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genuine question here/help

could it be considered cheating if you use paraphraser tools to your writing? i've been thinking about this cuz english is not my first language and whenever i'm writing something i wish it could be written better with different words so it wouldn't look so bad. but searching for synonyms for every word doesn't quite help the cause.

technically paraphraser doesn't add anything else to your writing it change the already existing words, maybe change the structure of the sentence, looks for synonyms and stuff, but the meaning stays the same. but it still feels like cheating, you know.

i want to know your opinion on this.

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“Never call anyone a baboon unless you are sure of your facts.”

– Fred Weasley

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me reading smut and calculating in my head the positions the characters are in

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tumblr is so diverse, like I could be reading a six of Crows fanfic, and then I scroll down and BOOM, it's Ben 10 x reader. Scroll again - BAM, MHA fanart. Again? It's Outer Banks fanfiction. I have never watched Ben 10. I haven't watched MHA in years. I lowkey don't even know what Outer Banks is.

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i didn't suffer through three books and read “it's my own name i'm afraid of forgetting.”/“i want you to know my name, the name i was given not the title i took for myself. will you have it, alina?”/“your name is tattooed on your heart.” only for netflix to throw it away and replace it with “please, call me aleksander.” in literally the second episode.

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time to do homework

time to do homewor

time to do homewo

time to do homew

time to do home

time to do hom

time to do ho

time to do h

time to do

time to d

time to

time t

time

tim

ti

t

ta

tav

tavo

tavo a

tavo ak

tavo aky

tavo akys

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It can be so healing to stay up until 3am. Unfortunately, it will also completely ruin your life.

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All of us when this hell is over

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wedding anniversary

I woke up this morning and chose violence.

weird way how to start this but it is what it is. so, I decided to improve my writing (cuz it desperately needs an upgrade) by writing small drabbles. this is actually the first one and I have absolutely no idea why I decided to do this to myself (and you too)

also, forgive me if it isn't perfect, just like I said I'm trying to improve my writing

this is a levi x gn!reader drabble and if there is one thing I can say about it it's pain (you'll see why) I listened to harry stile's fine line while writing this and let me tell you, it just got worse

This day needs to be perfect.

That was the only thought running through Levi's mind the entire day as he worked on the preparations. It was your fifth wedding anniversary, and it had to be just as magical as the day you pledged your hearts to each other for eternity. Levi was well aware that his lover disliked when it was 'too much.' Even your wedding was small and simple, with only your closest friends and family in attendance. You were both unfit for a life of wealth. It was never your intention to make everything grand. The soldier life you both were living didn’t allow much luxury in your lives anyway.

Therefore, Levi didn’t aim for fancy food or expensive dinner places. He was well aware that you preferred simple things. He located the place which held significant meaning to both of you. The place where he asked you to marry him. As it was yesterday, Levi remembered his anxiousness and shaky hands, something that 'humanities strongest' had no idea he was capable of experiencing. He remembered how the three words slipped past his lips, causing your eyes to widen and joyous tears to well up in your eyes. He recalled how you couldn't say anything. Even the simple word yes. But Levi already saw in your eyes what you meant to say. He could always tell what you intended to say just by looking into your eyes before you were able to utter a word.

It was a wonderful place. Green fields in whichever direction you looked, with a giant oak tree in the center. It was far away from the city's constant bustle, just like you liked it. The sole sign of civilization was a farm a little distance away. Close enough to not feel abandoned, but far enough to ensure that no one will disturb your solitude.

Levi spread a blanket on the ground before placing the refreshments he had provided. He knew this blanket was your favorite. You stated it reminded you of home and made you feel better when you were down. When it came time to wash it, it was always difficult to convince you to let it go. Levi had to employ all of his strength and wit in order for you to release it. During those moments, when the blanket was being washed, he was always there to be by your side. He always was there to fulfill the soft materials job to be your security blanket. And that made you love him even more.

After placing the food, he pulled out the little pouch where one usually poured water. In Levi’s case, it was always full of tea. The man's devotion to his tea was something that always amused you. It wasn't particularly hot, but it didn't bother him. After all, you've never been a fan of hot tea. It burned your tongue upon the first sip thus ruining the whole drink for you.

Levi reclined against the tree trunk; his hair ruffled by a gentle breeze. He cocked his head to the side to look at your smile. God, how he loved your smile. The faint laugh wrinkles at the outer corner of your eyes, the small dimples in your cheeks. A smile crept at the edges of his mouth, but it vanished quickly. It was like the wind; one minute it was there, the next it was gone as if it never existed. Levi realized the smile before him wasn't the one he was yearning for. It never was.

Because pictures capture only so little.

They can't capture the sound of your melodic laugh, which sounded like bird melodies early in the morning. They can't capture the motions you make with your hands when you are excited about something. The way your eyes widen, and your mouth opens slightly when something shocks you. But Levi can remember it. And it will remain burned in his memory forever.

As he stared at the framed picture beside him of you two on your wedding day, Levi remembered the day when he became the luckiest man in the whole world. He recalled the salty flavor in the air as you both stood by the sea, promising unconditional love to one other. He remembers the sun shining behind you, lighting your face and making you look like an angel. Your soft hands and his linked together.

It was your first wedding anniversary without you. And with a heavy heart, Levi had to make peace with the fact that it won’t be the only one. That from now on it will be just him and your framed wedding photo. But that doesn't mean he won't try his hardest to make this day perfect. Even though the food will be left untouched and when the day will come to an end, he’ll return to your shared home that still holds that empty feeling as if it’s missing something. Your shared bedroom which still holds your scent, albeit so faint it causes Levi to think it’s his mind playing tricks on him. He will fall asleep on your side of the bed, covered with your blanket which always consoled you and now brings him the comfort he so desperately yearns for. Clutching your wedding photo close to his heart until he falls into the soft hands of his dreams where you’re still alive. Holding him, and not letting him go until the morning comes, and with it, the reality without you.

