#you’re MEN *uses the misogynistic rhetoric to prove that

[spacelazarwolf]

Hi, I was going through some of your old posts and wanted to clarify something. Do you think transfems can have internalized misogyny? Are they in your experience especially prone to sexism from having grown up as someone assigned male at birth?

weird vibes from this ask, i can’t tell if you’re trying to bait me or genuinely curious. if it’s bait, get fucked. in case it’s not, here’s my answer:

i think anyone can struggle with internalized misogyny or internalized patriarchy, especially women or people who are expected to be women. and, as the name would suggest, trans women are women. when a woman is told by society that her worth is in her appearance, and she internalizes that and starts judging herself based on those patriarchal expectations, that’s internalized misogyny. this is especially compounded for trans women and trans femmes, whose identity is already questioned by society. they face extremely intense scrutiny to look or act a certain way, to hold a certain societal role to “prove” their womanhood or femininity, so it’s not surprising that many struggle with internalized misogyny and judging themselves on the patriarchal norms that are violently forced on them. so yeah not only do i think they can have internalized misogyny, i think it’s inevitable for them to struggle with at some point on their transition journey simply because of how inescapable misogyny is in our society.

in terms of “socialization” based on agab, i think the entire concept is flawed. we’re all socialized to act a certain way based on our upbringing and environment, and very often our agab influences that, but there is no universal “afab/amab experience” and simply being raised as a boy or a girl doesn’t make you inherently more or less prone to sexism. i’ve known cis men who are staunch feminists because of their upbringing, who always work to dismantle patriarchal norms in the spaces they’re in. i’ve also known cis women who were deeply misogynistic and deeply harmed the people in their lives because of their insistence on forcing patriarchal norms onto them.

i’m not going to pretend i haven’t had bad experiences with individual trans women being sexist or misogynistic, but that’s because trans women are in fact people and people aren’t perfect. i have experienced misogyny from many different kinds of people, and the thing it always has in common is an attempt to make sure everyone’s staying in their patriarchy-prescribed box. we’ve all grown up in a sexist and misogynistic society that impresses on us how important it is to stay in our box and make sure others stay in their box.

we all have things to unlearn, including trans people. being trans doesn’t magically absolve us of doing that work. unfortunately that means there are going to be instances where trans people, including trans women and trans femmes, perpetuate misogynistic or sexist rhetoric. but i have found that offline the vast majority of my conversations with trans women and trans femmes about my experiences with misogyny and sexism go something like this:

“i face this as a trans man.”

“woah i had no idea, thanks for telling me. i relate to this tangentially because of the way trans people often have multiple gender roles forced on us at once.”

“wow i love connecting with other trans people through common experiences even if they might not be 1:1.”

[comradekarin]

That last ask you got here, just reminds me of the fact that while TS fandom claims to be all about feminism and women supporting women, it surely lacks intersectionality and it SHOWS and this is in great part because that’s the kind of advocacy they get from the celeb they worship, that’s why is dangerous to just pander to one kind of feminism as if everyone had an universal experience, when it couldn’t be further from the reality, we need to have those conversations we need to learn from one another and whoever has a privilege, should make good use of it to uplift those who can’t at the moment

Yup!! That’s basically the point I’m trying to hone to be honest. Again, I absolutely believe we should support female artists in the music industry, especially when they will be held to higher standards than other male artists (even in that area we can have a conversation about the dynamic race plays between male artists, too). However, it’s imperative we discuss how Taylor and her fans only use feminism to tell other people they can’t be mean to her, or critique her. Are these group of people the minority in the fan base? Maybe, sure. But should we sweep it under the rug and let it fester just because it’s the minority? No.

Do I believe the average Taylor Swift stan is normal and doesn’t hate black women? Yes. I believe there’s a lot of them who just enjoy her music and don’t feel the need to bash other black female artists in order to prove how much better Taylor is. Nonetheless, there’s still a large group of her fans who claim to support all women but will not hesitate to degrade and shut out the voices of woc making valid criticisms against Taylor. Just look at the Matty Healy situation. A white woman’s partner is exposed for making disgusting racist comments about black women, and the responses are not “this powerful rich white woman is continuing to date this man and is being complicit through her silence, which is enabling his repulsive behavior and she needs to be held accountable” but instead “we need her to stay away from this bad man!”. Yes, because the image and reputation of this white woman is more important than the dangerous rhetoric her partner is spreading about the same women she claims to support! Yes, because this white woman can have a collab with the same woman (ice spice) her boyfriend was making racist remarks about and everything is ok! Yes, because it is the white woman who is the victim here, and if you can’t see that you’re a misogynist!

Taylor’s silence during the wave of transphobia, the criminalization and banning of drag shows, the uptick of hate against black women, and so much more just makes sense when you look at the company she keeps. Didn’t her team try to sue a journalist for stating Taylor constantly toes the line with conservatives and white supremacists a few years back? Just look at the CO2 emissions drama where everyone was like “man I hate privileged white millionaires” and then she dropped an album and everyone forgot? Any critique for Taylor is met with these responses: A) Taylor isn’t the worst apple out of the bunch so why is she getting attacked like this B) Y’all would never do this to male celebrities so just say y’all hate women C) Why is Taylor blamed for the actions of other men or D) [justifying anything Taylor has done].

So, what you’re saying is correct anon. We can not talk about feminism and supporting “all women” while also trying to lump the struggles of all women into a single category. The initial Feminist movement itself excluded other women of color, it was something only meant for white women. White women have a level of privilege over other women of color, and we can’t pretend they don’t because they’re just “women, too”. White women and their fake white tears have done so much harm to marginalized communities, especially my own black community. I want this conversation to actually mean something, for it to be a moment of self reflection, for it to actually be about supporting, advocating for, and uplifting the voices of all women. I don’t want this talk of “support all women” to only be brought up when someone attacks your white fav.

[nothorses]

hey sorry if it comes off as weird, but i'm a bit desperate. i had a real bad time figuring out my identity growing up and for like, the past 4~5 years i've become really comfortable and happy whenever i referred and thought of myself as a gay nb trans man; i experience legit gender euphoria whenever ppl address or acknowledge me as such, and the most connection i feel is to gay/bi men/men-aligned ppl. that said, i've struggled with obsessive/intrusive thoughts since i'm like, 12~13 due to (1/?)

a phobia, and they often appeared when i was already feeling low/stressed/anxious over unrelated stuff. y'know when you're having a good time and suddenly your brain goes 'oh hey, remember that thing you have doubts about and makes you distressed? and you think it's not true? well, here it is again (: you're welcome!'. that's it.

so social isolation due to the pandemic has taken a toll on my mental health and recently i have been... struggling a lot not only with dysphoria (i was supposed to start hrt last year but it was postponed due to, well), but also with obtrusive/intrusive thoughts over 'how i'm faking it, i am actually a cis lesbian' (i never felt attracted truly to women, even tho i had kissed two before, and i am Positively attracted to men in a way i can only describe as 'gay').

it has gotten to a point where i cannot think about, y'know, woman characters from stuff i like that i feel like this is somehow a sign i'm actually a lesbian; i have been dreaming a lot of situations i'm either framed as a lesbian or a straight girl, i have been hyperaware of how cis ppl perceive me (pre-transition, as 'girl') and obsessing over little shit like, if women are looking at me in certain ways when i have to go out (sometimes even 'wishing' it, as if it wanting to 'prove' anything).

i feel...... exhausted, none of these make me feel good, all of this makes me feel distressed. i get dreadful when i take 'lol ur lesbian' results at stupid internet quizzes too. i feel like i cannot talk to anyone about it bc i feel like they're gonna try to feed me either 'internalized lesbophobia' or terf rhetoric, which is smth im v aware of, and part of the reason i've been obsessing over as well.

i had mild doubts about stuff before (like if i was rly a binary trans guy or nb, or if i was bisexual) but none was... like this, y'know.  i was also dumb and read a bbc article about detransitioning ppl which opened with 'studies say most trans ppl dont doubt' etc. featuring two cis lesbians that detransitioned after entering a relationship with one another. i feel rly rly rly dreadful i wish i could go back to feeling like myself (gay and guy) like i did before.

i'm sorry for the longest fucking ask btw, and also, tumblr hadnt let me send the rest for like, Hours, i'm deeply sorry

[Edited for formatting]

I think a lot of this is very normal, especially for transmascs.

We’re constantly fed this idea that we can’t really trust our own perception of reality, that we don’t know ourselves as well as others do, and that the things we believe about ourselves are temporary, silly, and “signs” of some deeper reality that someone else knows for us. It’s only natural that we’d internalize some of those feelings, and struggle to trust even the most irrefutable evidence of our own realities.

If it helps to have some tools in those moments, a couple of reminders:

Cis girls do not typically dread the idea of being girls. They might dread the social repercussions or expectations, they might hate girls who look/act in certain ways, but they do not typically hate that they are girls.

If you are feeling dread over the idea that you might be attracted to women, you probably aren’t! It’s good to work on feeling more at peace with the possibility, because orientation can be very fluid for some folks, and being ready to accept yourself if things change takes a lot of pressure off- but if you don’t want to be with women, you just literally do not have to be with women. For any reason. Even if you are “secretly” attracted to them, if you don’t want to be with them anyway, you simply do not have to be.

Trans people experience doubt. We experience it all the time. We experience it pretty much endlessly! Maybe there are trans folks who never, ever doubt their genders, and I’m very happy for them; but that’s the exception, not the rule, in my experience. This study talks about the steps toward trans self-acceptance, and finds each step is an ongoing process, and often a back-and-forth. It was very comforting for me to recognize the patterns & know I’m not alone.

The focus on AFAB detransitioners is driven by transandrophobia. Because saving the “poor little girls” is a compelling motivator in a misogynistic society. Most detransitioners are actually folks who were AMAB, and found the societal pressure and backlash was too overwhelming, or made things too unsafe, for them to carry on with their transitions. Most detransitioners, period, are people who had to stop because of safety issues, or lack of access to their transition needs.

It’s very normal to go through periods of high doubt, and periods of high self-assuredness. You may just have to ride this out; surround yourself with as much support and love as you can, remind yourself that those fears aren’t really based in reality, and be kind to yourself during this difficult time. Try to make choices that prioritize your mental and emotional health.

You will get through this period of doubt, and come back to finding love and joy in your identity again! It might just take a little time & patience.

(Also no worries over the sending confusion; Tumblr’s a lil broken sometimes, and it’s genuinely not even remotely an issue.)

[vampish-glamour]

Tbh I’ve always been really uncomfortable with the “genital preference” thing not only bc of the obvious homophobia but because it’s tying into this larger trend where some people are acting like you’re obligated to be intimate with people you’re not attracted to for any (non morally-based) reason. It feels a lot like a mix of pansexual “is attracted to souls only,” asexual “sex feels good so can never be harmful/attraction to your partner doesn’t matter as long as you can orgasm,” and that (from what I saw largely haes) rhetoric what was kinda popular a few years ago abt how it’s genuinely bigoted to not be physically attracted to all people and it all comes together as if the only way to be a good person is to prove it on your back regardless of personal feelings. Idk it’s all just a little concerning bc as I see it once one sexual boundary can be invalidated on supposedly moral grounds like that, they all can

It’s incredibly uncomfortable. I also don’t like the way it’s called “genital preference”... because it’s not a preference most of the time. I would say “preference” can only really be applied to bisexuals, who are attracted to both sexes but may literally have a preference for one or the other, and part of that preference may be a “genital preference”.

But with a homosexual or a heterosexual, who’s only attracted to one sex? It’s not so much of a “preference” as it is a biological thing. And the obvious homophobia comes into play when they specifically target homosexuals for being exclusively same sex attracted. So to call it a “preference” and primarily target homosexuals? That doesn’t sit well with me. Especially when there’s so much of a push to use language like “sexual orientation” instead of “sexual preference”.

And it absolutely sounds a lot like the “it’s immoral to be attracted to physical traits, including genitals, sex, and gender”. In fact, I’ve seen people bring in that argument to talk about why “genital preferences” are so bad.

