#you know... learning to internalize that i don't NEED to be cis in any way has been so freeing

[uncanny-tranny]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

heyy I have a question but I'm kinda embarrassed about it so idk?

how much of a high libido is normal for a teenager? around 15 years? because like I've been taught that puberty makes you horny, but all everyone was always talking and making jokes about was cus males going through that, and I'm not a cis dude

I was just wondering because like it feels wrong sometimes to think about it that much even though it feels good to but like -I also don't really know how to say this- it also feels like I'm using sexual thoughts and fantasies and stuff to distract myself and to repress the stuff going on in my life? like I can feel my brain switch from "I'm gonna have a breakdown" to "how about horny?" in a couple of seconds and idk if that's normal? or healthy for that matter lol

idk what to say have a nice day and any advice is appreciated<3

(do you do named anons? if so, can I be fox anon?)

hi fox anon,

I'm actually going to direct you to an ask from a shrimp anon, where we had a little chat about hypersexuality and how to know if your sex drive is too high. (spoiler alert: if you're not actively ruining your own life in the pursuit of sex, it's probably not!)

there are definitely the most stereotypes about cis teenage boys being horny, but it's very normal for people with any gender identity, genitalia, and hormones to be extremely interested in sex during their teen years. (and of course, it's also normal not to be interested at all!) this is the part of your life where everybody's bodies are reaching sexual maturity, and it's extremely EXTREMELY normal to have a burning curiosity to go along with that.

it's also very normal to have a lot of Large emotions and feel like they can switch on a dime; that's the power of Hormones, babey! you're experiencing a lot of internal hormonal situations and external social stresses for the first time, and your brain is learning how to process all that.

I have a friend who's only a few months old, so when he gets overwhelmed he doesn't know how to handle that and usually just cries about it because he's brand new and doesn't have any other coping mechanisms. of course, you have a lot more experience than a guy who's brand new and you know way more coping mechanisms than he does, but you're in a somewhat similar position of having to handle a LOT of new shit and not knowing how to cope with it yet. sometimes what's going to happen is just pivoting hard from one big feeling to another - in some cases, from the pits of despair straight to horny jail.

is it possible to become overly reliant on sexual stimulation as a form of self-soothing? sure, of course. it's possible to become overly reliant on anything; absolutely any positive behavior can become detrimental if it's performed to extremity. again, read that ask I linked!

but pivoting from a breakdown to jacking off isn't a bad idea. it can help you calm down, can be a great transition into a nap or sleep, and pops off a little burst of dopamine and oxytocin that's probably very badly needed if you're on the verge of a breakdown. of course it's ideal to have other healthy outlets for when you're feeling bad - making art or doing something else with your hands, doing some enjoyable physical activity, talking with friends or family, keeping a journal - but as one part of a larger diet of support and coping mechanism, horny behavior is great, normal, and very healthy.

[nekropsii]

your staunch defense of transfeminine people in a community where we're so routinely mocked and sidelined does not go unnoticed or unappreciated.

you're doing a fantastic thing

Hey, I'm glad it's doing something!! It was... Kind of radicalizing realizing that no one's fucking normal, actually, they just say they are. But the really, really radicalizing thing - the thing that got me to start being very loud and aggressive about it all - was getting hit with wave after wave of misdirected Transmisogyny for two reasons...

I acknowledged Transfem reads of characters exist, and stated that I actually - gasp! - enjoy some of them, even over the popular Transmasc readings of the same characters. Getting hit with backlash for this was expected, but I didn't foresee how that would manifest. Several people - all self-reporting as trans men, weirdly - flooded my notes and inbox talking down to me, treating me like I'm stupid, and that I don't understand Transmasc struggles (I do, I just distinctly was not talking about them), and... Most vexingly, treating me like I'm a woman, and acknowledging me as such. By saying I, for example, preferred a Transfeminine reading of Dave over the popular Transmasculine one - by simply bringing up trans women in a conversation that didn't include putting them down - I had apparently branded myself as a stupid bimbo woman in their eyes that desperately needed mansplaining to. By discussing trans women positively, I had branded myself as an "other", and needed to be treated as such. I don't understand why it was all trans men doing this - you'd think they'd know better than to start misgendering and condescending people just because they started talking about feminism or trans rights. You'd think they'd understand meeting feminism with traumadumping is inappropriate.

I put a Cis Woman in my Webcomic, and she apparently wasn't feminine enough for some fucking people. Mind you, none of us on the Dev Team ever really thought that she was any degree of Masculine. She was never designed to be masculine, and she wasn't designed with transness in mind. We'd always referred to her internally as a cis woman. She just happens to have broad shoulders, narrow-ish hips, an Adam's apple, a bigger nose, and some serpentine heat pits on her face that happen to look like facial hair.

This is her. The uncanny, ugly, mannish freak who should've just been a boy. She looks normal! She's just a regular woman! Apparently, when you tell people that what human beings would identify as sex characteristics are totally randomized on an alien bug species because that alien bug species literally only has one sex, that's cool and based until it's applied to women? Even then, these are all traits that some normal human cis women have in real life. What's even more jarring is that almost all of the Transmisogyny thrown at me over Tejuri's appearance was done over fucking Cohost - the website people fled to specifically to escape Tumblr's Transmisogyny. The site that touts its pride in getting rid of all Transphobes. God.

I've noticed that people often preach their alliance not as a genuine statement but as a way to keep with the trends. A lot of reblogs on posts about loving trans women are viewing them as either a body ("loving trans women" taken as synonymous with wanting to have sex with them), an object ("loving trans women" taken as their value being synonymous with their romancability), or a token (saying that you "love trans women" is the latest political trend in progressive spheres, and professing this makes you look like a better person, even if you don't mean it). I've learned recently that a lot of people don't know anything about Queer Theory or Transfeminism. A lot of people apparently don't even realize Transfeminism exists. It's been a fucking wild past few months. Things I thought were just basic human decency and common sense apparently need to be stated, because it turns out my standards for what counts as "basic human decency" is a lot higher than most. Wild. @_@

Every time someone pulls this stupid horseshit on me, I get more annoying and more powerful. Nothing's gonna make me back down. At the end of the day, I have the privilege of being able to shut up and stop facing harassment. That's not a privilege trans women have. It's why true allies cannot stop fighting even when it does get a little hard. We can put the weapons down. They cannot.

Every now and then I think about the phrase "Trans Women are the Women of Women". Every day, it becomes more true.

