#you people like the ugliest men alive

[proheromidoriyashouto]

Jaskier who is losing his eye sight because someone cursed him to stop eyeing their wife and ope guess he can’t see anybody now, and wants a sight hound but he kept putting it off because acknowledging it would make it real but he’s reached the point of no return and for all that he is a rising star at Oxenfurt University he is from a rich family, naive, and easy to trick so a mage sells him a straight up barghest they bred like noble ladies breed lapdogs except this is a chaos beast. a post-conjunction freak. a vaguely dog shaped crime against nature.

and it LOVES Jaskier. just LOVES all the smooches and scritches from this man who does not smell of fear or intent to harm. LOVES roasted mutton bone dinner treats for being a “good girl”. LOVES snuggling with a guy who can’t tell its not a hairless dog but actually A Problem For City Living. and all it has to do is keep the hand that feeds it happy, by doing tasks, and safe, mostly from himself.

it is smarter than any actual dog due to mage intervention in its domestication so it understands this trade off is pretty sweet. cats have got this “adopt a two-leg idiot thing” right.

and the University keeps trying to hire Witchers to deal with it, but they have to meet Jaskier, and Jaskier LOVES his big cuddly dog and LOVES the idea of Big Strong Monster Hunters coming to talk. and the Witchers are just like “That’s a monster, young man.“ and Jaskier says, “She’s my puppy and I have enough money to make you go away.”

and the Witchers initially think this is a threat, but Jaskier just writes them a bank note for REDONKULOUS amounts of coin to fuck off and let me live please and since it hasn’t hurt anyone or even growled at the Witchers themselves and with Witchers being so dirt fucking poor most of them just fuck right off and live it up a little bit, only noting in their journals to keep an ear out for this kid in the future with no idea how that’s going to come to pass

some Witchers even try the old come-back-in-a-different-get-up-trick to try and get more money off this clearly rich sucker, but Jaskier remembers the sound of their voices and, as fascinated by Witchers as he is, brings up things they’ve told him and is just generally a good host and kind person to them so they feel bad trying to scam the blind kid and leave before having an existential crisis about it

until the Wolves hear about it. and they have too much moral backbone to just let it go. this college idiot may think that throwing around his family money is enough to get his way but they are going to disabuse him of this notion before people start dying or the beast begins spreading its’ affliction to actual dogs.

they send Geralt. which is a mistake. because he agrees to allow Jaskier to come with him to find and identify the mage that sold him the barghest and just leads to twenty years of shenaniganry because they. can. not. find. this snakeoil sales man.

except Jaskier thinks he’s just been traveling with his two very best friends in the whole wide world, writing songs depicting Witchers as heroes and the best of men, being guided by a post-Conjunction monster the entire time.

it isn’t until someone points out the obvious solution of trying to cure Jaskier’s curse instead, rendering the need for a sight hound moot to begin with, that things begin to fall to pieces.

Jaskier begins to feel like he’s losing Geralt. wonders if Geralt ever saw him as the friend that Jaskier felt they had become or if he’s just been a contract the Witcher has humored the entire time. which is not helped by the events of the King Niedamir’s Mountain.

and then someone commits the cardinal sin of pointing out that Jaskier’s “Seeing Eye Dog“ has no eyes itself. it’s been “seeing” for him and his non-functioning eyes out of its non-existent eyes for their entire acquaintance.

Jaskier remains in complete denial about it even after being granted his sight again. “Her eyes are just closed. You wouldn’t get it, she’s pedigree, Geralt. Of course she doesn’t resemble any mutt off the street. She has papers.”

[abri-chan]

plastic surgeons when "there is nothing wrong with her ethnic nose. she's an absolutely beautiful lady"

then send her home chief

[andragoras-in-vanity]

my head hurts, im bleeding still (more so than before i called ny clinic), im so stressed i want to cry cause i have no support and so much to do and all i want is my person cause everyone is in christmas mode and i cant handle this time of year alone again

[kitkatscabinet]

Don't feed him he'll come back (3)

Simon riley x neighbour reader

summary: The ghost that lives in your apartment block is a solitary man, people tend to stay out of his way, giving him a wide berth. You can't help but think he seems a little bit lonely, cue pestering him with bad jokes and food.

word count: 2.7k

warnings: making out, alcohol consumption.

Part 1 here, Part 2 here.

You start the next day riding the high of the previous night. You feel ridiculous, you’ve had relationships before, had been in love before, but the butterflies that stir in your gut whenever you so much as think of Simon put anything you’ve ever felt to shame.

It’s a little pathetic, you haven’t even kissed him. Not to mention you’ve no idea how he even feels about you. Simon’s an incredibly difficult man to read, where you wore your heart on your sleeve, Simon kept his cards incredibly close to his chest. You knew he at least held some affection for you, otherwise he’d never tolerate you dragging him from his apartment into yours. Something that feels dangerously like hope swells in your chest when you remember how tenderly he’d tucked you in and you desperately tried to stamp it out.   

Casting your mind back, you attempt to pinpoint exactly where along the path you’d fallen so thoroughly and irrevocably in love with the mysterious neighbour that scared the shit out of so many tenants. Was it when you’d first seen his face? 

No that wasn’t it, although, Simon was one of the most stunning men you’d ever seen. You’d been speechless when he’d revealed his face, something you’d been teased for relentlessly, his cocky smirk appearing in the subject of your dreams. 

It had to have been before that though, because even if Simon was the ugliest man alive, you’d still love him. 

Perhaps it had been when he’d first sat down across from you at the small kitchen counter, large bulk and dark clothing incredibly out of place against the backdrop of your colourful and plushie-filled apartment. It was the first time you’d ever seen him nervous, or rather the first time you could tell he was. But for all that he initially seemed out of place, seeing him in the sanctity of your home made your heart sing with affection. 

(Though a part of you acknowledges that your heart has belonged to Simon Riley from the moment he laughed at one of your stupid jokes, it just took a while for your brain to catch up to what your heart already knew.)

You’d never meant to fall in love with the neighbour who’d reeked of loneliness, loneliness that you’d unfortunately recognised and silently vowed to do your best to alleviate. You’d never intended for your feelings to bloom and grow into a garden that now centred around Simon Riley.  

But they had. They had and no matter what you did you knew they weren’t likely to be stomped out any time soon. 

Knocking on his door that night you try to douse the disappointment that fills you when he doesn’t answer. It wasn’t often that Simon was called away so abruptly that he didn’t even have time to let you know but it still happened occasionally. Sending him a swift text you wish him a safe deployment and sign it off with a new joke you think he’d appreciate. 

The days pass much the same. You wake, think about Simon, send him a text and continue about your day. Although you're used to the radio silence it’s like the acknowledgement of your feelings makes the worry and restlessness ten times worse. 

When the three-month mark hits with no indication that Simon has even seen your texts, your worry starts to turn into an all-encompassing panic. More than once you’d been so distracted that you’d made a mistake at work, earning the concern of your coworkers and friends as you were unusually out of it. 

You want to reassure him but you can’t even reassure yourself. What if he was dead? Would you ever even find out? You weren’t family, there would be no obligation to let you, a random stranger, know. Is this how you were doomed to spend the rest of your life, wondering what had happened to your beloved Simon?

Another two months pass and you’re nothing short of a nervous wreck, your dreams and waking thoughts filled with awful scenarios of Simon being tortured, dying or dead. You can’t sleep, can’t even bring yourself to cook, because it reminds you so painfully of him. 

The perpetual state of simply not knowing starts to become too much to bear and you’re on the brink of doing something truly desperate when you run into your landlord. You’re on good terms but he’d not exactly someone you’d ever gone out of your way to speak to. Now, however, you were practically tripping over yourself to catch his attention, not even bothering with small talk. “Have you heard anything from Simon?”

The man’s confusion is palpable and it takes a few minutes of stilted and baffled conversation before he discerns who you’re asking after. “Ah, the man with the mask,” he gestured towards his face, “he terminated his lease a few weeks ago, odd really, still had half a year left.” The conversation may have continued for a little longer but you didn’t hear, your responses filtering through on autopilot. 

The soft material of your quilt against the bare skin of your arms, signifying your return to the safety of your bed, is what finally snaps you from your dazed stupor. All of the frantic worry, concern, fear morphing into an apoplectic level of sheer fury. Because Simon was apparently fine. Not only was he fucking fine, he was doing the one thing you’d never thought him possible of, ignoring you. 

He was fucking ghosting you. 

They say there are five stages of grief. You’ve completely skipped over denial and are stuck on anger, bargaining and acceptance won’t happen and you refuse to let yourself be depressed. Thus, anger it is, and boy is there months of pent-up rage. 

Work becomes central to your life, the only thing stopping you from completely crashing and burning, Icarus falling from grace, punishment for falling too hard and too fast for what was unattainable. 

You work yourself to the bone just so you can sleep at night without the visage of brown eyes and soft ashy curls infringing on the corners of your consciousness. It’s not sustainable, you know it, your friends know it and your boss knows it. You must look destroyed too because you don’t think your boss has ever encouraged someone to take a break in her entire history working for the company. 

It only takes one day of rest before the anger-fueled agitation thrumming through your veins has you pacing relentlessly, your nails are chewed down to stubs and you think you may actually hurt someone if you don’t do something. It’s a bit of a Hail Mary, you know, but you still let out a scream of irritation when none of your friends are free to get blind on a weekday for an impromptu night out. Still, it’s a minor setback and one that your agitation-fueled self won’t be put off by. 

Your room is a mess, clothes strewn out all over your bed and floor as you try to find the sluttiest thing you own. Bingbong meows discontentedly as you shove him off a pile of your tops and you simply scowl at the little fat fuck that usually brought you so much joy. However, you do give him goodbye kisses when you finally amble out of your front door and call an Uber.

To your dismay, the man driving you is chatty, even when you give short, terse answers that could not be more clearly a screaming invitation to leave you the fuck alone. He throws you hungry looks in the rearview mirror that makes you want to pull your skin off. You may have dressed to get attention but not from this kind of creep. The car barely rolls to a stop before you jump out, booking it double time to get yourself double parked with some drinks. 

You’ve sequestered yourself at the edge of the bar counter, away from the crowd but still close enough to call for drinks on demand. It’s about five drinks in, sculled far too fast for you to keep up properly when you sense a man slide into the seat next to you. Dark hair, blue eyes, devilish grin and when he opens his mouth a delicious Scottish accent flows out. The complete opposite of Simon. 

Perfect. 

“Buy you a drink?” You were never one to turn down free drinks, especially not from handsome men, not even when your heart still screamed for Simon. Firmly pushing down all thoughts of puppy brown eyes you flash your own version of a flirty smirk, turning to face the man so your knees brush his. 

The conversation flows so naturally that for those few moments suspended in time, you really do forget about Simon. It’s clear that both of you are simply searching for some carnal relief and that knowledge helps you to release your last few inhibitions. Just when you contemplate sliding off the stool and leading him away to a dark corner to have your way he slips up and mentions his team. 

“Team?” You croak, a mixture of disbelief and dread building. 

