#you know i've never been THIS invested into a project

[worldwhampion]

hi i'm the (evil step)parent of @cosmordial's ocs (as they will all suffer a great deal) in our future fanfic!

also just casually dropping the fact null is a part of it too (along with artemis and apollo!!!!!)

[skrunksthatwunk]

household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight

[murdermost-foul]

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[comicaurora]

Hey, sorry if you’ve been asked this before, but I have ADHD and I’ve been following your comic for years and just now have started to write my own comic (partially because you really inspired me). But I’m really struggling with staying on the project even when it’s boring and getting myself to work on it in the first place. Do you have any tips on how to keep your brain invested or just to make yourself do the work at all?

I have excellent news, I literally just figured out something really important about this.

So when you're an ADHD kiddo or otherwise have difficulty staying on task in a structured environment where Task is the Priority, the main way people try to MAKE you stay on task is by removing your access to anything that is not The Task. No phone, no TV, no doodling, no going outside, etc. In practice, this just makes us miserable because it takes the boredom that's always simmering around a 2 or 3 and cranks it all the way up to 11. In the same way that you would have difficulty staying on task if you were in physical pain, this crushing existential monotony makes it very difficult to work. The work might get done simply because you have no other options, but it will not be done quickly or well, and it will take a while to recover from how much it hurt.

What I realized earlier this week is I caught myself doing this to myself. I had 42 pages of background colors to do, and I thought to myself "this sounds really tedious, but I suppose I have nothing better I can do." And I realized what I'd just thought, and got very alarmed.

Because back when I was an ADHD kiddo imprisoned by school scheduling and a million little factors that keep children immobile and restrained, I couldn't stop thinking about how big and exciting the world was, and how much I wanted to be anywhere but here. When I was feeling really crushed in I'd pick a random spot on the maps on my wall and just imagine being there instead of my bedroom. This was the impetus behind almost all of my creative energy. I've said it before - anything is a prison if you can't leave, and being in a prison makes it easy to imagine how amazing things could be outside of it. Aurora's initial worldbuilding was forged in the crucible of fifth grade misery. My enthusiasm for art and my creative drive are inextricable from my sense of wonder and yearning for excitement in the real world. Not escapism, but appreciation. Wonders unimaginable are out there, and I gain just as much joy seeking them out as I do conjuring them up in my head and sharing them with all of you.

So now that I'm a grown-up with actual freedom in every way I've been able to get, the idea that I was staying on task by making myself believe the world was small and not worth seeing was extremely alarming. It could keep me on task for an afternoon, but at the cost of slowly extinguishing the thing that made me want to make art in the first place - the hunger to experience and draw inspiration from all the myriad complexities in the world.

So what I've been doing is I've been purposefully and intentionally taking excursions whenever I catch myself thinking "I could take a break but it wouldn't be worth it, it's the same outdoors as always, I'll be uncomfy and unproductive and tired." Because that is never true. Every time I've put down the stylus and gone out, I've been renewed in one way or another, and when I come back to comfort fully recharged I get a lot of shit done. Because it is easier to work on anything if you remember why you wanted to make it in the first place, and it is self-defeating misery to just lock yourself in with it and tell yourself you're a bad person if you can't get it done.

I honestly don't know how widely applicable this is. I have worse wanderlust than anyone I know, so for me this has always been modeled as imprisonment vs freedom. I've also been extremely lucky to find myself in a profession that lets me set my own pace on literally everything I do. But I genuinely believe that when it comes to making art with ADHD, you need to give yourself freedom to move laterally, not just in the direction of obvious forward progress. We don't think linearly in any other part of our lives - art is no different.

[kallypsowrites]

I feel like I've seen so many TV cancellation announcements for stuff that I might've watched but now might not. And it really just emphasizes how much the current system is eating itself.

Binge culture means that people are expected to consume a show right as it drops. Because so many shows are binged now, even weekly shows are held to the same standard. If they don't perform well during the initial release, they are written off because binge numbers are the numbers that matter.

So you get more and more people who are afraid to get invested in shows because it might get canceled on a cliffhanger. Because of that, they don't tune in to watch something until they're sure its going to continue. So the next bingeable show gets less viewers. It gets canceled. More people join the 'I'm not going to watch yet because I'm afraid to get invested' crowd. Less people watch TV.

