#you're incredible we all know it

[bixels]

What did/do you like about Pharah?

Uh, gameplay-wise, I really love characters in shooters who rely on three-dimensional movement techs. Chaining together hover and jump to stay in the air for as long as possible and keep momentum is so satisfying, and picking enemies off from the sky made me feel like a bird of prey. I was a good Pharah main.

Story-wise, there unfortunately isn't much to canonically go off because Pharah is so underutilized and neglected. Her personality's pretty boilerplate "heroic hero" (she's literally inspired by Captain America).

But it's the crumbs/bits and pieces that I really latched onto. Pharah's a confirmed lesbian; her short story with Baptiste implies she harbors a crush on Mercy (fucking thank you.). She's biracial Egyptian/First Nations. She has major mommy issues, having grown up both admiring and resenting Ana. She's the bridge between Old Overwatch, inspired by the idealized heroes who surrounded her childhood, and New Overwatch. She's one of the only inter-generational characters in the cast; someone whose experiences span the gap, which is why I seriously believe Pharah would make a great main character.

There isn't much to go off of, though; she's a very uncomplicated character (she's a soldier for a private military corporation, lol.). But that just means she's a blank slate character, so I've seen fanfic writers run wild and create some really interesting takes on her. My favorite interpretation of her's a dense, herbo gym-bro type (a lot of her liens are about work outs, exercising, and playing sports) who's easily excitable under her seemingly self-serious, armored visage. We see how she tends to gloat and hype herself up when she's on a streak too, so Pharah definitely has a competitive and boastful side under her more professional and militant performance.

Now Mercy? Mercy is a real complex character.

[silverwhittlingknife]

hi Silver! o/ because that fanart made me wonder - would you happen to know when/where Dick's stuffed elephant plush Zitka turns up in the comics?

GREETINGS CAM <3333 THAT ART WAS SO CUTE

Yeah, I think your instincts are right - it's a truly adorable bit of transformative fandom, but I'm 95% percent sure it's not comics canon. Barbara has canon plushies, but I don't think anyone else does.

I got kinda invested in the investigation (it's hard to prove a negative!) and I ended up typing out an entire History of Elinore/Zitka, so, uh, if you're curious, meet me below the cut for:

Where does Elinore / Zitka - the animal - appear in comics?

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

Where does Elinore / Zitka appear in comics?

We're gonna go in chronological order!

Dick's circus elephant friend was first created for practical reasons: in Batman 436, Marv Wolfman does a big expanded flashback to Dick's circus backstory as a way to subtly show us Tim before officially introducing him (so that we can have a technically-solvable mystery-of-Tim's-identity in LPoD). In this comic, there's an elephant named Elinore who loves Dick:

Aww. Such a cute elephant!

Batman 436 comes out in August 1989. New Titans 60 comes out a few months later, in November, and guess what? When Dick visits the circus, he is suddenly surprised by an unexpected blast from the past! It turns out that even though it's been years, Elinore still remembers him!

Here's the part where Elinore remembers Dick:

SUCH a cute elephant. I love her.

(Guess who else still remembers Dick even though it was so long ago. Guess which other character is about to be an unexpected blast from the past. Guess which character Elinore is directly paralleling guess guess guess sorry everything is about Dick and Tim in my mind but I can focus I swear)

Four years later, in 1993, Batman: The Animated Series retells Dick's origin story. They like and keep Wolfman's elephant, but they change her name to Zitka:

Wolfman doesn't return to the elephant beyond those two appearances, and a few years down the line, New Titans gets cancelled and Wolfman's not writing Dick anymore anyway. So the animal gets abandoned for a while, until Devin Grayson, a fan of both Wolfman and B:tAS, revives the Wolfman-era Titans team in JLA/Titans and then the ongoing series Titans 1999.

Grayson then brings back the elephant in a flashback to Dick's past in Titans 16 (Jun 2000), where she imports the B:tAS name. Sometimes I'm skeptical of TV-to-comics imports, but honestly, I endorse this one. You lose the alliteration, which is a shame, but IMO Zitka is a better elephant name than Elinore.

Here's Dick with the newly-christened Zitka in Titans 16:

Grayson also briefly references the elephant in Gotham Knights 20 and - in a final angsty callback - in Nightwing 88 (Feb 2004), where Zitka tries futilely to comfort Dick in the midst of his trauma conga line:

... And... honestly, I think that's it for comic appearances? The two Wolfman comics plus the three Grayson comics.

Both Wolfman and Grayson are writing multiple titles - Batman, New Titans, Titans, Gotham Knights, and Nightwing between the two of them, spanning a big chunk of Dick's post-Crisis canon - and both writers use the elephant for heartwarming moments of nostalgia, which means if you're doing a post-Crisis readthrough for Dick, Elinore/Zitka feels memorable. But I don't think she actually shows up that much.

For post-2011, I am not as well-informed - throwing this out to the dash? anyone know? - but I feel like Zitka the heartwarming symbol of Dick's heartwarming circus past is, uh, thematically very at odds with the Court of Owls evil!circus vibes, so my instinct is that this story element was almost certainly dropped in the reboot.

Did Dick ever have a stuffed elephant toy in comics?

In WFA, yes; in main comics continuity, no. Technically, I have not read every comic ever published, so I could be wrong!! But I don't think so.

Below, find my rambling reasoning on the tonal vibes of pre-Crisis, post-Crisis, and post-2011, and why this particular story element doesn't seem right to me for the first two.

Pre-Crisis (...okay, mostly the Silver Age): stuffed animal, yes or no?

tl;dr no, requires too much background knowledge on the part of the reader, plus the elephant wasn't a thing until later

Elinore doesn't get created until post-Crisis, but also just generally, pre-Crisis callbacks are more along the lines of this reference in Batman 129 (published in 1960), where, wow, Batman and Robin are hunting jewel thieves - and it turns out Robin recognized this strongman! BUT HOW?!

The comic goes on to recap Dick's entire origin story in flashback, on the assumption that you may not know it.

(BTW, if you'd like to know more about Haly's Circus throughout the years, nightwingology has a great post here summarizing a lot of fun plotlines and characters!)

Basically: Silver Age comics are very self-consciously episodic and kid-friendly; they're not generally gonna do overly-elaborate callbacks because they don't know what comics their kid readers may have randomly picked up or remember.