The whole thing is just really upsetting to see. Because you’re absolutely right; once you start crossing over boundaries, especially sexual ones, and claiming that they’re immoral? You can keep going and apply that logic to anything you want.

Hell, you could even start saying something like “gay men are misogynistic because they won’t sleep with or date women”. It sounds ridiculous, but years ago “it’s bigoted to not be attracted to certain genitals” would’ve sounded ridiculous as well.

[rametarin]

What's your takeaway on the whole "men have built this world's problems so they don't get to feel bad about it affecting them" take? Or the new surge of hatred towards men due to Bill Cosby's release (and the idea that men in general get away with sexual assault regardless of class)

Same old shit, anon.

Before they gave that point of view a name and an organized set of beliefs, they'd just sneak that rhetoric and direction into any conversation about any given problem between the sexes. At least in this modern day they'll call it The Patriarchy- rather than just use flowery, neutral, benign seeming language to have plausible deniability about it.

Take the right to vote, for example. Women had the right to vote, as did men. Then it was revised so UNLESS you were someone that had to go to war and die for your country, you didn't get to vote. And women were exempted from going to war for biological reasons, economic reasons, and just simple ergonomic reasons. So, naturally, they couldn't vote.

When the suffragettes fought to give women the right to vote, how did they fight for it? Did they fight to remove the draft for both sexes and fight for women to get the right to vote on the basis of citizenship, not applicability for serving the military? No. Did they argue to also draft women, because women deserved the same rights and responsibilities as men? No, they wanted the rights but didn't want the responsibilities or obligations the men did. Did they do anything but revise it just enough to say, "Women can vote just by being alive :^)"? No.

The minute your group claims it's for civil rights and you have the opportunity to change something to improve it, but only for your demographic, you become responsible for that group's continued abuses. That's why we don't attribute slavery to Britain that continued under the newly formed United States' rule. The moment that country was founded and didn't immediately abolish slavery (and there were practical and economic reasons not to for a bit) they became responsible for that.

And similarly, the suffragettes and feminists are not exempt of responsibility for giving themselves the right to vote on the basis of sex, but not men. They had the opportunity to either change the rules to allow women to be inducted by the draft, abolish the draft as the prerequisite to being able to vote for anybody, etc. They chose to endow themselves with a right purely for their sex and say, "fuck you, I got mine, you aren't my responsibility" to the men. The men that supported them, the men that consented for their little princess party that changed the right to vote from one of given by drafted, compulsory military service, to a national, civil right based on being alive and a citizen- if you're a woman. Not contingent of dying in a war.

Most problems men face today are like that. Because feminism dusted its hands, went, "Not my problem, you're the oppressor. I'm out for mine because freeing me frees the people that matter." And then smugly passed the buck on for men to change things for themselves if they wanted anything at all.

This is why feminism does not and cannot speak up on behalf of men's rights. They only see men as a secondary extension of women, and think whatever rights are endowed to women do not belong to men equally, as equal rights on the basis of being a man threatens their endowed, sexual budgets and entitlements from society.

As for Bill Cosby; it was inevitable. I don't know whether or not Bill Cosby actually dateraped all those women. I'm going to assume he did, because he accepted responsibility. But the outrage over his recent release was inevitably going to spill into "convuhsayshun uwu" about "male privilege," and his release rather than dying in prison, proof this society treats men like gods and women like tenga eggs.

Never one to waste opportunity to try and shape the imaginations and minds of young women to turn them into emotional, radical, bitter teenaged Social Justice Warriors, naturally The Conversation would be how Cosby being released for whatever nebulous reasons "must" be proof.

While simultaneously turning a blind eye to the fact the reason rape is so narrowly defined around if a man forcefully had sex with a woman, and the reason most all domestic violence arrests are men, is because of radical feminist policy making, proving not only are they just as cemented in our institutions, but our institutions also lean towards erring on the side of caution to give women the benefit of the doubt in all cases.

They'll happily point at much publicized examples of people like Cosby getting off free, whether that's true or not, and then use that as background dressing for their rant about how misogynistic and androcentrist this "society" is. While kicking under the rug just who, by the Duluth model, gets to go to prison if the police are called for a domestic violence dispute.

Unless the circumstances are BLATANTLY, BRAZENLY, OBVIOUSLY one sided, like a woman is stabbing a man that's holding a baby with a steak knife, an arrest WILL be made, and the "taller," "larger," person will be taken in, as an arrest HAS to be made for a domestic violence call. We do not arrest women and stick them in prison just because men call the cops; you cannot say the same when it comes to women.

Similarly for rape. You could be a woman, strap on a big ole horse dick and dilate the buttholes of half a county's worth of questionably aged minors, and in the past, not one legal definition of, 'rape' would stick, because rape was defined as using a biological penis, and/or being a biological male. You weren't male? You couldn't be charged for rape. Just sexual assault and battery.

And then radfems would want to have "convuhsayshuns uwu" about how men are bad and the rape statistics about whom is raping whom would prove it. Because, you know, "As a feminist, I an committed to FACTS and LOGIC and actual RESEARCH to support MY points. Not feelings and outrage and baseless assumptions! I'm a secular realistic FEMINIST!"

Then barrage you with bad faith requests to, "see your statistics and studies :^)" Knowing full well academia wasn't readily available to fucking gradeschoolers unless their parents were creepy intellectuals or something, and access to ones that didn't have this ideological confirmation bias was even more rare. If you couldn't produce any almighty holy writ evidence or counterargument based on these "professionals" writings, they'd do the verbal equivalent of today's "KUNG POW PENIS LOL" and then mock you in front of their friends, and shit.

So they had the very criteria that cops and feds used to record the incidences of rape based on bad, skewed values, designed to spare women from being charged with responsibility for rape or abuse. Then they cited these statistics that skewed so badly showing 90%+ of all rapes and domestic violence charges were from men.

So they could just “stawt a convuhsayshun” making broadsweeping, inflammatory statements like, “men commit practically all the violence in the home,” or, “men are rapists because they’re men and men rape very frequently and it’s very common,” and talk about it like that’s just a thing MOST men do, boo on men, men bad.

And if you dared challenge them on it, out come the cooked statistics and bias in the professions that led to them, where they then “humbly” try to get you to put forth counter-evidence. Since they assert unless you have any, then your opinion is worthless and you’re an emotional crybaby. They will not hesitate to insult your character or intelligence and assert their use of “objective facts” makes their argument sound and yours shit.

Youtube atheists doing that shit learned these lessons by diffusion from their millenial childhoods being tormented by these disingenous groomed baby radfems.

So them using the Cosby thing to sow this outrage is nothing new.

[bibliofiles-in-a-greenhouse]

Mad, Bad, & Dangerous to Know: A Review

Today I will be reviewing Mad, Bad and Dangerous to Know by Samira Ahmed. As always, there will be spoilers ahead, so read at your own risk.

~~SPOILERS AHEAD~~

Khayyam Maquet should love her holiday with her studious parents in Paris. But instead she finds herself at a crossroads - her sometimes kind-of boyfriend is ghosting, she may have blown her chance of getting into her dream college, and all she wants is to go back home to Chicago to figure out her life. 

But things change when she meets Alexandre Dumas, a descendant of her favorite writer. On top of that she finds letters to a mysterious woman, who just might give Khayyam another chance. 

Meanwhile, centuries before, Leila is trying to hide her love from the pasha, and survive as she is ‘gifted’ a position of favor in said pasha’s harem. As Khayyam begins to trace the threads of Leila’s life, the lives of these two women will intertwine as both lives are changed forever. 

~~TIME FOR MY THOUGHTS~~

I’m rather sad to say that I didn’t like this book. It felt like a chore to read, and my issues with the characters and the plot only made it worse. 

For starters, this book was presented as a feminist and poc narrative, but both protagonists spend the majority of the book bending to the will of men, and not even nice, respectful men. Being a feminist and hating all men do not go hand in hand, but these characters, and Khayyam especially,  are at the beck and call of the men in this story, above their own autonomy. Leila is not much better, making strong, well-grounded decisions and suddenly throwing them all away for a man despite the fact that it might very well get her killed. 

Another thing that wrankles with me is that, from what I can tell, this book has some good poc representation, especially in that of the two leading ladies. But Khayyam makes me feel like she’s ‘not racist towards the french’ in the way that Emily in Paris is a love letter to France instead of a bunch of Americans taking a shit on French culture. Khayyam is such a cool intersection of cultures, race, and religion (she’s French, Indian, American, and Muslim), and I think it would have been really cool and interesting to take a look at how all of these intersecting identities affect Khayyam, regardless of where she is*. 

Instead she spends so much time confused over which boy she should pick (she calls them ‘problematic faves’ - more on that later), that the story (these two women centuries apart coming together) that I came here for comes second. 

Back to Khayyam’s ‘problematic faves’, or more accurately, her use of that term. It makes sense that a seventeen-year-old would speak like most of gen z, however, sometimes the volume of gen-z buzzwords in what Khayyam is saying reminds me of Riverdale, and not in a good way (side note: is anything involving Riverdale good? I mean seriously, would anyone ever say ‘I beg your misogynistic pardon?’ unironically?). 

For a complete change of subject, where were Khayyam’s parents? Their few appearances are only to further the plot progression (and by plot I mean what should be the subplot of which boy Khayyam is going to pick), despite the fact that their daughter breaks and enters on multiple occasions. They let said daughter run around Paris with a guy that they met once (and the only thing they know about him is that he’s related to Alexandre Dumas), and though I appreciate that they are giving their daughter more independence, I’m a little concerned that they didn’t seem to fear for Khayyam’s safety at all. 

The story has such a cool premise, but I feel like so much of it is spent mooning over different men (almost entirely on Khayyam’s part by this point, since Leila’s major paramour died) that it takes a back seat, and could be lost entirely without really affecting Khayyam’s journey at all. I don’t see a lot of character development in Khayyam, and she sort of comes across like ‘i’m not like other girls’ in the way that Bella from Twilight isn’t like other girls. 

Later in the story, in an effort to prove that she really is feminist, and she doesn’t need men at all, her two love interests are demonized (which is fair, both of them are flawed, but given the fairly positive view that the reader has gathered of them from the previous 200-ish pages, it’s kind of out of nowhere), but that doesn’t erase the fact that Khayyam has been pining for the both of them throughout the book. I also think that Khayyam could have been a lot less damaging with how she handled the situation. She didn’t try to communicate sensibly and instead hurls insults at them until they both leave (In the case of Zaid, it kind of makes sense, he was not good to Khayyam, but Alexandre’s feels a bit less justified). I understand that given that she is 17, she may not be the most mature person in the world, but I think her outburst is kind of sudden and poorly handled. 

She chooses herself, yes, but at the cost of some, if not glowing relationships, then half-decent ones. I feel like the book fell into the common pitfall of ‘romantic relationships are the be all and end all of teen life’ which is simply not true. 

Khayyam is so focused on being feminist and defying the patriarchy in the present that she forgets that the whole point of this was to discover Leila’s story, and take down the patriarchy by telling it. The whole point of Alexandre appearing at all (his connections to the Dumas family helping discover Leila) is thrown out of the window when Zaid shows up, just like it has been for the last few hundred pages. Khayyam, and by extension Leila, are jerked around by men, the patriarchy, despite Khayyam’s whole deal supposedly being defying said patriarchy. 

Khayyam reminds me of how white cishet male authors write feminists - spewing all the relevant rhetoric until a man comes along and ‘fixes’ it. I guess the only reason that i’m so bothered by it is because this is presented as a masterful feminist story, but all Khayyam really does is say feminist things while she is a doormat for the male characters. It doesn’t even feel like quality observations, because she spews all of this hate towards famous men - not entirely without reason - but she doesn’t acknowledge the cultural influence that these men had. She does not separate art from artist from gender. 

Nevermind that these men are helping the plot move forward, and without them there would likely be no plot at all. Khayyam’s main personality trait is supposedly being feminist and not needing men, yet she consistently bends to the will of men for the sake of the plot or drama, both of which are in such contrast with how the reader has expected Khayyam to be that they feel almost physically painfully out of place. 