And it sucks because people like this are often the most ardent fans of a work--the ones who will write fanfiction and make fanart and write long analytical posts convincing people to watch a show. The people who will make a new show their whole personality because that's how hyperfixation works. I am amongst that crowd. I can't let myself get invested in something anymore unless I know that I'm going to get emotional payoff.

TV execs have been continuously breaking trust with fandom spaces for the past several years. They don't give shows a chance to find their legs, to grow an audience, to gain a cult following. They kill something in it's cradle in service to the numbers.

And it's not just the fans who suffer because of this. It's writer's rooms. I'm going to school right now for screenwriting and its BAD out there. So many writers who pour their heart and soul into a concept only to never get to bring it to fruition. There's no room for slow burns. For thoughtful storytelling. For trusting the audience. There's no room for real creativity. So the shows that do get renewed are often competent but uninspired or sequel/franchise content. Cause that's what gets views.

I cannot imagine how disheartening it is as a writer to start so many projects and never get to finish them. Think about your own writing. If you were working on a fanfiction but knew at any moment someone could stop you updating because you aren't getting enough hits/kudos, would you find joy in that anymore? I sure wouldn't.

I believe that a lot of the best storytelling is going to come out of indie spaces in the next few years--writers and artists moving outside of Hollywood and making their own low budget stories. Because it's almost impossible to thrive within the current system.

It's not the writer's fault. It's not the fan's fault. It's the way TV has become. And its going to crash and burn and I'm sure execs will find a way to blame anything but the system they created.

[kazimirovich]

all i can say forever

i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))

(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.

in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed

because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.

and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.

if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.

not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.

[anneapocalypse]

Tired of the false dichotomy between "you should create for yourself without desiring any form of connection" and "feedback is everything and without it there's no reason to create." Neither of these things are wholly true, and it's frustrating to me that people have taken "create for yourself" to mean "you shouldn't want feedback or enjoy it, you should create in a vacuum with no hope of human connection" and are lashing back against what they think it's saying rather than what it's actually saying. I love comments and feedback and connecting with my readers as much as anyone and would never discount the value of that experience and I try to be the kind of engaged reader I would want to have because I know how much it means. I especially know how much it means to a niche creator because I've been that creator myself and I so treasure the readers who took a chance, gave my stuff a try, and stopped to say something supportive about it.

But that's also exactly the thing: the things I want to write are often things that do not in any way guarantee me an audience, but they're what I enjoy, and creating for myself is what gets me through those long first drafts where I know there is no guarantee of an audience because the reality is I'm choosing to write this thing and nobody owes me a readership. Internal motivation matters because there are parts of the creative process where internal motivation is all you have. I've seen people give up or nearly give up on projects that probably would have found an audience, if a niche one, because they convinced themselves that nobody would care and then couldn't motivate themselves to care. Or they decided that a small audience wasn't good enough; they need their work to be Popular or it was worth nothing.

And if someone doesn't want to invest themselves in creating something that might have a small audience, well, that's their choice. But creativity is inherently an act of risk, and a lot of amazing art would never be made if the creator wasn't willing to risk silence, rejection, loneliness. Yeah, those things suck. I'm not saying they don't, that's why it's a risk. But art isn't always about safety. Sometimes it's about creating because you simply have to get this thing out of your head, and you hope someone will connect with it, but you don't know until you try. So everything can't be external motivation. It just can't be. It's too limiting, it's too stifling. I can't live that way, personally.

[cirrostrata]

i need to talk about how insane this line makes me

but to do that i need to explain the context around it first. so in the google drive (PLEASE READ IT IF YOU HAVEN'T IT'S VERY IMPORTANT GO TO LOVEOFTHE > S*N > LUMYNEX > OPERATORS) michael has one patient other than charger block listed but it's just

this

so there's some implications there.

as of right now we don't know how or why michael's other patient (who i will call 0001) was terminated, or what termination means, but we can make some assumptions.

i'm guessing that termination means getting deleted from existence. maybe your soul gets erased or something idk point is that 0001 is gone now

lumynex probably doesn't just terminate patients for no reason, so 0001 must've broken a rule or found out something they shouldn't have, resulting in their termination.

speaking of rules. isn't there someone who's super strict about following them?

yeah this explains a lot about why michael is like that. maybe michael was less strict before 0001 was terminated, but now she's trying to follow the rules as closely as possible so that she doesn't lose someone again.