By the time of post-Crisis, comic books were being written for an adult audience buying from the direct market, i.e. readers who are collecting whole runs & don't need or want Dick's origin story to be recapped to us in full every time it's referenced. That's why in post-Crisis, we get stuff like "hey, neat, this particular soda brand is getting mentioned in several different books!!" or "in order to understand this story arc, buy SIXTEEN DIFFERENT COMICS in FIVE DIFFERENT RUNS and read them ALL ACCORDING TO A NUMBERED ORDER and also you better be following the individual plotlines and recognize these five minor characters who we don't bother to introduce!! Good luck!!" But the elaborate post-Crisis plotlines - and subtler worldbuilding like a stuffed animal callback to Dick's backstory - don't make a lot of story sense UNLESS you're imagining your readers as completionist adult fans.

So IMO a stuffed animal wouldn't be a pre-Crisis thing unless it was The Episodic Story Of the Week, and I don't think a stuffed animal is action-adventure-y enough for the fast-paced storytelling of the Silver Age. (Unless it, like, came to life and tried to eat you or something.)

Post-Crisis: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr: no, Dick's a manly tough guy, he's not gonna have a stuffed animal, that'd be lame, like something Tim might do

Part of the edgy grimdark adult vibes in 80s/90s comics is that some characters who used to be kinda silly & goofy & lighthearted - like Batman and Robin - get reimagined as Serious and Angsty and Edgy in a Tough Cool Manly Brooding Way. This massively affects characterization for Bruce, Dick, and Bruce and Dick's relationship.

(I obviously love this change & love the tense Bruce-and-Dick interactions, but plenty of fans of the earlier fluffy comics really disliked the edgy retcons of Miller / Wolfman / Starlin / et al.)

The upshot is that post-Crisis is a period when you could have a recurring reference like a stuffed elephant, but you wouldn't have a stuffed elephant, not for Dick. I think a toy like that would be too cutesy / childish / effeminate to give a male character in post-Crisis, unless you were poking fun at him.

Now, you could probably let Tim have a stuffed animal, because Tim is sometimes cool but also sometimes a tryhard loser who is faking being cool and not entirely pulling it off (see e.g. the Robin comic where he practices tough-guy faces in the mirror, or the Teen Titans comic where Conner discovers his cringy Enya CD, or when he's fanboying over Connor and it's awkward, etc etc.). A stuffed animal would be deeply embarrassing, and you'd have to be careful to compensate by having Tim do something cool afterward - but Tim's character concept allows for "he's kind of a loser sometimes."

But Dick isn't!! In post-Crisis, Dick's a tough / impressive / "cool guy" character, the kind of guy anyone would want to be, even in the flashbacks where he's Robin, and even in the stories where he's more lighthearted than angsty. It'd be kinda lame for Dick to have a stuffed elephant, so he wouldn't. I feel like Dick would be more likely to poke fun at it if someone had one, like when he's making fun of Wally for liking the Hardy Boys. Dick could have a Batman action figure, at most, and if he had one he would have it ironically.

Basically: in post-Crisis, a male character hugging a stuffed elephant feels more likely to be a punchline to me, not something poignant. (Even with Tim, Tim could have an embarrassing stuffed animal, but he couldn't hug it when sad - that's too far. Maybe Booster Gold might do this. Probably he wouldn't, but spiritually, he would. Sorry Booster ilu! <3)

Instead, Dick instinctively deals with his inner turmoil like the TORTURED ACTION HERO he is: by punching things and brooding and yelling and joining the mob and sleeping on rooftops and going on obsessive secret missions and acquiring Angsty Stubble!! Just like Batman!

(Technically I don't know if Bruce ever joined the mob but you know he would.)

Anyway as you know this is my favorite continuity and I am poking fun affectionately, but uh, yeah sdfsfdsfs. No stuffed animals.

Post-2011 / Infinite Frontier / Wayne Family Adventures: stuffed animals, yes or no?

tl;dr it's in WFA! Probably not anywhere else, but it could be.

Post-2011 stuff tends to be cutesier overall, most of all in the current Infinite Frontier era. So I don't feel like this would be tonally out-of-line with IF comics. Taylor tends to go for more meme-y references rather than fanfic references, though.

So the obvious best fit is WFA, which is aiming for a rough approximation of Silver Age family-friendly vibes - wholesome, episodic plots, Teaching Good Moral Lessons For The Youth, etc. - plus lots of Easter eggs for fanfic readers and some comic references.

And look, here we are:

Aww.

Whew - that's everything I could find!

Anyway as you can probably tell, I LOVE the elephant, so this was a very entertaining rabbit hole to go down, thank you <3

[uniiiquehecrt]

Voice actors are NOT the same as actors.

It takes a specific kind of skill-set and training to be able to warp and meld the voice. It takes a certain kind of talent and dedication to hone that talent into the ability to meld the voice and invoke emotion with one's voice alone. Actors are used to using their voice secondarily to their body language and their facial expressions. It's all mirrored back on camera. They do have nuance. But it's a different kind of nuance and a different kind of training to produce that nuance.

Voice actors might get their likeness transposed on their character's design, and maybe their mannerisms might seep into the character's animation. But when it's all said and done: their presence is in their voice. They are bringing a character to life, showing that emotion in their voice, trying to keep a specific accent, drawl, pitch, tone in that voice and keep it consistent for their recording sessions.

The voice actor is like a classically trained musician who can play first chair in a competitive, world-renown orchestra. The actor (who fills the voice actor's role) is like a moot who played violin in beginner and intermediate high school orchestra and thinks they can get into Juilliard with that 2-4 years of experience.

This doesn't mean that the HS orchestra moot can't play. They can even be really good at it. Maybe they won competitions and sat first chair. But they are not in the same league as the person who's been training their whole lives and lives and breathes to hone their craft using the instrument and all of the training they've ever acquired to perfect it. They are not meant for the same roles. They are not in the same caliber. You do not hire the HS equivalent when you want to play complex music in a competitive orchestra.

Actors are not the same as voice actors.

