thesmollostbean3

[thesmollostbean3]

Longing

I don’t know how to explain it, and honestly I don’t think I ever will.

But I’ll try my best

When I think about her, my chest hurts. I feel fondness and happiness, yet pain. This all being new, strange, and suddenly the word longing has a new meaning.

I understand it.

I feel it.

And it’s driving me crazy, but part of me loves it.

I want to be with her all the time, yet whenever I am I feel nervous in a marvellous way.

In a way that makes my heart jump out of my chest

In a way that makes me want to show it

But I never will

I value what we have now too much to potentially ruin it.

Because she would never feel the same way about me.

Maybe with another person, but not me.

And I’m ok with that.

Yet I can’t help but notice how her eyes are like the sun, always so warm and bright, and when she smiles the crinkles in the corner make me smile along with her.

But they are also like the sun in the fact that they are dangerous if you look at them for too long. They could blind you, and make you think all sorts of things.

Like how you want to hold her hand

Like how you want to stroke her hair

Like how you want her to be happy, to laugh, to feel the same way as you.

Whenever she talks about something she adores, she makes it sound like an adventurous story, full of thrill and joy.

It makes me want to join that story, to love the things that she loves, to experience them by her side.

She talks about them so wonderfully after all.

And then there’s that longing again.

Tugging

Pulling

And in the end drowning me.

(Yo so I just wanted to write something small to share cause guess who is uhhhh feeling things???? Sorry if this is a lil bit cringy but I hope it was somewhat nice to read!! Hope y’all are having a wonderful whatever time of day! ✨☺️✨)

-Ana

[thesmollostbean3]

Hi, I feel like I need to explain some things. A month ago I said I could write more on this blog because I had finished school. Problem is... that didn’t happen. I don’t mean to whine or anything but last year had been really hard for me, especially the last four months. A couple big things happened including me becoming really depressed. I’m trying to get better but my writing suffered because I lost a lot of interests for a while. So I will try and write more this new year, that’s a goal of mine but I personally may go silent for quite a while, which isn't all that fair on Ana, who I share this blog with, at random times throughout the year. I’m really sorry and I’ll try and write again soon, I do have a couple of ideas and quite a few unfinished works. Sorry!

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

Howdy! I was wondering if you could create an angst fic of Lance feeling void of emotion at times, but being good at hiding it. If you want to, could you please write about him putting on a mask of happiness every time he feels void or empty inside. Also: imagine him just getting too tired trying to mask everything constantly and gives up at one point, shocking the others with how he's feeling! Thank you for reading this request, and have a nice day! :)

((Okay but I love this idea! I hope below is kind of what you were looking for with the prompt? Also thank you so much for sending in a prompt! I know both Ana and I love getting them so thank you!))

Lance had many different faces; masks that he used to shroud his emotions, to hide behind when everything became too much.

When the swirl of emptiness he felt when surrounded by nothing but his lion and the vast nothingness of space became increasingly overwhelming he threw on his bright, cheery mask. This one he’d had for the longest. The mask well worn, fit to his face and seemingly natural. He had first acquired it when he was younger, when his siblings had ignored him for they had more important things to do or his parents were too busy with his younger siblings to really pay attention. This mask consisted of a wide smile, lively eyes and a slew of bad jokes that were sure to get some sympathetic chuckles or loud groans. It became increasingly useful throughout his time as a paladin of Voltron. When the war was getting everyone down and someone had to be willing to wear the necessary mask to help others.

When the stinging jabs and barbs of both friends and enemies caused his thoughts to race, spiralling down the hole that was his self-worth, Lance wore another mask. It was his flirtatious boastful mask, one that occasionally felt wrong on his skin, sometimes causing the want, no the need, to scratch and rip it off. This mask was newer, developed during his days at the Garrison. The days when he was trying his damndest to be the best, to make his family proud, yet was being constantly outshone, beaten down, poked fun at. He was never good at the more logistical sides of things, able to talk to people easily yet unable to understand the math and science behind what was going on. So this mask was worn, brushing off the hurt with false remarks of greatness. Loud words, cheesy winks and blushing cheeks along with the most flirtatious pick up lines he could think of. The last factor was sure to get him a scolding by someone who deemed that they were superior, despite the fact that he never meant any of his flirting. He didn’t care enough to.

His main two masks were in place the majority of the time, giving him titles like goofy, moronic and jerk. Yet sitting here, in the main space of their current ship, Lance felt nothing but empty with the occasional flicker of hurt. It was everything and nothing that finally made them crack and fracture.

“Lance are you even paying attention? We all understand that you aren’t exactly the most focused or serious but please, it is imperative that we defeat whomever this unknown enemy is.” Allura said, voice sharp and firm as she shot a glare at the boy.

And that was it.

Lance broke. Face crumbling into a blank slate as he looked up at Allura, a deep, unsettling emptiness in his eyes as the masks chipped and fell away. Mouth in a hard line, voice toneless and body sagging, Lance’s carefully built masks stopped working. 