it would also explain his standoffish attitude. maybe he's intentionally trying to push people away so that if (when) he messes up again he won't have anyone to lose.

speaking of people who are being pushed away,

sean! ^_^

that line implies that sean, michael, and noah used to be close friends, but something caused them to drift apart. the something being 0001's termination

we know Literally Nothing about noah right now, and i've already explained how it affected michael, but what about sean?

i think that sean wants things to be the way they were before 0001 was terminated. my evidence:

sean sent crown to cb's earth despite being very aware that it's against the rules. one of his first thoughts after getting a new patient was how it would involve michael. she's so desperate to reconnect with them it's insane

and that brings us back to this

the way sean emphasizes the "best friend" part while POINTING AT MICHAEL. she's barely even talking about crown and cb here this is about them

and she's bringing this up by saying she's a better operator than michael! he knows they're insecure about that especially after 0001 was terminated! sean is trying everything she can to get michael to listen to her but they keep pushing her away! I'm not normal about this guys

she wants to make sure cb and crown stay friends because she doesn't want their relationship to end up like hers and michael's. she's projecting SO HARD right now

i think sean sees cb and crown as them and michael before 0001 was terminated. they're invested in their relationship because they see it as how things could've been if 0001 still existed

cb and crown's (after)lives have been permanently altered because of who their operators are. if 0001 wasn't terminated, crown never would've met cb.

can't wait to see how they react to this information!

okay that's everything thank you for listening to my rambling byeeeee

[evertidings]

— NOVEMBER 2023.

accomplishments.

the thing about writing these updates is that i never write them on the first of the month. on top of that, i skipped last month because i published the update on october 28th and, well, you didn't exactly need a whole post of me rambling about how i gave myself too little time to edit and almost ripped my hair out during the process. that can be summed up in a sentence.

this month, however, needs a longer discussion. granted, november has always been a very busy month for me in terms of university and, on top of the mini-break i gave myself, there's not that much to talk about, but here i am.

to describe chapter eleven in a word, i'd say it's "progress." progress in terms of plot, in terms of character development, both the hunter and the ros—just progressive in general. i said this on patreon, but i have a habit of saying "this chapter is different to any that i've written before." i suppose it's true in a sense, but if i had to compare it to anything, i'd say it's giving the vibes of chapters one and two. maybe with a mix of chapter ten. the more i write, the more fun i find myself having with the chapter. it's exploring some themes i've been itching to get to for a while now and it's so satisfying to be able to wrap up all these loose ends and have it all come together.

it's way too soon for me to have any sort of release date right now but just know it's being worked on. i know i've been a bit quiet on this front and i swear i'm trying to work on it, but after nearly three years at this, i still feel like a boomer when it comes to answering asks. i do read them all as they come in, however, so if you ever wonder about that, now you know.

as the year comes to an end and the holidays begin, i just want to thank everyone for your endless support. extremely sappy, i know, but i just had to say it. no words can describe how much it means to me that people follow my updates and are invested in this project as much as i am. i hope you're all taking care of yourselves and that you're well <3

stats.

476,219 words (+4449)

[a-dragons-journal]

Chicken or Egg: Causes of Fictionality

This post was crossposted to the Fictionkind Dreamwidth (linked above).

One of the questions I hear a lot about fictionfolk from outside observers, though less than I used to, is about whether a fiction-based identity can really predate the media it's based in. The answer, of course, is observably that yes, it can; many fictionfolk report that the experiences that lead them to a fiction-based identity long predate exposure to the media that finally made it all "click" and gave them a name. The other answer is that it doesn't matter - even if the identity wasn't present before exposure to the source media, it's still just as real and important as if it had been.

I don't think, however, that I've often or maybe ever seen discussion of the fact that sometimes it's just impossible to tell. I don't know whether my hearthome predates my exposure to Avatar. When I first watched Avatar, you see, I was young enough that I don't really have any recollection of it - a few vague impressions, and the fact that we watched it the first time on my aunt's brand-new widescreen TV (very exciting), and the fact that I immediately integrated a version oftsaheylu (the neural bond that Pandoran creatures can make with each other) into some of my worldbuilding projects afterward, and that's about it. I have a poor childhood memory (a poor episodic memory in general, for that matter); the only reason I know that my draconity is as old as it is is because I have childhood friends with a far better memory than I who remember me talking about feeling a tail when we must have been only eight or nine years old. I simply do not remember whether or not any experiences linked to my hearthome predate my exposure to Avatar, or whether Avatar caused them wholesale.

