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It’s Time to Go “No-Contact” with Your Mother

This is for you.

For the femme who has been receiving signs and signals to cut their mother off. For some of you, these signs have been going on since childhood.

You have a choice to make: continue to allow their energy & actions to negatively impact you (mentally & physically) which makes you their equal

OR

choose to respect yourself. Respect yourself by removing your presence from their lives.

You will feel uncomfortable, guilty but relieved.

The healing starts when you’ve stopped consuming toxicity (even listening to your (toxic) mother on the phone is consumption of toxicity)

Your absence is a form of accountability, something they’re not used to

Emotional detachment is a skill that will form or strengthen during the first year or so. It feels like wanting to release a child from punishment but you’re “standing your ground”. Parents act childish, therefore handle them with kid gloves.

You blossom into your womanhood without the input(or insults) of your mother.

Other family members expose their true colors during this time. Either taking their side or being inspired by your actions and going no-contact with their parents as well.

You’re able to empathize with them from afar.

Childhood memories, good and bad, resurface. Even if these memories are traumatic, now is the time to unpack them so you can understand your past (and current behaviors) a bit more.

Life becomes less…chaotic. Unstable. Scary (for those with paranoia mamas!). Literally as soon as you make that one & final step, your life becomes less “heavy”.

How to Go “No-Contact”

BLOCK!

This is a first & final step towards no-contact for many of you. All you have to do is cut communication and watch your peace of mind appear.

CHANGE OF ADDRESS

Move. Whether it’s out of their home or out of the country. They should have no idea where you live.

Do not give your address to anyone else (siblings, aunts, uncles, grandparents, etc.). Set that boundary to avoid any inconveniences.

RESTRAINING ORDER

Sometimes it is that serious. If you’re able to, go to your local courthouse (or police department) and file a restraining order against your mother or parents.

Be honest with the judge and look for local organizations for services and a companion during the process.

SILENCE

I can confidently pay my mother dust without saying a word. I wish her a long healthy life but she is dead to me.

Take back your power by having the strength to solely rely on silence. That’s how you hit them where it really hurts: self reflection and consequences

Do not hesitate. Otherwise, you’ll wish you would’ve done so earlier!

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5 Things Your Mother Never Told You About Men

If he wanted to, it’ll be done by now. You’re meant to be surprised, not stressed out.

You are whom you give ass to. If you’re dealing with a man who acts like a “lil boy” then you indeed act like a little girl. The reciprocal.

He doesn’t listen to you because there is no incentive for him to do so. Whether you’re whining for a ring or for respect, you give him no reason to give you what you want because he already has what he wants: usually easy access ass or a hot plate and folded draws to come home to.

He has an agenda, they all do. A high quality man has an agenda of marrying you because he wants children. A low quality man has an agenda because he wants to take advantage of you financially. YOU MUST HAVE AN AGENDA TOO

Coochie is currency- don’t waste money: Use your holes to get what you want, but learn how to withhold xes in order to get what you want as well. In the words of someone’s granny:

COOCHIE IS SHAPED LIKE A COIN PURSE FOR A REASON!

Next Post: Dating Out of Pity or for Companionship Can Have Fatal Consequences (for You and Your Loved Ones)

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You Can’t SEDUCE When You Lack STRATEGY

urTOOspoiled Big Sis Series

The main thing I’ve noticed about men is that they ALWAYS date with intention and a play.

This is BOTH from good men and the hobosexuals. They know what they’re doing.

INTENTION: an aim or a plan

PLAY: a report on what is happening in a sports game; plan breakdown

Men NEVER “go with the flow”. They either have ill, self centered (using you as a placeholder/booty call) or mutually beneficial intentions (marriage, FWB etc.).

In addition, they NEVER aimlessly find their way towards their goal. They have a goal and they break down the actions behind the accomplishment.

Sometimes it’s your heart. Sometimes it’s your life insurance plan.

It’s time we, as women, buckle up and have our own agendas lined up.

LAW 4

Always Say Less Than Necessary

I love my ladies but we do indeed pillow talk too much to the men we are dating. We tell them our backstories. We tell them how our exes did us dirty and all they do is sit back and take notes for when it’s their turn to do the same.

ITS TIME WE LIE AND LEAVE OUT INFO.

In addition, stop letting men lead the convo because you’re too intimidated to hold the conversation. It’s your job to get him to spill as much info about himself for you to gather a conclusion about your intentions with him.