“Aye, me taskforce. Am in the military.” He must see the way the corners of your mouth are now downturned, your left eye twitching slightly as your mind once again flits toward the blond man who had stolen and then shattered your heart. “Bad experience with a military lad?” There’s no hostility in his tone, just genuine intrigue and you allow yourself to relax once more, focusing intently on his baby blues. 

“Two actually” you snort exasperatedly, chest panging a little at the thought of your deceased brother. Swallowing, you regained your nerve, stepping between his spread legs and loosely swung your arms around his neck. “Best not make it a third yeah?” you whispered against his lips, liquid confidence flowing in your veins after far too many cocktails. 

A moan reverberates in your chest, caught by Johnny’s, he’d told you to call him Johnny, tongue as his warm hands pulled you to sit on one of his thighs. The muscled flesh grinding upwards and causing you to yelp, your hands grabbing onto his shoulders to stabilise yourself. Somewhere the logical part of your mind, the part dulled dangerously by spirits, is screaming that you’re still very much in public but the heartbroken and horny part wins out as you continue to make out with the Scottish stranger built like a god. 

His mouth attaches itself to your neck and your eyelids flutter shut as your hands move to tangle in his hair, tugging harshly to ground yourself from the onslaught of sensations Johnny’s providing your pent-up body with. 

Just as one of his palms slips below your shirt you’re suddenly being ripped off the man with a surprising gentleness that you don’t have much time to ponder on before you’re shrieking as you watch Johnny get punched in the jaw. 

The alcohol has thoroughly distorted your vision and the dim lighting doesn’t help but the fire in your veins is doused with icy despair as you quickly recognise the large bulk of the man who’d just laid out poor Johnny. The tattoos covering his arm and that goddamn skull mask were simply unmistakable. 

“Simon!” Your shrill voice is joined by Johnny’s own pained and confused groan as all three of you struggle to assess what’s just happened. 

“Wait, Johnny?” Simon sounded equally as confused, though his chest was still heaving in… anger?

“You know each other?” You cross your arms defensively, drunk brain trying to catch up on the turn of events. You refuse to look at Simon, instead staring at Johnny as he pulls himself up and you wait for an explanation. 

“Teammates” Johnny spits out a little blood and you can’t help the somewhat hysterical laugh that bubbles forth. 

Teammates. 

What were the fucking odds? Of all the attractive men and women frequenting this specific bar you almost shack up with one of Simon’s presumably closest friends. The evil vindictive part of you screams to go through with it anyway, though given Johnny’s sudden wariness and dawning horror as he connects some sort of mental dots you doubt that would be happening. 

Huffing, you turned from the two men and gathered your belongings as quickly as possible, hoping to make a hasty escape in the confusion. Hoping to escape before Simon could see you cry. 

Whatever deities existed seemingly weren’t on board with your plans and your attempt to skirt around Simon is instantly thwarted as he firmly but gently grabs your bicep. 

“Let me go,” you curse the way your voice wavers traitorously even through gritted teeth and you wince when you realise you can’t even bring yourself to say your name. Simon remains silent and if anything his grip even tightens a little, as if he were afraid you would slip through his fingers into nothingness. Incredibly audacious of him considering what he’d put you through these last few months. 

“Simon lad, I’m sorry, I dinnae ken they were-” Simon cuts off Johnny’s apology with a wave and curt nod that’s very clearly dismissive. Johnny, the traitorous bastard that he is, simply smiles, bids you farewell and then leaves you to deal with the brute that broke your heart. 

Stubbornly you refuse to face him, even when his gruff voice begs you multiple times. Evidently, Simon gets tired of your refusal and forces your eyes to focus on his with a forceful, guiding hand on your chin. Equal parts dismay, arousal and anger wage war in your body at the action and you bite the inside of your cheek so hard you taste the metallic rust of blood. 

The silence is damning and though his grip loosens it remains cupping your chin and sliding up to caress your cheek. He’s wearing that stupid skull balaclava and as such you can only see his eyes. Those godforsaken pools of weariness and tenderness that threaten to pull you in until you drown in them. His thumb gently caresses your lip, still swollen from Johnny’s machinations and you force yourself to speak, to display your hurt before he somehow worms his way back into your good graces. 

“What? What could you possibly want from me Simon? Haven’t you done enough?” There’s a vulnerability, a defeatedness in your voice that you hadn't meant to let slip but the man catches it, you know he does. Because though you hate to admit it, at this point, even after months apart, you think Simon might know you better than you know yourself. 

“I’m sorry.” It’s a pathetic notion and when he doesn’t elaborate it causes you to finally wrench away. You barely make it over the threshold of the exit when suddenly Simon is there once more, crowding into your space with the desperation of a man starved. His arms wrap around you like a vice, trapping your back against his chest. 

“Please.” His voice is a hoarse whisper carried away by the wind, just for your ears. “Please, I know I fucked up, please just let me explain.” His body shakes a little against you and you stand there in the cool night air fighting an internal battle. Simon Riley hurt you. 

Hurt you far greater than any man or woman had ever managed. 

And yet. And yet. 

You still loved him so much it burned. 

“Ok.” Your voice is croaky, reedlike and thin as your mouth moves without your brain’s permission. 

“Ok?” Simon’s head darts up from where it had been resting against you, voice watery and full of childlike hope that you find yourself nodding. 

“Ok. But you only get one chance.” Simon all but goes boneless against you, apologies and thanks spilling past his lips like wildfire but you interrupt him before he could go too far. “Not here, my apartment,” you don’t particularly want him in your space, but you can’t do this in public either, “until then just… don’t speak.” Your voice cracks towards the end but neither of you acknowledges it, standing in strained silence as you wait for your ride home. 

Simon’s eyes burn holes in the side of your head but once again you refuse to look at him, staring out the window into the darkness of the cityscape as you try to mentally prepare for what’s about to come.

Tags: @innercollectivecomputer @cooliofango @pertinentpostmortem @ghostslillady @domaniquessidehoe2 @ilovehyperfixating @pauphs @skotchi @bunnyreaper @tokusho @ohworm-writes @penismonkey @daisychainsinknots @taman-a @guess-whos-now-a-mood @leclercdream @justarandommom @iwannabealocalcryptid @dd122004dd @actuallyhiswife @alexisv15 @perfectus-in-morte @waves-against-a-cliff @fog-sama @juvenillia

[uhadoreable]

This is a multiple part story (IE, I don’t want to write it all tonight 🩷), rating varies from stories, if no rating is available it’s just generic.

Ghost x Soap

TW: soaps an idiot, I made Ghost worse, I also yapped ( Idk which one is worse)

Dog Bleeding Goodness (1)

It’s stupid to search for a good man in this world. You would’ve had an easier time trying to search for a cure for cancer than ever expecting good men to come around.

Most people weren’t stupid enough to make the mistake of trusting, of believing a sick man when he stretched his hand out and offered safety. Offered a beautifully built illusion of safety, of love, of happiness. Of utter bullshit.

Luckily for the accursed men that floated on their rotten boats and shrunken wrecks, there was still people stupid enough to believe blindly.

Like Soap.

Soap, despite his very realistic skill as a SAS operator and a bloody haphazard explosive expert, was beautifully blind. In his eyes, the sinners were victims, brought on by cursed promises cut out of the rocks of hell. Bad people were as good as saintly people, and dead dogs were only good dogs. Puppies gone too soon.

Pretty things like him with nice full eyes that didn’t flinch when a knife got too close to the sharp junction of his neck were what people fiend for. Like drug addicts, like addicts hooked on a pimp’s black tar, they were the sinner’s amelioration. A chance at a heaven they would never reap if not for the temporary promise of this life.

————————————————————————

Soap was like almost any other SAS member, spent his days being barked at and ordered around by brass, cleaned his weapons until they were spotless and his improperly wired brain was left with nothing to twiddle his fingers with.

Expect where other men were rotted inwards by the cruelness of time, had their youth stolen away by a man in the dark, Soap retained it. With that youthful beauty, his bronze skin, and that bloody horrendously attractive mohawk. He wore the skin of youth and danced around with it on his tongue. The way he spoke, mocking and cruel, like words of a higher and more professional manner were nothing more than a brain rotting puzzle to him.

With his youth, and occasionally easy to describe dimness, he attracted a certain kind of man.

Noticeably one more rotted away by the withers of time.

Ever since Soap’s painfully bushy and demanding personality stormed into the hangers of the task force, he had fiend after the attention of a dog too sick to be dead and too cruel to be alive.

The praise that dog would occasionally growl at him, telling him any other man could do something as simple as that but that he did it sufficient enough that he wasn’t unimpressed.

And whether that praise be worthy of his high standards or not, he accepted it, like a man starved of something simple yet something vital. A man who had lost and lost and lost, until finally it was found and had no clue what to do with himself next. That praise was his missing part, softened his head and made him all sweet.

Or as sweet as a bloody explosive man like Soap could get.

Standards were low. He was special forces for a reason.

And that hound dog of a freak was none other than his lieutenant. He was unlikable to say the least, but so was any other man within the higher regards of the SAS. Special forces wore down a person’s personality until all you were left with what was frankly the ugliest thing manageable to have been formed.

And that man was cruel, if there were ever proof good men were dead, then it was Ghost.

Ghost watched Soap, watched him when he trained, when he worked, when he sat in the helicopter waiting for departure.

He watched him, let his eyes follow him like trained snipers followed their enemy. Watched until any other man would be confident that Soap had holes upon his back from his lieutenant stare. And even then, he watched more.

At first he wasn’t sure what he was looking for, unsure that he was even looking for anything. Days and months had passed since Soap forced an opening on the team with rather unforgiving need, and yet, Ghost still hadn’t been sure why he stared. Why he ached and ached until he laid his eyes on the man.

Ghost knew Soap was pretty, even a blind man knew that, but it wasn’t just the beauty that radiated from Soap that damned Ghost to watching.

Maybe it was how young he was, how his youth was something Ghost hadn’t tasted in almost 20 whole years himself. Maybe it was how egotistical Soap was, the eagerness to break him and move him down a peg. Or maybe it was because he was a good man, and good men didn’t last long in a world as cruel and ugly as this.

Maybe it was because that heart still beat inside Soap’s chest, maybe it was because it riddled Ghost with feverish jealousy. A want, no need, no, desire.

————————————————————————

The sun was hot, the brass sure loved to send the 141 out when the weather was enough to burn a new crater or when there was enough snow to convince a stupid man he lived in the polar north.

This was the unnaturally hot days.

The 141 had been forcibly held up in a safe house, meant to wait out until some enemies naturally migrated away.

It was stuffy, hardly a way to live very long. And most men took it upon themselves to strip off the shirts and limit their pants to just jeans. Commando was better than creating a new lake inspired by the ungodly ounces of sweat poured from their bodies.

Soap was no different, sporting just jeans and that’s it. His hips hugging themselves tight by jeans too small to be practical, his bare chest visible, and his well defined muscles ached across his body. To say he looked attractive was to say that the world owed the poor an apology.

It was true, but it wasn’t hard to be truthful, and so it was a painful understatement.

Ghost, as usual, took his perch, sitting on a busted up sofa that matched the otherwise destroyed aesthetic of the safe house.

