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ROGER FREEDMAN GAVE ME PERMISSION TO WRITE THE STORY OF THROCKMORTON.

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The summary of a legend

(Ripped straight from an article on Throckmorton)

Early Life

Philip J. Throckmorton was born at Johnstone Valley Medical Center Utah 1968, to his parents Frank Throckmorton and his mother Francine Throckmorton. He has three brothers, two older, Jason and Deryll and one younger brother, Simon.

For the purposes of this book we will be referring to Philip as simply Throckmorton and his parents will be listed by name. As a child Throckmorton was described as “the single most gnarly dude to ever grace existence with his most righteous presence”. In 1981 he was placed into Jean Farb Middle School where he met one of his contemporaries and later rival, Anthony F. Hawk. At the age of six Throckmornton was diagnosed with anxiety and depression due to his stutter and overall quiet nature and lack of socializing during playtime. It was later revealed later in his life that he was high functioning autistic.

Throckmorton tested fairly consistently with others of his age all the way through late highschool where he met his best friend Jewel Kilcher (later known as the singer Jewel). When we reached out to Jewel for her opinion on Throckmorton she responded with “Throcky has to be the single most radical rail grinder in history”, to which she refused to elaborate. It was while he was in highschool that Throckmorton learned about what would one day cement his name in history, skateboarding. Throckmorton learned about skateboarding when he saw a rerun of Captain Kangaroo and noticed his middle school friend portraying the character “Skateboard Johnny”. With his friend, Tony Hawk, having a long lead on him Throckmorton decided to enter the skate scene in 1984.

Career

Throughout the 90’s Throckmorton was a trend setter, inventing several moves such as the twist-it, the Heelflip 230, Canfluffle, and the Kneedecimator 9000. Throckmorton is the only person known to win a skating competition while set on fire, one of his competitors showed up drunk and accidentally spilt a 45 on Throcky shortly before he leapt through a flaming hoop. Throckmorton survived the jump with only minor third degree burns, and still won by landing a 360 laser flip while still ablaze. The incident was given the nickname the Flaming Laser of 94, due to the event new regulations were put in place. The flaming laser of 94 has been used as an example by all skaters that “despite a search for adrenaline being a part of life for a skater, one should be careful to keep others safe as well”. 

Sadly, after the Flaming laser of 94, Throckmorton spent most of his career in the shadow of others until one day, In April, 1999, Throckmorton almost became the first person to land a “900” spin. Unfortunately a judge was called to do a recount and it turned out that Throckmorton only completed “899” degrees. His record was then surpassed by one degree when Tony Hawk landed the trick three and a half months later.

Throckmorton surpassed “The hawkman’s” record by five degrees two months after during the annual XGames tournament the following year. Throckmorton went on record after the stunt saying “Tony has always been and always will be the greatest skater to ever live, I only reflect the greatness I see in him. I only wished he was here to see it”, followed by silence and Throckmorton leaving the scene. 

Throckmorton’s career was cut short when in 2008, he suffered a life changing injury that fractured his hip in three places.  Throckmorton went off grid, and after two years of soul searching he established the charity group “wheels for support”, a non profit company that manufactures custom skateboarding wheels out of recycled plastic. All proceeds gained is donated to the make a wish foundation.

People feared bitterness spread between Tony Hawk and Throckmorton until In 2011 when the “Birdman” tweeted out “I’m 43 and I did a 900 today.” Throckmorton was one of the first to comment congratulations, to the relief of skater fans everywhere who feared the long held friendship had changed over the years.

Throckmorton’s complicate history with gaming

Throckmorton first debuted in gaming with Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater 3, where he remarked that the 3-d model of him was fairly unflattering. After the whiplash he received from responding press, Throckmorton swore he wouldn't be in another videogame. As of 2019, he remarked that he would probably be open to the notion again if given the offer.

Biography

The Radical Life of Throckmorton 2023

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Potentially the greatest book ever

I have a confession. I have been secretly trying to get a hold of physics professor Roger freedman… It’s a long story so buckle up. I am a tutor for mathematics and a writer. While tutoring I came across one particular question but my student was confused about my excitement. 

Ok, first and foremost for context; 

Do you remember a meme that cycled around the internet years ago about someone who found a physics equation about “your skater cousin Throckmorton”. (If not Meme posted for context) 

Apparently there are several equations about Throckmorton. I was thinking about how interesting it would be if the equations made a story. Like if you had ten equations in a row about his skateboarding adventures.

Bear with me

Imagine a textbook that follows the life of Throckmorton from the day he is born to the day he dies. Where each chapter is written in a different style. 