And furthermore, actors - especially big name actors - taking the roles of animated characters for big budget films or TV pilots makes no sense anyways when - at least in the case of TV pilots - there's not a point to hiring a big budget actors anyways. That money could be used elsewhere (like paying your animators), and the talent that is brought onto the screen for X character could then be hired on to voice said character no recasting required.

I wouldn't say voice acting as a profession is in danger exactly, but it's certainly being disrespected and overlooked for celebrity clout, and this has ALWAYS been an issue. Shoot, even Robin Williams knew that much - which is why he tried so hard not to be used as a marketing chess piece for Aladdin and got royally pissed off when it happened anyways. People shouldn't go to any movie (but especially not animated films) because "oh famous actor is in it". People should go because it's a good movie and the voice acting is good.

People who honest to god think that voice actors are replaceable because "oh well anyone can voice act" or "I like xyz celebrity so naturally it'll be good" ... Honestly I just wish you'd reassess your priorities because you're missing the point and are part of the problem.

Voice Actors ≠ Actors.

[mikesbasementbeets]

Surface Things™

(+bonus)

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Trigun Thoughts Vol. 1 Pt. 2

So now that I've finished with volume 1, I just wanted to write down a couple thoughts I've had and neat things to point out so far

When I was watching Stampede, I took note of a few kind of textbook avoidant behaviours Vash engages in, and lo and behold, here he is in the manga displaying even more of them. I'll list out a few here.

In order, we have:

Casually asking for a time limit on the interaction (ie. "How long do I have to keep this up before I can leave?")

Attempting to lose people in a crowd

Leaving without saying anything (and as a bonus, dreading being recognized in public)

Over-indulging or over-involving oneself in social events to create a viable excuse to leave suddenly (in this case, he uses alcohol as a reason to "pass out")

Sleeping to avoid unwanted conversation

Escaping to the bathroom to get away for a bit (and also to grumble about it haha)

Playing off sincere reactions by deliberately allowing them to be misinterpreted to avoid personal questions

It's really obvious, even this early in the manga, that Vash is intentionally avoiding prolonged interaction with people, and only involving himself in situations by necessity. He doesn't like attention on himself - the only reason he intentionally draws it is to divert it away from others.

The reason for this is a bit muddy though. It does seem that Vash doesn't particularly enjoy being caught up in drama, and it is also very likely he wishes to get in and out of places as quickly as possible to avoid them getting caught up in his drama too. It may even be that he finds prolonged socializing kind of tiring; that he needs a certain amount of time to himself.

But then there's also this bit, shortly after the celebration, where he pretends to pass out.

This brings in a bit of a guilt aspect to it. It likely has to do with July, or maybe it's due to something else (at this point, we can't say), but I think it's notable that Vash cuts things off shortly before they become intimate. He can play along to make others happy and to share in their joy for a bit, but the second things get too personal or focused on him, he will quietly slip away. Now this is specifically an instance of physical intimacy, but I think it'd probably hold for emotional intimacy as well, given the continuous avoidance and misdirection he does to prevent too many questions.

I made some commentary on Stampede Vash's self-punishing behaviours - specifically, the way he denies himself food. I don't want to get too into it because I don't know if everyone reading this has seen Stampede, but food is framed as something to be shared in the show - so, denying himself food is denying himself the right to share with others, which is denying himself belonging, which is denying himself any semblance of intimacy. (It means other things too, as food-sharing is associated with Rem, but I don't want to get too into it here.)

Vash in the manga doesn't seem to have the same issues with eating, but this is a similar premise - he's denying himself intimacy out of a sense of not being deserving of it.

So, then, there are probably many interwoven reasons for Vash's avoidance - he's sick of the chaos that follows him around, he doesn't want others getting hurt, he gets tired from having to "play it up" all the time, and he seems to also feel that he doesn't deserve that closeness. I'm intrigued to see how Vash's avoidance will be tackled going forward (I'm assuming it will?), and I suspect, more than there being one right reason for it, that all these reasons are actually true to an extent.

On a completely different note, this panel here is the biggest mood. I feel it in my bones.

[mokeonn]

Before I go to sleep I leave you all with this piece of advice: sometimes you don't actually have to answer big political questions, sometimes you can just say "I am not smart enough to know that, I just know the small things I do to help." Like you can often times completely avoid making a fool of yourself if you just say you don't know.

[v-arbellanaris]

sorry i WILL shut up about this (and start posting abt my new hawkes) but seeing "can you guys take a breath" and "decisions from 10+ years ago in southern thedas will not affect the current timeline set in north thedas" from specific blogs is genuinely wild. as if we don't literally live in a world where we are STILL just starting to face consequences to actions taken 10+ years ago, and as if US politics 10+ years ago did not have anyyyyy global ramifications for anyone outside of the US even 10+ years later. like. rivain, antiva, nevarra are all IN southern thedas wdym??? im half tempted to start actually listing out all of the things our decisions could have feasibly impacted 10 years later but seeing this take from blogs that genuinely still discuss the impact of the exalted marches on thedas hundreds of years later is WILDDDDDD

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s2 episode 8 thoughts

tears. in my eyes. shaky breathing. oh. okay.

well. no place to start but the beginning.

stares at my laptop screen for a long, long time before typing. give me a minute. allow to me collect myself.

okay. we start with scully's mom narrating. and we learn, thanks to the subtitles, that her mom's name is margaret. this is information i will also be storing in my useless scully facts book.

so we knew she had two brothers, but a sister is also mentioned, named melissa. and we get this story from her childhood, about how dana- which feels wrong for me to type, but i will- was given a bb gun by her brothers, and she joined in with them shooting a snake. but then she realized it was bleeding and she cried as it bled out in her hands and held it while it died. which is already So much to handle. and her mom is saying that she feels how her daughter felt that day watching the animal die.

the next thing we see is mulder is there, and. he's saying it's still too early to know if she's gone. but. well.

we see a gentleman bring something out. and it is a gravestone with her name carved into it.

he turns away like he was burned from even looking at it. and man. that hurt. very badly.

we see that her middle name is katherine. and we learn this because we see it on her gravestone.

he goes back to his place (where he still sleeps on the couch) but then he gets a phone call that they've found her. and he busts into the door when the nurse says he can't go in there. that's our man!