The fact of the matter is, it's probably a mix of both. On the one hand, Avatar is a piece of media infamous for creating hearthome feelings in people - there was a whole phenomenon called "post-Avatar depression" or "the post-Avatar blues" when it came out, where people worldwide got so invested in the world of Pandora that they fell into a legitimate depression episode because it wasn't real. (Real thing, look it up. News outlets reported on it and everything.) It is, in all honesty, almost designed to do so - the hearthome feelings, I mean, not the depression. Pandora is designed from the ground up to get people to fall in love with the world, and to then transfer those feelings to Earth and environmental efforts here. That's Avatar's mission statement - and it does it well. There's a reason literally half of the first movie is dedicated to just exploring and experiencing Pandora, and a reason that the game Frontiers of Pandora spends so much time and resources on the details of the world around you.

On the other, realistically, one must assume that Avatar hit me so hard because it was tapping into something that was already present to some extent. People connect to fiction because it speaks to something already inside them, as well as teaching them something new. What exactly that was in my case, however, I can only guess. Maybe it was the wildness and green beauty of the world; maybe it was tsaheylu and the intimate and complete connection that it provides; maybe it was the specific creatures and plants and some pre-existing connection there. I just don't know, and realistically never will.

And you know what? I'm okay with that. I don't know why Eywa'eveng is hearthome to me, and I'm fine with that - it is, and that's what really matters. I don't know what's chicken, what's egg, and what's the evolution that happens over cycle after cycle of both. Maybe I would have longed for something undefinable even if I'd never seen Avatar, or maybe I wouldn't, or maybe it would have latched onto some other fictional world (or real place, for that matter) instead. There's no telling now - there is only what is, and I find myself satisfied with that.

[ophthalmotropy]

what's happening in argentina?

I don't fault you for the broad question because I'd ask too, but I need you to know that as a non-smoker I've never felt so strongly the need for a cigarette as I did just now thinking about answering this question. But I'll do my best.

In November of last year, the country elected Javier Milei as president. He would swear into office the next month. Javier Milei is a self-identified anarcho-capitalist and libertarian, although he states he is a minarchist in the short term (meaning he thinks the only functions the State should serve are those of law enforcement: no public education, social development, market regulations, etc etc). Some of his most controversial campaign statements included projects to legalise the free and unregulated sale of organs, and, along with his vice-president Victoria Villarruel (who in her youth organised visits to Jorge Rafael Videla in prison), apologia for the 1976 military dictatorship by revindicating the theory of the two demons (fair warning that from what I skimmed that article is biased in favour of the theory) and casting into doubt the estimated 30.000 victims of state terrorism (torture, disappearance followed by death) (also warning that that article uses the name the military junta gave this process) during its duration.

Since he took over six months ago, the population's purchasing power has dropped by 38%, plunging millions of people below the line of poverty. In stark contrast to this, Milei has been travelling around the world using public funds to visit his ultraright idols; most notably, Trump, who is not the political leader of any country at the moment (making his trip to see him a personal visit and not a diplomatic one, thus invalidating his arguments for using our money to go there).

On the subject of diplomacy, his government has been swinging quite a lot of bats at hornets' nests, accusing China and Brazil of communism and insulting the wife of the president of Spain. All of this is an international relations nightmare that will take endless apologies to undo.

Another interesting resolution deregulates the operations of foreign companies, SPVs, and offshore companies (article in Spanish), with the stated goal of attracting investments. Those types of companies have historically been used to conceal illicit activity, so resolutions in that vein pave the way to effectively turn Argentina into a fiscal paradise. This isn't the only problem they pose (offshore companies don't pay taxes, so there'd be a loss in the public sector, for example), but it is the most worrying to me because they also eliminated restrictions for Sociedades de Acciones Simplificadas (simplified stock companies), most of which have historically been used to commit crimes among which is the drug trade. Once you have narcos in your country, there's no taking it back--Argentina would be at real risk of ceasing to exist as we know it.

This administration is also slashing public spending, resulting in some universities suspending their activities temporarily. They also failed to deliver oncological medicine, depriving cancer patients of assistance the state is obligated to provide. As a result of this, several people have died already. In this climate of extreme poverty, soup kitchens have been shutting down en masse due to the withdrawal of state funding, and laws that protected tenants' rights and regulated rent prices have been severely modified to the detriment of the tenants.

