tr-writer

[tr-writer]

Hello friends,

I’m currently writing a fanfiction about Hyunjin x Felix and I’m looking for a beta reader. So far I’ve written around 50,000 words, but I can’t publish it yet because I really need someone to go through everything with a critical eye.

My beta reader should be able to communicate openly with me. That means telling me when the flow doesn’t work or when I need to make changes, especially when it comes to the dynamic between the characters. But most importantly, I need someone who can help me keep the storyline logical and consistent. I’ve been working on this fanfic for a while and sometimes I lose track of things, which leads to inconsistencies.

Spellcheck help would be nice from time to time, but it’s not my main concern.

The story is about:

Felix, who has cancer, moves with his family to Korea in hopes of better treatment options. There, his father reunites with old friends and their families. Felix suddenly finds himself surrounded by new people. Among them, he meets a boy named Hyunjin and a deep bond begins to form between them.

I haven’t written much further than that yet, but the themes the story will explore are:

Pain, fear of loss, illness, loneliness, fear of death, but also a very intense, poetic kind of love.

I’m still not sure how the story will end, but my beta reader should be okay with the possibility of it not having a happy ending.

Here’s a little glimpse into the story:

“I don’t want to be something you survive,” he whispered, his voice breaking with the last word. “I don’t want to be a memory you’ll have to recover from.”

Hyunjin’s face twisted, like those words physically hurt to hear. But he didn’t back away. He reached out slowly, fingers brushing the back of Felix’s hand.

“You won’t be,” he said. “You’ll be someone I get to love. That’s all I want. To love you. Not to fix you. Not to rescue you. Just to be here while we live.”

———————-

"Love," Hyunjin murmured, his fingers ghosting over the other boy’s forehead, through his hair with the gentleness of a prayer. "Hey."

"Hm," came the faint reply, eyelids fluttering, too heavy to keep open.

"When you get out of here, we’ll go to Australia, okay?" Hyunjin whispered the words against his skin, as if they were a secret, something sacred, something that had to be protected. "Okay?"

A soft hum was all he got in response, the sick boy leaning ever so slightly into the kiss pressed to his forehead.

———————-

“I’m not laughing with you,” Felix said calmly. “I’m laughing at you.”

The room burst out in a mix of surprised groans and cheers.

Jisung clutched his chest dramatically. “I- wait- who are you? What have you done with my sweet, shy little Yongbookie?”

Felix raised an eyebrow, amused. “Yongbookie?”

“That was your nickname in my head,” Jisung said without shame. “Soft. Quiet. Big eyes. Always wrapped in a blanket like a nervous rice ball.”

“I’m still wrapped in a blanket,” Felix pointed out.

“Yeah, but now you’re sassy about it,” Jisung said, clearly delighted. “You’ve evolved. This is character development.”

[tr-writer]

(Longing for home)

Searching for direction,

couldn’t see the warmth. The warmth,

that once led me home. Home,

where I once belonged.

Wailing, shrieking and searching for the ones who made me,

I am waiting at the place you left me.

Father, where am I? Mother, where are you?

I am yearning for the feeling you once submitted me to,

don’t take it from me yet,

I am still the one who longs.

Able to see the light,

though not old enough to lead the way,

my soul? my aging body?

Will someone come and guide me?

Just so I can feel the burning light one last time,

so I can leave with wrinkled eyes and lifted lines?

I beg you, just one more time,

can you bring me home to see the light?

Or shall I stay the one with no way home?

The one abandoned by the loved?

The one who never stopped to long?

[tr-writer]

quick question to all my ao3 readers:

do you sort by kudos or hits? which one is better?

[tr-writer]

what is there between you and me?

I asked myself, as you continued living.