he's screaming at these poor healthcare workers, somewhat rightfully suspicious they're involved with the government who took her, but also man. they don't get paid enough. however, i understand the emotional explosiveness this had to have provoked. so he is really just screaming, at the nurse, at the doctor, demanding to know what the hell happened, where she came from, and he says "i swear i'll do anything, i'll find out what they did to her" while being escorted out

then there is a very tense conversation between the doctor and her mother and him. the doctor must have already have been in quite a state, because mere minutes ago a raving angry man accused him of stealing his friend, and now he's sitting with said angry man explaining that they genuinely have no idea how she got here, and that she has no indication of injury.

we also learn that she had no desire to remain on life support past a certain point. and mulder knows this because. he. he. he uh. well he signed her will.

now i think maybe that's just something you have to do at the fbi and i can see them making a little joke out of it- a nice little trip to get each other's will signed, make a day of it, keep it light and funny- but man. man in this context. oh i'm gonna be Sick.

so we see a woman holding a crystal over her body and we learn it is her sister melissa!!! she's really pretty. she tries to show mulder that you can feel her energy by holding his hands over her but he gets angry and leaves.

(i love this dichotomy here, that somehow the ultra skeptic has a sister who is into talking about spirits and crystals. truly i feel this is what happens to people raised catholic)

at this point i wrote "girl i'm stressed tf out" and yeah. kinda the whole mood.

melissa is saying that his anger and fear is blocking the positive emotions she needs to feel, which echoes my statements about how he has been too cranky this season. but i can't even laugh because the man is in Distress.

he goes back to his place after saying he needs "to do more than just wave his hands", and he's bouncing a basketball and putting tape on his windows. i get it. that oppressive feeling of being unable to sit still. every moment dragging like a lifetime. bounce bounce bounce. he wakes up and rips the tape off his windows.

and back to attending to her bedside. i do not think this man has been clocking into his shift at the fbi.

we see a fellow enter wearing a suit and carrying flowers and i was like oh shit is it last rites time? um. so maybe i don't know what gets worn to a last rites event. i realize my weakness in this area and will do some research when we're done here.

but it's not anyone here to do that- it's frohike, the guy from the lone gunman who was making weird comments about scully! he must have come to pay his last respects. he picks up a clipboard and i thought oh my gosh he's gonna start reciting poetry- but he notices something weird on her chart and sneaks it out

it seems the whole thing was orchestrated, because mulder goes back to the freaks at the lone gunman, who invite him to come over and watch earth 2 and point out the factual inaccuracies- which, all things considered, is very sweet- but they send her blood data to a hacker that uses a richard nixon persona and he says that yeah, her blood is weird. and mulder's like, is she gonna make it, and they say no. it got very somber.

in terms of scully view, we see her on this dock of a boat between life and death. i thought that was nice imagery, and extremely eerie. those around her bedside are on one side of the dock, and it looks like the rope could snap and drift away at any moment.

the nurse comes in to do some blood work and i have another "augh blood" moment. so i look away. and mulder is REALLY pondering her blood. i thought he was honestly gonna take it for himself, maybe bring it in for testing or keep it like an emo.

but no! a strange man in a suit STEALS the blood!

so mulder is back into track star mode and is SPRINTING after this guy. i always forget that he is a runner. and he is RUNNING around this hospital and makes it to the parking lot until...

he is stopped by deep throat 2.0, a man for whom i realize i have no other name. but you know who i'm referring to, right? so i guess that name will work for now. deep throat 2.0 says that mulder needs to stop NOW, and that HE got deep throat 1.0 AND scully killed by looking into things too hard. which is an absolutely awful thing to say btw. deep throat 2.0 has a gun to mulder's head and says to stop searching.

mulder proceeds to run after the blood thief despite these warnings. can't say i blame him. he finds the blood thief!!! and they have a bit of a fight until...

deep throat 2.0, who earlier said he wanted to remain out of this mess, rolls up? so we're getting mixed messages here. and he says i'll take care of this and SHOOTS THE BLOOD THIEF?????? in the head.

back to the hospital. mulder is not pleased about the prospect of life support being removed but melissa says he has to honor her wishes. and he's going on about the blood protein and the doctor is like "why do you think this has anything to do with blood protein" and he Does Not Explain

her mom calls him "fox" again and says this is a moment for the family, but he can come too. and he won't come in. he's the wettest and saddest a man has ever looked as they go in there. and then the rope holding her to the dock of the afterlife is severed.

man. if i had been a contemporary viewer i would have been sobbing. thank god i've seen gifsets that prove this wasn't the end for her. because if i hadn't, i would have been in shambles. i mean i Was in shambles but like i would have been bawling on the floor.

cig man is with skinner. i honestly didn't think we'd get up to any sort of fbi related tasks in this episode, but he hands skinner a report and leaves. and then mulder comes in and denies being involved with the shootout at the hospital

(it's worth noting that he is doing all the denying to be an ass to skinner, and yells about "how does it feel, all the denial")

and he says that it was "cancer man" who took scully. i had been calling him cigarette man, but cancer man is very comparable.

the next thing i wrote was "SKINNER IS A BITCH????" this was because he said that mulder is "just as responsible" as cancer man for scully's situation if he knew the risks of this line of work and didn't warn her.

skinner baby YOU CAN'T SAY THAT? seriously i cannot figure this guy out. every time i think i have a read on him he does something like this that shifts my interpretation. what a horrible thing to say to someone.

cut to scully cam. she's on a table in metaphysical land. and her dad is there. he calls her starbuck and refers to himself as ahab- so the first mate and the captain. and he's monologuing about how he never knew how much he loved her until he realized he could never be with her again, and he says they'll be together "soon", but not now. so i'm wondering if she can hear all of this going on. i would guess so.

mulder is in the cafeteria with melissa and she is trying to talk a bit of sense into him. she says "you could spend the rest of your life finding every person that's responsible and its still not gonna bring her back" and he replies "including myself?"

now usually i would say that mulder taking the blame upon himself is tragic and typical, but here, having it also been implied by skinner AND deep throat 2.0, i am thinking, man, he's got to really believe it, even more so than all the other times he couldn't save everyone. which is. fucked up. so immensely fucked up. i'm sorry you pissed me off last episode baby but we can go to the zoo again like i planned. let's go see some tigers and cheer you up.