But some part of him knows that you’re there, sitting beside him on the blanket, whispering sweet nothings in his ear. He just can’t see you or hear you. And God did he wanted to see you. To hear your sweet voice whispering in his ear. To feel your warm breath on his neck that always sent shivers down his back.

Levi fingered his wedding band on his finger remembering your soft hands as they placed the ring on his finger, claiming him as yours. His hand then went to his neck to pull out the chain in which hung your wedding band. And he remembered how his hands placed the wedding ring on your finger, claiming you as his.

Your laugh.

Your smile.

Your eyes.

Your touch.

Your everything.

He reached out and gently stroked the frame of the picture.

“Happy wedding anniversary, my love.”

a/n: honestly, what was I even thinking

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[urfictional]

“My sweet little baby” I say … when it’s in fact a middle aged man

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[urfictional]

what doesn’t kill you… `𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐔𝐒 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 - 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘵𝘵𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘪𝘭𝘤𝘰

Summary: The one where it all started with betrayal. A meeting that later grew into a partnership no one expected. In the end, they both will have their Nation of Zaun. Or will they?

Warnings: Arcane spoilers, drug use, blood, violence, typical Arcane stuff.

Pairing: Silco x f!reader

series masterlist

Dear, Silco.

Before I begin, you should know how difficult it is for me to put my feelings into words. So, please accept my apologies if this letter does not come across as sincere as I had hoped.

I'll most likely be long gone by the time you read this letter. And the most important thing you should know is that it was not your fault. The events of the previous few days had had a profound effect on me. Every day, something happened that made me question my beliefs, feelings, and power that I held.

It all began when we went to see Ren. God, that little girl. She was the one who started it all, and everything went downhill from there. When I saw Marcus's body on the bridge that day, I realized Ren will be alone. And that was something I wanted to change.

Remember how many times have I told you how scared I am of not knowing how to raise a child? Since you brought Jinx with you that day, every day I feared that I might do something wrong. Perhaps this is why she grew up to be your daughter rather than mine. You were always better at this than me.

But with Ren it was different. It was as if all of my fears had vanished, and I knew exactly what I needed to do. Now I'm wondering if it was all meant to be. Perhaps Marcus was meant to die so that I could care for Ren. She changed me. She changed me completely and I am sorry. Believe me when I say that it was never my intention to leave you on purpose. And, as you are aware, we do not have the ability to stop the river from flowing into the sea or stop the sun from setting. The same was with me. This was something I couldn't stop.

I know what you're thinking right now. Why was I so upset that you chose Jinx when I was willing to give up everything for the Sheriff's daughter? Well, accept my sorry. It's just that when I realized you weren't going to hand her over, something in me snapped. I was enraged that you could jeopardize our dreams for the sake of a girl. Only after our argument did I try to put myself in your shoes. And now I understand.

Because I would do it too. I couldn’t give up Ren. Not for anything.

Silco, I hope you can find the strength to forgive me. After all, we both gave up our lives for girls who were left alone in this world. We appear to have more in common than we previously thought.

There is only one thing I need from you. Please do not come looking for me. I'm sure you could find me if you wanted to. Please, don’t. Regardless of how angry, disappointed, or sad, you are.

Zaun is your world, it’s where you’re supposed to be. You fit there, and I don’t.

Someone once told me that when they first saw me, they thought I was a Topsider. I'm not saying I was too good for Zaun; you, of all people, know that's not the case. But maybe this wasn't the right city for me. After all, it has brought me only grief and suffering.

I want you to know that I believe in you, Silco. I never stopped. Continue what we started, there will be plenty of other opportunities. Create the ideal Zaun, just like in our dreams. Meanwhile, I’ll be on the other side, always thinking about you.

And remember,

I love you.

y/n

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

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what doesn’t kill you… `𝐄𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐎𝐆𝐔𝐄: 𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐗 - 𝘴𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘯𝘥

Summary: The one where it all started with betrayal. A meeting that later grew into a partnership no one expected. In the end, they both will have their Nation of Zaun. Or will they?

Warnings: Arcane spoilers, drug use, blood, violence, typical Arcane stuff.

Pairing: Silco x f!reader

series masterlist

I didn’t mean it.

Of course, I didn’t.

It was an accident. He was in the way. They all made me so angry that I just snapped…. And then I killed him.

But I didn’t mean it. He knew that. Silco knew that. He wasn’t angry at me because it wasn’t my fault.

Wasn’t it?

But you held the gun in your hands. You were the one who pulled the trigger.

But I didn’t mean it.

Wait!

Where’s y/n? She-she will understand, right?

I need to find y/n, I’ll tell her everything, and she will understand. Together we will make the Topsider’s pay. We will make them pay for everything they’ve done to us.

She will forgive me. y/n is like my mother; she will forgive me.

But she told you not to call her that.

Whatever. She will forgive me.

She hates you.

NO, SHE DOESN’T!

She knows how I feel. She knows how it is when they are talking all the time.

We will make them pay. We’ll …

y/n will understand…

…

Right?

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

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what doesn’t kill you… `𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐄 - 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘦𝘯𝘥

Summary: The one where it all started with betrayal. A meeting that later grew into a partnership no one expected. In the end, they both will have their Nation of Zaun. Or will they?

Warnings: Arcane spoilers, drug use, blood, violence, typical Arcane stuff.

Pairing: Silco x f!reader

series masterlist

Your stride was slow. For once, you wished to enjoy the place you had despised your entire life, to leave it behind and never return. Your life had been turned upside down in the last few days. You had transformed from a woman who doesn't care about anything to a woman who feels everything.

And the day it all turned upside down was the day you met Ren.

