thetraumaleftbehind

[thetraumaleftbehind]

Funeral Thoughts

I’ve pictured my funeral

in colors more vivid

than any wedding dream.

Not ivory lace or gold rings,

but the black of umbrellas

under a soft, weeping sky.

No cake, no dance,

just a program with my name—

folded once, maybe stained with tears

or forgotten in a purse.

I don't imagine a white dress.

I imagine the silence.

The way the air might hold its breath.

The way someone might shift uncomfortably

in a chair,

wishing they’d called more.

I don’t think of slow songs and candlelight,

but of a closed casket,

maybe too few flowers.

Maybe too few people.

Some people plan for love

like it’s a sure thing—

guest lists, matching suits,

forever in gold bands.

But I’ve only ever planned

for leaving.

And wondered if anyone

would miss the absence

more than they noticed the presence.

Because it’s easier, sometimes,

to imagine being mourned

than being chosen.

To believe in endings

more than beginnings.

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You raised me up just to watch me break,

But I'll build my own walls, no matter the stakes.

Brick by painful brick, I’ll make my stand,

Because anything worth doing,

Is done by my own hand.

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Cursed to love others, but not my own soul,

I mend every piece while I’m never whole.

A life spent in giving, yet I’m never assured,

A voice for the broken, yet my own goes unheard.

[thetraumaleftbehind]

A Daughter Like Me

They hoped I’d have a daughter like me—

And I do.

She is the love I gave and never got,

The magic I lost but somehow sought.

In her, I see all I’ve longed to be,

Proof that I was never too much—just free.

She taught me this truth, so soft, so clear:

I was always worthy of love,

Always worthy of here.

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Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to sit back and focus on yourself

[thetraumaleftbehind]

must a fictional relationship be “healthy” or “functional”? is it not enough to simply watch two made up people destroy each other, hand in unlovable hand???

[thetraumaleftbehind]

Some Hygiene Ideas When It Seems Hard

You aren’t alone if the act of having a shower, or brushing your teeth seems extra daunting, draining or just outright impossible. 

There are no magic fixes, but here are some tips that might be useful to you. 

Brushing Your Teeth

Brushing your teeth may seem impossible! And that’s so valid. Here’s the thing, sometimes we can ditch the regular “rules” and do what we need. Some things that help me:

Keeping a toothbrush and toothpaste in the shower. I find it so much easier to brush my teeth while I’m already in the shower with the water running. 

Brushing for 30 seconds is better than nothing! You don’t have to do the entire two minutes. 

If you can afford it, an electric toothbrush can help. 

You can brush your teeth with water! No, really. It’s better than nothing. Dampen your toothbrush with a bit of water and brush your teeth! 

Having a Shower

I don’t know about you, but having a shower is the most daunting task there is for me. It is so exhausting to even think about. Here are some ideas to make it easier. 

Prepare for the After

For me, it’s what happens after the shower that is draining. It makes it a bit easier for me to get my clothes ready, have my towel laid out, and anything else I need. 

Have Products you Love 

Having my favourite smelling body wash and shampoo is so nice, and there’s a part of me that wants to shower just to use them. 

Don’t Focus on Washing Yourself. 

This sounds weird, but hear me out a bit. Focusing on it as a task we have to do may make it more exhausting. It might sound silly, but for me, I imagine the shower is a waterfall or rain that is “washing away” some of my bad thoughts, feelings and helping me lighten the load. I focus on turning it into a calm experience. 

You can also just focus on standing in the water, and not actually washing yourself. It’s still likely to help you feel more clean!

Tips for Both Brushing Your Teeth & Showering

Call for Company

For me, sometimes I call a friend and stay on the phone with them until I actually get in the shower. This can help in the “pre shower” ritual and make it seem less intimidating. I have also kept a friend on the phone while I brushed my teeth. 

An alternative is that sometimes I find a friend who also finds the act of showering or brushing their teeth super draining, and we make a pact to do it at the same time and then we text each other when it’s time and both go do what we need to do. We then come back and text each other and tell each other “good job!” This is kind of like an accountability buddy.

Play Some Music

I find that playing music helps, especially if it’s music that makes me feel a bit pumped up.

Focus on One Step at a Time

I find the whole idea of showering and/or brushing my teeth exhausting. There are so many steps to showering between getting undressed, getting the water on, washing my hair etc… I find that sometimes it can help to just focus on one step at a time and not the whole picture. What do I need to do first? For me, I need to turn the water on because it takes a few minutes to heat up. So I’ll focus on one thing at that moment, just turning the water on. That’s all I have to do. And then I go from there and see if I can work my way through the steps without looking at the “big” picture.

Alternatives to Help Feel Clean

Some days, we just can’t do it. And that’s okay! Here are some alternatives to help you feel clean:

Wash your face

Brush your hair

Use dry shampoo

Use body lotion

Change your clothes

Get some baby wipes or other wipes to use

Have a bath! (Use a bath bomb, bubble bath, something to make it feel pampering instead of like a task. A bath is much easier to put on an audio book, or even a show to keep you occupied).

Use some mouth wash 

Remember that not being able to take care of your hygiene does not affect your worth! You are still worthy, even when you aren’t able to do the things you need/want to do. 

[thetraumaleftbehind]

Please. I want to die🎉

[thetraumaleftbehind]

I'm hitting the middle school part of my 20's

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Friendly reminder to delete your browser history ❤️

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I just need a trash goblin for validation purposes

help me I've fallen and I don't want to get up

[thetraumaleftbehind]

I've dreamt a dream of peace

Quite and without bother

Happiness in my loneliness

Because I'm not truly lonely

For I am always with me.

[thetraumaleftbehind]

I just realized why I simp so hard for Kakashi

I too like to read porn at work

[thetraumaleftbehind]

You built me up just to knock me down

But I will make my own walls

Brick by painful brick

Because anything worth doing

You do yourself

[thetraumaleftbehind]

This is why you never put people on a pedestal

When they fall

It's you who breaks