a woman walks in and asks him for change for the "cigarette machine", which was the first time in my life i have ever heard the term "cigarette machine", so maybe the earth really is healing

but he finds a pack with an address in it, and then, straight from my notes:

"CIG MAN'S HOUSE. OH MULDER IS THERE AND POINTING A GUN AT HIM. AND ALSO SCREAMING. "why her" oh his finger gets very close to the trigger"

cig man says he likes her and mulder, and. wow. what a despicable human being. he says that he likes mulder more for showing up to his place with a gun. says he's playing the game. mulder seems to have a realization he is acting just like those he swore to destroy and puts the gun down. cig man says it'll be their secret. and also that he was the one that told skinner that mulder shot the guy in the hospital even though he didn't think it was true.

we next see mulder sadly tapping at his computer. he prints a one sentence resignation letter "effective immediately" NOT even a two week's notice, that's how bad they fucked this man up

skinner comes by and says it's unacceptable while mulder is packing all of his things. and mulder says:

"i hate what i've become"

man. fuck. he hates the rage he has been driven to. the loss of control. the way he sees himself as being responsible for deep throat and scully. and all of it stemming from his need for answers, to track down his sister. he hates what that feeling of insufficiency has led him to and the path he now walks upon. hates it. hates his situation and himself and the world.

skinner decides to share some personal story time: he went off to vietnam- willingly enlisting on his 18th birthday. and then while he was there he shot a kid who was covered in grenades. the camera glances back at mulder occasionally, who, despite all of his grief, seems to be consulting his oxford training to try and remember what you're supposed to say to a guy who just told you he killed a child in vietnam.

and then he says he watched all his friends die and that he almost died- he was put in a body bag, and was in a coma for two weeks- and he was too scared to learn what happens next. but mulder isn't. and that's why his resignation is unacceptable.

mulder adds things up and realizes that it was skinner that gave him cancer man's location. again. complicating the vibe i get from skinner in doing something positive now. he says that every day is a risk.

deep throat 2.0 rolls up, saying that the people who did this to scully are going to break into his apartment tonight, and he'll have to kill them. he looks displeased by this- aversion to taking any sort of lives- but resigns himself to it.

so he's in his place in the dark ready to start blasting, when he gets a knock on the door. and it's melissa.

this is where we get the iconic exchange "why is it so dark in here?" "because the lights aren't on" which made me laugh so thoroughly seeing it out of context before i ever decided to watch this show

and melissa is MAD. scully is weakening, and she came to get him to say his goodbyes, but he won't go because. well. shootout is about to go down. this is his ONE chance to learn who did this to scully. but she doesn't know that is why he won't leave, so she YELLS at him, about being in a place even darker than her sister, and asks "why is it so much easier for you to run around trying to get even than just expressing to her how you feel? i expect more from you. dana expects more from you"

and man. those words are heavy. he locks the door, knowing that his place is gonna be robbed, and that he'll never know who hurt her, and comes down to see her.

and he's talking to her. holding her hand. saying he's here. he doesn't know if it'll change anything, but he's here.

when he goes home, his place is entirely ransacked, and he falls to the ground crying. fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck. i can't even put into words how bad this broke me. big strong mulder weeping on the ground, his career in shambles and his best friend dead.

i feel like i need to pause there just for how heavy it was. like this was his lowest low. lower than even vampire sex.

but he soon gets a call and he smiles so wide!!! and we learn her eyes are open!! it is the sweetest smile i have ever seen!!!!!!

he gets down to the hospital and she's awake and talking- but she doesn't remember anything- and he, being the insufferable man that he is, says the following:

"i brought you a present (holds up a vhs tape) superstars of the superbowls"

man. man. man. man. she deadpans so quickly. "i knew there was a reason to live"

he must have grabbed a random tape off his shelf and brought it to her with the express intent of antagonizing her back in the realm of the living. and he thought of something to say along with it on the car ride down, his hands shaking. something, anything to make her laugh. a stupid vhs tape. his constant sports references. her quick tongue. oh dear lord help me these two have ruined me.

he gives scully her necklace back, which i wrote about in all caps, while her mother and sister watch

and then we learn that the nurse who was taking special care of her was never actually there when scully wants to thank her and the other nurse is like "um no one who works here has that name" so. SCULLY PARANORMAL EXPERIENCE (POSITIVE)??!?!?!?

overall. man. i am experiencing such a volume of emotions. what the hell. she's back, though. and we saw how much she means to him. and i feel like i could type a million words on the subject but i don't even know what to say because they're still all stuck in my chest. they love each other sososo much.

will he ever tell her what he did in her absence? how he tried to quit? how he broke every rule trying to save her? how he screamed at the doctors, how he broke into cigarette man's house, how he almost pulled the trigger? how he watched a man die when deep throat 2.0 shot him? how he was blamed for her condition by himself and by others? how he left his apartment to be ransacked, giving up his one chance to catch whoever did this to her, to try and let go of his grief and be with her instead? or will he keep quiet except for the latest witticisms and frequent visits and presents and stories by her bedside while she gains strength and recovers?

and how he left, too, when he knew she was okay. how he must have wanted to be there more than anything in the world, but knew she needed to rest, so he left her with her family. how he could breathe easy again. how he had to make it seem like it was cool, and everything was contained.

man. this tv show. i just typed all of those words out and i still feel like i didn't even begin to cover the things i'm feeling. i feel like i need to shake them up and down.

but this should be good, because the x files are reopened... so are we seriously, as the kids say, so back? only time will tell!

[ineed-to-sleep]

YOU GUYS ARE KISSING OVER THERE?? KISSING AND HUGGING AND HOLDING HANDS, HUH?? DISGUSTING

[magnetic-rose]

"An hour also isn’t a lot of time to get a handle on a game’s story but that’s the area that leaves me the most confident about Veilguard. There’s intrigue to the game’s tale already, with Varric hoping he can convince Solas to stop his plan of tearing open the Veil: a wish by the dwarf to save a dear friend. There’s a fascinating relationship that's already being set up, Varric and Solas as opposing narrative forces, with your character, Rook, pulled between them."

this is from an article from inverse.

i'm starting to buy into the theory that both varric and solas are trapped in the fade (two elven gods escaped, trapping the two in their place?) and since rook now has a special connection to the fade, maybe he can hear both of them and even visit them in dreams.

i wonder if the game really is going to make us choose between them. either forcing us to choose who to save from the fade, or who's ideology we ultimately align with.