With her bright smile, that little girl was able to heal your broken and rotten heart. When you left Marcus' house that day, you refused to admit it. You couldn't believe that one small child could do such a thing to the most dangerous and feared woman in Zaun. Yet here you were, walking through the filthy streets of the Undercity to the bridge that would lead you to the little redhead.

You knew Ren will be waiting for you there. On the other side. You made sure she will.

Regardless of how terrible that sounded, you took advantage of the fact that Jinx's life was in the hands of the doctor and Silco had been knocked out by some drug. You went to the Last Drop after leaving Singed's place because you needed to do something. And you needed to do it fast.

As you entered The Last Drop, you took a look around the room. You discovered him at the bar. Charlie was your trusted man. Loyal to the core. The same way Sevika was to Silco. You recalled how the man found you and asked if he can work for you. You were skeptical at first because you didn't trust easily, but Charlie quickly changed your mind.

You knew after a few successful jobs that this man was one of the best. His outward appearance was deceiving. His shoulder-length black hair and sharp features gave him the ability to charm anyone, allowing him to obtain the information he, or rather you, desired.

You walked past the bar and tapped the black-haired man on the shoulder then you continued up the stairs without stopping. When you arrived at Silco’s office you left the door open for him.

“Close the door, behind you.”

You came to a halt in front of the desk before turning around. Charlie stood in the middle of the room, hands clasped behind him, waiting for you to speak. You leaned back against the desk, your arms on either side.

“I have a job for you.” You were staring at the ground. “You’ll have to go to Piltover to find someone. A girl.” Finally, you looked up. You had no idea why you were breathing so fast. You mouth was dry, and your head spun. You were nervous. And you had a huge reason to be.

“I have received an address of the place she is currently at. You will go there and inform them that I’ll be coming for her.” Charlie nodded his head in understanding.

“Alright, boss. Can you give me a name?” You exhaled a shaky breath. If Charlie noticed it, he chose not to mention it. And for that reason, you liked him the most.

“Her name is Ren.”

Ren is going to wait for you.

But the little redhead wasn’t the only reason.

Everything happened in perfect sync. First, the meeting with Ren, followed by the unexpected encounter with Professor Heimerdinger. And then there was Silco's betrayal. You had the impression that it had been meticulously planned by someone in order to keep you away from Zaun. Even if it was true that someone was behind all of this, you didn't care. The only thing that hurt was having to say goodbye to Silco.

You were aware that you were the first to decide to betray him. Only then Silco betrayed you. But, if that were the case, your departure would not have jeopardized their plans. You would have simply left without causing any damage.

However, Silco did. The opportunity was right in front of them. All he had to do was hand Jinx over, and that was it. Your long-term plan would be realized.

But could you give Ren over in exchange for your dream?

You let out a bitter laugh. Damn voices. It was easier when they were spewing nonsense rather than facts.

You didn't even realize you’d arrived. You were standing at the end of the bridge, looking at the city across. This was it. The last step.

The moment you were making a move to continue walking, you felt a sharp pain in your chest. It happened so fast that your legs gave out and you had to lean against the railings. You let out a shuddering breath, one hand clutching your chest and the other gripping the railing to keep yourself upright.

What in the hell was that?

You even looked down at your chest at one point to see if you had been shot. Because that's exactly how it felt; like several bullets seemed to have pierced your body. You looked down, breathing in a deep breath when you saw no red on your hand or clothes. Everything was in order. So, then what was it?

As if something snapped inside you, the voices in your head started to talk. They were all speaking at the same time, voices overlapping. You struggled to understand what they were saying, and after a minute, it became so unbearable that you had to let go of the railing to clutch you head instead.

But then among the chaos that happened inside your head, you recognized one word that made your blood freeze.  

Silco.

⸹ ⸹ ⸹

You leaned over the railing, your gaze fixed on the dark water beneath you. The sharp pain of shock was gone, but a new kind of pain began to fill your body. Your breathing quickened, your chest heaved, but at the same time, you couldn’t breathe at all. You didn’t even realize you had started crying when you choked on the tears that flowed past your cheeks. You felt it. You felt everything.

You knew exactly when Silco took his last breath, and it hurt. It was as if someone had inserted a knife into your chest and failed to extract it. Instead, the knife was being twisted, causing you to bleed all over the bridge. That's exactly how it felt. You wanted to scream, but all you could manage to get past your lips were sobs and more tears. You moved slowly across the bridge, one hand gripping the railings so tightly that your knuckles turned white. Nonetheless, you moved forward.

Once you reached the middle, you stopped.

You gripped the railings with your trembling hands even tighter, if that was even possible. You gazed out over the river. Just there if you squinted your eyes, you could see the old docks where it all started.

Why did you suddenly have the impression that everything also ended there? 

The voices began speaking all at once, once more, causing you to squeeze your eyes shut in pain. You tried to decipher the words. Buch of names you didn’t recognize, but one you did. Jinx

Your eyes snapped open. As if on cue the pain subsided. You looked down at your hands, which were firmly gripping the railing. If that was the case, and Jinx was truly to blame for Silco's death, there was nothing you could do. You had left it all behind you or was about to.

What to do? What to do?

You closed your eyes once more. There was still time to return. And what will you do when you’ll return? That was simple; you are going to make Jinx pay. But was that really what you desired?

Leave. Leave it behind and start a new life. Then one day you’ll return and make everyone pay. They will all know your anger.

Breathing out a shaky breath, you made you decision; or rather the voices in your head made it for you. You took out the gun you were carrying with you everywhere and dropped it to the ground. Honestly, you sometimes didn’t even know why you were carrying it with you all the time, it didn’t do the job done half as much as your powers did. The small weapons you had hidden in your pockets quickly followed. You frowned as you reached into your coat pocket and your fingers brushed against something.

When you pulled out your hand, you discovered a vial containing a purple substance in your palm. The dose of Shimmer that you didn’t use. A wave of rage washed over you, and you let out a scream as you threw the vial over the bridge and into the water.