“Of course Princess.” He mumbled as the rest of the team exchanged worried looks, Allura looking visibly shaken. None of them had expected that. None of them had expected Lance to just stop responding cheerily, he seemed so different from the boy they all knew and none of them knew how to react. It was... beyond odd. They did all expect it to right itself soon. They didn’t realise that this was the real Lance. This was how he felt at nearly every moment, hopeless and empty. That this was how he appeared, dejected and devoid of life. 

They didn’t realise that this was the boy without his masks.

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

NOOOOOO LANCE CANT DIE HOW C O U L D Y O U

Um through.... sheer willpower? Also I like seeing people’s reactions to me being mean to alll the characters to be honest!

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

Did you mean to cut off mid sentence? (Also HOW DARE YOU TAKE MY FLUFFY PROMPT AND MAKE ME SAD

Well I mean I didn’t mean to cut off mid sentence, I accidentally published it a bit early 😂. The full version should be up now. Also it’s just maybe a tad sad, but only a little bit... or a lot.

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

Yooooo welcome back!! Can I request shklance and morning cuddles??

((Thank you and of course you can! Also a warning for major character death.))

The clock kept ticking, counting each new dobash as the sun slowly began to rise, casting a glow of red and orange across the three figures kneeling in its gaze. Sweat stuck their armour to their skin, plastered their hair to their foreheads. Yet that wasn’t the issue, that seemed like nothing compared to the violently ill feeling two of them felt as they dragged themselves closer to the third. Wet patches began to form on their knees, not the dew that one would usually find on their front lawns but a sticky, sticky red that clung to their armour. 

“L-Lance?” Keith sobbed out, voice scratchy and rough as he manoeuvred around Lance, gently putting the other’s head in his lap after taking off the helmet that covered his pale face. “Lance can you here me?” He asked desperately, not looking at the gaping wound in his chest or the bits of armour melted into it. He didn’t get a response.  

“Keith…” Shiro murmured quietly, a raw, wounded way of speech as he looked down at Lance and his barely there breaths, the shuddering of his chest and the wet gasps the other made. “Keith I don’t think-” He cut himself off with a small, pained noise as he watched Lance intake one last wheezing breath before his chest stilled. 

“Lance? Lance? N-no this can’t... Lance wake up! P-please Lance...” Keith yelled desperately, voice breaking and pattering off as Lance didn’t stir. Keith just held Lance’s body closer to him as tears streamed down his face and silent sobs wracked his frame. Shiro moved closer to them, identical tears staining his cheeks as he looked at the two. Stiffly, desperately, Shiro wrapped his arms around Keith, arm skimming against Lance. 

That was how the light found them that awful morning; cuddling out of sheer despair as its golden glow embraced them. 

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

Yo same for me guys. In between school and other commitments things have been hectic but are calming down now so I should be able to write more

Thanks for the support guys!!

-Ana

Hey, apologies for not writing recently, school’s been really awful and a lot has happened but you know what could be fun?

If anyone wants send in a prompt word that isn’t angsty, that’s somewhat fluffy even, and a pairing or character or ‘thing’ and I will try to write something angsty for it. It just sounds fun to me!

Again sorry about not writing, I wasn’t kidding, a lot happened.

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

Hey, apologies for not writing recently, school’s been really awful and a lot has happened but you know what could be fun?

If anyone wants send in a prompt word that isn’t angsty, that’s somewhat fluffy even, and a pairing or character or ‘thing’ and I will try to write something angsty for it. It just sounds fun to me!

Again sorry about not writing, I wasn’t kidding, a lot happened.

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

I Expected Better- Logan Sanders Angst

Warning- feelings of insecurity, shouting and general sadness.

Tears pricked the corner of his eyes as he looked about his room and the four other people occupying it currently. They weren’t here to comfort him, like with Patton, they weren’t here because they realised he was actually important, like with Virgil, and they weren’t here to reassure him of his self-worth, like with Roman. Instead the others were here because they wanted to know why he wasn’t good enough. Why he hadn’t written up a schedule that accommodated everyone. Why he hasn’t been prominent enough lately, leaving Virgil to keep Thomas safe on his own. Why he hasn’t been around for brainstorming sessions, leaving Roman to be creative without any reins. All they were here to do was to say how he wasn’t good enough, their arguments sounding more and more logical the longer they were in his room.

“I mean we’ve all been completing our functions but Specs here hasn’t been actively doing his, dragging your productivity down.” Roman chimed in, his tone still full of passion as he did a sweeping motion with his arm to gesture towards him. Patton nodded at this as Virgil stayed looking at the ground, appearing not to know where he should speak up.

“I agree. Thomas, the roots of our issues seem to be from the fact that Logan is becoming reclusive and avoiding his responsibilities. It’s like he’s causing your functionality to become a little Lo-gan.” Patton said, his voice firm as he looked at Logan, internally wondering what was wrong with the logical side though he knew the other likely just needed some guidance forward. Logan’s heart was beating loudly in his chest, blood rushing to his ears as Patton spoke, he had expected what Roman said but with the addition of Patton he felt himself deflate almost entirely. Virgil looked up at Logan and sighed quietly.