[mariii1]

( ʃƪ˘ﻬ˘)(˘ ε˘ʃƪ) What's your sexuality (like)? 18+ (´ε｀ )♡

..........sooo i need to get out of the pattern of making time based promises, I've lied every damn time 😭😭 We'll see when the next pac will come out since im probably gonna do a lot more choices. Let me know if this resonated!

1. There might be something taboo you're holding back. You might not have delved a lot into your sexuality which isn't inherently bad but there might be a specific part you feel ashamed about. For some you this is about a fetish or your orientation for others its just shame that comes from purity culture/r@pe culture. To get rid of this is different for most, for a lot of you time and gaining more experience in life in general will help you feel more comfotable and for others you may need to take a more active role in getting rid of your conditioning. Y'all might be like me where your into our want to get into fetishgear like latex and maybe want to learn bondage but you may feel isolated in who to talk to and where to go. Getting past these anxious thoughts and actually doing your research is what's gonna help you, you might be procrastinating on this because of your own internal conflict.

2. Lord have mercy...You DO NOT want a romantic relationship or a family 😭😭 its coming through stroonnggly. I think some of y'all could be aro and don't know it. People might've told you you're cold hearted or weird for not wanting to date. For some this is toxic because you don't communicate that you don't want romance to people, which ya needa start if you don't. Yeah some of you in this group might have problems being honest either with yourself or other people. There may be pressure to fit in when there's no real harm if you don't, in this case at least. A lot of you don't believe in traditional relationships or just have no desire for romance. A lot of you are planning to be childless when you're older and if you're thinking about getting sterilized, it might be something to start thinking about seriously.

3. Oooohhh someone KNOWS fr what they want. You have this huge boundary and expectations of what you want and this couod for anything: hooking up, sex with a partner, casual dating, etc. Because of this though you might not have been in a relationship for a very long time. You're very headstrong about this and want a fair and equal relationship. I'm specifically getting a lot of femmes in this pile who are fed up with cis men. I don't have any other comments for you, you seem set in this mindset and if its working for you, great! 👍🏽

4. Me 😜 JK tbh i might be your type for some of y'all the same way I think Che Guevara is finee😩 I'm also getting hopeless romantic from this pile but ive never seen that stereotype as something positive and I feel like in this case you guys pine after people a lot but don't try to make any moves. I feel like you could have multiple crushes currently ir multiple ppl u got ur eye on but you haven't even said hi or anything to them yet. As a fellow introvert and someone who's just starting to try to make friends I get it, but it's time to get out of this mindset and just make the first move even if ppl don't like you or they don't turn out as great as you thought.

Rainbow divider @enchanthings

[saintjosie]

hi!! fanfic writing person here again :D

i've been looking at a ton of stuff and first like. damn i didn't expect me headcanoning a character as transfem to lead me down a rabbit hole where i now 1. have loads of random knowledge on transfem issues and 2. have a massive amount of respect for transfem people and understanding of the differences in experience of different trans people. wonderful actually. your stuff has been super helpful tysm

actual question! how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles? do you think that's disrespectful? because like. wearing makeup, 'feminine' clothes, that kind of thing-- functionally no bearing on someone's womanhood. but those are, to my understanding, big hallmarks of transfem experiences. i don't want to say that wearing makeup or a dress makes her suddenly feel wonderful and pretty and solves all her woes, but i also don't want to downplay the significance of that experience. ideally, how do you think those should be balanced? basically how do i make her feminine without it seeming like a certain level of femininity is required to be trans.

generally, are there any experiences you think would be helpful to know? i'm writing a lot about her (currently two fics on different effects of HRT as an adult, and two on her gender being affirmed as a teen when she had taken basically no steps in her transition) so any insight is helpful. ideally what would you want portrayed in a non-transfem author writing a trans girl? idk!

i understand that these are very big asks so once again don't feel pressured to reply-- thank you regardless! generally looking at your content as a trans woman has been super helpful so thank you so much for sharing <3 best wishes!

"how do i go about using femininity as a marker of transition without falling into gender roles?"

you cant! but why do you need to? a core part of the trans experience is experimenting with gender, stereotypical or not. so many trans fems (including myself) start off by leaning very hard into stereotypical femininity because they are things that many of us have not previously explored. and then a core part of that journey is learning that there is no right way to explore gender. i spent years leaning into being femme until i realized i was more comfortable with a little bit of fluidity and androgyny. i think the most authentic experience would be to have her explore femininity, stereotypical or not, and then eventually coming to terms with how she is a woman outside of stereotypical femininity. two experiences that i think might be a good way to introduce this concept is one, the gender affirming experience of being included as one of the girls. there's a lot of nuance to that experience that people dont necessarily consider. there is the self doubt of, oh am i really one of the girls or are they just humoring me? and also for some there is the need to feel like they need to confirm to expectations of femininity, and leaning too hard into it.

second, the experience of experiencing misogny for the first time. i specifically say misogny because a lot of trans women have face homophobia and transphobia before they experience misogyny that validates them as a woman and for many people there can be this sudden awareness of how different the world is when you move through it as a woman. there is your typical run of the mill, this guy is a dick misogny but then there is also that experience of facing internalized misogny from other women. the experience of being told by cis women how to engage with femininity because a lot of cis women haven't deconstructed that for themselves is an experience that can be particularly hurtful because it is infantilization and misogny that is also incredibly invalidating.

third, when youre talking about gender affirming experiences from pre-transition, there's a lot of nuance to those experience because while they are gender affirming, there is confliction too. for some theres the question of why do i like this? and you also have to consider that many times those experiences that happen to a person who sees themselves as a boy. there is a level of separation from the experience because they havent necessarily embraced transness yet, and if they have, theres tentativeness because being in your teens is all about forming identity.

if you can capture these experiences in your writing, then fantastic! but also these are hard to capture because often times it takes lived experience to write it with nuance. love these questions and happy to answer! good luck with your writing!