His sharp eyes watching, watching as Soap rough housed with the other soldiers. Watched as he wrestled and drank a couple beers with them. Watched as his small walls were lowered even further as the limited alcohol coursed through blood stream. With all the watching, Ghost knew it wasn’t enough to get him drunk, but it was enough that he could pick up on the subtle signs of Soap and his wish that the booze did get him plastered.

Yet, despite how every other man within the safe house noticed, Soap never did notice Ghost staring at him.

Or maybe he didn’t want to, like a fearful puppy he kept looking away, scared he’d lose the limited attention and be left alone.

It did things to Ghost, sent an awful shiver down his spine as he watched Soap pretend, pretend until all his fantasies intertwined into delusion, it was the kind of shiver that almost drew our lines of bile.

“Soap.”

The lieutenant finally called, his voice gruff and unwavering, though to be fair he didn’t know what he was calling the sergeant for.

In fact the last thing he remembered was his chapped lips pursed up together and his eyes wandering down south. He wasn’t thinking to speak, wasn’t planning it, but maybe those pathetic baby blues did something to his cognitive strength, his mental endurance.

“Don’t drink yourself a fool.”

[theship-thewalrus]

Hi!! I’m new to the GOT fandom and I’m in love with Brienne!! I saw that you’re taking requests so may I please request a Brienne x reader where reader is a princess and they meet because readers father requested Brienne’s help training their knights. Reader is known to have many suitors, but she just instantly has a crush on Brienne and at first she thinks it’s a joke when reader confesses? This is way too specific, I tend to over explain stuff (￣^￣) I’m sorry and also thank you!

Hi anon!! I loved your request and totally don't mind how specific it is :) I really hope it lives up to what you imagined <3

brienne of tarth x female!princess!reader

basically what the ask is :)

word count: 1028 words reading time: about 5 minutes warnings: mentions self-doubt

Many suitors over the years have tried to gain your favour, in the hope to marry into your family's riches and power. But none of them ever caught your attention, none of them stood out amongst the others. Over the years they have all meshed into a single person, all acting the same, saying the same, offering the same. But now as you look down at the training knights there is a new person amongst them. A large woman who seemed to tower over all the other men. She held a certain powerful arura that you could feel from even where you stood. You found yourself intrigued by her, watching as she confidently instructs the knights and fights against them.

Over time you leant her name was Brienne, someone your father requested to arrive here to help train the knights. For a few days, you simply watched her from afar. Taking great notice of how her body moved so easily despite wearing such heavy armour and holding a heavy weapon. The other knights she sparred with would barely land a hit on her, she was easily deflecting their attacks before disarming them.

Soon enough you built up the courage to approach her, ask for her name and begin a conversation with her. At first, Brienne seemed very uptight, only truly calling you by your title and constantly bowing. Though it annoyed you slightly you found it endearing, watching her quickly straighten up when you arrive and bow as you passed. Although over time she happened to loosen up, it felt like you were now talking to a friend rather than a knight.

Your crush on the tall woman only grew more vibrant with time. A few times you had been caught by other people staring at her longingly. Each time your face would flush a deep red and you would quickly leave, not before swearing them to secrecy. However, what you failed to notice was how Brienne often sort you out, looking amongst the crowds to see if you were there. If she knew you were watching she would fight a little harder, a bit flashier in the hopes to impress you. It filled her heart with pride to watch you run up to her after a session of training, to tell her how well you thought she did. Though she knew no one in the seven kingdoms who loved her, deeming herself the ugliest woman alive. Certainly not beautiful enough to even think of courting a princess.

The day you gathered your courage to confess your love to her, was like any other. Brienne trained the knights as usual and you watched, as usual, cheering her own as she sparred. Afterwards, you crossed the muddy training ground with a smile on your face as you came to stop in front of Brienne. Despite her being a bit tired, a large smile appeared on her face at the sight of you. "Good afternoon, my lady," she says bowing slightly though her eyes never leave your own. "Afternoon Brienne, how was training today?" Even though you have watched most of the training and knew how it had gone, you never failed to ask. "Good as usual, my lady. The knights are steadily improving." Nodding you begin to walk past her, turning back for a moment to speak, "Walk with me Brienne."

You lead her towards a more quiet location, the nerves in your body have spiked as your thoughts were slowly becoming a reality. The pair of you walked in silence until you were sure you were far enough away from everyone before stopping. Turning to face Brienne with a small smile before speaking. "There is something I wanted to ask you Brienne. Something I have been wanting to for a while..." you paused for a moment, taking a deep breath in to gather your courage. "I have liked you for a while now Brienne. I think you were the most stunning woman in all the seven Kingdoms... I was hoping we could possibly be... a couple." The last part of your words was shaky but still held the same conviction and love as the rest of your words.

Silence engulfed the pair of you for a few moments, you could hear your heartbeat in your ears, your nerves on a frenzy as you wait for her response. Brienne stares at you dumbfounded, trying to process the words that can come out of your mouth. Memories of her youth flood her mind as she thinks back to the balls her father held. How she was a big joke, the most hideous woman in the entire kingdoms. This must be a similar thing, a simple joke because you were bored, playing with her heart as a pass time. Someone as beautiful and kind as you could not love her in any sense.

"Do not joke with me, my lady, please do not joke about this." Brienne's words began to break slightly, as she tried to keep her emotions in check. Her eyes cast down to the ground, ensuring you could not see the pain in her eyes. "I am not joking! Brienne, I love you, I love you more than I have anyone before." Moving forward you grabbed her hands, holding them tightly as though she could feel your truth. "Please, Brienne believe me," your voice was soft as you let go of one of her hands before placing it under her chin. Lifting her head up to look at you, wanting her to see the truth in your eyes.

Once again you were both quiet just looking at each other, Brienne was trying to find any slither of dealt to prove her thoughts right. But she found nothing of the sort, only love and compassion in your eyes. "You truly believe I am the most beautiful woman?" Her voice was meek, as though she was waiting for you to take it back and laugh at her. But you didn't, only smiling softly at her and nodding"Of course. Someone would be a fool to not think the same. Is this a yes, to be my partner?"

"Yes, yes, a hundred times yes." The pair of you embrace, signalling the beginning of a new chapter in both of your lives.

[capypub]

Without Warning - Mafia!Joel Miller Scene 14

Mafia!Joel Miller x OFC

Rating: M (little smut, little violence, little gore, all happy endings though)

Summary: Joel takes care of his biggest problem and then starts a new chapter in his life.

AN: Epilogue anyone??

Masterlist

(This gif has nothing to do with the chapter, I just really love his expression lmao)

The door to the garage burst open late the following evening. There was enough yelling and noise to bring Indi out of the living space that Joel had converted into a library of sorts. She recognized the voices, most familiar to her now after living with Joel for this long. Going through the kitchen, she found drops of blood leading from the garage to the basement door. It was slightly ajar and she could faintly hear what sounded like chains rattling and struggling. 

Joel had tried to keep her out of the “David job” as much as possible besides his show of power at the Bison. He left that afternoon with promises to be back soon, instructing her not to leave the house. Tommy came up the stairs, startling her as she lingered by the open door. He had a few streaks of grime on him, some blood on his shirt, but seemed to have no injuries of his own.

“Hey there, darlin’,” he greeted her, approaching her like one might approach a skittish animal.

“How, um…how’d it go?”

He shoved his hands in his pocket, closing the door and blocking it with his body. “Good. We got ‘m.” 

“Oh…good.” 

She didn’t know why she was being so awkward. At the same time, Tommy also seemed to be walking on eggshells with her. He shifted his weight from foot to foot anxiously, watching her closely. 

“Is Joel…um,” she nodded towards the door.

He seemed to hesitate. “Uh, yeah, he’s-he’s downstairs.” 

A sudden gunshot startled them both. It was followed by a loud cry, a man’s cry. They made eye contact. She glanced at the doorknob, Tommy subtly shaking his head, already seeing the cogs turning in her brain.

“I shou-.”

He grabbed the doorknob with one hand, her outreached wrist in the other. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, sweetheart. You really shouldn’t be down there right now, it’s ‘bout to get real ugly,” he tried to warn her, his eyes pleading that she turn around and go upstairs. 

Another cry from downstairs. “Tommy, I have to know,” she tried to insist. 

“I don’t think you should see Joel like this,” he said quickly, getting her to pause.

“Like what?” she questioned, but accepted his knowing look with one of her own. 

Another scream of anguish. 

“I love him, Tommy, whatever’s going on down there is part of him and I can handle it,” she said. 

He stared at her for a long minute, slightly flinching at another scream echoing up the stairs. It’s not that she couldn’t handle it, it’s that he didn’t want her to have to handle it. Tommy internally battled with himself. It was the ugliest side to this job, hurting people, and she didn’t need that on her conscience like the rest of them. Ultimately, he let her go and stepped aside with a sigh, knowing he couldn’t control her. 

“Thank you,” she said quietly, slowly opening the door and making her way downstairs, leaving Tommy to shut it behind her.

The scene at the bottom of the staircase was darker than she could even imagine. Blood was splattered all over the floor. Joel’s main team of men lingering on the edges of the room, hands behind their back as they all stared at the scene in the middle. 

“You fuckin’ think I wouldn’t come for you after what you did you piece of shit,” Joel snarled, crouched over David who looked half-alive.

He was tied to a chair, covered in blood and sweat, missing teeth and fingernails, it seemed. It looked like he also had a gunshot wound through his knee. She had to swallow some of the nausea down from the smell alone, heavy iron, metal and piss. Joel looked much calmer than he sounded, jacket discarded on a chair nearby with the sleeves of his shirt bunched up around his elbow. 

“Where should we start, huh, David?” he asked, now eerily calm as he dragged a blade across the other man’s bloody face, “Should I skin you ‘live or castrate you first?” he questioned, the other man starting to jerk and grunt in an attempt to get free. 

“Boss,” Eric said from across the room, nodding to Indi when Joel looked up. 

He must not have heard her coming down the stairs. His expression changed as he stood straight, dropping the knife on the ground as he approached her. He didn’t touch her, hands covered in blood and gunshot residue.

“Go upstairs, baby, I’ll be done soon,” he said, using his much larger body to block the horrific scene.

“I want to stay,” she insisted softly, looking captivated by the smears of blood and the cuts on his face. 

“No. Go upstairs.” 

“Please,” she said, grabbing his arm, unbothered by the sweat coating his skin, “I need to see you do it,” she added, her voice quivering. 

He stared down at her for a long time, conflicted about her request. She always thought he was joking when he’d say he could never deny her, but it was true. If she wanted to burn the world down, he’d light the flame. If she wanted to watch her kidnapper die, who was he to refuse whatever fucked up sort of closure she would eventually call this. 

“Fine,” he muttered. “I’ll even give you a front row seat, baby girl,” he added, taking her hand and leading her to the chair where his jacket was lying, allowing her to sit by the table of his tools with the thick coat wrapped around her. 

David made a noise from where he was tied, spitting blood onto the ground at Joel’s feet. Joel’s demeanor shifted again when his attention returned to the man who had hurt his love. 

“Come to watch the show, gorgeous?” he gurgled around a mouthful of blood, eyes unfocussed as he rolled his head in her direction.

