theclassclone

[theclassclone]

CJ: When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying "Haven't decided yet" is typically a good response. Joan: Typically.

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CJ: Poison is a magic transmutation potion that turns people into corpses. Scudworth: This knife is actually a magic wand-meet me in the Denny's parking lot for a wizard duel! CJ, deadpanning, cocks gun: Magic missile. Mr. B: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

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Scudworth, after his business trip: I really missed these clones. All of them.

Scudworth, doing his best: CJ... JFK.... I forgot the rest of their names.

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CJ (5), wishing upon a star: I need someone to be my friend. Maybe send me an alien-! Erm, Uncle B would be scared. [Scudworth, eavesdropping] CJ: Ooh, send me the nicest angel you have. Friend-shaped! [Meanwhile] [Topher (6), evil cackling and destroying his toys]

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Scudworth, hysterical: I CREATED YOU!!! I created all of you! None of you would be here if it weren't for me! CJ, just trying to get him to relax for a second: That's great peepaw, let's get you back to bed. [Topher and Abe experiencing secondhand embarrassment]

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CJ, squints, watching Scudworth, horrified: Brainfog isn't even an accurate term. It's like fucking Silent Hill up there.

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Abe: Hey, guys, I'm feeling kind of numb. Topher: He's asking for suggestions. CJ: He just wants support, but I also have suggestions. Frida: You can always just try to do some weird shit and say it was because of the moon. Harriet: Ooh, think of some great revenge fantasies! JFK: Blame your period! Abe: not a girl, but thank you, JFK. Cleo, trying to be helpful: Doesn't one of your friends have one of those salt lamps? Just like that and see if you feel anything. Confucius: Take a bath and if it doesn't work, take another bath. CJ: Start a pointless fight.

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Abe: Can you guys give me some notable phrases of 2013? Like... the Abe, looks left, looks right, whispers: meme catchphrases? [CJ, Frida, Confucius, Harriet, nod at each other, about to ruin the mans whole career; Topher, tries to leave, but cannot] CJ: DO SHE GOT BOOTY? SHE DOOOOOOOO! Harriet: Bish, I might be. Frida: Swiggity swag. Topher, unenthused: The D. Confucius: 'Wen u mom com home and make hte spagehti'. CJ, narrows eyes, whispers to Topher: how did he say that out loud? Frida: Hi 'blank', I'm dad. Confucius, shakes Harriet: AYYYYYY LMAOOOOOOO!!! CJ: Perfect 'blank' doesn't exi-...! Topher, still unenthused: And now, the weather. Confucius: At least 2 potato. CJ: We've come full circle. Harriet: Life hack:! Confucius, shaking Harriet again: '['blank' INTENSIFIES]' Frida: So many. Confucius: Such doge. much wow. very smile. Topher, deeply unenthused still: Mahogany. CJ: '*sweats nervously*' Frida: Same. Confucius: Spooper hot choclety milk! Harriet: HASHTAG SHERLOCK LIVES!!!

[theclassclone]

CJ: I don't have two wolves inside me; I have Jessica Rabbit and Morticia Addams.

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Scudworth: When CJ was 2, she let us know she was happy by just shouting 'Happy'. There was nothing purer in this world than when she was just sitting and playing with her toys or eating toast and she'd just yell out 'Happy' to let the universe know it's doing a good job. CJ, in the background: I am depressed.

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[CJ, basically kicks Scudworth's home office door off its hinges; stands next to him with several comicbooks in hand]

CJ: Could you imagine sending your child to a private school recommended by the government-and it looks great, it's like a mansion or a haunted house or something. And it's run by this guy, Professor X, it has world renowned professors and researchers, all the fancy educational tools for your child, right?

[Scudworth, blankly staring at her]

CJ: You think your child has a better life at this place. And then you turn on the news and the fucking Juggernaut throws them into the side of a building.

Scudworth, hesitates: Well, aren't you glad to be a student at a school for clones, then?

CJ, flashback to the Season 2 finale: I'd rather take my chances with the Juggernaut, actually.

[theclassclone]

Mr. B: YOU LIED?!

Scudworth: I may have.

CJ: You may have or you did?

Scudworth: I may have did.

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CJ: DO YOU WANT TO SEE HOW HARDCORE I AM?!

[CJ punches wall hard; locks eyes with Mr. B and Scudworth; holds her hand]

CJ: Take me to the hospital.

[theclassclone]

CJ, in serious trouble: There is, of course, and obvious explanation to this.

Mr. B, narrating: CJ wondered what the obvious explanation was.

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[Over text messages; group chat; CJ's phone]

Toffee Colombo: It's so weird when people are squeamish about seeing brains because that's their own brain making the decision that is looks disgusting.

09:55

Bo🎩: Brains don't like how they look?

09:59

🧙🏻‍♂️Confucius🧙🏻‍♂️: Self-conscious brains? Aw!!

10:07

Joan: Brains don't like what they look like because they're not supposed to be seen guys.

Joan: Because if they are, something is DEEPLY wrong.

10:12

You: you might say its

You: braingerous

10:15

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JFK, dramatic: So, I got this, uh, new anime plot. Basically, there's this high school girl, er, except she's got these huge boobs. I mean some serious honkers. A, uh, real set of badonkers. Packin' some dobonhonkeros, er, massive dohonkabhankoloos. BIG OL' tohongerekoogers. [Abe covering Topher's mouth; Frida, laughing into Cleo] CJ: What happens next?! [Joan, rolls eyes; Confucius and Harriet, invested] JFK, even MORE dramatic: Uh, transfer student shows up one day! With even BIGGER bonkhonagahoogs! HUMUNGOUS hungolomhnonoloughongous!

[theclassclone]

Topher, from the dining table: 20,000 flies tied to strings pull my lifeless body into the sky.

CJ, singing to the tune of Fireflies, making a midnight snack: You would not believe your eyes / if 20,000 tethered flies / hoisted my corpse into the sky-!