[novelconcepts]

Doing a bit of a Santa Clarita Diet rewatch, and while I don't know intentional any of Abby's queer-coding was (and how much was just Hewson's vibes), her relationship with Eric has such teenage comphet energy. Like whenever Abby's like "I really care about you, more than anyone, but it's hard for me to pretend I'm into the physical; this has maybe a 2% chance of working out," my lesbian ass is just nodding so hard. Like, yeah! Exactly! You don't know you're gay yet, or you sense it in yourself and try to veer away, so what's the easiest option? You find the soft nerd boy, your best friend in the world, someone you absolutely trust to have your back no matter what, and go, "Yeah, uh huh, sure. I'll try that one." You absolutely look for the most non-threatening dude in the vicinity. And then it's improved by Eric's whole thing being like "yeah, this is absolutely someone I am down bad for, but if she doesn't wind up digging me that way, she's still my best friend." It reads so true. No idea if they were ever going to actually walk down that road, but in my heart of hearts? Here for it.

[qsmprambling]

Imagine Egg A1 still has one life left, and it somehow manages to escape the facility... It is being followed by mobs, by Federation employees, being hurt by the poison ivy and other environmental threats, but it keeps running, because what other choice is there? That parkour course was a trick after all, the last block was a fake, it was never meant to pass that test in the first place.

So it keeps running, but the Federation workers are getting closer. It won't be able to avoid them forever...

But then it bursts through some bushes and comes face to face with someone new - and it's Bad, out building or exploring or just wandering alone. A1 is immediately afraid, of course. It is a stranger, a very visually striking stranger, the complete opposite of the pure white and featureless employees of the Federation. But there are people close behind, and it knows what will happen to it if it is caught, so... It has no choice but to try. It has no way to communicate, no signs or books, so it simply rushes to hide behind him and hopes he understands, and that he is willing to help...

And Bad, for his part, well.. he's an extremely cautious and paranoid person, and this is just an incredibly confusing and unexpected situation to be in. An unknown egg appeared out of nowhere and is hiding behind him, he can see Federation employees in the distance that are clearly looking for something... He knows that the code has been disguising itself as eggs, and that the strange egg in front of him with no marks, no distinguishing features, an egg that he has never seen before, could easily be the code monster preparing to attack at any moment...

But there is absolutely no way Bad could ever look at an egg in distress and not try to help it, even knowing it could be a trap.

So he quickly digs a shallow hole and pushes the mysterious egg into it, covering it up just in time, and when the employees throw him a book asking if he had seen anything, he lies effortlessly, he complains about nonsense, he asks them where the Ekea is and is as annoying as he can be, until they leave.

And now they're alone... just Bad an this mystery egg in the middle of the woods, A1 too afraid to leave the hole even when Bad tries to coax it out. He gives it food and tries his best to comfort it, to tell it everything is okay and that the pursuers are gone. He gives it some signs and a book, trying to see if it will write anything to him or answer any of his questions, but he gets no reply. A1 is just too afraid to even attempt to answer, and Bad doesn't even know if it understands him. He tries what few words he does know of the other languages, and still no response.

What should he do? As much as the image of a tiny, terrified egg makes him want to do all he can for it he also needs to be safe. He can't bring it home, because if it is a code there is no way he is bringing it anywhere near Dapper. Should he call someone else for help, or would that draw too much attention? Would it even be safe for him or the egg to let anyone know right now? And was this egg dangerous, or harmless and in need of protection? He wouldn't abandon it regardless but...

What now?

[diabolicalworldwriter]

Navani in The Way of Kings-Oathbringer: oh I'm not really a scholar, I'm not that smart. I just have money. Goodness, don't make me lead anyone, that would be awful! I'm a horrible leader honestly. I like group projects and order, sure, but I'm better as a side character, don't worry about me <3 (she says this while doodling amazing concepts and schematics, organizing and presiding over meetings, and convincing entire nations to join their cause)

The Plot™ of Rhythm of War: We locked Navani in a room for a few weeks and she coordinated the rescue of the whole giant tower and found a way to kill gods.

[hopeinthebox]

tagged by the gorgeous and fabulous @cordiallyfuturedwight and @aprylynn for february's roundup:

tagging the usual music favs: @jiminsproof @thvinyl @jimin-gaon @visionsofgideontheninth @spicyclematis @kimchokejin @jihopesjoint @monismochi plus @kimtaegis for the amy macdonald of it all 💜 and also you, dear reader. MWAH

[not-poignant]

Would you be willing to talk about the idea of 'psychopaths in real life'? I know you've written them but because there's so much messy pop culture around the idea of a psychopath I've never been sure of what about the idea of them is real. Are some people simply born wanting to hurt people? Or is it the result of early major trauma, or innate? I've met a lot of very cruel people but I think I'd say they probably weren't like that with select groups of people (their friends or family) rather than people they viewed as targets/unimportant/sinners/etc... Probably? I suppose I think of them more as emotionally sadistic than as fundamentally incapable of empathy. But maybe I just haven't met the right people, or known them well enough. Just an invitation to share your thoughts on the subject, if you're willing.

Are some people simply born wanting to hurt people? Or is it the result of early major trauma, or innate?

If you had an answer to this, anon, you'd have an answer to one of the greatest mysteries of psychology and sociology. The truth is, we just don't know for sure. There's a lot of good evidence on both sides, depending on who you're studying, which strongly suggests that sometimes it might be the first, sometimes it might be the second, and sometimes it's both.

But the reality is we don't know.

Scientists really, really want to find ways of detecting folks like this before some of them turn to extremely violent or cruel crimes, so obviously finding out the causative genetic and/or social factors is extremely important to them. It would save a lot of money re: governments for a start, so this is an area that's had bursts of funding over the years. But the reality is we're not really a great deal closer to figuring it out.

We do know that some folks genuinely seem to have had no social causative factors, and others folks genuinely seem to have been shaped by their upbringing. If you want to go into this there are hundreds of books and articles on the subject, and you'll very quickly see that no one is in agreement and we still have no solid early detection systems.