“You don’t fuckin’ look at her,” Joel snapped, yanking the man’s head back by his hair. 

And watch the show she did. She sat in silence as Joel did awful things to her captor, breaking bones, pulling more teeth and fingernails,  prodding him with various tools, it was terrifying, it was disgusting, it was…thrilling. 

She knew she should probably talk to someone about the reaction she was having to her boyfriend absolutely destroying a man in the slowest and most painful ways for her. She shouldn’t be feeling some of the things she was feeling, specifically the pride, the fascination, the lust, but she couldn’t help it. 

When it was done and there was barely a dead body left, she took Joel upstairs and ravished him like an animal in the shower, the blood and grime of today’s events dripping down both of them under the hot stream.

“You’re somethin’ else, darlin’,” Joel said with a  tired smile and a shake of his head after she’d explained her sudden burst of primal desire to him, both utterly spent and sexually satisifed. 

“You love it.”

“Hell yeah I do,” he agreed, pulling her close, all soft touches and gentle kisses after they’d washed away the last of their problem. 

“You know you’ve ruined any other future man for me, right?” she asked, swinging her legs over to sit on his lap, lightly scratching down his chest. “You’ve set the bar impossibly high, Joel Miller.”

“Ain’t gonna be ‘nother man, sweetheart,” he said, closing his eyes, relaxing from her touch.

“Yeah?”

“You’re mine forever, baby girl,” he growled, his tone laced with just enough possessiveness to have her squirming.

“Sounds like you’re making a proposal,” she joked, rocking back into his lap, addicted to how right it felt to have his half-hard cock rubbing her covered clit. 

“That what you want, baby?” he asked, one large hand gripping her hip and guiding her movements, “Want a ring on that finger? Be my little wife?” 

She moaned softly at his words, her movements increasing. “Y-yeah.”

He hummed, the rumble vibrating in his chest under her fingertips. “I’ll get you a ring, baby, biggest fuckin’ diamond I can find if that’s what you want,” he grunted, thrusting up suddenly, feeling her nails sink into his abdomen as she tried to maintain balance. 

“Fuck, Joel,” she whined. 

He turned them over, pinning her to the bed and grinding into her panties, hearing her breathy pleas in his ear. They moved quickly this time, both desperate for a final release. Joel’s thrusts were hard once they discarded their clothes, his grip on her body even rougher as he grunted against her neck. 

She was moaning so sweetly in his ear, panting and telling him how good he felt, how good he fucked her. Those words had his eyes rolling into the back of his head, so perfectly sweet and erotic. 

“You wanna come, baby? Gonna make a mess on my cock?” he asked, one hand on her throat, but not squeezing.

“Y-yes, ah, please, Joel, I’m…so close,” she cried, her body practically vibrating with the tension of her oncoming release.

“Come on then, baby, be my good girl and come all over me,” he growled.

Her fluttering walls triggered his own climax almost immediately after, his release shot across her stomach and thighs. He whispered soft praises as he cleaned his spend off her, leaving soft kisses along her cheek and forehead. He made sure they both drank water before settling down to actually go to sleep this time. She was already passed out by the time he switched his bedside light off, pulling her close as they laid on their sides. 

When she woke up the next day, there was a box sitting on her bedside table, small and a dark blue velvet shade. Joel came out from the bathroom, wiping excess shaving cream off his neck with a towel. 

“Good morning, beautiful,” he greeted her, sitting on her bedside, taking the box and holding it in his giant hands. 

“Joel?” she questioned, “What is that?”

He smiled, rolling the box between his hands before finally opening it. “This is me askin’ you to marry me,” he said, slipping down onto one knee.

“Joel,” she gasped softly, a million questions running through her mind in a matter of ten seconds. 

“Be my girl forever, darlin’?” he asked, his stomach in knots as he waited, her expression hard to read past the obvious surprise. 

“Yeah…yes, yes, of course,” she said finally, smiling brightly as he stood up with only a faint knee pop before crawling over her. 

“Yeah?” he asked, kissing up her neck.

“Yes, Joel!,” she nodded, her hands wandering his back and shoulders.

“Fuck,” he groaned, inhaling her scent, “I love you.”

“I love you too…will you let me show you how much?” she murmured against his mouth, grinning slyly.

“You know I can’t say no to you…”

Epilogue

[sabo-has-my-heart]

My Siren Song

Damn it two part anon, you’ve done it again! I kid, I kid, I love your ideas! I get so lost in them that I can’t help but keep writing. So here’s part 1.

Part 2: Sing For You Forever

“2. Pirate!Ace x Mermaid!Reader. Legends say that mermaids are capable of seducing pirates by singing. Ace did not believe that, until he was seduced by reader's voice and got himself head over heels. Nsfw, nsfw, nsfw please, only if you are comfortable. Reader is just a mermaid that loves spending time alone singing to herself under the moon, but she accidentally lures up a pirate, lol. Reader likes hearing stories of Ace's adventures and he likes to listen to her singing and dancing under the moonlight.”

Warnings: mermaid!Reader, 

Word Count: 1880

     There were always so many rumors surrounding merfolk. The men have teeth sharper than a shark’s. Even the ugliest mermaid is more beautiful than an average woman. They can swim faster than any ship on earth. Their scales glow under the moonlight. The males are the strongest creatures alive…. A mermaid’s song can seduce even the strongest willed men, a rumor spoken in hushed, stern tones. Not just a rumor, but a warning. Ace never believed the rumors though. Merfolk hadn’t been seen in ages, many wondered if they even still existed or had ever truly existed at all. Still, the tales and rumors persisted, as if to warn people of a danger that could strike at any moment. It always made Ace roll his eyes. He’d sailed these seas for years and had yet to run into anything even close to a merfolk. Not even a single scale or lock of hair. Did he think they existed? Sure, most sailors did; but at this point they must be hiding so deep in the ocean that no one would ever see one. 

     Leaning against the railing of the ship, Ace sighed. It was another boring night, but he couldn’t sleep so he’d decided to take watch. At least this way, he could stare out at the shimmering waters, the moon’s shimmering light reflected off the surface of the water. A sound hit his ears, one that wasn’t from the waves crashing against the ship, but something different. Like the barest hint of a song. Moving to the bow of the ship, he stared out into the waters, trying to catch more. The further the ship sailed, the louder the singing became. It made his heart pound as he stared out, no longer staring at the waters, but searching, searching for something. His trance was broken as the singing stopped, his head swiveling around, looking for the source of the music. With his heart pounding like this, he had to find it! Glancing back towards the doors that lead below the ship, he bit his lip. He couldn’t put the others in danger, but he had to find the voice and fast! Spotting a cove, his eyes lit up, it must have come from there! The young man had never moved so fast, grabbing his things and a crate of food, he dumped the items into one of the row boats, dropping it into the cold waters below. He had to find where the singing was coming from!

     The ship was well into the distance by the time Ace reached the shores of the cove, but he didn’t care, the singing had started again, luring him closer. Once more in a trance, he drug his boat ashore. They were close, the person singing was so, so close. Brushing some foliage aside, his heart stopped. Sitting on the beach, the waves lapping at a shimmering tail, was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. A sweet melody, like nothing he’d ever heard before, left her lips, her chest rising and falling with every note. He didn’t know how long he stood there just staring at her, how long he just listened to her music, but his heart pounded as he watched her sing. And just like that, he knew he’d do anything for her. Whatever she asked, he would do for her. The warnings that he’d been told were the furthest thing from his mind, all that mattered was the beautiful woman and her singing.

     Face tilted towards the sky, the moon glowing down on you, you let your singing fill the air. It had taken you quite some time to find this place. Other merfolk spoke of the dangers of humans. Violent, horrible creatures who would do anything to capture a mermaid, forcing her to sing for them. While you’d never actually met any humans, you didn’t want to take any chances of being found by one. Few ever sailed close to this cove, particularly at night, not when there were safer routes, making it perfect for your late night trips to the surface. You loved the moon, there was something so magical about it, something so alluring. Sitting on the beach every night, facing the moon as each careful note left your throat. So entranced you were with your singing and the moon, that you didn’t notice the rustling of leaves or the sound of sand shifting under his feet, not until the sand next to you shifted, drawing your attention to the young human male sitting beside you. Looking at him in fear, you immediately stopped singing, trying to scramble away from him.

     “Wait! Please! Don’t stop! Don’t leave!” the man pleaded, reaching a hand out for you, a desperate look in his eyes as he sat on his knees, arm outstretched. The both of you stared at each other, neither of you sure what to say. You were scared; a human, one of the violent, evil creatures, yet he looked at you with such despair, eyes pleading with you to stay. The seconds ticked by, neither of you moving as you stared at each other, his arm still outstretched for you, his other hand buried in the sand, propping him up as you leaned away from him. Lips quivering in fear, you slowly started singing again, the notes coming out in shaking, fearful tones as you both continued staring at each other.

     Your nervous, frightened singing made his heart break; you were terrified. You were terrified of him. He never wanted to be the reason for your fear, for your pain. Ever so slowly, so as to not scare you further, he pulled his hand back, backing up further and further until you were well out of his reach. It made his heart ache to be so far from you, to know that you could jump into the sea and leave him at any moment; that at any second he could lose you, lose you and never see you again. But he didn’t want you to fear him, didn’t want you to see him as something you should fear. So he’d stay back, he’d stay back if it meant you would keep singing. Your voice slowly stopped shaking as he backed away, you could escape him, he was far enough away that you could easily slip back into the waters and get away from him. Yet something stopped you, something kept you where you were, your mouth still open, the melodious sound still filling the air. While his eyes still looked on in despair, he didn’t move. The yearning in every fiber of his being was evident, shaking with the desire to be closer to you, yet holding himself back if you would just stay, if you would just keep singing. It was hesitant, but you slowly inched closer. He’d moved away for you, moved away despite how badly he wanted to be near you, just so you wouldn’t run. 

     Ace’s body trembled, yet not with need or longing, but with adoration and desire. You were so close, just within reach, still watching him warily, but so close he could touch you. The glare of the sun snapped you both out of your thoughts, turning towards the rising orb of light. A splash drew him back to you, panicked as you saw you swimming back out into the waters.

     “PLEASE! Please don’t leave! Come back!” Ace pleaded once more, on his hands and knees as he scrambled towards you, the foamy ocean waters soaking into his pants and rolling over his hand.

     “Tonight.” you said simply before diving beneath the waves, tail shimmering in the sunlight before disappearing. Once more, his body trembled, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes, yet he clung to your last word, his only hope, his only lifeline. Tonight. 

     It was well past dark, Ace sitting in the sand, staring hopefully, longingly into the waters as he waited for you. His heart leapt in joy when he saw you surface, bobbing in the water as you swam closer. He didn’t move though, he didn’t want to scare you again. It wasn’t until you were sitting on the beach, tentatively beckoning him towards you that he allowed himself to move, shaking with excitement. Like every night, you turned your head skyward and began to sing, it was softer this time. Most nights your voice carried out across the entire cove, but today it was as if you sang just for him, your voice softer as if to make sure that only he could hear you. 

