HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO LITERALLY MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER!! ILY BESTIE AND I HOPE YOU'RE BIRTHDAY IS AS WONDERFUL AS YOU ARE ILYSM <33 @dave-nutstaine
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I'm a MESZ but I'm the MESZ that you wanted
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he says i hate everyone except you and that is addictive and that is kind of romantic and beautiful because you're young and you're kind of a sarcastic asshole too and you don't like bad boys, per say, but you don't really like good ones either. and you like that you were the exception, it felt like winning.
except life is not a romance book, and he was kind of being honest. he doesn't learn to be nice to your friends. he only tolerates your family. you have to beg him to come with you to birthday parties, he complains the whole time. you want to go on a date but - people are often there, wherever you're going. he's just so angry. about everything, is the thing. in the romance book, doesn't he eventually soften? can't you teach him, through your own sense of whimsy and comfort?
at first - you know introverts often need smaller friend groups, and honestly, you're fine staying at home too. you like the small, tidy life you occupy. you're not going to punish him for his personality type.
except: he really does hate everyone but you. which means he doesn't get along with his therapist. which means he has no one to talk to except for you. which means you take care of him constantly, since he otherwise has no one. which means you sometimes have to apologize for him. which means he keeps you home from seeing your friends because he hates them. you're the single exception.
about a decade from this experience, you'll type into google: how to know if a relationship is codependent.
he wraps an arm around you. i hate everyone except you. these days, you're learning what he's actually confessing is i have very little practice being kind.
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You're allowed to call it "grief."
If I can get personal on y'all for a second... A therapist once told me that you're allowed to grieve for a place. (We moved a lot when I was a kid. It wasn't great.)
Tumblr is a place, and place is important. It's friends. It's shelter. It's comfort and routine, continuity between who you were and will be. And to leave a place is to suffer a loss, not like losing a person but still painful. Not the end of the world, but the end of a world that helped shape who you are.
You'll make new friends. Your new room will be better. That can be true, while not changing that you will lose touch with many of the people you love right now, you will lose the shelter you spent so long crafting.
Tumblr's terminal diagnosis has been a long time coming. And I give it solidly 50-50 odds on still being around a year from now. The Five Stages model may not replicate, but here's something that does: anticipatory grief. The grief of knowing that a loss is coming, a sad and strange gift that gives you time to get things in order and say all that you want to say with your goodbye.
So: thank you, everyone, for the last decade of silliness and righteousness, wisdom and stupidity. I'm hoping for another 10 years on this hellsite, but I'm also letting myself grieve.
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