“You have been slacking a bit Logan, we’ve all needed you but you haven’t been there for us or for Thomas. Instead, you’ve been up here with your books as you’ve conducted irrelevant experiments.” Virgil pointed at the papers scattered across the desk, seeing the word hypothesis on one and results on another. He didn’t actually know what the experiments were on but generally if they were important Logan would share them with the others as most of Logan’s experiments were to help them. Logan, however, went completely still, eyes focused firmly on the ground as a tear rolled down his face. He could fix this. He could correct it. It didn’t matter that none of the others cared about him or how he was feeling, he just had to be there for them. It was truly irrational to get upset and angry over this, he just had to calm down and then go back to normal. Then Thomas spoke.

“There really isn’t any reason for this sudden lack of productivity. I actually kind of expected… better from you? You’ve just always been on task before now and you’ve stopped at one of the busiest times of the year.” Thomas said it quietly, as if he was legitimately confused but Logan just snapped.

“I… I do so much to help you all and if I become stuck, when I stop, instead of asking me if anything is wrong you just accuse me of failing you all? Don’t you think I know that? Why don’t you read those experiment?” He said, voice an angry whisper as he looked up, tears falling freely down his face. He walked over to the desk and snatched up some of the papers. “Oh look, here’s one documenting my speech and everyone’s reactions to what I say and what bores you or not. This next one is on how I make you guys feel when you’re around me based on your vocal and physical cues. This one was interesting, it was on whether I could feel or if I was just making it up and whether it would be better if I didn’t. This one is actually one of my favourites, it’s a paper on the practicality of logic when all of you could do my job with no issue if you had to because I am not fundamentally needed I just make it easier.” He yelled, walking around the room and shoving one of the papers into someone’s hands every time he mentioned one of them. He couldn’t deal with it anymore, choking back sobs as he angrily looked at everyone in the room. He had tried dealing with it on his own, he really had and he paled when he realised what he had just done. At how illogically he had acted as he let his emotions get the better of him.

Everyone else in the room looked at him with shock, not expecting either the outburst or the tears. They didn’t know. How could they know that Logan felt that way? He never showed any signs of feeling ignored or insecure. He hadn’t acted violent or anymore standoffish and cold then he usually had. He hadn’t seemed to show any signs. Patton felt tears well up in his eyes as he watched Logan’s insecurities come pouring out. Roman was shocked and looked down at the ground as he realised just how similar he and Logan were, yet though Logan had helped him with his issues, Roman did nothing in return. Virgil had known something was wrong, though it was more so a vague feeling and he still didn’t try to help at all, instead he just chastised Logan for what he wasn’t doing to help them.

Before any of them could speak, Logan forced them out of his room, locking the door and sinking down to the floor. Burying his face in his hands he just sobbed.

-Kae

[thesmollostbean3]

Never walking away (Shadam reunion)

They are home

The lions slowly descended around the Garrison headquarters, creating a crowd of instructors and students running outside to see what on Earth is going on. The sky was slowly turning into bright yellows and oranges, as the evening was beginning. They don’t even know how many days have passed since they’ve been here, but it has to have been at least a year.

The plan is that they all land their lions at the garrison. Once they have spread the news of what has happened and the incoming galra ships, the paladins with homes to go to will be able to reunite with their families via car or lion, depending on how far it is. But for now, not one person was thinking about the plan,  because seeing earth, their home is what really mattered.

Shiro breathed in deeply. He was back, after all this time. After everything he had been through, he had changed so much, while it seems like the planet hadn’t changed that much at all. Memories of his and the others adventures in space filled his head, the good and the bad. How many times had he nearly died? He didn’t even know, but before he left for Kerberos he was sure by now he would have already passed away. He had gotten used to the idea, he had to after all. And now living with the fact that he had the rest of his life before him, was so surreal.

But first, they had a war to win. And Shiro had the rest of team voltron to take care of.

He walked over to Keith’s sleeping form, smiling at who he considered his little brother. Keith’s made Shiro swear to wake him up when they were about an hour away, but honestly Keith hadn’t slept properly for awhile, and Shiro didn’t have it in him to wake him up then. Plus, an actual extra hour of being able to pilot Black was something that Shiro desperately wanted, he was still a pilot at heart after all.

“Hey Keith, we’re here bud” And with that Keith shot up like he usually did, Shiro swore that boy was the lightest sleeper known to man. “I told you to wake me up an hour ago! What the hell Shiro?!” “Hey! Language” “I’m an adult, I can say what I want” “Not around me you can’t, now come on, we gotta get out of here”

Keith rolled his eye and smiled, walking ahead while shiro turned back to the front of the lion. “Thanks black, I owe you more than anything” He turned around and followed Keith out, scanning the crowd for any familiar faces.

