thenoirarchive

[thenoirarchive]

Solve. Feels accurate tbh 😪

here's a random word generator--whatever word it gives you is now the thing you are the deity of

[thenoirarchive]

[thenoirarchive]

there were some transphobes on the bus yesterday and I was trying to keep a straight face but I couldn’t help but laugh because this is basically how the conversation went

Them: so what are your pronouns?

me: any pronouns

them: so what if I used pronouns you don’t like for you-

me: I said any pronouns

them: ok well pretend your like a he ok

me: ok then *already struggling to not laugh*

them: so if I called you like a she then in that case you’d be upset right?

me: I mean yeah I guess

them: but like what I if I’m not used to that what if it make me- have you ever thought about the how the person using those pronouns for you feels-like -your a girl!

me: *genuinely cackles* (like I’m sorry but did you think about the pronouns I want???)

also multiple people were like ‘it’s damaging to pick your gender as a kid because what if you want to change it as an adult and go back to being a girl?’

oh idk THEN MY GENDER IDENTITY CHANGES IDK WHAT TO TELL YOU THERE

anyways it was hilarious

also one of them was like ‘your birth certificate must say your a girl so your a girl’ and I was just like ‘yeah it also says 5 pounds a lot has changed since then’

[thenoirarchive]

[thenoirarchive]

Just came back from an info meeting about a program for disabled workers to find a job, it's a 3 months program, and even though it's made FOR DISABLED WORKERS, they won't give you priority on it if you have any medical/care appointments during these 3 MONTHS.

Wow.

How useless. Dude, I'm not putting my care on hold that's the fucking point about being disabled. If you're going to help me find a job that respects my needs, first thing you gotta do is RESPECT MY NEEDS.

Fucking weird. And if it was the only time I saw that I wouldn't be so pissed, but I've been trying to work around finding a new profession for months now and all the programs I've searched through are, in one way or another, not accessible to me because I'm either not disabled enough or I have too much medical shit to do and they want people who are ALWAYS available.

People really don't want to bother when it comes to disability.

[thenoirarchive]

you can let that character invade your every waking thought but watch out

[thenoirarchive]

[thenoirarchive]

Schizotypal culture is the dark being a coin flip between terrifying and downright intoxicating.

Sent in: Sept. 9, 2024

[thenoirarchive]

Not culture im apologise, im so annoyed how stpd is explained, you will read how with stpd you can experience short periods of mild psychosis then you try to research the difference with schizophrenia and they say “well stpd doesn’t have psychosis” but thats not true tho?? Im diagnosed with schizotypal but sometimes my symptoms get worse so i try to read more about stpd and schizophrenia/the schizospectrum but in the end im let down by the lack of research

This is 100% something that is super annoying. One of the problems with research is that there’s no set standard when it comes to language and terminology, so two different papers can be talking about the same thing and it be difficult to tell because they’re using to completely different words.

For example, I saw the title of a paper yesterday that read, “Schizotypy, schizotypy psychopathology and schizophrenia”. I know from experience that “schizotypy pathology” is StPD. Why they called it something other than StPD, I have no idea 🥲. But! That’s why I try to use a standardized language when I make information posts, even though that same language it’s used in all papers discussing StPD.

[ tl;dr is at the bottom ]

PSYCHOSIS VS StPD

With all that being said, technically speaking, StPD doesn’t experience psychosis* (with the exception of brief reactive psychosis, but I want to explain the natural quasi-psychotic state of StPD first). This is why the diagnostic criteria says, “magical thinking” instead of “delusions”, “odd perceptual experiences” instead of “hallucinations” and “strange and odd behavior” instead of “disorganized symptoms”. However, it’s all basically the same.

The thing is that StPD is “quasi-psychotic”; this means StPD is always and chronically a little by psychotic while also being a little bit lucid. We understand that our magical thinking, ideas of reference, odd perceptual experiences and odd and strange behavior are strange and odd and abnormal, while also feeling like our way of thinking and beliefs and behavior are natural and true. The phenomenon of both believing a delusion and knowing it’s not true at the same time called “double bookkeeping” and pwStPD are the most likely to do it out of the whole schizo spectrum of disorders.

The reason why StPD’s quasi-psychosis is chronic is because personality disorders are a chronic, lifelong pattern of behavior. In schizophreniform, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders, their psychosis is more intense or “severe”, but it’s cyclical. People with schizophreniform, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders have periods of complete lucidity and clarity, and periods of completely loosing touch with reality, and they cycle though these lucid vs psychotic patterns via psychotic episodes. PwStPD on the other hand are always both lucid and psychotic at the same time. And unlike people with schizophreniform, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders, we have insight about our quasi-psychosis (ie knowing our behavior and way of thinking is Odd, even if it feels natural and normal to us).

Because pwStPD have insight and double bookkeeping, our quasi-psychosis is something that sort of “plays in the background” of our everyday life. Make no mistake, while psychotic episodes are considered “severe” compared to quasi-psychosis, that doesn’t make StPD quasi-psychosis any less difficult or jarring to live with. StPD quasi-psychosis informs our thinking, our behavior, etc on a day to day basis. It’s very intertwined with our very being and, well, personality. BUT we do have that insight and awareness. We are able to keep a lot of our thoughts and beliefs a secret to ourselves (often out of fear of social anxiety and paranoia that are also marked by StPD).