[xviistrings]

I feel like fanning some flames today.... Why do you hate N_oto (a) I'm rly curious ,':^

i would like to answer this calmly and rationally. i would really like to. but i'm going to be angry (and will use they/them for naoto)

naoto is a shit character no matter what angle you view them from. a major aspect of their story is struggling with being taken seriously in their line of work because they are both a child and female; the gender aspect is especially relevant to naoto, since the child thing is kind of just a problem that solves itself........

naoto's gender is a widely debated topic among fans. some people see them as a trans man because of naoto's desire to be viewed as a man, some see them as a cis woman because that's just the conclusion they come to at the end, some see them as a trans woman because it feels like naoto is forcing themselves to go back in the closet but they can't fight their true feelings, some see them as nonbinary because they don't want to be a woman but they also show discomfort being a man....

yeah i've heard every single argument for every single kind of different gender identity naoto could have and i've concluded that no matter what angle you look at it from, naoto is still a shit character.

this isn't to invalidate anyones headcanons, idc do what you want forever, but naoto WAS meant to be written as a cis girl. but they did such a shit job at writing them as such that believing they're otherwise is so so understandable

naoto is apparently supposed to have internalized misogyny. we never even see a hint of that like we do with everyone else. we see chie be pushy about getting the mc's opinion on yukiko because of her jealousy towards her, we see yukiko being very gloomy when she's busy with the inn, etc i don't wanna list everything it's late rn

naoto's screen time is mostly spent on them just kinda. detectiving around. that's not bad and it's a very proper introduction, it's just that.......... there are scenes where naoto hangs around the entire investigation team, including the girls. if their hatred is so internalized to the point where its affected their outward appearance, is it that much of a stretch to say that they'd also project their hatred outwards?

like. yk. being rude to the girls and not accepting their input on discussions. that would've been an interesting trait to introduce to this supposedly respectable and polite smart detective guy. and later on, when we discover the source of that behaviour, it makes a lot more sense than it just suddenly being thrust on us.

plus, it would give them a flaw for them to overcome via apologizing to the girls and attempting to engage in femininity in a healthy and positive way. it doesn't have to be that long of an arc, i know there was very little time between naoto's dungeon and the namatame stuff, but it really could have been as simple as a scene or two of naoto bonding with the girls, changes to preexisting ones (COUGH COUGH BEAUTY PAGEANT), and then their social link deals with the rest.

like. dude.

i get what they were trying to go for, honestly, but i just wish they handled it better. if a lot of persona 4's jokes weren't outlandishly sexist and at the expense of the girls, maybe i could absolutely get on board with a lovely story about a girl recovering from a life of self hatred and insecurity and learning that she doesn't need to have a stick up her ass all the time, and that she has a whole group of friends that will accept her for who she is beyond gender, beyond age, beyond any other labels and the expectations placed on her because of them. that would be really really nice if we had that.

but we do not. i don't think naoto really feels like part of the friend group most of the time. it's kind of the same problem haru has where she's introduced very late and not given nearly enough time to develop before we get right into the final arc of the story. naoto helps with the investigations, sure, but otherwise naoto doesn't really get to be in too much of the team bonding moments. maybe that's an issue that gets fixed in golden? idk? i only played vanilla

the thing that really pisses me off about naoto is not just that they're underdeveloped; i love a lot of underdeveloped characters and i like exploring their potential. it's that the main element of naoto's story is handled so clumsily that it makes me wonder what the fuck they were trying to say in the first place!!!!

naoto doesn't want to pretend to be a man anymore and they want to be a woman. so here are several scenes of them being visibly uncomfortable when experiencing womanhood. naoto doesn't want to follow any gender norms and just wants to be themselves before a label. so let's have one of the flags for their romance route be a dialogue option saying you'd only like them if they were feminine. what are you doing guys

i'm rewriting naoto in my head all the time . i've seen a billion tboy naotos but i think i can do cis girl naoto justice. and i will do it because without this naoto will just piss me off forever and ever and ever. ugh

[tanadrin]

Hey... sorry if this is too much, but im a baby trans and ive been struggling to grasp the concept what gender is, everytime i try to look for a definition i only find the vague basics like "its what you identify as!" Or i find bigoted shit from trasphobes. If you have any recommendations of essays about gender from trans people who dive deeper unto the concept it would really help. Sorry if im bothering you i just dont really know who else to ask 😅

i don't know how helpful i can be. i have a very instrumental view of transition--i.e., if you think it might make you happier than you are now, you should give it a try and see. i think a lot of pointless verbiage is spilled on trying to nail down difficult-to-elucidate questions about purely internal experiences, about the distinction between gender and sex, and about what all this gender stuff means anyway. i think that stuff can be interesting to discuss, if you like that sort of thing (and i do!) but that loading yourself up with a lot of gender theory isn't actually useful for figuring out what you should do vis a vis your gender presentation and how you identify.

for those latter questions, i think the answer is simple: what makes you happier? when you imagine a given gender presentation, or your body being different in certain ways, or people calling you by a certain name, does that sound appealing? doesn't matter why. if so, go for it! and frankly this advice is quite agnostic of whether or not you're cis or trans. people should adopt the identities that feel most conducive to their happiness. you do not need elaborate theoretical justifications for any of it. anyone who demands an elaborate theoretical justification for how you dress or what name you choose to use or anything like that is an asshole whose opinion you can safely ignore. i guarantee you they are selective in this demand, and are only using it to try to find an excuse to be a dick.

that said, you want a definition of gender, and i guess i can try.

"gender" has no definition. that's not meant to be a smart aleck answer. what i mean is: "gender" is a conceptual category. conceptual categories do not exist outside of our discourse about them. there is nowhere in the world you can go to lay your hands on A Gender. there is no Gender Particle. and while in most philosophical traditions we think of categories as having necessary and sufficient conditions for membership ("a human is an animal descended from the last common ancestor of humans and chimpanzees" might be such a taxonomic definition), conceptual categories aren't actually constructed that way. because that's not how the human brain actually works: when you're a kid learning what words mean, you don't learn "a chair is a thing with four legs you sit on." that wouldn't be accurate anyway (a horse is not a chair). you see lots of chairs and pictures of chairs and you form an image in your mind of what a chair is and when you see a thing your brain compares it to other things like it you've seen before, and if it looks like your mental model of a chair, you think, "chair."