In short, I think that this book had a really amazing plot idea and a lot of things going for it, but the way is was executed in contrast with my expectations based on the synopsis and the author’s note make me feel massively let down. The book has pitfalls that while not always massive, are commonplace enough and reoccurring enough that I couldn’t ignore them, and subsequently couldn’t find myself enjoying the book, no matter how hard I wanted to. 

- Marigold

*note: I know that the race, religion, and/or cultural identity of a character, especially a poc character, should not be their only personality trait. However with Khayyam, I feel like it is not addressed in any way at all, despite the fact that within the first few sentences of the book it is put in a position to be a focal point. I just feel as though her saying vague things like ‘that lady was kind of rude to me’ leaving the insinuation that she (the woman) is racist, or ‘it’s paris so i probably won’t get shot by a cop’ (which is a fair thing to say, I just think that if you’re going to mention that you might as well add something to make me invested in that idea with regards to the character personally. That didn’t happen, therefore it feels very abstract; since she’s not in America, where such a comment would be most relevant it falls flat) really leaves out the audience and makes it hard for them to relate or sympathize with Khayyam’s struggles against racism. It feels performative, obligatory and perfunctory when it would have been such an effective device to get readers invested in Khayyam’s life, regardless of whether she was in the US or not. There are no flashbacks to help ground the things that Khayyam references, so it’s far too easy to forget that she said them at all, and that in her hometown she has a very good reason to be concerned for her safety (in special regards to the cop thing).

[bodtabs]

reposting and pinning this

being a straight black trans guy is really weird. there’s so many intersections of experience, and not in the dumb “technically i can reclaim this axis of oppression” level of terminally logged in lgbt person i mean it in a “going about my life” way.

for starters, idt i ever “hated” being a woman, i don’t really relate to that trans narrative, i just realized it was an identity that became increasingly frustrating to align with and moved on to a label that finally fit me. being a black girl was cool, despite all the social toll that came with it, black girls have contributed so much to popular culture and even to our own communities, so there was no real reason for me to dislike it other than “it just doesn’t feel like me anymore” and i like it that way. i have a very comfortable relationship with both black girlhood and black manhood, if anyone asks i’d probably fall under that “i remember being convinced i was a little boy. not knowing why my parents didn’t see it too and insisted on treating me like a little girl.” narrative that seems to be the narrative a lot of "trans stories that won’t make cis people uncomfortably avert their gaze” media. i had (and still do have) genuine interests in a lot of traditionally masculine aesthetics, music, career paths, and hobbies, but i don’t recall ever feeling disgusted, embarrassed, or insecure parts of my life where i was identifying as / being coerced into woman aligned individuality, and the strained relationship i had with my mother because of these things, like a lot of trans guys (understandably) seem to be with theirs. this proves for disconnect occasionally, between who i want to be and who i actually am, but the more time goes by the less i give a shit about who thinks what. i don’t take shit from anyone as a guy because i didn’t do it as a chick, which leads for a lot of leeway in being comfortable with who i was and who i currently am.

i still have a lot of pleasant associations with being a gay woman, i probably wouldn’t be where i am today without a lot of the gnc lesbians and trans bi women, i still feel a sense of community with that identity (never to the point of being invasive, i hope.) i’m never not going to get sentimental about a woman being happy with another woman, comfortable in their own skin; that’s just how my brain is default-wired at this point. i’m not offended by women (cishet or otherwise) not wanting me in their spaces (it’s honestly more validating than being seen as a defanged token feminist boy who will bring no harm or whatever, i much prefer people hearing about me or holding a conversation with me and deciding what direction they want to take with me based on those things, like you would any other human being) but it’s still cool to know that i can have these feelings– still be deeply involved and still have feelings for this culture i’ve ingrained in myself from a young age– and not feel like an intruder or outsider, despite being a straight dude, i’m always going to have a pretty firm grasp of gay culture and won’t get freaked out by people putting the sex back in homosexual like a lot of cishets and even a lot of gnc tenderkweers tend to get every 3 months. it’s honestly been the side of gay culture that i’ve always preferred lol.

i call a lot of bullshit on this “toxic masculinity intricate rituals” stuff that’s come into public conscious in the last couple of years or so as well, not only was it mostly popularized by MRAs (around the same time as public concious on ellior rodger and incel/chad terminology as well…shoulda been a red flag from the beginning imo) not just because it frames men as the ones who suffer the most due to their own actions rather than the women and children they torture on a daily basis, but it’s also been used to racially pathologize the boundaries and mannerisms i have that my (racist) white partners have been uncomfortable with in the past. your weird entitled impulse to police my body and the way i present myself in a way i genuinely enjoy and am comfortable is not remotely subtle, and the mental gymnastics behind your desires to impress your frat buddies does not excuse you brutalizing women on a daily basis and shaming children to the point they have serious issues coping with a lot of hardships that face them later in life.

the most visible majority of the trans masc community is white dudes and they all fucking suck. they’re terrible to women, trans nonbinary and cis, are either extremely liberal in their political stances or simply never talk about anything relating to it at all (and they all have garbage taste in fashion and music, i know that’s kinda petty but i think i’m allowed to be rude to people who try to make wanting to transition into a humanstuck karkat gijinka a universal experience and hozier and constantly self infantalize and weaponize their own softness while expecting everyone else on the planet to wait on them hand and foot.) i’ve met maybe 3 good white trans guys in my life and one of them i’ve been friends with since high school, it really put me off transitioning all together because i was raised mostly by women and a lot of my idols have been women since i was a kid (and even if this weren’t the case, colonialist concepts of respect / equality / gender in general are very different from nonwhite cultures, so even if i wasn’t constantly in immediate proximity of women or didn’t have any “significant” woman figures in my life it would stil feel very weird and removed.)

none of this, of course, is to imply that black men aren’t horrendously misogynistic (especially towards black women. lbr, mostly towards black women, lol. this is another one of those weird intersections, knowing that misogyny is not exclusively a product of white supremacy but that colonialism has definitely catalyzed it.) or that black men won’t use their race to get out of being rightfully accused of misogyny similar to the ways a lot of white gay people use their sexualities as a get out of jail free card, but i really don’t understand white trans guys like this. i think they realize they’re oppressed and cling to it as a personality trait, and when anyone calls them on it they get really offended cus they have nothing else to fall back on, hence all the gatekeeping and regurgitated TERF rhetoric (which any and all TME people have been guilty of, at some point, and a lot of whom unfortunately are still doing as i write up this post) and truscum antics. this nonsense got so bad that it put me off transitioning for like 5 years.

i’m here now, though, and i’m content with it, so i try not to hold too many grudges about it even if it is a bit frustrating and put me behind a lot of my peers. i’m mosly just focusing on how many doors open to you when you’re finally comfortable in your own skin lol.

[kokkuri3]

are we sending ☕ things i missed that but i wanna play too O_O ☕☕☕ enjoying shitty problematic-esque to problematic vn/anime/games ironically (dmmd, detroit become racist, etc.)

So this is kind of a multi part ask. First I’m gonna address the whole concept of “problematic media.”

I think there’s this... idea, on Tumblr and on other websites, that the ultimate show of one’s morality is actually in your ability to flag to others that you are morally superior. One’s actions don’t matter nearly as much as one’s presentation- that’s why we get people claiming that “stupid” is a slur while claiming that autistic people can’t tell whether sexual attraction to children is moral. It’s not about your actual beliefs, and it’s certainly not about the material realities of your words or actions. It’s about looking for ways to prove you’re better than other people.

A lot of genuinely well intentioned people buy into this mindset, especially white people, in my experience. In those instances the philosophy becomes about extreme self flagellation, where they take any amount of criticism of a work as an indication that they are somehow Not Allowed to consume said work anymore. I’m not necessarily assigning malice to those people. In my personal opinion, I think it has more to do with white people’s lack of experience with any criticism for their racial class. People of color are already used to being judged for the actions of their class, regardless of their status as an individual or the actual truth surrounding those actions. White people are not, so they interpret any criticism of white people as a class as a personal criticism, and thus something they should punish themselves for despite this being in no way helpful to the material realities of people of color. (Which isn’t even getting into the highly individualistic culture of white America.)

So anyway. People like to act as if there’s this definitive line where something becomes Irredeemably Problematic, and if you like anything after that line, it’s because you’re a Bad Person who obviously agrees with whatever bad message that media spreads. This line moves to basically wherever’s convenient for the person drawing it in that instance, which is how you get people obsessed with movies funded by the actual literal US military calling other people immoral for liking something with like, a homophobic joke character or something. It’s not about material realities. So media that might have politically neutral or even progressive themes can get flagged as problematic because of poorly handled elements, while media about how epic American imperialism is gets passed over because it doesn’t have anything overtly misogynistic/racist/homophobic/etc.

Ultimately, what media is and is not “problematic” is entirely a matter of personal opinion and boundaries. A lot of the stuff I like a lot would be upsetting for other people to read, and that’s OK. Similarly, I know some stuff my friends like that I personally find terrible. That’s also fine. We’re different people with different standards, and none of us feel the need to force those standards on anyone else.

THAT SAID,

Both media you listed are, at their core, thematically harmful. DMMD is... literal pornography of the torture of gay men. Detroit: Become Human represents people of color as literal robots and does this in one of the most insensitive manners possible. So, yeah, for rhetoric’s sake, regardless of my personal opinion on “problematic media” as a concept, I’ll agree and say they’re “problematic.”

I... honestly don’t particularly understand the concept of liking something “ironically” or how it differs ethically from liking something genuinely. Like, is it that you’re making fun of it? In which case I mean, I guess. Sure. But otherwise... aren’t you still spreading the same messages as you would be if your enjoyment was genuine?

I guess I’d just have to judge on a case by case basis, thinking in terms of material realities. Ultimately, the people affected by the harmful natures of these work won’t know or care about your intentions. And if you’re not affected by this harm, why do you find it to be so funny, anyway?

[thatfeministchickofficial]

Crypto-POENiSs insincerely identifying as Non-Binary as though Non-Binary genders = gender criticism.