That’s when he saw him. Adam.

The look on everyone’s face was a mixture between shock and awe, but Shiro found himself only being able to look at the man who he had been thinking about since he left for Kerberos. Adam had obviously changed. His hair had gotten a little bit longer and he seemed to have a scar right on his chin. His expression was filled with confusion but it still held so much warmth and relief, Shiro didn’t even notice himself running. Running to the thing that he had missed the most. He was there, Shiro was running to him like his life depended on it, like nothing else mattered.

As he reached Adam, Shiro felt like his surroundings had disappeared. He felt elated, but the memories of their final conversation still plagued him.

“Adam, I’ve been cleared to go, and... I’m going to, we leave in two days.” Adam turned to face him at that comment, sharply taking a breathe. “Fine, you’ve made your decision and I’ve told you what that means…is that it?” Shiro furrowed his eyebrows, he had expected a cold reaction, but it still caused him a painful aching in his chest. “Listen, I don’t want us to end on a bad note…I-“ Adam winced, obviously trying to not show the amount of pain this was causing him. Desperately clutching onto the uncaring façade he was showing. Pretend that it doesn’t hurt and therefore at least some of the pain doesn’t right? But they were in love. They were… “Is that it Takashi?” Shiro shook his head slightly. Wow, he was really going to do this huh? Act like everything didn’t matter in the end. Like they weren’t goddamn engaged. “No, no that isn’t it. Adam I love you, ok? I really do, and I never wanted to hurt you… I don’t know how to fix this…” The last sentence came out as a sob, and Shiro grabbed Adam’s arm, trying to blink away the heavy tears that were forming in his eyes. Adam closing his eyes, bracing himself for what he was about to say. “Don’t leave. That’s how you fix it just please don’t- don’t…” He took a shaky breath and took a slow step back to properly face Shiro. “I don’t want to lose a year of being with you…to find out you died in the middle of space, not being able to be there…to at least say a proper goodbye. I couldn’t…I can’t deal with this Shiro. I can’t ok? So don’t leave.” Adam was now shaking, trying to swallow his heavy sobs. “I…I’m so sorry Adam I have to. I only have a few years left I…I’m so sorry I have to. I have to go, because if I don’t I know that I would regret it for the rest of my life. I love you, I do, and when I get back we can-“ “No Takashi…just…no ok? I can’t do this. I told you that if you leave, this is over. And it is. It’s over. Now, Officer Shirogane, please leave my office.” Shiro stepped back, hurt as the words Adam had spouted seemed to cut through him like a knife. So that was it then. “Fine, I’ll go.” Turning around was the hardest thing shiro had ever done, and walking to the door was even harder. Before he left he looked back, and locked eyes with his, now ex fiancé. In those eyes he saw all those years spent together. The laughter, the tears. Nervous confessions mixed in with flirty jokes. All the intimate moments they had shared, and all the breathless declarations of love. Shiro turned away, and walked out of that door, forcing himself to leave it all behind.

He didn’t know what to say to him…he didn’t know what to do. After they broke up…so much had changed. Yet somehow it was all just as painful. “Takashi…I’m so sorry.” With that Adam embraced Shiro in his arms, and Shiro felt his head swirl. He had missed this…all of it so much. “I shouldn’t have broken things off, I should’ve been there. I left you when you needed it most and that was horrible of me I’m so so sorry I-“ Shiro interrupted the muffled words with a shush, and rubbed Adam’s back gently. They stood there, in each others arms for what seemed like an eternity, yet when they finally broke it felt like it wasn’t long enough. “Why are you sorry? I should be sorry, I was stupid and selfish and not considering the consequences. It was fool-“ Adam shook his head frantically. “No…Takashi I was the one being selfish. I didn’t even try to come up with an alternative solution I w-“ “Let’s just say we were both at fault?” Adam smiled, and nodded gently. It was a strange relief, but they obviously would need to talk more about this…about everything really, but for a moment, neither of them said a word.

“If it’s any consolation, you were right about the dangers of going to Kerberos…” They slowly made their way to the lions, Shiro still hadn’t really talked to the rest of team voltron, since he did kind of immediately run to Adam after all.   Adam playfully elbowed him and chuckled quietly. Shiro hadn’t heard it in years, and frankly it made him feel almost giddy. Like he was a pining kid again. “Yeah I know about that, did you think I WOULDN’T get every last detail when Sam came back?” “Ah, so you basically grilled him, classic Adam style.” “More like new and improved since I was still freaking out that you were alive after all this time. I mean, the hair and arm is a surprise but still.” Yeah…Shiro wouldn’t mention the fact that he had died and been reincarnated with his clone for a little while…

As they finally regrouped inside the black lion, and the others seemed to not be able to contain themselves with meeting Shiro’s ex fiancé…or maybe even just fiancé? They still needed to talk about that…