(this is in fact how almost all definitions work in practice. even for formal scientific categories for which it seems like a traditional definition might be workable, because our terms are so specific, there are problems and corner-cases. is a HeLa cell a human? it's certainly an autonomous organism. it's certainly descended from the last common ancestor of a chimpanzee and a human being. but it's a single-celled organism that exists only in laboratory cultures, and lacks everything else we expect a human to have.)

so, uh, gender. "gender" is from the latin word "genus" meaning "kind." it is a doublet (that is, shares an etymological origin) with the words "genre" and (more distantly) "kin." obviously, a word's etymology is not its meaning. confusing the two is called the etymological fallacy. but originally when we talked about "gender" we were pretty explicitly talking about categories in general, and i think that's useful to keep in mind. incidentally, "sex" (also from Latin) has a similar etymology--it's related to "section," i.e., the creation of a category by dividing a group. though "sex" acquired something like its current meaning much earlier.

most human cultures group humans into two broad conceptual categories. this is based on a variety of traits, of which physical traits like genitals are seen as frequently foundational. some cultures explicitly create additional ancillary categories, or provide a means to move (often only partially) from one category to another. contemporarily, there has been an effort to distinguish "biological sex" (seen as what chromosomes you have, reflected by what genitals and other physical characteristics you have) from "gender" (seen as a question of social presentation).

i think this is a mistake. you might be able to spot why--biological sex is a conceptual category! most humans are xx or xy, but there is in fact a wide variety of sex-chromosomal arrangements that are possible. xx and xy are only the most common. biology is messy, and it's hard to tell how messy, because we don't routinely karyotype people. the existence of rare-but-noteworthy conditions like complete androgen insensitivity (frequently reuslting in a chromosomal "male" that is "mis"identified as and lives their whole life as a female) highlight that even within the purely biological realm, sex emerges only as two broad clusters, not as two clearly divided bins. moreover, a trans person who has been taking cross-sex hormones for many years is in a sort of willingly-imposed intersex state. so saying a trans woman is a "biological male" or a trans man is a "biological female" (especially if they have had an orchiectomy or hysterectomy and can no longer produce gametes of their respective assigned sex at birth) is sort of funny--we're privileging an (assumed) chromosomal arrangement over the biological facts on the ground. and while DNA does control a lot about how our bodies grow and develop, it can in fact be overridden! otherwise, cosmetic surgery, or hair dye, or LASIK surgery would all be exercises in futility.

"gender" is sometimes also talked about as a set of internal experiences. you "feel like" or "identify as" a particular gender. and while it's certainly plainly true for some people (both cis and trans), it seems not to be true of everybody (cis or trans), and for other people it's hard to say. not everybody has perfect access to their own feelings all the time. people get told they're lying about what they feel when that's socially inconvenient for other people. and internal states are impossible to measure or verify. they're also often pretty hard to put into words, and we mostly can access them only indirectly, by sidling up to them, or by trying to find other people whose experiences/thoughts/feelings seem to resonate with our own.

so i don't have a definition of gender for you, or an etiology, or even a very robust account. sorry! but i also think that anybody trying to tell you they do is operating from an understanding so narrow that they don't even begin to understand its limits.

[askanallo]

Hi! I don't know if this ask will make any sense, sorry if it doesn't.

I'm asexual, aromantic and agender and there is something i don't get about hetero/homosexual and romantic attraction.

Gender is a social construct and is something you feel on the inside (I'm guessing here, correct me if I'm wrong) and gender presentation is the way you present to the outside world (clothing, mannerisms, etc.). So how can you be attracted to a specific gender, what is the difference between a masc presenting man, woman or an enby. Have you ever been attracted to someone who you thought was a man, but later learned wasn't? and if so did that information change your attraction to them?

Thank you in advance! This has been in my head for a while and I needed to get it out.

Jesus, this is not an easy question. I feel like there's probably academic literature on this topic, or at least a few articles by people with Gender Studies PhDs. You might be better off looking up that stuff, as this goes quite a bit beyond the scope of one person's experiences.

I don't really know whether to put a content warning or what here? Just be aware this is a cis person talking about gender.

A closeted trans woman and a cis man look the same. I could be attracted to someone who's actually a woman without knowing, despite being heterosexual. I don't think the internal feeling people have of their gender is actually very relevant to attraction, which is a process that goes on in another person's head.

I'm also not super sure about gender presentation. My boyfriend has definitely been into me even when I had no make-up on, was completely unshaved, and was dressed head to toe in men's clothes (...that I took from his closet lmao), including boxers. About the only feminine thing on me was my semi-long hair, and I don't really style it. If it was mostly about clothes and styling, I don't think he would have liked kissing me while dressed like that.

…so what's it really about? I'm not really sure whether I can actually answer this question. I'm not sure how gender-based my attraction even is. If my boyfriend came out to me as nonbinary but looked the same, or maybe experimented with fashion a bit or something, I'd continue being attracted to him. But if he started changing his (visible/percieved) sex through hormones and surgery while still identifying as a man then, I don't know. I don't think I would be into him? But I couldn't say that with 100% certainty.

Doesn't help that I'm in a regressive society where attraction is absolutely viewed through the lens of sex and where I don't really get into contact with trans and gnc people. Everyone I've talked to and been attracted to has been cis to my knowledge, so that probably informs the way I view my attraction in more ways than I consciously know. There is very likely queer literature about these topics, and there's definitely a few Tumblr posts - I'd probably go looking there if you want more experiences. Ones with way more perspective, probably. If you are genuinely interested in this topic, you will have to continue looking if you want a conclusion. I'm sorry.

[genderkoolaid]

hey it is super cool if u don't wanna answer this bc it's a lil explicit but. i am Struggling. i want to get phallo. very much so. but i can't imagine being satisfied with phallo unless i can ejaculate. and afaik that's not possible rn, and my bottom dysphoria is really bad, and i just. advice? i don't have any issues w current phallo results besides the ejaculation thing, and i'm seriously thinking abt just going tor it but i think having an orgasm with a penis and not being able to ejaculate will make *orgasming* dysphoria-inducing for me and. well. that's not ideal. esp after what T did to my sex drive.

I think it comes down to whether or not you feel that the benefits of getting phallo would outweigh the negatives. If that potential dysphoria from orgasming feels like it would be too much for the potential euphoria/relief to balance out, then it makes sense to not get it.

I have similar dysphoria and personally, I have found that working through internalized transandrophobia related to bottom surgery, and body positivity/neutrality in relation to penises in general, has helped me a lot in accepting the limitations of phallo and not fearing potential dysphoria (or potential non-ideal sensation) a lot. I don't want to tell you "just read some stuff and you will stop wanting a natal dick", but if you really want phallo and its just this stopping you, this could be useful to try.