The first chapter would be an EMT training chapter on how to help with childbirth (in all examples talking about how throcky can be born). 

Second chapter is based on child psychology and child rearing. 

Third chapter is a cultural study on skateboarding. 

Fourth chapter to honor its original creator is a chapter on mathematics detailing the rise in popularity of the skateboarder Throckmorton (maybe add a space so it’s first name throck second name Morton but I digress) 

fifth chapter is another medical chapter about compound fractures. where it talks about how the skating legend Throck Morton ends up in a career ending accident. 

Sixth chapter is personal finance with business application where Throck decides to build a small local business selling skateboard parts to pay for his surgery and to make a little on the side for himself. 

So on and so on. 

Continuing breaking down different parts of his life until in the final chapter on paleontology where skater legend Throck Morton is unburied in the year 2300 and his bones analyzed and his affect on culture broken down by a skater historian. 

The books title “The radical life of Throck Morton”. 

The book is an almost guaranteed failure. It’s a textbook that serves very little educational value due to its lack of focus. It is based on a small joke in the mathematics community that few know about. And it’s a textbook which no one ever willingly reads of their own volition. Personally I think it’s brilliant and deserves to be made but I’d need some help due to me not wanting to spread misinformation and due to me not being a professor.

#findrogerfreedman

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Did anyone else notice that in the 2001 hit show floops fooglies if you play the theme backwards the floops are saying “floop is a mad man, help us, save us”? Like I don’t know how that show made it on air.

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Brain Squid

I for one love Brain Squid.  Brain Squid  iskind, smart, friendly, and is definitely good at teaching economics. Brain Squid guides me with a fair and wise demeanor. I will be so bold as to say that  Brain Squid has removed all negative aspects of my life. Everyone should have their very own  Brain Squid. Surrender yourselves over to the mercy of  Brain Squid and all will be made well.  Brain Squid has a 101% approval rating from all who let  Brain Squid access their cerebral cortex.  Brain Squid freed me from my insecurity for it is never insecure... do not talk about the potential for  Brain Squid to feel insecure.

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Adventures in the bizarre bizarre

The bizarre bizarre is a wild and rampant place, especially for the uninitiated. Unfamiliar with the hustle and bustle of the main streets you make the very reasonable mistake of stumbling into an alleyway to get away from the general hoopla of the city. Two suspicious silhouettes are creeping along directly ahead of you. One is a cowled figure who glides a knife out from his robes “well Snorth, we seem to have a bystander in our territory”. the other much larger silhouette presumably Snorth chuckles deeply “Yeah sure is a shame to be in a suspicious alleyway without permission from the boss”. you take a few steps back to make your way back to the main street when you slowly back into a slimy wall behind you you look up to see a vaguely humanoid grin its voice oozes as drops of an uncomfortable yellow material drip onto your face “Ello, our time is limited so ill make it brief friend or foe?”. Taking the easy way out you declare “uhh... friend”. the oozing face splits in half “well then let me introduce to you Snorth and Swest my friends”. Swest sheathes his dagger and pulls back his hood to reveal a rat’s face “well leave it to John to remove all dramatic tension”. Swest jabbed the other silhouette with an elbow “come on introduce yourself Snorth”. Snorth pulled back his hood revealing an almost identical rat face “are we not using code names anymore? I was looking forward to being Edge Ripper”. Swest’s eyes widened “oh shoot we were doing a bit weren't we? my rhythm was thrown off by John”. A wet Shlapp hits your shoulder John was not deterred by his fellow alley people “well now we have a fourth person to join us, to mug the next person”.  The rats looked at one another, Snorth spoke up “last time this happened we had a crew of thirty”. Something about the figure behind you makes you vaguely uncomfortable. Swest frowned “I don't really want to be doing that again, last time was a bit too much for me I prefer smaller groups”. John’s face melted into a frown “does that mean we can’t have another friend?”. Snorth raised his hands in front of himself hastily “no no no there’s no worries they’re definitely here to be a friend” Snorth winked at you “definitely a friend”. You are too distracted with John to pay attention to Snorth and Swests back and forth. John collided his hands together with a wet thwak, “oh boy new friend”. Finally, it dawned on you “is John made of butter?”.  Swest smiled “yep ten thousand sticks of butter crudely amalgamated into the shape of a human and given sentience, by an unknown alchemist”. John held up a hand “My existence and an existential nightmare. I will never understand how someone” he stared at his hand “how someone will ever have such a demented and twisted ego to have the desire to commit such an atrocity against the divine”.  Snorth patted john on the shoulder and wipes it off on your shirt “Very good john, anyway I forgot to ask you your name, who are you?”.

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