vampiretechgalaxyguy

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

bro I hate thinking of how some people are like "ur delusional! ur mentally ill!" because people identify as otherkin and shit cuz im like "YEAH THATS WHY I IDENTIFY AS OTHERKIN YOU MORON"

cuz literally bro being mentally ill means you get treated as an other, you are an other to people, you arent human, just other. you are treated as something to be gazed at in awe,seen as dangerous and such-

BUT SUDDENLY WHEN PEOPLE ARE LIKE "yeah no im not human" PEOPLE HAVE A PROBLEM- LIKE????? BITCH?? YOU TREATED A MENTALLY ILL PERSON LIKE THEY AREN'T HUMAN AND EXPECT THEM TO JUST WHAT?? WHAT??? Like bitch this is partially why I'm otherkin/alterhuman- THIS IS MY WAY OF OWNING THAT SHIT-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

I love my boyfriend <3

literally stayed up to half an hour before 12 AM just yapping to eachother about resident evil and who'd we fancast for it-

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

i swear at some point I'm just going to start saying to people "Oh, *deadname*? that's not me, thats my sister!" or something along those lines because I am SICK and TIRED of dealing with this shit, but I know at some point my mom would get pissed at me and since shes my caretaker ion wanna risk at this stage in life rlly..

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

12-13 year old me: and thats when it hit me the BEST idea I ever had in my entire life *comes out to my mom as nonbinary*

Me now(16-17): Thats the worst idea you've ever had in your entire life. *got outed by my mom to my dad and to my brothers. Cant come out as a trans guy because my mom said something a few months ago my brain has BLOCKED OUT ON ME. only has a psychologist and my mom's friend as people who actually support me being queer that I can actually (somewhat) talk to them about being queer. has zero irl friends because the last one I had broke my trust by threatening another friend of ours (is looking for a way to get into a community irl tho). whole family turned out to be conservative transphobes. parents are trump supporters. only has online friends to trust with ANYTHING and even then most of those friends were lost because they ended up being toxic (literally got angry at me for simply not having enough of a 'haha' tone to my wtf at a meme or them referencing a vent of mine to make fun of me for not saying something with my 'full chest').*

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Kinda tempted to illustrate what my spacekin- form?? form. vessellll?? (idk what word to use cough cough i struggle using these labels cuz bitches be assholes COUGH) vaguely looks like-

e

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

YOU YOU GET IT. YESSSSSSSS

starting to realize how interconnected my spacekin part of me is to divinekin in a way like- i dont know how to explain it, but like OTHERKINS WHO ARE THOSE THINGS MIGHT GET IT??

Like they are fucking connected and i only realized now because I'm writing a story with a character and projecting myself onto him, but instead with divinekin for the most part, but now realizing how similarly I've written it to my own thoughts on spacekin and you get the jist- for me those things are connected and I'm like- OH GOD STOP COMPLICATING THINGS.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

starting to realize how interconnected my spacekin part of me is to divinekin in a way like- i dont know how to explain it, but like OTHERKINS WHO ARE THOSE THINGS MIGHT GET IT??

Like they are fucking connected and i only realized now because I'm writing a story with a character and projecting myself onto him, but instead with divinekin for the most part, but now realizing how similarly I've written it to my own thoughts on spacekin and you get the jist- for me those things are connected and I'm like- OH GOD STOP COMPLICATING THINGS.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Still trying to figure out as a whole wtf is going on, though not fully sure, we know we aren't a system and don't have DID or OSDD(if we ever get fucking tested though and it turns out we do... we will fucking freakout a bit because still dont want that), we aren't polyminded(or atleast we dont think so?), and we know this whole thing stems from trauma.

So like until we figure it out, we think we'll just be calling ourself a fracture, that feels like the right term to use and we haven't really seen people from those other things use the word fracture as a term, so it feels fitting.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

We don't know how it happened, or why

But you damaged us, fractured and shattered like a mirror.

We don't get it, you said that you had changed, you were better

But now we are left here to pick up the shattered pieces and try and put ourselves back together.

You made us feel cared for, you knew things that others didn't

And you used it against us, knowing how much it'd hurt, knowing the truth.

You made us feel you were on our side in times when we needed it

But now you've left, a storm that passed through and destroyed everything in it's path.

You acted like you were better, better than them, better than those who hurt you

But you turned to anger at us for expressing our hurt over your actions and words.

You were once a friend, close and comforting

But now you are a stranger after turning bad, we'll never get why that happened.

You acted like it was our fault

But you did this and now you're gone, and though we miss you, we are free.