The violent decrease in public spending also resulted in thousands of state workers being fired overnight. The attack is especially centred on state organisations that promote the arts or whose purpose is to fight discrimination. On this subject, 10% of the transgender and travesti workers who had their positions guaranteed by the law were fired illegally, and government members are outspoken about their opposition to this law--which isn't surprising. Diana Mondino, the current chancellor, has compared same-sex marriage to "the right to having lice" while she held a position in Congress. Ricardo Bussi, a current legislator, compared homosexuality to disability in October 2023. Coming to this year, Francisco Sánchez, the Secretary of Religion, said that the laws protecting the right to abortions, divorce, and same-sex marriage "seek to pervert our children and damage society". Milei is also on record describing abortion as "homicide aggravated by the bond".

Also recently, Milei's biographer, Nicolás Márquez, gave a one-hour interview in which he characterised homosexuality as a disease, claiming that when the State "promotes homosexuality" (as it allegedly did before Milei came to power), it is aiding a "self-destructive" conduct, supporting these claims with unfounded statistics about the correlation between STIs and homosexuality; he also denied the existence of homophobia and described lesbians and gays as being "against nature". For the sake of full disclosure, I will say he explicitly freed Milei and his government of responsibility for his declarations--but I think it's really important to point out the kind of people and rhetorics this government is giving a platform to; after all, nobody knew Nicolás Márquez before he started writing for Milei. In approximately the same time frame, and in response to a horrific hate crime that resulted in the death of three lesbians, Manuel Adorni, the presidential spokesman, said that he "doesn't like" to talk about a hate crime because men suffer violence too--and he said this in a press conference.

I'm probably forgetting something important--so much has happened in the past months--but I hope this is enough to give you an impression of the changes our society is undergoing. Please let me know if you have follow-up questions. <3

[throughtrialbyfire]

more cicero thoughts because i've been thinking about this so much. this post will specifically focus on the dynamic between he and the night mother, and is sorta headcanon-based but i have so many thoughts and need to get them out.

i definitely think there's a lot to be said for how cicero's attachment to the night mother can almost be described as oedipal, but i also don't think it quite extends that far, nor do i think he hates her. i believe his experiences, his emotional attachment, his investment in her is religious devotion. it's worship. it's a deep and unwavering sense of loyalty and duty, to sithis, to the brotherhood, to the night mother.

yes, i do think he loves her. yes, i do think to some degree he despises her. wouldn't you? alone, for eight years, with nothing but a corpse you're expected to take care of every single day, to keep clean and sanctify, falling into routines, the only one to talk to who can never talk back? this also probably leads to an unhealthy degree of emotional projection on cicero's part towards her, but i won't get too into that here.

this desire to be chosen by her, then, must feel like release. it's relief from a silence never-ending, it's a sort of validation, a grasping back of hands he's been extending for eight long years. the silence he describes in his journal is cruel. it's rage, wrath, it's ever-present and makes him feel small. but then, as the years pass, he accepts the silence as all he will get. because even though he's done everything (the only survivor of two sanctuaries, three if you spare him. the only one who has tended her, devoted his entire being to her and worshiping she and sithis, carrying her casket from cyrodiil to skyrim and spending every damned day thinking about the night mother and sithis and his loyalty to them) he is not the listener. he knows. he knows he will never be the listener, the night mother has not chosen him (as he states, he remains "unworthy"), despite sacrificing everything.

still, he is the keeper and he would do anything for the night mother, even if it destroys him, because now she's all he has. he has nothing else attaching him to a former life, and he's devoted his entire life as keeper to her. he's reverent towards her because she's all he has, perhaps she's his god more than sithis in a way, because at least she's tangible. she is something dependent on him, and as such, he's codependent on her. and this devotion is religious and unholy. it's a mixture of hatred (feeling unworthy, feeling as though all his effort has gone unappreciated) and the intense love (she is quite literally a divine being to the dark brotherhood, tantamount to a mother mary - would this make him a Christ or a Magdalene or something else entirely? anyways) and the religious devotion and the earthly rage of not being enough. being passed over by her hand and her voice reaching someone who only just joined, or only recently became aware of the night mother.

frankly, in cicero's shoes, i'd lose my mind a little bit, too.