When those who think of themselves as “crypto-terfs” take on nonbinary identities, insincerely, which harms not only women who are trans, but actual nonbinary people as well, (some of whom are trans women too, some of who are not, and are even trans-masc), It is because they are “gender critical,” and therefore see no real harm/difference. Remember that *Different kinds* of “TWERF/TERF” (More properly referred to as POENiSs) exist, and be aware. This is one type. (They *LOVE* trying to play off an insincere “misunderstanding” that somehow we lump every kind of them in as though they all had the same roots for their transmisogyny, let’s make it clear that we can see that there are different species, and have studied them all...) When a “gender critical” POENiS claims to be nonbinary, they do so because they are trying to act like gender isn’t real, and so the label doesn’t matter. They don’t get that being nonbinary is a collection of genders, and think they can just use it to say “OH, I broke your system, what now???” They are not actual nonbinary people. Actual nonbinary people are not intentionally POENiSy, or at least apologize for it when they are made to see that they’ve been transmisogynist. Actual people who are nonbinary actually identify as NOT BEING WOMEN. Some have dicks, some have vaginas. POENiSs taking on the identity insincerely do so because they feel as though they can infiltrate the system, and try to act like nonbinary people think gender is a lie. Actual nonbinary people aren’t “gender critical,” POENiSs are. They believe gender exists, not as a construct for self-identification, but to impose a strict set of rules for vagina-owners in exclusion, and that men live in a gender-free world, and that this is somehow where they’ll find liberation from the shackles that the patriarchy has thrown on those who gender as women by simultaneously being like “I’m not a woman!” and “I’m a woman!”... I understand that every now and then, some of us (women) like to switch back and forth to get like a “which is it?” out of the world of men, like, HELLO, I’m a woman, this is one of the most useful attitudes in some situation for getting what you want from men, like the truth when they think they can play, this isn’t one of those situations... And like, it’s freaking annoying when POENiSs try to use tactics women developed for dealing with men for dealing with other women, like every time it happens, this is the face we make back at you: :|... That deadpan, mouth flat, eyes so wide they could roll out of their sockets, ready to roll back with a *HUGE* sigh as soon as the disbelief that you’d actually think this would work fades enough for the “OH BOY!!!” to come out of our mouths, like...this is one of those times... They think it’ll let them sneak in... They think it’ll prove a point somehow... It’s not genuine, and don’t be fooled. They especially like to try to convince other nonbinary people that they are genuine, and then use that foot in the door to start getting them attacking women who are trans for calling POENiS bullshit out., trying to make them think when we are talking about “Crypto-Terfs” (like this) that we are lumping in actual nonbinary people, when we are not, or that we are referring only to AFAB nonbinary people when we refer to nonbinary people... I don’t get how this has become such a seemingly universal piece of POENiS rhetoric, all the same, the assumption that we are talking exclusively about AFAB NB people when we (women who are trans) say NB... Probably about half of NB people were AMAB, and legit, sometimes it feels like we (women who are trans) are the only ones who get that... Is it possibly because many women who are trans are nonbinary ourselves? (Technically *ALL* trans people are nonbinary according to... *SHOCK* the binary itself...) POENiS rhetoric though, focuses on attempting to frame dysphoria as though it meant that women who are trans actually somehow secretly define womanhood as owning a vagina ourselves, and that when we talk about “Women and Afab people” basically to mean “People who don’t identify as men,” we somehow are trying to say “People who have, or want vaginas...” No, about half of nonbinary folks have or were born with what society arbitrarily calls “penises,” probably about half of nonbinary people want to have “penises” (regardless of being AMAB or AFAB), and women who are trans who have “penises” are great, and women! Women who want to keep their “penises” are great! Women who have no dysphoria at all about their penises are great, and valid! It’s a clit. It’s a fucking clit, everyone has one! What woman wouldn’t want to keep her clit? This is turning into a side note, and that note is that I’m even sick of the “keep your penis/don’t” language, like, if the surgeon is doing it right, we *ALL* “keep” our girl-penises anyway and just get a vagina, like... unless a woman asks to *NOT* have her clit, like... I don’t see why, that seems like self-harm, ok, tho... I don’t even feel like that ever happens, so, let’s change the language... And since I was talking about NB people with dicks (Like this girl), Let’s get back to that... Oh, what? You want me to talk about NB people with pussies? Cool. I’m not gonna do that right now, specifically because it’s what you want, and for me, a huge part of how my femininity expresses itself is in not doing anything just because some dude wants me to. (Dude is gender neutral right? I mean, I don’t agree with that all the time, I feel like it can be pretty loaded the way POENISs use it just in anger to basically say “I’m catching you ‘acting like a man’ and trying to go ‘bad dog!’ in order to push you back to ‘acting like a woman,’ (<-WTF do either of these even mean, like... if you’re gonna use “dude” like that, you gotta explain these two things to me. Explain it like I’m 5, please...) Anyway, be leary of any person claiming to be “nonbinary,” and “gender critical” at the same time. Actual nonbinary people aren’t “gender critical,” because *SHOCK* all of them who aren’t agender... HAVE GENDER! Frequently these “crypto-terfs,” and really POENiSs in general, act as though they believe “non-binary” is in and of itself a gender, and not a broad collection of a spectrum of countess genders, as it is, and for all I know, it’s cause they actually don’t know better... This is *ACTUALLY* kind of useful as a red-flag... They act like “nonbinary” means “I have ‘liberated’ myself from gender!” and not “I FOUND MY GENDER AND IT’S NOT ON THIS EITHER/OR BULLSHIT, THAT DOESN’T FIT MY LIFE, AND I’M ELATED!!!” Gender isn’t oppressive, *shouldn’t *be*, or *feel** oppressive. Gender is LIBERATING, *SHOULD *BE* *AND* *FEEL** liberating... LIke, this is the whole idea of being trans... We felt (and were *BEING*) oppressed by being *FORCED* into identifying and expressing ourselves with a gender we *DON’T* identify with, we feel *LIBERATED* being finally *FREE* to identify and express ourselves as the gender we actually experience and identify with and wish to express, like... OMG, this is not a difficult concept, and if you actually *WERE* nonbinary, you would get that. You would have found your freedom in the honest identification, and stopped feeling like you gotta fuck with us. Or *ARE* you actually nonbinary? I know I’m making a “woman trap” right now, it’s intentional that I didn’t back away from it, cause it’s being myself, and I won’t apologize for it, I *WILL* call attention to it, because doing so is my prerogative, and because POENiSs are so confused and full of misogyny that like, they’d try to say it’s misogynist that I (as a woman) admit (and am proud) that women know how to do this thing (Men don’t... you just don’t, not sorry...), and at the same time, not even realize that acting like women setting “traps” is a “bad” thing, and not legit just how we’ve learned to survive a confusing, gaslighty world of men *IS ITSELF MISOGYNY.* Like, yo, if you’re nonbinary, then stop trying to frame your life as a woman’s, or your experiences as “woman’s experiences.” Did I say “Only women can set ‘traps’, or did I just say “Men can’t.”...? Dude, give it up. And yes, I call other chicks dude too. I call men, women, and nonbinary people dude... The difference is that I do my best to ask if women are okay with it, or wait for them to do it first. I usually reserve it for stoner chicks and lesbians, cause we seem to throw it around more in a gender neutral-*INTENDED* way, and generally not care as much, except that trans women have a *REASON* to care when AFAB people do it, cause we’re *USED* to it being loaded. You can’t act like you can just pretend away the intentions of your word by being like “It’s gender neutral...” OK... that’s true till you put an *INTENT* to use the word *SPECIFICALLY TO GENDER* someone on it... Like I can laugh and call you “ass” with the intention of a friend to make you laugh when I see you being silly and we’re friends and know it’s all innocent and no harm intended, *OR* I can yell “ass” at a stranger with the intention of calling a stranger out on being harmful and full of shit, like... the word itself is pretty neutral between something you can casually throw at a friend and not harm them if they’re cool with the way you’re using it, and a word which can be used to actively and intentionally “bite at” (Read: HARM) someone. And like, a favorite tactic of this brand of POENiS is to act like if they see you calling out *ANOTHER* “crypto-terf” to suddenly try to get your attention and be like “I see you were talking about me, cause I too am “a nonbinary with a vagina,” yes indeed!” and like, No. Just no. No, dude.  (ABSOLUTELY read this like I'm dog/cat shaming. I am.) We were talking about Crypto-POENiS(s) who *INSINCERELY* label themselves as nonbinary, without meaning it (Fuck, a lot probably are nonbinary and even trans-masc, or men and in denial... some legit probably are women...) And when you hop in, all a *WOMAN* like *ME* sees is one of those many things in life which *IMMEDIATELY* makes us realize “Methinks thou dost protest too much.” Like... If you want to know how to talk to a woman, you gotta be able to learn to avoid triggering that, cause when we think “Methinks thou dost protest too much,” not always, and yet still, a pretty fair percentage of the time, we are fuckin’ right. Just like, stop trying to play word games with women, or do you worst... either way, it’s not gonna work XD.

[golbatgender]

@trentreznor replied to your photoset “loveyblossuhbumble: emdots: PSA This is really important Why...”

@golbatgender​ i'm trying and struggling very much to understand what exactly you're trying to convey in your reply. i have no fucking idea what you're even saying?

I’m saying that the post is full of dogwhistles--harmless-sounding phrases that actually are code for things most people wouldn’t agree with if stated outright--from reactionary, gatekeeping elements in the queer community (also known as REGs). The numbers in the list I had correspond to each image in the original post.

“LGBT” for LGBTQ, LGBTQIA, or LGBT+: Usually a mark of someone who thinks asexuals and aromantics are straight, and probablyeven harasses them for saying they’re not straight. Probably also hates the word “queer” and thinks it’s much more of a slur than it has been for the last 20 years.

“Fetishizing” fictional characters: Something binary gay men and a lot of anti-kink haters seem to think is a problem but mostly isn’t. I guess it would depend on the fandom, but I see a lot more people shaming women for writing or reading erotica at all (or like...being attracted to men, which I think is mostly biphobes) than I see anything like what “antis” claim the “fujoshis” (read: any person in fandom that I don’t like) are doing. The “examples” given in the post? I have never seen anyone past middle school do anything remotely like that unironically.

Basically, almost anyone complaining about “fujoshis” “fetishizing” “mlm” (and they use “MLM” because they’re the same people who hate “queer”) has taken a look at one of the few genres of literature dominated by women and nb people and has decided to kick the non-men who built the genre and made it semi-respectable and sometimes even lucrative out of it and make make it a Men Only Club now. (It’s like computer science: let women get it started and get it to where it’s fun and workable and can make money, then take it over and stereotype it as a man’s profession, and watch the pay skyrocket.) I hope I do not have to explain why this is misogynistic and absolutely abhorrent. Meanwhile, the rest of the people doing the complaining have been duped by the former group, using their genuine concern for the well-being of queer men.

“Looking past emotional/physical abuse”: There’s an 80% chance that this is trashing completely consensual kink and a 20% chance that the characters are actually bad for each other and the PSA-maker is completely unable to realize that these characters are not real and therefore cannot really be hurt but can possibly be written OOC by fans, and that said fans know that the abusive behavior doesn’t fly in real life. Actually, 100% chance of that last, or whoever made the PSA wouldn’t have bothered.

“Just because they’re the same gender and you consider it hot”: Mature adults realize that a raging trashfire can be hot, but you only want that heat properly contained inside a stove that vents the carbon monoxide outside, not on the floor. “Antis” don’t realize there’s a difference and think all fire is bad. (Seriously, I’ve met three-year-olds with a better grasp of the difference between fiction and reality.) Also, it’s less “because they’re the same gender” and more “Heterosexuality is boring and so these are the only options left because most media doesn’t fucking pass the bechdel test, let alone have compelling female characters.”

“Because the dynamic is evolving and it fits so well, as well as they care for each other”: Not really a dogwhistle, except to say “This is really about which one is more canon, so we’ll slander any ships we don’t like.” With an undertone of “how dare you sexually desire anyone, you filthy woman, which you must be because you’re shipping a ship I don’t like.” There is a reason the term “crackship” exists. Sometimes people ship a ship because they find the characters attractive, and that’s not a bad thing. That’s how attraction works. It doesn’t have to be about canon. (Also, attraction isn’t just “care for each other.” Sometimes it’s “Ugh they’re so annoying but also hot and I want to get in a fight with them and lose.” Homestuck has a pretty good word for this--not surprisingly, because half the plot is meta on fandom culture. Of course you don’t do that in real life because it would be a disaster, but that’s what fiction is for!)

“Only like it because it’s lgbt”: What, all at once? In addition to just using “lgbt” as its own dogwhistle, they’re trying to hide that they only care about gay men (and maybe the bi ones who don’t protest biphobia and only date men). I’m pretty sure the only people who ship things explicitly because they’re queer are the people who are actually queer, or allies who are trying to deconstruct heteronormativity (i.e. the idea that heterosexuality is the default).

“So, respect lgbt characters and couples and stop fetishizing them you nasties”: Says the person who probably treats real people worse than the characters they claim to be defending--who don’t need them to do that, because they’re fictional, unlike the real people this person is  hurting. And honestly, I’m just reminded of Donald Trump Calling Hilary Clinton a “nasty woman” on live TV (and still, sadly, getting elected) when they call us that. Their only moral guideline is “I think you’re gross.”

This is a group of people who think that people identifying as asexual is “hypersexualizing” anyone who doesn’t and acting like sexuality is bad, and who are also anti-kink because they think it’s too sexual and violent. They only want sexuality to exist within the narrow parameters of what they, personally, find hot, and if it (or a person) is not at least hypothetically sexually available to them personally, it’s morally wrong. Everything else is just self-justification and a bludgeon against anyone who treats them as capable of using reason. It’s radical feminism repackaged to look like it includes transgender people, and the few adults in the movement are mostly part of a trans-exclusionary hate group who want to get the (much more trans) younger generation of queer people on board with it, or else can’t see past the fearmongering.