LAW 9

Win Through Actions, Never Through Argument

Get it through your thick skull that you’ll never win an argument with a man using your words. Definitely not if you raise your voice.

A lot of women message me stating how they keep “telling” their man how to treat them and I sigh & laugh because I remember when I was that ditzy.

Men are indeed like dogs. You’ll get almost nowhere yelling or repeating yourself to a dog whose insisting on not listening to you (i.e. pulling the leash while you call their name.).

You can let the dog pull you and continue to yell…but where does that get you expect IGNORED and IN DISTRESS?

Put your foot down…and out the door. Just for the love of God stop playing dumb for peen.

LAW 17

Keep Others In Suspended Terror: Cultivate An Air of Unpredictability

“Humans are creatures of habit with an insatiable need to see familiarity in other people’s actions. Your predictability gives them a sense of control. Turn the tables. Be deliberately unpredictable.”

It’s one thing to be mysterious but it’s another to add the razzle dazzle of randomness in the mix. You see, you can predict someone being mysterious- being somewhat reserved or private.

Be unpredictable and have a moment where you’re transparent. Everyone shouldn’t have the same (good) impression of you. Some may view you as serious and laid back while others couldn’t imagine you being nothing other than bubbly. Shake shit up.

Closing Thoughts:

Men have created a culture of sharing the secrets of using women to their advantage. They’re not clueless nor uneducated on how to treat you correctly therefore it’s unproductive to attempt to teach them.

They are simply using the strategy their barber, daddy, coach, teammates and Pastor passed along to them since you (most likely) weren’t taught any better. They have a community-a village that molds them, something women do not have in general.

My goal here is to create community while encouraging young women to use LOGIC when it comes to romance. It’s both for safety and spoiled brat purposes.

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Remember, a narcissist's ultimate goal is total control over your perception of reality. Being around someone who has a vested interest in making you feel crazy will never be good for your mental health. Gaslighting is part of the abuse. Chronic gaslighting can cause psychosis.

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Free books!

I will keep this post pinned and update it regularly as I find more relevant, helpful resources:

The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving 

Healing Developmental Trauma: How Early Trauma Affects Self-Regulation, Self-Image, and the Capacity for Relationship 

The Emotional Incest Syndrome 

You’re Not Crazy – It’s Your Mother: Understanding and Healing for Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers 

Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers

What Makes Narcissists Tick

(As always, the content of these books reflect the opinions and experiences of the authors. Every single idea or direction expressed will not necessarily apply to everyone.)

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Thank you for sharing some of the most intimate lessons/tricks on here 🫶🏽

Thank YOU for your (longtime!) support and engagement. I am very humbled. My Tumblr followers will get a shoutout in my future award acceptance speeches lol.

Intimate Lessons & Tricks for My Teenage Self

Your mother/auntie/grannie couldn’t teach you anything because they don’t know anything, not because they’re withholding information.

If they had (dating/femininity/life) game to pass onto you, their lives would be better. Better careers. Better love partners…but they don’t!

Being a “sheep” in a “wolf” world makes you easy prey. You must make choices based on survival. The survival of your financial freedom, xesual satisfaction, mental health and luxury lifestyle. Think long term while living in the moment.

Survival of the Fittest. You are here to leave a legacy that’ll survive eons past your lifetime. Being timid and afraid to put yourself out there (in dating or in business) only gets you looked over and sometimes knocked over.

“You have to work twice as hard, to get HALF of what they get,” -Papa Pope.

I am not saying that anyone of any race has any power to block any blessings of black women. I am saying to you, teenage Diamond: when you enter & elevate in certain industries, prepared for those attempting you play you…

Right in your face.

Supervisors. HR. Wholesalers. Not just as a black woman. As a dark skinned, both book and street smart black woman. As an (self) educated black woman, you automatically make mediocre people feel insecure about themselves.

Work twice as hard solely to show off AND to skip a few steps. Remember:”Preparation leads to opportunity”.

Men do not love you, they love what you offer. As they should. This allows us (feminines) to have a list on demands in exchange for what we can offer (xes, cooking, cleaning, making a house a home, etc.).

Stop loving a man for him. Start loving his attributes instead. His credit score, both business and personal. His territory (properties, residential and commercial). His genes (his talents, his height, even his upbringing! (google: epigenetic)

Be Ruthless. Per it’s definition, have no pity for anybody, not even yourself. I’m talking to my teen self here: Humans are capable of doing the most gross, grimey things (particularly men). Do not let anyone slide when they do something that deserves a ruthless consequence. Otherwise, they’ll ruthlessly attack you in unforeseen ways. Attack you with stress or with something more serious.