[crazyk-imagine]

Colt Seavers Headcanon

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

- You met through Dan and Gail (unfortunately)

- You met Dan because you were tired of dealing with the idiot stuntman coordinators and then came your saving grace and new bestie

- You two became as thick as thieves, if you couldn’t get him in the budget, there would be no movie 

- Gail came into play when her perfect little munchkin needed a movie to be in

- Therefore those two have known you since your young years essentially

- You had been filming smaller lesser known films that took off once your big hit "Stitches: Don't be a Snitch" which started off as a joke film because it was an idea you've always wanted to make

- Then came in Tom Ryder, he thought it was a good film 

- Gail knew staring in this odd of a film would boost his career because people would invest in it and wonder why he did it

- Then came in Dan for the movie, who you then tried to hook up with one of your girlfriends, although they never worked out, you stayed close as ever

- He told you he had the perfect stunt man for the job, cue Colt

- He had such a "Kenergy" vibe to him, you couldn't get rid of him, especially when he pulled off your stunts

- You hated how perfect he did it and how he fed into your ideas, stunt guys aren't supposed to be like this, so- ugh

- Dan snickers every time because he knew, he knew you felt something for Colt and vice versa

- Then came the bonding, you grew close to Colt, flirting with him and building a bond

- That all went away the day of his accident

- You couldn't bear to leave him but Gail- Gail was nothing but insistent when it came to making her precious little cherub rich and her more famous

- You stayed with Colt as often as you could when he had his surgery and got out, made his appointments for rehab and physical therapy, when he got cleared

- Food was always in his fridge, his apartment was always semi clean (the dishes were put up and the floor was always swept clean)

- Then it stopped, he stopped calling, answering (his phone and door), just- he disappeared

- You tried as much as you could to stay with him but took the hint he didn't want help of any kind from anyone and left him alone, much to your despair

- Then after catching your big break, you didn't think about him as much but he came across your mind every so often

“Do these stunt guys suck to you?” 

Dan glances to the side, clearing his throat, “a little.” 

You nod. ‘Stupid Colt’

- Dan always kept you company and became more like your annoying big brother whom you want to fight every two minutes

- Gail was still a bitch but you learned to tolerate her and her little project

- You always hated first reads, you wanted to stab your eyeballs out with pencils every time

“Can I just use this now?” You hold the pencil in front of him. 

Dan shakes his head, “no.”

- Cue Colts return, to say you were shocked was an understatement

- You made him work for it, starting from redoing stunts and informing him of the back story, to texting every so often

- He was still an adorable little shit, ughhhh

- Then came him being framed for murder, that was a shocker especially when he could never kill a spider or cockroach in your room

You nearly cried hearing his voice when he called and explained everything

"What? Colt- colt," you hear the gunshots. "Where are you? What's going on?"

You can hear the smile in his voice as he confesses, "I was scared. I didn't think it was okay to come back to work, much less do it with you by my side."

He chuckles, "I couldn't let you down, that- you know that would kill me. God, you don’t know how much it killed me to not answer. "

He sniffs, "I've been in love with you since we met on your first big hit movie, you know. I- I couldn't go without saying that because you deserved to know."

Your lip wobbles, "Colt?" You whisper. Your vision is blurred by your tears.

"Don't cry for me, honey. I'm doing this for- for the movie- your movie. It's gonna be another hit. I know it is and it's gonna be everyone's new favorite."

He hangs up and you nearly break, even more so followed by the news broadcast

- You rewatch the blast, he couldn't have died 

- He wouldn't leave you like that, right? Fuck it hurts

- You didn't hesitate to protect yourself to the random alien in your- oh shit

You rip his head off and hug him, "you're such an idiot."

He gives you that dopey smile in return, looking like the blood is rushing back into his body

- Then came the plan, you knew it'd work just- never planned on having to punch a person

You groan, cradling your hand. "Goddamn, is your face made of rock?"

- You pressured Dan into driving faster before Colt could fall

- You ran to him as he fell, kissing him on his saving grace

"You're an idiot."

"And your movie is going to be amazing," he smiles. 