I've met a lot of very cruel people but I think I'd say they probably weren't like that with select groups of people (their friends or family) rather than people they viewed as targets/unimportant/sinners/etc… Probably?

The fact is, unless you were with them 24/7 you don't know how they were behaving with friends and family. In fact, this is how certain priests and cops get away with so much of what they do. There are priests who have been kind and compassionate to entire congregations and then gone on to rape 30/40 children in cruel ways that have led to many suicides, who feel zero shame or remorse and who very obviously just wanted access to children in a job that would give them community trust without having to earn it. That kindness and compassion is a performance to secure what you want.

Secondly, perhaps they were good with friends and family, so was Gacy. Many folks like this understand that they need to strategically set up networks of people who believe you to be kind etc. Being a psychopath doesn't mean you're stupid (although some are, varying intelligence levels exist), often these folks understand that to get away with doing what they truly want to do, there needs to be a cloak of 'I'm fine and normal and nice' around them. The ones who don't understand this tend to go to jail very quickly (or die very quickly due to the circumstances around their behaviours - being a psychopath is not a safe thing to be if you can't pair it with an ability to be selective).

But maybe I just haven't met the right people, or known them well enough.

I'm not going to talk about specific details of my past but I will say it's likely that you just haven't met someone on this level and/or have but are just not in their target zone because they might just be in the periphery of your experience.

Folks like Crielle exist in the world, for example, and sadly it's often more people than you'd expect. But some of those people are also incredibly intelligent and manipulative. They often operate on a level different to most of us.

[softquietsteadylove]

I am once again requesting the Family Law au, anything you wanna do with it, I'm absolutely living for this slow burn

"So, when's your boyfriend getting here?"

"Shut up," Thena murmured, trying to practice her frosting writing while Kingo was doing even less than helping--he was only hindering her concentration.

"He works with you right?"

"Gil is not my boyfriend," she grumbled, reattempting on the cereal box serving as her practice. "He started at the firm around when I did."

"And you invited him."

"Sprite invited him," she corrected her yappity cousin. She set down the 'piping bag' - a sandwich bag with the tip cut off - of icing and turned to glare at him. He pouted at her as she snatched the cherry out of his grabby fingers. "Stop eating all the cake stuff."

Kingo sighed loudly as she took the various toppings away from him, but remained where he was, taking up two kitchen counter stools just for himself. "But you invited him for her. I gotta say I'm surprised, T."

"Why," she huffed as she picked up the accursed vanilla frosting to try again. Why was it so hard to write using food? "Because you can't imagine me having a work associate?"

"You have associates, what you don't have is friends," Kingo said plain as day. "Except for this one guy."

She glared at him over her shoulder briefly again. "I am capable of having friends. I had friends when we were children."

"You had friends of mine you tolerated," he corrected, still completely without any possible tact (they really were related). "But this guy is different?"

"You'll meet him, and I do hope you're over this private investigator phase by the time you do." She did her best to write out a decent 'happy birthday' again. Sprite's name wasn't the hard part.

"Sprite said he's really nice." He was still going. "And that he's your type."

She flinched reflexively, her fist clenching. Of course that made the side of the bag split from the pressure. She growled through her teeth, whipping around to him again. "I'm sure I don't know what you mean."

"Why didn't you just get the cake person to do this?" KIngo ignored her, waving his handful of pretzels at her hard work. "Y'know they'll do that for you, right?"

She wiped her hands off with paper towel before throwing it at her mouthy cousin, who dodged with lightening reflexes. "I couldn't go yesterday after work and they wouldn't have a custom one done for today, so I bought the blank one. I just have to practice first."

Kingo sighed dramatically again, "I had an audition for a period piece, but I assumed that if I had to write in fancy calligraphy that they'd hire someone to teach me--or double my hands."

"I don't need your help for it anyway," she insisted, whether it was true or not. And now she needed to put the frosting into a whole new sandwich bag.

And the kitchen was already a disaster from Sersi making pancakes for breakfast, and from having so many bowls for various snacks, and plates from the girls constantly getting new ones after forgetting where they put one down absently.

"Will you relax?" Kingo finally stood from his luxurious lounging to join her by the sink. "You know the kid doesn't care if it's pretty."

She sighed. She didn't need any veils or masks with Kingo. Halfway through filling her new piping bag, she threw her hands down and leaned against the counter. "Fuck."

"Easy," Kingo comforted in the best way he knew for her, offering little words but patting her shoulder gently. "Just take a breath, T."

"It's been rough," she admitted, staring into the sink, full of splatters of frosting and coffee and diet coke. "The year has been tough, and I finally got her to even accept doing anything for her birthday. If this goes badly, she'll never want anything to do with it again."

"That's not true."

"I don't know, Kingo, you know Sprite," she groaned, standing to her full height again.

"Yeah, I do," he shrugged. "And Sersi, and you--so I know you're doing your best. And I'm sure they can tell how stressed you are about stuff. So, maybe if you chill, it'll be better for all of you."

He had a point, and she knew that he was making light of it purposefully. No one knew better than Kingo the struggles they had gone through, her specifically with the legalities of all her new responsibilities. He had offered his help, even offering to move closer, if not in with them, to help. She had declined, knowing the demands of his career.

Besides, Sprite took great joy in bragging about how everyone's favourite action star was actually her cousin. And that no, she would not pass on their admiration or let them meet him because he was 'clinically uninterested' in them.

"Do you want a hug?"

"Absolutely not."

Kingo, still holding his arms out, burst out laughing. And so did she. It was a classic interaction for them, even from when they were kids. Kingo was versatile with his affections, and Thena was limited in them. Even as children, they had devised that when their parents would demand they hug out of social obligation, Kingo would wrap his arms around the air surrounding her and pat her hair obligingly.

His head turned as the doorbell rang. "Your boyfriend's here."

"Stop it," she slapped his shoulder on her way past him. "I mean it, don't give Gil a hard time. He's sweet, and the girls love him."

"I'm sure they're not the only ones," he felt the need to add. She was ready to snap at him again but he held up his hands before shoving them into his purple hoodie pockets. With a final huff, she opened the door.

Gil smiled at her as soon as he saw her, "hey!"