This was it. The last thing that reminded her of Undercity, gone. You left the rest of your belongings on the ground, including the cane. If someone will walk past this place say tomorrow, they will think that somebody had taken their life here by jumping into the water. In a way, you did exactly that.

You breathed a sigh of relief for the first time in a long time. You took one last look back at the city from which you had come and, turning around, walked over to the other side. Maybe it was just your imagination, but you swore every step you took felt lighter. The pain that had settled in your heart decreased with each step. The pressure on your chest lessened as if someone gently removed the knife from your body and instantly healed the wound with soothing words.

Upon reaching the other side you looked around. They were supposed to be there. Somewhere.

Suddenly you heard footsteps from behind you. Upon spinning around, your heart clenched once more. Not from the pain this time, but from something entirely different.

Ren was standing there, clutching Charlie's hand. The little redhead who, unbeknownst to her, had stolen your heart. The only thing missing was the girl's beaming smile, but the moment Ren saw you standing there, the little girl let go of the man's hand and ran forward.

You knelt down as soon as the little girl was close enough. Then she threw herself into your arms. The tears had returned to fall down your cheeks, but for once you didn't mind. Because you now had everything. Fears of not knowing how to raise a child and of not knowing what was going to happen were gone. You had Ren now, and in the end, that’s all that mattered.

While still having Ren in your arms you looked up into the sky.

“I promise, Marcus, she won’t be alone.”

A sudden flash of light drew your attention. You rose to your feet and turned around, holding Ren's hand in your own. You frowned as you watched how something, followed by blue light that illuminated the sky, flew from the old docks towards the council building.

You moved the little girl further behind you as the blue light flashed brighter, shielding her from the danger that was about to come.

“What is it, boss?” You shifted your gaze away from the sky and towards Charlie, who had approached you and Ren, also staring at the bright blue light. You met his gaze with a troubled frown before they both turned their attention back to the skies. You clutched Ren’s hand tighter.

“I don’t know.”

You wanted to pretend that whatever it was had no effect on you, but then you would be lying to yourself. For one thing, you were certain; it will have an impact on Piltover. Even if you grew up despising Topsiders, you could now consider yourself one.

Just how fast things can change if a small human being with a heart bigger than themselves is at the stake.

But this is not the end of your story. You still have one thing to do. It makes no difference that you have no idea what is going on in Zaun or that now your place will be in Piltover; you will have your revenge. You won’t let it end like this. There's one thing everyone knows about you: you never forget those who had wronged or hurt you. Sooner or later, they pay for their crimes.

And they will all pay.

Jinx will pay.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

[urfictional]

what doesn’t kill you… `𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 - 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴𝘦 𝘸𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘴 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘶𝘮𝘣𝘭𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯

Summary: The one where it all started with betrayal. A meeting that later grew into a partnership no one expected. In the end, they both will have their Nation of Zaun. Or will they?

Warnings: Arcane spoilers, drug use, blood, violence, typical Arcane stuff.

Pairing: Silco x f!reader

series masterlist

Note your surprise when you strolled into Silco's office and found Finn dead on the floor, Sevika's weapon covered in blood, and Silco sitting by his desk, unfazed. At some point you even considered walking out of the room and pretend you haven’t seen anything.

"I'm assuming the meeting went well." You entered the room with your eyebrows raised. Silco gave you a sidelong glance before returning his focus to the paper in front of him.

As you approached, Sevika kicked the body aside so you could sit in the chair Finn had previously occupied. You took a seat and leaned back in the chair, nodding you head in thanks.

“Where were you?”

Your eyes glanced up to note that Silco hadn’t lifted his head up from whatever he was writing. Nonetheless, you were aware that the question was aimed at you. Suddenly your mind flashed to Professor and your hand instinctively rested above the place where the inside pocket was. Closing your eyes, you lowered your hand inconspicuously, cursing yourself for your foolishness.

Upon glancing at Silco you breathed out a small breath of relief. The man was too preoccupied with the parchment in front of him to notice your strange behavior.

“Out.” You shrugged your shoulders nonchalantly. “I was taking a walk.”

Finally, he looked up at you.

“Alone?”

“I needed to think.”

Sevika, who was standing further back in the room, couldn't help but notice the chill in your conversation. It made her frown, Sevika had no recollection of an argument between the two of you.

You and Silco were both staring at each other when your gaze was drawn to the paper on the desk. The stamp with the letter T immediately drew your attention. You looked back up at Silco, eyes narrowed.

“Councilor Talis?”

Silco looked down at the paper before leaning back into his chair.

“I’m taking a major step towards our goals.” He took a cigar from the table, then looked at you. “We’re almost there. We are one step away from having our Nation of Zaun.”

He breathed out a puff of smoke before once more glancing at you sitting in front of him.

“Aren’t you happy?”

You observed Silco as he jotted down more and more requirements that he would need from the Council. You expected yourself to be overjoyed. You had imagined this moment in your dreams several times. The moment when everything seemed to be falling into place. Now, as you walked alongside Silco on your way to the dam, where you would meet Councilor Talis, you didn't feel consent. Not in the slightest. You didn't dare to be happy because you were afraid it would all come crashing down on you so fast that you won’t be able to get up in time.

Once they were on the dam, Silco walked forward, leaving you behind. You watched how Jayce’s eyes first fell on Silco who was walking towards him, then quickly drifted to you standing further away. You kept your gaze fixed on him. You had no idea what the man was thinking of you; perhaps he was surprised you were there at all. After all, Silco was the mastermind behind everything, and you were merely a performer from behind the curtain.

At least, that's what the Council assumed.

Once Silco reached the Councilor, his eyes drifted away from you and focused on Silco. Yet you couldn’t help but notice his lingering gaze on you. You were trying to figure out the meaning behind it, but it was too late, Silco had all Jace’s attention now.