You were multiple people, you hurt us in many ways though different for each one

But you were friends once, and we still cherish those memories.

Even so, we'll never forget the way you hurt us, betrayed us, made us feel like we were nothing, something to be used and then tossed to the side whenever convenient

But we won't let that happen any more, even if you never see this, never know it was us.

You'll know you won't hurt us any more even if you didn't mean to, you did, and that damage is irreversible.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

okay so silently admitting it here but we kind of began referring to ourself as we/us in like a context of talking about the singular person typing this shit out, but after beginning to do that we kind of feel a lot better.

it still feels slightly wrong because usually we see people with at least known or suspected disassociative disorders using we/us and while we know that its not just a thing for them it still feels wrong like we're- stepping into a community we shouldn't be in, but theres also the fact we know that... our brain is FUCKED in ways we honestly dont know about anymore, its hard to pinpoint anymore, it used to be a lot easier to pinpoint like having one of them suspected as psychosis WHICH WE THINK IS DEFINITELY STILL ON THE TABLE- but aside from that still veryyy iffy with the rest-

We just know the membrane ain't all okay with personal shit going on and has went by, just trying to figure shit out in the midst of trying not to lose it, but aside from that we've been doing pretty okay.

honestly like refering to us as we/us and stuff it feels right, I mean the singular like i me myself and i stuff still works, but I'm comfortable with both, it feels nice.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

</3 I hate moments when I feel completely detached from things, especially since it happens in the middle of kinshifts too, because it makes me feel weird.

Like I'm there, but I'm not, I'm aware, but I'm not present somehow, just stuck in my brain.

kinshifts make it weirder though too, but in a way I can't contextualize. grahhhhh

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

meow.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

UPDATE: i'm feeling better now, I sitll haven't been able to try and speak up, I'm going to try later if I remember to.

I was not okay in the moment though obviously, I was shaking, on the brink of hyperventilating and I felt like I had to vacate of premises in order to feel safe again, obviously I'm okay now and I know there is no immediate danger, but seriously this thing just wasn't okay-

I get it, the chat is for opinions, but when on debating things like that, how it affects those people, the way it was handled was innapropriately, even if those people have good intentions(which I believe they do, but the way they spoke just.. gave me the ick) it wasn't appropriate, and like... sighs... Lets not call a group of people delusional, only one of you are studying psychology and you have not stated WHAT therianthropy is, what being alterhuman is, get your shit fixed before you come for my community like, if those people see this and know I'm talking about them, hi yes hello, FIX YOUR SHIT.

I love you guys(/p) but you can't be fucking serious, like fix your shit, establish it, and be respectful because even if you had good intentions YOU WERE NOT SPEAKING RESPECTFULLY and if I see that shit again I will expose who I am in that serious and tell you upfront to shove it up your ass, because if you can't be respectful when talking about that group, then dont talk about it, dont say shit because you aren't making it easier to exist.

Like personally I love those people(platonically again-) the server is like family to me in a sense, so seeing that when some of them know that I'm apart of that group and fucking disappointing.

and again if anyone knows what this is about what server etc, kindly dont share it, what happens stays there and in time I'll try and deal with it...

doesnt change how disgusted and betrayed I feel, but I'll try and deal with it when I can.

imagine being in a discord server where you are openly otherkin(atleast have openly stated it) and seeing a 'opinion' saying therianthropy is fake and stuff.. and delusionall... (the reason I dont like this is because I know its not good for any therians there and the fact that people lump therians with otherkin...)

I just feel scared because a majority of people who replied to it basically agreed, even one of the mods-

I genuinely don't know what to do.. I want to reply and like say hey its an identity and explain my knowledge of it, but I'm scared of being brushed off and it seems the topic already moved on... I'm so close to crying right now over it-

LIKE GOD I THOUGHT THE SERVER WAS AN OKAY PLACE TO BE LIKE IT WAS SAFE- BUT IF MORE PEOPLE LIKE THAT SHOW UP I MIGHT NEED TO ACTUALLY LEAVE BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

imagine being in a discord server where you are openly otherkin(atleast have openly stated it) and seeing a 'opinion' saying therianthropy is fake and stuff.. and delusionall... (the reason I dont like this is because I know its not good for any therians there and the fact that people lump therians with otherkin...)

I just feel scared because a majority of people who replied to it basically agreed, even one of the mods-

I genuinely don't know what to do.. I want to reply and like say hey its an identity and explain my knowledge of it, but I'm scared of being brushed off and it seems the topic already moved on... I'm so close to crying right now over it-

LIKE GOD I THOUGHT THE SERVER WAS AN OKAY PLACE TO BE LIKE IT WAS SAFE- BUT IF MORE PEOPLE LIKE THAT SHOW UP I MIGHT NEED TO ACTUALLY LEAVE BECAUSE I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO HAPPEN

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

Being a fictionkin be like : Except my arch nemesis, [insert character here]. Fuck you [insert name here] you know what you did.