“So this is the guy hey? Hmmm…but are you good enough for our Shiro” Hunk walked up to Adam and leaned in close, seemingly inspecting him. “I think he is Hunk, they were engaged remember?” “Keith! Oh my god your so tall now, and you have a…IS THAT A SCAR JESUS!” Adam ran over to Keith, completely panicked as Keith looked absolutely like he had come out of a warzone. Which was completely correct, and frankly the rest of them did too. “You guys have helmets so why on EARTH do you have a scar on your face. What happened to you out there, actually don’t answer. I don’t want to know right now…” Keith laughed a little, “It’s good to see you again Adam.” Adam smiled and ruffled Keith’s hair, a thing that was obviously a habit before Shiro left. “Wait hold on here, so Shiro, Adam, let me get this straight.” Shiro had gradually walked over to Keith and Adam, and at Lance’s comment he gently elbowed Adam. They were engaged before all of this, they had to have some way to communicate internal gay jokes.

“You guys basically have the most iconic love story of all time, Jock meets nerd and become friends. You guys grow up together and end up being the best pilots in the Garrison, slowly falling in love while doing so. And shiro, for some reason, you only RECENTLY TOLD US THIS???” Adam looked over and raised an eyebrow, while Shiro sheepishly scratched the back of his neck.

“Well things were a bit…complicated. And I don’t really think we had a lot of time before to actually talk about it.” Shiro felt Adam shift slightly with the word ‘complicated’. Shiro was right of course, they had broken up and it was extremely painful for both of them.

“Well it is lovely to meet you Adam! My names Allura, and I am from the planet Altea.” Shiro would that her later for changing the subject. Adam stepped back. Sam gave him a quick run down on who the paladins were when he met up with Adam, so he fully well knew who Adam was facing an actual alien, alien royalty at that…and understandably he was freaking out a bit. “Oh uh yes…it’s an honour to meet you Allura. And all of you guys.”

That was the start of everyone’s brief introductions, and frankly, it was obvious who Adam bonded with the most.

“I don’t know how you dealt with him…he’s constantly getting himself in danger I don’t know how he does it!” “I barely know myself…I swear it’s like there could be a big glowing sign that said “don’t do this alarmingly reckless thing” and he’d probably do it in spite of the SIGN!” To be fare, Keith did obviously get it from his mother, so the entire conversation was painfully ironic to listen to. And Shiro was awkwardly hoping to not get blamed for Keith’s recklessness from Adam.

“Ok, I think that’s everyone, guys let’s continue with the plan. I’m going to go and find Commander Iverson to tell him what’s going on, if you all have any friends that you want to reunite with here, do it now. Krolia, Allura, Romelle, Coran, stay in black for now like you guys have been doing. There is a bunch of press and a big enough crowd to last a lifetime, and you guys would certainly be more safe in here than out there.”

Big robotic lions were enough, actual aliens on Earth right now would make everyone lose their minds.

“Let’s go guys!” Adam smiled fondly at Shiro. He really had become a great leader huh? He always was, but seeing how much everyone respected and cared for him…it made Adam proud. “I’m going with you, Iverson is too much of an asshole to deal with alone.” Pidge snorted in response, and with that, everyone got on the move.

Shiro and Adam left the lion, and before they could actually enter the giant crowd Adam pulled shiro to the side of Black and behind the head of yellow, somewhat hiding them from the giant swarm of people who were now swarming Lance, Pidge and Hunk with questions.

“Look, I know things are hectic right now and we just reunited only an hour ago, and it’s fine if you can’t answer right now but I want to ask you..” “Just tell me Adam” “After this has ended, when the war has finished…can we try this again. We still have to properly talk of course…but I’m not going to give up on this, us, again.” There was a brief moment of silence, back then, shiro had thought it was the end. And the break up was one of the worst things he had gone through in his entire life. Leaving Adam for Kerberos was agonising enough, and when he was kidnapped by the Galra…convinced he was leaving him, Keith and the rest of his family for good…it was torture. But he was here, with Adam. And Shiro was completely willing to rebuild that life that they had. It meant the world to him.

He hugged Adam once again, whispering “of course” gently into his ear. They both separated for a quick moment, and then gently kissed. Neither of them would be able to describe how it felt, but if they had to choose one word, they would both immediately say ‘home’.

“Well…we should probably..” “Yeah…” “You know, I still have a lot to catch you up on…” “True, and you better tell me all of it. Every last detail Takashi Shirogane.” “I promise I will tell you about all of it, even the gross stuff.” “Thankyou, I am honoured. And I have to catch you up on a lot too. Like last years Christmas party was TERRIBLE. Lena brought a bowl of sunflower seeds as her savoury dish, who does that?” “Sounds like I’ve missed out on the real important news of Galaxy Garrison…but sunflower seeds? Really? I mean that’s an all time low…” “I know right? We can’t ever let her host it I’ll tell you that.”