     Night after night, you visited him, always sitting there singing. No words were exchanged at first, just your voice blessing his soul, sending him tumbling deeper and deeper into the realms of adoration and infatuation. He’d set up a little camp at the edge of the beach, a simple hut but it contained everything he needed. Even once his food ran out, he found the island teaming with life and sustenance. You’d begun coming earlier and staying later, even if you weren’t singing at the time, you stayed. He’d fallen asleep one night to your songs, waking up to find his head on your scaly lap and your fingers in his hair. He’d thought he’d died for a moment. Because such a thing could only happen in heaven, bliss like this could only be found in the graceful arms just past the golden gates. You’d giggled when he’d asked if he was dead. The sound was just as beautiful as your singing to him. Soon you weren’t just coming at night, you would arrive in the afternoon, sing for him for hours and fall asleep on the beach until the early morning, returning to the sea for a few hours before once more surfacing that afternoon. Days, weeks, months, they no longer had any meaning to him, all that mattered was that you came to him each day. 

     He didn’t know how long it was until you began actually talking with him instead of sharing a comfortable silence, asking him to tell you stories of what he’d seen, if humans were truly as cruel as you’d heard. The two of you laughed as you exchanged rumors of the other, some true, some ridiculously false. Laying on the beach once more, he held you close, your head resting on his chest as you both just enjoyed the company and embrace of the other. Neither of you had said it yet, neither of you had dared speak it aloud yet, but you were falling for each other. Not just desire or attraction, but head over… tail in love. In the few hours when you’d once more dip into the depths, you would swim in excited, exuberant circles. Gone just long enough to eat and fetch some things before returning to him. Most of your things had been moved to the depths of the cove. Out of reach of humans, but still close enough to be within easy reach. Your friends still didn’t know about Ace, they’d only lecture you if they did, but you didn’t care. You knew him better than they did, he wasn’t violent or horrible. He was kind and sweet. You had both become the center of each other’s worlds.

[butchviking]

i have no weird comments to make but all i know is ur not alone. i joined a group chat of local women bc i lost touch with my friends when i moved cities a couple of months ago and all. they talk about. is men. all of their boyfriends and their celebrity crushes and the men they think are the ugliest people alive look the same to me. how do you even engage with that as a lesbian? i'd hate to sound negative, and steering the conversation away from men doesn't work, so i just don't contribute anymore. even when you talk about women, straights will humour you for a little bit but you can tell they think it's kind of gross. then there's the classic straight woman "do you fancy me?" paradox and if you say no, they're insulted, and if you were ever to say yes, they'd be disgusted. it's incredibly isolating! tl;dr i feel you and we should make a better gc

so sorry my love i forgot 2 reply 2 this until i got another ask notif just now 😓 but yeah i feel u 100%.. i hang out with straight women they comment on dudes around us. we discuss movies they tell me how good so-and-so looked. they show me their boyfriends or guys they're seeing and im like 'yeah that sure is um. some guy.' and i dont think most of them would mind if i were joining in in my own way by commenting on women but i don't tend to do that anyway bc i still feel like a creep and a misogynist if i so much as look at an attractive woman, let alone comment on her appearance to strangers. funnily enough all i fucking talk about is men anyway but no-one in the regular everyday world wants to talk about THOSE men 😞 nd with people who DO want to talk bout those men often its 'i need gerards ankles on my shoulders NOW i ahve got to get her pregnant' like um ok. i think he looks like a little cherub or perhaps a small kernel of corn so i think we are on different wavelengths here. perhaps i do not belong in this conversation. i just want 2 b part of the fun :(

i hope u find local lesbians & perhaps bi women 2 make friends with and start a new local gc. gc for groupchat and for girls club. no boy talk allowed 🚫🙅‍♂️🚫

[donttalkaboutmemes]

The Hunchback of Notre Dame (1996) Sentence Meme

Under the cut you will find 120+ sentences from the 1996 version of The Hunchback of Notre Dame to use for your enjoyment!    

CW: Use of the g word referring to Roma people

1.      “Listen, they’re beautiful, no? So many colors of sounds, so many changing moods. But you know, they don’t ring all by themselves.”

2.      “Up there high, high in the bell tower lives the mysterious bell ringer.”

3.      “It is a tale. A tale of a man and a monster.”

4.      “Sanctuary! Please give us sanctuary!”

5.      “This is an unholy demon. I’m sending it back to hell where it belongs!”

6.      “Care for the child. Raise it as your own.”

7.      “Will today be the day? Are you ready to fly?”

8.      “If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it.”

9.      “Nobody wants to stay cooped up here forever.”

10.   “That’s what you get for sleeping with your mouth open.”

11.   “What’s going on out there? A fight? A flogging?”

12.   “It is a treat to watch the colorful pageantry of the simple peasant folk.”

13.   “Aren’t you going to watch the festival with us?”

14.   “If twenty years of listening to you two hasn’t made him sick by now, nothing will.”

15.   “What good is watching the party if you never get to go near it?”

16.   “He’s not made of stone, like us.”

17.   “I’d never fit in down there. I’m not…normal.”

18.   “Do you mind? I would like to have a moment with the boy if that’s all right with you!”

19.   “As your friends and guardians, we insist you attend the festival.”

20.   “Take it from an old spectator. Life’s not a spectator sport. If watching’s all you’re gonna do, then you’re gonna watch your life go by without you.”

21.   “When he say’s you’re forbidden from ever leaving the bell tower, does he mean ever ever?”

22.   “Better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission.”

23.   “When your heartless mother abandoned you as a child, anyone else would have drowned you. And this is my thanks for taking you in and raising you as my son?”

24.   “You don’t know what it’s like out there. I do.”

25.   “You leave town for a couple of decades and they change everything.”

26.   “You’d know a lot about stealing!”

27.   “Maybe a day in the stocks will cool you down.”

28.   “Ease up. Wait between lashes. Otherwise the older sting will dull him to the new.”

29.   “I expect nothing but the best from a war hero of your caliber.”

30.   “I’m sure you’ll whip my men into shape.”

31.   “It will take a firm hand to save the weak-minded from being so easily misled.”

32.   “Their heathen ways inflame the people’s lowest instincts. They must be stopped.”

33.   “The real war is what you see before you.”

34.   “Look at that disgusting display.”

35.   “You all remember last years king?”

36.   “We asked for the ugliest face in Paris, and here he is!”

37.   “You think he’s ugly now? Watch this.”

38.   “A lesson needs to be learned here.”

39.   “You mistreat this poor boy the same way you mistreat my people. You speak of justice, yet you are cruel to those most in need of your help.”

40.   “Mark my words. You will pay for this insolence.”

41.   “It appears we’ve crowned the wrong fool. The only fool I see is you.”

42.   “Witchcraft!”

43.   “What a woman!”

44.   “Find her! I want her alive!”

45.   “I’m sorry, master. I will never disobey you again.”

46.   “Just calm down. Just give me a chance to apologize.”

47.   “Watch it. You’re in a church.”

48.   “Are you always this charming or am I just lucky?”

49.   “Candlelight, privacy, music. Can’t think of a better place for hand-to-hand combat.”

50.   “You fight almost as well as a man.”

51.   “Funny. I was going to say the same thing about you.”

52.   “That’s hitting a little below the belt, don’t you think?”

53.   “You’re not at all like the other soldiers.”

54.   “Claim sanctuary.”

55.   “You think you’ve outwitted me, but I am a patient man.”

56.   “Gypsies don’t do well inside stone walls.”

57.   “I was just imagining a rope around that beautiful neck.”

58.   “Such a clever witch. So typical of your kind to twist the truth to cloud the mind with unholy thoughts.”

59.   “You’ve chosen a magnificent prison, but it is a prison nonetheless.”

60.   “What do they have against people who are different, anyway?”

61.   “You can’t right all the wrongs in this world by yourself.”

62.   “Haven’t you caused enough trouble already?”

63.   “Wait! I want to talk to you!”

64.   “Look! He’s got a friend with him!”

65.   “Maybe today wasn’t a total loss after all.”

66.   “Here you are. I was afraid I’d lost you.”

67.   “I’m really sorry about this afternoon. I had no idea who you were.”

68.   “This is beautiful. If I could do this, you wouldn’t find me dancing in the streets for coins.”

69.   “You’re a surprising person.”

70.   “I bet the king himself doesn’t have a view like this! I could stay up here forever.”

71.   “How could such a cruel man have raised someone like you?”

72.   “He saved my life. He took me in when no one else would.”

73.   “I am a monster, you know.”

74.   “You look at me. Do you think I’m evil?”

75.   “You helped me. Now, I will help you.”

76.   “There’s no way out. There’s soldiers at every door.”

77.   “The trick is not to look down.”

78.   “I’ll never forget you.”

79.   “I’m never going back out there again. You saw what happened to me today.”

80.   “If you ever need sanctuary, this will show you the way.”

81.   “When you wear this woven band, you hold the city in your hand.”

82.   “I didn’t mean to trap her here, but it was the only way to save her life. Will you tell her that?”

83.   “The nerve of him! Snooping around here trying to steal your girl!”

84.   “I appreciate what you’re all trying to do, but let’s not fool ourselves.”

85.   “I’ll find her. I’ll find her if I have to burn down all of Paris!”

86.   “Our home is always open to the weary traveler. Have mercy, my lord.”

87.   “If what you say is true, you are innocent and you have nothing to fear.”

88.   “Burn it until it smolders. These people are traitors and must be made examples of.”

89.   “With all due respect, I was not trained to murder the innocent.”

90.   “The sentence for insubordination is death.”

91.   “Such a pity. You threw away a promising career.”

92.   “Consider it my highest honor.”

93.   “Don’t waste your time. Let the traitor rot in his watery grave.”

94.   “Find the girl! If you have to burn the city to the ground, so be it!”

95.   “When things cool off, she’ll be back. You’ll see.”

96.   “She likes you. We always said you were the cute one.”

97.   “I thought I was the cute one.”

98.   “Knights in shining armor certainly aren’t her type.”

99.   “Those guys are a dime a dozen. But you? You’re one of a kind.”

100. “You’ve done so much for me already, my friend, but I must ask your help one more time.”

101. “He can’t go on much longer. I knew he’d be safe here. Please, can you hide him?”

102.  “You’ll hide here until you’re strong enough to move.”

103.  “You’re either the single bravest soldier I’ve ever seen, or the craziest.”

104.   “Why is it whenever we meet, I end up bleeding?”

105.   “Promise you won’t let anything happen to him.”

106.   “You idiot! That wasn’t kindness, it was cunning!”

107.   “What chance could a poor misshapen child like you have against her heathen treachery?”

108.   “I will free you from her evil spell. She will torment you no longer.”

109.   “She stood up for you. You’ve got a funny way of showing gratitude.”

110.   “What am I supposed to do? Go out there and rescue the girl from the jaws of death and the whole town will cheer like I’m some sort of her?”

111.    “She already has her knight in shining armor, and it’s not me.”

112.    “I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for her.”

113.   “Cheerful place. Kinda makes you wish you got out more often, eh?”

114.  “You’re very clever to have found our hideaway. Unfortunately, you won’t live to tell the tale.”

115.   “Gather around everybody! There’s great noose tonight!”