Call this dark femininity, but it’s just facts. We are programmed to be nice and naïve for the benefit of others, again particularly men. Men in society (mating partners or political leaders).

When you’re ruthless, you’re logical. You’re able to emotionally detach while making decisions.

Ruthless ≠ Violence. Ghosting someone who deserved it after a bad date can be ruthless. You’re having zero pity on them. Forgiving an ex-friend’s betrayal but keeping them at a cordial distance is ruthless and greatly encouraged. No-contact with your parents is also ruthless, you’re not showing them pity for their wrongdoings.

The allure of xes sells, not the act of xes. I’ve mainly danced at fully nude clubs and the girls who refused to take off their clothes made the most bank. Those are the woman I chose to study and even question. Changed my life and upgraded my game.

They knew how to dangle the customer into VIP. And VIP isn’t a promise of nudity, it’s mainly to convert them into a returning (VIP) customer who hopes to someday see them nude. The Art of Seduction.

You’re welcome.

Now, pass these lessons onto your younger siblings, nieces or followers. Each one, teach one and it’s time we as feminines teach one another the real.

Click here to claim your spot in our FREE Discord Community, included in our “Date Great” Guide (Limited Time Access)

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26 signs of High Feminine Energy

You are nurturing and compassionate

You are affectionate

Your intuition is your guide

You are magnetic

You are warm and welcoming

You are sensual

You take good care of yourself

It's easy for you to express love

You are creative

You are in touch with your feelings

You are receptive

You are comfortable with your inner darkness

You are comfortable with cycles and changes

You see vulnerability as a strength

You take full responsibility for your life

Relationships are the most important for you

You create harmonious spaces

You destroy what's out of alignment

You are always in the present moment

You are authentic

You are elegant and graceful

You are playful with life

You have a feminine essence

You have a sisterhood

People tell you, you are motherly

You see femininity as your strength

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débutante diaries

“If I were a mother I would be damned if my child took advice from you,”

That stung me when I initially read that.

Throughout my rocky healing journey, I’ve learned that I have to target my teenage self in order to begin healing what was broken. My teenage self was physically and emotionally abandoned. This manifested itself into self abandonment, toxic traits and irresponsible choices.

TTS (teenTOOspoiled) is not only meant for teens. It is a safe space for adults to discuss what we wish we knew as a teen. Kitchen table talk; the adults are talking. And we are inviting nearby teenagers to listen and ask questions.

As a teenager, I wish I knew how to address my problems and emotions instead of distracting myself with work, boys or burying my feelings and responsibilities. I wish I began learning certain skills sooner such as languages or techniques to protect myself from a mental health crisis.

I WISH I KNEW…

Self reliance

Personal and business finance

The dangers of casual xes

Avoidance is a trauma response (dodging the bill collector, for example).

Can I be honest? I HATE TALKING ABOUT MY SH !!!

I was raised in a black household that taught me to keep people out my business. In addition, my family dismissed mental illness overall therefore so did I. I feel very uncomfortable talking about something so personal, to strangers.

But. I remember coming across an article that made my heart drop:

Black Girls Are Experiencing Record Rates of Self Injury & Death by Scide

Don’t skip it. Read it, it’s short.

I owe my audience transparency. Especially those who are 13-20, my teenagers.

My ask and messages are open, therefore I feel as if my audience should know exactly who they’re asking advice from.

I do not (always) give advice because I’m doing/have done better. Most times I give advice because I’ve struggled through it and learned the harsh lessons already.

Especially when it comes to dating. Another thing that I want my teenage audience to know: I was xes trafficked at the age of 14 and stayed in the SW industry until I was 21. My advice comes from picking the brains of my peers (other SWers), clients, miscellaneous staff (assistants, for example) and diligent observation.

They ask me what I do and who I do it for. I do this all for my teenage self. I survived by the grace of my spirit team and my smarts. Both street and books smarts. Another form of “code switching”.

I am signing off with inviting my teenager viewers to tell an adult about following TTS. Follow us on IG @teentoospoiled if you don’t want to expose your Tumblr account lol. It takes a village and adults shouldn’t be talking to children (teens) without the approval or supervision of an adult.

