thesilenttwilight

[thesilenttwilight]

Trauma doesn’t care if you’re having fun, or happy and elated about life, it will still hit you over the head with a random ass flashback from childhood and leave you crying and scared to go to sleep and then sprint off into the night without so much of a “how do you do.”

[thesilenttwilight]

Relistening to Archive 81 and come to the conclusion that the T.V show they made was never going to be good enough. It had promise but they didn’t commit to the horror vibes of the story and concentrated too much on the science fiction vibes and threw in time travel to make it “palpable”.

IT WAS FINE AS IT WAS YOU DIDN’T NEED TO CHANGE IT AND MAKE IT NOT ONLY LESS HORROR BUT LESS QUEER!!!

Now going back to season 2 to hear “boombox fuck boy” play another tape in his body so he can lead two people through an undiscovered continent of unimaginable melodic horrors for their company overlords.

[thesilenttwilight]

Chaos of living with cats

Calmly editing a video and a fight breaks out between a couple of cats, same shit different day (ssdd)

Get up to try to break them up and they clearly are not separating so in our wisdom we intervene…first mistake.

It’s a fight between three black voids.

One of the voids runs from the fray screaming at the top of her kitty lungs, while the other two get more and more entangled.

Fur flying, screams getting louder and finally we get the largest of the voids to separate from the smaller.

We pick up the clearly out of breath feline and place him on an end table where he sits and growls while we check on the smaller one…second mistake.

The smaller void is growling just as bad, hair sticking up as if he got hit by lightning and as we try to calm him down he clamps onto our arm with big bite before fleeing out the door.

Now I’m bleeding, see the bigger void is bleeding and we’re both looking at eachother going “what the fuck was that about?!”

[thesilenttwilight]

Question of the season!

In a downward spiral 🌀

Or

Just hot because you live in the desert 🏜️

Not sure but the ac feels nice under this pile of plushies

[thesilenttwilight]

Selective mutism is weird as a system.

You would think that since it effects some of us more then others it wouldn’t effect the whole system but it does. Like dropping a glitter bomb into the headspace, it may hit the ones in the front more but it’s still gonna stick to the rest of us because glitter. Was that an out of pocket analogy, yes, but so is having your voice knocked out of you by the bang of a walking stick on the floor so…

We at least get to laugh about it o.O

[thesilenttwilight]

Perhaps it wasn’t that bad and we’re making it up

*flashback to situations in childhood no kid should go through*

Maybe we’re getting it confused with a movie or something

*knowing that isn’t the case and we didn’t want to admit anything happened for years*

But no one hit us, or left us

*flashback to us holding our sister, singing to her loud enough over our father yelling so she couldn’t hear*

It’s not like it left an impact on us

*shuts down whenever a loud noise surprises them and can’t speak for weeks*

Never say it’s not that bad, you were a child and what’s traumatic to a child isn’t traumatic for an adult and no child should have to go through anything but growing up.

[thesilenttwilight]

You know that urge you get when you’re close to finishing a game and you just can’t bring yourself to do it and you put it off…did you know that shit can carry over to other things in your life, like books, writing, art, any old thing at all, including relationships o.O

Did you know it’s a fuckin trauma response!

“It’s the fear of being perceived and if you had to survive during childhood instead of just living…blah blah blah”

Fuckin damn it!

Look we know our life was fucked up but does it really have to effect every bit of our fuckin life. Can’t we just have one thing that our fucked up family, friends of family or friends didn’t screw up! Just one.

[thesilenttwilight]

Two weeks and our voice is still out.

Two weeks and we have a funny feeling this might be a long haul again.

Last time it was nearly two years, and this time something occurred that deepened the wound.

Fuck.

It was improving but now…now…now…fuck…

[thesilenttwilight]

💕BEHOLD OUR LOVE AFFAIRS 💕

This does get updated as we find new songs that won’t leave the head, but here’s a peak into the chaos of our music taste ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

[thesilenttwilight]

And sometimes life hands you limes 🍋‍🟩

[thesilenttwilight]

‼️ TOPIC OF SELF HARM, DEPRESSION AND SYSTEMHOOD TRAUMA ‼️

There’s something about the warmer months that makes the depression worse.

So many scars since we’ve been in single digits and there are times we have to ask:

“Can we actually stop?”

——————————

(The above was found in drafts along with the first five tags, the following is another member of the system and their thoughts)

It’s not just depression, though that’s a big part of it, it’s not being heard, or seen or feel like unless we can tear our skin away we will never be who any one of us in here actually are. *sigh*

No lie in the statement above the line, we did start what we know to be an addiction in multiple forms around 5 or 6

To some of us it’s a cry for help.

Others it’s a means to an end.

Still others it’s a way to feel something.

And then to the ones that it’s a means of transformation.

They are different members in the system, sure there is an overlap of feelings but when we look at our notes there is a lot of singular members that have one reason for doing it over others. And those are only a few.

There’s a lot of us covered in so many scares, so many bandages…

There are so many kids in here…we still don’t have an answer to why there are so many kids in here…

[thesilenttwilight]

You know what, she’s never going to see this and we feel bitter about it.

Fuck our last boss for almost firing us for our mutism kicking in while we were working. This was before we discovered we were a system and realized it was tied to all that chaos. You made our life so much worse boss lady then it needed to be all because you had to be a controlling asshole who didn’t want to believe someone’s voice could cut out without a physical reason. We had a reason we were abused you fuck that messes up the brain and sometimes shit happens and it goes back into survival mode! (｀_´)ゞ

We pray that sigil we put on your building rebounds on your condescending ass because fuck you. (● ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾

[thesilenttwilight]

Not going to lie, best thing about tumblr is when you don’t have a voice you don’t have to reorient your entire content. You just type away and the other person reads your words like they usually do. No voice required from our end ^_^

[thesilenttwilight]

🌿Have some happy little plants 🪴

[thesilenttwilight]

System life rant:

Can’t just have any old trauma no we have to have the type of trauma that causes us to loose our voice when a random loud noise happens because it brings flashbacks to a random house that doesn’t exist anymore and scares us into thinking we’re back there.

Love and fuck you brain o.O

[thesilenttwilight]

System stuff:

(Upon realizing we had the tumblr app and not just visiting the website; faces added for flare ^_^)

<.<

>.>

o.o

Kinda forgot about this place

o.O

Nearly sunrise and need to pass out and perhaps realizing we have a tumblr at this hour is a bad idea but at least we know it’s here now.

Or at least remembering its here.

It was kinda hidden in an apps basket so wonder what happened.

*collective sigh*