So, short version, the post you replied to looks good on the surface but it’s using phrases that actually refer to very hateful ideologies, and the problem it’s talking about doesn’t reallly exist on any large scale. It’s just to trick you into hating people who aren’t doing anything wrong and unwittingly spreading and growing accustomed to hate rhetoric. Oh, and it’s in an inaccessible format so I can’t even copy-paste its shittily-written text into this debunk of it. That’s why it’s bad.

And now I’ve answered this in way more detail and good faith than it probably deserved (though I wouldn’t mind being proved wrong in that respect), because I was pretty clear in what I originally wrote about it. Good fucking night.

[fukette]

Hoteps: Black People That Black People Are Not Too Fond Of.

For those of you with lives that have less purpose than a condom at a Digimon-themed orgy at Charlie Sheen's house, you may not have stumbled onto the fertile soil that is 'Black People's Words For Describing Other Black People.' I can understand if the prospect of wading into the shea butter scented void of Black Twitter/Love and Hip Hop Recapping vernacular would give you pause. In an attempt to assuage a bit of anxiety, allow me to suggest an approach. Try listening to your favorite podcast that happens to feature a welcome perspective from your, admittedly, favorite negro. Get your mind in the appropriate headspace and get back to me when you've finished.

You finished yet? Cause Scandal's about to come on, and this week someone finally decided to stage an intervention for Liv considering that she drinks enough wine to sedate several fat koalas and-

Oh. You're done. Alright, then.

An entire show built around the facial expression "Fuck you, mom! I can stop when I want to!"

Allow me to begin this with a word of warning. The culture can sometimes be denser than a Herman Melville novel eating three-day-old cornbread. I won't delve into the intricacies of it all because, honestly, it's like detangling Haitian dreads. It'll take all day and three-quarters of the next if you let it.

However, even in the blackest of Webster's Dictionary side projects, there exists a word that describes a particular person that carries all the appealing qualities of an Adam Sandler movie that requires you lay flat on an unconfortably moist mattress for a duration no shorter than 90 seconds to obtain entry. That fuckshit word of the day, boys, and girls.....

is Hotep

Like this, but black and with waaayyy too many opinions about that bacon cheeseburger you're eating.

I imagine that the uninitiated are most likely filled with legitimate questions about what that word is, but may be hesitant to speak up not unlike reciting Biggie lyrics at a BLM open forum. It's okay. If it weren't for people asking questions, then the world would still think Iggy Azalea is a viable choice for a satisfying foray in contemporary hip hop.

Hotep, by its original context and definition, is Egyptian for 'at peace.' Which, in and of itself, is fine but it's the shrewd co-opting by way of over-zealous, afro-centric diehards that dare to put blackness on a quantifiable metric while somehow autocratically electing themselves arbiters of modern-day niggerdom that proves problematic.

Not surprisingly, I take several fuckloads of umbrage when it comes to this generic-brand, uncle who converted to Islam while serving a bid approved fuckery.

"Yeah, I callously murdered an elderly woman and illegally downloaded a major studio movie all within a 30 minute period but, person who doesn't have to reasonably expect to rape and/or be raped in the rec room, let me tell you how to live YOUR life."

Now at this time, you may be wondering, "Why, disembodied black-identifying voice, would a person who seems to totally abhor the social conditioning placed upon generations of African-Americans take it upon themselves to denigrate the identity of those very same African-Americans?" And to that so eloquently posed question, I would answer "Why am I suddenly responsible for diagnosing the motivations of stupidity and stupidity-inclined people?"

For all the misrepresentation of their actions and reframing of the pathology as if it wearing the Target-brand push-up bra of Black Empowerment, I promise you that the gravity of all its self-aggrandizement and unwarranted arrogance weighs down the saggy heaps of stark reality and lays it bare for what it really is.

Despite the objectively colorful reference above, Hoteps and hotep-like behavior is often the realm of men. And in particular, the kind of men who may empathize on a spiritual level with habitual mansplainers but unfortunately do not possess the entitlement/whiteness necessary to deliver a penis sponsored sermon from the depths of their cavernous asshole with the necessary little to no self-awareness. So, using the only card available to them, they couch their condescension in blackness and the facade of empowerment.

It's that sleight of bland that may slip by your usually sharply calibrated fuckboi radar thereby taking you more than a moment to identify it for what it is. Much like the theoretical concept of evil and genital-related diseases, this can come in many different forms and can be spread with ease. Such as but not limited to:

Berating black women for straightening or chemically relaxing their hair.

Shaming black people for rightfully dragging hilariously misguided beauty products primarily aimed at the black community while the offended party may consume products from white-owned businesses.

Some kind of vague distrust bordering on dangerous nativist rhetoric aimed at Koreans in predominately black neighborhoods.

A particular affinity towards conspiracy theories that mainly revolve around the success or lack thereof of black celebrities and the inner workings of the mythological Illuminati conglomerate. An organization with hands in every corner of the global market, orchestrator of countless assassinations, and all around specter of global totalitarianism but can somehow have its entire 3rd quarter strategy disseminated and exposed by a nigga with the screen name of 100itRackz in a 6 minute YouTube rant.

A fascinating blend of misogynistic hyperbole intermixed with subtle undertones of colorism and blatant homophobia. Like, the kind of homophobia that leaves you in a state of awe before you can even begin to feel anything else. Like if someone told you that Soulja Boy dumped Rosario Dawson before immediately donating 3 million dollars to the Republican Congressional caucus. Like, wow.

An almost religious-like compulsion to proselytize like Martin Luther King, except if MLK subscribed to toxic masculinity culture and exclusively wore the overly-aromatic scented oil sold outside of every MARTA station in Metro Atlanta. If you ever wanted to find out your about your likes, dislikes, faults, which way you tend to lean when you fart, and other personal information from a complete stranger than this ignorantly presumptuous hotep will be glad to tell you.

Also guaranteed to ruin every Juneteenth party and Backyard BBQ. Do you see? Do you see how dangerous this person can be?

If I'm presenting this ethos as some sort of campy quirk that some black men have then I genuinely apologize because we are squarely in the middle of DEFCON FUCK when it comes to the shit-rippling reverberations this toxic sense of respectability politics have on those who don't/can't recognize the fuckshit jambalaya for what it is. It leaves those basing their ethnic identity on who or what they associate with, even what you may wear, instead of what that identity means for them personally because blackness is not a monolith. It comes in various different forms for various different people. It turns Afro-centricity into a unit of measurement instead of a rich history and culture with indelible fingerprints throughout most of the modern world.

But worst of all, it reframes my blackness as something that, if I work really hard and attend every one of their open mic nights featuring poetry so shitty it wouldn't even make the fan mail section of a Highlights magazine with content exclusively provided by terminally sick kids.

This publication could give a 'tragically non-responsive to the chemo treatment'-laden fuck about you and your shit poetry, bruh.

My blackness ain't an achievement to unlock, fam. I pay that mortgage every fucking day, so you had better reevaluate some shit before you school me about me.

[whatdoyouexpectthistime]

‘Choosing Sides’ Part One - Not Telling

The two female students of the Public Safety Police Academy stood with their eyes glued to the sparring pair. Normally they would be watching for Kaiji Akizuki, member of the Special Police Bodyguard Division, but today they were watching the only female instructor, at the academy, Miho Fujiwara – his sparring partner.

They traded and deflected blows relatively evenly, though it was clear Kaiji was far better trained and disciplined – the woman, however, had her own style that didn’t seem to fit into any one type of martial art, and it allowed her to get the better of him on many occasions.

“Heh,” Subaru Ichiyanagi snorted from where he stood beside the two young women. “Kaiji’s the only one who’ll spar with her now.”

“Really?” Naruko Sasaki exclaimed, looking from the match, to Subaru. “Instructor Fujiwara is pretty amazing.”

“Sora kept getting his ass kicked,” Subaru chuckled, but simmered down when Hyogo Kaga strode into the dojo looking like he was on a mission. “You two haven’t done anything to piss that guy off lately have you?”

“Huh?” the other female student, Hana Asahi blinked, then looked immediately nervous when she took in Kaga’s demeanour – but it wasn’t them he had his eyes fixed on.

Just then, Kaiji threw Miho to the mat and declared himself the winner.

“Damnit,” Miho cursed breathily as she took the hand Kaiji offered. “You always get me with that.”

“Because you always fail to block the grapple,” he grinned, pulling her to her feet before stepping back.

The parted pair then bowed to each other in respect, and turned toward Subaru and the women, when Kaiji also spotted Kaga who headed purposefully in their direction.

“Someone’s in a good mood,” Kaiji sniffed just before he reached them.

Miho groaned inwardly.

“Instructor Kaga,” she acknowledged politely, but his expression didn’t soften at all.

“You and I need to talk,” he declared, getting right to the point.

“As personable as usual,” Kaiji grunted, snatching up a towel and tossing it to Miho.

Kaga didn’t even spare Kaiji a sideways glance, not even to Subaru as he and the two students approached.

“If it’s about the other night,” Miho responded as lightly dabbed her face, “there isn’t anything further to discuss.”

“I disagree,” Kaga pressed, moving in quite close to her, which caused both Kaiji and Subaru to ruffle.

“Hey,” Subaru scowled. “What’s your problem today?”

“Other than the Party Police disrupting my campus?” Kaga glared back rhetorically. “Don’t you have someone to babysit?”

“Another round Kaiji?” Miho asked, ignoring Kaga’s proximity entirely, looking around him.

“Fine,” Kaga growled, straightening. “How about you and I go a round?”

At this Miho blinked.

“You want to spar with me?” she sought in clarification, but as much was obvious for Kaga had already removed his jacket and shoved it at Hana.

“I win, you talk. You win, I’ll drop it,” he stipulated, and Miho thought on this a moment.

Kaiji and Subaru, however, were grinning like they already knew this would end with Miho on top.

“The only instructor here you probably couldn’t down is Soma,” Kaiji pointed out, then looked smugly at Kaga.. “Prepare to be humiliated.”

“We’ll see,” Kaga retorted, tossing Hana his tie and unbuttoning his shirt a little before taking off his shoes and socks.

“You got this,” Subaru encouraged as Miho handed him her towel, and Miho nodded before heading back to the mat.

“When I win, you tell me everything that happened,” he told her in a low voice, waiting for her to bow.

“When I win, you quit this hall monitor act and drop it,” she responded just as quietly, and then bowed.

Kaga wasted no time, and threw himself into the fight. While he didn’t aim for her head, everywhere else on her body was fair game for strike or grapple, but Miho was skilled at block and evasion. There were no weapons, no rules on form, just two people attempting to get the better of each other.

Solving problems the adult way.

“What the hell?” Kaiji muttered at Subaru’s side. “She’s pulling her punches.”

“Why would she do that?” Naruko frowned.

“This fight should already be over,” Kaiji growled, clearly very displeased.

Then there was a loud thud and the air rushing from Miho’s lungs as Kaga threw her to the mat and pounced. Straddling her, pinching mercilessly with his knees, he struggled momentarily with Miho’s attempts to buck him off before managing to get a firm hold on her writs and pin them down.

“Yield,” he hissed into her flushed face, a heavy breath laced with triumph she felt against her sweat-moist cheek.

Savagely, Miho bared her teeth for a moment, fighting with her ego – she was beaten, that was clear, but really… She knew something he didn’t, and it wasn’t the information he had come to squeeze out of her.

Ultimately, it didn’t matter how Kaga had come to dominate her, whether she had allowed it to happen or not, she did not have the strength to throw off the weight of his body.

“Say it,” he snapped, very close to her cheek, and to emphasise his point he leaned firmly against her with more of his body.

Not something she could imagine him doing to Soma or Ishigami.

“All right, I yield,” she swallowed, turning her head to the side so she didn’t have to look at the arrogantly victorious expression.

Immediately his hold let up and he rocked backward, and like Kaiji, he offered her a hand up.

By the time they were finished bowing, Kaiji and company had reached them.

“Seriously Miho, what the hell was that?” he scowled, shoving her towel into her hands irritably.

“Guess I was more tired from getting my butt kicked by you than I thought,” she shrugged, wiping over her face, neck and shoulders, but she could tell that he knew well and truly she’d thrown the fight.

Obviously it was bothering him that he didn’t know why.