- Which it was- or would have been had your main star not murdered someone

- Thankfully Jason Mamoa could replace him, much more tolerable too (thank god)

- Either way you won in the end because you got the guy and a dog (plus your best friend who never left)

[matchabelly]

So I literally just returned to this site last week to follow a person who shall not be named for GO3 updates (worst timing ever ik) and maybe what I'm about to say is a hot take and super long-winded but I need to get it off my chest here since no one in my personal life is as emotionally invested in this as I am. I have been an obsessed fan for almost two decades, but one thing I will not be doing is defending a powerful individual who by their own admission abused said power and is now trying to gaslight the victims. From what I've read these past few days, it seems their inappropriate behavior has been an open secret for some time now. I will no longer support their work. I am thoroughly disgusted and these allegations paint this person's every past word/action in a new, manipulative, and disturbing light for me. That being said, while I will actively be both avoiding any new content from this individual and trying to find ways to "read another book," I cannot overstate the profound effect their work has had on my life and identity. Humans are fallible and complicated. Art is transcendent. Once it is given to the universe it changes into something that is special and unique only to the beholder. It is OKAY to continue enjoying and identifying with art made by a problematic creator, as long as you are able to enjoy it with a critical eye and do not in any way support or promote the individual responsible. And for the love of Someone, do not blame the victims. Here is where things might get spicy but I'm gonna say it anyways. I hope Good Omens 3, The Sandman, and all this individual's other projects get cancelled. Or, at least the person in question is removed from them altogether, since the other artists who have worked tirelessly to bring these works to life should not have to be punished unless they were in some way culpable or privy to these incidents before the news broke. Victims getting justice and a sex offender facing the consequences of their actions is more important to me than getting another season of a TV show, even if it's one I'm obsessed with and adore. Sadly, I don't think the person who did this will be facing justice at all. They are financially and socially powerful enough for this to get swept under the rug. If the mixed responses I have seen across various platforms is anything to go by, their legions of impressionable fans are already prepared to defend them to the death. Wrong hill to die on, folks. All I can hope is that everyone does not let themselves be manipulated by this grown adult who made the wrong choice to violate consent when they clearly know better. Just remember that even though the news didn't come out until this week, this individual didn't try playing the neurodivergence card until after the most recently reported incident occurred. Whatever they are, it does not excuse them of responsibility for what they've done. They are a dangerous, narcissistic, manipulative person and that is their own fault. They do not need you to defend them, they need to recognize they are the problem, face justice, and get help, hopefully while fading into obscurity for the rest of time. I hope that all the hurting people in the fandom out there can find solace in whatever way they see fit, and if that includes continuing to enjoy the art (seriously, though, pirate it instead) that is okay. We are all deeply affected by these events and how you cope is up to you. But lastly, and most importantly, I hope the victims of these awful crimes can move forward from the trauma this has undoubtedly caused, and that the cruel, misogynistic hand of the internet can leave them alone so they can heal. Can't believe I have to say this in 2024, but blaming the victim is NEVER OKAY even if the perpetrator is someone you like.

[freckliedan]

in your opinion do you think that now they’re not in the closet publicly anymore, it’s not that they necessarily care that people think/know they’re together, it’s just more that they want to keep their actual relationship private?

ooh this is a good question honestly! i mean, they've said it themselves that they're private, and their actions back that up too. i think a huge part of the way they've navigated the privacy for their relationship while & since coming out has been about setting a clear boundary, considering the past violations of their privacy?

but honestly i think there's another huge piece of why they've been so private over the last five years and why that's changing now! i think the gaming channel hiatus era has been their individualization era, which was important for dan especially. like, phil had some time as an adult to learn who he was before he met dan; all of dan's identity formation as an adult happened in the context of his relationship with phil.

spending your entire adult life in a relationship with someone, AND living with them AND working together AND having shared friends for the vast majority of those years? speaking from experience: you can reach a point where you're less able to identify your own individual wants and needs and strengths and dreams, even if it's a healthy and beautiful relationship.

especially if there was any level of tumultuousness in your home life lol

with the added pressure of being a public figure it makes a lot of sense to me that a hard reset had to happen for dan's exploration of who he is and wants to be and enjoys doing with his career to succeed! dan is not okay being fucked over is such a heartbreaking thing, but the time dan spent almost completely out of the public eye followed by a fully solo tour & span of his career shere he was regularly posting is like—it makes sense!

it makes sense that the last 5 years were focused on everything but their relationship! but it also makes like equal sense to me that they're returning to the gaming channel and joint content and a higher level of being open with us, too.