First of all, keeping in mind that natal penises are extremely diverse in ability has been very helpful for me. There are natal penises that also cannot ejaculate; it in no way means that phallo penises are less than natal penises. It's just how some penises work. A lot of cis men deal with the same feelings that trans men getting phallo do. There's a lot of pressure put on people who want phallo for theirs to be perfect, otherwise its proof that phallo is bad and ugly and pointless and a mistake. So phallo penises looking "off" or not getting hard naturally or not ejaculating can feel even worse because of that internalized fear that phallo dicks will always be inferior and a mistake. But phallo doesn't need to be perfect; neither do natal dicks. Getting phallo should be about making yourself happy and fulfilled, not ticking the right boxes on How Penises Need To Work To Be Valid.

I accept that it's something I'll probably always want. But I also think about how happy it would make me, and how many other people with penises still live their lives and are happy and fulfilled while also having a penis that doesn't function perfectly. Its not some scary, ominous struggle, its just a thing a lot of people deal with, and a lot of people still find happiness with. If you can learn to accept that desire and that pain, there's a lot of people who still have a lot of good sex and are happy with their bodies despite not being able to ejaculate. I can imagine myself being one of them, and that idea feels better than my current reality. So I feel that, despite the limitations that are disappointing, its worth it for me. If some really cool advancements are made in my lifetime that I can get, that's awesome! And if not, I'll still be happy with what I'm able to get.

I don't know if this will help you, anon, but I wish you the best. I know it's genuinely hard deciding what's right for you, and it sucks that phalloplasty is still stigmatized and ignored. I hope that, whatever you end up doing with your body, you are happy.

[oldmanhorseface]

I've got a very complicated relationship to womanhood as a transmasc system, and Uses of the Erotic by Audre Lorde fixed me.

It's an essay that I highly recommend discussing uses of the erotic. Though, in Lorde's definition, it isn't just sexual material. In fact, there is little focus on sex at all. Rather, it focuses on reclaiming pleasure, physical and not, for ourselves, and to embrace this as fuel to better our lives.

And in the beginning, Lorde discusses the nature of white patriachy, and how this system uses the pornographic - pleasure without feeling - to oppress. Women are viewed as as objects for the pleasure of men, who cannot have any pleasure for their own. The ideal is set at a woman who is ultimately an object, who is fully disconnected from herself and from her needs.

And she argued this is the overall goal because once you connect to the erotic - to the intimacy within yourself found in pleasures of all shapes and sizes - you can demand absolutely nothing less from all that you do. And that is extremely detrimental to white patriarchy, to have women who are dedicated to their self-fulfillment, and who demand from others to be treated in ways that suit them and not the patriarchy. (This is a terrible summary, please read the essay!)

I think very often about the concept of the cop in your head. The colonizer, the misogynist, whatever. The internalized structure of oppression you use to oppress yourself. Your expectations for yourself - what you want, who you think you should be, what future you think the world should have - are so tied to further that on such base levels, from gendering your body parts to what you even think it means to be a man or a woman. To have her call that out and to invite a framework outside of it fucking rattled my brain into being normal. Like, genuinely, I do not think I've ever felt like a man until then, specifically because like… yeah, no, my body is not a woman's body. My body is a man's body, because I am a man. The idea that it's a woman's body is what is fed to me by white patriarchy, because every barrier they can place between me and my inner peace is a method of keeping me under control.

Further, as a black transmasc - black women are generally very masculinized under white patriarchy, so much of black womanhood and black femininity becomes about reclaiming this. The first 20 years of my life were spent wrenching womanhood from white patriarchy, in learning how to find the feminine through that forced masculinization. That isn't something you can just leave. I would not know how to be a man if I had not been a woman first and the idea of these two things being opposed is, once again, the work of white patriarchy. Who does it serve to set these parts of myself at odds? To hate the woman who spent years trying to feel herself in the face of being made a non-person. Certainly not me.

I am a man, I'd like SRS, I love the way my body looks and feels on testosterone. But I also know womanhood; I know gathering together, i know finding alternative solutions, I know demanding and making waves because you're expected to be quiet. Those are just as much part of how I navigate life as they were before I started HRT.

I do not know how to view the world like a cis man because I'm not one, and I frankly don't want to be one. I only know life as an act of creation - making something for yourself in face of being marginalized. And so, too, my manhood is best expressed as an act of creation. I would never want to have been born a man, to that end, because there is so much core to me that could only be obtained from being a woman that I just wouldn't even be the same person anymore.

[cascadianights]

I also sometimes create the strawman, the rich straight white cis abled man who has everything going on & nothing wrong.

But it's a trap. That person exists, but he sure as hell isn't the majority. You're probably not going to run into him on the street, or in a Tumblr argument. The experience and power that person holds is immense, and anything said to knock them down is valid - even if it means redirecting the exact vitriole and hate, the same death threats and "you don't even deserve to be alive" shit that's been thrown at us, and calling it "progress."

If you aren't careful all it does is mutate the very valid, long-standing frustrations you hold into a way to disregard other's real struggles & any information you don't want to hear.

It's how TERFs fueled women's anger and frustration at the men who've hurt them, into anger towards all men and anyone approaching or coming from masculinity. It flattens this huge swath of experiences into one line, a man who learned his whole life the negatives of masculinity and nothing else. It doesn't provide healing for the women who were hurt, it pushes them to be more afraid and see every man as a danger regardless of the situation. It doesn't teach men how not to be dangerous, or how to recognize people teaching them to be. It alienates, everyone.

It's the way white people will internally roll their eyes at a light skinned indigenous person talking about their culture, or interrogate them to be sure they have a right to it. It's the way "white privilege" has become shorthand for "immense class power," both erasing the original targeted points the term is trying to make AND alienating the massive poor rural white population who KNOWS your full of shit saying they've had everything handed to them. It's the way states with white liberal city centers are seen as massively progressive (even if it's only 2% more of the pop that are democrats, gathered in 1% of the state) - and states that vote red every time deserve to be "cut off and sunk into the ocean."

It's the disabled people who need to feel Most Oppressed to validate the reality of their suffering, so spend hours trying to prove that mental disability and physical are separate & put their fellow disabled peers through the EXACT shaming/interrogation/judgement/"its not that bad have you just considered trying" treatment our doctors put us through. It's the way the new acceptable thing in disability spaces is to mock autistics (always portrayed as white and very low needs) for being too annoying/loud/present.

It's the way they can differentiate between a Real queer (who they agree with/can pity) versus a Fake queer (who said some shit they didn't want to hear/hasn't had the exact same lived experiences and could Never Understand). It's the way they can argue for hours about which minute aspect of identity that is only visible sometimes grants unimaginable (and Literally Unreal) safety and power, rather than focusing on the fact that none of us should need to be passing at all times to feel some level of safety.

