tatanswords

[tatanswords]

And they said

"Chill, if you are ready, it will come without hesitation"

[tatanswords]

Marina Tsvetaeva from Phaedra: a drama in verse; with New Year's Letter and other Long Poems

[tatanswords]

The sky is so bright.

Do you remember me, even just a little?

I see things clearly, except when I’m with you.

Everything turns blurry.

Maybe I don’t even know what I’m saying.

But hey,

I miss you.

Texting you feels impossible.

Damn.

[tatanswords]

Ada saja cara Tuhan untuk menggoda ku...

"Tidak usah memikirkan tentang sepi dan hening"

...........

Pesan teks muncul

"Kamu lagi apa?"

Tolong jangan goda aku dengan hiburan yg berujung sakit Tuhan!

Berdoa seperti ini boleh, kan?

[tatanswords]

Hari ini hari yang baik untuk memulai atau melanjutkan rencana yang telah kamu susun.

Namun, mengapa terhenti? Mengapa tersentak saat menyadari pesan paginya tak muncul dilayar gawai?

Kamu hidup bukan untuk dia tapi kenapa bergantung dengan teks yang tidak seberapa itu?

Hidup mu ya untuk mu.

Sadarlah

[tatanswords]

Aku tidak tahu berada dimana posisiku saat ini.

Saat ada yang menawarkan kaki untuk melangkah ke depan, aku menoleh kebelakang dengan sengaja juga penuh harap.

Aku tidak mengenali posisiku sekarang.

Ya, seperti terjebak di jebakan sendiri. Dengan sadar Menyakiti diri sendiri.

Posisi ini bukan posisi yg aku ingin kan. Tapi, malah dijalani

Hati berkata "terus", Otak berkata "dasar dungu, cepat maju ke depan".

Tolong tarik aku ke depan.

Tolong ulurkan tangan mu dengan yakin dan jangan pernah lepaskan aku.

29april2025

[tatanswords]

Bagaimana jika kita lebih jujur dengan apa yang kita inginkan dulu?

Apakah hal itu akah ada di genggaman kita?

Atau

Apakah memang bukan untuk kita seperti hari ini?

[tatanswords]

Pagi datang aku bingung.

Pesan singkat itu terus masuk.

Aku membaca dengan linglung.

Haruskan aku jawab dengan menusuk?

"Hey, urus saja belahan jiwa mu!"

Tidak.

Aku jawab seadanya saja.

"Iya, sudah"

[tatanswords]

Aku ingin berdoa dengan jujur.

Tapi, itu terlalu kejam..

Aku ingin berdoa sesuai dengan apa yg aku mau..

Tapi, itu membuatku menjadi seperti iblis.

Inginku jelas.

Tapi, baiknya tidak aku katakan.

Kita harus berdoa yang baik kan?

25 april 2025

[tatanswords]

I love you and i always will.

You are my loss of my life🥹

[tatanswords]

[tatanswords]

?

I love you I loved you I realize that i love you. you make me to unlove you. you are not become you.

I still love you. I love you forever and always. but feeling unsafe and afraid of it? that's not what i want. I want you to feel secure while you loving me. Loving them and showing it using your ways is not enough, i guess. being honest is one of absolute things that we need have. i want you to trust me, i want me to trust you. but you did not.

at the very first place you never. love me?

[tatanswords]

i just realize that Telling them "i love you" is not enough. You need to show your love using the language that they prefer. Telling them " I prioritize you " while choosing someone else? well it speaks louder.

Make them understand about what you feel by using words? trust me it never works. their brain refuse to understand it.

Show your love, ask them about "how can they feel the love that we want them feel" Not just running in circle and the love is faded away

[tatanswords]

He gave me so many love that he can offer.

His smiles always melt my heart.

His morning selfies been always my favorite good morning.

his patience complete me.

[tatanswords]

I never ask about perfection.

The only thing i ask is Let me know you have me, let me know you love me, let me know your update, let me be your priority, let me be your lover, let me be your end game. show me. show me you care about me.

[tatanswords]

He came to me offer his love.

He showed me the love.

The love by touch, words, and act.

and i was wrong, He never puts me on.

I trully love him.

but he never did.

I deeply in love.

but he never did.

He exists.

and I didnot.

No fight back.

there are no words from him to save me.

i'm drowning alone.

He let me go, where I wanted to stay here forever.

He let me go, while I am waiting for him to take me home.

He let me go and wishing me to find someone else. i want him. he doesn't want me.

I am dying alone.

no one there. only me. dying.

21Dec23-tatan

[tatanswords]

I love him but I try to I want him but I am not sure He is really good but i feel like he deserves someone else He is the one i ever wanted but I am not sure He cannot see my smile. he never asks about what I feel. sometimes I pretend about what i truly feel but at the same time i dont wanna be like that. i want this to be real. I overthink all the time, I overthink everything. I love him but i am ready to let him go. I dont want to hurt him, but i already did. he doesnt deserve that. He is so soft, I have seen him cry two times. i feel like shit. I cannot see in my future plans.

Everything is Blurr. I am the evil in this story I love him and I dont know