Not thinking too much into it, you let out a breath. Now, you waited.

The wind from the sea gently blew your hair making you unconsciously close your eyes. You realized, as you turned your head to look at the sea, that you had never seen the open sea before. And that, for some reason, made your breath hitch. The open scenery in front of you made you feel so free like you'd never felt before. Because of something that happened to you many years ago, you had missed out on many beautiful things in life.

It was true that your traumatic childhood had a significant impact on your future. You erected these barriers around yourself, refusing to let anyone in who even slightly disagreed with your plans. That's why you let Silco in with such ease.

And now as you were looking at the stunning sunset in front of you, you wondered if it was all worth it. But if you'd gone this far, you figured it was worth it.

You were just recovering from the sudden view before you when the reality came crashing down.

“Give me Jinx, and I’ll give you your Nation of Zaun.”

Your head snapped in their direction the moment these words left Jace's lips. You also noticed how your sudden reaction didn’t go unnoticed by Jace for his eyes briefly glanced at you then back at Silco. With narrowed eyes, you watched Silco’s back. You noticed him tense, and then he began to explain something to the Councilor that you already knew.

Silco will never give up Jinx. Not for anything. And that, for some reason, hurt like a bitch.

You took one last look at the sea. You felt a surge of rage inside you for something that might never happen. At the same time, you felt guilty about something you were about to do.

The walk back to the other side of the river was deafeningly quiet. The tension was palpable, but neither of you acknowledged it. Silco was too preoccupied with the Councilor's offer, and you... well, you did something you had never done before.

You listened to what the voices had to say to you.

What did we tell you?

He won’t give up Jinx, you fool.

You would be better off without him.

Your trust in Silco will be your downfall.

It was strange how they began to make sense now. Only then did you realize you hadn't taken your daily dose of Shimmer, which explained why the voices were so persistent.

But were you complaining? For once they actually made sense.

You abruptly came to a halt in the middle of the street. Only after walking ahead a bit further did Silco notice that you had stopped walking. When Silco turned around, he faced you in confusion.

“Why did you stop?” The man couldn't help but notice your frown. In addition to the cold stare, you were giving him.

“You’re not going to do it.” You spoke. “You’re not going to give up Jinx.”

Silco opened his mouth to answer when your voice halted him.

“It wasn’t a question.”

The frown vanished. Your cold eyes bore into Silco's, and the man did everything he could to hold your gaze. You took the last few steps forward that separated you. Your gaze never strayed from his mismatched eyes.

Silco suddenly felt small. And vulnerable. He had never seen the look you were giving him now if he had to think about it. He was well aware that nothing went as planned and that you would be disappointed in him. But what else could he possibly do?

“Listen, I can’t just give her up.” He reasoned. “You must understand.”

A laugh fell past your lips. A humorless laugh that made Silco flinch. It was bitter and full of hurt. You lowered your head, but you weren’t done. In the blink of an eye, Silco was thrown against a nearby wall. Your forearm pressed against his upper chest, just below his neck. The sharp concrete of the building digging into his back.

“They were right.” You gritted your teeth. “The voices were always right. My trust in you will be my downfall.” You forearm pressed harder and harder against his chest with each word. "All these revolutionary dreams and plans. You're willing to sacrifice them for a girl who doesn't even acknowledge you. For someone who is not worth saving.”

For a brief moment, the pressure on his chest eased. "Are you really willing to betray me for her?" Silco had to do a double take when he saw you in front of him. It still astounded him how quickly your emotions changed. One moment you’re spitting curses and threatening him, the next your eyes soften, and in front of him appears a vulnerable woman.

Though Silco was well aware that you were not vulnerable. Even if you appear to be.

“Jinx is my daughter. I will do anything for her.”

You took a sudden step back as if Silco's words had burned you. Your hand returned to your side allowing Silco to breathe again. The man leaned forward, his hands on his knees, breathing heavily.

You couldn't look him in the eyes. You turned your back on Silco, your eyes wandering aimlessly, your mind racing with thoughts and voices. They were all telling you that they were right and that you should have listened to them. But it was too late now.

You were determined not to cry. You never did. But it was too late when you noticed your cheeks becoming wet from the waterfall that seemed to fall from your eyes. It was excessive. You were crying not only for Silco's betrayal but also for your own. But this wasn’t about you, or maybe it was?

You pressed the heels of the palms to your eyes, causing white spots to dance in your vision. Stop crying. Stop crying, for God’s sake.

A nerve-racking sob fell past your lips that drew Silco’s attention. He opened his mouth to reason, but then closed it. What could he possibly say to improve the situation? ‘I'm sorry for choosing a damaged girl over you. It's just that she's my daughter, and you...’ What exactly were you to him? Someone who shared his hopes and dreams. You were there for him from the start, when Silco had no idea how to be a good leader.

You were everything to Silco, but it seemed that this time, it wasn’t enough.

“I know how you must feel, but just listen…”

He took a small step backward when you abruptly turned around.

“You have no idea how I feel!” You gritted out. “I trusted you!”

You closed your eyes and exhaled deeply. The anger that had consumed your entire being vanished, and the only thing that filled your heart was guilt. You imagined your last conversation to be much different from this, but it is what it is. And you had to make the best out of what you have right now. You knew that it wasn’t right to lash out at Silco for this after you yourself had made a decision that will change your life.

But you had to do it to him. Now it was even more unnecessary than before. So Silco can understand how it feels.

When you looked up after a brief moment, the only evidence of your tears were the wet streaks on your cheeks.

Silco let out a breath. “It seems we’re not that similar after all.” Silco had Jinx and in the end, that’s all that mattered.

An image suddenly flashed in your mind. Fancy home. A little girl with fiery red hair. A beaming smile. You bowed your head, a faint smile on your lips.

“Are we really?”

