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When I’m in pain I get creative.

Used with the Pinterest shuffle app.

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Wow it’s been a hot minute since I’ve been on this account. Still dealing with chronic migraines though and they’ve recently been flaring up pretty badly. A good majority of it is because of stress. My family and I moved from Florida to Pennsylvania last month and people say that moving is one of the biggest stressors in life and, I don’t disagree. To make matters more difficult we’re living out of a hotel until at least July because that’s when our house will be finished building so some added stress there. Then it’s the new environment, still a human barometer sadly and, getting insurance up here. My coverage from FL only applies to emergencies and nothing else so, that sucks.

But that’s a long overdue update from me. Mental health is all over the place right now but given the circumstances I’m sure you understand why. Hope everyone who reads this is having a pain-free day today and, if not, know I’m sending love and positive vibes your way. ❤️

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This picture pretty much sums things up. October is my favorite month but I haven’t gotten into the spookiness of the season I usually love at all. The culprits are anxiety, depression and as an added bonus, the air conditioner has been out for ONE MONTH. Living is Florida not having AC is torture and does nothing for my migraines. Fingers crossed that the AC will return tomorrow.

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Them: Are you having a migraine? Me: Bitch I might be

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Anxiety

Will my GAD ever go away?: Your worries are unlikely to simply go away on their own, and they may actually get worse over time. Try to seek professional help before your anxiety becomes severe — it may be easier to treat early on. Oct 13, 2017 (Nabbed from Google Search)

I’d say mine is in the severe category. Had a virtual appointment today and when the Doctor came on my mind went totally blank and I didn’t know what to tell her so I panicked. I’m on medications and doing what I can not to have anxiety but it has a sneaky way of getting through. It seems you can learn to TOLERATE it but not CURE it and I wish I could explain that to others around me. In fact, that actually makes me even more anxious. GAD is a double edged sword. That's the best way to describe it.

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How would I describe a Anxiety/Panic attack? There is a trigger of some sort. The anxiety starts ramping up and you start to panic. The usual butterflies in your stomach make way for boulders weighing you down. You feel the need to flee as the fight or flight instinct dictates. Now you know what you’re feeling is irrational, but it doesn't FEEL irrational; to you the pure dread and fear coursing through your veins IS real; what you are feeling IS real and sadly, no amount of logic is going to change your feelings. The head and the heart disconnect strongly, and it is the heart that is typically the victor, with the release of tears and tension as it’s prize.

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♥

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Depression

What is Depression? It is falling inside the deepest, darkest void barren of any and all sunshine.

It suffocates you as you are being dragged down unwillingly to drown in the depths.

It is the pressure and weight of problems and emotions that are unreasonable and invisible to everyone but you.

Depression is being lost and alone even though you are surrounded by people.

It is wanting to express your feelings but keeping them to yourself because of the fear you will just be a burden and upset any balance or harmony you have with others.

Depression is wanting to sleep constantly because it is an escape. For in sleep, you do not feel or think.

There is nothing that brings you joy, desire or inspiration. The spark of life does not exist in this state of mind.

Depression is being told that things ‘will get better’ but not believing it because every time things did get better in the past…it eventually turned out horrendously and you fear the self-fulfilling prophecy of it occurring again.

Depression is having little to no self-worth at all.

Depression is ugly, vicious, brutal and it tortures your mind, body, and soul.

Depression is a monster; a life-sucking beast that must be fought daily. Some days, you are victorious against the beast. However, most days, it is the beast who is victorious, and it feasts on your tears and heartache.

Depression is Hell.

©Kirsty Edwards 03/30/21

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From my main blog @rosegoddess84

A page from my mixed media journal. The depression has been strong with this one the last few days.

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Does anyone feel guilty having depression? I’m diagnosed with depression and, as with most mental illnesses, some days are worse than others. I get these bouts of depression where I don’t want to do anything, not even watch tv with my parents. It’s such a simple task but I feel guilty when I don’t do it because I know I’ll never get that specific moment back with my parents. I legit cried last night thinking about it. I’m a grown woman and my parents are in their mid-60′s and I’m blessed that they’re both still on this earthly plane with me but, my depression is making it hard if not impossible to enjoy those simple but precious moments. I know it’s not my fault but the guilty feeling just doesn’t go away.

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Well that was a fun morning. Got woken out of a dead sleep by the alarm on my phone that my area was under a Tornado warning.🌪 The storm passed without incident but it left a migraine in its wake thanks to my skills as a human barometer.

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This poor little D suffers from Migraines apparently. I feel your pain little dude! I feel your pain!!!! 😭

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