It's a strawman! That only serves as an outlet for anger that tends to splashback on everyone around you! It has its place, and that place is not in almost every single conversation we have about difficult topics! Your morality cannot be based on finding ways to validate redistributing the violence that has been shown to you! Your political stance cannot be "only the people like me who agree with me should live!" Your MOVEMENT OF PROGRESS AND EMPATHY cannot be based on the cop you never learned to quiet in your mind!!!

We will never succeed if we ourselves are cutting our own communities to pieces.

[viridiandruid]

So I wanted to wait until after Pride to send this post, because I didn't want to bring down the feeling of celebration and solidarity that comes with June. This post is gonna have a lot of personal baggage and bleh in it that I'm sure no one wants to hear or read, but it'll be under the cut if you really feel up to it.

We all make jokes about July being Gay Wrath month. But I'd like to propose a case for making it Gay Envy. There are things I want that I'll never have, and I've gotta be okay with that. Sometimes that's just how it is.

Obviously, envy is far from something with positive connotations. But I think there are those of us out there who are a bit envious of the others in the queer community who seem to have gotten a least a little luck in some department or another. And that's what envy is, "a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else's possessions, qualities, or luck" according to Oxford Languages.

And I think it's healthy for us to acknowledge some of the concrete things that we wish had gone better in our lives.

I'm jealous of the queer folks who had supportive parents, the kind that go to pride with them and are so overwhelmed with love for queer people that they offer free hugs and surrogate status as a mother or father to those who don't have them. I wish my parents had been that type, instead of the kind that I will never come out to because I know they already hate gay and trans people on principle and part of me still feels a longing to be accepted home.

I'm envious of the queer kids I know who have loving and accepting family members that are religious, even those in Christian families. I hop onto Facebook every odd week and see Christian adults who grew up in the church praising, being thankful, and unconditionally accepting their queer child. Going to far as helping them make Coming Out announcements, buying them pride flags and helping them navigate life just like any other teenager should.

I'm jealous of the ones who got to date in middle and high school and act like every other teenager, going to school dances and even prom with someone they actually liked. I'm jealous of the ones who felt they didn't need it.

I'm envious of the queer folks who were born in the conventionally attractive category. Those who get by with abs, or a beard, or a good figure, or fall neatly into a category that receives praise instead of stuck in between a bunch of categories and thus qualifies for none of them.

I'm jealous of the queer folks who fall solidly outside of them, who easily define themselves as not having those traits. Those who are fat and unashamed, who are smooth and effeminate. Those who find their own community by the layer of otherness that comes with not being "Exactly Like" their accepted gender identity.

I'm envious of the men who are simply masculine, both cis and trans. Those who have deep voices that instantly identify them, who grow beards, and muscles, and chest hair, and broad shoulders. I wish I had some of those things, that I didn't get called "ma'am" when taking orders over a McDonald's intercom or asked if I'm trans by every passerby who has decided I "don't pass enough"

I'm jealous of the men who are certainly not. Who embrace their feminine sides and have smoothness and joy in distancing themselves from masculinity. Those who can engage in drag and not be held back by their bodies.

I'm envious of those gay and bi men who can pass as straight by virtue of their masculinity, who have the option to keep the secret if they want to, instead of being me who gets outed just by the way I talk or stand or hold myself while thinking. I enjoy the "as if you didn't know" jokes when Pride rolls around, but I wish it was a joke I didn't need.

Perhaps a lot of these are internalized homophobia that I need to work through. Or perhaps a strain of learned transphobia that I haven't quite shaken off yet. Some of them are definitely tied to my own body issues and aren't the fault of any of the categories mentioned or otherwise. They are my issues and mine alone. They need work, I'm far from perfect. But at least I can say them out loud to myself and acknowledge that I don't need to be perfect to be me.

And I guess this is a letter to the others out there too. Those of you who are envious. Who talk about body positivity and self-love but still struggle to love and accept yourselves. I see you. You're not alone. Because I'm still going through the same fight.

I keep telling myself that "after I move out I'll change something" or "after I graduate college and become more financially independent" or even "maybe I'll get to it by the time my siblings graduate and move on". I keep moving my goals posts, which is definitely a problem. There are people I've never fully admitted to about being gay, there are others who just know by the way I act, and some who saw the signs but decided that didn't change how I should be seen as a person (and I treasure them the most).

I hope everyone had a happy Pride. And I hope that if you chose to accept my pitch for Gay Envy, we have a growing experience seeing each other struggle and knowing we're not in it alone.

[honeyhotteoks]

since you mentioned knotting - in your universe, are female alphas a thing? i know you mentioned female betas so i’m just wondering how a female knot would work ig 😅

so the very short answer to this is yes there are, but the very long answer to this is that omegaverse doesn't need to live inside the cisgender and heteronormative binary, and i personally believe it functions very well outside of it.... so the logistics of your question takes more explanation.

i want to dig into this a bit more under the cut, but please know i'm speaking from my personal reading preferences here, and there are no hard and fast rules with this genre just like with gender, sex, and sexuality.

if you want to know more of my thoughts.... just click under the cut.

to start, i just want to say that i am a cisgender female, so a lot of my writing is informed by this and written from this perspective; however, i do think it's important to use gender inclusive language when talking about ideas like this, even when we're dealing with the fictional omegaverse. i'm not an expert at using gender inclusive language, so forgive me for any mistakes here, but i want to try my best to explain my thoughts in the most inclusive and thoughtful way that i can. feel free to message me if you feel like i could explain differently or better, i'm always happy to learn.

now.....

my personal preference for male presenting omegas and female presenting alphas is to use the genitalia that makes the most sense to read and write for me personally. that means that if i'm reading m/m omegaverse fic, i typically prefer reading omegas with vulvas and internal reproductive organs, regardless of their gender presentation or pronouns, and alphas with penises/external reproductive organs. for me personally this makes the most sense as a writer as well and that is informing my writing here.

a huge cornerstone of omegaverse fic is breeding kink, but further, actual impregnation kink or "pupping". i've seen some excellent writers write omegaverse where omegas have penises/external reproductive organs, but usually then they also have vulvas and internal reproductive organs OR they don't, they are engaging in anal sex, but the omega body responds to being knotted by creating a womb for pups. that's a completely fine interpretation, and i would say probably a more common one to read, but my personal preference is the former scenario when reading m/m fic.