Shiro and Adam stopped for a moment, and stared at each other. In those eyes Shiro saw the same things he saw all those years ago. All those years spent together. The laughter, the tears. Nervous confessions mixed in with flirty jokes. All the intimate moments they had shared, and all the breathless declarations of love. But shiro wasn’t leaving them. And as he carefully held onto Adam’s hand, he absolutely knew. He was never going to walk away from him again

(Hey guys! so basically in this lil piece Earth hasn’t been attacked by the Galra yet because I want things to at least be alright when they return home dammit. Although that is most likely not going to happen. I wanted to do a little a little reunion so here it is!)

-Ana

[thesmollostbean3]

We were tagged by @abigailthemystic to ‘pass the happy’ by writing down five things that make us happy and then tag the last 10 people in our notifications!! So here we go!

1)dogs. Dogs are literally so amazing guys I love em so much ahhh!!

2)The professor Layton series!! The games legitimately are so fantastic y’all I love them. Every single game has a backstory that literally rips your heart out and the soundtracks oh my god!!! Also it contains one of my favourite characters, Katrielle Layton ❤️

3)Dan and Phil! I’ve been watching them for like, at least 5 years now so they have definitely impacted my life a lot! They are fantastic youtubers and I am really proud of how far they have come!!

4)Acting. It is always heaps of fun and is, conveniently, what I want to do with my life!! Acting in a play or a movie or in anything is just so goddamn fantastic!! Not only does it make me happy, but it makes others who are watching me happy, and it’s awesome how I have the ability to do that by doing something I love!

5) Kae obviously! We started this blog together and it has been so much fun so far!! She is one of the greatest friends in the world (I wanna also say the universe but I haven’t met any aliens yet so I can’t confirm...) but seriously she is such an amazing person and I am so glad to know her ☺️

So yeah, that’s mine!! Now to Kae!

-Ana

Okay so my list includes:

1) Reading. I love the large emotional response that it can garter and how attached I can become to a variety of characters. The scenarios can be so vastly different from our world and I love that!

2) Writing! This directly tags in with the last one as I love being the cause of a whirlwind of emotions and being in charge of an emotional shift that allows others to become immersed! I also love any and all feedback that comes with writing because I get to know that my writing caused an effect on someone, something that makes me very happy!

3) KickthePJ. Okay I love Pj’s videos and how creative and weird they are and his videos never fail to make me happy. They’re amazing and terrifying and so out there that it’s inspirirjng!

4) Theorising. I love to guess what’s about to happen next in any form of media and even writing essays about my thoughts is insanely fun. It makes me so happy to see people agree or to have the theory turn out to be true.

5) And of course... Ana. Ana is so, so amazing and I cannot tell you how many times she’s been there for me! She’s creative and funny and brilliant and never fails to make me happy even when I started out sad. She’s an amazing friend and human and she convinced me to start this blog with her! Something I cannot thank her enough for!

I hope people attempt this because finding things you’re happy about is so nice and rewarding.

-Kae.

Okay we tag

@anxiouspotato1913 @shop-liftee @shygeek1999 @sarcasm-is-my-form-of-attack @bookmaniac849 @dragondark116 @keefhawfromtexas @matt-the-random @gavinom123 @universallytyranical

[thesmollostbean3]

Differences (Voltron Angst)

(Before I start, there are spoilers for season 6 in this so if you haven't watched it yet be warned!)

Occasionally Hunk would lie in bed, eyes open, wide awake. Those nights were some of the worst he’d have out in space; whether it was reflecting on the war or those he couldn’t save. Tonight, however, he was reflecting on how much they had changed.

When they had left Earth they’d all been so hopeful, almost everyone had a spark in their eye as they looked into the discovery they had just made. Everyone bar Shiro, who looked particularly pale, curious but terrified. That spark, that hope, had led them to an intergalactic war filled with devastated planets, enslavement and death. That war changed them from the bright faced children to the young adults they now were.

When Pidge had left she was so young, so bright. She hadn’t given up on the possibility of finding her family even though they’d been lost in space for year. That Pidge got what she wanted. She found her family but not without major sacrifice. The people she killed, though on the opposing side, playing on her mind. Every other night from where he was in his room, Hunk could here painful thrashing that generally ended in a panic scream. Nightmares. It pained him to listen to but Pidge had refused help, he just wished she could stop envisioning the war and spend time with her family without flinching at loud noises or freezing at bright flashes. It was different and he didn't know if he could help.

Lance was his best mate before they left, all wide smiles and bad pick up lines. He used to take so much pride in his appearance, saying that “Mama gave me her good looks, can’t waste them now can I?” Now he’d attempted to distance himself from everyone, ashamed of the scars littering his body though they all had them. The giant burn scar on his back made him refuse to go swimming. The scar on his jaw causing him to wear scarves whenever he was in public. The spider web of burns that littered his skin from when he was electrocuted making him refuse to leave his room unless it was around only the team. Hunk hated how he couldn’t go up to Lance and hug him like he used to, how he couldn’t just reassure him that he was beautiful without the other boy breaking into tears. It was different and he didn’t know how to help.