You and Silco both wanted nothing more than to see Zaun succeed. For the people of Undercity to live in the same way that the people of Piltover did. However, the road to this goal was long. And it appears that neither of you will stick around long enough to get there.

“We can still do it.” Silco’s voice made you look back up. He stepped forward, gripping your forearms. “One way or another.”

If only it would be so easy.

“No.” You shook your head. “I don’t think we will.”

Silco's eyes were wide with confusion when you looked at him. The look on the man’s face almost made you burst into tears once more. You forced another bitter smile.

“Is there anything so undoing as a daughter?”

Silco’s hands fell helplessly to his sides. His expression remained bewildered his eyes asking millions of questions. You took a tentative step forward. Without missing a beat, you reached out and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. Relinquishing the feeling of being in his arms.

Soon after, you felt Silco's arms wrap around you, causing you to sigh. You leaned back enough to see his face, still in his arms. You will, without a doubt, miss this. Silco was the only person to whom you showed your caring side. The word "love" was a strong one. And when you may have said it aloud once or twice, you weren’t sure if you really meant it.

On the other hand. Perhaps you did. Maybe that's why it was so hard to say goodbye.

You raised your right palm and touched Silco's scarred face. The all-too-familiar tingle, the purple hue, and you were staring at Silco, whom you had made a thousand times sure you liked less than the Silco you knew now.

When your hand returned to Silco’s shoulder, you leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss to the scarred flesh. Then, without saying anything else, you turned around and walked out of Silco's life. Forever.

⸹ ⸹ ⸹

You knew that Silco wasn’t at the Last Drop. Some of the henchmen were still only loyal to you. And so, when you received the news that he was absent, you made your way to the bar. Possibly for the last time.

However, the unusual quietness made you wary once you arrived at the door. The bar was usually packed at this hour. You slowly pushed the doors open and entered the bar watching your every step. 

The sight caused you to halt.

Broken tables, shattered glass, complete chaos. You crept deeper into the room, glass shards crunching beneath your boots. A grunt from your right alerted you and raising your cane, you were ready to attack. But upon seeing the culprit who made the nose, you lowered it. You looked over at Sevika with wide eyes.

The woman's weight had shattered the jukebox, and judging by how badly it was damaged, whoever threw her there was strong. Without wasting a second, you dropped your cane and dashed to assist the woman. You wrapped Sevika's remaining arm around your shoulders, for the other one was ripped off, and yanked the woman up with a grunt.

“Oh God, you weigh a ton.” You let out a huff and began to make your way past the bar and up the stairs.

In response, Sevika merely let out a grunt. After successfully dragging the woman up the stairs, you proceeded to Silco's office. You assisted the woman to the couch, and after carefully positioning her, you took a step back and walked towards Silco's desk.

The glass on the desk was still half-full. The cigar in the ashtray was emitting a faint smoke. When you looked at the chair, you could almost see Silco sitting there and saying something to you. Something about Jinx causing trouble once more. Or some failed shipment that needs to be taken care of.

These last few days flew by so quickly that you almost missed them if it hadn't been for the shocking revelations and unexpected encounters. As you stood before Silco’s desk, you wished nothing had changed. But it did change. Everything did.

You had no idea how much you would miss this, but you did what you needed to do.

You took a letter from your inside pocket, not realizing that you had also taken out another piece of paper. Once you did, you were left staring at the two papers in your hands. You held the paper from Professor in one hand. The other was carrying a letter addressed to Silco.

You explained everything in this letter. What your reason for leaving was, how it came to this, and an apology you hoped he will accept.

If only you knew that Silco will never get a chance to read it.

You placed the letter for Silco on the desk and returned the other paper to your pocket.

“Why does it look like you’re leaving?”

From behind you, a voice called spoke up. You turned your head to see Sevika looking at you with a puzzled expression.

You returned your gaze to the letter on the desk before turning around and approaching Sevika. You sat in the chair on the other side of the small table between the two of you.

You let out a sigh.

“Because I am.”

You had no idea what the other woman was thinking. Her face was emotionless. You observed her as she took out a cigar and lit it. She then returned her gaze to you.

“Well, it was nice while it lasted.” She placed the cigar in her mouth and breathed out a puff of smoke. “Everything’s going to shit anyway. I’m going to miss you.”

You raised your eyebrows and leaned back in the chair. “You don’t give a shit about me, Sevika. Why the sudden change of heart?” A hearty laugh fell past Sevika’s lips.

“Oh, no. I still don’t give a shit about you.” The woman winced as she leaned forward, her upper body balanced on her remaining arm, which was placed across her leg. Sevika sighed, then looked you in the eyes. “Undercity lacks people like you. Strong, independent. Someone who doesn’t give a shit about anyone. Someone who can lead.” The woman looked to the side her voice growing quieter, yet you still heard what she said. “Someone whose weakness is not a girl they found on the street.”

You couldn't help but notice the bitter tone in Sevika's voice. You knew exactly who the woman was referring to, and that made you wince. Sevika had no idea how alike you and Silco were.

“Then maybe you should lead.”

Sevika’s head snapped to you only to note the smile on your face. You shrugged your shoulders, but the smile never left. “Just a thought.”

You rose from your seat and extended your arm to Sevika. After a brief moment of contemplation, Sevika raised her own hand and firmly grasped yours in a firm handshake.

Looking into Sevika’s eyes, you offered another smile.

“Good luck.”

Letting go of Sevika's arm, you turned around to walk out of the room. Once you reached the door, you for the last time turned to face the room. Then with a heavy sigh, you opened the door and left.

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[urfictional]

what doesn’t kill you… `𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 - 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘦

Summary: The one where it all started with betrayal. A meeting that later grew into a partnership no one expected. In the end, they both will have their Nation of Zaun. Or will they?

Warnings: Arcane spoilers, drug use, blood, violence, typical Arcane stuff.