116.   “Any last words? That’s what they all say.”

117.   “You took a terrible risk coming here. It may not exactly show, but we’re grateful.”

118.    “I always knew you would someday be of use to me.”

119.    “Another miracle no doubt. I shall remedy that.”

120.   “You stand upon the brink of the abyss. Yet even now, it is not too late.”

121.   “I can save you from the flames of this world and the next. Choose me or the fire.”

122.   “After all, we’re only made of stone.”

123.  “Have you gone mad? I will not tolerate this assault on the house of God!”

124.  “It was my duty, horrible as it was. I hope you can forgive me.”

125.  “The time has come to end your suffering.”

126.  “All my life you have told me the world is a dark, cruel place. But now I see that the only thing dark and cruel about it is people like you!”

127.   “And He shall smite the wicked and plunge them into the fiery pit!”

[fkyumerica]

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/-WowH0liGfE does she herd

facts about dalmations, oh my god get her to leave

did boy george/amber have the ugliest fucking wife inners and outers

he said it

is her whole body utters for him wtf

marilyn manson officially fucking did it

electrocuted us to steal mcdonalds

and enter in to fuck with his mom and elderly to steal all their money

and the worlds

henry ford is caught

went with 8 girls

then

he was 15

"new town panties"

dont let him surf

started skate boarding to knock out all their teeth

stupid right didnt know i did it

and to them i knocked out all their teeth, now first person they see they will attack and already dead haha i steal your wife

he is his own dad

and fucks his mom

to calm her down to leave

and gets her fat again

family orgies, smells like old people

and the old look is it too mom take off your wig

it will save you, now i wear it and hit old people

sky scraper

The Ride of the Rohirrim live in concert - The Return of the king Barcelona

jo just goes in there and shoots everyone

he pierced my ears and did my hair

that guy isnt the kurgan

he is heartless-kurgan

i dont care

do it

he wants gay old monster orcs to live

im not gonna let them live

each shit came on the ground

gum dots?

really

them?

i ride each of their horses to kill them after

cant run

anddd

we fuck her too

other side

drugs poltergeist cant get up

spirits hold them down

andd

what

they shit on me to give me armor

chariot

those guys were with gandolf the whole time

they burnt giant dads

tried to make their sons gay

i went in the castle and shot men off them

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P9JR5-ZecCQ he locked us out of our trailers to smash them in half

he always tried to kill alden

showed up as the guitarist once for ac/dc

and i dunno he likes metallica gay right i'll leave him there

i'll let it happen too old ones rape him

pointed at that group instead and move them forward, burnt

but its anyone wild anyways

he would just lie

that guy would get attacked evveryday

the neighbor

it might be clifford

ow ow ow in trailer park boys

did they break my tooth of because of them

probably, small

wheres the dinosaur

what present are they taking and using already

to attaack

and kill, her instead

so we got a dinosaur win a fight

kill her too, say it twice they will send more again

From the shitposting community on Reddit: How to give a kid PTSD

jimhoslovat, meant here are some to mate too and mate your offspring too then they get it they say it

every fkng day i had to kill those people

there it is got that woman oregnant and 5 girls, kidnapped him, she's with him

body bag

kevin/mike/tony was his fake name then he was anthony tscolas and anthony hernandez

and what girls too posted it on my blog

and the video of the apartments they lived in

got two women

let him in when they were asleep

kids need a home stay the night then it happened, she already mated with their dad and hey two women they were stupid it was their wives

of their dads and they were old

looks like her

thanks for the video

what a hooker

points with his thumb hey come oveeer here

and was jeffery's dad

mike's

and

josh's

yea i can stick it in there

judge book

every morning

the website

conquer all

and the boy lives just to be a hooker GET ME OUTTA HERE

I can live there because I saw a car go from here to there and I know its my family living next to me

Shes dead? We’re gonna fuck her  to him to be alive CRAZY GREAT  BREEDING LOVe then him then him then him then him

Their moms got  boys since, Spanish didn’t have a boat to save them, France stole it for it, gay love

Only this group would know the answer to their family feud, that is the show, then they say it after

I FUCKING HATE THAT BITCH IM GONNA GO INSIDE AND FUCK HER, grandma is down the street

And why, cause shes got a gross cunt go fuck him he will clean it

Half English half irish I get it, and wait in the sky scraper for old people after, after she lives in it too wtf sit I n the lobby tired I got 4 houses, fred durst. Now he wont be mad at me walked over there he fucked deedee or wtf is not fucking her I got a trend black tshirt right no hats no we’re you, surprise your family with a pregnancy they wont care

I think he told it to that other boy or he was fucking her after, goes for that

I think you did chris, for them to go at me

Scottish army then she got a wedding too, make him look bigger or show up, pregnant by two boys and one guy, Barolo, wedding singer, anyones shit (son)

The wedding singer, fred durst after, or elvis from the wedding, gotta look at a egg nest after and see if I cry, no I left her too, old ladies kissing him he can come back and her mom ripped her face off now we got three in an army keep making them scream after then walk them up to other womens privates and talk to those women from the front we do it gay

mary sue had marilyn manson(switches charles manson in the court room so her son gets out it was keep switching one in to escape prison and a court trial fake judge throw it out what note)when she slept with that older man, same one

[sushigal007]

Ugh, sorry this took so long, I wrote half of this and then Tumblr ate it. So! Over to the Ramaswami’s, where Priya is demonstrating why Tumblr needs a NSFW toggle.

Don’t ask where she’s hiding that mobile phone.

Secret Sue: Just so you know, we do have a dress code, and that dress code is clothes.

Anyway, here’s Rani! Probably.

Adequate parenting? In MY game?

Well... sometimes.

Clyde: This, by the way, is why I end up becoming the evil twin.

And here’s Sanjay, thrilled about snow. Sanjay: It’s so cool! Getting the dad jokes in early, I see.

Matthew: Please invite me in before my chain mail rusts.

Competent Nanny - The Legend Continues!

Matthew: But can she powder this ass!?

Marissa: Eggs though?

Sanjay: I could sleep. So do it, I’m not stopping you.

Sanjay: You’re sure as shit not helping me.

That’s not a bed.

That’s also... hmm... Sanjay and Priya:

Oh, OK, seems I can’t interact with the bed, oops! I’ll just do a lil force error aaaaand...

Success!

Nanny: How do you suck so badly at this, Matt?

Ballet!

Hi Lazlo! Lazlo: HACK HACK COUGH COUGH. Bye Lazlo!

Priya: I mean, the great thing about a Victoria Sponge is that it uses basic ingredients and doesn’t cost much. Who wants to waste £40 and a whole day whipping up a mad trifle though?

Clyde grows up! He’s a fancy little guy!

And it’s straight on the pot.

Rani next!

Priya: I AM NOT HAVING A GOOD TIME!

Nothing a little TV time with Mary-Sue can’t fix.

Or, y’know, that works too.

So nice to see that parenthood hasn’t affected their love life.

Even though it’s trying really hard.

Baby goes on floor?

Baby goes on floor.

Sanjay: Can you not flush the toilet when I’m showering!? Priya: Maybe you should not shower when I’m using the toilet?

Nanny: Who needs outerwear when there’s men this hot out?

Toddler training!

Toddler trained!

Is there some reason you decided to grill sausages in the snow? Sanjay: It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Nanny: Peek a boo!

And then more toddler training.

Clyde: That’s right, give me the good shit.

Speaking of... Sanjay: You disgust me.

Priya: Wanna take a break from childcare and make out? Sanjay: Absolutely!

Sanjay: *motorboats*

Then back to childcare.

Decided it was about time I gave the nanny a nice, comfy makeover. Carmen: Maybe next you can try remembering my name. I’ll give it a go!

Well that was a fucking waste of time, wasn’t it.

Oh, in case you were wondering, Clyde really wasn’t joking about being the evil twin.

Jesus Christ, Clyde.

He does have his adorable moments though. Clyde: GET DOWN HERE SO I CAN EAT YOU.

Townie: Ugliest man alive. Sanjay: I don’t have to take this from a townie with glitch-tone hair.

Today I learned Sims can hold toddlers while they learn charisma!

More of this.

Priya: Ew, disgusting. Time to clean.

Once again, that was a fucking waste of time, wasn’t it.

Clyde: Bitch.

Priya: Nope nope nope I already cleaned that toilet twice.

Clyde: You were done with that, right? Rani: No!

Clyde: Wow, that’s too bad, ‘cause it’s mine now.

Rani: BETRAYAL!

Sanjay: Damn, did she throw up in here too? Quite possibly.

But before we have to deal with any new babies, let’s deal with the old ones.

First to grow up is Clyde. Clyde: I wish Matthew was my dad.

Nope.

Natasha: But is it art?

And then it’s Rani’s turn.

I’m just... going to ignore that. They’re getting new clothes anyway.

Sanjay: Hey, cutie.

Heather: True love. You’re at his kid’s birthday- Heather: TRUE. LOVE.

Anyway, here’s Clyde with clothes. For some reason, he looks permanently exhausted. Clyde: Evil is a full time job. Yeah OK shut up, Megamind.

And here’s Rani. She also looks knackered. Rani: It’s hard work being the good one.

Clyde: *torment*torment*torment* Rani: For example, I have to put up with this bullshit.

There’s always time for ponies though.

This would be a cute family picture if half of these people weren’t random gatecrashing strangers.

Pop!

So now Priya’s showing, I let her relax at home while Sanjay took the twins to the park.

Clyde: I’m in space, maaaan!

Rani: Tee hee.

And then Sanjay abandons his children to go gambling. Sanjay: Hey, could be worse, this could be that strip poker table you have. True!

The twins rolled a want for playground equipment and now Rani lives there.

Ah, now this is a nice family bonding picture.

And I couldn’t not post a nice, family dinner, could I?

Another pop!

But for now we’ll leave Priya and Sanjay literally necking. Sanjay: Honestly, I have zero complaints about the height mod, I’m exactly where I want to be.

Uberhood Index

[greensaplinggrace]

What Is There To Celebrate About the Darkling? (Part 4)

1 2 3 4

He’s calculating but impulsive. Gentle yet firm. Stubborn and adaptive. Just a real mess of contradictions that makes him all the more interesting.

He loves nature. He loves the forest.

Fond of luxuries and nice things. After growing up as he did, I think he deserves them.

Very socially awkward. Introvert just trying his best. Anything that isn’t manipulation and therefore something he’s planned in his head is just a social train wreck waiting to happen.

The way he pushes up Alina’s sleeve when they first meet. This man had zero compunctions about acting completely unprofessionally in front of his soldiers and I think that’s very sexy of him.

He’s constantly tired and exasperated with the people around him.

The way he says “quiet” with the softest voice imaginable and a room full of laughter instantly goes silent.

He had no interest in Elizaveta even though she was utterly obsessed with him and I think that’s hilarious.

Elizaveta: I have a plan to resurrect the Darkling Everybody Else: Oh the Darkling is so evil for trying to come back! The Darkling, who just wants a nap and is sick of this mortal bullshit: Why am I even here? This is such a pain in the ass. I should have killed Elizaveta when I had the chance.