Meanwhile, in schizophreniform, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders, they loose all lucidity and awareness (for the most part) when they go into a psychotic episode. There’s a complete break from reality. Because of this, these disorders that experience full, cyclical episodes of psychosis can potentially be a harm to themselves or others because for them, their psychotic episode is their reality, and they’re reacting to it as such. This is why forced hospitalization happens to those with schizophreniform, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders. PwStPD don’t have this full break from reality. For example, we may experience something like phantom limbs and believe ourself to be a fallen angel- but we just kind of accept that as a fact about ourselves, and maybe it informs the way we dress, the music we listen to and the hobbies we have, trying to get in touch with this fallen angel identity that we have, but overall it’s a very passive, albeit pervasive, influence. But in schizophreniform, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders, if they have a delusion about being a fallen angel they may try jumping off a building or something because “they can fly”, or they may try harming themselves in the hope of passing away and being reincarnated as their “true self” ie the fallen angel. These things cause harm and would require immediate attention.

And THAT’S the difference between StPD quasi-psychosis and a psychotic episode. THAT’S why you’ll get sources discussing pwStPD being able to experience mild psychosis while also getting sources saying pwStPD don’t actually get psychosis at all.

BRIEF PSYCHOSIS

With all that being said, pwStPD (as well as SzPD) can experience brief psychosis, sometimes called brief reactive psychosis.

The difference between schizophreniform and schizophrenia/schizoaffective disorders (grouping these two because the difference is the presence of mods disorders, but the psychotic experience is the same) is the length of psychosis. Schizophreniform = 1 month - 6 months, schizophrenia and schizoaffective disorders = 6 months or longer.

Brief psychosis is a psychotic disorder that lasts less than 1 month. When you consider that schizophrenic and schizoaffective psychotic episodes can last years, a psychotic episode lasting less than a month is in fact “brief” 🥲.

Because pwStPD can experience brief psychotic disorder, this is also why some sources will say that pwStPD can experience “brief and mild psychosis”. Brief psychosis isn’t a milder form of psychosis, it’s a shorter episode. The natural StPD quasi-psychotic state is the milder form of psychosis. This is what happens when someone who doesn’t do a ton of research reads just a paper or two and then write an article online 🥲. It’s conflating to different things, which causes confusion and misinformation!

tl;dr

Here’s an in-depth post I did about psychosis vs quasi-psychosis.

Here’s an in-depth post I did about brief psychotic disorder.

While I completely agree and understand your sentiment with the lack of StPD research, one thing I learned is you have to know where to look!

Reading about schizotypy (the personality spectrum of StPD) and schizotaxia (spectrum of disorders that have a genetic predisposition to schizophrenia, ie StPD, SzPD, PPD and AvPD) will really help when it comes to understanding StPD psychosis compared to schizophrenia!

[thenoirarchive]

Psychotic System Culture is...

Feeling like someone stuck your brain in a blender, scrambling all your thoughts and making it hard to think

And wanting to cry because it is interfering with your ability to do course work, and what use are you if you can't do the one thing that's expected of you?

[thenoirarchive]

Psychotic System Culture is...

Trying to research symptoms of psychosis and the types of disorders/conditions that can cause it, and not being able to find accurate/usable information because it doesn't take plurality into account

("Do you hear voices?" "Well, yeah, but that's just my headmates being annoying, I'm more concerned with the feeling there's something dangerous outside the door")

[thenoirarchive]

Psychotic System Culture is...

Being uncomfortable seeing (non-psychotic) people call themselves "delulu" and/or hearing someone call someone else "schizo" for questioning hearing someone say something

Like, could they be experiencing actual delusions under the assumption it's non-delusional thoughts? Sure, I'm not gonna fakeclaim people

But quirkifying and social media-washing mental health and disorders in general? Feels saneist and gross to me

Like when people use terms for disorders (usually personality disorders) for shitty and abusive actions or try to "diagnose" someone with something based on harmful stereotypes when they're just assholes

[thenoirarchive]

TW // CW ; Violence? I guess?

Systemhood after dark is being unable to tell people that in sys violence and fights and shit is kinda healthy for us. We have no other way to be angry and violent and free to be ourself, so we take it out on each other, unless we wanna risk hurting others. But I can't openly say, "lmao. [name] just knocked the shit out of [names #2]" or something similar, because that's not inherently healthy. L for them, bickering and arguing with a headmate long enough it turns violent is fucking cathartic.

holy shit fucking real. i have an appointment with another headmate later and we’re just gonna beat the shit out of each other. and maybe fuck idk.

but then i mention that to our friends and their like “wtf, you shouldnt do that.” or get all worried about us (especially my out of system partner) and im like no this is normal i promise

[thenoirarchive]

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[thenoirarchive]

me listening to a song another headmate is a songtive of: surely this will not call them to front accidentally

[thenoirarchive]

holding my OCs that haven't introjected very carefully so that I can continue to play with my dolls and hope that they do not turn into real boys like Pinocchio