i will say that interpretation has opened many conversations in the fic community about using gender inclusive language and the ethics around writing a person or character differently than their real life gender presentation or assumed assigned sex. those are all valid conversations to have, but for me personally i err on the side of keeping things simple from a writing perspective.

to use your question as an example, yes there are female alphas. that would be female presenting alphas with external reproductive organs and so knotting is quite the same as what you've seen so far in my fic with a male presenting alpha.

i think at the end of the day what's important is that whatever you're reading (or writing) makes sense and is comfortable for you personally just like it is for me. my experience reading omegaverse is mostly cis-het and not in any kpop fandoms, but i've also read a lot of ateez omegaverse and i think this is a good summary of my preferences and how it's potentially informed my writing.

however... what i will say, is that even in my own universe, there are still no hard rules. people are assigned female or assigned male at birth, but that isn't the sum total of male and female, just like real life. gender is fluid, and if i was writing a book on my omegaverse universe i'd tell you that there are cis and trans alphas, omegas, and betas alike, including non-binary people. their genitalia will not always match what was assigned at birth nor will their presentations and designations.

i hope this makes sense, i think especially with omegaverse because it is a subgenre and can apply to anything and any character, there's such flexibility with it. and if real life is a vast spectrum, then omegaverse should be too. there is no right or wrong, there's only good writing, so while i have my generalized preferences if the writing is good i'm open to anything and everything. i hope that you will find the same with future chapters of my fic as we explore these concepts a bit more.

tl;dr: anything is possible when you step outside the cis-het binary

[fox-daddy]

Incorrect quotes now with my MC's because nobody can stop me.

TW: swearing, mild nsfw jokes

Hunter: You know Julian, because of pregnant people the average number of skeletons inside a person is never one

Julian: what the f-

valdemar: no, let them speak

~~~

Asra: your future self is watching you through your memor-

Julian: not if I drink enough alcohol. Take that you prying creep!

~~~

Asra: for some reason people are scared of staring into the vast depths of the ocean that is actually only a few miles deep. Yet find comfort staring into the endless abyss that is the sky above us

Kyle: that's because gravity doesn't drag you into the abyss

The Magician: not yet :)

Kyle: And what the fuck does that mean?

~~~

Bluebell: someone has drunk more alcohol than anyone else in the world and they don't even know it.

Lucio: of course I know him, he's me

~~~

Asra: what is C for?

Hunter dressed up as cookie monster: C4 is a fucking explosive

Asra: No, what is, C, for?

Hunter:... C is for Cock

Asra: what's your costume?

Hunter: cookie monster

~~~

Hunter holding a gun to a mushroom: tell me- tell me the name of god you fungal piece of shit!

Mushroom: can you feel your heat burning? can you feel the struggle within? the fear within me is beyond anything your soul can make. You cannot kill me in a way that matters

Hunter cocks gun tears streaming down their face: I'M NOT FUCKING SCARED OF YOU

Julian: hey, Hunter, what the fuck does this mean?

Hunter: decay exists as an extant form of life

Julian: That's a- that's a terrifying answer, have a nice day

~~~

Hunter: I love cheating, if you don't cheat what the hell is wrong with you?

Nadia: have you ever been cheated on?

Hunter: Oh shit, I forgot some people are in relationships. To clarify I love to violate academic integrity on exams

~~~

Bluebell: top hats imply the existence of a bottom hat

Kyle: cat ears

Hunter: why would you say something so controversial yet so brave?

~~~

Kyle: how to start discourse. 'insert favorite person' is a 'insert favorite Hogwarts house'

Hunter: Julian is a power-bottom and not enough people talk about it

Kyle: I don't think that sentence starts discourse so much as ends any conversation before it even starts

~~~

Hunter: nature documentary but the narration is just weird enough to make you question it

Bluebell: Some fish can walk out of water, so remember that next time

Kyle: you might think your safe, but horses are omnivores

~~~

Hunter: standing up and blacking out for a few seconds is just transitioning from a cutscene to the actual gameplay

Julian: you need to eat some salt is what that means

~~~

Hunter: the cis are all like 'but won't children be confused' but every interaction I've ever had with a child who didn't know what to call me has gone verbatim like this

"why are you wearing a dress"

"because I can"

"Okay. Do you like animals?"

Bluebell: kids are very busy and have got much more important things to think about, such as their favorite animals

~~~

Hunter: okay, brain, don't freak out, but we've come across a minor inconvenience

Hunter's brain already dousing itself in gasoline: that's unfortunate

~~~

Kyle with ADHD, ASD and mild dyspraxia/Dislexia: I'll stop making jokes about mental illness, when mental illness stops making a joke out of me *laugh slowly turns into pained chuckle*

~~~

Kyle: isn't it crazy how depending on your mental state you can either spill a glass of water and be like 'HAHAHA OOPS CLUMBSY ME' or spill a glass or water and be like 'MY LIFE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE, I DESTORY EVERYTHING I TOUCH, NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE ME AND MY WET FUCKING FLOOR'

~~~

Kyle: It's Halloween let's do something REALLY SCARY

Hunter: we could go to bed early and be alone with our thoughts

~~~

Kyle when trying to force themselves to learn something they have no care about nor interest in;

~~~

Hunter: why do I feel terrible?

hunter's body: coffee is not a meal, eat a vegetable, sleep, PLEASE!!!

Hunter: guess I'll never know

Hunter's body screaming internally: Oh my god!!!