How he asks if Alina “will have” his name like a man proposing.

Has his bedroom attached to the war room.

Constantly checking up on Alina just to know how she’s doing. Never pushing her beyond her limits as she’s training.

Very creative with his shadows and the extent of their abilities. So many of the ways he uses his powers are genius.

His ending in RoW is a tragedy and an injustice. He deserves better.

This old man pouting at Alina in episode seven as he says “please, I just want to talk to you 🥺”

There is a black kefta made for Alina after like two days in the Little Palace. He really was already planning their entire immortal futures together as Mr. and Mrs. Starkov wasn’t he?

His bed is covered in maps and notes when he’s plotting how to find Alina. Also before that, the way he’s poring over the notes at his desk and giving orders is 👌🥵

Him acting like a real General at all is simply amazing.

The fact that he trusts Luda with his life. That they have a whole intimidation routine set up around him purposefully getting himself fatally injured knowing she’ll heal him.

He looks like a vampire in the show and a fae in the books.

His favorite ABBA song is probably “Lay All Your Love On Me.”

Looks composed but that’s only a façade. Is actually an unhinged feral terror of pain and misery.

That scene where he tells the king she will remain in the Little Palace to train undisturbed and he puts his foot down. ON THE RED CARPET. the king’s carpet. and uses a commanding voice that’s just on the edge of an order…I’m surprised he didn’t get flogged for that. IMO nothing conveys the fine line he walks with those in power while wielding his own like this scene. Literally he should just be celebrated for this alone.

“‘Why won’t you leave me alone?’ I whispered one night as he hovered behind me while I tried to work at my desk. Long minutes passed. I didn’t think he would answer. I even had time to hope he might have gone, until I felt his hand on my shoulder. “Then I’d be alone, too,” he said, and he stayed the whole night through, till the lamps burned down to nothing.

Trapped a bunch of Saints in the Shadow Fold like a true amoral disaster villain. What an icon.

His barely concealed amusement and half hidden smile when Alina comes to put his kefta on. The way he finds Alina utterly hilarious and tries so hard to act like he doesn’t.

That small amused smile when Alina jokes about finding Volcra hilarious. Please he’s so adorable 😭

“‘I know what you feel when you’re with the tracker,’ he said. ‘I doubt that’ He gave a dismissive wave.” - My Malarklina obsessed self, vibrating at the edge of my seat: but what does it mean?!?

Mal and the Darkling’s entire fight in the Fold: dumbass on dumbass violence.

The way he stands with his back turned to Alina when she enters his tent the first time they meet and then does the slowest Godfather turn in history. 1999/10 - points removed for a criminal lack of cat petting.

“I may lead the second army, but the king is still the king.” - the delivery of that line. the implications, the history behind it and also the foreshadowing for his plans.

That slow turn face reveal in episode one though. Like okay we get it you’re pretty alkjsdflkj

Confused Old Man Face™ whenever Mal or Alina do anything remotely defiant in his presence.

How he tells Alina to come closer and she only takes the tiniest step and he doesn’t even react.

His little head cock whenever someone says or does something that just doesn’t vibe with him.

Darklina tumblr has now convinced me that the Darkling is a cat in human form.

“You’re an amplifier,” she said. He glanced at where Sylvi was pouncing on another helpless tree, oblivious, and gave a single, frightened nod. How could he have been so stupid? He would have to tell his mother now, and she would insist that they leave right away. If word got out, they’d both be in danger. Amplifiers were rare, hard to find, harder to hunt. Their lives would be forfeit. Even if they got away, word would spread. He could already hear his mother’s voice: Foolish, careless, callous. If you don’t value your own life, show some concern for mine. Annika touched his sleeve. “It’s okay,” she said. “I won’t tell.” Panic crowded in. He shook his head. She slid her hand into his. It was hard not to pull away. He should. He was breaking his mother’s fundamental rule for keeping them both alive. Never let them touch you, she’d warned him. - 😥 I just want to give him a hug all the time.

His strangled shout when Mal tackles him off of the skiff.

His smile when he’s summoning the sun. The expression on his face when he does so. Like I know I’ve mentioned this before but damn. If you ever needed a reason to celebrate him, this would be it.

“Shame, I’ll have to give that speech again now.”

The way he flips Mal over his shoulder in the Fold after Mal attempts to strangle him.

His little lecture on the Small Science to Alina when they’re going to meet the King. Info dump.

“You make it sound so easy.” “A bird makes flight look easy. But it was born to do so.”

When Alina looks at him for guidance on whether or not to remove her veil and he gives her a small nod.

The handhold in the throne room after Alina’s demonstration is absolutely precious, but it’s in a room full of people he should be keeping up a façade for and it’s so unwarranted and yet he does it anyway, I’m-

The way he says “welcome home, Ms. Starkov,” in the most tender voice I’ve ever heard and then goes “ok that’s enough emotions for one day” and then just straight up leaves without even a goodbye.

He has his symbol?? Sewn into Alina’s kefta??? bRo???!?!

Disaster Simp never gets tired of introducing Alina to other people or talking about how she’s the best thing that ever walked this earth.

The Darkling lying: honestly

“I have devoted my life to undoing the great sin of my forebearer, but I am never seen as the solution. Only as a reminder of the problem.” Sasha you were literally the problem. What a manipulative little shit. We love to see it.

The way he closes his eyes and kisses the coin before he makes a wish at the wishing well.

“I think the Grand Palace is the ugliest building I’ve ever seen.” - I love him your honor.

This man has the most intense lines for Alina. Like straight up I would have booked it when he said “you and I are going to change the world”. But then the head grab?! “I’ve been waiting a long time for you.” He’s so intense like sir can you tone it down a bit please I am begging you.

“I shall be right by your side.” / “We can do anything. Together.” / “For us.” / “You cannot do this on your own. And neither can I” / “I want you to know my name. The name I was given, not the title I took for myself. Will you have it, Alina?” - WEDDING VOWS

That scene in the war room when Alina comes to find him and he instantly drops his guard and lowers his arms and welcomes her with a soft voice.

“Am I bothering you?” “Not at all.” - girl you could be stabbing him in the chest and you still wouldn’t be bothering him.

This whipped disaster sounds like the proudest man on the planet when he talks about how much more his enemies fear Alina over him.

His shadows react to his emotions.

“YoUr’E nOt IvAn.” asjlkdfjs god he’s so embarrassing.

Local Dark Lord Sasha offering Alina the throne after she literally tries to kill him.

He gets so jealous of Mal.

Has a great relationship with his soldiers and his men. His men trust him implicitly and believe him to be an amazing general.

When he turns around after Alina puts the kefta on him and looks flustered/has to take a breath because she’s a lot closer than he expected. The way he’s breathless and literally can’t string a sentence together because he’s so distracted by her closeness.

His jokes are absolutely terrible.

GF: *jokes about throwing herself down the stairs to get out of an event* Sasha “no thoughts head empty only Alina” Morozova: haha I’d just have my healers heal you right back up again.

How genuinely touched he is by Alina admitting to wanting to help Grisha and Ravkans.

That scene in Demon in the Woods when he notices the intricate details of the politics in the Grisha camp after one meeting with the Elders. He has the Ulle pegged almost instantly.

Born to be a leader. Born to take care of others. Born to protect. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s protecting people. Even in Demon in the Woods he’s leading them and caring for them.

The way he cups his hands around Alina’s face when they’re kissing.

This man gets so starstruck by Alina walking into the Fete that he doesn’t even excuse himself from the King’s side to go to her.

Long haired Aleksander rights!

Ok I know the wig was kind of ugly but he looks pretty with long hair and I think it would look very good on him naturally.

The way he slams his hands together in the Winter Fete scene and instantly turns the room pitch black.

Literally any times he summons shadows is a blessing and we should all celebrate him for it. They are so beautiful. On god if I ever saw his shadows in real life I would be awestruck.

He asks Mal if he’s okay when they first meet.

The pure, barely contained fury directed at the Conductor for daring to harm Alina and kidnap his Grisha.

He always has to make a grand entrance.

This man is like a bloodhound when it comes to Nina. He is very invested in finding her and I feel like that’s never really talked about.

“I know exactly how she felt. The King’s soldiers treated me the same way. Because they knew- they knew that I was more important than any of them.” - the way he says it, like it’s something he has to remind himself of in his head constantly. a justification for the way he’s been treated, the fear he evokes in others. a way to protect himself from the hurt of being ostracized and reviled. arrogance and conceit as a defense against emotional harm.

Also the way his face instantly changes after that, like he’s said too much. vulnerability. lowering his eyes. shifting his eyes. literally just everything about this scene makes me love him all the more.

Dark carriage rides up to the Crows’ hiding place. Grisha circle the area as Aleksander steps from the carriage slowly, dressed all in black, floofy cloak high on his shoulders. Villain Entrance™

Him slowly pulling a knife out of his chest like it shouldn’t have killed him is hot as fuck and also totally badass. Big dick energy.

“I’ve had enough of your lies.” “And what lies are those?” - Alina, pulling out a fifty mile long scroll of grievances: Well, for starters-

This man is literally just an Alina Starkov compliments machine.

He cares so much about the Grisha and their protection. He loves Ravka and his people so much.

He had an entire cult dedicated to him.

“They would approach him. They always did. But he felt more anxious than usual. He’d stopped trying to make friends in the places he and his mother visited—there was no point when they moved on so quickly. Now he wasn’t quite sure how to go about it.”

Save a Villain. Murder the King.

Openly admits to staging a coup like it’s the most natural thing in the world.

He speaks so slowly. He moves so slowly. Everything he does has to have Purpose and Gravitas.

Theater Nerd™

He knew Nikolai for years and yet couldn’t recognize him as Sturmhond. We do stan an oblivious icon 💕

The Darkling after he gets his ass whooped in Siege and Storm: Mom can you please come pick me up? I’m scared!

He’s here to manipulate sun summoners and murder cities. And unfortunately he’s all out of sun summoners.

Would absolutely get drunk on real alcohol. This man thinks kvas is strong liquor.

Has his wrists exposed exactly one time in the most skin he’s shown all season and it’s when Alina visits him at night in the war room. WHORE!

Was too emotionally slutty and fell for Alina. RIP.

He’s passionate and cold and beautiful and hurt and twisted up in ways nobody could ever hope to understand and he’s stunning.