Pairing: Silco x f!reader

series masterlist

You were at the Last Drop. You sat in a secluded corner, from which you could see the entire bar, as you always did. You were sipping your drink peacefully, your ever-watching eyes observing the room around you. The day appeared to be going well. Silco's appearance, however, with two buff men behind him, caused you to tense. Silco's ability to locate you in the midst of the crowd sometimes astounded you, it only meant that the deal was urgent. He made a motion with his head for you to stand up and follow him.

You did exactly that. But you weren't prepared for the sigh you were about to see.

The bridge that linked two cities was in shambles, with dead bodies strewn about. The ground was covered in dust and ruins. It was a horrifying sigh. The fog in the air made visibility difficult, but once it cleared a little, it revealed the horrors that had occurred.

Your group moved slowly, Silco in front and you following him. When you reached the middle, one look to your right made you stop dead in your tracks.

A man lay on the ground, his upper body leaning against the bridge's margins. He was certainly dead, but that wasn't the thing that made you stop. It was the realization that you knew him.

It was Marcus.

Silco noticed that you had come to a halt and were staring at something. He took a few steps closer to you and followed your gaze. A scoff echoed across the bridge, no doubt coming from Silco. Two words fell past his lips as he turned around to continue walking.

“Good riddance.”

You heard Silco’s retreating steps yet made no move in following him. You were still staring at the dead body at your feet. You were at a loss for words. You despised Marcus. All he did was caused more trouble. Then why this strange feeling?

You crouched in front of him. Carefully, as if a sudden movement could jolt him out of his slumber. You narrowed your eyes as you stared at him.

“Looks like daddy won’t come home, tonight.”

Was that bitterness you tasted on your tongue? Were you sorry for him? Your mind flashed back to the girl with fiery red hair. What is Ren going to do now? She's all alone now, waiting for her father to return home and kiss her goodnight.

"I can make a guarantee to you, Marcus. Ren will not be alone if something happens."

“Little Ren will learn how it is to grow up when you don’t have this luxury around you.”

“She’ll know how it is to grow up in the Undercity.”

Could you really pull it off? Could you really whisk Ren away from her home and into the dreadful world of Zaun? It was only a threat before, but now?

You didn't know what it was, but the events of the previous days had profoundly altered you. Silco's secrets, your meeting with Marcus and his daughter at their home The voices in your head that are gradually beginning to make sense. It all came crashing down on you, and you had no idea what to do.

But there was one thing you were certain of. You can't leave the little girl alone. You didn't want Ren to have the same life you did. You didn't want the girl to be alone just like you were when you grew up.

At that moment you swore to yourself that you will fulfill only half of your ‘threat’. You aren’t going to take Ren away from her home. But right there, on the bridge, while staring at Marcus’ dead body, you swore.

“I promise, Ren won’t be alone. I’ll keep her safe.”

Just when you stood up, you heard Silco’s exclamation.

“Jinx!”

You turned your head and squinted your eyes down the bridge, trying to see through the fog that was beginning to clear. You noticed that Silco was crouching over a body on the ground. Sparing one last glance towards Marcus you fastened your pace to get to Silco. The man had already picked up the girl in his arms and was walking towards you. 

“We need to get her to Singed.”

Silco quickly nodded his head upon your suggestion, and the two of you left the bridge and the devastation behind you.

⸹ ⸹ ⸹

You knew that the only person who could save Jinx was Singed. The only question was, at what cost?

There were a chance Jinx's wounds are too severe for even a doctor like Singed to repair. But you believed in him. After all, he won't have much of a choice but to cure her. Silco will have his head otherwise.

As you were watching how Singed strapped Jinx on the table, you couldn’t help but frown at Silco. He genuinely cared about the girl. The way he acted demonstrated that the man had become attached to Jinx. She was, in fact, his daughter.

You remained silent the entire time, watching Silco leaning over Jinx’s body. Your eyes then fell on Singed, and you noticed how he pulled out a syringe that you were certain wasn't going to help Jinx. It was intended for Silco. The doctor looked at you as he drew a chair closer to him. His other hand was holding the syringe.

You knew exactly what Singed asked you to do.

“Please understand, this is for your own sanity.” You stalked towards Silco and grabbed his shoulders as Singed injected whatever was in the syringe into his neck. Immediately you felt Silco’s body getting heavier and together with Singed you placed his limp body on the chair.

“I too once had a daughter.”

You decided to ignore the doctor’s comment, after all, it wasn’t your place to know. Thought, you had to admit, it did strike something in you. Sharing one last glance with Singed, you left. You didn't want to see Jinx go through the ordeal she was about to go through.

⸹ ⸹ ⸹

The next day, you didn't hear anything from Jinx or Silco. Silco wasn't in his office when you went to check on him. When you went to Singed, he claimed that he had healed Jinx, who then vanished and Silco had left soon after.

With that information, you decided to take a walk and take a moment to think.

Too much was going on at once, and you had no idea why. Something wasn't quite right with everything that had happened over the last few days.  Everyone seemed to be waiting for something. It was as if time was being deliberately slowed in order to prolong the culmination of the act that would leave everyone stunned.

But no one knew what was going to happen.

As you walked along the street, a shout from behind caught your attention.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

You were ready to turn around and give whoever said that a much-earned beating, yet when you did turn around, you halted in your movements.

Apparently, you weren't the one at whom the shout was aimed. Someone else was.

You stood back and watched as two male figures confronted someone who didn't even reach their waist. Judging by their small figure, it was a yordle.

The small figure wore a cloak and had their back to you, so you couldn't tell whether it was a male or female yordle, but it didn't matter. You decided to step in.

“Oi, you two!”

You took slow steps back down the street towards the three figures. The two male figures raised their heads to see who had decided to sabotage their plans, only to freeze in their tracks when they recognized you.