Tell your parents, your big sister or older friend. Tell them about my SH. Tell them about @bootobeneficiary . Question them about their thoughts on celibacy. Ask them if they’re comfortable with you following me. Always check in with them before following any advice of mine, unless it’s advice on how to protect yourself from them.

Practice transparency, as I am practicing with you.

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Try.

With each try, you make progress.

Progress leads to completion.

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Kanye calling Kim his “baby mama” instead of correctly stating his “ex wife” demonstrates how little respect he had for her in the first place.

Let this be a cautionary tale for all ladies serious about prospering in their femininity:

When a man takes the time out to bash not only his exes(Amber Rose “I had to take 30 showers”), but other women (Taylor Swift)…

The same energy will be directed towards you, eventually.

Always vet a man’s character.

How he treats you in the mist of an argument.

Though dating and especially marriage itself is a gamble of love, sometimes we have to hold ourselves accountable to the part we played in choosing toxic partners.

Ignoring red flags sends the green light for disrespect.

Heal before humping, let alone reproducing

$TufaniTalks

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Try.

With each try, you make progress.

Progress leads to completion.

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MY FAV IG ATM: @NICOLESNEUROSCIENCE

I struggle IMMENSELY with my mental health even till this day.

I’m currently reprogramming my brain to not operate on a default survival mode. I don’t have to hustle. I don’t have to grind. I am training my brain to relax for the first time in over 20 years. It’s a process.

My struggles with mental health issues is what pushed me to get a Ph.D in Neuroscience. There’s so many factors of our everyday 3D reality that play apart in the trauma we sort of self inflict onto our brain. Climate change, inflation, even the pandemic for example. Long term stress inflicts trauma onto the brain.

I’ve been hesitant about having a urTOOspoiled IG account but I love the simple infographics that allow me to immediately take in the information and apply it without being overwhelmed with information.

I would love to do the same thing since most of my advice is based on data, stats and resources I’ve read in books or on the internet.

Idk though. In the meantime, back to my hidey hole.

Happy Healing! Hope this helped someone who needed it! 🧿🕯💕🙏🏾

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Dread game is literally the ultimate life hack if you’re just dating for security. Men are natural protectors. I went on one date with a guy and I didn’t make myself seem unsuccessful but I presented circumstances that were out of my control (ie I landed my dream job but now my family keeps asking for money). I told him how it gets to me and batted my eyes, now dudes $10k deep into helping me be financially separated from them and to cover my new accommodations close to my job. Don’t settle!

“Dread game is literally the ultimate life hack if you’re just dating for security,”

No baby, it isn’t…

According to BunchofWisdom.com, Dread Game is an approach that applies a certain degree of fear of loss or competition anxiety in an interaction or a relationship.

Dread is used to indicate or remind someone of your value, usually by showing that you’re willing to remove yourself from a situation, walk away, or seek another option as a replacement in order to gain more power or respect in the power dynamic that is a romantic relationship.

How to NOT Sell Pussé

This isn't personal Anon. Your ask is the perfect case study as to what I'm teaching us not to do. You're $10k deep, but you could've been $50-100k deep if you weren't excited about the ten.

Sharing Family Problems for Funds

This is level one of seduction/finessing/SW. “Now my family keeps asking me for money” signals that you have a family that doesn’t have their own money, specifically begging parents or siblings.

Fun fact: high quality masculines have distanced themselves from begging family. They have set that…boundary.

Sharing that you lack boundaries, i.e. you’re accessible to constantly be asked for $ is not strategic. Some of the best men do not want to be bother with beggars, therefore don’t dangle that for funds.

Damsel in Distress

Yes, this strategy works. Yes, men want to save you. Including the ones who want to hold it over your head. It works, but it’s subpar. There are better strategies, such as being confident and stable.

A damsel in distress is experiencing instability. She needs to be saved from something, like Anon,

“I told him how it gets to me and batted my eyes, now dude’s $10k deep into helping me be financially separated from them…”

Awww….Anon thinks she is running game when she’s being shortchanged. Batted my eyes…I bet you bent over too…Oop let me move on and mind my business

Poor Negotiation Skills

If you got $10k off of batting your eyes and sharing a sob story, that means he is withholding at least another $30-100k from you. You’re so excited for $10k because you’re poor in mind, pockets and spirit. Otherwise, you wouldn’t limit yourself.

Sorry, they say I’m mean. Idk how else to say it because dating (dates) is xesual economics. This is business. Stop doing bad or subpar business.