I would literally kill for this man 🖤✨

[jerk-jock]

being a masc person who is solely attracted to self Identified feminine leaning people is just you having to go ‘uh-huh wow.’ when your friends show you a photo of the ugliest man alive while trying to convince you he’s hot. idk how to tell you this but the men i find hot are solely people I want to look like it took me a lot of years and a lot of terrible experiences to realize the scope and the limitations of my own attraction and after all that I still pretend by nodding my head when someone shows me another masc that looks like a floor cheeto

[putflowersinmyhair-callmepretty]

Dove (Finan x Reader)

A/N: I wanted to challenge myself and writing a short smut seemed about right. Hope you enjoy it, baci baci. Cate. WORDS: 2341 Warnings: Lot of fluff, smut smut smut: oral, dom!Finan, just a lot of love making :)

18+ only please

“For the love of God, Sithric, stay still!” Y/N screamed, turning his head to make him look straight ahead. He was sitting on a block of wood and she was standing behind him, comb and knife in her hands. Traveling with men is never easy but is even worse if the men in question are warriors. Y/N, however, had grown used to them and most of the time she enjoyed her time. An exception being that particular day. While riding in the wild, she had noticed that the warriors’ hairs had grown out of control and kept falling on their eyes, frustrating them; therefore, when they had stopped to rest for the day, she had forced Sithric down on the block of wood, deaf to his protests. He was the one with the wildest hair, thin as feather but dense. It was hard to cut it with the unsharpened blade of her dagger, and, as if that wasn’t enough, Sithric was acting like a child and he could not sit still. “If you don’t stop moving, I swear to God, I will cut your throat. I swear on your gods, even.” she hissed and he laughed chugging a cup of ale “I apologize my Lady” he sang, turning around to send her a wink “I’m positive that the gods would love the bloodshed but I do love my pretty face where it is, right over my neck. Don’t you?” “I will make you the ugliest Dane alive, Sithric. Do not provoke me” she mumbled and cut a big strand of his dark hair, Sithric screamed outraged. Meanwhile Finan was enjoying the view, resting under the shadow of the old oak. Y/N heard him laugh and turned around to shot him an amused look “I wouldn’t laugh if I were you, Irishman. You’re next.” Sithric’s hair turned out good, the left side of his head completely shaven, the right full of long, untangled curls that she had cut irregularly until the middle of his neck. She had also braided a strand between the two section, adding the jewellery she had so often seen on Vikings and he had smiled at her gratefully; she knew how much his culture meant to him and she did want him to honour his people, how he could. She was now cutting his beard, who had grown to long for his fresh features; she did not know exactly his age, but she was sure he looked younger that he really was. “You look very handsome, Sithric” she then said, patting his cheek “Your wife’s a lucky woman” “You know you’re always welcome in our bed, Y/N” She laughed and winked at him “I’ll keep that in mind” “Oy! I’m still here, ye know?!” Finan shouted and stood up; with two long strides, he was behind the woman and wrapped his strong arms around her full hips. He buried his face in her neck and growled, high enough for Sithric to hear “I do not like to share.” Y/N blushed, still not used to this part of Finan. They had been companions and friends for years and Y/N had been in love with him since the first day, suffering for her unreciprocated love. What she did not know was that Finan was just as deeply in love with her. And so they fought and tried to find other lovers, and cried and shouted until their friends, sick and tired of their behaviour, forced them to face each other and their reciprocated feelings. Again, they had screamed and fought as always until Finan had crashed his lips against hers. They had made love then and there for the first time and had finally found each other. They were still discovering each other, but Y/N had soon found out that Finan was a very affectionate man, always touching her as he could, and she loved it. She shivered, when he kissed her softly just under her jaw and she raised a hand to graze her nail through his beard. “Very well” Sithric interrupted their flirting “It’s my cue to go, thanks for the cut Y/N.” “Anytime” she mumbled at short of breath, and she spun in her lover’s arms smiling at his cheeky smirk and he patted her bum, making her squeal embarrassed and sneak out of his embrace.

He tried to catch her again, but she stepped away quickly, laughing. “Behave, Finan. And sit down, let me cut your hair.” Finan’s hair had grown a lot in the last year and she liked how it framed his strong masculine face, softening his features. He was the most handsome man in England, she was sure of it, and the more she fell in love with his personality, the more handsome he became for her and the harder it was for her to refrain to kiss him and touch him and make love to him. She placed herself between his legs, not caring about invading his personal space, wanting to be as close as possible to him. He didn’t seem to mind, though, quite the opposite: he smiled widely, looking up to her, and put his large hands on her waist, squeezing jokingly her flesh. “Hi, dove.” “Hello to you, handsome.” She was watching him with a piercing gaze, chewing hardly her bottom lip and he freed it with his thumb. She smiled sweetly recognizing his hungry gaze. “I really like your hair, I just want it to be neater.” She mumbled and scratched his beard again, drawing a deep animal growl out of his throat “and I certainly like your beard.” “I know that.” He said, squeezing her hips “You like how it feels on your skin” his long fingers caressed her inner tight, over the soft leather of her trousers “Especially here. Don’t you, dove?” “Shut your mouth” she growled with a little smile on her full lips, blush spreading from the neckline of her red vest, which was actually Finan’s vest. “Kiss me than and I shall be quiet.” She rolled her eyes, but she didn’t let him stew for long; she lowered her mouth on his and he immediately opened his lips in a deeper, more intimate kiss. He caressed her tongue with his and she moaned, before capturing his lips between her teeth. “Sweet, Jesus Christ” he mumbled, breaking the kiss just for the time necessary to catch his breath and grip the back of her tights, guiding her to straddle him. With a hand on her back, he pushed her against his groin and she moaned loudly, feeling how hard he had already become. She put her hands around his neck, pushed with her thumbs on his chin to raise his face and kissed him harder, then pulled away abruptly. He pouted and leaned for another kiss but she pushed him away laughing; defeated, he dropped his forehead on her chest “You kill me, woman.” he murmured against her skin, biting lightly her collarbone; she scratched his neck with her nails, under the hem of his green vest and he groaned “Lord, cut my hair. Now.” and here he was, his dominant side finally bursting through his controlled behaviour. She had already met that part of him, which he hid remarkable well on normal days, and she adored it. Not only he looked ferally handsome, but he also made her feel desirable as no one had ever before. Moreover, living as a warrior, the chances letting herself go and be at the complete mercy of another human being were slim to none and Finan helped her discover that she liked to be pushed, now toughly now kindly, to her limits. “Do as I said, Y/N. Ye know I don’t like to wait.” “Yes, my lord.” she obeyed swiftly, standing up and positioning her body once again between his knees. It wasn’t the best way to cut hair, standing in front of him, partly because she wasn’t free to move, partly because his eager gaze made her hands shake. However, she managed to shave the sides of his head and even his beard before dawn. “All done.” she whispered lowly, dropping comb and knife in his open hand. He smiled sweetly, brushing his knuckle on the apple of her cheek “Good girl” he pinched her skin lightly “Ye hungry?” Of you, Finan “Not at all.” “Good, we’re skipping dinner.” Thanks God they hadn’t wear they armour that day; stripping out of all that chain and leather was always hard, boring and ridiculous. Most of the time, they ended laughing, all their energy drained out. But that particular day, they were only wearing their vests and trousers and, as soon as they entered their shared tent, Finan took of his green vest. “Sweet god!” Y/N exclaimed, never used to his magnificent body, and Finan laughed, pulling her against his naked chest “Just me here, dove. Am I not enough?” She run her fingers through the soft hair on his pecs “ ‘M not complaining, am I?” His cold hands dipped under her vest and found her hardened nipple that he twisted harshly making her moan loudly, for the surprise and the pleasure “Seems like ye enjoying it, actually” her vest dropped on the floor and just moments later he lifted her from the ground and dropped her on their bed. It was not the widest nor the softer, but Y/N couldn’t care less, she just wanted Finan. To keep kissing her and to finally push himself inside her. He was in no rush, though, and slowly bit and kissed and licked every inch of her scarred skin “Beautiful creature, ye are. Can’t get enough of ye” he mumbled, removing her trousers. “I don’t want you to” she breathed out and he shot her his sweetest, happiest smile before burying his face between her tight with a low, feral growl. The deep strokes of his tongue on the most intimate part of her body clouded her mind and tighten her stomach; she gripped and pulled his hair, screaming his name when he dipped a finger inside her. At some point, the pleasure became too much, and she closed her eyes ready to reach the peak of her pleasure, but she knew he wouldn’t let her cum so easily. As she expected, he stopped and stood on his knees, watching her with a wide, glistening smirk “Ye a’right there, dove?” She groaned frustrated and found in herself the strength to pull him on his back and crawl over him. He got comfortable on the furs, letting her hungrily strip him out of his trousers. When he was finally naked, she shot him a shy look, asking for permission; he pushed his thumb through her agape full lips and moaned loudly when she swirled her tongue against it, sucking lightly. “Ye want to taste me, dear?” she nodded eagerly “Go for it, then” He was big to the point that her lips painfully stretched around him; it was a sweet pain, though, and she moaned, trying to take him as deeper as possible, to the point that she could not breath anymore. “Oy!” Finan pulled her hair harshly and she found herself face to face with the warrior “Ye have to breath, understood?” She nodded quickly and he gripped her face “Words, Y/N.” “Yes, lord.” He patted her cheek lightly “Good girl. On yer back now, I want to be with ye” he ordered, but didn’t let her time to obey, slapping her bum harshly, making her scream in pleasure, and spinning around, so that she laid where he was before and he stood above her on his knees; she couldn’t even catch her breath before he sunk inside her, slowly. They both moaned and Finan leant down to kiss her deeply, her hand wandering down to his full arse; she dipped her fingers in his flesh and guided him to push deeper inside her, until their body became one. And when the man of her life bit down on the skin of her shoulder, she came with a loud scream of his name and he followed her soon after, murmuring her name in a low pray. They had fallen asleep when the moon was already high in the sky. Finan didn’t sleep for long, though, and soon he found himself wide awake, lost in his thoughts. She was deep in her sleep, mouth slightly open. He watched her until the sun started rising, too scare to touch her, not wanting to wake his beautiful woman, who he knew was a light sleeper. It was what the life of a warrior does to you, it strips you of many things, one being a good night of sleep. Finan had always found it hard, but now that Y/N slept next to him, his nightmare were gone. She had had more trouble than him to adjust to the new situation, but now she slept well too, without screams nor cries. And she slept for long, profoundly, until the sun was up in the sky. He decided to run his finger on every feature of her lovely face, until the caresses woke her up; with a slow fluttering of eyelashes and lazy smile “You all right, Fin?” “Good morning, dove. It’s well past noon.” She slipped closer to him, wrapping her leg around his hips, her hands on his chest, and she closed her eyes again, shivering against the warm of his body “No worries. Did you sleep well?” “I did, but not for long.” “How so?” she murmured against his jaw, curling her lips in a lazy kiss. “Too excited to sleep.” “Why’s that?” “ ‘Cause I can’t wait to marry ye.” She opened her eyes again, now fully awake “Are we getting marry?” He smiled down at her sweetly, completely enamoured “If ye want me, I’d love to wife ye.” “Well, thank you for asking.” she joked, pinching his nipple lightly, then she straddle him with the happiest, widest smile on her red lips “Guess I’ll marry you, Finan the Agile.”

[nietp]

reading the x-men/inferno comics by hickman was sooo satisfying because like. finally. lesbian mystique & destiny. scheming and plotting and burning people alive. on the other hand it made me hate every other single character and especially charles fucking xavier. even magneto sucks ass a little bit he has no pizzazz at all in this storyline though his cape-and-helmet-in-various-colors outfits look good. oh and i dont remember who the artist was but there’s a scene where him and charles are at a party and they have THE UGLIEST outfits i’ve ever seen in my life they’re like wearing top hats and monocles???? so so hateful. mystique + destiny look so damn good though. with the golden mask and the skull belt and everything........what more could you ask for