You walked past the yordle to confront the two assailants. Your cane smacked against the ground beneath your feet and every time it landed on the ground, both men flinched.

“Is there a problem?”

For someone who didn’t know you, it would seem you were here to sing them a lullaby based on your sweet voice. But only those who had a chance to feel it on their own skin knew that it was far from it.

Your gaze shifted from one man to the other, waiting for someone to say something. You assumed the yordle had scurried away because you didn't hear any noises coming from behind you. However, you were surprised when glancing over your shoulder, your eyes fell on the creature standing in the same spot, silently observing the situation.

You once more faced the duo before you. Now using a more serious tone.

"I'll ask my question again. Do you have any issues with the yordle?" As if they had awoken from a trance, the two began shaking their heads and slowly backing away.

You hummed. But before they could get any further away, you called out.

"Next time, I recommend that you choose someone your own size to pick a fight with." You didn't know if they heard it or not, but it didn't last more than ten seconds before the two men vanished from your sight.

Sighing, you turned around to face the yordle you had saved from a possible robbery and beating, only to be taken aback when you realized who you had saved.

“Councilor Heimerdinger, what a… surprise.” You looked around the streets of the Undercity before turning to face the yordle once more. “Don’t get me wrong but I think that these streets aren’t really your cup of tea, now, isn’t it?”

Of course, you recognized Heimerdinger. You thought the yordle was as old as time itself (which was probably true). Only he had the memories of times that no one else had the opportunity to remember. And for that, you had always admired the yordle.

You heard a bitter chuckle coming from the Councilor before he raised his head to look at you.

“I’m just Professor Heimerdinger now.” You silently watched how he looked around the streets. “And, well, once you have a lot of free time on your hands, you ought to see what is happening on the other side of the river.”

You tilted your head, your eyes still on the small figure before you. “Disappointed, are you?”

Heimerdinger looked up at you. “Has it always been like this?” He motioned with his hands to the streets and buildings around them. Your gaze followed his movements.

“With regret, I must say that, yes. It’s always been like this.” Your eyes fall back to the yordle. “Come with me, Professor.”

Without saying anything else, you turned around and walked towards the end of the street. You didn’t turn around to see if the yordle is following you, but after a second or two, you heard his footsteps behind you.

There weren't many places in Undercity that were visually appealing. Every street corner was dark and strewn with garbage and beggars. However, there was one place that was enjoyable. You discovered it when you were still a child, wandering the city's secluded corners because you were afraid to appear on the main streets.

It was the only location where the river appeared to look like a river. The color was almost entirely blue. For someone who had no idea of the existence of this place, it would be impossible to find. Another thing that was a rarity in the rest of the city but not in this particular spot was greenery. Although, you started to notice that even here some of the bushes were starting to wither. You were forced to conclude that nothing is safe in the Underground. Not even a beautiful place like this. Eventually even this spot will become just like the rest of the Undercity.

You turned around when you heard a noise of surprise coming from behind you and saw the Professor looking around in awe. “I must say it indeed is a sight for sore eyes.”

You let a small smirk of satisfaction appear on your lips as you turned to sit on a nearby bench.

“I didn’t get a chance to thank you.” You awoke from your reverie to discover that the yordle had taken a seat beside you on the bench.

“You’re just lucky that I was there. People here are rather ignorant. They don’t want to get into a fight that is not their own.” Your eyes focused on the water that flowed past them. “If someone else is in trouble they will choose to turn around and walk away.”

“That’s rather horrible.” Then the yordle’s eyes turned to you. “And what a well-dressed and educated lady like you are doing in this awful place?” You turned to face the Professor. “You look like you would belong in Piltover.”

You raised one eyebrow while still looking at the yordle beside you. A small smirk on your lips. “You don’t even know me. By all means, I could be the most dangerous criminal that has ever lived in Undercity.”

To your surprise, Heimerdinger scoffed and brushed aside your comment.

“Rubbish. If you would be a criminal, you wouldn’t have helped me. And brought me here to a beautiful place that is clear not many know about.”

Your smirk was replaced by a frown. You returned your gaze to the river. All this time, you thought that just looking at you once would convince everyone that you are a dangerous criminal who should be avoided.

You decided to voice your confusion.

“What do you mean by that?”

“What I mean is that maybe this is not your right place.” Your eyes didn’t leave the creature sitting beside you. “I have a student in Academy. He comes from Zaun, and he is the most brilliant student that I have ever had. What I mean is that our Academy is lacking brilliant minds, and as I've discovered, the most talented people come from the most desolate places."

You smiled a small smile. “I don’t think that I would be fit for the Academy, Professor.”

You leaned slightly back when the yordle pointed his tiny finger at you, causing you to raise your eyebrows and smile in amusement.

“You don’t get to decide what’s fit for you and what’s not. I know a brilliant mind when I see one.”

You replayed your conversation with Heimerdinger in your head countless times as you walked back towards the Last Drop. You left the yordle by the river, but not before asking him if he will be okay and would find his way back.

“See? Another proof that you’re not a dangerous criminal. You care.” You shook your head but said nothing before turning to leave. “Wait just a second. I don’t even know your name.”

You stopped and slowly turned around. “Allow the not-so-dangerous-criminal to keep her name a secret.” You answered with a small smile. Heimerdinger considered your answer for a moment before nodding his head.

Before entering the Last Drop you reached in your coat pocket to take out a piece of parchment. You once more read what was written on it before placing it into one of the inside pockets.

You couldn’t risk anyone seeing it. Let alone Silco.

Once more adjusting your coat, you strolled inside the bar. Every step you took, the parchment that now lay inside your left pocket reminded you of itself and the words written on it. Whether you will use it or not, that’s for you to decide.

Confirmation that the holder of this paper is permitted to enter the Academy of Piltover and, if desired, begin their studies.

Signed: Professor Cecil B. Heimerdinger

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