“Come on,” Kaga urged, taking her elbow with one hand and his clothing items with the other.

“Hey, wait a minute,” Subaru interjected. “I’d like to know what’s going on here too.”

“It’s fine, Subaru,” Miho assured him with a weary smile. “I’ll catch up with you and the others later – I have something to give Katsuragi anyway.”

With that, she allowed herself to be led away by Kaga, leaving two very confused students and two annoyed bodyguards.

 Kaga did not escort Miho far. He led her to a small storeroom used to house various cleaning supplies for the campus. Once inside, he closed the door and made a point of locking it behind him.

“You really are oblivious, aren’t you?” Miho said, rolling her eyes in the dimness. “A place like this for the conversation we’re about to have? Do we really have to do this here and now?”

“You’re slippery,” Kaga replied, planting his hands on his hips, adopting an authoritative posture. “I’m not giving you a chance to worm your way out of this. Sit.”

Miho glanced around her – really the only thing to sit on was a big stack of toilet paper rolls, and that didn’t really look especially stable.

“If it’s all the same to you, Instructor, I’ll stand,” she glowered angrily, but he seemed imperious. “I already agreed to talk. This is not an interrogation, and I’m not suspect.”

“That’s right, you’re the victim,” he pointed out flatly, but this only caused Miho’s hackles to rise further.

“I’m hardly a victim,” she scoffed, straightening when he took a step toward her in the confined space, not knowing him well enough to guess how this unpredictable man might act.

He didn’t touch her, however, but moved around, until he was at her back.

Predatory.

Rolling her eyes at the pure childishness of him feeling the need to intimidate her, she finaly complied with his initial request.

“There isn’t all that much to tell,” she announced with an irritated shrug. “Four male students that you already identified, entered the bathroom while the women’s sign was up, with the express purpose of ambushing me.”

“Did they touch you?” Kaga questioned, and Miho’s response was quick, and completely devoid of embarrassment.

So much so, that she turned to look him in the eyes as she answered.

“Yes,” she responded clearly. “Before I could put my guards up, each arm was gripped and pinned to the wall, while the third students removed the towel I had wrapped around me.”

If he was in any way impressed by her candour, it was not evident in his countenance.

“Then?” Kaga prompted dispassionately.

“I issued their second and final warning, which they ignored. The student with the large nostrils, Okada, squeezed my right breast, and so I floored him with a knee to the crotch and a very restrained uppercut. The other three, in their momentary shock, allowed me to buck free and disable them, and,” she inhaled slowly, not breaking eye contact, “as I was fixing my towel you showed up.”

“This needs to be reported,” Kaga declared bluntly, shifting his feet like he was preparing to leave.

“Ordinarily I would agree,” she nodded. “But, this wasn’t just an attack on a woman, it was aimed at the first female instructor this academy has ever had, and a foreigner no less.”

“All the more reason to…” he began, but Miho cut him off.

“To provide the higher-ups with the fuel they need to get rid of this ridiculous woman?” she filled in. “No,” she growled, this time stepping up to him, finger pointed at his chest. “The actions of these boys stems from exactly the same kind of patriarchal, misogynist culture that has plagued the Japanese police force for centuries.”

“Here we go,” he snorted, rolling his eyes.

“Don’t you dare roll your eyes at me,” Miho hissed, this time, not a single scrap of accommodation in her tone. “This isn’t a feminist rant, this is a soapbox litany of the reasons why Japanese boys think it’s okay to treat women like garbage, boys who grow into men who prey on women. Crying foul to administration and supposedly proving their point that women, especially not ones who aren’t even police, have no place here, will only further encourage that culture and perpetuate the cycle.”

Kaga blinked at Miho slowly.

“That may very well be true,” he said finally, “but a sexual assault was committed, and that cannot go unpunished.”

“Did they look unpunished to you?” she sniffed, rolling her shoulders back. “If reported, they get a slap on the wrist, maybe shipped back to their original postings. As it is, they suffer their wounded pride and keep it to themselves without the satisfaction of having my position abolished over bullshit sexism, or, they bitch about how I beat the crap out of them to other students who will know better than to pick a fight with me.”

“And if they come after you with greater numbers?” he posed, unconvinced.

“Then I drop them too,” she nodded confidently.

“Like you dropped me?” he volleyed.

“Like I’ve dropped Kaiji,” she clarified. “You got lucky.”

“You’d better hope anyone else who attacks you doesn’t get lucky,” he noted dryly, “or I won’t be the least bit sympathetic.”

“You won’t report this then?”

“I won’t report it,” he agreed, but the slow smile creeping onto his face told Miho there was a stipulation and she wasn’t going to like it, “but, I want something in return.”

The way he was looking down at her now, suggested his demand would be something typically lewd.

“Such as?” Miho prompted cautiously. “I’m not fond of being blackmailed.”

“More fond than having your bathroom adventure reported though I’m sure,” he smirked. “Whatever your sick little mind is imagining, this isn’t going to be nearly so fun.”

“I’m not imagining anything,” she retorted.

Skeptically, Miho listened to Kaga’s offer, but she was still frowning at the end, shaking her head.

“Don’t you think you should be utilising a female member Public Safety officer? You do remember I’m a civilian instructor right?”

“I remember,” he affirmed. “But right now there isn’t anyone available, and our two female cadets sure as hell aren’t ready.”

“But I am?” she questioned, and he nodded. “You know the Chief will never approve this,” she then pointed out, but Kaga just smiled.

“Which is why we won’t be telling him,” he declared. “See. There’s a whole pattern of not telling here.”

Miho’s nose wrinkled, but moment later she sighed and her shoulders slumped.

“Fine,” she exhaled. “One night.”

“Tonight,” he dropped. “I’ll pick you up outside the north entrance at 7pm. Don’t be late.”

“You’re a jerk,” Miho answered, unlocking the door and exiting without looking back, though she could feel his eyes on her until she turned into the main building.

Continue to Part Two - Mistakes

[anthonywashrosado]

Our Need for Intersectionality within the Hip Hop Movement

A couple of mornings ago I was in Florida tuning into The Breakfast Club for a semblance of home. Conversations on The Breakfast Club relay ways in which Hip Hop’s Movement and Culture relate to the individual, our community, and our world. In addition to sharing personal stories, politics of the music industry and artist development are examined and reviewed with influential innovators.

There have been golden episodes of TBC that filled me with hope. Interviews with leading revolutionaries Trevor Noah, Angela Rye, SZA, Kendrick Lamar, the cast of Insecure, DJ Khaled,Cardi B.and more have blessed millions of listeners with insight, enlightenment, inspiration, and laughs. Although I am forced to swallow my pride whenever Angela Yee is cut off by her male co-hosts, I tune into TBC in order to tap into sentiments similar to those of Johanna Valdes:

“It sucks that even though when people are highly problematic on The Breakfast Club and Power 105.1, I still have to engage because it's Black media and it's New York and it sounds like home. It just still has the parts of home that still hurt the most (usually misogyny and homophobia and classism).”

Johanna’s ventilation vibrate on a high frequency. Remy Ma was TBC’s guest this morning and I was eager to hear her speak of her creative process, as well as her journey making music. Half an hour into this episode I was packing my suitcase and heard words from Remy that brought a sharp chill down my spine, paralyzing my body to a halt.

“But I just... Me, as a female I get it when females do certain things but--”

She was responding to an earlier statement regarding men who gossip. My heart pounded as I turned my head toward Remy’s waving hands and matter of fact tone, thinking of the audience receiving this:

“--I hang around a lot of guys, so when I see guys doing certain things that the guys I grew up around and that I hang around don’t do, I just be so confused. Like, why?”

She threw her hands up, extending the “whyyyyy?”. I knew exactly where this tired rhetoric was going. I immediately felt solidarity with fellow femme identifying listeners as we all prepared ourselves for the internalized misogyny that would spur the seemingly unending perpetuation of femmephobia and attack on women and girls. Charlemagne responded,

“But you grew up around a lot of murderers and killers and shooters.” Remy attests,

“You’re right. You’re right. Absolutely, I did. I’m not going to lie to you. I didn’t have any, like, nice guys around me. They was real cool, but I tell you one thing: They was 100. They wasn’t acting like

girls. They wasn’t doing anything that was not manly; that wasn’t stand up; that you couldn’t, you know, hold your nuts on. That’s just the people that I grew up around. So when I move around today and I see a lot of the ways these guys be moving, it’s very female-ish.”

At this point Remy’s tone has transitioned from a high pitch of confusion to the somber note of a lecturing professor. Angela agrees with a “Mhm”. Charlemagne nods with focused eyes as if this information is new and righteous. Remy continues,

“Very woman-like.”

Angela, the most informed and considerately conscious host on TBC, quickly switches the topic to Love & Hip Hop. As their talk delves further into mind-numbing discourse, I felt that final blow alongside all femme identifying women, trans people, and men listening.

I expected Charlemagne to support Remy’s statements. This is a man who is obtaining cultural capital through interviews with varying sources emboldening his perspective on the “transgender lifestyle”. Charlemagne is akin to straight and straight-passing men who demonstrate their masculinity via defamation of gender non-conforming peoples. While transwomen are being killed every day, The Breakfast Club have the privilege of sittin in their studio and laughing while, you know, Lil Duval states he would kill his sexual partner if he found out they were trans. Their uproar translated to the TBC community: whether lie or not, a human being’s inability to reveal their gender identity is of more value than that human’s right to live.

Do you see how dangerous that is?

While I appreciate Angela’s proactivity to cease Remy’s misogynist and femmephobic hyperbole, her reaction mirrored my sixth grade science teacher’s decision to sweep homophobia under the rug by instructing us to open chapter four after I had been called a faggot during his lesson.

Miles from my family, I turned to facebook and posted my feelings. Responses from fellow TBC subscribers eased my mind. Candace Simpson vented,

“It hurts me when my fellow black cis sisters engage in those sorts of gender-essentialist games. We never had womanhood in this country. Ever. And even when we did, it was conditional. I wish we could really take seriously that transphobic rhetoric hurts us too. Think about how people called Serena a man. Black women get those ‘insults’ so much more than white women. As a tall woman, I’ve had my womanhood questioned. I wish we could get it together because this really does come home to bite us in the ass.”

Initially, I planned on visiting Angela at her juice spotin Brooklyn. She is able to thwart any exchange from deleterious to productive. I invariably look forward to her questions. I admire her entrepreneurship. As a Brooklyn native I felt she might want to listen to me. “Yet”, I thought to myself, “if the camera is hardly on Angela during TBC’s aired recordings and her profound questions are constantly interrupted by basic macho prose, then what power would she have to respond to the hate so boldly spewed internationally? ...And would she be targeted for speaking out against hate she and her co-hosts permitted on TBC?”

Angela’s decision to slyly swat away comments that assure continuous degradation of women within the workforce and social spheres is one that is just as venomous as instigating hate. Remy’s internalized misogyny was ignored, as well as the fact that she spat in the wind.

This spit slapped the faces of women who have struggled with stereotypical heteronormative expectations of womanhood for generations... then hit all of her femme identifying male and trans fans...

and finally landed on her L’Aveugle shades.

Although she may wipe her glasses off, the brunt of her conclusion is detrimental to the sustainability of her fan base. There are many ironic and sad parts of Remy’s foot-in-mouth moment. First and foremost...

Remy, come meet me on any day and I will humbly show you a man who is thriving for his community. I will come to you with utmost respect and kindness. I will provide for you receipts at which to prove how I have fostered my upward mobility within a society whose legislative and socially oppressive systems hinder non-white low class individuals from reaching their potential. I am a queer femme identifying Afro-Boricua housing rights activist, curator, and choreographer. My older brother is also queer and a self made entrepreneur, mother agent, and photographer who I assisted in helping raise our three younger siblings. My mom had he at 16 and me at 18. He and I are both very comfortable with our masculine and feminine energies.

My brother is 100. I am 100. I am confident many of your femme identifying male fans are 100.

We need clarity on your definitions so as not to misinterpret your words: Remy, what does it mean to act like a “girlyman”?

Doe it mean that that one is considerate; emotionally intellectual; secure in their feelings; able to express their self?

