldn't but suspecting he would.

In many ways, I think that the fight between Ri Bu and Do Ha is seeing which is stronger - Do Ha's love for Yeong Hwa and need to protect her vs Ri Bu's resentment and revenge now that they both have physical form.

Of course, Ri Bu tells Yeong Hwa that Do Ha will disappear if they break the curse. He also seems to be trying to convince Do Ha to let him kill Yeong Hwa or else they will be separated forever. Which shows again how much he does not understand Do Ha. If it means Yeong Hwa will be safe, and he never has to watch one of her reincarnations die, he will be at peace leaving her.

I was pleased with the tree branch stabbing death, though I'm not quite sure how that destroys him since he is a spirit but maybe Do Ha had to kill the physical body. Plus it could also be because he was already weak or maybe it was past midnight. Doesn't really matter because finally he is gone.

Their goodbye was heartbreaking - both of them. Just after destroying Ri Bu and under the tree (in a parallel to their Silla times). His love and devotion for her really knows no bounds.

Joon Oh coming back was a bit interesting. I hesitate to say it's implausible given the whole 1500 year curse, ghost and evil spirit aspect of the show. What I've come around to is that is the universe's (or maybe Do Ha's) way of saying thank you for the use of your body. The man was pretty dead and had terminal cancer, but he was given a second chance. I do like how he wasn't instantly cured but still had to go through chemo.

I also like that he had echos of Do Ha, similar to how Do Ha had some of his memories. But he was never the reincarnation of Do Ha despite being his doppleganger. Do Ha being Joon Oh seems to have matured him (plus going through chemo) because I cannot see pre Do Ha Joon Oh handling the box of trinkets or meeting Yeong Hwa that way.

I love that Joon Oh gave Yeong Hwa some closure and that they will both live their lives the best they can. The letter made me cry, but also reaffirms again that Do Ha was at peace with leaving her, though not happy about it. "But I couldn't put you in hell in which you can die at any moment. Because my only reason was to live was to protect you. Don't give up after losing me. You'll get to look back sometimes, but leave our farewell behind, and do your best to be devoted to today". As always, he wants her to live. And I think it helps that he knows he will be remembered.

I flat out adore that she had the dream of their end in Silla but makes a different choice. And he knows it's different and won't change anything just as she does. But she wants to make a different choice in her dreams so they can be together. Though they still meet a bad fate in this version of the dream.

I am beyond happy that we got a Bugasal/Sunny and Grim Reaper ending for them. It's not a coincidence that they meet in a historical setting and see the moon in the day. They are clearly connected, but without all the painful bloodshed.

This is one of my favourite shows of the year.