You can negotiate more with concrete confidence.Just like in business. When you show that you have stable revenue, you’re profitable, customer loyalty, etc… you can negotiate more. Higher loans. Higher venture capital checks.

“A man is not a necessity. A man is a luxury, like dessert”

Stop boosting a man’s ego by making him feel needed, i.e. saving you from distressing circumstances. Boost his ego by giving him permission to invest in you. Keep him on his toes (like the dread game) by making it known that neither him nor his money is needed.

You make that known through your actions, attitude and overall aura. An aura of confidence, stability, standards and boundaries.

Better Posts About Selling Your Pussé Are Behind Our $5 for Lifetime Access Paywall

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How to (Properly) Play Hard to Get

POV: You are a nightclub, a nightclub that’s hard to get into

Dress code

Selective entry

High price to get in

You’re not playing hard to get. You’re simply hard to get.

Your standards ensure that entry into your life is hard to get.

Your boundaries = the bouncer

People can gain entry and still act up later. Your bouncer (boundaries) are quality control to preserve the quality and reputation of the club.

Cheap/Bad Behavior

Many upscale clubs require you to buy bottles over a certain amount

Time limit

You cannot buy that one bottle and idle in the club all night. You must continuously purchase rounds/bottles or you get the boot

Miscellaneous

Your club, your standards rules. Your misc. can include suddenly having a bad vibe from a patron (potential partner) therefore you call your bouncer (boundaries) to boot the patron from the club (you).

Listen to this 16 min podcast episode “How to (Properly) Play Hard to Get” for further elaboration

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Stay at Home Girlfriend = Standby Booty: The “Placeholder” Archetype

Girlfriends want a commitment so bad, they will cosplay as a wife to the live-in boyfriend.

Many feminines volunteer to do “wife duties” because it provides an emotional fulfillment. They feel important despite the masculine not being committed beyond a lease agreement, maybe.

What exactly is considered “wife duties”?

Bearing the emotional and physical labor of caring for “your man” and the household he resides in. Including but not limited to:

Asking him “how was work” and listening to him vent

Making sure he comes home to a clean house

Creating an ambience for the masculine to enjoy (candles, decorated home, etc.)

Example: More likely than not, you’re going to assume the task of doing his laundry. This may be to save water or because it doesn’t make sense for you both to do your own laundry individually.

That’s a wife duty, washing that man’s draws.

More Wife Duties

Cooking

Handing him his mail

Rolling Blunts

Easy Access Xes (no linking up, just dropping draws)

“Ok, but I do not mind doing wife duties bc he’s doing husband duties”

My argument is that husband duties will NEVER equate to wife duties without a marriage license in the mix.

Your Generous Boyfriend may fill your gas, fix appliances, even pay all the bills.

A masculine investing money, time and physical labor into you but not a marriage license is a concern. He knows what he’s doing- he’s dodging commitment.

In the event of an emergency, you’re not legally recognized as family. Meaning you’re not able to make medical decisions on his behalf.

You may not have hospital permission to hug or kiss this masculine or you’ll be the last of his loved ones to do so, as a courtesy.

My point is, you’ve made the physical and emotional investment YET received no return on your investment. This man was fed and fcked by you up until his death yet you’re not eligible for a paycheck from the insurance company or the authority to pick the flowers for his funeral.

Love is useless without logistics.

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Not to be that person ....but nothing you say is mean ....your advice is really straightforward....you don't sugarcoat things and tell them as they are ...I think sometimes ppl read and find out what they were doing up until now was not helpful to them and get defensive about it ....its about time that importance of correcting your own mistakes and how fast time slips by is understood....love your blog !!<3

Defensive is the key word, but let me explain why you’re right but wrong:

Masculinity Lessons #1

YOU ARE YOUR JUDGEMENTS

A judgement is our current conclusion of people, places and things. How people act. How life treats us. Etc.

You are either the reciprocal or equivalent to your judgements.

EX: B2B is mean!

You are either my reciprocal (a punk) or my equal (a meanie)

Otherwise, you would feel uncomfortable consuming B2B’s content in any way, anonymously included. You will remove yourself from this blog.

So yes, I am mean if you conclude me as such.

This was the hardest lesson I had to learn. You are your judgements, every one of them. They’re mean. They’re unprofessional. They’re cheating on me!

You are the reciprocal or the equal. Once you understand that fact, you’ll place better judgements, take better actions after your judgements or choose not to judge at all.