She smiled by pure reflex, just as happy to see him, if not more. Maybe it was the way relief flooded her body, but she sighed as she said, "hey."

Gil stepped in carefully, leaning close to lower his voice, "you okay?"

He was so very sweet. She closed the door behind him, "I'm fine, Gil. I've been trying to--actually, do you know how to write in icing? Like, on cakes?"

"Oh, like decorating?" he blinked, shuffling the box in his hands as he took off his shoes. "I mean, I don't want to oversell myself, but I've done it a few times."

"Then you're just in time," she grinned, guiding him straight to the kitchen by the arm. "And I do recall I told you not to worry about presents."

"Oh," he blushed, just barely setting it on a shred of clear counter space as she dragged him inside. "Well, sure, but I saw this, and-"

"Hey, nice wrapping job!"

Gil looked between Thena, dragging him to the cake sitting on the stove, and Kingo loudly admiring the package. His hands were poised to pick it up and shake it. Gil helplessly reached out to gesture that it wasn't a good idea. "Well, the store offers wrapping services. It's kinda fragile, so-"

"Don't you worry, big man, I'll set it down real gentle," Kingo said in the least assuring tone possible. He held it under his arm like a basketball, giving him a singular fingergun before taking his leave.

"That's my cousin I told you about," Thena felt the need to explain, given Kingo's loud introduction - in not so many words - and even rowdier exit. "Don't mind how overly comfortable he is here."

Gil smiled and excused it easily, as he did everything else. "I'm sure it's like a second home to him, here. I'm the new one."

She gave his arm one more pat after finally stationing him before the plain funfetti cake with regular turquoise frosting piped along the edges. "You're hardly new here, either. You are a guest of honour, remember?"

He chuckled, letting her hand him the messily filled sandwich bag, "I do, and I am--honoured, that is. So, what are we writing?"

"Happy Birthday Sprite will suffice," she eyed the cake with disdain, having felt its mocking presence all morning long. "I've been practising my attempts, but I simply cannot move this thing with grace."

"This is a good trick, actually, with the bag," he praised before positioning himself above the cake ideally. "Printed or cursive?"

"I will be impressed with either, I assure you," she sufficed to say as she moved to finally throw out her previous attempts and free some space on the counter. "Sersi is keeping Sprite occupied outside with the projector and screen Kingo brought her as a present."

"How are you, though?"

The question surprised her. She stood from loading the dishwasher and caught him peeking at her in the middle of his slow but steady frosting. She closed the dishwasher, tugging at the sleeves of her cardigan. "I just want today to go well for her."

"Well," Gil murmured in the middle of moving his body instead of the piping bag within his hands. "You're obviously putting a lot of effort into making that happen for her. I'm sure she appreciates that."

He always said something that she needed to hear at exactly the time she needed it most. Thena smiled to herself, continuing to tidy the kitchen rather than face his open praise of her parenting. "I think you're being kind. But if Sprite comes out of this without hating her birthday completely, I'll be glad."

"We better give her a good one, then."

Something about him saying 'we' made tears spring to her eyes. It was different from when Sersi asked her if she wanted her to make breakfast, or when Kingo arrived the night before with all the assurance in the world that Sprite wouldn't think twice about their mother's absence today.

"There!" Gil declared, standing back with a bright smile. "Not bad, I'd say."

Thena leaned over the cake as well, admiring the beautiful lettering and even how perfectly he had spaced things. None of the message was crammed or bunched up from underestimating the space on the cake. It looked perfect. "Gil, it's amazing."

"Well, I'm glad I could help," he offered modestly of course. He set aside the frosting, licking off a stray bit on his finger. "Vanilla?"

"Sprite says she doesn't like chocolate," Thena laughed faintly, still admiring the lovely calligraphy of it. "I think she just enjoys disliking something so overwhelmingly popular."

Gil joined in her laughter, shedding his light bomberjacket now that he wasn't being dragged anywhere. "I was kinda like that as a teen. I liked angry music and gangster movies and I wanted to be a boxer."

"You?" she couldn't help but ask as she picked up the cake to finally let it see the light of day outside.

"I know, I never would have made it, I'm really not a fighter," he chuckled at himself as he joined her.

It did explain his build, though, for someone who had only ever studied and worked in offices. It wasn't untoward to notice something so apparent about him. She dragged her eyes away from his arms to the patio glass door.

He opened it for her, like a gentleman, unsurprisingly. "They look like they're having fun."

As soon as the door was open, they could hear Kingo loudly recounting something to the girls, who were utterly howling with laughter. Thena smiled, "Kingo has always been like a brother to them, despite being closest to my age. He's even taken them to see his sets and rehearsals on the odd occasion when he's in town for work."

"That would be be pretty cool," Gil agreed.

"There you are!" Kingo waved to them from his stage in front of the patio furniture. He pointed, "gift from the man of the hour, handled nice and gently, as promised."

"That's so sweet," Sersi complimented eagerly.

"It's just a little something, really," Gil attempted to downplay his contribution.

"Take a look at his frosting job, too," Thena encouraged freely. As soon as she set the cake down she stepped back. Kingo took pictures of it, and the girls, Sersi gasped and openly admired how pretty the lettering was. Sprite leaned the closest, practically digging into it with her hands before Kingo handed her a fork.

Gil stood back with her, waiting for the initial mauling to subside a little. He leaned closer to whisper, "no candles?"

She shook her head faintly, happy to watch as Kingo and Sersi also started eating the cake one forkful at a time. "Too many memories. Best to let the cake speak for itself. We all know what day it is."

He nodded, accepting the form of their own tradition with quiet respect. "Well, thanks for having me."

"Thanks for being here for m-" she blinked, catching herself. He was here as Sprite's personal guest. She didn't know what would prompt her to bring herself up. "It's sweet of you to be here for Sprite."

"Well," he looked at her, both of them hovering close in their separation from the others. "I am here for Sprite. But it's not like I'm not here for you, either."

"Uh, are you two gonna stand there and play kissy-face or are you gonna have some cake?"

Surprisingly enough, it wasn't Sprite to speak so inappropriately, it was Kingo. But because it wasn't her baby sister and was instead her cousin, Thena was free to grab a handful of cake and shove it right in his face.