Or does it mean that one is fragile; dim-witted; easily moldable; unable to make their own decisions?

What does it mean to act “woman-like”?

Does it mean that one provides; nurtures; has agency in creating the circumstances for the life they want; preserves the human species?

Or, Remy, does it mean that one is worth less than the masculinity present within a cis-gendered man; to blame for any verbal and physical abuse they receive in these streets; wired to gossip.

If so...

Remy Remy Remy... You and TBC just dug us a bit deeper into a pit of anti-women based media, hate, crimes, and legislation...

Now I’M confused cause y’all over there laughing and got me sitting in Miami on a sunny 86 degree day tapping at the keys on my laptop, over here like... Why? Whyyyy? Why can’t y’all just have a discussion with the Gender Unicorn?

Fact:Gender performance, gender identity, the sex you were assigned at birth, sexual attraction, and emotional attraction are different. Neither one of these dictates the other.

Remy, your remarks regarding your perception of how others should perform their gender have weight. I wish they didn’t, but they do. I understand that you were alluding to men who gossip. However your proclamation was toxic because it implies that women inherently gossip and/or it is okay for women to gossip but not men. Although your words intended to illustrate your mindset on men gossiping, their effect was of severe detriment to TBC supporters. They maintain the stereotype that women are loose with their tongues. They validate aggressors who traumatize, attack, and slaughter gender non-conforming people.

Remy, I also grew up with machismos in and out of jail. I too had men in my life like those you explain. They tried their hardest to make a man of me. What they, and you, won’t realize is that my manhood and my gender performance are defined by me. Not them. Not you. Me.

True, Remy, your intention was to express your distaste for men who gossip. This implies that gossiping is a trait ingrained in women.

Remy, what is missing from your eurocentrically washed frame of mind is the herstory and history of our African and Indigenous American ancestors. Arawak Tainos across the Caribbean were amongst countless tribes who lived in matriarchal societies. All spectrums of gender identity and performance existed then, as they still do today.

Remy, in order to insure the longevity of your career you need an ardent and viable fan base that know you got their backs. No matter your intent, your actions impacted more people than you can imagine. Believe it or not, your fans include gender non conforming and/or femme identifying people.

Why do we hurt one another even though we are all being hurt by the same oppressor?

I escaped New York in part to get away from femme phobia, only to arrive to North Miami and experience femmephobia from men and women of color.

Where is the intersectionality? Why can’t I escape society motivating society to drink basic-heteronormative flavored kool aid?

Red dye #40 is not good for you.

Deductive reasoning reveals if a person is discriminatory of an identity they too claim, then they endure self-inflicted prejudice. Remy, if you loved yourself then you wouldn’t have to nonchalantly spread hate internationally. Just because people around you were laughing, does not mean it wasn’t enmity. I hope you take time to learn to love yourself more. I hope you will make time to reach out to we who secure your artistic career’s existence. We need your lucidity.

We are waiting.

Revolutionary Ru Paul preaches, “If you don’t love yourself, how in the world are you going to love somebody else?”

[rametarin]

Asshole: “Ewwww. You mentioned [youtube vlogger personality.] Didn’t you hear? Those names and people are Odd Men Outed, and are part of the problem of radicalization of young people!”

Person #2: “What does that mean?”

Asshole: “It means, if you admit to watching them, for any reason, whether for understanding them and getting from their own mouths what they believe and say, or because you enjoy their content, we get to assume you are on their wavelength and unconsciously absorbing their rhetoric, which we have deemed unequivically to be white supremacist, misogynistic and evil. We’ve decided that those people are part of the alt-right and contributing to the radicalization of people, so unless you actively rebuke them and refuse to watch them, we’re going to assume you’re one of them.”

Person #2: “Huh.”

Asshole: “Anyway did you hear that the vlogger Bluggaflugga raped a yak the other day? Between antisemitic and sexist posts. You know, like their sort does.”

Person #2: “Actually they did not. They joked about being accused of raping things by clarifying they only rape giant ungulates, not little human girls, and drew themselves as a funny illustrated caricature doing that. They’ve never actually been within five feet of a yak. It was taken out of context by people that keep insisting they, ‘look like a rapist’ and then keep emphasizing that ‘rapeyness’ in the context of that how “rapey” giving Likes specifically to female youtube commentors are. (Strangely, they don’t think their Likes to male commentators are rapey or sexually inclined.) And they then used that joke to prove their accusation as admittance of guilt for his “crimes.” His drawing of himself doing that was mocking them and their accusations of being a sexual predator. He didn’t even draw himself raping a yak, it was an elk. Which he substituted on purpose. For the humor.”

Asshole: “They also believe [minority group here] are evil and also they’re a white supremacist associated with the alt-right.”

Person #2: “They do not, actually, and have stated many times they do not, despite the accusations by people that took edgy humor out of context. They also have more videos on their channel castigating and calling out the alt-right and race realism than they have edgy jokes, at this point. The alt-right hates this vlogger very much, and if you spied on what those idiots actually say and believe about this vlogger and their content and what they say on the subjects, you’d know that. 4chan’s /pol/ hate this guy. The ‘alt-right’ are not fans of you unless you’re ACTIVELY white supremacist or anti-anyone else. Liberals shitting on the KKK at the same time they shit on the hammer and sickle are not alt-right, nor, ‘alt-right adjacent.’ ”

Asshole: “Why do you know so much about this vlogger? You seem biased in their favor. You know it’s a slippery slope to defending them and internalizing their beliefs!!”

Gee it’s almost like floating the expectation that someone NOT know about something or someone, and communicating you’re going to write them off as Persona non Grata/Part Of The Problem for knowing about them, and then going on to talk about how disruptive, toxic and hateful they are based on hearsay and gossip or deliberate and dishonest rumor mongering, is part and parcel of the same totalitarian strategy of “cancelling” people for saying things YOU don’t want to hear, or don’t want OTHERS to hear about what YOU believe. Almost like ceasing association with people that will not participate in Othering people and media you disagree with for imagined reasons is a form of abuse and control. Punishment for not doing what you want or believing what you want them to believe, in the way you want them to beleive it.

But I guess this social pattern of parasitic and interpersonally violent, predatory behavior is to be expected by the sort of people that invented and refined “struggle sessions” to being an ideological cultural staple.

[emarie2017-blog]

*The Feminine Style*

In this entry, I will examine the critical question: What gender norm is constructed or undone in this artifact, how is it performed, and/or how does it promote dominate ideology over a marginalized group or push back against the ideology or gender norms?

To investigate this question, I will look at New Girl episode, season 5 and episode 15 titled “Jeff Day.” In this Jess’s storyline of this episode, the main character, Jess, tries to buy a new car on her own. The car salesman that she has to deal with is sexist and makes misogynistic comments to Jess, so she comes up with a plan, by creating a fake husband, who she calls Jeff, hoping that the salesman will take Jeff more seriously (since he is a guy). Jess emails the salesman as Jeff and the salesman agrees to the terms that Jess makes for the car. The problem comes when the man would like for Jeff to sign the papers in person, which makes Jess use the help of her guy friend, Nick, to pose as Jeff. Jess and Jeff return to the car dealership, as the car salesman proves to bond more with Jeff and wants to consider Jeff’s needs for the car, while making sexist remarks to Jess, and not taking her seriously.

Throughout the episode, the gender norms of how women are meant to be feminine and unknowledgeable about cars/careless drivers, while men are meant to be masculine and into cars are constructed by the salesman’s sexist treatment of Jess, through his words and actions. The feminist rhetorical theory focuses on how gender construction can maintain the power of a dominant gender or strengthen the power of a marginalized gender, as well as analyzing how gender norms can be constructed in a harmful way. As discussed in Judith Butler’s (2014) “Gender Regulations,” rhetoric is able to construct and deconstruct gender. In regards to the limitations regarding gender, Butler states “a restrictive discourse on gender that insists on the binary of men and women as the exclusive way to understand the gender field performs a regulatory operation of power that naturalizes the hegemonic instances and forecloses the thinkability of its disruption” (43). In “Jeff Day,” Jess explains that at the car dealership, the car salesman “called me doll face, started pointing out all the room in the trunk for my shopping bags. Then, he explained four-wheel drive to me. I don’t need four-wheel drive explained, it’s very well-named.” When Jess and Nick (as Jeff) go to the dealership, Jess and Jeff start exaggerating their gender roles, as Jess pretends to be a super feminine and caring wife and Jeff takes on the role as the masculine husband. The car salesman mostly addresses just Jeff, and stays insistent on Jeff getting a large car for Jess, stating “You  wanna send this girl onto the road with a little bulk in case she gets hit. Or more likely, hits someone, am I right?” The car salesman’s initial rhetoric sets up a clear distinction between himself and Jess. The phrase “doll face” is language that usually an older person may call a small child, and this use of derogatory language is an attempt to put himself in a superior position to Jess, making a differentiation between him as a male and Jess as a female. In other words, he treats Jess as child.

 The car salesman continues with the construction of females and males when he uses stereotypes of women, assuming that since she is a woman, she would love shopping and must not be knowledgeable about cars, which constructs how women are, in relation to men. He also acknowledges that as a woman, Jess is probably a bad driver, which once again plays into the construction of gender. This constructs how gender is performed, as women are seen as being the shoppers and caregivers, while men are seen as being the decision makers and providers, Through distinguishing the behavior of women from the behavior of men, the car salesman sets up the idea that these are the only two options for people: feminine or masculine, and one cannot have qualities of both. The salesman does not show any understanding that a female can possibly not enjoy shopping, or know a lot about cars, which sets limits on both genders. These are assumptions about how people are supposed to act, based on their sex. 

Bruner (1996) argues that past feminist argumentation has focused more on the differences in patriarchal and feminist argumentation, which actually exemplifies gender stereotypes, rather than illustrating the problems in establishing the problems in gender stereotypes.  Bruner refers to previous scholars Foss and Griffin (1992) who have established patriarchal argumentation as “‘dominating’” and “‘controlling,’” and feminist argumentation as “‘nurturing.’” Bruner asserts that these types of depictions undermine feminism, by establishing the need for men/women to take on a character, constraining both genders, and giving the impression that “‘women cannot argue’ in certain ways.” In the episode of New Girl analyzed, the car salesman initially takes on the dominating and controlling  argumentative style that Bruner refers to, while Jess contributes to the stereotype by staying passive. On the other hand, towards the end of the episode, Jess demonstrates how women do not have to always be seen in a passive argumentative role, and men do not always have to be seen in the dominating/controlling role. In a test drive with the car salesman, Jess begins driving dangerously fast and argues for the car she wants. She asserts, “You’re gonna give me what I want!” and when he attempts to make a deal, she yells “You’ll do better!” and asserts all of the features she wants in her car. The car salesman gives up, and gives in to all of her requests. This demonstrates how women can be assertive in their argumentative style, and men can also take on a passive role.

 In summary, this artifact demonstrates how one constructs gender through their language and behavior, causing limiting views on people. Furthermore, this artifact illustrates how gender is performed in the way that the characters originally begin the episode in stereotypical roles, but later show how both men and women can dismiss the constructions of gender, and have multiple layers to them.

  References

Bruner, M. L. (1996). Producing identities: Gender problematization and feminist

argumentation. Argumentation & Advocacy, 32(4), 185.

Butler, J. “ Gender Regulations.” In Undoing gender (pp. 40-46). New York:

Routledge.

Wengert, J. (Writer), & Chandrasekhar, J. (Director). (2016). Jeff day [Television

series episode]. In E. Meriwether, et al. (Executive producer), New Girl. Retrieved from http://www.netflix.com

[junker-town]

The Patriots have a Trump problem

The Patriots have the closest connection to the Republican president-elect of any NFL team. And many of their fans in liberal Massachusetts are having trouble reconciling their love for the team with their dislike of the man.

The Clinton-Kaine signs were still up on the afternoon of Dec. 24, sagging in the snow like tombstones of hope. They flashed by the windows as I drove through my hometown of Lincoln, Mass., where 77.7 percent of residents voted for Hillary Clinton. Hanging off porches behind some of the Clinton signs were New England Patriots flags.