Keith was angry when they left Earth, angry yet determined. The war almost acted like an outlet for him, yet the aftermath left him broken. He could hardly look at the man who he viewed as a brother after the event that almost killed him even though he knew that the thing that tried to kill him wasn’t Shiro. Vocal cues would cause him to recluse, lapsing into memories that he couldn’t escape. The scar on his face a permanent reminder on what had happened and the words Shiro couldn’t take back, even though it hadn’t been him. The two had been so close and both would still die for one another but they couldn’t be in the same room for more then an hour without Keith seeing the twisted smirk of the clone. Hunk would walk Keith through his panic attacks but his heart broke when he saw Keith sob so harshly he couldn’t breath. It was different and he didn’t know if what he was doing was really helping.

Shiro was already a victim of war when Hunk had first met him but it was different now. The man had died, lost everything and everyone whilst only retaining his life. Shiro had opted to stay on Earth after their first visit there but remained as a communicator to the team. Sometimes, however, the man who’s motto was ‘patience yields focus’ would go into violent outbreaks, unable to control the emotions that he was constantly faced with and unaccustomed to such a calm environment. He’d break inanimate objects and curse other people  which Hunk could deal with but Hunk was left speechless the first time Shiro couldn’t cover up the scratches that he’d caused in one of his outbursts. Hunk had tears glazing his eyes as he looked through the screen at his leader, usually calm and collected, looked distracted. It was different and Hunk couldn’t help.

Hunk had been a giant softie before they'd left. Always open, always finding ways to help others. The war had left him hardened, he’d seen things most his age couldn’t stomach but the thing that got to him was that he seemed to lose his ability to help people. Sure he fought in the war and saved lives but what good did it do if he couldn’t comfort his friends? What good was it if he couldn’t look past his own problems to help his friends with their’s? Another sleepless night because of the phantom pains lacing his leg or from the metal biting at his stump wasn't too much of an issue and the hours he wasted laying there could be spent better by helping others yet he couldn’t. The pain of moving was too much and he’d just end up lying on the floor out of breath. Hunk felt broken and it inhibited him. It was different and it didn't help.

-Kae

(Hello everyone! Okay so Ana’s favourite Voltron character might be Hunk so I maaay have written some angsty Voltron content from Hunk’s perspective because it was her birthday today! Cool, hope you all enjoy!)

[thesmollostbean3]

A War in Many Forms (Poem)

Eyes drooped, heads lolled, bodies hit the floor. Eyes stung, heads pounded, bodies piled; four stories tall.

Sleepless nights turned into sleepless days as the war continued still, Terror filling those still fighting as the sound of screams pierced them like a knife, It was too much for the men and women fighting as slowly they went mad, Fighting tooth and nail as if it was all they had, In a way it almost was as the days and nights blurred, Everything had become muddled as their comrades burned, Going through the motions though they were soon overwhelmed, Black tar engulfing them as soot and brimstone swallowed them, Sight was ripped from them, guns close by scaring them, Pained screams were torn out of them as bullets tore through them,

Eyes drooped, heads lolled, bodies hit the floor. A vicious cycle that would be repeated once more.

-Kae

(Another writing thing? What? I’m on a roll lately guys... Okay but seriously this is just really short and I wrote it in class today because I didn’t want to do work and wasn’t feeling the best. So hope you enjoy this short little poem even though I wrote it in a bit over 5 minutes!)

[thesmollostbean3]

A Lament Works for Two

The lights were bright, causing him to squint out into the crowd. It was merely a rehearsal night but he wanted to show Virgil one of his favourite songs from the musical he prepared. Taking a deep breath and smiling slightly out into the audience, Roman began.

There are few who'd deny, at what I do I am the best

For my talents are renowned far and wide

Carefully he walked around the stage, arms floundering wildly whilst proclaiming his greatness. The act he had started filled him, his face changing accordingly with bright, boastful grins and evil smirks as he sang the first chorus of ‘Jack’s Lament’. The song seemed perfect at that moment. How could it not? He was the boastful one.

Yet year after year, it's the same routine

And I grow so weary of the sound of screams

He switched. His face becoming long and drawn as he slowed his steps and looked directly towards the audience. His movements momentarily stopped, arms falling to his sides. It had never occurred to him how ironic this song was; parallels uncanny if one only took out the elements of Halloween. Attempting not to dwell on the commanding voices yelling at him to be perfect, he picked up again, stepping to the side and going back to walking round the cemetery as fog rolled in.

Oh, somewhere deep inside of these bones

An emptiness began to grow

It hardly seemed fair. He couldn’t show his feelings though both Patton and Virgil could when they became too caught in their emotions. He couldn’t go to the others for support as Logan did when he began to spiral from reality. All he could do was go off into the mindscape, creating new monstrous nightmares to battle and take out his frustrations. To allow for him to feel something in the exhilarating rush of battle. It was easier to dwell his frustrations and insecurities anyway. Who would believe that a loudmouth prince was insecure anyway? He almost stopped entirely; a slight gasp escaping his lips as he realised he’d been standing there for a beat too long. Attempting not to appear ruffled he continued. Attitude picking up as he once again hid his thoughts with an irritatingly arrogant front and a flair of his arms.