~~~

Kyle: checking the clock before starting something*

Kyle's ADHD: well it's 9:14 which might as well be 9:30 and that's basically 10 which is almost 11 and I have to be in bed by 11 so I don't have time to start anything

~~~

Kyle: everyone is so much taller than me, I get to be picked up so often, just whenever I want! I just have to ask and it's GREAT! Now if only I could actually see where I was going through this stupid crowd.

Portia: I will make them pay for the way I was treated. The streets will run red with the blood of those who mocked me. All shall perish before the rage of the opressed. My vengeance draws near-

[hasellia]

Happy non-binary awareness week everyone! Last night I revealed to my mother that I don't fully identify with being a man, and before I go into how that went, I wanted to type up how I got here.

I knew I was different to most kids growing up. When I wanted to play, they would go away, and when they wanted to play, I would go away. I was diagnosed with autism at a very young age, so any differences I saw between me and them were always blamed on that. “Oh, I like long hair and they don’t, must be because I’m autistic” “Oh they like athletics and I like drawing, must be because I’m autistic”. Any such difference. I’d come to learn such stereotypes of even cis neurotypicals aren’t true though. Eventually I found happiness by isolating myself, and my parents knowing that the usual parenting techniques wont work on me decided to lean into that. I had a very isolating childhood. My only friends being one other kid forced into the relationship and those constructed either in my head or by parasocial tactics by C list internet celebrities. Eventually though, I realised that I couldn’t spend my life solely living on someone else’s labour and decided to integrate into the community.

Then the pandemic happened. Then restrictions lifted. As I slowly teetered into the community, I noticed an uncommon reaction I was getting. People started confusing me for a woman. Not even necessarily mean spiritedly but genuinely caught off-guard when people close to me correct them “Actually, he’s a man.”. This was odd to me, after these interactions I noticed something else. “I’m not a fan of men, but you’re different.” “You’re not like the other men.” And such things were said constantly by my family. Even my 80 year old wannabe-nun grandmother said “Young men a such troublemakers, but you’re not like most men Hasselia. You’re something else.” Going into the community I could somewhat see what they were saying. I didn’t have the same attitude or likes as most of the ‘regular’ men I saw. But at those times, I just thought they were neurotypical. But then I realised even the neurodivergent men I’ve met were different. They didn’t feel the same need to be quiet or thoughtful as I did and just generally went about things a bit differently… But one person with autism is just one person with autism, right? Nonetheless I decided to ask someone about what they mean when they say, “you’re not like the other men.” “I dunno, you’re just different. You just move and speak and carry yourself differently. When women are around you, they seem to feel safer with you then the other men. You’re like a boy sometimes but you’re not immature. And sometimes you’re just… You. There’s no other way to describe it.” That was essentially what I was able to get out of them. I’m still perplexed by the movement and speech thing, but I realised I still hadn’t quite got enough of a reference to understand what they were saying. Eventually I met more nice men, bad men and those in-between and I realised even more how I’m just not like them. So, I started some soft research and a lot of internal searching. At first, I thought, “maybe I am a woman after all”. However, I found that those incidents of being believed to be one to be more distressing then I had hoped, so I stopped trying to see myself as one. Then I started being more strictly non-binary and… Ok not really. At the time I thought I’d be carrying the attitudes and beliefs instilled in me by my surrounding culture even if I transitioned. But now I realise I can’t quite fully separated my self from my assigned identity. I was confused on who exactly I was. A gender non-conforming man? A non-binary? Something in between? Maybe I really was a woman and I’m just had some unseen hidden internalised self-hate? What changed though was I saw a post on Tumblr about Therians / Otherkins.

The post went along the lines of “How cool is it that some people look inside themselves and see a black hole or wolf or something?” The way it was phrased just made somethings click in my head. I needed to look inside myself. And when I did, I didn’t quite see a man. I saw something resembling one, made from glass, housing diatomic white sand that hid a secret beauty until closely inspected. In an odd way, that was what I needed to really understand myself. I could call myself a man, as what was needed by society, the situation or just how I felt at the time. But I know that isn’t just what I am, both as a person, in society as well as in myself. And I’m not JUST gender-nonconforming, there’s more to it than that, something I still can’t quite explain. Some people look inside themselves and just see something else or a man, or a woman irrespective of their biology or assigned gender. I’m still not sure what exactly to call my degree of gender, all of this is still rather new to me and I don’t really have someone to hold my hand. Part of me feels like an uncertain fraud, because of my social isolation I never really had to deal with any dysphoria or confrontations about my presentation until recently. Some people go their whole lives struggling to define themselves, but I at least had a convenient excuse with autism. Even my birth name, although it's though it's masculine I've never met anyone else with the same name so it feels like it was almost made just for me. As an AMAB my identity may not be the most flashy or hyper-radical but they’re mine. I’m fully happy to call myself a man, non-binary and a non-binary man. My name is Hasselia, my pronouns are he/they and I'm a non binary man.

[multigenderswag]

not exactly an ask asking something about being multigender, just sharing my experiences

i have told this in one of my posts but being agenderfluid (that is, for me, being fluid between masculinity, femininity, neutrality, and abinarity and/or agenderness) is... such a weird experience, not gonna lie. like, i'm still in the closet, so people still see me as a "cis woman" (presenting femininely did not help) and i'm still having "cis passing privilege" (UGHHHH i'm sorry i've said that, i don't know how to describe this, it's very confusing), whatever that means, so all my queer experience is like, living vicariously from reading people's experiences with transmultiphobia; that means like, i'm thinking "i can only imagine what it's like if i came out"

and somewhere along the line i'm like "...hold up, all this time i'm kinda forcing myself to be JUST ONE GENDER ONLY PLEASE and somehow i'm kinda repulsed with the term multigender and genderfluid... doesn't that mean i'm experiencing transmultiphobia also???" LIKE, my gender is literally Everything and Nothing, All At Once, and i felt like my gender is an endless journey in space, like a hellish immortality of questioning. which can be saved by just... embracing the genderfluid label??? like, for this i'm so happy (even though quietly) when people talk about transmultiphobia, when people start talking about multigender experiences, like before that i almost always felt the NEED (yes, in caps because it's that bad) to be JUST ONE GENDER, AND ALWAYS LIKE THAT

now, i think i want to expand the conversation about transmultiphobia just a bit. like i said, i don't just have Multiple Genders, i am also having No Gender, and it does influence my genderfluidity to such degree that sometimes, i cannot relate to many genderfluid and/or multigender, static or not, experiences of gender. i really, really, REALLY want to talk about it, to find a community of people that is simultaneously multigender AND non gendered, or even fluid about it. we are a very unique and almost unheard of intersection of genderhood, and i think it's time for us to be SEEN

All asks are good asks!

I definitely understand experiencing oppression vicariously- that's how I felt when I first started learning about transandrophobia, because I was semi-out as genderqueer but not as masculine, but I still read other people's experiences and went "yep, that's what I would face if I came out." And then it helped me realize the transandrophobia that I'd internalized that was stopping me from accepting myself as transmasc, yknow? So I'm glad the conversation around transmultiphobia has helped you in that way :)

And thank you for your contribution to the conversation on transmultiphobia! For having multiple genders but also no genders, you might want to look into ambonec communities (however small, I'm not 100% sure how common the label is). I've also definitely seen some people post about being multigender with agender as one of those genders (genderkoolaid is the only one I can remember off the top of my head), so you can look for other people like that who you can relate to.

If any of my followers have a similar experience of being multigender as well as genderless, feel free to add on!