Literally me as a very angry Evan Myers fictionkin... I'm just very pissed at a very specific person from my canon (not saying who), even if I don't have many memories aside from what is shown in the canon.

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

(VENT HERE THIS IS A VENNNNTT SKIP THIS PART IF YOU DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH A VENT!!! ALERT ALERTT IF YOU DONT WANT TO THINK ABOUT CERTAIN IRL EVENTS TODAY PLEASE SKIP THIS PARTTTTT)

AKA THIS ONEEE

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv

yknow today I thought was going to be fine day, I thought I wouldn't have to look at the elephant in the room of what's happening in a completely different country.. that could full fucking well affect the country I live in too plus others

and then I see out of the corner of my eye, my dad looking at a post that I think my mom shared on a platform.. and im reminded of how my mom and dad are in support of trump, how they don't accept that I am trans, so under their roof in their presence i identify as nonbinary(what i initially came out as...) because my mom specifically can't accept the fact that I could be a trans guy... and I'm so fucking scared.

Because I'm 16 turning 17 next year, if the laws that could be passed (I FUCKING HOPE THEY DONT BECAUSE I HAVE FRIENDS AND MY BF OVER THERE) carry over here I WON'T BE ABLE TO GET THE AFFIRMING CARE I FUCKING NEED and I know my mom would full well probably say yes to it... And considering I'm disabled and my mom is my caretaker I'M ESSENTIALLY MORE FUCKED THAN I WAS BEFORE. and ontop of this my mom DOES NOT LISTEN TO ME. AT ALL REGARDING THESE SUBJECTS so its not like I can talk to her because I'VE ALREADY TRIED.

I'm so fucking lucky i'm seeing the psychologist again tomorrow, because I don't know how much longer I can take this without talking to someone.

----

(NOT VENT PART yippee...)

On a more positive note ig, I can actually use YT thumbnails now for some reason on my youtube channel-

I'm also getting into doing shoe stuff which I'm hoping I can eventually learn to either paint or embroid designs on them instead of buying off certain things which I've learned is sort of... doing fast fashion (WHICH SUCKS, but GODDAMN IM SO GLAD I GREW UP THRIFTING AND STUFF- i just gotta learn to sew... either by hand or with a machine... which I'm afraid of stitching my hand with.. but eh I can learn :3 just gotta... make sure to have notes because memory is SHITTTT)

and I'm also getting back into animating things for fun again... and learning how to do more sketchy art and trying to learn NOT to be a perfectionist-

considering watching 'I saw the tv glow' too and maybe some other queer media- and hoping to maybe get back into reading up on wicca and stuff because I gotta get a refresher on it plus the books i got are a pretty fun read :3

VAMP OUT on a much more positive note!

(㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)

[vampiretechgalaxyguy]

"[insert thing here] is harmful to the community and is making it harder for people be accepted."

Nope, no.... Shut your mouth, pipe down, HONEY.

Because, like, here's a reminder for some of you who can't seem to remember. BIGOTS, you know, B-I-G-O-T-S, will hate us regardless of whatever is out there. They just hate us BECAUSE WE ARE DIFFERENT, "unnatural", fucking whatever reason they come up with. They'll hate us, and you people who keep trying to serve them, trying to placate them, are a part of the issue.

We aren't in this world to serve other people, we are not in this world to bend to their whims, people are people, people can use... WHATEVER FUCKING PRONOUNS THEY WANT. It ain't your business, and it ain't NEVER gonna be your business unless it's pronouns that are actively MOCKING things like incidents, etc.. So kindly whoever being loud in whatever crowd you are in, shut up, mind your business, and pipe down. Let them do what they want. IT AIN'T HARMING YOU. Are they stabbing you in the guts with their pronouns??? No??? EXACTLY, so sit down and shut up.

Same thing with people who don't like all the labels for people in the Ace/Aro community, pipe down, sit down. They are not PUNCHING you by not being ATTRACTED to you romantically or sexually. They are not KICKING you by not wanting to have kids.

The only people who ain't helping our community is you, now I get it you may have parents, friends, coworkers who aren't accepting, and you are trying to stay good in their books, but please do not try and keep yourself safe by harming others, like please do stay safe, but this isn't the way to do it.

vamp out

(㇏(•̀ᵥᵥ•́)ノ)