And since I am dead, I can take off my head

To recite Shakespearean quotations

Ah Shakespeare… it was almost too long since he had last thought of preforming one of the famous plays. They were too morbid, too long, requiring too much effort. Roman didn’t think he could cry in front of an audience without breaking down completely anyway. It had been too long since he delved that deep into his emotions. He also was no longer sure if he could recite Shakespeare. His thoughts were messy, filled with strings from every other play he had read or seen yet still, it seemed more Logan’s front to enjoy the more intricate Shakespearean works. It hardly seemed as if he was the irrational one with a love for complex and convoluted fantasy worlds anymore, just someone else who loved Disney and other childish films and ideals.

Would tire of his crown, if they only understood

He'd give it all up if he only could

He had stopped for too long again. Why was everything suddenly so confusing? The timing of the music no longer made sense and the steps seemed all wrong. The expressive faces and the differing tones seemed off. He was spiralling ever further as he walked around the stage slowly, his voice becoming low as he finally comprehended the sadness he was supposed to be conveying. These lyrics made too much sense this time. It had never been a song he had particularly identified with it was just the music that he enjoyed so why was this happening now? Because… he would give up his crown. He would give up his role. It hardly made sense that he had it anyway. He was merely the one who came up with nonsensical ideas whilst spouting falsehoods so why hadn’t his role gone to someone else more suited to it. Tears began too pool in his eyes as he fell on his knees near a tombstone, the fog subsequently building as he became more and more distraught.

The fame and praise come year after year

Does nothing for these empty tears

Tears were streaming down his face now as he finished, staring directly at the audience with his arms wrapped protectively around himself. It shouldn’t have finished like this. It wasn’t meant to be this emotional. His voice wasn’t supposed to become chocked up on the last few notes. His steps were supposed to be continued as he walked off stage as Jack wallowed in his own pity. His eyes weren’t meant to be producing so many tears despite the last line. He swallowed harshly. He’d just have to practice all night to perfect it, despite the fact that he’d be preforming to next to no one. The rush of thoughts in his hears and the pounding of his heart almost made him miss the clapping.

Looking up, it was Virgil, clapping wildly with a cheer that seemed unfamiliar. He didn’t deserve the praise but… the lights had dimmed and he could see the smile on Virgil’s face. He could see him standing and clapping though he would have never usually of done so. Had he not noticed Roman’s shortcomings? His failures on the stage? The tears?

“That was actually really well done… though I hate to admit it. I did think the tears and you falling to your knees was a bit too dramatic though.”

-Kae

(Hey! So something a bit different and new... some Roman angst from the Sanders Sides series (mixed with Jack’s Lament from the Nightmare Before Christmas). Hope you enjoyed it! Also just a quick mention that if any of you guys wanna ask anything, send in prompts or just chat Ana and I are all cool with that!)

[thesmollostbean3]

I would assume that you’re someone of mixed race/ ethnicity/ heritage? Like something kinda out there too like French-Canadian and Brazilian or like Cuban and Irish... I dunno I just feel like you have an interesting background.

Actually we are both probably as white as people can get, but we ARE both Australian 😊 (I would like to mention if ANY of you come to us dissing fairy bread we will BOTH be very defensive, it’s a national treasure)Also thankyou for sending this in! -Ana

(What up! Kae here. Just wanted to say thanks for thinking we’re more interesting then we actually are! Also just to state again... fairy bread is the best and I had 3 and a half pieces today... it was awesome!)

[thesmollostbean3]

Heyo!! If you guys want to go on and send an ask for me and Kae, we are both curious ☀️

-Ana

I wanna know what people assume about me because of my tumblr.

Put an assumption in my ask. I’ll confirm or dispute it. I’m not gonna be mean or anything, I’m just very interested.

[thesmollostbean3]

Yellow

Yellow was prominent in her life.

It was casual but it was always there. Other colours would dominate in and try to shut it out. Bright purples and pinks enticing her away from the smaller colour. Reds and whites clashing whilst the sun shined brightly. Yellow clad feet walking across worn paths whilst her mind was on other things. Yellow mixed into others to create vibrant oranges and greens; colours that were everywhere yet their base colour too bright to be accepted. Yellows that featured into her emotions, blinding when she was joyful, soft and mellow when she was calm. Yellow even featured in her saddest days. A bright raincoat, a soft shirt or a warm blanket could comfort her even if she were in the worse of frays. Yellow eventually began to fade yet it stayed with her forever, the bright colour always there though she couldn’t see it. Eventually when she had to move towards the yellow; she would smile because yellow had always been there.

 -Kae

(So just a short tidbit I wrote for a friend. Not really angst but it’s something. Hope it’s okay.)