they tried fully solo careers. and i'm sure they both know now, what they like doing independently of one another. but it's so clear to me that they've returned to the gaming channel because they genuinely love to make videos together, and it's a part of them making a fully informed choice about their future careers.

like. it actually really grinds my gears when people say that dan and phil only came back to the gaming channel for the money, tbh! because yeah, i'm sure it's one of their best options for bringing in money. but like... yall they are rich people. they absolutely have money invested. they absolutely are having their money managed. they almost certainly could pull off never working again if they wanted to.

they wouldn't phone it in just for money, not with the standards they've consistantly shown themselves to have for the work they do. like, yes, they're doing their job and making money for it. but i just don't understand seeing this as anything but a choice they made because they love working together—and because they're sure of that, having spent half a decade on solo projects.

the individuation era ending also makes the higher level of being open about their lives make sense. i've always thought we were due for a being loud about how happy they are in their relationship era post coming out and. well. this is definitely that. i can't say i ever wanted to hear this much about their sex lives but i also can't truly say i'm surprised!

i think this is an era of shifting boundaries to be at least a little more open regarding their relationship and life together and i think that's what they're boiling us about this gamingmas! ultimately they're always going to keep more to themselves than they ever share with us but like. things are changing!

[abbysimsfun]

Sims In Bloom: Generation 2 Pt. 36 (Home Renovation & A New Routine)

The first thing Heather did with the Landgraabs' money was hire contractors to add a second story to her home. Her son was small enough for now and his crib still fit in the living room, but their one-bedroom home would only get smaller as he grew, so she added two new bedrooms (one for Ash, one for guests) and a second bathroom.

She didn't really have an eye for design, but she knew she liked green and yellow and decorated accordingly. The money from Malcolm was meant as an investment in their son’s future and this home expansion certainly qualified, but she was determined to grow her business and raise the rest of the 175,000 on her own. Even though she was a long way from independence, she began to dream of the day she could rebrand the clinic under her own name.

Per Heather and Malcolm's agreement, Heather would keep primary custody, but Ash would spend some weekends with his father in San Myshuno, and the first weekend crept up on Heather with so much to do at work. She dreaded being separated from her son, least of all so he could spend a weekend under the influence of Nancy Landgraab.

"It's fine. This is healthy even though it's hard." She gave herself a pep talk before she left for the city with her son, then stopped in to visit her family at Fountainview Penthouse before they were due at the Landgraabs.

Her Uncle Karl and his husband Mortimer greeted them warmly. "Ash looks like you," said Mortimer kindly, but Heather thought she heard a hint of relief in his voice. Was it because of the curse? The less he looked like a Landgraab, the better?

Catching her mind wandering about the old tale, she admonished herself for taking it so seriously. It's just a name, and curses aren't real. She forced herself to repeat the thought like a mantra.

Holly was still wearing her deep-sea fishing uniform when they arrived after her workday. She talked excitedly about the job she loved as her nephew bounced to Mortimer's old school records in her arms. "The catches in the bay are so huge they could eat the fish swimming through the River Bagley! And Kris' work as an art critic is beginning to get attention. Every piece he writes is better than the last!" Ash wriggled from her arms to wiggle on the floor.

"He loves music, I guess," noted Holly's husband, Kris. "Didn't you say Malcolm was a music fan."

Heather nodded, anxious to imagine her son inheriting more traits from his father. Music was one of the many interests she and Malcolm never shared. Even though she listened to music growing up, she always preferred quieter surroundings.

(I like when my sims pick their own faves. Eventually I just had to give her a favourite -Focus Music fyi- because I waited until YA to see what music she ended up liking, and the only music preference she ever developed was that she hates alternative.)

The only time she ever sought out music was to focus on projects for school, and her brother always said ambient sounds weren't really music, anyway. Heather was fine with that, but Malcolm never understood why she didn't know anything about all the hottest new bands and singers. "He used to say I grew up under a pretty little rock in our tiny little hometown."

"Malcolm's a jerk," said Kris, and Holly nodded in emphatic agreement. "But your son's pretty cute. Maybe we should have one, Hols."

Holly beamed. "I've already reached the top of my career, so I'm ready whenever you are. I've been ready!"

Heather knew her generous sister and her high school sweetheart would make wonderful parents when the time was right, but for now she had to leave them. "Ash and I have to go. Nancy will be such a pill if I'm late."

Despite her fear, Heather knew she had no choice but to adapt to this new routine with the Landgraabs. ->

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