For over a decade now, people outside of New England have reviled the Patriots for turning winning into a science and, many believe, cheating to do so. Pats fans doubled-down in response, and a fierce loyalty took root in Massachusetts that, through the sagas of Spygate and Deflategate, seemed unshakable.

But recently, that blind faith has faced its greatest test in the form of the team’s connection to Republican President-elect Donald Trump.

The trouble began when Patriots reporters spotted Brady with a Make America Great Again hat in his locker in Foxboro in the fall of 2015 (feels like a lifetime ago, doesn’t it?), soon after Trump announced his candidacy and called Mexicans rapists in the same speech. Over the past year and a half, the team’s ties to Trump have only grown stronger.

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It isn’t shocking that Patriots fans would have trouble with this relationship: Massachusetts was the only state in the country where every county went for Hillary Clinton. Massachusetts does have counties that tend to be larger than those of other states, and some towns went for Trump — namely a band in central Massachusetts and a cluster near Rhode Island. But even most of the working class, white towns on Cape Cod and surrounding Boston voted for Clinton. She won 60.8 percent of the state. Trump took only 33.5 percent.

In fact, all of New England went for Clinton. And yet, the Patriots are the only team whose head coach, star quarterback, and wealthy owner have such a long-running, public relationship with the Republican president-elect, who’s one of the most divisive and fear-inspiring figures in the history of American politics.

Not all Massachusetts fans are bothered by the team’s Trump connection, of course — the Pats are still wildly popular. They were playing the Jets as I drove through town on Christmas Eve, and the streets were that particular kind of empty that falls over the state when a game is on. Driveways held extra cars. TVs flickered in windows.

But no matter how you feel about Trump or the Patriots, the truth is that one of the bluest states has the reddest team.

* * *

I was working for Boston.com when Deflategate started in early 2015. It felt like the non-scandal was all we wrote about and all anyone in Boston talked about for months — even obscure figures like U.S. District Court Judge Richard Berman, who ruled in Tom Brady’s favor, became heroes, supporting protagonists in a very boring sports thriller. I once overheard a few guys in a Boston bar raise their beers and toast, “TO JUDGE BERMAN!”

That righteous indignation only fueled the Pats-fans-against-the-world mentality that began to take shape after Spygate in 2007, when the NFL disciplined the team for videotaping the Jets' defensive coaches. Since then, it’s seemed like everyone outside of the L.L. Bean Boot-heavy (a company currently struggling with a Trump problem of its own) states thinks the Pats are cheaters. No one likes cheaters who win all the time.

Speaking badly about "Tommy" in Boston is like trashing the Pope when you're inside the Vatican: At best, sacrilegious. At worst, a death wish.

Patriots fans have therefore spent the past 10 years defending Brady, Belichick, and Kraft, the region’s holy trinity. Brady’s been a god since he and his chiseled jawline stepped onto the turf at Gillette Stadium almost 20 years ago and started proving all the haters wrong. Speaking badly about “Tommy” in Boston is like trashing the Pope when you’re inside the Vatican: At best, sacrilegious. At worst, a death wish.

And then came Trump.

I remember the shock that went around the internet when the hat pictures surfaced. Trump was largely still a joke then, so some thought that maybe Brady was just messing with the media. Others hoped someone had given the hat to him ironically and he hadn’t gotten rid of it yet.

That thinking turned out to be wishful: Brady went on to say it’d be “great” if his “friend” Trump won the election, and then later walked those comments back. Trump told The New York Times shortly thereafter: “Tom Brady is a great friend of mine. He's a winner and he likes winners.”

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In the NFL offseason, Bill Belichick’s girlfriend Linda Holliday posted an Instagram of herself and Belichick with Trump (she also posted a photo with Kid Rock, but I digress). This fall, Brady refused to denounce Trump’s “locker room talk” in a press conference, leaving the stage instead of addressing a reporter’s question regarding the tape in which Trump bragged about grabbing women “by the pussy.” Brady then spoke about how Trump has been his friend for 16 years (the two are golfing buddies) on Boston sports radio.

Brady declined to say who he’d vote for, but his wife, supermodel Gisele Bundchen, denied on Instagram that she and Brady would vote for Trump. The quarterback himself never went public with his choice, saying instead at a press conference that his wife told him not to talk about politics anymore.

The night before the election, Trump said that Brady and Belichick supported him, and read out loud a letter that Belichick wrote him — in which Belichick commended the candidate for doing doing a “tremendous” job — at a rally in New Hampshire. When asked about the letter, Belichick said that it was not politically motivated. On Nov. 16, a few days after the election, Kraft was seen entering Trump Tower in Manhattan.

Photo by Drew Angerer/Getty Images

The Patriots aren’t the only figures in the NFL who’ve buddied up to Trump: Rex Ryan (R.I.P. his career with the Bills), for example, introduced the president-elect at a rally. There were many pieces written this fall about how many white players supported Trump.

But the Patriots’ relationship is different: It’s been the most public, and the team is one of the most popular and most successful franchises. They have, arguably, the most respected coach, a quarterback who is heading for — if he hasn’t already reached — G.O.A.T. status, and probably the second-most powerful owner in the NFL. They also have one of the top-five biggest fan bases in a top-five media market.

That media market also happens to be one of the most liberal. And the candidate the team is so connected to ran with the most non-liberal (and racist, misogynistic, anti-Semitic, Islamaphobic, etc.) rhetoric.

“It will forever color my opinion of the team. I will not watch, I will not buy any more jerseys. I’m done.”

Being a sports fan often means turning a blind eye to the political opinions and occasionally abysmal actions of your athletic heroes. Being a fan of any celebrity demands this — just ask anyone who listens to Kanye West. The 2016 election cycle, however, was decidedly not politics as usual. Trump’s whole campaign was littered with revelations — such as his refusing to rent apartments to black tenants decades ago, posting anti-Semitic memes, proposing a ban on Muslims from entering the country and forcing them to place themselves on a registry, bragging about sexually assaulting women — that would’ve prompted other politicians to withdraw from the race.

In the past, if a team’s politics didn’t align with those of its fan base, most fans could live with it. But the game got way uglier, and many people seem to be struggling: Fans flocked to Brady’s Facebook page the day Trump read the letter in New Hampshire to leave comments about how disappointed they were. Countless New England loyalists I’ve talked to over the past two months have told me that their idols are wobbling on their pedestals.

For some, they’ve shattered.

* * *

I was at a neighborhood holiday party in Lincoln a few days before Christmas, talking to the parents of several friends I grew up with. They asked about my job, so the conversation turned to sports. And then, naturally, to the Patriots. And then, naturally, to Trump.

“Oh, Susan Pease won’t even watch anymore,” one of my friend’s moms said. “She used to watch every Sunday with her family, and now she just can’t do it.”

I called Pease a few days later to ask her if this was true.

“Yeah, I just will not watch,” she said. “I really enjoy watching the game with my family. I like what it means for my family to sit down and talk and laugh and watch and snack and now ... I just, it’s just ruined for me. It’s not the worst thing about this, of course — this whole thing stems from my tremendous disappointment over this election and country. But it will forever color my opinion of the team. I will not watch, I will not buy any more jerseys. I’m done.”

Over the course of reporting this story, I’ve received countless emails and Facebook messages from people in Massachusetts telling me how disappointed they are in their team. Writing those letters almost seemed like catharsis for many: Several ended with sentiments along the lines of “it feels so good to get this off my chest,” and “I’ve been thinking about this so much.”

Some of these notes I got were filled with anger. People wrote things like “Fuck Brady,” and “I used to think Belichick was a genius and now I hate him,” and “I actually take delight when they lose.” Pease isn’t alone — at least six other people told me they can’t bear to watch Pats games anymore, either. A few told me that they were looking for a reason to give football up already because they find the NFL immoral and what it does to men’s bodies indefensible. Trump was the final straw that eliminated any feelings of loyalty.

Photo by Jim Rogash/Getty Images

Many fans, however, are still watching games and rooting for the Pats. Joe Martini, who lives in Boston, grew up an ardent Patriots fan in Arlington, Mass., and voted for Trump, told me that Brady influenced his positive opinion of the candidate.

“I look at Brady's endorsement of Trump a little differently,” he said. “Some people who do not support Trump look at it as a knock on Brady, but I look at it as a great sign for the person Donald Trump is. If you look at the man Tom Brady presents himself as, and the values he tries to instill in teammates, many of them minorities, and his family, his wife is a Brazilian immigrant, I would have to imagine he sees those same values in Trump to support him.”

Even if, unlike Martini, fans were horrified by Trump himself, many told me that they respected everyone’s right to their own opinion. They worried that if they started holding Trump against Brady, they’d be going down a path of dividing an already divided country even more.

What most people on either side of the aisle did have a hard time stomaching, however, was Belichick’s violation of his own strict media policy. Even though we don’t know who Belichick voted for — or if he voted at all — some fans saw his letter to Trump as a blatant violation of the one rule he’s always preached: No distractions.

“When Belichick takes a stance on the need to be focused, on ‘doing your job,’ and then when it’s convenient for him to do something that serves him and a friendship with Donald Trump, he does it? That’s a betrayal from a fan’s perspective.”

In fact, the language in the letter seemed so out of character that people had trouble believing it was real at first. I certainly did — I made a joke on Twitter that Belichick wrote all of my college letters of recommendation when the story broke because I found it so strange. My phone blew up as friends texted me that they were sure Trump wrote the letter himself. Belichick, they reasoned in a panic, is famously gruff and short. He wouldn’t use Trump-specific words like “tremendous,” nor would he dare break his own ethos.

But Belichick did. He wrote the letter, doesn’t appear to have told Trump he couldn’t read it out loud (Brady, however, implied at a press conference that maybe he hadn’t given Trump permission to speak about him that night), and then defended it.

Enjoyed dinner at Mar-a-Lago this evening with our good friend Donald Trump

A photo posted by Linda Holliday✨ (@lindaholliday_) on Mar 5, 2016 at 8:25pm PST

Fans found this situation wildly hypocritical. Jeff Kirchick, a die-hard Pats fan from Massachusetts who now lives in New York City, took the letter particularly hard.

“In their personal time, a lot of these guys probably do a lot of things I don’t agree with,” said Kirchick. “That’s not my business. But what they do on the field is my business. It’s what I watch.

“So when Belichick takes a stance on the need to be focused,” he continued, “on ‘doing your job,’ and then when it’s convenient for him to do something that serves him and a friendship with Donald Trump, he does it? That’s a betrayal from a fan’s perspective. When it serves him, he can do that, but when the media has questions about relevant things to the game he dismisses them and shuns them because we need to ‘stay focused on the next opponent.”

The distractions, Kirchick believes, hurt the actual game the Patriots were playing: The week of the election, the team lost to the Seahawks. It was close, but New England’s defense couldn’t stop Doug Baldwin and Russell Wilson in the fourth quarter and also couldn’t answer with points of their own. It was one of only two losses in the regular season, and the only game Tom Brady failed to win in 2016.

* * *

It’s hard to have a conversation about the Patriots without talking about Trump anymore. The connection reverberates far beyond the place I grew up.

I watch it happen online all the time. I’ve written about the Patriots a fair amount in the past few weeks as the NFL playoffs got underway. The piece that got the most views was about how I hope we have a Patriots-Cowboys Super Bowl. I looked at the article a few days after it published and saw it had 235 comments. Even though I didn’t mention Trump at all in the piece, before I scrolled down to the read the comments, I knew they’d be about the team’s connection to him.

They were. Some people were defending the Pats, saying everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. Others declared they hated New England even more now because they were aligned with a monster. Others were saying, “who cares?” Most of the comments quickly derailed — as comments are wont to do — into a fierce debate about politics with very little mention of football.

No matter how anyone feels about the team or the president-elect, the two have become as woven into each other’s histories as Trump’s hair is to his head. The difference is that while the rest of the country doesn’t really have a stake in this connection, Patriots fans in liberal Massachusetts who find Trump abhorrent have to grapple with the emotional implications. Patriotism in the age of Trump, it turns out, is a tricky thing to navigate.